Speaker 1: Hey, fucker's what up? It's Christina Hutchinson. I'm Karin Fisher.
Speaker 1: You are about to listen to an excerpt from Guys
Speaker 1: We Fuck, the anti slut shaming podcast. This week, our
Speaker 1: guest is wild It Out. It's very own Maddie Smith. Um,
Speaker 1: and we talk a lot about blocking out. Um, we
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about weight loss, and we talk
Speaker 1: about living with your boyfriend in like a studio apartment,
Speaker 1: and it's a real fun time. She is one of
Speaker 1: my favorite comics working today and you're gonna fucking love
Speaker 1: her too. If you want to listen to more of
Speaker 1: this Maddie Smith interview, you're gonna head over to Luminary
Speaker 1: Podcasts dot com slash g w F, where you can
Speaker 1: get a subscription for as little as to nine nine
Speaker 1: a month and here other great exclusive podcasts, including my favorite,
Speaker 1: The C Word with Lena Dunham and Alyssa Bennett. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you had your first boyfriend in ninth grade? Yeah,
Speaker 1: not to brag, well, I had a boy Not to brag.
Speaker 1: I as hot as fun like my first boyfriend who
Speaker 1: was in eighth grade, but we never hung out. Weify.
Speaker 1: I did have a couple of middle school boyfriends, but
Speaker 1: it was like instant messenger until three am and then
Speaker 1: not looking at each other in the hallways. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and then a hug and everyone was like they hugged
Speaker 1: their boyfriend, girlfriend boyfriend. Did feel good to say I
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend? It felt really Remember the first time
Speaker 1: I ever said it, I was like, I'm better than
Speaker 1: all you single bitches, you ugly as that fucking loser.
Speaker 1: You got to get out there and find your first hug. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but sometimes, like I never hugged my boyfriend right right,
Speaker 1: I feel like it would just last literally, like maybe
Speaker 1: like a day. Sometimes appeard my lasted six days. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember, oh yeah yeah. My first one was like
Speaker 1: in in in first grade at a bowling birthday party,
Speaker 1: but it only lasted like for the duration of that
Speaker 1: birthday party. Who asked who out? He ysked me. He
Speaker 1: asked me, okay, I think I can't. I was aggressive
Speaker 1: even in I was the aggressive even when I was sick,
Speaker 1: So I still had to let the man ask me out.
Speaker 1: Otherwise I would have been like wearing the pants the
Speaker 1: whole relationship. Remember if people have boyfriends and girlfriends and
Speaker 1: first grade he said, yeah, it's just not really, it's
Speaker 1: just like saying that he sat next to each other.
Speaker 1: It's like there was like there's rumors throughout the hallways.
Speaker 1: Next day everyone's like they're done, yeah, and he's he's
Speaker 1: moved on to Actually they always do. Um. Your so,
Speaker 1: but your first like boyfriend that you ki, you kissed,
Speaker 1: you didn't have sex with them, No, we did like
Speaker 1: everything about the sex. When you're the first boyfriend, you
Speaker 1: just like finger away until all hours of the night.
Speaker 1: I went from not touching each other, not making out,
Speaker 1: to just fucking. Wow. Yeah, no one talked to me
Speaker 1: what I think, and that was last year. What I
Speaker 1: think stopped me from suing this guy was his penis
Speaker 1: was literally like a pool noodle. Oh my god. One
Speaker 1: a minute, I saw, I was doing the formulas in
Speaker 1: my head and I said, that will not fit inside
Speaker 1: my right it will fit in that hole. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not happening. When you did he warn you, no, Warrener,
Speaker 1: he didn't really know that his dick was bigger than
Speaker 1: I guess. I don't think he knew. At that point
Speaker 1: the internet porn was not as accessible. Yeah, not everyone
Speaker 1: was watching it, I will say. However, his a I
Speaker 1: Am screen name was six foot beast. So I do
Speaker 1: think he did have a little bit of, you know,
Speaker 1: underlying confidence. I'm tall, yeah, probably have a huge penis.
Speaker 1: The beast thing was very in like at that time
Speaker 1: period because I remember my brother's only five years younger
Speaker 1: than me, so thin were the same time. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then uh, and he used to call himself a beast
Speaker 1: all the time and he has six ft two or three,
Speaker 1: so definitely, yeah, that would have worked on me. My
Speaker 1: fa I was obsessed with the beating of the beast
Speaker 1: until like first year college. Honestly, yeah, that would work
Speaker 1: with the six foot beast. I think that's how they
Speaker 1: meant it. Yeah, that's that's how I would take it.
Speaker 1: That's how I would take it. You just call it.
Speaker 1: It's like a number one. It's kind of like like a
Speaker 1: it's reference like you called basketball players are football and
Speaker 1: he's a beast, you know, on the field or on
Speaker 1: the court. And then also, I mean if and if
Speaker 1: it was any type of TV reference, it would have
Speaker 1: been beast from X Men, which, Yeah, Disney, could you
Speaker 1: fit his dick A dick that big in your mouth?
Speaker 1: I could fit in my mouth. But it was as
Speaker 1: hard as hell, and I couldn't. I couldn't give a
Speaker 1: BJ for like ten years after that because I thought
Speaker 1: I was bad at b J's. It turns out you
Speaker 1: can't feel a mouth on your dick. When it's that
Speaker 1: big feeling, you don't lose feeling. But he was just
Speaker 1: I was also like four, it's fifteen, so it was
Speaker 1: also like I wasn't. Was it thicker than these microphones? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, so you're trying to get your biggest in microphone.
Speaker 1: Definitely this like you think, like an actual can. But
Speaker 1: it wasn't chilled because it was ten inches. It was long,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god. But I would
Speaker 1: call it like just chowed long, like chowed extra. It's
Speaker 1: still that's girth is a problem. I'd rather have a
Speaker 1: thin penis than a think penis. Either are good, but
Speaker 1: I mean a thin one a thick one. I nothing
Speaker 1: you can do about a thick one, and there's just
Speaker 1: literally nothing to do with it. At least the other one.
Speaker 1: You could, you know, stick it in and then add
Speaker 1: a finger or something. Add a finger. Yeah, I like
Speaker 1: a nice proportional. You're like, yeah, it looks good for
Speaker 1: what it is. Put it in wild with a big dick.
Speaker 1: You can't. You know, you can't do all the tricks.
Speaker 1: I had a three way with not to Break. I
Speaker 1: haven't a sex in a year, but I had a
Speaker 1: three way with two dudes and one of them had
Speaker 1: a was a porn star with a huge dick, and
Speaker 1: I was excited, but I'm like, I can't go all
Speaker 1: out on this dick. I can't like jump up and
Speaker 1: down the way I want to, because like my ovaries
Speaker 1: feel like they're about to go. He's on top, he's
Speaker 1: like doggystyle. It feels like it's coming out of your mouth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's bad. Yeah, you're like, throw it up extrac
Speaker 1: style exactly. Was that the biggest stick you've ever seen
Speaker 1: in usually? Have you ever had a dick that like
Speaker 1: went in and it kind of hurt? Yeah, a lot
Speaker 1: of them hurt. I feel like I my uterus is
Speaker 1: sitting somewhere weird in my body because every time I
Speaker 1: do like doggie style, it hurts. Doggy styles can just hurt,
Speaker 1: It can't just hurts. Also, closer to your heart when
Speaker 1: you do doggie style, like I feel like it pushes
Speaker 1: your organs up a baby. Yeah, it really is, Like
Speaker 1: I'm doing this for you baby. You want to get
Speaker 1: babies to fart and you move their legs. That's kind
Speaker 1: of like style. But the thing is, it's like all
Speaker 1: these positions were invented by dudes. That's why they're not
Speaker 1: pleasant for women. Wait, what's a position a woman can invent?
Speaker 1: Just don't talk to me not doing it? Yea silence?
Speaker 1: I don't know, yeah, I I man, it's such a
Speaker 1: shame when the dick is so you had a long
Speaker 1: chowed as your first dick in your mouth? What? What?
Speaker 1: In ninth grade? Like? What? Everything? But is fingering fingering
Speaker 1: a boas hand. Lots of hand jobs, hands, hand jobs
Speaker 1: to completion, that's good. It's always uncomfortable when the guy
Speaker 1: is not coming and you're like do you just want
Speaker 1: to do it? Or there was one where he didn't
Speaker 1: come and then like a more pre come came out
Speaker 1: after like twenty minutes and I was handy yeah, and
Speaker 1: he was like, it's not your fault. I just was
Speaker 1: looking up. The author of the Commons, Sucher, just confirmed
Speaker 1: that all sex positions were invented by men. And it's
Speaker 1: not only is it by an Indian philosopher who was
Speaker 1: a male. It's then interpreted by some white guy named Richard.
Speaker 1: Oh god, ok, dick. Yeah, there you go. So you
Speaker 1: can't trust anything, you can't just make up a new
Speaker 1: sexual possession. Yeah, just make them up and then do
Speaker 1: doggy style on his birthday stuff like that, or if
Speaker 1: you just wanted to come. Yeah, doggie style can be fun.
Speaker 1: Any sex can be fun. We haven't had in a while. Yeah, true,
Speaker 1: I do feel like that first boyfriend experience might have
Speaker 1: set me up for failure later in life because the
Speaker 1: nsure and I don't know if it was just like
Speaker 1: I was so you know when you're like when you're
Speaker 1: in high school and you're like fucking wet all the time. Yeah, Now,
Speaker 1: honestly I wasn't. I was also in high school, and
Speaker 1: I think it's set me up for the sex I
Speaker 1: had in after that in college, and every experience was
Speaker 1: so bad that now I'm recovering and trying to like
Speaker 1: find my sexual awakening because are you not horny? Never
Speaker 1: really are? I was on LEXI pro and I think
Speaker 1: that shot me, but not anymore. I'm not anymore. It
Speaker 1: should come back, it's not. It's not like he doesn't
Speaker 1: do ye in for life or it should right right?
Speaker 1: You talked to a bunch of people on I depressants.
Speaker 1: It's a big side effect, It's a huge and I
Speaker 1: was like, Wow, this sucks. Now I'm more depressed because
Speaker 1: I can't suck my boyfriend who I love you conscious
Speaker 1: kind of collegist about it. Not really. One of my
Speaker 1: favorite things about my O B. G Am I talk
Speaker 1: about on the show a lot is that one of
Speaker 1: the things that she asks you is like, has you
Speaker 1: know what's on a scale of one to tend, what's
Speaker 1: your sexual pleasure when you have sex? Like she's you know,
Speaker 1: she's not trying to like get the juicy Dan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's not like trying to be like here erotic literature
Speaker 1: in the office. She's asking you because that is associated
Speaker 1: with your health. So like, not only is it just
Speaker 1: like not good for you if you're not experiencing sexual pleasure,
Speaker 1: there could actually be something wrong that needs to be fixed.
Speaker 1: Just you you should be having thank God, I never
Speaker 1: thank I never mail collegist once at a clinic in
Speaker 1: Chelsea and he was really sexy and I was like this,
Speaker 1: I like this, I like for the wrong reason, and
Speaker 1: I was very yes, he fingered me as I looked
Speaker 1: in the eyes, he didn't look in my eyes, but
Speaker 1: I looked at his right. He's avoiding all eye contact. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because he was hot. Yeah. I feel like, if you're
Speaker 1: going to be a male guy in ecologist, you have
Speaker 1: to be ugly as hell. Yeah, but then I don't
Speaker 1: trust you. Yeah, I don't trust like I don't trust
Speaker 1: me guy to colleges. But there's there. Actually, I was
Speaker 1: listening to Dance Avage the other day and there was
Speaker 1: a male guy in colleges answering these types of questions
Speaker 1: because there was a guy calling in saying that he
Speaker 1: but he's straight, and the male guy in collegist on
Speaker 1: Dance Savages. So the show was gay, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: gay guy all day, don't care because gay men are
Speaker 1: for a woman. A gay man is safe. All men
Speaker 1: are an enemy to women. I've changed my sin. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in a way, we're only guys something like the guys
Speaker 1: because he doesn't like tasty. Yeah no, I mean I
Speaker 1: don't think they're going to murder us. But I mean
Speaker 1: that also shouldn't be the bar totally. But it's really
Speaker 1: nice to be around a man who doesn't want to
Speaker 1: suck you at all. Straight guys who I could sit
Speaker 1: next if I had to choose, it would always be women.
Speaker 1: My tall rance for men is at an all time
Speaker 1: low right now. Straight strong and fucking people describing your
Speaker 1: vagina on the street as they see it walk by.
Speaker 1: That happens me a lot. Well, if you didn't have
Speaker 1: such a juicy pussy crew that. I hope you enjoyed
Speaker 1: that excerpt from our interview with comedian Mattie Smith. If
Speaker 1: you want to listen to the whole thing, head on
Speaker 1: over to Luminary podcast dot com. You can get a
Speaker 1: free trial, and a subscription is as little as two
Speaker 1: dollars and ninety nine cents a month.