Speaker 1: Hey, Fucker's It's Karin Fisher from Guys We Fucked, the
Speaker 1: anti slut channing podcast, available only on Luminary. Uh. If
Speaker 1: you're wondering, Hey, where's Guys We've Fucked been? Yeah, we're
Speaker 1: on Luminary. Only on Luminary, and we've been only on
Speaker 1: Luminary for a little over a year now. It's been great.
Speaker 1: It feels like we're back, uh to the foundation of
Speaker 1: the show saying the wildest, craziest, weirdest, grossest shit. Um,
Speaker 1: and it's been really good. If you would like to
Speaker 1: join us on Luminary, subscriptions are only to a month
Speaker 1: and that's super cheap. And Uh, there's lots of other
Speaker 1: content that's available only on Luminary, including Murder on the Towpath,
Speaker 1: which is their first true crime podcast that they launched
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago. You should check that out. Uh.
Speaker 1: We are also doing two episodes a week during the quarantine. UM.
Speaker 1: I know some places are kind of coming out of it,
Speaker 1: but we're probably gonna have to go right back in.
Speaker 1: So Uh. On today's bonus episode, we're talking about clicks,
Speaker 1: giving up on men, your best friend asking to try
Speaker 1: and fuck you over and over again. Uh, going through
Speaker 1: your first breakup when someone's posting pictures in matching shirts
Speaker 1: with their new person and you're like, that's rude. Uh,
Speaker 1: dick's looking like bull horns and uh, having to babysit
Speaker 1: your adult male boyfriend and then falling in love with
Speaker 1: people who don't have jobs or cars. So it's fun again.
Speaker 1: If you are interested in hearing the full episode, you're
Speaker 1: gonna head over to Luminary Podcasts dot com. Enjoy this show.
Speaker 1: So subject line is his dick looked like a bullhorn? Wow?
Speaker 1: What that's specific? Kar and Christina, I wanted to share
Speaker 1: a funny story praise at the end. Switched it up.
Speaker 1: About a year ago, I dated a guy for three
Speaker 1: months that I met at a work conference. I was
Speaker 1: twenty three and he was twenty six. He used to
Speaker 1: be a professional soccer player for Peru, had tattoos, a beard,
Speaker 1: and a shoulder length thick black hair. That's a sexy
Speaker 1: damn it. I was super attracted to him, but thought
Speaker 1: he wouldn't be interested in me. Oh see, that's like
Speaker 1: the one thing that I've learned in my old age, Like,
Speaker 1: no matter how hot you think someone is, like if
Speaker 1: you're even like kind of attractive. Go for just go
Speaker 1: for it anyway. A week after the conference, he asked
Speaker 1: me out via our work I AM messaging system, which
Speaker 1: I felt super uncomfortable with, but he didn't have my number,
Speaker 1: so it felt acceptable at the time. First date, we
Speaker 1: got tacos, walked downtown, and then he took me to
Speaker 1: a club and we got a little drunk. He was
Speaker 1: a great dancer, and he asked me if I wanted
Speaker 1: to go home with him. I said no, even though
Speaker 1: I wanted to, because I thought I should wait. He
Speaker 1: was cool with that and we continued dancing. The third
Speaker 1: date comes around and I proposed we get high and
Speaker 1: have a movie date at his place. I thought that
Speaker 1: because he was a good dancer, he would be good
Speaker 1: in bed too. Yeah, I thought those qualities correlated. Well, Msler,
Speaker 1: he's gay. Ha. They did not. So we got high
Speaker 1: and we're watching one of our favorite movies. I was like,
Speaker 1: how do you have a favorite date? Three? Our favorite
Speaker 1: movie is one of our favorite movies, Shanghai. Noon. After
Speaker 1: the movie ended, we started making out and one thing
Speaker 1: led to another, and he asked me if he could
Speaker 1: turn on some music. I said sure. He went down
Speaker 1: on me for maybe a minute. Then he admitted, when
Speaker 1: people do that, I'm like, honestly, don't even do it.
Speaker 1: Don't even do it, because at that point it's just rude.
Speaker 1: It's rude. It's like a guy going up and giving
Speaker 1: you the best massage for thirty seconds or a minute. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't even do it. Oh, I mean I would
Speaker 1: just lick the whole of his penis and then walk away.
Speaker 1: Ye oh my god. So he went down on me
Speaker 1: for maybe a minute. Then his beard tickled me and
Speaker 1: I started giggling. I guess he didn't like that, because
Speaker 1: he immediately stopped and laid down. Yes, easily deterred. He
Speaker 1: was good soccer and everyone knows beards tickle the pus.
Speaker 1: Come on. He asked me if I could return the favor. Oh,
Speaker 1: I hope he did not use that language. I hope
Speaker 1: he did not use that language. He said he did.
Speaker 1: Hope he sucked his dick for thirty seconds. Truly. Number two,
Speaker 1: our corinth man. No. I took his briefs off, and
Speaker 1: his dick was a severe curved cone shape. It dead
Speaker 1: ass looked like a bullhorn. Y'all, wait, a bullhorn, the
Speaker 1: thing like you make announcements on at a protest. That's
Speaker 1: kind of bicker at the end. That's what a bull died.
Speaker 1: Let me okaya or bullhorn? A curve is one thing.
Speaker 1: A bullhorn got a thickness, and thinness is different at
Speaker 1: one end to the other. That's yeah. Yeah, so like
Speaker 1: a bullhorn is what you use. So he used it
Speaker 1: a protest so to make an announcement, and then bullhorn dick,
Speaker 1: A bullhorn is what you used it a protest to
Speaker 1: make an announcement. Yeah, bullhorn dick is say, let's get
Speaker 1: it over with. I don't I don't even know what's happening.
Speaker 1: What is this, Christina? Is this a sex thing? What
Speaker 1: is that? Is a blow up balloon? That's like a
Speaker 1: balloon clown? Oh? This is a silicorn. This is a
Speaker 1: this is cos Yeah, silicone bullhorn shaped dick. Because I
Speaker 1: have never even heard of this. Me neither. Because how's
Speaker 1: it going in? Yeah? It can't go when you're it's
Speaker 1: so wide at the end. Yeah, I'm getting there. You
Speaker 1: might have you you you might have a real rare one.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, a unicorn in your hands with a bullhorn dick.
Speaker 1: I don't even know. Oh boy, okay, so I'm talking.
Speaker 1: The tip was about the circumference of a quarter. Wait,
Speaker 1: that's little, that's not that big. Yeah, okay, I mean
Speaker 1: we're we're thinking like like I'm thinking like an appetizer
Speaker 1: plate when you say bullhorn, like it starts out like
Speaker 1: a quarter and then grows into a dinner plate. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Because well I was worried that the dinner plate was
Speaker 1: at the edge and then I was like, well, we
Speaker 1: can't even start. That's not going to fit in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah okay, So wait, so the tip was about the
Speaker 1: circumference of a quarter, and the base I had to
Speaker 1: grab with two hands around an opposite of a bullhorn. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: So it's a bullhorn, so it's like it's so it's
Speaker 1: thinner as it goes the announcement places by ball it
Speaker 1: could get in. Yeah, so it can really can get
Speaker 1: in until but I mean that it depends how depending
Speaker 1: on how long it is, that could work out because
Speaker 1: the vaginas are less deep than most dicks are in length. Okay,
Speaker 1: so uh and also like two hands, I mean I
Speaker 1: have to grab a lot of with you. I also
Speaker 1: have very small hands, So I don't know what we're
Speaker 1: working with here. I think I may have been staring
Speaker 1: at it trying to figure out what to do. But
Speaker 1: again I was high. Oh ship anyway, I gave him
Speaker 1: head for maybe five minutes five that's four minutes longer
Speaker 1: than he gave you four thirty second. Yeah, I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be too generous since he wasn't with me.
Speaker 1: I sat down and he got on top. He was
Speaker 1: five eleven and I have five foot. He had a
Speaker 1: leather pouch necklace, so that I think was some prayer thing. Okay, well, okay, no,
Speaker 1: thanks baby, prey for longer. Conny lingus, I don't remember.
Speaker 1: You should have just grabbed it from him and be like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Like I'm praying you go down anymore?
Speaker 1: A pouch necklace that I think was some prayer thing.
Speaker 1: I don't remember. But it hit me in the face,
Speaker 1: so I asked him if he could take it off.
Speaker 1: Oh that's my favorite part of Nicki Glazer's Last special,
Speaker 1: when she's like a guy who wears two many necklaces
Speaker 1: and they're hitting you in the face when you fuck.
Speaker 1: That's the funniest. That made me laugh so hard. It
Speaker 1: was so fucking funny. Missionary would not work. It had
Speaker 1: been a while about a year and it was super painful,
Speaker 1: so he stopped after trying to insert his dick. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's also a long time to go out without sex,
Speaker 1: like where it will be painful. I don't think even
Speaker 1: if the dick was not a bullhorn. Then we tried
Speaker 1: doggy style and he tried to put it in my ass.
Speaker 1: Of course he did with that, and I bet you
Speaker 1: he didn't say anything, and I turned around and said, um, wrong, hole,
Speaker 1: that's a salt. Oh god, he said. He said, okay,
Speaker 1: I have an idea. Well, it's not going to bed.
Speaker 1: I laid down on my stomach and he entered me
Speaker 1: from behind, which was infinitely more comfortable. He thrust it once,
Speaker 1: said something like I'm not going to last long. I think.
Speaker 1: I said, okay, what else was I supposed to say?
Speaker 1: He thrusted three times, kissed me on the shoulder. Oh
Speaker 1: that's so depressing, dude, and then pulled out and sat
Speaker 1: next to me. I was so wet that I didn't
Speaker 1: know if he actually came, and I didn't want to
Speaker 1: ask the first thing. He said, well, she's young. I
Speaker 1: think sometimes I mean, sometimes when there's just a dick
Speaker 1: in the room, you get wet. Yeah, when you're that young.
Speaker 1: You're just sucking like there's like I mean not yeah,
Speaker 1: you just leak it everywhere. The first thing he said
Speaker 1: as he laid down next to me, was is it
Speaker 1: difficult for you to come? I was confused, Oh my
Speaker 1: who the fux says that after you thrust three times,
Speaker 1: then stop and he went down on me for a minute.
Speaker 1: I said sometimes because I didn't want to be mean.
Speaker 1: And there's the problem. He got up to make food.
Speaker 1: While he was out. I checked Uber to get a
Speaker 1: ride back home since it was two am and the
Speaker 1: bus wasn't running. Got up to get food and I
Speaker 1: hate this guy. The uber was going to be sixty dollars.
Speaker 1: He already said he could give me a ride back
Speaker 1: to my place in the morning, and because I'm a
Speaker 1: cheap bitch, I decided to stay the night. It's a lot,
Speaker 1: but that guy sucks. Yeah, that's why it's important to
Speaker 1: have a credit card, even if you can't afford it
Speaker 1: for emergencies. And I consider this like he was like, wait,
Speaker 1: you don't come easily. I just I thrusted you twice.
Speaker 1: I put my clothes back on and went to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: I took a few steps and I felt the most
Speaker 1: disgusting feeling I've ever felt in my fucking life. I
Speaker 1: felt like a big bubble was traveling down my pussy
Speaker 1: and there was nothing I could do to control it.
Speaker 1: I sprint to the bathroom and the bubble burst. I
Speaker 1: look for toilet paper, and he is out of fucking
Speaker 1: toilet paper. Of course, yes, I yelled. This man is
Speaker 1: not a man toilet paper, yelled, do you have toilet paper?
Speaker 1: He said, there is some in the closet. I watched
Speaker 1: the closet, yet toilet paper. He was making food. Go
Speaker 1: back to the bathroom and try to soak up his
Speaker 1: come on my underwear and Jean didn't wear a condom
Speaker 1: girl the first time, at least the first time where
Speaker 1: a comandom Jesus Christ. I took off my underwear because
Speaker 1: it was fucking soaked income and just wore my jeans
Speaker 1: the rest of the night, or rather four hours, because
Speaker 1: we got up at six am to leave his volunteer
Speaker 1: for his volunteering thing. Of course, my god, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't blow yours. I looked in the mirror and I
Speaker 1: looked like ugly as fun I have rosatia, and his
Speaker 1: beard scrubbed away my foundation and left my face red
Speaker 1: from the eyes down. I walked into the kitchen feeling
Speaker 1: ugly and gross. He fed me fried rice. It was
Speaker 1: the only good thing I got out of the night.
Speaker 1: We went to bed and I didn't sleep for a
Speaker 1: fucking second, and I cut my clothes on. He slept
Speaker 1: like a damn bab. He snored and would roll over
Speaker 1: story probably farted and shipped too, and he would roll
Speaker 1: every once in a while, crushing me. God, yeah, I
Speaker 1: fucking hate, Like, wait, what like rolling over onto the
Speaker 1: person like he must be I've never had that happen
Speaker 1: to me once in my entire life. There's nothing more
Speaker 1: uncomfortable for me than sleeping with someone like that. I
Speaker 1: like that. I don't know well enough, Like I've never
Speaker 1: had a guy roll on me. I hate. I've had
Speaker 1: some wild sleepers, you know. I also did a lot
Speaker 1: of people who used a lot of drugs. Um On
Speaker 1: the drive back, there's a lot of twitching. You know,
Speaker 1: you're like, is this do I need to call someone?
Speaker 1: Or is there a sponsor's number? They thanks so much
Speaker 1: for listening to that snippet of guys we fucked. The
Speaker 1: Anti Slutchiming podcast only on Luminary again. If you're interested
Speaker 1: in hearing the whole thing and it's really fucking funny,
Speaker 1: go to luminary Podcasts dot com. We love you, talk
Speaker 1: to you soon.