Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nineteen
Speaker 1: one audition. I am your host, Cold Stratton, stepping in
Speaker 1: for some guy named Kevin while he's out working on
Speaker 1: a very slow newsday to day. Let's meet our how
Speaker 1: Chemist Shelley in no particular order, say hello to Craig Takowski. Craig,
Speaker 1: what was your prom theme? And did it blow '?
Speaker 1: Let me take the second part first. Yes, well, I
Speaker 1: think of what the first one was that I think
Speaker 1: it might have been. Ain't nobody going to break my stride?
Speaker 1: Matthew prom? He was in all Matthew Welder theme. Uh
Speaker 1: and uh, and nobody did break my stride. I strode
Speaker 1: into prom like the king of the world. You gotta
Speaker 1: keep on moving, all right, Let's welcome back Mr James.
Speaker 1: Heney James, if you could design a video game, what
Speaker 1: would it be about? What would it be called. It's
Speaker 1: called Roommate Melee. It's a fighting game, much like Mortal
Speaker 1: Kombat or any fighting game, except the regular people that
Speaker 1: live together, and you can take anything from the apartment
Speaker 1: as a weapon. I've thought about it and I want
Speaker 1: to develop it. I just don't have the hard skills
Speaker 1: I got the soft skills. Well, you know no one
Speaker 1: will possibly take that idea and that you set it
Speaker 1: on a big podcast, so you're good. Copy right right now, James,
Speaker 1: copyright it. I don't. All right. Look over there, it's
Speaker 1: Chris Alvarado. Chris, what's the coolest place you've ever been?
Speaker 1: I mean, I've been some cool places I've been to,
Speaker 1: like Fiji and wise stuff, but I'd probably say this
Speaker 1: is so dorky. I think the coolest place I've ever
Speaker 1: been is backstage before opening night, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's you know, even all those rehearsals, all that stuff
Speaker 1: opening night. I'm done, I'm done talking. All right, So
Speaker 1: Fiji and it's Joey Greer. Joey, could you take him all?
Speaker 1: Let's read us some of your friends fan fix. Uh
Speaker 1: this is my friends fans. Before I get into it,
Speaker 1: let me just say I've had a long conversation with
Speaker 1: my buddy about the fan fiction that he's he's he's
Speaker 1: putting out there because he wants the Bridge Star Wars
Speaker 1: with John from Mars, and I don't. I'm like, that's
Speaker 1: a that's not even the same. I'm like, yes, it's
Speaker 1: sci fi. Yes, they go to he goes to another
Speaker 1: planet and all that. But it's like it's a contemporary timeline, right,
Speaker 1: like he's in like the undred John, and then Star
Speaker 1: Wars is like millions of years ago. It doesn't make
Speaker 1: any sense. And and to think that like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm assuming, I mean, I'm gonna stop you there. We're
Speaker 1: talking about John Carter, right, just got some random job
Speaker 1: from Mars. I don't know John Carter. I don't know
Speaker 1: if John Carter and John from Cincinnati. Those are two
Speaker 1: worlds that we have to combine, that's for sure. All right,
Speaker 1: let's do a damn show. All of our scene suggestions
Speaker 1: are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v
Speaker 1: I p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the
Speaker 1: show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head
Speaker 1: on over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. You'd
Speaker 1: like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write
Speaker 1: to the podcast at your name here at alchemy this
Speaker 1: dot com. That's your name here at alchemy This scene
Speaker 1: one comes from Kristen Kelly, who wrote, due to a typo,
Speaker 1: the special effects team on a high budget action movie
Speaker 1: have mistakenly rigged up the stunt man in the big
Speaker 1: shootout scene with squids instead of squids. All right, we
Speaker 1: ready to go, hold holding losing the light. These things
Speaker 1: keep slipping off my chest. I don't think that the
Speaker 1: tape isn't holding them. Look, we're about to go. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't worry about it, right, all right, I don't
Speaker 1: think I don't think they're in place. Are we talking
Speaker 1: to myself? Sorry? Okay, hey, sorry, I'm just having a
Speaker 1: little problem with the background. They're refusing to listen to me,
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, They're refusing to take my orders,
Speaker 1: and I keep telling them I'm the king of the background.
Speaker 1: I'm the king in the background. But they're having we're
Speaker 1: having a hard time, all right, Sean. That might be
Speaker 1: one of the problems if you keep on saying to
Speaker 1: your king in the background, all right, let's just get
Speaker 1: this p a seany don't you go over to the
Speaker 1: scot over to like the cafeteria. Get you get a
Speaker 1: couple of yogurts and a couple of fruit salads, get
Speaker 1: a couple of place and bring it over to the background. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: why don't we keep Can you believe the way that
Speaker 1: guy treated us I mean we are the kings of
Speaker 1: the background because we're in the background round, Okay, I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, I mean we are at the background. So like,
Speaker 1: if anyone's going to be the king of the background,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be all of us. We're all the king,
Speaker 1: because if there's gonna be one king, it should be
Speaker 1: all of us. Because we're in the background. It's like
Speaker 1: he doesn't even know what we've done. I mean, I
Speaker 1: was on season two a party of five. Okay, I
Speaker 1: waved behind Matthew Fox at a big party. I had
Speaker 1: about half a second of dedicated camera time. You know, Wow,
Speaker 1: I need to crush your dreams losers, but you're king
Speaker 1: of the losers. I might be background right now, but
Speaker 1: when they start rolling the camera, I'm gonna step into
Speaker 1: the light. What's wrong with the jaw? Your jaw is broken?
Speaker 1: Are you okay or no? It's it's I just have
Speaker 1: a strong jaw. What do you mean? Hi? Um, you're
Speaker 1: heard at the squid department correct? Yeah? Um, So, first
Speaker 1: of all, you're so appreciated on Uh I'm a I'm
Speaker 1: a pa here um so um that uh, not too
Speaker 1: often that people actually call for squids like I'm here
Speaker 1: When they need me. But uh, we do a lot
Speaker 1: of big budget movies on this lot, and you know
Speaker 1: no one's called for squids and years. Yeah, well this
Speaker 1: is exciting then. Um. One thing is they said there
Speaker 1: they're losing light. If we could get those squids um
Speaker 1: um attached half, that would be great. Yeah, well they'll
Speaker 1: they'll attach themselves. I mean they've got yeah, they've got suction.
Speaker 1: Um so I think you know he's got You know,
Speaker 1: they're pretty intelligent, you know, to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: you know, do you want to do what? They'll do?
Speaker 1: What you want? You want to handle the principle he's
Speaker 1: should I be on step? Should Why don't you come
Speaker 1: on this way? I raised all those squids from the
Speaker 1: time that they were just follow me. Eggs flying in,
Speaker 1: flying in, squid man flying in the Yes, squid guy
Speaker 1: flying in. Squid guy. Okay, this is Hey, these things
Speaker 1: keep slipped and down my chest. I well, you're scared.
Speaker 1: I pressed him. Go ahead, you're scaring him to him
Speaker 1: make them feel comfortable, Yes you are. I'm a fucking star.
Speaker 1: They should feel lucky to be here here. Look what
Speaker 1: happens when I pressed too hard? O, don't don't do that.
Speaker 1: To Cocoa. Don't do that to Coco. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: how else are you supposed to get it to Adhes? Look,
Speaker 1: they will adhere themselves. Have you been rigged with squids before?
Speaker 1: I've I mean, I don't know. I like Taylor Laudner.
Speaker 1: I think he's good. I think the numbers, you know,
Speaker 1: support why he's casting. But he's not taking to the
Speaker 1: squids and the squids aren't taken to him. I mean,
Speaker 1: we might need to do a recast. Maybe we need
Speaker 1: to get Robert Pattins said, maybe at the squids are
Speaker 1: Team Edward. Maybe, I mean, maybe we could do some
Speaker 1: kind of like screen tests, but the squids on him,
Speaker 1: see what, see what if they're sucking or not. I mean,
Speaker 1: we've already got six d and fifty billion dollars into
Speaker 1: this film, all right. I mean, like, you tell me
Speaker 1: what we should do because if we pull the plug, now,
Speaker 1: that's money wasted. I agree, Mr Geffen, but I just don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know how we're gonna turn to profit on
Speaker 1: this no matter what you do. Background background. I know
Speaker 1: we started off on the wrong foot, and I admit
Speaker 1: I am not your king, But to make up for it,
Speaker 1: I have some very interesting news you might want to hear.
Speaker 1: It looks like it looks like they might want to
Speaker 1: pull one of you guys up. I'm talking full sag.
Speaker 1: We're getting a bub. I mean, this guy's jaws pretty
Speaker 1: messed up. Maybe if you want to bring over here.
Speaker 1: This is how my jaw is. It's a strong jaw.
Speaker 1: It's a prominent chin. Come on, all right, look talk
Speaker 1: you need to. I don't need to move my lips.
Speaker 1: You all have cell phones, right, I say, just to
Speaker 1: make it safe, put yourself on tape right now, do
Speaker 1: a quick audition. Send it to me. I'll give it
Speaker 1: to the director right now. What I don't I give
Speaker 1: here all the information I know. I gotta get these
Speaker 1: others back. We have to audition. This guy was on
Speaker 1: season five A Party of two? Wait is that true?
Speaker 1: Season two A Party of five? I was on the
Speaker 1: season one Party of two. Okay, okay, okay, okay. That
Speaker 1: shouldn't that shouldn't be an advantage, Like you don't know
Speaker 1: what my my my restume. You haven't even asked? All right,
Speaker 1: just send you myself tape? What creative distraction? I shot
Speaker 1: a self tape and said it to us. Good mine too.
Speaker 1: There you go, Okay, that's mine. Excuse me? I mean
Speaker 1: that's really because if we think about, like what is
Speaker 1: the give me one teking, If we think about, like,
Speaker 1: why are they coming into just because they're entering the
Speaker 1: give me give me one? If they're if they're coming
Speaker 1: into if they're coming into town, right and we're gonna
Speaker 1: get that crane shot down. It's gonna go into an
Speaker 1: eagle eye, it's gonna pop right back. Will you give
Speaker 1: me a damn circuit? What is your name? I can't
Speaker 1: What is your name? P A? Your name is p A? Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: your name is pe Okay, you know what do me?
Speaker 1: Do you remember? Every one? Can we just stop for
Speaker 1: a second, can huddle around? But somebody here who wants
Speaker 1: to stop production because for some reason they think it's
Speaker 1: so important to talk to me when I'm talking to
Speaker 1: this cactus right now, all right, And this cactus is
Speaker 1: my muse and this cactus is my inspiration, all right?
Speaker 1: So what do you got? What? What? What is it? Hi? Hi? Everyone?
Speaker 1: I'm p A. I want to say that it's no
Speaker 1: secret that this production of Roommate Melee is in trouble.
Speaker 1: I took it upon myself since our star is having
Speaker 1: a problem forming your relationship with the squid. I took
Speaker 1: it upon myself to get a couple of self tapes
Speaker 1: from some real passion and actors I got playing for
Speaker 1: you right now, maybe we could do a quick switch
Speaker 1: out and I can say a second, this is bullshit.
Speaker 1: I'm the star of this. What do you mean you
Speaker 1: got auditions such this one? It's don't move The squids
Speaker 1: are falling out? What the fund is going on? I
Speaker 1: listened Thompson um five ft seven here in my profiles
Speaker 1: my hands. I'm willing to shave um. Hey man, don't
Speaker 1: you be shooting me with your gun? Thank you. I'm repped,
Speaker 1: repped by myself. Okay, I have one more to show
Speaker 1: you real quick. How about this one? Hi, Kurt Schmoker
Speaker 1: five ft one. This is my self tape, not willing
Speaker 1: to shave. Hey, that was filmed on seven here that
Speaker 1: was that was filmed. This fullshit is at the end
Speaker 1: of his self tape, but just him yelling there's there's
Speaker 1: one more. Alright, could you hold this camera and facing
Speaker 1: towards me? Please? Thank you? P A seven two said,
Speaker 1: I just kind for you. Wow, pretty good with that gun.
Speaker 1: Don't shoot me? With that guy. I got a lot
Speaker 1: to live for. Don't shoot me the gun. This is great.
Speaker 1: Send me that video, Send me that video. And because
Speaker 1: that's our Peter Arthur Robinson, you come to the dinner
Speaker 1: table now or you're gonna be king of the dishes,
Speaker 1: young man. Okay, look, I know you dream of being
Speaker 1: a Hollywood star, but it's probably not gonna happen. Your
Speaker 1: room is filthy. Well now that attitude. Okay, Well, I'm
Speaker 1: your mother, so I would really like you to to
Speaker 1: go and you know, continue your education. It's very important,
Speaker 1: you know, even though you have an opportunity in Hollywood, now,
Speaker 1: it's not gonna last. Okay, kid, it's because your baby.
Speaker 1: This is why he's not listening to you. Hank, Hank,
Speaker 1: you let me handle this. Okay, you're just a stepfather.
Speaker 1: Because that's not my scene in there. I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: If that was my scene, you would have grown into
Speaker 1: a strong cactus. If I read your diary, I know
Speaker 1: you had I know you had dreams that you let go.
Speaker 1: And I know, Hank smash those dreams. Mm hmmm, Kee's
Speaker 1: smashing like every plate in this house. I mean, yes,
Speaker 1: I had I had dreams. I I wanted to be
Speaker 1: behind the camera as a writer. But you know, I
Speaker 1: just I had to raise you guys up and and
Speaker 1: and Hank. That includes you too. You're not very emotionally mature,
Speaker 1: and you raise me up so I could stand on that. Dude,
Speaker 1: I thought that was gonna build due course, Look, p
Speaker 1: a alla, I'm going to hand you this script, the
Speaker 1: first one I ever wrote, and you know you read
Speaker 1: this for inspiration and maybe you keep this with you
Speaker 1: on set or wherever you go. It's called don't shoot
Speaker 1: me with that gun? Please. What do you think? What
Speaker 1: do you think they thought of my audition? Do you
Speaker 1: think they do? You think they liked it? I mean
Speaker 1: I I don't think that any of you guys put
Speaker 1: forth the heart that I would have put for it. Listen,
Speaker 1: I was the star of this video before they fucking
Speaker 1: brought a background character to be. I don't know how
Speaker 1: they're going to take all the shots that I had
Speaker 1: before out so good news and bad news. Bad news
Speaker 1: is I think it's the role. Good news is Smoker?
Speaker 1: Did this is bullshit? Yes? Yes, Smoker, all of you,
Speaker 1: buck of you have hated every minute of this. I'll
Speaker 1: give me the star. I was always destined to be
Speaker 1: Smoker Party of Doo right this way. I just want
Speaker 1: to say I loved your film and I can't wait
Speaker 1: to see Yes, sir, Yes, sir. Here you are a
Speaker 1: complimentary bottle of champagne, and we also have some diamond ice. Uh.
Speaker 1: Can I get the Calabari please on its way, sir?
Speaker 1: On it? Hey, just so you know, we're we're running
Speaker 1: a little little light on Calamari. We're we've had to
Speaker 1: had to shoot a lot of big budget movies this
Speaker 1: week with squid action sequences. Uh and so what the
Speaker 1: squids are not available to be click? No, they're rather
Speaker 1: starting in the movie. So anything squid related in town,
Speaker 1: That's that's what I'm charge of. You know, movies, restaurants,
Speaker 1: what have you? Well, what do you have? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: there's a nice Uh there's a nice rice cake with
Speaker 1: with raw tune on top. I don't want that. We're
Speaker 1: all gathered here too late ter us, Mr Smoker. You're
Speaker 1: all fans that Rice Hattie did him in h you
Speaker 1: want to say a few words. Yeah, he was an asshole?
Speaker 1: All right, that guy was an asshole. Thank you. It's
Speaker 1: pretty short ceremony. If nobody else I'd like to just
Speaker 1: say that, uh, I was surprised when he took my
Speaker 1: role in Roommate Melee that he did as well as
Speaker 1: he could, and I honestly feel bad. Then I'll probably
Speaker 1: have to be the main lead in the sequel. God
Speaker 1: rushed Smoker, just stays stay still. The squids are falling
Speaker 1: out of your What is it's you've trained these squids
Speaker 1: to fall off. You're trying to ruin my career, aren't
Speaker 1: you know they're trained, they're trained to hold on. You
Speaker 1: know you haven't rigged for squids before, right, you were
Speaker 1: the one who tried to rig me last time and
Speaker 1: they fell off. It seems like this is a youth thing,
Speaker 1: not a meaning. Both Mr London are going by your
Speaker 1: your charts here, Um well, it looks like you've been
Speaker 1: laid with squid eggs insaide your chest abdomen. No no no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no, no entire entire, like I want to say,
Speaker 1: chinned down, chin down, all the way down to your
Speaker 1: your waist. Medically there's a turn for it escapes me.
Speaker 1: But are you sure? Oh? Let me? Actually yes, they are?
Speaker 1: You got me? You got I mean, do you do?
Speaker 1: Thank you everybody for gathering here as we lay Mr
Speaker 1: Lawtner to rest um. Though he and his body have died,
Speaker 1: they have became become I'm nervous, they have become for
Speaker 1: the squids, thank you that were born in him and
Speaker 1: on and around him. And that's our first scene. That's
Speaker 1: so gross, showing gross the OUTPGGS C two is from
Speaker 1: patriar v I Toivo, who wrote, hello again, Dear Alan
Speaker 1: the Chemists, It's been wonderful to hear Vanessa returning to
Speaker 1: the roster. Not today in Tobo. I'm sorry. Thanks to
Speaker 1: all of you for keeping up the great craziness. Since
Speaker 1: November is closing in while I'm writing this, I wish
Speaker 1: you people the best in the ongoing election. Funny you
Speaker 1: should say that. Next up in my scene Suggestions, an
Speaker 1: old radio show host is preparing to get on the
Speaker 1: air one more time before retiring. Remote hugs for everyone
Speaker 1: who wants them too. Okay, yeah, you gotta pack everything.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be out of here by this by tonight. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're just going over the list. We're just going on
Speaker 1: list here. Uh, we've got microphones check test check. Okay,
Speaker 1: looks good, Manny, Why don't we don't we boxed all
Speaker 1: the microphones up now. I feel like that because they're
Speaker 1: the most sensitive. I hate to say. We're actually gonna
Speaker 1: do one more episode before tonight. We want to have
Speaker 1: a good kickoff show, so if we could unpack this stuff,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have one more. We'll do one more recording.
Speaker 1: Our host is retiring after over sixty years in the
Speaker 1: bizin sixty years, so let me just take these things
Speaker 1: out of the box. So these are the only microphones.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a small studio. Yeah whatever. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to stop in and say, how do you in
Speaker 1: hiho as I'm heading into retirement city. But uh, that
Speaker 1: show has been a thrill in a wonderful time working
Speaker 1: with you all over so many years, even though I
Speaker 1: never bothered to lend your names. I don't work here,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not to move, So did you for many
Speaker 1: years you missed me for one of the boofers. No, no,
Speaker 1: I I recognize your face, son, I just don't know
Speaker 1: your name, and I never will. But that's a okay,
Speaker 1: because I've got the golden pipes and I have been
Speaker 1: laying down so wonderful radio ways all these years. All right, look,
Speaker 1: here's all we can do for you because we're on
Speaker 1: a schedule here. We can leave you one microphone, one chair, um,
Speaker 1: a dinner TV trade desk, a little pop up and
Speaker 1: uh and whatever you plug a microphone into that, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have to stop you right there. My show is
Speaker 1: called to Chair Charlie. And if I don't have that
Speaker 1: second chair, well, I don't think I can go on
Speaker 1: the air. All right, that's not our problems. But that's
Speaker 1: not a problem, you know what I mean? Like, look,
Speaker 1: you get one chair and then you get that PLoP
Speaker 1: up desk. Gad, that's it. I mean, I can try
Speaker 1: to do it, but I just I can't be responsible
Speaker 1: for what happens on the air if I don't have
Speaker 1: a second chair. Looks, Steve, I want you out of
Speaker 1: my life. I want you out of this house. I
Speaker 1: want you gone. Okay, and don't try to don't try
Speaker 1: to tell me there's reasons why you need to stay.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. I've heard all the reasons.
Speaker 1: So you're gone worth through, and don't tell me there's
Speaker 1: one more episode left of two Chair Charlie, because I
Speaker 1: don't know, well, there is only one episode left, Okay,
Speaker 1: there's one episode left and then we can start focusing
Speaker 1: on our dreams and we're done. But listen, you've infested
Speaker 1: so much of your life into the loser version of me.
Speaker 1: Give the winner version of me. One shinte one, I
Speaker 1: don't know, go get it. It's pretty late for somebody
Speaker 1: at the tour. Hello, Hey, is that Bianco here? I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to take her to Prague. I think you have
Speaker 1: the wrong house. Slam, What the hell is going on?
Speaker 1: Get your hints off of me. You don't he owns me? Now? What? Yeah?
Speaker 1: M Hello? You said slam in like a really soft way,
Speaker 1: and uh, I didn't really have the effect I think
Speaker 1: you wanted. I mean, I don't know if I'm supposed
Speaker 1: to leave now? You know? What do you want? Said?
Speaker 1: I'll be right there? Sits your name? What for us? Cincinnati? Listen,
Speaker 1: you're not allowed in my house? Okay this I I
Speaker 1: pay half of the rent on this house and you
Speaker 1: are not allowed in it. Sid you can sit outside
Speaker 1: the huh half the house. I don't want him in here, Bianca.
Speaker 1: This guy's taking my woman. No, I'm not your woman's Okay,
Speaker 1: So listen to your last episode. I hope it brings
Speaker 1: you all the joy in the world, but Cincinnati and
Speaker 1: I We're going to Prague tonight. Well, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to give you guys a ride to the airport. That's
Speaker 1: a real sad story, my friend, I understand. I lost
Speaker 1: my wife to Joe Hio should be get on the
Speaker 1: air sometime soon. People are probably jones in for what
Speaker 1: we got in store because you are my last guest.
Speaker 1: That's right, I'm having you on the show. Son, Charlie,
Speaker 1: this is this is awful. I don't think I'm running
Speaker 1: for this show to end. I didn't. I don't have
Speaker 1: anything lined up. You're retiring. What am I doing? I'm
Speaker 1: basically getting the nicer version of fired. We'll tell you what, Son,
Speaker 1: I feel for your flight, I will filibuster on the
Speaker 1: air until you find more employment. I'll just keep going
Speaker 1: with the show. Chief Chief, who's just got an app?
Speaker 1: Looks like that old radio station looking someone's been held
Speaker 1: hostage on air? All right, if we just get all
Speaker 1: the apps, you didn't have to run in here and
Speaker 1: breathlessly tell me I didn't know I'm I'm the chief.
Speaker 1: I know. Hey, I'm I'm a rookie and I just
Speaker 1: want to do my part to my second day of
Speaker 1: the job. What's your name son? My name, sir, it's uh, Mikeyami,
Speaker 1: mikey Yai. Yes, yes, yes, sir. Is that all one word?
Speaker 1: Like U there? Okay? Um? Yeah. This is actually as
Speaker 1: my last day as chief. I've been chief for sixty years. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Actually my first day was the first day of two
Speaker 1: chair Charlotte. I mean, it's really it's it's it's an
Speaker 1: amazing coincidence. That's the radio. So that's that's that has
Speaker 1: a hostage. I know, that's why I brought it up. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm a rookie. It's my second day. I
Speaker 1: I know. I got that. I got that. I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not cheap for nothing. Thank you for meeting me
Speaker 1: here today. Gentlemen, ladies, you are all the heads of
Speaker 1: all the major bands. Dog yes, yes, uh, the dog
Speaker 1: is recognized now listen. Um, we had the head of
Speaker 1: Time Warner here, we had the head of Spectrum right
Speaker 1: over there, with the head of Comcast over there. I
Speaker 1: don't need to go on and ruffles and ruffles and
Speaker 1: ruffles and ruffles. No, you're all very important figures in media,
Speaker 1: and I'm here to tell you I'm losing. That guy
Speaker 1: was mald to death. And that's why I have my
Speaker 1: position here on to chair Charlie. Wonderful believe you never
Speaker 1: told that story, Charlie. That's what I'm telling right now.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna let everything out. It's the time to do.
Speaker 1: So what are they gonna do? Fire me? That's not
Speaker 1: but you said that you were gonna filibuster until I
Speaker 1: got employment. How exactly? Should probably get off the show
Speaker 1: right now and go look for a job. Althoughwise really
Speaker 1: wasting some time here. I can just take some collars
Speaker 1: and see what happens. So I'm gonna leave and look
Speaker 1: for a job. Well, you continue the show. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: what it is what I offered. I in retrospect, it
Speaker 1: doesn't make much sense, but I thought that maybe you
Speaker 1: were gonna get callers that could hook me up with
Speaker 1: a radio job. I don't want just a job at
Speaker 1: just anywhere. I want to radio job. I want to
Speaker 1: be the golden voice. Well we can try that. Might
Speaker 1: as well take some collars. As you know, radio is
Speaker 1: always hiring. Lines. Aren't exactly lighten up. It's called to
Speaker 1: chair Charlie shows. Oh you know what, We're gonna have
Speaker 1: to give my cell phone out because they wrapped up
Speaker 1: all the lines. There's no lines here anymore. Said that
Speaker 1: right off the top, right, and sorry, you have to
Speaker 1: stand for this entire thing. We only have one chat today.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I haven't given it out, so I
Speaker 1: don't have to hello put it on speaker phone, uh
Speaker 1: with Bianca um. I have a question about like is
Speaker 1: there like is there do you know if there's like
Speaker 1: any like good restaurants in Prague? Er, Charlie, this is
Speaker 1: I think a call for me, and this is bullshit.
Speaker 1: This is the guy that took my wife. Well, she
Speaker 1: wasn't my wife, She wasn't really anything excepted. We were
Speaker 1: what will you call it when you you lived together
Speaker 1: for more than eight years? So it's common law. She
Speaker 1: was my common law wife. Now one gross thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. You know you do have the option of
Speaker 1: hanging up on the call there, so we don't have
Speaker 1: to get it's the only caller we have so far.
Speaker 1: Are you going to tell him something in Praguer? Well,
Speaker 1: you could give a number and then we would get
Speaker 1: some more. But you're looking for a good pills now
Speaker 1: in Prague? Something to do there? Yeah? All right, well
Speaker 1: try there's a new new I got a call the
Speaker 1: other line of life. Hello, Yeah, maybe is Charlie there.
Speaker 1: I'm with Charlie right now. Actually you're on speaker phone
Speaker 1: with just This is the this is the police, so
Speaker 1: long time, first time? Oh the Police? Hung Staying. Gordon
Speaker 1: Sumner who we're talking to here? My name is Gordon Sumner.
Speaker 1: But I'm not the bass player known as Staying who
Speaker 1: was in the band the Police. But I am Chief
Speaker 1: Gordon Sumner. Uh, the local chief of police here in
Speaker 1: this city. Uh. Big fan, been listening to your show
Speaker 1: for sixty years. I understand there's a hostage situation going on.
Speaker 1: Can you explain to me who has taken whom hostage? Well?
Speaker 1: I think that was grossly exaggerated. Here, Mr Chief of Police,
Speaker 1: Mrs Suh, my long time radio tech and assistant. Uh,
Speaker 1: I just call him son. I don't actually know his name.
Speaker 1: He's here right now and he's just trying to find
Speaker 1: a new employment before everything gets done. I'm not really
Speaker 1: holding him hostage. I'm just keeping the show on the
Speaker 1: air until he finds a new job. Charlie, I think
Speaker 1: that what it is is you're holding the listener hostage.
Speaker 1: It's that's the filibuster side of it right. We're not
Speaker 1: gonna let him stop listening until I have a job
Speaker 1: in radio. I don't really know how we would enforce that,
Speaker 1: but hey, rookie, was it Mike Ammy? Is that right? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: welcome to the force. Come here, thanks, What are you
Speaker 1: afraid of? Come here? Come nothing. I'm just not supposed
Speaker 1: to say candy from strangers, come in, come in, come here. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, all right, like a lot of pumps. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, all right, come in, come close. All right.
Speaker 1: So you're rookie, Yeah, second day person, second day okay,
Speaker 1: So you what like? You like jolly renchers? Joys are
Speaker 1: my favorite. I love hard candy, hard candy, hard candy.
Speaker 1: That's right, that's right, that's right. So I'm like, if
Speaker 1: you one of that's right now. There's plenty more where
Speaker 1: that came from. All I need, all right, Mikeyammy? That
Speaker 1: was that was Officer Sinclair from Internal Affairs trying to
Speaker 1: lure you with candy, and uh and you fell for
Speaker 1: it right away. I mean that that was just jeez jeeves,
Speaker 1: Oh jeez, I just wanted so canny. What's the first
Speaker 1: thing they teach you at the police again, Always draw
Speaker 1: your weapon, Always draw your weapons. Okay? Yeah? At number two, um,
Speaker 1: walk politely and uh and then blink softly. Right? And
Speaker 1: what's the third thing they teach you? If you're ever
Speaker 1: outside and it's getting to be dusk, remember to look
Speaker 1: up at the sky and say thank you. Okay. At
Speaker 1: number four, I remember that this one, right, number four, sir,
Speaker 1: tie your boots so they're tight so when you're running
Speaker 1: they don't slip off. Just right. That's right, that's right.
Speaker 1: And what is the fifth thing they teach you in
Speaker 1: police academy? Can I get it? Tattoode? Your might as
Speaker 1: well get of won the loose? Cool? Okay, it's been
Speaker 1: a while since I was pleased together. When did they
Speaker 1: teach you to think about cant? Oh that's something my
Speaker 1: mother taught me. Sir, uh uh excuse me. I know
Speaker 1: you're on the air right now, but we're with the
Speaker 1: moving company. You gotta wrap this up. You got about
Speaker 1: six show. I don't have a job yet, so we're
Speaker 1: gonna keep going and tell him hired. It's kind of
Speaker 1: like one of those telethons, but instead of raising money,
Speaker 1: we're raising a job, which is kind of like raising money. Well,
Speaker 1: i'm gonna I'm gonna say, I'm gonna have to start
Speaker 1: unplugging things, you know what I mean. Well, let's try
Speaker 1: to hurry this up. Then, why don't we go ahead
Speaker 1: and give that number out. I feel like you've really
Speaker 1: really made a mistake by not yet giving that number out,
Speaker 1: So why don't you go ahead and give that number out? Okay?
Speaker 1: Eight sixty six Morgan? How many times have I told you? Man?
Speaker 1: All right, I'm trying to load everything up, but they're
Speaker 1: still doing a damn show in there, so I can't
Speaker 1: get everything. Okay, my truck has been idling for six hours. Man,
Speaker 1: I'm running out of gas. I don't have a credit
Speaker 1: card because you can't give me one, all right, So look,
Speaker 1: the stuff is gonna get to the shop when it
Speaker 1: gets to the shop, all right. That's just how it is, Morgan.
Speaker 1: All right, all right, I'll talk to you later. God
Speaker 1: damn it. Jeez, Hey you talked to him? What hey? Oh,
Speaker 1: I'll tell your mind, buddy. Hey, I could be your buddy,
Speaker 1: all right? You like candy? Yeah? Like candy? What are you?
Speaker 1: Some kind of magical creature so much? I'm a pretty
Speaker 1: lady magical creature? I don't know. You get this all
Speaker 1: around you? Don't know how you from the center here?
Speaker 1: Those are you? Just Johnning Pitt. Let's please Chief Gordon Sumner,
Speaker 1: who's telling us some pretty crazy stories or things he's
Speaker 1: seen on the streets all these years protecting off country.
Speaker 1: Anything else you'd like to share with us, Mr Chief.
Speaker 1: I once saw a giant UH lift and ice cream
Speaker 1: truck over his head. That was quite sad to be
Speaker 1: seen with no laws were broken. So I just I
Speaker 1: just walked out down the street. But that was one
Speaker 1: of the craziest things I've seen, Chief Chief. Just quick
Speaker 1: quick information. As soon as the radio show ends, you
Speaker 1: end your time here ends, So just letting you know,
Speaker 1: that's what the that's what we held the way we
Speaker 1: decided to play this seems kind of fun that way.
Speaker 1: So as soon as the radi show ends, you're no
Speaker 1: longer chief. Okay, have a good day, night life, retirement. Okay,
Speaker 1: I've table for two teeth right this way, right this way.
Speaker 1: I just have to see. I just want to say
Speaker 1: that the city loves all the work that you put
Speaker 1: in there, and so sorry that I had to end
Speaker 1: in this in the dramatic fashion, but we have a
Speaker 1: bottle of champagne for you, right here a little bit
Speaker 1: of diamond ice and you sure we'll be with you
Speaker 1: in one moment? All right? Great? Can I place? Ah?
Speaker 1: They say it? No, I was gonna, I was gonna
Speaker 1: just serve'll be with you, and once I was just
Speaker 1: gonna get some Calamarister cheap? Is that you serious? Since
Speaker 1: I lifted that ice cream truck in the air. Wow,
Speaker 1: there's that giant. Please call me Pascal, Pascal. Wow. I
Speaker 1: should have asked back then. Now, how long ago was that?
Speaker 1: Oh boy, it must have been uh what wasn't been
Speaker 1: the big ice cream boom of seven eight? So uh
Speaker 1: forty over forty years? Wow, that was a year there
Speaker 1: was ice cream trucks on every corner. That's right. Then
Speaker 1: everyone got tired of it. Ah, well you were a
Speaker 1: big fucking giant. I couldn't really seat me here, so
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of standing with my head through the
Speaker 1: ceiling of the restaurant. But you know it's it's they
Speaker 1: can't not serve me, you know what I mean? He
Speaker 1: is He is like seven to h Can I buy
Speaker 1: you buy a cone? Friend? Sure? I'd like that. And
Speaker 1: that's sorry, you'll never get a job. C three is
Speaker 1: from Brian, who wrote dear alchemists. I'm always glad to
Speaker 1: hear your podcast on my bicycle commute to and from work. Also,
Speaker 1: I always get a jolt of laughter whenever anyone in
Speaker 1: the scene says, let go of my arm anyway for
Speaker 1: my suggestion, murder mystery party gone awry? Uh, okay, so
Speaker 1: we're supposed to I guess we're okay. He might be
Speaker 1: fucking dead. Right, we get it. You're a fucking actress.
Speaker 1: We fucking get it. We know this is the first part. Okay,
Speaker 1: he might be dead, you know what, Fuck you and
Speaker 1: funk everybody for now putting the effort to make this real.
Speaker 1: If we don't care about if we're gonna gentlemen, I
Speaker 1: could direct your attention to the room at large. Perhaps
Speaker 1: there is a clue that would inform you as to
Speaker 1: the cause of death. He's good. He's good. That guys go,
Speaker 1: he's good. You can take yeah, yeah, well he's hired him.
Speaker 1: Hopefully he's good. Otherwise I'll put up it on the
Speaker 1: hat in the scarf. Let's walk into the room. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I don't wait, that's just a stapler. And you can't
Speaker 1: carry a staple, can't You're just carrying a stapler, and
Speaker 1: that's in a costume toys. It's the only character left.
Speaker 1: Just grab a coat, put on a coat, and put
Speaker 1: one of the tails on. Well that's the room is
Speaker 1: literally a full of clues. God, I didn't know they
Speaker 1: had hats on this rack. Look at don't put on
Speaker 1: because you might look like dress like a butler and
Speaker 1: then you know how that goes me. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be the butler. I'd rather have the stapler. The
Speaker 1: stapler is not a costume. You can't shole room bring
Speaker 1: you can't bring your own boa. Okay, you gotta put
Speaker 1: on what they have because we're all going to be
Speaker 1: characters in this show. As soon as you found a
Speaker 1: costume piece, please adjourn to the room to look for
Speaker 1: clue and take off your cortesses because that's what you
Speaker 1: period appropriate. Dad, Dad, if they figured it out yet,
Speaker 1: I don't want to wait in the car anymore. Just
Speaker 1: get get back in the goddamn car. It's it's just
Speaker 1: it's hot outside. I didn't I give you a book
Speaker 1: of puzzles. Yeah, it's solved them all. I'm a genius.
Speaker 1: You sold them all. Yes, maybe the puzzles. Maybe in
Speaker 1: the car, there's a few more clues for other puzzles.
Speaker 1: What's the book of puzzles? Yeah, it's not just like
Speaker 1: like you just see what they are like every page
Speaker 1: is just like what it looks like. It's just a
Speaker 1: picture is a picture of Like it's just like Jake
Speaker 1: Saft pictures. Is that with my personal life? Has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with the mystery at Is he really a genius?
Speaker 1: Is this a clue? He's not. Let's go into his car.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's so clued in the guys this way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I was dick earlier. Just that you know,
Speaker 1: my own aspirations or back. You gotta be a staple
Speaker 1: or guy. Okay, oh ship masa miaa Okay, there's not
Speaker 1: gonna be a lot to look especial windows. Stop it, guys. Okay,
Speaker 1: I got inside of the club compartment. There's an address. Address, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's the address? What's the address? It's just twelve Yoaks
Speaker 1: Road Road, give me, give me streets or Avenue streets? Avenue? Hey, kid,
Speaker 1: your place? I just got figure it out quickly. It's
Speaker 1: hard to get six people on this thing. I don't
Speaker 1: know who's supposed to bring this kid with trash from
Speaker 1: the floor something or like what rummage of the trash
Speaker 1: there might clue? Rum I just I just put myself
Speaker 1: on a needle. There's a some wrange down here. Find
Speaker 1: that syringe. Find that syringe. Okay, what is this syringe? Needles? Needles? Surrender, surrender.
Speaker 1: I found monopoly board piece from from McDonald's. Which one, Brendan,
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? I thought you were with
Speaker 1: your dad this weekends. Who are all these people? He's
Speaker 1: holding another one of his murder mystery party things, and
Speaker 1: you know, like they need to do so. Anyways, they
Speaker 1: took it on the road and you, hey, hands up,
Speaker 1: I'm not a clue. Okay, yeah, buddy, something's wrong with
Speaker 1: your jaw. Looks like your jaws broken. They they beat me,
Speaker 1: They took my car, that kidnapped my kids. They think
Speaker 1: it's part of the mystery. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, but
Speaker 1: you're seeing a lot of crazy stuff right now. I
Speaker 1: think you should just get that job looked at. This
Speaker 1: might be a mystery for us to solve. Like I'm
Speaker 1: sick of being just underbeat regular old cop. Let's be detectives.
Speaker 1: You know what You're right, hey, buddy, you gotta figure
Speaker 1: out your own ship. Alright, we gotta We're gonna stick
Speaker 1: at this out for him. We're gonna solve this case,
Speaker 1: real case. It's a red Miata, right, red Miata town.
Speaker 1: How do you spell miyata? How do you spell miyata?
Speaker 1: Is like, no, it's not like there's there's that a
Speaker 1: zer age. Okay, we'll just call it red sports car, rich,
Speaker 1: red sports car. It starts within him. I'll give you
Speaker 1: that much. Oh you okay. I didn't get any clues
Speaker 1: from her. Hey, little kid, can you like this somewhere?
Speaker 1: Can you like she's crying? I don't know what to
Speaker 1: do next? Ups, go upstairs? What are you doing? What
Speaker 1: do you do? Huh? Oh ship? Is that a nine millimeter? Yes?
Speaker 1: It is? And be loaded one in the chamber. Okay, alright,
Speaker 1: let's oh my god, this druris filled with sex toys.
Speaker 1: Hank focused on what we're doing the clue. But the
Speaker 1: staplers grab the dildo for this God damn it. Just
Speaker 1: carry both then carry bouth. Look, can I switch characters now?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna put the stapler down. Up, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be a real stild. No, if you want to
Speaker 1: switch characters, have to go back to the other place
Speaker 1: to go to the character. Right, there's a whole costume
Speaker 1: room in here. Look at this costume room. Oh ship,
Speaker 1: look at this. Oh my gosh, coach shoes back, everything
Speaker 1: is here. Oh my gosh. Okay, you need to get
Speaker 1: out now. Okay, get your hands and guns and my
Speaker 1: sex shut her shot shut. Alright. So if you were
Speaker 1: a criminal and uh, you'd stolen your car, where would
Speaker 1: you take it? You think? Look, they probably went to
Speaker 1: my ex wife's place. That's the address on the the
Speaker 1: the insurance you know what? What? What like I got
Speaker 1: addicted to heroin? Okay, but somehow my kid every other weekend,
Speaker 1: you gotta do that. Sounds like you just admit to
Speaker 1: a crime. What alright? Alright, already calmed down. We've already
Speaker 1: established the kid as a genius, so he could probably
Speaker 1: see his mom's life and Debra's life. Alright, kid were
Speaker 1: bleeding out, bleeding out? Alright, guys, but plade mom, take
Speaker 1: that squid out. It was all squids. It was all squids. God,
Speaker 1: what about where's this squid on me? That's real? Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: so you weren't. You weren't dead on this Thank who.
Speaker 1: Everyone who came to Debra's funeral. Does anybody would like
Speaker 1: to say if he was of the deceased, this would
Speaker 1: be this would be the right time. After this time
Speaker 1: would be the wrong time. And before I said so
Speaker 1: also would have been the wrong time. So this something,
Speaker 1: this avenue ahead, say something and see Debra. Get about
Speaker 1: of that coffee? Stand up Debora, run of everybody. Yes,
Speaker 1: come on, seriously, look, son, I know that my script
Speaker 1: has a lot of plot twists in the third act.
Speaker 1: But you take this to set, okay, and you film
Speaker 1: this alright, don't worry about roommate Melee. You gotta take
Speaker 1: this as your passion project. Get please don't shoot me
Speaker 1: with that gun made alright? Okay, so you're saying, don't
Speaker 1: ask any more questions, just shoot the rest of it?
Speaker 1: Is that right to shoot the rest of it? You're
Speaker 1: doing a great chap. Well, I'm proud of you. I'm
Speaker 1: proud of you, sons. You're the son I always had.
Speaker 1: That's that's true. Okay, Okay, I'm gonna go back and
Speaker 1: make this worsh I'm gonna go back and make this work.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back and this. Yeah. Look, if we're
Speaker 1: thinking about like okay, so they're coming in and there's
Speaker 1: a hole and they're coming into. Give me a second. Okay,
Speaker 1: So there we're we're focusing. We got that crane shot.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go and do an eagle line. Then we're
Speaker 1: gonna pop. Just just give me a second, and then
Speaker 1: we're What we're gonna do is we're gonna well, we
Speaker 1: gotta find that one shot that no one's ever done before.
Speaker 1: And that's when we take the camera, we question, and
Speaker 1: then we make the camera reappear. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So what do you want? What do you need? Excuse um?
Speaker 1: I just went hi. First of all, I brought you
Speaker 1: these yogurts. The're go GURTs, so you can eat them
Speaker 1: on the gun. They're all open. So what do you
Speaker 1: want me to do? You can eat them or throw
Speaker 1: them away. I'm the I'm p a wait a second,
Speaker 1: you're you're that you're that actor who's audition tape. I
Speaker 1: just saw also that we're shooting my mom's scripped. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, looks like the stars have aligned. I want
Speaker 1: you to start in this movie. Well before you go
Speaker 1: an further happy birthday. This is an elaborate bruise. You're
Speaker 1: not an actual director. This is not an actual project.
Speaker 1: Your girlfriend is here, she threw this. Are all actors? Yes,
Speaker 1: this is it. Come on out. Everybody's just costume all along.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god, I said some horrible things.
Speaker 1: Oh my, hey son, it's nice to see you. It's
Speaker 1: been so many years. Give you a papa hug. Your
Speaker 1: dad's here too, Your dads two chair Charlie. That's right,
Speaker 1: he just calls me a two chair dad. How are
Speaker 1: you pretty good? Not quite the enthusiasm I expected, expect
Speaker 1: that you ran out of us when I was a kid. Uh,
Speaker 1: but you found me, okay, because you want to be
Speaker 1: a part of this elaborate scheme to get attention for yourself.
Speaker 1: I know that you know what. I've been wanting to
Speaker 1: say this to you my whole damn life. This show sucks,
Speaker 1: your idiot show sucks. Well, I really hurts. Like I
Speaker 1: guess I'll take this onset firearm and use it against
Speaker 1: myself because I just can't go on living knowing that no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: don't don't don't don't do it, ruffles, ruffles, stop him?
Speaker 1: Oh shouldn't kill that dog with a slap? Oh no, ruffles, No, Well,
Speaker 1: we're all here at the funeral for Ruffles, fantastic dog.
Speaker 1: I see a lot of a lot of other dogs here.
Speaker 1: I'm sure the dogs a lot of other dogs. New
Speaker 1: Ruffles knew his his his butt smelling um and and
Speaker 1: you know the scent that that followed with with that,
Speaker 1: which would be the smell in the scent of the
Speaker 1: same thing. The squids are hatching, the squids that show
Speaker 1: every Thank you to our alchemists. Check in see what
Speaker 1: they're up to. Joey Greer, first off, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for having us cool. Do you blessed beast? I
Speaker 1: want to say shout out to everybody in the US
Speaker 1: of a happy Inauguration Day. That's that's when we're recording it.
Speaker 1: Uh and check out Alchemy. This is Instagram. We're doing
Speaker 1: some lives there, maybe some lives. I don't know, check
Speaker 1: it out. Maybe there's gonna be some Instagram lives. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cut me off. All right, Well we're gonna
Speaker 1: be doing some Instagram everybody. Thanks for having me Instagram lives.
Speaker 1: Thanks well, speaking Alchemy this Instagram. Also, you know, check
Speaker 1: out my Instagram. Why don't you you know what I mean? Like?
Speaker 1: All right, so here's a story. So I got I
Speaker 1: just got engaged recently, okay, posting my engagement from I
Speaker 1: got more likes than I've ever had on one photo.
Speaker 1: Lost ten followers. That's what's up. No, No, that's not good.
Speaker 1: It's all the single ladies. Look, Chris, if I can't
Speaker 1: have you, I don't want to follow it. Why did
Speaker 1: you want to follow me that? I know it's weird.
Speaker 1: It's weird. Well, everybody else go back and follow me
Speaker 1: at Chriss Albarado. I'm done, all right, James Ceeney. Uh well,
Speaker 1: thank you guys for listening. There's a new walk through
Speaker 1: on game Front of Resident Evil two. It's the new
Speaker 1: HD one and we're just starting it up. It's a
Speaker 1: great time to get in on it. Game Front YouTube
Speaker 1: channel Mr Craig Kakowski at Kakowski on Twitter, see Kakowski
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Social media is poison. If you're having a
Speaker 1: lick stir, you can follow me at Cold Stratton. You're
Speaker 1: at Stratton Cold depending on the thing. Uh go to
Speaker 1: SF sketch Fest dot com or doing this giant benefit
Speaker 1: show on janu to spread the festival Hunter plus performers.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be pretty amazing, so check that out. Let's
Speaker 1: give a big thanks to our engineer and producer Doug
Speaker 1: Babe and the fine folks at I heart media dot
Speaker 1: com and please write to us at your name here
Speaker 1: at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here at
Speaker 1: alchemy this. Until next time, better hot bar of