Speaker 1: Hey, fucker's what up? It's Christina Hutchinson and you're about
Speaker 1: to hear our interview. An excerpt of our interview with
Speaker 1: Luchana Gutica. She's an actress, personal trainer, and fitness expert.
Speaker 1: We're very excited. This is a beautifully human conversation, and
Speaker 1: if you want to listen to the entire thing, head
Speaker 1: on over to Apple dot ceo slash GWF. That's Apple
Speaker 1: dot c O slash g WF. Speaking of crying in too,
Speaker 1: Marshal's I was in an H and M when I
Speaker 1: found out my dad died. Oh. We found out I
Speaker 1: had just bought two pairs of Nikes at the Nike
Speaker 1: store and I felt really guilty, which later I was like,
Speaker 1: I deserve those shoes. My dad just died. Um. But
Speaker 1: then I was a hn M and my brother from
Speaker 1: Mexico called and I knew it, and I just walked
Speaker 1: out and I didn't know what happened, and I texted
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and he left work and came and I
Speaker 1: just texted my two best friends here and my like
Speaker 1: four best friends that live elsewhere, and I was like,
Speaker 1: just tell everyone, like just what people know, because I
Speaker 1: don't want to, you know, but I did post like
Speaker 1: I think the next day or whatever, just like because
Speaker 1: then people get offended, which you know, people love to
Speaker 1: make things about them like why don't you tell me?
Speaker 1: Or like I want to you know, they want to.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, like they want they want to be the
Speaker 1: first ones to hear about it. Like it was, but
Speaker 1: it was actually it was really nice. Yeah. Like I
Speaker 1: had a girl that I used to be friends with,
Speaker 1: like BENMMI money and like because she her dad had
Speaker 1: passed away so many years ago, we weren't even friends anymore.
Speaker 1: And then all my all our mutual friends like sent
Speaker 1: me a post that she made about her my dad's
Speaker 1: death about herself and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, you know, people have legit they were invited
Speaker 1: to my dad's viewing, and I go, it's that there
Speaker 1: will be a celebration of life later, you fucking I
Speaker 1: think that people don't know how to react to grief sometimes,
Speaker 1: Like so many people are so not emotionally intelligent percent
Speaker 1: that they're like uh, and then they just do something
Speaker 1: so stupid like that. But I think like weddings and
Speaker 1: deaths bring out the worst in people, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like very families and all the things. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I stay, it's interesting. Yeah, but I went to work
Speaker 1: the day after my dad died. I was like, what
Speaker 1: am I going to do? Be sad and poor? Like
Speaker 1: choose one? Yeah, yeah, no, I struggle. I mean I
Speaker 1: was sitting at home thinking of people commenting like, wow,
Speaker 1: this girl has a lot of privileges. She can just
Speaker 1: take a week off after her dad. I wouldn't murder.
Speaker 1: The thing is so like, you know, my mom is
Speaker 1: a teacher, and you know, like there are many jobs,
Speaker 1: not in the service industry, but like many there are
Speaker 1: many jobs that give breavement days, you know, and so
Speaker 1: you know that that is I actually had to work
Speaker 1: that day, and I called my boss and I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't but I'm crazy, like I'm also a workaholic,
Speaker 1: which I'm working on. But I was like, I can
Speaker 1: go to my dad just died, Like I can show
Speaker 1: up to work later, but I just need a few hours.
Speaker 1: He was like, no, like sometimes you need someone else
Speaker 1: to just be like pump the brakes. Yeah it's okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I mean in other times in my life, like
Speaker 1: with breakups or different kinds of hurt, working has actually
Speaker 1: really helped, like I when I was working in talent management. Uh,
Speaker 1: and I went through the breakup that was the impetus
Speaker 1: for this podcast. I mean, man, I was acing my
Speaker 1: job because I had nothing else. I literally had nothing else.
Speaker 1: I didn't have a dog, I didn't have anything. Okay,
Speaker 1: I all I had was that broken heart, broken heart
Speaker 1: and that job. And similarly, I've been working on my
Speaker 1: workaholic nous and I think COVID really helped with that
Speaker 1: because yeah, you couldn't work and I just sat at
Speaker 1: home and I was like, oh, this is not I
Speaker 1: feel like a human again. This is good. Did I
Speaker 1: mean I processed a lot of like things I had
Speaker 1: going on in my mind that I was just carrying
Speaker 1: and compartmentalizing. You need silence with yourself. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: do feel like I mean, you know, if we were
Speaker 1: talking about making things about me, like if I can
Speaker 1: make COVID about me, I do feel like my experience
Speaker 1: and it was like, oh, this was this was like
Speaker 1: a gift in your whatever journey or whatever, like this
Speaker 1: was a gift and because you needed this to save
Speaker 1: up the energy to have to deal with what you're
Speaker 1: about to deal with, because it's not like my dad
Speaker 1: just dropped dead. I mean it was seven seven months
Speaker 1: of uh just fight like the whole family, like fighting
Speaker 1: for his for his life and to the point where, um,
Speaker 1: you know, a week before he passed away, I ended
Speaker 1: up in the emergency room. So I was like, I
Speaker 1: was like, you know, if when we think, you know,
Speaker 1: because I just I knew, I knew I was gonna
Speaker 1: uh be like did I do everything I can't? I
Speaker 1: could I could to help him? And then I was like,
Speaker 1: well you you literally almost no I didn't almost die,
Speaker 1: but like you literally put yourself in the hospital. So
Speaker 1: you did it. Girlfriend, you did. Like congratulation, It's possible,
Speaker 1: you can actually do that, right, you know? There is
Speaker 1: this like when you're like a perfectionist or like how
Speaker 1: can I It's like, I'm going to handle my dad's
Speaker 1: demise the best, right right? You know, there still is
Speaker 1: that very handle what Um it's really weird and you
Speaker 1: don't know, Like I tell people all the time, because
Speaker 1: I remember I had a couple of friends that lost
Speaker 1: people I never really lost, Like I lost my grandma
Speaker 1: but she had dementia, and um, I was younger, and
Speaker 1: I was like in my early like the hardest part
Speaker 1: about that was seeing my mom so sad and much
Speaker 1: of my mom lose her mom. But like, aside from that,
Speaker 1: like I she was the only grandparent I had, and
Speaker 1: I didn't really lose I lost animals, which was heartbreaking,
Speaker 1: but um, you just don't know until you're there. And um,
Speaker 1: losing a parent is also like a whole you know,
Speaker 1: they brought you into this world and they made you,
Speaker 1: you know, good or bad? Did you know? Hopefully they
Speaker 1: did the best they could, but they made you how
Speaker 1: you are. So they're responsible for like your entire existence
Speaker 1: and you know imagine, yeah, so like just a lot,
Speaker 1: and you don't know until you're like actually in it. Um,
Speaker 1: it's hard. Yeah, it's really because it's one of those
Speaker 1: things that you hear people talk about, uh and you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: is this going to be as bad as people say?
Speaker 1: Because things aren't. Some things. I'm like, you guys really
Speaker 1: really complain about that it wasn't that bad, But for this,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it's actually worse. Yeah, And it
Speaker 1: is actually I mean permanent. You just don't know, like
Speaker 1: you know, even regardless of what relationship you had with
Speaker 1: a parent, Um, it doesn't matter if they weren't in
Speaker 1: your life, Like that's a whole set of things that
Speaker 1: you need to undo, you know, like unpack that you'll
Speaker 1: you can never have a chance to. You know. It
Speaker 1: all comes to this certain set of circumstances and you
Speaker 1: just don't know. And like I'm guilty of this too,
Speaker 1: Like yes, I had friends who lost parents and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't imagine, but like you really can't imagine. You're
Speaker 1: just like, oh, that must suck, but like you don't
Speaker 1: know how bad it sucks, you know, or how it's
Speaker 1: going to manifest. Um. So, yeah, I imagine. I've heard
Speaker 1: about grief, like it's just it pops up in odd
Speaker 1: places like throughout the process. Yeah. One of my best
Speaker 1: friends had lost her father the previous year or like
Speaker 1: two years, about a year and a half before me,
Speaker 1: and she had a really really rough time. She watched
Speaker 1: her dad like actually die, I didn't, um so it
Speaker 1: was really hard. But um I remember she would be like,
Speaker 1: my grief comes, you know, keeps coming in and out
Speaker 1: and whatever, and I'm like what, like but it really
Speaker 1: it's like it's even three years later, it's just different.
Speaker 1: It's a journey, you know. You know, last night I
Speaker 1: was you know, so I've just been like kind of
Speaker 1: like grasping at you know. I mean I was like
Speaker 1: googling grief for treats, like because I had done a
Speaker 1: lot of work, just because I did have this, Like
Speaker 1: it's odd. It was like a blessing and a curse
Speaker 1: because it was so difficult to watch my dad just
Speaker 1: deteriorate from literally a mathematical genius um who got a
Speaker 1: perfect math s a t score um to someone who
Speaker 1: could like barely you know, feed himself. It was just
Speaker 1: I wish that on no one, but uh, but it
Speaker 1: was also I had so much time to prepare and
Speaker 1: to like do my homework to prepare for the for
Speaker 1: the death, which is very me So I mean, like
Speaker 1: I just I the moment he after, you know, the
Speaker 1: two days after he went into cardiac arrest, Like I
Speaker 1: don't even know if he was a week from his
Speaker 1: Like it's not like it's exactly a coma, like they
Speaker 1: just you're just like you know, you're out for it. Um.
Speaker 1: I was calling like spiritual advisors. I had my therapist,
Speaker 1: I had a spiritual advisor. I'm reading like doctor level
Speaker 1: materials online to see if I and find the answers
Speaker 1: that they can't, which scarily I did, but that's not
Speaker 1: that's the whole another story. And then uh, you know,
Speaker 1: watching the series on Netflix Surviving Death and just really
Speaker 1: like getting in touch with anything I can to prepare
Speaker 1: uh for, like you know, talking to my dad after
Speaker 1: I'm giving him like secret code words like he's going
Speaker 1: to come back to talk to his wife, like real
Speaker 1: wild stuff. And and then like also grasping at things
Speaker 1: to make me happy. You know, you you almost I
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of like a child to really
Speaker 1: I mean that I've dug dug up. I have a
Speaker 1: lot of you know, twenty something living in New York
Speaker 1: City trauma, um. And but you do revert to like
Speaker 1: the most basic things that make you have made you
Speaker 1: happy or make you happy, like from childhood on. So
Speaker 1: for me last night, I was just like watching the
Speaker 1: funniest clips from the Tom Green Show. And you know,
Speaker 1: I'm watching like Undercutter's Pizza and this and the slut
Speaker 1: Mode you and like you know, him using the intercom
Speaker 1: at a sears in a mall and just dying laughing,
Speaker 1: like to me, nothing is funnier. And then I was
Speaker 1: literally in the middle of like a huge guffaw and
Speaker 1: with like almost as I have if I had become possessed.
Speaker 1: I was like I just started sobbing, like in the
Speaker 1: middle of the laugh and I was like I almost
Speaker 1: choked myself out, and I was like, oh no, And
Speaker 1: that's just been happening for the pat you know, You're
Speaker 1: just you're just you're just something is just fine. And
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, I'm just like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: like out of nowhere, You're like, oh god, this is
Speaker 1: gonna be this is like this is like a circuit broken,
Speaker 1: this is this is going to be a real problem,
Speaker 1: especially in the entertainment business when you have to be
Speaker 1: on stage. You're gonna go, this is a fucking issue now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So how do you do you learn to manage it?
Speaker 1: Do you learn how to deal if it is it
Speaker 1: like a twitch, you just learned how to deal with
Speaker 1: it and make it sexy? What? Um? I think it's
Speaker 1: just time, Like time does heal everything? Like I just um,
Speaker 1: like just recently, you know, it was really hard for
Speaker 1: me because like, while I love that the whole entire
Speaker 1: world celebrated my dad's you know, my dad's life when
Speaker 1: he passed away, it was a lot like it was
Speaker 1: on TV stations like the country of Chili, like UM
Speaker 1: raised the flag half staff for him. It was like
Speaker 1: and then every day was like everybody you know, people
Speaker 1: posting and like all the like it was so it
Speaker 1: was a lot. It was like beautiful, like that's amazing
Speaker 1: that my dad made that impact, but also like can
Speaker 1: you make it stop because I'm just sobbing all day? Um.
Speaker 1: And it just and it was like that up until recently.
Speaker 1: I don't even know. It just kind of on its own. UM,
Speaker 1: like that would happen, Like I would listen to my
Speaker 1: I moved back to l A right after he passed away,
Speaker 1: and I would like drive around and if I missed him,
Speaker 1: I would listen to his music and it was awful.
Speaker 1: Like I just would like drive around just sobbing and
Speaker 1: snot running down my face. UM. And now I can
Speaker 1: listen to his songs and like sing along, you know.
Speaker 1: So it's just time. But it took this and now
Speaker 1: I can watch clips and be like, you know, oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is so beautiful and not just like
Speaker 1: almost die of you know, tear tear drowned. One thing
Speaker 1: that's really fascinating to me. Um, I happen to get
Speaker 1: into the Netflix Surviving death stuff that got me on
Speaker 1: this wormhole of uh like laure Lyn Jackson's a psychic
Speaker 1: medium and the Forever Family Foundation, who connects um families
Speaker 1: with their their passed away loved ones. And one thing
Speaker 1: in the interviews with Laura and the Forever Family Foundation
Speaker 1: that the that involved communication between the family members sitting
Speaker 1: in front of the medium and the person who passed away.
Speaker 1: All the people who have passed away are like, don't
Speaker 1: grieve for what? No, this is beautiful, And I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: I actually how can you wait? Are we not? Is
Speaker 1: something funked up with? You know? I think based on
Speaker 1: what I've seen, it really is much better when you die,
Speaker 1: which is being person dead, uh Like meaning like the
Speaker 1: person who passed away, it's not it's not better. But
Speaker 1: I think like, um, basically, yeah, it is hard. And
Speaker 1: because like I have been very open that I fear
Speaker 1: death as a thirty five year old woman should if
Speaker 1: you if you don't, my therapist was like, well that
Speaker 1: I would be concerned if you didn't, and I was like,
Speaker 1: good point care care um. But one of the feelings
Speaker 1: I had there was a couple of feelings that immediately
Speaker 1: crossed my mind when my dad, right when my dad died,
Speaker 1: and was like, number one, I don't need well, I
Speaker 1: really don't. I just came across I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't need to get married. I don't know why
Speaker 1: that's the thought I had, but I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: if that's one of the first thoughts that came into
Speaker 1: my head, I was like, Oh, that just reinforces that
Speaker 1: it's performative and that's the only the only reason I
Speaker 1: would want to get married is showy. It's for other people,
Speaker 1: not for myself. And there are still and there's like
Speaker 1: and that's so not me, you know. I think that's
Speaker 1: why I have to think of think about it so much,
Speaker 1: have such a conflict like marriage and kids, because I go, yeah,
Speaker 1: because Karen, you're not someone who does something for other people.
Speaker 1: But it's so ingrained in us that it's something I
Speaker 1: still felt. And like, just randomly, I just said to
Speaker 1: my mom, We're just sitting in the living room, and
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, I at least I don't need
Speaker 1: to get married now. It was just I was just like,
Speaker 1: the first thought I had and then the second thought
Speaker 1: I had, uh, was that, um, I'm I'm a little
Speaker 1: more excited to die now, like at least there's a perk,
Speaker 1: you know, at least, you go, I don't want to
Speaker 1: die soon, and I sa have a lot of things
Speaker 1: left to do when I got I know, my dad
Speaker 1: doesn't want me to die, like no one was prouder
Speaker 1: of him than me, but like I at least like
Speaker 1: at least i'll see him, you know, So like that's
Speaker 1: that's good. I mean hopeful. It's gonna be probably a
Speaker 1: long time because he died kind of young, but he's
Speaker 1: only sixty nine. But yeah, so I actually I went
Speaker 1: to back what you were saying. I went to a
Speaker 1: medium like after my dad passed away, and I was crazy, yeah,
Speaker 1: my dad was there. My dad is here somewhere probably
Speaker 1: he's everywhere, like yeah, right before he said that, I
Speaker 1: was like, I feel like he's here. He is, He's here,
Speaker 1: He's everywhere. He's literally like I went to her a
Speaker 1: couple of times. She's in l A. And the first
Speaker 1: time she didn't know, you know, she's like, there's this
Speaker 1: man here and it was turned out to be my dad.
Speaker 1: But then I saw her again she's like, your dad's here,
Speaker 1: and she walked in right with I'm like, yeah, but
Speaker 1: he's literally everywhere, Like I know that now, you know,
Speaker 1: but um, yeah, it's crazy because I mean and like
Speaker 1: I asked for signs and he gives them to me,
Speaker 1: then you're listeners are like this. But Lauralyn Jackson has
Speaker 1: two books, Signs in the Light between Us. I've read them.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I couldn't finish Science because I was
Speaker 1: in the middle of my storm. I was crying and
Speaker 1: I'm not faced that yet, but oh my god, honest
Speaker 1: to God, those two books and then I went to
Speaker 1: all these rabbit holes made me not afraid of death. Same, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's kind of beautiful. Yeah, the other day, and I
Speaker 1: don't know why because I've never but I'm like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm not afraid to die. I mean also
Speaker 1: from like like COVID helped me not be afraid to
Speaker 1: die because I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna just
Speaker 1: stay in my house for the whole right, you know,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, but I think it's also because like I
Speaker 1: wasn't raised that way like my dad and was not
Speaker 1: afraid of anything. And I remember thinking like if my
Speaker 1: dad was alive, he'd be like I'm still going to
Speaker 1: do everything, you know, just like mold most old people did.
Speaker 1: They were like, I'm this old, I couldn't understand and
Speaker 1: I was like life like so much like it's like
Speaker 1: you never like this, you might not like up tomorrow,
Speaker 1: Cinderella exactly. Yes, the point of living right now is
Speaker 1: living your fucking life and enjoying it. Well, what a
Speaker 1: fucker's We hope you enjoyed that episode or the excerpt
Speaker 1: of our episode with Lucana Gautica. If you want to
Speaker 1: hear the entire thing and entire episodes of Guys Who
Speaker 1: Sucked our entire back catalog, head on over to Apple
Speaker 1: dot co slash GWF. We are so excited to be
Speaker 1: back on Apple on iTunes. You can get a luminary
Speaker 1: subscript on the iTunes store, so that's over seventy countries.
Speaker 1: So if you want to hear us, go to Apple
Speaker 1: dot c o slash g w F