Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID N
Speaker 1: one edition. I'm your host, Cool Stratton, so I'm back
Speaker 1: in for Kevin Pollock who was doing other things, cost me,
Speaker 1: artivist Shelley and no particular order. Let's say hey to
Speaker 1: James Heeny, Hey, what's your favorite weird food combo? I
Speaker 1: I'd like to put all different kinds of crunchy things
Speaker 1: inside of my ramen noodles. So, uh like checks mix,
Speaker 1: I'll make ramen noodles, I'll put checks mix in it.
Speaker 1: I just feel like it needs a variation because the
Speaker 1: noodle itself is like, you know, noodlely. Thanks for find
Speaker 1: a way to spice up ramen. Hey, look over there,
Speaker 1: it's Chris Alvarado. Hey Chris, what posters did you have
Speaker 1: on your bedroom wall? Um? I had a lot of
Speaker 1: uh raver flyers, So I had my entire bedroom was
Speaker 1: full of yeah flyers for for raves. That's pretty randomly
Speaker 1: cool people did people come over just to find that
Speaker 1: one on where they were and then left? Well, you
Speaker 1: have big stories with them, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: oh this is where I did this, I did that.
Speaker 1: It was great, it was great. Great. I think you
Speaker 1: should decorate your new place the same way. You know.
Speaker 1: They are underground raves going on right now if you
Speaker 1: ever wanna hit them right now. Oh never mind, never
Speaker 1: mind James yourself. I've never even been to a rave,
Speaker 1: and I don't I don't believe this man. This club
Speaker 1: is sick. And I'll say hello to Jackie do Ruthie Jackie. Yeah, y'all,
Speaker 1: what's your guilty music pleasure? You know, sometimes when I'm down,
Speaker 1: I will revisit full in sync albums and you think
Speaker 1: that I'd go back to the very beginning, But I've
Speaker 1: actually been really into like the Dirty Pop album during quarantine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got to revisit the albums like you know, like
Speaker 1: that they put those songs in that order for a reason.
Speaker 1: You have to respect their artistry. You know. Everybody puts
Speaker 1: shuffle or they just picked a single in my car.
Speaker 1: I only have a physical CDs, I have Bluetooth, I
Speaker 1: have the technology, but I like to learn an album
Speaker 1: in its order. You can still do that digitally. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I don't know that same
Speaker 1: track order exists for those that are young. C D
Speaker 1: stands for Casting directors and last, but not least, it's
Speaker 1: Joey Greer. Joey, would you mind reading in a brief
Speaker 1: expert of your new novel? Of course? It was Sunday. No,
Speaker 1: it was Tuesday. It was Sunday. Outside. It was storming, light, rain,
Speaker 1: heavy fog. The only noise I could hear were the
Speaker 1: pitter patter of my feet as I walked across my
Speaker 1: wet linoleum floor. I was scared. I knew what was
Speaker 1: held outside, but I had to hold it in. Could
Speaker 1: I embrace it? Was I allowed to? The thought raced
Speaker 1: through my head as I traveled over to my couch.
Speaker 1: I wasn't wearing pants. I remember that I left him
Speaker 1: inside my car six days ago. Was it No? Seven? No? Six?
Speaker 1: I remembered that because I wrote it down on the wall.
Speaker 1: It wasn't my blood. But whose was it? Amazing? Absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1: It's that, guys. You have to check it out. Actually,
Speaker 1: I think this is a great idea, jo because that
Speaker 1: was really that was really entertaining and done. As I
Speaker 1: was closing my eyes to like I was picturing it,
Speaker 1: a oh you were there. You were like a fully
Speaker 1: improvised audio book. Dude. Seven hours long time? Alright, all right,
Speaker 1: here we go let's do a show. All of our
Speaker 1: scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our
Speaker 1: Patreon v I P. S. To become a Patreon supporter
Speaker 1: of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks,
Speaker 1: just head on over to patreon dot com slash alchemy this.
Speaker 1: You'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please
Speaker 1: write to the podcast at your name here at alchemy
Speaker 1: this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this.
Speaker 1: See Number one comes from Patreon v I P. Michael,
Speaker 1: who wrote, Hey Alchemists. First off, I would like to
Speaker 1: commend cole back when you put the cone on Chris's
Speaker 1: character's head so that he would stop slurping on his fingers.
Speaker 1: Nice to finally get some positive reinforcements. I believe you
Speaker 1: may have lost fifty of your listeners for those horrid sounds.
Speaker 1: There's seven of us were pretty upset to just kidding.
Speaker 1: I love you guys, Thanks for all the last here's
Speaker 1: the scene suggestion. We'll Juanca's chocolate factory gets rated and
Speaker 1: exposed as an umpa lumpa labor camp. Michael, did you
Speaker 1: hear what happened on the news? I don't watch the news,
Speaker 1: oh I read the newspaper. Okay, well did you read
Speaker 1: what happened? This is breaking news. You're gonna find out tomorrow.
Speaker 1: You gotta you gotta watch TV. If you're only doing
Speaker 1: a redded news, you're not gonna be able to know
Speaker 1: what's happening right now. Man, Well what is it? Is
Speaker 1: it important enough that you're going to interrupt me when
Speaker 1: I'm doing my cross square puzzle? Yeah? I am man.
Speaker 1: Look look, if I'm seriously though, you gotta watch news
Speaker 1: because when news you can only what the news is. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, a part of me feels like I should
Speaker 1: wait for you to read it tomorrow. If they can,
Speaker 1: damn it, I'll turn the guy on. This is fucking bullshit.
Speaker 1: On the next episode of The Squirrel and the Man,
Speaker 1: are you looking for inspectors? You have free reign of
Speaker 1: my candy shop. I think you'll find everything is in order.
Speaker 1: M we'll decide that, we'll decide, will decide. That's where
Speaker 1: we make the fizzy lifting drinks. Right, Yes? Hey, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: what's what's going on? Take this change off of me.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen my family in weeks. I'm not supposed
Speaker 1: to me. I'm not supposed to mess with the product.
Speaker 1: I'm here to make sure everything is safe and sound.
Speaker 1: Do you have a good day? It wasn't much. It
Speaker 1: was those things you were hearing were our new candy,
Speaker 1: everlasting gob sobbers that constantly cry and complain about things. Look,
Speaker 1: we're not here to criticize your products. We're here to
Speaker 1: make sure everything is safe and sound. I understand that,
Speaker 1: and I am totally complying this way. This is the
Speaker 1: chocolate river stream thing. Check boats come here and go
Speaker 1: through that. That gob sobern is following him. Is that's
Speaker 1: supposed to happen? Are they supposed to come into the
Speaker 1: chocolate area. They're supposed to stay where they are a
Speaker 1: gob sobber, Why don't you go back to the gobstopper room? Please?
Speaker 1: Maybe I should try it just to the gob sobber
Speaker 1: the chocolate. Maybe I should just try trying to product.
Speaker 1: Maybe the busy lifting drinks, which the star the chocolate,
Speaker 1: busy living. Still you're naming all of them, and I
Speaker 1: know you're starving. We're always starting the metabolism starting. It's
Speaker 1: up to Mr Walker. I don't have a problem with Well,
Speaker 1: what better way to ensure that the product is safe
Speaker 1: than to have a professional try it. I mean, all right,
Speaker 1: go ahead. Hasn't been tried yet. We're not quite sure
Speaker 1: exactly what will happen, but I'm sure it's safe. It's safe.
Speaker 1: What I mean, did you your your channel suck? You
Speaker 1: don't have any good channels? I mean it should. I
Speaker 1: don't know what the fucking channels? All right, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't usually watch the news. Can't you just please
Speaker 1: tell me what the news is? That's so important? You
Speaker 1: took me from my crossword puzzle. I'm telling you right now,
Speaker 1: the importance of watching something more than you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Watching. It's just like boss hi buss um um.
Speaker 1: Charlie died, Oh my god, on the conveyor belt. He was,
Speaker 1: My god, he was he was wrapping the rolls. He died,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, okay, okay, you know how slow
Speaker 1: a death that is. That conveyor belt goes so slow.
Speaker 1: We watched the whole thing. We were hitting there, but
Speaker 1: didn't somebody hit the there's a power cord. You couldn't
Speaker 1: have just pulled the power cord. We can't reach it.
Speaker 1: We're too small. Oh my god, it's so high up.
Speaker 1: You should have saw it. So he was dying slowly,
Speaker 1: and we were all standing into the shoulders, but we
Speaker 1: kept falling. I think I think I correcked my my
Speaker 1: shoulder also looking pretty good for a correct shoulder. Who
Speaker 1: else knows? What the hold? What the hell are you're
Speaker 1: attacking this guy for? Like city looks pretty good like that,
Speaker 1: you're calling him, you're calling him man and both you
Speaker 1: guys get into my office and just shut the door
Speaker 1: behind you. Okay, this is sick. Man. We got a
Speaker 1: dead employee out there. Man's dead. We said that. He
Speaker 1: got conveyor belted, said he just said he's dead. Man.
Speaker 1: I couldn't have predicted that Stella would turn inside out,
Speaker 1: but it's an experimental new candy. Hey, we're not here,
Speaker 1: I said before. We're not here to judge your product,
Speaker 1: your artistry, and your artistry. We're here, I'm dead. We're
Speaker 1: here to make sure everything is safe and sound. What's
Speaker 1: behind what's behind that door? That door there? There's nothing
Speaker 1: to be seen behind that door, nothing at all. And
Speaker 1: to had that, actually I would love to ship because
Speaker 1: said there's nothing behind there, nothing behind that door, there's
Speaker 1: nothing nothing, no, no, good day. I say, good day, sir,
Speaker 1: good day. I mean I got an interior design mind.
Speaker 1: So I would love to pop in and see what
Speaker 1: we could do with the space. Oh, if you're coming
Speaker 1: from that, mine said, please please do Okay, let's just
Speaker 1: hope this. The first thing I would do is I
Speaker 1: get rid of all these uh right, and then you
Speaker 1: know what you could do? Oh, this is this is great.
Speaker 1: So you got low hanging ceiling, all right, you got
Speaker 1: low hanging ceiling here. So I don't want to put
Speaker 1: a chandelier, right, but we'll be anything all on the
Speaker 1: roof here, right, you know what I'm saying. On the ceiling,
Speaker 1: and I can just go all the way to the end.
Speaker 1: We can have a mirror at the back end there, right,
Speaker 1: give a kind of an infinity. Look, we can we
Speaker 1: shut these guys up. I'm trying. I'm trying to tell
Speaker 1: some guy in material design notes here. Alright, alright, let's
Speaker 1: take a look at the calendar. What we got going
Speaker 1: on today? There's a guy who's dead. Man trying to
Speaker 1: stop looking at the name. Charlie is dead. Okay, Well
Speaker 1: I haven't seen the body, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: see the body. But listen, today's you're a dead denier.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that maybe this is a private company
Speaker 1: and this is fucking nuts. Man, every time this is
Speaker 1: now we got a dead denier here, who's running the show? Man?
Speaker 1: How how are how are we supposed to know what's
Speaker 1: going on? We got dead denier running the show? You
Speaker 1: know what? Because he reads the newspaper, he doesn't watch it.
Speaker 1: That's from the Squirrel and the Man, Janis, have you
Speaker 1: heard about this thing? It's crazy? Oh ridded? Have you
Speaker 1: heard about that? Have you looked at that up? I have,
Speaker 1: I've looked it up. I don't understand it. I simply
Speaker 1: don't understand it. Shannon. You know it's so crazy because
Speaker 1: I had gone in the computer because I originally wanted
Speaker 1: to look up you know what's John Travolta up to?
Speaker 1: I miss? I want to make sure he's well. And
Speaker 1: it's just the first answer led me to reddit dot com.
Speaker 1: Reddit dot com and it's just a buttload of answers
Speaker 1: and it's just so much information. But it's all very
Speaker 1: very um reliable. It comes for everybody. So how could
Speaker 1: it not be true? You know? I stumbled upon that
Speaker 1: site when I typed into asked Jeeves, how do you
Speaker 1: stop us to flay from caving? In and did you
Speaker 1: find out? I'm sure you did. I did. I did
Speaker 1: um because Red it's the best s. I'm sort of waking.
Speaker 1: We just got a question of Asked Jeeves, we're back.
Speaker 1: What did you say? I didn't realize that you'd have
Speaker 1: to add in a bond Marie and and and that's incredible,
Speaker 1: But I had no idea. I had no idea. And
Speaker 1: then that led me down to something called the dark web.
Speaker 1: I didn't understand it when I went there. Well, Jane's
Speaker 1: did you understand? Okay? Great, We got all the board
Speaker 1: members here for Ask Jeeves. We just want to say
Speaker 1: thank you, and my god, I can't believe your numbers
Speaker 1: still work. I thought we got to update that, but uh,
Speaker 1: I just want to I just want to let everyone
Speaker 1: know what's going on here. We just had somebody use
Speaker 1: ask Jeeves, and we think the numbers are going to
Speaker 1: start to rise again. As a matter of fact, if
Speaker 1: I may coffees on us today, yes we're coffee. It's
Speaker 1: not us, So I help yourselves to celebration. Feels good?
Speaker 1: Do you hear that? Ask Jesus back? Everybody here. We
Speaker 1: can reopen lycos we can do it. We can't do it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god, this is fantastic. It's
Speaker 1: like a search engine elissance. Uh. Now, Mr Wonka, I
Speaker 1: gotta say you have a wonderful I'm bad, uh facility.
Speaker 1: I think we're just about on our way out now,
Speaker 1: if you, if you wouldn't mind, can we speak to
Speaker 1: one or two of your employees just a couple of
Speaker 1: quick questions and we'll be out of your hair. We
Speaker 1: had a list here. Charlie is Charlie Charlie. Oh, Mr Wonka,
Speaker 1: it seems like you've got some visitors here. Um, can
Speaker 1: I just can I just have a quick moment with you?
Speaker 1: Out of your shot of I don't know who these
Speaker 1: people are. These are the inspectors. If you just give
Speaker 1: me a moment, I'd like to speak with my colleague
Speaker 1: for a second. Here. You would pay a white Charlie's debt.
Speaker 1: There's about to be a mutanty with the loops. You
Speaker 1: gotta call this investigation or inspection, whatever the hell it is.
Speaker 1: You gotta get them out of here. Yeah, it would
Speaker 1: be used to be able to do that, but I
Speaker 1: don't have the ability to do that. I have to
Speaker 1: get through with them things. So why don't you do
Speaker 1: your fucking job, quisin Berry, and keep them at bay.
Speaker 1: So how about we just don't let him into the
Speaker 1: conveyor belt room, because let's just be honest, there's raspberry
Speaker 1: jelly everywhere and there. Keep them away from that. Hey, Bob,
Speaker 1: I just want to say, Oh, this is what I
Speaker 1: was gonna say. A chair there, a ruggy here, you
Speaker 1: know that would have pop this room. I love your
Speaker 1: can we can we move over here? Then? Goddamn gum.
Speaker 1: I love your eye. You have a guy I have
Speaker 1: been designed. But I also well, I also love your eyes,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Look, I've given most of
Speaker 1: my organs away, but if you want my eyes, I'll
Speaker 1: put that in my will. Is that too much sense?
Speaker 1: Not at all? Not at all. Look, I really do
Speaker 1: believe it in a minority report. God damn it, quisin Berry.
Speaker 1: We got through the inspectors, but you and ahead and
Speaker 1: submitted this. You broke the story yourself. Uh. I thought
Speaker 1: that that was probably the best way, because we can
Speaker 1: control the pr You don't have to get ahead of
Speaker 1: something if it's not gonna come out. We got past
Speaker 1: the inspectors. You've dumb now here at Man in the Squirrel,
Speaker 1: we are very proud of our work and we are
Speaker 1: very much appreciated of all sponsorships to keep the show going,
Speaker 1: but we will sever ties with Willy Wonka's chocolate factory
Speaker 1: based upon the now here at Reddit, we let the
Speaker 1: world tell us what's up, but we will have to
Speaker 1: withhold any information regarding Willy Wonka and this chocolate factory
Speaker 1: after this news has broken about what is going on
Speaker 1: behind doors. I'm spokesman for Reddit. Have a good day.
Speaker 1: See krisin Burry. It's it's going everywhere. We run a
Speaker 1: buzz feed list of fifty fu things going on in
Speaker 1: the chocolate factory. This is you, man. You didn't have
Speaker 1: to do this, all right? Well, if you want my resignation,
Speaker 1: you can have it. What are you gonna do? Have
Speaker 1: another contest? Bring another person in here. I think you
Speaker 1: should spend some time in the gun drop forest. There's
Speaker 1: no easy way, have no what will happen to Quisin Bear.
Speaker 1: I could just resign, I could just walk away. I
Speaker 1: could just walk away from I don't think so. I
Speaker 1: don't think so. Quisin Barry. You've made your bed and
Speaker 1: I lie in it. William, Well, we're like family. I
Speaker 1: knew it was you Fredo getting the Fu Chocolate River. Okay, sure,
Speaker 1: So why are you willing to go in there? You're
Speaker 1: willing to go in there? I don't know if I
Speaker 1: have a choice, am I gonna have? I would rather
Speaker 1: just walk out at this place in one piece. But
Speaker 1: everybody else, we're here to break these motherfucker's here. Come
Speaker 1: on down, because it Mary, I was testing you. You
Speaker 1: had won. The chocolate factory was yours and leading out.
Speaker 1: Oh god, oh god, you're break. Don't let them go.
Speaker 1: So I was actually on Bing and I asked it.
Speaker 1: You know, I wanted to know what's going on at
Speaker 1: the Willy Wonka Factor. What's going on there? Because I'm
Speaker 1: hearing a lot of dark stuff, but I also can't
Speaker 1: find it. Damn it? Someone chusing Being? I thought we'd
Speaker 1: shut that down. Listen to me. I don't want any
Speaker 1: programmers working on Being. Do you hear me? Uh? What's
Speaker 1: gonna happen to my job? It's like my number, It's
Speaker 1: like the only thing I do. It's like so awkward.
Speaker 1: Or also because Mary, all of you buloop as I
Speaker 1: set up with jobs at Bing. This whole thing was
Speaker 1: just a test for you, and it went ship. You
Speaker 1: killed we're supposed to be the home with me and
Speaker 1: oh and that's our first scene. Nice and family oriented.
Speaker 1: See number two is from Daniel Tanner, who wrote, Hello
Speaker 1: all you wonderful folks. I want to keep this short,
Speaker 1: but still kiss your asses. You're all doing great during
Speaker 1: this plague and only getting better. Suggestion talk show host
Speaker 1: gets out of control with love Danny from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Speaker 1: Next Tuesday, from new episodes of Man in the Squirrel
Speaker 1: and now back to Hagin. Alright, Uh, we're gonna We're
Speaker 1: gonna go a little off script in the show today.
Speaker 1: I've got some pretty unusual guests. What's he doing? Oh
Speaker 1: and I'd like to uh inside of this pentagram my
Speaker 1: own blood? What open up at door? Don't cut away?
Speaker 1: This might be good door way to hell? And I
Speaker 1: need everybody in the studio audience to gather hands and
Speaker 1: repeat after me, do it? Do it an actual CONFI
Speaker 1: you're a p a here. Do you want to climb
Speaker 1: up this ladder? Yeah? And say it? Okay? Is that
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's right? Well? Did the doorway
Speaker 1: to hell? Open up and taken take a look. I'm
Speaker 1: really carry here. You can't do everything. And now we
Speaker 1: just wait for one demon to come out, and we're
Speaker 1: going to interview him about the world of hell. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sure that this is there's gonna be a demon
Speaker 1: that comes through. Big fan of your show, I've washed
Speaker 1: it for years from down there. I tell you, those
Speaker 1: commercial breaks are worse than hell. All right, So we've
Speaker 1: I I owed an in for the big guy downstairs,
Speaker 1: and I said that I bring you guys up to
Speaker 1: do a little bit of Well, you're guesting. So what
Speaker 1: I'm this is good? Okay, this is good. Hank is
Speaker 1: out of control. Look, look just rule. Okay, once it
Speaker 1: gets too far, we'll cut the feet. But right now,
Speaker 1: demons drink water? Should I get a good water? You're okay?
Speaker 1: All right? Long pause? Hank? Is there a question coming? Oh?
Speaker 1: I was just here's the question that we are all
Speaker 1: waiting for. Is is how all it is made up
Speaker 1: to be? Do we want to go down there? Or
Speaker 1: do you think we'd probably be better off on the
Speaker 1: high and narrow road. Oh? You don't want to go
Speaker 1: down there? Drust me on that. As someone who's spent
Speaker 1: my entire life there, imagine getting Rick rolled for fucking eternity.
Speaker 1: That's what it's like, What do you mean I fucking
Speaker 1: got bumped for a demon? Just going on the show today,
Speaker 1: right and waste my fucking time today, right this, Lawrence? No,
Speaker 1: you did not. All right, You're gonna be on in
Speaker 1: the Joey Lawrence's wife. Do you know how fucking important
Speaker 1: I am, Mr Lawrence. We do. Yes, That's why we
Speaker 1: wanted you to be here. We really enjoy you. We
Speaker 1: really wanted you to come on there and talk about
Speaker 1: your new rugs. Were supposed to talk about new rugs,
Speaker 1: do a quick cooking section. I mean, let's get real,
Speaker 1: I don't have all day, so um on the camera
Speaker 1: after the next commercial break, I'm gonna lose my fucking
Speaker 1: shita at right now, and I'm gonna lose it. Mrs Lawrence.
Speaker 1: We're actually talking to several demons and on the sixth
Speaker 1: level of hell, so several demons now, so now I'm
Speaker 1: getting bumped for several demons. It's kind of like a hydro.
Speaker 1: They all embodied the same you know, physical form, but
Speaker 1: they have just different personalities. So it's it's it's a
Speaker 1: really hard and complex understands beyond our understanding. But Hank
Speaker 1: loves you. He really wants you here, he does he
Speaker 1: because it doesn't feel like it when I was supposed
Speaker 1: to be on ten minutes ago, and I'm still in
Speaker 1: my shitty green room by the way, Okay, shitty green
Speaker 1: room by M and mcs are peanut, it's too hard
Speaker 1: for my teeth. Well, we do have a spoor hank.
Speaker 1: I heard that I bumped Joey Lawrence's wife, and all
Speaker 1: I can say is whoa. I mean, yes you did. Honestly,
Speaker 1: We're gonna change the format of this show. I've been
Speaker 1: spending a lot of time sucking on the teet of
Speaker 1: pop culture and instead I want to be a change
Speaker 1: in the world. Are you're saying you don't like it
Speaker 1: down in Hell? I know? But am I gonna have
Speaker 1: time to talk about my book? Or you gonna go
Speaker 1: to break or what the funk? Man? You know you've
Speaker 1: got our attention. What is the book? Oh? You guys
Speaker 1: are going to be excited to read this book? All right?
Speaker 1: It's uh, it's actually a ghost written autobiography on Kenny Rodgers.
Speaker 1: I love the guy I always have, Uh, but you
Speaker 1: know he's not in Hell because that guy put out
Speaker 1: some him. I'm like, am I gonna keep wronging, yes,
Speaker 1: just keep wrong, just keeping I have so many waters,
Speaker 1: just in case, just in case he gets I don't know,
Speaker 1: So I'm ready with waters straws. He s wearing lipstick. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I stopped watching The Hank
Speaker 1: a while ago. It's just like, I don't know. You
Speaker 1: have all these funny segments of characters and stuff. But
Speaker 1: once he started breaking the portal into hell, I just
Speaker 1: was like, that's too much, you know, just too much
Speaker 1: for me. So I just started rick. I mean, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it. You were in the Hank Early. We
Speaker 1: all fucking no, you found Hank Early. Okay, we get that,
Speaker 1: but now you turn it on it just because it
Speaker 1: got popular. Alright, alright, lets don't jump down his throat.
Speaker 1: Let's get the guy a chance. So what's what's the
Speaker 1: what's the next show? What's the next hot thing? No? No,
Speaker 1: I'm reading right now. I'm reading. Okay, yeah, right, I
Speaker 1: am pretty all right. That's the alkamaniacs. Read it all right.
Speaker 1: You can't read. Can't read, you can't read. You've always
Speaker 1: been such a dick. You're the guy that when you
Speaker 1: had at Bob's anniversary party, we started talking about squirrel
Speaker 1: in the Man because it's the best show on television.
Speaker 1: Like I don't even own a TV. Which is the
Speaker 1: best show. It's like, watch it without the Laft track,
Speaker 1: Watch it without the Laft track. It's that's it's made
Speaker 1: to be fun. Yea, Why are you such as why
Speaker 1: are you so against fun? It's just you know, the
Speaker 1: concept is brilliant. We can all agree on that. Okay,
Speaker 1: there's a man who has the ability to hear and
Speaker 1: talk to squirrels and then go on adventure has ever
Speaker 1: been made? Watch Blackadder? If you really want to watch
Speaker 1: a good show, all right, watch black Squirrels in it
Speaker 1: do it's the favor Read read that for us? Okay
Speaker 1: something Oh my gosh, I never do this, but your
Speaker 1: hank from hankerund right, yeah, yes, I am. Can I
Speaker 1: get a picture with you? I mean, if you take
Speaker 1: a picture of me, everybody can know that I'm thankful.
Speaker 1: It'll be so subtle, like all right, okay, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Okay, can you look like happy? Huh? Can
Speaker 1: you look happy for the picture? Hey, hey, guys, sacrifice
Speaker 1: my kids. Man, I love you. You made a good call.
Speaker 1: You made a good call. Go to hell, Go to
Speaker 1: hell uh so if you don't want the picture of
Speaker 1: this smile, you're gonna get anything better. What do you
Speaker 1: want from me? Um? Then I'll take this on. Yeah, thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks so much. I know I just talked to Best
Speaker 1: the Best Man. That guys, it's Squirky Day squirrels. Squaky
Speaker 1: Jay squirrels over there, so squirk Jay. We love the
Speaker 1: show man. Suky the Best Man the Best Say, can
Speaker 1: I get a picture? Okay? Just go really close down
Speaker 1: on my shoulder. I'm like, oh, scuky really hurts. It's
Speaker 1: not It's actually really all right. We got a hard
Speaker 1: decision to make. I mean, we have to stop. Just stop,
Speaker 1: just stop for a second. Guy, damon, listen. You never
Speaker 1: see stop, will you just listen? Okay, we got a
Speaker 1: hard decision to make, all right, stopping, We got a
Speaker 1: hard decision to make. Yeah, we do your a A.
Speaker 1: I thought it, maybe, like, what's the decision? Help with
Speaker 1: the decision, that's that's your question. But eating and a bedding. Hell,
Speaker 1: but our ratings are through the roof, I know. Okay.
Speaker 1: In the first I couldn't get enough. All right. I
Speaker 1: saw those ratings come in and all I could think
Speaker 1: of was New Audi, New or less. Dude, you slutter
Speaker 1: your whole fucking family. Dude, I know which is cool?
Speaker 1: Which is cool? I love to read an expert. If
Speaker 1: you got a minute or two on the show, we
Speaker 1: have eternity. Great. It was raining outside and uh, I
Speaker 1: didn't know where my pants were, so I went to
Speaker 1: my couch. It was damp out, that's for sure. It
Speaker 1: goes on and on from there. I wasn't rolling. Should
Speaker 1: I have been rolling? No? No, God damnit. He's been
Speaker 1: saying the same thing. Look, I think we're being like
Speaker 1: and we're gonna put in a trance, you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think they're saying this, should like put a spell
Speaker 1: on us. It's the same expert over and over here.
Speaker 1: I've actually been I've been here the whole time as waters.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I had them all. Can you get some waters?
Speaker 1: Oh I got there? Sorry, Yeah, get some waters. Hey,
Speaker 1: thanks for coming into the network office. Oh okay, we
Speaker 1: like it. What we like it, Thank the dad, and yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna add to it. You're gonna add to it
Speaker 1: a co host? Wait a second, I don't do co hosts.
Speaker 1: I'm hanging. This is no by show. This is my
Speaker 1: own personal health squirreling mc squirrel, Am I really? Hi? Um?
Speaker 1: I just wanted to let you guys know, as a
Speaker 1: network executives, I'm done here. I'm cutting all ties with
Speaker 1: your stupid fucking network. Whose blood do I need to
Speaker 1: suck to get on this TV? That squirrel, that joke
Speaker 1: of a squirrel. That squirrel killed three people the other
Speaker 1: day at Grassis Madre at a vegan fucking restaurant. Well,
Speaker 1: we didn't see it, so we don't know. We didn't
Speaker 1: see it. Yeah, we gotta we gotta see it. It's
Speaker 1: not add whatever. When my husband finds out that not
Speaker 1: only did you don't don't don't don't, don't, don't don't know,
Speaker 1: you don't need to tell you know, I'm gonna tell Joey.
Speaker 1: If you don't think, I'm gonna tell joe you're working
Speaker 1: out of your mind. He's only gotten stronger. He's only
Speaker 1: gotten after during his muscles have gotten so big. And
Speaker 1: you thought he was good to Melissa and Joey. Just wait,
Speaker 1: the older he gets, the stronger he gets. Wait, how's
Speaker 1: that possible? I mean, I get it, he's got a
Speaker 1: co host. I'm just telling you right now, there's better
Speaker 1: books out there. Than there's TV. In fact, it can't
Speaker 1: be true. I'm telling you right now. He doesn't even
Speaker 1: know what the squirrel is saying at the time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the beauty of it. Such a dick when it
Speaker 1: comes to squaky squirrel. Right. I know you don't like
Speaker 1: the show, but it is the greatest show that has
Speaker 1: ever been made. Everybody indoctrinated, like you're being put on
Speaker 1: a spell or some ship. It's not good, man, it's
Speaker 1: really not. You know what's good? This book right here?
Speaker 1: But what are you reading? I'm reading Why Won't the
Speaker 1: Paint Dry? By R. L. Stein? It's really really good,
Speaker 1: all right, fucking you know what? You know what? Hey,
Speaker 1: maybe we're being too hard. We're being too hard on it,
Speaker 1: all right? What what read us a section? Okay, let's
Speaker 1: say this, read us a section? I am says this
Speaker 1: is not Squirrels can't read squirrels and human costumes. No ship,
Speaker 1: he can't read. That's why there, that's where the show sucks.
Speaker 1: His face is like slipping off. Dude, Wait a second,
Speaker 1: we knew it. You're a fucking squirrel. You're a squirrel, guys.
Speaker 1: I brought the waters. But also when he has to
Speaker 1: go get the waters. There's a guy. He's really really strong.
Speaker 1: I think it's Joe Lawrence, but I haven't seen him
Speaker 1: in so long. He's trying to see. Yeah, he doesn't
Speaker 1: care that the red light is going, he doesn't care
Speaker 1: that we are recording right now. He wants to get
Speaker 1: in this studio. All right, Hey, do you want to
Speaker 1: move up? Do you want to move up to assistant? Yes? Wait, no,
Speaker 1: I'm already an assistant, right, but that's what is personal
Speaker 1: assistant US assistant. Get rid of the move up. I
Speaker 1: thought I would move up to be like props master
Speaker 1: or someone. I thought, no, no, no, it's just my
Speaker 1: personal Do you think you could be a master of props?
Speaker 1: I thought so? Yeah, I mean it takes years to
Speaker 1: become a master. You could be my apprentice of props
Speaker 1: and I could teach you. Well, it's not exactly the
Speaker 1: word assistant. In fact, it actually infers more learning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll be an apprentice. Um, apprentice of props seems like
Speaker 1: a safer gig. Anyways, so we can get dicey. Believe
Speaker 1: you me? Do I need to wear a cape? Okay?
Speaker 1: So Mr Lawrence, yes, okay, we understand you're upset and
Speaker 1: we're gonna let you on right now with with Hank.
Speaker 1: But you're saying that you yourself you are Satan. That
Speaker 1: seems a little far fetched, alright, go on, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh my Joey Lawrence. Shut up, squirrel. Let's give a
Speaker 1: round of applause to my favorite and honestly help her
Speaker 1: to start this show. My dear Satan, Mr roy Um,
Speaker 1: thanks for joining me in my talk show. Your bones
Speaker 1: are kind of moving the wrong direction. I think he's
Speaker 1: about to shed its human skin, is the only The
Speaker 1: only issue is you didn't bring a single prop during
Speaker 1: the whole segment. There was plenty opportunity, right, but I
Speaker 1: brought water and the last time that's what you asked for,
Speaker 1: So I thought that you still want it personal assistant anymore.
Speaker 1: You think it's production assistant. I think it's a production assistant.
Speaker 1: Just give me one second. You're not persistant a personal assistant.
Speaker 1: If you can't assist me, you certainly can't assist the production.
Speaker 1: And if you can't assist the prop master, I don't
Speaker 1: know what to tell you. Well, I'm actually not I'm
Speaker 1: actually not assisting the prop master. I'm actually apprenticing the
Speaker 1: prop prop master. I'm actually the prop apprentice. So I
Speaker 1: think you need to give me a little more respect.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, did you want to water? I can get
Speaker 1: a water or something I would love, and if you
Speaker 1: can make it sparkling, that would be wonderful. That's going
Speaker 1: to be nearly impossible. No flavor. If there's even a
Speaker 1: hint of lime, I'm going to flip. Okay, I'd argue
Speaker 1: that's going to kiss off the master, you know. I'd
Speaker 1: argue that, like, you know, sparkling, there's a flavor, you know,
Speaker 1: to end on a water. Number three is from Patreon.
Speaker 1: Alcmaniac Duckie, an assassin is hired to eliminate bad YELP reviewers.
Speaker 1: That was mc nail and that food showed up room
Speaker 1: temperature at best. My wife said it was cold. I
Speaker 1: said it was frigid. Frigid. Sorry, my wife said it
Speaker 1: was frigid cold. Unsatisfied. One star. I wish we could
Speaker 1: do zero stars. Good job, baby, Oh my god, that
Speaker 1: makes me so fucking hot. Assholds are gonna regret treating
Speaker 1: us like, yeah they are, You're the fucking king. You
Speaker 1: told them, I did you know what? That's the house
Speaker 1: there now? Intel says that there's two people using the
Speaker 1: single account, So they're both combining for an equal amount
Speaker 1: of distasteful comments on any kind of food distribution place
Speaker 1: or a restaurant. And some people call it what I do,
Speaker 1: call it a food distribution place, but you know you
Speaker 1: can call it. I mean, restaurants are probably the preferred nomenclature,
Speaker 1: but food distribution places what I what I call it,
Speaker 1: And that's that's my thing. Now, copy do you want
Speaker 1: to to uh like clear head shots or do you
Speaker 1: want to make it look like a computer accident. Why
Speaker 1: don't you make it look like a computer accident. We're
Speaker 1: we're not trying to bring attention to us, all right.
Speaker 1: That's gonna require me to get in pretty close food
Speaker 1: distribution places. What I say, though, it's not a restaurant,
Speaker 1: I mean, it is a restaurant. I just well, my
Speaker 1: point is what I I'm saying. It is a restaurant.
Speaker 1: I'm the reviewing a restaurant. You know that, right? Yes,
Speaker 1: I understand, sir, But I say food distribution place. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't misspeak. Okay, that's what I That's what I say.
Speaker 1: You know that. You know me, right, You know me, sir?
Speaker 1: Sorry me for thirty years did you hear what happened
Speaker 1: to April and ten? Can you can you just can
Speaker 1: you give me my space ball? Working? Oh? Sorry? But
Speaker 1: did you hear what happened to April and Ken? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't. I have to talk close because
Speaker 1: it is a secret. What happened? What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Please let me work? Did you hear
Speaker 1: what happened with April and ten? No? Okay, so they died?
Speaker 1: But via like some computer act like you sound so
Speaker 1: happy excited. It's well, it's extingu I like I like,
Speaker 1: I like thrive on gossip. I throw this. This is
Speaker 1: a dead case. You know, I say dead kids, you
Speaker 1: mean murder? Right to take a quick break this morning,
Speaker 1: I got bad news to share. Well, should we get
Speaker 1: on her knees? I guess if you feel I don't
Speaker 1: know if you know what? Okay, go ahead and get
Speaker 1: on your knees, sir. We'd like a clear choice, should
Speaker 1: we or not? Like you tell us what's going on?
Speaker 1: I would see just sitting in your desk chair is fine.
Speaker 1: But if you feel I don't know what I'm about
Speaker 1: to announce, I'm sorry. Like rich always makes us take
Speaker 1: our rich. We understand you play quarterback in high school.
Speaker 1: You could have been somebody we do. We get that,
Speaker 1: but you don't need to bring it into the workplace. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, okay, well you guys might all notice that.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, are we? Are we sitting in the chair?
Speaker 1: Are we? However, you want to take some shocking, jaw dropping,
Speaker 1: soul wrenching news. I can't go in the window. Don't
Speaker 1: do it. Why are you smiling? Why are you smiling?
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean, that's like the most exciting it's
Speaker 1: happened in this office. It's working here. I hate it,
Speaker 1: but it's exciting. All right, huddle up, huddle up. We
Speaker 1: can't huddle up on this. We just lost the employee
Speaker 1: out the window. But the game's still going. What are
Speaker 1: you talking about the game? We're still in office. How
Speaker 1: to deal with this? Call the play? Call the play?
Speaker 1: What are we gonna do? Alright? Alright? I said, we
Speaker 1: listen to I said, we listen to boss's announcements. And
Speaker 1: then uh and then uh, I'm so sorry. I kind
Speaker 1: of hold on, Wait, what was what was your news?
Speaker 1: Ken died? He said, that's why he's not here this morning.
Speaker 1: It's why you know, it's just it's just cool to
Speaker 1: know things ahead of time. It's not cool that he's dead.
Speaker 1: Nine one, How can I help you? What am my
Speaker 1: employees just jumped out of the window. I don't know
Speaker 1: for sure. It's a long way down. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: if he's okay or not. And I could take the elevator,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to report it before I went down there,
Speaker 1: just in case he's not a lot I don't know.
Speaker 1: Just before I process this car, I would like to
Speaker 1: do a little survey for you. Um, what do you
Speaker 1: think of him Bloopo candies? I haven't I haven't tried them,
Speaker 1: but I like everything out of the Wonka factory so far.
Speaker 1: So what's this I have? If it's just gonna be
Speaker 1: just doing a customers survey, We're just doing the customers
Speaker 1: survey on some products. That one one like the emergency
Speaker 1: line right? This is yeah? Okay? Have you seen that
Speaker 1: Squirreling the Man? Nope, I don't watch much TV. You
Speaker 1: haven't seen Squirreling the Man. I have not seen Squirrel
Speaker 1: in the Man. You haven't seen this episode. I have
Speaker 1: not seen any episodes of Squirrel the Matter. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: transfer you to UH to my manager just about this transfer.
Speaker 1: But do you like entertainment? I mean, who doesn't like
Speaker 1: to be entertained? You know what I mean? I mean,
Speaker 1: of course I like entertainment. On the scale of one
Speaker 1: to five, one being you like entertainment, five you love entertainment?
Speaker 1: You fall four? Four? Very nice? Great. So if it's
Speaker 1: a Saturday afternoon, you have your choice of reading newspaper
Speaker 1: or watching something on television. What are you gonna do?
Speaker 1: I'm probably sit down to a good book and have
Speaker 1: have some So did you hear that? Actually he probably
Speaker 1: would have lived if the E M T s had
Speaker 1: gotten here sooner, but it took so long. I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to enjoy the funeral. OA. Sorry please, um hi,
Speaker 1: this is the Assassin yelp Assassins Incorporated? Is that correct? Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes it is? Uh sorry, I to see the front
Speaker 1: desk here. I don't know if parking was difficult. I'm
Speaker 1: a little flustered. Look, um, I owned Piz's Burgers. I've
Speaker 1: called in with a lot of bad reviews. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a member here, I pay my dues, and yet somehow
Speaker 1: these reviews keep popping up and no one, Yeah, here's
Speaker 1: the here's the problem. Um, we will. Of course, our
Speaker 1: whole thing is that we will assassinate people who leave
Speaker 1: bad Yelk reviews unless they're warranted. And your burgers are terrible. Wow,
Speaker 1: we received all of your calls, all of your emails.
Speaker 1: You've seen it all. But you know, I like, we
Speaker 1: had a luncheon last Thursday where I bought Peetsburgher's for
Speaker 1: all of the various killers and assassins here, and every
Speaker 1: single one of them said that the patties were overcooked,
Speaker 1: the cheese was Maybe I should get out of the
Speaker 1: food distribution service and maybe I should start my own company,
Speaker 1: assassins to assassinate assassins. Mhmm. Yeah, Well previously I worked
Speaker 1: as ah well, I wouldn't call it a job per se,
Speaker 1: but I did have a gun. I have held a gun. Okay,
Speaker 1: can you pull the trigger? I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna be I want to be I
Speaker 1: want to be honest in the interview. So okay, I
Speaker 1: don't know if you're right for the Yelp assassins, but
Speaker 1: I do hear the there's like an assassin's of assassins,
Speaker 1: and it's like a little bit of like a shottier
Speaker 1: situation and they might take you. So I'm not good
Speaker 1: enough to kill yelped people, but I'm good enough to
Speaker 1: kill a sassin. Oh yeah, I'll definitely take that. I'll
Speaker 1: take a look to see. They don't trust their business models,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna look. Hey, buddy, came to the right place.
Speaker 1: She said, we're shottier, right, shots fire my man hold
Speaker 1: his gun? Oh god, oh god? You all right? That
Speaker 1: was a good shot, dude. That was a good shot
Speaker 1: that went through and through. Can you start tomorrow? Actually,
Speaker 1: I gotta finish some stuff, but all right, all right, sir,
Speaker 1: you're you're you're looking for assassin's Creed. Uh, this is
Speaker 1: the Creed assassins. We are, what like, slowly slowly hunting
Speaker 1: down the bad band Creed and taking your vengeance for
Speaker 1: what happened in music us. Since Creed is a video game,
Speaker 1: it's not a thing. Are you sure? Because I was
Speaker 1: told that it was well you were told Rocks, sir.
Speaker 1: I mean the way they said it. It sounded like
Speaker 1: that's how they said it, So I gotta trust. I
Speaker 1: mean the guy who told me, I mean that's how
Speaker 1: he said it, so I know him. And he said,
Speaker 1: assassin screen is what I gotta go after. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know popular populist series, not a I mean marthy,
Speaker 1: you're cracking up. What what's what's the what's the hotest?
Speaker 1: Go You're like dying. I know it's like some silly
Speaker 1: you might have to be in your cup. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: do mind, I do mind. Just go to the water.
Speaker 1: Cool like you are, capables, cozy. It's cozy in here.
Speaker 1: You've got the space here. I haven't have good interior design.
Speaker 1: What do you want to do? Family? Gorgeous families? Thank you,
Speaker 1: your children beautiful, Please don't look at my children. Nobody
Speaker 1: talks around me, and he moves. I'm sitting here with
Speaker 1: beautiful water to consume, both cold and hot. If you
Speaker 1: want to make tea. When nobody talks around me, it's
Speaker 1: because everything gets dropped. There's no weekly watching and everything's
Speaker 1: just going on. And I'm wonderful. Office. You're telling me
Speaker 1: you think anyone's coming to the coffee machine anymore. Everyone's
Speaker 1: going out getting their stop bucks, getting there, Get it down, kids,
Speaker 1: facts of machine here. I haven't been fundled in years.
Speaker 1: Oh what I would do for a little fundling. Let's
Speaker 1: they shouldn't have put you in the break room facts
Speaker 1: machine doesn't seem like the best place for you. You're forgotten.
Speaker 1: You probably got put here because you're always so inappropriate.
Speaker 1: Stop talking about fondling in the world. Put a button
Speaker 1: in my butt hole, please put every ain't the same thing.
Speaker 1: Someone's coming, Someone's going, hey, I hear you, guys, like Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm working in the other room, and you guys are
Speaker 1: so fucking loud. Of course I can hear you, but
Speaker 1: nobody else in this damn office seems to be able
Speaker 1: to hear you, the crazy one, Luke, and I talked
Speaker 1: to you for a second. Well, let me just finish
Speaker 1: so you can shut Peter. I think you should go home. Alright,
Speaker 1: you're screaming out appliances. Alright, buddy. So I heard that
Speaker 1: Luke lost his fucking mind. What God fired? Well put
Speaker 1: on like mentally, but he couldn't handle it. So he
Speaker 1: threw himself down the stairs like somebody in like a
Speaker 1: fucking soap opera trying to get rid of their baby.
Speaker 1: And he didn't even die, He just broke his neck.
Speaker 1: Crazy Who brought the fucking water cooler next year in
Speaker 1: your cubicle? There? Ted? I don't know it just moved
Speaker 1: over here. I have no idea. I thought it was
Speaker 1: a fucking prank. I've been trying to move it, but
Speaker 1: every time I go to okay, so back, so they
Speaker 1: just moving now? All right, well, let me walk up
Speaker 1: here and grab this coffee maker. Look it just moving now.
Speaker 1: It was just moving now. Machine? Yeah, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: What are you? The one man? Sean? Can I talk
Speaker 1: to you for a second? What's up? Dude? Well? I
Speaker 1: mean you were just humping the hell out of that
Speaker 1: fashion machine and then you were grinding on that coffee maker.
Speaker 1: Maybe you should maybe you should take some time off.
Speaker 1: You'd like that, onen't you. You know I went through
Speaker 1: a pass for thirty seven yards, dude, h thirty seven yards.
Speaker 1: That's not that far, that's not that okay? This this
Speaker 1: guy all right? Yeah, you know it's like a standard
Speaker 1: throat yelp for my job, one star. I feel like
Speaker 1: everython is going crazy in my office, and I might
Speaker 1: have been the first one to lose my mind. I
Speaker 1: can't stop smiling when it comes to tragedy and everyone
Speaker 1: else is throwing themselves downstairs outside of windows. People are
Speaker 1: fucking facts machines. I gotta I got a clear shot.
Speaker 1: If you want to give me to go ahead, I
Speaker 1: feel like jumping on the channel here, food distribution place.
Speaker 1: What are you guys thinking about that same thing as restaurant?
Speaker 1: Am all right? Correct? M okay, there's someone else on
Speaker 1: the channel right. I'm writing this because I wanted to,
Speaker 1: and I thought there were three of us. I'm trying to.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to. If you have a clear shot, take it,
Speaker 1: take it bus. Do you want a head shot or
Speaker 1: do you want to make it look like her phone
Speaker 1: killed her? Believe I'll run that up the ladder phone.
Speaker 1: I call those uh, actually I don't know what I
Speaker 1: call them. I haven't I haven't really decided. The food
Speaker 1: distribution place, that's what I call a restaurant. You go ahead,
Speaker 1: take that shot, Take the shot. Water spilling out everywhere,
Speaker 1: water shooting. Look, I'll find a new job sometime, okay,
Speaker 1: but I just need some time to decompress. I was
Speaker 1: working in a crazy environment. Just just please give me
Speaker 1: some time. Okay. I don't know what I want to do.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you want to do. Well, all right,
Speaker 1: your mom and I don't want you staying here anymore, Okay,
Speaker 1: Like it's time to grow all the way up. And
Speaker 1: get a real job. You to grow all the whill Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: they grow all the whilling. You're You're no, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to communicate with our young son. Wow, Hank sounds terrible.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can't let your home life affect what
Speaker 1: you do on the talk show. Okay, things got to
Speaker 1: stay pretty straightforward, all right. Well, if if my home
Speaker 1: life is hell, I want to bring it to the job. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think you should do that. I mean, we're
Speaker 1: getting pretty good ratings the way it is right now.
Speaker 1: I think what this show needs is a one way portal,
Speaker 1: well really two way portal to hell. So I want
Speaker 1: you to get me some of that goats blood for
Speaker 1: today's episode. I'll have to ask the prop master is
Speaker 1: you know he's pretty grandiose and everything he does. You
Speaker 1: can't slip this one around me work with somebody else.
Speaker 1: I wish I could. Ma'ma, there's a chain here, and
Speaker 1: I gotta go up. I'm actually the prop master now.
Speaker 1: Um turns out there were like assassins that I could hire,
Speaker 1: and they're pretty good. The ones that I hired. Not
Speaker 1: all of them are great, But I looked at the
Speaker 1: yelper views and I picked the ones at the highest stars.
Speaker 1: What can I get you? Water or props? Prop prop water,
Speaker 1: not real water, prop water and that funny water. That's
Speaker 1: the rule all the way up. That was beautiful. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: let's thank you to our alchemist. See what they're up to,
Speaker 1: Joey Greer. Just check out Alchemy. This is Instagram. We're
Speaker 1: doing live stuff there. If you want to see nothing
Speaker 1: that I'm posting, you can check out God Bless Jim Chum.
Speaker 1: That's that's my personal account. But check out Alchemy this Instagram.
Speaker 1: James eeny Uh go ahead and um. On Wednesday nights,
Speaker 1: eight pm Pacific Standard time, there's a Bear Supply live
Speaker 1: stream show. Che check it out Twitch dot Tv, slash
Speaker 1: bs Comedy. Nice Jackie Ruthy, Hey guys, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, Cole um. It's really fun. And um,
Speaker 1: I'm at Jackie Ruthy on Instagram and other things and
Speaker 1: I feel like that's real good. That's where you get
Speaker 1: the info. Nice. Oh yeah, at Chris Albroado Instagram. Cole dude,
Speaker 1: so much fun to have you, so much fun? Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you back then soon? Yeah? I believe next session. Yep,
Speaker 1: it's always fun. Always fun to be doing this. Kids
Speaker 1: who find they can find me at at Cole Stratton
Speaker 1: or at Stratton Cole, depending on the service. Go to
Speaker 1: s S sketch Fest dot com doing a giant fundraising
Speaker 1: show on January thirty, five pm Pacific, eight pm Eastern.
Speaker 1: Hundred plus performers, giant people in the world of comedy
Speaker 1: that grown all the way up, So definitely come check
Speaker 1: that out. Trust me, the lineup is insanity and you'll
Speaker 1: be glad you did. It'll be helping our festival so
Speaker 1: we can do it again in the future. All right,
Speaker 1: let's have a big thanks to our engineer and producer,
Speaker 1: Doug Name and the fine folks at I heeart Media
Speaker 1: dot com. Don't don't don't please write to us at
Speaker 1: your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com Until next time.
Speaker 1: I thought it was doing better at