Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night, the anti sluck
Speaker 1: Shaming Podcast. I never stopped. Hey everybody, welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fuck. It's the anti sluss shaming Podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Karin, I'm Christina. Hello, let's up. How you doing.
Speaker 1: We're so tan. We are Miami. Great guys, oh man,
Speaker 1: so good? Really good. Say so for those of you
Speaker 1: are like, okay, I was a surprise guest on Glamor Plus.
Speaker 1: That's why you should always pay attention when we say
Speaker 1: we have a surprise guest on something. It was really fun.
Speaker 1: Uh damn, I miss it so much. Let's get to
Speaker 1: some things first before we go into that. Come see
Speaker 1: us live, guys, Come see us live. Okay, So, on
Speaker 1: Wednesday May eleventh at eleven at eleven pm. Wednesday May
Speaker 1: eleven at eight pm at the Standing Room in Long
Speaker 1: Island City is The Comedian Project, My show with new
Speaker 1: jokes about relationships, sex or dating. Use code sex for
Speaker 1: five dollar tickets. And that is in Long Island City. Uh.
Speaker 1: Then Friday May thirteenth, It's Nacho Bitches at New York
Speaker 1: Comedy Club eleven pm. For that one, co hosted by
Speaker 1: myself and Blair Saki used code Nacho for ten dollar tickets.
Speaker 1: On Monday, May, tree Uh is our second Guys we
Speaker 1: fucked test tour dates and it's going to be the
Speaker 1: same venue at Subculture. Doors open at seven, the show
Speaker 1: starts at eight um. Tickets are on sale now. I
Speaker 1: actually just checked with with our people and they're mostly sold,
Speaker 1: so get them now. That's awesome. And this venue is
Speaker 1: all ages. If you're under sixteen, just bring your mom
Speaker 1: and people do bring their moms or their dads or
Speaker 1: their older sisters. Like it's a fun show. It's so
Speaker 1: much fun. And bring a friend that doesn't listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast. It's you don't have to know about the
Speaker 1: podcast to enjoy the show. You really don't want to
Speaker 1: miss that. Yeah. And then Saturday May at seven thirty pm,
Speaker 1: Zinc Bar in the West Village is another Glamor Plus
Speaker 1: and we have another US Uprise guest. Last month it
Speaker 1: was already Lang and this month you have to see
Speaker 1: so I'll get tickets links in the description of this podcast.
Speaker 1: And finally, if you live in the Nashville, Tennessee area,
Speaker 1: Karna and I are going to be there the second
Speaker 1: to last week in May. So it's coming up in
Speaker 1: three weeks as part of the Wild Wild West Comedy Festival.
Speaker 1: So check that out. Uh look at the description of
Speaker 1: this podcast for more details. Um, I missed Miami, so
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, here on our little carte,
Speaker 1: Sheeta says Miami Talk. Yeah. Was it hard for you
Speaker 1: to not tell anybody that you were in Miami and
Speaker 1: brag about being on the beach. Yeah, it was very difficult.
Speaker 1: I spent most of my time in Miami secretly in Miami. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we went to a very nice spa that I could
Speaker 1: not check it into on Facebook and it kills us.
Speaker 1: And I was like, maybe I can just check in
Speaker 1: after I just so that everyone knows that we were there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you had so we got uh, we got roof um.
Speaker 1: And you don't mind a dude massagey? Yeah, no, I
Speaker 1: don't mind mind. I just had a dude massagemy the
Speaker 1: other day and I was like, oh man, this is great.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that from now on. Um, but your
Speaker 1: guy was hot, and I remember going in the room
Speaker 1: going damn, I wish I had him. Yeah, I wasn't
Speaker 1: he wasn't so hot that it made me uncomfortable, though
Speaker 1: he was certainly attractive, a good voice. Yeah, it's the
Speaker 1: kind of it was a kind of guy who like,
Speaker 1: you're not sitting there hoping that he tries to finger you.
Speaker 1: But if he had initiated, I might have let it go.
Speaker 1: I thought that every massage I get, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: wonder if they just stick their finger on my buttle, Like,
Speaker 1: what would I do. Well, it's so because I'd probably
Speaker 1: be like that feels nice. Yeah, Well, the thing is,
Speaker 1: I mean, they get there's a lot of I mean,
Speaker 1: and I remember the first time I got a massage,
Speaker 1: it was from a woman. And I always wear my
Speaker 1: underwear just because I don't I don't know what's happened
Speaker 1: to that bed. I don't want my couchie on it
Speaker 1: and that bit. And they do it's like kind of
Speaker 1: like fast move where they quickly like roll down the
Speaker 1: waistband of your butt. So that so that's part of
Speaker 1: the top of your crack is is it is? It's exposed,
Speaker 1: and I feel it. You feel a draft that's not
Speaker 1: I mean, and it feels and it's so sudden and
Speaker 1: no one kind of gives you the heads up if
Speaker 1: it's your first massage, that that's going to happen, and
Speaker 1: then you're just like spending the whole time like should
Speaker 1: this happen? But because I had a woman first and
Speaker 1: I just you know, trust women more, I was, this
Speaker 1: is totally normal that he's doing, and he he was
Speaker 1: totally fine. My girl went up in the inner thigh
Speaker 1: massage and then she went pretty high, and I was like,
Speaker 1: where are we going with this girl? Were gonna make
Speaker 1: this a pleasure session because I'd already feel great? But
Speaker 1: why would you do if she really tried to start
Speaker 1: a pleasure session? I want to see where it goes,
Speaker 1: right if honestly, like, if a woman didn't, I would
Speaker 1: be I would be less likely to stop a woman
Speaker 1: than a man. Yeah, just because a man, even though
Speaker 1: though I'm I'm certainly way more sexually attracted to men
Speaker 1: than women, I would have been like I felt like, no,
Speaker 1: this is not okay, you don't get to do this.
Speaker 1: But with a woman, I would have been like nice
Speaker 1: in issues, that's really sweet that like control, how comforting
Speaker 1: you are, your touch is stuff. Then we went to
Speaker 1: a one night are going out night? We had one
Speaker 1: going out night and Uh. We went to this place
Speaker 1: called Mango Mangoes or something like that. Your friend paul
Speaker 1: Is recommended Mango Mango owns it Mango and uh krim
Speaker 1: As we were walking in krins like, I wonder how
Speaker 1: many times we're gonna get so cruely harassed, and I
Speaker 1: was like, probably a couple. I got one. The guy,
Speaker 1: the guy that was talking to me in the front
Speaker 1: couch who said do you want to fuck me? And
Speaker 1: I said no, and he goes, what do you have
Speaker 1: a boyfriend? And go yeah, but that has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with it. I don't want to funk you. And
Speaker 1: then he told me about his wife. I'm like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck because I was like, oh, you guys in
Speaker 1: an open relationship. Oh no, no, no, no no, I would
Speaker 1: never cheat on her. Oh. He was hilarious, bro, Christina.
Speaker 1: He was just taking a survey of people who might
Speaker 1: fuck mango me. And then we were talking. He showed
Speaker 1: me pictures of his girlfriend's chldren and they're very cute children,
Speaker 1: and he told me how much he loved them. And
Speaker 1: I was like, that's great because I was waiting for
Speaker 1: somebody to be getting drugs. So I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna wait up front so I can see what's going on,
Speaker 1: make sure everything's cool. And this dude started after the
Speaker 1: whole you would me, um, he moved on to showing
Speaker 1: me pictures of his girlfriend's children and tell me how
Speaker 1: much he loves them. And then I stood up. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pee, and he pokes me in the butt
Speaker 1: cheek and I literally go, no, you do not do
Speaker 1: that to me. Do not do that to me, And
Speaker 1: then he did it again. He goes, what this. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I will have you escorted out of this bar very quickly.
Speaker 1: What the fund do not? I got so mad, but
Speaker 1: then I realized it was making them happy, So then
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't care. I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: the bedroom. Yeah, yeah, it's is pointless. You're a fucking idiot.
Speaker 1: People delightened up setting women, but yes, when they won't
Speaker 1: be delighted when they're in handcock and they have prior,
Speaker 1: but not the sexual kind, not the sexual kind. Well,
Speaker 1: other than that, Miami was a great town. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: it was awesome. And that wasn't I've gotten way worse
Speaker 1: sexual harassment. But that's very sad. That's sad that you
Speaker 1: have to say that though, oh, of course it is
Speaker 1: um And then oh, the titties were out in Miami.
Speaker 1: A lot of a lot of different body types, which
Speaker 1: I like. It was all different body types. And there
Speaker 1: was women that have the quote unquote perfectly curvy body
Speaker 1: and next to women who had quote unquote the not
Speaker 1: perfectly fat. Yeah, and they didn't give a ship. They
Speaker 1: felt just they were having just as much fun as
Speaker 1: everybody else. Everyone was having equal amount of fun, and
Speaker 1: it's seemed like they were feeling an equal amount of good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's laid back beach town. There's no time for like
Speaker 1: concerning yourself with being overly perfect. Exactly when I was
Speaker 1: in the ocean the last day, my bathing stuit got
Speaker 1: huge because I didn't I got it like put it
Speaker 1: in a dryer, but I wore it for four days
Speaker 1: in a row, and it was so big that when
Speaker 1: I pop up out of the waves, my tip, my nip,
Speaker 1: both my nipples will pop out, and my butt would
Speaker 1: be popping out and my vagina because the bathing stuke
Speaker 1: got so big. And I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't even care. That's what Diami. It doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: No one cares. It's fine. Everyone is comfortable with it
Speaker 1: speaking it comfortable. Fuck Spirit Airlines. Yeah, that's all I
Speaker 1: have to say. Yeah, we're not We're not fans of
Speaker 1: them at all. If you want to have a good
Speaker 1: flight experience, don't fly Spirit Airlines. This isn't that's an
Speaker 1: anti ad. They rob you of your happiness, They rob
Speaker 1: your they rob your soul. You can sneeze, uh. They
Speaker 1: rob you of a lot of your money. And the
Speaker 1: seats don't recline. You have to check every bag and
Speaker 1: they make you pay fifty dollars for it, and then
Speaker 1: when you go what, they go, shut up. They don't
Speaker 1: really do that. But that girl wasn't nice. But then
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I wouldn't be nice either if I
Speaker 1: to do with people bitching about the same thing. I
Speaker 1: fucking hate that airline. I've never man, and I don't
Speaker 1: like I don't complain about ship like something. I get
Speaker 1: that things happen, but man, that was atrocious experience flying
Speaker 1: in a plane. Yeah, but I mean it didn't crash,
Speaker 1: so at the end of the day it was a
Speaker 1: great It was still a great flying experience. As much
Speaker 1: as I'm mad at this airline and I like want
Speaker 1: something bad to happen to it. I do really hope
Speaker 1: that we land safely. So I guess that was the
Speaker 1: anti ed portion of the show. Now the add portion
Speaker 1: of the show. Things that we like. Today's sponsor of
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Speaker 1: using code g WF. Terms and conditions apply. Hey McCall
Speaker 1: chug Naki, thank you for donating to the guys we
Speaker 1: look more time for fucking campaign. We appreciate you. Uh
Speaker 1: Sarah Carr, you're a brawler. Thanks for your money. See Williams.
Speaker 1: What's your first name? Just tell us god? Uh? Anna,
Speaker 1: I hope you know it's you, because there ain't nothing
Speaker 1: else there. You're like the share of Anna's. Trevor schat Snyder,
Speaker 1: I love your last name. Thank you. Cathy Phillips. You're
Speaker 1: a good person and we appreciate your contribution. Mikhaela mul
Speaker 1: hearn I bet I want to chug a beer with you.
Speaker 1: Catherine Psalms. If I was a massage therapist massage and you,
Speaker 1: I would try to finger you. Daniel Tenser, you are
Speaker 1: my friend and we went to college together, and thank
Speaker 1: you so much for donating money. It's so sweet. Jennifer Schwartz,
Speaker 1: you are the last person on this week's brawler list,
Speaker 1: but not the least important to us, the second least
Speaker 1: I'm skinning. Thank you. Also, we want to shout out
Speaker 1: really quick, UM Samantha Butler, who had listened to the
Speaker 1: podcast that we did with Wendy Kent and then decided
Speaker 1: to volunteer as an escort at a at a women's
Speaker 1: health clinic. And so we thought that was really cool
Speaker 1: and we appreciate you actually taking action on something instead
Speaker 1: of like people trying in proud tests like actually help
Speaker 1: the women who have to go in there. You got
Speaker 1: up and did something. Yeah, that's that's awesome. It's very
Speaker 1: impressive and we really appreciate it. If any you guys
Speaker 1: live in the New York or New Jersey area and
Speaker 1: you wanna male or female, it does not matter. You
Speaker 1: wanna escort women going into these health clinics because the
Speaker 1: reason why they needed escorts is because they get verbally
Speaker 1: harassed sometimes physically harassed. UM, And you can eat send
Speaker 1: an email to volunteer dot m m A at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. If you just want more info, go to
Speaker 1: now NYC dot org and o w n YC dot
Speaker 1: org to learn more. Oh, we're gonna read some emails.
Speaker 1: Real quick. Um, if you want to email us shet,
Speaker 1: you can do that as sorry about less night show
Speaker 1: as email dot com. Okay, Uh. This subject of this
Speaker 1: email is how when slash? How do I tell my
Speaker 1: mate that I was abused by a priest? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let's read Hey ladies, this is this is from a mail.
Speaker 1: By the way, this email Hey ladies. Uh, so you
Speaker 1: have my full name and email dress, I asked, Uh,
Speaker 1: if you ever refer to me, kindly refrain from using
Speaker 1: my full name. I will. So. I have been divorced
Speaker 1: for more than a year and I'm now getting back
Speaker 1: into the dating game. I use things like Okay, Cupid
Speaker 1: and Plenty of Fish because it tends to be convenient,
Speaker 1: and I rarely go out to bars and lounges anymore
Speaker 1: with the intent on picking up chicks while I was married.
Speaker 1: During therapy, I came to realize and accept that I
Speaker 1: had been abused as a younger man by a Catholic priest.
Speaker 1: His name was Joe, and my grandmother just fucking yeah.
Speaker 1: My grandmother worked in the rectory at St. Julia's in
Speaker 1: Massachusetts during the early to mid nineties, where I encountered
Speaker 1: him when I was about thirteen years old. I'll spare
Speaker 1: the details, but suffice to say he took advantage of
Speaker 1: me and I kept these things secret to the point
Speaker 1: where I had office fuskated them from my memory. Good word.
Speaker 1: This trauma has had a profound impact on my ability
Speaker 1: to be intimate with women and when it comes to
Speaker 1: the physical act of sex and the emotional connection that
Speaker 1: lies within. This was a serious issue with him with
Speaker 1: my marriage and the root cause of my unhappiness. In
Speaker 1: the spiritful disclosure, my ex wife is an amazing woman
Speaker 1: and a wonderful person and a tremendous mother who I
Speaker 1: hold in high esteem and respect. She did the best
Speaker 1: she could, but I was not the one who was uh.
Speaker 1: But I was the one who was unable to find
Speaker 1: happiness and fulfillment in married life. That being said, going forward,
Speaker 1: I want to be in a health and happy relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm open to the idea of remarrying and having
Speaker 1: more kids. My ex and I have an awesome little
Speaker 1: boy who is a total dime piece and a sweetheart.
Speaker 1: Will let you call your kids dime piece. But a
Speaker 1: recent dating relationship has me concerned about how to go
Speaker 1: about this. I became entwined with a woman I was
Speaker 1: really into, and I decided to disclose my past to
Speaker 1: her in the spirit of being open with her. Needless
Speaker 1: to say, things didn't really work out shortly thereafter. I
Speaker 1: don't think it had to do with my past. However,
Speaker 1: I cannot be certain. What I'm hoping to get feedback
Speaker 1: on is this. Do I have an obligation to tell
Speaker 1: my future mates that a pedophile priest forced himself on
Speaker 1: me and made use of me as a child. How
Speaker 1: much details should I disclose? I am working on this
Speaker 1: in therapy, but I am at odds with whether or
Speaker 1: not to disclose these details in in uh, in my past.
Speaker 1: I want to be open about this, but I don't
Speaker 1: want this to be the finding feature of my identity.
Speaker 1: But I'm also worried about how to disclose and when
Speaker 1: to hold back and when to throw my cards on
Speaker 1: the table. What do you think that's a that's uh?
Speaker 1: I think I would want to No. I think it
Speaker 1: depends on every situation. What what do you feel comfortable disclosing?
Speaker 1: Because if you feel like this is something that you're
Speaker 1: comfortable disclosing or that you want to disclose, and the
Speaker 1: person you're disclosing it to that you're dating is like
Speaker 1: I gotta go. Then funk that girl. She's not going
Speaker 1: to be understanding of your situation. Um. I think I
Speaker 1: when people have disclosed in tense things to me on dates,
Speaker 1: when they do it in a casual way, not I
Speaker 1: mean it's dumb to say like you have to deal
Speaker 1: casual because like, do whatever you want. But from my
Speaker 1: personal experience, when people are like, yeah, something really traumatic
Speaker 1: happened to me and this is what it was and
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know, I think that
Speaker 1: also helps it. And maybe not the first date unless
Speaker 1: she discloses something crazy like well, actually I got one too.
Speaker 1: So I don't know. What do you think, Krim, I
Speaker 1: think for this when it would be based on well
Speaker 1: number one, I would wait till I was actually like
Speaker 1: in or approaching a relationship. I don't think it's something
Speaker 1: that needs to be disc close when you're dating someone
Speaker 1: casually at all. But I would base whether or not
Speaker 1: I felt the need to disclose this on how much
Speaker 1: it was affecting me. And in this email that you
Speaker 1: wrote us, you say this trauma has had a profound
Speaker 1: impact on my ability to be intimate with women and
Speaker 1: when it comes to the physical act of sex and
Speaker 1: the emotional connection that lies within. So that sentence right
Speaker 1: there is telling me that there's a barrier that people
Speaker 1: are going to need to get past to truly become
Speaker 1: intimate with you. And so I think it needs to
Speaker 1: be disclosed just so you can be honest about where
Speaker 1: you're at and so your partner doesn't get frustrated because
Speaker 1: if there's this barrier that's up for really a reason
Speaker 1: that that they don't know why it's there, they're gonna
Speaker 1: make it that woman is going to feel like it's
Speaker 1: something that she's doing, when in reality, it's an issue
Speaker 1: that is specific to you that you're you're working through,
Speaker 1: but you're still in the process of working through, and
Speaker 1: you're doing all the right You're in therapy, so you're
Speaker 1: taking all the right steps. But I think it's something
Speaker 1: because of its effect on you, that people are just
Speaker 1: going to need to know about you, and and it's
Speaker 1: and also it's like I feel like if you didn't
Speaker 1: tell them, it would just be something that you were
Speaker 1: like hiding, and and it's going to come out in
Speaker 1: like a bad time, like in a fight or something,
Speaker 1: and you wanted to come out in a time when
Speaker 1: it's safe and everyone's talking at normal tones. Yeah, whenever
Speaker 1: somebody didn't disclose something like dark about their past and
Speaker 1: it it comes to surface by them being distant, I'm
Speaker 1: always like, well, I guess you hate me then, and
Speaker 1: then if they finally tell me what's up, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? We could have been working on this
Speaker 1: or talking it through, right, I mean, it's just not easy.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is not an easy conversation to have.
Speaker 1: So it's like it's like in theory, it's like, yes,
Speaker 1: we you should tell the person, but I know it's
Speaker 1: a difficult thing to tell someone. I just don't. I don't.
Speaker 1: I can't see anyone really like getting it's nothing. You
Speaker 1: didn't do anything wrong. It was something that happened to
Speaker 1: you when a very long time ago. I can't really
Speaker 1: see that, uh, making it turning someone off. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I have a person that I know in my life
Speaker 1: that I'm close with, and this person's boyfriend UM had
Speaker 1: a similar ish experience and I you know, found out
Speaker 1: and they're working through it and talking about a brown
Speaker 1: closer together. So everyone's different, but I think that it's
Speaker 1: definitely something you should disclose when a relationship if it
Speaker 1: looks like it's going to get serious, because you want
Speaker 1: to make sure that they can help and support you
Speaker 1: through You know, your past certainly doesn't define you, but
Speaker 1: if it's going to pop up in your present, then
Speaker 1: figure out how you can, you know, work around it
Speaker 1: or deal with it because you don't want her to
Speaker 1: be late for something and then be like, God, damnit,
Speaker 1: my priest molested me, and like what that's just not
Speaker 1: how that should come out? It country buffet um. So
Speaker 1: this next email is my beautiful best friend is cock
Speaker 1: blocking me? Hey ladies, First off, I can't start this
Speaker 1: email without letting you know how much I love the
Speaker 1: podcast and how it has made me much more comfortable
Speaker 1: with being sexually explorative. Thank you. Last January and did
Speaker 1: a six year relationship and have spent the last year
Speaker 1: so dating and fucking around and it's been overall good
Speaker 1: but interesting. At the same time, before I was with
Speaker 1: my ex, I was considerably thinner and had no problem
Speaker 1: meeting men at bars, through friends, et cetera in person,
Speaker 1: But my relationship with my ex was pretty toxic and
Speaker 1: caused me to gain some weight to the point where
Speaker 1: I now classify myself as b b W. I'm plus size,
Speaker 1: I'm still curvy, and I think I have a pretty
Speaker 1: face and good hair. But I've experienced some meanness from
Speaker 1: men in my time being single. At the same time,
Speaker 1: I've had pretty good luck meeting guys on dating apps
Speaker 1: like Tinder, and I've had my share of sex with
Speaker 1: hot dudes in the last year. In these situations, I've
Speaker 1: explicitly included my body type in my profile and therefore
Speaker 1: have been able to attract guys who like thicker women.
Speaker 1: But I know those apps generally won't lead to anything serious,
Speaker 1: and I'd really prefer to pursue a relationship rather than
Speaker 1: just hookups or friends with benefits. I have tried other
Speaker 1: dating sites like Okay, Cubid, and Match, but with no
Speaker 1: success at finding anyone I like so far, and I
Speaker 1: can't seem to meet men in person, and especially when
Speaker 1: I'm out with my stunningly beautiful best friend. I'm not
Speaker 1: a totally insecure person and don't think I'm exaggerating, but
Speaker 1: when we go out oftentimes I end up feeling invisible.
Speaker 1: When guys hit on her. They seem to have tunnel
Speaker 1: vision to her and don't even give me the time
Speaker 1: of day. She's also extremely funny and charming, so that
Speaker 1: captures their attention as well. Oftentimes I end up sitting
Speaker 1: there quietly twiddling my thumbs. I can't help but wonder
Speaker 1: if it's because of my way and makes me feel
Speaker 1: dead on myself. I am working towards living a healthier
Speaker 1: lifestyle and working with a personal trainer to achieve my
Speaker 1: fitness goals, but in the meantime, I'm still getting ignored.
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if you have any advice for what I
Speaker 1: can do to be noticed more slash to avoid this
Speaker 1: kind of situation. This girl has been my friend for
Speaker 1: over fifteen years, since we were in high school, and
Speaker 1: now we're in our thirties and she's my soul mate,
Speaker 1: my rider die, and we're always going to be hanging
Speaker 1: out together. That's never going to change. She's totally oblivious,
Speaker 1: and I've never said anything to her about this, and
Speaker 1: I know she's not trying to leave me in the dust.
Speaker 1: But I want to increase my chances of meeting someone
Speaker 1: in person when out together and not end up sitting
Speaker 1: quietly like a bump on a log and feeling bad
Speaker 1: about myself. I know I should probably just suck it
Speaker 1: up and shake it off. But I don't know how
Speaker 1: my fear of rejection and what a guy could say
Speaker 1: to me. Seriously, guys can be mean. Well yeah, we
Speaker 1: know always gets in the way. As I said, I'm
Speaker 1: such a huge fan, and I thought I would reach
Speaker 1: out and get some advice. And then she attached some
Speaker 1: photos blah blah blah and ps, I actually discovered the
Speaker 1: podcast from a guy. I was talking to you on tender.
Speaker 1: Only good thing to come out of that interaction, l
Speaker 1: O L. Well, you know, I like, I'm so glad.
Speaker 1: I like your ability to see the positive and everything. Um,
Speaker 1: so this is from oh she said, feel free to
Speaker 1: say my name. So this is from Natalie in Toronto, Canada.
Speaker 1: So thanks so much for writing us, Natalie. I really
Speaker 1: liked this email because it was super honest. And I
Speaker 1: think we've all, as women, had a situation, no matter
Speaker 1: how pretty you are. UM, we've all had a situation
Speaker 1: where we have a friend who we consider to be
Speaker 1: like prettier or the pretty friend or the hot friend,
Speaker 1: the friend who goes out and everyone looks at her
Speaker 1: and you and you do feel I had that friend
Speaker 1: and you feel invisible. It's weird a little, and you're like,
Speaker 1: but I love her, but I don't like this feeling, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, my Paula was certainly in high school that
Speaker 1: that for me, and I even addressed it when I
Speaker 1: gave my maid of Honor speech, like kind of always
Speaker 1: living in the shadow of Paula, but not anything that
Speaker 1: I feel resentful for to her towards her because of
Speaker 1: because I see her in that same light, and I
Speaker 1: think that right there is the key. So like, I
Speaker 1: see Paula in this light that I mean, she's very
Speaker 1: lovable and beautiful, but not everyone sees her in this
Speaker 1: crazy light that I see her and just see the outside.
Speaker 1: I see her in that light, her husband's Caesar, in
Speaker 1: that light, her family Caesar and that like, but this
Speaker 1: is because you love and enjoy that person so much,
Speaker 1: and when you've been friends with someone for so long
Speaker 1: and they're your best friend, you're going to see them
Speaker 1: as this perfect angel, especially because you're not in a
Speaker 1: sexual relationship with her, so you can think better of
Speaker 1: her than what even your own make because she hasn't
Speaker 1: like farted in your face. Probably maybe she's in front
Speaker 1: of you, but maybe just not directly in your face.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Tommy. Um, but I think even in
Speaker 1: this email, you kind of go down on yourself so much.
Speaker 1: It's probably gotten to the point that when you go out,
Speaker 1: you're you've already shot yourself in the fund. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: you're already going out expecting no one to look at
Speaker 1: you and everyone to pay attention to your best friend,
Speaker 1: even if your best friend is more esthetically attractive than you.
Speaker 1: Who cares that? And this is a great episode to
Speaker 1: kind of uh listen to after we read this this letter.
Speaker 1: But it's just like, as women, we have so much
Speaker 1: more to offer than our looks, and whether or not
Speaker 1: men recognize that, we need to make them recognize that, yeah,
Speaker 1: and own that because I I I do. I completely
Speaker 1: understand the feeling of almost being like, what the funk?
Speaker 1: No one is looking at me, and it's and it's
Speaker 1: I get exactly what this girl is saying, but it's
Speaker 1: it's definitely about getting to that place and whether it's
Speaker 1: I think it's a good that's a good suggestion, creative,
Speaker 1: just like really just appreciating how amazing your friend is
Speaker 1: because you know so much more, You are privileged enough
Speaker 1: to know so much more about her then her looks,
Speaker 1: and you appreciate her for the person she is. And
Speaker 1: just when you're out and you're having fun and you're
Speaker 1: having a good time, that's confidence and people will be
Speaker 1: people will gravitate towards that, whether it's other girls to
Speaker 1: be like, hey, you look fun or dudes that want
Speaker 1: to bang or date you. So I think it's all
Speaker 1: about getting to the point in your head where you're
Speaker 1: not that's not weighing on you of like, no one's
Speaker 1: looking at me, no one's looking at me like they
Speaker 1: might not be, but have figure out a way to
Speaker 1: have fun anyway, and that's where everybody wins. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think you're probably so like blinded by this shimmer that
Speaker 1: your best friend exudes, that you're not noticing people who
Speaker 1: are noticing you because you're going out already defeated, so
Speaker 1: you know you can only esthetically look as good as
Speaker 1: you can look. I'm sure you know how to dress
Speaker 1: and with your makeup, and these things are valued more
Speaker 1: than they should be, but I still think they're certainly important,
Speaker 1: and it's certainly cool to go out and feel sexy
Speaker 1: and put on makeup and look pretty and wear a
Speaker 1: nice dress and a pair of high heels. That it's
Speaker 1: not for everyone. I certainly like doing it, though, do.
Speaker 1: When we did it the other night, I hadn't done
Speaker 1: that in so long. I'm like, I haven't gone out
Speaker 1: with girlfriends and like put on a hot dress and
Speaker 1: high heels and like, it felt so good. It's so fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really fun. And you know, and you'll gain confidence
Speaker 1: as you make these lifestyle changes. I know it must
Speaker 1: be weird to kind of go from thin or to
Speaker 1: like a BBW. I've never had that rapid of a
Speaker 1: weight change. I've certainly had weight fluctuations where I could
Speaker 1: tell the difference and how I was being treated by
Speaker 1: a society. I mean, not like in a crazy level,
Speaker 1: but certainly enough. Uh. And it is weird, and especially
Speaker 1: when you're used to being like a hot girl or
Speaker 1: something whatever the funk that means. Um. So, yeah, just
Speaker 1: have more confidence in yourself and keep making these these
Speaker 1: great lifestyle changes. So you're gonna feel better physically and
Speaker 1: that's gonna make you be more confident. But in the meantime,
Speaker 1: don't go out already defeated. I think think you're there's
Speaker 1: a lot of qualities I'm sure that are great about
Speaker 1: you and just hone in on those. And also, I
Speaker 1: don't think it would hurt to you know, even mentioned
Speaker 1: this to your best friend. She probably has no idea.
Speaker 1: And you should never make someone feel bad for getting
Speaker 1: attention or being pretty. But maybe it's just everyone can
Speaker 1: be a little bit more cognizant of it when you
Speaker 1: go out. Yeah, there's a reason you can't be honest
Speaker 1: with like, this is so weird to say, what kind
Speaker 1: of like when we go out, like you're so beautiful,
Speaker 1: like and like, no, it's weird, but no one, Like
Speaker 1: I feel like everyone's ignoring me. And I know it's
Speaker 1: not your fault, but it's just something i'm feeling. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's not what's wrong with that. Yeah, you can just
Speaker 1: say it. I mean it's not Yeah, as long as
Speaker 1: it's not you know, in a country way. Yeah, bitch,
Speaker 1: why are you prettier than me? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, she's like,
Speaker 1: I gotta go. He's never make someone feel bad about
Speaker 1: being like their best self or that they have to
Speaker 1: dress down or anything like that. But just be honest.
Speaker 1: It's your best friends, guys, aren't guest. This is such
Speaker 1: a This was such a fun interview. I was so interested.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm always interested when we interview people in here.
Speaker 1: But I had such a fun time with her. She's
Speaker 1: she's a great stand up comedian. She has a blog
Speaker 1: called the Headless Women of Hollywood where she puts all
Speaker 1: these movie posters together that just show women's anny parts
Speaker 1: and other faces. It's very eye opening. She's so smart,
Speaker 1: she's fucking really funny, and we had a really interesting conversation.
Speaker 1: We're really excited for you to hear it, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1: Marcia Balski. So they're calling you a bitch, calling you
Speaker 1: a slupt because you dressed up, because you dressed down
Speaker 1: as you said don't, because you slept drowned, and she
Speaker 1: played games because you losed your head because she went slow,
Speaker 1: because you jumped ahead, because your hair so long, because
Speaker 1: you shaved it off, because you did wrong, can of
Speaker 1: recent tough? Because beauteous lady, all opinion, because you felt
Speaker 1: pretty when you attracted. You make you guess. People see
Speaker 1: what they want to see, the reflections to see who's
Speaker 1: to be. I know what kind you are. You say no,
Speaker 1: I'm a bitch, says I'm a slide. I am I
Speaker 1: know kind you are to say no, I'm a bitch,
Speaker 1: says I'm a slide. You are to say no, says
Speaker 1: I can you are to say no? Say you're sitting
Speaker 1: in a pile of marsha. We're here with Marshall, say
Speaker 1: my chair. Hello, just kidding. How are you doing? Um good?
Speaker 1: How are you guys? Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1: Oh you're so polized. We've been you know what, We've
Speaker 1: been wanting to have you one for a while. And
Speaker 1: then with the Headless Women of Hollywood project, I just felt, well,
Speaker 1: this is certainly the time you work is so brilliant.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I'm excited to be on the show.
Speaker 1: It's not humble enough. Thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I start saying yea, thank you so much. Literally, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just like when you're complimented so much, it becomes
Speaker 1: so hard to just I know, I hear you. But
Speaker 1: that's why I like sitting in this jizz chair because
Speaker 1: it humbles me, you know, back to my back, to
Speaker 1: my root. All those articles as pressed, you gotta come
Speaker 1: back down to earth. Being from Oklahoma, I'm used to
Speaker 1: sitting in many chiz chairs. And how was that growing
Speaker 1: up in Oklahoma? Um? Well, I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Speaker 1: So it was the more liberal part of Oklahoma. But
Speaker 1: it's still like, you know, it's kind of like it's
Speaker 1: a liberal for Oklahoma, but it's very conservative, still suffocating
Speaker 1: a little yeah, and there's still a lot of mega
Speaker 1: church is literally on the outskirts of town because once
Speaker 1: the city, because Tulsa became a big city because of
Speaker 1: the oil industry, and so then in the fifties they
Speaker 1: were like a hop javin spot, you know. But then
Speaker 1: you know, it's like the oil dried up, the Christians
Speaker 1: came in and as it always does, as they tended
Speaker 1: to do, it's always the order. Right now, how did
Speaker 1: a Jew such as yourself end up in Oklahoma? So?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, So my dad is a Philly Jew and
Speaker 1: he's like very Jewey in the traditional sense. What's the
Speaker 1: traditional sense? Like he says sense of Yuma and he
Speaker 1: and he's like, but he like makes all these dad jokes.
Speaker 1: And my dad's you know, an old like because my
Speaker 1: parents are pretty old. My mom was thirty nine when
Speaker 1: I was born and my dad was forty five, and
Speaker 1: that was already kind of old for the East Coast,
Speaker 1: although that's more common, and I was actually born in Albany,
Speaker 1: New York. Um, but my dad's from Philly and my
Speaker 1: mom's from d C and their professors. So my dad
Speaker 1: got a good job offer in Tulsa, Oklahoma. So that's
Speaker 1: where we went when I was like four years old.
Speaker 1: You got some smarties in your family with the intellectuals. Yes,
Speaker 1: their lawyers so are they were like, mom, dad are
Speaker 1: doing comedy and they're like, oh no, they're actually, I mean,
Speaker 1: they're really supportive. I'm lucky in that way because but
Speaker 1: they both think that I got my humor from them.
Speaker 1: You know. It's that sort of thing where my dad,
Speaker 1: my dad tells these puns. But we call him two
Speaker 1: stepper punts because it's like, say he's thinking about Star Wars.
Speaker 1: He'll do like a joke about Star Trek, but then
Speaker 1: something like really specific about it, so we're like trying
Speaker 1: to trace back what we were talking about that could
Speaker 1: have possibly led him in there to do the joke. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that happens. It's good to know that happens in more
Speaker 1: than my family. Oh yeah. Um, and my mom's side
Speaker 1: of the family is like you know, strong women, really feisty,
Speaker 1: really strong, um, and you know, so and dry. So
Speaker 1: they think that my sense of humor comes in them,
Speaker 1: and like, I think it comes from a combination of
Speaker 1: my dad's silliness and like, you know, it's actually good
Speaker 1: preparation to be a comedian, to like be so mad
Speaker 1: at something being so unfunny that you find it funny
Speaker 1: and love the person. Yeah, that's how we appreciate the
Speaker 1: people we hate. Yes, exactly. Now, how do you do
Speaker 1: you think having a little bit older parents kind of
Speaker 1: affected you at all as far as like your sexuality
Speaker 1: or how you view the world or Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it did in a way because us. You know, when
Speaker 1: I in Oklahoma especially, I was really embarrassed by my parents,
Speaker 1: and people would think my dad was my grandpa, and
Speaker 1: you know, like I would think, like would they say,
Speaker 1: she's like your grandpa was pretty cool? Yeah, And I'd
Speaker 1: be like my dad and they'd be like what, Um,
Speaker 1: So I used to be so embarrassed, and I'd be like,
Speaker 1: you know, I wish you were younger and just be
Speaker 1: like a real mean kids like your dad to severe depression.
Speaker 1: I'm like, because well it was. It's always been like
Speaker 1: a joke in my family, like how old he is? Um?
Speaker 1: But and he's gotten on board really and u um.
Speaker 1: But they would explain to me in a way that
Speaker 1: I never understood, like, you know, it seems like, you know,
Speaker 1: your friends who say that they're best friends are their
Speaker 1: moms and like things like that, Like sometimes that's because
Speaker 1: the moms were so young, and especially in Oklahoma, a
Speaker 1: lot of teen mothers and young mothers. And it's not
Speaker 1: a bad thing, it's just she's like, you know, it's
Speaker 1: good to have your parents parents know who they are
Speaker 1: and have their careers set up before they've had you,
Speaker 1: because then they can focus on you and they could
Speaker 1: be good parents. And you know, now I appreciate more
Speaker 1: chilled out, I would imagine. I mean that was a
Speaker 1: cool thing too, as I was the younger one. So like,
Speaker 1: my brother really messed up a lot and got in
Speaker 1: trouble a lot. So not only did I learn like
Speaker 1: what because my brother got caught smoking weed by literally
Speaker 1: rolling a joint in the living room while my mom
Speaker 1: was in the kitchen, like and then my mom walked
Speaker 1: in and was like, Okay, what the funk do? So
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I'll just not do that. And
Speaker 1: this is not the super obvious and my parents were old,
Speaker 1: so it was kind of like didn't have the energy
Speaker 1: left and they're not going to walk in your room.
Speaker 1: But if they're doing it right in front of me,
Speaker 1: was like, if I keep my grades up, Like, you know, um,
Speaker 1: were you ever did your parents ever allow your brother
Speaker 1: to do things that you weren't allowed to do. I
Speaker 1: was a younger sister of with an older brother, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't do a lot of ship And I asked
Speaker 1: my dad blatantly. I was like, is this because I'm
Speaker 1: a girl? And He's like, yep, yeah, fuck you exactly.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a real bitch when I grow up.
Speaker 1: I'll show you. Well. It was interesting because my dad
Speaker 1: was such a progressive man in so many ways, Like
Speaker 1: my dad has a really cool career, and he like
Speaker 1: you know, helped you segregate the South, and like what's
Speaker 1: really way ahead of his time in terms of thinking
Speaker 1: about gay people, Like for a man born in ninety four,
Speaker 1: he came around on the idea of gay people a
Speaker 1: lot quicker. And you know, since he's a lawyer, he
Speaker 1: uses his voice to directly compare the ways that people
Speaker 1: are pressing gay people with the way people used to
Speaker 1: oppress black people and still do oppress black people in
Speaker 1: America and so you know, he um, I was like
Speaker 1: talking about I started bragging about my dad. Well, but
Speaker 1: so it was about it was about you. You are
Speaker 1: your father not getting to do certain things because right,
Speaker 1: because I'm a girl. So he was so progressive in
Speaker 1: areas like that, and you know, my mom is adamant
Speaker 1: feminist and like, you know, they got married later in life,
Speaker 1: so he you know, likes strong women. And we only
Speaker 1: we got in a few fights though, because it was
Speaker 1: that sort of really hard thing in that situation to
Speaker 1: deal with where I'm like, how come you're more worried
Speaker 1: about me when I stay out late? I can't stay
Speaker 1: out as late as early as you let Alan, And
Speaker 1: he's like, it's not you, it's the world, you know,
Speaker 1: it's He's like, unfortunately, I have to worry about more
Speaker 1: things with you than I don't have to worry about
Speaker 1: with Alan. And I would get so mad, you know,
Speaker 1: because I'd be like, well, then you're punishing me for
Speaker 1: the ways that like society already punished yeah, and he's like,
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, but still yeah. Yeah. It's kind of
Speaker 1: the same thing as like when I can go out
Speaker 1: and I can wear whatever I want, but if I'm
Speaker 1: going to wear a mini skirt out at two in
Speaker 1: the morning and then walk back in Harlem alone, like
Speaker 1: I have to just I wish no one was going
Speaker 1: to yell things at me or try to touch me,
Speaker 1: but they are, and I have to say, do I
Speaker 1: want to deal with it? Is it worth wearing this?
Speaker 1: Exactly most times a day? That's why I hate because
Speaker 1: it's hard because like that's when they're talking about now
Speaker 1: there's this all female train car and then China and
Speaker 1: I think one other place, and I was like, how
Speaker 1: sick would that be? Because if I just didn't have
Speaker 1: to sit in this creepy clothes and capsulated space with
Speaker 1: some freak licking his lips looking at or jerking off
Speaker 1: under his coat. Yeah, so that would be just amazing.
Speaker 1: But it's like we don't live in that world. There
Speaker 1: are small pockets where, like you know, I have this
Speaker 1: joke of like this kill all men, this like idealized
Speaker 1: world of like a female only like matriarchy, which I love.
Speaker 1: It's it's funny because it's start obviously it's sarcastic, yes,
Speaker 1: which is it's so funny because when men truly get
Speaker 1: mad about it, I'm like, if you're this mad at
Speaker 1: me being sarcastic about this. Imagine how mad women must
Speaker 1: get when men like in Earnest are just horribly sexist
Speaker 1: towards them, Like, you know, I put myself in women's shoes. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: like I'm oppressed. Just just to catch all the listeners
Speaker 1: up when Marsha's talking about to kill all men joke,
Speaker 1: it's like a running bit she has on Facebook and
Speaker 1: social media in general. And yeah, and it started with
Speaker 1: a band. I'm in a band exactly, well, yeah, I
Speaker 1: do it out special media. But it started with my
Speaker 1: band Free the Mind, where we wrote this song called
Speaker 1: Women Are Perfect, which is kind of like a wom manifesto.
Speaker 1: We're like, you know, we don't want to speak for
Speaker 1: all women, but we will, and we just define define feminism,
Speaker 1: where like people have such wrong ideas about feminism and
Speaker 1: then it goes into like women murdering men and like
Speaker 1: how men should not exist. Hilarious, because I think that
Speaker 1: is such the strongest way to be to respond to.
Speaker 1: There are so many feminists out there that they call
Speaker 1: themselves feminists. I don't I don't person don't think it's feminism,
Speaker 1: but that do think that men should just get on
Speaker 1: the planet and the old instead of saying like that's wrong,
Speaker 1: that's dumb, make fun of it and just take it
Speaker 1: to the most sarcastic, ridiculous level. And I think those
Speaker 1: women get a lot of attention. But the problem is too,
Speaker 1: is that they make it seem like that's what feminism is.
Speaker 1: You know, media does. So I'm like, if you guys
Speaker 1: think that feminism is really just a bunch of us
Speaker 1: functional women walking around killing men all the time and
Speaker 1: hating on men and yet still holding jobs and doing
Speaker 1: all these things, I'm like, why not just give them
Speaker 1: exactly what they want? Like, why not just be their
Speaker 1: worst fear and embody it and show him what it
Speaker 1: would really look like, because obviously it looks ridiculous. It's like,
Speaker 1: maybe you know, it's silly. So it's been really cool
Speaker 1: because the male reaction to it has been great and
Speaker 1: the dudes that don't have a sense of human about it,
Speaker 1: it's even better because it's like you get to outtroll
Speaker 1: the troll. You're proving my point. Yeah, it's like the
Speaker 1: dudes who who write shitty comments on our like YouTube
Speaker 1: should we have you're just proving the point of why
Speaker 1: this podcast exactly, but they're like, I hate how open
Speaker 1: conversation is what you see, you have opinion to bitch,
Speaker 1: I know, and you actually just sit back and relax
Speaker 1: and smile. I know. Well, And we wrote this song
Speaker 1: that we put on YouTube that's called all older white
Speaker 1: men should die parentheses but not my dad. Good, it's
Speaker 1: good to clear that up. I'm like, dad, dude, I
Speaker 1: love you, and it's like about it. I will protect
Speaker 1: my father and the revolution and so the revolution is
Speaker 1: that the time when all men die? Yes? So the
Speaker 1: revolution that's like blah blah blah. Anyways, everyone gets to
Speaker 1: save ten. It's a whole long thing. Um, now is
Speaker 1: your does your band still perform in your Yes? And
Speaker 1: so we do use your music on this episode. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we could totally. We just recorded an ep UM that
Speaker 1: we're mixing this week, so I could we could. I
Speaker 1: could send you the YouTube clip too or one of
Speaker 1: the sound quality is actually pretty good. Um. We're called
Speaker 1: Free the Mind. We're fun because we do this really
Speaker 1: over the top stuff and then we mix it with
Speaker 1: songs like we have a song called my gynecologist is
Speaker 1: a scientologist, like you know, like whimsical, right, it seems
Speaker 1: really lighthearted, like music you could dance too. Yes, music
Speaker 1: you could dance to. It's catchy. And that's just a
Speaker 1: little bit about murdering that when the people. How often
Speaker 1: do dudes get mad about your sarcasm because it goes
Speaker 1: over their head? On social media specifically, well, what's mostly
Speaker 1: is like a lot of what female comedians experience on
Speaker 1: social media. And I know comedians in general, but I
Speaker 1: think specifically women more so. It's just lesser funny people
Speaker 1: trying to tag things that don't need to be tagged,
Speaker 1: you know. It's like they'll try and add to the
Speaker 1: bid or still somehow make it about themselves, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's the point, bro, It's not about you, Like it
Speaker 1: is about jokes kind of for us, by us. And
Speaker 1: when men laugh that's amazing and they participate, that's funny too,
Speaker 1: Like when they're like, I offer myself to be sacrificed,
Speaker 1: You're like, thank you, Spartacus. Yeah, that part's fun too.
Speaker 1: But it's like or when men take it seriously and
Speaker 1: try and say that I'm like perpetuating the problem in
Speaker 1: the way even joking about it, like because like if
Speaker 1: you focus on like the divide, you know, and I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: you're making fun of the divide, Like it's just I
Speaker 1: think the nuance of it maybe goes a little over
Speaker 1: their head, which just proves my point that all women
Speaker 1: are smarter than men. So it's like, you know, it's hard,
Speaker 1: it's just so hard. I was just reading them. The
Speaker 1: founder of Reductress, Beth Oh my gosh, she fucking tweeted
Speaker 1: that she had a baby in the back. She birthed
Speaker 1: her baby in the back of a Honda, so she
Speaker 1: tweeted something funny like, Honda, you should give me a
Speaker 1: free car because mine's kind of dirty. And the dude
Speaker 1: they were I dying. Some of these dudes were like,
Speaker 1: you can't just ask for free car. What the fund
Speaker 1: do you think they're going to do. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't know where doctress is a joke
Speaker 1: though I know well, and they don't know that she
Speaker 1: particularly it was such a funny post because and also
Speaker 1: it got a lot of attention. Is the thing too,
Speaker 1: is that because it was so funny. She gave birth
Speaker 1: in a car apparently, and then she tweeted a picture
Speaker 1: of her in a car right after getting birth that says,
Speaker 1: just give birth in a car, like couldn't she give
Speaker 1: me a new one Honda? And all these men were like,
Speaker 1: I'm so mad that I can't have a baby in
Speaker 1: a car and get my own new car, Like what
Speaker 1: are you talking about? I mean? And then the funniest
Speaker 1: thing is that those trolls will then be like this
Speaker 1: lady needs to get a job. I have. I have.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of been A lot of the criticism
Speaker 1: with the blog has been like self rightious millennial needs
Speaker 1: to get a job, Like, okay, I work forty hours
Speaker 1: a week and managed to be a self right just
Speaker 1: millennial in my free time. Just that's a lot of
Speaker 1: fucking focus and efforts. So spreading yourself then that's great,
Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah, so can you tell us a little
Speaker 1: bit about your blog and how you started up? Yes? Um,
Speaker 1: so that isn't just isn't just any blog. Also because
Speaker 1: just because we make fun bloggers a lot me too.
Speaker 1: That's why every so, since I've been doing stand up
Speaker 1: for so long now, I'm scared that when I have
Speaker 1: a bad set, since people are introducing me with the blogs,
Speaker 1: since it's done so well, that I, like, you know,
Speaker 1: if I have a bad set, which we all have,
Speaker 1: people are going to be like, oh, yeah, she's the blogger.
Speaker 1: It's because she got booked because she has a blog.
Speaker 1: And then my friend was like, I think you're projecting
Speaker 1: that a little bit, and I was like, no, I'm not.
Speaker 1: They hate me. I'm a blogger, your blog work, no,
Speaker 1: shut up. So I've all it's weird because I think
Speaker 1: that has been what's prevented me in a lot of ways,
Speaker 1: because for a long time I thought I was going
Speaker 1: to have to choose between feminism and comedy before I
Speaker 1: figured it out with my band, and this sort of
Speaker 1: angle I've been taking at it, you know, this like
Speaker 1: kill all men, care character. They're like, what if I'm
Speaker 1: character to write for? I'm like, yes, character, you're all safe.
Speaker 1: That's interesting be a feminist mixing feminism and comedy and
Speaker 1: what doesn't work because a lot of times we need
Speaker 1: as comics in general, you need room to experiment with material.
Speaker 1: Maybe you go a little too far, you're not far enough.
Speaker 1: But when you do go too far, no one's giving
Speaker 1: you credit for just figuring out what your thing is.
Speaker 1: Like everyone's just like, but you said that, what like
Speaker 1: shipping on Trevor Noah for tweets from five years she's
Speaker 1: experimenting with this comedy voice, and it's always like you
Speaker 1: have to look at who they're choosing to do that too,
Speaker 1: and you're like, if you did that to every single comic,
Speaker 1: we all got shipped. Like yeah, nobody has never said
Speaker 1: one thing that couldn't be perceived wrong, because that's the
Speaker 1: thing with the Internet. There's no tone. So it's like
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things. When people follow you when
Speaker 1: you're still at like that sort of up and coming state,
Speaker 1: people know your voice more, so you write for people
Speaker 1: who know your voice more, you know, and as your
Speaker 1: voice change ages and then they look back on your
Speaker 1: voice from five years ago, they're like, oh, imagine that,
Speaker 1: Like it's just so stupid, especially with Schumer. Of course
Speaker 1: they want to tear Shumer down, like so she handles
Speaker 1: it pretty well, I think, but does um like that.
Speaker 1: It's hard to not let that get for me. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about me and not let that get to me. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean, especially with like the blog criticism, you know,
Speaker 1: the criticism. There hasn't been one thing that I didn't
Speaker 1: prepare for, so I guess I should explain people. So
Speaker 1: it's called the headless Women of Hollywood. Um, It started
Speaker 1: from me posting on my own social media because when
Speaker 1: I was in college, I had this professor whose whole
Speaker 1: life was critiquing advertisement and you know, the repetitive images
Speaker 1: that it sends us, that it's been sending us, and
Speaker 1: you know the history of it, because obviously we know now,
Speaker 1: especially with mad Men and stuff, the beginnings of advertisement
Speaker 1: in the twenties, the keeping up with the Joneses, and
Speaker 1: then in the fifties you have marketing really and it's heyday,
Speaker 1: and now people believe that we're in this sort of
Speaker 1: post advertisement having meaning world, which is not true for
Speaker 1: smart people, and it's definitely not true to dumb people.
Speaker 1: So you know, and and and marketing, marketing and movies
Speaker 1: and television. So informs the way people think about women,
Speaker 1: about men, about relations, about and how we view That's
Speaker 1: the thing is that I wanted to make this website,
Speaker 1: particularly a visual display, because you can say a lot
Speaker 1: of things, but people ultimately need to see it for themselves.
Speaker 1: That's a big problem with a lot of things, you know,
Speaker 1: And so this teacher taught us all about, you know,
Speaker 1: not only what advertising does, but the way that it
Speaker 1: does then seep into other aspects of culture, and it's
Speaker 1: always this thing where it's both symbolic of how the
Speaker 1: culture is at the time while it's shaping it, which
Speaker 1: is weird, which is strange. So, you know, objectification of
Speaker 1: women on movie posters has gotten better. That's a lot
Speaker 1: of the criticism. They're like, like when men have been
Speaker 1: sending me just photos of women's heads on movie posts
Speaker 1: and just being like, look at this. God stop a
Speaker 1: plaining of this beauty and the beast. You have to
Speaker 1: rethink all these photos. I guess I'm an idiot um
Speaker 1: And you know, I lay out a lot of the
Speaker 1: theory on the site, which I wanted to do. If
Speaker 1: you go to the about section of Headless Woman of Hollywood,
Speaker 1: but scrolling through it really kind of speaks for itself
Speaker 1: because it does. When I was scrolling through, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, good point, Marcia. And because you know, this
Speaker 1: is such a sex positive podcast. That's why I'm so
Speaker 1: glad you guys have me on because what a lot
Speaker 1: of the criticism has been. You know, I actually laughed
Speaker 1: really hard because I tried not to read the comments section,
Speaker 1: but this one guy put I used to lack when
Speaker 1: you Taylor Girl was a period because she had a
Speaker 1: babble in her hand. When was that just on I
Speaker 1: think one of the BuzzFeed comments or something. But I
Speaker 1: laughed so hard because that's been a lot of you know,
Speaker 1: I knew that that would be a take that people take,
Speaker 1: as you know, this is about prude, you know, sex cells,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, of course, sex cells, and there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with sex and the desire for sex in itself
Speaker 1: being sold, but you have to look at who it's
Speaker 1: being sold to, who it's being sold for, and the
Speaker 1: you know lens you're looking at it through, dude. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so the male gaze is very much real. It
Speaker 1: was coined to talk about women in film how they're
Speaker 1: always viewed through this lens that is, you know, sort
Speaker 1: of inherently by a man. And then it affects us
Speaker 1: because when you're looking at everything through the male gaze,
Speaker 1: a woman's value becomes defined us that instead of female
Speaker 1: sexuality being sold to us for us, by us, you know,
Speaker 1: well absolutely, we we sell sex in this podcast all
Speaker 1: the time. The podcast is called Fucking Guys. We fucked that.
Speaker 1: It's not an accident. We knew what people would be like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is gonna get me hard, and then we're like
Speaker 1: got them, yeah, shrink a bit, Like I take pictures
Speaker 1: of my ass every Sunday, Like that's just that's just
Speaker 1: because like I know, we're gonna be exploited in this business.
Speaker 1: So I'm just I'm just beating everyone else to exactly.
Speaker 1: And that was my idea. I'm just gonna beat you care.
Speaker 1: And this is a lot of the point of my blog.
Speaker 1: And you know, it really goes back to this idea
Speaker 1: that women are still very oftentimes being sold as passive
Speaker 1: sexual objects, and it's about women being active sexual beings
Speaker 1: in the way that men are afford with preferences, with
Speaker 1: preferences and desires and you know, emotions and motivations. And
Speaker 1: this is the problem with Hollywood in general, is that
Speaker 1: they still write so many of these one dimensional sexualized
Speaker 1: female characters. Do you know Cecily Strong's um Weekend Update
Speaker 1: character of the female of the male driven comedy, And
Speaker 1: she's just the most bland. I don't know, whatever you want,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter to me. Kills it to me. I
Speaker 1: love her so much. She's so funny and smart. Uh.
Speaker 1: And she's beautiful. Yeah, she is so hot. See that's
Speaker 1: the thing, is that what I want what a lot
Speaker 1: of what we're trying to teach girls and what we're
Speaker 1: trying to change about the discussion about sex is not
Speaker 1: only teaching them to seek their own pleasure and purpose
Speaker 1: and to find their own sexual value before they let
Speaker 1: men define it for them, you know, teaching them to
Speaker 1: think critically at such a young age before things happened
Speaker 1: to them in this mess up world, you know, and
Speaker 1: you know then you have to do the opposite of
Speaker 1: teaching boys that they also live in rape culture and
Speaker 1: a lot of these images and themselves are not significant.
Speaker 1: But when you take a step back and you look
Speaker 1: at how women's bodies are being fragmented literally into pieces
Speaker 1: and sold to us, it kind of then makes you
Speaker 1: think about why women are still seen as consumable, you know,
Speaker 1: and equivalent to a man getting a car or food
Speaker 1: or everything else that's sold to them. In the same
Speaker 1: way when you scroll through your blog and you see
Speaker 1: countless photos of just women's body parts, and the most
Speaker 1: you see of women, like the fatal traction post or whatever,
Speaker 1: it cuts it off right before you get to her eyes.
Speaker 1: So that's that that's the one part of the body
Speaker 1: that they never show women at the top of her
Speaker 1: head in her eyes, which is so interesting, and then
Speaker 1: you just realize, like these seeing image after image after
Speaker 1: image when you scroll down, you're like, these women are
Speaker 1: just sexual play toys. That's what they kind of become
Speaker 1: after you look at so many of them in a row. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's a good point. But you just mentioned
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of times men think like
Speaker 1: they're kind of like, oh, to a woman, like just
Speaker 1: something you get in life. You get a house, get
Speaker 1: a job, you get a woman. Yes, so you don't
Speaker 1: get a woman, you earn a woman. You go out
Speaker 1: and you meet a woman you hopefully connect with when
Speaker 1: women are taught to be the gatekeepers and so it's
Speaker 1: this idea of you know, sex is always where Blair
Speaker 1: said it really well on her episode with You Guys,
Speaker 1: where she says that girls are still taught that, you know,
Speaker 1: sex is something you either hold from or give two men,
Speaker 1: and it's always about losing your power. And so that's
Speaker 1: where we're trying to change in the conversation because that
Speaker 1: I think it's you know, there's a long history of
Speaker 1: oppression of female sexuality, but in terms of our modern society,
Speaker 1: a lot of that has been done by marketing advertisement
Speaker 1: really purposely keeping women in very strict binaries and in
Speaker 1: very a strict, you know, ways of defining their value.
Speaker 1: And yeah, it creates that anxiety of like, how could
Speaker 1: you even possibly think of you're a woman, your own
Speaker 1: pleasure as a woman when you're worried about do I
Speaker 1: give it to him yet? Do I give it to me?
Speaker 1: Give it to him yet? Maybe you want I think
Speaker 1: he wants it to give it like it's so and
Speaker 1: I was when I rewatched our Ted Talk. You had
Speaker 1: to really times? Have you rewatched the Ted Talk? Christy?
Speaker 1: How many times? You think? I'll tell you if you're
Speaker 1: I would like to say, I haven't even watched it
Speaker 1: fully through once my internet wasn't good and I was like,
Speaker 1: well I was there. That's really good. I would guess fifteen.
Speaker 1: But anyway, you said something that I caught. I didn't
Speaker 1: while we were doing it. I didn't. It didn't register.
Speaker 1: But like, it's it's so smart, she said. The more
Speaker 1: we are we wrote this together, Yeah, I know, but
Speaker 1: you wrote that I didn't. I didn't. I don't think
Speaker 1: I wrote this part. If I did, let me know,
Speaker 1: and I'll be like, good for me, But I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure you wrote it. She said. The more we are
Speaker 1: fed somebody else's virgin of perfection, the cloudy or our
Speaker 1: own preferences become. We are being fed men's version of
Speaker 1: what they want. And not all men want that, by
Speaker 1: the way, So it's so insulting to think that every
Speaker 1: man wants that type of person. But it's like you
Speaker 1: lose sight of who you are. And that's because I
Speaker 1: I can tell, because I love to use the word cloudy,
Speaker 1: and it's so had a picture in my mind the
Speaker 1: glass and someone dropped their version of perfection and it
Speaker 1: clouded it up by like the fourteenth time I watched it.
Speaker 1: Then I got that image. It's so true and smart
Speaker 1: because it's the idea to have a lot of men
Speaker 1: try and excuse the way that women are exploited by saying, well,
Speaker 1: women judge other women. Harshaw that I've ever seen a
Speaker 1: man judge a woman in their life, And you go, well,
Speaker 1: that's the internalized male gaze. That's women being taught that
Speaker 1: their own value and other women's value is that of
Speaker 1: what men see. That's thank you for saying that, because
Speaker 1: that explains why I get so angry. But I cannot
Speaker 1: I cannot communicate what that anger is coming from. When
Speaker 1: a guy says women are just fighting with each other,
Speaker 1: like your your Facebook groups and stuff, you can't get along. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not like we've been bred to do that for like exactly,
Speaker 1: and like, but how are you gonna articulate that to
Speaker 1: some fucking and we get I love Facebook Comedy York
Speaker 1: so much too, because that's why, you know, when people
Speaker 1: try to make the New York comedy scene seem catty,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you have no idea how amazing the female
Speaker 1: relationships are in New York comedy. It's great. I've never
Speaker 1: felt such an actual support for women as a whole
Speaker 1: getting better and making each other better. And it's so good.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously there's going to be people who don't
Speaker 1: feel that way, of course. Yeah, and there's there's people
Speaker 1: in every single group their pieces of ship like that's normal.
Speaker 1: But it's like everybody works so fucking hard and we care.
Speaker 1: It's so cool. I'm very proud of the female I know,
Speaker 1: it's great. I love it. You work hard and you
Speaker 1: give a shit about doing good work. There's a ton
Speaker 1: of cattiness amongst the males too. We all have a
Speaker 1: ton of male friends just being comedians. You have to
Speaker 1: don't no matter how much you don't want. And I
Speaker 1: love my I love my guy friends, and I mean
Speaker 1: they're there are just as catty and as petty. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's like more amongst like you know, murders
Speaker 1: and comedians are kind of a lot of times innately
Speaker 1: a little bit more juvenile. Obviously, we're fucking in the
Speaker 1: business of jokes, going to be gossip exactly. And it's
Speaker 1: funny because with the blog, like you know, I have
Speaker 1: decided not to let male criticism affect me, but it's
Speaker 1: still obviously does. But you know, I'm going to ask
Speaker 1: you what kind of things get to you? Like, what
Speaker 1: is there something that sticks out? What gets to me
Speaker 1: is when I can just see exactly what they've been
Speaker 1: taught and why they now think wrong. And I want
Speaker 1: to educate them, so to speak. But you know, I
Speaker 1: want a woman splain them, and I want to like
Speaker 1: really put them in their place. And the funniest part
Speaker 1: is the this but like you know, man splaining is
Speaker 1: obviously an overused term, but like it really is true sometimes,
Speaker 1: especially with the blog where the men there's so many
Speaker 1: men who basically said I agree with everything she says,
Speaker 1: but she could have done it better. And it's like,
Speaker 1: it's so frustrating because they had curated with women, with
Speaker 1: people of color, with gay people, with other pressed groups.
Speaker 1: It's already on them to have the burden approve of
Speaker 1: their own mistreatment. And then once you do try and
Speaker 1: improve it or say anything about it, they're like, you
Speaker 1: could have done it better. My humble, ownbodioased opinion, you
Speaker 1: get done it better, or like, you know, people saying
Speaker 1: like this idiot doesn't know anything about film. You can
Speaker 1: tell because she included the poster from the graduate, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've seen the graduate. I know the graduate,
Speaker 1: which first of all, I have my own feminist critiques
Speaker 1: of the graduate, but I'll stay that wor that aside.
Speaker 1: I mean film in general. This is part of my
Speaker 1: point greater point in the project that I because I
Speaker 1: wanted to make the blog about something really specific, because
Speaker 1: otherwise people just lose their minds, and I wanted to
Speaker 1: make it visually indisputable. And but a lot of it
Speaker 1: is about you know, Hollywood and film being so catered
Speaker 1: towards men still, and I know so many like female
Speaker 1: film lovers, and it almost makes it harder when it's
Speaker 1: a good film that still leaves you like, well, I
Speaker 1: have a fucking b f A and film, so I
Speaker 1: think I can talk on this, speak to this with
Speaker 1: some knowledge and the same thing. Over a couple of
Speaker 1: months ago, I was rewatching Bridget Jones's Diary, something I
Speaker 1: remembered as a film I fucking loved, definitely like a
Speaker 1: modern classic, and I watched it and then I was
Speaker 1: texting Christina and I was like, I can't believe I
Speaker 1: liked this film. This is one of the worst films
Speaker 1: for women that I've ever seen. And I remember we
Speaker 1: all flocked to the theater. We saw that. We're like,
Speaker 1: like Rene were so strong, so hard Number one Renel
Speaker 1: were as an actress, ruined her fucking body for that.
Speaker 1: She she gained all this weight, and then and then
Speaker 1: for the next you know, six months, was eating like,
Speaker 1: you know, a hundred dollaries a day and treating herself
Speaker 1: to a ninety calorie Reese's cup every month, which is
Speaker 1: a bad, naughty bit red from our diary. And then
Speaker 1: it's and then it's just like the whole movie. It's
Speaker 1: her being a fucking mess in front of these losers
Speaker 1: who don't deserve her time or attention in the first place.
Speaker 1: And I was like, why do we like this. She's
Speaker 1: sitting at home drinking wine, singing sad songs. This is
Speaker 1: fucking patheta. You can do it for do it for
Speaker 1: a day. You gotta get over, you gotta feel ship.
Speaker 1: But then move the funk on, change your pants and
Speaker 1: go outside. God damnit. Mark Darcy is supposed to be
Speaker 1: like the charming Mr Darcy, but really all he is
Speaker 1: it's like this really creepy lawyer who always looking at
Speaker 1: her this way. It's like literally hiding behind colubs, being
Speaker 1: like hettle bit bit. Have either of you watched Patton
Speaker 1: Oswald's new Netflix comedy special. I have, and I watched
Speaker 1: so damn and I did Gary Goldman first. It makes
Speaker 1: sense that you would. I've excited to watch that. He
Speaker 1: has this bit about how all the great films are
Speaker 1: directed by men and edited by women, and you lists
Speaker 1: all of these and I'm like, yeah, wait, no way,
Speaker 1: women edited all that, Like in my head, like Christina,
Speaker 1: you're being asked, And then he did. He proceeded to
Speaker 1: go into his bit where he's like, so the guys
Speaker 1: just shoot their camera on they're shooting so much film
Speaker 1: and shooting filming people's faces, and they're like, look at
Speaker 1: all the film I shot everywhere. And then the woman
Speaker 1: comes along and they're like, okay, sweetheart, go go home.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make this into a story. And I'm like, fuck.
Speaker 1: Because in film school, we're taught in editing class to
Speaker 1: quote kill your babies. That's the same because because every
Speaker 1: time is that in acting, well, every filmmaker thinks is
Speaker 1: usually pretty pretentious, and they think everything that they put
Speaker 1: on screen or that they shot the greatest thing A
Speaker 1: fucking yeah, the most amazing thing that's anyone's ever watched.
Speaker 1: What's that? Oh god, I can't remember there. I remember
Speaker 1: in film school watching the director's Number one. If you
Speaker 1: ever watched the director's cut of any great film that
Speaker 1: you love, you will vomit because it's just the worst
Speaker 1: piece of shit. Remember what is the director's cut? Is
Speaker 1: that just there? The way I wanted to cut a
Speaker 1: director's cut, Yeah, is the original cut before they give
Speaker 1: it to the end, before the editor got to it.
Speaker 1: It's usually about four hours long. It's a lot of
Speaker 1: long glares, horrible pauses. Is going to the sink and
Speaker 1: getting water shots like things that you don't unnecessary. It's
Speaker 1: like meeting your hero and then they like talk to
Speaker 1: you for six hours and damn it, I hate you.
Speaker 1: Now You're like, walk away, score Stacey. I cannot handle
Speaker 1: you right now. Oh my god. Yeah, I have to
Speaker 1: look at something that's so funny. So um So, the
Speaker 1: one comment you said that is your do is your
Speaker 1: criticism for your blog come for mostly men. All men,
Speaker 1: any women will give you ship. I'm so interested in
Speaker 1: the trolling thing. I mean. The thing is is that
Speaker 1: I like, so I've become like I've tried to make
Speaker 1: a decision of not letting male critique get to me
Speaker 1: because what I'm doing, I like to think is mostly
Speaker 1: for women, because that's where I feel there's a gap
Speaker 1: in comedy of the like comedy from women that truly
Speaker 1: makes women laugh, not the prescribed female comedy. Though when
Speaker 1: dudes like your work, like I think it's so when
Speaker 1: guys right into us, I'm like, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for telling me that you listen to the show, because
Speaker 1: that is the coolest fucking thing. And the I don't
Speaker 1: hate men like that's the thing is that they get it.
Speaker 1: They know yes, And then I'm like, you know, joking
Speaker 1: about this real anger that women have and where we're
Speaker 1: going to place it. We can't place it anywhere, so
Speaker 1: it's like we can't place it on individuals. So it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, we got put somewhere, So I just put
Speaker 1: it into songs about killing men. But and but humor
Speaker 1: is such a good way to when something makes you angry,
Speaker 1: like joking about the worst thing in the world, like
Speaker 1: the thing that makes things that make me really angry,
Speaker 1: like just turning it into the most uncomfortable, inappropriate jokes.
Speaker 1: I'm seeing how far you can go. Feel so good
Speaker 1: exactly I've been doing since. It's so nice because now
Speaker 1: when I get on stage, they'll introduce me as the
Speaker 1: like by the blog and I'll be like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: a feminist blogger. Um so I would like every man
Speaker 1: in here to leave the room and I will not.
Speaker 1: And you say space and everyone to leave the room
Speaker 1: right now, And I'm like, did they leave? I can't
Speaker 1: actually see them. I don't see the very expensive surgery.
Speaker 1: But the criticisms from women was actually kind of the
Speaker 1: most hurtful, and it didn't come from any women that
Speaker 1: I know, because I always do this joke of like
Speaker 1: I'll never betray women. They'll never betray me. Like I'm
Speaker 1: just one of those people. It's like, if you're a woman,
Speaker 1: you're my friend, and if you do betray me, that sucks.
Speaker 1: And I don't eventually attack you. I just kind of
Speaker 1: say that's enough. But that's my approach to women because
Speaker 1: I feel like men do that to other men in
Speaker 1: the mentorship way or just the friendship way, where it's
Speaker 1: like you're my bod or you're my pal. We're just
Speaker 1: gonna sit next to each other in silence. That makes
Speaker 1: you my best friends. I'm like, they can best friendship.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know, And so a lot of
Speaker 1: the women, you know, the criticisms were some of them saying,
Speaker 1: you know, aren't there more serious things to put your
Speaker 1: feminist energy into? And I'm like, why is the critiquing
Speaker 1: one specific area? You know, in my opinion, does not
Speaker 1: take away from more serious or important critiques. And it's
Speaker 1: sad because if people know me, I did pretty decent,
Speaker 1: it's spreading my feminist rage quite well around. And also
Speaker 1: it's like, what are those people doing if you have
Speaker 1: time to comments on other people's blogs, Like how do
Speaker 1: you contribute? What are you doing to make society better,
Speaker 1: like this woman's group tweeted me that also deals with
Speaker 1: like very serious things like female like they understand that
Speaker 1: it's all a part of a bigger picture and that
Speaker 1: it's okay to make smaller critiques, especially because I think
Speaker 1: it's an important point in our modern society that people
Speaker 1: think we're so progressive and so past all these things
Speaker 1: people deny, racism, sexism, all sorts of things to go.
Speaker 1: Not only does it happen, but it happens right in
Speaker 1: front of you, and you don't even notice. We don't
Speaker 1: even notice. We've become so numb to women's heads being
Speaker 1: cut off in photos and sexualized only for the sake
Speaker 1: of men. Well, yeah, even I said to you, I
Speaker 1: was just like, I really honestly didn't notice it. And
Speaker 1: then as soon as I started following your your blog,
Speaker 1: I notice it anywhere where. And sometimes it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: I wish I could put some of the ones where
Speaker 1: she's blatantly objectified, but she has a head, you know.
Speaker 1: But it's like, That's why I want to make this
Speaker 1: so specific, is because that's when you get into like
Speaker 1: people want to deny these objectifications, but when because it
Speaker 1: is picture by picture. Sometimes there are photos of a
Speaker 1: woman completely naked head to toe and she is not
Speaker 1: a sexual object. She's a sexual being. When women take
Speaker 1: photos of themselves, that is not objectifying yourself necessarily. That
Speaker 1: is you know. It's like when people try and say
Speaker 1: Beyonce is like bad for feminism, Like no, Beyonce has
Speaker 1: taken a lifetime of being objectified and turned it into
Speaker 1: a way of sexual being that is so important and cool.
Speaker 1: You know, Oh my god, And you guys like had
Speaker 1: Amber Rose on here? I love I love amber Rose.
Speaker 1: She don't give a fund. Yeah, speaking of meeting I
Speaker 1: mean not that she was a hero, but she's speaking
Speaker 1: of meeting people that you like or admire. She lived
Speaker 1: up to everything. Wow, But don't do you ever? Sometimes
Speaker 1: I look at photos of women in lingerie or something
Speaker 1: like that, right like, I'll be on Instagram or an
Speaker 1: ad on a billboard. I have no idea, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that woman is so beautiful. But then
Speaker 1: I can't tell. I'm like, is she being objectify? And
Speaker 1: I'm just saying she's beautiful because I'm just used that's
Speaker 1: what I'm used to, or I'm pretty sure I really
Speaker 1: think that. But is my is my our my opinions
Speaker 1: informed by that shitty fucking I mean, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: all of our opinions are informed. But in every major
Speaker 1: culture there's been beauty standards, and beauty standards are still
Speaker 1: different across the board. And the differences too is, you know,
Speaker 1: beauty for the sake of beauty is not a bad thing,
Speaker 1: and thinking things are beautiful. But when marketing takes it,
Speaker 1: puts it through this filter and makes it really kind
Speaker 1: of cheap and dehumanized, that's when I think it becomes
Speaker 1: because that's not sex. You know, sex and beauty is
Speaker 1: about real human feelings and real human intimacy and you know,
Speaker 1: real human desire. And then it does become hard because yeah,
Speaker 1: we're fed so much that we can't ever really know
Speaker 1: how we truly feel about ourselves and what these decapitated
Speaker 1: women especially, it's still clearly feeds an ideal, and you know,
Speaker 1: because it's always the boobs, the lips, the torso, and
Speaker 1: it's all fragmented from the actual whole illness. And then
Speaker 1: so it tells women over and over again, if your
Speaker 1: body doesn't fit this standard, you're invisible, or you don't matter,
Speaker 1: or you're not sexually appealing. But if you do fit
Speaker 1: the ideal, which is quote unquote the goal, you know,
Speaker 1: you're interchangeable and you're there primarily for men, for men
Speaker 1: to consume you sexually. And that's why we get angry
Speaker 1: because it's a lose either way. It's lose fucking that
Speaker 1: makes me feel insane. And so some of the women
Speaker 1: criticizing just to like go back to it really quick.
Speaker 1: It was hard because first they say, you know, couldn't
Speaker 1: she be doing better things? Or they go, this is boring.
Speaker 1: Am I really supposed to be offended by this? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm just saying I'm offended by it.
Speaker 1: You can feel however you want. I'm just saying this
Speaker 1: is something that was pointed out to me, and once
Speaker 1: it was pointed out to me, it disturbed me. And
Speaker 1: once I've now pointed out it out to people, I've
Speaker 1: gone a lot of messages people saying this disturbs me,
Speaker 1: like and I'm like, that's all I wanted. People say
Speaker 1: it looks like a car wreck when you go through it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's what I wanted. Because individually, they hide
Speaker 1: in being so separated from each other. These advertisements, in
Speaker 1: these posters, you know, but altogether you're like, yeah, yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: I think and I think we talked about this on
Speaker 1: the podcast a lot, but what feminism is missing is
Speaker 1: a sense of humor. And so if you're going to
Speaker 1: make a point and make it entertaining, that's a great way.
Speaker 1: That's sneaking the medicine into the ice cream and your child.
Speaker 1: It's like, hey, I made this entertaining, but also I'm
Speaker 1: proving a point, and that's the best way because people
Speaker 1: can come to people be bored, you know, feminism or
Speaker 1: information about sexuality. People aren't digesting it because we're producing
Speaker 1: it in a fucking boring way. So when you make
Speaker 1: it interesting, then the people who really need to see it,
Speaker 1: we'll see it. Because the scholars who are reading these
Speaker 1: educational feminists, you know, the works and stuff like, they're
Speaker 1: the ones who don't need it. They already are intellectual
Speaker 1: men miss it so much that sometimes you need to
Speaker 1: throw humor into it for them to go, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Even I, as an intellectual, have just been using women's
Speaker 1: problems as like an intellectual game that's super fun for
Speaker 1: me to play. And I'm like, this affects us everyday. Women,
Speaker 1: and I do like to do the comedy about it,
Speaker 1: because you know, serious feminism has its value, but I
Speaker 1: like doing the angry feminist characters and quote unquote, oh
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, and because you know, I think for a
Speaker 1: long time, when the angry feminist was made fun of,
Speaker 1: it was made fun of him this way of like
Speaker 1: and that's why feminism stupid. But it's like, no, we're
Speaker 1: making fun of the extremes, the hyperbole without undermining how
Speaker 1: important it is for us to have feminism and what
Speaker 1: it means to all of us, you know. So it's
Speaker 1: really nice exactly because it shows, you know, feminism can
Speaker 1: have a sense of humor about itself. It should have
Speaker 1: a sense of humor about himself, and through that sense
Speaker 1: of humor, it's how we gain power. Because also that's
Speaker 1: how real women deal with it. Like, when real women
Speaker 1: talk about the things that really scare us, it's always
Speaker 1: kind of serious, but we also laugh about it so much.
Speaker 1: Because that's why it's so absurd to me when people
Speaker 1: think that women don't have a sense of humor, because
Speaker 1: you're like, how else will we survive in this? Fuck
Speaker 1: to you great? And I were going to a club
Speaker 1: in my ammy one night and Karin goes, I wonder
Speaker 1: how many times we're gonna get sexually salted, probably like
Speaker 1: to oh. And then right after that someone said I
Speaker 1: like your shoulders to me, and then and then a
Speaker 1: black later this said I like your tits. And I
Speaker 1: was like, well, now you're just in wackadoo land, because
Speaker 1: that's something that's never been such me unless I was
Speaker 1: not unless I was completely naked. Oh we did you
Speaker 1: see me naked? No? Push up? Oh? No? Because because
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, I was like, there are
Speaker 1: people who have seen me. No. But also, and I
Speaker 1: think another interesting thing about the blog is that all
Speaker 1: the women are almost the same woman. It's always like
Speaker 1: this thin, tall, leggy white and probably she's black. The
Speaker 1: focus is her button, and it's for black men's or
Speaker 1: it's for to be fetishized. The black woman is always fetishized,
Speaker 1: either for white men, you know, or for men in general,
Speaker 1: but white men on a business trip. Yeah, or but
Speaker 1: it's like even that's the thing is that in plenty,
Speaker 1: I think that the fact that most of the people
Speaker 1: are whiten it too. It's like I can't even get
Speaker 1: into it because the blog is supposed to be so specific.
Speaker 1: But when I was looking through these archives of mainstream
Speaker 1: film and to really just film in general. They had
Speaker 1: a lot of sort of indie films in there as well.
Speaker 1: I mean one for every thousand was black or hispanic
Speaker 1: or anything besides white, and that was usually the theme
Speaker 1: of the movie obvious exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now
Speaker 1: it speaks to the same thing of where you're fed
Speaker 1: somebody else's version. So you don't want to see me,
Speaker 1: You don't want to see somebody like me up there.
Speaker 1: Like you, you need to be able to see versions
Speaker 1: of yourself, of a strong version of yourself on reflected
Speaker 1: in the media. It is so much more important that
Speaker 1: I think white people think it is, yeah, because because
Speaker 1: they never have to know. I mean, I've had so
Speaker 1: many arguments with mental like blue in the Face, where
Speaker 1: I'm just like you have not. We have all been taught,
Speaker 1: you know, and for each level of oppression, it gets
Speaker 1: worse and worse. So it's like, you know, if you're
Speaker 1: a black gay woman, you've been taught, You've been taught
Speaker 1: in every movie you've ever seen, you know, to relate
Speaker 1: to the white male, straight character. But if they see
Speaker 1: a movie about a black gay woman, they go this
Speaker 1: is obviously not for me, Like, you know, this wasn't
Speaker 1: made for me. I shouldn't watched it, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And when when someone's upset, like a black gay woman
Speaker 1: expressing that sentiment of like, there's I don't see myself
Speaker 1: reflected in any of this, and people are like, what
Speaker 1: versus them? Can't you just accept that someone's angry? They're
Speaker 1: not making it up? And the only time I can
Speaker 1: think of a black gay character is orange is the
Speaker 1: new black, Like that's the only word unbreakable commisment Titus
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, oh male, yes, yeah male yeah, but ye,
Speaker 1: and it is like, so Hollywood obviously has a lot
Speaker 1: of problems, and that's why I wanted to like focus
Speaker 1: so specifically. But a lot of the criticism as well
Speaker 1: has been people saying, you know, I made sure to
Speaker 1: include all types of genres. I wanted to include mostly
Speaker 1: modern movies, but also show historically how this happens, you know,
Speaker 1: in more notable films like American Beew and some people go,
Speaker 1: you know, they go, well, it's part of the plot.
Speaker 1: There's the scene where she zooms out and it's like
Speaker 1: the roses, and that was some of the poster was
Speaker 1: her whole self like, first of all, that seems like creepy,
Speaker 1: even though it's a a movie, like it's a tub scene,
Speaker 1: it's just so weird. Kevin Spacey like just should be
Speaker 1: punished as a real person just because, like I mean,
Speaker 1: he's just when I see his face, I feel violated,
Speaker 1: Like I feel like he's done what makes your vagina
Speaker 1: feel weird? When I watched that movie, I thought that's
Speaker 1: I was so turned on during It's like this weird
Speaker 1: kind of turned on. I would have like crushes on
Speaker 1: people's dad and it's like that, Oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: what it was about you. And that's like that movie itself.
Speaker 1: It's like it's okay, Like you know, I'm not out
Speaker 1: here trying to censor anyone. That's the thing is that
Speaker 1: people go like, you know, they always act like feminism
Speaker 1: is trying to censor you, and I'm like, all I'm
Speaker 1: doing is calling you an asshole, and people are nodding
Speaker 1: like you know, you can't be mad that you're saying
Speaker 1: dick ish things. I'm being like, yeah, and it's not
Speaker 1: a censor. I think it's just to meet people more
Speaker 1: thoughtful things. Yeah, I'm not not even up to think
Speaker 1: that these practices will ever fully go way or ever change.
Speaker 1: There a staple in the advertising and marketing you know, industry,
Speaker 1: but I think that they speak to and perpetuate things,
Speaker 1: you know, symptoms of society. So it's like, especially with
Speaker 1: just the lady parts so cut up, and we're just
Speaker 1: so taught that our body is our value in and
Speaker 1: of itself and not in its full context of our
Speaker 1: human nous, you know, so like that's what messages people
Speaker 1: be like this lady must hate her body, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: I did definitely have to go through a long process
Speaker 1: of realizing that, like if I didn't have a perfect
Speaker 1: torso that you could photoshop just in itself, you know,
Speaker 1: to be appealing, you know exactly, and just the way
Speaker 1: culture is though. I have this conversation with my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: He was like, men don't get to be or feel
Speaker 1: sexy like weddings, for example, it's all about the woman.
Speaker 1: From all about the woman. The dudes were the same
Speaker 1: exact thing. Their form, their their way of expressing themselves
Speaker 1: through what they're wearing is very minimal. Yeah, and that
Speaker 1: does suck. So I'm wondering if like part of part
Speaker 1: of where guys are coming from and maybe they don't
Speaker 1: even know it is that they don't I mean being
Speaker 1: I'm not saying guys should be objectified because it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel great. No, I think they should, like you know,
Speaker 1: I just I mean I kind of do. I mean,
Speaker 1: we had a lot because the nudity on our tour
Speaker 1: and it was male nudity, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's sucking objectify some do yeah, I mean they missed.
Speaker 1: I mean that's the thing too, is that I I
Speaker 1: knew that would be a question people asked. So I
Speaker 1: did do a post about the headless men that you see.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing is that you know, this system
Speaker 1: really takes away from us all. And I'm focusing on
Speaker 1: a problem that affects women, but there are some men
Speaker 1: and I talk about where they're made to feel that
Speaker 1: their bodies are only a joke or something that's you know,
Speaker 1: not beautiful, and unless they're like g I, Joe or whatever,
Speaker 1: and then it's still mostly about their masculinity. And the
Speaker 1: men don't get complimented by a lot of times their
Speaker 1: girlfriends are wise or any girl at a ball or whatever,
Speaker 1: Like they don't hear like you are so sexy from
Speaker 1: a woman and I think they should because because they were,
Speaker 1: they do it to us, and I'm like, I have
Speaker 1: been reduced to that my whole life, one way or another. Like,
Speaker 1: so this is why I have this such like I
Speaker 1: know workable theory that if men stop cat calling women
Speaker 1: and women start cat calling men, literally every single person
Speaker 1: in the world will be happy and sexism will be
Speaker 1: over and it'll just be a great, great world. So
Speaker 1: we just need to start cat calling dudes, which is funny.
Speaker 1: They would like it. I mean I can't called and
Speaker 1: they love it. I can't call the copy the other day.
Speaker 1: I know. It's the most satisfied I've ever felt my
Speaker 1: entire when you cat call? What is it? Because when
Speaker 1: I can't call them, like damn, well, like I get
Speaker 1: so turned on. Were at Mangoes? I got so turned
Speaker 1: on by those dudes on stage, like I was. I
Speaker 1: was so attracted to them that I was like, look
Speaker 1: at Dick. I love it. Well, yeah, Ginny and and
Speaker 1: Sue they did. There's another female comedy duo. They did
Speaker 1: a video that was places they cat called a bunch
Speaker 1: of dudes and they loved it. Of course they did.
Speaker 1: That girl is so funny, it was she whispers and
Speaker 1: that dude or whatever it was SuperFect. It's not harmful.
Speaker 1: That's the problem is that it's yeah, it's not, it's not.
Speaker 1: The cat calling is one for one in terms of
Speaker 1: a man being taught that he should complement a woman
Speaker 1: and a man knowingly knowing that by threatening a woman
Speaker 1: or making her feel sexually unsafe, you like subjugate her
Speaker 1: and abserve, like assert their power. Like if it's like
Speaker 1: at night and you're alone and there's like when they
Speaker 1: do it in that way, well, people, yeah, the fucking
Speaker 1: the cat calling. The worst cat calling is the kind
Speaker 1: that's not calling. It's cat whispering where people just get
Speaker 1: really sucking close to a yeah, and they're they're yeah,
Speaker 1: they're just like, that's never happen. I don't think that,
Speaker 1: like it happens to me all the time. I think
Speaker 1: I think it also might be a cultural differences type
Speaker 1: of cat calling. And call me racist again my emails
Speaker 1: Corn Fisher cotting at gmail dot com. But if your
Speaker 1: experience is a certain thing happening, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Because a lot of times I am more popular in
Speaker 1: the Latin and African American community. So that's the kind
Speaker 1: of catling all Also, I live in Harline, so I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm used to a lot of close spraying and I
Speaker 1: don't like it. And I and I loudly say in response,
Speaker 1: nobody likes that. Women don't like that. And I just
Speaker 1: started doing that because I'm like, you know what, honestly,
Speaker 1: hit me, I don't what are you gonna do? Hit
Speaker 1: me like it's a it's a it's a crowded enough area.
Speaker 1: Like their man ever hits you, I will literally be
Speaker 1: right behind him before you ever even I would love
Speaker 1: for them Marsha is gonna be hovering over you wherever
Speaker 1: you go. Well being in the cost of this podcast,
Speaker 1: I would fucking love if someone would hit me because
Speaker 1: they like if they have never heard of women, or
Speaker 1: I would be one of the worst women. Yeah for sure,
Speaker 1: try me for sure trying well. I just want to mace.
Speaker 1: You have to have a legal like permit or something
Speaker 1: to carry mace in New York. So I was like,
Speaker 1: I would love to masa dude. And I wish a
Speaker 1: cop would. I wish a cop would try and take
Speaker 1: me a jail for macing someone. But I mean, my
Speaker 1: career would just poul. Now. I don't want to go
Speaker 1: to jail like I been once. It wasn't super fun
Speaker 1: once you go to jail four. Oh, it's not important.
Speaker 1: Nothing nothing man killing related, man killing not It was
Speaker 1: like social justice related. But change yourself, to change yourself
Speaker 1: to a tree or something. I love channing myself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna probably gonna megafund. What I'm thinking about doing
Speaker 1: is printing out these posters and putting them all around
Speaker 1: town with just my face. And it just says like
Speaker 1: you will not be getting away with this behavior anymore.
Speaker 1: Like I love that this is Marcia's watching you. Let's
Speaker 1: do that. Marsha's looking over New York City. Some tape
Speaker 1: and some copies will be your street kid sucking flyer
Speaker 1: for you going back to UH just to hit on
Speaker 1: because I don't want this to be like you know,
Speaker 1: it's none. It's not a we hate man episode. And
Speaker 1: I think that's not clear. No, no matter how many
Speaker 1: times we say let kill all men on this episode,
Speaker 1: it's not any like the bad men will die first
Speaker 1: and the good men will be sent to re education
Speaker 1: centers and those who pass will have a happy life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they're definitely hard body image issues that men absolutely
Speaker 1: struggle with, and we wanted to keep that clear in
Speaker 1: our ted talk even you know, it was about uh
Speaker 1: self worth through body, how you look at your body,
Speaker 1: and I think it is more of it. It's more
Speaker 1: of like a joke thing like I don't remember. In
Speaker 1: the SNL book, Chris Farley talks a lot about how
Speaker 1: it was very difficult for him because he was just
Speaker 1: a fat guy and everyone would just want to see
Speaker 1: him do fat guys stuff. And part of the reason
Speaker 1: that he's now dead is because he would go into
Speaker 1: these bars and people be like, let's do shots. You're
Speaker 1: the fat, funny guy. You can eat, you can drink
Speaker 1: all the shots. You're already fat. You can eat all
Speaker 1: the food. You're already fat. And he would feel like
Speaker 1: he needed to play into this character of his body type.
Speaker 1: He tells a story of one time just for laughs,
Speaker 1: being the fact guy and he took he literally took
Speaker 1: a ship out of a window and it was like, like,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to take a ship out of a window,
Speaker 1: but at a certain point you don't know where to go.
Speaker 1: So it's just like the same way. Um women constantly
Speaker 1: have to feel sexy or pretty or feel that we
Speaker 1: have to wear makeup or have our hair done when
Speaker 1: we go out or go on a job interview, or
Speaker 1: we're not going to get this job if we're not
Speaker 1: more makeup. And the thing is like a lot of
Speaker 1: times we're not going to get the job if we're
Speaker 1: not wearing makeup. You know, it's it happened time and
Speaker 1: time if you wear the wrong really yeah, whe they're like,
Speaker 1: you don't do enough, and you're like, look at Travis
Speaker 1: over here. Um, Travis is smoking weed. Yeah, don't have
Speaker 1: any makeup? I know, well, And it's the expectation, like
Speaker 1: you said, where especially in comedy, you know where Chris
Speaker 1: Farley and I read that same thing where it's like
Speaker 1: he's expected to have a sense of humor about it
Speaker 1: because that's the jokes that they're writing for him and
Speaker 1: with women were taught time and time again still in
Speaker 1: mainstream comedies and film in general, if you're not okay
Speaker 1: with being you know, not just the sexualized part of
Speaker 1: the joke, but the objectified part of the joke, because
Speaker 1: it's a joke four men by men about the woman's
Speaker 1: sexuality and how it affects them basically, And they're like,
Speaker 1: if you don't just learn to expect that and accept
Speaker 1: that we don't have a part for you. You know,
Speaker 1: I've turned down even dudes that I know vaguely through
Speaker 1: comedy myself. They're like, oh, I have this sketch I
Speaker 1: want you to be in, and I go, amazing, they
Speaker 1: sent me the script I'm reading through. I go, did
Speaker 1: you mistakenly assign me the wrong part? You know? Who?
Speaker 1: I like? You know, like, do you have you read
Speaker 1: one thing I've ever posted anywhere or said on stage?
Speaker 1: Because literally, this one guy I wanted me to do
Speaker 1: I forget, was like literally I walk out and go
Speaker 1: like me boobies or so you've touched my booby? I
Speaker 1: was like, dude, what the hell? You know? And that's
Speaker 1: part of the problems too, is men don't know how
Speaker 1: to write for women. They don't know how to write
Speaker 1: in the voice for women because they have been taught
Speaker 1: that women are primarily there for them and they have
Speaker 1: to really unlearn that, you know. That's the way it
Speaker 1: affects and it affects their own sexuality as well. That's
Speaker 1: why it's important to be aware of, you know, because
Speaker 1: when such like when sex is cheapened in this way
Speaker 1: and women are made into objects, you know, it takes
Speaker 1: away from how men enjoy sex as well. It's a
Speaker 1: lot less fun to have sex with an object as
Speaker 1: opposed to being so absolutely. Now, what is it like,
Speaker 1: I want to get into a little bit more personal
Speaker 1: history with you to wrap things up. What's it like
Speaker 1: going on a first date with Marsha? Well, I have
Speaker 1: a boyfriend now, which is very off brand for me.
Speaker 1: I know, Oh my goodness, I know, I know. Yeah. Also,
Speaker 1: I'm like I always tell people that I'm like really
Speaker 1: holding out for that late in life lesbian moment where
Speaker 1: like I wake up at like three am on my
Speaker 1: forty five birthday like I want, yes, thank god it
Speaker 1: finally came. Like but also like my mom was for
Speaker 1: sure disappointed that I wasn't gay. I think, like I
Speaker 1: feel like, well, because like you know, my parents are
Speaker 1: very liberal, and like I want a liberal they would
Speaker 1: love a gay kid, I mean, what a liberal trophy.
Speaker 1: But and but also it was like I always knew
Speaker 1: that she would accept me. I'm very lucky in that way.
Speaker 1: So it's like I remember asking her, you know, if
Speaker 1: like I'm gay, would it be okay? She said, I'd
Speaker 1: only be worried about the way the world would treat you.
Speaker 1: You would never have to, you know, like they just
Speaker 1: the really positive right things for parents. Was there a
Speaker 1: time when you were unsure if you were gay or not? No,
Speaker 1: that's the phone. You just were asking a question just
Speaker 1: for the hell oft Yeah, because I'd always try and
Speaker 1: find ways to make my parents not love me, and
Speaker 1: they'd be like, well, so I'd be like, what if
Speaker 1: I got to jail for murder, It'd be like, we
Speaker 1: would still love you, but don't do that. So, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's the thing is that, you know, I
Speaker 1: always had crushes on boys, and but because I come
Speaker 1: from this line of strong women and being from Oklahoma
Speaker 1: specifically where women are and especially women children, little baby
Speaker 1: girls are taught to be seen first and probably not
Speaker 1: hurt at all, but if heard only in proper moments
Speaker 1: and you know, only like very quietly and like yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's beauty pageant culture, you know, and so yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of beauty pageant stuff in Oklahoma. And so
Speaker 1: you know, I think that because I was always this tomboy,
Speaker 1: and you know, my feminism mostly came after high school obviously,
Speaker 1: Like even though I still I think was I thought
Speaker 1: a little bit differently, um than the parts that there's
Speaker 1: a there's you're being oppressed even these he ways, it's
Speaker 1: because they add up your life divorce for girls for sure,
Speaker 1: Like dudes and dudes in my middle school, like some
Speaker 1: of them were just saying awful the things I can
Speaker 1: say about the girls I know because they're like, you're
Speaker 1: a must. It shows how much they're taught because all
Speaker 1: of it's so bad. Like but so you know, I
Speaker 1: keep getting off track and forgetting what you ask. This
Speaker 1: is very sorry. What's it like to dates? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I am I gay? Wait, that's what I'm talking about,
Speaker 1: Not to be I'm not. And it's hard because you know,
Speaker 1: I always kind of was curious about my sexuality this
Speaker 1: way because I know it is attracted to men and
Speaker 1: romantically attracted to men as well. But I had such
Speaker 1: long periods of being single because I have very much
Speaker 1: pushed away the idea of ever needing or wanting to
Speaker 1: be a dependent on a man to the point. And
Speaker 1: it's you know, because I did, but it wasn't always there.
Speaker 1: Like I lived with a guy out of high school
Speaker 1: before I was even eighteen, who was eight years older
Speaker 1: than me, and I lived with him for we dated
Speaker 1: for two year years. You know it had a lot
Speaker 1: of effect on I was kind of this kid that
Speaker 1: when I was fifteen, I thought and acted like I
Speaker 1: was thirty. I wanted to be thirty, and I thought
Speaker 1: that's what I wanted. And so then after that and
Speaker 1: after I you know, really started to learn a lot
Speaker 1: of things about myself and started doing comedy. Whatever it
Speaker 1: is that's made me me in this moment um, I
Speaker 1: haven't really been able to bring men into it in
Speaker 1: a really real way, and so I wondered, Like I
Speaker 1: knew I wasn't a sexual, but I just wondered if
Speaker 1: I just wasn't meant to be in a relationship or
Speaker 1: what it was. I had like a long casual sex period,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't really like a fun buddy thing. It
Speaker 1: was like a one night stand like it was actually
Speaker 1: like it did feel empowering in the way where like
Speaker 1: I loved like I used to love, just kind of
Speaker 1: like I'm sorry my boyfriends listening to this, I don't
Speaker 1: think he is. But I used to love just going
Speaker 1: into a bar and like playing pool and like just
Speaker 1: being very like dude like and then being like finding
Speaker 1: like the cutest chubby beardo in the room and being
Speaker 1: like yeah, and then where to say and obviously like
Speaker 1: you're just like where do you live? Cool? Like they're
Speaker 1: never like no, thank you please, like oh wait man,
Speaker 1: that let's have a girlfriend. And then if I got
Speaker 1: rejectedized that whatever, take a shot like so, but I
Speaker 1: you know, I was scared that I couldn't emotionally connect
Speaker 1: to men for a long time, and especially when I
Speaker 1: started being more adamant about my feminist stance and just
Speaker 1: my joke even jokingly making my comedy about this very
Speaker 1: extremist thing, because it is jarring and when you have
Speaker 1: a one on one conversation with me, like, you know,
Speaker 1: I can get really serious about the real place that
Speaker 1: it comes from for me, you know. Um. And so
Speaker 1: I have always had this sense when I date even
Speaker 1: really good men, that just because of the ways they've
Speaker 1: been taught, there's something about them that wants to like
Speaker 1: take me down, you know, that wants to make me
Speaker 1: lesser than and they're not conscious of it, but they're
Speaker 1: threatened by, you know, just the way what what attracts
Speaker 1: us as strong women to them sometimes is often what
Speaker 1: threatens them. And it's specific with each of us because
Speaker 1: we're so unique and because we're so you know, full people,
Speaker 1: and they're not taught to deal with women who are
Speaker 1: full people. Even the even good dude, even even when
Speaker 1: I started making almost as much money as him, maybe
Speaker 1: a little bit more, And he's like, this is weird.
Speaker 1: Why is it fucking weird? I can't make what the funk?
Speaker 1: I can't I depended on you and now you can
Speaker 1: depend on me. Why is that a bad thing? Doesn't
Speaker 1: through it? But it's because masculinity is so punishing and
Speaker 1: they have no outlets. You know, girls, we at least
Speaker 1: talk to each other, except for the women who I
Speaker 1: feel bad for that are so isolated, you know. But
Speaker 1: so it's hard. But with this guy that I'm dating now,
Speaker 1: who I really like a lot, how did you guys meet?
Speaker 1: He's a comic and we met like, uh, he moved
Speaker 1: it from Chicago. Um, and I guess I'll just say
Speaker 1: his name is Tommy McNamara, Like we're like, I mean,
Speaker 1: we're not like in the closet. I know, I know
Speaker 1: who that is. Yeah, um, but it's just like it
Speaker 1: happened like very naturally, and like he's really a great
Speaker 1: guy and I really and I told him this, like
Speaker 1: I really feel this profound difference in him in terms
Speaker 1: of him, there's no part of him that feels competitive
Speaker 1: with me or wants to take me down, or wants
Speaker 1: to use me as like leverage, like a conquerable thing
Speaker 1: over other men, Like because I've pushed men so far
Speaker 1: away from me. One of my last boyfriends in Portland's who,
Speaker 1: I kind of hope he's listening to this, but he,
Speaker 1: you know, when I left, and I was like going
Speaker 1: to New York, and that's I wanted to break up
Speaker 1: with him, but I was also kind of like that
Speaker 1: was the reason I was leaving. He was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I hope you get famous so I could tell my
Speaker 1: friends that I fucked to you, you know. And I
Speaker 1: was like, tell your friends that we dated. That must
Speaker 1: have been the words that you meant. Tell your friends
Speaker 1: that you knew me as a person. And He's like,
Speaker 1: mostly that we fucked, like you know. And I felt
Speaker 1: that sense even in really good men where it's mostly
Speaker 1: about a notch on their belt, even when they do
Speaker 1: care about even when I see you completely, you know,
Speaker 1: and they have to see you in these pieces because
Speaker 1: I think that a full woman all at once, all
Speaker 1: the time is like unmanageable to them because they want
Speaker 1: a woman who is you know. But that's what's great
Speaker 1: about good men is that they understand that full support
Speaker 1: from an equal partner comes from just that an equal partner,
Speaker 1: Whereas if you have a woman who's always supporting you
Speaker 1: and that's her main job, like yes, exactly, of course.
Speaker 1: And because like a good man, I I have friends
Speaker 1: that are just good fucking men. And my dad is
Speaker 1: such a good man, Like, oh my god, I love
Speaker 1: men that that can respect women and not be threatened exactly,
Speaker 1: And I think you can always tell it's great when
Speaker 1: a man comes to it on his own. But like,
Speaker 1: especially with my current boyfriend, once I realized that he
Speaker 1: has a family with a lot of women, and the
Speaker 1: women play an important part in his family and he's
Speaker 1: very close with his sisters, I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's why you like see me as fully human. I
Speaker 1: noticed a lot of guys with a ton of sisters
Speaker 1: in their lives, like usually because there was tampons in
Speaker 1: the toilet, like I'm sorry, like totally difference, like and
Speaker 1: because it makes it real and makes it not a
Speaker 1: story or a clip on a TV show or see
Speaker 1: something you can giggle about with your friend and yeah,
Speaker 1: something you've experienced it. Oh god. I mean I I
Speaker 1: judge so much of a man or how he is
Speaker 1: based off how he handles disgusting quote disgusting female stuff
Speaker 1: like periods and everything. Anyone who's cool with a period
Speaker 1: is pretty usually a good person. I think. A really
Speaker 1: great way to judge someone exactly well, and just because
Speaker 1: I mean, that's the ultimate thing is just seeing problems
Speaker 1: that affect only women and not men as human problems,
Speaker 1: because we problems that affect only men and not women.
Speaker 1: And that's so much of our problems with like our government.
Speaker 1: I mean, we can't even get into it because it's
Speaker 1: like still so much girls are taught, like first of all,
Speaker 1: women should make more than men, and tampon should be free.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times men I want a
Speaker 1: flat screen like men will see you. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of times men will see things like you getting
Speaker 1: your period or something. They'll see something to gusting, or
Speaker 1: they'll see a woman farter like shit herself or something
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, something a something that happens to everybody
Speaker 1: in any way. By a woman ship, you should die
Speaker 1: like the sexualizes them. And then it's like, well, I
Speaker 1: can't see even there's lots of stories of men who
Speaker 1: have seen their women. They're there their women, who have
Speaker 1: seen their wives or their girlfriends give birth, and and
Speaker 1: then talk about how because they saw what happened to
Speaker 1: oh my god, they are no longer sexually attracted him.
Speaker 1: This is like a real thing, real problems. My least
Speaker 1: favorite joke in the whole fucking world. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: when dude, when dudes do that ship on the comedies,
Speaker 1: like on the comedy stage. But I don't even think
Speaker 1: it's you know, it's not. It's beyond jokes. I think
Speaker 1: some guys really do feel that way, and I don't
Speaker 1: think it's I don't think because you can't be not
Speaker 1: a sexual person to them for a minute. And that's
Speaker 1: what it is. Are still toll and that's what these
Speaker 1: posters shown a lot of ways to like, women are
Speaker 1: still told that our primary value and sexual value is
Speaker 1: for the purpose of men first and foremost, and especially Hollywood,
Speaker 1: like they're like, you're supposed to be like the fucable background,
Speaker 1: and then as soon as the man's like it's my
Speaker 1: own time, honey, You're like, okay, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: I'm gone, like out of sight, out of mind. That's
Speaker 1: how men are taught to think about women and then
Speaker 1: once like us badass like modern bitches are like, well
Speaker 1: that's all I'm gonna be with men. They're like women
Speaker 1: have every privilege in the world, and I think and
Speaker 1: I think that it can we kind of recently we
Speaker 1: see things like Broad City, Inside Amy Shoot Marino, train Wreck, Uh,
Speaker 1: Sisters with Tina Fean, Amy Poler, a lot of examples
Speaker 1: of women now, you know, not just being beauty objects,
Speaker 1: but then kind of going all the way in this
Speaker 1: other direction where we're just burping and farting and getting
Speaker 1: drunk and going crazy. It's like there is a happy meal.
Speaker 1: But like me like feeling pretty sometimes too, when it
Speaker 1: can just be normally. It doesn't have to be so
Speaker 1: over the top meetic fart and then put on lips.
Speaker 1: You can fart, have a beer on your couch, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be the most hilarious thing that's
Speaker 1: ever happened. Could just be like a real thing that
Speaker 1: happened in time, like because you're like a human and
Speaker 1: it's like where it's true and that you always have
Speaker 1: to look at like how we're being sold. Even the
Speaker 1: empowerment stuff like I like Schumer and Broad City like
Speaker 1: that movie Sisters was like good morally, I guess, I said,
Speaker 1: like the movie very much, but it is true where
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, they go so extreme the other
Speaker 1: way where I'm like, I don't really like fart or
Speaker 1: poop jokes that money. So now all the female comedies
Speaker 1: it's like to prove a point, you know. And but
Speaker 1: what's also nice is that men are driven absolutely crazy
Speaker 1: because it's kind of in the way where like people
Speaker 1: started accepting gay culture in the queer eye for the
Speaker 1: straight guy way, but then when gay people were like,
Speaker 1: we want to funk, we're sexual, They're like, oh no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Like so like when a woman's joking about farting, they're like, um,
Speaker 1: this makes us uncomfortable, but I guess we can do that,
Speaker 1: and then she's like and I'm also gonna have sex
Speaker 1: and they're like no. Like that's why Schumer pisses so
Speaker 1: many people off. And that's why I love like a
Speaker 1: lot of Glazer in The Broad City Girls is because
Speaker 1: a lot of Glazer is the most like sex positive amazing,
Speaker 1: Like she truly knows what she wants and how she feels,
Speaker 1: you know, and she acts on it and That's why
Speaker 1: I love that show so much, because they're both just
Speaker 1: so full characters, you know, and anytime a dude like
Speaker 1: either won't give it a chance or doesn't watch I
Speaker 1: got my well, my my roommate on my other roommate
Speaker 1: to like, um, I shouldn't talking about because this is
Speaker 1: but it was. It's great when when like that's it
Speaker 1: and there was a there's an episode broad City where
Speaker 1: Alana like got Hannibal plays Lincoln, Um like they were there.
Speaker 1: They buddies a whole the whole entire show. And then
Speaker 1: he's like dating somebody else and I was like, can
Speaker 1: I come over? And she in the Hannibal was like, no,
Speaker 1: I got somebody else here. She's like, oh cool, cool.
Speaker 1: Now do you think do you think I'm like, thank you,
Speaker 1: it's nice to see a woman. I'll be like what
Speaker 1: I know when and then when she does get upset,
Speaker 1: it's because he doesn't want to be friends with her anymore.
Speaker 1: That yes, I think that's the thing is a lot
Speaker 1: of people don't believe in this polyamory thing because women
Speaker 1: have been so subjugated sexually in society. And that's where
Speaker 1: it's really hard because as we're trying to take the
Speaker 1: power back. Of course, they are going to be situations
Speaker 1: in which that's exploited, but you can't see that as
Speaker 1: the norm. So it's like any woman who is sexual
Speaker 1: or promiscuous is not doing it because of some sad
Speaker 1: thing or even if it's like you can't you know,
Speaker 1: it's like people just want to go so Madonna or
Speaker 1: horror complex. Oh yeah, I'm sure you guys have talked
Speaker 1: about that Wendy starling On who was raped and is
Speaker 1: a very sexual person. Yet she's always been a sexual
Speaker 1: person well before the rape. The rape does not inform
Speaker 1: her sexuality. I'm sure it had made a dent or
Speaker 1: like a there was a time where it did affect it,
Speaker 1: of course, but like she's not the way she is
Speaker 1: because she was raped, exactly have you ever heard so Obviously,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, some people see me as radical
Speaker 1: because I think I'll mention that I don't really that's crazy.
Speaker 1: But there's this like radical feminist movement that I love
Speaker 1: called riot Girl, which I'm sure Kathleen Hannah and everything,
Speaker 1: and I love she has this one lyric that always
Speaker 1: just like sticks in my mind because I think it's
Speaker 1: a hard thing. Every woman goes through where because of
Speaker 1: these images were fed of ourselves as interchangeable objects, and
Speaker 1: because of rape culture, where we have to then find
Speaker 1: sexual pleasure despite that. And in some ways, I think
Speaker 1: that when they say women's sexual peak comes in their thirties,
Speaker 1: I think that is a physical thing, but I also
Speaker 1: think it's a societal thing. It's like, that's when we
Speaker 1: reach the point where all the pieces come together and
Speaker 1: we have like the best orgasms of our life. Like
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't give a fun come everywhere, because
Speaker 1: that's when you realize you don't want to put up
Speaker 1: with it. You're just kind of sucking decade just dealing
Speaker 1: with men's bullshon. I think maybe just like ten ten
Speaker 1: years is about the amount of patients that a woman has,
Speaker 1: which is a very very amount of patient and then
Speaker 1: and then a certain point you're just like, I do
Speaker 1: not give it. And also I think it's like in
Speaker 1: a in a way society, In society, you do lose
Speaker 1: a little bit of value as a woman when you
Speaker 1: become thirty. So you're just like whatever now mansion, So like,
Speaker 1: who fucking cares anymore? The funk I want? I think
Speaker 1: I love how I hope it's changing, and it is
Speaker 1: changing where it's like now to me, like when a
Speaker 1: woman is thirty, that's when she's just hitting her stride.
Speaker 1: Like where it's like amazing to see a lot of
Speaker 1: parts of mass culture starting to try like and push that,
Speaker 1: and we that's why we have to keep talking about it,
Speaker 1: because you know, a lot of the criticism of the
Speaker 1: blog has been people saying, well, some of these movies
Speaker 1: are so dumb. Their whole point of the comedy was
Speaker 1: to objectify women. And my first thing is like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: maybe one day that won't be an entire genre, Like
Speaker 1: is that too much to hope for it? Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like there's the problem right there. Max. You know what,
Speaker 1: I've only seen half of Mad Max because my friend
Speaker 1: gave me a xan x UM and but I, you know,
Speaker 1: I love that. After I saw that movie, I was
Speaker 1: so blown away. I might be spoiling this for you,
Speaker 1: but that Charlie's Throon's character does not make out with
Speaker 1: Tom Hardy's carters, Yes, I always take it there. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, wait, why am I so shocked
Speaker 1: and delighted that she didn't even give the ship about
Speaker 1: fucking that hotness? Like that wasn't her priority. Her priority
Speaker 1: was to getor gal pals back to where she came from,
Speaker 1: and that's what she cared about. I've never seen a
Speaker 1: woman's priorities in a film, especially like someone like Charlie's
Speaker 1: there on is like the hottest bitch in the land,
Speaker 1: like not be to get a dude or it's so
Speaker 1: that's the X Files for so long because for a
Speaker 1: very long time, Molder and Scully we're not fucking I mean,
Speaker 1: ultimately they did. But then you, yeah, you just love
Speaker 1: Diana Scully because she truly loves her work and she
Speaker 1: loves science. Sence spu to kind of spew with the
Speaker 1: um harg. I know we have to wrap. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: let's what's the final point? Final points? Um man? Now,
Speaker 1: I have to like trace back. So we're talking about me?
Speaker 1: Oh mad Max? Um, what's so great too? Like what
Speaker 1: wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait back further,
Speaker 1: I can't what were we talking about? For man, Max?
Speaker 1: The posters probably the posters and how and the entire
Speaker 1: films and entire genres being about female objectification, right okay?
Speaker 1: So and yeah, so then and my argument too is
Speaker 1: that you know objectification in itself is bad. But when
Speaker 1: you take away literally a woman's head, which I talked
Speaker 1: about on the blog, why that really does take away
Speaker 1: so much and we become so used to these images
Speaker 1: of fragmented bodies. You have to think about what it
Speaker 1: teaches little girls, especially as they're going through adolescence and
Speaker 1: who haven't been taught to think critically yet, you know. So,
Speaker 1: I'm not naive enough to think it's ever going to change,
Speaker 1: but it has been so nice just because it opens
Speaker 1: your eyes up to a lot. Men are always so
Speaker 1: shocked that there's whole worlds that they have never been
Speaker 1: taught about and never really had to see, and as
Speaker 1: their young boys exactly exactly. That's a great point that
Speaker 1: you made about teaching kids to think critically. Guys and girls, Yeah,
Speaker 1: about just what they're being taught and why, and how
Speaker 1: they define their own value and how men define women's
Speaker 1: values still through their own lens. And that's why, when
Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys experienced, when you're a woman who
Speaker 1: has through time learned to define their own value, men
Speaker 1: always want to almost like demean that or good men
Speaker 1: are so impressed by it because they really are truly
Speaker 1: blown away. They're not used to it where they go
Speaker 1: something about use different. It's so impressive, you know, and
Speaker 1: it's impressive to me. Like I got a job once
Speaker 1: where I worked it it was like an accounting area
Speaker 1: of a company and they were all women and they
Speaker 1: were so smart, and I was like, yes, exactly, all
Speaker 1: chicks and they're like math nerds. Well right, and even
Speaker 1: our our lawyer we walked to the first time we
Speaker 1: walked into our lawyer's office in fucking you know, Beverly Hills.
Speaker 1: We walked in and this is a top law firm
Speaker 1: and like almost everyone who worked from was like a
Speaker 1: hot babe. And Christine and I were like, whoa, you
Speaker 1: can be smart and pretty. Yeah, this is a crazy
Speaker 1: And when men are handsome, they're actually a assumed unless
Speaker 1: they're like a pretty boy, they're actually assumed. Like when
Speaker 1: you see a fourty year old handsome man, you assume
Speaker 1: that he is actually smarter. And when you see like
Speaker 1: a four year old attractive woman, you're like everything, she's
Speaker 1: gotten this because of her looks or like, you know,
Speaker 1: even if you have so I did I do that
Speaker 1: in my head and yeah, and we all do. I Mean,
Speaker 1: that's the thing is that we can't even blame ourselves,
Speaker 1: And you can't even really truly blame a lot of
Speaker 1: the men unless they're just straight up piece of ship
Speaker 1: looking at you. Derek, this guy Derek keeps it's like Derek,
Speaker 1: shut Derek, shut up. But a lot of them, like
Speaker 1: a lot of the men, man's looks are based on
Speaker 1: the kind of clothes he wears, that kind of haircut,
Speaker 1: he has expensive things, and so we associate that a
Speaker 1: man got expensive things because he has a good job,
Speaker 1: because he's smart, and that defines his about you completely. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And a woman looks good because she's you know, has
Speaker 1: free time to go to the gym because her husband
Speaker 1: takes care of her, and she uses his credit card
Speaker 1: to go to the mall. Yeah, that is money, I know.
Speaker 1: I think the best thing you could do to cure
Speaker 1: that those develop a sense of self awareness exactly, Yes,
Speaker 1: And you just have to learn to really think critically.
Speaker 1: And what opened my eyes to these images was someone
Speaker 1: just showing me all together, hundreds and hundreds of images
Speaker 1: over the years of advertisements of just a female leg
Speaker 1: just lips, just this, and then when you start to
Speaker 1: look at how it seeps into other aspects of society,
Speaker 1: and how women in general are still taught to view ourselves.
Speaker 1: You know, each image in itself I don't think has
Speaker 1: necessary significance. But that's why I wanted to put them
Speaker 1: together because for me, together they do mean something, that's
Speaker 1: when you look at it. So the website is Headless
Speaker 1: Women of Hollywood dot com. There's a Twitter Hollywood Headless,
Speaker 1: h L Y would headless and I am Marcia Belski,
Speaker 1: which is m A r c I A b E
Speaker 1: l s k Y. So please find me on Twitter.
Speaker 1: Check my band if you want to, you know, like
Speaker 1: if you want to be a part of the revolution.
Speaker 1: If you don't, then I or whatever men come, especially
Speaker 1: if you want the board to consider saving your life.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if we can. And wait, where can
Speaker 1: we find information on your band or dates that you're playing? Um?
Speaker 1: My band only has a Facebook page right now. It's
Speaker 1: Free the Mind with two ease in the But we're
Speaker 1: working on that because we have our EP coming out
Speaker 1: and so we'll have a music video coming out and
Speaker 1: a website and all that good stuff put together. So
Speaker 1: we probably hear about on your Twitter. Yes, absolutely, all
Speaker 1: tweet about that was still professionally. You were very prepared
Speaker 1: like you're good at do proviote yourself on pay very much. Guys,
Speaker 1: this has been Guys, we fuck the anti slut cheating podcast.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next Friday. Who is she? What
Speaker 1: is she wants? You know? We don't want to speak
Speaker 1: for all women, so we will, but we will, and
Speaker 1: we wanted to write a song that defines not only
Speaker 1: what feminism means to us, but what it means to
Speaker 1: all women. I hope you'll enjoy all. Oh, women are perfect.
Speaker 1: No woman has any flaws. Men should I be afraid
Speaker 1: because they're about to fall? Women are better inherent people
Speaker 1: than men. Yes, we are superior to each end, every
Speaker 1: one of them. Yes, O women are perfects well, and
Speaker 1: oh men are dumb. They are the evil ones without acception.
Speaker 1: On women are remordal. We literally never her die. We
Speaker 1: are gods upon up send from Lasca. It's not only
Speaker 1: the women are human. In fact, we are beyond human.
Speaker 1: We are transcendent. Now please repeat after me. I am
Speaker 1: a warmmer. You are a woman too, Yes you soon.
Speaker 1: We are all wim I powerful through and through. Can't
Speaker 1: be perfect if or when they are Women women are
Speaker 1: everything and