Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy this I'm your host,
Speaker 1: Kevin Bolli. Yes, that Kevin plea. You see, Kenny, once
Speaker 1: you get the fish in the book, you take the
Speaker 1: hook out of its mouth and release it back in
Speaker 1: the door. Yes, yes, that's right, same thing your mom
Speaker 1: did with me, and that's what divorces you see. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I digress. Let's meet our alchemists of no particular orders?
Speaker 1: Shall we please welcome returning Life Jeopardy winner Mark Gagliard.
Speaker 1: Hello on your market set, but don't go. What was
Speaker 1: a defining moment for you in high school? Uh? The
Speaker 1: first time that I put on tights to play the
Speaker 1: court jester in our Madrigal Dinners and went not bad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: magical dinners, Madrigal dinner. Magical. I don't know what that
Speaker 1: is al Madrigal Dinners. Yeah. So was it the feeling
Speaker 1: of the tights or being in front of an audience?
Speaker 1: It was it was the feeling I've been in front
Speaker 1: of an audience that I was five. It was the
Speaker 1: feeling of the tights right now, baby. But I had
Speaker 1: to get two pairs and sew them together because I
Speaker 1: had to have two different colored legs as the jester,
Speaker 1: So I spend so much of my time now sewing tights.
Speaker 1: You guys have no idea. Well, God bless you and
Speaker 1: your family. Next sup it's a defending champion of the
Speaker 1: two thousand and eighteen Best seventies porn stash sash, Mr James,
Speaker 1: he needs thank you, thank you? Just send James. Uh.
Speaker 1: Do you understand that the facial transplant medical procedure in
Speaker 1: the film Face Off isn't really a thing? I don't
Speaker 1: think you understand that it really is a thing. I've
Speaker 1: met people that have had face transplants. I absolutely have.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work the same exact way. Is it possible
Speaker 1: they were just two faced? Help me? Welcome back, gig.
Speaker 1: This is our own face off cow. Do you agree
Speaker 1: if my penis found its way into your bottom, but
Speaker 1: neither one of us smiled or moved around the technically,
Speaker 1: neither of us is gay. It's just my penis is
Speaker 1: in your bottom? Do I agree? Yeah? I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot more context that it's less but gets luck
Speaker 1: finding your car if you think at least everyone repeat
Speaker 1: after me. Hello, my name is Joemy glee You're My
Speaker 1: name is Joemy Gleimer. Joemy, what was your inner monologue
Speaker 1: thinking the very first time you kissed a girl? Um,
Speaker 1: don't throw up? So your inner monologue had your back.
Speaker 1: That's very sweet. All right, let's get to our first
Speaker 1: name Hill. All of today's scene suggestions or gathered from
Speaker 1: our listener emails. If you'd like to submit yours, please
Speaker 1: do it right to us at your name here at
Speaker 1: alchemy this dot com. Your name here at alchemy this
Speaker 1: dot com. I first scene today comes from Annie, who wrote, Hey, Alchemists,
Speaker 1: I just moved to a news sitting and working as
Speaker 1: a dog walker, so I'm giving access to many apartments
Speaker 1: throughout the day. Sometimes I need to use the restroom
Speaker 1: where we fill my water bottle, and it feels weird
Speaker 1: doing so in my client's apartments, especially since in some
Speaker 1: cases I have never met the human owners of the
Speaker 1: dogs that I walk. I would love to hear a
Speaker 1: scene about a dog walker who uses an apartments amenities.
Speaker 1: I love the show and listen while I walk. Thanks, Anne,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what are you doing here? Uh? We uh?
Speaker 1: We were dog walkers. We we walk your dog typically
Speaker 1: well on Tuesdays? Were the ones that walk your dogs? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was looking at the app and uh it said
Speaker 1: that you finished your walk two hours ago, stave her?
Speaker 1: Were these men? Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We walk
Speaker 1: your dog our dogs. Yes, yes, these are the men
Speaker 1: who walk our dogs. But you know what, these men
Speaker 1: quit what they were finished walking our dogs over? Why
Speaker 1: are all of our PlayStation games all over the floor,
Speaker 1: It's just that the air conditioning. We want to make
Speaker 1: sure your games. Is that one of our pararea's whose
Speaker 1: peria isn't isn't a pararea anybody's? Whoever? It's our That
Speaker 1: is our fridge. That means that's our food inside. The
Speaker 1: company is so giving? How long have you been here
Speaker 1: imaging through our apartment? Two hours? We walk your dogs
Speaker 1: every tuesday? Will we do it for Claire? Claire usually
Speaker 1: walks it, but on Tuesdays she's got to day class.
Speaker 1: Wait wait wait wait wait, can shut the funk up? Wait,
Speaker 1: shut then up? Calm down. Rick's two strikes. Guys, Please
Speaker 1: don't call the cops. You call cops, I'll kill myself.
Speaker 1: Whoa Rick? Alright? No? That okay, alright, alright, I'm not
Speaker 1: calling the cops. Alright, this is christ he needs another period?
Speaker 1: Can you give me one? Please? Yeah? Sure, I will
Speaker 1: go and get you another perier from our fridge. My emergency.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, are you calling the cop? Can you hear
Speaker 1: them in the back? Oh, my fucking god, that's it.
Speaker 1: I'm jumping. I'm jumping. This is it's a one story.
Speaker 1: It's just gonna hurt your leg. Okay, yes, ship ship, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's one flight. Now. We have a man with
Speaker 1: a broken leg. Can you send someone please? Okay one
Speaker 1: of the intruders. Well, well i'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1: You can have the phone because I'm not an intruder.
Speaker 1: I'm leaving now. You stay here. The police are on
Speaker 1: their way. Okay, Well take his picture quick, I got it.
Speaker 1: Don't don't take a picture of my face. We have
Speaker 1: a picture of you. So you're staying and you're facing charges.
Speaker 1: And I hope your friend is okay. I hope he's
Speaker 1: okay too. I don't know why. What did he think
Speaker 1: was going to have? How is that a threat? By
Speaker 1: the way, I don't I'm going to jump off your
Speaker 1: first floor shelf if you don't shut up. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: hope you can crawl away fast enough. Listen, guys, I've
Speaker 1: never been arrested hit. Did you maybe think about that
Speaker 1: before you broke open and decided to watch some honey, honey,
Speaker 1: can we just give one Chief? We just got a call.
Speaker 1: It looks like there's some breaking entry. You have some
Speaker 1: dog walkers so over on Wilson Park. God damn tug walkers.
Speaker 1: They're the worst. They're the worst. They're the worst. They
Speaker 1: think they can use your apartment without compunction. I started,
Speaker 1: Do you want me to get you your shirt or
Speaker 1: you just wanna be shirtless? Maybe shirtless today? You gotta
Speaker 1: shirtless two days? You know what? It It is? All right?
Speaker 1: I want to handle this one myself. Are you shut? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You get me a ride over there? Of course I will.
Speaker 1: Should I bring out the shotgun as you like to
Speaker 1: call it, Yeah, bring out the shotgun. Thank god you're here.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm Reginald. This is Tim, Tim, I'm Chief.
Speaker 1: I'm just Chief. Can you let me know, uh what
Speaker 1: what's been going on? Yes? They were, they were walking
Speaker 1: our dog. We they have They know that the key
Speaker 1: is in the little hid To keybox. They came in,
Speaker 1: they walked our dog and then for the next apparent
Speaker 1: two hours they sat and drank our our sodas and
Speaker 1: played our video games. This is your dog's bowl here typically, yes,
Speaker 1: this is our dog's bowl here, this is well, this
Speaker 1: is one of our dog's bowls. Chief. I don't mean
Speaker 1: to be rude. Would you like a robe or something? No,
Speaker 1: I'm good, okay, I'm good. Shirtless Tuesday and well, I
Speaker 1: mean if you find that body, i'd go shirt let's do.
Speaker 1: But excuse me. No, I'm saying if either one of
Speaker 1: us had that body, would you not? I mean let
Speaker 1: everyone know You're not wrong. I mean the Chief is built.
Speaker 1: I'm in good shape for a man. Can I get
Speaker 1: how something? Can I ask you? How old you are? Chief?
Speaker 1: Kind of a Harrison Ford thing going on years old?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I mean really two you two idiots.
Speaker 1: On the other hand, we walk like garbage. We walk
Speaker 1: your dog. No, Claire walks our dog. Putting on on Tuesday.
Speaker 1: And Rick's leg is spent. It's like broken for sure
Speaker 1: because he jumped off our first floor, Jack temp temple. Chief,
Speaker 1: would you please do something alright? So which the leg
Speaker 1: is broken? This leg here, I'm standing up talk walk okay,
Speaker 1: then this leg is fine. He's just putting slight pressure.
Speaker 1: It was okay. Do you walk the dogs? You feed
Speaker 1: them as well? We usually just walk the dogs, but
Speaker 1: I'll fill a bowl of water. I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: feel because we don't know. Maybe some dogs graze during
Speaker 1: the day and some dogs could feed at certain times
Speaker 1: sometimes like the graze. What's what's your rate? Typically? You answered,
Speaker 1: we split it fifteen per hour? Is that per walk
Speaker 1: or per hour? I'm sorry? Are you just are you
Speaker 1: just need a dog walker? That's what I thought was happening.
Speaker 1: These are very police like questions. No, these are just
Speaker 1: these always thinking questions that someone would ask. Yell. But again,
Speaker 1: still if I had that chest that as a right
Speaker 1: I got. I don't use you. I'm an older man.
Speaker 1: What do you like? I like to meet people in
Speaker 1: person and ask the questions when next door? What the
Speaker 1: app next doors? About? Neighborhoods and people look after each other. Yeah, look, Tim,
Speaker 1: Tim is registered, by the way, under Gladys Kravitz, which
Speaker 1: I thought was very clever. I'm look, I'm a big
Speaker 1: fan of Lenny Kravitz and the Pips and Bewitched and Bewitched.
Speaker 1: That's wait, that's a bit witch thing. The neighbor that
Speaker 1: was always nipping. Okay, I'm gonna take these purps. Oh,
Speaker 1: I like that word. Purps, uh, perps. I need to
Speaker 1: get a run. First of all, I get dropped off.
Speaker 1: We're dog walkers. We don't have a Okay, can you
Speaker 1: call one of those red sharing services Uber Lift. I'm
Speaker 1: an Uber driver, you're not. I can do it. I
Speaker 1: can do it. I can do it. H Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to get me right back to
Speaker 1: the station and uh and then uh, actually we're gonna
Speaker 1: we're gonna make a step in my place. Okay. I
Speaker 1: want to introduce you to my dogs. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: this is Franklin. All right. I just don't think that
Speaker 1: we should be were going into your place right now.
Speaker 1: This is Benjamin. Okay, it's just usually usually we we
Speaker 1: go through the apps. There's a protection for both of us. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're not going through the Apple right, You're gonna deal
Speaker 1: directly with me. They're they're both wearing three piece suits.
Speaker 1: They are both wearing three piece suits. Okay, so well,
Speaker 1: first of all, we're gonna need to say schedule when
Speaker 1: we want to come by to walk them. And can
Speaker 1: I get your bathroom? Yeah? Sure, sure, sure, you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to get bath bends again in Franklin. My prettiest.
Speaker 1: Does that mean? Does that mean like being a dog walking? Now?
Speaker 1: I'm not a big fan of it. I really have
Speaker 1: a chief chief. We just keep getting these reports and
Speaker 1: these boys being found all over the city getting eating
Speaker 1: up by these feral dogs. Really, yeah, that's curious. Send
Speaker 1: somebody down to look into it. But don't look into
Speaker 1: it too. Do you wanna wanna grab some pants or something,
Speaker 1: or it's pantless wednesdays? Yes, it is all right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll just send one of the boys down there to
Speaker 1: take a look at it, one of the rookies, that's right,
Speaker 1: send it to all right, you know? Um, okay, So
Speaker 1: I guess you just just gotta get a statement from from you.
Speaker 1: This body. It was just thrown up on the sidewalk
Speaker 1: in front of our house, and it's pretty much picked
Speaker 1: clean to the bone. You can see as well as
Speaker 1: we can clearly clearly a dog has been man. You
Speaker 1: I just I just did you find anything on the
Speaker 1: location that might lead to us you know whose dog
Speaker 1: this might be? There was a small note. There was
Speaker 1: a note. What what did this small note say? What
Speaker 1: did what did it say? It just had a paw
Speaker 1: print on it. It could have been a piece of
Speaker 1: paper that got stuck to the dogs for a note
Speaker 1: from the dog. Well, I don't believe dogs can write,
Speaker 1: but I might be mistaken, but it was a piece
Speaker 1: of paper that was clearly with the pall print to
Speaker 1: the bottom. I believe it was the message to the
Speaker 1: police that was mocking the I hate it when people
Speaker 1: mocked the police. We're not mocking the police. What did
Speaker 1: you say that it was mocking the books was a thrill.
Speaker 1: It was mocking the police. Come give me. Oh well,
Speaker 1: I hadn't put that together. This is the first thing
Speaker 1: that my while was the first time I've understood that.
Speaker 1: I'm taking this back to the chief right now. Hey Chief,
Speaker 1: that microphone, kid, I'm saying, do you mind if I
Speaker 1: moved this microphone? This room is so bugged, like my
Speaker 1: My whole office is word for sound. Chief. I found
Speaker 1: something out that I wanted to bring straight to you
Speaker 1: and to no one else, because I know you're the
Speaker 1: only one that can be trusted here. Um. This note
Speaker 1: was found at the scene where one of the dog
Speaker 1: victims was discovered. It's a pop print, and the couple
Speaker 1: seem to think that it was these dogs mocking the police.
Speaker 1: The police. The police mock the police, Yes, sir, the
Speaker 1: rap songs. I took me a second in my head
Speaker 1: to remember it just right. But what do we need
Speaker 1: to do, sir? I'm not sure what we're gonna do.
Speaker 1: We got to find these dogs. What's my name is Riley? Riley?
Speaker 1: First name, my last name both Riley Riley different? Yeah right,
Speaker 1: L y R L E Y like that. We're gonna
Speaker 1: sweep this one under the rug, sir, Are you sure?
Speaker 1: I mean, look what this pop print says. It's mocking us,
Speaker 1: you know. Uh, We're gonna file this one away in
Speaker 1: this file, right, that's a trash cancer. It's a circular file. Okay,
Speaker 1: look at look at my body, sir. I would like
Speaker 1: to report a crime, so uh, and I want to
Speaker 1: do it somewhere safe because it's it involves pretty high profile,
Speaker 1: high powerful people. Okay, So could I could? I is
Speaker 1: there like a room that I could do outside of
Speaker 1: the front office of the station when we do it
Speaker 1: in my car? In your car? Okay, that seems a
Speaker 1: little odd, so want to it's okay, thank you. Can
Speaker 1: you turn on the air conditioning or anything or just
Speaker 1: sit in this hot car? Yeah? We can turn the okay,
Speaker 1: So I'm a dog walker. What song? Is this? Just
Speaker 1: classical music? Yeah? But the artist probably a group of
Speaker 1: just music like probably maybe the l A. Phil The
Speaker 1: artist can be like the band you know what I
Speaker 1: mean that you know, but it's let's see who is this?
Speaker 1: So what do you want to say? Well, I'm I
Speaker 1: sometimes I cover for a friend doing dog Walker and
Speaker 1: and my my friend Luke was killed to heart Sounds. Huh,
Speaker 1: that's who it is, the heart Sounds, That's who it was.
Speaker 1: My friend Luke was killed by the chief of police
Speaker 1: dog What are you saying, I'm saying the chief of
Speaker 1: police Larry. So you're telling me that you want me
Speaker 1: to go to Iced Tea and ask him to change
Speaker 1: the name of its new song from kill the Police
Speaker 1: to mock the Police. Yeah, that's right. So what what
Speaker 1: are my what are my angles here of convincing someone
Speaker 1: who's come up with such a dare I say iconic
Speaker 1: song title to undermining it with mock the Police? Well,
Speaker 1: it's really only changing two letters, and if all the
Speaker 1: F words can be changed to mock, then I think
Speaker 1: that that will help. This is you're sure this is
Speaker 1: Ice t It might be Ice Tray. Uh sure, Ice
Speaker 1: tre iced t Ice Tray. Yeah, um, yeah, because I
Speaker 1: asked you to look into this exactly. So all does
Speaker 1: you guys having a producer meeting with Emmy? Oh sorry Larry, Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: it's like, what's going on? I was just talking to
Speaker 1: the guys at n w A. Yeah, you're telling the
Speaker 1: guys in n w A. Yeah, what do they have
Speaker 1: to do with this? What do you mean we're just
Speaker 1: having a producer's meeting. I just want to come and
Speaker 1: see what's going on. Well, we're talking about changing orks
Speaker 1: or something like that. This Larry had an idea that
Speaker 1: we changed the name of does it kill the police
Speaker 1: or fun the police? I can't even say it? Okay,
Speaker 1: but he wants to change either. Wait, Larry, what are
Speaker 1: you talking about Larry to mock the police? Yes, Larry, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm Larry. That's right. Yes, we're all larryous. Yes. Why
Speaker 1: do you do this every time? Larry? Larry's here? Represent
Speaker 1: Mr teh? Why are you here? Mr T? From Mr T.
Speaker 1: Well he's starting to do this. Yeah, he's not a musician,
Speaker 1: you will. He's trying to get into it. We don't
Speaker 1: give a ship if he's trying to get what about
Speaker 1: I pity the police. That's usually Mr. Yes, I pay
Speaker 1: the police. That's yeah, that'll work because because because that's
Speaker 1: kind of angry to me, that's sending passive aggress I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go back to my guy and pitch it to
Speaker 1: him and see if it works out. Well, this sounds great.
Speaker 1: And who is your guy again? Mr? T Lawencero? Right now? Uh, Larry,
Speaker 1: who who are these guys in your office? Chief? Chief?
Speaker 1: I found something that I really have to show you
Speaker 1: right away. It's the color from one of those dogs
Speaker 1: that's been eating all the people, and it's got your
Speaker 1: phone number on the back of his collar. Oh, it's
Speaker 1: like a Sicilian message. Do you wait a minute. I
Speaker 1: thought people put their own phone numbers on the back
Speaker 1: of a dog's collar. You think you put your number
Speaker 1: as as a warning to you. I guess I'm a target. Hey, Riley,
Speaker 1: do you wand if you talk to look, the chief
Speaker 1: is involved in a lot of a lot of pies,
Speaker 1: if you know what I mean. Yeah, I know there's
Speaker 1: a bunch of record producers in his office. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: got a lot of toes and a lot of pies.
Speaker 1: So I need you to understand that this is a
Speaker 1: little bigger than what you got going on? All right?
Speaker 1: What are you fifteen sixteen? I'm twenty six? Okay, well
Speaker 1: you look yet. Thank you. If you get involved in
Speaker 1: this big fish, you're gonna get eating up. You get
Speaker 1: what I mean? I don't. Okay, we're talking to me music.
Speaker 1: You understand that same songs? Do you understand sing song? No?
Speaker 1: I don't understand anything you're saying. When a guy plays
Speaker 1: the piano and notes come out, I mean I understand
Speaker 1: how piano works. I don't think you understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I really don't know how more clear I can be.
Speaker 1: Could you just tell me what you're trying to say?
Speaker 1: When music comes out, money gets made? Serge? How does
Speaker 1: this have anything to do with the Chief? Tune in
Speaker 1: next Wednesday to The Rookie and the Chief. Friday's at
Speaker 1: Night that makes sense, See Nights See the Chief is
Speaker 1: just all over the past toes and pies. This second
Speaker 1: tunes from Jackson Spelled j A x O N, who
Speaker 1: wrote Love the Show. At my high school, there's talk
Speaker 1: of a senior prank where someone walks a cow upstairs
Speaker 1: into the mezzanine above the gym where the workout equipment
Speaker 1: is because cows can only walk upstairs and not down.
Speaker 1: I would love to see what your guys come up
Speaker 1: with and how I would be handled by the school administration.
Speaker 1: Thank you and keep up the good work, Jackson. All right,
Speaker 1: but we just have to kill the cow. I don't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable killing a cow. Well, you can't walk down
Speaker 1: the stairs. Well, perhaps maybe we could put it to
Speaker 1: sleep and maybe well what if we pushed it out
Speaker 1: a window? So you kill it either way? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: there's it's only two stories. Are you saying we should
Speaker 1: make it look like a cow suicide? No? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: how must push it out the window? Conspiracy to kill
Speaker 1: a little heal? We'll put a clearly, we put a
Speaker 1: pig una. That cow's gonna crush both animals. We need
Speaker 1: one of those lifts, you know, the thing, the crane,
Speaker 1: the lift with the under eating Gilberg grape. Remember when
Speaker 1: they did that with his mom, Take his mom out
Speaker 1: of that house. That's how we take this because we
Speaker 1: just had like a big pillow type thing that people
Speaker 1: would like, a like a moon moon jumper at the bottom.
Speaker 1: Principal calliards. I hate to be a nudge, but the
Speaker 1: students are going to be arriving to school in about
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes. We're going to have to deal with this
Speaker 1: very quickly. I'm just saying, sir, I'm just I'm just look,
Speaker 1: I'm just your secretary. I'm just saying, I understanding assuments.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be here first, Bell is about to rank. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: Well because my gym. Okay, so I need to use
Speaker 1: my gym. It's not your gym, this is the school's gym.
Speaker 1: You take this as if you're some sort of pirate
Speaker 1: on a ship, and we discuss who we think might
Speaker 1: have been involved the seniors. Could we be more general students.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you who did it, all right? It was Marionetti, Nettie,
Speaker 1: it was Jason Marinetti. That piece of fucking ship. You've
Speaker 1: got something from Marionett. No, I don't okay? That the kid.
Speaker 1: He didn't want to go on, administrator, Jason? What are
Speaker 1: you doing here so early? I thought I would use
Speaker 1: the workout room before class get started. Workout room for
Speaker 1: student athletes only. And you don't play for the team anymore,
Speaker 1: do you, Marionetti? All right? So I got cut from
Speaker 1: the little crosse team, but I was on the team
Speaker 1: or what's going on? We got a cow? He you
Speaker 1: know there's a cow up here, Marit do you put
Speaker 1: it up here? Well, why can't the cow just walk
Speaker 1: down the stairs and you Irish piece of ship? You
Speaker 1: know exactly what you did. Hey, don't disparage my Irish heritage, okay,
Speaker 1: and cows can't walk downstairs that piece of information to
Speaker 1: see if he did the thing in the first place.
Speaker 1: You just defulged some serious You don't understand how detective
Speaker 1: work for. I'm not a detective, I'm a secretary. Kill
Speaker 1: the damn thing. Huh. We're not killing a cow on
Speaker 1: my school grounds. Sorry, I said our school grounds, Thank you,
Speaker 1: Marionettie got damn it. We stopped working out, Stop working out,
Speaker 1: ma working on my traps, all right. St Patty's days
Speaker 1: coming up. It's big for my people, all right. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the tryouts, is it, Marionetti? Yeah, yeah, Marinetti. So.
Speaker 1: Um someone, Jason, pleasure to meet you. Um. We were
Speaker 1: told that you wanted to audition for one of the
Speaker 1: leads in our production or summer production of the sweat
Speaker 1: Hogs from the Gabe Kaplan television show, and you wanted
Speaker 1: to read for Vinnie Barbarino. Yeah, if it's possible at all, Well,
Speaker 1: I see it now. Okay, Well start on page three
Speaker 1: whenever you're ready, and uh, let's let's have fun with this. Hey,
Speaker 1: Mr Kato up in nose with a rebel hose. Okay,
Speaker 1: can I give you a note? Yeah please? Okay, So
Speaker 1: Vinnie Barbarino is a little more subtle than that. He is,
Speaker 1: of course from Italian family. Oh okay, yeah right all right.
Speaker 1: So so so this is like I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: crossing over some sort of cultural things because I'm very Irish,
Speaker 1: clearly clearly, if I may, you reek literally reek of potatoes.
Speaker 1: So let's try this again with more of an Italian
Speaker 1: family background. Okay, help your nose with a rubber holes.
Speaker 1: Mr Calt Okay, one more note, if I may rob
Speaker 1: for cabin accent thing. I feel we've swung a little
Speaker 1: too far. Okay, took a big swing. Let's come back
Speaker 1: to the Mr Shaffer. I'm starting to rupt the audition,
Speaker 1: Mr Shaffer, but we have some news from your from
Speaker 1: your family. Um, but it's not good. What do you
Speaker 1: mean because it's at your house, sir? Who sounds like
Speaker 1: somebody got pranked? Oh no, there's some kind of dog
Speaker 1: walker or Something'm not sure you'll pick this up tomorrow,
Speaker 1: Mr Marinetti. Okay, I'll look at the sides in the hall.
Speaker 1: I'll be off book by tomorrow. I mean, are you
Speaker 1: looking at you think for your show that you dish
Speaker 1: the fun tomorrow? Do you want not to help you
Speaker 1: go over your line? Yeah, there's so many lines to learn.
Speaker 1: It's real hard. But look, you're a good Irish boys,
Speaker 1: so you're gonna learn real good. Let me take a
Speaker 1: look at your script with you. Okay. You gotta sing
Speaker 1: in it too, Yeah, I gotta. It's a some production
Speaker 1: called The Sweat High. I love that, and look at
Speaker 1: all the songs and all this. Okay, I'll go over
Speaker 1: your lines with you right right, gonna get your black
Speaker 1: and Tamna yeah, and my Irish Yeah? What is going on? Yuh, well,
Speaker 1: there's going on. There's no sure need look at this.
Speaker 1: Our boys gonna be on Broadway. He's not gonna be
Speaker 1: on your way broad It's a school production. The Marinetties.
Speaker 1: They don't act, they work or you understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You gotta let me do this. I don't gotta let
Speaker 1: you do it or nothing? Yous gotta be the guys
Speaker 1: that goes out there and works. You understand that your
Speaker 1: old families works in the farms US. It does the same.
Speaker 1: Oh you and your Irish old country ways. How we
Speaker 1: survived this house. We've made it there. Look, I'll tell
Speaker 1: you I'm gonna be in this class play and I'm
Speaker 1: also gonna sign up for those disco dancing lessons. The
Speaker 1: Sons of a Beati beat your ass. If you do that,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take your face off. Why don't we just
Speaker 1: see if we can get the students to think it's
Speaker 1: a project and they'll decide how to get the cow down.
Speaker 1: This is a feral animal. It's not a feral animal.
Speaker 1: It's a cow. Pet. Ferrell, I I believe, means you know,
Speaker 1: dangerous and wild, dangerous Ferrell just you know, not a pet,
Speaker 1: not domestic. That's what ferrell means to me, and I
Speaker 1: mean to you it's a definition. It's not it's not
Speaker 1: what it means to me. I came as fast as
Speaker 1: I could. I heard you wanted to make a project
Speaker 1: out of this. I brought paint. We can Jesus the
Speaker 1: whole cow. They're gonna paint the cow as students it's
Speaker 1: gonna be our art projects. This is the gym. It
Speaker 1: ain't in our class. Get out of here. Man. What
Speaker 1: we're going to do is we're gonna try to make
Speaker 1: it a science project. Get all the super smart kids
Speaker 1: and they'll solve our problem for us. How to get
Speaker 1: the cow out of the gym? Running as fast as
Speaker 1: I could, I hurt. You wanted to make it a
Speaker 1: science project? How do we cut this thing in a
Speaker 1: cross sections? Well, we don't want to kill it. That
Speaker 1: we don't want to kill this is something stop. Stop now,
Speaker 1: you will not be able to get the corow out
Speaker 1: of this place. Well, push those classes up your nose
Speaker 1: up to high up. Okay, so the mascot here what
Speaker 1: you want? Well, underneath that mascot is one of the
Speaker 1: smartest teenagers in this school. Thank you. You'll have to
Speaker 1: lift the cow out the window. That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1: Lifted out the window. That's so stupid. Push the cow
Speaker 1: out the window. Let's just kill it and then we
Speaker 1: can eat it. All right, fine, let me say goodbye.
Speaker 1: How would you propose we killed the cow? Well, there's
Speaker 1: weights around here. We can all just take turns smacking
Speaker 1: in the head absolutely and taking turns. Yes, I mean
Speaker 1: I'm not to hear the head. Listen. I I've hired
Speaker 1: some people in the dark Web in the past, and
Speaker 1: I think that is the idea that eventually one of
Speaker 1: these smacks to the head. We're not doing it. Yes, yes, Look,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get built up because I got this
Speaker 1: for the sweat. All right, So you've returned to the
Speaker 1: dark web. Yeah, I've I've got another another job for
Speaker 1: you the dark web, except jobs when the dark web
Speaker 1: knows what the job is. Well, we've got a cow
Speaker 1: in the gymnasium of our school, and I'm willing to
Speaker 1: pay one quarter bitcoin to have this cow. One quarter bitcoin.
Speaker 1: Do you know how much that's worth. It depends on
Speaker 1: the day, but I would say roughly two dollars. Not
Speaker 1: nearly enough to move a cow. It's a cow. Some
Speaker 1: people would kill a cow for free. I've got people
Speaker 1: wanting to smack it in the head with weights back
Speaker 1: at the school. And why did you come to the
Speaker 1: dark Web Because I need it right like you did before.
Speaker 1: We don't talk about what happened in the past the
Speaker 1: dark web. When he talks about the let me just
Speaker 1: transferred to me. I'm sorry, interrupted you want the grilled
Speaker 1: cheese and tomato soup. Honey, I'm working right now. Oh,
Speaker 1: who's the background on your don't you worry about it? Okay,
Speaker 1: it sounded like somebody was offering grilled cheese. That sounds
Speaker 1: like the meal for a child, just my husband. You're
Speaker 1: a woman, of course, of course, of course, So how
Speaker 1: soon can you offer cow in a gymnasium at your
Speaker 1: local high school. You didn't say you wanted to cow off,
Speaker 1: You said you wanted to cow remove anything you can do,
Speaker 1: if if you can keep it alive, I'm fine with that,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna need to get you. You're gonna have
Speaker 1: to come to the principal's office and get a name
Speaker 1: tech and be registered in. It's gonna have to be
Speaker 1: by the books, not the Dark Web does not use
Speaker 1: the books. The Dark Web uses the Dark books. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: well used the Dark books. I just never just with
Speaker 1: thought of acting like that. That's actually pretty insightful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just about being the character, you know,
Speaker 1: and convince you yourself that it's real, and then you know,
Speaker 1: it's basically listening to reacting you know. Yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: something I haven't been doing I guess I've been reacting
Speaker 1: to that listening man, you gotta do both? Yeah, huh wow,
Speaker 1: that's uh god, damn this beautiful. You know, I want
Speaker 1: to apologize for constantly making uh fun of your Irish
Speaker 1: heritage and calling it out. I've been picked on Latin
Speaker 1: school because I'm so Irish, you know. Yeah, obviously it's
Speaker 1: it's very obvious. But can I run my audition song
Speaker 1: by you? Yeah? Whatnot? Oh? Danny boy? The pipes, the
Speaker 1: pipes a cod is that it? Yeah? I'm just doing
Speaker 1: two boys. Very good. That's for two bars of a
Speaker 1: contemporary songs. Great, that's fantastic. Uh. You know, I kind
Speaker 1: of scholarship opportunity if you want to look at it.
Speaker 1: It's for yeah to play la cross over at Stemple University.
Speaker 1: It's funny. I've played lacrosse in two years and suddenly
Speaker 1: you got a scholarship for me. Yeah. Look, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: acting now. This is what I am. Okay, you just
Speaker 1: gotta great traps on you, and I just thought they
Speaker 1: would go waste on stage. And I work a lot
Speaker 1: of my traps. I don't build any other muscles. Hey,
Speaker 1: do you for connecting all that? Do you do you know,
Speaker 1: but they come up here honestly, don't come on, No,
Speaker 1: I have nothing to come on. Come on, come on,
Speaker 1: you can tell me with a rubber holes. You know
Speaker 1: exactly who did it? All? Right? Oh wow, well your
Speaker 1: two colors are showing now, showing right now? Okay, So
Speaker 1: you didn't care about my acting career at all? Was that?
Speaker 1: Was that a cross scholarship? Not Legit seems pretty heated.
Speaker 1: I've got a new student to introduce and he's going
Speaker 1: to be here working out in the gymnasium. I'm a
Speaker 1: child student and it's probably a good idea to me.
Speaker 1: But then is wrong with this kid? You know it's
Speaker 1: from the dark Well, it's from the dark web. I
Speaker 1: told you not to talk about the dark webt you've
Speaker 1: just reached arm. Don't wait, wait, don't go, don't go
Speaker 1: right now. Wait wait, I'm going home to my husband. Husband,
Speaker 1: we who ruined it? He was going to take care
Speaker 1: of the cow for me. Oh, he was gonna be
Speaker 1: at the death with the white gave him. You know,
Speaker 1: he was going to do it in a clean I
Speaker 1: don't know exactly how he said not to ask questions
Speaker 1: a quarter bitcoin? Which one are you? Fellow dot talk
Speaker 1: to you about getting to the cow. Principle, there's no
Speaker 1: way I was on the dark web. Where did you
Speaker 1: come from? I got an amassage for that. You wanted
Speaker 1: to get a cow removed? Yeah, I do want to
Speaker 1: get a cow removed. Where's the cow now? Well, it's
Speaker 1: in the gymnasium on this what do my name? In
Speaker 1: the gym? Night? It's inside? Who would let a cow
Speaker 1: inside of gym naisy? We don't know, Probably seniors. It
Speaker 1: was a prank they've been burning. Just opened the doors
Speaker 1: of the gymnasium and say, okay, we haven't tried that.
Speaker 1: We haven't tried that. Opening gymnasium doors and say scoot,
Speaker 1: that's right. Usually were the rumor? Has it that they
Speaker 1: can't go down the stairs? You didn't say he was upstairs? Upstairs?
Speaker 1: He can't get him down? So are you gonna be
Speaker 1: able to do anything? The Science Department of Strap rockets
Speaker 1: to the cow. They're gonna try to shoot him out
Speaker 1: the window. Okay, principle, they're just making a giant cow bomb.
Speaker 1: A cow bomb looks like it. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be put on the map as the school that had
Speaker 1: a cow bomb go off. Goddamn the mascot right off
Speaker 1: the cow. Well, how about this? What if we had
Speaker 1: marry and had he and I hate to do this
Speaker 1: a student that's changing, but use his strength to beat
Speaker 1: this cow into submission with weights and then we feed
Speaker 1: him to the students like it's free, It saysn't is
Speaker 1: that you meet the cow bum? Yes? I made the
Speaker 1: cow bumb? Why would you do? Because the can go downstairs?
Speaker 1: So you thought, yeah, that's what what else you gonna do?
Speaker 1: You got a cove upstairs in the school? Put the
Speaker 1: car bum? I put? Where do you think I put
Speaker 1: the cowbu? All right, freed you Cuban piece of ship.
Speaker 1: We we need you upstairs. Let's get to that spectacularly.
Speaker 1: It's thank goodness. It's two thousand nineteen. Our final scene
Speaker 1: for today comes from James from Zealand. Now do we
Speaker 1: assume that means New Zealand, No original zeal old old Zealand? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What is the Zealand? Forget mignorance? Well it's uh. Our
Speaker 1: heads turned to crack. It's the country Zealand. No. I
Speaker 1: believe that there's uh like a town to shift a
Speaker 1: district in the Netherlands. It's called Zealand to believe where
Speaker 1: all of those models came from. Thank you for pinpointing
Speaker 1: it for us. I'm going to write okay. James from Zeeland,
Speaker 1: who wrote high Alchemist, thanks for all the laughs. My
Speaker 1: community to work has become a highlight of my day
Speaker 1: every Tuesday and Thursday. One of my favorite scenes was
Speaker 1: the Conciergee. I almost choked when Vanessa asked, do you
Speaker 1: want a room with beef? Amazing? I have it. It's
Speaker 1: great that none of us remember that moment, but just
Speaker 1: those words context always. I have a scene suggestion for
Speaker 1: a group of neighborhood kids need to find a way
Speaker 1: to raise two un fifty dollars or their favorite ice
Speaker 1: cream shop will be demolished to make room for an
Speaker 1: Amazon distribution center. James from Zeeland, Well, I'm sorry, kids
Speaker 1: can have to close up and ask you to get going,
Speaker 1: and you can't go. I have two boys I've gotta have.
Speaker 1: I gotta start putting things in boxes. What would it
Speaker 1: take to keep the place. I'll tell you what it
Speaker 1: would take take. Do you help? Why are you crying? Well?
Speaker 1: Because I just think you boys are so sweet and
Speaker 1: Peter it would take two hundred and fifty thousand dollars
Speaker 1: to Does that something that I could take from my
Speaker 1: parents wallet in person or something? But gosh, it just
Speaker 1: just so sweet? Closing early? Are we? Huh? Diane? Do
Speaker 1: you want anything to eat? I'll have a d What
Speaker 1: do you want to eat? I'll have a car. I
Speaker 1: can't pronounce that. What do you pronounce? It's it's chocolate.
Speaker 1: Is that what you'd like? A chocolate cone? A chocolate cone? Yes, drunk.
Speaker 1: That woman is un This is the couple that's going
Speaker 1: to be taken over this that. We'll put up some
Speaker 1: boxes over there for the distribution. We're gonna take down
Speaker 1: that wall. We're gonna down that wall. And yes, they
Speaker 1: are drunk. Are you are excuse me? Are you Mr? Bezos? Yes?
Speaker 1: I am Mr Bezos. We don't want our ice cream
Speaker 1: shop to shut down for another stupid Amazon distribution center.
Speaker 1: What do you want? I didn't know that, Diana. I
Speaker 1: don't know what do you want? We just want this
Speaker 1: local ice cream place that we always come to after
Speaker 1: the school and we we play magic. I'm sorry I
Speaker 1: can't hear you because you're too poor. I don't give
Speaker 1: a ship. You can order ice cream seven via Amazon.
Speaker 1: It's Amazon, your little ship, okay, okay, okay, Jimmy, Peter.
Speaker 1: I appreciate what you boys are trying to do here,
Speaker 1: but there's no fighting a jug or not like Amazon.
Speaker 1: It's k kids ain't gonna be able to pull that up.
Speaker 1: How must time do we have to pull it up? Well,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a question for Mr Bezos and his
Speaker 1: drunk wife. You had twenty four hours give me now?
Speaker 1: All right, we have twenty four hours starting right now.
Speaker 1: Let's get that dad. What is the sun? I have
Speaker 1: a question by you? Oh sure, Peter? What is it? Mr?
Speaker 1: Peterson's ice cream shop is parts begin to close and
Speaker 1: that's we can raise some money. So I was wondering
Speaker 1: if maybe you and mom might be able to help.
Speaker 1: You're always going into your office and writing checks for
Speaker 1: things that matter to you, and I've never asked you
Speaker 1: to write a checks or anything that matter for me
Speaker 1: a moment and you can do that. M hmmm. Did
Speaker 1: your did your friend Tim that plays magic the gathering
Speaker 1: put you up to this? We discussed it and I
Speaker 1: told him I would come to you. Why doesn't he
Speaker 1: go to his parents? I think he is? Do you
Speaker 1: was it? Could you? Could you wake up for a
Speaker 1: second hery to wake you up work the graveyard shift kids.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, Mom. Could you wake up to mom? Mom? Dad,
Speaker 1: there's hot dogs in the sink. I know I already
Speaker 1: ate that dogs. Listen. I know that we don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of money, and we we we struggle sometimes.
Speaker 1: But the ice cream shop that I like to go
Speaker 1: to is closing down. Dad, Wake back up, Dad, So
Speaker 1: we were trying to raise two d and fifty dollars.
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, I wouldn't wake you, but we've only got
Speaker 1: twenty four hours, and I was wondering. There's there's a
Speaker 1: cold stone across the street from the ice cream. That
Speaker 1: place is so corporate. We want a mom and pop.
Speaker 1: It's not good. They don't have thin mint cookie dough.
Speaker 1: They do, they don't. They don't have thin mint cookie dough.
Speaker 1: They'd either have thin mint or they have cookie dough. Mom, Dad,
Speaker 1: I'm serious. You guys don't ever care about the things
Speaker 1: that it got to have it. Listen. I hope things
Speaker 1: are going a lot better with my friend Peter that son.
Speaker 1: I just don't think that. I don't think I can
Speaker 1: write a check that big. I mean, you could use
Speaker 1: the same time check side they always write no, I
Speaker 1: mean for that amount of money, Peter, that seems like
Speaker 1: a lot of money. But it's the only way that
Speaker 1: Peterson's ice Cream stay open. There's a cycle in the
Speaker 1: business world, and it's a boom and bus like a
Speaker 1: bicycle sort of. Yeah, but and this bicycle is going
Speaker 1: off a cliff. The bicycle that this this ice cream
Speaker 1: parlor is. Peterson's ice cream parlor is not a bicycle
Speaker 1: ice cream parlor. And I only need and you have it.
Speaker 1: I know you have it. How do you know that
Speaker 1: I have? I know? Do you know about my secret safe?
Speaker 1: Can I tell you what the combination is? Can you
Speaker 1: tell me what the combination is? Around three times the
Speaker 1: right to seven, around two times with the left eight,
Speaker 1: around two times of the left to two. All right,
Speaker 1: so I know it's inside the alright. So rather than
Speaker 1: going any stealing, I'm asking Diane, Diane, I love you, Jeff,
Speaker 1: I love you, baby. This is so good. What did
Speaker 1: you just says chocolate. I can't get enough of this.
Speaker 1: Give her some more chocolate. Alright, We're gonna buy this
Speaker 1: whole town, baby, We're going out on this town. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna own the town. I'm gonna the town, Peter, I
Speaker 1: didn't kill anything. I didn't. My parents just told me
Speaker 1: to to go to cold Stone. It's okay, you didn't. Well,
Speaker 1: look who it is, the two nerd boys. So Tim, Peter,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying goodbye on my last day. When you've
Speaker 1: gotten that bag. Nerd boys, it's a check check. It's
Speaker 1: a huge bag just for a little check. Uh my backpack,
Speaker 1: Oh it is it is a piece of paper. Huh
Speaker 1: oh wait, I don't that's He'll write another check the
Speaker 1: same amount. What a dork. We don't have much time, Peter,
Speaker 1: who have seventeen son? What are you doing interrupting me
Speaker 1: at work? I've got very important things to do here.
Speaker 1: Talking a hold on a second, My son's here ice
Speaker 1: cream plays a big check, so have you can just
Speaker 1: read another check? Like, hey, hey, this is my son, Peter.
Speaker 1: Just I'll tell you what you know the combination run
Speaker 1: just run home, get it in cash, and if he
Speaker 1: gives you any lip, there's something in there to handle
Speaker 1: that too. Okay, alright, so like, uh, we're back to it.
Speaker 1: I mean we're talking about feet size here, all right,
Speaker 1: that's a lot of cash to have, Peter, Are you
Speaker 1: sure he's not gonna steal that money from you. He
Speaker 1: can rip up a check. But if he takes that cash,
Speaker 1: then what do we do choice We don't have thirteen
Speaker 1: more hours there. Okay, well let's go. What are you
Speaker 1: gonna do to protect yourself? Well, my dad said I
Speaker 1: could also use the gun. That was well, well, well, looky,
Speaker 1: looky talky bookie. Huh hey, listen, we don't have anything
Speaker 1: this time. You've already ripped up the one piece of
Speaker 1: paper that matters. Oh yeah, looks like you got a
Speaker 1: tiny of your backpack there with a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: spilling out of it. Well, that's one thing right here
Speaker 1: that's gonna spill out of it. It's called a clock.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's a nine millimeter right, How could
Speaker 1: you tell? What? What the millimeter? The barrel? What about
Speaker 1: the caliber? I don't know. Okay, so it's loaded with
Speaker 1: nine millimeter things and I'm gonna shoot him? Oh my god, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: So back off now, okay, all right, okay, now run
Speaker 1: the other way? Did you get more Italian? Run the
Speaker 1: other way? You did it? You did it. That was amazing.
Speaker 1: I didn't think I could do it. I acted all
Speaker 1: tough like in the movies. Are doing. I had to
Speaker 1: defender money. We have it all. If we could just count,
Speaker 1: we have thirteen hours left to count. So if you
Speaker 1: count this portion and then I'll kind another, it's two.
Speaker 1: You brought two hundred. My god, my dad has over
Speaker 1: three million dollars in cash in the safe. Wait what
Speaker 1: the combination is? So baby, if you want to see
Speaker 1: Mr T, I got it. Whatever you want, I freaking
Speaker 1: love Mr Te. Get the fuck out of my establishment.
Speaker 1: What the hell here? It's all here. Mr Bezos decide
Speaker 1: this briefcase two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in cash,
Speaker 1: and then I count that? Does this mean I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna get to see Mr T. You're gonna get to
Speaker 1: see Mr Ta. Don't worry about that. I doubt there's
Speaker 1: two hundred fifty thou dollars in that briefcase. Oh really, well,
Speaker 1: Tim Peter, come on in boys, they Mr Peters and yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right. We stacked it and counted it three times
Speaker 1: ten hours. It took well twelve hours and fifty nine minutes.
Speaker 1: We had this one minute left to come. I can
Speaker 1: get this business, okay. So one, I don't know if
Speaker 1: we can trust. We don't have time for another. She's
Speaker 1: very drunk, she's fine. How many bells are in this
Speaker 1: How many bells? How many bells are in this bowls
Speaker 1: or bells? Hunt bills in that stack? And there are
Speaker 1: ten stacks. Okay, I guess it's all here. Okay. It
Speaker 1: looks like my lady says it's good to go. I
Speaker 1: trust her. I'm Jeff Bezos. It looks like you get
Speaker 1: to keep your ice cream stand. But one thing you
Speaker 1: didn't think about was the land. So right, rent, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to rent for me, and rent just increased
Speaker 1: to Yes. In a second, rent, just increased to it. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, we'll be back, okay to tell you the amount. Okay,
Speaker 1: just give us a second. Come on, what do you
Speaker 1: want to what do you want to close? Can I
Speaker 1: get a birthday cake remix? Birthday cake remix? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, sure, Hi,
Speaker 1: welcome to coach, don't happen? Yes? Oh my goodness, I
Speaker 1: want to go. Yes, him and yours girlfriend. That's right,
Speaker 1: I'm instillly recognizable. Can I have a gotta have a
Speaker 1: birthday cake remix? Of course you gotta have. I don't
Speaker 1: know if we need to gotta have it. That's the
Speaker 1: biggest size you got. What's what's the one? What's the
Speaker 1: one before that? I'm not a love it? What the
Speaker 1: smallest size? The one that's like it? Like it like?
Speaker 1: We just don't like it of the birthday cake? Whatever
Speaker 1: you We just had a lot of ice creams, so
Speaker 1: Mr Bezos, they didn't treat you very well at the
Speaker 1: corporate ice cream play my stomach. I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: Here it are lovely little local ice cream parlor. We'll
Speaker 1: take good care of you, get you whatever you like.
Speaker 1: You know what, I'll even mix in any flavors you want.
Speaker 1: It'll taste just like one of those birthday cakes. We
Speaker 1: just want you to feel at home here in our
Speaker 1: locally owned business. I'm aprecyure that, but she seems pretty sick.
Speaker 1: I do more stuff. I like this Guy's making me
Speaker 1: feel better. You like this guy? Do you want this guy?
Speaker 1: I want this guy? All right, Well, we're gonna take
Speaker 1: you to go. But Mr Peterson, boys, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I thought I was convincing him and it has backfired.
Speaker 1: Where does it mean you're going? What are you taking him?
Speaker 1: Every morning? When I wake up? I want Mr Pearson
Speaker 1: making me ice cream? Just by Jeff Bezos. Look, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna allow these kids to run the shop, really, if
Speaker 1: that's all right, So the Peterson's ice cream gets to stay.
Speaker 1: I just have to serve as man servant to your drunk,
Speaker 1: chocoholic wife. You don't talk to her like that, Okay,
Speaker 1: you just make those chuckos for her in the a
Speaker 1: M You got that, yes, sir, Mr Bezos, all right,
Speaker 1: Mr Pearson, don't go, boys. I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: ready to run up boys. Look at you. You you
Speaker 1: managed to get two hundred and fifty thousand dollars from
Speaker 1: your father and and fight off a bully with a glock,
Speaker 1: and and you you you kept you kept your parents
Speaker 1: awake for several minutes. Yeah, and eat hot dogs out
Speaker 1: of the sink. And you ate hot dogs out of
Speaker 1: the sink. I think you boys are ready for that?
Speaker 1: Sounds good? I want some of those. Yeah. I ordered
Speaker 1: that about two like two hours ago or some of
Speaker 1: that was It was a birthday cake, ice cream cake
Speaker 1: to go. Do you get that? You two little dumb kids?
Speaker 1: Or what's up, sir? So there's no reason for that
Speaker 1: sort of What was going on here looks like a
Speaker 1: two kids running the show here I want an ice cream, Kike,
Speaker 1: I ordered it on mine. It's over there. Get one
Speaker 1: you want to get from from the cooler over there?
Speaker 1: Is what I think? Okay, well it's a custom writing.
Speaker 1: You know what fun this? I'm going to cold Pete Peter,
Speaker 1: you used to used to protectant working customers. They're always
Speaker 1: getting angry. Well it's because I don't know. All right,
Speaker 1: all right, you know what? This time, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be authoritative you okay, alright? If you ever get enough
Speaker 1: foreto um no, I'd like I'll just stay on triple school? Uh?
Speaker 1: What what would you like on your first vanilla? On
Speaker 1: the first second group? Would you like some samples? Did
Speaker 1: you want to sample something? Would like to sample? Would
Speaker 1: you like greer cake that's a specialized cream of the
Speaker 1: gear cake? Okay? Sample? What do you think of that? Mm?
Speaker 1: People say it tastes a bit cummy? Is it coming?
Speaker 1: I don't know what you mean. We don't either, that's
Speaker 1: what they say. We don't know what it means. But
Speaker 1: that's a flavor, apparently. Can you just make all three vanilla? Sure?
Speaker 1: You like a triple vanilla on a sugar cone or
Speaker 1: rad mm? It's the authority po sir, you'd like a
Speaker 1: sugar cone. Ye, it's five dollars and sixty cents. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're authoritative. Yeah, that's a ten dollar bill. You don't
Speaker 1: want to change, you know what? Keeping boys keep them?
Speaker 1: All right? Good luck, sir, let's taste. Excuse me, and
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a birthday cake for my mom already?
Speaker 1: What it's Oh my god, I kissed them. You want
Speaker 1: a birthday cake for your mom? Yeah? If you can
Speaker 1: make it out of MIT chocolate chip, you know, more Irish? Yeah,
Speaker 1: more Irish? Okay, Mit chocolate your birthday cake? We can
Speaker 1: do that. You like something written on it? Yeah? What's
Speaker 1: a message to your ma? To my I love you?
Speaker 1: We're Irish. You want to remind your mom that you're
Speaker 1: she's Irish? Yeah? I want to do it through a cake?
Speaker 1: All right. You do gay wedding cakes too, of course
Speaker 1: we do. Okay, that's good. Just testy. What did you
Speaker 1: want in the kid? A couple of fellas? No, I
Speaker 1: don't want to. I'm just I'm testing you. I just
Speaker 1: want to see you up to date in twin nineteen? Okay? Cool?
Speaker 1: When do you want the cake to? The ice cream?
Speaker 1: Birthday cake? Ideally? Right, now, right now, ideally right now,
Speaker 1: do we have a man chocole chip cake? I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: we have enough men chocolate chipping it. We'll just put it.
Speaker 1: I gotta get out of here. I got a date.
Speaker 1: There's a falling stage student from Australia. Okay, we got this.
Speaker 1: You're right on the cake. Okay, and I love you, mam.
Speaker 1: I've already got the first time. I've just now exclamation
Speaker 1: point dot. Okay, did you get the cake for your mother? Yes?
Speaker 1: I did. That is beautiful. You're Australian. Next, it's so beautiful, Sandy.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Jason, thank you for inviting me to have
Speaker 1: your mother's cake with her on our birthday. Uh. I
Speaker 1: know that you're a good girl. I am a god.
Speaker 1: But something tells me that you know you've got a
Speaker 1: wild sign and you might be dressing up in leather. Jason,
Speaker 1: you do not know what I might be doing. Perhaps
Speaker 1: you want to find out at the end of the
Speaker 1: day at the school carnival. When I approach you dressed
Speaker 1: not like this a woman from Australia who is conservative
Speaker 1: but dressed more like at all sexy, long, skinny and
Speaker 1: shiny lady with big blonde hair, Okay, we got Mr
Speaker 1: t about perform for you all, but it looks like
Speaker 1: we've got a cow on the stage. We're not gonna
Speaker 1: be able to get him on into the couch removed.
Speaker 1: But until then, I just want everyone just to have
Speaker 1: some ice cream from from Mr Peterson Peterson's ice Cream
Speaker 1: and enjoy the night. Oh that was great, Captain recap
Speaker 1: show for today. Uh. First of all, we'd like to
Speaker 1: apologize to the Irish people of the world as well
Speaker 1: as the Italians. Um, but let's thank you and go
Speaker 1: around as we do. Joe mcgleer, Yes, thank you. Mark
Speaker 1: Instagram bears every second fourth Wednesday a nine o'clock at
Speaker 1: West Common Theater. And Alchemy This live every first Sunday
Speaker 1: at nine o'clock of the month, West Common Theater. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you very much for them. And Mark Gagliardi. Hello,
Speaker 1: Alchemy this every first Sunday of the month at nine
Speaker 1: Haven't you also appeared repeatedly on the Emmy nominated Drunk
Speaker 1: History television program I have. I've told many many stories
Speaker 1: on Drunk History. My next one will be uh July one,
Speaker 1: so uh in two weeks you will hear me talk
Speaker 1: about or in the past. You hear me talk about
Speaker 1: the Handley Hilton. Yeah, so go to uh Comedy Central
Speaker 1: on demand so that you can look up at yeah,
Speaker 1: oh nice, nice, nice nice anything else you want to
Speaker 1: mention Blend and treasure of course, keep watching. Thank you
Speaker 1: for watching Everybody Tuesday nights at ten on CBS. And
Speaker 1: when do you go back to work on season two?
Speaker 1: Into September? So Excitingkoski at Kikowski on Twitter or at
Speaker 1: Craigslist peak cast for podcast stuff or at Orange Tucks
Speaker 1: Improv for improv stuff. And congratulations to you as well
Speaker 1: in the Drunk History Emmy nomination. Congratulations on you on
Speaker 1: you know what, it's not a competition, James Haney of
Speaker 1: Haney Well, first and second, the first Sunday of the month,
Speaker 1: west Side Comedy Theater, it's alchemy this second and fourth Wednesday.
Speaker 1: We've heard of it. Uh and second and fourth Wednesday. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so not the third, not the first or the first.
Speaker 1: But they're still open, so don't don't be discouraged if
Speaker 1: that's the day you're there west Side Comedy dot com
Speaker 1: to look up all this stuff, all right, that sounds good. Uh,
Speaker 1: let's die our engineer to the Stars, Mr Doug Bain
Speaker 1: and our producer of course, Sophie Lichterman, Sophie, production design
Speaker 1: genius Raphael britt I heart Media for the auspices, and
Speaker 1: thank you and every one of you for writing into
Speaker 1: us and with your scene suggestions. Don't forget to tell
Speaker 1: everyone you've ever met about the podcast. We appreciate those
Speaker 1: of you that have, and of course take the time
Speaker 1: to go in write a review. It's ridiculous that it
Speaker 1: actually makes a difference, but it does. Write your scene
Speaker 1: suggestions to your name here at alcomy this dot com.
Speaker 1: That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. I'm
Speaker 1: your host, Kevin Pollock. You can find me if you
Speaker 1: just keep looking until next time. It's a po