Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode. What welcome it is COVID
Speaker 1: nine edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock? Is that Kevin Pollock? Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Is rants and ravings from the highest
Speaker 1: honor this country has to offer? Now? Just remind me
Speaker 1: of the opening of Robert Smigel's TV Funhouse on snl AM.
Speaker 1: I just hear the bloated orange cry baby and Lauren's
Speaker 1: voice saying come back here and with martin wards. But
Speaker 1: I digress. Let's meet alcome is shall we in no
Speaker 1: particular order? Please welcome back? Caroline Cater you book party
Speaker 1: of five? What did you beg for Thanksgiving this year?
Speaker 1: A party of five? Well? I know that that's I
Speaker 1: think correct. I for Thanksgiving this year? I was going
Speaker 1: to go home, but then I didn't sown away. I
Speaker 1: am a hero, um, and I just I usually cook
Speaker 1: all the thing giving for my family, and so I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'll just divide it by half and
Speaker 1: that'll be enough for me. Um. But it was too
Speaker 1: much anybody wants. Uh so at this point now pretty
Speaker 1: old food. Let me know. Yeah, that sounds about right,
Speaker 1: and you are an American heroine. Thank you for being here. Hey,
Speaker 1: it's James Heeney Johnny Jim. What sport did you excel
Speaker 1: at as a youth? I was really good at running,
Speaker 1: So I was good at soccer, football, anything that required
Speaker 1: running because I was extremely fast. But I didn't like it.
Speaker 1: I hated I hated sports, hated running. But you hated
Speaker 1: running even though you were super fast, I didn't. There
Speaker 1: was no enjoyment to it. It was so awful. I
Speaker 1: hated it. What about What about football though? When you
Speaker 1: were running fast and people would hit you, Well, that
Speaker 1: must have been getting hit either. I don't. I'm I
Speaker 1: much rather, I just like to hang out, don't need
Speaker 1: to be super aggressive. Yeah, and also probably got tired
Speaker 1: people yelling where's the fire? Well, thank you for being here.
Speaker 1: Look out, it's Craig Atkowsky Cacao. Was there a senior
Speaker 1: prank the year you graduated high school? And were you involved?
Speaker 1: If there was? Probably, and no, I'm a good boy.
Speaker 1: I probably. I hate Frank's. I don't like prank shows.
Speaker 1: I've been asked over the years to audition for prank
Speaker 1: shows many times that I always turn it down. That's
Speaker 1: where I draw the line. And if I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: pranked on this episode, I'm gonna be pissed. So well,
Speaker 1: now you've given us no choice, and thank you for
Speaker 1: being Hey, guy's a tool, sing hello. Captain Lee's boy
Speaker 1: thoughts on the latest episode of Below Deck Please. I'm
Speaker 1: having a good time. I really am. People are doing
Speaker 1: their work. Uh, there's a young guy who seems a
Speaker 1: little bit like uh, he's like a Zen kind of guy,
Speaker 1: and I kind of want to see where he goes.
Speaker 1: The interior is having some issues and I'm concerned about it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm liking it. I know people are hating
Speaker 1: on it, but I like, yeah, we're enjoying it. Although
Speaker 1: the quote unquote Zen guy is a little too much
Speaker 1: of a millennial for me. He's a perfectionist, as he says,
Speaker 1: which I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, his his perfectionists and
Speaker 1: everything including doing nothing, needs to be perfect and last
Speaker 1: but no more corn hole if you think at least
Speaker 1: it's Joey Greer. Okay, how's it going bottom? Because he's
Speaker 1: got him explain why Tom Selleck is insisting I fall
Speaker 1: for a reverse mortgage. I'll tell you right now. Got
Speaker 1: Sellek is a snake oil salesman. All right, you don't
Speaker 1: listen to that guy. He's went over to my house
Speaker 1: so many times, trying to sell me knives, trying to
Speaker 1: sell me these these these heated socks and like them
Speaker 1: like hot stocks to buy. No socks like you put
Speaker 1: on your feet. But they got a cord and you
Speaker 1: gotta plug him in telling him and I'm like, how
Speaker 1: am I? How is this helpful? How is this gonna get? Like? You? Right?
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, like walking around the house. I
Speaker 1: get that, But I gotta be outside man. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm an outdoorsman. Now you are? You
Speaker 1: know I'm hunting, I'm fishing and building homes? Uh building home.
Speaker 1: I didn't know you're building home. I just know you
Speaker 1: hunting fishing. Let's do a damn show. All of our
Speaker 1: scene suggestions gathered from your list emails or from our
Speaker 1: Patreon v I P S. What's that you'd like to
Speaker 1: become a patron supporter of the show will find you
Speaker 1: two will then get exclusive content, including a video of
Speaker 1: what we're doing right now. Oh yeah, so exhausted to
Speaker 1: myself Patreon Head on over to patreon dot com. Slash Alchemy.
Speaker 1: This is If you'd like to submit a scene via
Speaker 1: oldtime email, please right to the podcast. That your name
Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here?
Speaker 1: You're stood cool. Scene one Comfort Patron I P. Conrad,
Speaker 1: who wrote Kevin and Cast. I a Patreon member and
Speaker 1: I tried submitting this suggestion there, but it wouldn't let
Speaker 1: me attach the photo that inspired my scene suggestion. My
Speaker 1: messages as follows. I love the show and it's only
Speaker 1: the only podcast I'm willing to actually fork over my
Speaker 1: hard earned money to support. I've even grown to enjoy
Speaker 1: the zoom aspect, to the point that listening to older
Speaker 1: pre COVID episodes sort of sounds sort of weird. I
Speaker 1: have recommended it to numerous friends, and as of yet,
Speaker 1: none of them have gotten back to me about it.
Speaker 1: That's kind of the norm. That's I love the sincerity,
Speaker 1: which I take to mean they didn't like it and
Speaker 1: are hoping I never bring it up again. Oh well,
Speaker 1: fuck them. Oh it's a happy ending. Today's scene suggestion,
Speaker 1: once again inspired by Joseph. I think the bad connection
Speaker 1: is on your end, dude. My internet is solid. Career.
Speaker 1: The scene suggestion bad WiFi. Okay, can you see me, Grandma?
Speaker 1: Can you see me? Okay, look into the camera's on
Speaker 1: your company. You have to look into see you. Tony
Speaker 1: can see you. You have to look into the camera. Hello,
Speaker 1: what he can see you? You have to look into
Speaker 1: the camera. Why do we have to try this family
Speaker 1: on every fucking month, Ellen, Because I'm just gonna if
Speaker 1: this is not even working, then I'm just gonna get
Speaker 1: something else, because if it's even who gives a ship
Speaker 1: about the guy? I think that Jim? You had your
Speaker 1: camera on, Jim, Jim, your grandma, your grandfather, and your son.
Speaker 1: What the fund is this? What do you do at
Speaker 1: my computer? What wasn't No, I didn't. I didn't accept
Speaker 1: a zoom invite. I was just it's great, great to
Speaker 1: see your come face. Thanks for sharing. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you guys. I have to agree, thank you for showing
Speaker 1: that face. As a grandmother, I always wondering what it
Speaker 1: looks like and never have predicted. Yeah, ten different faces,
Speaker 1: I would not been able to pick the come face.
Speaker 1: Can you see this? And what's going on? What we see? David? David?
Speaker 1: We see you? Settle down? Now? Can you hear me?
Speaker 1: I can't hear you? Fuck what I'm saying. It's just hello, Hello?
Speaker 1: Oh I was recording the whole thing. I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: able to look back. I could you? Could you? Could you?
Speaker 1: Could you delete that? You know what I was doing
Speaker 1: is I was by forwarded to hold my whole work,
Speaker 1: A forward it to my your work, all my work haus.
Speaker 1: How the hell do I unfoord this? Yeah? Well, we'll
Speaker 1: take about an hour to put in your your new
Speaker 1: internet line. And this is a nice house, nice house.
Speaker 1: What is this? Three three three? Yep, it's nice nice,
Speaker 1: must be nice. Yeah, I mean myself, I gotta gotta
Speaker 1: one one. So uh my lady, So well, you're not
Speaker 1: wealthy at all, are you? No? No, we're gonna we're
Speaker 1: gonna get your new new setup. It's gonna come with
Speaker 1: forty g B down. I want the best of everything,
Speaker 1: and please overcharge me money. Thanks, gonna come by. He'll
Speaker 1: deal with money. I just lay down, right. But if
Speaker 1: you put it in within an hour, I'll tip you cash.
Speaker 1: And now everybody wins tip me cash. Alright, wants somebody
Speaker 1: wants the dirty channel. Somebody wants to uh, can you
Speaker 1: give me the dirty channel? Somebody wants to enjoy their
Speaker 1: zoom time? If you know what I mean I do?
Speaker 1: Can you give me all the photos? Of people's come
Speaker 1: face on zoom. Uh yeah you want that channel? I mean,
Speaker 1: why else have WiFi? Yeah? You gotta do. You got
Speaker 1: like a soda or something, it's kind of warm. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you want? We got all the shouldas, uh, sodas,
Speaker 1: like maybe like a t with like a lemon, like
Speaker 1: a sweet and tea with lemon, like a pure leaf
Speaker 1: or a gold peak. Okay, So that's your idea of soota.
Speaker 1: So that's a beverage. There we go. That's that's the
Speaker 1: key word. Where I come from. Soda is everything, you know?
Speaker 1: So does that come from Texas? Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah you've been to Texas. Nope, just heard in the
Speaker 1: South they love to call everything a fucking soda. If
Speaker 1: you go to Atlanta, everything's a cup. Okay yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you want a seven up, it's a cup. So you're
Speaker 1: the guy giving my dad WiFi? Yeah, this is my son, Ronald.
Speaker 1: Hey's up, ron Hey, you're the one give you my
Speaker 1: dad WiFi? Yeah, we're on. What's up? Give me give
Speaker 1: me just pounded man, pound my fist, Ronald, Ronald, here's
Speaker 1: a hound Bucks pound the man's fist. Fine, yeah that
Speaker 1: feels good, right, all right? But you know, cursed the
Speaker 1: wife first, because I'm gonna take care of them. Gonna
Speaker 1: take that curse right off. You're gonna be talking to people.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be talking to interested parties. He plays video
Speaker 1: games with kids in other countries and thinks it's clever
Speaker 1: and cool. Well, he looks like a runner. You look
Speaker 1: like a runner, man. You run around all the time.
Speaker 1: I hate running. He's super fast, but he won't run
Speaker 1: because it's boring. I hate you want to stay inside it, wance,
Speaker 1: sit down. I want to pull my hands. Alright, shump
Speaker 1: your hands. He's got giant sucking hands. Show him the
Speaker 1: hand with hands. Look at this looks like one of
Speaker 1: the things that a football game. He put over your
Speaker 1: hand made out of phone? What the neighbor's kid is
Speaker 1: lifting his hands up? Are you Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: breaking the roof alright. CFN executives, the come Face Network
Speaker 1: has uh has been a mainstain of cable for me. Hey,
Speaker 1: can I talk to you for a second. Sorry, We'll
Speaker 1: just put the meeting on positive douts. Craig, are you okay?
Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of stuff going on at home,
Speaker 1: and it just seems you don't have to do the
Speaker 1: presentation for CFN today. If you're not feeling up to it,
Speaker 1: I can't but notice you fucked everything up. Oh it's
Speaker 1: it's fine. Looks like this this virus has taking a
Speaker 1: toll on this entire country. You know, I'm I'm an
Speaker 1: in person person. I know I can't do it over WiFi.
Speaker 1: I'm just so excited for the future of CFN. I
Speaker 1: know me too. We both have a passion for come faces,
Speaker 1: and the fact that we've been in the heads of
Speaker 1: this thing is incredible. I just want to branch out
Speaker 1: into original programming. You know, we've we've mostly just been
Speaker 1: rebroadcasting other people's come faces for you. Okay, you're right, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're it seems like you've got it. You've got a control,
Speaker 1: you got I'm sucking up. Oh my god, I've the
Speaker 1: um roll sound. Okay, get a slate in there. Come
Speaker 1: fay seeing twelve, Take four and action. Now you tell
Speaker 1: me again what the hell you mean by that. I'm
Speaker 1: the only one here offering just came in my face. God,
Speaker 1: more time, I'm gonna any more time. I can't just
Speaker 1: reset that. We'll just use the man names like everyone else.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm using the mannaise. I went
Speaker 1: to Juilliard, Lenny, I appreciate the Juilliard, and thanks for
Speaker 1: telling us again that you attended it. But it should
Speaker 1: not be coming from your penis. This this shouldn't be
Speaker 1: coming from a don't don't mind us where the suits? Uh?
Speaker 1: You know, we want to stay stay out of stay
Speaker 1: out of your hair. This is the problem, this is
Speaker 1: this is the corporate bullshit. I went into this to
Speaker 1: come on people's faces as an art, but now big
Speaker 1: money is involved, make fucking money is involved, and I
Speaker 1: can't do this ship. I just want to make it clear.
Speaker 1: We don't we're not pornographic. We don't do pornography. We
Speaker 1: we don't do live come shots. We merely show people's
Speaker 1: come faces. That's right, And yeah, I'm sorry, that's right.
Speaker 1: You definitely have. That's why we hired a Juilliard trained actor.
Speaker 1: We assumed it wouldn't be straight to porn. But it
Speaker 1: looks like once again, that is what's happened. On the side.
Speaker 1: I went to Juilliard. I know I just said that
Speaker 1: as Oh Julie Yard, yes, O j U L L
Speaker 1: y are Julie Yard, Julie Yes, Julie Yard because she's
Speaker 1: like a private acting teacher, my kind of. She's like
Speaker 1: just porn stuff. Oh okay, so hello, I'm Juilli. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the backyard. Listen, we're gonna start programs today. Everyone
Speaker 1: who's signed up raise your hand. Let's do a real
Speaker 1: quick row call. Uh, Lenny, Lenny, how do you say
Speaker 1: your last name? Lenny? Catch up? Lenny? Catch up? So
Speaker 1: let me catch up his hair? Carl, how do you
Speaker 1: say her last name? Carl nerdspof? Can I just ask
Speaker 1: really quick? I thought there was gonna be fences in
Speaker 1: your backyard. It was gonna be boundaries open? Carl? Do
Speaker 1: you need boundaries? Oh well I do? Just say yes,
Speaker 1: it feels good. Yes, boundaries feel good? Right, Carl? Wait up, Carl? Hey,
Speaker 1: uh he left your notebook back there. I just want
Speaker 1: to say, man, you crushed that scene. Man like, you
Speaker 1: just did so good. I would just love to working
Speaker 1: with you one on one and maybe you just like
Speaker 1: really like breakdown like your mentality on this. I don't
Speaker 1: know if my my wife allows me to take these classes,
Speaker 1: but she really wants me to keep it outside the house.
Speaker 1: So you don't know if your wife allows you to
Speaker 1: take these classes. So she loves me. She actually helps me.
Speaker 1: She kind of encourages me to take classes. But it's
Speaker 1: under the agreement. I don't take my home. My mind
Speaker 1: work home with me, so I wasn't asking me to
Speaker 1: your house. I was just gonna you know what, dud,
Speaker 1: where are we gonna work? One on one? I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: like getting the coffee or something? Right, Get off my camera?
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, say to one. That is scene one. Oh.
Speaker 1: I promised myself before the year ended we would finish
Speaker 1: a scene with get off my camera. Thank you at
Speaker 1: all to come to some Benjamin who wrote High Alchemy Crew,
Speaker 1: I've sent all my emails to your name here at
Speaker 1: blah blah blah dot com and never got a response.
Speaker 1: Thanks Joey. My scene idea is this Oprah is missing
Speaker 1: lots of love, ben I don't know what I mean.
Speaker 1: She was supposed to be here at noon today. No
Speaker 1: one has seen her, so I'm sorry. I have a
Speaker 1: v A P path um. So it's people to go back.
Speaker 1: And what is your name? My name is Tammy Crosher, Right,
Speaker 1: how do you spell the last part? Croash and no
Speaker 1: berber c c R O N s h E n
Speaker 1: B e r g u r n b e r
Speaker 1: e g n. Okay, do you have a photo? I
Speaker 1: d P? Yes, I do? Are dere? Oh look at that.
Speaker 1: That's how you spell your ridiculous name. And I just
Speaker 1: spelled it. No, no one was listening, So why did you?
Speaker 1: What is going cross checking it? Here's your here's your
Speaker 1: ID badge. You'll be working with Oprah today. Your first
Speaker 1: task is to find work because she's late. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about working a pass to see her then
Speaker 1: watch her shows? No, no, you're we're being put to work.
Speaker 1: We need to find Oprah and you can help. You're
Speaker 1: not breaking it very easily. A V I P pass
Speaker 1: If you're a very important person. You're working on open show.
Speaker 1: That's right, and you're gonna get a gift. Look under
Speaker 1: your chair, there's a Chevrolet. It's gonna all be great.
Speaker 1: So help us so we can do the show about that. Okay, Wait,
Speaker 1: she's missing. Oh Christ, oh my god, what happened? Yes,
Speaker 1: it's Tuesday, she's missing. Relax, what do you mean? It's
Speaker 1: not an emergency. She's missing every week, every week. It's
Speaker 1: how she's relevant. Nobody knows where to find her. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm freaking out. Who you go, I'm freaking Oprah?
Speaker 1: Excuse me? Is this is this gonna be one of
Speaker 1: Oprah's favorite things episodes? I mean, is they're gonna be
Speaker 1: so under our seats? Yes, every episode now is her
Speaker 1: favorite things? All right? Good, good, take your seats. Please,
Speaker 1: missing Oprah? Excuse me, sir, excuse me, sir, don't tell
Speaker 1: people that. Seriously, you're a woman, a retired detective. I
Speaker 1: just did you want to help op It's missing Oprah?
Speaker 1: It's gone. How do you know my re? How do
Speaker 1: you know my ren? I watched Colombo? So listen, lieutenant,
Speaker 1: you'll you'll, you'll help us find Oprah? Sure a picture
Speaker 1: or something? Do you know what you're looking for a picture? Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: here you go. Here she is on the cover of
Speaker 1: her own magazine. Yeah, hit me that wrench. Look, man,
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about it. All right. Last time
Speaker 1: I saw her, she came in here. She had a
Speaker 1: rolls Royce. Thank you. I got under the hood. I
Speaker 1: fixed some tubes and it was good. Alright, I already
Speaker 1: you already gave me a wretch. So I don't know
Speaker 1: which one you wanted. I'm giving you like we have
Speaker 1: ten different wrenches. Well, the first one you gave me
Speaker 1: was the right one. All right, you made the right call.
Speaker 1: Your instincts are correct. Do you serve is high end automobiles,
Speaker 1: high end automobiles, high end helicopters. You put it in
Speaker 1: water and floats. I'll fix it. Not a big deal,
Speaker 1: French that you already gave me the wrench. And when
Speaker 1: he says order up, what what does that mean? Exactly?
Speaker 1: He's making hamburgers in the back of the automove hamburgers
Speaker 1: as people get hungry while they wait. All right, excuse me,
Speaker 1: I didn't ask the lieutenant do you wanna do you
Speaker 1: wanna wrench? I'm good, I'm good. Are you sure it's free? No,
Speaker 1: it's not free. We pay for those wrench. I don't
Speaker 1: know what to say. I was on the jug by myself.
Speaker 1: I don't have an alibi. Okay, but you were jogging
Speaker 1: right here down Lake Michigan. Yeah, Lake Michigan is where
Speaker 1: I jogged. Where where the tour started? Well, you jarred
Speaker 1: right by Oprah Winfrey's apartment. Yeah, Hey, what is your badge? Anyway?
Speaker 1: Let me see this. I'm retired. Damn you're above the
Speaker 1: law then, huh. Yeah, I'm a v I P audience
Speaker 1: member at Oprah v I. Oh wow, I'm obligated to
Speaker 1: help out with the case. Yeah, well you don't have
Speaker 1: any right here. I'm gonna I'm gonna go. But I'm
Speaker 1: telling you I didn't have anything to do with it.
Speaker 1: Oh this blood, this cut on my arm, it's nothing.
Speaker 1: It's from a joget. Look, Pal, I didn't even stop you.
Speaker 1: You came up and started talking to me. I'm not
Speaker 1: not killing Oprah. Sure, I got a gun, but it's
Speaker 1: not registered. Now. Look, man, I can get you some FiOS, right,
Speaker 1: but that's the last thing I can do. Okay, and
Speaker 1: consider this my debt paid. Alright. Look I think about
Speaker 1: you saving my ass twenty years ago we took down
Speaker 1: the jump Gleani crime family. All right, Now, my debt
Speaker 1: to you was done. Do you get that? I owe
Speaker 1: you one, Marty, I owe you, damn right, you owe
Speaker 1: me one, You son of a bitch, You lucky asshole
Speaker 1: gets to be retired. Now I'm out there on the
Speaker 1: front seat lines. He's getting shot and stabbed. Man, I
Speaker 1: got four hundred and sixteen days tomorrow time. If you've
Speaker 1: been counting it down for ten years now, it's not necessary.
Speaker 1: Just wait, wait till you get into the final year.
Speaker 1: I'm in the final you almost four d You know something.
Speaker 1: Look at the point is this man? I write every
Speaker 1: single day, I think about what you did for me,
Speaker 1: and I want you to know that we're done. We're squared.
Speaker 1: Even do you hear I get it? Let me. I'm
Speaker 1: sure guerrilla rebels and Grandma were held back at the border.
Speaker 1: Now we're turning overs who are continuing the story of
Speaker 1: John Ganna crime family. And let's take it to the
Speaker 1: streets to see what our man down there has to say.
Speaker 1: Take it away, Ruger, Hi, thank you. Once again we're
Speaker 1: back on the screen. We have a lot of people
Speaker 1: walking behind me, so I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted.
Speaker 1: I asked the news through the Hey, it's the shoot.
Speaker 1: It's news going on. Shoot. I'm a reporter. I'm a
Speaker 1: reporter and I'm here live on the news. So as
Speaker 1: you can see, we've got a lot of activity behind
Speaker 1: me because the cameraman forgot to block it off. But
Speaker 1: once again, we're covering the biggest crime family. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, CFN, I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 1: I mean, I appreciate you all pivoting into some kind
Speaker 1: of news network. I think that was Dan Rather, I'm
Speaker 1: not sure. It looked like an animatronic. It was an
Speaker 1: animatronic Tom Broke, Tom Broker whatever. Look, it was horrible.
Speaker 1: The Roger, whoever you had in the field doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to speak correctly. Was was definitely rattled by pet
Speaker 1: It was his first big gig. Sorry, should I not
Speaker 1: be in this meeting? I'm embarrassed that you guys are
Speaker 1: talking about me when I'm right here. Roger, It's fine,
Speaker 1: you forgot you were there. I uh um, Look, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to cut funding. That's just That's just it.
Speaker 1: Oprah doesn't want to pay for this anymore. Look, we
Speaker 1: don't just do come faces anymore, like I am. We're
Speaker 1: doing a little bit of everything now, I understand. But oh,
Speaker 1: network's not gonna eat this right, doesn't want to pay
Speaker 1: whord anymore? Is that old man day. I've been running
Speaker 1: this c FN for a long time, all right, Mr
Speaker 1: Mr John Bianni, you know, I know John Boody, John Balani,
Speaker 1: joan body? How do you say? Jumbo? Yeah? Ran Barani?
Speaker 1: What the hell is a just unplug? Somebody unpluging? He
Speaker 1: needs to be charged. You gotta charge him up. What
Speaker 1: the hell is this? You made it anatomically correct? Why
Speaker 1: you just see can bust up? We can the real
Speaker 1: Tom broke and we have no idea what his dick
Speaker 1: looks like. Okay, so I've got to make some alteration.
Speaker 1: So you put a hand, you put a hand. Ver
Speaker 1: are all me? You're you're cleaning your dirty money through
Speaker 1: our network. But we're an actual network now, we're making shows,
Speaker 1: original shows. If you're a real network, Roger, what do
Speaker 1: you used? Just come face when doing the news? This
Speaker 1: check for one million dollars is for the first person
Speaker 1: to bring me o bro Win Freese said, what the fun?
Speaker 1: What do there's a contract on Oprah. If she's not
Speaker 1: gonna fund us, then we need to get rid of
Speaker 1: a Oh you don't understand there's a whole board of directors.
Speaker 1: I mean she's just the name and face of the network.
Speaker 1: She doesn't have like the ultimate say so, uh oh,
Speaker 1: one million dollars that's it. I mean she's worth like
Speaker 1: five million or billion dollars. I just feel like it
Speaker 1: should be more. Look, you're gonna take this contract or not,
Speaker 1: because if you stop, if you don't get work soon,
Speaker 1: you're out, all right, you're my agent. Give me better gigs.
Speaker 1: My god, this is a big step. You you contract
Speaker 1: kill celebrity. Guess what other celebrities know about you. Guess
Speaker 1: what Hollywood comes it off and they do a bio
Speaker 1: pic on you. It's so facts though. You get a deal,
Speaker 1: you get a pillow deal. Come on, I'm telling you
Speaker 1: right now, this is huge. You have to do it.
Speaker 1: Just think about it. I mean, you're you're gonna still
Speaker 1: take your right so like after taxes and I mean
Speaker 1: it's a million dollars, I'm gonna take it's I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm clearing maybe maybe dollars. And is that really worth
Speaker 1: it to you? Yes? For you? Yes, I mean you
Speaker 1: need the buddy. You need the buddy. Huddy. I'm a
Speaker 1: Julie Pard trained assassin. And then you just wanted me
Speaker 1: to come in here and just take any job. And
Speaker 1: it just doesn't make sense to me. What's the last
Speaker 1: job you did? Huh? What's the last hit you made?
Speaker 1: You should know you're my agent. It's right here on
Speaker 1: my resume. Okay, let me find it. That's just what
Speaker 1: papers days. All right, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll just
Speaker 1: take your seats. Let's get this uh started. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Julia Fudd Assassin Training. I'm your instructor for this
Speaker 1: first go around. I'm very retired assassin from the field
Speaker 1: of the Marine Corps and the filth Start off with
Speaker 1: some questions. You're bound to have you with the beanie hat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: me with the beating or the guy with the green beanie? No? No,
Speaker 1: you with the beating? The guy next yea, next me.
Speaker 1: I didn't have my hand up. If I can ask
Speaker 1: a question, somebody asked a question, Sure, what is your
Speaker 1: favorite day of the week. I don't know. That's a
Speaker 1: new one. I like that question. I'm gonna go with Friday. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I'm in the wrong places. Improv next door?
Speaker 1: Ye right, next door? Okay, are you gonna have to
Speaker 1: kill me for even listening to this? Much of the
Speaker 1: class that's hilarious? Is that part of that improd stuff?
Speaker 1: Right there? I don't know what's my first Okay, got
Speaker 1: your back? Head next door? Shot me in the back? Okay, Jen, Sorry,
Speaker 1: I just want to catch up. You lift your knife
Speaker 1: back there. I just want to say, like, really good
Speaker 1: class um. One question and it was fucking stupid, but
Speaker 1: it was like like so thoughtful anyway, like I um,
Speaker 1: I love to work on Oh my god, are you okay?
Speaker 1: That was like you guys to walk like five ft?
Speaker 1: It was such a short amount of space. Are you
Speaker 1: are you? I'm not a water length walking? Is that?
Speaker 1: Why do you just kind of like is this your
Speaker 1: hover bo? Yeah? I can't get sort that anyway. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you want to get together and just
Speaker 1: start like killing why would I Why would I want
Speaker 1: to do that with? Are you just asking me that
Speaker 1: because I'm the only woman in class? No? No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: How did you get I'm sorry, I'm you're making me
Speaker 1: really uncomfortable? Can you and you're Oh my god, you're bleeding?
Speaker 1: Are you okay with your knife? Oh? Man? How was
Speaker 1: the how is the class? Who's this asshole? Sorry? This
Speaker 1: is this guy? He followed me. I knew I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have taken a class that was right fucking next door
Speaker 1: to where we live. Now, let's chase I'm a fucking
Speaker 1: hit man. Man, it's my dad. I lived with my dad.
Speaker 1: Three of you can get off my camera. Excuse me, folks. Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm going around just asking some people. Have you seen
Speaker 1: this woman? Oh? Yeah, this is maybe not the best picture.
Speaker 1: Let me uh this one. Oh bro, Yeah, we know
Speaker 1: who that is from the eighties. Have you have you
Speaker 1: seen her? She's she's been missing. Nope, I know that.
Speaker 1: Hey we're just a dry cleaner. We're not up front
Speaker 1: for the Jambalani crime family. All right, Okay, then why
Speaker 1: do you have a headshot of Oprah Winfrey. That's not
Speaker 1: even my gun. I didn't even ask me about your gun. Um.
Speaker 1: That photo was given to us by another detective looking
Speaker 1: for her. Yeah, okay, look, I was just walking down
Speaker 1: the street. You waved me into your store. Just wanted
Speaker 1: to make shot records clean, you know. Okay, can you
Speaker 1: get coming into our dry cleaning place? Detective? What's what's
Speaker 1: going on? Well? Mr John Bianni? Yeah, what brings you here?
Speaker 1: We've got a nice picture. We call this our old
Speaker 1: face Here. Your wheelchair wheels have blood on them. No,
Speaker 1: that's jelly, It's just jelly. Well, you said you weren't
Speaker 1: affiliated with the gim Beionni family and you just called
Speaker 1: him grandpa. Yeah, I am here to pick up my
Speaker 1: dry cleaning. Uh yeah, do you have your ticket? I do?
Speaker 1: Here you go? Oh my god, is that old man
Speaker 1: John Bliannie. Oh yeah, sorry, I see you up and about.
Speaker 1: It's a jelly on your wheel. Yes, it's a strawberry
Speaker 1: raspberry cheery. Look, let me just wait a minute. You
Speaker 1: were the stage manager at Oprah show. I gotta get
Speaker 1: out of here, se al right, here's your three piece.
Speaker 1: If we couldn't get the blood up, where do you go?
Speaker 1: This is the last time I'm doing a favorite for you,
Speaker 1: all right. I got those wiret taps on all the
Speaker 1: businesses in a Christian alright, every single business Chicago's got
Speaker 1: white tep on it. And this I am doing. I
Speaker 1: don't know you even he Marty, come into my office.
Speaker 1: I got some bad news for you. Um. I know
Speaker 1: that we said that you were going to be able
Speaker 1: to retire in four hundred and ten days, and it's
Speaker 1: like we've had some new assignments and people every day
Speaker 1: that every day that passage that gets me closer to
Speaker 1: my retirement. I could feel a pep in my step.
Speaker 1: I want to get I want to contact all my relatives. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's been even looking at different WiFi and different different
Speaker 1: kind of technical Ten more years, Marty, you need to
Speaker 1: work for ten more years. Ten more years. You have
Speaker 1: you mean ten more years. I mean what I say.
Speaker 1: That's about if I'm doing the math correctly, and I
Speaker 1: know I am because I'm a bit of a genius.
Speaker 1: It's about fifty thousand more days. What I gotta get
Speaker 1: out of here. I gotta get out of here. I
Speaker 1: can't be a cop for that long. I have to go.
Speaker 1: I want to see my family. You can do all
Speaker 1: of those things. You can look for WiFi, you can
Speaker 1: see your family, you can talk to your dames. What
Speaker 1: do you what do you think being a cop is,
Speaker 1: Marty be The cop is a nine to five. It's
Speaker 1: a hot hat job. You understand what I mean. Thank
Speaker 1: you for doing the offer clock plumbing. That's very helpful.
Speaker 1: But it is a nine to five job, as you described,
Speaker 1: and that means that before nine and after five, you
Speaker 1: can see your family when I'm tiring, when I go work. Okay,
Speaker 1: then I'm live outside of the dry cleaners, Teddy's dry Cleaners,
Speaker 1: which has been a scene of a very bad um.
Speaker 1: I'm here on the screen, I mean street right now,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm here reporting a Yarry Yarry. If you
Speaker 1: could challenge you don be helpful to everyone. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I am. I'm trying to and so what Well, I'm
Speaker 1: not looking in the direction of the the dry cleaner
Speaker 1: because that's behind me, so like, and I'm looking forward to.
Speaker 1: What I see is like a street busy with cars
Speaker 1: and stuff. But behind me what happened was like this,
Speaker 1: Apparently this detective went inside and then this other guy
Speaker 1: went inside and then he ran off, but he left
Speaker 1: his bloody clothes and so um. But then they're trying
Speaker 1: to figure out, Sorry, are you in line for dry cleaning?
Speaker 1: Because I've been waiting behind you and I just realized
Speaker 1: now you might not be part of the line actual
Speaker 1: story you can, uh, Dan Ruthers, I mean talking to
Speaker 1: me in my ear, Yeah I have. I'm not in
Speaker 1: line though, But that's funny that you think that's funny.
Speaker 1: I've been waiting here for like two hours because I
Speaker 1: thought that you were in line. To excuse me, I
Speaker 1: had to pick up my dry cleaning for my dead son,
Speaker 1: A good good and uh and that's our sizzle reel
Speaker 1: uh so uh and then it's just gonna have the
Speaker 1: chiron the main stain of cable after that. So what
Speaker 1: do you think see if an executives, do you want
Speaker 1: some feedback? What are you looking for notes? Sure, okay,
Speaker 1: the guy in front of the drag cleaner. I didn't
Speaker 1: understand that at all. He kept referring to what he
Speaker 1: was seeing as opposed to the camera. That was confusing. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: I'll give it all, give it a big thumbs up.
Speaker 1: I think he wants to know if we're going to
Speaker 1: buy it. Oh right, right, right right the thing. Well, listen,
Speaker 1: if you cut that guy in from the drug cleaner,
Speaker 1: thank you, sal If you cut the guy in from
Speaker 1: the drug you're welcome. Yeah. No, really, it's great to
Speaker 1: have you on the team. Uh, I think, sorry, thanks
Speaker 1: for having me. I know, like since we stopped officially
Speaker 1: having sex, you were like, it's, you know, whatever. But
Speaker 1: it's nice of you to actually treat me as an
Speaker 1: employee here, and thank you. I'm getting a raid. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, yep, congrats, So lose in front of the
Speaker 1: Does noone want this last donut? Someone take the donuts, Steve,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. If everybody looks under their chairs,
Speaker 1: you get a donut, and you get a donut, and
Speaker 1: you get a donut, and that seemed to donuts all around.
Speaker 1: Sally comes to us from patroon VP Conrad, who wrote Nope,
Speaker 1: we already talked to by. There's Wyatt, who wrote, howdy
Speaker 1: did Lee do my favorite comedy crew? I have two
Speaker 1: scenes suggestions, hopefully one is of some news one Santa
Speaker 1: Versus Granpas two Day in the Life of Hogwarts staff
Speaker 1: much love to you all. I feel like we did
Speaker 1: the latter at some point. Yeah, it seems familiar. M
Speaker 1: we spent some time with Hogwarts something. Maybe it was
Speaker 1: just that. All right, Well, Crampus, it's Crampus, Crampus, good good?
Speaker 1: What did you think? God? Thank God? I thought you
Speaker 1: said Grampus. I thought it was a play on Crampus.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna play on your Crampus in a second Santa
Speaker 1: Versus Crampus, The Day in the Life of Hogwarts. Thank you? Whyett?
Speaker 1: And then excuse me, excuse me? You gotta stop talking.
Speaker 1: I do because no one's gonna understand you. I know.
Speaker 1: I just what I wanted. Was I wanted eight? I
Speaker 1: want to truck and I want why don't you tell
Speaker 1: me what you want? I want a truck and I
Speaker 1: want my daddy. I want my daddy to come back
Speaker 1: home so hard. I want I want my day to come.
Speaker 1: Did you lose your daddy again. I locked him. I
Speaker 1: tell you, when you get up to the front of
Speaker 1: the line and you sit on Santa's lap, make sure
Speaker 1: you've mentioned the part about the truck, and don't mention
Speaker 1: the crap about your father not coming home. Okay, do
Speaker 1: you mean you want the truck right? I won't my dad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but if you had to choose, under your head, Dad,
Speaker 1: don't mention the truck. Don't leave with the truck. If
Speaker 1: all you really wanted your dead I want the truck too, well,
Speaker 1: forget it. Hey, kid, I can give you both or
Speaker 1: not or not was really just an offer. I need
Speaker 1: an adult to collect the crampus. Look, you know, I
Speaker 1: was totally open to having different, you know, Christmas deeds
Speaker 1: wherever the fucking things are to come through and you
Speaker 1: don't have kids jump on your knee and whatever. But
Speaker 1: you're really freaking out the whole mall. So we're gonna
Speaker 1: have to We're gonna have to let you go. Okay,
Speaker 1: I mean that's understand I kind of anticipated is to
Speaker 1: be a problem, and yeah, I just I think it
Speaker 1: just hurts for me. I turned down a lot of
Speaker 1: other gigs to be here, um, a lot like Macy's
Speaker 1: wanted me. I'm gonna do my rounds, so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to get out of the office at the hospital. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have to go to I do a moonlight or
Speaker 1: I guess. I don't know what the hell's called here,
Speaker 1: Like I owned them all, but I'm also a doctor.
Speaker 1: I'm very wealthy, alright, so that's just kind of how
Speaker 1: I do things in this small town. But what do
Speaker 1: you want here? What do you want one more time
Speaker 1: for for me? Please sit on my lab. Okay, it's wet,
Speaker 1: but don't worry. What is that is that jam? Well?
Speaker 1: All right, you have your bleeding when your urinate. That's
Speaker 1: a problem. No doc there can fix it and still
Speaker 1: keep me alive. So I chosen to live another day. Well,
Speaker 1: let me try. Let me see what's going on in there. Doctor,
Speaker 1: I'm a doctor. Why don't you come to the Hospit
Speaker 1: don't figure this out? Okay, let me get that wish
Speaker 1: in first. Sorry, let me get on there, all right?
Speaker 1: Are you all right? All right? When you I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna just tell you the last time, Like when you
Speaker 1: wrap the pretzels here, you gotta make sure they're tied
Speaker 1: otherwise we're not selling them, right, it'll look like some
Speaker 1: wetzel pretzel crap. We're not doing that here. Alright, this
Speaker 1: is any shop. Okay, I understand. Let me do it
Speaker 1: in front of you while you watch. Yeah yeah, let
Speaker 1: me watch. Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Twisted
Speaker 1: twisted twilet, make it worle it? Yeah, I'd like to
Speaker 1: order a dozen bristles. Hey, just get it right this time.
Speaker 1: There's no discount. Alright, you're not a full time employee.
Speaker 1: I'm Santa Claus. I. Oh, who's that behind the counter?
Speaker 1: You got a different job? Yeah, you know who I am.
Speaker 1: Are you coming here? Why? I was ordering pretzels and
Speaker 1: I want him tied nice and tight, crappy cramps only
Speaker 1: my friends call me crampy and you're not my friend. Asshole?
Speaker 1: Oh did you manage you? Hear that? You know what?
Speaker 1: Excuse me? I'm supporting my employee. So you're coming here
Speaker 1: starting trouble. Why don't you get out of here? What
Speaker 1: time do you get off a work trampis? Uh? Five minutes?
Speaker 1: Check your ass? You versus me? After working? Ding ding
Speaker 1: In the left corner over you're wearing in a lovely
Speaker 1: pounds with a red suit on a double belt. The
Speaker 1: center in the right corner. We have wing in a
Speaker 1: two pounds crampy the crampy cramp ships going down there.
Speaker 1: He rep This is your time. You gotta do your speech. Okay, okay, alright,
Speaker 1: I want I want to clean fight. Um. No use
Speaker 1: of magic, though you are both magical beings. Uh. Let's
Speaker 1: keep everything in the spirit of Christmas or in the
Speaker 1: spirit of anti Christmas. Uh. You know the rules. Uh.
Speaker 1: No hitting below the belt though your belts are large
Speaker 1: and uh action, You're trouble fucker. I hope that the
Speaker 1: kids didn't give you you is that word? Don't give
Speaker 1: a book shink. I'm gonna stick my fingers in your eyeballs. Hey, Greg,
Speaker 1: can I just get a word with you? Listen, just
Speaker 1: watch the tape back from the fight down at the
Speaker 1: mall that you refereed, and well, listen, you know we
Speaker 1: we we love your work. A big fan of all
Speaker 1: all of your films. But now that you're a referee
Speaker 1: for fight sound at the mall. Uh, calling out action
Speaker 1: is not the way we'd like to start the fight. Okay,
Speaker 1: what would you recommend? Um? Sound of a bell? Sounds
Speaker 1: of a bell. I don't know if I can make
Speaker 1: that sound well let's try give me. Give me what
Speaker 1: you got. Perfect, that's what we're looking for. That's better
Speaker 1: than action. Okay, I know the action is the associate.
Speaker 1: It got the job done. They do what I meant.
Speaker 1: Weirdly they did, but I think they were humoring you,
Speaker 1: whereas I being a big fan of all of your films? Um,
Speaker 1: what's your what's your third favorite? Steve? Come down? Now
Speaker 1: you didn't like your own? Know it's early, it's early,
Speaker 1: you know, I get that it was influential, But yeah,
Speaker 1: it was very I've done better stuff since then. What
Speaker 1: would you say it's better? Uh? Can I get two
Speaker 1: tickets to all? The hands are melting? Please? How old
Speaker 1: are you kid? Old enough to watch? Come on? Let
Speaker 1: me just go in. No, it's great, it are and
Speaker 1: you're just here by yourself. Why didn't need two tickets?
Speaker 1: One for me and one for Santa? Where are your parents?
Speaker 1: Your parents not here? No? I always hope this time
Speaker 1: me here, I can get a ticket for sand and
Speaker 1: then if he comes to the movie with me, I
Speaker 1: can wish that my parents will come back to life.
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, man, they were burned up in a marshmallow fire. Wow,
Speaker 1: like a big making a big s'more or something something
Speaker 1: like that. I still can't let you in. I hate
Speaker 1: to be a babas from the rules, But they don't
Speaker 1: call this Jimmy's matinee movies for no reason. What does
Speaker 1: that have to do with? What's the model Jimmy's my
Speaker 1: Name's movies. We don't let you in unless you're out page.
Speaker 1: Come on, please, it's it's Christmas Day. Please let me
Speaker 1: just get in. Hey, kid, I get let you did
Speaker 1: the movie Jesus Christ? That was that? What the hell
Speaker 1: is that? Who the hell is that fun? What is that? Hey?
Speaker 1: If you go with Crampas, I'll ge you two tickets,
Speaker 1: that's for sure. Crampus has got a lifetime free he's
Speaker 1: got the movie Past for life. I can get in
Speaker 1: for free. Fa have I go in with tickets to
Speaker 1: Crampus and then Crampus can take you in? Okay, okay, fine,
Speaker 1: sweet Crampus pounded buh yeah, sweet nice, Thanks for the tickets,
Speaker 1: all right, come with me. Sorry, here's your ticket. It's
Speaker 1: really hot? Oh so wet? Now hot? Hey? Uh? Sorry
Speaker 1: for cheaking out you earlier. You got all those horns
Speaker 1: and that was really mean. Sorry, I shouldn't judge you
Speaker 1: like that. I gotta I have mole of a mole
Speaker 1: on my eye. Let me tell you something. I'm a freak,
Speaker 1: right like, I'm a fucking freaking nature. But the mole
Speaker 1: on your eye is absolutely disgusting. How do you link
Speaker 1: with that thing? It's like on you the white part
Speaker 1: of your well, my eye, all the parts of my
Speaker 1: you know, the blinking parts of my eye have kind
Speaker 1: of molded around it to see that. It's disgusting. You
Speaker 1: ever like kissed anybody or intimate? I bet it's because
Speaker 1: of the mall. Do you guys want popcorn or anything
Speaker 1: or otherwise you've got to move into the theater. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll do um, I'll do just the coloneld corn unpopped.
Speaker 1: There you go on the house pramp if you know it?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Can I get some chocolate covered racings? Please?
Speaker 1: We only give food to people with parents, alright, move it.
Speaker 1: It does And that is part of the jingle too,
Speaker 1: if you just waited a little longer, and they do
Speaker 1: include they say all the disclosures out there, dear saying,
Speaker 1: I hope this year you'll be able to come down
Speaker 1: and watch a movie with me, and I'll be able
Speaker 1: to make my wish Are you talking to me? No,
Speaker 1: I'm talking to Okay, sit next to me. Sit next
Speaker 1: to me and hold my hands in the whole film. Hi, folks,
Speaker 1: I'm Greg Gagowski, the director of the film you're about
Speaker 1: to see, and I also work here at the mall
Speaker 1: as a fight referee. Um, I just wanted to make
Speaker 1: a few brief announcements. All the hands are melting is
Speaker 1: a hard are uh. If you do have, if your
Speaker 1: guardian or a parent with your kid here, just make
Speaker 1: sure to close their eyes, you know during some of
Speaker 1: the crucial parts. A question, Yes, Crampas, I'm with someone.
Speaker 1: I say, I'm more of like a chaperone, but I
Speaker 1: don't think he could fully close his eyes for the
Speaker 1: scary part to do a medical performity on the right side.
Speaker 1: Got you. You have no obligation on your part, Crampus. Also,
Speaker 1: because it's Christmas, a lot of kids are leaving a
Speaker 1: giant popcorn and giant coke for Santa uh and hopes
Speaker 1: that he will come during the night and eat it. Uh.
Speaker 1: And that just attracts rats. So just don't don't leave
Speaker 1: that that food. Rats. Yeah, Christmas rats like from the Nutcracker.
Speaker 1: But but no good luck. Okay, it's it's already Christmas Day.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't if you wanted to leave the food you
Speaker 1: would have done on Christmas Eve. Anyway, enjoy All the
Speaker 1: hands are melting up. Greg Gy gass. Greg. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but it looks like this rat bite. It's infected. Oh Jesus,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't know what's gonna happen. Am I
Speaker 1: gonna lose the hand? I mean it looks like that
Speaker 1: part of your hand. If we don't act soon, it's
Speaker 1: going to turn into a rat. Okay, are you telling
Speaker 1: me this is your capacity as a doctor or as
Speaker 1: the owner of the mall. We'll both. As a doctor, obviously,
Speaker 1: my concern is medical, and as the owner of the mall,
Speaker 1: my concern is financial. Okay, I mean, don't don't hire
Speaker 1: another fight referee for the food court like I'm the
Speaker 1: only guy who can do it. Great, great, Well, look,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do everything we can to save this hand. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, but look, if your hand turns into a rat,
Speaker 1: we'll find some to me for interrupting. Doctor. It's time
Speaker 1: to freshen up your iv drep. So thank you very much.
Speaker 1: Just right back into the same whole are you Are
Speaker 1: you also getting treatment here, doc, I'm just getting a
Speaker 1: little high on my own supply. But that's just a
Speaker 1: mean thing, enjoy. Oh my gosh, do you know what's
Speaker 1: in these clear bags? Well? No, I wasn't asking you. Okay,
Speaker 1: do you know what? Yeah? Yeah, but do you know
Speaker 1: what's in them? I'm gonna take a guess. Uh, I
Speaker 1: don't know. It looks gelatinous. Uh huh, taking guys, come on, seasonal,
Speaker 1: come on, egg knock, I don't I don't know. Are
Speaker 1: you trying to get me to say, come like? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. Jesus? Oh, oh, Craig, what
Speaker 1: happened to your head? Uh? My name is Greg. First
Speaker 1: of all, of course, let me take a look at
Speaker 1: the list. That's right, Greg, Your hand looks a little
Speaker 1: vermin Yeah, I got bit by a rat. Now my
Speaker 1: hand as a rat? Oh did you go to the ball?
Speaker 1: The mall doctor that was stick? Is he not a
Speaker 1: legitimate doctor? He's a male doctor, Greg, Well, I thought
Speaker 1: he was just wore multiple hats. No, he's not a
Speaker 1: real doctor. That's what's the difference. You can do. It's
Speaker 1: like a mall call. Oh, I'm so sorry. Your head
Speaker 1: is never probably going to be the same. Okay. I
Speaker 1: don't think that Crampus. Uh. I don't think you really
Speaker 1: beat Crampus in that fight, Santa. I feel like it
Speaker 1: was fixed. Oh no, it wasn't fixed. Look at my
Speaker 1: eyes there. In fact, I got a think guy dug
Speaker 1: my eyes about that. That's our shot for today. Hey,
Speaker 1: sad it with the pink guy. Let's thank all of
Speaker 1: our guests and no particular order, starting with Caroline cod
Speaker 1: Thank you, congratulations on your new apartment. I know you're
Speaker 1: super excited about the size and location. That's right. So
Speaker 1: let us know the address and we can send some
Speaker 1: flowers and some cake. Good yeah flower cake, you bet
Speaker 1: you also my exact address out to every I'll just
Speaker 1: post it on the internet with my social Yeah, people,
Speaker 1: look up your Instagram under the Moniker Carter poop. That's
Speaker 1: all right. Thank you for joining us. It's great to
Speaker 1: see you. Thanks for having me. Joey Greer the funk Man,
Speaker 1: Tell me about it, Tell me about it. BS Comedy
Speaker 1: every Wednesday, eight o'clock Twitch, thank you, TV Backslash, BS
Speaker 1: Comedy Chicken, thank you for that. A tool, sing tool,
Speaker 1: thank thank you. I my socials are all a tool
Speaker 1: time a t U L t ammy. Come join me.
Speaker 1: We'll do some fun stuff. What but like what kind
Speaker 1: of well I'm engage we'll happen. Okay, okay, it sounded
Speaker 1: like but I just wanted to class. But no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no, not on social James Zeeney, Uh, well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna double down on butt stuff. You can find it,
Speaker 1: you can engage in it on twitch, dot tv, slash
Speaker 1: bs comedy. Assume that's what you guys were talking about.
Speaker 1: My mistake if I was wrong. Craig Atkowski, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Enjoying the hell out of the Thanksgiving episode.
Speaker 1: Oh thanks so much. Yeah, Craigslist podcast, we're playing on
Speaker 1: doing the Twelve Days with Craigslist in December. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna watch twelve holiday movies leading up to Christmas and
Speaker 1: put about four podcasts up about it. So Craigslist, pea
Speaker 1: cast on Twitter, subscribe and all your favorite podcast apps.
Speaker 1: Great to see you all. Let's thank our engineering producing
Speaker 1: the stars Mr Green. Fine folks that I heard media.
Speaker 1: I'm your host Kevin Pollock. Remind you how much we
Speaker 1: appreciate each and every damn one of you. Please keep
Speaker 1: sending those emails. I love to hear from you. Your
Speaker 1: name here, TLCO, me this dot com and hey, damn it.
Speaker 1: Be kind to each other if you can, and wear
Speaker 1: a mask when you go outdoors for a while still,
Speaker 1: and then Joey will come by with the vaccine and
Speaker 1: everything will be fine until then and until next time.