Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff
Speaker 1: I've never told you production of I Heart Radio. So
Speaker 1: before we get into this one, a quick trigger warning,
Speaker 1: UM free functions of deaths around COVID, UH, sexual racial trauma,
Speaker 1: eating disorders and suicide because um, we are talking about PTSD.
Speaker 1: June is PTSD Awareness month. Yeah, so we thought we'd
Speaker 1: talked about what PTSD looks like, especially during what is
Speaker 1: a very trying and traumatic time right now. If you
Speaker 1: already deal with PTSD is very triggering time. COVID itself
Speaker 1: is traumatic, and then pandemic and quarantine, and then the
Speaker 1: racial trauma the Black community continues to face. It's particularly
Speaker 1: raw right now. And I know I've seen many posts,
Speaker 1: especially from black women talking about being very fatigued, UM
Speaker 1: and trauma fatigued, and I can completely one understand. And
Speaker 1: also domestic views has gone up, and suicide hotlines are
Speaker 1: being saturated at this point in time. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: read some interviews with people who run those hotlines and
Speaker 1: this is a particularly traumatic time for them as well,
Speaker 1: because we're all going through this on some level, Like
Speaker 1: obviously some people are going through other things on top
Speaker 1: of being in a pandemic with a lot of uncertainty,
Speaker 1: and UM all the protests in our country and the
Speaker 1: uncertainty around that, so there is that level of almost
Speaker 1: connection there that perhaps people who operated the suicide hotlines
Speaker 1: didn't have before, but now it's like kind of a
Speaker 1: shared thing. UM. And we've talked a lot about post
Speaker 1: traumatic stress disorder PTSD on this show is something that
Speaker 1: we both experience student past sexual assault and abuse, and yes,
Speaker 1: because of the constant undercurrent of uncertainty, of anxiety, the
Speaker 1: disruption of routine, the isolation, it is a very triggering
Speaker 1: time around a lot of things. For me personally, I
Speaker 1: have been really triggered lately. I've had nightmares and flashbacks
Speaker 1: like racing heart UM, trouble breathing normally hardcore zoning out,
Speaker 1: inability to sleep, dramatic emotional shifts, crying UM. And and
Speaker 1: for people with eating disorders like me, all the talk
Speaker 1: around food and weighed about groceries and having enough food
Speaker 1: or not having enough food or not having their right
Speaker 1: food is very triggering to UM. And because of that,
Speaker 1: I've started having virtual dinners with friends and that helps,
Speaker 1: but it's also really scary and really vulnerable because I
Speaker 1: UM hadn't shared with a lot of friends that that
Speaker 1: was something that I dealt with, So that was something yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I finally reached the point where I was frightened
Speaker 1: and I had to tell people. Um, so that's scary,
Speaker 1: scary too, right, I think that definitely understand all of that.
Speaker 1: I have been going through a lot of roller coasters
Speaker 1: between guilt and fatigue, and I've also gone through sleeplessness.
Speaker 1: But I also go the overboard. I think I told
Speaker 1: you recently, I'm like, I'm pretty sure if I went
Speaker 1: to a doctor about knockcolepsy, I may qualify because I
Speaker 1: get so overwhelmed that I have to sleep like I
Speaker 1: am immobilized and immediately mustli because I'm so drained and
Speaker 1: so overwhelmed. Um. And that also goes into I have
Speaker 1: also done the emotional shifts and crying and zoning out
Speaker 1: and just trying to take my mind off things, but
Speaker 1: also the guilt of knowing I am privileged to be
Speaker 1: able to take my mind off things and that should
Speaker 1: not be the case for me. Right now, I've had
Speaker 1: this new overwhelming feeling. I guess it's the best way
Speaker 1: to put it. With the fact that I've been raised
Speaker 1: by a white family, and and the whole level of
Speaker 1: what it looks like to be a woman of color
Speaker 1: in Atlanta in these times when talking about loyalty and gratefulness,
Speaker 1: and the line between what I was taught growing up
Speaker 1: to what I know is right and wrong and to
Speaker 1: what I've always known was right and wrong, and always
Speaker 1: feeling conflicted and always feeling like an outsider, to being
Speaker 1: on the outside on every course, including within the Asian community.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm an outsider within the white community.
Speaker 1: I'm an outsider within this um, these movements and protests.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely an outsider. And it's just such a weird
Speaker 1: place for me because nothing I feel like I've been
Speaker 1: doing or that we do is good enough or on
Speaker 1: the right track. And I know you have been on
Speaker 1: the receiving end of me having a panic attack about
Speaker 1: what we're doing and what we're not doing. My partner
Speaker 1: has been poor thing has been around for the entire
Speaker 1: time of being losing and stressing over the level of
Speaker 1: what is right and what is wrong, being terrified that
Speaker 1: I'm not representing things to uh fullness and to its
Speaker 1: honesty and to its truth, as well as acknowledging the
Speaker 1: fact that there's this feeling of betrayal that I cannot
Speaker 1: let go of, even though it's not completely true. There's
Speaker 1: this whole underlying thing that has triggered and openly uh
Speaker 1: opened up these wounds from my past of things that
Speaker 1: I try to hide away from or tried to things
Speaker 1: that I played away from or even believed that I
Speaker 1: was doing the right thing because I just needed to
Speaker 1: be a part of something or at least be invisible.
Speaker 1: And that's not that's no longer something that we can
Speaker 1: afford to just go under the radar and to be
Speaker 1: invisible and to be quiet. So yeah, it's definitely been
Speaker 1: a hard time. UM And speaking for medical professionals failing
Speaker 1: daily exposure to COVID, I cannot imagine seeing all the
Speaker 1: articles they seeing all the articles and first person accounts
Speaker 1: from these medical fields, UM about the fact that they're
Speaker 1: seeing more illness, more death, and sometimes being has to
Speaker 1: facilitate final conversations between loved ones seeing the refrigerated truck
Speaker 1: of bodies not having the protective gear they need, having
Speaker 1: to actually be a part of counter protests to those
Speaker 1: who felt like these quarantines were infringing on their rights
Speaker 1: to get a haircut. And I know that's a generalization,
Speaker 1: but the fact that they had to be not only
Speaker 1: are they on the front lines for this, but they
Speaker 1: have to fight to have people to be healthy, to
Speaker 1: ask them to be healthy. Uh, this is a particularly
Speaker 1: traumatizing time for them. There's also something called moral injury
Speaker 1: not being able to abide by deeply help beliefs like
Speaker 1: not having ano ventilators for patients, or perhaps even not
Speaker 1: being able to protest when you're unable to for whatever reasons.
Speaker 1: And that's definitely something that has come into our conversations
Speaker 1: that you're not talking about whether we should go to
Speaker 1: these protests, what protests to go to, UM, feeling guilty
Speaker 1: if we're not there UM. But it's also a traumatic
Speaker 1: time for those who contract the virus and experience social
Speaker 1: ice relation and fearful their life. When they're admitted to
Speaker 1: the hospital, the fight or flight responses triggered, and some
Speaker 1: patients received an injection of adrenaline, which ripples out to
Speaker 1: those that care about them. The self quarantine that medical
Speaker 1: professionals and people were covering from the virus that separates
Speaker 1: from families and friends only increases the risk of developing
Speaker 1: PTSD are making symptoms worse. Yeah, and I have lost
Speaker 1: family members during this and the choices you have to
Speaker 1: make of being there are not um around the funeral
Speaker 1: are really really brutal, and it's it's awful not being
Speaker 1: able to say goodbye. And and like I said in
Speaker 1: recent episode, um, I've seen it. And my mom she
Speaker 1: has a PTSD now or around people dying suddenly because
Speaker 1: of everything that's happened and all the people she's lost
Speaker 1: in less than a year. When I told her I'd
Speaker 1: been to the protest, she started crying, and not because
Speaker 1: she was upset that I went. She said she was proud,
Speaker 1: but she was so scared for me. She she's afraid
Speaker 1: that I was gonna get it and die. Right, And
Speaker 1: that's definitely a part of the conversation that my parents
Speaker 1: and I don't have. Uh. We kind of keep our
Speaker 1: conversations very short, wellness checks and kind of move on
Speaker 1: because we are absolutely at the different spectrums of beliefs,
Speaker 1: especially politically but also with well. I guess COVID could
Speaker 1: be considered political now because of the way it's being used. Um,
Speaker 1: but even our understanding of what COVID is and how
Speaker 1: high risk it is to the effect of this protest,
Speaker 1: and we have not even brought up that conversation because
Speaker 1: we are so argumentative and on the opposite spectrums that
Speaker 1: it has become a point of dissent. Then we've had
Speaker 1: to stop. But yeah, it's just I know that for them, ay,
Speaker 1: they want to know that I'm safe, be they don't
Speaker 1: understand what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. But
Speaker 1: even like my partner his he gets a daily call
Speaker 1: now asking because he's been to a few tests too,
Speaker 1: are you there now? Are you okay? Are you safe?
Speaker 1: To make sure that he's not getting hurt as well. Yeah. Um.
Speaker 1: And of note, experts have said that social media may
Speaker 1: make all of this worse. They think that's one way
Speaker 1: it sets it apart from previous pandemics and protests. And I,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I noticed such a huge difference when
Speaker 1: I stepped away from social media for a bit. So
Speaker 1: I know we advised this and almost every other episode.
Speaker 1: But you know, if you need to take time limits
Speaker 1: through your mental health checks, do these things to take
Speaker 1: care of yourself, because if you get to the point
Speaker 1: where you're just overwhelmed, you can't do anything. You're not
Speaker 1: helping anyone, right, it has definitely become a disruptive part
Speaker 1: of my life where I have always had issues staying
Speaker 1: off the phone. And I say that always as in
Speaker 1: when we've gotten the interwebs in our hands, but especially
Speaker 1: because of everything that's going on. I get the variety
Speaker 1: of my news from things like Twitter and columns and
Speaker 1: articles because I hate listening to the things that infect
Speaker 1: my brain like so news is awful to me, and
Speaker 1: anytime I hear the President speak, I get physically nauseous
Speaker 1: and I get angry and I have to leave the room.
Speaker 1: I just cannot hear these things. So reading it at
Speaker 1: least I can, you know, um, control a little bit
Speaker 1: of what I'm having to read it, how far I
Speaker 1: have to read, and what you know, all of that
Speaker 1: control of that part. But because of that, I have
Speaker 1: a hard time putting that down because I'm afraid that
Speaker 1: I'm gonna miss information. I'm afraid i'm gonna miss an event.
Speaker 1: I'm afraid that things are slipping under the radar, and
Speaker 1: therefore cannot let go of social media, cannot stop. But
Speaker 1: I have had to go to the point that I
Speaker 1: actually physically turn off my phone for a couple of
Speaker 1: hours at a time. And I say a couple of
Speaker 1: hours because that's all I can do away from it.
Speaker 1: And it's been a whole kind of WorldWind just seeing
Speaker 1: how much I depend on what is being written in
Speaker 1: social media or the columns or the articles that I
Speaker 1: want to read, and the fact that because of things
Speaker 1: moving so quickly, so fast, and so many things happening,
Speaker 1: that if I do step away from it from a
Speaker 1: little while, that I'll miss miss something big. Yeah. I've
Speaker 1: definitely seen that too, and I think it is compounded
Speaker 1: by the fact that we're all inside right like, so
Speaker 1: we're sort of in this nervous, anxious state where we
Speaker 1: feel like we can't control anything, and the news is
Speaker 1: just constant. So yeah, I would just advise checking in
Speaker 1: around that and and maybe putting in some times that
Speaker 1: you particularly do it. I know for me, I don't.
Speaker 1: And this is also in my pursuit of one day
Speaker 1: sleeping well for an hour before I go to bed,
Speaker 1: I'd usually try not to be on anything electronic. I
Speaker 1: don't always succeed, but usually, right that's way better than
Speaker 1: I do. I've been doing that for years and people
Speaker 1: are like, we know you're awake, why didn't you answer
Speaker 1: my test? I'm like, I'm trying to sleep though I'm
Speaker 1: trying so hard. Yeah, I have learned that most likely
Speaker 1: you have turned it off, which I really am proud
Speaker 1: of you because I wish I had that fortitude. Well,
Speaker 1: when you're the levels of like not sleeping, I do. I.
Speaker 1: I bet that's right. We need between the two of
Speaker 1: us we have the perfect sleeping habit. Then yes, again
Speaker 1: we're like a transformer. Um. Some doctors have written about
Speaker 1: how some people with PTSD or c PTSD which is
Speaker 1: complex PTSD or O c D or something similar, might
Speaker 1: actually do relatively well during this time some people, not everybody,
Speaker 1: depending on their coping mechanisms and how your symptoms manifest
Speaker 1: because like, for instance, if you're untrusting, hey, that works
Speaker 1: perfectly for social ting. Um. The work of managing your
Speaker 1: symptoms is often now a valuable resource for friends and
Speaker 1: family who didn't have to deal with PTSD before having
Speaker 1: this sort of constant anxiety. People who previously didn't understand
Speaker 1: p T s D, you can now understand it better,
Speaker 1: um that they now that they can have now that
Speaker 1: they do have their own feelings around lack of control
Speaker 1: and panic and fear and emotion regulation. So I have
Speaker 1: seen articles from some people who have PTSD ars something
Speaker 1: like that saying I almost feel like a superhero now
Speaker 1: because everyone's reaching out and I have all these coping
Speaker 1: mechanisms and tips that I can share. So there is
Speaker 1: that aspect of it. Yes, UM experts predict surprise, surprise,
Speaker 1: a huge wave of PTSD in the wake of COVID ninteing.
Speaker 1: They're urging that services and funding like mental health screenings
Speaker 1: be made available for healthcare workers in the frontline hotlines
Speaker 1: and expanded access to telehealth services. And I've ever been seen,
Speaker 1: especially with the things that are happening UH in the
Speaker 1: black community and them in the continued trauma that they're
Speaker 1: having to witness, whether it's videos, whether it's from the protests,
Speaker 1: whether it's you know, all of that, UM, whether it's
Speaker 1: just the bigger news coverage, which because we all know
Speaker 1: it's been happening, this has been happening, so we can
Speaker 1: go ahead and say that, but now it's being amplified
Speaker 1: ten times more, twenty times more UM for the rest
Speaker 1: of the community, the rest of the country, the rest
Speaker 1: of the world to see, but which packs on even
Speaker 1: more PTSD for that community. And I will say right now,
Speaker 1: the bigger question and the argument is coming for specifically
Speaker 1: for black women and children and the impact this is
Speaker 1: causing on them as well. Um and I have seen
Speaker 1: funds coming together to provide more access and more mental
Speaker 1: health care, which I love to see, but still not
Speaker 1: enough because we can also again talk about disparagement in
Speaker 1: health care and mental health services for the Black community,
Speaker 1: for Black women, for Black children and all of that
Speaker 1: and how it is not afforded to them, and why
Speaker 1: this is an atrocity in our community and our country
Speaker 1: and our health care and our society that only holds
Speaker 1: up in regards to white people. Uh almost even the
Speaker 1: Asian community more so than the other. Women are in
Speaker 1: that obnoxious and unjustifiable and absurd sorry, um and And.
Speaker 1: A study out of Wuhan, China recently conducted found that
Speaker 1: seven recovering COVID patients surveyed out of them, of them
Speaker 1: had symptoms of PTSD, so this is a very founded concern.
Speaker 1: Another found that of patients that undergo the traumatic experience
Speaker 1: of being on a ventilator developed PTSD. Um It also
Speaker 1: found that for patients that left the i CU with depression,
Speaker 1: they had a forty seven percent higher risk of dying
Speaker 1: within two years as opposed to those that left without depression.
Speaker 1: And if we do look at police brutality and protesting,
Speaker 1: that can cause PTSD or be triggering for people who
Speaker 1: already have it too, which means it disproportionately affects Black
Speaker 1: people in this country. Seeing those images and videos of
Speaker 1: police brutality can be incredibly traumatizing, even if you personally
Speaker 1: haven't experienced it, which is called vicarious victimization. UM. Yes,
Speaker 1: I always think about that before you post. Not saying
Speaker 1: don't post things, but think about how it'll label it
Speaker 1: to warn people get permission things like that, um. And
Speaker 1: watching these videos can have physical effects due to the
Speaker 1: release of the stress hormone cortisol, which can make you
Speaker 1: feel wiped out, that your heart is racing, that you
Speaker 1: can't quite catch your breath. Actually, a recent study suggests
Speaker 1: that nearly two million of the protesters in Hong Kong
Speaker 1: have developed PTSD, and that's almost one third of the population.
Speaker 1: Also triggering for those that have experienced domestic violence, and
Speaker 1: we already know those numbers have gone up. But a
Speaker 1: question is how often is it being reported, especially if
Speaker 1: you look at the black community, and whether or not
Speaker 1: they have the ability to contact or get help and
Speaker 1: who they're calling us. Obviously the police are not trusted
Speaker 1: right now, right right. Um. So these are emotionally trying
Speaker 1: times for a lot of us. And if you have PTSD,
Speaker 1: maybe you've had it for a while or maybe you've
Speaker 1: developed it recently as a part of all of this, UM,
Speaker 1: it can be particularly isolating and frightening. So some things
Speaker 1: I've been doing, yoga, meditation, virtual hangouts, UM, and I
Speaker 1: have been trying to be open with what I'm going
Speaker 1: through and what I'm concerned with, even if I just
Speaker 1: say like, look, this is what I'm worried about, this
Speaker 1: is what I'm dealing with. I don't really want to
Speaker 1: talk about it, but I want you to be aware
Speaker 1: that it's happening. And that's why I feel like I
Speaker 1: need to have at least a set hang out, however
Speaker 1: many times a week or whatever. UM writing, oh my god,
Speaker 1: the fan fiction is so much fan fiction. The fan fiction,
Speaker 1: but also journaling, dancing, gaming, limiting my time on social media,
Speaker 1: trying to be mindful of where your feelings are coming from,
Speaker 1: where thoughts are coming from, why I'm doing things. Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: and I've always been one of those that love rewatching
Speaker 1: things that are familiar and cozy to me, and if
Speaker 1: Green Gables one of those. Um, I think one of
Speaker 1: the problematic things is what has aged well and what hasn't,
Speaker 1: So I have to be mindful of that right as
Speaker 1: a person who does deal with anxiety and does not
Speaker 1: like change. Repetition of shows like that for me is
Speaker 1: always a good thing. Um. And of course if there's therapy,
Speaker 1: that is a good, great option. I need to get
Speaker 1: back in because I've been out for a minute because
Speaker 1: of costs and affordability. But yeah, it's it's time. I
Speaker 1: think it's a good time if that again is available
Speaker 1: to you, if you're able to afford it. Again, there
Speaker 1: is some assistance out there, so maybe if you have questions,
Speaker 1: we can link you up. Um. If not, there are
Speaker 1: a lot of resources online, including apps. Again, this is
Speaker 1: very limited to people who have accessibility. And that's a
Speaker 1: whole other conversation that makes me angry and I want
Speaker 1: to go on a rant on, but I will stop. Also,
Speaker 1: the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which is if you need
Speaker 1: it one eight hundred two seven three eight to five five.
Speaker 1: You can also find it online as well. UM. It
Speaker 1: is something to know, and I know I think I
Speaker 1: just tweeted the other day and I'll retweet it on
Speaker 1: our social media. There was one specifically for the trans
Speaker 1: community because it is really important right now as the
Speaker 1: transit community is under attack by the US government in
Speaker 1: itself and oftentimes even just people. Yeah yeah, um U J. K. Rowling.
Speaker 1: Definitely look those resources up when you're like feeling in
Speaker 1: a good place and go ahead and put them in
Speaker 1: your phone. I've called it before, UM and I'm so
Speaker 1: so glad I had it my phone already. UM. So yeah,
Speaker 1: please take care of yourselves. We're thinking of you, we
Speaker 1: love you. If you need to reach out to us
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, we're happy to provide whatever relief. Are
Speaker 1: silly jokes in my case, um or Star Wars facts,
Speaker 1: so many um that we can. You can email us
Speaker 1: at Steff Media, mom Stuff at I hired media dot com.
Speaker 1: You can find us on Instagram at Stuff I Ever
Speaker 1: Told You, or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks
Speaker 1: as always to our super producers J. J. Posway and
Speaker 1: Andrew Howard, Thanks Shell, and thanks to you for listening.
Speaker 1: Stuff I've Never Told You production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from i heart Radio. It's the i
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.