Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This Cole Stratton
Speaker 1: here filling in once again for Kevin Pollock, who was
Speaker 1: off shooting Miami Rap City Part two Cocaine Nights. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, he's perfect for that, so good. I didn't
Speaker 1: get a call about that. He should have. Let's meet
Speaker 1: our alchemists for today. He's the man with the Midas
Speaker 1: touched James Heeney, James, what can't you turn into golden?
Speaker 1: I can't turn into gold? Um uh? Actually I think
Speaker 1: I can turn everything into gold. Honestly I have never
Speaker 1: I have taken ship and turned it into gold, like
Speaker 1: you know, not worthy, Now it's worthy. Sorry, nothing nothing
Speaker 1: turned into gold. I always remember to leave a review.
Speaker 1: But okay, pretty much what I expected. She's the original
Speaker 1: triangle player for the Dave Matthews Band. But v why
Speaker 1: did you leave David of Boys? Oh you know, I
Speaker 1: just loved our earlier stuff. Yeah that's fair. Uh. He's
Speaker 1: the fourth pet Boy and super bitter about it. Mark Gagliardi, Mark,
Speaker 1: what happened? The thing is, I don't like getting caricatured,
Speaker 1: so when they when with the day came to get
Speaker 1: those three caricatures done of all the dudes. I said no,
Speaker 1: thank you, and they said, well, you're not a pet
Speaker 1: boy anymore. Tragic man. Yeah, exactly. He's exposed himself to
Speaker 1: a ton of gamma radiation and hopes of getting superpowers.
Speaker 1: Brad Norman, what superpowers are you after? Man? Patients just
Speaker 1: want patience and empathy. That's my superpower. I want that
Speaker 1: to be My superpower is that? And like I want
Speaker 1: to be able to grow those connectors from the mustache
Speaker 1: to the beard, because I can grow good beer and
Speaker 1: any good mustache, but I can't connect them. You just
Speaker 1: grow the mustache out long enough. I mean, yeah, but
Speaker 1: then again, you know, like then it's like this want
Speaker 1: to weave my face, but I appreciate, Well, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'll take your suggestion, all right. He's Rocky's biggest nemesis.
Speaker 1: Craig Kakowski. Craig, how's the training going? I pity so
Speaker 1: much fool pitying. And finally, Miami Dade High School's homecoming
Speaker 1: king eleven years running Joey career, Joey, what are you
Speaker 1: finally gonna graduate? Uh? Whenever I stopped being coolest? Shit?
Speaker 1: So never man never did. That's all right, all right,
Speaker 1: let's get to our first scene. All of today's scene
Speaker 1: suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd like
Speaker 1: to submit yours, please write to the podcast at your
Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name
Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com our first suggestion. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: just want to say I appreciate all of you for
Speaker 1: making this one of the funniest podcasts I've ever heard.
Speaker 1: My job has been working a lot in vacant apart
Speaker 1: in homes and communities all around Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill,
Speaker 1: and you guys make my work days of breeze. One
Speaker 1: day I found myself laughing hysterically at the back of
Speaker 1: my work truck at an apartment I was working at,
Speaker 1: and a couple walk past me and looked at me
Speaker 1: like I was mental. But I wouldn't want it any
Speaker 1: other way. I have tickled James. Well, that's happened to me.
Speaker 1: I wasn't listening to anything. I had a suggestion for
Speaker 1: see where one of you is a leasing agent showing
Speaker 1: off apartments to a young couple, but the leasing agent
Speaker 1: suspects the couple of wanting to use the apartment to
Speaker 1: cook meth in it. Thanks guys love the show. You
Speaker 1: make my work days so much better. Alright, So it's
Speaker 1: a two bedroom, one dining room, two and a half.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry one more time with continence. Well there are
Speaker 1: all the appliances are gas powered. Uh yeah, except for
Speaker 1: the refrigerator of course it's electric. Um and uh it's
Speaker 1: all gas, natural gas and waters actually included with the rent.
Speaker 1: That's great, this is perfect. Oh wow, well we want
Speaker 1: to hand the family. I can't wait, you know, I
Speaker 1: just gotta ask, are you guys I'm not breaking it? No, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: this this has nothing to do with the apartment. I'm
Speaker 1: just just this person in person. I don't take off
Speaker 1: my name tag here, and I'm not going to be
Speaker 1: a real estatem No, no, this is my name. This
Speaker 1: is me taking off my name tag. It's a symbologist. Um.
Speaker 1: So uh it seems like you guys are really like
Speaker 1: sore and scratchy and it and I'm it scratchy. The
Speaker 1: open house, Oh my god, it's a flophouse. Well what
Speaker 1: the hell is this? This is disgusting? Okay, see, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's okay. It's just say well, it's there's a certain
Speaker 1: um how can I put it? There's a certain sure. Okay,
Speaker 1: there's a certain quality of certain of character that we
Speaker 1: uh we insist upon here at the Pelican, right, and
Speaker 1: if you're going to be a member here at the
Speaker 1: Pelican arms and and have, we just want to make
Speaker 1: sure that you can be respectful of your neighbors. Um,
Speaker 1: I got more pants than this pair. Okay, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: you know what. I'm just gonna come right out and
Speaker 1: say it. You guys seem like methacts. I mean, you
Speaker 1: have teeth like a jack O lantern. Your skin looks
Speaker 1: like it your skin looked like it was covered in
Speaker 1: candle wells. But this has improved from what it was. Okay,
Speaker 1: I mean listen, I like Halloween as much as the
Speaker 1: next guy. You know, and personally Jack lannerd so like
Speaker 1: my favorite part. Come in, Michael, we bought you. I
Speaker 1: mean listen, listen. I just you seem like you might
Speaker 1: have some problems that supersed getting an apartment. You guys
Speaker 1: are leaving Goblin Hollow. We're trying to find bo We
Speaker 1: love you here, we all do you know what? We're
Speaker 1: just spending our wheels here on Goblin Hallo. You know
Speaker 1: we weren't a family. We need to know some good school.
Speaker 1: We have a family, were going, They're so good enough
Speaker 1: for you. You know what I don't like to think
Speaker 1: about like dat SHMC. I think I understand what's happening here.
Speaker 1: You don't like sleeping in a big naked pile under
Speaker 1: a tree. We knew you. I love the naked pile.
Speaker 1: I'd like some. They'll give you one. Have a family.
Speaker 1: You can just steal some jewel real VOI you we
Speaker 1: don't have. I can make all these bones together to
Speaker 1: make a kid or something. We wanted to have a
Speaker 1: kid with flesh on it. We wanted to get job.
Speaker 1: So you want to adopt. Yeah, okay, let's see what. Wow,
Speaker 1: this a little pinkish one. Uh they're they're a little
Speaker 1: pinkish when they're boring. Nice, But I just love to
Speaker 1: see your your qualifications. Is that this folder right here? Yeah?
Speaker 1: This is O Did you eat fries off of this?
Speaker 1: Not off of it? Out of it? Oh? Okay, Uh,
Speaker 1: let's see this. Oh this is just a blank sheet
Speaker 1: of paper. And I couldn't have somebody at any moment. Yeah, yea.
Speaker 1: I was kind of hoping you would show me some
Speaker 1: some I don't know a source of income or do
Speaker 1: you have. There's a couple of actions that we haven't
Speaker 1: the table for the We want you hand with baby,
Speaker 1: it'll be let me okay, thank you putting bag in there.
Speaker 1: Once you have a baby from the bottom the bat too.
Speaker 1: Why don't you have a baby. It's a lot easier
Speaker 1: to get a jump when you can. I want to
Speaker 1: make a career move. And now also, I hate to
Speaker 1: bring this up, but we are entitled to We have
Speaker 1: access to a goblin trust that really keeps our pockets flush.
Speaker 1: Is this like that goblin that Harry Potter Goblin bank
Speaker 1: with all the money? Real? This is real where a
Speaker 1: part of the goblins were from Goblin hallar towards the
Speaker 1: lab and we're moving out into the rug dollar world
Speaker 1: and we have access to will trust money. Okay, So
Speaker 1: how much trust money do you have access to? It's
Speaker 1: verily enough and probably enough. Okay. See, this is this
Speaker 1: is why I get nervous because you have not mentioned
Speaker 1: any numbers. You just claim and that's plus seven, which
Speaker 1: is seven and twenty seven? Is may I do manth
Speaker 1: all the time? What did you say? Man do the
Speaker 1: manth all the time? You must be the new couple
Speaker 1: in five I'm I'm blaming. Lacroix live across the hall
Speaker 1: from the crime from the Lacy family. Would you like
Speaker 1: to come in? Sure? Sure, I'd love to see what
Speaker 1: you've done with the place. We put some mud here,
Speaker 1: oh god, and there's some furniture from Jennifer right here.
Speaker 1: That's very nice. Yeah, but the floor is very muddy.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask. Thank you for not asking.
Speaker 1: It's the fresh is just telling you blind Buster Hart
Speaker 1: for just making the walk over blind you first name,
Speaker 1: it's coming in really here? Do you want one of
Speaker 1: these cans of food? Um? What's what's anything? Exactly? It
Speaker 1: just says food. That's right, dude. God, that's a little
Speaker 1: luck of the draw, and then we can get there
Speaker 1: with a tleef if you hungry. I'm good. I'm actually
Speaker 1: on a very tight talet right now. Heyn doc blame.
Speaker 1: Where'd you go? I'm gonna go pick up the kids. Okay, okay, honey,
Speaker 1: come in here. I just wanted you to meet our
Speaker 1: new neighbors. Hello, Hi, Sparkles Lacroix. How are you. It's
Speaker 1: so nice to have people over a can of food?
Speaker 1: Can't oh no, thank you, I'm good, But I go
Speaker 1: get the kids right now. The kids are at soccer practice,
Speaker 1: so many of them. They just run us wild. We
Speaker 1: got too many I could take, we could take to do?
Speaker 1: What do the baby is blunt? Hi, Michael, Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm one of the tenants at Pelican cover you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wasn't your personal real estation. But I remember Reggie handling. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: and he was. He was very kind. That's with this
Speaker 1: great guy. That guy died at gingivitis. He died. He's
Speaker 1: just christ six months ago. Holy shit, he died of it.
Speaker 1: He did. Yeah, dumb disease. Yeah, I know he guys
Speaker 1: talking about Reggie. Yeah, sometimes I still find foot steps
Speaker 1: on the carpet. You hear footsteps on your you find
Speaker 1: I find footsteps on the carpet where Reggie would always
Speaker 1: get his jerky. Okay, but it only goes in one direction.
Speaker 1: Were I know? Okay? I mean he did love beef jerky.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, go ahead, you got a question. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry to hear his passing. Well, the specter of Michael
Speaker 1: or the specter of Reggie is good news for Michael.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Because I'm handling all of
Speaker 1: his accounts now, and if I would have died suddenly
Speaker 1: I think that Reggie will never be good news for Michael.
Speaker 1: I think that he might have no. I felt no,
Speaker 1: I didn't hear anything. Pete, a little um question you have?
Speaker 1: You have a question. I didn't catch your name. Lay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Trickle, Trickle, Trinkle, oh trinkle. You know that's
Speaker 1: what my mom used to call going pe when I
Speaker 1: was a little kid. Yeah, it's tringle. Yeah, oh triingle.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Okay, So trickle, Mr Trinkle, you're in Trinkle?
Speaker 1: What what's your unit number? Twelve three three twelve three
Speaker 1: twelve okay, three twelve, great, and your question. I just
Speaker 1: want to say that they're how don't want to be
Speaker 1: um out in anybody or like seeming goblinist, but there
Speaker 1: are some listens in the area. They're making meth, and
Speaker 1: I think they're getting the other tenants to get high
Speaker 1: on meth. Okay, okay, So that's just gotta be out, okay,
Speaker 1: because that's not what I pay money to be. I
Speaker 1: don't pay money to being a goblin method Trinkle, listen.
Speaker 1: I want to help you, but I got into a
Speaker 1: lot of hot water when I accused those goblins of
Speaker 1: being methodics. They are. I'm sorry. They or there's the
Speaker 1: piles of needles of front of the door. I went
Speaker 1: to sixteen weeks of some sensitivity training because of that incident,
Speaker 1: and I still I had to get on a discount
Speaker 1: on their rent. I'm losing money on the deal that
Speaker 1: I signed. So I mean, gosh, I wish Reggie was here.
Speaker 1: All kids, careful around the needle pile. Let's move past there.
Speaker 1: We just used dozen needles for keeping our skin with
Speaker 1: holes to aerate our skinning. But Blaine and I thought
Speaker 1: it would be nice for you to meet the kids,
Speaker 1: so we brought them by. Nice guys. Say hi, yes,
Speaker 1: are you a goblin? No, no, I'm a kid, but
Speaker 1: we're the same high were Presbyterian. This is our oldest.
Speaker 1: This is our oldest Copernicus. Say hello, hello, tone of baby.
Speaker 1: And this is Pampa moosh, she's a little shy mose.
Speaker 1: You're like magic tricks. I think magic, but I like
Speaker 1: close magic. Okay, cameric camra car and this is her
Speaker 1: twin peach pair comeack, come, comeack. Fingers holding up you
Speaker 1: don't have them in what? Oh your spin is black
Speaker 1: and there's another finger. We'll take these two. I like
Speaker 1: those doubles. Yeah, we just brought them over to meet
Speaker 1: you blind. Can you wrap those up? We'll take them,
Speaker 1: wrap up our kids. I'm sorry, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you understand the rules. But you said you didn't want
Speaker 1: these children, and now they're the Goblins Goblin territory. And
Speaker 1: when you say you have too many kids from the
Speaker 1: Goblin on Goblin Territory, which is marked by the mud
Speaker 1: ancient cars, that your child and to us. If we
Speaker 1: had known that was what it was, we would have
Speaker 1: brought coconut over. Nobody likes coconut, butoy likes. We didn't
Speaker 1: bring We got the peach, pear and pample pamp everyone
Speaker 1: likes them. Geez, I had no idea. I mean, I
Speaker 1: feel like I should talk to our agent, Reggie, but
Speaker 1: then he was shot in the face because his breath
Speaker 1: was so bad. Reggie that we had but even at
Speaker 1: the office a buzz about Reggie was a great guy.
Speaker 1: Was a great guy. Yeah, well, we'll take good care
Speaker 1: of the kids. We'll wrap on my mother and not
Speaker 1: give them ass the heads everything. Sorry, kids, I guess
Speaker 1: our hands are tied. We canned food, can mom, Dad?
Speaker 1: Now you still love me? Copernicus. Yeah, but we didn't
Speaker 1: really get it when we named you. So I guess
Speaker 1: you could stay here, just go play with coconut outside. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: well let's say I can say goodbye to you two.
Speaker 1: I love you very much. Pambla moves. I love you,
Speaker 1: Peach pair and you know my mom, it's true. We're
Speaker 1: still just across the hall. Across the hall, here's a stick.
Speaker 1: You must keep your sticks for I'm sharper than you
Speaker 1: want to approach. It's like a one from Marry Potter, Yes,
Speaker 1: except for the only magick. It doesn't the bleeding. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like somebody mean a knife out of nature. Twins.
Speaker 1: Look who's bringing their kids to Goblin Hollow? What are
Speaker 1: your names? I'm Peach Pear, are you twins? Can I
Speaker 1: plug my phone in somewhere? You can plug it into
Speaker 1: the mound over there. There's a natural energy that coms
Speaker 1: from the art. Yeah, but I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's got the same adapter that
Speaker 1: you need. Here's mine. This is your uncle Clink. I
Speaker 1: am your uncle Clink. You guys want to do you
Speaker 1: like magic tricks? You like close up magic? Never mind
Speaker 1: not a stage magician. But you can plug your phone
Speaker 1: in over there. Who's where's the mess? Who's cooking the mess? No,
Speaker 1: we sent you guys. Leave. We stopped making meth. Stop
Speaker 1: making that stuff for all that was her favorite. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we only made it. You're the only two goblin meth heads.
Speaker 1: I thought it was our thing. And now we make
Speaker 1: use Berkley water called bubbly. Bubbly. We look at the
Speaker 1: ball bubble and we thought that's a good name for us.
Speaker 1: And we're gonna take that Lacroix family down once and
Speaker 1: for all. We named this flavor Copernicus Bubbly. Wait a second,
Speaker 1: we haven't lived right next to the Lacroix family. They're
Speaker 1: not as bad as you make them sound. What you've changed, No,
Speaker 1: we haven't changed. We've just integrated into human designs. We
Speaker 1: also just stilled our two kids. Goblins. No nile, no
Speaker 1: naked pile for you guys anymore. Just for a minute,
Speaker 1: make your own pile, normies. It's not a pile one,
Speaker 1: there's only two. It's just a little plow. Well maybe
Speaker 1: if there's harros like you guys know, we're never never never,
Speaker 1: you're not even real goblins. Kids sleep in nuts? Well,
Speaker 1: then what's this stick? For if I'm not a real
Speaker 1: goblin protecting your goblin parents. Oh yeah, well maybe you
Speaker 1: blanket you'd like a stick right up your nipple? P yeah,
Speaker 1: how you like that's goblin? Who's the goblin? Now you are?
Speaker 1: And that's our first kidnap child daring to use at
Speaker 1: our second scene. Hey, alchemist Tim from San Jose. I
Speaker 1: love your show and it's the only thing that gets
Speaker 1: me through my awful one on one commute to the
Speaker 1: office every day. Even had to pull over for once
Speaker 1: because the belly laughs were making it impossible to drive safely.
Speaker 1: That's a common thing I've noticed in a lot of
Speaker 1: these and pulling over. I feel like I've got this
Speaker 1: stuff and I'm like, well, I'm still driving. Be responsible
Speaker 1: in your hilarity, That's what I said. I work in
Speaker 1: tech and often get to be part of conversations with
Speaker 1: people who think they will change the world with the technology.
Speaker 1: They will absolutely not do that. So my idea first
Speaker 1: scene is a board meeting at Zoogle where they are
Speaker 1: discussing a new world changing technology. However, this technology is
Speaker 1: not great, and the only person who knows it is
Speaker 1: the least senior person in the room. I love to
Speaker 1: see what you alchemy nuts come up with. Keep up
Speaker 1: the belly laughs, Tim Slagel, Hey, you miss the trash,
Speaker 1: can pick it up? Hello, Hello, here it is here,
Speaker 1: It is here. It is billion dollar idea. Kong Kong Kong,
Speaker 1: Kong Kong Kong. He chans a fucking world nerds. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm a king ship right now. I feel it. You're
Speaker 1: not king ship yet. It's just me and Joe Inn
Speaker 1: and here cluck up, you old man. Okay, you're not
Speaker 1: at Oh isn't he what do you two? Huh? I'm
Speaker 1: gonna kill that kid one day. I'm sixteen years old.
Speaker 1: I'm a kid genias, all right, I know what I'm
Speaker 1: doing here. I got the piece of tech that's going
Speaker 1: to change the game. Well, as soon as the rest
Speaker 1: of the board gets here, I'm sure they'd like to
Speaker 1: hear about it. Were Yes, we're all coming in right now.
Speaker 1: We're walking in and talking table and carrots. Oh, I
Speaker 1: think you're gonna know my name pretty quickly. Right, I'll
Speaker 1: have a tune of salad sandwich. Oh God damn it.
Speaker 1: This is that open door policy day. We'll let anybody
Speaker 1: come in and pitch us ideas. Right. Well, here it
Speaker 1: is sure it is. Check then have you ever had
Speaker 1: a problem with your USB not able to get into
Speaker 1: the porp correctly? No porpoise? Yes, your USB was never
Speaker 1: able to get into a porpoise correctly. Huh. I mean
Speaker 1: common problem for many aquatic engineers. Now I have a
Speaker 1: solution that's going to change the game. This right here
Speaker 1: is a universal porpoise. Poor. What's what it does? Is
Speaker 1: it jams any side? Yeah? I saw you take this
Speaker 1: on Shark Tank. They all they laughed you out of
Speaker 1: that sham. Anything into a porpoise, that's a company. Hold. Hold,
Speaker 1: just just let me let me show your kid. Wait,
Speaker 1: what do you mean to show us? I have a
Speaker 1: porpoise here, let's wheel it in. You brought a porpoise,
Speaker 1: an adult porpoise. Yes, And if I can just demonstrate
Speaker 1: right now, let me just take this glass water just
Speaker 1: dumping on the porpoise. You have to put the porpoise
Speaker 1: in full water. This isn't enough water. It's enough water
Speaker 1: for the porpoise. I know what I'm doing. I'm sixty.
Speaker 1: Could you get a purpose from Amazon Farms? You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know shit about animals, but that one looks stressed.
Speaker 1: That's a that's a stressed animal. We're all not again
Speaker 1: in this disbelief in writing notes down in our notebooks,
Speaker 1: pretending that there are real notes, and uh, we're We're
Speaker 1: all we're stunned. Now this porpoise used correctly, it's going
Speaker 1: to change the game. Get more water. Now. I have
Speaker 1: on this us P port songs, but the porpoise can't
Speaker 1: play some music, not now. But when I injected with porpoise,
Speaker 1: is gonna be able to recreate those noises and make
Speaker 1: those songs underwater. So let me get this straight. You've
Speaker 1: basically taken a live, protected aquatic mammal and made him
Speaker 1: a portable speaker. The lights going out of the animal's eyes.
Speaker 1: I have a sparkling Copernicus bubble. Is that will that works? Okay?
Speaker 1: Here we go ready, I'm not just I'm not earning
Speaker 1: the corporate I have never seen a porpoise with so
Speaker 1: much glass on its eyes. It's just just really, what
Speaker 1: is happening in the office? Okay, Well, normally I gotta
Speaker 1: get a new porpoise, but this is like usually it
Speaker 1: goes without a hitch. You can't you can't do this, Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I can't do it. Okay, a new idea, new idea,
Speaker 1: I got a couple of more, But don't push the
Speaker 1: porpoise off the table. You know, I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: go ahead and four the rule for one idea per person.
Speaker 1: So I'm grandfather, grandfather, my grandfather from that ruler. No,
Speaker 1: I'm a sixteen year old boy, genius. I think I
Speaker 1: got a lot of ideas. We've got it, like a
Speaker 1: lot of you guys waiting. Okay, how about this? How
Speaker 1: about a tie that can hold your sandwich? The porpoise
Speaker 1: is what you do? I'll drag this porpoise carcass out
Speaker 1: of you. Okay, the tie that can hold sandwiches? Have
Speaker 1: we done with that? Is that something? Well? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: often have to work through lunch, and if it could
Speaker 1: hold my sandwich while I deal with my various papers.
Speaker 1: I don't wear ties. What if I did? Don't you
Speaker 1: have a lot of those? Like what like the girly
Speaker 1: silk scarves and stuff like? What are you thinking of?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't want that. All women had
Speaker 1: a lot of those. This is women in tech, you know.
Speaker 1: It's a long road. Yeah, yeah, with scarves. I don't
Speaker 1: wear scarves. Have some I don't have. You should try
Speaker 1: bring out the color in your eyes and Mr Peterson
Speaker 1: scarves in my look or if you need some you well,
Speaker 1: that's part of my job. I'm gonna go get you
Speaker 1: a scarf. Look at anyway, we all love dolphins way
Speaker 1: too much to watch you try to jam wires into it. Okay,
Speaker 1: and the tie thing might happen. It might be an
Speaker 1: idea with legs, but we're gonna need to see some
Speaker 1: actual product design here. I need to see a prototype
Speaker 1: of this sandwich tie before I agree to go any
Speaker 1: further with this. I don't know about you, guys, We're
Speaker 1: all not if it's a prototype, you want to I
Speaker 1: have just a thing. Well, this is business, I should hope. So. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I actually have a a man here that is going
Speaker 1: to change the game. Um, Henry, Henry, all right, I'm here.
Speaker 1: Here is he? Okay? This right here is the most
Speaker 1: advanced piece of technology in the world. Man. Yeah, what's
Speaker 1: he wrapped in that? My friends? Is tin foil? It
Speaker 1: looks like tinfoil. It's actually aluminum foil. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: the same thing pretty much. It's what you think of
Speaker 1: as tinfoil. It's aluminum foil. I'm sorry, I'm lost. You
Speaker 1: just want to see a tie that holds a sandwich?
Speaker 1: What'd you bring your So, I'm kind of like a robot,
Speaker 1: but I'm a man inside of aluminum foil. And if
Speaker 1: you've got an idea that you want created, I can
Speaker 1: make it for you. What do you think? What's the
Speaker 1: difference again, between tinfoil and aluminum foil? Aluminum foil is
Speaker 1: made of aluminum and tinfoil is made of tin. And say,
Speaker 1: we don't have access to tinfoil. It's not really commonly, Henry,
Speaker 1: you're doing aluminum foil. We said tinfoil. It's you. I
Speaker 1: thought it was a mistake. You can't there was a
Speaker 1: mistake tinfoil. They don't have tinfoil at the store. They
Speaker 1: have aluminum foil. And go to the store that has tinfoil,
Speaker 1: I won't think it exists. I went to three stores.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've said foiled again, what do you need?
Speaker 1: I'm looking for tinfoil. You don't have to meet every
Speaker 1: other kind of foil. Okay, well, what do you have
Speaker 1: that is made out of tin? Well, nothing is just foil,
Speaker 1: but we're not tin foiliable foil. We have several other
Speaker 1: foils that they're not tin base. If you want to
Speaker 1: you need to go to the tin district. To tin district.
Speaker 1: That's a dangerous area, I know it. If you want tin,
Speaker 1: that's where you have to go. All right? All right,
Speaker 1: hey kid, what are you looking for? I was looking
Speaker 1: to see if you guys had any products that need teeth.
Speaker 1: Knock that face. I was hoping not coming come. He's
Speaker 1: gonna get his teeth, not bread out of his face
Speaker 1: going to Tintown. These teach are these are my These
Speaker 1: are not baby teeth. I need to keep man boy
Speaker 1: this way. That's the safety boy. I'm running here again.
Speaker 1: Down careful now you look stress? Are you all right?
Speaker 1: I just need I'm here to try to pick up
Speaker 1: some tin. Yeah, you're an officer. I don't want to
Speaker 1: touch your nipples les, Okay, I'll just touch one of
Speaker 1: them for a second. Is there any way you can
Speaker 1: help me get tin? Shut up? Shut? Are you really
Speaker 1: a copper? You just a crugslist? Come on down bench
Speaker 1: hand town? Are you okay? Sick? Not very much? Are
Speaker 1: my name? You got the old tin town hand shape.
Speaker 1: I tried as much as I could get tin foil,
Speaker 1: but it was a little bit he used to falling
Speaker 1: out and you're embarrassing me, Henry, Well, I'm sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: a dumb idiot, and you wish you've got your brother.
Speaker 1: That's that's a tragic story. That is a tragic story.
Speaker 1: I moved firstly, I moved. It doesn't Yes, it does.
Speaker 1: Did you want me to try? You need to hug
Speaker 1: Henry had shake. That's right. I came from Tintown, all right?
Speaker 1: So do we like? Do we like? Or everyone? Welcome
Speaker 1: to the Zoogle Q four big announcement. Yes, thank you
Speaker 1: so much? Yeah, fuck were we here at Zoogle are
Speaker 1: excited to launch a brand new product, a product line
Speaker 1: of live animals that could be made into speakers. So
Speaker 1: let's bring them out. Here's our dolphin model we did.
Speaker 1: We made this one on porpoise and uh, you know
Speaker 1: if you just take if you lift the dolphin and
Speaker 1: just twisted forty five degrees and you can tell the
Speaker 1: animal is stressed. But if you stay at the back,
Speaker 1: you're unlikely to get injured. And take your USB porp
Speaker 1: and put it in the dolphin. There's fear, learn deep
Speaker 1: and chat out of me. How's that? Stealers wheels? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You fuck um so a little problem with the Q
Speaker 1: four announcement. I mean, it's all scheduled to go on.
Speaker 1: It's my fly open the whole time. I just I
Speaker 1: mean I couldn't. I can live through that. Again. No,
Speaker 1: your fly wasn't open. It was sealed up. Thank you.
Speaker 1: No one, So you're not all right? It's fine, thank you.
Speaker 1: I was just going to say that we couldn't. Get's
Speaker 1: just that I go through a lot with one nut,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, and and it's like, yeah, it's funny,
Speaker 1: and it's hard to describe it without it being funny.
Speaker 1: And I get it. The jokes on me. You're the
Speaker 1: one that brings it up. How do you ride a bicycle?
Speaker 1: You know, like that kind of thing? And uh, you know,
Speaker 1: so I just want to make sure we wouldn't know that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure no one sees that.
Speaker 1: No one saw, no one sees the end of the bacon.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. I don't know what that means.
Speaker 1: You didn't like what you would if you had one?
Speaker 1: Well you know what I'm leaving, no, no go ahead?
Speaker 1: What were you gonna say? No? What were you gonna say?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry? Well, welking to Starbucks gonna take you order. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll have one. I mean I will not have not
Speaker 1: one nut. I'll have one one. Shit, I'll have a
Speaker 1: I'll have a small Vanila latte hot. Okay, I mean
Speaker 1: I would have said iced if I wanted to call.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, it's been a day, and we call them
Speaker 1: tall here by the way. Okay, you know what, Uh
Speaker 1: forget it. I'll just have a pepsi. We don't offer PEPSI.
Speaker 1: You don't about Starbucks. Wow, I feel like I have
Speaker 1: any nuts? Yes? We do? He is that's supposed to mean. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm a diabetic and need nuts. Sure, here's
Speaker 1: a packet of almonds. Oh, that would be perfect. Do
Speaker 1: you have to I'd like one as well. Do you
Speaker 1: have two nuts? Yeah, we've got two nuts. I'd like
Speaker 1: one of those. I think everybody has two nuts. Oh.
Speaker 1: Way back to money Maker here, I'm here with Lee Cobbs,
Speaker 1: the head the marketing and artistic director for zoogl Uh.
Speaker 1: There's a viral video of yourself at a Starbucks going nuts,
Speaker 1: showing and exposing and you, I mean you're on the
Speaker 1: show here to explain yourself. I mean you got the floor.
Speaker 1: That's not me. Those are my producers. First of all,
Speaker 1: big fan of the show, so thanks for having me on.
Speaker 1: Second of all, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has a little
Speaker 1: public meuntdowns every once in a while. The only difference
Speaker 1: now is that it's being you know, recorded. I don't
Speaker 1: think people have public meltdowns and exposed their single testing.
Speaker 1: You know. That's an issue that's I think personal to you,
Speaker 1: and I think the general public needs to know because
Speaker 1: if we're buying zoogo products, and I know a lot
Speaker 1: of us and a lot of my friends that got
Speaker 1: the porpus port, they're really debating whether or not that
Speaker 1: product is actually worth its money. Now, well they really
Speaker 1: should hang on because there's a whole new line of
Speaker 1: animal speakers. Yeah that's yeah, there's this segment brought to
Speaker 1: you by uniball pens Uniball. Okay, that's a new sponsor.
Speaker 1: That's a new sponsor. Now it's this weird that's my producers.
Speaker 1: That's my producers. I mean, I like to think that
Speaker 1: I'm a patient guy, you know, but I think also,
Speaker 1: you know, sort of deep inside me, there's this like
Speaker 1: you know, level of you know. Okay, Now it's also
Speaker 1: Mr Cobbs has also said here that you are the
Speaker 1: child of goblins. Is that true? You also come from goblins? Now,
Speaker 1: I know that's just a rumor, and I know there's
Speaker 1: been a lot I hate to meeting against goblands recently,
Speaker 1: but they have steel stole, steel stole children, and they
Speaker 1: also have been many Can you come in? Yeah, what's
Speaker 1: going on where? Yeah? Yeah, you like it? Listen, the
Speaker 1: show's got pretty good numbers. Yes, we love the show. Um,
Speaker 1: but you're um vocabulary. You can't do past tense, and
Speaker 1: people are starting to notice. Yeah, I don't think anyone's noticed.
Speaker 1: It's fine. You can't do past tense. And we get
Speaker 1: a hundred letters a day. Yeah, well read them we have,
Speaker 1: and they all say, look, I'm one of the highest
Speaker 1: grossing radio TV shows. There's no TV aspect, there's no
Speaker 1: audiobook aspect. It's just a radio show. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just radio. Well either way, I'm I'm killing the charts
Speaker 1: on it. Okay, I mean you name another TV station
Speaker 1: that has me. So if you think you tell us
Speaker 1: about something that happened in the past, yes, So if
Speaker 1: you think for some I don't have to do that.
Speaker 1: Now you know my past, read my memoirs it's on
Speaker 1: the TV show. Can you tell us something in the
Speaker 1: future tense? Of course? Look what's put this? Okay? I'm
Speaker 1: out there getting hard hitting interviews from people that that
Speaker 1: no one else can get and this is what I'm
Speaker 1: going to eighth degree on this. So one last question,
Speaker 1: how long have you been prejudiced against goblins? Because your
Speaker 1: remarks were I mean, the feedback that we got was
Speaker 1: very much like, what's this guy's problem with goblins? I
Speaker 1: don't have a problem with goblins. I think they're freakshow
Speaker 1: a long time listener, go on, what why you so much?
Speaker 1: What do you mean us? Oh? You're a goblin. You
Speaker 1: know what's funny about goblins is they got little tiny
Speaker 1: eyes and their teeth fall out because they do meth.
Speaker 1: That's a stereotype. And do you all live inside a tree?
Speaker 1: Let me get in the middle of the laughter. And
Speaker 1: your kids sleeping nuts? Is that right? Kids? Sleeping nuts?
Speaker 1: You know your kids can sleep in How about you
Speaker 1: suck my butt? Hang up on that one. You know,
Speaker 1: this is what I hate. I hate crabin What do
Speaker 1: you think about that? What do I think about it?
Speaker 1: You know? I hate to get involved in this stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm a straight shooter. And what I think is goblin
Speaker 1: should be treated just like anybody else's in this world.
Speaker 1: That's bad. It is. It's not they're not human beings.
Speaker 1: They're goblins. Oh, I'm not saying that. I'm saying goblin
Speaker 1: should be treated like everyone else. I agree with general.
Speaker 1: I agree with they're not human. And the guys you
Speaker 1: should wrap the show up. The goblins are coming. They're
Speaker 1: like they're they're storming the lobby. Please, I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not here for you, man, Please, I'm going to use
Speaker 1: this on you. Please just just stick What do you mean? Listen?
Speaker 1: My mom was a goblin and some of the stuff
Speaker 1: you've been saying, what's what the fund? Can you serious? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I am serious? Yeah. And here on this spot the
Speaker 1: statue was erected to always remember the struggle of goblin
Speaker 1: rights and the people who signed the treaty right here
Speaker 1: in the year two thousand nineteen. I'm sorry, can you
Speaker 1: turn up the porpoise some of us in the back
Speaker 1: end here, I'm sorry, let me say it. I have
Speaker 1: it set. I'm Billie Eilish. Hold on a second, hold on,
Speaker 1: can you hear me? Now? Yes? Thank you? So this
Speaker 1: is the site where the Goblin. The final Goblin Treaty
Speaker 1: was signed here in the radio station. In any questions, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got a question? Can I shake your answer? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Sure of Second Tin Town is an arbor, Michigan. Our
Speaker 1: final scene today, Hey Alchemists, your show is amazing and
Speaker 1: sometimes castor is when I'm driving. I was inspired by
Speaker 1: your request for scenes that are less ridiculous and maybe
Speaker 1: just a place. Here's the scene. Two brothers inherit a
Speaker 1: dilapidated apartment building. I can't wait to hear where you
Speaker 1: come up with, and again keep up their great work.
Speaker 1: Love Julia Clark, Julia, this is the property here. Are
Speaker 1: you sure that there's not another property? This is what
Speaker 1: was left to us. I'm sure this is it. So
Speaker 1: I'm in care taking here for about you know, tiny
Speaker 1: someone ears and whatnot, and I knew your uncle and
Speaker 1: very nice in my end, very quiet, kept doing himself,
Speaker 1: and so it's but this is the property. It doesn't
Speaker 1: look like it's even inhabitable. Yeah, you know what it
Speaker 1: looks like. It looks like if like poop was a house.
Speaker 1: That's what it looks all right. You know, I'm a
Speaker 1: care taker here, guys. I'll take a patch to that
Speaker 1: you haven't been taking care of our uncle's house. Well
Speaker 1: maybe could I haven't taken care of some other stuff,
Speaker 1: huh like me, it's taking care of me, Marjorie, Go
Speaker 1: back inside, Margorie. Don't like the way, Marjorie. Please, you
Speaker 1: shouldn't be outside. The son is going to hurt your skin,
Speaker 1: hurt my skin. But I don't like the way. I
Speaker 1: can't go in, Marjorie, please too much from me, Marjorie,
Speaker 1: Please go in, Marjorie, please, Well it turns out, Marjorie,
Speaker 1: please go inside, going so I can't look away. You're
Speaker 1: very pleased side see what she cares for me? For me?
Speaker 1: Is he fin? Could we just Sam? Do you think
Speaker 1: that we could just say that this is the way
Speaker 1: we found the building? That's probably a good idea, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: because honestly, we didn't want these tenants here anyway, No,
Speaker 1: we didn't. But we do want the hunt. We do
Speaker 1: want the apartment building. Do you really think we want
Speaker 1: this building or department? Now you're doing? Who he is?
Speaker 1: Sheriff just came on to check on the only ship
Speaker 1: these two people, all right, we don't know. We just
Speaker 1: got here and we found them in the middle of
Speaker 1: an argument and then one of them seemed to collapse.
Speaker 1: Looks like we do quarantine the entire area. I got it.
Speaker 1: You get the chalk. Hold on, I'm gonna take pictures.
Speaker 1: We need baggies of stuff. Let's get baggies of toilet paper.
Speaker 1: Let's get bag into hair. Is it something for me
Speaker 1: to trace up on my chalk? Oh? Yeah, right over there,
Speaker 1: we already got a tracer. Were to get someone with
Speaker 1: the tracing. No, he's going to do pictures, the photographs.
Speaker 1: But oh my bad. Okay, sorry I mentioned chalk, but
Speaker 1: I that's what it was. That's what it was. But
Speaker 1: I wasn't blaming it. No, no, no, the whole thing,
Speaker 1: the whole thing. He's from here, we're not. Oh you're
Speaker 1: not from here. Now. Our uncle owned this building and
Speaker 1: he left it to us in his will. Our uncle
Speaker 1: owned this building. Yeah, uncle on this building. Our uncle died,
Speaker 1: he uncle, and yeah, our uncle owen he he died,
Speaker 1: and it was pretty messed up with ginger vitis. Aess,
Speaker 1: what did you see? I saw them come in and
Speaker 1: then I saw a woman burn up in the sun
Speaker 1: like a vampire. That woman there, Okay, okay, I live here.
Speaker 1: You live in the building. My home Okay, alright, So
Speaker 1: I don't know if Owen owned it, If this gentleman
Speaker 1: lives here, she's seen vampire, there's a there's a vampire
Speaker 1: horde down. Here's what you're saying. There's a few vampires
Speaker 1: in the building, mostly keeping themselves. Well, I can't take
Speaker 1: pictures of him. I'm gonna go a couple of Honestly,
Speaker 1: we're probably gonna have to have all these people evicted.
Speaker 1: So maybe we can just start that we had nothing
Speaker 1: to do with it. We were just staring. I think
Speaker 1: they had everything to do with it. There wasn't no
Speaker 1: harm till they come here. My name is Gome spelled
Speaker 1: in the traditional way. It's traditional way. I've got two
Speaker 1: guys in the name. Okay, you know what that ties
Speaker 1: us to these murders? These ropes? What ropes? And Owen? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't. I don't know what else to
Speaker 1: tell you. Guys. We we just walked up here and
Speaker 1: we got into an argument. They got into an argument.
Speaker 1: We arent they got into an argument in front of us,
Speaker 1: and then one of them, I mean, we have a motive.
Speaker 1: You guys want the building. There's there's people than you.
Speaker 1: Actually we already I'm just seeing this stuff come together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: amazing like that, Like these things can like just emerge.
Speaker 1: This is the least to the building. So it's not
Speaker 1: that we want it. We already have it. Well, then
Speaker 1: why did you kill these two people? We didn't kill anybody.
Speaker 1: They actually, if anything, they killed each other. It's a
Speaker 1: crime of passion. I mean it's I would that sounds. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a quiet place, people keeping themselves. What do you want?
Speaker 1: Here's some candy. You want a circus peanuts? It ain't candy,
Speaker 1: Come on, the circus peanuts. Go candy? Is that it's
Speaker 1: not good candy? You got? I've got one of my person,
Speaker 1: got one of my person. But don't you just take
Speaker 1: a handful of these peanuts and just you know, just
Speaker 1: hang out for a bit. Okay, what what did what
Speaker 1: did you really see? I don't like my candy, Chalky. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's we'll get you a chew in a second. Okay,
Speaker 1: but what did you what did you see? What do
Speaker 1: you like? Huh? Okay? They were the building manager. Don't
Speaker 1: throw them on the ground if you don't want them,
Speaker 1: just hand them back to me. The circus peanuts. She
Speaker 1: throw them on the ground. You eat the shell. Goal,
Speaker 1: you eat the shell. There's no shells you never had.
Speaker 1: It's the worst. How candy, there's a I put a
Speaker 1: shell around each of those. You don't need to put
Speaker 1: it bad enough. What are these outsiders like? Oh, Master,
Speaker 1: they're the strange there from the city. Are those circus
Speaker 1: peanuts in your back pocket? Yeah? I say them for you, Master,
Speaker 1: Thank you. This is the only candy as undeadlike. Oh,
Speaker 1: eat him up? GM. He must keep the outsiders and
Speaker 1: the detectives away from the layer. Yes, Master, are you
Speaker 1: are you gonna? Are? You're gonna drink his blood? I
Speaker 1: was gonna have brunch, but I allow you may, I
Speaker 1: you may, may. I just take a pine or two
Speaker 1: cube shook hands. Oh that's good, that's good, better than
Speaker 1: circus feeders. Sure, we're are gonna be a vampire suon
Speaker 1: sud suit, you'll turn a vampile very sud go properly.
Speaker 1: We need someone to be able to go outside to
Speaker 1: talk to people, because I'm a vampire kind of go
Speaker 1: outside and talked of people. I guess that's fair. That's
Speaker 1: very fair. You get to drink some blood. I just
Speaker 1: don't want this building to change none. I like the
Speaker 1: building as it is your job. Boys, it's me. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, uncle, the specter of Reggie. I was just
Speaker 1: expecting register this real estate that you just bought. But
Speaker 1: are you in the end, Reggie, because we didn't buy
Speaker 1: realists whatever whatever you did you whatever? This real estate
Speaker 1: that you have now it's full of vampires. Don't ask
Speaker 1: me how I know. Don't ask me. I do not
Speaker 1: ask me how I know? Do not I told you
Speaker 1: not to, Reggie? How do you know that? Don't ask
Speaker 1: me how I know this? Mm? It sounds really anti
Speaker 1: immigrant when you say it. When I say what, don't
Speaker 1: ask me how I know this. We think about the vampires,
Speaker 1: you know, like I mean, it's just really nativist, you know,
Speaker 1: just I'm trying to be woke here is there's no
Speaker 1: other word for them but vampire. I know. But they're
Speaker 1: foreigners and they should be regular respecting foreigners. They're from here,
Speaker 1: They're from the flood three of immigrants, so you know,
Speaker 1: you know what you idiots deal with it. They're down
Speaker 1: in the basement. What's that smell that's lingering here? Superintendent
Speaker 1: cannot Can we come in real quick? We're just checking
Speaker 1: the units. Yeah, we're just checking the units, making sure
Speaker 1: the gas meters are working. Everything going on down here
Speaker 1: in the basement, everything with a gas me okay, thanks?
Speaker 1: Wait a second, was that go? Did you? Did you
Speaker 1: just hear go? I heard going and I think somebody's
Speaker 1: having sex in there. But I definitely don't want to
Speaker 1: go in if somebody having sex in here? O. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: I want to check this out. Alright, Fine, let's go
Speaker 1: check it out. Fine, here, I'll put on my head
Speaker 1: lamp so my hands are free. Okay, Hello, what the hell? Man?
Speaker 1: What the hell we're having sex in here? Okay, okay, sorry? Sorry?
Speaker 1: S are you doing man? I'm sorry you just bored here, Sisten.
Speaker 1: We just knocked on the door this man. Look, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: What the is? Sorry, I'll turn my head lamp off.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, ship man. We heard some we heard some
Speaker 1: yelling in here. We had to come in here and
Speaker 1: check out sex. What the funk? Man? Come? Did the
Speaker 1: diversion sex as work? It worked like a charm master.
Speaker 1: Good if they cannot come any deeper into the basement, gum,
Speaker 1: you know this, come any deeper? Seriously, thought, what do
Speaker 1: you mean all you discovered was sex? We went in
Speaker 1: there and barched in and it was just one guy
Speaker 1: having sex. Actually that was strange. It was just it
Speaker 1: was just one guy having sex. Think we were fool.
Speaker 1: That was a sex decoy? Here? What that was a
Speaker 1: sex decoy? Who? What? What? It was a sextycoit? The
Speaker 1: vampires are deeper into the bowels. They're too smart. I
Speaker 1: got two pillsners there you go? You boys nothing around
Speaker 1: here from the city. Yeah, we just inherited some stuff
Speaker 1: his place. How did you know that a lot of
Speaker 1: people talk about that bill? Did you know her uncle?
Speaker 1: I knew him. I knew him and not m huh Wow.
Speaker 1: People were missing in this town. Huh So, I mean,
Speaker 1: like a lot of people people say it's vampires took him.
Speaker 1: Give a s anymore? Come here? Why you don't talk
Speaker 1: like that paid to him? We've lost so many people already,
Speaker 1: will give the Now we've got our shoes and we
Speaker 1: got the bar. Do we have got briefcase on cell phones? Look,
Speaker 1: I can't say nothing no more. And you better pay
Speaker 1: for them pills. Boy? All right, well here you go
Speaker 1: keep the change. You know what, brother, I gotta tell you.
Speaker 1: Our family is so weird. Everybody's got a weird fam.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I thought it would be really easy.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, you know, Uncle Owen owned this
Speaker 1: old apartment building in Fresno, and we were like, fine,
Speaker 1: you know, what's a big deal. Fresno's fine. It's fine.
Speaker 1: It's not fine, it's fine. It's a weird place. It's
Speaker 1: it's fine. But there's a lot of weird like intrigue
Speaker 1: going on in this in this area about Fresno. No. No, Actually,
Speaker 1: I was saying that, no, godd, I've been here my
Speaker 1: whole life. I hate it. Well, then maybe you could
Speaker 1: tell us about the mystery surrounding the what apartment building?
Speaker 1: It's this apartment building that we owned. It's on the
Speaker 1: east side of town, and apparently everyone's afraid of it,
Speaker 1: like it's the vampire. Done. Okay, that's immigrant when you
Speaker 1: say it, What are you talking about? Just I'm just
Speaker 1: there there. I'm just saying like it just sounds a
Speaker 1: little weird. Our families from Prensylvania, and it's not very
Speaker 1: nice of everybody seems to think that that. No, we
Speaker 1: just don't throw around the V word. What should I
Speaker 1: call them? The blood sucking immortals lived there? Whoa Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I mean the original name was then Sperata Okay, the
Speaker 1: nosparas has lived there. I don't know why, what's happening
Speaker 1: in this conversation. Neither you were supposed to tell us what.
Speaker 1: And then your little PC police run went crazy and
Speaker 1: just trying to level the playing field. Okay, field is fine. Okay,
Speaker 1: you know what I just I never expected to have,
Speaker 1: you know, vampires and fresno. Okay, okay, I mean who
Speaker 1: it sounds like an indie band. Listen, I'll order us
Speaker 1: some bubble bo nothing. No, no, no, what is it? Nothing?
Speaker 1: What the hell do you want here? Huh? What do
Speaker 1: I want? Yeah? I want a pill, not an that's gone.
Speaker 1: Do you see him over there? I hate serving this guy.
Speaker 1: Here you go. Oh, I heard you when you said
Speaker 1: you hate serving this guy. My money is not good
Speaker 1: as anybody else is. Your money is dirty. Hey stop,
Speaker 1: stop stop a bit. You're familiar, motherfucker. He's not a vampire.
Speaker 1: I'm a familiar. You're just working with the devil, you traitor,
Speaker 1: you're human trader. I'm working with my master, who ain't
Speaker 1: the devil. He just the vampire and he nice. You
Speaker 1: piece of ship. This is a piece of ship, right.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna have this alright? End up. I'll pay
Speaker 1: for the I'll pay for the old timers drink here.
Speaker 1: Here you go. I'm I'm twenty eight years old. That's fine.
Speaker 1: Sit on down, Comb. Can you pay for my devil's
Speaker 1: drinks too? We're all vampires? No, just Comb here. I'm
Speaker 1: just just a buddy of mine from the building. So
Speaker 1: come and listen. Just follow me here. Okay, I'm with you.
Speaker 1: You don't that he not real friends? No? He from Baker's.
Speaker 1: Isn't that the way? Though? You know, when you're just
Speaker 1: trying to do your thing and people are bosting you
Speaker 1: around telling you to do stuff not to do stuff, man,
Speaker 1: it really gets on my butt, you know. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you sometimes you just want like turn the tables on them,
Speaker 1: you know, like like look, look, your master or your
Speaker 1: friend or whoever's like bosting around in thee and maybe
Speaker 1: just like confront him face to face and say no,
Speaker 1: you know, established some boundaries, you know, maybe maybe even
Speaker 1: stab him in the heart, that's right, like stab my
Speaker 1: master in the hot with a steak, like where this
Speaker 1: is going on? I know, look, I know we're just
Speaker 1: talking about it. We just got it on the table
Speaker 1: right now. It's all in pencil. But listen, I know
Speaker 1: we don't know each other that well, but you were
Speaker 1: accusing me of being like anti vampire, and from what
Speaker 1: I'm over hearing, you're suggesting that he slaughters a vampire.
Speaker 1: No what, We're only talking about slaughtering these vampires based
Speaker 1: on their character, not on the fact that they're vampires.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhearing, me and my
Speaker 1: buddies were having a pilsner over here. We have this
Speaker 1: great big bag of sharpened sticks. If you need them, Well,
Speaker 1: what do you know, that's just pay for a Pilsener's
Speaker 1: next time, goom, what do you want? We're watching Fleabag.
Speaker 1: They need to finish the second season. I love the
Speaker 1: police still. When um, I was just to the bar
Speaker 1: and people are talking about you manster, really yeah. When
Speaker 1: I got your boba tea, oh thank you, but the
Speaker 1: texture is so weird, but I love it. You and
Speaker 1: the circus peanuts and the boba. I just like things
Speaker 1: that are weird, like yucky things. Good luck with this
Speaker 1: tiny straw though, getting those jellies out of At least
Speaker 1: you got a straw. Those are hard to get nowadays.
Speaker 1: When am I going to be a vampile che's every
Speaker 1: day with this question. Go, I don't know, isn't We've
Speaker 1: given you good enough for you. But there's a little
Speaker 1: more urgency now, urgency because that the new ownership coming
Speaker 1: in and taking over the building and then maybe they're
Speaker 1: going to change it like this. It's not a good look. Well,
Speaker 1: when I drive a sneak through your luck, girl, does
Speaker 1: that good look? You guys taking your heart? I don't
Speaker 1: know how freebagas okay, gold, hello again. So your report
Speaker 1: is that you've eradicated the vampire dentity, eliminated the vampires. Okay,
Speaker 1: very good. Here to take pictures, fantastic. We're just doing
Speaker 1: report here. Do you need me to transcribe anything that honestly? Yes?
Speaker 1: Why not? Okay, I gotta go get my typewriter. Uh man,
Speaker 1: this sherifs the department is fit. Yeah, well we run everywhere. Um,
Speaker 1: thank you again for coming in and doing that sure thing.
Speaker 1: And uh, by the way, fleaback, don't end up with
Speaker 1: hot priest. What did you say, fleaback? Don't end up
Speaker 1: without priest? What do I want to cap your ass?
Speaker 1: Right now? You pizza ships Coment's me your lawyer? You
Speaker 1: got beat right there? They beat me. This is at
Speaker 1: tin Town, and you can't just do that. I know
Speaker 1: it's not Tin down. We're gonna get you out of here.
Speaker 1: They're really in good shape there, I know, and I
Speaker 1: know it did go. But they can't do that. It's
Speaker 1: beyond what they're allowed to do. I'm sure this footage
Speaker 1: of it will get you out of here. Soue Okay.
Speaker 1: As a District court judge, I found, after several days
Speaker 1: of reviewing the law, that Mr Gomes rights are extended
Speaker 1: under the original Goblin Civil Rights Contract, and therefore I
Speaker 1: find the City of Fresno, the brothers, owner of the building,
Speaker 1: and vampires at large at fault and Mr Gohm is
Speaker 1: entitled to all that he is seeking in damages. What fair, you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that didn't work out. I mean, come on, dude,
Speaker 1: what what the hell get all I'm seeking? Congrats going.
Speaker 1: The building's yours, man, Here's building, and Fresno's yours. Here's
Speaker 1: the key to the city hallo Fresno. I'll sit back down.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just saying that somebody should probably change
Speaker 1: that Coplin law. Yeah, hey, but what are you gonna do? Can? Can? Can? You? Guys?
Speaker 1: Give you a ride. Is that all right? No, you
Speaker 1: lost the case for us. You're not coming with us,
Speaker 1: I know, just so, I think it dropped. You are
Speaker 1: and your fly spent down the whole time. Oh funk
Speaker 1: my nut? Where to go? A fake nut on welcongratulations, Gome.
Speaker 1: Here's the deeds of the building. I'm running this place now.
Speaker 1: It's yours. Anybody who wants to live here can live
Speaker 1: here now. And I'm sorry. If you need a good realtor,
Speaker 1: you just call it the Specter of Reggie. Oh god,
Speaker 1: that's about Ginger Vidis. Let's go around and take your
Speaker 1: alchemist and see what they're up to. Mark Gagliardi. Check
Speaker 1: out Blood and Treasure, now streaming on Amazon Prime. Mark
Speaker 1: Gags on Twitter and uh, last Wednesday of every month
Speaker 1: will be a Dynasty typewriter and revising with the work.
Speaker 1: Choose improv. Nice, Vanessa Ragland, I love that place. Go
Speaker 1: check it up dot com. Wow, you just made it
Speaker 1: sound extra Austere greg kowski Tski on Twitter. Also Orange
Speaker 1: Tucks Improv for improv shows. Yeah, Brad Norman, I'm the
Speaker 1: voice of Bullwinkle on the Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle
Speaker 1: on Amazon Prime. Please leave a review of this show.
Speaker 1: If you don't want to, then tweet me why at
Speaker 1: Brad in Action on Twitter, because I want to know
Speaker 1: what your goddamn problem is. Jamesy go to the real
Speaker 1: James Teeney dot com and you can see James Teeney
Speaker 1: content there. And if you didn't leave a review yet,
Speaker 1: I got a double down. Leave a review. It wasn't
Speaker 1: as intense as you thought it was. Joey Greer at
Speaker 1: Jeffy Greeber on Instagram. Every second and fourth Wednesday at
Speaker 1: night o'clock westid Comedy Theater, Bear Supply, and then every
Speaker 1: last Thursday, Pretty Pretty Pony. What's a comedy Theater ten
Speaker 1: o'clock would be the first show up on the fourth.
Speaker 1: Be disappointed, come back on the first Thursday of every
Speaker 1: month a tempt I'm Cold Stratton at Cole Stratton or
Speaker 1: at Stratton Cold, depending on the service. Come check it out.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to our engineer Doug Babe, our post
Speaker 1: sound design artist Raphael Britotal, our producer Sophie Lichtman, and
Speaker 1: of course I heart media. We encourage all of you
Speaker 1: to write a review, tell everyone you've ever met about
Speaker 1: the podcast, and write to us with your scene suggestions,
Speaker 1: and whatever else at your name here at alchemy, this
Speaker 1: dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this dot
Speaker 1: com Until next time, and a football pepper and all