Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This cold Stratton
Speaker 1: here filling in once again for Kevin Pollock, who is
Speaker 1: shooting war dogs too, peace cats. Let's meet our alchemists
Speaker 1: for today. First up, it's the second most interesting man
Speaker 1: in the world, James. James, what do you gotta do
Speaker 1: to become number one? Well, you gotta big people to
Speaker 1: give reviews for your podcast, because without the reviews, you
Speaker 1: won't go up. And you know that's the best way
Speaker 1: to start. If you want to get big, ask for
Speaker 1: reviews at the beginning of a podcast. She's the only
Speaker 1: one in this room to have been abducted by aliens
Speaker 1: more than once. Vanessa Rag, that's a fact. V What
Speaker 1: do these aliens look like? You know, they look like
Speaker 1: my family. Oh, isn't that weird? So you wake up,
Speaker 1: you feel like you're in your own home, but it's
Speaker 1: a little off. Makes sense, isn't that You're rolling your
Speaker 1: eyes in me too? No, I didn't you lived through
Speaker 1: what I've lived before? He paid the bills with acting.
Speaker 1: He designed high tech gadgets for British secret agents. Mark Gagliardi, Mark,
Speaker 1: what was your greatest device? Um? The greatest device I
Speaker 1: ever invented for a British superspy was. Uh, if you
Speaker 1: look at Boris Johnson, the new Prime Minister's hair underneath it,
Speaker 1: it has a go go gadget copter one things for sure.
Speaker 1: Our next Alchemist is full on fucking obsessed with Arbor Day. Bradman,
Speaker 1: Planet tree right, what's your deal trees man? I mean, look,
Speaker 1: you know, I just I lived my life by John
Speaker 1: Denver's motto. That's far out, you know, as far as
Speaker 1: I'm concerned, trees are too far out. The need to
Speaker 1: be closer. Platform were the right side of Arbor Day
Speaker 1: or the wrong side of Arbor Day for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life? Make your choice. At Finally, a guy
Speaker 1: who knows a thing or two about saltwater aquariums Joey Greer,
Speaker 1: Yes I do, Joey. What tropical fish are you currently keeping? Uh? Squirrels?
Speaker 1: Actually yeah, nice adapted the aquarium so yeah, they are
Speaker 1: not good swimmers though, Okay, figured serving image. Let's get
Speaker 1: to our first scene then, Oh. Today's scene suggestions were
Speaker 1: gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd like to submit yours,
Speaker 1: please write to the podcast at your name here at
Speaker 1: alchemy this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy
Speaker 1: this dot com. Our first scene suggestion. Hey, y'all love
Speaker 1: the show. Been listening since the beginning, and we'll keep
Speaker 1: listening until somehow Kevin hosts three consecutive episodes. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess that's good for me, which won't happen, so
Speaker 1: I'll never be able to stop listening. Here's my idea.
Speaker 1: A psychologist starts his first day at a clink and
Speaker 1: realizes that all the clients coming in are literally animals.
Speaker 1: He begins to lose his own mind. Keep up the
Speaker 1: great work, everyone, Brett back, And I mean I must
Speaker 1: have been seventeen or so, and there was just all
Speaker 1: this noise and and I freaked out and I would
Speaker 1: run into the bathroom or into the bed, and you know,
Speaker 1: I'd get just pulled into the other room and to
Speaker 1: be forced to sit around the family and whatnot. And
Speaker 1: it was just hard. I don't know what trauma was
Speaker 1: before that that caused me to have that kind of
Speaker 1: fear and anxiety. But when you say go be with
Speaker 1: the family, where would you where did you have like
Speaker 1: do some somewhere that you go with Like in the
Speaker 1: living room everybody just sits together. What is it like
Speaker 1: being with the family. I'll tell you what. It was
Speaker 1: pretty dramatic. I mean like I'm on the floor eating, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, or I'm outside most of the time, pissing
Speaker 1: and shipping in the yard and and uh, it's it's sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You're on the floor. They make you eat
Speaker 1: on the floor, yes, yeah, drunk on the floor, on
Speaker 1: the floor, drink. Uh. And you're pissing and shipping outside
Speaker 1: and not in the bathroom. I'm sorry. We had to
Speaker 1: do this over the phone. By the way, come in, Hi,
Speaker 1: Dr Rothbury. I'm sorry to interrupt. It's okay, but your
Speaker 1: next appointment is here. Oh great, Sorry, I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to hang out. They can wait keep you pretty much? Okay? Great?
Speaker 1: And uh is everything okay? Daughter? Yeah, yeah, it's fine,
Speaker 1: it's fine. It's gonna open up about something else. Um.
Speaker 1: Actually have another client though, so I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: hang up because they're in person client. Oh yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: but we can keep this going. We can keep this
Speaker 1: going at some other time. Yeah, if I'm still around,
Speaker 1: if you're still around, yeah, I'll call you later. That's
Speaker 1: what you want. Okay, sounds great. Probably gonna go catch
Speaker 1: some balls. Or something. So hi doctor, Hello, come on
Speaker 1: in anywhere, preferably on the couch. I'd love the tops. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: the top of the couches. Fine, something something bothering you,
Speaker 1: a lot of things. Um, did you want to talk
Speaker 1: about the we we we we don't have way? Oh? Wow,
Speaker 1: you are quite um aloof is that the word? I
Speaker 1: would pull my finger nails out? Oh, dear god, that
Speaker 1: sounds horrifying. Um. Well let me see your fingers. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can see that and quite quite covered in hair
Speaker 1: and lovely hair it is. Thank you. Um, I'm not
Speaker 1: sure you you just start talking and tell me everything
Speaker 1: that's uh, everything that's bothering you, bothering me anything at all.
Speaker 1: I can't get comfortable, and I've noticed, I've noticed that
Speaker 1: you're to get comfortable. Yeah, something bothers me, you know
Speaker 1: well that you know that's a that's a common thing
Speaker 1: with a lot of people. Um. And sunbeams shift throughout
Speaker 1: the day. Yeah yeah. Man. Well, look I have a
Speaker 1: chart here on the wall of different anxieties. Okay, I'd
Speaker 1: like you to let me go up a laser pointer.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna point to different what is God? What
Speaker 1: is Okay, I'll put it down. I'll put it down.
Speaker 1: I'll put it down. It's gone. It's gone. It had
Speaker 1: no substance, um, no substance at all. I I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to to body shame you at all, but it
Speaker 1: seems like I do like the way this and it started.
Speaker 1: You've let You've let your whiskers grow quite long. They're
Speaker 1: just jutting straight out the side of your face. They
Speaker 1: help me balance, They help you pounce, balance. Balance. Do
Speaker 1: you ever just hear a sound? Yeah, lots of times
Speaker 1: all days that a can of tuna and your hopes
Speaker 1: get up, you know, and you think maybe maybe things
Speaker 1: have changed. Go in and it's black beans and it's
Speaker 1: not for you. You know what I'm saying. Dr I
Speaker 1: think the people I live with this is my home
Speaker 1: life everyone. It's this series unfortunate. Did I tell you
Speaker 1: the sun sunbeams? Yes, that they that they moved throughout
Speaker 1: the day. The sun moves throughout I'm here to check
Speaker 1: in for the next appointment. I'm a little bit early.
Speaker 1: My name is Steve. Oh, Steve, that's right. You called
Speaker 1: earlier if we could accommodate me early. You wanted to
Speaker 1: make sure that the office itself was hotter. It was
Speaker 1: last time. Okay, sure, sure, yeah, yeah I remember that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're all set to see you in just a few minutes.
Speaker 1: If you just want to have a seat, Oh, just
Speaker 1: day underneath the couch, if that's all right. You know,
Speaker 1: I just I'm afraid of someone, you know, like coming
Speaker 1: in here and seeing you and like kind of being
Speaker 1: surprised that they're seeing you, So like, maybe not high
Speaker 1: to jump out, just kind of stay out where everyone
Speaker 1: can see you, so the doctor you can see how
Speaker 1: it is. I'll stay on the cushions. Then I'm confused.
Speaker 1: I had a three thirty, but this guy also has
Speaker 1: a three thirty. I'm wiggling my ears. I'm so angry. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: and remind me again what your name is. My name
Speaker 1: is Dufe. I want to Pablo Escobar's hippopotami. Oh that's right, Yes,
Speaker 1: that's right. Okay. Now you aren't afraid of let's say,
Speaker 1: serpents or anything like that that those scare you at all,
Speaker 1: not at all? Okay, Well they have many friends that
Speaker 1: are that way. Okay, Well, just just have a seat
Speaker 1: and the doctor will be right with you, and I'll
Speaker 1: let him know that you two are here. Okay, this
Speaker 1: seat is mine now. The sand in that that is
Speaker 1: a zen garden. It's for me too, It's for me
Speaker 1: to Okay, um, have you ever given someone a gift
Speaker 1: and they don't even like it? A little corpse? Yes?
Speaker 1: Is that? Is that why you brought this mouse in here?
Speaker 1: M hm? And you didn't say a damn thing? Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. I appreciate it. I'm going to have our
Speaker 1: time is up. I'm gonna have to ask you um
Speaker 1: to to uh to what to leave. I'm going to
Speaker 1: take a napp right here? Okay, great you alright? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not gonna stick my hand out and try
Speaker 1: to move you because the last time I did that,
Speaker 1: you hay stap me. Alright, Yes, dr it seems you're
Speaker 1: a little double booked at three thirty. Oh yeah, who
Speaker 1: would you like to see first? Steve or do? Why
Speaker 1: don't you just put remind me Steve's the snake, Dufe
Speaker 1: is the hippopotamus. Let's let me just do this. I
Speaker 1: got a long afternoon, so let's just do this simultaneous. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: fellas um um, the doctor will see you now, Hi, guys,
Speaker 1: great to see it. Hi, it's good to see you too.
Speaker 1: This is a group therapy scenario and I'm into it. Great,
Speaker 1: we'll just we'll just tell each other about all of
Speaker 1: our problems. I typically prefer to go so low. Well,
Speaker 1: unfortunately we double book today and uh and I knew
Speaker 1: you were a last minute edition. So and you've left
Speaker 1: this on the floor for me. I prefer it to
Speaker 1: be wiggly. Yeah, this, this? No, this, this mouse? Is
Speaker 1: it anyway? Okay? Great? Well, well he's wolfing down that
Speaker 1: that mouse. I'm sorry, sneaking down that mouse? Dukee. What
Speaker 1: seems to be What's what's bothering you? Buddy? Is it
Speaker 1: because your boss is gone? I read it in the news. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's gone, and I'm alone. My brothers have moved on too,
Speaker 1: because they are smart. I am just by myself now
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure what to do anymore. And I
Speaker 1: also my HBO Go path where it is expired. Well that,
Speaker 1: I mean you can, I'm sure get an HBO Go passwords.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that. I don't even
Speaker 1: know how to log on. Well, then you won't have
Speaker 1: to worry about it much, will you. I just pretend
Speaker 1: that the side of the building is HBO and I
Speaker 1: watch it. Um, that's actually we had to ask we
Speaker 1: were going to ask you about that. That one of
Speaker 1: those parking space. We actually need all those parking spaces.
Speaker 1: How do you do? Hey HIMESE yes, that is okay.
Speaker 1: It's Chester Lemon, Chester Lemon. Yeah, yeah, good. It was
Speaker 1: a beautiful office the first time seeing the doctor. Yeah.
Speaker 1: People will call me an animal, if you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I'm sure they do. We deal with all
Speaker 1: kinds here, little sex animal huh oh yeah. To be
Speaker 1: totally honest with you, I'm starting a little turned off
Speaker 1: personally turned it off by animals. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: It seems like a lot of it seems like a
Speaker 1: lot of responsibility. And I like my freedom. I get that.
Speaker 1: I'm all about freedom USA all the way. Do you
Speaker 1: have an appointment with the doctor? Your name is I did?
Speaker 1: I had it at seven pm? I'm here a little earlier, yeah,
Speaker 1: a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I might just
Speaker 1: hang out see the space, get to know it. But
Speaker 1: must ain't going you know what? Sure? Why don't you
Speaker 1: sit down and got it relaxed? Would you like something
Speaker 1: to drink? Yeah, I'll take a brandy if you got it.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry we don't. We might I brought my own,
Speaker 1: but you okay, I was thinking more like coffee or cope, Brandy,
Speaker 1: would you like a glass? Oh no, thank you. I'm
Speaker 1: on duty, all right, you too. Stop stop fighting. I
Speaker 1: told you, I told you that that this is not
Speaker 1: how group therapy supposed to. Touching you? Am I bothering you?
Speaker 1: I'm not touching you. Am my fathering you? It's bothering
Speaker 1: me very much. I could kill you in one small snip.
Speaker 1: Clearly it is bothering him. Yes, technically you're not touching him,
Speaker 1: but you're very close to my patient and Jack. I've
Speaker 1: been on the window sill. You couldn't kill him. Oh no, no,
Speaker 1: you don't have legs. Hey, do not egg. We could
Speaker 1: swallow you up in one subtle scoop, a scoop, a snip.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about but a scoop? I want
Speaker 1: to You can't snip or scoop. You got no arms
Speaker 1: and no legs. I'm coming at you. He'll go ahead,
Speaker 1: out come here. I'm all saying you can't climb. Hey,
Speaker 1: lift me up? Me up? Don't lift do do not
Speaker 1: lift him up? But I was told not to, Sonara,
Speaker 1: wanna don't do it. So would you like piece of
Speaker 1: the steak at all? Or Mr Lemon, I like a
Speaker 1: piece of that steak? What are you implying another? I'm
Speaker 1: just you know, I asked. I'm gonna be here for
Speaker 1: a whim. I as well set up a little dinner
Speaker 1: table for us. Wel congratulations, sir, you have made a
Speaker 1: sixty three old year old woman blush st Yeah. Well
Speaker 1: I run distance running. Yeah, so I'm still very tight.
Speaker 1: That's great now very cardiovascularly fit? Yeah? So am I
Speaker 1: very open minded? Oh me as well, Cloras, I could
Speaker 1: use a hand. There's chaos in here, you know what.
Speaker 1: I need to bring this spray bottle into the doctor.
Speaker 1: Can you hold on for just one second? I can
Speaker 1: hold on all day. Okay, So, and will you get that?
Speaker 1: Will you get the hippo's back while you're at it?
Speaker 1: That feels good? Thank you, Dr. The session's been illuminating
Speaker 1: for me. If you need me, I'll be in the
Speaker 1: parking lot finishing season three of the Wire again. We
Speaker 1: need that parking you know what, Just take the parking
Speaker 1: space for a little while. Yet. Is there anything else
Speaker 1: I can do for you right now? Doctor? Yeah? You
Speaker 1: can send in any other patients that. Ikay, we're gonna
Speaker 1: do a bit of a round robin. Mr Mr Lehman
Speaker 1: is here, Chester, Lemon, Chester Lamon just about finished with
Speaker 1: his brandy and steak. I'll send him right in. Uh, well,
Speaker 1: if he needs to finish up with a dessert course
Speaker 1: or something. But but but wait a minute, Well he
Speaker 1: just brought a little snack with him and he seems
Speaker 1: to like to drink alcohol with his steaks. Don't normally
Speaker 1: deal with humans. All right, bring him in, Mr Lamon.
Speaker 1: The doctor will see you now, just give one second,
Speaker 1: just dipping my steak in this brandy. Hello, hello, Mr Lamander.
Speaker 1: Lamon's I can't read on this thing. There's there's brandy
Speaker 1: on the paper. The s is for the best my line?
Speaker 1: What what the holy ship? That's a snake, And don't
Speaker 1: worry about him? Who whoa whoa? Holy sure you all right,
Speaker 1: we'll calm down right, Yes, holy fuck? Are you Steve?
Speaker 1: Are you okay? Oh my god? What do you mean
Speaker 1: if Steve? Are you okay? So? Yep? The diamond back
Speaker 1: all right, hold on now these are diamond Backer not
Speaker 1: He's one of my clients and he's been with me
Speaker 1: for years. Yeah, yeah, Steve is one of my clients,
Speaker 1: and yes, you are one of my allergic to cats.
Speaker 1: What are you doing that is? She's been one of
Speaker 1: my Look, I forgot my trapper kicks come back come?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Good? So just thanks good working up
Speaker 1: a Brandy Sweat you have just you've just stomped to
Speaker 1: death my three clients. Of that's what worked, cowboy boots dr.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I swear I heard a
Speaker 1: kerfupple and then someone shot my name, Brandy Sweat. I said,
Speaker 1: Brandy Sweat, that's my name, Brandy. Just can you just
Speaker 1: go back outside and see close to see if Chloris
Speaker 1: needs anything? Brandy please? And she is new? I like
Speaker 1: it all right? Um, this is highly inappropriate. I hope
Speaker 1: you know that nobody else comes into a session like this,
Speaker 1: murders three clients and then takes over the room. This
Speaker 1: is highly irregular and I'm I'm not even sure that
Speaker 1: I can objectively listen to your problems, right wow, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Mr Lamont. I'm gonna have to ask you
Speaker 1: to leave. You know what, I'm going to ask myself
Speaker 1: to leave. I'll already ask you to leave, but I
Speaker 1: didn't hear it, and I do myself to leave. But
Speaker 1: you said you said it right after, so you were
Speaker 1: listening to me, So you did listen to me. I
Speaker 1: guess technically I did so. I guess you do want
Speaker 1: to listen. What seems to be the problem? Mr. That
Speaker 1: was the greatest summer of my life and that's that one. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're running out of that. We just I mean, we
Speaker 1: just proved that animal minds are just dumb. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: no reason to explore that field of psychology. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: watching the wire, was watching the wall. He was watching
Speaker 1: the Wire. That's a great show. It's really good. Alright,
Speaker 1: what stop our second scene? Suggestion? Hi? My suggestion is
Speaker 1: organizing and putting on a world record at TEFT, such
Speaker 1: as the most people standing on their head at the
Speaker 1: same time. I love the show. Anonymous from Vancouver, Canada,
Speaker 1: the hacker? Who it was? The hacker? Can we just
Speaker 1: team up for a second and stop talking more online
Speaker 1: jargon please? Breeding guys and girls and girls. Bring it
Speaker 1: in guys and girls, just one girl. Okay, bring it
Speaker 1: in guys and girls. Let's just come up with another
Speaker 1: words so we don't have to keep saying guys and girls.
Speaker 1: Where I'm from we say, y'all, team team, great team
Speaker 1: bringing in team all right, here, we brought it in.
Speaker 1: I'm here, let's do this. Alright, Well, we're gonna Are
Speaker 1: we gonna set this world record? Or what is this?
Speaker 1: Are these are these sausages gonna get eaten or not?
Speaker 1: Are these bunnies gonna get snapped? What's going on? Let's
Speaker 1: just focus on the bunnies getting snapped. I was going
Speaker 1: to say opposite, I don't want to snap the bunny.
Speaker 1: Were you talking about that? We'll records never been set yet.
Speaker 1: We could snap two bunnies. The record for most bunnies
Speaker 1: snapped in a minute is forty seven bunniest we can
Speaker 1: Who did that high school team out of Arkansas? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: a really angry one. Is that in the book? Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm technically there are lots of things in the book.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I've just been while you were deciding on
Speaker 1: what exactly record you want to break. I've just been
Speaker 1: quietly standing here and my blazer, with my binder and
Speaker 1: my stopwatch and U as well. None of you seemed
Speaker 1: to notice me as you were just he's the official
Speaker 1: record keeper from Guinness. Oh my gosh. That will go
Speaker 1: down on your on your I'm sorry, I be we
Speaker 1: needed to have someone to prove well, of course we did.
Speaker 1: I understand that we need an official from the world
Speaker 1: record people here to verify our world record. I don't understand.
Speaker 1: What's so hard to understand. I understand and told me.
Speaker 1: You've all that I can clearly see at this point
Speaker 1: is that you have placed several items on the table
Speaker 1: and are now determining what you can possibly do to
Speaker 1: break a world record with him, I may I just
Speaker 1: say that you don't have to you don't have to
Speaker 1: break a world record to feel validated as people. I
Speaker 1: see this. That's exactly what somebody like him would say,
Speaker 1: some lobbyists from big records. I'm just saying I see
Speaker 1: this a lot every day. People try to validate their
Speaker 1: lives by by breaking a record, and some records just
Speaker 1: don't mean to break records. No funk that. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: here to make on my name last for ever. Well,
Speaker 1: there's there's rabbits and sausages and all kinds of a
Speaker 1: sort of detrit us on this Stay on this table again.
Speaker 1: This is what I keep you can I ask you
Speaker 1: which records have already been established and involved sausages and rabbits.
Speaker 1: Good question. Well there's there's the the of course, the
Speaker 1: aforementioned rabbit snapping. Right, what reckon the number of sausages
Speaker 1: eaten in a minute? Yes? Okay, by a team? Right, yes,
Speaker 1: by a team, by an individual, and um, oddly enough,
Speaker 1: there's a I shouldn't tell you this. There's a record
Speaker 1: that might be real easy to break. Okay, Well, the
Speaker 1: record for sausages eaten by a rabbit is only one
Speaker 1: in a full minute. So if you can make of those,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking when the rabbit gets the credit, we don't
Speaker 1: get the credit. I was thinking we could be a
Speaker 1: human centipede. I don't know that. Hold on a second,
Speaker 1: eating and then because if a group has done it,
Speaker 1: and an individual has done it, but has a group
Speaker 1: as an individual time, no, that has anyone human centipede
Speaker 1: to the sausage. I don't think this is a let's
Speaker 1: do it, let's do it. Wanted to be the top.
Speaker 1: I want to be the end. I mean, yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: be and wherever. I just don't want to be down
Speaker 1: on my hands and knees too long, because I do
Speaker 1: and you know, we have an idea of a sore
Speaker 1: hip let's do it seated, so I'll be on top
Speaker 1: of each other stacked. It'll make you go Quicker's that
Speaker 1: way a minute. We're gonna need way more tables, and
Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, I feel uncomfortable if we start
Speaker 1: down this path, it's gonna end up with us asked
Speaker 1: to mouth for a long period. Okay, you're out then, Doug. Okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm bringing with my Guinness Record tracker record keeper.
Speaker 1: All right, well, goodbye. Everybody going but not apparently I'm
Speaker 1: going with Doug. No, okay, okay, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: I don't mean to be an a sayer, but I
Speaker 1: didn't want to human centipede today? What a human centipede is? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Mr Recordkeeper? Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: we're just in a dog kinnel. Just come over here.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I don't know how close you and Doug are.
Speaker 1: Why are we? Why are we ducking? Well, we're ducking.
Speaker 1: Just there's just a low overhanging the wood might start
Speaker 1: swinging and knock one of our heads off. So just
Speaker 1: I don't know if you like getting your foots rubbed
Speaker 1: or something like that, but maybe foots okay, more than
Speaker 1: one and uh, I don't know. Maybe you know. I
Speaker 1: don't know what Doug's offering, but I can offer you
Speaker 1: something if you want to hang out with us. So
Speaker 1: you're offering me to stick around so that you can
Speaker 1: make a human centipede and in return I receive a
Speaker 1: foot rub or something like that. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: going to respectfully say no thing. Okay, wait wait, wait wait,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe give him some money. Here, here's some money. Okay, thanks,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use this money. And no, suck your feet.
Speaker 1: Team up against Doug. It's always fun. Thanks. Yeah, keep calling. Thanks. Um,
Speaker 1: I just got paid a lot of money to suck
Speaker 1: your feet. Um, I appreciate it if you wouldn't suck
Speaker 1: my feet. Okay, okay, what's the record for a foot sucking? Technically,
Speaker 1: the record for foot sucking is all tin toes in
Speaker 1: less than one second. Well let's try that. Let's human
Speaker 1: centipede that up and then put his toes in one
Speaker 1: of our mouths. We asked to toe the mouth. Well, yes,
Speaker 1: and I'll be at the back. I don't think we
Speaker 1: have two humans in a feed for this one. God
Speaker 1: deem it. I mean I was all for it for
Speaker 1: the one that made sense, But this doesn't seem like
Speaker 1: it makes sense. Doug, could they come into my office?
Speaker 1: Give me to my office. Well, it's about your report
Speaker 1: from your last field report. Um, what exactly did these
Speaker 1: kids try to do? Because the pictures I don't honestly,
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I'm holding them upside down?
Speaker 1: Uh honestly, Oh no, that one's actually you're looking at
Speaker 1: the back of the picture. Oh my gosh. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I guess we could, we could technically award
Speaker 1: them most at time. How many people is this that? Well,
Speaker 1: that's that's about six people and two rabbits. Rabbits. Yeah, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: broh washed my mouth. That's say they did, in fact
Speaker 1: get my toes sucked in almost one second, but they
Speaker 1: were just over the record one point to Look, we
Speaker 1: gotta give him something. Look, Doug, you have a very
Speaker 1: strong stomach. You're a good agent. You're a good Guinness agent.
Speaker 1: Thank you, I thank you. Mr. I have to show
Speaker 1: this to a g I a to Guinness internal affairs.
Speaker 1: We have to get to the bottom of this. I
Speaker 1: told you everything that happened. I know, and yet yet
Speaker 1: it still is some sort of incomprehensible nightmare. You have
Speaker 1: to quit. You keep coming home with all these terrible things.
Speaker 1: You don't talk to me anymore. I just can't uns
Speaker 1: miss Daddy to look at your totter. Please. There's no
Speaker 1: such thing as innocence. What do you mean, Guinness, What
Speaker 1: do you mean there's so much innocent? Look at our honey.
Speaker 1: We're going to go on a little trip. Okay. I
Speaker 1: don't want to go on a daccasion. We're gonna go
Speaker 1: on okay, packs. I don't have that many things, Guinness.
Speaker 1: We see these photos of you drinking Scotch. Yes, sorry
Speaker 1: the last throw the book out and boil. The last
Speaker 1: six or seven months have been sort of in and out.
Speaker 1: We tried to set this world record, and I sent
Speaker 1: one of my best field agents out god knows where
Speaker 1: to see these kids do here? Okay? This is an
Speaker 1: oyers carpreation. No Scotch space King are oier space key.
Speaker 1: Only thing that's going to be coming down Your respects
Speaker 1: that more than I do. Gentlemen, then why you drunk
Speaker 1: at Scotch Well to unlearn things that I've learned. That's interesting.
Speaker 1: We gave you the name your part of the family.
Speaker 1: Tell what you guys, just look at the pictures. Here's
Speaker 1: the pictures. Look at the pictures. Take a look jest.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like a bunch of people try to
Speaker 1: do a human centipede with animals without knowing what a
Speaker 1: human centipede is. Mother Mary, Donny boy. Yeah, it looks
Speaker 1: like a horonmous bush painting. This is disturbing. What is
Speaker 1: Is that a butt? Mine? Not in that picture? Is
Speaker 1: that a but I still don't know. Are you looking
Speaker 1: at my butt? No? I'm looking at the thing in
Speaker 1: the picture. Is in a butt? Or what are you
Speaker 1: pointing at my butting? At the picture? I can't look
Speaker 1: at it. I hear what you're saying that you get
Speaker 1: a scotch first hole. Oh that sounds well this is
Speaker 1: a day, then this is a day for all I
Speaker 1: ought to be drinking scotch. Well, I'd say this is
Speaker 1: this might be a world record most Irish people sitting
Speaker 1: around drinking at this? What is that something we want
Speaker 1: to momoralize. I don't know if we want it in
Speaker 1: the maybe if we're human centipede it I listen. I
Speaker 1: rarely contribute an idea, but when I do a nice
Speaker 1: one that's not about idea. Let's hear my sand to
Speaker 1: page up. I'll be at the end, Ganness, you're a portraiti.
Speaker 1: Now you're going to be sent to page it up.
Speaker 1: I mean, why not? There's no such things that this
Speaker 1: this thing is a soul, So I mean as well
Speaker 1: just do it. Why not just get really discussed with it,
Speaker 1: and maybe after I gotta look at the guy in
Speaker 1: the mirror. You're going, I'm gonna do stuff to that
Speaker 1: that you don't even understand. Why you don't even understand.
Speaker 1: You're gonna put your mouth instruction. I'm gonna put my
Speaker 1: full foot in it. First, You're not put your foot,
Speaker 1: just all of my toes. Take all of my toes.
Speaker 1: Barently you're gonna suck them, and bunnies are gonna watch. Gainness,
Speaker 1: calm down the whole life, that's what that's all. Cal
Speaker 1: him down, You know what I mean? If you can't
Speaker 1: un see the screams, the sweet embrace of death, getting
Speaker 1: stuff kicking her maid song, let's go down, and all
Speaker 1: I think to myself is tied. Oh boy, take me
Speaker 1: away to a place for my bones are dusted from
Speaker 1: now you dance anymore, I'm jumping out the window. That's
Speaker 1: a record. That's a pretty high window. Just don't give
Speaker 1: me a ticket, all right, Just from one fucking second.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh my god, you have hit somebody
Speaker 1: with your car, sirt what you have hit somebody with
Speaker 1: your car? Sirte you jail. That kindness tumbled out a
Speaker 1: window and he fell onto a car, on the car,
Speaker 1: and that day, the day the record book went blank.
Speaker 1: Thank you all for being here for the funer rule
Speaker 1: of artur Kinness, named after artur Kinness, who made Guinness,
Speaker 1: but not tea horse or Guinness homemade Guinness. A lot
Speaker 1: of people here know him as a man who was
Speaker 1: portrait of the World Record faboration and was able to
Speaker 1: give us a lot of information. You have here his
Speaker 1: wife and breathe child, give us to give a very
Speaker 1: light eulogy, very quick, very quick eulogy. I had something
Speaker 1: start alone, prepared three pages, single space, just very quick.
Speaker 1: But she prepared more for a short ulogy. Are not
Speaker 1: going to turn on me, they keep going, I'm just
Speaker 1: here to determine whether or not this is going to
Speaker 1: set the Guinness record for the world's shortest eulogy. So dead,
Speaker 1: sad and you, yeah, it looks like you did it.
Speaker 1: That's it. Twas the day of the new record, what's it?
Speaker 1: And the book had a new entry that way, now
Speaker 1: Guinness she did it that day and the villagers alright,
Speaker 1: Joe Stan sang hey, I wasn't at the funeral and
Speaker 1: I heard you singing hey, and uh that that was fantastic. Hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have a little party I'm throwing for just me
Speaker 1: and one other friend. I'd love for you to come
Speaker 1: over and sing, if you wouldn't mind. I can't turn
Speaker 1: down a gig then kind of yeah, that'd be great. Hi.
Speaker 1: Uh do you have any dietary restriction drinking like that?
Speaker 1: I can't have gluten? Okay, yeah, no bread, no problem, No,
Speaker 1: I say, it's yeah, what times the gig? The gig
Speaker 1: is gonna be at three pm all the way to
Speaker 1: three am, settle hours un interrupted, So it's good to
Speaker 1: be I've got to set for that. Yes, okay, great?
Speaker 1: Are you okay with cover songs? Say? Are you okay
Speaker 1: with covers? I just didn't hear that covers. Ok I
Speaker 1: just don't see a V. E. R. S cover songs,
Speaker 1: you know, because like twelve hours un interrupted, it's hard
Speaker 1: to do all originals. I mean, I've got a lot.
Speaker 1: I've got at least like eleven and a half, but
Speaker 1: thirty minutes have going into the covers mostly about more.
Speaker 1: I don't really know what you just said, but just
Speaker 1: take me to the gig. There a lot alright, Uh,
Speaker 1: hold my hand, alright, let's go to it. How the
Speaker 1: fund is that you're holding hands with? This is the
Speaker 1: musician you're holding hands? Yes, he didn't to be guided here?
Speaker 1: All right, this is supposed to be our party. I
Speaker 1: understand that. But we need the music. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: just have Spotify for twelve hours, alright, so please whenever
Speaker 1: you're ready, alright today, So two guys, just really really
Speaker 1: a frustrating thing. I didn't need music for this party,
Speaker 1: I mean every party. Can you keep playing friend Delivery?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Just put it? Just snake it under the
Speaker 1: doors of bread. Yeah, just snake it on the door.
Speaker 1: It's too big. Snake it. It's too big snake. It's
Speaker 1: not dough, it's baked. Bright. Understand that I'm not opening
Speaker 1: the door. So punching through, punch through? What what's going on?
Speaker 1: Just open the door? Open the door right now? Hello,
Speaker 1: you hear me punching? Dorow? Somebody dirg the dirgy like
Speaker 1: a dirt, like a type of music or something. Think
Speaker 1: it's a funeral song, play dirt, und I don't have
Speaker 1: a knife to make it and definite enough slices. We
Speaker 1: don't care to slide it through. Wait, I loved your
Speaker 1: sing song that he wants to join me? Bond who
Speaker 1: said that? Hi on the other side of the door
Speaker 1: of the music? And here open this door. Don't open it?
Speaker 1: Was it a musician? Open the door? He's singing what
Speaker 1: he's doing? Bread, Doug, I'd like to offer you your
Speaker 1: boss's old job, the head of the Guinness World Records
Speaker 1: Guinness operation. I'm not gonna have to be involved in
Speaker 1: any human centipedes. Right Well, I'm going to tell you something, Doug.
Speaker 1: You're at all the thing that you tell me not
Speaker 1: be involved in human So let me finish. Let me
Speaker 1: finish this a big moment. You're right, say the spotlight on. Okay,
Speaker 1: go ahead. Out of all the employees here at Guinness,
Speaker 1: you are the man who can see the unseen and
Speaker 1: remain unflappable. And we need that kind of steady, level
Speaker 1: headed guidance at the top of Guinness. You understand. Okay,
Speaker 1: That's why I'm going to recommend you to the board
Speaker 1: of Drunken Chairman. Oh, I wish we had time to
Speaker 1: see that. That's one our final scene. Hello there, I'm
Speaker 1: an American living in Vietnam, and I just want to
Speaker 1: say that you guys almost man slaughtered me. A couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, I was driving my motorbike through Hannoy traffic.
Speaker 1: Just picture a mosh pit of rusty transformers with my
Speaker 1: headphones in my helmet. Must have pressed the little button
Speaker 1: on my headphones because Sirie ding Don and started playing
Speaker 1: Alchemy this while I was driving. I wasn't in a
Speaker 1: position to stop my bike, so I kind of just
Speaker 1: let it happen and kept listening. When you guys got
Speaker 1: to the Fenway concession vendor's sketch, I started laughing so
Speaker 1: hard I could hardly drive straight. I had to stop
Speaker 1: on a bridge to pull out my phone and shut
Speaker 1: down the podcast. The drivers behind me were less than thrilled.
Speaker 1: If you're wondering why I have my headphones and in
Speaker 1: the first place, traffic here is just so so loud.
Speaker 1: I always keep some kind of ear plugs in so
Speaker 1: I don't go deaf before I'm thirty. Anyways, my job
Speaker 1: is to teach US history and government to Vietnamese teenagers.
Speaker 1: It's been a tough year for the job, as it
Speaker 1: seems like I'm teaching about all sorts of governmental norms
Speaker 1: and structures precisely as they break down. I was teaching
Speaker 1: about the I n F Treaty the week after it expired.
Speaker 1: We were going through the Supreme Courts nonpartisan functions during
Speaker 1: the Kavanaugh hearings, and kids kept asking about Little rocket
Speaker 1: Man during the Korean War section, so on and so forth.
Speaker 1: Forest scene suggestion. I was hoping you guys could do
Speaker 1: a situation where an authority is teaching precisely the wrong
Speaker 1: subject at precisely the wrong time. Maybe a news anchor
Speaker 1: delivering live updates on a crime that he clearly just
Speaker 1: got back from committing. Thanks for all the laughs. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure I actually have told everyone I've ever met
Speaker 1: to listen and subscribe. Trent h the teacher going to
Speaker 1: show up, or I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm late. Let's just quick first start with attendance.
Speaker 1: Is everybody here? Yeah? This is yeah, you know, Mitch
Speaker 1: is out, he's got the flu. Mitch is in here,
Speaker 1: But everybody else is here, Carol's out, Oh yeah, Carol's
Speaker 1: gone to Oh yeah, Carol and Mitch on here, but
Speaker 1: everybody else is don't you just go through roll call?
Speaker 1: I don't know the truth is. I don't even know
Speaker 1: who these names associated with anyway. So the best but
Speaker 1: I have is your guys. This word to say that
Speaker 1: you're telling the truth. So you're saying, Carol's here, Carol,
Speaker 1: Carol's here, but Mitch is still going. Let me cover
Speaker 1: for her. I don't want to get Mary aren't counting?
Speaker 1: Wanted to read? Hey, can I ask your questions? What's
Speaker 1: wrong with you? What's wrong with me? Yeah? You seem
Speaker 1: a little off balance? Fair question? Yeah, I mean it's
Speaker 1: a fair question. It's not a fair question. I think
Speaker 1: it's a fair question. Requalified class. I've I haven't been
Speaker 1: teaching in a while. But what's wrong with you? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Your weather? Weather? What's over? People were saying, what is
Speaker 1: going on? Crooked? It's just button wrong? Let me start
Speaker 1: and it looks bloody. The tooth was just recent, that's recent.
Speaker 1: Let me redo this button. Why is one of your
Speaker 1: pant legs wet all the way to the waist? Whats
Speaker 1: wrong with you? Who want a second let me Uh well,
Speaker 1: I'll just ship behind the desk. That should fix everything.
Speaker 1: Mr teacher sir, Yes, okay, all right, I have a question.
Speaker 1: Have you had head injury? Or are you bloody? Face?
Speaker 1: Looked like a head injury a little bit. Wait wait,
Speaker 1: I got a question. Are you just like a bunch
Speaker 1: of mice in a people suit? That's ridiculous, like just
Speaker 1: trying to like, wait, you know, get around. That wouldn't
Speaker 1: even be possible. There's no way that's possible. Think about
Speaker 1: how would they all say the same thing at once? Right? Like? Well,
Speaker 1: maybe okay, I gotta go by. Hey, guys, I think
Speaker 1: you might have been right. That might have been a
Speaker 1: bunch of mice just in a human just a hundred mice.
Speaker 1: It's just two oh six American pop culture in history. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was sorry about that a little So you're the
Speaker 1: substitute teacher, Mr Cranbrook. Mr Cranbrook on the board. Do
Speaker 1: you need me to write it on the board too, dumb? Okay,
Speaker 1: use mice were still in bro Alright, let's get to
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do something yes with an X. Alright, so
Speaker 1: let's let's get through roll call here. Uh, Mitch is here,
Speaker 1: and so's Carol. Mitch McConnell. Yeah, he's here. Raise your hand, Mitch. Okay, absent,
Speaker 1: Carol DeWitt, she's here. She raise your hand, Carol. Oh, really,
Speaker 1: well she should do in the class next time. Absent. Hey,
Speaker 1: I got a question, Cranbrook. Was that what it was?
Speaker 1: Are you like a person? Are you just so much
Speaker 1: a hamsters in a person's suit? You sure? Can you
Speaker 1: prove it? Here's a picture of me doing a human centipede.
Speaker 1: Can a hamster do that? All right? American pop culture
Speaker 1: in history? Okay you left off. Let's see here with
Speaker 1: the Kardashians emergence. That correct? Yeah, okay, So Kim Kardashian
Speaker 1: is a president of the United States of the mayor,
Speaker 1: all right, and she has uh now started a proxy war.
Speaker 1: Anybody know what that is. It's a war that is
Speaker 1: not actually in the front of Okay, it's so what
Speaker 1: it is is there's one war that's going to answer,
Speaker 1: are you Mitch? Yeah, you didn't raise your hand. I
Speaker 1: wasn't in the room at the time, So you just
Speaker 1: entered this room and heard my question and decided to
Speaker 1: answer it. Well, you know what, here's a little piece
Speaker 1: of paper ones to go to the principal's office. I
Speaker 1: I mean, I might just be a couple of minutes leep,
Speaker 1: but I'm a student of this class. Yeah, you are late,
Speaker 1: so why don't you go see the principle? All right?
Speaker 1: Why were you sitting over here this time? Well, I
Speaker 1: got to I was barely late. I mean he just
Speaker 1: finished roll call seconds before. It was the first question
Speaker 1: I could tell by the tenacity in the room. Mitch.
Speaker 1: It's always odd that you seem to show up. You
Speaker 1: show up real late to class, and it's it's starting
Speaker 1: to concern us. Is that a mouse that getting here?
Speaker 1: I'll get it all right. Thank you? Is the Mrs Johnson,
Speaker 1: she's the head of the science department. I don't want
Speaker 1: to know what she does with the mice. When she
Speaker 1: gets I'll tell you what I do with the mice.
Speaker 1: And I know I told you I don't want to know. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: what if I was to tell you that I night
Speaker 1: a nightwing night uh nightingale? Uh, that you moonlight? Thank you, principal,
Speaker 1: that you nightingale? Yes, um, it's me, yes, what is it,
Speaker 1: Mrs Johnson? The tenacity in the room is getting out
Speaker 1: of control. We're getting reports from multiple students. I got
Speaker 1: to three texts that the tenacity of the classroom. Do
Speaker 1: you mean the temperature? No, the tenacity. I have three
Speaker 1: texts from students caught in Mr Cransberg's classroom, and they
Speaker 1: say the tenacity is off the chart. Mitch, you gotta
Speaker 1: get to class. All your mice are falling out. I'm trying,
Speaker 1: I'm trying. Let's just get there. Okay, Okay, you need
Speaker 1: to come back and get a good grade. Okay, alright, absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's the first thing that's on my goal list. All right,
Speaker 1: let's go over human words. Okay, human words, alright, Nightingale, Nightingale? Tenacity?
Speaker 1: Stick on Nightingale? Because I think I used it wrong.
Speaker 1: Why you still doing in the locker room? Jim's out
Speaker 1: of started quick click click, it's important. What's Nightingale? I'm
Speaker 1: not sure. I just heard it. I'm only hamsters in
Speaker 1: this suit ship. Do you know about tenacity? No, I've
Speaker 1: just heard about it. Okay, alight, all right, So i'm
Speaker 1: you you, and you you're on my team. And then
Speaker 1: you picked the other people for your dodgeball group. Goddamn it,
Speaker 1: what you get? But you get three picks all at once? Yeah,
Speaker 1: take the top three. Yeah, sorry, man, you got the class. Alright, fine,
Speaker 1: I'll take the weird kid with the mice sticking out
Speaker 1: of his foot and the kid over there who's always
Speaker 1: on the treadmill. Hey, all right, do it. Oh man,
Speaker 1: there's mice coming on your stomach. Pause these guys together. Okay,
Speaker 1: what is this game any more? Balls? Hold on, let
Speaker 1: me gather myself up. What the fuck is this? What
Speaker 1: do you mean? What is this? You have mice coming
Speaker 1: out your Tom Tom and you keep rubbing them back
Speaker 1: in there. They're not coming out of my chick and
Speaker 1: mice came out of your stomach. I'm poor, okay, I'm
Speaker 1: poor poor. You're not poor school. Okay, well, then you
Speaker 1: should understand that sometimes you have mice in your clothes.
Speaker 1: The game is paused, right, I can go ahead and
Speaker 1: take a swig of water from this upside down Listen,
Speaker 1: Please don't make a big deal out of it. I've
Speaker 1: already got body dysmorphia as it is. Okay, you wouldn't
Speaker 1: know if you had body I do. Okay. When I
Speaker 1: look in the mirror, I don't you see a boy
Speaker 1: covered in rats? Because that's reality. Freak. No, I don't
Speaker 1: see that alright, kids, welcome to small engine repair. I
Speaker 1: I was always a professor wench, and today I'm gonna
Speaker 1: show my first name is professor. Fuck you sir. All right,
Speaker 1: So so small engine repair. Let's get to it here. Okay,
Speaker 1: take it easy, take it easier. I'll bust you down
Speaker 1: to JB wrestling all right. Now, as you can see
Speaker 1: on this part of the engine is where we keep
Speaker 1: all of the engine's feelings. And you know, like this
Speaker 1: is the part where the engine can feel scared or
Speaker 1: vulnerable or uh you know, not as much as I
Speaker 1: know about therapy. Um. So here is what's going on.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to teach you how to fix an engine, kids,
Speaker 1: and you gotta learn how to do it by feeling
Speaker 1: it out. Okay. So this part of the engine is
Speaker 1: called the uh what's it called the rattler, and it's
Speaker 1: the part that rattles around my dad. You know what,
Speaker 1: everyone's got a rattler. You know, maybe dyslexia is your rattler. Okay,
Speaker 1: you gotta fight that rattler and then and make it
Speaker 1: gel with the rest of the machine, which is I'm
Speaker 1: saying that the most important relationship you can have is
Speaker 1: your relationship with you and small engine prepare, sir um
Speaker 1: sort of say this, but we're gonna actually have to
Speaker 1: let you go. Why am I teaching it's not only
Speaker 1: an Orthodox? Good first guest, Sorry, I just overheard that
Speaker 1: just making copies. Don't you can't fire me for religious reasons.
Speaker 1: I wasn't firing you for religious I think if you
Speaker 1: just called my teaching style an Orthodox, Okay, I'm not
Speaker 1: your ally, sir. Listen on a skille from one to ten.
Speaker 1: I know about it too, about everything. That's not enough.
Speaker 1: Well it is where I'm from. Okay, well you're from.
Speaker 1: That's not enough. Okay. I was born on a boat,
Speaker 1: So there you go. So you're born and he's talking
Speaker 1: in circles. I'm just I'm going to be I'm reaching
Speaker 1: out to these kids. I'm teaching them practical life skills. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I guess what when they have to build that engine
Speaker 1: and see that cargo down the track, I guarantee they're
Speaker 1: going to explode and you're gonna be picking up all
Speaker 1: the pieces of those kids. But the promotional intelligence will
Speaker 1: be higher, it'll be higher minded after a car. Everyone
Speaker 1: so to be able to process their feelings as they're
Speaker 1: being just completely complete question. You guys, ever been in
Speaker 1: a car accident all right afterwards? Do you feel like,
Speaker 1: oh I could just be mean everybody and not be
Speaker 1: empathetic at all? What exactly engines are feelings? Hey, students,
Speaker 1: I'm taking over as your professor. I'm a professor or
Speaker 1: not one hippo in a suit. You you look like
Speaker 1: a hippopotami. The jig is up. But I still gotta
Speaker 1: teach you because you gotta learn. I take it those
Speaker 1: more funding because you're a substitute teacher. Do we really
Speaker 1: have to learn anything? Can we just watching TV or something?
Speaker 1: That's what I was gonna do. I was gonna put
Speaker 1: on Congo on VHS. Yes, no, wait till you see it.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna say that. Here it is. And if
Speaker 1: you get bored, look at the wall and watch the wire. Uh,
Speaker 1: the wires, the exposed wires. No, the HBO series Omar
Speaker 1: is the best character. You'll enjoy it. Hey, I know
Speaker 1: you're a substitute teacher, but just so you know, Mitch
Speaker 1: and Carol are here. Okay, I'll make a note of it.
Speaker 1: I'll carve it into my skin. What the alright? Children,
Speaker 1: we're listening up on Mr Wench and Lieu of being
Speaker 1: fired up and transferred here to US history. Today, We're
Speaker 1: gonna start with the three branches of legislature, the Nina,
Speaker 1: the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. Who can tell me
Speaker 1: what they know about the Nina branch of the government.
Speaker 1: And though your name used to be professing, what happens?
Speaker 1: He a bust down a history teacher. I think I
Speaker 1: know what it is. Go ahead. The Nina is girl.
Speaker 1: It's the girl branch of the government. That's correct. It
Speaker 1: is the girl branch of the Nina, the girl branch
Speaker 1: of the US government. All girls only, you know? Right
Speaker 1: in the Santa Marie is the religious right. That's right,
Speaker 1: that's correct, that's correct. So what who could tell me
Speaker 1: how these three branches check each other's power? Um, the
Speaker 1: girls make sure that the that there's beings for the
Speaker 1: religious right. Well, that's stupid. Anyone else. I don't want
Speaker 1: to sound like I'm calling anyone out in class, but
Speaker 1: Mitch hasn't answered a question in this class in a
Speaker 1: long time. Yea, his body keeps deflating and inflating, and
Speaker 1: this mice all around his feet. Guys, let's try to
Speaker 1: focus on the government instead. Of Mitch. Mitch shoes are
Speaker 1: overflowing with chet. I'm sorry you've been singled out. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm falling a ball. You do look like on the
Speaker 1: inside you're sort of a small engine. And then we're
Speaker 1: all poor. But he's covered in rat I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm falling apart. He may not be covered in rats. Alright,
Speaker 1: he meant he's shrinking. It was just a pile of clothes.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Alright, real quick quiz question. What branch
Speaker 1: of the US could help Mitch in this situation? What beans?
Speaker 1: I don't know. No, I'm only gonna give you half
Speaker 1: credit for Maria. Possibly girls only, they don't like guys.
Speaker 1: The judicial bridge, excuse me, the judicial bridge can help him.
Speaker 1: Abraham Lincoln, where did you come from? I've been in
Speaker 1: the back of the classes whole time, the coast of
Speaker 1: Abraham Lincoln's in the class that I look at that.
Speaker 1: I thought, this is a horrible school and you're not
Speaker 1: teaching these kids correctly. What do you mean, I'm just
Speaker 1: teaching about the branches of the government. Those are the
Speaker 1: Santa Maria. Those aren't the branches the judicial? What? What?
Speaker 1: Bless you? What? Okay? I thought, Lincoln I know. I
Speaker 1: thought you just sneezed. What did you say a word? Yes?
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? What Abraham Lincoln tell us
Speaker 1: about the branches? You only told us two of them,
Speaker 1: the judicial, executive and the congressional. I think that's the
Speaker 1: last one. I'm pretty sure it's whatever said it with
Speaker 1: a lot of tenacity. So I believe. I believe everything
Speaker 1: in the head, and I kind of jumbled some stuff.
Speaker 1: That's a good point. The tenacity in this classroom is
Speaker 1: way too high, way too high. Let's bring it down.
Speaker 1: Not I heard you Nightingale as an engine therapist. All right,
Speaker 1: you know what that's racist, boy, it's uh, thank you.
Speaker 1: Let's say we're up to Berrand Norman. I'm the voice
Speaker 1: of Bullwinkle on the Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle on
Speaker 1: Amazon Prime. I'm on Instagram at bed norms and on
Speaker 1: Twitter at Brad and Action. Vanessa Raglan Hi, I'm enjoying live.
Speaker 1: You can go to Dynasty typewriter dot com to find
Speaker 1: out about the programming and the popcorn at this historic theater.
Speaker 1: The programming is great, the popcorn even better. Right. Mark Gagliardi,
Speaker 1: I'm at Mark gags on Twitter. I play monthly at
Speaker 1: the Lovely Dynasty Typewriter Theater. Yeah, and um check out
Speaker 1: Blood and Treasure now streaming on Amazon Prime. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: James Heeney, I'm James Heeney. You can check out the
Speaker 1: Real James Heeney dot com for James Heeney type contact
Speaker 1: And the second and fourth Wednesdays at the Westside Comedy Theater.
Speaker 1: It's bar supply and if you say James heene six times,
Speaker 1: he will appear about the reviews. Oh, I mean I
Speaker 1: did it at the beginning of Turn On the Heat.
Speaker 1: If you're still listening, you must enjoy it because this
Speaker 1: is the rap party. Put a review up there, gives
Speaker 1: some stars and some some words of reviews. Nice Joey
Speaker 1: Greare drink more water. Yeah, don't go to a socialist, guys,
Speaker 1: that's the main thing you pass out. You can't be
Speaker 1: on it, so you know what I mean. That's true
Speaker 1: every sense I'm at Cole Stratton, at Stratton Colera, at
Speaker 1: col Stratton, different social media. It's come see Pretty Pretty
Speaker 1: Pony the first Thursday of every month at ten pm
Speaker 1: at the West Side Comedy Theater and sort of Beautiful
Speaker 1: Santa Monica, California. Let's say art your Doug Babe, our
Speaker 1: post sound design artist Raphael Burrito, our producer Sophie Lichtman's,
Speaker 1: and of course I heart media. We all encourage you
Speaker 1: to write a review, tell everyone you ever met about
Speaker 1: the podcast, and write to us with your scene suggestions
Speaker 1: and whatever else. At your name here at alchemy this
Speaker 1: dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Speaker 1: Until next time,