Speaker 1: Hey, Fucker's what up? Christina Hutchinson and Karin Fisher. Here,
Speaker 1: You're about to listen to an episode of Guys We Fucked,
Speaker 1: the anti sledge shipping podcast, but just a little piece. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I enjoy this excerpt from our bonus episode, with subject
Speaker 1: lines such as my dad walked in on me whilst
Speaker 1: I was cleaning my boyfriend's come off the wall, and
Speaker 1: begging for orgasms from the world's messiest nerd. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: if you want to hear more the whole episode, you're
Speaker 1: gonna head over to Luminary Podcasts dot com, where you
Speaker 1: can get a subscription to all their content, including Guys
Speaker 1: We Fucked. And there's also Roxyne Gay, uh, Lena Dunham,
Speaker 1: Alyssa Bennett, Russell Brand Forevor, Noah, Michael Rappaport goes on Yeah,
Speaker 1: really really good stuff and uh A. Subscriptions start at
Speaker 1: only a month. This subject line is I ship in
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's hand. Longtime listener praised you both. The evolution
Speaker 1: of your viewpoints and consistent determination to be slash do
Speaker 1: better is something I admire and look up to. Think.
Speaker 1: You know, my boyfriend and I have been together for
Speaker 1: five years. About two years into our relationship, we decided
Speaker 1: to spice up our sex life. We were partying one
Speaker 1: night and one thing led to another que the anal beads.
Speaker 1: Uh I had brought him the beads a couple of
Speaker 1: months ago, and they were the equivalent of the quote
Speaker 1: well vodka. This particular model had the actual beads on
Speaker 1: one end and a pocket that held a bullet vibrator
Speaker 1: on the other who I was riding him and we
Speaker 1: decided to insert the beads in my ass. The vibrations
Speaker 1: from the bullet were making these super horny, so I
Speaker 1: pulled the bullet out of the end of the end
Speaker 1: of the beads and started rubbing them on my clip slash,
Speaker 1: pushy slash as slash his ass, his balls. It felt
Speaker 1: so fucking good, and we both came within seconds. Oh God,
Speaker 1: give me what the fund here using. I was sitting
Speaker 1: on top of him after our orgasms and realized I
Speaker 1: could still feel the vibrator, but I didn't know where
Speaker 1: it was, and he couldn't find it either. I immediately
Speaker 1: thought it was somewhere on our bed, so I hopped
Speaker 1: off and started swiping my hands a cross. The mattress
Speaker 1: lights were off. It was dark. This is when the
Speaker 1: panic set in. I could still hear slash semi feel
Speaker 1: the beads, but could not find the bullet on the mattress.
Speaker 1: This is when I realized that the bullet had been eaten.
Speaker 1: Had been eaten by my asshole. Whilst rubbing it around
Speaker 1: our parts, I got too frisky with my own bum hole,
Speaker 1: and apparently it swallowed a whole buttston to do that.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend was pretty calm and started firing off suggestions
Speaker 1: on how to get it out. But I had to
Speaker 1: work the next morning and could not imagine waiting at
Speaker 1: the hospital all night, so I decided to try and
Speaker 1: shoot it out. It did not work. Apparently your asshole
Speaker 1: is like a mushroom shaped vacuum. Yes it is, and
Speaker 1: anything that goes up the shoot gets stuck in the
Speaker 1: cap of the mushroom. This is when I had the
Speaker 1: reckoning that my boyfriend would have to remove it. I
Speaker 1: went back into our bedroom where he laid down its towel.
Speaker 1: I got on all fours and presented him my asshole.
Speaker 1: You're a good writer. He started trying to remove it.
Speaker 1: By using his fingers. They could reach the bullet, but
Speaker 1: every time he got a grip the cap of my
Speaker 1: w rectum would suck that fucker back in. He moved
Speaker 1: onto the anal beads and surprisingly they worked really well.
Speaker 1: He used my anal wall as leverage. Oh it was
Speaker 1: a leverage point and was able to flick the bullet out.
Speaker 1: But when he flipped out the bullet, he put his
Speaker 1: hands out to catch it and a solid piece of
Speaker 1: ship came with it. Not only did I have a
Speaker 1: full dinal appointment with my boyfriend where he literally saw
Speaker 1: parts of me that I'll never see, but I ended
Speaker 1: it with a perfect turd in his hands. Oh my lord, Honestly,
Speaker 1: the moment brought us closer together and confirmed our love
Speaker 1: for each other. But what a shitty, shitty ordeal. Attaches
Speaker 1: a photo of the anal beats for reference, just kidding,
Speaker 1: I can't find a picture. I was like, what, I
Speaker 1: can't find a picture of the shitty vibrating annual beads
Speaker 1: because they're probably illegal. Now show me the bitch. Attaches
Speaker 1: a photo of me and my boyfriend cheers. I know
Speaker 1: it's not the best picture, however, it's an accurate representation
Speaker 1: of you. Guys are cute, you have cute dogs. That
Speaker 1: one's a huge and you're both really attractive, super cute
Speaker 1: for him. Good for you guys. Oh my god, Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Sh it always gets always sucking ladies, I
Speaker 1: have someone pulls it out of me. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I gotta say. When I milked a guy's prostrate, I
Speaker 1: didn't even have poop under my fingernails, and I was like, impressive.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, not every time there I should. But I
Speaker 1: mean it's also like if you because she I think
Speaker 1: she's probably started, maybe like if you were starting to
Speaker 1: poop maybe eight fiber or something. Because the fact that
Speaker 1: a full piece of ship came out, like wow, a full,
Speaker 1: perfect turd, that's all. Yeah, full perfect turd plocked in
Speaker 1: his hands. Good, good on. That should be the title.
Speaker 1: That's beautiful boy. Uh. Email number four begging for our
Speaker 1: orgasms from the world's messiest nerds. What a subject, high ladies.
Speaker 1: I love both of you and all that you do.
Speaker 1: I was introduced to gw have two years ago, and
Speaker 1: you both quickly became my favorite. Sharing a funny story
Speaker 1: maybe not my loudest moment. Please don't share my name.
Speaker 1: If you end up reading this, well, I hope you
Speaker 1: didn't say it. Uh No, I am thirty two, you
Speaker 1: sometimes excuse them. I am thirty two. You sometimes excused
Speaker 1: hum bittery from women in their early twenties. I am
Speaker 1: a grown ass woman who should know better. Let's see
Speaker 1: what you did. Last year. There was a period where
Speaker 1: I was barely meeting anyone, and I had been a
Speaker 1: while since I had sex. I made an executive decision
Speaker 1: that I will be ending this dry period and having
Speaker 1: sex with somebody, you know what I mean that this week,
Speaker 1: but it didn't work out. Um. I went on a
Speaker 1: date with a guy I met on a dating app.
Speaker 1: We had a long date. He was cute, charming, and
Speaker 1: we had a great time. He was also a very
Speaker 1: good kisser. So I decided, there we go. Executive decision
Speaker 1: about to be implemented. We go back to I know right,
Speaker 1: We go back to his place, and he doesn't even
Speaker 1: think to prepare me for what I was about to see.
Speaker 1: It was the messiest apartment I have ever seen in
Speaker 1: my life. Oh my god, I want to hear this
Speaker 1: sails because I have been in what I would argue
Speaker 1: as the messiest apartment like a true hoarder. So world roommate,
Speaker 1: well know, I've been in the worse part you weren't there? Yeah,
Speaker 1: wow in New York. It wasn't someone I was sleeping with.
Speaker 1: But yes, yes, yes, like like I mean, I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't even make fun of it because I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think this person hasn't mental illness. Some details. Uh,
Speaker 1: there was nowhere for me to put my stuff. He
Speaker 1: had to move a pile of clothes off a table
Speaker 1: so I could put my purse. Where is the TLC
Speaker 1: camera grew right, Well, it's but it's closed. I was like,
Speaker 1: then when you get into true quarters, it's like he
Speaker 1: had to move an empty pizza box, you know, three
Speaker 1: empty pizza boxes. Um, there were Amazon boxes opened and unopened,
Speaker 1: of different shapes and sizes everywhere. I can guarantee that
Speaker 1: not even an Amazon warehouse. How's this many boxes? That's
Speaker 1: weird yet one of those loft types of setups where
Speaker 1: you're supposed to put the mattress on top. Already a
Speaker 1: bad sign. But then I noticed that he has more
Speaker 1: Amazon boxes on top and his mattress on the floor
Speaker 1: below it. Okay, that's weird. Why don't you just bring Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so weird. He had his computer on with the
Speaker 1: sound on, and there was constant beeping. It turns out
Speaker 1: he had discord chat on. I don't even know what
Speaker 1: that is. It kept beating the whole fucking time. I
Speaker 1: asked him to mute it, and he said, no, it's okay,
Speaker 1: but it's not. The kitchen was piles of plates, empty
Speaker 1: bottles of water, all sorts of mess. The bathroom was
Speaker 1: surprisingly clean. That's important because I was like, the one
Speaker 1: besides the Mattras, like, you have to go with because
Speaker 1: I gotta say, the bathroom in this place, it was not.
Speaker 1: It was filled with backs bucks. You know, it's like
Speaker 1: a true hoarder. I was like I was. I was
Speaker 1: looking for I remember you told me the story. I
Speaker 1: was looking for a cat in the apartment. All the
Speaker 1: voices in my head Christine podcast, we're telling me to
Speaker 1: get the funk out of there. But there was another
Speaker 1: voice telling me, you need to have SEXT day girl. Fuck.
Speaker 1: I made the decision to listen to that voice and said, girl,
Speaker 1: I hope you used a CONDOMN Oh my god, please
Speaker 1: say oh my god. He had it on his Amazon U.
Speaker 1: This is because you know, this is how COVID started.
Speaker 1: I'm just deciding to fuck, so we have sex. He
Speaker 1: also reached into one of the Amazon boxes to get
Speaker 1: a condom. Well, that's one of the things he ordered.
Speaker 1: I mean hopefully hopefully not like a loose condom. Fuck,
Speaker 1: it was obviously bad. Short and he finishes and starts
Speaker 1: falling asleep. Oh my Christ, I do not come. I
Speaker 1: start feeling rage because I knew that I should have
Speaker 1: left as soon as I arrived and did not, and
Speaker 1: was mad at myself for it. I hated that he
Speaker 1: did not even ask if I finished, or even acknowledge it.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, yeah, basically never when you like hook
Speaker 1: up with someone who just met on a day, that's
Speaker 1: not it never happened. Um, So we have this conversation Me,
Speaker 1: so is it my turn yet? Him? Your turn? Awkward? Last,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? What do you fucking mean? What
Speaker 1: do I mean? Me? You know exactly what I mean?
Speaker 1: He stares at me awkwardly. Me. You have three options.
Speaker 1: You can go down on me, finger me, or fun again?
Speaker 1: Which is it nice? So? He I mean? Possibly illegal
Speaker 1: in the option three four clean your home. I'll come
Speaker 1: to that. Possibly illegal in the way you stayed it
Speaker 1: and become for you, so he fingered me. I came,
Speaker 1: Then I left. I had you, Kane. I had never
Speaker 1: confronted someone like that. It was literally his messy apartment
Speaker 1: and the fact I stayed despite my best judgment that
Speaker 1: made me think, oh, hell, no, squirrel writes like you.
Speaker 1: It's funny she talks like you. The vast majority of
Speaker 1: my sexual experiences has been with people I was in
Speaker 1: love with dating for a while and generally liked where
Speaker 1: they cared about what kind of time I was having.
Speaker 1: I've only done one night stands a couple of times
Speaker 1: and hated every time. I hate that I had to
Speaker 1: ask for this, But also, who knows, maybe I improved
Speaker 1: him for the next woman. Maybe I should have also
Speaker 1: told him to clean up his fucking apartment before bringing
Speaker 1: a date home. Yeah, you probably should have, I guess.
Speaker 1: But at what point, I mean, were you gonna listen
Speaker 1: to me? Yeah? No, I mean it's funny though that
Speaker 1: you didn't even comment on it. He and and sometimes
Speaker 1: dudes are so dense, like sure you had a shocked
Speaker 1: look on your face. Yeah, it would been hard for
Speaker 1: me not to honestly break down all those Amazon boxes myself.
Speaker 1: That is very meditative. I used to clean my ex's
Speaker 1: apartment because I would I would go there and I
Speaker 1: would just be like, I can't leave like this. Yeah
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah, I just can't. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have time. I'm just gonna do this camp site
Speaker 1: rule full effect. Hey fucker's. I hope you enjoyed that
Speaker 1: excerpt from a bonus episode of Guys We Fucked. If
Speaker 1: you're interested in hearing the whole thing and more exclusive
Speaker 1: content that Luminary has to offer, go to Luminary podcasts
Speaker 1: dot com. There's so much fluid in this episode. Ye