Speaker 1: Two hopeless daters, one dating app, then dares you does
Speaker 1: swipe right. The question is whose love life is more tragic.
Speaker 1: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates. It's the dating game
Speaker 1: show that's filed for chapter nine six times in the
Speaker 1: last four years. Okay, I mean it's financially unsustainable, but
Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess we're just going to keep
Speaker 1: doing it. I think that's what radio does, right. It's
Speaker 1: Battle of the Tinder Dates, where two of our listeners
Speaker 1: go head to head to figure out whose dating life
Speaker 1: is the most disastrous. We'll explain the rules in just
Speaker 1: a second, but first let's meet today's contestants. In this corner,
Speaker 1: she has two fridges in her home, one for regular
Speaker 1: food and another filled entirely with stoffers for when she's sad.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's lasagna, Tanya. That is an amazing nickname, Dude,
Speaker 1: give it to me. And in the other corner, she's
Speaker 1: a recovering addict. Her drug of choice low life men.
Speaker 1: She's going through withdrawals. So speak quietly to jittery Jessica's Jessica.
Speaker 1: Here's how the game works. One contestants going to start
Speaker 1: by telling one of their worst dating stories. And the
Speaker 1: other will try and counter with a nightmare story of
Speaker 1: their own. We're gonna go back and forth for three rounds,
Speaker 1: and then afterwards we will declare a winner. All Right,
Speaker 1: our contestants, ready, ready, ready, Okay, Tanya, we're going to
Speaker 1: kick it off with you. Let's hear your first horrible
Speaker 1: dating story. All right. So I match with this guy
Speaker 1: who wanted to meet me at a local coffee shop. Okay,
Speaker 1: So while we're waiting for our order, he tells me
Speaker 1: that the only reason he mash with me was because
Speaker 1: he saw I'm a teacher and he needed to study
Speaker 1: for a test at his community college. He's ready to
Speaker 1: get free, Tutory, I said. He pulls out his books
Speaker 1: and spreads them out across the table for me to
Speaker 1: take him to class, and not in a sexy way.
Speaker 1: Did you help him? Yeah, he's just trying to get
Speaker 1: ahead of life. I hope you don't know. I took
Speaker 1: my coffee that I paid for and I walked out
Speaker 1: of there, teaching him a life lesson, no handout sports man.
Speaker 1: All right, Jessica, what do you got? This guy invited
Speaker 1: me over to his house, which is always a gamble,
Speaker 1: but he fought from me a nice steak dinner in
Speaker 1: a movie. So I get there expecting this home cooked meal.
Speaker 1: Turns out he ordered from a local diner. Okay, you
Speaker 1: know you don't get a good steak from a diner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: whenever you get steak delivered, it's always like its own grease.
Speaker 1: But I stepped with it. And then halfway through the movie,
Speaker 1: he gets the text from a friend telling him to
Speaker 1: get online, and he pauses the movie and switched on
Speaker 1: Call of duty. And then he tells me to hang
Speaker 1: on him in I mean, it was like you guys
Speaker 1: were three years into a relationship, is what it sounds like.
Speaker 1: You didn't support him as he went into war. Yea,
Speaker 1: all right, Round one is over. Let's kick off round two, Tanya. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I went to dinner with this guy. That was a
Speaker 1: nice place. When I show up, he whistled at me
Speaker 1: like a dog. No, oh my god, here girl, not
Speaker 1: like a like a foxy whistle, like a call whistle,
Speaker 1: like a call whistle. And this man could project let
Speaker 1: me tell you. Oh, okay, you know, maybe this is
Speaker 1: just his sense of humor. Throughout the meal, while we're talking,
Speaker 1: he sporadically just started like petting my head, like you're
Speaker 1: a good dog. Exactly exactly now. I called him out
Speaker 1: on it. I'm like, dude, what's going on, Like you're
Speaker 1: patting my head, you're petting me, whistled at me. He
Speaker 1: started crying because it turns out he lost his dog
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks before, and he said it must
Speaker 1: be a subconscious thing. Oh my god, that's so sad
Speaker 1: and embarrassing. Yes, all right, Jessica, you're up, all right.
Speaker 1: So I went to brunch with this guy and he
Speaker 1: orders an omelet and while he's chewing, he sneezes and
Speaker 1: part of the omelet comes out of his nose, landing
Speaker 1: right on the table. Oh I'm so grossed down. Picture
Speaker 1: that you painted. It's landed on the table and he
Speaker 1: calmly uses his fork and scoops it up and eat there.
Speaker 1: Let's quickly move on to round three. Your head, Tanya,
Speaker 1: save us with your worst dating story. So this dude
Speaker 1: asks me very straightforward to Netflix and chill. So I
Speaker 1: go over there. After the chill portion, he pulls out
Speaker 1: his phone and takes the selfie of us, and that
Speaker 1: was just like, what are you doing? And he proceeds
Speaker 1: to nonchalantly tell me that he's sending it to his
Speaker 1: ex wife. Oh my god, what are you talking about?
Speaker 1: And he was like, yeah, I need her to know
Speaker 1: that I'm back in the game. Oh my god, he
Speaker 1: was bragging about you. I don't know how this works, Jessica.
Speaker 1: It's your last shot. Give us your best dating story
Speaker 1: right now. Here we go. So the guy offers to
Speaker 1: pick me up close up in a white van. I
Speaker 1: get in. I'm looking around and hearing these loud, screaming
Speaker 1: sounds and I'm like, what is that noise? Yeah, and
Speaker 1: he says, oh, they're rats. I just have the few
Speaker 1: delivery left to these exotic pet owners over food. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I had to sit in a van for the
Speaker 1: next twenty minutes as he delivered these rats to their doom. Yea,
Speaker 1: we make sure you're real hungry for dinner after that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you stuck around for the date after all the rats
Speaker 1: were being delivered. Well, he'd picked me up and I
Speaker 1: was already too far from home, trapped in the rat van.
Speaker 1: All right, that's the final bell. It means the match
Speaker 1: is over. That was Oh my god, yeah a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't have the words for it. Let's just go
Speaker 1: to the judges and get your final scorecards. Brook. There's
Speaker 1: no way I can't give my vote to Jessica rat Cage,
Speaker 1: van Sneeze, onion, all of it. Jessica. That was terrible.
Speaker 1: All right, we got one for Jessica. Yea, jose who
Speaker 1: are you giving your vote too? I gotta go with Waanya.
Speaker 1: Tanya with the freaking ex wife in bed. Oh my god. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's one each and for me. I think the revenge
Speaker 1: selfie sent to the ex wife takes it for me.
Speaker 1: That's why, Tanya, you are our winner. Congratulations, You're the
Speaker 1: grand champion of sadness. You have the most unenviable dating life.
Speaker 1: I knew it. I knew that this one is my
Speaker 1: calling horror. Congratulations. Yes, we're lucky to have met you.
Speaker 1: There's gonna be one normal guy out there for Utanya,
Speaker 1: I promise. Yeah, don't get my helped up. All right,
Speaker 1: that's a battle of the tender dates. Your phone taps
Speaker 1: coming up in just a few minutes.