Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. It is COVID
Speaker 1: nine edition, and I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that
Speaker 1: Kevin Pollo. What's that? Well? If I have to choose
Speaker 1: fuck Chris, Mary, James, kill Joe. Oh and even though
Speaker 1: you're not asking, definitely cheat on James with Craig. But
Speaker 1: I digress. Let's meet our chemist, shall we no particular order?
Speaker 1: Please say good day to Vanessa Raglan Veniche, Good day,
Speaker 1: good day. Please share with us an utterly selfish wish
Speaker 1: for twenty one, A selfish one. Yeah, utterly selfish, utterly
Speaker 1: that I would come into an airstream trailer. It would
Speaker 1: just I would just come into it with no work
Speaker 1: and I would not deserve it, and I would get
Speaker 1: to have it and it would be nice. Drop an
Speaker 1: air stream trailer dropped off at your play Yeah for me.
Speaker 1: Sure no strings attached this time? And you would nickname
Speaker 1: it safe Place. Yeah? Nice? What the hell is Christoparado
Speaker 1: not your daddy's long legs? If I could grant you
Speaker 1: one wish for the new year, and that wish is
Speaker 1: to teach you how to master one thing, what would
Speaker 1: it be? Something to do with, you know, mastering my
Speaker 1: mm hmm. Like my just say like something like you know,
Speaker 1: like internal, like how do I master my doubt? How
Speaker 1: do I? How do I? How do I? How do I?
Speaker 1: How do I? How do I conquer? Feed out of?
Speaker 1: Get out of your own way? Yeah? Get out of
Speaker 1: my own way? Yes, that's probably for me. Hold on
Speaker 1: a second, everybody, Hello, Hello, and also surfing. Yes, once again,
Speaker 1: Please welcome Gary Anthony Will. Yeah, I'm feeling good, literally
Speaker 1: from my head to my shoes. Nice truth or gear?
Speaker 1: New Year's Eve plans just say truth or gear. I did.
Speaker 1: That's the name of my new TV show, Welcome. I
Speaker 1: plan on because my girlfriend likes to go to sleep early.
Speaker 1: I plan on waking her up loudly at New year
Speaker 1: She's gonna be pissed. I can guarantee you I'll never
Speaker 1: get to touch her again, but it will be yep,
Speaker 1: and good luck with that. Please report you. Hey, it's
Speaker 1: Craig Gatkowski, Coco. Have you ever tried to wallpaper a room? Please?
Speaker 1: No painting is bad enough. I can't imagine what it's
Speaker 1: like the wallpaper. Yeah, I do want to use that
Speaker 1: one thing that flattens it out, But the rest of
Speaker 1: it you can have the final step is the best. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but all the work that leads up to it, no,
Speaker 1: thank you forget about it. And last but hand me
Speaker 1: down under rug for you. If you think I leaves,
Speaker 1: it's Joey Greer time suck. What happens next? I mean
Speaker 1: that all depends on what's as you make right now,
Speaker 1: because the divergence of that choice is going to determine
Speaker 1: where you end up. But I can tell you this,
Speaker 1: out of every choice that one might make, I guarantee
Speaker 1: it will be the one that you don't want to.
Speaker 1: So second, guess the choice that you're gonna make right
Speaker 1: now because you really want to make the choice you
Speaker 1: do want to, because again, that's going to determine where
Speaker 1: you end up. How we end up there, Obviously, it's
Speaker 1: not just based on what choice we made. How did
Speaker 1: we make it? And I'm not just saying what did
Speaker 1: I use my feet? That I use my hands or
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, my eyes? I'm saying like,
Speaker 1: how did you make that? Right? Like in your brain?
Speaker 1: What can I use my hand? Exactly? And that's another
Speaker 1: thing I want to get to. Okay, well, did you
Speaker 1: hear the uncertainty in that? Do you hear the shakiness
Speaker 1: that was in there. We we want to strengthen that.
Speaker 1: We want to put some some iron beams right in there. Jam.
Speaker 1: I'm in there as hard as we can, because we
Speaker 1: want to make sure that that the choice is strong. Right.
Speaker 1: The idea of the thought that we're making is not
Speaker 1: something that's preconceived or put into our minds by ounce force.
Speaker 1: Rather say putting, putting to our minds. Did you hear how? Yes?
Speaker 1: Did you hear the yssa? Did you see that? Because
Speaker 1: he said putting and putting joy quickly behind you. All
Speaker 1: of our scene suggestions are gathered from listener emails or
Speaker 1: from our patron v I ps become a patron sup
Speaker 1: part of the show and enjoy plus of content like well,
Speaker 1: I don't know video of what's happening right now in
Speaker 1: Joey's mind. Just head on over the patron dot com
Speaker 1: slash alchemy this if you like to submit a scene
Speaker 1: suggestion by email email, I say, please write your podcast
Speaker 1: at your name here at alchemy dot com. That's your
Speaker 1: name here. Seen one comes from patron Alchemaniac Dougie, who wrote, Hey, Alchemist,
Speaker 1: I promised to stop spreading rumors about Joey if he
Speaker 1: brought back Instagram Live content. Since he did, I've hardly
Speaker 1: said anything bad about him. Here's my scene suggestion. A
Speaker 1: man by the name of fun Joey is accused of
Speaker 1: twisting dogs around the Greater l A Area. What the fuck?
Speaker 1: This is based on true events hashtag fun Joey signed Dougie. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I was just the other day. We were
Speaker 1: over there and you know the huh, you're gonna eat
Speaker 1: that donut. Yes, I'm gonna eat that donut. I don't
Speaker 1: eat as fast as you. Okay, it's yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get to the donut. I want to eat the donut.
Speaker 1: And you were saying I'm saying, now, you gotta be
Speaker 1: in my head about the donut thing. Man, I don't
Speaker 1: even want to talk about what you want. Don't Yes,
Speaker 1: I do want the doughnut loop every time we eat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, donuts gotta go. Baby. Are you listening to me? Man?
Speaker 1: Like I feel like your mind Hold on a second. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we got a four seven nine the first street and
Speaker 1: man to have on that twisted dog over That's right, Bye,
Speaker 1: bye bye, I love you. How long have you had
Speaker 1: that cop radio? To be honest? Four weeks for a week.
Speaker 1: Gotta for Christmas? What is your problem? Look my promise.
Speaker 1: Every time we eat, you gotta come here and you
Speaker 1: gotta point out what I mean you want to eat it,
Speaker 1: just just get extra donuts if you want more donuts.
Speaker 1: You guys listening to a cop radio? Yeah we are.
Speaker 1: What's up? I'm I work on the force. I'm off
Speaker 1: duty right now. Did you want to borrow the radio? No,
Speaker 1: I'm good. Don't let me know. Let me do anybody
Speaker 1: look that donuts mine? Okay, don't even try it. I
Speaker 1: don't want your donut. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have
Speaker 1: a little loss. Where where it? Could anyone help me?
Speaker 1: Where am i? You're at the corner of First in Maine.
Speaker 1: The corner of First and Maine. Yeah, and that's very close.
Speaker 1: She's all, she's all twisted around. Where are you? Where
Speaker 1: are you trying to go? I was trying. I was
Speaker 1: going in the direction of a dog's shrink. Uh huh.
Speaker 1: And I was walking towards the shrink. And I don't
Speaker 1: I I'm I'm all. I'm confused, and the shrieking is out.
Speaker 1: I just give it. I'm off duty right now. Man discombobulated.
Speaker 1: It happens a lot. Well, listen, you're in Larry's House
Speaker 1: of donuts. Can I buy you donut? Officers? This is
Speaker 1: probably the worst case of dog twisting that I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: God damn it. It looks like some of the fur
Speaker 1: has been rubbed off, exposing the skin. There's just a note.
Speaker 1: Write that down. I'll write that down for us. Somebody,
Speaker 1: please go ahead, please? Is it too early to assume
Speaker 1: we know who did this? You know what they say
Speaker 1: about assuming you're making a suit of me? Exactly? Yeah, down?
Speaker 1: Or of course, the Sioux Indians were some of the
Speaker 1: most famous dog twisters ever. Make a suit out of me?
Speaker 1: Go head and write it down. Sergeant. Absolutely, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: write in cursive. I'm just gonna say. I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: say it. This looks like fun Joey ship. It's that's
Speaker 1: for sure. You said duty. But I just I knew
Speaker 1: you guys were taking a meeting and I don't want
Speaker 1: to miss that or anything. Excuse thank you for your service.
Speaker 1: Thank you for your service. Officers. Can I get any
Speaker 1: of you a donut? This fucking guy over here, what
Speaker 1: do you what do you assume? Because we're cops, you
Speaker 1: like donuts. Is that what happens when you assume I'm
Speaker 1: making out of him the most assumptive Native American tribe ever?
Speaker 1: Do they like donuts? Where are we right now? The
Speaker 1: corner first? Okay, great, just wanted to clarify. But also
Speaker 1: inside Larry's house, and it looks like we're gonna have
Speaker 1: to be closing up shop. People are buying puppies right now.
Speaker 1: It looks like there's a puppy twister out in the streets. Shop. Father,
Speaker 1: We've had this shop for long as I can remember.
Speaker 1: You're drooling, Donny, listen, all right, Look, we're gonna have
Speaker 1: to just just for the safety of the pups. All right,
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to close up now. Listen, I gotta
Speaker 1: go out in an errand you understand that you're gonna
Speaker 1: go out and do an activity. That's right, that's right. Now.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you the keys to lock up. You understand, Dunny, keeez.
Speaker 1: They go into lots and then you can use them
Speaker 1: to close your door and make sure they're secure. That's right,
Speaker 1: that's yes, that's right. All right, Okay, now listen, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna come. I'm gonna be back at home. You can
Speaker 1: see me at home. Okay, stand father. Home. That's the
Speaker 1: place that we live. That's more than just a house
Speaker 1: because it has love and it's built on a foundation
Speaker 1: of trust and caring. That's exactly right, That's exactly right. Now. Listen,
Speaker 1: we gotta close in an hour. You understand stand time? Okay?
Speaker 1: Uh excuse me? You guys open looking for a for
Speaker 1: a puppy. We we are open, but I got a
Speaker 1: corral puppies here. But my father said, we're not gonna
Speaker 1: sell any more puppies. And then he confused me with
Speaker 1: the word hour, because what donny, won't you just get
Speaker 1: the sale and I'll meet you back at home. Alright,
Speaker 1: alright home at sometime, Yes, sir, come this way. I'll
Speaker 1: show you some of our softest, most cuddly puppies ever.
Speaker 1: And by the way, my father has been reading some
Speaker 1: dots since. And then those guys are long. Oh, I
Speaker 1: like a good docs. Okay, what's the twist ability of
Speaker 1: these twist abilities? Can you get the feet facing like
Speaker 1: straight up? I don't know. Mostly people just come in
Speaker 1: and cut them and smell their breath and say they're
Speaker 1: wet toad smell like Fredo's Sure, of course, they do.
Speaker 1: But I'm just starting hypothetically. Could you get the front
Speaker 1: pause to stay down while you have the other pause
Speaker 1: completely one eighty supposed so shame. I guess there's only
Speaker 1: one way to find out. No, I don't know. Look,
Speaker 1: I I told I told my son he was supposed
Speaker 1: to be back here in an hour. Officuely, I just
Speaker 1: don't know where he is. Okay, now, if you can
Speaker 1: just let me inside my shop. On a second earlier,
Speaker 1: you said you told your son to meet you at
Speaker 1: home in an hour. Now you're telling me that you
Speaker 1: said that you want him to be here in an
Speaker 1: hour at the shop. And son was confused down this
Speaker 1: time in cursive though, Okay, do it in some type
Speaker 1: of what's the other words, Rune, I'll do it in
Speaker 1: excuse me uf so is I'm a concerned citizen? What
Speaker 1: was going on here? Was there some kind of puppy
Speaker 1: twisting being concerned? You'll make a cuny, Greig. You went
Speaker 1: a little Kevin Spacey there in the movie seven see two.
Speaker 1: It's Thomas who wrote High Alchemist Readings from Michigan. It's
Speaker 1: been a loyal listener and I'm so damn happy you
Speaker 1: guys have stuck around and haven't used your fame and
Speaker 1: wealth to flee the States. My suggestion a mail in
Speaker 1: contest to win a small island country. Thanks Thomas. Oh,
Speaker 1: we gotta tabulate the scores here. We got quite a
Speaker 1: bit of entrance. This is gonna be a tough one
Speaker 1: this year, Tina. I think we could just pull the
Speaker 1: name out of the hat like we always now, we're
Speaker 1: not gonna do it like that. Okay, We're gonna read
Speaker 1: each piece of mail like we agreed. All right, Tommy,
Speaker 1: We're gonna find out who want Tommy. We appreciate the
Speaker 1: enthusias YSM, but who died? Made you? Fu? Face? Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, all right, welcome everyone to the funeral of
Speaker 1: the former face. He had a good life, he had
Speaker 1: a strong life, but he's no longer with us. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker 1: How did he die? That's the question put me. He
Speaker 1: died at first in Maine, that part. Then I guess
Speaker 1: there really no more. That's just I don't care about
Speaker 1: how if I know where? You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I love him justin where are my stamps? I didn't
Speaker 1: put him anywhere? I don't steal. Still, that's right. You
Speaker 1: stole one time. What happened to you? I beat that booty?
Speaker 1: But did maybe did you mail it in? Did you
Speaker 1: mail in our contest? Not yet, darling, But just get
Speaker 1: the stamps and put it on the least in. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't steal them. I don't steal. What happened last time?
Speaker 1: You stole? My booty got beated. Your booty got beated.
Speaker 1: That's right now, listen, I want to get us out
Speaker 1: of this small town and I want to give us
Speaker 1: a small country island, small island country. Do you understand
Speaker 1: what I'm doing this for the family, Teresa? But why
Speaker 1: don't you did a stamp? That just I don't know.
Speaker 1: Talk to your father the way you would talk to
Speaker 1: him if you respected him. Did you take his stamps? Uh? Sir,
Speaker 1: Mr President Um, your honor, your honor, your majesty. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't steal. I don't steal, but I did
Speaker 1: eat the stamp. They do only mean one thing. Sincerely,
Speaker 1: Mama's gonna have to go inside your elementary canal and
Speaker 1: find that staff elementary get into my canal. Rick, thank
Speaker 1: you for trying to help me sell my Island. I
Speaker 1: appreciate it very much. How is the early bids calling? Well?
Speaker 1: Dr Moreau, things are looking good. Um, right now we
Speaker 1: have about two to three letters. They're coming in every hour,
Speaker 1: seventh letter to the seventh letter. We ever got you
Speaker 1: said they were colling in. Just go find that seventh letter,
Speaker 1: give me, give me one second, doctor again, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: eat this cheese SNS on a lunch break. And I no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm stilling my lunch break. I was about to say,
Speaker 1: don't you don't starve me on my lunch break. You're
Speaker 1: gonna eat that? If you're talking shahn need it. We
Speaker 1: have to listen to boundaries because John can't protect them himself.
Speaker 1: God damn leopard. People listen to me. Okay, we need
Speaker 1: to find the seventh letter, okay, or what does that mean? What?
Speaker 1: You could pick a letter? Just tell them the seventh letter.
Speaker 1: Rich with you. I am half docks and okay, I
Speaker 1: am loyalty built in. Do you understand that? All right?
Speaker 1: And we are Okay, we're people, so we're very efficient.
Speaker 1: We know how this works. We're going in the letter. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not gonna seven here seventh one? Are
Speaker 1: you happy. Can I eat that sandwich? You have a
Speaker 1: bite of that sandwich? I'm on my lunch. Say what
Speaker 1: does it say? It says um, It doesn't say anything
Speaker 1: is question, what does it mean that? Well, I understood that.
Speaker 1: I okay. Well it was like a child wrote a
Speaker 1: doctor and he says, uh, here to whom it's concerned.
Speaker 1: I would love to win this small island. My name
Speaker 1: is Diana, like the deceased princess. But I am not
Speaker 1: a princess. I am an orphan, and I live underneath
Speaker 1: the vacuum store. And then we only but I have
Speaker 1: a radio and a policeman radio, and I used to
Speaker 1: have a dog when it got twisted, so that happens,
Speaker 1: and it just goes on and on like that. So
Speaker 1: messed up, little girl. Let's see if we can't get
Speaker 1: the island to her. Diane, Diane, Diane, it's me. It's
Speaker 1: me from the new owner of the pet store. There's
Speaker 1: a lot like the deceased princess, I never read the
Speaker 1: last syllable of anyone's name. By the way, a letter
Speaker 1: came to you today, address to this address. Well, where
Speaker 1: is it? Can I help it? Yes, of course, here
Speaker 1: it is. It's for you can you read it to me?
Speaker 1: I like you've always better than mine. I suppose I
Speaker 1: can read it if you'd like that, Diana. There it
Speaker 1: is is as required by the decree that I made.
Speaker 1: I doctor my row. Now give you a small island country.
Speaker 1: Meet me at the corner of Second and Maine tomorrow
Speaker 1: morning about this time. Signed Dr Moreau and the Leopard
Speaker 1: and Doctor I don't understand. Hey, buddy, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to move your car. You can't have an idol here.
Speaker 1: You understand what idle mean? What does idle mean? One
Speaker 1: man's idol is another man's action. Well, come on, I'll
Speaker 1: give a if you have frog or whatever. Okay, you
Speaker 1: can't have your car here. You gotta move it, all right?
Speaker 1: Why did your man you have big? Yeah, we're moving it.
Speaker 1: But what's the big rush? What's the big You can't
Speaker 1: park in this a loading onloading zone only. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're loaded loaded. We couldn't be more loaded. Yes, back
Speaker 1: up with this, Mike. Are you on duty or not? No,
Speaker 1: I'm not on duty, but I can call somebody. Uh actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think these guys are yaked out of their mind. Yeah,
Speaker 1: these are these are frogmen from the Island at Dr Moreau.
Speaker 1: They don't come to the mainland that often, No, they don't.
Speaker 1: There must be some kind of contest. I'm just just
Speaker 1: picking up from context clues. Are you listening to what
Speaker 1: I'm doing? Is this second straight? This? This is the the
Speaker 1: second man? Yeah, hello, little kid? Yes, this this second
Speaker 1: in Maine? Why did you change it? Pain, I'm just
Speaker 1: tring to look a kid, rob nose, frob nose. I
Speaker 1: hadn't thought that had pasta went one way, ended the
Speaker 1: head past the other way? Uh huh? Twist it up.
Speaker 1: You know we never caught that guy. You never caught
Speaker 1: that guy that I heard your voice? You know that
Speaker 1: guy still on the loose? Do you know that? Is
Speaker 1: there a Diana here? That's right? Yes, I'm here to
Speaker 1: take you to meet Dr Mareu, Dr Moreau. Please hop
Speaker 1: on my back. Okay, that was like a worse man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what the hell was that? But look, you still got
Speaker 1: to move this car, you understand, Teresa. Bring me the paper.
Speaker 1: You can get the fucking paper yourself. Bitch. I don't
Speaker 1: love you anymore, motherfucker daddy. You don't take that from her.
Speaker 1: Somebody to give me the goddamn paper. I want to
Speaker 1: see is. Don't give him the paper. Give it to
Speaker 1: him right after I wipe my ass with it. How
Speaker 1: about that one day? I'm sorry, but we're gonna have
Speaker 1: to cut water and power. Hey, I told you I'm
Speaker 1: good for next month. It is next month, and there's
Speaker 1: nothing more money than you your five alright, alright, alright.
Speaker 1: I have news paper right here, okay, and in it
Speaker 1: says who won a small country? Small? Check it out?
Speaker 1: Death a little girl? What a little girl? One? You
Speaker 1: talking about? You? I don't even open the paper. Wipe
Speaker 1: my ass with a little man? I read the paper
Speaker 1: at five, Give me my ass, my wife's ass with this? Okay?
Speaker 1: And then okay. So the concept for this show is right, Uh,
Speaker 1: we follow the people who lost the contest just as
Speaker 1: much as the people who want sure sure stories more interesting.
Speaker 1: You're never going to run out of stories because thousands
Speaker 1: upon thousands of people lost the contest, and they're desperate
Speaker 1: and they're angry, and they would only enter if they
Speaker 1: were desperate and angry but hopeful. Maybe their optimism is dead.
Speaker 1: What happens next? I'm interested. We see what happens when
Speaker 1: things don't go that way. Do we ever get a
Speaker 1: chance to see her seeing that a doctor who's looking
Speaker 1: at the lady with the newsprint in her ass from
Speaker 1: getting in the paper. Is that a scene that I'd
Speaker 1: be interested in seeing that. There's no bad ideas at
Speaker 1: this point, isn't Teresa? Just sign in? Okay, the doctor
Speaker 1: will see if you gotta sign in first. I'm a
Speaker 1: little fucking uncomfortable. Can you sign my name for me? Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll do Bitch, I'm sorry. He man, Hey, man, that's
Speaker 1: a woman. That's a woman, right, that's a queen. Right,
Speaker 1: that's a queen. Right, Damn bitch, you need to specd women. Man,
Speaker 1: don't hit me. I like this guy. I like you.
Speaker 1: I like not. I'm not just hitting you for you.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm hitting you for all the women that you've
Speaker 1: disgraced in the past. Man, respected woman, and respect your queen. Man,
Speaker 1: that's a lot of women. I'm a fucking queen, and
Speaker 1: I do have a newsprint stuck up my ass right now.
Speaker 1: But on another day, I'd like to take you up
Speaker 1: on any kind of offer you would ever make me service.
Speaker 1: Very into your vibe. I'm very into your vibe in
Speaker 1: the way you right, Aaron Fimpleman, Aaron Fimpleman. But what
Speaker 1: I'm Aaron fimple Man. But I'll tell you what. Let
Speaker 1: this lady go first, Let this queen go first, Let
Speaker 1: this queen you. I'll go on and thank you. I've
Speaker 1: been sanded enough. Aaron fimble Man. I'm gonna coming for
Speaker 1: you as soon as this doctor this uh, this woman
Speaker 1: has all the medical records of Aaron Fimpleman. So you
Speaker 1: gotta figure this out. So was that the scene you
Speaker 1: wanted to see? No very, I'm still laughing. I'm still
Speaker 1: laughing at the part where she says, Fippleman, this is
Speaker 1: the way she said. It makes me laugh. For that's
Speaker 1: we can spin off into Aaron Fippleman. So we've got,
Speaker 1: you know, contest, you know, running as the questioner. I mean,
Speaker 1: we're gonna see scenes here. Why don't we see? Are
Speaker 1: you a pig man? Uh? I'm going to call him
Speaker 1: the general, but sure he's definitely part pig. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm John Madden here, and uh, what I want to
Speaker 1: see is nineteen seventy two Steelers, okay against the two
Speaker 1: thousand eight. Mr mad Men doesn't understand man doesn't think
Speaker 1: if we have that, then I think say, yes, we
Speaker 1: can do that. Yeah, yes, you need that sandwich or
Speaker 1: please don't touch u. Mhich. Welcome to the island. Dr
Speaker 1: Moreau will see you now, Little Diana. Thank you very
Speaker 1: much to be here. I'm sure I love the coconuts.
Speaker 1: See they left with people in the tweet. Where's this
Speaker 1: magical creature? Diana? Um guilty uh Diana, welcome, Welcome to
Speaker 1: paradise that is now yours. You have so many tubes
Speaker 1: stuck in you. That's what keeps me able to speak
Speaker 1: to you and see your beauty. Can I ask you
Speaker 1: one question about the island? Yeah, now that it's yours
Speaker 1: and all of the inhabitants are yours to look after,
Speaker 1: will you allow me to stay on as a grounds keeper? Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: this don't new to me. I'm or friend. I lived
Speaker 1: on a one room I mean, if you have a place,
Speaker 1: you're comfortable staying here. Absolutely. I wasn't aware there's gonna
Speaker 1: be so many, um you know, half animal people. It's
Speaker 1: a scarier island than I imagine. As it turns out, Diana,
Speaker 1: this is the central government of Beliefe. You don't have
Speaker 1: to speak to them about what you want to do
Speaker 1: with the island. As well as the amount of back
Speaker 1: tuxes that need to be paid. Okay, different, Diana, this
Speaker 1: is the Advicultural department. Be here. I was waiting for
Speaker 1: three hours and I think I got the reforms right
Speaker 1: this time. Very good, very good. Okay, Diana. Those men
Speaker 1: or not from police. I don't know why they are from,
Speaker 1: but I do do not have a belize in accents
Speaker 1: like I do. I want to go back to my
Speaker 1: whole in the car, part of the CIA. Get in
Speaker 1: the car now. Okay, then you were part of a
Speaker 1: massive government conspiracy cover up slash big time. Oh scary times.
Speaker 1: Come with me. Don't trust that man. Listen. If you
Speaker 1: want to go back to where you were from, say
Speaker 1: it three times fast. The Barstow vacuum store under these
Speaker 1: barst of vacuum? Who needs a vacuum? Who needs a vacuum? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I got but Kirby, it needs to be fixed. All right? Then? Hey,
Speaker 1: little girl, what did you? What did you suddenly? Oh
Speaker 1: my goodness is that I portn't here. I had these forms.
Speaker 1: So I need to get to the Afrid Cultural Department
Speaker 1: because I think I'm gonna be in trouble if I
Speaker 1: don't turn the forms, then you won't need those forms here,
Speaker 1: little girl, everything's much easier. You're a frog man from
Speaker 1: the traffic champ. What's that over there? I I don't
Speaker 1: think we have the budget to do any of this,
Speaker 1: but we're really looking at actual time temporal travel here.
Speaker 1: We really want to do literally, I think that's the
Speaker 1: only way it works. If we can actually we have
Speaker 1: a time continuum, we're able to call a time out.
Speaker 1: I'm literally thank you for putting us. Well, that's good,
Speaker 1: We're gonna do that. He Theresa, how are you feeling?
Speaker 1: How's your butt? My asshole is uh? You know, there's
Speaker 1: some vowels that are apparently not going to be going anywhere.
Speaker 1: So look, I want to what I want to apologize.
Speaker 1: First of all, that guy beat the shift out of
Speaker 1: me in that waiting room. Yeah, when I was choking
Speaker 1: on my own blood. I know. I got some other
Speaker 1: good news. I got a letter. Wait, what was the
Speaker 1: first good news? Now that's good news. So the other
Speaker 1: good news is turns out that little orphan couldn't couldn't
Speaker 1: manage the island, and it looks like, oh my fucking god,
Speaker 1: you're kidding me. We got the island, baby, we got
Speaker 1: the baby. I love you that's the twist. That's why
Speaker 1: we've been focusing on these fucking people the entire time.
Speaker 1: They get the island, people from the people from Jersey
Speaker 1: get the islands. They do why they of the series
Speaker 1: and that scene to everybody has seen to Bayonne three
Speaker 1: comes from Patron V I. P. Who wrote nature documentary
Speaker 1: Mating Habits of the Elusive Bridge Troll. If you just
Speaker 1: follow me, So if you notice this stone arch bridge
Speaker 1: right here, can we take pictures along the way? The
Speaker 1: flash is going to hurt the stone, So no, no
Speaker 1: flash photography and no. Yeah, well, I mean i'd say
Speaker 1: be very careful because because the charcoal might scare the stone. Yes,
Speaker 1: we have a timid question, Yes, yeah, yeah, I just
Speaker 1: wanted is it okay if I remember this experience. I mean,
Speaker 1: I would really caution against that having these kind of
Speaker 1: jumps in time back to the stone might scare the stone.
Speaker 1: Completely understood, completely, So I'm putting I'm putting my pencil
Speaker 1: little back in its holster. Can we look at the stone?
Speaker 1: I would just give it a line. I'd actually prefer
Speaker 1: if everyone could just look at the reflection in the
Speaker 1: water of the stone. Being directly at the stone scare
Speaker 1: the stone. Stay it with me, now, it might stone
Speaker 1: should have been more clearly, should have been more clearly. Alright,
Speaker 1: so just scare of the stone, scares the stone? Should
Speaker 1: we stop saying the stone? Just stop saying that. So
Speaker 1: this story, I said, so, yeah, those are the uh,
Speaker 1: those are the humans. I thought i'd bring you on
Speaker 1: this first date till we could watch the humans try
Speaker 1: to look at the stone and stuff from under the
Speaker 1: under the bridge. You're so pretty. I'm just nervous. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: you're pretty, and I'm nervous control i've ever seen. If
Speaker 1: I could say that, you're so you're beautiful. My dad
Speaker 1: really wants me to marry a troll. I know, because
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm a troll. I know, I know,
Speaker 1: but I found so that's why that's why he set
Speaker 1: us up. Okay, you're very nice for add him on
Speaker 1: to interrupt your date. But did somebody orders sweet tea
Speaker 1: and then did someone else order mushroom gravy with a straw?
Speaker 1: That's us. Yeah, it was the mushroom cravy. Here's your
Speaker 1: mushroom gravy with a straw. I'm and here's your sweet
Speaker 1: By the way, I've seen a lot of troll couples
Speaker 1: in the past. You two are literally the most adorable
Speaker 1: troll couples I've ever seen. If I wouldn't even wait
Speaker 1: for marriage, I would start making sweet love now, not
Speaker 1: a couple of just out for some some mushroom gradation.
Speaker 1: I've already walked away from your table. So what do
Speaker 1: you what do you? What do you mean? You are
Speaker 1: you not looking to marry a troll? Look? I come
Speaker 1: from a very traditionalist troll family, you know. Uh, they
Speaker 1: just they want to keep it, you know, within the species.
Speaker 1: And so what's the issue? God damn it. We we
Speaker 1: come from the bloodline of Grendel. Do you understand that
Speaker 1: we're not just gonna you're just gonna get together with
Speaker 1: some goddamn troll und read the bridge, all right, at honey.
Speaker 1: So I'm not troll enough. I'm not troll enough. That's
Speaker 1: what you're saying. Not for them or for me. It's
Speaker 1: very confused. Clarify, don't call me by my full name,
Speaker 1: just Claire. Look my handy. I mean, if you really
Speaker 1: want to get up into the echelon of the trolls, man,
Speaker 1: you gotta really just you gotta spote it up. You're
Speaker 1: too much of a bridge troll. You understand. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: proud of being a bridge troll man. You should, but
Speaker 1: unless you want to get up there in that good stock,
Speaker 1: I mean, these are cave trolls. These are mountain trolls.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? How do I? What do
Speaker 1: I do? Why do I do it? Number one? I mean,
Speaker 1: you gotta you gotta clothe yourself. Can I just stop
Speaker 1: you too for a second. I just want to jump
Speaker 1: in with some quick notes. Uh, the first fellow there
Speaker 1: with the squinty eyes, you've committed to this character, and
Speaker 1: I hope the other students say this. You've committed to
Speaker 1: this character to the point where you're making a face
Speaker 1: to help sell who this person is and what they think.
Speaker 1: Whereas actor number two, you're you're very intuitive. He's doing that,
Speaker 1: he's doing that, but you're doing that well. I mean,
Speaker 1: I I did inject myself with troll blood, so I
Speaker 1: I'm more of like a a natural actor. I don't
Speaker 1: really caricature it up upon and I don't do a
Speaker 1: lot of voices, accents, faces, you know, I'm just very
Speaker 1: straight ahead, ask questions and yes, Larry, from what I understand,
Speaker 1: most documentaries are not made by actors. It's the actual
Speaker 1: people themselves, and America is clamoring for the mating habits
Speaker 1: of the elusive troll. But you thought you would bring
Speaker 1: me something with very wonderful actors pretending to be trouths.
Speaker 1: I am, I am. I painting the picture correctly with
Speaker 1: me to see. I think the idea was to give
Speaker 1: you a taste, and I've said, you've done it a
Speaker 1: great explanation. So wait, you're telling me you're not a troll.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm an actor. Um. I wondered why you were
Speaker 1: only six ft tall? Yeah, yeah, I mean I know
Speaker 1: that bridge trolls are smaller than us mountain trolls. But
Speaker 1: and why is there a camera crew here? Well they're
Speaker 1: doing just just it's a concept, proof of concept. But look, Claire,
Speaker 1: here's a proof of concept. I'm a troll. Talk to
Speaker 1: me like at all I really want to tell you, Claire,
Speaker 1: is that I actually genuinely have feelings for you. Now? Really,
Speaker 1: how do I know this isn't part of your reality show?
Speaker 1: I'm not that good of an actor, David. Thank you
Speaker 1: for meeting me here. Um, yes, I'll have a grenadine.
Speaker 1: Did you mount sweet? Didnt Sweet? Tea with it or
Speaker 1: mushroom g just a grenadine, thank you. It tastes. I
Speaker 1: don't want to argue with you, sir, but it tasted
Speaker 1: a lot bad. It was sweet tea and or a
Speaker 1: mushroom grad you this troll just do a grenadine. We'll see.
Speaker 1: But the hell was what do they mean by will
Speaker 1: see about? Listen? David? I uh, I love what you're
Speaker 1: doing here. We're getting into into the trolls and I
Speaker 1: I'm working with the CIA right now, and I need
Speaker 1: you to I need you to kill that troll. Are
Speaker 1: you allowed to tell me you're working with the CIA?
Speaker 1: That seems like something people don't tell each David. Is
Speaker 1: your acting teacher that he brought along? Yeah, not supposed
Speaker 1: to chime in, he'said, he's I mean, another teacher. He's
Speaker 1: just steps over that line occasionally. Okay, Well, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm ever to pay. I'm just scared to pay
Speaker 1: attention to interrupt, that's what. That's fine. Look, look, David,
Speaker 1: you need to hear this. You have to take that
Speaker 1: troll out, and then you got to find where the
Speaker 1: family of those trolls are and take them out too.
Speaker 1: I don't want to interrupt. I'm sorry. I know you'll
Speaker 1: learned my table, but it would mean a lot to
Speaker 1: Marlene if you'll would just order one mushroom guy, babe,
Speaker 1: the straw I want done done well? He did. She
Speaker 1: was really hard selling it, and she was really sad
Speaker 1: about y'all just brushing her off, and she's worked hard
Speaker 1: and I didn't. Then you just said just a gritted thing.
Speaker 1: And I know this isn't my table, and I can't
Speaker 1: oppause it would mean a lot to her. Okay, back,
Speaker 1: it mean a lot to me if I just had
Speaker 1: a I can't hear you, Claire. I know it's late.
Speaker 1: I just I wanted to see your face one more time.
Speaker 1: Thank thanks for coming to my cave. Hey, who's there?
Speaker 1: You've you've awakened mama troll. Oh you know what, I
Speaker 1: think it would be a nice time to meet her.
Speaker 1: Use don't use the microphone. Now, don't dress my mama, Papa.
Speaker 1: This is this is David. Oh this was a fucking
Speaker 1: a cave. Prow Well, he said, he was a little
Speaker 1: pits lance of a troll of people role. But sixty
Speaker 1: if human that is is wrong, that's gotta snipper on him.
Speaker 1: He loves me, I love I smell a human who doesn't,
Speaker 1: who doesn't make the right choices in a acting. My
Speaker 1: dad has a very precisely well, then I think this
Speaker 1: would be a good time to discuss the thin line
Speaker 1: between caricature and character, Sir, go on, So some people
Speaker 1: get you know a lot of accolades for for works
Speaker 1: that I feel like are just over the top. Doesn't
Speaker 1: What do you want to name us firm graving? Yes? Please,
Speaker 1: no job for me? Go on, David can be honest
Speaker 1: with me. Are you ci A, because you have to
Speaker 1: tell me if you are. Yeah, she knows, she knows.
Speaker 1: They all know. I'm here. I'm stop talking into your shoulder. Okay,
Speaker 1: whats he she I ain't. No. Traditionally eat your arms
Speaker 1: and then we'd eat your legs and leave your tors
Speaker 1: over there to ferment. Wait second, I thought he was
Speaker 1: a barstow your c I A C I A. Oh
Speaker 1: you're not repped. I'm I'm part of the new Faces.
Speaker 1: Um right now, I'm your question, he said, Are you so?
Speaker 1: I know I'm not wrapped, but I'm eligible eligible. We
Speaker 1: don't care about your show kite repped in half. Now clarify,
Speaker 1: this was just moments before your mother and father were
Speaker 1: shot to pieces by the human being. But you said
Speaker 1: one line that day that is stuck in twill history forever.
Speaker 1: You were about to get ripped in half? Two things,
Speaker 1: what was going through your mind at that moment? And
Speaker 1: the second thing at that moment, what was going through
Speaker 1: your mind? Well, thank you Mary for asking um the
Speaker 1: I mean, trolls very naturally do plays on words without
Speaker 1: thinking about it very much, And that's well written. Well,
Speaker 1: getting rapped was out there. It was just it was
Speaker 1: out there, so I think that was kind of placed
Speaker 1: in my head. And I also imagined my father, who
Speaker 1: who hates humans with a passion, literally pulling David's body
Speaker 1: apart and ripping him in half. And did this happen?
Speaker 1: Did your father with David in half? That? No, he
Speaker 1: was killed by the government before he had a chance
Speaker 1: to rip David in half. By the c I think
Speaker 1: the CIA and the CIA were involved. We'll be right
Speaker 1: back after this commercial. Hi, my name is David Van Eyes.
Speaker 1: I will be doing a scene from um ericsens. Let's
Speaker 1: just do that again, all right, because I have to
Speaker 1: send this in and I just I want you to
Speaker 1: look like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I want you to be
Speaker 1: the best you cand So it's okay, it's nervous, a
Speaker 1: big it's a big part, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: it's huge. A lot of eyes are gonna see this.
Speaker 1: And I don't mean to freak you out, don't mean
Speaker 1: to get you all answing the pants. You're making you
Speaker 1: shoot out of your eyes. Okay, What I want you
Speaker 1: to do is I want you to focus on just
Speaker 1: deliver this as Hey, Michael, you've been telling the actors
Speaker 1: you don't want them to shoot out of their eyes
Speaker 1: a lot lately, which, first of all, I totally respect.
Speaker 1: There's an acting coach right near Barstow and he's suggesting
Speaker 1: that actors actually do start to to shoot out of
Speaker 1: their eyes. He's saying, it really brings up the pathos.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that means anything to you. I
Speaker 1: don't want to tell you how to do your job.
Speaker 1: That's not what I'm here for. Well that's what I'm hearing.
Speaker 1: Are you serious? Then? Yeah? You know what. I'm already
Speaker 1: I'm already gone, I'm already walking away. Well I'm gonna
Speaker 1: follow you. No, please go, Paul. I mean, I'm literally
Speaker 1: trying to get away from you. So I'm gonna follow
Speaker 1: you because you cannot come in. David. It's clarify. I
Speaker 1: ripped the roof off of your your apartment building to
Speaker 1: talk to you. Shit. Look, yeah, well I I know
Speaker 1: that the whole thing was a set up. Okay, that
Speaker 1: was just something you were doing for TV, and that
Speaker 1: that you had my parents killed by the US government.
Speaker 1: And I'm now the last of my kind, I'm the
Speaker 1: last mountain troll. Okay. But I felt like what we
Speaker 1: had was real. I love you. The ship's word from
Speaker 1: David's eyes that day like chip had never poured from
Speaker 1: a man's eyes before. Oh God, what has happen? Is
Speaker 1: this something that you humans do that is disgusting? And
Speaker 1: I drink gravy out of a straw? Clarify? Okay, Aaron
Speaker 1: Finmpleman will see you in a minute. Uh, We're gonna
Speaker 1: see you in a minute. David Ramona, do you mire
Speaker 1: you here? David Ramon? Oh sorry, I'm David Ramona. David
Speaker 1: Van Eyes, Oh, David van Eyes is what I had
Speaker 1: my David David van Eyes, why don't you come with
Speaker 1: me here? Okay? And now part of me? Why don't
Speaker 1: you just sitting here so you don't need David m
Speaker 1: I need you to sit down and shut the funk up. Okay,
Speaker 1: on the right sheet, I think everybody, I mean, David
Speaker 1: van Eys, alrighty, shut the funk up, all right. I've
Speaker 1: been waiting for now, and you're gonna wait longer quickly.
Speaker 1: That's no way to talk to a queen. Yes, David,
Speaker 1: how are you? Wow? Just looking at your eyes right now?
Speaker 1: They are infected. Uh that is heavy, doctor, Doctor, get
Speaker 1: it under control. Get back in the waiting room for
Speaker 1: a long time. I could do your job. I could
Speaker 1: do this. Get the fuck back in the ship in
Speaker 1: his eyes? Shame on, doctor, Oh you know my job.
Speaker 1: Funny is hell? I get to see funny shit. Can
Speaker 1: you please see me next? Look, you gotta you gotta
Speaker 1: get a paper cuts in your butt hole. Okay, you
Speaker 1: gotta see a forensic proctologist. That's just the fact. I
Speaker 1: can only help you so far. Okay, I can't help
Speaker 1: you all the asshole your eyes, David, alright, So what
Speaker 1: seems to be the problem me to take a look
Speaker 1: at the church here? Oh oh, well, you came to
Speaker 1: the forensic specialists for just in time, it seems. Uh.
Speaker 1: Tell me about your symptoms. Um, I guess it's it's
Speaker 1: it's a small they're small cuts, but they're very painful.
Speaker 1: And if you looked at them, you'd say, those are
Speaker 1: so small. And I know they are small, but they
Speaker 1: are so they're maddeningly painful. Um. And there's a series
Speaker 1: of them, and they are, um, you know, up up
Speaker 1: my asshole and and um, out of out of my
Speaker 1: personal view, I see them go again and I don't
Speaker 1: see any exit. So it's a series of tiny, tiny
Speaker 1: cuts that are just given me hell and any inclination whatsoever.
Speaker 1: How this occurred, Well, I have a cousin and um,
Speaker 1: she right, and she said her you know, on again
Speaker 1: off husband had shoved newspaper up her ass. But then
Speaker 1: they they had this you know, notoriously tragic marriage, and
Speaker 1: then things turned around for them. So I told Greg,
Speaker 1: Greg's my partner. I said, well, why not, what's the
Speaker 1: worst that could have? And then I have it's very
Speaker 1: it's very bad. Oh So it was volunteer, it was,
Speaker 1: I mean, it wasn't. It wasn't. Huh. I'm gonna put yes, Um, okay,
Speaker 1: now I know what you're thinking. You The main thrust
Speaker 1: of the story was this love story between this human
Speaker 1: and this fifty footroll woman. But the Aaron Templeman show
Speaker 1: is going to take left turns like that. Templeman himself
Speaker 1: is going to be a very small part of the show.
Speaker 1: And Templeman, if if I'm not mistaken, he really cares
Speaker 1: that women are treated properly like queens, like queens queens
Speaker 1: on the Templeman Bible. I mean that. That's that's his
Speaker 1: main characters tread absolutely now and Alreight Finkel was a kicker.
Speaker 1: I love your game, hate hate having you heard the
Speaker 1: states of the game, hate the player of the game.
Speaker 1: I'm playing for the Chicago Bears in nineteen forty and
Speaker 1: I was I don't know anything, but that's for not right.
Speaker 1: And that's our show for today. Who baby what rails?
Speaker 1: Didn't even see him. Let's thank everyone first and foremost
Speaker 1: Happy New Year to each of you, and thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us in this glorious new year.
Speaker 1: And let's say thank you first to Mr Christo Verona. Hey,
Speaker 1: thank you, Happy New Year, everybody. I love you guys
Speaker 1: so much. Recently, on one of my my improv workshops
Speaker 1: I had that you can find out all about it.
Speaker 1: Chris dash dot com and gentlemen, listen to the show
Speaker 1: by his friend the gift of my workshop, and he came.
Speaker 1: It was McCoy body friend, Hide and hide. It was fantastic.
Speaker 1: We had so much fun. So you know you want
Speaker 1: to go a workshop. Come over to Chris dash dot com.
Speaker 1: Check out those workshops. Baby, could also be a gift.
Speaker 1: Could also be a gift. Love that. Happy to year, everybody,
Speaker 1: the gift that keeps on giving. I'm gonna say, all right,
Speaker 1: looks like us, thank you, Happy new year to you
Speaker 1: and the family. Let us be a better year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let it be a better year. Glad to be ringing
Speaker 1: it in. Let's keep our wits about us and keep
Speaker 1: making good decisions if we are. Thank you for that,
Speaker 1: and everyone go to Dona better dot com color to
Speaker 1: check out marvelous events coming up immediately. Thank you, you,
Speaker 1: bet you. Gary Anthony Williams, thank you so much as well.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys, and I gotta tell you much like Yeah,
Speaker 1: nothing could go wrong in the year. This is our year.
Speaker 1: No going sideways. If anybody needs anything, they don't even
Speaker 1: need to do direct message me on instead Gary Anthony
Speaker 1: Williams or Twitter at Gary A. Williams. If you need
Speaker 1: any money, any of that stuff, just put it right
Speaker 1: out there, and I'm there is no way I won't
Speaker 1: deliver on everybody's financial needs. A lot of people not
Speaker 1: our gear bear Craig Kakowski, thank you also so damn much,
Speaker 1: and happy New Year to you and always a pleasure.
Speaker 1: Happy new Year. Just want to give a shout out
Speaker 1: to The Alchemy, that podcast that I've pledged to listen
Speaker 1: to one episode that reviews two episodes that I was
Speaker 1: not in. That's the greatest. And uh, folks, check out
Speaker 1: the Twelve Days of Christ Now Craigslist. Craigslist podcast. You
Speaker 1: can follow us on SoundCloud and iTunes and all those
Speaker 1: normal podcasting places, or follow us at Craigslist, pea cast
Speaker 1: on Twitter. Beautiful and lastly, but certainly leastly, Jimmy mull doone. Hello, Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here today. Joseph Kerman,
Speaker 1: it was a pleasure. It was a blast. Okay, by
Speaker 1: the way, when the fans started hashed hag like fun
Speaker 1: Joey right, I mean, I mean, what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: Right Well, I'm am I going to hire a private
Speaker 1: investigor to find these people, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Am I going to do that. There, Am I going
Speaker 1: to rent out apartments in different homes next to where
Speaker 1: they are and start tapping? Am I going to do that?
Speaker 1: That's an option? Oh? What am I gonna do? Huh? Okay, Oh,
Speaker 1: just just say you know, everyone gets a happy dude,
Speaker 1: Everyone gets a happy New Year. No one gott a
Speaker 1: hashtag fuck Joey. No, it's a hashtag you do. But yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm not saying it's a good thing. I must
Speaker 1: saying that one in my book. It's one your book.
Speaker 1: Any publicity is good publicity, Joey. That's not true. People
Speaker 1: start saying I'm a witch. That's bad publicity for me.
Speaker 1: I can't have that. But I think you can have
Speaker 1: a little and you did, and we appreciate you being
Speaker 1: such a big big boy. Yeah that's right. And let's
Speaker 1: thank a producer and engineering the stars. Fine folks that
Speaker 1: I heart media. Happy New Year. This is your host,
Speaker 1: Kevin Parks saying thank you so very damn much for
Speaker 1: tuning us in and being a part of the show.
Speaker 1: Stay involved right to us at your name here, Welcome
Speaker 1: to this dot com and just be kind to each
Speaker 1: other please and until next time. Remember oh yeah,