Speaker 1: Hello, this is Karin Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. You're about
Speaker 1: to hear a clip from our podcast, Guys, We Fucked,
Speaker 1: the anti slut shaming podcast. Uh. Today we have a
Speaker 1: guest on who is going to talk about being an
Speaker 1: Arab American woman and all the pleasures and non pleasures
Speaker 1: that brings with it, including working in an assault center.
Speaker 1: Is that right something? Well, it's a special Victims Unit,
Speaker 1: which is a thing and not just a television show.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because that was the thing. I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: is it actually what we're calling it? Oh? Yeah, though
Speaker 1: that's what it's called. Um. So we hope you enjoy
Speaker 1: this clip from our interview with Norah. I'll calldy, how
Speaker 1: about sexuality in in the culture that you grew up in? Like,
Speaker 1: what how is that looked at? So? Okay? Um, in
Speaker 1: my household, boyfriend's girlfriends, whatever, No dating, and it does
Speaker 1: that's your eighteen No, just never's not gonna happen. Um No,
Speaker 1: it's just you know, I'm actually like the only one
Speaker 1: of my siblings who's ever moved out before not being married.
Speaker 1: I don't know, because my parents were like, don't fucking
Speaker 1: do it. I think that they all just got married
Speaker 1: so young that it was never it was never a thing.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm the I'm the youngest, so I'm the one
Speaker 1: who like, I've seen everything that everyone else did. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know what I could get away that
Speaker 1: I don't even need to fight a fight. I just
Speaker 1: know I can do this. Um. And so my parents,
Speaker 1: the thing about them is they're incredibly religious, Like they're
Speaker 1: some of the most religious people you'll ever meet. But
Speaker 1: they're also incredibly educated, which I think is important. You're
Speaker 1: stupid and religious and you're just fucking saying crazy ship.
Speaker 1: But if you're educated and religious, I think that maybe
Speaker 1: that is a better probably choice. Um. But my parents
Speaker 1: are are pretty open minded. And also they've made it
Speaker 1: abundantly clear we will love you kind of regardless of
Speaker 1: what you do. Like our love is actually unconditional, there's conditional,
Speaker 1: there's no disowning happening here. But these are our recommendations
Speaker 1: for you. And my mom is always just kind of
Speaker 1: said because she met my dad once and they got
Speaker 1: married and they've been married for fifty years, and I
Speaker 1: mean that's great for her. Do they like each other?
Speaker 1: My dad is obsessed with my mom. I know my
Speaker 1: Mom loves Dad, but she's less affectionate than him. But
Speaker 1: he's like, that's my idea. Relationship with the guys into
Speaker 1: me more. Yeah, that sounds nice. If you're like, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: what do you think about Mom, He'll be like, I
Speaker 1: love her. I wish I could clone her because the world,
Speaker 1: the world would be a much better place. She's the
Speaker 1: most beautiful woman I've ever seen my life. You know,
Speaker 1: I was watching Mary at First Sight. I was diving
Speaker 1: into reality TV for the first time in a while,
Speaker 1: and I gotta say, a range of marriage makes a
Speaker 1: lot of fucking sense. The family do you meet? There's
Speaker 1: so much thought that goes into it. We all thought,
Speaker 1: then what goes into meet going on the street and
Speaker 1: meeting Joe Schmo and going let's go to the chapel. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean all relationships are toxic. It's just a crapshoot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think. I think if you're going by like rule
Speaker 1: of chance, you have just as much of a probability
Speaker 1: of success by arrange as picking at yourself. Being alone
Speaker 1: so very much because there's so good, isn't it so great?
Speaker 1: It's great. I'm just like, you know, I like hanging
Speaker 1: out with myself, this is ideal for me. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so um, my parents just kind of were like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is why we don't think dating is appropriate. I
Speaker 1: think that it will open you up to being her
Speaker 1: and being kind of jaded by a relations room and
Speaker 1: just kind of like, you know, you should just wait
Speaker 1: to meet someone and then you know what they would
Speaker 1: consider to be I'm doing air quotes. So the right
Speaker 1: way to do it, which is you meet someone, you
Speaker 1: talk to them, you get to know them, you decide
Speaker 1: that you have an emotional connection, you marry them, and
Speaker 1: then that's when you will begin your physical connection and
Speaker 1: you know you'll live happily ever after. That's just kind
Speaker 1: of after marriage exactly sex after marriage. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, the thing is is like my dad, see
Speaker 1: that dick before you put a win in it. I mean, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: Because first my dad is a retired medical doctor, so
Speaker 1: he speaks about everything very medically, very clinically, and so
Speaker 1: he was telling us about sucking sex when we were
Speaker 1: like eleven, like, hey, this is what sex is, by
Speaker 1: the way, like just if you're fucking wondering, this is
Speaker 1: how it happens. And like he's the one who's like
Speaker 1: always like talking about things very openly. So in that sense,
Speaker 1: I think my household was different than most other Muslim households,
Speaker 1: where like you can ask these questions and there's no
Speaker 1: shame tied to genitals, you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: all the butterfly and a hot dog he called a penis,
Speaker 1: and a penis a penis. Yeah, my nephew loves to
Speaker 1: scream about his penis, but he really does find but
Speaker 1: he calls his hot dog or no, he calls it
Speaker 1: his pickle. How do people that honestly makes me feel
Speaker 1: more uncomfortable than just saying penis penis? Say penis. It's funny.
Speaker 1: It's it's actually very funny when small children say penis
Speaker 1: and vagina. I like, yeah, yeah, me too. Uh. And
Speaker 1: so that was kind of I think in place. And
Speaker 1: so you know, I obviously dated. I was like, fuck
Speaker 1: you guys, I'm gonna do whatever I want. It was
Speaker 1: always very secretive. So if you ever, I can be
Speaker 1: very stealthy if I want to, but I'm too tired
Speaker 1: now to do that. And once you get to a
Speaker 1: certain age, like the of marriage age, then that that
Speaker 1: kind of whole thing you were raised with, which like
Speaker 1: don't date, don't talk to boys. Boys just want to
Speaker 1: have sex with you, stay away from them, which is true.
Speaker 1: They do just want to have sex with you, but
Speaker 1: you know you can stay away and were not um
Speaker 1: and so my mom was just kind of like, hey, like,
Speaker 1: so are you like talking to anyone? Have you met anyone?
Speaker 1: Like are you like like have you found it? And
Speaker 1: just like bitch, like you're telling me not to fucking
Speaker 1: talk to boys, which I have been, but you don't
Speaker 1: know that, and now you're gonna like expect me to
Speaker 1: just magically go fund like what are you even? You're set?
Speaker 1: You are being an asshole right now? Yeah, to two people,
Speaker 1: two members of the couple cannot basically do an arranged
Speaker 1: marriage within themselves. That has to that that planning has
Speaker 1: to come outside, like you can't you're and you're also
Speaker 1: too distracted. If there's lust there, you gotta wait for
Speaker 1: that fucking dust to settle before you go. Can I
Speaker 1: live with this person? Is this? Is this who I
Speaker 1: want to be my team member in life? Like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, So how how old? If you don't do
Speaker 1: you mind saying how old you are? Now? I'm thirty one, okay,
Speaker 1: so third your thirty one is your family now putting
Speaker 1: pressure on you to get married and be like, yo,
Speaker 1: what I mean? We said no, no dating, but not forever.
Speaker 1: It literally comes in like these waves. It's never from
Speaker 1: my mom. My mom could give no fox. My mom
Speaker 1: only nags me about like go back to school? Have
Speaker 1: you thought about going back to school? My dad, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, is like, Hey, I'm in this What's
Speaker 1: app group? Which do you guys know what what's happening? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's it's a foreigner dad, the immigrant Dad's favorite
Speaker 1: fucking thing in the world. Like, I'm in this group
Speaker 1: chat for singles in America under a forty What do
Speaker 1: you think of this guy? I'm like, oh, what does
Speaker 1: he do? Like, I'll just let's indulge you. What does
Speaker 1: he do? Oh? I don't know? Was he? And I'm like, Dad,
Speaker 1: what the funk? Like the worst husband is the worst
Speaker 1: husband finder and it's and I get mad and I'm
Speaker 1: just like what you're just so willing to like essentially
Speaker 1: like send me off to like any fucking any guy.
Speaker 1: And he's like, no, no, no, obviously, like we wanted
Speaker 1: to be a good person, but like you know, you're
Speaker 1: you're you're a little too picky at times, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: and then I I hate when parents get on their
Speaker 1: daughters very specifically that scenario for being picky. What I'd
Speaker 1: have standards, You would be standards, That's what it is.
Speaker 1: And he's just like, you're romanticizing marriage too much. I'm like,
Speaker 1: well are you even saying to me? He's very like
Speaker 1: practical about It's like, you find someone, they have a
Speaker 1: good job, they are there for you if you're sick
Speaker 1: or you need help, and that is the purpose of
Speaker 1: a husband, and then you're gonna love them because they're
Speaker 1: they're they're there for you. Yeah, that makes sense though Americans. Yea.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's an American notion to like because
Speaker 1: my mom obviously, like you know, born in my family
Speaker 1: has been in America for I think, like probably more
Speaker 1: generations than the typical American. But like even still she
Speaker 1: would say something like very similar. I'm like, well, you
Speaker 1: were born here in number one, and your parents were
Speaker 1: born here, your great grandparents were born here, so like
Speaker 1: what are you talking about, but like kind of about
Speaker 1: like romanticizing and I think that's also like a young
Speaker 1: person thing because you know, our our parents had to
Speaker 1: like concentrate and working more and just like getting a
Speaker 1: roof over their heads, and like we do have the
Speaker 1: luxury of maybe like making some TikTok's and you know,
Speaker 1: writing something. And also and also you didn't need to
Speaker 1: you don't need to get married in the way that
Speaker 1: you used to financially because like women are so much
Speaker 1: more in the workplace, so we have our own funds,
Speaker 1: so like there's not like us there. And also like
Speaker 1: a lot of women don't want to have kids anymore.
Speaker 1: So like and then you sit down and you go, well, really,
Speaker 1: what is the purpose of this? And that's how I
Speaker 1: tell my dad listen, that I'll marry some someone if
Speaker 1: they're bringing something to the fucking table, ye, like you
Speaker 1: know whatever, But honestly, like, unless you are improving my
Speaker 1: life in some way shape, what is your purpose? Why
Speaker 1: are you? Yes? Why would I Why would I take
Speaker 1: time away from being by myself, not having to worry
Speaker 1: about another soul? I can wear whatever I want my
Speaker 1: own home, I could do whatever I want, I could
Speaker 1: say whatever I want. That freedom is so truly one
Speaker 1: of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Why would
Speaker 1: I ever let him somebody take that away from me?
Speaker 1: Who sucks. It just doesn't make sense. It doesn't. And
Speaker 1: and the thing is I applaud my dad. He is
Speaker 1: a seventy five year old house so sweet and honestly
Speaker 1: the fact that he's like, you know what, I kind
Speaker 1: of get it. I disagree with you, but I kind
Speaker 1: of get it like open to like undertand he just
Speaker 1: doesn't feel the same way, which I you know what,
Speaker 1: good job, yeah, generations. Yeah, and then so he actually,
Speaker 1: we just had a socially distance family dinner the other
Speaker 1: day where my mom made us all wear face masks
Speaker 1: and it was very comical, but um, we which we
Speaker 1: were like, we're sitting right next to each other, so
Speaker 1: it was very pointless. Um and like you're eating, how
Speaker 1: do you how do you get this food in your
Speaker 1: mouth and eat the lamb? You take it off? I
Speaker 1: was doing that this weekend. Yeah. Actually I saw that
Speaker 1: you were with your family. I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: guess everyone is spending time with your fucking family. I
Speaker 1: left crying. I literally I did too. But I thought
Speaker 1: up was like I am leaving And I left because
Speaker 1: my dad was basically telling harassing me about getting married.
Speaker 1: And like I said, it comes in waves, like he
Speaker 1: won't say ship for six months, and then out of nowhere,
Speaker 1: he'll just really go in on it and just like,
Speaker 1: you need to get married. You're being too picky about it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die soon. What's gonna happen when I die?
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, no pressure, dad, there's sad. I'll be
Speaker 1: very upset about it. Oh my god, live for yourself. Dad.
Speaker 1: You're a doctor. He's he's retired. He's so fucking bored.
Speaker 1: He's that's the problem parents who are not not doing jobs.
Speaker 1: They're retired and they're quarantine. Oh my god, they're going nuts.
Speaker 1: I actually think he's want into a depression because he's
Speaker 1: so emo and he takes like three naps a day.
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you okay? Um? But yeah, So I
Speaker 1: I left, and then he sends me these sweet text
Speaker 1: messages the next morning and he's like, I love you
Speaker 1: so much. I just want you to be happy. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry if it came out the wrong way, and that's
Speaker 1: why I'm like, that's so accepting. And I know, like, hey,
Speaker 1: you're so adorable, but why are you putting this annoying
Speaker 1: pressure on me? And it's just like he can't help it,
Speaker 1: Like he honestly, it's so ingrained and what he thinks
Speaker 1: should happen. And like, like I said, I'm thirty when
Speaker 1: I'm not married. Most of my sisters have been married
Speaker 1: multiple times before they were like twenty five years old,
Speaker 1: so like, I'm really falling behind. So wait, are you
Speaker 1: more frowned upon than a sister that was married multiple
Speaker 1: times now divorces A Okay, at least you did it.
Speaker 1: That's so funny. Wow, Wow, that's interesting. We hope you
Speaker 1: enjoyed this excerpt from our interview with Nora el Quality.
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