Speaker 1: Hey, fucker's how you doing. Hello. I'm Karin Fisher. I'm
Speaker 1: Christina Hutchinson and this is another episode of Guys We
Speaker 1: Fucked the Anti select I mean podcast. UM. This is
Speaker 1: actually an episode that some of you may have heard before.
Speaker 1: This was a bonus episode that we released in the
Speaker 1: spring of seventeen UM on when we were on like
Speaker 1: the Stitch or how uh and Uh. We wanted to
Speaker 1: why release this episode because unfortunately the young woman that
Speaker 1: we interview on this episode uh took her own life
Speaker 1: at the beginning of August of this year. UM. It
Speaker 1: is Daisy Coleman, who was one of the stars of
Speaker 1: the Netflix documentary Audrey and Daisy. Uh. Sadly, if you remember,
Speaker 1: the co star Audrey, had already taken her own life. UM.
Speaker 1: So when we talk about the me Too movement and
Speaker 1: we talked about, you know, believing women in I think, UM,
Speaker 1: it's very important to remember situations like this and how uh,
Speaker 1: how heavy uh being sexually assaulted ken weigh on a survivor,
Speaker 1: and that doesn't mean it always does. If you are
Speaker 1: a survivor yourself, when you're having an okay time with
Speaker 1: that experience, that's great, that's amazing. UM. But yeah, Audrey
Speaker 1: definitely um took her own life because of this. And
Speaker 1: according to Daisy's mom, Um, the reason that she feels
Speaker 1: like her daughter took her own life is because she
Speaker 1: found out that she was unable to have children because
Speaker 1: of the trauma that her body underwent from being raped. UM.
Speaker 1: So super heavy, obviously, UM, and Daisy did so much
Speaker 1: great work. She passed away at the age of twenty three,
Speaker 1: and in that time, you know, obviously did so many
Speaker 1: interviews with a part of that film that I know
Speaker 1: touched a lot of you guys. She went on to
Speaker 1: create the sexual assault prevention organization Safe Bay, which is
Speaker 1: the Bay is before anyone else, is safe before anyone
Speaker 1: else in which we've you know, done somethings to raise
Speaker 1: money for and obviously, if you can take a look
Speaker 1: at that website, that's you know, everyone else who works
Speaker 1: with that organization is still keeping it going. But when
Speaker 1: Daisy passed away, they cut did a beautiful piece on her,
Speaker 1: and so many people reached out because they had remembered
Speaker 1: Daisy from our show. UM, and she was also apparently
Speaker 1: working on a film at the time. In the cast
Speaker 1: and crew, I know, uh kind of expressed that they
Speaker 1: would feel a lot of healing um in hearing this interview,
Speaker 1: and so we got special permission to release this and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, just to kind of mourn her and remember
Speaker 1: who she was and what she was about, and keep
Speaker 1: in mind all the things that are important about the
Speaker 1: serious part of this podcast, because it is a comedy
Speaker 1: podcast and we do do wild stuff, but also there's
Speaker 1: a serious part and sometimes it's hard to match those together,
Speaker 1: but we keep trying, um, and we can't ignore the
Speaker 1: pain that comes along with something like sexual assault, and um,
Speaker 1: just this is a great you know, it's unfortunately an
Speaker 1: example of of of what it can do to the
Speaker 1: human heart and the human mind and how they are treated. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and additionally, like just how uh words on the internet
Speaker 1: do you affect people even though you can't see them,
Speaker 1: because I know another topic covered in this documentary and
Speaker 1: that you know Daisy talked about herself, was just how
Speaker 1: people really did not come behind her, They did not
Speaker 1: gather around in a in a community like a way
Speaker 1: of community, or whether it or the boy who her
Speaker 1: they said called her a lie or those kinds of
Speaker 1: things you know, absolutely not necessary and if you truly
Speaker 1: think something is not true that someone saying like, there's
Speaker 1: other ways to absolutely about and if your body was
Speaker 1: violated in such a way as sexual assault. Um, No
Speaker 1: matter how much you understand that an internet troll is
Speaker 1: a sad sack of shit, the bullying words that you
Speaker 1: have to unfortunately ingest on a daily basis if you
Speaker 1: check your own social media do do have an effect,
Speaker 1: especially if you know when you're so young, if you're
Speaker 1: kind of grappling with those feelings yourself, if you're thinking like,
Speaker 1: am I is there something wrong with me? Is there lesson?
Speaker 1: Is there a reason why I was raped? There isn't,
Speaker 1: but you can still feel that way. And so if
Speaker 1: you're feeling that way, you're vulnerable. You have this kind
Speaker 1: of space open to allow yourself to be felt that way,
Speaker 1: you know from other people, to like, that's just gonna
Speaker 1: double down onto your own, uh dismissive or hurtful feelings
Speaker 1: to yourself and your own emotions. So uh yeah, we uh.
Speaker 1: Daisy has obviously had an impact on so many people
Speaker 1: that both people that she's met and people that she
Speaker 1: hasn't met, and we're very happy that we have this
Speaker 1: piece of her on accorded to share with the rest
Speaker 1: of you and let her legacy and her work live
Speaker 1: on and everything that you do. Welcome the guys. We
Speaker 1: fuck the anti slut changing pods too. I'm Christina had to,
Speaker 1: I'm her and sister and I'm way friends. Bring us
Speaker 1: to slutty of your horny and you're shame? Hey was what? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: talk about we're here with Daisy Coleman. Are you doing good?
Speaker 1: How are you guys good? And let me just go now.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. Um, we're very excited to have you.
Speaker 1: We're just talking about how we had recommended the documentary
Speaker 1: Adre and Daisy two people. I remember seeing the preview
Speaker 1: and I was like, fucking funk, I can no, I
Speaker 1: really want to see this, like it's gonna um. And
Speaker 1: I was excited because I'm like, I feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of people are going to see this who didn't
Speaker 1: realize how serious of an issue rapist and how common
Speaker 1: it is and how just everything that goes along with it.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, man, this is really good at open
Speaker 1: people's eyes, and I think it did. Did you when
Speaker 1: that documentary amount and you watched it? Was it an
Speaker 1: accurate where you like, yeah, that's I thought it's like
Speaker 1: it definitely was really eye opening for a lot of people,
Speaker 1: not only just because rape is very prevalent in our society,
Speaker 1: but because it happens to a lot of younger people.
Speaker 1: And usually we're tending to think that it only happens
Speaker 1: to girls in college at parties and stuff, but it's
Speaker 1: three and a half times more likely from someone from
Speaker 1: the age of sixteen to nineteen to be sexually assaulted
Speaker 1: or a victim of sexual violence. Yeah, and that's something
Speaker 1: that like, we talked about this all the time, but
Speaker 1: I did not know how common it was until we
Speaker 1: get floods of emails all the time, at least at
Speaker 1: least a couple of times a day from somebody who
Speaker 1: has been sexually assaulted. And I'm like, cheef, Jesus Christ,
Speaker 1: this is like, it's aently talking about this, and it's
Speaker 1: it's insane that there's no there's no requirements to talk
Speaker 1: about in public education. Is bullshit, and there's just so
Speaker 1: many things that are bullshit about it. But like with
Speaker 1: your specific instance, like that was such an inferior. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's all infuriating, but like, god damn it, I wanted
Speaker 1: to punch a wall after watching a documentary. Um, did
Speaker 1: you I mean, did you feel rage after what had
Speaker 1: happened because you were younger? Right, you were a teenager foe? Okay? Um?
Speaker 1: And thence the way that people treated you and were
Speaker 1: shaming you about it like that would make me feel
Speaker 1: like I'm crazy? Um. And I don't know how. I mean,
Speaker 1: my anger always gets the best to be with situations,
Speaker 1: but I I don't how do you deal with that?
Speaker 1: How do you come to terms with it? Or do
Speaker 1: you or what's your method? Well, I mean immediately after
Speaker 1: the soul and everything, of course, I was very angry
Speaker 1: because I was so young. But after time past and everything,
Speaker 1: I learned to forgive them, not because they apologized, because
Speaker 1: I knew there wasn't going to be an apology present,
Speaker 1: but I forgave them on behalf of myself because I
Speaker 1: knew that was what I was going to let it
Speaker 1: go from me and what would relieve that stress for me,
Speaker 1: and that was that it was that your first sexual experience. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I lost my virginity too, So okay, and do you
Speaker 1: how do you have that shaped if in any way
Speaker 1: sex for you or your outlook on sex? Not necessarily
Speaker 1: For two years, I didn't really date, and I kind
Speaker 1: of straight away from guys for a really long time.
Speaker 1: So I just kind of stayed away from the dating scene,
Speaker 1: didn't really like guys for a while. I came in.
Speaker 1: I was bisexual my sophomore year, and I was more
Speaker 1: tendency towards girls because of that. So yeah, so do
Speaker 1: you had you had like a fourteen is super young,
Speaker 1: but had you had bisexual like feelings before that or
Speaker 1: do you think, Yeah, of course, I've always been like
Speaker 1: super weird and gay, but it's not weird. It was
Speaker 1: just more obvious after the soul because I was less
Speaker 1: attracted towards men. So it's just interesting, like in the
Speaker 1: nature versus nurture conversation, to have you know, something that
Speaker 1: happens in your life like kind of sway you in
Speaker 1: the direction more towards women. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Yeah, definitely. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of people talk about I have so many
Speaker 1: different types of conversations about this with people who have
Speaker 1: been raped, and then there there's hyper sexual and they
Speaker 1: kind of always were um and then people kind of
Speaker 1: pinned them as like, well, you're hyper sexual because you
Speaker 1: were raped. It's like, well no, I mean some in
Speaker 1: some cases, yes, but in like my one of my
Speaker 1: close friends, like she was always that way, so just
Speaker 1: because she like sex that it was this weird dynamic
Speaker 1: of like she had to ask herself, like, shit, am
Speaker 1: I fucking all these people because I because I want
Speaker 1: control over something? Or is it just because I've always
Speaker 1: been the sexual? And she kind of figured out that
Speaker 1: I've just always been the sexual and it's like, but
Speaker 1: to have it happen as your first sexual experience, like, god, damn,
Speaker 1: I just want to punch. I don't know. That's that's crazy.
Speaker 1: Um No, I want to talk about obviously, like you
Speaker 1: can expand from what we saw in the documentary, because
Speaker 1: that's only a small piece of it. But what were
Speaker 1: the reaction from what was the reaction from the community
Speaker 1: for those who have seen, for those who haven't seen
Speaker 1: after the assault? So do you mean the community of Maryville? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: like because it was negative. So I kind of want
Speaker 1: to there's a lot of slut chaining that goes with
Speaker 1: into being a rape survivor unfortunately. Yeah, So a lot
Speaker 1: of people from Maryville didn't really have much of a
Speaker 1: response towards the film. A lot of them um no comments,
Speaker 1: m hmm, yeah, just no comments. But how was it
Speaker 1: for you as an individual person living there? Like obviously
Speaker 1: we know from the film, but for people live in Maryville. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but when you did, Yeah, how many years did you
Speaker 1: live there? For a couple of years after that, No,
Speaker 1: we um were pushed out of town basically, so but
Speaker 1: because of the reaction, right, yeah? And what and what
Speaker 1: what was being said to you? Guys? What was being
Speaker 1: or to you? Like, what was being everyone was talking
Speaker 1: about in school and they were labeling you was the
Speaker 1: bad guy? Yeah? Basically, Um, kids would jump out in
Speaker 1: the hallway and call me names like slut and stuff. Um.
Speaker 1: Most of it was online though, because it's a lot
Speaker 1: easier for people to hide behind a screen. Yeah, everyone's
Speaker 1: a fucking It's like we're all drivers in our car
Speaker 1: and we'll honk at you all day, but then we're
Speaker 1: face to face, we'll be like, oh, hello, excuse me? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: yeah all right. Um, So when you moved to a
Speaker 1: new town, how was that Like, was it a fresh start?
Speaker 1: Didn't feel truly like a fresh start? Or well, I
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily move to a new town. I moved to
Speaker 1: my my hometown, so that was originally where I was from,
Speaker 1: and then I moved to Maryville, and then after all
Speaker 1: that happened, I moved back. So what do you do
Speaker 1: You know a lot of other people who were sexually
Speaker 1: assaulted now after the film has been released, Yes, and
Speaker 1: after my case blew up on social media and throughout
Speaker 1: the media. Um, a lot of survivors came forward to
Speaker 1: me and told me about their stories. And I made
Speaker 1: a lot of connections with a lot of people because
Speaker 1: of it. That's great. And do you give like people like,
Speaker 1: what advice would you give to people, uh, who are
Speaker 1: dealing with it, especially if they are they're dealing with
Speaker 1: something that happened to them that young and you're still
Speaker 1: trying to cope with people, humanity, reality, society, all these
Speaker 1: other things you're trying to like understand and take in,
Speaker 1: but that that happens and it's just like rocks your world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it definitely um throws off your sense of self identity
Speaker 1: and everything. So I would definitely um want any survivor
Speaker 1: to know that they're not alone and what they're going through,
Speaker 1: and that there's millions of other people who have gone
Speaker 1: through what they've gone through, and that they're willing to
Speaker 1: support them and stand behind them. And that if someone's
Speaker 1: being a freaking dick, then not to listen to them,
Speaker 1: because there's millions of people like that in the world.
Speaker 1: But what they say isn't going to matter in the end,
Speaker 1: because what matters is what those people that love you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and how you feel about yourself, because it's like you
Speaker 1: can let those things. It's so easy to let negative
Speaker 1: comments seep into your self conscious especially when it's after
Speaker 1: something traumatic happened and they're mocking you for it and
Speaker 1: you're the person who got you were the victim in
Speaker 1: the situation. It's like, oh my god. But it's like
Speaker 1: you have to build that strong stability for yourself to
Speaker 1: be able to carry you through. Yeah, and your and
Speaker 1: your commentary on people you love being a real kind
Speaker 1: of like foundation for you. Is interesting because your older
Speaker 1: brothers sitting right here. We can see him, and uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: his reaction in the film Audrey and Daisy was really
Speaker 1: you know, it's that kind of anger at that anyone
Speaker 1: who has a sibling, especially an older brother, would know.
Speaker 1: And now you guys are working together with an organization
Speaker 1: called safe Base, So can you kind of tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit how that came about, how you guys
Speaker 1: decided to do it together. Well. Originally Safely was co
Speaker 1: founded by three other survivors that I was working with
Speaker 1: and that I met UM just kind of through the
Speaker 1: weeds of everything and UM basically we were founded in
Speaker 1: what was November of two thousand with teens, so it's
Speaker 1: been quite a while that we've been up and running UM.
Speaker 1: But basically from there we developed ourselves as a five
Speaker 1: O one C three so we're a non for profit
Speaker 1: and now we traveled with schools and we basically talked
Speaker 1: to high school students and college students about their Title
Speaker 1: nine rights. What can say is by Santa Intervention, and
Speaker 1: our main goal is to educate because what we've noticed
Speaker 1: is education is obviously lacking in schools and that's what
Speaker 1: we need to bring. What have you ever heard through
Speaker 1: traveling to these schools and talking to students? Have you
Speaker 1: ever heard somebody come up to you and they're just
Speaker 1: being honest, but it's like, dude or girl, you have
Speaker 1: it so wrong, like your concept of sexual assault? Like
Speaker 1: have you ever kind of seen that surface with somebody
Speaker 1: asking a question that they're genuinely unsure about and then
Speaker 1: it's just like, well is it rape? If she's asleep
Speaker 1: or something like that. I mean, I haven't necessarily heard
Speaker 1: it to that extent, but people do have misconceptions about
Speaker 1: assault and rape all the time. Like people think that
Speaker 1: if you're being raped, it has to be someone jumping
Speaker 1: off an alleyway and just like attacking you, and most
Speaker 1: of the time it's someone that you know and trust.
Speaker 1: There's just many things that people don't really realize. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the one thing, as Credit and I kind of
Speaker 1: educated ourselves more on the issue of like rape kit
Speaker 1: backlogs in cities and stuff, and it's like, good god,
Speaker 1: there's just so much the legislation surrounding it. And then
Speaker 1: it's like, um, with sexual assault, it's so crazy because
Speaker 1: the proof or the statute of limitations is what seven
Speaker 1: years then, so to prove it, you've had to have
Speaker 1: gotten the kit right away within forty eight hours, I
Speaker 1: believe is the is the time period. And then but
Speaker 1: if there's no proof, which there's so many reasons why
Speaker 1: there wouldn't be, or there's no witness, it's like what what,
Speaker 1: what's the case? And it sucks, Like it's like, is
Speaker 1: there a way that we could solve sexual assault cases
Speaker 1: specifically that isn't innocent until proven guilty, don't. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you have any thoughts on that. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: I wish I had an answer for that. But UM,
Speaker 1: obviously the ju judicial system has been quite a failure
Speaker 1: for the past few years for all survivors. So that's
Speaker 1: why we're trying to attack the education portion of this
Speaker 1: and actually change the context of our society. And what
Speaker 1: are when you go to these schools, what are what
Speaker 1: are the types? Obviously don't have to do this presentation
Speaker 1: for us, but what kind of what kind of things
Speaker 1: are you or exercises or talks are you giving them?
Speaker 1: Like a little summary of that. We actually like to
Speaker 1: show some of the videos that we made, which are
Speaker 1: an educational series which you can go to safe they
Speaker 1: dot org and get from um our event managers Shale
Speaker 1: and UM She'll email them to you. There's some about
Speaker 1: if a survivor comes to you and confides to you
Speaker 1: about what happens, what you should respond with and what
Speaker 1: you shouldn't respond with. UM there's things about by senior intervention,
Speaker 1: what your Title nine rights are and etcetera, etcetera, How
Speaker 1: shouldn't what's the wrong way to respond to a friend
Speaker 1: who's confiding you, asking them what they were doing, what
Speaker 1: they were wearing, why they were drinking, stuff like that.
Speaker 1: And also, what are your thoughts on people not choosing
Speaker 1: not to report their sexual assault. If they choose not
Speaker 1: to report their sexual as soul, I completely stand by
Speaker 1: them because I've seen personally what the court system does
Speaker 1: when someone does report, and I absolutely do not in
Speaker 1: them for reporting. Yeah, I wish more people understood that
Speaker 1: would not get so publicly angry about well, she didn't
Speaker 1: say anything for like eight years? What the fuck? Well,
Speaker 1: why do you really want to They're gonna live through
Speaker 1: the entire event. You might have to see the person
Speaker 1: and with the person the fucking eye, and then you're
Speaker 1: gonna go through all of this for maybe nothing. Maybe
Speaker 1: nothing happens, there's not enough proof or whatever the fund
Speaker 1: could happened in a case to have it the rapists
Speaker 1: be deemed not guilty. And it's like that was that's
Speaker 1: a big gamble, that's a big emotional gamble that you're taking.
Speaker 1: It seems like yeah, totally, I mean I definitely agree. Um,
Speaker 1: And then after so after you know, you took this
Speaker 1: two year break from kind of dating, what was the
Speaker 1: first relationship you had after your sexual assault? What was that? Like?
Speaker 1: How did it come about? How did you feel? How
Speaker 1: did you know that you were ready to get into
Speaker 1: a relationship My first relationship after my sexual assault, he
Speaker 1: was kind of an idios how so like one was
Speaker 1: wanted seven right or like no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1: We sure like cheated on me a bunch and it
Speaker 1: was a total dick And so I mean after I
Speaker 1: realized my self worth I definitely was like, dude, you
Speaker 1: gotta go to the curb, Like you're not worth it,
Speaker 1: You're not even cute. Was there a moment where doesn't
Speaker 1: that suck? It's like so much? What the league? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Was there was there a process though that helped you
Speaker 1: to even get to a point where you were open
Speaker 1: to being in a relationship. Like, what was what was
Speaker 1: your life like in those two years? I think so often,
Speaker 1: especially like teenage girls, like so much of their life
Speaker 1: is about uh, you know, guys or girls whoever they're
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to. But like, how how did you become
Speaker 1: more you in those two years without any relationships? I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of that was kind of finding
Speaker 1: my own self identity once again, because after my soul,
Speaker 1: all of that was kind of crushed and just taken
Speaker 1: away from me. So a lot of that was that process,
Speaker 1: and a lot of that was done through wrestling and
Speaker 1: getting myself into different activities and physically wrestling. Yeah, hell yeah,
Speaker 1: I was, Like I was because at the end of
Speaker 1: the documentary kind of talks about your wrestling, right, because
Speaker 1: I like I knew about this somehow, all right, yeah,
Speaker 1: because we both watched it like a long time ago
Speaker 1: when I first came out. So what kinds of how
Speaker 1: did you get involved in wrestling something you hear it?
Speaker 1: I started when I was eight years old, so it
Speaker 1: was always just kind of a natural outlet for me.
Speaker 1: And do you have like do you feel like, do
Speaker 1: you have anger or I mean before I could benefit?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, definitely, I had very bad angry issues after
Speaker 1: my assault, So um, it was great to just go
Speaker 1: beat the ship all someone on the mat instead of
Speaker 1: taking it out on different people, right, because you seem
Speaker 1: very calm right now, so I'm so much more chill.
Speaker 1: Do you still wrestle? Yeah? Our scenes over right now,
Speaker 1: So dude, that's so cool. What are like your favorite
Speaker 1: parts of wrestling, just like the actual just like getting
Speaker 1: aggression out because I don't know, I'd kind of be
Speaker 1: worried that, like I just whoever I'm wrestling, I would
Speaker 1: just envision like you're my fourth grade teachers said I
Speaker 1: would be anything, and I would just do a move
Speaker 1: that was illegal and then be disqualified. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think my favorite part is just getting out there
Speaker 1: and working hard. Yeah, that's fun, simple to the point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. And do you have is it an all
Speaker 1: female wrestling league or is it the college shame that
Speaker 1: I'm on currently? Is it all female? But um, I
Speaker 1: wrestled with boys all through high school and really, oh,
Speaker 1: they do have coed wrestling in high school middle school? Well,
Speaker 1: if they don't provide, yeah, a female version of this
Speaker 1: for they have to let you on the team. Time
Speaker 1: do they have to be if you're in high school
Speaker 1: and it's a co ed coed wrestling team. Were how
Speaker 1: many other girls were on the wrestling team? It was
Speaker 1: just a one year I was able to get to
Speaker 1: other girls to go out with me. But if they
Speaker 1: come on too, it'll be fun friendship building. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: every now and then we do get emails from you know,
Speaker 1: women who are the only woman in an otherwise all
Speaker 1: male league, and certainly there's been some problems. Did you
Speaker 1: ever experience Sunny if she was with being the only
Speaker 1: woman or one a few women, or oh my god?
Speaker 1: Every time you go out there and wrestle a guy,
Speaker 1: they're either like, I'm going to beat the crap out
Speaker 1: of this girl or I'm going to take it easy
Speaker 1: on her because I'm going to feel bad if I
Speaker 1: beat the crap out of which one makes you feel worse?
Speaker 1: And both are pretty e Yeah, I would. I think
Speaker 1: I would be more offended by the like, oh, the
Speaker 1: one where it's like, oh, she's I have to go
Speaker 1: easy on her, she's oh yeah, yeah, that one definitely pissed.
Speaker 1: That would piss me off so much at the point
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, you're going down, and now like,
Speaker 1: what was it like when you Oh? God, yes, that
Speaker 1: it was hard. Once I got to high school, I
Speaker 1: used to slam on guys because I was bigger when
Speaker 1: I was like little, But once I got to high school,
Speaker 1: they it kind of caught up with me. So we
Speaker 1: slam on guys like like Dime Dallas Page fucking you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, he was my favorite w W totally different,
Speaker 1: but but like what's the move. I mean, it really
Speaker 1: depends on the style of wrestling that year. And because
Speaker 1: there's folk style, freestyle, um, Roman, greco, there's a mill
Speaker 1: any different styles and different roles and different moves. So ship,
Speaker 1: I mean you can't have you have like very fancy
Speaker 1: nails right now, but you can't have you I mean,
Speaker 1: imagine you can't have That was my day for like
Speaker 1: four days ago, because I was like, oh, I would
Speaker 1: use those as claws. That would be a great attack
Speaker 1: until one of them ripped off your fingers and then
Speaker 1: you were like on the floor in pane. Oh, I
Speaker 1: would say like, oh, someone's getting their site taken away
Speaker 1: from them. Use them as weapons. Probably, Yeah, that's why
Speaker 1: I can't wrestle. Probably, Um, that's that's a really good idea. So, uh,
Speaker 1: did you lose any friends, um after your sexual assault?
Speaker 1: Because definitely, because so many people were scared to stand
Speaker 1: up for me that they kind of like swayed away
Speaker 1: from me, and then um, the other half of the
Speaker 1: people were just like, well, why were you out and
Speaker 1: doing the whole victim blaming things. So did they ever?
Speaker 1: I mean you might have just never talked to them
Speaker 1: again after that, which I get, But did they ever
Speaker 1: come around to being like, yeah, that I understand why
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have said that to you. I was made
Speaker 1: that was me? Like did they ever have these moments
Speaker 1: of like, oh, I'm being the dick of clarity? Yeah? Um,
Speaker 1: I mean I've had some people come forward to me
Speaker 1: and apologize for not standing up for me in high school.
Speaker 1: But um, I haven't really had anyone apologize for being
Speaker 1: ad dick to me in high school. So yeah, really, yeah,
Speaker 1: I still hold grudges. Wants to dick always so true?
Speaker 1: So true? Is there in what? I'm just laughing? Dicks? Um?
Speaker 1: What else? Okay? So we've had people on who have
Speaker 1: been victims of rape specifically, and we talk about the
Speaker 1: rape just for an hour. What else do you want
Speaker 1: to talk about about sexuality that has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with rape? Like, is there any other things that interested?
Speaker 1: Like or like are you kinky? Are you? Because I
Speaker 1: feel like rape shouldn't define you. Sorry to your older brothers,
Speaker 1: we don't have to talk about them him or you
Speaker 1: can go to the kitchen. Yeah, just you know, don't
Speaker 1: just just don't make direct But like, you know, a
Speaker 1: person who has in such assaulted is so much more
Speaker 1: than that, and it's like I don't want to have
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't have another person come on here
Speaker 1: who was raped and we just talk about that because
Speaker 1: I feel like you have other things that you don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about. It's not the only thing about you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I get tired when people said the guys
Speaker 1: we fucked girls. So I can't even imagine how you
Speaker 1: feel about people just you know. Well, I mean I'm
Speaker 1: super open minded now, like I'm super supportive of strippers
Speaker 1: and shipped, Like if you want to go yeah, hell, yeah,
Speaker 1: go do that, And did you have a negative opinion
Speaker 1: of strippers beforehand or oh no, I've always been pretty,
Speaker 1: then do it. Yeah. I've been at which where at Nashville.
Speaker 1: The stripper they were like, did the Spider Man moves
Speaker 1: and it was the most impressive You've ever seen and
Speaker 1: they fucking slam their feels on the floor. I was like,
Speaker 1: God damn, she deserves an award because they deserve four
Speaker 1: K week. Definitely, if you can do ship like that
Speaker 1: on a pool, then yeah. And I also love because
Speaker 1: I've been a strip clubs, I'm like, this isn't a
Speaker 1: fun experience because it's just like the strippers being like,
Speaker 1: I didn't tell my son I was getting back in
Speaker 1: a stripping. I don't know what I'm gonna say. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you, god Um. But
Speaker 1: then like other ones, I love seeing strippers who are
Speaker 1: badass on stage, but also they just like you see
Speaker 1: him taking a guy for a ride and the guys like,
Speaker 1: you love me okay, and it's like, oh yeah, just
Speaker 1: milking the money off. And like a guy says they
Speaker 1: like penguins and they're like, oh yeah, I love penguins.
Speaker 1: You like fate? What other stuff do you, um, have
Speaker 1: ever been doing? I'm gonna ask this in your brother,
Speaker 1: But if so, if you don't want to answer, you
Speaker 1: don't have to. But if you want to go down series,
Speaker 1: you're more than the stomach. Have you ever been to
Speaker 1: a sex club? A sex club? Yeah? What the hell
Speaker 1: is that? I would guess by the inquisitive nature. I
Speaker 1: live in Missouri, so I'm sure sure that they might
Speaker 1: have the best ones. Yeah. The one that I went
Speaker 1: to that I loved, and I've only went to one
Speaker 1: that I've loved. I've went to a couple is in Toronto.
Speaker 1: It was called Oasis and shout out because that was
Speaker 1: everyone's just they were cool, they were open minded, they
Speaker 1: were doing their own thing. No one was create there's
Speaker 1: no creepers. It was just fun and there was a pool.
Speaker 1: And then you couldn't have sex. You can be naked,
Speaker 1: you cannot. You could just walk around what they have
Speaker 1: those in the US. Hell yeah, hell yeah, I've been
Speaker 1: to to a New York alone. Yeah, oh yeah, your
Speaker 1: manager is like, girl, do they yeah? I mean basically
Speaker 1: hating your brother is hating. They're just they're just they're like,
Speaker 1: you know, they're safe spaces where you have you have
Speaker 1: to go through some kind of a vetting process. Usually
Speaker 1: to get in, you have to pay, like not a
Speaker 1: crazy amount of money, but enough that like you're not
Speaker 1: just going to go there to watch, You're gonna you're
Speaker 1: gonna You're gonna be there because you want to be there,
Speaker 1: Like if you're on a hundred dollars, like that's not
Speaker 1: a five dollar cover. You want to be there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's just an environment that's very welcoming and very
Speaker 1: uh focused on safety. There's condoms everywhere, there's security people
Speaker 1: that if anyone does something weird, you just tell like
Speaker 1: it's it's safe. It's very safe. The ones that I've experienced,
Speaker 1: the one in Lake City, just don't go to one
Speaker 1: in Atlantic City as a whole. It's it's a cess pool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: shout out to Atlantic Shout out you guys. I mean
Speaker 1: that's a lot Donald Trump's fault. He's like, let's make
Speaker 1: this better. But then I just made the rest of
Speaker 1: the town even more poorer than they already were. I
Speaker 1: mean that was his plan. Um, what what do you
Speaker 1: think colleges could be doing better? I'm gonna go back
Speaker 1: to the assault thing, just because that's one question I
Speaker 1: forgot to ask. I feel like colleges after um the
Speaker 1: hunting grounds was dropped, they have kind of stepped up
Speaker 1: to the plate, but at the same time they aren't
Speaker 1: being as proactive as they can with like the whole
Speaker 1: um sexual assault thing, because whenever survivor reports, they don't
Speaker 1: even ask if they want to report it to the police.
Speaker 1: They they're just like, Okay, this guy's kicked off campus
Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks, and let's total bullshit. It
Speaker 1: does nothing. It says, oh, you get a little hiatus
Speaker 1: from school, Okay, yeah, right on, Because I do think
Speaker 1: I would think I don't know that a perpetrator would
Speaker 1: not if if he if it is made known that
Speaker 1: if you are used of sex assault is taken seriously
Speaker 1: and and you know the proper um actions are taken, uh,
Speaker 1: disciplinary actions, then I don't know, would that decrease the
Speaker 1: likelihood of it happening? Or I don't know, is something
Speaker 1: so funked up in your brain that you're gonna do
Speaker 1: it anyway? But it seems like colleges are so lax
Speaker 1: up until recently that it's like, well, yeah, no ship
Speaker 1: they think they can get they get away with it,
Speaker 1: can wake yep? Yep? Absolutely. Um, can you describe what way?
Speaker 1: So what in your memory? What was your first like
Speaker 1: sexual healthy sexual relationship, healthy romantic relationship that you were
Speaker 1: in in your lifetime? What what did that look like?
Speaker 1: Because the first guy, so you know, sexual assault fourteen
Speaker 1: to your hiatus. Then you date this guy, he's a dick,
Speaker 1: he's cheating on you, you might have a good healthy
Speaker 1: They had three boyfriends, Okay, we're any of them. Um,
Speaker 1: the one I'm with right now is he's he's pretty kosher,
Speaker 1: kosha nice and like how did how was there a
Speaker 1: light bulb that suddenly went on in your head that
Speaker 1: said this is how I want to be treated. This
Speaker 1: feels good. How did you know this was Yeah, White
Speaker 1: bol definitely came on about four or five days ago
Speaker 1: when um, I was drunk as ship on my birthday
Speaker 1: party as my best friend was getting naked on my
Speaker 1: stripper pool and then he pulled me to the bedroom
Speaker 1: and let me go to bed instead of letting me partake.
Speaker 1: So um, he's like, yeah, you need a blanket, you
Speaker 1: need a nap, You're getting too old. And how long
Speaker 1: have you guys been together? We dated before for about
Speaker 1: like three months, but we've been together for about like
Speaker 1: four or five now months. Yeah, oh cool, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's crazy. Like for me, I've had boyfriend before. I've
Speaker 1: been with the same person for six years. But a
Speaker 1: lot of my relationships except for one, was just kind
Speaker 1: of shifty, and I was like, well, I guess I'll
Speaker 1: take it. You know, you kind of settle and then
Speaker 1: when you meet somebody who's just a kind person, who
Speaker 1: you respect, who was a gentleman, who respects you, who
Speaker 1: cares about you, who elevates you and will evate them,
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, that's what it's supposed to be. It's
Speaker 1: like I didn't know until it until I had it,
Speaker 1: which took a sec. And how wait, how old are
Speaker 1: you now? I just turned twenty the other day, so
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I'm funny. Do people ever talked like
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, you're a baby or only twenty? Do
Speaker 1: you get Do you hate that? Oh my god all
Speaker 1: the time? Yeah. I feel like people are are condescending
Speaker 1: to younger people. It's like, you know, I don't need that,
Speaker 1: especially in the tattoo industry because everyone's like twenty five
Speaker 1: when they start, and I started at eighteen, so like
Speaker 1: as an artist, like yeah for sure, and everyone just
Speaker 1: kind of like looked down on you. They're like you're
Speaker 1: the underdog, you're too young for this ship, and you
Speaker 1: just kind of you step all over them. When you're better,
Speaker 1: you'll see. Are you doing really well in the tattoo
Speaker 1: industry right now? Yeah? I would say. So. I'm currently
Speaker 1: moving Chops because I wanted to be in a bigger city.
Speaker 1: So where is your new shop going to be? Excelsior Springs.
Speaker 1: I was like, middle, Okay, has anybody ever asked for
Speaker 1: like a tattoo that you're like, bro, like a penis tattoo,
Speaker 1: like I want the word tattoo my eyelid. That's a
Speaker 1: good idea. Someone came to me the other week and
Speaker 1: they wanted a golf ball tattooed on their ass, and
Speaker 1: I was like, that's just a circle with some dots
Speaker 1: on it. Are you sure? But like shading? But I
Speaker 1: want to want like a shadow on the golf ball. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always wondered like, how much say does the tattoo
Speaker 1: artists have when like the person is clearly making a
Speaker 1: poor decision, How much say do you have to talk
Speaker 1: them out of that button or not? If you want
Speaker 1: to get some stupid ship tattooed on you, I'm going
Speaker 1: to tell you it's stupid. But if in the end
Speaker 1: you really want it, I'll do it. If you come
Speaker 1: to me with something racist or homophobia or people do that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: people want ship like on their body like Nazi things
Speaker 1: or because yeah, I can't even say the word wait,
Speaker 1: so you think I'm kidding? You need specifics. Wanted me
Speaker 1: to fix his m blood um gang tattoo on his
Speaker 1: a member of the Blood. Yeah, yeah, well he thinks
Speaker 1: he is. We love him. They're going to come to
Speaker 1: get you. So he wanted me to fix it to
Speaker 1: what like bloody or know, a shitty prison tattoo? Any
Speaker 1: wanted me to do it, and I was like, do
Speaker 1: cover it. But other than that, get the funk out?
Speaker 1: And what did you get the funk out? Yeah? Well good?
Speaker 1: What kind of safety precautions do you take? Because my mom,
Speaker 1: I mean I wanted to tattoo for years. My mom
Speaker 1: is you know, like I'll make sure it's safe. Like
Speaker 1: it's very safe. Obviously people are doing it. There are
Speaker 1: things like prison tattoos that are less and they're just
Speaker 1: so horribly done in prison. So what do you say? Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you say? How do you make someone feel
Speaker 1: comfortable with the safety and health aspect of tattoos? I
Speaker 1: usually like to open my needles and my tubes in
Speaker 1: front of my customers so that way they know that,
Speaker 1: like everything's fresh. I'm not like using some hi be
Speaker 1: needle on you like it's all chilled. Just pulled this
Speaker 1: from AIDS. So what do you want a sign? Okay,
Speaker 1: that's always good. That's good and uh, gosh, wait, I
Speaker 1: want to know about the other fucking shitty, like homophobic, racist,
Speaker 1: like what tattoos people are getting. Uh, A lot of
Speaker 1: people want the rebel flag, but like it's not just
Speaker 1: the rebel flags, but like, yeah, they want stupid ship
Speaker 1: with it. That's like totally racist, and like you can
Speaker 1: tell it's racist, but like they're just like, no, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's my expression of who I am and who Yeah,
Speaker 1: just get the word racist tattooed on you own it.
Speaker 1: Then if you're going to be god, no, you were
Speaker 1: you have you always been into tatts Who culture? Or
Speaker 1: does that something that came about later in your life? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I never wanted Barbie dolls unless they had tattoos on them,
Speaker 1: because you know what, that's interesting because I always was
Speaker 1: like I was always farther away from making the decision,
Speaker 1: but I was like, I think I just want to
Speaker 1: be like tatted up when I get older. And then
Speaker 1: as I got older, I'm like I could do it.
Speaker 1: I could do it, and then I'm just too much
Speaker 1: of a pussy to make the leap. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: but clearly that if that was your thoughts on tattoos
Speaker 1: when you were a kid, like, yeah, you're meant to
Speaker 1: be a person who's tatted up. But I'm like, how
Speaker 1: do you take the leap? Because some people who are
Speaker 1: just covered in tats, Like, that's a big commitment. I
Speaker 1: don't know. When I was sixteen I got my first tattoon.
Speaker 1: Ever since then, I was like, put more on my
Speaker 1: body for Christmas, for my birthday, I'm gonna get tattoos. Yeah, now,
Speaker 1: who had to sign off for that when you were sixteen?
Speaker 1: My mom did? And was there a conversation where she
Speaker 1: just totally okay with that. She kind of tried to
Speaker 1: talk me out of getting visible tattoos. She's like, you
Speaker 1: might want to be a doctor someday, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I probably don't. Yeah, I think you know yourself or not.
Speaker 1: What was your first tattoo? It was actually on my shoulder.
Speaker 1: I was going to get it on my arm, but
Speaker 1: she talked me to getting in it on my shoulder,
Speaker 1: So you got on my later. But when I was
Speaker 1: finally seventeen a year later, I was like, Nope, it's
Speaker 1: not happening to put it on my arm. And what
Speaker 1: is it? I actually got the horrid symbol from older warcraft.
Speaker 1: That's that's the door. I love that good start. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was my first visible tattoo. That's a strong start.
Speaker 1: You gotta start with a real message before you are
Speaker 1: just go for it. Do you have a thing in
Speaker 1: your head of like I want to want this tattoo
Speaker 1: for a certain amount of time to know I should
Speaker 1: get it, because that's the other thing that I was like,
Speaker 1: I just changed my mind. That's definitely how it was before.
Speaker 1: But as I got into the tattoo industry and I
Speaker 1: was meeting other artists and they were like, oh, I
Speaker 1: have this dope idea, I was like, put it on
Speaker 1: my body. Have you ever regretted his tattoo? I have
Speaker 1: no vowel tattooed on my ass. But that's about it
Speaker 1: what mo Val? And that's the college I go to.
Speaker 1: So I was like, is mo Val like the kids
Speaker 1: are saying it to you can cover it? Just wanted to.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can cover it up though,
Speaker 1: because my friend did it one time and the dorms
Speaker 1: when we were super drunks, there's person tattoo gun right yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we had a machine in the dorms. It was my machine,
Speaker 1: so yeah, oh yeah, because you would have been tatting
Speaker 1: him by that point. No, there was. So I feel
Speaker 1: like there's like I have a friend um who has
Speaker 1: who has a lot of tattoos visible just like you,
Speaker 1: and she always shares these like heinous stories of how
Speaker 1: people treat her basically like less of a woman and
Speaker 1: less of a human because she has these tattoos. Can
Speaker 1: you speak to any experiences? Oh my god, but sometimes
Speaker 1: you're like spoken to as like a degenerate almost. Like
Speaker 1: one of my friends is like super totted up, and
Speaker 1: he went to Macy's to buy a pair of socks,
Speaker 1: and he went to the back to go grab the socks,
Speaker 1: and like some old lady was just falling him around
Speaker 1: the store making sure he wasn't stealing ship, and like
Speaker 1: followed him out of the store and she's like, can
Speaker 1: I check your seat? He's like one pair of socks.
Speaker 1: I got one pair of socks, Like what the ship?
Speaker 1: That's like I didn't even know people thought that still
Speaker 1: know all the time. Yeah, she's it's just it's in
Speaker 1: New York. It's like, no, my friend lives in New York.
Speaker 1: Heinous experiences all that to Facebook tattoos. That's why I've
Speaker 1: never accounted. Well, yeah, and that's why I've never really
Speaker 1: thought about it, because there's a lot of things that
Speaker 1: you can look at a person and think, oh, but
Speaker 1: they get shipped for that but tattoos in two thousand
Speaker 1: and seventeen was not something that I thought we were
Speaker 1: still dealing with um, And there was also some kind
Speaker 1: of a connection that a lot of times people feel
Speaker 1: like you are like trashy or like like slut basically
Speaker 1: slut shamed because the Tramps stamp was what if the terms?
Speaker 1: I mean, why is the why is there this societal
Speaker 1: connection between sexuality and tattoos? Daisy dude? I honestly I
Speaker 1: wish I knew, but I feel like it's because we're
Speaker 1: putting so many you know, half naked models on top
Speaker 1: of you know, into magazine and and it really has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with the art. And that really kind
Speaker 1: of pisces me off because half naked chick doesn't really
Speaker 1: have anything to do with tattooing besides the fact that
Speaker 1: she has hell of tattoos. Yeah, but it's like he
Speaker 1: got a car show and there's always chicks and bikini
Speaker 1: showing need the car. But I'm like, I could just
Speaker 1: look at a car. I don't need that. What then
Speaker 1: does that have to do with Yeah, yeah, it's fine,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, okay, and what is and so what
Speaker 1: what is the meaning of like tattoos and tattoo culture
Speaker 1: to you, because I think we've been misled to me, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I think society it's kind of looks
Speaker 1: at it as like sexuality or rebellion, Like what does
Speaker 1: it mean to you? I feel like it's a completely
Speaker 1: different form of art. Like other forms of art, they
Speaker 1: will go away someday, some of it might burn and
Speaker 1: a fire, or it just might get lost in like time.
Speaker 1: But tattoos are the only thing that are really permanent
Speaker 1: and that you're going to take to the grave. And
Speaker 1: I think that's there's something really important behind that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is kind of beautiful part about it. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of commitment to die. Are there any of your
Speaker 1: tattoos that tell a certain story or have really special significance?
Speaker 1: Do they all? I got veny Vichy tattooed on my
Speaker 1: fingertips because that means I came, I conquered. I didn't
Speaker 1: get the eye saw a part because I have really
Speaker 1: shitty eye sights and the only two hands. If yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: pu your toes and always see it. Do you have
Speaker 1: like one artist that you always go to? Do you?
Speaker 1: Because I know some people are like they can only
Speaker 1: go to one artist. If they go to another artist,
Speaker 1: it's like cheating. Yeah, yeah, like your hairstylish. I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of people are dedicated to their artists
Speaker 1: and that's cool at all, But um, I wanna, you know,
Speaker 1: have a mix of artists. I want to see their
Speaker 1: perspectives of it. And you know, I feel like it's
Speaker 1: cool to get different art. Why would you just buy
Speaker 1: from one artist all your life if you're like buying
Speaker 1: paintings or something. Yeah, And I don't I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't have any tattoos, but I follow so many tattoo
Speaker 1: artists on Instagram because I didn't even know these styles
Speaker 1: of tattoos were being tattooed on people's skins. Of like
Speaker 1: sketch style crow that's just like pops out at you
Speaker 1: and you're like, that is the most beautiful fucking drawing
Speaker 1: and then you're like, oh, shoot, it's a tattoo. And
Speaker 1: like the things that people can do with tattoos are
Speaker 1: so fucking creative. What are your favorite kind of tattoos
Speaker 1: to do? Probably traditional, nea traditional or anything with color really,
Speaker 1: And if we someone who's listening wants to book a
Speaker 1: appointment with you, do they have to go to Missouri
Speaker 1: or if you're in town, like do you travel with
Speaker 1: your trying to figure out the whole traveling thing right now,
Speaker 1: check it, you check it. I'm trying to figure out
Speaker 1: the laws and the logistics. Are you licensed only in Missouri?
Speaker 1: Or yeah, I'm only allowed to tattoo Missouri now. So
Speaker 1: that's why I'm trying to figure out the whole traveling thing,
Speaker 1: because I do have a lot of requests for people
Speaker 1: they're like kind of canda done tattoo me, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I wish you would come here, right because that would
Speaker 1: be like fun and lucrative and kind of like just
Speaker 1: kind of leave your art in a larger radius. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 1: for sure. Are you attracted to most of the times
Speaker 1: other guys or girls with tattoos? Yeah? I definitely have
Speaker 1: a thing for like alternative people. Yeah, have you ever been, like,
Speaker 1: like as of late, like attracted to somebody with no tattoos? Like,
Speaker 1: because I feel like people with tattoos they get they
Speaker 1: like get something like it's like a it's like a
Speaker 1: it's like a club but like a I don't know
Speaker 1: already like higher plateau of thinking about art kind of thing.
Speaker 1: But that's only because I'm on the outside looking well,
Speaker 1: I'm and there's always shodes with tattoos, so you got,
Speaker 1: but there's always like the people that are like into
Speaker 1: the commitment of the art, and that's what I really
Speaker 1: look for. So yeah, and did you take guy and
Speaker 1: you take guys and girls? Are you only like sexual
Speaker 1: with guys and girls or do you have like girls
Speaker 1: are hard to date? That's what I was going to
Speaker 1: be like, So what what's the difference I mean in
Speaker 1: your experience why your girls are to day? They're just
Speaker 1: so complicated. And I'm already like the male in every
Speaker 1: relationship that I have, even with other males. Yeah, I hear.
Speaker 1: I hope my boyfriend day It's all right. My boyfriend's
Speaker 1: manly and I'm so my boyfriend the time, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm dating a lesbian with a penis and he's like, thanks,
Speaker 1: it's nice. I like it, But I do feel manly sometimes.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, well, like, I guess that is what
Speaker 1: it is. Well, have you had like any like gals
Speaker 1: that you've dated for like a couple months, or like,
Speaker 1: how far have you gotten in a relationship with a
Speaker 1: woman as far as like an emotional or long at
Speaker 1: It's really lasted has been like a week or so.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's because this is such a ignorant question.
Speaker 1: But I'm like when you book get your period, if
Speaker 1: you date them for a long time and you sink up,
Speaker 1: that's just I mean, I'm I'm a monster and I weekend,
Speaker 1: we've already sinked up. Steve Stephen like he deals with
Speaker 1: me because he doesn't have that hormonal rage that I have.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, man, thank god for that. But I'm
Speaker 1: like two hormonal rages. I don't know. I know everyone's different,
Speaker 1: Like you don't get that hormonal and you don't get
Speaker 1: angry or anything. Now if anything, I get, like, I
Speaker 1: get it like very attached and like more like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll ask for like a hug, which is not something
Speaker 1: I would like. Yeah, you do well, now I know
Speaker 1: when you ask. Okay, from before I asked for a
Speaker 1: lot of hugs, I'm like, get the funk out of
Speaker 1: my face. So you know, do you do you feel
Speaker 1: like the way you dress is like a reflection of you.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like it's something that you did to
Speaker 1: kind of like take control of your life back in
Speaker 1: some ways? Or does it? Are we just reading too
Speaker 1: much into this and you just the way of looks.
Speaker 1: I mean for a long time after my assault, like
Speaker 1: about two or three years, I was like a straight
Speaker 1: seeing kid. It was yeah, yeah, it was coon tails
Speaker 1: and all the different colors of hair awful. Oh god,
Speaker 1: that was like, just did that help you to kind
Speaker 1: of like find yourself? Yeah? I definitely feel like UM,
Speaker 1: experimenting with my hair more often than I should have,
Speaker 1: UM kind of helped me find who I was. Eventually,
Speaker 1: it's still I mean, it looks pretty healthy. I love
Speaker 1: your hair right now. Oh my gosh, it's like, look
Speaker 1: like I stealed dominations for a living. I know. Well,
Speaker 1: I love the cral develop It's so funny. I was like,
Speaker 1: I would really like to do that, but it's just
Speaker 1: like my when I get my hair that light, it
Speaker 1: falls out, So I can't. Yeah, I can't. I can't
Speaker 1: process my hair too much. Yeah, if you're done dating app?
Speaker 1: A dating app, I used to have a tender and
Speaker 1: then I just decided that all the guys on there
Speaker 1: were like douches. Yeah that, and like none of the
Speaker 1: girls were into girls on there, So it's like, why
Speaker 1: am I here? Is there? I mean, have you found
Speaker 1: around you in Missouri? A big bisexual or a lesbian
Speaker 1: community that you can kind of hang out with or
Speaker 1: is it just not? Is it something that's like kind
Speaker 1: of more under the radar. I mean, if you go
Speaker 1: more towards the city and when the college kids come
Speaker 1: back to town, there's more of that, um kind of
Speaker 1: crowd of people. But um, since I'm living in a
Speaker 1: small town right now, not necessarily And do you feel like,
Speaker 1: I mean, is there I'm guessing they don't do anything
Speaker 1: like a pride parade right? Oh no, and Missouri not
Speaker 1: not in the whole line, not in the whole state,
Speaker 1: not even in this city. Okay, maybe in Kansas City,
Speaker 1: but the rest of Missouri is kind of yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: is there like because I mean I watched a documentary
Speaker 1: like small I think it's called small Town Gay Club
Speaker 1: and it basically, you know, goes around to just as
Speaker 1: you would think small town gay clubs, and I thought
Speaker 1: it was it was really interesting because in these tiny
Speaker 1: towns where you know, sexuality wasn't even something you could
Speaker 1: barely talk about, especially not something like that's part of
Speaker 1: the LGBTQ community, there were these places where people really
Speaker 1: thrived and expressed themselves. Have you ever been to any
Speaker 1: place like that near your hometown, or just totally don't
Speaker 1: know of it existing. Uh no, I know it exists
Speaker 1: in the city in ways, but it honestly does not
Speaker 1: exist in small town Missouri. Yeah, especially since I grew
Speaker 1: up in town where um I graduated with thirty two
Speaker 1: people and I was literally the only kid that party
Speaker 1: in my high school, the only one. Well, so everyone
Speaker 1: just looked at me like I was a satan child
Speaker 1: most of the time. So a satan child. She has fun,
Speaker 1: she's very nice. I don't were you much different when
Speaker 1: you were eighteen two years ago. Yeah, I mean when
Speaker 1: I was eighteen, I was engaged to that douche bag.
Speaker 1: So wait, how did that come behind? How did he
Speaker 1: ask you? Okay, it was it was really lame how
Speaker 1: he asked. I'm sure it was a skateboard in front
Speaker 1: of you, the bouquet flower, not even that skateboard, ring
Speaker 1: flowers like Casey's, which is a gas station and pizza.
Speaker 1: He's like, what if I married so he took you
Speaker 1: on a diner? That's it? What if I married you?
Speaker 1: That's it? Yeah, but that was at an actual request
Speaker 1: and what did you say? And I was like, what
Speaker 1: do you mean, And he's like, well, I already gave
Speaker 1: you a promise ring. What was what if? It was
Speaker 1: like an engagement ring? And I was like eighteen at
Speaker 1: the time, so I was like, hell, yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get married and get more money from fast. Why not?
Speaker 1: Oh jesus, I didn't even dude. There are financial benefits
Speaker 1: to marriage. I mean that's true. Yeah, the government really
Speaker 1: wants you to get married. So wait. So he was like,
Speaker 1: like an engagement ring. You're like okay, and he's like okay,
Speaker 1: and then he got he didn't have it that night,
Speaker 1: did you have? So I already had it on it
Speaker 1: was a promise right now. So he was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna transfer that ring and now it's an engagement ring.
Speaker 1: He didn't be buying a ring, so and you were
Speaker 1: wearing a promise right that he wouldn't cheat on you.
Speaker 1: But he was like, was that the promise though? Or
Speaker 1: was the promise? Like you're great, honest, but wait so
Speaker 1: did he was it his idea to give you a
Speaker 1: promise ring or your idea? Yeah? So he was like
Speaker 1: obviously a serial cheater, and he was like, if I
Speaker 1: give her this promise ring, never suspect Wow, you know what.
Speaker 1: I Promise rings are such an interesting thing because a
Speaker 1: lot of people did it. But I'm like, what do
Speaker 1: you what's the promise? What is the promise in a
Speaker 1: promise ring? I honestly don't know that we're gonna get
Speaker 1: married eventually. Yeah, that's that's it's not a precursor to
Speaker 1: the real the promise. It's a promise to the legal promise.
Speaker 1: It's a promise that it's like a save the date
Speaker 1: on your finger. Yeah, I save the date on our love.
Speaker 1: That's what it is. It's gonna happen. I'm not ready,
Speaker 1: but I don't know when it's coming. Oh boy, okay,
Speaker 1: what is it? Okay? All right? Well, I mean before
Speaker 1: somebody gives you a promise ring, do you discuss it
Speaker 1: about the the intentions of the promise? Does he know
Speaker 1: that you're into that promise? So he's just like, I'm
Speaker 1: a giver, that's and she's gonna love it. Yeah, basically
Speaker 1: you love like a total douche. Yeah, Jesus. Promise rings.
Speaker 1: Do you have a certain list of things that you
Speaker 1: look for in a mate now or in a partner?
Speaker 1: No promise that you didn't have before that you've learned
Speaker 1: from experiences mostly not gonna Yeah, like what are the
Speaker 1: things You're like, well, if he does this so taxes,
Speaker 1: we got it? Yeah? Yeah yeah. He was like super
Speaker 1: controlling of me. So funk I ever tells me like
Speaker 1: what to wear? I'm like, nut you you gotta go okay,
Speaker 1: So no controlling. He would tell you what he'd be
Speaker 1: like that squirts too short? Look at you and then
Speaker 1: my penis is gonna shrink? What else? What else? What
Speaker 1: else are red flags for you? I mean if they're
Speaker 1: kind of like cry babies over everything, like when they
Speaker 1: don't get their way. He was like so terrible about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he'd like stomp the time, like when he wouldn't get
Speaker 1: his way. What yeah? Was he six? Wait? What is
Speaker 1: that older than me? It was The sad part was
Speaker 1: like if you if he was like I want chicken
Speaker 1: fingers tonight, You're like not tonight and he's like I
Speaker 1: want We're like, wow, okay do this to me eight times?
Speaker 1: Shame on me, but nine times, oh my gosh. Wow.
Speaker 1: And what's what do you think you're? A worst quality
Speaker 1: is when you're like in a relationship, what is the
Speaker 1: thing that you that you know is bad about you,
Speaker 1: but it's probably not going to I'm terrible when I
Speaker 1: get drunk, Like I'm terrible, Like how so, yeah, the
Speaker 1: other room was about people that Like another night when
Speaker 1: my boyfriend was like trying to have a heart to
Speaker 1: heart with me, as like you're my favorite person at
Speaker 1: night for three fifty Yeah, but like that's kind of funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's funny. Think it's funny at the time. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: a heart to heart, Like I totally called him like
Speaker 1: a hooker or so, hey baby, I'll pay you a
Speaker 1: couple bucks if you shake that ass. That just sounds fun.
Speaker 1: It's not the time for serious conversation if someone go
Speaker 1: every time anybody's ever had a seriously talk to me
Speaker 1: when I'm drinking, I'm like, that's just not the time
Speaker 1: and the place really, especially on your birthday. Are you
Speaker 1: but apart from like when you're drinking, are you difficult
Speaker 1: to have a heart to heart with or because you
Speaker 1: said you're you have a lot of masculine qualities and
Speaker 1: that's yeah, I mean I definitely do have like a
Speaker 1: hard time opening up. So I feel like that kind
Speaker 1: of like puts guys off because I'm supposed to be sensitive,
Speaker 1: but I'm not the one you crying during Finding Dory,
Speaker 1: Mike drop. That's what I would have said to him
Speaker 1: when I took the promise ring off and through in
Speaker 1: his face. Oh my god, that's really funny. I mean
Speaker 1: it was an emotional movie. I don't know, do you cry?
Speaker 1: Are you a crying or some because some women and men,
Speaker 1: like some men I know, are criers, and I like
Speaker 1: that when it was like a fine line obviously, like
Speaker 1: if you throw temper transition when you don't get your
Speaker 1: way and you cry, like but like I love one
Speaker 1: of man can like be comfortable enough to look right
Speaker 1: and if you can be like sensitive when it's like rational,
Speaker 1: then it's definitely like something I looked too. Are you
Speaker 1: are you a crier? Do you cry? No? Yeah, Matthew
Speaker 1: McConaughey gets me. Sometimes something is how it's what is it?
Speaker 1: Speci about him an Interstellar that it was good though,
Speaker 1: it was good. So that was his one performance that
Speaker 1: really spoke to you. Yeah, I killed me. I'll just say,
Speaker 1: what's that movie was? In He's on the Beach, He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know whatever. Interesting it was. I'm not very
Speaker 1: emotional in real life as far as crying, but I
Speaker 1: cry all the time during movies, sometimes during episodes of
Speaker 1: sex in the City or girls. I mean, that's not
Speaker 1: not my proudest moments, but it really just does happen.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is about it, though, I
Speaker 1: cry all all time. Let's cry when I'm happy? Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I'm confused. I don't think I've ever cried when
Speaker 1: I was happy? Really, have you? I don't even understand happy.
Speaker 1: You're like, bitch, what what? Yeah, I don't understand what happened? Well,
Speaker 1: maybe there my fake wedding to myself. I think maybe
Speaker 1: one time I did cry. That's another That's another story
Speaker 1: for another day though. Um so we're gonna wrap up
Speaker 1: some but what so let's go back to the safe
Speaker 1: because I know we definitely want to promote this, like
Speaker 1: how can people get involved with safe Bay if they
Speaker 1: want to? And it's safe s a f E bay,
Speaker 1: like you're a bay b before anyone or anything else, okay,
Speaker 1: And it's dot org and if you go online, we
Speaker 1: have like community tool kids for people wanting to be activists.
Speaker 1: We have ways for kids to start their own safe
Speaker 1: based squads in their schools. And what's a safe based square.
Speaker 1: It's basically like a club where you get together and um,
Speaker 1: you just promote awareness and you stomp out bowling against
Speaker 1: sexual violence survivors and stuff like that. We actually just
Speaker 1: dropped a new campaign called quit this Ship, which um,
Speaker 1: I share you kids good and um yeah. So basically
Speaker 1: it's just saying that you won't ship talk a survivor.
Speaker 1: That's great, and I like that. I like the language.
Speaker 1: I like that it's called quit this Ship because it's
Speaker 1: like when people a lot of times talk about sexual
Speaker 1: violence and what can we be doing better and blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. It's like, you know, you talk to me
Speaker 1: like I'm a human Like that, that's language. I understand.
Speaker 1: That's a concept a resp immediately. I don't need to
Speaker 1: like it's a language from millennials lately for how we
Speaker 1: live today, because I mean, I think for something to work,
Speaker 1: it certainly has to feel feel accessible and not like,
Speaker 1: you know, not like just a class in college. It
Speaker 1: needs to feel like something I can use in my
Speaker 1: everyday life. It can't be like this elitist talk because
Speaker 1: a lot of times social activism is like it feels
Speaker 1: like it's only for people who have a four point
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's sometimes it's so cut and dry, and
Speaker 1: I feel like that's why it's so important that the
Speaker 1: Boredom Safe Bay. We're so young, so we're actually able
Speaker 1: to relate to the people that we're talking to and
Speaker 1: they're just not staring at us like we're a fifty
Speaker 1: year old woman preaching to them, like right, and they
Speaker 1: feel they relate to you automatically. And then you've in
Speaker 1: through similar instances, so it's like, Okay, I can I
Speaker 1: can express what I'm thinking even if I don't know
Speaker 1: I even just like think out loud to you and
Speaker 1: help me figure out what the fuck like to do
Speaker 1: next or whatever. Yeah, that's good. And um, last thing
Speaker 1: as a survivor, what advice I'm sure you've been asked
Speaker 1: this before would you give to other survivors, Because we
Speaker 1: have a lot of survivors listening to other survivors, I
Speaker 1: would just say, don't be afraid to reach out. You know,
Speaker 1: there's gonna be a lot of people that are going
Speaker 1: to be down on you, but there's twice as many
Speaker 1: people that are going to be supportive of you, and
Speaker 1: it's not healthy to keep all that in. You need
Speaker 1: to get that out. You need to talk to someone
Speaker 1: about it. You know, your existence existence is important and
Speaker 1: your significant, so you need to talk about your story.
Speaker 1: It's important. Yeah. I do have one more question social
Speaker 1: media justice thoughts. Do you know what I mean? Like, uh,
Speaker 1: we we talked about it a couple of times on
Speaker 1: the podcast with the Law. Does your you do the steps,
Speaker 1: the ideal steps that you could do the most you
Speaker 1: could do legally after getting sexually assaulted? Nothing gets done?
Speaker 1: What do you do? And then, uh, you know, a
Speaker 1: couple of people have and we've witnessed it in our
Speaker 1: own New York City, specifically New York City comedy community
Speaker 1: of outing a rapist, people turn to social media. They
Speaker 1: became on Twitter or Instagram. The authorities aren't doing anything
Speaker 1: to help. And then I did. I did see it work.
Speaker 1: I saw the person get banned from from performing. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but have you do have experiences about that or do
Speaker 1: you have friends that have done that or what are
Speaker 1: your thoughts on that? Um to an extent because when
Speaker 1: my case did go viral, um Anonymous picked it up
Speaker 1: and those people who were bullying me before they were
Speaker 1: definitely shut down immediately. Nice. Oh yeah Anonymous Twitter that
Speaker 1: they do some good ship. Yeah, they're pretty wild have
Speaker 1: you ever had heard of had anybody like go to
Speaker 1: social media or you have you ever known anybody to
Speaker 1: go to social media to be like, you know what,
Speaker 1: this person assaulted me and I'm tired of keeping it
Speaker 1: in and I'm tired of people not leaving me and
Speaker 1: the authorities didn't do anything. Have you ever had a
Speaker 1: no name? But yeah, there's actually um one girl that
Speaker 1: I worked with this past fall who, like, she reported
Speaker 1: to her campus, they didn't do anything about it, and
Speaker 1: they actually ended up kicking her off because they were
Speaker 1: saying that she was slandering this guy. So she took
Speaker 1: it to the internet and it ended up that her
Speaker 1: story got picked up and reopened. So wow, oh shit,
Speaker 1: that's like a really productive thing to happen from yes, jeez,
Speaker 1: because it's so does Yeah, I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: how I feel on it, but also i've seen it
Speaker 1: do what I would think someone would intend it to do,
Speaker 1: is like at least enraged people, enraged people and then
Speaker 1: stopped working with that person, Like I want to know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to work with that person, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just like it's so often and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: do you know so and so yeah, actually they had
Speaker 1: sexually assaulted a friend and I'm like, well, not talking
Speaker 1: to them, and it's like, yeah, I kind of rely
Speaker 1: on people to tell me those types of things, either
Speaker 1: to me personally or somewhere that I could see it too,
Speaker 1: like kind of distance myself because that's the only thing
Speaker 1: I know how to do to make it better. I
Speaker 1: don't even know. It's a confusing concept to me, but yeah,
Speaker 1: good and bad things, all right. Um, so, thank you
Speaker 1: very much for coming and sitting down with us. And
Speaker 1: do you like people? Are you okay with people reaching
Speaker 1: out to you on Twitter? Or what's the best way
Speaker 1: if someone wants to post on my Twitter and my
Speaker 1: Instagram are public? So, and what is the what's the
Speaker 1: hand for my Instagram is actually grappled me me and
Speaker 1: that's funny. Yeah, it's spelled g R A P P
Speaker 1: L E M E and then M eight okay, and
Speaker 1: then on Twitter you are Daisy Coleman just search me perfect. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for sitting down with us. This
Speaker 1: has been guys. We fucked the Anti Slutch meme podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next week.