Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karn. We're sorry about last night, the anti slut
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey, everybody, welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fucked. Guys We Fucked. It's the
Speaker 1: anti slut shaming podcast. I am Karin Um Christina. Oh,
Speaker 1: Happy Spring, Everybody, Happy Spring. It's great. It's getting warm
Speaker 1: out kind of even though it did snow the other day.
Speaker 1: That the best thing about spring is spring, Seva, I
Speaker 1: wasn't say having your titties out and then going sorry,
Speaker 1: ship Haven, what's thet wait to ask me again, what's
Speaker 1: the best part of spring having your titties out? Perfect
Speaker 1: and a good thing to hold your titties in is
Speaker 1: a bra by Third Love. Yes, Their Love is a
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Speaker 1: lot of people have been asking us about it. It's
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Speaker 1: for Life. Hey are you in New York City tonight? Oh?
Speaker 1: My god, I hope you are, because then you can
Speaker 1: come to Nacho Bitches at New York Comedy Club. It's
Speaker 1: East Street at second Half and you tickets are ten dollars.
Speaker 1: When you scream Nacho in Emilio's face, YEA specifically to
Speaker 1: say that it's gonna be such a fun show. I'm excited.
Speaker 1: I love nachos um and I love Bitches so um. Tomorrow,
Speaker 1: New York City, Wendy Starling and I co host this
Speaker 1: all monthly show called Glamour Pus and it's happening tomorrow
Speaker 1: seven thirty at Zinc Bar in the West Village. Ticket
Speaker 1: link for that, it's in the description of his podcast.
Speaker 1: You should come because during the DC show it was
Speaker 1: really cool. Thanks for everyone who came to that. By
Speaker 1: the way, Um, we had a guy do push ups
Speaker 1: on glass. I know we always have one non comedy
Speaker 1: act and it just we want to be to be
Speaker 1: as weird as fucking possible. Boy. Yeah. Uh. And then
Speaker 1: also in Miami Florida, Miami Florida, I've never been inside you,
Speaker 1: but I really want to get tan and wear a
Speaker 1: hot green song glamour posts. This is one of our
Speaker 1: last like traveling shows that we're gonna do. Um, it's Friday,
Speaker 1: May twentie. Uh No, that's not it. I'm running the
Speaker 1: dates for the other show. I'm so stupid, Christina. Uh.
Speaker 1: Saturday April Miami, Florida, Wendy Starling and I are coming
Speaker 1: to your town. We're gonna be doing Glamour Pus at
Speaker 1: the Flamingo Theater. Tickets for that should be in the
Speaker 1: description of this podcast. We have a special guest, no
Speaker 1: big deal, and uh, it's gonna be a fucking great time.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for Mammy. And then on Friday May twenties. Oh, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna be in New York City doing Guys we
Speaker 1: Fucked live recording at the Bellhouse in Brooklyn as part
Speaker 1: of the New York Podfest. We never do this, No
Speaker 1: buy a tickets. Gonna be a huge event, a bunch
Speaker 1: of tickets that have already sold out. It's a seven
Speaker 1: pm get your ticket now, gonna be hot. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be once in the last time you ever be able
Speaker 1: to see the podcast get recorded live, because we don't
Speaker 1: usually do that as much. Yeah, when we say we
Speaker 1: don't do that, like we're not, We're not gonna do it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the last time only for the New York Podfest. Yeah. Absolutely. Um.
Speaker 1: I also want to talk really quick about um. Two
Speaker 1: people who listen to this podcast. Their names are Lila
Speaker 1: and Lilah's boyfriend Jordan's. I was gonna, I don't know,
Speaker 1: for some reason, I had a doubt that it was
Speaker 1: justin and I was gonna say Jordan's as fucking Jordan's. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he uh So. Lila and Jordan are two people
Speaker 1: who listen to his podcast. They are a couple. They're
Speaker 1: a long distance couple, and we they came to a
Speaker 1: New York comedy club to see her and I perform
Speaker 1: on a stand up show and uh she Lilah told
Speaker 1: me that she's so, I was the one who emailed
Speaker 1: you about my brother. And I knew exactly what she
Speaker 1: was talking about because we get a funkload of emails.
Speaker 1: That one just kind of struck me and we haven't
Speaker 1: read on the podcast, but basically, her brother, her younger brother, UM,
Speaker 1: was doing mushrooms in with his friends in like a
Speaker 1: wooded area and there was a lake, and Um, he
Speaker 1: had a freak out. He just kind of went into
Speaker 1: a I don't know what happened, like a panic. No,
Speaker 1: I read it was mushrooms. I really I thought it
Speaker 1: was because I thought it was accusatory. Its worth me,
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, well so and so this is
Speaker 1: a different thing with someone saying don't um and then yeah,
Speaker 1: but some people also like do more acid, so whatever, UM,
Speaker 1: be careful with drugs. He was on a trip and
Speaker 1: with his friends and it did not well. He ended
Speaker 1: up crashing through lake that there was ice. He broke
Speaker 1: through the ice and he passed away. He died recently,
Speaker 1: and Um, she has a Their family had set up
Speaker 1: a go fund Me campaign to raise money for his
Speaker 1: funeral expenses and a bunch of various other expenses. So
Speaker 1: I was fortunate enough to be able to hang out
Speaker 1: with them for four hours and your comedy club because
Speaker 1: we were I was waiting for this karaoke show to happen,
Speaker 1: and so I didn't realized it wasn't happening until midnight.
Speaker 1: So anyway, Um, they're amazing people, they're listeners of this podcast.
Speaker 1: Please let's help them out and donate money to this
Speaker 1: The go fund me link that I'm speaking of to
Speaker 1: donate money towards her family is in the description of
Speaker 1: this podcast. We're all put it on my social media
Speaker 1: as well. But please let's donate and help people out
Speaker 1: because that was such a tragic thing that happened, And uh,
Speaker 1: why don't we all pull our resources together and help
Speaker 1: a bit out. That's good, Thank you. You looked so
Speaker 1: you looked so intense when you said that, yeah, want
Speaker 1: to help a bit out. You're also sitting like a puppy,
Speaker 1: really like a puppy. I feel like a puppy tries
Speaker 1: to be human. All right, Well, I feel like, now
Speaker 1: this just sounds narcissistic. What do you talk about? You?
Speaker 1: I am so fucking great now I'm not gonna say that.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's just a given. So this is some Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is interesting. So long time listeners of the Guys
Speaker 1: We podcast know that I Karan Fisher have been on
Speaker 1: a long term quest. Uh and that quest was to
Speaker 1: find myself with a penis. Okay, Uh, that quest has
Speaker 1: finally come to an end. I was, Okay, did you
Speaker 1: do you think you think I was telling you that
Speaker 1: I was going on to transition? Yeah, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: can you fucking tell me that off air? Please? That's
Speaker 1: going to change a lot of the trajectory of their careers.
Speaker 1: Photo shoots are fucking nerveless. Now a separate a separate person,
Speaker 1: another per of fella, a person who's not you as
Speaker 1: a man. Yeah, okay, oh my god. I was like,
Speaker 1: you're a bit for breaking that to me. I love
Speaker 1: being a woman, That's what I thought, or as much
Speaker 1: of a woman as I count as you are a
Speaker 1: full fledged woman. You've seen it all. So lady Fucker's man,
Speaker 1: Fucker's undecided suckers for the first time and guys, we
Speaker 1: fucked history. This second half of your fearless leadership has
Speaker 1: taken on A boyfriend. Happened this happened. His name is James.
Speaker 1: Oh you're gonna say is they We had a publicity
Speaker 1: of meeting about it, and people present at that publicity
Speaker 1: meeting where me and James and we just and I
Speaker 1: and I voted no name, and then he voted fully
Speaker 1: and then I think because he wasn't twitterfaller, No, that's no.
Speaker 1: We had that conversation and then we settled on first name.
Speaker 1: It was nice, it was there. There was a lot
Speaker 1: of conversation. It was honestly, it was so it was
Speaker 1: such a weird thing to do because I'm so used
Speaker 1: to be sharing it part of my personal life on
Speaker 1: this podcast. On this podcast, you don't share any party
Speaker 1: of personal life in anywhere else and I've never and
Speaker 1: it was so hard to deal with this, Like we
Speaker 1: really did actually have to sit down and talk about
Speaker 1: this and decide how to me announcement. We decided to
Speaker 1: announce it on Facebook, which I know I wouldn't ever
Speaker 1: could not believe you did that. I wouldn't. I've never
Speaker 1: done that. Yeah, I mean I've grin fishers in a relationship,
Speaker 1: but never never on that. And I was like, how
Speaker 1: did it feel? Were you scared? Um? It was honestly
Speaker 1: easier because it just it took care of it without
Speaker 1: me having to have the conversation separately with everybody. But
Speaker 1: it was so crazy because I've been single for so long.
Speaker 1: Like the publicist at the spa that I work at
Speaker 1: called me and congratulated me today, Like I was, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I did a Ted talk right? Fun? That
Speaker 1: who Ted? I'm know who Ted is? Um, I want
Speaker 1: to know who James is. But yeah, So it's been
Speaker 1: just very weird. Um but good and I don't I
Speaker 1: feel like a like a baby fawn learning how to
Speaker 1: walk again. But it's great because we're doing it together
Speaker 1: because I haven't been in a relationship in four years
Speaker 1: and he hasn't been in a relationship in eight years. Wow,
Speaker 1: I didn't know that, and both both of us basically
Speaker 1: stopped dating because we were very heartbroken by somebody. Oh no,
Speaker 1: it's so weird, Like, well, does he also not want
Speaker 1: to um crowd surf because he has no faith in humanity? Probably? Well,
Speaker 1: it's it's like even like the simplest thing like I
Speaker 1: sent him. I sent him this photo that I found
Speaker 1: on Instagram of a bunch of girls turning backwards with
Speaker 1: their butts sticking out and I go, which butts you like?
Speaker 1: And it was a lot. There was a lot of
Speaker 1: different butts to choose from. How many butts like ten butts.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of fucking butts. And he chose the
Speaker 1: same butt. Shut the funk up. And then I was like,
Speaker 1: this is meant to be Wow, yeah, we have it's weird.
Speaker 1: We have to see everything like it just that's amazing.
Speaker 1: And but so it seems like I know people like, oh,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be too similar, but at the same t
Speaker 1: should be too what it's too similar? Some people are
Speaker 1: like against people being too similar. But also it's very
Speaker 1: easy for me to deal with it in some ways
Speaker 1: because whenever I'm like, oh, I wonder what he's thinking,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, correct if
Speaker 1: you were in this situation, what would you be thinking?
Speaker 1: And then that's what he's thinking. That's wonderful and there's
Speaker 1: no there's no games. But then sometimes when we when
Speaker 1: like the things that are frustrating about me, like I'm
Speaker 1: difficult to talk to and stuff like that, I was like,
Speaker 1: is he I was like Jesus Christ. I was like,
Speaker 1: I must be fucking impossible to deal with. And he
Speaker 1: was like, I know, I'm dealing with it too, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is great, so then maybe you'll learn
Speaker 1: about yourself dat I already learned, because the thing is
Speaker 1: like this is like we just announced this, but this
Speaker 1: has been going on since late last year, so just really.
Speaker 1: But I think when I was I was thinking about
Speaker 1: like my thoughts on it, because it is this huge
Speaker 1: step that I have, you know, very hard time trusting people. Um,
Speaker 1: but it's great when a person, uh improves your life
Speaker 1: when it's already going well instead of just kind of
Speaker 1: whooping in and turning it inside out. Like I was
Speaker 1: already happy. I didn't need to be saved or rescued.
Speaker 1: And I think that's such an important specific to find out.
Speaker 1: Like when someone comes along and saves you, I feel
Speaker 1: like you're fucked. No one has ever become my boyfriend
Speaker 1: because they've saved me. They've come around when I was
Speaker 1: already ready and open to it. And that's a beautiful relation.
Speaker 1: That'll be a beautiful relationship, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's such a good step for relationship, like first step. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Because I mean the reason part of the reason I
Speaker 1: wanted to do this podcast was because I wanted to
Speaker 1: become a better person who then in turn could become
Speaker 1: a better mate. And it took me a really long time.
Speaker 1: I wasn't even open to the possibility of being in
Speaker 1: a relationship and tell me be like last year, like
Speaker 1: it's not even the beginning of like mid last year,
Speaker 1: I was like kind of like, maybe I can start
Speaker 1: doing this again, Like maybe I feel comfortable because for
Speaker 1: so long, like I would have the little like things
Speaker 1: with people, but I was just like I truly believe that.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is not working because like the
Speaker 1: universe is like telling me, like you're not ready. You're
Speaker 1: not ready emotionally, you're not ready as a person, You're
Speaker 1: not your career isn't ready, Like there's still more things
Speaker 1: you can do. And I feel like now I'm at
Speaker 1: a point where I'm like, Okay, not that I can
Speaker 1: turn my back on all the stuff that I've worked
Speaker 1: so hard on never, but that I can give myself
Speaker 1: a break kind of like being in a relationship is
Speaker 1: giving myself a break a little bit like saying, like
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, you've worked so hard for four years, like
Speaker 1: you're allowed to fucking watch TV with your boy. That
Speaker 1: makes me so happy to hear because you're very hard
Speaker 1: on you. It's very hard for me, like I feel
Speaker 1: good to say, but also because you do deserve it.
Speaker 1: But you work your fucking ass off, dude. Everyone knows
Speaker 1: you as the person who works, like you're always hustling,
Speaker 1: and it's like sometimes I see and you like take
Speaker 1: a second and just like enjoy joy I know I
Speaker 1: do need. And James is fucking rad man. He's so cool.
Speaker 1: I mean what I know of him, he is very cool.
Speaker 1: And if he's anything like you, he's the best super
Speaker 1: calm um. But yeah, no, and it was, but it's
Speaker 1: a kind of motivating too because it's like a it's
Speaker 1: like a reward to look forward to in the day.
Speaker 1: Like even the other day, I was like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: have to get this done. There's no way I cannot.
Speaker 1: I can like neglect this work that I have to do.
Speaker 1: So I was like it was kind of just like
Speaker 1: you can eat dessert after you do your homework. Like
Speaker 1: I was like, you gotta have to get this done.
Speaker 1: And then it almost made me do it faster because
Speaker 1: I was like, as soon as I get this done,
Speaker 1: I guess JA and this is great. So it was great.
Speaker 1: So and I know, and I kind of feel in
Speaker 1: a way, and I've already gotten some feedback from some
Speaker 1: people I know personally, like Karin, you're the biggest advocate
Speaker 1: of being single, and I feel like I'm like letting
Speaker 1: people think you're an advocate. You're the biggest advocate of
Speaker 1: loving yourself first. That's what you're the biggest And that's yeah.
Speaker 1: And I said, I would never tell someone if they
Speaker 1: met someone that they truly felt was supposed to be
Speaker 1: in their life, to turn your back on that or
Speaker 1: to deny yourself for that. I'm just saying, like I
Speaker 1: feel like so often people are in relationships because they
Speaker 1: feel like they should be in a relationship. You shouldn't
Speaker 1: be in a relationship because you feel like you should
Speaker 1: be in a relationship. You could. You should be in
Speaker 1: a relationship because you feel like your life is better
Speaker 1: when that person is with you and then they make
Speaker 1: you better, and you know, it shouldn't feel like a task,
Speaker 1: It should feel like freedom, like this is this is
Speaker 1: I the what the Guys We podcast does for other people,
Speaker 1: Like Atlantis Morris that did for me. So I'm constantly
Speaker 1: like just thinking back to Atlantis morrisset lyrics and so
Speaker 1: there's like certain things that I look for in you know,
Speaker 1: in the things that she said, and just like being
Speaker 1: in a relationship and at atack going down that's so important.
Speaker 1: I've given a hand job in a year. I've never
Speaker 1: gonna blow job, but maybe this is you know, this
Speaker 1: is my moment. James listen, I mean, he'd be into it. First,
Speaker 1: Let's go let's you go see a movie with herror. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So that's the news. That's fucking rad and it's exciting,
Speaker 1: but it's also scary. And you know what, I could
Speaker 1: funk this up and turn around and be like next week,
Speaker 1: like this is over. It could be the worst or
Speaker 1: best thing ever. It's a lot of pressure also having
Speaker 1: to announce it, but because of the nature of what
Speaker 1: you do, what you're known for, like the podcast being
Speaker 1: such a big deal that I think and it's all
Speaker 1: about relationships and I said and I felt like, well,
Speaker 1: it's a line and not And then also you know,
Speaker 1: he was like, oh, well it's weird if you don't
Speaker 1: tell people like you know, I'm just like yeah, But
Speaker 1: there was a there was a certain like selfishness to it.
Speaker 1: I was like, don't you understand, Like I've had to
Speaker 1: share everything for so long, like I want. I was like,
Speaker 1: is it wrong to be like? I just want you
Speaker 1: to myself? That's how I felt. That's why I was like,
Speaker 1: really like, and I was like, I guess i'll talk
Speaker 1: about Are you happy you talked about it? I don't
Speaker 1: know that now they can't hear this in an air yet.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'll ask you Saturday. Everyone's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, that's how cool. That's looking awesome. But anyway,
Speaker 1: that's that's what. Yeah, let's read some Here's an email
Speaker 1: from a guy who is not having such a good time.
Speaker 1: Good transition the subject line. I didn't put the subject
Speaker 1: let in here, but I'm pretty sure this is what
Speaker 1: it was. I'm fuck, I fucked my wife's sister. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh that ain't good. And I wasn't a play on words. No,
Speaker 1: that's what he said, because that's what he did. Hey. Everyone,
Speaker 1: Uh makes mistakes and uh, the cops are coming for
Speaker 1: you now you're the sirens. Guys were in my living
Speaker 1: room all right. Hey, hello ladies. I enjoy the show.
Speaker 1: I find myself continually continually enlightened by you and your guests.
Speaker 1: I'm writing because of two reasons. First, I truly want
Speaker 1: to make this right. Second, my guilt is overwhelming. I
Speaker 1: felt like you both are genuinely open minded and non judgmental.
Speaker 1: So in a very literal way, you two are the
Speaker 1: only people I could actually come to with this. So
Speaker 1: here it goes. Last month, I slept with my sister
Speaker 1: in law. I've been married for five years and I
Speaker 1: love my wife. I have never cheated on her or
Speaker 1: any other girl I've been with. Prior to her sister,
Speaker 1: I had only been with my wife and two other women.
Speaker 1: The situation is obviously weird, and I found myself trying
Speaker 1: to avoid being alone with my sister in law. It
Speaker 1: all started around Christmas when she got my name in
Speaker 1: our family gift exchange. She got me a gift card
Speaker 1: to my favorite restaurant and a coupon that said homemade
Speaker 1: dessert by her name. My wife has always said things
Speaker 1: like if I die, please Mary, my sister and you
Speaker 1: guys are so much alike, etcetera. My wife also has
Speaker 1: encouraged us to go on quote dates. We would hang
Speaker 1: out after dinner or a movie, and she stayed the
Speaker 1: night several times without a hint of sensual tension. Then
Speaker 1: about a month ago, things weren't crazy. My wife works
Speaker 1: third shifts as a nurse, and so we went on
Speaker 1: a date I'm assuming with his sister in law. I
Speaker 1: use my gift card for dinner and then told her
Speaker 1: we should go shopping for dessert ingredients to fulfill my
Speaker 1: Christmas present. Her exact words were, how about I just
Speaker 1: flash you my boobs. I jokingly laughed and said, of course.
Speaker 1: We then decided to go to a local bar and
Speaker 1: play darts and have some drinks. I don't drink often,
Speaker 1: so after a few drinks, I was tipsy. She was
Speaker 1: getting drunk as well and began to get more flirty.
Speaker 1: She decided to start making bets on dart throws. It
Speaker 1: escalated quickly from a smack on the ass to seeing
Speaker 1: her completely naked. That's pretty quick, It's very that's a
Speaker 1: quick escalator. It's like you have a magic power. It's
Speaker 1: like I dream of Genie smacked the ass, all the
Speaker 1: clothes going, oh God, if that happened, no one would
Speaker 1: live a full life. Anyway, we left the bar and
Speaker 1: walked home, and I had honestly forgot about any of
Speaker 1: those bets. When we got home, we continued to drink
Speaker 1: on the couch. She asked me to rub her feet,
Speaker 1: which I was more than willing to do because I
Speaker 1: have a heavy foot fetish. I'm not sure if this
Speaker 1: is something my wife communicated to her and she knew
Speaker 1: I'd find it arousing, or she just really wanted a
Speaker 1: foot rub. Oh. After a few drinks and the foot rub,
Speaker 1: I told her that I was going to bed. She
Speaker 1: objected and said that I won a couple of the
Speaker 1: bets and that she had to keep them because when
Speaker 1: you make a bet, if you'll keep it, you'll go
Speaker 1: to jail. I added that in my mind, I couldn't
Speaker 1: help but think this is awesome. I'm going to see
Speaker 1: her naked. I didn't for one moment think about the
Speaker 1: consequences or repercussions. She came back into the living room
Speaker 1: wearing a robe and asked if I wanted to take
Speaker 1: it off. I did, shocking. She stood in front of
Speaker 1: me naked, and I was, of course overcome with hormones.
Speaker 1: I asked her to back up and then asked if
Speaker 1: I could motor boat her ass. It goes without saying,
Speaker 1: but we fucked. In fact, we fucked three times. It
Speaker 1: was honestly the best sex i'd ever had, which I
Speaker 1: think makes me feel worse. My question is do I
Speaker 1: tell my wife. Part of me thinks it's the only
Speaker 1: way to relieve the guilt, and then I think that
Speaker 1: I'm being selfish because I could ruin my entire family's life.
Speaker 1: I am so confused. Oh my okay, god, listener, Oh
Speaker 1: my god. So I feel like I mean, this is
Speaker 1: this is like a movie, like I I I've heard
Speaker 1: of this happened. Yes, so whoever wrote this, Sorry, we're
Speaker 1: taking your rights away. Um, okay, you've only slept with
Speaker 1: a few people, okay, to to other people than your
Speaker 1: wife and now your wife's sister. It's weird that your
Speaker 1: wife encourage you guys to date or something. But I
Speaker 1: think if it was me and I had a sister,
Speaker 1: I would feel so I would probably say ship like
Speaker 1: that and feel so comfortable with Stephen being with my sister.
Speaker 1: I don't have a sister, so I don't know what
Speaker 1: it's like to have a sister. It could be just
Speaker 1: people with sisters could be yelling into their phones right now,
Speaker 1: but I would completely trust that I wouldn't. In no
Speaker 1: way I think that my husband would fuck my sister.
Speaker 1: You gotta tell her. How can you not tell her?
Speaker 1: That's so? This woman is is. I don't know how
Speaker 1: she'll react. I assume really pissed. And it might make
Speaker 1: that it will make that family dynamic sucked up for
Speaker 1: a while. I think. So, you think it's a percent
Speaker 1: tell to tell her if it was a random person
Speaker 1: or someone that he knew that was far in the
Speaker 1: distance and not someone that's going to be at every
Speaker 1: holiday and everything'sgiving and every everything. When a family member dies,
Speaker 1: she's gonna be. It's just you can't aford her for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. I know. But this is
Speaker 1: this is he this I see. I feel like he
Speaker 1: did this and this is and exactly what he talks about,
Speaker 1: like relieving the guilt. No, you fucking fucked up and
Speaker 1: you live with this skilt. Now, this is this is
Speaker 1: the you don't want to destroy. This is going to
Speaker 1: destroy the relationship between two sisters. And for me, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know you have a brother. I don't. I don't know,
Speaker 1: like you know, you're pretty close with your brother, like
Speaker 1: my brother is. I would say, I love you the
Speaker 1: most important person to me in the entire world. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go with that. I think That's how I feel.
Speaker 1: But it's it's so hard. There's a lot of important
Speaker 1: but my brother is like the most important person to
Speaker 1: be in the entire world, and um, the bond between
Speaker 1: siblings is so strong and unique like this is. And
Speaker 1: I know the other sister who I know I hate,
Speaker 1: it seems like they don't in this situation though, And
Speaker 1: and I mean, what if they've But what if I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: if the wife has encouraged them to go on dates
Speaker 1: and if you die, if I die, I please date
Speaker 1: my sister. Blah blah blah. What if she wouldn't be
Speaker 1: as pissed as I think she would be. I don't know.
Speaker 1: The only thing I can think of is I was like,
Speaker 1: it could be a really fucked up sexual fantasy, in
Speaker 1: which that's my other thought, in that this was something
Speaker 1: that you know, she could she had thought of, and
Speaker 1: that actually arouses her that I don't. I don't push
Speaker 1: that aside at all. I totally would believe that I
Speaker 1: know many people who have sucked siblings like I had
Speaker 1: a three way with I think, well, I think first
Speaker 1: of all, he needs I think he needs to have
Speaker 1: a very intense, sit down conversation with a sister in law.
Speaker 1: That's I think that's step one, because this is I
Speaker 1: don't even know how this happened, honestly, like I have been,
Speaker 1: I have turned sex down with the person. And I
Speaker 1: can say this easily with the person I have most
Speaker 1: wanted to have sex with in my entire life. It
Speaker 1: was offered to me on a silver platter and I
Speaker 1: said no, which I could never do that. It was very,
Speaker 1: very hard, but I did it. And this is not
Speaker 1: like fucking patting me on back is because it was
Speaker 1: not right. It was not okay people were in relationship.
Speaker 1: It was absolutely not okay. And I wanted to so
Speaker 1: badly and I didn't. So it's possible to have that willpower. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he didn't have that. Well, you fucked up, and
Speaker 1: you fucked up real bad, and no one's excusing you,
Speaker 1: and you shouldn't excuse yourself. He doesn't sound like he's know,
Speaker 1: like you suked up real bad and that, but that's
Speaker 1: why you're I mean, yeah, I just, I just I
Speaker 1: I think the relationship between some like you're gonna do,
Speaker 1: You're gonna destroy a flame and not even your own
Speaker 1: family just joined the whole family. If she reacts in
Speaker 1: a way that is possible. There's a like a maybe
Speaker 1: in my head. Now there's like a five percent chance
Speaker 1: that she would think it's hot. And I did think that.
Speaker 1: I didn't think it was like a weird, kinky thing
Speaker 1: that they maybe they had. I mean, I hope. I
Speaker 1: mean that's why you talk to the sister first. Has
Speaker 1: has that ever been discussed? Because it's just for me,
Speaker 1: with cheating and confessing cheating, you're just hurting the person
Speaker 1: that you cheated on even more than you already did
Speaker 1: with the act that you did. Yeah, and I get
Speaker 1: I can. I can understand having an affair that's like
Speaker 1: an affair could be good for a marriage. Like Dan
Speaker 1: Savage says this all the time. It's the first time
Speaker 1: I ever heard this, and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: You're fucking right. Cheating is not at the end of
Speaker 1: the world. But when is your family you cheated on?
Speaker 1: It's your wife's gyalty were broken on both sides. It's
Speaker 1: her fault too. Oh hell yeah, absolutely, um, but you
Speaker 1: know you always I think the person who holds the
Speaker 1: most blame is is the person in the committed relationship.
Speaker 1: I don't know if the way this sister is also
Speaker 1: married to that's a whole, that's a horse of a
Speaker 1: different color, should talk to her, and and this can
Speaker 1: absolutely never happen again, Like seriously never, Yeah, don't do
Speaker 1: it again, dude, unless something has come out in the
Speaker 1: meantime in the interim where we really let a huge
Speaker 1: sexual fantasy and your guys are all sucking together. Can
Speaker 1: I just say I was like in the middle of
Speaker 1: something very like I had to give my attention and
Speaker 1: I got this email. I read this, I was like,
Speaker 1: I gotta go real quick to read this. So, yeah, listener,
Speaker 1: if if there's been any developments, please let me know,
Speaker 1: because I don't know. I don't know how you get
Speaker 1: yourself out of that one sucked up. You gotta live
Speaker 1: with it if it kills the guilt kills you so bad,
Speaker 1: or if you feel like you need to do it again,
Speaker 1: you gotta don't. Don't keep your wife in them. And
Speaker 1: also another thing not to do is so you don't
Speaker 1: you decide not to tell, then you let the guilt
Speaker 1: eat away at you, and then you take it out
Speaker 1: by lashing out on your wife's another thing not to
Speaker 1: do she get in the short ends all the sticks. Um,
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think I think if we're going to
Speaker 1: take just our advice to take at step by step,
Speaker 1: talk to the sister and then come back to us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: can we do that? Can we do with two parter?
Speaker 1: I would really Yeah, Well we'll do it fast. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna email answer this and be like, hey, we read
Speaker 1: your email. You gotta give us an up there. Um okay,
Speaker 1: So then we have a second email. Hey, g w
Speaker 1: F big fan of the show. So I got a
Speaker 1: question for y'all, and we'll keep it short and sweet.
Speaker 1: So I hope you get around to answering it. Twenty
Speaker 1: five year old mail here in a long term relationship.
Speaker 1: When we were on vacation two years ago, we had
Speaker 1: an MFM threesome male female mail uh threesome with a
Speaker 1: random dude we met at a club and it was fantastic,
Speaker 1: love that this is a man writing this. Uh. It
Speaker 1: was a one night thing and we never saw or
Speaker 1: talked to this dude again ever since then. However, all
Speaker 1: I want is to share my girl with multiple guys,
Speaker 1: and I can't get off when I fuck her without
Speaker 1: thinking of her with another dick in her getting gang
Speaker 1: banged with me, or while I watch I want to
Speaker 1: watch her get fucked by some stud and then fuck
Speaker 1: her afterwards, and uh no, it doesn't really matter. I'm
Speaker 1: just obsessed with the idea of her getting railed right
Speaker 1: in front of me by one or more guys. The
Speaker 1: problem is she's not interested. I'm not asking for m
Speaker 1: f F male female female in return. I just want
Speaker 1: to see her with another guy, and ideally multiple other men,
Speaker 1: and the idea just turns me on so damn much.
Speaker 1: You're really selling us. Yeah, I'm getting turned on every
Speaker 1: time she goes out with her friends or is on vacation.
Speaker 1: I want to encourage her to quote cheat, but she
Speaker 1: won't and stay into it. This sounds awesome. It sounds
Speaker 1: to me like it was a one time thing that
Speaker 1: we did and she isn't that interested in doing it again.
Speaker 1: But I really really want it. She as fucking hot
Speaker 1: as the sun, like legit model material and gets hit
Speaker 1: on all the time, and I know it would be
Speaker 1: easy to find multiple suitors to share her with me.
Speaker 1: All Right, it's weird when you say, yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: little in the laddin, But why won't she indulge in
Speaker 1: essentially far too far? I didn't know you had fucking internet,
Speaker 1: But why wasn't she indulge in essentially a free unlimited
Speaker 1: hall pass. I am granting her. Help me out, ladies,
Speaker 1: please tell me what I can do to help her
Speaker 1: change your mind. I will be forever great. But it's
Speaker 1: so funny to me that, like, as a man writing
Speaker 1: this letter, it's like he truly can't wrap his mind
Speaker 1: or why his girlfriend only wants to fuck him. That's
Speaker 1: my favorite part of this email. It's just he's like
Speaker 1: put on saying, fuck any one. What are you talking? Stay,
Speaker 1: I'll date you. You sound awesome. No, I it's he
Speaker 1: has a cut, colding fetish. I totally get that. I
Speaker 1: do as well. I want to hear about my boyfriend
Speaker 1: what he thinks about other I would I've I've lined
Speaker 1: and shut up right now as we speak, to have
Speaker 1: my boyfriend other chicks. I cannot remember the last time
Speaker 1: I had sex with a man and didn't picture that
Speaker 1: man get having sex with someone else. Yes, yes, and
Speaker 1: a very in a very demeaning manner, a lot of
Speaker 1: a lot of dick slapping in the face, and that
Speaker 1: that would not be okay with me. That's Karen. But
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't remember the last time I had
Speaker 1: sex where I didn't use that thought to help make
Speaker 1: me calm. Really, yeah, oh my god, I didn't know
Speaker 1: you thought about that all night. That's my goat. I
Speaker 1: have to think about every tenter masturbate usually has to
Speaker 1: be someone I know though. That's like I just I
Speaker 1: just take mental notes of who's hitting on whoever I'm fucking,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, we're gonna use that for a spank bank.
Speaker 1: And I want you to pull dough all over face.
Speaker 1: If there's anything I want you listeners to know, it's
Speaker 1: that women have a spank bank too. Oh hell, I
Speaker 1: want you to take that. When I was at the
Speaker 1: cutting room and I saw Chris no who plays big
Speaker 1: on sex in the City talk forever, even if Corbit
Speaker 1: who was eight in on sexes, Yeah, it doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: whatever the other, whatever wherever life takes it, I have
Speaker 1: masturbated to that moment, and I stared behind them very creepily,
Speaker 1: like I lurked. I was that guy that all women
Speaker 1: like want to die like. I was horribly creepy. That's
Speaker 1: that was the best edition of my spank bank in
Speaker 1: a very long time. Oh gosh, I love spank banks.
Speaker 1: Yeah really just jump So anyway, so you want your
Speaker 1: golfront are too around. I know problem you want your
Speaker 1: girlfriend to funk all the dudes and she's like, but
Speaker 1: I only love you when you're pissed about it. Right now,
Speaker 1: there have been what if you just corporated it in
Speaker 1: your dirty talk. Yeah, that's a good start, and that's
Speaker 1: also very fulfilling for me. It has been very fulfilling
Speaker 1: to have to corporate that in my dirty talk, and
Speaker 1: it kind of it doesn't exactly take the place of
Speaker 1: another woman being with us, but it does take up
Speaker 1: of the place. Because my problem with this email is
Speaker 1: you are acting like this is like you're giving her
Speaker 1: a big fucking gift, but this is your You have
Speaker 1: to understand this is your fantasy, not her fantasy. So
Speaker 1: even if it's her who's getting to engage in the
Speaker 1: sexual act, she's gotta like it. Yeah, it's not her
Speaker 1: who is benefiting from it, it's you. You. So so
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes in relationships, we want things and we
Speaker 1: don't get that. I'm preparing myself for that now, not
Speaker 1: looking forward. Now you're dating you got to s Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he wants probably to humiliate, So we're both just
Speaker 1: gonna do whatever we want it and I'll end in
Speaker 1: a fiery ambush. Oh that's my positive girl. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a very good point. Sometimes people have fetishes and it's
Speaker 1: like a puzzle piece. I like getting funed by the
Speaker 1: guys in front of my boyfriend. It's a perfect match
Speaker 1: for this specific king. But sometimes it's not. So you
Speaker 1: can't either. If I think if she's not into the
Speaker 1: idea of incorporating into her dirty talk, which she might
Speaker 1: not be, because that's maybe she shouldn't like that, then
Speaker 1: maybe you just got to think it in your head. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's also like, maybe just take a moment and
Speaker 1: step the funk back and realize how thankful you should
Speaker 1: be that this happened even once I know. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: And that's in your spank bank. Yeah, And that's the thing,
Speaker 1: And that's a moment that you can use in the bedroom, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and in your mind when you masturbate for quite sometimes
Speaker 1: like that should hold you over. Yeah, And also like
Speaker 1: how to bring that up to her, like, Hey, I
Speaker 1: know that you express like not really being interested in
Speaker 1: having other men incorporated in our sex life. If you
Speaker 1: ever changed your mind on that totally, let me know
Speaker 1: would you be into having us talking about it while
Speaker 1: we're because it's also super aggressive. Like I mean, like
Speaker 1: a very few women I think actually want to be
Speaker 1: gang bangs. Um. Yeah, I wouldn't mind. Yeah you would,
Speaker 1: you would, but the circumstances have to align so perfectly. Also,
Speaker 1: trust multiple men to do that. Yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: gotta say, I I don't think I'm into that. And
Speaker 1: then so it's like, and you know, if you are,
Speaker 1: that's cool. But I sometimes it seems not fantasized about
Speaker 1: multiple of my exes with me at once. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: would be. That would be awesome. So I always think
Speaker 1: about I want that one guy. I just want them
Speaker 1: all to line up next to each other, so I
Speaker 1: can just look at them in a row. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: just jerk off right in front of him. I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I would just feeling I just did for me. I
Speaker 1: would just kind of like tilt my head like puppy.
Speaker 1: It's been fun. That was Jents choices things. Those are
Speaker 1: things I did. Those are things. Those are dicks that
Speaker 1: were that were done inside me. Hope that helps. And
Speaker 1: if you have an update too, if you like, if
Speaker 1: there's an update in your situation right us, again this
Speaker 1: is interesting to Yeah, I so it's Yeah, great emails. Guys.
Speaker 1: If you want to send us an email, it's sorry
Speaker 1: about last Night Show at gmail dot com. Or if
Speaker 1: you want it was a quick thing, you can tweet
Speaker 1: us at s r Y about last and Yet on Twitter,
Speaker 1: follwus on Instagram all that good stuff. Christina, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: our guest is so great. There's something else before that,
Speaker 1: what you're sleeping on something? Can you tell us about it?
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, I am just selfless to be
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Speaker 1: I got a Casper mattress. They sent one to me
Speaker 1: and it's so I've had been sleeping on a food
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Speaker 1: we got noticed that Casper wanted to sponsor this fucking podcast,
Speaker 1: I was like, you give me a Gadam mattress, Casper,
Speaker 1: and they were like, calm down, first of all, um, Secondly,
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Speaker 1: my life has changed. Yeah you really, you're so well arrested.
Speaker 1: You gave so much extra ad time that you really did.
Speaker 1: I really I felt it. I'm sorry it deserves Yeah,
Speaker 1: you felt it, you felt I guess who else we
Speaker 1: felt this week's Yes, So you guys have heard me
Speaker 1: talking about her Weekend week Out. She I feel like
Speaker 1: she's part of the gw F family, even though she's
Speaker 1: never been on the episode. One of the most loyal
Speaker 1: listeners after my mother and my boy like she really like,
Speaker 1: I get a text every time she listens to the episode,
Speaker 1: and she's never missed an episode. Part of the reason
Speaker 1: we were friends is because of the Guys We podcast Uh,
Speaker 1: which continues to bring God into my life. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you's so blessed and Uh. She's the co host of
Speaker 1: Nacho Bitches. She's an awesome fucking stand up comedian. Please
Speaker 1: see her if she's in town near you. And she's
Speaker 1: coming out on her own MTV show. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of her in June called lady like, please look out
Speaker 1: for it. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the show. Blair sacky, lady,
Speaker 1: so fucking happy baby, get a bitch, bitch, bitch bitch.
Speaker 1: So I gotta get yet, I gotta get a bit.
Speaker 1: I say it. I said, it's say what's Japanese wine? Yeah,
Speaker 1: sacky to me? Her inserted me say that a few times. Well,
Speaker 1: it's perfect, it makes sense. It's and it's an alcohol,
Speaker 1: so we can all remember what people say so chi like.
Speaker 1: It's like some kind of like a like bochi like boh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess that's an e saky, saucy everything saucy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I don't They're just trying to compliment too
Speaker 1: much creative freedom on that one. We're so excited to
Speaker 1: have you here. Oh, thank you so much. I am thrilled.
Speaker 1: You know, I have been a fan from the very start. Guys,
Speaker 1: we brought Blair and I together. It sure did, did it? Well,
Speaker 1: you're bots on a show together at Revision Lounge, I believe.
Speaker 1: And then Danny Palmer of ex Gus fame said had
Speaker 1: said to me like outside, he was like, you know
Speaker 1: you really like Blair Sky and I was like okay.
Speaker 1: And then we met and I was like, you're the
Speaker 1: person who Danny Palmer said I would really like. And
Speaker 1: then you were like I love your podcast. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then Karin was like and I love you already. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was it. Well, it was funny because we became friends,
Speaker 1: like right when it's started. I feel like actually was
Speaker 1: before it started, because didn't you started in December and
Speaker 1: we became friends and like that Fallow super fan. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so was interesting because also like when I mean, this
Speaker 1: sounds corny, but where I come from such a conservative
Speaker 1: background that like listening to the podcast, like my ideas
Speaker 1: about sex and everything have evolved listening every week. It's
Speaker 1: crazy just overhearing somebody else talk about something because I
Speaker 1: was I was talking to see him about this last
Speaker 1: night and we talked about all the time. The podcast
Speaker 1: is the only format that you can do this in
Speaker 1: because and to have this intimate of a conversation, because
Speaker 1: even I would would freeze up. I don't I would
Speaker 1: not say what I say on this podcast in front
Speaker 1: of a giant room of people or on camera. I
Speaker 1: feel like I would just be a little more scared
Speaker 1: to talk about my clip or something. Yeah, I'm always
Speaker 1: forgetting what I'm saying on here and then people say
Speaker 1: it back, like what the fund did I say? How
Speaker 1: did I say that? I say that? I mean that
Speaker 1: makes complete sense because it just feels like you're talking
Speaker 1: to your friends exactly, and that's what we're doing. We're
Speaker 1: in my living room and it's really dope. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: created a very safe environment for Blair today. We did. Um,
Speaker 1: So you were saying your background, you grew up in
Speaker 1: a conservative background. Do you have a joke. I love
Speaker 1: your joke about you were basically you were raised to
Speaker 1: be a linebacker. So thank you. Yeah, it's true. Um,
Speaker 1: I model's number one customer over here. Most adorable linebacker
Speaker 1: I've ever Oh that's so nice. Yeah, Karin just constantly
Speaker 1: gives me shipped for my clothes. Uh why she like
Speaker 1: she does that to me, like show more cleavage? Yeah no, no, okay,
Speaker 1: Well let's I'm sorry you. It's acceptable Blair. Blair shows
Speaker 1: up two shows like she's starting lineup for the Knicks, Like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? I wear really baggy ship. It's
Speaker 1: weird because yeah, I grew up on the youngest of
Speaker 1: older brothers my dad. It was like kind of it
Speaker 1: was like I didn't want to stick out as being
Speaker 1: another in my family, so I just kind of like assimilated,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, I know exactly what
Speaker 1: that I I My dad taught me to change the
Speaker 1: breaks on his car when I was like sixteen. Hell yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: that's incredible Hutchinson's Yeah. And also, I mean where I
Speaker 1: grew up in Orange County, where there's it's so focused
Speaker 1: on vanity and how you look, and that was projected
Speaker 1: on me at such a young age that I think
Speaker 1: it was almost like a political statement for me to
Speaker 1: just be like, fuck you, I'm gonna be ugly, you know,
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean, Like Andrew, like, I
Speaker 1: was just like I'm gonna be just blend. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that don't show the shape of my body. I guess,
Speaker 1: like if I ever go to the beach or you know,
Speaker 1: someone sees me naked, they're like, wow, like considerably smaller
Speaker 1: than I thought you were. Yeah. I like how you
Speaker 1: said if someone sees you naked, like it might happen
Speaker 1: one day, but still hasn't no naked yet. Guys, very
Speaker 1: cook head dish. I've seen a picture of your booms
Speaker 1: in a bathing suit and I liked it. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I don't see you very big. I can't tell because
Speaker 1: you wear bags over shoulders. Oh wow, they're very big.
Speaker 1: What sais for you? God? I found out. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess there's no reason to hide it because it's
Speaker 1: on TV. Now. There was like a segment it will
Speaker 1: be on TV where I get fitted in a brawl. Horrifying.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like I'm a I'm a thirty two double D.
Speaker 1: That's exactly my side. Yeah. Wow, see, and I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be I would never know. And then once I take
Speaker 1: my shirt off in front of like a guy I'm
Speaker 1: fucking They're like, holy shit, keep these puppies hidden. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you know, it's a little surprised at the beach. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: you know, it looks you wouldn't know. I take my
Speaker 1: shirt off and it's a surprise to people, like, wow,
Speaker 1: those are a lot smaller there. You're so good at
Speaker 1: dressing yourself, no grin, you wear things where I'm like,
Speaker 1: that is incredible, Like if I wore that, I'd be
Speaker 1: arrested for indecently But that's a good point. Though, because
Speaker 1: that's why I do enjoy being flashed, because I can
Speaker 1: just almost show up naked and everyone's like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: have freedom, You have all sorts of creative because no
Speaker 1: one's interested. You can jog without pain. No, it still hurts.
Speaker 1: And that's the bit I have to wear. You have
Speaker 1: to wear sports brastel. Yeah yeah, so, uh what there
Speaker 1: is no sex talk in your family? No sex talk
Speaker 1: at all. I think, you know, my parents came from
Speaker 1: a different generation where it was kind of like, no,
Speaker 1: we don't talk about things. You know, you you're a child,
Speaker 1: you are seen and not heard. Like yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 1: I think that's subtle generation. You know, they were a
Speaker 1: lot less catered to their emotions and everything. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: grandparents are certainly very sweep it under the rug, and
Speaker 1: I feel like that dripped up. My parents are definitely
Speaker 1: better about it, but it's to me dripped down a
Speaker 1: little bit. So I feel like as as we go on,
Speaker 1: it gets better, right yeah and so um, and then
Speaker 1: my brothers were like always really respectful around me, like
Speaker 1: they were very protective and trying to shelter me from everything,
Speaker 1: and I was never you know, I think my mom
Speaker 1: had the attitude of like, if we don't talk about it,
Speaker 1: then maybe it won't happen. You know which did you don't?
Speaker 1: Probably about sexual never? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she'll be a
Speaker 1: virgin forever. Did your brothers get any type of sex talk,
Speaker 1: not that I know of. Did you ever, like, was
Speaker 1: there ever moments in the house where you actually walked
Speaker 1: in on one of a masturbating or no? I never
Speaker 1: one with this dick out. I've seen my brother's dick
Speaker 1: once before. It was horrified. I didn't. I walked in
Speaker 1: the room and then it was well, it was dangling
Speaker 1: out of his boxers and I was like, um, um,
Speaker 1: hey dude, you got it. And he looked down and
Speaker 1: he screamed, and I was like, yeah, we're gonna forget
Speaker 1: that that ever happened. Yeah, child, you hope and pray
Speaker 1: those things never happened. I didn't have that happen. I
Speaker 1: I did definitely try to bring it up to my
Speaker 1: mom a few times, and she was just too uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Like I tried to like, that's just the why am
Speaker 1: I want to talk about everything? And then that made
Speaker 1: me feel super like shameful. What did you ask her?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think like I was just like
Speaker 1: him a little sexy is pretty weird or so that's
Speaker 1: the beginning is of your stand up career. So confusing,
Speaker 1: But what's the deal? Was set Um? No, but it
Speaker 1: made me feel and like we since talked about it,
Speaker 1: and I think she was just like, oh God, what
Speaker 1: was I doing? Like that was a mistake. You know,
Speaker 1: she wishes probably that it would have gone down differently.
Speaker 1: But you know, I think about the older I get
Speaker 1: with parents. In regards to parents, I'm like, God, they
Speaker 1: had so much shipped to juggle and they're just trying
Speaker 1: to get through the day. And I have like a
Speaker 1: lot more compassion for them, Like every day that I
Speaker 1: get older, you are very nice, nice And most people
Speaker 1: just come on here and blame it almost every sign
Speaker 1: of it on their parents. Yeah, I mean I think, uh,
Speaker 1: I am definitely the way I am and have made
Speaker 1: choices and stuff based on the way I was raised
Speaker 1: and stuff. But I mean, like, when I think of
Speaker 1: my parents, they're just people and they're doing the best
Speaker 1: they can. Parents are humans too, and kids don't realize
Speaker 1: that until they're older and they're like, oh yeah, and
Speaker 1: I also know how much they love me, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like regardless of things I wish would
Speaker 1: have gone differently or anything, like, I know that they always,
Speaker 1: like a thousand percent want the best and we're trying
Speaker 1: their best. They tried, yeah, and I think it's I
Speaker 1: think that's that was That's a big part of becoming
Speaker 1: adult is having your your parents, and like people like
Speaker 1: teachers who you you hold on a pedestal just really
Speaker 1: disappoint you because it humanizes them. But then also it's
Speaker 1: a huge bomber. It's on par with finding outstanding is
Speaker 1: it really is, because when you're like, oh, you're not
Speaker 1: the superhero I thought you were. And it's also the yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not fair. Damn, that's up situation. You lose, you lose. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone loses. So what was your first sexual experience? Uh? My,
Speaker 1: oh my first sexual experience, Like, my first kiss was
Speaker 1: a big problem. Why was your first problem? I had
Speaker 1: a big crush on this boy named Matt Bessie, and
Speaker 1: we were going to Nott's Berry Farm as the class
Speaker 1: trip at to go to summer break in seventh grade,
Speaker 1: and everyone was going on the dinosaur ride to make out,
Speaker 1: and he asked me to go on, and then when
Speaker 1: we went on, it's an all dark slow ride, you know,
Speaker 1: and um, he stuck his tongue down my throat like
Speaker 1: in the most aggressive way, and I just started laughing,
Speaker 1: very hard to imagine. I'm sure, I'm sure. And then
Speaker 1: we got off and he told everyone that I was tight.
Speaker 1: Would you know what that meant? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't know, but you can't wait, tight
Speaker 1: like her pussy is so tight. I togued her mouth
Speaker 1: so hard, so he was pretending that he fingered, you know,
Speaker 1: I just they thought like if you kiss, that meant
Speaker 1: you or loose, and if you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: it was like, yeah, I don't think it's either your
Speaker 1: a vagina and he's making up a line so he
Speaker 1: thinks people think he fingered her, yeah, or it's like
Speaker 1: a California like tight. Yeah, I mean it was like slang.
Speaker 1: It had nothing to do with or I don't even
Speaker 1: yeah for pruf it's California's proved. Okay, well, I don't
Speaker 1: know if it was California, it was it was seventh
Speaker 1: grade Berry Farm, not knowing that it actually had to
Speaker 1: do with the tightness of a vagina. But I was
Speaker 1: so embarrassed, like what shame, you know, I felt. I
Speaker 1: like went home and cried, how did you find out
Speaker 1: that he was calling you tight? Oh? Everyone told me
Speaker 1: like after yeah, secrets aren't really well hitten in the
Speaker 1: seventh grade, I feel like someone whispers it and then
Speaker 1: the other person behind that person just like, oh, hey, Blair,
Speaker 1: you're tight. That's how d rides are such a popular places.
Speaker 1: I just remembered that my almost first kiss was at
Speaker 1: a gravitron, but it couldn't happen because we were it
Speaker 1: was spinning and I couldn't lift up my neck. That's
Speaker 1: a bad rode. I totally just remember that. I tried
Speaker 1: so hard to kiss him and then like I had drool,
Speaker 1: like because it was the gravitrates. You were like on
Speaker 1: the ceiling. You couldn't move, and the drool was like
Speaker 1: flying out of my mouth. His drool was flying on
Speaker 1: to me. But we never got to kiss. Wow, I
Speaker 1: just remembered that. I remember gravitrons. They made me so sick.
Speaker 1: I'll never I can't believe I did that. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of rides at fairs, and you know
Speaker 1: six flags, they're very unsafe. You're on it and you're like,
Speaker 1: this is not all operated by a fifteen year old. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like a lot of them do drugs and they're
Speaker 1: just texting their friends and they're like, oh, I forgot
Speaker 1: to press the button, and it's like a dumb fifteen
Speaker 1: year old. It's always a dumb fifteen year old. There's
Speaker 1: so many aren't ones out there that they should but
Speaker 1: they're too smart. Maybe that's why they're Yeah, they were
Speaker 1: smart enough to not take the job. Smart ones are
Speaker 1: like studying for the S A T and ship. But
Speaker 1: it did work at CBS, so and so that was
Speaker 1: the beginning of your sexual career. Yeah, and then I
Speaker 1: lost my virginity to um my high school boyfriend who
Speaker 1: was also a virgin and like the sweetest man in
Speaker 1: the world. Yeah, so was it a great first time?
Speaker 1: It was? Yeah, I mean like I didn't come or
Speaker 1: anything like who came the first time they had? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean just like the sweetest dude in the world
Speaker 1: and we're like really in love and yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 1: What you're in high school? Were you? I was a
Speaker 1: sophomore and he was a senior. They'd like to have
Speaker 1: sex with a virgin because I have never done that. Oh,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know. I had no idea. What like,
Speaker 1: it was my idea to do it because we're very
Speaker 1: in love and all this stuff and um, but really,
Speaker 1: I mean like I couldn't have been less prepared or
Speaker 1: had any idea of what was going to happen. And
Speaker 1: it was just to me like this very sweet thing.
Speaker 1: Were you like, let's rip the band aid? Obviously we
Speaker 1: could say we had sex. Yeah, I just thought, like
Speaker 1: you like me. Also, I kind of ran with a crowd,
Speaker 1: Like I started partying really young and really yeah, yeah
Speaker 1: I started drinking. Was like, that's cute. I did crowd.
Speaker 1: I didn't. Well, like I was like the prude. I
Speaker 1: mean everyone I had sex super young, so I I was.
Speaker 1: I waited like years after and people that doesn't even
Speaker 1: sound like a late time to lose. Yeah, did you
Speaker 1: did you feel different after you had sex? And negatively
Speaker 1: or positively? No? Because to me, it was like it
Speaker 1: happened all under the circumstances and that I wanted to.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even a guy put it in my head.
Speaker 1: It was like my idea self generated and just like
Speaker 1: a really kind of relationship. Where was it? Where were you?
Speaker 1: It was at this girl's house, her parents were on
Speaker 1: at a party, and after she asked me, like if
Speaker 1: we hooked up in the bed, because she's like, I
Speaker 1: just need to know a second change the sheets, And
Speaker 1: I was like, no, wow, so considerate step because I
Speaker 1: didn't want anyone to know, like I didn't want anyone
Speaker 1: to know I had sex, like I thought it was
Speaker 1: hopefully you didn't bleed. I didn't. Is that a thing
Speaker 1: that actually happened, that happened to me. But you're so athletic, Blair,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you had already popped your cherry a long
Speaker 1: time before cross baby cherry. Maybe where do you see?
Speaker 1: You know, if I grew up on the East Coast,
Speaker 1: I would have for sure played field hockey and probably
Speaker 1: killed some pitches like volleyball. I played volleyball. The hand
Speaker 1: motion that you was raising the roof just did a
Speaker 1: hand motion, not looked like she's never even seen that.
Speaker 1: I hate sports? You do do? Yeah, I've played a
Speaker 1: lot of sports. And oh and like because of all
Speaker 1: the I was just around guys all the time with
Speaker 1: my brothers and all their friends, and the way they
Speaker 1: talked about girls and stuff. Even though my brothers were
Speaker 1: nice dudes, like you know, if there was like the
Speaker 1: slutty girl in school, Like I was so afraid of um,
Speaker 1: of being talked about like that and to me, like
Speaker 1: the way that I understood sex, and like my brothers
Speaker 1: were always probably in a joking way but also serious
Speaker 1: like men are bad. Men are bad, like don't they
Speaker 1: They only want bad things from you? Like all this
Speaker 1: stuff mechanism, yes, but it also but I internalized that
Speaker 1: like to where you know, I really I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have to be scared. And also sex is not
Speaker 1: for me. It's something that I make a choice to
Speaker 1: either give away or keep, and once I give it away,
Speaker 1: I have no power. That's like the way that I
Speaker 1: understood set and also the vernacular like the giving taking
Speaker 1: someone's virginity. So it's that's such a little tiny thing.
Speaker 1: But the way, because that's the way everybody thinks about it,
Speaker 1: you do feel like you're losing a part of yourself,
Speaker 1: which is so yeah, I mean sex should be enriching,
Speaker 1: you're not making you less of a person or less valuable.
Speaker 1: But I feel like that's the way we kind of
Speaker 1: sometimes express it in society. Yeah, it couldn't have been
Speaker 1: more gendered thing for me. Did your parents let not
Speaker 1: let you do certain things that they would let your
Speaker 1: brothers do when they were your age, like a lot
Speaker 1: of things, you know, like I would. They would be like,
Speaker 1: you guys, go do yardwork and where you be in
Speaker 1: the kitchen? And I mean I still had to do
Speaker 1: yardwork and ship like that, but a lot of a
Speaker 1: lot of it was like there were double standards and
Speaker 1: like you're a girl, you do this, and your boy
Speaker 1: you do this. Like my brothers were allowed to do
Speaker 1: sleepovers and stuff a lot more than I wasn't allowed
Speaker 1: to do and things like that. Yeah, I remember there's
Speaker 1: a moment where I asked my dad. I was like,
Speaker 1: are you not letting me do this because I'm a girl,
Speaker 1: because I knew that DJ got to do this when
Speaker 1: he was my age, and he just goes yep. And
Speaker 1: then that was the moment that I was like, funck authority.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a badass and none of my barber's
Speaker 1: are gonna wear shirts from now on. You guys. Well,
Speaker 1: I've always been like very defiant, which uh is weird
Speaker 1: because I don't have that personality, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like I in person am very amiable and like adorable
Speaker 1: and likable and things, but I mean like kind of
Speaker 1: I've done everything opposite of every my parents have ever
Speaker 1: told me to do. Yeah, do you think that stems
Speaker 1: from like you being like pushed down so much as
Speaker 1: a from a kid, like just having those unfair, unfair
Speaker 1: treatment of you. But yeah, also being the youngest of brothers.
Speaker 1: It's just like this like which I was very close
Speaker 1: with and like spent so much time with. It was
Speaker 1: always like proving yourself and being like, you can't do that,
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, oh, yes I can, I don't
Speaker 1: do that, and I will Oh yes, I was you know,
Speaker 1: just that type of the biggest have you gotten into trouble?
Speaker 1: Like have you ever done something really stupid as a kid,
Speaker 1: like you broke into the old man Harry's house or
Speaker 1: I don't know, I mean just like a lot of partying,
Speaker 1: I think. Uh. But I also was played sports and stuff,
Speaker 1: which I really cared about, So I did everything. I
Speaker 1: did everything to aligne like I was very conscious of
Speaker 1: not getting caught for things. You know, careful, Yeah you're
Speaker 1: real undercover blayer, I guess, yes, fucking little sketch ball.
Speaker 1: So now this is the moment we've all been waiting for.
Speaker 1: In b I mean me, Christiana Uh, Now, you had
Speaker 1: an interesting relationship on savory. Maybe I don't know what
Speaker 1: words we're going to use to describe it when you
Speaker 1: were in high school with it an authority figure, and
Speaker 1: that's something that we haven't really addressed, a kind of
Speaker 1: like a relationship that maybe wasn't healthy by these like
Speaker 1: standards because of age, because of positions that people are in.
Speaker 1: I don't think we've discussed that. The only thing we've
Speaker 1: talked about I've mentioned briefly like when I was in
Speaker 1: middle school, there's a couple of inappropriate things in between
Speaker 1: me and teachers, but as far as guests, yeah, and like,
Speaker 1: so what happened with you is what I wanted to
Speaker 1: happen for me. But I'm obviously looking back at it,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm so glad it didn't. I think
Speaker 1: every girl kind of thinks that they want this to happen,
Speaker 1: but I would like, yeah, I wanted you to tell
Speaker 1: us a little bit more about it. Some maybe our
Speaker 1: young listeners can be like, hey, let's not do that,
Speaker 1: let's not do that. Sure, this is very much what
Speaker 1: not to do podcasts, as you know. Absolutely. I mean
Speaker 1: it's a little hard to talk about and something I
Speaker 1: honestly thought, especially at the time and for several years
Speaker 1: after that, I would never discuss just because I had
Speaker 1: so much shame about it. But it's this, This is
Speaker 1: the type of thing like I wish so much that
Speaker 1: I would have heard something like this at this age.
Speaker 1: And I've heard as we talked for a minute before
Speaker 1: the podcast started, like I've heard things, uh, little tidbits
Speaker 1: just from being a listener of you talking about you know,
Speaker 1: your attraction to older men, especially when you are young. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I was in seventh grade, I was madly in
Speaker 1: love with my my teacher obsessed right as initials on
Speaker 1: my notebook and everyone's like that I did not try
Speaker 1: right well, I had an authority figure. I had just
Speaker 1: just turned seventeen, and it was even the grooming started
Speaker 1: before I turned seventeen. So when did you meet this
Speaker 1: this him? Um? Probably like in middle school. Yeah, and um,
Speaker 1: you know, a member of the community and a lot
Speaker 1: of people, a lot of girls my age had a
Speaker 1: crush on him, like a very good looking, charismatic person,
Speaker 1: and uh, he started just taking an interest in me.
Speaker 1: How did he? Um? Just like talking to me and
Speaker 1: like there was things that were um, like he would
Speaker 1: say like what we were talking about where he would
Speaker 1: say hey, beautiful or things, but it would be in
Speaker 1: front of people, so it's made it okay. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean like and you have a crush on him. When
Speaker 1: he started doing that, I mean like he was so
Speaker 1: nice to me, yeah, and I mean like it made
Speaker 1: me feel weird. But I was like, at the same time,
Speaker 1: you're that young, you it makes you You're like, what
Speaker 1: what is special about me? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Why is he talking to everyone has a crush on
Speaker 1: him out of all the people. Yeah, and the boyfriend
Speaker 1: and um that I had was just talking about that
Speaker 1: I had just lost my virginity right before this. I
Speaker 1: mean like and my boyfriend went to college and we
Speaker 1: broke up. So I mean like I have no experience
Speaker 1: and heartbroken, you know. Um, I hadn't even had like
Speaker 1: I had barely even had sex, Like I just lost
Speaker 1: it right before. Um. And anyway, so it started getting
Speaker 1: to this thing where he came up to me one afternoon,
Speaker 1: like after and I was just so sad, um about
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and like some other stuff going on in
Speaker 1: my life, and um, He's like, what's what's wrong? Like,
Speaker 1: and I just started bawling. In the parking lot and
Speaker 1: told him all this stuff, and you know, he knew
Speaker 1: what he was doing. It was like a trauma bond
Speaker 1: thing because I hadn't told really anyone anything, so it
Speaker 1: was like a huge relief. Yeah. Uh And um, you know,
Speaker 1: like my parents didn't talk about anything or it was
Speaker 1: always just like tough, en up, walk it off type thing.
Speaker 1: So it was a big deal for me. And you
Speaker 1: didn't discuss any of this with your girlfriends. I mean
Speaker 1: I did, but not like there's a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: I didn't. Like, I'm a different person now. I really
Speaker 1: liked the end. At that time, I didn't talk about stuff.
Speaker 1: And also, like, who in high school has really great
Speaker 1: feedback on a breakup, Like, yeah, that's when you have
Speaker 1: to kind of learn how to handle a breakup. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess that's true. I don't think I really people
Speaker 1: weren't giving advice to each other about Oh I'm sorry, Paul,
Speaker 1: dump too, It'll get better girl. Yeah. So young, we
Speaker 1: don't know what the fun you know. It was so
Speaker 1: young and it's the biggest real Like I mean I
Speaker 1: thought I was going to marry him, like the most
Speaker 1: naive of course in the world. And um, that's what
Speaker 1: happens when you don't have to pay bills. And we
Speaker 1: were just a kid, really, and um, I mean, and
Speaker 1: there were other things too going on, and I was
Speaker 1: I mean, I was like very depressed and so um yeah,
Speaker 1: and he just kept eventually like got my phone number,
Speaker 1: and like sometimes how did he get your phone number?
Speaker 1: He asked me for it, like under the pretense of
Speaker 1: needing it for something else. But then I started getting
Speaker 1: texts during the day, and then we would be texting
Speaker 1: during school, and then he would call me and it
Speaker 1: was like what did he say to you? I mean,
Speaker 1: like it was very flirtatious, but also like he asked me.
Speaker 1: We had that experience so early on, and like because
Speaker 1: I had known him for a long time, like my
Speaker 1: mind was like, oh, it's innocent, but then also like
Speaker 1: it was exciting and also it was in a lot
Speaker 1: of pain. So I mean, like I was just so
Speaker 1: vulnerable that I wasn't going to see clearly and weak
Speaker 1: even if something was wrong, Yeah, even if something was obvious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard to see that because he sounds like he
Speaker 1: provided you with this comfort. And also having a crush
Speaker 1: on an older man when you're seventeen and then having
Speaker 1: that reciprocated, Like the first thing that I would think
Speaker 1: of is like, fuck, yes, you're going to make out. Yeah.
Speaker 1: See I finally kind of thinking like two wild and
Speaker 1: crazy guys sketch on. It's like you want like you
Speaker 1: just want to go far enough that you get a
Speaker 1: little taste. But then if they actually showed interest in me,
Speaker 1: I would have been like quite alarm. Sure, and that's
Speaker 1: a smart thing. Yeah, and you just want to go
Speaker 1: close enough that you get a taste, you can almost
Speaker 1: touch it, and then the second he touches you back,
Speaker 1: you run away. I mean I still do it to
Speaker 1: this day anyway. Moving yeah no, but I mean he
Speaker 1: was a lot older than how many years? Okay, so
Speaker 1: you were set number ready, Yeah, because because you put
Speaker 1: in the times. What was the first time he said
Speaker 1: something like explicitly sexual to you? And was it over
Speaker 1: text or in person? I mean I think he asked
Speaker 1: me if I had had sex befloor, how far into?
Speaker 1: How far since that you crying in his arms in
Speaker 1: the parking lot? Was that in maybe like a month
Speaker 1: or like? But I mean, like we were talking, he
Speaker 1: was constantly like I thought, oh man, this guy is
Speaker 1: so interested in me. I'm so mature and smart, you
Speaker 1: know all these things, and this is like a predator.
Speaker 1: Just constantly. It was like chipping away at something. And
Speaker 1: he was he probably the second you were crying his arms,
Speaker 1: he's probably in his head like Jack Pott, yeah, or
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even know if it was conscious,
Speaker 1: but the way how obsessive he was was in a way,
Speaker 1: even if it had been innocent, like he was, my
Speaker 1: whole life was gone the second that it started. What
Speaker 1: do you mean by that? I it was so he
Speaker 1: was so consuming to me, like took up all my
Speaker 1: time and constantly if I didn't answer a call or
Speaker 1: a text, I was in trouble like by him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, like not necessarily in the beginning, but um
Speaker 1: still in the beginning. It was constant con talk, like
Speaker 1: right from the first second, and so I couldn't tell
Speaker 1: anyone what was going on. So everyone around me would
Speaker 1: be like, oh, who are you talking to? And it
Speaker 1: was just lies or where are you going? Or you know.
Speaker 1: I would tell my parents I was going to another place,
Speaker 1: and then my friends would be like, why aren't you
Speaker 1: at the party, Why weren't you there? And pretty soon
Speaker 1: like I was this super popular kid that no one saw.
Speaker 1: I was completely withdrawn, like a ghost of a person.
Speaker 1: So you had been very popular and then you just
Speaker 1: kind of disappeared or you were just like floating through
Speaker 1: I mean I was, yeah, exactly, and I was literally
Speaker 1: like just a zombie of a person because it was
Speaker 1: the only thing. Would you go over his house? I did? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Did your parents have like did your parents they must
Speaker 1: have noticed a change in you? Yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: everyone was really worried, um and they there was like
Speaker 1: suspicions and things. But I would just lie. I lied constantly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's such a stressful thing to carry with you
Speaker 1: because it's just it's like a tumbleweed effect totally. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I uh, I mean, like to me, the lying
Speaker 1: was so broke my heart so much that I I
Speaker 1: mean like to the point where I had nobody, I
Speaker 1: had no intimacy with anyone in my life, Like I
Speaker 1: had no honest conversations with anyone. But it was but
Speaker 1: it broke your heart. But but the what was keeping
Speaker 1: like did you feel a true connection to this person
Speaker 1: or for sure? Yeah? I told I thought I was
Speaker 1: in love and but really it was just like when
Speaker 1: someone is so obsessive and envelops you. You mistake that
Speaker 1: you're a young kid. Yeah, and I mean really like
Speaker 1: a thirty year old person and a seventeen year old kid.
Speaker 1: When I see a seventeen year old kid right now,
Speaker 1: they're a child, and like he, I don't know how
Speaker 1: a person could even think they were in love with
Speaker 1: a seventeen year old. Yeah. Yeah, looking back at that,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm not, I'm twenty eight, but even me
Speaker 1: looking at a seventeen year old in any sexual way,
Speaker 1: just I'm like, that would never that could never happen,
Speaker 1: like only halfway through high school? Child? Yeah, do you
Speaker 1: think you true? Do you think he'd be looking back
Speaker 1: on it now, knowing what you know and being an adult,
Speaker 1: do you think looking back at it that he was
Speaker 1: really in love with you, that he was or an ideal? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I really I completely think that, But he wasn't. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean there was other girls that they're young girls
Speaker 1: that he was doing this too, yeah before me, and
Speaker 1: like I don't think he was hooking up with I
Speaker 1: mean maybe there was, who knows, but I know in between,
Speaker 1: like whenever I would try to break up, there was
Speaker 1: always another young girl And like before me, there were
Speaker 1: young girls, and he's just like if you have a
Speaker 1: file or I guess, I mean, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know that he it's so hard to classify what
Speaker 1: it is now, and I think that's also a typically
Speaker 1: female thing, like I still have tendency two apologize while
Speaker 1: at for him, while at the same time completely understanding
Speaker 1: that it's a full predator, that someone totally took advantage
Speaker 1: of me. And there's a difference because I mean, even
Speaker 1: if he actually had something that was like not well,
Speaker 1: we when we talked about pedophilia, I mean you, even
Speaker 1: if you suffer from pedophilia, which we did, take the
Speaker 1: stance that it is something mentally wrong with you and
Speaker 1: not just like put people in a corner like monsters.
Speaker 1: There are still pedophiles who exist who make the active
Speaker 1: choice not to prey on children. So but I think
Speaker 1: the whole understanding what the situation is currently but also
Speaker 1: defending him is just a result of being masterly manipulated.
Speaker 1: Because any time I've ever been manipulated by a person,
Speaker 1: by my mother when I was young, it's always like
Speaker 1: when I would talk about my mom and therapy, the
Speaker 1: therapist has always always pointed out how much I defended
Speaker 1: her and I but I still will, like I won't.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I should stop, but I always
Speaker 1: will because I love her. But but that's such an
Speaker 1: interesting result of being manipulated. I feel like no, I
Speaker 1: mean like I've gone through so many phases and a
Speaker 1: ton of therapy, and like I feel like I'm authentically
Speaker 1: a healthy now. Like it's so weird because how I
Speaker 1: am now and the person people know me today, Like
Speaker 1: people are always like, how are you so positive? So happy?
Speaker 1: And it's like my life for years and years and
Speaker 1: years wasn't. Like I was so sad and angry and
Speaker 1: had so fearful of men. And I mean like I
Speaker 1: never thought I would be happy and I never thought
Speaker 1: I would be able to be my true self. Like
Speaker 1: I took this whole thing because it went on for
Speaker 1: years where I couldn't get away from him. I needed
Speaker 1: a restraining order. He stalked meal. However, what did that
Speaker 1: look like online? Did he show up at your work everywhere? Everything? Everywhere?
Speaker 1: He'd show up everywhere, He'd find out places I was
Speaker 1: he if? I did he say? When he shows up
Speaker 1: at these places? What is he just act normal? Like?
Speaker 1: And you know his girlfriend or like I mean when
Speaker 1: when when you got past the when you were over eighteen,
Speaker 1: would he like actively call you his girlfriend? Like was
Speaker 1: that out? Was he ever someone that you brought around?
Speaker 1: Was completely dad? Yeah, people found out after and a
Speaker 1: little bit in between towards the very end. Um. But um,
Speaker 1: it was like if I didn't or if I tried
Speaker 1: to break up with him, he would just call me
Speaker 1: throughout the entire day, all day long. I would have
Speaker 1: like forty misscalls and things like that, Like it was
Speaker 1: really scary, Oh horrible screament, Like I mean, just insane
Speaker 1: insane things you know, do you have do you not
Speaker 1: want to talk about? Like I'm just I'm just easically
Speaker 1: threatened you ever like that? No, No, he never hit
Speaker 1: me or anything, but yeah, a lot of insane emotional
Speaker 1: like manipulation. I'm going to many suicide to me so
Speaker 1: many times when I'm a young kid and I feel like,
Speaker 1: also I can't tell anyone and I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do, and you feel responsible now this grown man's life.
Speaker 1: And also I was so it was Stockholm syndrome, Like
Speaker 1: I was so loyal to him where I wanted to
Speaker 1: get away so bad and like I hated myself for
Speaker 1: a long time for not having the strength to get away.
Speaker 1: And um, I also, I mean just I thought that
Speaker 1: me having had a relationship with him a consensual relationship,
Speaker 1: even though it's like not really consensual. You know, it's
Speaker 1: a it's statutory rape. And also I mean just the
Speaker 1: fact that even if you were a third year old
Speaker 1: man and you date a seventeen year old girl and
Speaker 1: that happened, but she broke up with you and you
Speaker 1: just like went your separate ways. But I ever heard
Speaker 1: of that happening that didn't happen. You know, there was
Speaker 1: this was infatuation obsession like swim fan shit, always just
Speaker 1: thinking of that movie. Yeah, what did you guys talk
Speaker 1: about when you would go over his house? Like what happened?
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I'm like, what the fund does a
Speaker 1: thirty year old say? It was seventeen year old? Like
Speaker 1: I read like, I mean like he was really into
Speaker 1: all of this like New age philosophy and was always
Speaker 1: like preaching almost like a CULTI ship to me and
Speaker 1: I like ate it up and was I was going
Speaker 1: through a hard time, so I was really open minded.
Speaker 1: And also like I was such a book nerd growing
Speaker 1: up like I was interested in reading and he thought
Speaker 1: I was so smart and told me about all the time.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, You're so wise, but on
Speaker 1: your all that fucking bullshit? You know what was you
Speaker 1: had sex with him multiple times? Oh? Yeah? What was
Speaker 1: it like? Was it satisfying to you? Did it feel weird?
Speaker 1: Was did he do anything weird? Looking back at it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean a ton of ship Like I I um,
Speaker 1: it feels like thinking about it now is so repulsive
Speaker 1: to me because what I thought was, like you know,
Speaker 1: at the time, an exciting, loving relationship, I was a
Speaker 1: seventeen year old sex slave. Legitimately, you know which is
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know, it's a lot. I feel
Speaker 1: like it's I can't even like talk about the sex
Speaker 1: st efforts too intense to me because you were in
Speaker 1: involving you didn't realize you didn't realize, Yeah, partly brainwashed,
Speaker 1: and I would imagine a part of you kind of
Speaker 1: was on cloud nine a little bit, even though like
Speaker 1: this one section of it is exciting, But then you
Speaker 1: think about the times you have to lie to people
Speaker 1: and the times you will have to lie to people
Speaker 1: because you won't be like Lisa's party birthday party or whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean the line was just constant, especially because of
Speaker 1: how we were in contact twenty four seven, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, just the most unhealthy thing. But um, yeah,
Speaker 1: you just felt like a prisoner to him. No, I
Speaker 1: mean like the highs were high because I did feel
Speaker 1: like half the time I did and half the time
Speaker 1: I didn't, probably less than I was happy much less
Speaker 1: of the time because it was constant fighting and like
Speaker 1: he would be so jealous, like you know of any
Speaker 1: time I brought up a male name or friend. And
Speaker 1: I mean just like really really unhealthy. What what did
Speaker 1: the first time look like when you try to break
Speaker 1: up with him? And what made you want to do that?
Speaker 1: Like what gave you the realization of yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do this now. Pretty immediately I tried to end it
Speaker 1: because I was like this is wrong and not okay,
Speaker 1: and like I can't. I mean, I was just in
Speaker 1: such a dark place. And and then just you know,
Speaker 1: he was right back, like always he would have a
Speaker 1: lot of freakouts and then a tantrum and then beg
Speaker 1: for my forgiveness and like I would and kind of
Speaker 1: just got me until I classic, yeah, and then you
Speaker 1: later when you finally broke up with him where you
Speaker 1: were in college? Yes, and what did that? What was that? Like?
Speaker 1: I mean we'd had at breaks before then and stuff,
Speaker 1: but like the last what made it final? Um? I
Speaker 1: had just Oh I found out like during one of
Speaker 1: the breaks that he had hooked up with I mean
Speaker 1: this happened more than once, but like a friend, and um,
Speaker 1: like a friend your age, um a little older than me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so this was like not a younger person and I
Speaker 1: was older at the time, but um yeah, and just
Speaker 1: also I mean I think I finally just got to
Speaker 1: the point where I was so exhausted and tired and
Speaker 1: had been so emotionally beaten down by this person, and
Speaker 1: had I missed my freedom, I missed friends, I missed
Speaker 1: How long did this go on? Your the you're thing
Speaker 1: with him? Like even counting the brakes, Like between the
Speaker 1: time he cried in his arms in the parking lot
Speaker 1: to the last time you broke up with him, Um,
Speaker 1: I mean probably like five years. Yeah, And there was
Speaker 1: time also, I mean like he tried a long time
Speaker 1: after I ended things the last time, like two constantly
Speaker 1: trying to contact me for a long time before like
Speaker 1: without without me responding. Yeah, And I mean even years after,
Speaker 1: like up until like last year, I would still get
Speaker 1: like attempts at contact like that he tried, and that
Speaker 1: was I don't know, like how dim I now, eight
Speaker 1: nine years ago, Like so there was for years he
Speaker 1: tried to contact me, like and I remember at the
Speaker 1: time calling the phone company begging them to block his number,
Speaker 1: doing things. I tried to do everything I could without
Speaker 1: involving an adult, and I just wasn't able to talk
Speaker 1: to anyone about it. Do your parents know about this? Yeah?
Speaker 1: They know? And um, I mean, oh it shattered them
Speaker 1: and I at the time, and like I know, to
Speaker 1: the day I die, that will be the hardest thing
Speaker 1: I've ever done telling them. Uh. I wrote it out
Speaker 1: and what I did it was like I was dating
Speaker 1: someone else during one of the breaks. So that was
Speaker 1: how I got the strength, um, because I just felt
Speaker 1: like my whole life was a sham and that like
Speaker 1: five years is a huge chunk. Even though that you
Speaker 1: were on breaks, there was still that stress of him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean there was a lot of There was constant
Speaker 1: stress and anytime I was dating someone else, he was
Speaker 1: constantly showing up where I was And and I even
Speaker 1: any guy I dated for so long and even years after,
Speaker 1: I felt like I had to confess this horrible thing
Speaker 1: that I did, Like I felt that you were in
Speaker 1: the wrong. I mean I knew he was a piece
Speaker 1: of ship, and I didn't I didn't quite understand until earlier.
Speaker 1: Until later on, like as an adult and understanding myself
Speaker 1: and understanding like sexual abuse and stuff like that. But
Speaker 1: I felt so much shame, Like I felt truly like
Speaker 1: I had done the worst thing that anyone could do
Speaker 1: on earth. Yeah, oh my god, And how did you
Speaker 1: get past that? I mean, it was so dark for
Speaker 1: so long, Like I eventually started, like I didn't tell
Speaker 1: anyone for a couple of years, like not one person.
Speaker 1: So yeah. So I mean like I was just like
Speaker 1: the heaviest hearted kid, and uh, I just couldn't get
Speaker 1: away and I didn't have the strength. But um, yeah
Speaker 1: that once I started telling a few people in college
Speaker 1: and you know, the breaks would help. And I did
Speaker 1: have a life in college. But it's funny because like
Speaker 1: when I would get back with him for like short
Speaker 1: periods of time, or not even get back, but like
Speaker 1: start seeing him again, because he would just force his
Speaker 1: way back into my life, like my friends would talk
Speaker 1: about how I would disappear for a few months and
Speaker 1: stuff like that, and uh, when I finally did break
Speaker 1: up with him, it was like everyone was just like,
Speaker 1: you're so different, Like what changed? It wasn't even crazy, no,
Speaker 1: Like I would just looked and was like a different
Speaker 1: person overnight, because it's a lot of weight lifted off
Speaker 1: your shoulders, you, I would think, Yeah, but about my parents, Yeah,
Speaker 1: did you tell them before the final breakup? Yes? So
Speaker 1: I ended up like getting back with him for a
Speaker 1: short period after that they which they don't even know
Speaker 1: about it, I don't think. But one time I asked
Speaker 1: my dad. I was like, can you please tell this
Speaker 1: person to leave me alone? Yeah? And and he was like,
Speaker 1: oh really you're going to get you think your dad
Speaker 1: can stop me? Like just shipped like that guy. Yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 1: So wait, so how you did you write your parents
Speaker 1: a letter? What happened was I was dating someone else.
Speaker 1: So I got the strength from that because I felt
Speaker 1: like I was safe, like I had fully moved on,
Speaker 1: you know, and U and I wrote this all out.
Speaker 1: And I had told the guy and he was really
Speaker 1: cool about it. Um, and so I wrote it all out.
Speaker 1: I called my parents and told them like the phe
Speaker 1: that I needed to talk with them, which as if
Speaker 1: you know, if anyone ever does that that ships about
Speaker 1: them something phrase we need to talk like induces a
Speaker 1: small heart attack in my body to me if anyone
Speaker 1: does that, I'm like, don't do that, Just tell me
Speaker 1: when you need to tell me, because it's too Why
Speaker 1: would you scare me? Yes? Um, but I mean yeah,
Speaker 1: I had to tell them in order to like carve
Speaker 1: out the time I drive home, I start crying. I
Speaker 1: literally said a prayer out loud. I was full shaking crying,
Speaker 1: had written it all out. I want to cry talking
Speaker 1: about it. Um you can, I've cried many times. Uh,
Speaker 1: And told them and they were just so stunned and heartbroken.
Speaker 1: My mom was furious, like just that I had my
Speaker 1: dad like was handled it in a way that I
Speaker 1: didn't foresee at all, just like so kind and gentle,
Speaker 1: because he's kind of like a very brusque man. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I think that ultimately changed my parents relations like
Speaker 1: our whole family's relationship. I think I know that my
Speaker 1: brothers know. I've since like had conversations about it with them,
Speaker 1: like not in detail the last couple of years where
Speaker 1: they were both like really cool about it, but never
Speaker 1: in detail. I have a hunch that my parents might
Speaker 1: have said something to my brothers. Did your mom ask
Speaker 1: you any questions? Was she trying to for more info?
Speaker 1: Or did you tell her everything? I told them everything, like,
Speaker 1: and I think they were just so devastated that I
Speaker 1: had been in such a dark place. Yeah, and they
Speaker 1: felt so their trust had been broken and just hatred
Speaker 1: for this man you know, and um that clearly abused
Speaker 1: his position and me and others, you know, was there
Speaker 1: any desire on your parents end the press charges? Uh,
Speaker 1: my parents took my point of view, which was really cool, like,
Speaker 1: because what happened. He eventually went to jail, and the
Speaker 1: girl named me because she knew about me. He had
Speaker 1: pitted this girl against me too, and I knew. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean insane, insane ship that you can't even make
Speaker 1: up like a movie. Um, but I mean like when
Speaker 1: like he started dating her, he got caught with her
Speaker 1: and she was under eighteen, yes, and um, and then
Speaker 1: he made a big public stance to everyone that they
Speaker 1: were dating as a way to like save himself because
Speaker 1: you know whatever, and they event he eventually went to
Speaker 1: jail for that, and the um. The detective, a female
Speaker 1: detective like called me, and I denied it because I
Speaker 1: didn't want any involvement. I was so afraid of public perception.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to. I also knew like his family
Speaker 1: member and cared a lot about them, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to bring any pain to them. And I think
Speaker 1: that's a big thing with victims, is like you don't
Speaker 1: want to bring discomfort to the people that are affected
Speaker 1: by it, and I didn't want to bring I thought
Speaker 1: I was going to bring shame on my family and
Speaker 1: all this stuff. Like, I mean, it was so shameful
Speaker 1: to me that I didn't even process that I was
Speaker 1: a victim, So you know what I mean, because you
Speaker 1: all just blamed it on yourself. I totally blamed myself
Speaker 1: when I someone picked, I blame myself in the deepest way,
Speaker 1: and I did for like truly for the long time,
Speaker 1: I hated myself because someone sought me out as like
Speaker 1: a sexual object for them. You know, how did you
Speaker 1: How did you not when did you realize that it
Speaker 1: wasn't your fault? And that must have been a victorious
Speaker 1: moment or a weightlifting moment. I mean, I don't I
Speaker 1: think it took a long time, like a process. There's
Speaker 1: no moment I wish like now I feel. I'm just like,
Speaker 1: it took me so long to realize that men are
Speaker 1: not bad like now, and comedy to like, that's not helping. No,
Speaker 1: I think that comed is helping. It wasn't helping. Men
Speaker 1: are perceptive, doesn't help the case of men's opposite, truly,
Speaker 1: Like the men that I've met through comedy have restored
Speaker 1: my faith. Yeah, there's some amazing and then you provide
Speaker 1: some names. I mean, my boyfriend is incredible. Now, your
Speaker 1: boyfriend's very nice. There are some amazing men in the
Speaker 1: comedy there. I mean, I would say there's a few
Speaker 1: bad apples, just like in any group. But for the
Speaker 1: most part, it is like the most emotionally generous and
Speaker 1: sensitive and you know, up to date with women, they
Speaker 1: know women's experiences, and it's I don't know, it really's
Speaker 1: a lot of people coming from a lot of different
Speaker 1: places with very very jarring experiences that they're bringing to
Speaker 1: the table, and so we're all kind of like in
Speaker 1: this position together. Yeah, and um, I mean I after
Speaker 1: I didn't date any one for like three or four
Speaker 1: years after that because I just associated a relationship to
Speaker 1: me just meant someone controlling me and making my life
Speaker 1: hell and taking over my body. Like I felt like
Speaker 1: I had just been brainwashed, you know, Yeah, and yeah
Speaker 1: I would. Yeah, I associate a relationship with carrying this
Speaker 1: weight of shame and guilt and hiding things and this.
Speaker 1: Um how long is he in jail for? Do you know?
Speaker 1: I don't think that long because of me? And he
Speaker 1: was only charged for the one girl, even though there
Speaker 1: were others. But um, yeah, I mean he had a
Speaker 1: great family. Is he currently? No? I don't know what's
Speaker 1: up with him now. I think I have no idea.
Speaker 1: He's finally stopped trying to contact you. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: like I think he could get because the Google's or
Speaker 1: if you're a comedian and you're you put yourself out
Speaker 1: there in any I mean like he's for a note
Speaker 1: quest in me, like probably in the past year on
Speaker 1: different things, and I always block him and stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But um, but you said you had a restraining over
Speaker 1: against him, have you ever? I never had one. You
Speaker 1: know you needed one, but you never got one. I
Speaker 1: never got anything. I never told anyone, nothing like legally
Speaker 1: on paper, on the record or not. Are you angry
Speaker 1: at him, like if you had the chance to see him,
Speaker 1: I mean, hopefully that doesn't happen. It doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: that's something that would be a good idea. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I would be terrified to see him, not because
Speaker 1: of like physical harm or anything, just because of like
Speaker 1: the emotional thing. Um. But yeah, I mean like now
Speaker 1: more it I am, but more it's like moved to
Speaker 1: an intellectual anger, like because I spent so many years
Speaker 1: just like it was my identity for a long time.
Speaker 1: That was like the main thing that I thought was
Speaker 1: that I was about, you know, and like any time
Speaker 1: I would kind of start seeing someone, I felt like
Speaker 1: it was this thing I had to confess and it
Speaker 1: just like I thought that's what I was. Was that experience,
Speaker 1: you know, many years of of feeling bad and stuff
Speaker 1: in the five years on and off with this that
Speaker 1: guy that's sucking. That's a long ast time and in
Speaker 1: your main developmental Yeah, those years that you Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I mean I had missed like dating, I missed a
Speaker 1: lot of ship that like other people learn in those years,
Speaker 1: and like I thought like my innocence had been gone.
Speaker 1: I just thought like I was worthless. Yeah, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh no one and he told me that too. He
Speaker 1: would be like, Oh, no one's gonna love you, Like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. I mean, just crazy ship. And it's
Speaker 1: also interesting to me, like the fact that you did
Speaker 1: not want to press charges because you or you didn't
Speaker 1: want to be involved in that case because you didn't
Speaker 1: want any more involvement. I hear a lot of people
Speaker 1: like whenever somebody talks about the Cosby case and they say,
Speaker 1: I can't believe those women didn't say anything, and they
Speaker 1: blame the women for not speaking up suit or not.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you have no fucking idea that woman's story
Speaker 1: and what happens in that woman's brain and her self
Speaker 1: worth that is caused by Bill Cosby. What the fuck
Speaker 1: does she want to be in a fucking courtroom with
Speaker 1: that monster who tainted her life? Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: wish people could understand that. And just also just like
Speaker 1: the what you know, people say horrible things about those women,
Speaker 1: and I mean like just the thought to me, I
Speaker 1: was like, I can't I don't want anyone talking about
Speaker 1: me in any way. You know, it would break your heart,
Speaker 1: like because you can't control that gone through the experience
Speaker 1: and then to be judged for it. Is like, so
Speaker 1: crazy to have had a horrible thing happened to you
Speaker 1: and then people be awful to you about that is
Speaker 1: what would you say too. We've had some younger women
Speaker 1: email us and some younger men who have fallen for
Speaker 1: older women in a position of power, and I completely
Speaker 1: get the appeal, but like, what is there some thing
Speaker 1: you wished you'd heard or something that could have helped
Speaker 1: give you a little more Oh, this is a situation
Speaker 1: that can sometimes happen. This is a red flag. I
Speaker 1: think this might turn into this. I don't know, Like
Speaker 1: it seems to happen so often a younger person and
Speaker 1: a person of authority, and it's just it's so consuming.
Speaker 1: It just becomes this all consuming thing. Is there anything
Speaker 1: that you could think of that would have prevented or
Speaker 1: or would prevent someone now from that happening or Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's simple and that anything that
Speaker 1: you have to hide a relationship you should not do
Speaker 1: because there's a reason, there's something dangerous about it if
Speaker 1: you have to hide. Um, you think when you're super young,
Speaker 1: because you're a kid and you haven't had a lot
Speaker 1: of life experience, that someone so much older than you,
Speaker 1: like two or three life stages ahead of you be
Speaker 1: in love with you. It's not possible to be in
Speaker 1: love with a kid, you know. It's that is a
Speaker 1: sexual predator, you know, but it's so hard to see
Speaker 1: that in the moment. No, you can't. Because when I
Speaker 1: was I was fourteen in middle school and when this happened,
Speaker 1: like I so wished he would have made a move sure,
Speaker 1: and I would never have read that as anything other
Speaker 1: than he's interesting. Yeah, I mean, you just think you're special.
Speaker 1: That's someone the way I mean it sounds so crazy
Speaker 1: like a movie, but I was like, oh, this person
Speaker 1: is willing to risk everything. Course. I feel like they
Speaker 1: should teach they should include that in sex it or
Speaker 1: something like when kids are like twelve thirteen. I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean that that that conversation about if anybody touches
Speaker 1: you in a way that's inappropriate. If if anybody does that,
Speaker 1: you come to you know, you tell your parents, Like
Speaker 1: obviously that's I get the parents responsibility to have that conversation. Ship,
Speaker 1: But a lot of times, like when you're in middle school,
Speaker 1: like this ship happens a lot. Oh yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it should be part of a curriculum and it's happened
Speaker 1: since the beginning of time. But there's a lot more
Speaker 1: accessibility with texting and stuff, which is unfortunate. And also,
Speaker 1: I mean sex said in this country is trash anyways,
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't cater to women in any way. Men.
Speaker 1: They don't talk about female orgasms. They just talk about
Speaker 1: the male orgasm, which is a dangerous thing in itself
Speaker 1: because then it's teaching women that sex is for men
Speaker 1: and pleasure is for men and you are their source
Speaker 1: of pleasure. And I mean and not having a good
Speaker 1: sex education and talk. The issue with that is when
Speaker 1: there is anything that goes down that's inappropriate, you don't
Speaker 1: have the vocabulary or comfort to talk about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think also like we were, when we do
Speaker 1: talk about it, it's very just like sex. Basically we're
Speaker 1: talking about these are the parts and they go together
Speaker 1: and this is how you feel this and seeming comes
Speaker 1: out of here, But we don't ever really talk or
Speaker 1: learn about the actual relationship. What is a healthy relationship,
Speaker 1: What are things that you should be looking for that
Speaker 1: ship that you weren't waiting. Anyone ever told me that, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, the sex said nothing. No one told
Speaker 1: me that this was Yeah, stuff that we wasn't really
Speaker 1: talked about until I started doing this podcast. So it's
Speaker 1: like you're so it's like, you know, we're in our
Speaker 1: late twenties and third yet and we're just teaching ourselves
Speaker 1: that by mistakes, by bad experiences, by talking to other people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I mean my like, I knew my safety insanity
Speaker 1: was being sacrificed, but I didn't have the tools to
Speaker 1: speak to anyone about it. And sometimes it's save myself.
Speaker 1: It feels like it feels like, oh this could I'm
Speaker 1: I the only person that this has ever happened too,
Speaker 1: and I feel like so many people, Like that's a
Speaker 1: common theme that we get with letters of like dress.
Speaker 1: It's like people feel like they're the only person who this,
Speaker 1: this harrowing experience has ever happened to, when really it's
Speaker 1: happened to a ton of people, but we just never
Speaker 1: voiced it out loud before. So then everyone feels alone
Speaker 1: and has no tools with which to handle it. Your
Speaker 1: inner like world just becomes shattered because of that. If
Speaker 1: you give a human being the tools to connect and
Speaker 1: convey their feelings and to talk it out, your fucking
Speaker 1: life is amazing. Your life could be amazing. I mean
Speaker 1: I even just moving to New York because like I
Speaker 1: was from the suburbs and like a very conservative area
Speaker 1: and um even outside of sex. Just like people don't
Speaker 1: discuss problems where I'm from, and there's like not any
Speaker 1: discussion of like mental illness or any everything stigmatized and
Speaker 1: everyone it's very step for it. Everyone doesn't how the problem.
Speaker 1: What are they afraid of being vulnerable? I don't. I
Speaker 1: guess it always comes back down to that in my head.
Speaker 1: But moving to New York was huge for me because
Speaker 1: I met so many people of different backgrounds and like
Speaker 1: it's much more urban and sophisticated, and I learned so
Speaker 1: much so fast. Like before I even moved your I
Speaker 1: didn't know anything about feminism. Like I thought feminism just
Speaker 1: meant hating men and letting your armpit hair grow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I knew nothing about it. I mean, like I as
Speaker 1: I said before, like I learned so much just from
Speaker 1: listening to this podcast every week, like and just women
Speaker 1: because we didn't fact check any of it. I mean no,
Speaker 1: but I mean just the pure sense of discussing something
Speaker 1: plainly and without shame. It is like the biggest deal
Speaker 1: for people in the world. Yeah. Yeah, we found that
Speaker 1: out based on how it affects people and proves their lives. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I mean how much ship you guys got in
Speaker 1: the beginning for starting this podcast, like it was insane
Speaker 1: and you guys get a lot of ship. Yes, what
Speaker 1: should just I think? I think maybe wait what people
Speaker 1: say that we didn't hear you hear everything. We had
Speaker 1: many discussions about it. Just people would be like, oh,
Speaker 1: they talk about guys like, oh, yeah, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, they're trying to get a rise because we
Speaker 1: always thought, we actually thought the backlash would have been much. Yeah, honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm shot. We don't. I was ready to fight emails
Speaker 1: or or the the only when when people just say
Speaker 1: horseshit that I'm like, I can't even take you seriously,
Speaker 1: you should get raped your dad I would probably kill
Speaker 1: himself if you found out about your life. Also think
Speaker 1: even people that might have said that ship in the beginning,
Speaker 1: like about the premise, and then they look at what
Speaker 1: hamplete believers and understand actually like the work that you guys,
Speaker 1: which I like. I like when people assume that it's
Speaker 1: just some shock value bullshit and then they organically learned
Speaker 1: like oh, this is something so much more meaningful and
Speaker 1: empowering and like and all, but all we're doing is
Speaker 1: just talking. I was a guy. Like when people think
Speaker 1: that we had planned work to do right, right, I think,
Speaker 1: but that speaks to how simple, how what a simple
Speaker 1: way that someone's life can improve. Because every time we
Speaker 1: go to shows, and granted, like the people listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast come to the shows, and a lot of
Speaker 1: times they'll like when I was an awesome this kid
Speaker 1: Mohammedhi Mohammed, he was so sweet and he just like
Speaker 1: came up to me after the show and just like
Speaker 1: hugged me and like had a tear rolling down And
Speaker 1: we didn't even say. We didn't talk, he didn't tell
Speaker 1: me about his background or anything. But it's like, what
Speaker 1: a simple fucking thing to make another human across the
Speaker 1: country and across the world like feel Okay, it's wonderful.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's so I think it's so cool. I
Speaker 1: wish to God add something like this when I was
Speaker 1: young to listen to and just comedy in general, like
Speaker 1: it's the freest, most fun thing. And obviously I've done
Speaker 1: a ton of therapy and like I'm a this story
Speaker 1: that I just told you almostly feels like it was
Speaker 1: a different lifetime because I'm such a different person and
Speaker 1: like I feel fully healed and now i have a
Speaker 1: wonderful relationship and I'm a comedian and all these things.
Speaker 1: Though you are you're so fucking funny and amazing stage.
Speaker 1: That's amazing that well, I think it's even interesting that
Speaker 1: you chose to like write down what happened your to
Speaker 1: your parents like that, just even the fact that you
Speaker 1: did that, Like, is it's so hard to like talk
Speaker 1: about it? Oh yeah, I mean, yeah, that's that's like
Speaker 1: that's the current. One will run right it out, Like
Speaker 1: I know, I don't even think I've ever had a
Speaker 1: conversation my life, but yeah, no, and I think that
Speaker 1: this was like this podcast has been like a real
Speaker 1: tool to fucking talk about stuff because it is it's
Speaker 1: so hard. Sure, it's hard to do that well and
Speaker 1: also just so we can, you know, end this up
Speaker 1: on a more fun like taking a ship. So like, yeah,
Speaker 1: so you know this, this is all behind you and
Speaker 1: it's something I think you learn from, you grew from.
Speaker 1: It's certainly changed you know who you are, but hopefully
Speaker 1: in the end for the better. Um, what do you
Speaker 1: have like a fun story or something. Is there, like
Speaker 1: a story about sex or an incident that was fun
Speaker 1: that kind of was like the light going back on, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: sex with a man can be fun and enjoyable and carefree.
Speaker 1: Do you have anything like that? Oh? Um, I mean
Speaker 1: I have a funny story, but it wasn't about like
Speaker 1: sex being great. We can talk about that if you want.
Speaker 1: Um No, But I now I think like when you
Speaker 1: get to an emotionally healthy place and stuff I have,
Speaker 1: like sex is great, you know. Yeah, it's just I
Speaker 1: think it's all even when you're in a bad state,
Speaker 1: you know, you can find some grips in there. But yeah, no,
Speaker 1: there's one story, uh with my ex boyfriend so embarrassing.
Speaker 1: This is like a blooper um. But I we were
Speaker 1: a long distance at the time, and I met his
Speaker 1: family in Miami for his mom's fiftieth birthday party, and
Speaker 1: so I hadn't seen him obviously, so we're just like
Speaker 1: banging and uh. He had all these relatives they're uh
Speaker 1: because his mom's Colombian and they were all in town
Speaker 1: like so many people. And for whatever reason, like he
Speaker 1: went down to the beach and didn't have his phone
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I get this gnarly u
Speaker 1: T I like one that is so painful that I
Speaker 1: was full crying and it just came on so fast,
Speaker 1: like in the most pain. And so I'm like, I
Speaker 1: have to tell his mom, you know. And we're in
Speaker 1: this like two because I didn't have a car and
Speaker 1: I couldn't I needed to spend like immediately go to
Speaker 1: the doctor. I was in so much pain. And um,
Speaker 1: so I go tell his mom, who I love and miss,
Speaker 1: and it's just like the best person in the world. Um,
Speaker 1: but you know, she's like full Columbian and uh, like
Speaker 1: I told her. I was like, I need to go
Speaker 1: to the doctor. Um, please don't tell anyone, but I'm
Speaker 1: in so much pain. I need to go now. And
Speaker 1: there's all these people there and she has to tell
Speaker 1: me take me. Is this during her fiftieth birthday but
Speaker 1: not during the party, but like where she's entertaining all
Speaker 1: these people for the weekend. So I was like, please
Speaker 1: don't tell and I'm in the in the bedroom cry.
Speaker 1: I immediately here just one whisper to one person about it,
Speaker 1: and then I hear another and then another, until the
Speaker 1: whole a game of telephone because everyone's talking about a
Speaker 1: good time. In all of a sudden, it's like a
Speaker 1: hush goes over and you're like told someone yeah and
Speaker 1: so then um and so then she takes me to
Speaker 1: the e R and I'm like, no, no, no, I
Speaker 1: need to go to a clinic, not the e R.
Speaker 1: You can go to the ER for a U t R.
Speaker 1: I have a thousand dollar ut. Yeah, I have been before.
Speaker 1: It's very expensive. Just go to a clinic. So roll
Speaker 1: up to the e R. I'm like, I have a
Speaker 1: so embarrassed. But the I was literally delirious, full sweat,
Speaker 1: like in so much pain that I almost I couldn't
Speaker 1: like any When agina is hurting, nothing else in the
Speaker 1: world matters except fixing your vagina. So then like she
Speaker 1: takes me. I'm so embarrassed, and then like a whole
Speaker 1: another car of people of relatives come and I to
Speaker 1: support you in your time of need. There, and I
Speaker 1: mean I still cannot even. But I mean for them,
Speaker 1: they have no shame. It's not a big deal to know,
Speaker 1: and having sex and stuff is not embarrassing to them.
Speaker 1: So but I mean it was just I was like
Speaker 1: all these people came to the e ER for my
Speaker 1: ut I from the birthday party and this was my
Speaker 1: first time meeting there. Learned something from their culture. Blair. Oh,
Speaker 1: I know. Well now you know, nothing matters and we're
Speaker 1: all sucking so exactly. Yeah, what a New York state
Speaker 1: of well that was. That was amazing. So where can
Speaker 1: we find you online? And you have a TV show
Speaker 1: coming out? Yeah it is yeah, um that come uh
Speaker 1: Ladylike on MTV is now coming out on June. Um.
Speaker 1: It was supposed to come out this month, but they
Speaker 1: moved it back, but for a good reason, supposedly, so
Speaker 1: dale was that it got a got um And then
Speaker 1: you know, I'm at Blair Saki B L A I
Speaker 1: R S O C C, I on Twitter, Instagram, everything
Speaker 1: and you co host. Nay, it's so fun. I'm so
Speaker 1: excited tonight at em at New York Comedy Club. Will
Speaker 1: be there. Yes, thank you guys, so much. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Hope it wasn't too serious, No, it wasn't at all.
Speaker 1: It was hilarious the entire time. I was laughing, but
Speaker 1: I felt rude laughing and it was heart felt. It
Speaker 1: was meaningful and it was charming. Oh you're so nice, guys.
Speaker 1: This is another episode of Guys We fucked the anti
Speaker 1: slut chaming podcast. We'll talk to you next week when
Speaker 1: you say you love It's sorry to take. When we're
Speaker 1: out and about be go to places where you want
Speaker 1: to and if you in such dragged beer and maybe
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