Speaker 1: Hey, fucker's what up? It's Christina Hutchinson and Karin Fisher.
Speaker 1: You're about to hear a clip from Guys We Fun,
Speaker 1: the anti slut chaming podcast. This week. Our guest is
Speaker 1: photographer and creator of a community for women with the
Speaker 1: X in the way. I don't know how to say it,
Speaker 1: will mson um. It's called the Donna's and her name
Speaker 1: is Donna Guerreros. We talk about turning forty and like
Speaker 1: the just heavy ages m that's in society and how
Speaker 1: it makes you feel like after you're you know, getting
Speaker 1: out of child rearing age, you're fucking this disposable piece
Speaker 1: of trash. Uh, and you're not about you know, how
Speaker 1: a relationship with your husband or spouse can change over
Speaker 1: time to let you both follow your own pathways and uh,
Speaker 1: I don't know meeting meeting the one and knowing it's
Speaker 1: the one and then figuring it out from there. If
Speaker 1: you want to hear more from this episode, as well
Speaker 1: as from other creators like Russell Brand, Michael Rappaport, Dave Chappelle,
Speaker 1: Dave Chappelle, Lena Dunham, and Alyssa Bennett, you can go
Speaker 1: to Luminary Podcasts dot com slash gw F where you
Speaker 1: can get a subscription for as low as two when
Speaker 1: you sign up for the annual plan. Yeah, when you're
Speaker 1: not showing signs of overwhelm, because it's like this again,
Speaker 1: this like mentality of like got to keep it together,
Speaker 1: got it, you can't let it see you crack, you know,
Speaker 1: like that kind of thing you're really you know, that's
Speaker 1: kind of like what I fell into. And I fell
Speaker 1: into that narrative hard. And then he started getting some notoriety,
Speaker 1: and then he started, you know, his career started picking
Speaker 1: up finally and then like I told, career it's ten
Speaker 1: years guys, I can say finally. But you know, that
Speaker 1: was just so satisfying to me personally. I know, Coren's
Speaker 1: happy with herself left. Then it starts happening, and then
Speaker 1: the old side of it is like, well, now you
Speaker 1: it's sink or swim baby, because you've been saying like
Speaker 1: of course something, the amazing, great wife and all these things,
Speaker 1: when I'm like holding it all together and supporting in
Speaker 1: this and that. But then it was now also my
Speaker 1: own fears of like you've been saying, like when when
Speaker 1: he takes off, now is going to be your time
Speaker 1: are you gonna be able to do it? And you know,
Speaker 1: then the fears of like, oh ship, now I don't
Speaker 1: have this excuse either. So it was a lot. It
Speaker 1: was a lot of plates spinning at once and um,
Speaker 1: I really had this like coming to Jesus with myself,
Speaker 1: my shadow side, you know, my issues of codependency, childhood stuff,
Speaker 1: my my And then there's the other, the other line
Speaker 1: of it of like you start to get into this
Speaker 1: thing of like, well, I'm one of my biggest fears
Speaker 1: will not anymore that I've worked on it. But one
Speaker 1: of my biggest fears was fears of abandonment. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: if I'm financially in control, like where are you going? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And then there's at you, Yeah, you can't abandon me.
Speaker 1: I got your I'm the roof over your him, like
Speaker 1: literally at all. And it's also like what am I
Speaker 1: pursuing things that I'm passionate about? I wasn't at the time.
Speaker 1: You're you're when you're living with and and Mary. To
Speaker 1: a person who gets to do that, that's going to
Speaker 1: be you know, a very bright clean mirror. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: then the other thing of like you know, making sure,
Speaker 1: you know, wanting a successful partner so badly, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, and like kind of putting it. And
Speaker 1: Karin said something once at UM at the Dawn is
Speaker 1: we have I do these events with UM the community
Speaker 1: I have And at one of the events, Karin you
Speaker 1: had said this. You were like, any time a man
Speaker 1: comes home at your partner, your boyfriend, even if it's
Speaker 1: like your male friend and comes and says to you
Speaker 1: have this idea for a business, or I have this
Speaker 1: idea for a thing, you were like, just tell them, Okay, great,
Speaker 1: let me know when it opens, let me know when
Speaker 1: I can show up. Because you're like every woman will
Speaker 1: sit there at the coffee and be like, I'll do
Speaker 1: everything for you and yeah, and you're like, that's why
Speaker 1: my parents want a baseball card store. So I think
Speaker 1: my mom is a big basebook cart fan. She loves that.
Speaker 1: She was you think that was her drain. Now it's us,
Speaker 1: you know, with my own mother. And you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. If my mom wanted to be an accountant
Speaker 1: for a plumbing business, no, not at all. She's she's
Speaker 1: a teacher. She didn't want to do that, but it's
Speaker 1: like she's done it for years. Yeah, yeah, and you
Speaker 1: don't even ask yourself. You know, it's a lot of
Speaker 1: just take it on, yeah, and you're like, what the funk?
Speaker 1: And then before you know it, you're just in this
Speaker 1: sack of ship yourself in the mirror like the I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't mind, because I never gave up
Speaker 1: anything that I wanted to do, you know, just to
Speaker 1: help a man. But I did find myself trying to
Speaker 1: do both at once so many times, and I go
Speaker 1: I could have just doubled down on my own ship,
Speaker 1: and my own ship that energy into me. That's the
Speaker 1: time that people wouldn't even listen to you put all
Speaker 1: this work in like my X right now could have
Speaker 1: a podcast that would I guarantee you would be one
Speaker 1: of the top podcasts. But this funk face couldn't get
Speaker 1: it going. I hopefully that's funny. It's funny to me.
Speaker 1: It's funny you're saying, say his name check. Even even
Speaker 1: my husband said, you know exactly this doubling down on
Speaker 1: your own ship, which is what I've been doing like
Speaker 1: the past two years, like really hard. And my husband
Speaker 1: said to me the other day, we're sitting there and
Speaker 1: it's been about I released this project in two thousand
Speaker 1: and nineteen, like on October two thousand and nineteen, I
Speaker 1: released it on the internet, The Donnas the Donna's and
Speaker 1: the Donna's Project. And when we were sitting there the
Speaker 1: other night and like, I was doing some stuff and
Speaker 1: we do bounce stuff off from each other and we brainstorm,
Speaker 1: and you know, he's he's done both creatives and so
Speaker 1: we're sitting there talking and he goes, wait, when did
Speaker 1: you do this? And I was like, you know, two
Speaker 1: thousand nine October tween. He's like, holy shit, it's only
Speaker 1: been like like a year and change or whatever. And
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, He's like, wow, You've done more in
Speaker 1: like that time than I've done it like eight years.
Speaker 1: No ship, trust me. I know. The only reason men
Speaker 1: get things done so quickly it is because women are
Speaker 1: always helping, you know, But women on their own can
Speaker 1: get more done faster, pretty much guaranteed. But women are
Speaker 1: more stressed than men. Yeah, he's very good at compartmentalizing,
Speaker 1: which is something I'm so compartmentalizing good compartmentalizing stress is
Speaker 1: like like if I'm having a fight with him where
Speaker 1: I'm having a shitty day or I'm upset, like with
Speaker 1: a fight with my parents, or something, and I have
Speaker 1: to go into a meeting. I like want that resolved
Speaker 1: before I go into the meeting. He can literally be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're going to revisit this at six when my ship's done,
Speaker 1: Like he's trying to do that a little go from crying,
Speaker 1: go on stage and be like Okay, press pause, go
Speaker 1: on stage and then we'll continue like guys who want
Speaker 1: to cry together. I'm going through some really hard things
Speaker 1: right now. Really ever wants support today. It's helpful for
Speaker 1: the entertainment business because there's often times when you you
Speaker 1: know it kind of like and gets your gun. There's
Speaker 1: no business like show business, Like basically something could have
Speaker 1: devastating could have happened, But if you need to be
Speaker 1: on stage at seven pm, you need to be on stage'
Speaker 1: on PM and telefucking Joe And I wish I was
Speaker 1: more like that. I'm really envious of that. Comedy does
Speaker 1: force you to compartmentalized, I guess gotta do it. Um
Speaker 1: so you almost you guys almost um broke up. No,
Speaker 1: we wouldn't broke up or like like you guys had
Speaker 1: to come to Jesus relationship where we had a real
Speaker 1: life either you know, are we going to go this
Speaker 1: way together. Yeah, it was more. It was kind of
Speaker 1: like and that's kind of the benefit of this is
Speaker 1: the benefit if you're with a partner who really has
Speaker 1: um I want to say, has your back and also
Speaker 1: has is growing with you and has a maturity and
Speaker 1: is also confident in themselves. Because I was like, I
Speaker 1: was very and I had to be open and transparent
Speaker 1: because I was like, I don't know what's wrong with
Speaker 1: me right now. I don't feel like myself. I am unhappy.
Speaker 1: I know it's not it's not you. You're not making
Speaker 1: me unhappy. But before I take this out on you,
Speaker 1: and before I like say ship or just like throw
Speaker 1: all my anger at you, or like I need to
Speaker 1: figure this out. And I'm like this, this is like
Speaker 1: a lot of things I got to like work through
Speaker 1: right now. And he really really gave me my space,
Speaker 1: which I am very very grateful for because a lot
Speaker 1: of significant other thace, so what is it, Let's fix this,
Speaker 1: Let's do it. And like I didn't even know what
Speaker 1: I was experiencing, but it was more and were you
Speaker 1: experiencing like I think I was just experienced a lot
Speaker 1: of just like what I thought I was supposed to
Speaker 1: do to be considered a good wife, and also like
Speaker 1: a lot of what I just thought I was supposed
Speaker 1: to be doing, like you know, like these traditional you know,
Speaker 1: a career path where I had to have benefits and
Speaker 1: I had to have this, and that's such a that
Speaker 1: that did me in for a little while that just
Speaker 1: like getting health insurance or something fun health insurance or
Speaker 1: things are going to go very badly anyway to have it.
Speaker 1: And then also like the it's true and it's like
Speaker 1: the and the other thing and the other thing of
Speaker 1: like you know, feeling like always having to think for
Speaker 1: two people. That was like the thing because I felt
Speaker 1: very like smothered in. I couldn't make any decision because
Speaker 1: I'm like everything I do is about the two of us,
Speaker 1: because I'm thinking, I can't think about my career because
Speaker 1: you don't you know what I mean, Like I'm worrying
Speaker 1: about the two of us in our bills and how
Speaker 1: are we going to pay this? So you know, part
Speaker 1: of it was I was like we got to figure
Speaker 1: out the financial piece. We really had to sit down
Speaker 1: and really you know, figure out how to move through.
Speaker 1: And that's what we had to do, and that's the
Speaker 1: hardest part. And that's like even the project that I created,
Speaker 1: like the whole like the whole thing of it is
Speaker 1: the only way out is through right, and going through
Speaker 1: it is you know, on the other side is usually
Speaker 1: a lot of greatness, but it's why it's hell to
Speaker 1: get there and it's hard to get through it. Well,
Speaker 1: is this have anything to do with that we were
Speaker 1: talking about the top of this episode of the Rider
Speaker 1: the toxicity of the ride or dimontality? What do you
Speaker 1: mean by that? So it's like this is a very
Speaker 1: like I don't know, it's a very like eighties nineties thing.
Speaker 1: It's also you know, also this I'm Italian and you
Speaker 1: know this very like Ride or Die like you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like these women who like will do
Speaker 1: anything Mafia wives style boys in Jersey and I'll still
Speaker 1: stick by your songe, like we don't air our business
Speaker 1: out there. You know, that's how shame water like an episode.
Speaker 1: And I think famously like a good example of Rider
Speaker 1: dies Hillary and Bill Clinton. Hillary, you know, people go
Speaker 1: get down Hillary Clinton for like, you know, sometimes being
Speaker 1: mean to other women that he you know, he was
Speaker 1: publicly cheating on her with or like not publicly but
Speaker 1: pretty kind of everyone knew. And it's like, well, I
Speaker 1: don't fault her for that, because you know, so often
Speaker 1: when a woman is publicly cheated on, uh, society's responses
Speaker 1: like well you didn't keep him happy, what would you
Speaker 1: do to make him strike? That kind of stuff, And
Speaker 1: it's like, so, while yes, of course it's not good
Speaker 1: to shoot on other women, like we left we left
Speaker 1: her very little choice there um. And so I think
Speaker 1: that's just like ride or die. But it's funny that
Speaker 1: you say ride or die is toxic because I think
Speaker 1: I just think of Rider died differently, and I Jersey
Speaker 1: know you're a rider died. But for me, when I'm
Speaker 1: like Rider died, it's it can be talking. It's like
Speaker 1: we both we are both well, we're both have each
Speaker 1: other's backs no matter no matter what, and you know
Speaker 1: you'll you'll speak up though when you're not being treated
Speaker 1: in a way that you feel is fair or Victoria
Speaker 1: Beckham right, it's like there's any cracks in the relation,
Speaker 1: Like Jay Z and Beyonce great example of it, literally
Speaker 1: had an elevator and got off, but you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, like like it was like, what what are
Speaker 1: you talking about? Right right there? And they're going to
Speaker 1: deal with it their way, and that guy who liked
Speaker 1: that tape is gonna pay. But then look at how
Speaker 1: much she took off when she released that lemonade, and
Speaker 1: she finally was like like I think also, you know,
Speaker 1: showing that and part of me like showing my vulnerability
Speaker 1: and showing like, hey, yeah, I have a great marriage,
Speaker 1: and I have an amazing marriage, and I am so
Speaker 1: grateful for the marriage I have. But it's a lot
Speaker 1: of sucking work. And also it's it's two people, and
Speaker 1: like it's two independent people into two identity who have
Speaker 1: known each other for so long, and various versions of
Speaker 1: yourself and shed all a lot of versions of yourself
Speaker 1: thread the years, and a marriage should be like yeah, today,
Speaker 1: on Tuesday, you know, it's a little bit more him,
Speaker 1: and maybe then on Thursday it's a little bit more
Speaker 1: of me, and then on you know, Monday, it's the
Speaker 1: two of us, like independent, and then the two of
Speaker 1: us come together and shine. You know, it can't just
Speaker 1: be like where the one person is the focus. I
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed that excerpt from our interview with Donna Guerreros.
Speaker 1: If you want to hear the whole thing and whole
Speaker 1: things of other podcast creators like Michael Rappaport, Dave Chappelle,
Speaker 1: Nina Dunham. Head on over to luminary podcasts dot com.
Speaker 1: You can get a subscription as low as two dollars
Speaker 1: and cents a month when you signed up for the
Speaker 1: annual plant. So do it. Fucker's