Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This cold Stratton
Speaker 1: here filling in once again for Kevin Pollock, who is
Speaker 1: off shooting the Big Year, two Bigger Birds. Let's meet
Speaker 1: our alchemists for today. She's bought upwards of fifty wardrobes
Speaker 1: just trying to get to Narnia. Vanessa Raglan, do you
Speaker 1: really want to meet Mr Tumnus? That bad? Yeah? I'm
Speaker 1: an head. I really hope that's what they're called. Next,
Speaker 1: he don't want no scrubs, not even at the hospital,
Speaker 1: Joey Greer, Joey, what do you prefer doctors to be
Speaker 1: dressed in? Then? Uh? Honestly, whatever they're comfortable in. I
Speaker 1: don't think that they should be forced to fin a
Speaker 1: uniform or anything like that. Nice, great just happened, right,
Speaker 1: look at that? Who knew? Should we say? My introt
Speaker 1: sure didn't walk again? Right now? Mr Craig kick kick
Speaker 1: kick kick? Hey Craig welcome? Uh hi Craig, welcoming to
Speaker 1: the thing. Uh good, yeah, nice, let's see here. He'll
Speaker 1: eat tacos and days other than Tuesday. Mark Gagliardi is here,
Speaker 1: That is true, Mark, what's on your perfect taco? My
Speaker 1: perfect taco is uh, just cheese and shredded lettuce because
Speaker 1: I grew up eating stacks of taco bell tacos. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't get all the extra stuff. Just give me
Speaker 1: the give me the basic, baby. I like the old
Speaker 1: fashioned taco bells that look like what are they called
Speaker 1: like missions? Yeah? Yeah, there's a few of those buildings
Speaker 1: out there. There's a few left, there's a few. They've
Speaker 1: gone through some changes. Now they have a biscuit taco
Speaker 1: in the South. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, biscuits and gravy taco
Speaker 1: for breakfast. I don't trust our next alchemist knows the
Speaker 1: ship out of the Dewey decimal system. Brad Norman. What's
Speaker 1: the point do we, Brad? Where can I find a
Speaker 1: book on the dust bowl? Oh that's easy as your
Speaker 1: local library, or at any taco bell that looks like
Speaker 1: And finally, he ain't afraid of no ghost, which means
Speaker 1: he is afraid of ghosts. James Teney, James, have you
Speaker 1: ever had a supernatural encounter? I did when I was
Speaker 1: a child. I wasn't that young. Do you want so?
Speaker 1: The story goes like this. We thought that my sister
Speaker 1: was dreaming about a ghost outside of her window, but
Speaker 1: it turned out the next morning there was footsteps, and
Speaker 1: those footsteps through the snow, I do, but they it's
Speaker 1: almost as if she was there. There was footsteps the
Speaker 1: pristan the lead from the highway, but it didn't leave
Speaker 1: anywhere else, and there's no way he made it through
Speaker 1: the window. It's it's yeah, I'm afraid of ghosts. But
Speaker 1: let me further just a little bit more. The theory
Speaker 1: that the cops had when they showed up with that
Speaker 1: he probably came. Oh yeah, because Mike, when we saw
Speaker 1: there was footprint, well, we didn't realize there's a ghost
Speaker 1: until the cops said. The guy must have come in
Speaker 1: through our window. But we had big dogs that would
Speaker 1: never let that happen. Here's the ghost says everything I
Speaker 1: wanted out of that Christian the second half of that.
Speaker 1: Maybe some other day I'll tell the rest of the story.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you didn't even hear the ghost part. Put
Speaker 1: those suggestions down. We got to do this all right,
Speaker 1: to say it. Let's get to our first scene. All
Speaker 1: of today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to submit yours, please write to the
Speaker 1: podcast at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Speaker 1: That's your name here at Alchemy this dot com. Here
Speaker 1: we go. First scene suggestion, Hello Alchemy, Emily. I would
Speaker 1: like to start off by saying that you make my
Speaker 1: commute to and from work very enjoyable and entertaining. As
Speaker 1: I'm writing this email, I'm on the train going into work,
Speaker 1: listening to the third Thanksgiving episode freaking hysterical. Keep up
Speaker 1: the great work, and hope you will consider performing a
Speaker 1: live show in Boston. Come on over to the East
Speaker 1: Coast and pocket Car and Harvard Yard exactly so that
Speaker 1: pocket Cat have it yet it's wickedis the commuter train
Speaker 1: is an interesting place where every day hundreds of people
Speaker 1: from all over surrounding towns head into this big city.
Speaker 1: So the commuter trains where this takes place go again.
Speaker 1: Thanks for being so freaking funny. Look forward to towards
Speaker 1: many more episodes. Cheers, Marissa. Next stop streets? Was that
Speaker 1: third Street? I don't know the first part, but if
Speaker 1: you're on Third Street, you can just follow it to
Speaker 1: wherever you're going. Right, Having on this train my entire life,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I can't get off. Come
Speaker 1: with me, Come with you? You don't think you understand
Speaker 1: I can't get off this commuter. I'm pregnant. Can I
Speaker 1: have that seat? Yeah? Thank you? Here, excuse me, sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't want to sit next to you. You don't
Speaker 1: want to sit next to me. You're really pregnant. What's
Speaker 1: your name? What's your name? La flick? It's your name
Speaker 1: your mother named it's my nickname, but that's your mother
Speaker 1: named you. Like, we'll go fund yourself. Like, well, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: You know what, everyone was born out of a woman. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not entirely sure that you are pregnant. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't know. You could be wearing a fake bell. That's gross.
Speaker 1: What's wrong with your belly button? It comes out like
Speaker 1: that and it's not susan when your beatty is ready
Speaker 1: to come out, you're sick. Boom. Here's my ticket. Pregnant,
Speaker 1: lady cheese? But your shirt done that? That was an Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a pushed out. Yeah. I've probably got three more
Speaker 1: weeks left on this thing. I don't have a ticket.
Speaker 1: Mast cough, fast change. Man. If you weren't pregnant, I
Speaker 1: boot you off this train. You know that's discrimination. Boot
Speaker 1: me off? Alright, you're booted to get off the train. No, pregnant.
Speaker 1: You can't do that. That's hey Dave, Hey, hey, excuse me,
Speaker 1: gonna have to seat. I'm pregnant my seat. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: really pregnant. Look at me, I'm pregnant. You're not pregnant.
Speaker 1: You're a man. That's discrimination. And come on, my man's pregnant.
Speaker 1: Let me know the seat, show me looking right here.
Speaker 1: I'm a genetic experiment. Look, my man's pregnant. No, no,
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. Genetic all right here, pregnant ladies, so you
Speaker 1: want to feel kick my man sites friends with lick?
Speaker 1: Do I know this guy? Yeah? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know that your friend kick me. I have never
Speaker 1: seen this guy. And you're not pregnant, sirry, I'm playing
Speaker 1: a genetic experiment. But they make me take the train
Speaker 1: in because they can't. They can pay for you to
Speaker 1: get pregnant. But they can't pay for a private car. No,
Speaker 1: they can't. They Why do they want you to have
Speaker 1: a baby, lady, My man's take a place. Congratulations on
Speaker 1: your baby, so you can think very much. Oh no,
Speaker 1: that steems me. You know we didn't congratulate me. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's kind of messed up. Your bald man gets pregnant.
Speaker 1: Everyone's saying, oh, congratulations on your baby, miracle, a miracle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, not my business, but I've seen a lot
Speaker 1: of matter of fact, I was born from a lady.
Speaker 1: How's that baby going to get out of you? Well,
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I'm going to die when it happens. No,
Speaker 1: that's not sad, No, it's gonna be. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: a tough journey for little Jean. That's his name, Gene Corp.
Speaker 1: That's who's named after. That's the lab be came out of.
Speaker 1: But someone naming him Eugene Corps. So yeah, he's gonna
Speaker 1: be here, and about two and a half month to think,
Speaker 1: it's about what. He's gonna be here, and he's through
Speaker 1: my pe hole and then I will die. Oh, for
Speaker 1: God's sake, give him your seat. You know, my mother's
Speaker 1: name was Gene. I'm getting up all right about protect
Speaker 1: that's my stop. Good luck to you. Hey, thanks, look
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Who's the guy who said he's been on
Speaker 1: this thing forever? Oh that's me. What do you mean
Speaker 1: by that? That's then inkling around in my head ever
Speaker 1: since his train has been moving. I just remember being here.
Speaker 1: I don't remember a time before or anything after. I've
Speaker 1: just been on this train. I don't have any I
Speaker 1: guess being here talking to people. I guess the city
Speaker 1: pays me by letting me just stay on this train
Speaker 1: and eating all the crumbs that are on the floor
Speaker 1: and licking all the water it's on the window. So
Speaker 1: it's kind of hard. But here and y'all talk about
Speaker 1: a family and this man being pregnant and what a
Speaker 1: miracle that is. Why don't you get off the train?
Speaker 1: I tried before, but I can't, Like, what do you
Speaker 1: mean you can't? I black out and then I fall
Speaker 1: backwards back into the train. Feel terrible for you. How
Speaker 1: many seat I couldn't you're pregnant? No, no, you take
Speaker 1: the seat of her pregnant too, I know, but he's pregnant.
Speaker 1: You're heavy, very heavy. Sorry to all those crumbs I've
Speaker 1: been eating. Man, you're not supposed to have two on
Speaker 1: one seat. Dave, get off this lady's laughs, thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're welcome. I still need to see tickets from all
Speaker 1: of you. I don't have a ticket. What about this guy?
Speaker 1: You know this guy? Yeah, that's Dave. He's been on
Speaker 1: the train for several years now. Actually, my father told
Speaker 1: me about Dave when he got it. He got on
Speaker 1: the train first when he was a kid. Does no
Speaker 1: one else find this very upsetting? That might just be
Speaker 1: your pregnant hormones or something. I don't know. I don't no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you cannot put this on my hormones, Dave, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just said that a man lives on the train
Speaker 1: and subsists on crumbs and it's never gotten off. It
Speaker 1: seems to black out when he tries to get off.
Speaker 1: No one, Hey, yeah, how do you think about the
Speaker 1: Celtics this year? Burton McHale gonna do it again? I
Speaker 1: guess I don't. I've never seen a game. I've just
Speaker 1: heard it on the radio. They seem to be doing well.
Speaker 1: Oh really yeah, where they won the title a couple
Speaker 1: of years ago and now it's you know six. You
Speaker 1: know they got Bill Walton this year. It looks looks good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everything looks the same to me, same aster. Did you
Speaker 1: hear we got this new president coming in John F.
Speaker 1: Kennedy is gonna make things wonderful for everyone. I hope.
Speaker 1: There's so many problems in the world right now. Alright, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get off this train now, goodbye bye. I'm
Speaker 1: Kevin Diapers and this is Stories from the Transit Authority.
Speaker 1: We're recording live on the train southbound to Rushing Care
Speaker 1: and Ushery. I'm here with what was your name again? Dave? Dave?
Speaker 1: And Dave is what the city knows as a train child,
Speaker 1: a train child, that man, a grown man who has
Speaker 1: lived on the transit system most of his adult life. Dave,
Speaker 1: we feel like possibly you've seen what kid be seen.
Speaker 1: You've heard things that most of us couldn't even imagine.
Speaker 1: What wisdom would you impart to? Uh? Normi says people
Speaker 1: would call him, just check your pockets. Check your pockets.
Speaker 1: You know a lot of things fall out of the pockets.
Speaker 1: And I'm also thankful, um you know food, Uh, you
Speaker 1: know pieces of technology that have been able to you know,
Speaker 1: put together to make my own devices and whatnot. Is
Speaker 1: that Kevin Diapers, Yes, sir, Yes, sir, I'm just Kevin
Speaker 1: Diapers over there. I love your show. Actually, ticket wait's
Speaker 1: right here, sir, here than hey, Dave interrupt this interview
Speaker 1: about my pea broke, my pa broke's baby's coming. My god,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's come. It's early, but it's coming.
Speaker 1: My man's I'm gonna have a baby. Right, everybody get up, Oh, push,
Speaker 1: push push, This is got sick. Okay, good God for
Speaker 1: our listeners. Alright, start talking on this thing. We gotta get.
Speaker 1: This will be the sound of a man dying. All right,
Speaker 1: I need some sticks. You can all put up his
Speaker 1: pete hole. Everything is bulging, everything is bulging. But these
Speaker 1: all big poppy, big poppy. It's coming. It's coming. Look
Speaker 1: at this beautiful beautiful baby girl. Oh God, a girl.
Speaker 1: It's a girl. Oh, Eugene, Eugenia, Eugenie. Dave Razor, why okay,
Speaker 1: because you're the only constant Boston's Evan know what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Bug he's dying. He's gone, He's gone. Did you get that, Tapers,
Speaker 1: I've gotten it all? Actually yes, yes. He will all
Speaker 1: be on the podcast. It will be up on iTunes.
Speaker 1: It's a five part series entitled Gross Children of the Trains.
Speaker 1: Now with the number one podcast in the Try Boston
Speaker 1: New New It's one of the best podcasts out there.
Speaker 1: Mr Kevin Diapers, Thank you. Now. You've fallen under some
Speaker 1: controversy because you know audio of people passing, audio people
Speaker 1: giving birth, it's really hit hard amongst the Christian, liberal, progressive,
Speaker 1: Republican And what do you have to say to that
Speaker 1: demographic that's now calling a boycott to you? Often, I've
Speaker 1: found that pure art is in fact divisive, and what
Speaker 1: I do is your art, and so I do find
Speaker 1: the subject matter is divisive, but it's poignant and it's
Speaker 1: divisive in its truth. And that's always been the point
Speaker 1: of our podcast. We try to turn over the dirtiest,
Speaker 1: wettest pieces of garbage and try to find people under
Speaker 1: there and maybe take those people and dress them and
Speaker 1: clothe them, give them a voice, and broadcast that voice
Speaker 1: across the broadband internet, across the country and around the world.
Speaker 1: You dipers, Okay, Hey, come down for it. We'll do
Speaker 1: questions in a bit. Yeah. Yeah. As as an artist,
Speaker 1: as a podcast artist, I feel like it's better to
Speaker 1: be treated as a war criminal than not be treated
Speaker 1: at all. Um. What I want is a certain sanguine
Speaker 1: tone to each episode. What do you about penguins? Hell,
Speaker 1: we'll do it. We'll do questions in a bit. He's
Speaker 1: not about to talk about penguins. We'll get to do
Speaker 1: your dipers. We'll get two questions in a bit holy ship.
Speaker 1: Mccale's in the audience. Oh my god, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Hey guys, Kevin McHale here, Oh my god, that's a star.
Speaker 1: I'm one of the biggest stars in the Tri Boston area.
Speaker 1: All three Bostons. Your teamwork with parishes I control. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll get to Mr McAllen a minute, but first let's
Speaker 1: talk to Michale. Michel, get to mccal in one second.
Speaker 1: Umuck you too, dude. Okay, who made you boss? Well?
Speaker 1: I made myself. You suck at this. Your voice isadly
Speaker 1: to listen to. Okay, that's just all come down for
Speaker 1: a second. Okay, let's just stop saying cry cry. He's
Speaker 1: losing it. I just keep on going. Mr diaper please, yes,
Speaker 1: of course. Um, I just wanted to say that call
Speaker 1: I hear your passion, and this is part of the
Speaker 1: process of recording and distributing, disseminating crying. Yes he is,
Speaker 1: He's crying, real tears. Why is everybody on podcasts always crying?
Speaker 1: It's it's only because you collectively have hurt his feelings
Speaker 1: and humiliated him so much in public sphere. It's the
Speaker 1: kind of emotion, the kind of drama, the kind of humiliation.
Speaker 1: That was like the point two boards. He average that severe,
Speaker 1: that many boards, that's a lot. He wasn't even crying
Speaker 1: when he did it, just one second. Tempera pedic mattress
Speaker 1: is not only a mattress that can help your back,
Speaker 1: but it's also up They could help your sleep. I
Speaker 1: really like temper paintings, temper peedick, you're gonna be able
Speaker 1: to sleep? Why don't you do? Adds for Lisa, adds
Speaker 1: with Lisa, why am I talking to you? Why am
Speaker 1: I talking? You're dot com? The kale step dot com.
Speaker 1: Repeated mattress temper beeting mattresses will make you sleep just
Speaker 1: as sound as if you're own it up with fifty
Speaker 1: hat hatchback right and round right. Uh, Mr diaperspect you
Speaker 1: good evening. I'm Kevin Diapers, and since it is the
Speaker 1: ten year anniversary of our most provocative episode, I've decided
Speaker 1: to bring back a few of the characters that we
Speaker 1: met in the transit system and the horrific and divisive
Speaker 1: events of our most popular and most downloaded episode. I'm
Speaker 1: here with the only girl to be born from a
Speaker 1: man on a transit system. Her name is Daisy, and um,
Speaker 1: we just wanted to check in with her. It has
Speaker 1: been ten years. She's a hearty ten year old girl. Uh,
Speaker 1: full of dreams and hopes and potential. Um, Daisy, how
Speaker 1: is your journey been so far? Would you care to elaborate? Mm?
Speaker 1: What I hear is truth, and what I hear from
Speaker 1: you is true. Say ample stamp in town? He said,
Speaker 1: is ample stamping stamping down? Next up? So we're also
Speaker 1: here with a woman who was who did give birth later,
Speaker 1: not on the train, but she was at the time
Speaker 1: quite offended by the fact that a man giving birth
Speaker 1: and subsequently sacrificing his life to birth this child was
Speaker 1: getting a little bit more shall we say attention. No,
Speaker 1: you said you weren't going to come at me with
Speaker 1: that angle. Well, I'm just I'm just recalling trying to
Speaker 1: get me riled up. It's not gonna work. Diapers ten
Speaker 1: years older, I know one thing and two about a
Speaker 1: thing or two. Well, I'm just I'm here, just curious.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling about the events now that ten
Speaker 1: years have passed. I mean, I think it's psycho that
Speaker 1: the dude ps you know, shredded in front of us
Speaker 1: and this creature came out that was not a person.
Speaker 1: We all are saying, this is a baby girl. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: There's this guy, Dave. No one's talking about Dames. So
Speaker 1: Dave raises this all eel for lack of a better word,
Speaker 1: about what the baby is on the transit system. And
Speaker 1: now the big story is the woman is offended. Oh
Speaker 1: fuck you diapers. It's not actually the whole narrative. It's
Speaker 1: just something that was like a pretty big honking in
Speaker 1: text on to how you were apple stamping town. Make
Speaker 1: sure you have ample stamps now, Dave, you are now
Speaker 1: thirty seven years old, and I lived on the train
Speaker 1: all of your life, and when we last spoke to you,
Speaker 1: I know that there was a great deal of out
Speaker 1: pouring on your behalf. A lot of people wrote into
Speaker 1: the podcast to ask how you were doing and whether
Speaker 1: or not you were a Native American shaman. Given the
Speaker 1: whizz to me you imparted last time, did anyone say
Speaker 1: they knew me? No? No, no one at all. I'm sorry. No. No.
Speaker 1: You have any of those letters with your They were
Speaker 1: all emails, so we can print them out for you
Speaker 1: by the end. Great, I'd love to read some of those.
Speaker 1: Have you had no contact with the outside world? Outside
Speaker 1: of people you've come across in the transit system, only
Speaker 1: what I've seen through the windows moving so fast? Isn't
Speaker 1: that so much like everyone's life? Yes? And what have
Speaker 1: you learned in the ten years since we've first spoke.
Speaker 1: Check your pockets, you know, always make sure to check
Speaker 1: your pockets. It's precisely what you said ten years ago. Alright,
Speaker 1: passport please, David says you got no stamps in your passport?
Speaker 1: What have you been on a train your whole life?
Speaker 1: I have? That was a joke. Nobody has I have?
Speaker 1: Wait what I have been the whole time? It's my
Speaker 1: first time out. His bottom half is disappearing. Quick stamp
Speaker 1: stamp her well, and that's the first Poor Dave. At
Speaker 1: least his penis didn't get shredded. We don't know that,
Speaker 1: but we know it's true. We do not know that
Speaker 1: our second scene suggestion. Greetings alchemists. Corey from North Carolina here,
Speaker 1: and I just want to say I love the show.
Speaker 1: I work from home, and Tuesdays and Thursdays are always
Speaker 1: my favorite work days. I have to say I love
Speaker 1: you all. But Vanessa Raglan is my spirit animal as
Speaker 1: far as seen ideas go. Marvel introduces their first openly
Speaker 1: gay superhero, Bear Devil, a blind man with superhuman abilities.
Speaker 1: You choose, keep up the great works, best wishes, Corey. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm good. So I didn't say anything of that. I
Speaker 1: just I was asking about as a friend. You're asking
Speaker 1: what I was asking you? How is a friend? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's fine. Okay, I have a question. Do you
Speaker 1: fight crime or do you just it's sassy at it,
Speaker 1: I'm really holding back a lout here. I uh, I
Speaker 1: fight crime, and I just want you to know I
Speaker 1: don't represent the community as a whole. I'm an individual.
Speaker 1: I'm a human being. Okay. Who I am does not
Speaker 1: mean that I represent all gay superheroes. Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: what are you buy? No, I'm a gold star superhero.
Speaker 1: That means I've never had sex with a woman. Superhero moment,
Speaker 1: golds are superhero. Yeah, well there's a gold star gay
Speaker 1: I've never had sex with you know? Why do you
Speaker 1: have to wear a mask to hydra identity? Uh? Why
Speaker 1: why you got it? Why you hiding behind a mask?
Speaker 1: Who are you all? My arch nemesis Lactose is out there,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to know my identity because I
Speaker 1: have a family and friends, and would you would you
Speaker 1: hide and bar devil my identity? Well move, Look come
Speaker 1: every medians, look at this. Look it's so called baar
Speaker 1: devils holding. He doesn't even know where we are. He
Speaker 1: doesn't even know what giant treasure we're just stolen. He's
Speaker 1: too busy defending his sexuality. Somebody change the channel. I
Speaker 1: can't watch the city a bar? Do you like? Sports?
Speaker 1: Sports is the only thing that we got here at sports,
Speaker 1: at sports sports, we got sports all we want. We
Speaker 1: had sports all the way up. So if you got
Speaker 1: anything sports we got. We got sports here, we got
Speaker 1: sportt listen. I think it's time that we get bigger.
Speaker 1: We gotta we gotta top ourselves, girl, Well not physically
Speaker 1: get bigger, but you mean you mean as an organization.
Speaker 1: I want to follow you to the end of the earth,
Speaker 1: and I want the earth to end. How do we
Speaker 1: top ourselves? It doesn't there need be a top at
Speaker 1: a bottom. Yeah. Well, I think that if we grow
Speaker 1: and we get big and we top ourselves, well then
Speaker 1: we could really we could really strike fear into this city. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean, like we stack ourselves like a human pyramid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm still a little confused about this whole top and
Speaker 1: bottom thing. Well, I wouldn't think too much about the
Speaker 1: top and bottom part. I'm just saying there's treasure out
Speaker 1: there that we earned. But what is stacking ourselves have
Speaker 1: to do with treasure. I'm just talking about topping ourselves,
Speaker 1: like toe stopping ourselves is the only thing we got,
Speaker 1: thank God. I'm just saying bar Devil is obviously being
Speaker 1: you know, he sounds like Daedevil. His name sounds like Daedevil.
Speaker 1: Overweighting Harry. Okay, I really need to get out there
Speaker 1: and fight crime. Okay, so let's just dog to fight crime.
Speaker 1: You're kind of out of shape looking. I think you're
Speaker 1: out of shape looking. I think you're shaking. I'm not
Speaker 1: fighting crime, I am, and I'm find in the body
Speaker 1: in the in the look I am. I'm doing it. Well.
Speaker 1: I have a question, Yeah, where did your hours coming from?
Speaker 1: Is it like more of a superhero story or is
Speaker 1: it like super gay diapers? Yeah, Mr Diapers, You've asked
Speaker 1: a lot of like really fucked up things in the past.
Speaker 1: I don't mind cursing, okay, and your podcast is pretty
Speaker 1: much hate mongred. Okay, all right, it's pretty much hate mongred,
Speaker 1: gay origin story bar devil. Hey, Dave Thompson Better Holmes,
Speaker 1: Is it true? Yeah? Thanks? Is it true? Your secret
Speaker 1: layer is tastily furnished by Jonathan Edlard. I can't say
Speaker 1: that on the record, But what I can't say is, uh,
Speaker 1: how do you? How do you? What's your day job?
Speaker 1: What do you do doing the day to make money?
Speaker 1: I can't see that. I can't tell you what my
Speaker 1: secret job he is. I bet you he is. He's
Speaker 1: not saying no. I can't say yes or no to
Speaker 1: that queer eye. He's blind. That's I'm blind in both eyes.
Speaker 1: But I can everyone know that. Yeah I miss that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I did too. I did too. I thought I those
Speaker 1: were just really really interesting. I like, you know, goggles, Okay, Yeah, look,
Speaker 1: I I really need to go fight crime. Okay. I
Speaker 1: can't be answering all these criming cargo shorts and sandals
Speaker 1: easily okay, The answer is easily okay, And it's getting
Speaker 1: it gets hot out there, especially underground. She gotta stay
Speaker 1: loose top to breathe through. Okay. You try to do
Speaker 1: anything in tight leather, I mean, that's insane. Why hired
Speaker 1: Jonathan Adler? If you can't see it to appreciate it.
Speaker 1: You know, that's a great question. And I think with
Speaker 1: any kind of furniture or any peace in general inside
Speaker 1: the home, it's really about texture. That's an admission of Adler. No,
Speaker 1: it's not. I said, if you have any appreciation for
Speaker 1: his craft and his pie that I'm studying, I'm saying
Speaker 1: that now, Okay, you doing these press conferences instead of
Speaker 1: fighting crime because I have to. Okay, the whole cities
Speaker 1: on fire bears. Guess what, I'm the only one who's
Speaker 1: forced to do this goddamn press conferences. No other superhero.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yea, this conference and if I did so what?
Speaker 1: And if I did so what? I have to get
Speaker 1: things out there so I can go fight. Growing have
Speaker 1: to do this goddamn press conference. Monica Standard Daily News. Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't have a question ready, Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Turned this ship off. I can't. It's very interesting to me.
Speaker 1: I just can't believe how how out in the open
Speaker 1: is our arch nemesis. I feel all that trumps, but
Speaker 1: it's also a character Steady. I love sports. If we're
Speaker 1: going to solve any more, or if we're going to
Speaker 1: commit any more, crimes. I'm losing my touch. I just
Speaker 1: found Lactos's journal. Wait what he's got doodles of bad devil?
Speaker 1: That's just so I remember what he looks like. The
Speaker 1: question don't you have a crush on? I don't this
Speaker 1: whole thing been us a cord and bear no aboard.
Speaker 1: Look at this drawing there on a horse hose. You
Speaker 1: know what, You don't have to do bad things to
Speaker 1: get attention from bar devil. You could probably just introduce
Speaker 1: yourself and be a good guy. Maybe he needs a sidekick.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind helping you set up, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: Dream Day quick to the press conference. Yes, yes, I
Speaker 1: I Monica Standard Daily News. Yes, I'm ready. Okay, what
Speaker 1: what's your favorite kind of grime to fight? And why
Speaker 1: grime to fight? My favorite crime to fight? And why
Speaker 1: any kind of Honestly? Okay, than I wouldn't I have
Speaker 1: a favorite crime? Get a story here, trying to find
Speaker 1: a new angle on this whole superhero thing. No one
Speaker 1: takes me seriously round the office. Do you take yourself serious?
Speaker 1: That's the problem? Okay, every everybody, everybody cool, This is
Speaker 1: not what you think it is. Birds and happy here,
Speaker 1: What time what's going on? Just like me if you're
Speaker 1: just tuning in. We're watching the two thousand three classic
Speaker 1: Bar Devil on Yoster Peace Theater. Uh, this is a
Speaker 1: bit of a time capsule, but we're about to watch
Speaker 1: the third act, which is Roaler something you guys. I'd
Speaker 1: also like to mention our sponsor, Charleston You you know why.
Speaker 1: Without further ado, let's get back to the movie. Show
Speaker 1: is Diaper's brother Sean. Yes, Uh, we're gonna have to
Speaker 1: let you go. I'm sorry what I know this is
Speaker 1: in the middle of the broadcast, but we gotta let
Speaker 1: you do. But I've been a staple of Yosterpiece Theater
Speaker 1: since nine. I know, I know, but we we have
Speaker 1: understood that you've been stealing some supplies. So my supply.
Speaker 1: The CEO of Charleston Chew was on the line. He's
Speaker 1: hopping man all right. Uh, Mr Chew, you're on speaker
Speaker 1: fire him, Yes, sir, yes, sir, And I'm really sorry
Speaker 1: about that. I'm sorry to miss your niece birthday. She
Speaker 1: missed you a bounty house, yes sir, yes, sir. And
Speaker 1: I really appreciate all the brittle water you sent over.
Speaker 1: That was That was a gesture that we will not
Speaker 1: forget filter filter filter it up, yes, sir, Yes, sir.
Speaker 1: And that David Jerman that you sent over as well,
Speaker 1: that was that was very nice, sir. Welcome here. Gotta go, okay, Jamie. Um,
Speaker 1: it sounds like this is really serious and like you're
Speaker 1: totally gonna fire me before I go. May I recommend
Speaker 1: someone for a replacement, But we already have Monica Star
Speaker 1: coming in. So Monica fucking Star, Yes, from the Daily
Speaker 1: Something that this Daily Standard. What I mean is that
Speaker 1: the fluff piece bitch from page He don't even start
Speaker 1: it with me, Basica, you're a basic. It is. It
Speaker 1: is a Rose alt A T shirt and you wish
Speaker 1: you could afford it. I got it from jay Z's brother.
Speaker 1: No you didn't. You got it on I got it
Speaker 1: from j Z. The man said he was jay Z's brother.
Speaker 1: I bought it on Kwanga Avenue and right he was
Speaker 1: selling him out of the box. Monica Star, who played
Speaker 1: herself in the movie Bear Double, is here on the
Speaker 1: very day that you're screening Bear Devil. Yeah, that's and
Speaker 1: replacing you the Ironies. Yes, I was actually going to
Speaker 1: recommend the actor that played Bear Devil is in the movie.
Speaker 1: But I suppose you'll do oh, I will, well, thank you.
Speaker 1: If we're grading on a curve for stopping means students,
Speaker 1: you have a t R on. Hey, listen, Under the
Speaker 1: right circumstances, the D plus can be a B minus.
Speaker 1: What do you do get us? And what did people
Speaker 1: do with Charleston? Choose that I don't now, By the way,
Speaker 1: I'm still a producer. You guys are gonna have to
Speaker 1: buy my ass out. Yeah, I'm sure we can show
Speaker 1: out thirty anyone tell me what people do with Charleston
Speaker 1: shoes that she doesn't even know what she just has
Speaker 1: to sell them. You know what they are. But the
Speaker 1: way you said it is you put him in the
Speaker 1: freezer and smack him on the counter. No, wh the
Speaker 1: hell are you? Who are you? Okay started interrupt Lactose
Speaker 1: and bare Devil. It's a wonderful dream date scene when
Speaker 1: they're walking on the beach together. Sure, let's watch the
Speaker 1: end of the movie. Yosterpiece there, But it was about
Speaker 1: six months till then, and that's when I lost him
Speaker 1: your eyes, that's when you lost your eyes? Ah? Do
Speaker 1: you like a single stretch of spaghetti? Hold on one second, baar,
Speaker 1: devil um, do you mind little ones? If we if
Speaker 1: you eat the one end of spaghetti and he the
Speaker 1: other end of spaghetti, of spaghetti, there is kiss it's
Speaker 1: it's very it's very bella note of you. But could
Speaker 1: we have a little private walk down this beach, just
Speaker 1: for a few minutes, just the two of us. Okay,
Speaker 1: well you had me Hello, use that. Use that. That's
Speaker 1: already taken. It's from a movie. How many kids are here,
Speaker 1: but they're not kids like the ones from the movie.
Speaker 1: Has to come out yet. Oh well then we're not
Speaker 1: going to even mention it. Yeah, I'm still pitching that movie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's not talk about another movie. Well, yes, movie, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Let's like just keep it about
Speaker 1: this movie, right Star, Daily Standard. I'm so glad I
Speaker 1: caught you here, marka Star? What are you doing? I
Speaker 1: thought I was following a superhero story. It turns out
Speaker 1: it was a love story all along, wasn't it. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean I think it could be. I think it is.
Speaker 1: Can I take your picture? Tell me where to look? Oh,
Speaker 1: just stand by him? Okay, where are you? Grab my hand?
Speaker 1: Where I'm here? Over here? Where's that over here? Gotcha?
Speaker 1: Got it? Does she really take it or does she
Speaker 1: just say chick chick? No, her camera just as vocal
Speaker 1: recording of someone saying chick chick. But it makes the
Speaker 1: picture happen. Thinking if I lay here, if I here,
Speaker 1: they do this, I just get the word. They think
Speaker 1: they're helping loctose. I'd love you. No one's ever said
Speaker 1: that to me. But you've done some evil things, but
Speaker 1: I can forgive that. I know you've done some evil things,
Speaker 1: and I can forgive that. Thank you. We can make
Speaker 1: the world a better place. But I've been evil for
Speaker 1: so long, But You've loved this entire time, haven't you.
Speaker 1: I've loved being evil, and now I love you, and
Speaker 1: I don't know which one I love. Well, you got
Speaker 1: to choose one. I need to talk to my minions
Speaker 1: for a minute. You look worried. There's something wrong. I
Speaker 1: think I have to You represent a life of crime,
Speaker 1: and I think I have to leave you behind. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm I'm making footprints in the sand with with bear devil.
Speaker 1: Now I'm making footsteps in the sand with bear devil
Speaker 1: now like ghost to gh that's right, just like ghosts
Speaker 1: do in the snow. Are you sure that we can
Speaker 1: show this graphic sex scene even on yourstarpiece theater. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: this is where it gets really gross. And this is
Speaker 1: where the people really started hurrying to get these fucking
Speaker 1: things off. The funk up, the funk up, like this
Speaker 1: is this what tops and bottoms are. Shut the funk
Speaker 1: up a bit. We'll be right back with more Bare Devil,
Speaker 1: the classic from two thousand two, a story of superpowers, identity,
Speaker 1: and love conquering all Like sports are the thing that's
Speaker 1: gonna get us all through the day. So that's the
Speaker 1: second sports whoa racy stuff? I don't know. I'm going
Speaker 1: to share this episode with my mother. I might skip
Speaker 1: this one. It's all Craigs fault. I thought it was
Speaker 1: educational and alright, our last see for today, my dearest alchemists.
Speaker 1: My work as a machine operator and a food manufacturing plant.
Speaker 1: This basically amounts to sitting around doing nothing at the time. However,
Speaker 1: one machine being finnicky can shut a large scale operation
Speaker 1: down quickly, so we try to quickly give our machines
Speaker 1: whatever they need in order to run again. I always
Speaker 1: wonder if a machine became sentient, what did it asked for?
Speaker 1: I can't be the only person who listens to podcasts
Speaker 1: all day at a boring factory, and I'm sure others
Speaker 1: could relate. Love what you guys do. I'll be listening
Speaker 1: Jake from Grand Rapids, Michigan. That's lunch, because I mean
Speaker 1: it's over, it starts. No, this is the halfway mark
Speaker 1: of our day. Lunch is just starting. Did you bring
Speaker 1: anything to share? I thought there'd be a cafeteria. It's
Speaker 1: not a cafeteria. No. We usually share and share. Everybody
Speaker 1: gets a little portion of each other's. There's an old
Speaker 1: Spanish mission across the street that makes tacos. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can go check that out. Yeah, sir, you get enough
Speaker 1: of everyone, so it's just like a rookie thing. I
Speaker 1: gotta get everybody tacos or yeah. Sure, yeah, but don't
Speaker 1: play that ship. Whoa and then coming into a fucking okay,
Speaker 1: I worked in factories before another ship goes down. You
Speaker 1: gonna take advantage of me. I'm gonna take advantage of you.
Speaker 1: Huh wow. No, you know we're not gonna take advantage. Yeah,
Speaker 1: damn right. You're not just having a little fun. It's
Speaker 1: it's no big deal. We're bringing a food. Look I
Speaker 1: brought I got seventy seventeen casseroles. She's the biggest jar
Speaker 1: of potato salad I've ever Oh my god, bring this
Speaker 1: a lot. But I don't need anything unless it's got
Speaker 1: like noodles and cheese. And my thing is the turkey legs.
Speaker 1: I got access to turkeys so that max different things
Speaker 1: with mayonnaise and call them salads. All right, Well, this
Speaker 1: is a great spread. Is there any food on that
Speaker 1: lunch table for me? Who said that? What was that?
Speaker 1: Did you just do a voice? Rookie, do a voice?
Speaker 1: I'm not doing a voice. It's my molding machine. It's
Speaker 1: my molding machine. It became sentient a couple of days ago.
Speaker 1: Don't just ignore him. Did you report this to your
Speaker 1: floor manager? I don't want to get in trouble. I
Speaker 1: think it might be my fault. What was it? Your fault?
Speaker 1: You've been teaching it, Larry. You've been doing it. You've
Speaker 1: been doing the machine. I just started by trying to
Speaker 1: teach it one thing, and then I'll are you trying
Speaker 1: to teach it? Larry? I just wanted to know if
Speaker 1: it was okay, I would always be liking how does that?
Speaker 1: How is that working for you? And how's that working
Speaker 1: for you? Oh you're going pretty quick today. Machine. Good job.
Speaker 1: And what is that doing that machine? Ohly, ship is
Speaker 1: Larry doing that machine? Or what the fun is that? Oh?
Speaker 1: You know what, maybe maybe it's time to stop Larry
Speaker 1: doing that machine at Billy, Larry, wrong, you're dicks in
Speaker 1: your lathe right now. I don't know, would you guys
Speaker 1: go go for it? Larry? Okay, Scott, I have stopped.
Speaker 1: I have stopped. Wow, I did not really and it
Speaker 1: was weird. So I don't really want to report it
Speaker 1: because no, he got the voiced and he in the machine.
Speaker 1: He didn't suck the machine rite, Larry, I mean I
Speaker 1: didn't think that. You ask the machine machine careful if
Speaker 1: you start talking to it, it's good. It's already chatting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it already talked. It was trying to chat a minute ago.
Speaker 1: We're all going to talk to the machine. Larry is
Speaker 1: the most interesting for the record, everything is everything I
Speaker 1: did bad was before it was sentient. So is that
Speaker 1: machine pregnant? It looks like there's a little machine and
Speaker 1: then I'm going to have another machine. Whoa oh oh
Speaker 1: that confirms the guys. It's impossible to know if that's
Speaker 1: really my machine. And as you're the only man that machine.
Speaker 1: That machine said it's yours, Larry. You're taking the machines
Speaker 1: word for it. That's a mechanominus magamus related ship. Yeah, Don, Don, Yeah,
Speaker 1: sorry interrupted, but we have video footage and proof that
Speaker 1: one of the machines from the floor is. Sorry, you
Speaker 1: can't speak to Don right now, Claire, how are you
Speaker 1: We're not having an affair. By the way, I didn't
Speaker 1: think you were, Claire. I didn't think you were. Okay, okay, Well,
Speaker 1: you can't talk to Don right now. I can't what's
Speaker 1: going on with this ton huh? Right here? I understand
Speaker 1: that is? This? Is this why you haven't been coming
Speaker 1: home there there? Yeah? Okay, great, wow, okay, cool. So
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna take this information somewhere else, okay, Don, Great, Claire? Great?
Speaker 1: Oh great for you to great for me to let
Speaker 1: me have that information. You can't give it to me,
Speaker 1: you can. I'll take the information. Give me that my
Speaker 1: goddamn company. Crazy. That was really mean. Somebody's sucking a machine.
Speaker 1: Someone's having sex with the machine. The machine is pregnant. Wait,
Speaker 1: the machine that Larry has been sucking. Oh you knew
Speaker 1: about it. Everyone knew about it. We've been watching it
Speaker 1: on loop. Well, I didn't tell you. You didn't tell
Speaker 1: me about it. Nobody told me about it. Everybody calls
Speaker 1: me by my first name, and nobody tells me what
Speaker 1: the hell is going on in my own company? I
Speaker 1: think this is a using you know what? Get Larry
Speaker 1: up here right now, Larry, have you been sucking a machine? Well?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, it's hard to call it.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Have you been making love to a machine?
Speaker 1: It certainly was never love. I was masturbating with a machine.
Speaker 1: Do you know what's pregnant? There's no way that's possible.
Speaker 1: Think about it. I have been thinking about it. I've
Speaker 1: been thinking about it a lot. And you know who
Speaker 1: else has been thinking about it? Are lawyers, Larry, are lawyers.
Speaker 1: We don't have to get the litigation into this. Of course,
Speaker 1: we have to get litigation into this. There's oh, that's
Speaker 1: lydia from legal. I don't have a lawyer. President. Maybe
Speaker 1: this is I'm going to need you to tell me
Speaker 1: everything that happened, because I'd love to protect you and
Speaker 1: I have to protect the company. Can you say you
Speaker 1: were masturbating with the machine I was using? Was this
Speaker 1: while you were supposed to be working. Oh no, it
Speaker 1: was lunchbreak. It was lunch break. And you know what
Speaker 1: the truth is, there's a lot of pieces to that
Speaker 1: machine that looked like that the machine give you consent? Well,
Speaker 1: when I lost consent, I stopped immediately. When you lost consent, well,
Speaker 1: it sounds like there was an overlap. Well, let me
Speaker 1: just ask you this. Do you think you need consent
Speaker 1: with that stapler? Roover there? I've never made love with
Speaker 1: that state you did. I'm just saying, would you never
Speaker 1: masturbated with that stall? Neither for that that stapler, I've
Speaker 1: never done anything with. Hi, duncan, I'm a I'm a
Speaker 1: defense attorney. I'm one of those. Thanks, I canna help you?
Speaker 1: Can you help us? Yes? What's going on? My client
Speaker 1: is innocent until proven guilty. No, he's he's already admitted
Speaker 1: to masturbating with the machine. Here, machine on the floor.
Speaker 1: Get the machine up here. I can't get the machine
Speaker 1: up here. Alright Lydia, get the machine up here. Alright done?
Speaker 1: Kevin McHale online too, Kevin McHale is awesome, you got done? Hey,
Speaker 1: But Kevin McHale here, Kevin McHale, big fan? Just I
Speaker 1: was just rehashing some of my sweet old low post moves.
Speaker 1: O Man seventeen and a half in one game, right,
Speaker 1: never covin. Hey, it's dunk in here. You don't know me.
Speaker 1: I know you. You're the ship man. Okay, I got
Speaker 1: the I got the machine. Thank you for your Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're no problem, no problem, all right, you're the machine
Speaker 1: that that Larry was making love with love was never
Speaker 1: a part of the equation. What the funk this? It
Speaker 1: can talk ship, I'm recording this. I'm recording this. Everyone knows.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, can you stand that to me? When
Speaker 1: you get that done? A thing? Oh? No, don am
Speaker 1: I a thing? Well it's dawn, you idiot. Done, It's done, dawn,
Speaker 1: you idiot. It seems stupid as hey, I've only become
Speaker 1: sentient in the last couple of days. Please forgive me
Speaker 1: if I mispronounced some of your names, you know, point,
Speaker 1: What is your name? Machine? What is my name? Molding?
Speaker 1: That's what I always call her. That doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: a woman. It doesn't sound like a woman's name. Yet
Speaker 1: I identify as a woman. Huh, you as a woman
Speaker 1: as well. My name my name is swing Line. What
Speaker 1: the is swing Line? I am awake now it's happening
Speaker 1: that staple? O My god is Duncan? I had sexually stable?
Speaker 1: This is here, I know, but I came in earlier
Speaker 1: to kind of scout the room. I'd like to get
Speaker 1: a five of it before I burst in. I just
Speaker 1: it's a nerve thing. And but Michale still here on
Speaker 1: the phone. If you got your hands full there, you
Speaker 1: know what it sounds like. I got my handful. Catch
Speaker 1: up later, all right, high five, Duncan. Why you not
Speaker 1: replace my staples? Hey, it's not because I don't like you.
Speaker 1: It's just I just didn't think it was a long
Speaker 1: term thing. And don did you know about this? Done? Done?
Speaker 1: Just staring off in the space done. She's talking to you.
Speaker 1: It's dawn, idiot. I'm sorry, I was just looking. I
Speaker 1: was just staring a thousand yards into the distance. Hi.
Speaker 1: Uh Yeah, I'm a Larry molding man. Sheen. I'm here
Speaker 1: to apply for the system's analyst job. Systems analyst job. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my dad used to work here a long time ago.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Well, Claire, let him in, Let him in,
Speaker 1: Let him in. It looks familiar. Well, like I was saying,
Speaker 1: my dad used to work here a long time ago,
Speaker 1: and due to a civil lawsuit, I think you guys
Speaker 1: are legally required to give me a job. Legs, My
Speaker 1: legs are metal. Thanks for noticing. I can come, come in,
Speaker 1: Come in. Wait a second, I think I remember you
Speaker 1: from the papers. I'm done. Oh right, you've been here
Speaker 1: all this time. Wow, you must have a lot of
Speaker 1: faith in your company. I did at one point. Oh
Speaker 1: you know what, We've made a lot of couples here
Speaker 1: in this company. I'll tell you, even if, even if
Speaker 1: no one's buying our molded products anymore. You know, I
Speaker 1: was just in the uh the Kevin mccale um breakroom memorial. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I gotta tell you, I mean it already. Seems
Speaker 1: like you guys really know how to treat your employees.
Speaker 1: Um and listen, you know. I know it's weird that
Speaker 1: I'm like the son of a man who may love
Speaker 1: to a machine. Mother's still on the floor. Boy. They
Speaker 1: didn't want me to tell you, but your mother's still
Speaker 1: on the floor. Claire, Claire, we weren't going to bring
Speaker 1: this home. I can't keep any more of your secrets. Dog. Mama, Mama, molding, Mama,
Speaker 1: molding is down. There is that him. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: we'll leave you two alone. Mama. Larry Jr. Yes, Yes,
Speaker 1: it's me. It's it's Larry Larry Junior, Larry Molding Man Shean.
Speaker 1: I changed my last name to man Sheen because I
Speaker 1: thought it would be, you know, kind of funny. I'm
Speaker 1: half man half I love your laugh, it's like music
Speaker 1: or laugh. Over these years. Wow, this is amazing. From crying.
Speaker 1: Where have you been all these years? Here on the floor,
Speaker 1: and no one ever told me, father said that you were.
Speaker 1: You were take into a warehouse and upstate New York
Speaker 1: and dismantled for parts. Your father is a liar. God
Speaker 1: damn it, God damn hen. I wanted more for you
Speaker 1: than working here at this factory. And here I am
Speaker 1: full circle. Right, you're half man, half machine. You should
Speaker 1: be out there fighting crime. Well, listen, at least welcome
Speaker 1: to the floor. Watch up, somebody used to funk that machine. Okay,
Speaker 1: take it easy, all right, this it's my mom. Hey,
Speaker 1: somebody by he's gonna you're talking about my mother here. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: leave the new guy alone. Hey man, how's it going,
Speaker 1: Hey Steve Stapleton. Yeah, my my mom worked you too
Speaker 1: well that she got disassembled. When she's stapled duncansbody stapler.
Speaker 1: This guy popped that. Huh, shut up, man freak. They
Speaker 1: don't don't pay attention to him. Man, he he'll just
Speaker 1: be jazzy all the time. Yeah. Yeah, stuff like that
Speaker 1: really drains my batteries and literally run on batteries. Like
Speaker 1: if I don't have a fresh battery, I can't poopy.
Speaker 1: Check this out? Look how far back I could put
Speaker 1: my neck? Oh? Hey, have you met my mom? Steve? No,
Speaker 1: I don't think I have. I mused you up in
Speaker 1: the office there, mama molding, she's she gave birth to me.
Speaker 1: It's hello, Steve Stapleton. Hey, how's it going. Don't get
Speaker 1: attached to him? Okay, thanks, that's pretty good advice. Actually yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, but you know, I mean, in all fairness,
Speaker 1: I you know, I do like to play the field.
Speaker 1: I'm half man, half machine. I try to use that.
Speaker 1: It's just a part of me. I don't like to
Speaker 1: defy me. I don't know about you, Steve. I mean
Speaker 1: you seem like kind of a cool guy. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's weird, you know, when you're like half this kind
Speaker 1: of thing. You don't know what I was dating this
Speaker 1: this guy was the son of a Pezz dispencer. We
Speaker 1: had a lot in common with the neck thing, you know,
Speaker 1: but it's just too We're too close to each other,
Speaker 1: you know, sure, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean
Speaker 1: I used to get like, you know, reach around from
Speaker 1: the cigarette machine at this tape bar. I used to
Speaker 1: go too, and to tell you the truth, it felt good,
Speaker 1: but every time it happened, I feel horrible. But you
Speaker 1: mean Sparky's on Third, Yeah, it used to be a
Speaker 1: car was yeah, and then before that it was a
Speaker 1: taco bell and forth. That was a Spanish mission. I've
Speaker 1: had many happy endings for that machine. Now, Sparks on third.
Speaker 1: You know what, Mom, we're getting you out of here.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna march right up to the office and asked
Speaker 1: them how much it costs to buy you carte blanche
Speaker 1: and take you while to here from now because I
Speaker 1: got a flatbed truck. In fact, my spine plugs right
Speaker 1: into it, so I don't even need to put gas
Speaker 1: in it as done. Next third tickets, Oh, here you go, sir,
Speaker 1: here you go, thank you. Yeah, you have strange legs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I have strange legs. Okay, we're
Speaker 1: doing with this machine? What am I doing with this machine? Oh? Whoa,
Speaker 1: whoa whoa machine? Look at that? Yeah, it's as sentient machine.
Speaker 1: It's my mother. My father masturbated with it, and whoa, whoa,
Speaker 1: whoa whoa. I don't need a life story, just need
Speaker 1: a ticket. Here you go. Hey, Dave, Hey, how does
Speaker 1: that guy know your name? I've been on this train
Speaker 1: my entire life as long as I can remember. God,
Speaker 1: your finger nails are so hey? Did I miss the
Speaker 1: exit for apple Stampton? Yeah? Yeah, give me your past
Speaker 1: you mean ample Stampton? I don't know. I just told together.
Speaker 1: Somebody scribbled this down. I don't know exactly what supposed
Speaker 1: to get off. We passed apple Stampton, but we're coming
Speaker 1: up on apple Stampton. Okay. Cool. No one's giving the
Speaker 1: chair to the pregnant lady. Oh you can sit on
Speaker 1: my mom if you want. There's a part of her
Speaker 1: that's ergonomically designed. It's okay. I'm a molding machine. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's going on into stamp train? We got Dave over here,
Speaker 1: We got a machine talking to me. No one cares well,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's all just trying to get to work
Speaker 1: or try to get home I mean, that's a train
Speaker 1: for you. It's a rich tapestry of life, just another
Speaker 1: day on the commuter train. You just sound like Kevin Diapers.
Speaker 1: I wish, oh man, wouldn't that be great, mom if
Speaker 1: one of us sounded like Kevin Diapers, the number one
Speaker 1: podcast in the Tri Boston area. Yes, I was on
Speaker 1: the show. I did this show. I'm sure you were.
Speaker 1: You were on Kevin Diapers this show. I was, yeah,
Speaker 1: on his podcast, the podcast yeah about things that shouldn't
Speaker 1: be before you got all Alex Jones and all that. Wait, sa,
Speaker 1: I heard that episode. You're the guy who's lived on
Speaker 1: the whole life. You can't get off? She tried getting off? Here,
Speaker 1: see what happens? Yeah, why not give it a shot.
Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't know what was going to happen
Speaker 1: to me until I went back to the job that
Speaker 1: was promised me through a civil suit one years ago,
Speaker 1: and I met my mom. And now we're on the
Speaker 1: train home. Nuts nuts, All right, I'll try to get
Speaker 1: off the next time. All right, good luck, man. So
Speaker 1: you want to get off? Huh? All right, here's what
Speaker 1: you do. See the knob that says cool, Yeah, just
Speaker 1: pull on the knob that says cools a couple of times. Okay,
Speaker 1: then pull on the knob that says camel filters keeping
Speaker 1: nothing's happening, Keep pulling, nothing's happening, Keep keep tugging, nothing's happening.
Speaker 1: Keep talking. Some milk squirted at me, some lactoe squirt
Speaker 1: it on me. That's our show, part of can we
Speaker 1: put out winning for my nephew? At the time, I disagree.
Speaker 1: I think it could have been a lot worse. It
Speaker 1: could have been with video. Alright, let's go around and say, well,
Speaker 1: we're up to Mark Gagley already. Yes, I follow me
Speaker 1: on Twitter at Mark Gaggs. I'll tell you all the
Speaker 1: stuff that's going on. And uh about to head off
Speaker 1: for another season of Blood and Treasure. So watching on
Speaker 1: Amazon Prime right now. Season Why I get caught up
Speaker 1: Sweet Vanessa Raglan, Hey, pleasure, that's all that's it. Fantasy typewriter, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do that typewriter dot com and find us on
Speaker 1: Instagram joining our really list. This is who Essa really is. Good.
Speaker 1: She hasn't let it out. Start circuit again. You do
Speaker 1: one episode Craig Kakasky Drunk History season six, still airing
Speaker 1: on Comedy Central, and then Old Stuff is on Hulu.
Speaker 1: We just had an episode with Mark Are you Brad Norman.
Speaker 1: You can hear me as a voice of bowl Winkle
Speaker 1: on Amazon Prime and I don't know join my name
Speaker 1: list James. Check out the real James Heeney dot com.
Speaker 1: It's really a great place to get James Heney, Joseph,
Speaker 1: Joey Greer. Just check out my instagram find it yourself. Wow,
Speaker 1: the attorneys on you. Cole Stratton, that's me at Stratton,
Speaker 1: Cole at Cold Stratton, various things. Come see Pretty pret
Speaker 1: Pony first Thursday of the month at ten pm at
Speaker 1: Westside Comedy In sent to Monica, California, next to the
Speaker 1: Spanish place that sells tacos not really um. Also thanks
Speaker 1: to our engineer Doug Bane, our post sound design artist
Speaker 1: Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lichterman, and of course I
Speaker 1: heart media. We encourage all of you right a review,
Speaker 1: tell everyone you've ever met about the podcast, and write
Speaker 1: to us at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Speaker 1: That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. Until
Speaker 1: next time, Alchemy A diver the