Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Corren. We're sorry about last night, the anti sluck
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped. Hey fucker's Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fucked. It's the anti sluck shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Corrence. I'm Christina. Hey' to kick your as brilliance
Speaker 1: and humbleness and humor. Cheers to that. I'm not drinking anything,
Speaker 1: but I'm fake cheers in right now while we're talking. Guys,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're at your work, you're probably
Speaker 1: a lot of people listen to this at work. You
Speaker 1: don't unless your work is horrible and they block social media,
Speaker 1: follow us on social media, or just take out your
Speaker 1: phone because funk everyone fuck it. They don't know. Say
Speaker 1: your mom's calling you something. I don't know, but um, yeah,
Speaker 1: we wanted to promote our social mediacause like, oh, that's
Speaker 1: like a thing we should probably do. We don't really
Speaker 1: do it. We're bad at that. We post a lot
Speaker 1: and we're really like funny, so you should follow us.
Speaker 1: Our Instagram is sorry about last night. Are are all
Speaker 1: spelled out? Regular Twitter s r y about last n
Speaker 1: y T and then Facebook dot com slash sorry about
Speaker 1: lst night. Follow us and you can follow our personal accounts.
Speaker 1: It's Christina hutch. You know how to spell it? You
Speaker 1: felt a crazy way. She's knocked it into your Everybody
Speaker 1: gets my name right and now my name wrong, guys,
Speaker 1: my name is karenna Karen or C O R I
Speaker 1: N and please I very It drives me fucking nuts.
Speaker 1: How do you think I feel? Well? It's now I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is what life is now. Yeah, now everyone's gotten
Speaker 1: a right well peop. Yeah, people spell my name a
Speaker 1: lot wrong, a lot too, but I mean I'm sure
Speaker 1: they get very wrong. They get angry, they look they're like,
Speaker 1: this is disgusting. Who the fuck did this? Looks like
Speaker 1: it's not my choice number. I think it looks better
Speaker 1: than regular, Christina. Take your anger out on someone else.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Your name is Max and it's just real
Speaker 1: simple and ship Oh my god, for complication. Everybody's grass
Speaker 1: is always greener and my my twitter's philanthropy. Gal, just
Speaker 1: learn how to spell that. It's a word. Every time
Speaker 1: you like, it's just it's the words, the word philanthropy.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to solid by gal Well, because I'm
Speaker 1: just like, I honestly feel like I don't I don't
Speaker 1: want you follow me if you don't know how to
Speaker 1: spell that, it's not even that tough. Um. Coming up,
Speaker 1: we got shows shows for days, some really really good
Speaker 1: ones coming up. Show July that's a Wednesday, New York City.
Speaker 1: My good friend Jones is going to be in town
Speaker 1: from l A for one night only, Love to bring
Speaker 1: back our old show Free Cocaine. It's gonna be at
Speaker 1: britt Pack Downtown. Uh, it's free Cocaine re Ducks. That
Speaker 1: is at eight pm. And then for that same Friday
Speaker 1: a couple of days later, Friday July four, the one
Speaker 1: year anniversary of Nacho Bitches. We have a great line up,
Speaker 1: Yaminica Saunders from Funny Girls. Nick Turner is going to
Speaker 1: be on it. Uh, just a lot of fun time
Speaker 1: times and nachos and cheese and more cheese than usual.
Speaker 1: I love cheese, like the food cheese, not like like
Speaker 1: cubes of cheese. I don't know, but I have to
Speaker 1: feel like I have to do something better, like a
Speaker 1: little Arteeth and old. Yeah, so use the code nacho
Speaker 1: nachos and then instead of like the melted cheese cubes
Speaker 1: like what, it's more expective melt complain, melted with your mouth.
Speaker 1: And I'm really really excited because on Tuesday July at
Speaker 1: seven thirty pm, Wendy Starling, who has been on the
Speaker 1: podcast before her and I are starting a new monthly
Speaker 1: show called Glamour Plus and that is going to be
Speaker 1: I'm so freaking excited about. We're gonna like dress up
Speaker 1: and dose characters and ship um. It's at Zinc Bar,
Speaker 1: which is a t two West third Street and by Houston,
Speaker 1: and it's where old Boston Comedy Club used to be.
Speaker 1: Fucking Edda James used to sing there. It's beautiful, beautiful
Speaker 1: place and the sound is so crisp that you can
Speaker 1: hear every new. One's like doing comedy when the sound
Speaker 1: picks up every There are a few things we need
Speaker 1: and one of them it's the most important thing. And
Speaker 1: I get after the audience pretty pretty bad when you
Speaker 1: don't have a good sound. Yeah, so often come out
Speaker 1: to that. The tickets are eight dollars online. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: post the link in the description, and then their fifteen
Speaker 1: dollars at the door. It's cash hellently, but we really
Speaker 1: want to see you what. I'm super psyched for that. Sweet. Alright,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna read some emails, emails, sorry about last
Speaker 1: night you at gmail dot com. Get some good ones,
Speaker 1: lots lots of good ones. Uh, this one is short
Speaker 1: and sweet. Hey, guys, big fans. I'm a feminist right. However,
Speaker 1: lately there has been a lot of talk about body
Speaker 1: hair and maintenance as it relates to gender roles. I
Speaker 1: personally have kept everything as smooth as I can. I'm
Speaker 1: not doing this because I enjoy shaving my entire body,
Speaker 1: but rather because I'm single. I know American guys in
Speaker 1: their twenties are very much not into hairy armpits. All
Speaker 1: my feminist friends let it grow and let it show,
Speaker 1: but I can't decide if it's something I should do.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking stubble, I'm talking full European pit hair.
Speaker 1: What do you guys think? Do you guys shave everything?
Speaker 1: We put makeup on too look prettier than we actually are.
Speaker 1: Is it worse to shave so he seems smoother than
Speaker 1: we actually are. It's purely for the purpose of looking.
Speaker 1: Fuckaball thoughts. He got me there? Yeah, well, Wendy, Actually,
Speaker 1: Wendy doesn't shave her pits, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well that's cool. I don't give a ship, but I
Speaker 1: love shaving. I love smooth. I feel sexier, and it's
Speaker 1: probably a product of yeah, let's say it. Whoever say
Speaker 1: you have shavior legs. But it's not even men. I
Speaker 1: don't even think men really give a ship. It's the
Speaker 1: women that give a ship. And but I love feeling smooth. Oh,
Speaker 1: I love it, And I don't think it just all
Speaker 1: your feminist friends have long pit hair. Well you could
Speaker 1: be a fucking feminist and not have long pit hair.
Speaker 1: You can be a feminist and paint your face every morning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just layers and layers of makeup. JOSEPHS. I think it
Speaker 1: would be bad to I think it's not good to
Speaker 1: make your body away that you don't really want it
Speaker 1: to be for a guy. I think it's equally as
Speaker 1: bad to have your feminist friends pressure you into making
Speaker 1: your body a certain way and then saying like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're not feminist enough. You're not doing this because that's
Speaker 1: not what feminism means. Number one, and then number two,
Speaker 1: your body should be how you're comfortable. So if you
Speaker 1: in your email you say it's for the purposes of
Speaker 1: being fuckable. So if you don't actually like shaving and
Speaker 1: you don't mind having hair, I say keep it, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna find a guy who's totally cool with that.
Speaker 1: I you personally, I do shave, but I fucking hate hair.
Speaker 1: It's very annoying and it makes me hot. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just think the feeling of it. I've been shaving since
Speaker 1: I was shaved my vagina hair like very young. And
Speaker 1: it wasn't even because I saw other people. I had
Speaker 1: never even been naked really in front of another person.
Speaker 1: When I did that, I just said, this is uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this off. Is she as hell? Yea? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Um this email the subject line is tequila bubbles and
Speaker 1: my pants. Hey bitches, my name is Katie. I'd be
Speaker 1: flattered if you said it Katie. Kate. Oh, it's Kate ship.
Speaker 1: I read it wrong. I'm sorry, Kate. Um and I
Speaker 1: have a huge fucking issue. In April, I hooked up
Speaker 1: with my best guy friend, and I guess as a
Speaker 1: product of me being so awesome, he then decided it
Speaker 1: would be a super great idea to confess his undying
Speaker 1: love for me. It was not a little backstory. I'm nineteen,
Speaker 1: he's eighteen. We met three years ago in an intensive
Speaker 1: group therapy yes red flag uh, and quickly became very close.
Speaker 1: I would always go to him for guy advice, or
Speaker 1: to pick me up from a random guys house at
Speaker 1: two am, or work through breakups, so you kind of
Speaker 1: use the ship. Can you help me when I need you? Please?
Speaker 1: And then when you're sad, just talk to your mom um.
Speaker 1: The night we hooked up, I was staying in his house.
Speaker 1: We were actually listening to your podcast. Oh, and I
Speaker 1: was pretty upset, so of course I did Why were
Speaker 1: you upset? Of course I did the responsible thing and
Speaker 1: got wasted. Well, that's why I'm going to hook up.
Speaker 1: And they hang out when they're when she's upset, remember
Speaker 1: right right, because he's only there for you when you're sad. Okay,
Speaker 1: we love we love you, Kate. Tequila makes makes me
Speaker 1: do semi regrettable things with boys. I woke up in
Speaker 1: his bed and immediately got my purse. I sneaked out
Speaker 1: of his apartment at five am and drove home. We
Speaker 1: haven't seen each other since. Now here's my problem. In
Speaker 1: my haste to escape, I left some things in his room.
Speaker 1: That he has yet to return, no matter how many
Speaker 1: messages I leave him or how many times I text
Speaker 1: his mom. Yes, really, this is a complicated relationship, Kate. Uh.
Speaker 1: These are the following items. Number one bubbles, what the get?
Speaker 1: Go to the fucking dollar store, Kate. Number two my
Speaker 1: little Mermaid blanket? Was it from the nineties? Because if so,
Speaker 1: I get it. Number three my favorite pair of shorts. Ever,
Speaker 1: he's mad at me that I don't love him and
Speaker 1: he's ignoring me. I need my ship back and I
Speaker 1: want to salvage whatever relationship we have left, which um
Speaker 1: I understand if he doesn't, I don't want. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to begin to fix this. I'm leaving for
Speaker 1: college in August, and I don't want. I don't want
Speaker 1: to leave home without trying to get my best friend back.
Speaker 1: I really need your advice on how to handle this. Also,
Speaker 1: because he listens to the podcast, I was hoping you
Speaker 1: could please read this soon and tell him to kive
Speaker 1: me my shorts back. I didn't know you were going
Speaker 1: to read that part. Read that part. This is a
Speaker 1: photo of me wearing the shorts. I'm the tall, blond one.
Speaker 1: They look fucking fantastic and I want them back. Look,
Speaker 1: I get Kate, good shorts will come and go forever
Speaker 1: is there forever? You know, I'm telling you, dud, I
Speaker 1: get it. But like I've had, Dude, I have had
Speaker 1: shorts that make that punch me in the crotch every
Speaker 1: time I wear them. But I'm like, they look so
Speaker 1: fucking good. Care But when you find the pair that
Speaker 1: looks that good and they don't punch you in the crotch,
Speaker 1: you're like, this would talking to Jesus Fields. Well that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm saying I'm on her side wants
Speaker 1: I want you to get the shorts back, but also
Speaker 1: like are you there for him? Maybe like you should
Speaker 1: be there for him. I don't know, you don't mention
Speaker 1: it in the email, so that to believe you're not.
Speaker 1: I get where the guys coming from, because he is
Speaker 1: there for you, and he's does all these really nice
Speaker 1: things for you, and you might be leading them on, Kate.
Speaker 1: But if that little Mermaid blanket is an authentic nineties
Speaker 1: little Mermaid blanket, that chip back because that's got that
Speaker 1: like old family cat smell, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I totally get that, um, and I don't know
Speaker 1: when he text his mom when she says stop doing that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: don't text his mom. H But if he's if he's
Speaker 1: really hurt by the fact that you like, maybe ask
Speaker 1: one of his friends if they can get it for you. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: and now he's finally he's finally trying. He's trying to
Speaker 1: be the powerful one now because it seems like you've
Speaker 1: always were in the shorts in this relation to wear pants.
Speaker 1: You were the sweetest short. You always wear the shorts
Speaker 1: in this relationship. And now he's kind of taking back
Speaker 1: the power and you don't like it. And I know
Speaker 1: that sucks. It sucks when you're in control. But you
Speaker 1: have to uh, you know, you have to realize, like you,
Speaker 1: I don't think he doesn't seem you were really being
Speaker 1: fair in the relationship. So is he your best friend?
Speaker 1: Ask yourself that. Well, he can't just be the person
Speaker 1: that you go over cry to get drunk and fuck
Speaker 1: like that's might be your best friend, but you might
Speaker 1: not be his best friend, right, It's gotta be two
Speaker 1: way street. Yeah. I don't know though, Maybe maybe you're
Speaker 1: a great best friend. I have no idea. Maybe the
Speaker 1: shorts really made him want to suck you, and he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not giving these back. I'm gonna I'm gonna rub
Speaker 1: him on my dick. I don't know whatever kids do,
Speaker 1: all right? And our third and final email, Hey gals, Uh.
Speaker 1: First off, I'm so glad my BF and introduced me
Speaker 1: to your podcast. Listening to it makes me feel like
Speaker 1: I'm at a group hang out with two badass chicks
Speaker 1: who aren't afraid to speak honestly, it's y'all. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Some backgrounds on me before I start unloading my problem.
Speaker 1: I'm a twenty five year old, a single gal from Michigan.
Speaker 1: Nothing's really quote normal, I suppose, but I feel like
Speaker 1: my dating history at has been pretty normal too. Long
Speaker 1: term boyfriends, dating here and there, a few fun buddies,
Speaker 1: one instance of casual sex like KR and I prefer
Speaker 1: to sleep with my friends. I feel pretty well rounded
Speaker 1: in most aspects of my life. I've been single for
Speaker 1: a while, and though I don't feel like I'm hunting
Speaker 1: for a boyfriend, I'm definitely interested in meeting someone to
Speaker 1: have something more special with than just to hook up.
Speaker 1: I'm just keeping my eyes open, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So recently, I have been on a few first good
Speaker 1: dates with a few different dudes, but every single one
Speaker 1: of these fun boys has absolutely no follow through. They're
Speaker 1: all so different and have expressed interest in me pre viously,
Speaker 1: so I'm not thinking they are finding me physically disgusting
Speaker 1: in parentheses though, who knows out a vagina, It's fine. Anyhow.
Speaker 1: I was lamenting these issues to a group of friends
Speaker 1: and co workers, and one of my male acquaintances chimed
Speaker 1: in with his quote advice, and we had the following
Speaker 1: exchange him, Ali, are you just really intimate? You are
Speaker 1: really just intimidating to men? Me as in not nice?
Speaker 1: Do I come off mean or cold or something? Him? No,
Speaker 1: not at all. You're just really intimidating, and if you
Speaker 1: tone that down, I think guys would be much more
Speaker 1: interested in being with you. Just try to tone it
Speaker 1: down me, Oh cool, cool, And then she wrote she
Speaker 1: writes cut to Ali driving home and crying to Atlantis,
Speaker 1: which I really that really spoke to me. I talked
Speaker 1: to some of my female friends about this, of course,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to reach out to you too, because
Speaker 1: I think you might shut some interesting light on this.
Speaker 1: I think of you two as a very selfishured, confident
Speaker 1: ladies and you obviously still land dudes. Uh blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. Uh, there's some more stuff about this being
Speaker 1: in your head. Is this really a thing? Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: it's a thing. Yeah. But if the guy. First of all,
Speaker 1: if anybody's telling you to tone it down, go fund yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's like them. That's them trying to adjust the dial
Speaker 1: on the very person that you are. What that doesn't
Speaker 1: You're the goddamn unique snowflake that you are. Ali. Yeah, yeah, Ali,
Speaker 1: look at me. Ali. I'm just kidding. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: you probably are intimidating. As someone who is intimidating, I
Speaker 1: know what that's like. And guys, honestly, are there are
Speaker 1: the weaker sex. I'm just gonna say it as a
Speaker 1: fact because it is, and they they don't, they don't
Speaker 1: usually respond to that. But there is somebody who is
Speaker 1: going to respond to that. There's one guy. There's one
Speaker 1: guy somewhere in a hut, what I think, in the Hawaii.
Speaker 1: So you better get a ticket Hawaii. I to the
Speaker 1: guy can't handle it, then, First of all, you don't
Speaker 1: need to tone it down. I mean, I get I
Speaker 1: know people who are annoying. I do you don't seem
Speaker 1: like a chick who's annoying, But I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 1: you are, maybe you're fucking annoying, but I don't think
Speaker 1: you are based on this email to your photo isn't
Speaker 1: like I can usually tell your people are like talking
Speaker 1: too much of ramble when we ask for photos, so
Speaker 1: we can see if you look annoying. Yeah, really annoying thing.
Speaker 1: Uh if a guy is telling you to tone it down,
Speaker 1: just fuck him, don't and don't get upset. I mean,
Speaker 1: I get why you would get upset about that, I guess,
Speaker 1: but like, funk that guy. You know how many people
Speaker 1: told me, like in my lifetime that I'm to this,
Speaker 1: to that, do anything. I don't care. Right, that's a
Speaker 1: happy life. The intimidating I think. I think being like
Speaker 1: a little bit closed off or cold can also be
Speaker 1: confused with being intimidating, which are two separate things. So
Speaker 1: I think sometimes I do this instead of like putting
Speaker 1: yourself out there, you will fuck your friends because that's
Speaker 1: a safe space and you don't really have to open
Speaker 1: up or give too much of yourself. So maybe if
Speaker 1: you're actually looking for someone, cut yourself off from sing
Speaker 1: your friends, which I actually have done. And try to
Speaker 1: put yourself out there, because if you put yourself in
Speaker 1: a vulnerable, vulnerable position, you will come off as vulnerable,
Speaker 1: which is not intimidating and is inviting, but it is
Speaker 1: still natural, uh, and true to who you are. And
Speaker 1: I think that's a nice compromise. And you're super cute.
Speaker 1: You are super cute, great braid and thank you all right, guys, guests.
Speaker 1: Who else is super cute? Our guest this way? Yes,
Speaker 1: she's a female comedian, which I know you requested more,
Speaker 1: a very long time friend in comedy of Christina and myself.
Speaker 1: She's wonderful. She's like a she's like a fifties pin
Speaker 1: up girl brought to life in two thousand and fifteen,
Speaker 1: just sucking style icon, A gem of a gal. Ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen, please welcome Chrissie Mayor Best. Such a hot streak,
Speaker 1: but you don't have some bad make it rod a
Speaker 1: little to school you guys on the you gotta eat
Speaker 1: that big jerk and yoga. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: We are here with our lovely guest, Cussy Mayor. Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm so good? Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for having me. I'm I just got out of a
Speaker 1: book from yoga class. So I'm feeling I'm feeling really
Speaker 1: in touch with my emotions. I always cried during yoga.
Speaker 1: I've cried a couple of times during yoga. It's so emotional.
Speaker 1: Not only are you opening up all your chakras, like
Speaker 1: the ones that wold emotions like that are in your chest,
Speaker 1: but also you know it's hot and it smells like farts,
Speaker 1: so that oh yeah. Also for yoga for me, it's
Speaker 1: like I'm forced to be still and think about the
Speaker 1: thoughts in my head for once, and I'm like, oh men, yeah,
Speaker 1: and you're forced to in total all the lights on,
Speaker 1: looking at your body in the mirror and you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: that's that's where we're at. Cool all right. I think
Speaker 1: the workout class that I cried the most and was
Speaker 1: Boxing's weirdly yeah, because it was like a release aggression there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was nice. Do you we DoD you during during breakups?
Speaker 1: Do you still do yoga? Christy? Yes? I do it
Speaker 1: even more because you store a lot of stress and
Speaker 1: emotions in your body and like the faster you can
Speaker 1: like just work that out and cry it out and
Speaker 1: sweat it out like you do physically feel better, and
Speaker 1: you do. You do get over it, you feel emotionally better.
Speaker 1: It's odd. But the problem I couldn't. I couldn't do
Speaker 1: it because I would I would be like so crying
Speaker 1: so hard that I would disrupt the class if I
Speaker 1: was doing That's why I was asking I didn't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have one time, yeah, after a breakup, after a
Speaker 1: bigger yoga, I started crying during class, like audibly, like yeah.
Speaker 1: I was basically kind of sobbing towards it, and I
Speaker 1: was like it was weird. It really took me over.
Speaker 1: And then like the teacher knows. She's like, are you okay?
Speaker 1: I'm like break up. She's like okay, okay, okay, I
Speaker 1: got you know what it was? I had this like
Speaker 1: I said this thing to myself, you know that you
Speaker 1: would probably see in a lifetime movie, like just recognize
Speaker 1: that he hurt you, you know, or something like that,
Speaker 1: or like do you know to recognize your you know
Speaker 1: you didn't deserve that or something like that, something that
Speaker 1: would be. And then I was just like and then
Speaker 1: like sat and cried after the class for like fift weird,
Speaker 1: like weird, the whole body sobbing, and I was like
Speaker 1: this yoga ship is not for kids. The next level,
Speaker 1: this next really not. It's it's it's very intense and
Speaker 1: should be handled with the utmost care. I think I
Speaker 1: passed out the one and only time I did it.
Speaker 1: I was like, Nope, not for me. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of elements. There's a lot it's I like it though.
Speaker 1: I like it because I see people pass that I
Speaker 1: go than it's always more of fun and it's like
Speaker 1: a full grown man who's like I can't breathe and
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, that's because you ate McDonald's like an
Speaker 1: hour ago. Yoga is not. I mean, I know there
Speaker 1: are some men who do, but overall you would when
Speaker 1: you see the moves that people are doing. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I've seen some really flexible dudes are very little though
Speaker 1: their bodies exactly that. And yeah, and a lot there's
Speaker 1: a lot of gay men that do it. It felt
Speaker 1: gay men, but I don't know. I do know some
Speaker 1: big people that do yoga and I'm like, wow, that's
Speaker 1: a that's a feat um. But anyway, so that's so breakups,
Speaker 1: we've all been through them before we get to that.
Speaker 1: I actually kind of wanted to start at there's a
Speaker 1: couple of things you want to talk to you about.
Speaker 1: And I think the basis that we could start out
Speaker 1: is self confidence, because I think that's going to affect
Speaker 1: all the other things that we're going to talk about today.
Speaker 1: Um class, class. I like to organize it. Um. So
Speaker 1: you are someone who respectably so has been admitted that
Speaker 1: you don't always have the highest self as team No,
Speaker 1: like I would say, five days out of the week,
Speaker 1: I'm going no, not so much like about what, oh
Speaker 1: just about like I compare like myself to like prior
Speaker 1: versions of myself. I'll be like, oh, you look better
Speaker 1: last year, or I'll be like you have slacked off
Speaker 1: in comedy, or like you are not where you should
Speaker 1: be at this age. Now. Well, there's a difference between
Speaker 1: being hard on yourself and pushing yourself further. What's do
Speaker 1: you think you it's that voice in your hand like saying, oh,
Speaker 1: because I do all that stuff too. Yeah, that's like that.
Speaker 1: That's more of a like a perfectionist. It's that voice.
Speaker 1: And it's also like I look at my goals like
Speaker 1: from the last few years, and they're all kind of
Speaker 1: the same, and it's like, oh, why am I not
Speaker 1: like going for any of this. It's like I think
Speaker 1: in the back of my head, it's like, no, you're
Speaker 1: not You're not gonna get it. You're not that funny,
Speaker 1: You're not good enough for X, Y and Z reasons,
Speaker 1: and no, you're not good Yeah. So you you have
Speaker 1: that you're not good enough voice you I think so, yeah.
Speaker 1: And I have a hard time in general, like asking
Speaker 1: for what I want and like asking for things. I
Speaker 1: think that's a problem that a lot women have. And
Speaker 1: You've always had that problem for sure, Like I um,
Speaker 1: I took this personality type test with this girl that
Speaker 1: I work with. It's called the aniogram, and it gives
Speaker 1: you a personality number from like one to six or something,
Speaker 1: and I was a two. And two's are like helpers,
Speaker 1: Like we are all about like yeah kind of like
Speaker 1: and I can wrap a killer presents too, but helper
Speaker 1: is like put other people before themselves all the time,
Speaker 1: and they like like empathetically just immediately there for them
Speaker 1: and to the kind of to the detriment of their
Speaker 1: own selves. Like like I know for an active my
Speaker 1: sister is feeling sad about being single, like I will
Speaker 1: get so it's almost like we're twins and I feel it,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, all of a sudden, I'll be like,
Speaker 1: why do I feel so sad? It's because I like
Speaker 1: and I want, like to take the pain away from people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hear you. It's weird like that with my mom.
Speaker 1: Does that affect your sex life? Well? Yeah? Are you
Speaker 1: like giving? Giving? Giving, like you don't need to eat
Speaker 1: me out? Its cool, like kind of I I it's
Speaker 1: easy for me to get in that place, like I'm
Speaker 1: super generous in bed um and I won't ask for
Speaker 1: anything because I will get in my head about it,
Speaker 1: like if a guy's not going down on me, I'll
Speaker 1: be like, oh, it's because he's not into this, Like
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna make somebody do something they're not into.
Speaker 1: And therefore it's like I like, sort of you just
Speaker 1: to tell a story in my head. And then I'm like,
Speaker 1: why is no one going down? Ever? I guess I'm gross,
Speaker 1: but maybe because you're stopping about thinking why no one's
Speaker 1: going down on you while you're having sex, And then
Speaker 1: they then they're like, christ, he's not into me. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's what it's probably that, and then it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: you wait for the unicorn like freakman, like you know
Speaker 1: on sex and the City, there was the one guy
Speaker 1: who loved going down on women. Yeah. It's like and
Speaker 1: this is outside of obviously like relationships, you know, but
Speaker 1: this is just in random hookups like you know, you
Speaker 1: find that guy, and that guy like you can't keep
Speaker 1: him away from it. Like if you're sweaty, grows a
Speaker 1: way for my puffe. Yeah, but period like rain high water.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so I try to eat you out on
Speaker 1: your period. There there have been guys that do not
Speaker 1: care what's going on. They just want to get in
Speaker 1: there and stay there. Is there a camp on anyone?
Speaker 1: Have you got any in your beer? Yes? With one
Speaker 1: in and then and then there's the people who will
Speaker 1: who will pull it out and still and then like
Speaker 1: you're glitterists because you don't have to really go inside
Speaker 1: when you're eating someone out during their period. You can
Speaker 1: it can be you can tidy. Yeah, you just stay
Speaker 1: on the top the top shelf. But and usually when
Speaker 1: when you when you are aroused, the blood flow tends
Speaker 1: to stop. Yeah. I always stops when I horn. It's
Speaker 1: like you're in a pool, stops your pod. Guys don't
Speaker 1: know that periods stop. It's very like the bleeding will
Speaker 1: stop when I'm more Stephen. I don't think Steven realized that.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I stopped bleeding when I'm horny. So
Speaker 1: we have sex. There's not not gonna be a lot
Speaker 1: of blood. It's a thing. Yeah, and then the second
Speaker 1: you're done, it's like yes, the body helping you out,
Speaker 1: and then you gotta run. But I always put a
Speaker 1: towel down, I say, or like cut your hand under
Speaker 1: you and like run to the bathroom. Like having a
Speaker 1: vaginal stocks right, she's always couping it, waiting for ship
Speaker 1: to fall out, the big old mess um and so
Speaker 1: going on with the compensation. One of the things that
Speaker 1: I remember most you saying to me was that you
Speaker 1: enjoyed cat calling because it makes you And I think
Speaker 1: this is so fascinating because you're one of the someone
Speaker 1: who's very adamant about this, and I love that you are.
Speaker 1: That you enjoyed cat calling because it makes you feel
Speaker 1: good about yourself. It does, like you know, it's always
Speaker 1: the best part, Like first dates are always the best
Speaker 1: because like seduction and novelty are at an all time high,
Speaker 1: and it's like it kind of like smacks of that.
Speaker 1: I know, I know a cat calling. Most of it's disgusting,
Speaker 1: but it's like what kind is or kinds you like
Speaker 1: and kinds you don't like or any of it. Like
Speaker 1: if someone just goes I hate that, I'm not fucking dog,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, Like it depends if you're cute, like
Speaker 1: you can say just about anything. But I also have
Speaker 1: a soft spot for like blue color guys because my dad,
Speaker 1: like growing up, he's a landscaper, So like, if I
Speaker 1: see anybody with the same kind of boots he wore,
Speaker 1: like that I'm seeing in the basement lined up, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I kind of like feel for that. And I'm like
Speaker 1: these guys, like obviously there's creeps in any group of people,
Speaker 1: but most of the time, like the ones that cat
Speaker 1: call me are just like you know, what do they say?
Speaker 1: Usually like what do the cackles you get? Because I
Speaker 1: feel like so certain women bring certain things out of
Speaker 1: certain dudes, or certain dudes can't control themselves around certain women. Maybe.
Speaker 1: And I was a blonde from my whole life up
Speaker 1: until maybe six years ago, And holy sh it for
Speaker 1: the blonde girls listening to this, like you have no idea.
Speaker 1: You get so many cat calls, so many more As
Speaker 1: a blonde, and I was like, it's rarer. I was
Speaker 1: not even a sexually evolved, like blonde person. I was
Speaker 1: like still like in my like bloated college years in twenties,
Speaker 1: you know. And I don't know the cafeteria li too,
Speaker 1: my braces, yeah, putting my mouth under the fro yo
Speaker 1: and like just so many just the Mexicans, you know,
Speaker 1: the three Mexicans in the truck, like just you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to sound but like you get so
Speaker 1: many cackles and stand cat calls, like they just notice you.
Speaker 1: It's like nature, It's like jeans, let's yell at them.
Speaker 1: But when I went red, it was more like specific.
Speaker 1: It was more like, oh you're you have red hair?
Speaker 1: Does that mean you're like you know, you're slut? Do you?
Speaker 1: And I have a standard response to the carpets matching
Speaker 1: the drapes line, I'm like, no, I have hardwood floors.
Speaker 1: I like to eat. Respond and you have such a
Speaker 1: prepared comic, have a prepared comment for this cat call?
Speaker 1: So funny? Yeah, just usually like hey red, or like
Speaker 1: if I'm wearing something like what do you say you
Speaker 1: anything back? Or do you look or do you just
Speaker 1: smile to yourself. It depends if I am. If I'm
Speaker 1: feeling like sassy and funny, I'll like I'll be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: a nice tank top, or like I'll be like a
Speaker 1: nice mashed t shirt. Or I'll be like, yeah, your
Speaker 1: ass is something else, or like I'll just like you're
Speaker 1: a real something, sir. And but maybe like sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: just and most of the time it'll hit me and
Speaker 1: I'll just get shy and I'll be like, oh, like him,
Speaker 1: just like an old woman I think said anything. Really,
Speaker 1: I've got some gross ones, like just like ones like
Speaker 1: I'm a fuck you silly like when I'm walking by
Speaker 1: in a bad mood to go get fucking tampons at CVS.
Speaker 1: I'm never and I'm like, oh, sir, if I had
Speaker 1: a gun, yeah, that's I've never had any really terrible
Speaker 1: cat calls. I mean, that's that's what it is. We're
Speaker 1: all just products of our own experience, right Like if
Speaker 1: I had somebody like mug me and smashed my head
Speaker 1: into like a pole, I'd be like, well, I have
Speaker 1: a new thing now. It's not cat calling. It's like
Speaker 1: you know, it's rale feminism. Um, but you hit on
Speaker 1: earlier something that I think a lot of people think
Speaker 1: women are guilty of which is, if you are cute,
Speaker 1: you can say anything. And I I swear to God
Speaker 1: if that's not okay for me, but I think it
Speaker 1: is for a lot of people. And why why why
Speaker 1: do you think cute people can say whatever they want? Oh,
Speaker 1: cute boys, like because it's less offensive, because you're more
Speaker 1: in nature. We tend to go for people like, well,
Speaker 1: we'll go to mates. Human beings will go to mates
Speaker 1: that they are. I forget whatever it is, but like,
Speaker 1: you know about two degrees up or down on the
Speaker 1: level of attractiveness that they themselves are. So for me,
Speaker 1: I'm just like or they perceive themselves right, right. So
Speaker 1: if you have somebody who's like to let's say, like
Speaker 1: I'm a seven, uh, chrissie you and let a seven
Speaker 1: because you are. If I have like a two guy,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, button, you're delusional. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just like you're just like you have the audacity kind
Speaker 1: of thing, but you don't get mad about it. You're
Speaker 1: just like, oh you're yeah. I'm like, something's up upstairs.
Speaker 1: But if you're cute, then you're like, I might potentially
Speaker 1: have sex with this construction worker, Like we're already a
Speaker 1: third of the way there. There's interests, like he's into it. Cool.
Speaker 1: Have you ever gotten hooked up from a cackle? A
Speaker 1: guy once followed me that I was like exchanging a
Speaker 1: guy that was a changing eyes with got off on
Speaker 1: the same L train stop as me. Well, they'll trains
Speaker 1: a different story. But ok yeah, you know it wasn't
Speaker 1: a cat call. It was more like I was staring.
Speaker 1: I've had a look, I've changed looks with the guy
Speaker 1: on the subway, and he got his number. I fo
Speaker 1: a lot of people on the L train. Yeah. L
Speaker 1: Train's got the hottest people. Fewers don't know. The L
Speaker 1: train goes to Williamsburg, Brooklyn and all other hip story
Speaker 1: areas where all the hot people go. Walker with a
Speaker 1: synth band in green Point, Man. Now he lives in Germany.
Speaker 1: I wonderful the scores he does. He probably fucking bakes
Speaker 1: vegan ship and writes books. Yeah, gosh, that's so random.
Speaker 1: But has sex resulted from a cat call? I don't
Speaker 1: think so. For a date, no, okay, not a date.
Speaker 1: So it just it's a self esteem thing, Yeah it is.
Speaker 1: And now I've had a guy from actually the schwarm
Speaker 1: a cart near my house and a storia. He got
Speaker 1: out of his cart, and so I've lived there for
Speaker 1: two years. Cart Yeah, I lived there for two is
Speaker 1: and always you know, it progressed from a wave to
Speaker 1: a look, to a high today to all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I look around one day, I've walked past the car
Speaker 1: and he's sucking next to me. He left his post.
Speaker 1: I would have shipped myself, I you're here, you're he's
Speaker 1: making the swarm up. If you're here, who's making my phone?
Speaker 1: And he was like, hey, how are you? And then
Speaker 1: it's what I do when I'm talking to a guy
Speaker 1: that I'm not particularly interested in. I turned it into
Speaker 1: like come to my comedy show. Like I go into
Speaker 1: like a commercial. They still think she wants to suck me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, here's a card, come to stone Wall like
Speaker 1: and it's like, no, do you get find yourself into
Speaker 1: situations I do a lot where you're naive and you're like, no,
Speaker 1: we're friends. He wants to be my friend. It's fine,
Speaker 1: and they're like, Okay, they get pissed because you don't
Speaker 1: want to him. I do. I am definitely still victim
Speaker 1: to that, but I think I wise up sooner than
Speaker 1: than previous Chrissie used to. Chrissie would go on like
Speaker 1: months and years being like, I'm great friends with that guy,
Speaker 1: and then you're like, no, he's just like quietly waiting
Speaker 1: in the wings until you have low enough so your
Speaker 1: boot pops out and you're like you can touch it. Good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, I used to be a lot
Speaker 1: more naive about that. And you don't want to be
Speaker 1: because you want to think people like you for you
Speaker 1: and don't just like stomp out. Yeah, well you you
Speaker 1: reference previous Christie. You're old Christie a lot. How many
Speaker 1: versions of Chrissie do you think there have been to day?
Speaker 1: And how old are you now? I'm thirty one and
Speaker 1: a half. I always I always forget you looks, So
Speaker 1: it's not that that's old, but it's just, you know,
Speaker 1: because I've been doing keegels. Do you really do? That's
Speaker 1: why this microphone is moving? You do? I do it work? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I'm doing them right now. You just remain I don't
Speaker 1: never knowing them. Do quick ones and then hold hold
Speaker 1: them ten seconds. It's weird that I can My brain
Speaker 1: goes hey, vagina muscles quench real quick, and then it does.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh that was weird. Yeah, Like we're a team,
Speaker 1: we work together. This how many versions of Christie has
Speaker 1: there been? This is an excellent question? Um sorry, oh god,
Speaker 1: there was like Meg's just counting her in college and
Speaker 1: then and like you I want to like, I want
Speaker 1: to kind of the progression. I want to hear like,
Speaker 1: so we started at we started at eleven when Chrissie
Speaker 1: started to um get into springboard diving, which kept her
Speaker 1: off the streets. Because I was streets. I was headed
Speaker 1: for a life we hooking. I was like putting colored
Speaker 1: mask hare in my hair, which is like the first
Speaker 1: step during biology. I mean I wore blue lipstick and
Speaker 1: like the fifth grade, and my dad yelled at me
Speaker 1: that's would legitimmately do witchcraft And I almost burned down
Speaker 1: my room. I think, yeah. And then there was like, well, okay,
Speaker 1: so I got into sports early, which is good. But
Speaker 1: then I started like blowing dudes of fourteen here we
Speaker 1: go here, and terribly I didn't know, you know what,
Speaker 1: that's a testament to your off because I don't think
Speaker 1: that if you meet a fourteen year old who gives
Speaker 1: a great blow job, like that's problem. I've been fourteen
Speaker 1: year olds now though are probably pretty good because yes,
Speaker 1: but in porn, I always think the girls when they're
Speaker 1: getting blow dropped look like fucking zombies having a seizure.
Speaker 1: They're like, like, that's not hot to watch at all.
Speaker 1: You don't like doing it, yet they're just like this
Speaker 1: is what I do because you don't learn to your
Speaker 1: older that like you can and should enjoy sex even
Speaker 1: though you are doing the blow jobs, Like jobs are
Speaker 1: fun to give. I think they are. They like that
Speaker 1: you know you're getting old, and you're like, I love
Speaker 1: giving a love sitting there and the guy just like
Speaker 1: puts his dick right mouth level. But then there's also
Speaker 1: been times that the only thing that's gotten me through
Speaker 1: a blow drop is thinking about what breakfast I'm going
Speaker 1: to have in the morning, Like that'sn't really gotten me through.
Speaker 1: I like you, no, I don't worry, you have an
Speaker 1: egg sandwich tomorrow. Just get all this, I mean ex
Speaker 1: and would just have gotten us all through some trying
Speaker 1: times in life. That's so funny. How do you when
Speaker 1: you were getting BJ's at fourteen with the eyes jiz
Speaker 1: like right away, I didn't know jizzing was a thing
Speaker 1: until a few dudes in Like they these were older
Speaker 1: guys at first, Like the first couple were like seventeen
Speaker 1: and nineteen, nineteen year old at a fourteen year old
Speaker 1: give him a blow job. Yeah, and he's like, I
Speaker 1: became a lifeguard. My sister is older than me. She's
Speaker 1: a lifeguard. To this guy is also an older lifeguard.
Speaker 1: So the way that he maybe that's an example of
Speaker 1: a cat call that turned into a thing, because he
Speaker 1: was like he would watch me dive and he'd be like, hey,
Speaker 1: nice dives, and I thought he was the shift. Did
Speaker 1: you have an adult I'm more like adult body as
Speaker 1: a child, so flat and small, I was like an
Speaker 1: athletic kid, so I didn't get things didn't happen until later.
Speaker 1: So it was just like I was a really good
Speaker 1: diver though, like I was like that, so you're a
Speaker 1: bad So so do you feel like you didn't get
Speaker 1: Did you not get confidence from diving? Because that seems
Speaker 1: like something when you're really good at something. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: got a ton of confidence from diving, but then diving
Speaker 1: stopped at the end of college, so I had to
Speaker 1: more think about sex, I guess because that's kind of
Speaker 1: who you were that was like, well, this is my
Speaker 1: thing now. Because you can't compete diving after college this
Speaker 1: you could go to the weird Open League, but that's
Speaker 1: a lot of creepy. So it kind of ends there.
Speaker 1: It does. It's if you're going to progress and be
Speaker 1: an Olympian, you would have done that during college. I
Speaker 1: would assume I would. Yeah, I would have gone to
Speaker 1: Indiana University, would have gone to like a more hardcore
Speaker 1: college program. But instead of was like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: go to Fairfield and be a big fish in a
Speaker 1: little punt. Sorry for listening, diving coach, Well, do you
Speaker 1: regret not going to Indiana? Would you rather be a
Speaker 1: diver than a comedian? I looked at UK, I looked
Speaker 1: at a lot of schools in better conferences. I think
Speaker 1: about it. You know, my arch nemesis um in high school,
Speaker 1: my enemy diving. She got into like Olympic trials, and
Speaker 1: I remember watching him going, she makes this in, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna kill myself because that means maybe there was a
Speaker 1: chance for me. But she didn't make it in. So
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I'm gonna this beer, I
Speaker 1: eat this sheese, No, I don't regret it. You know,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have gotten into comedy. I would have been
Speaker 1: the people who were on that track to be like
Speaker 1: Olympic divers are like, you don't have a social Oh yes,
Speaker 1: I know, and I barely had one, just doing it
Speaker 1: in the MAC Conference Division one. So like, you know,
Speaker 1: would you dive with just girls or would there be
Speaker 1: guys around you? Because guys swimmers are really fucking hot.
Speaker 1: They're like hot seals. They're like hairless and must feeling
Speaker 1: blonde a lot of times, and yeah, a lot of them.
Speaker 1: Well yeah does that turn you on? You're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're stupid, dumb. There is something really refreshing about a
Speaker 1: stupid guy sometimes because it's just like let's talking. I like,
Speaker 1: it's it's easy. I agree, Just point to what you
Speaker 1: want on this card. I kind of you know, like
Speaker 1: I I understand why guys like stupid girls. It's less
Speaker 1: hass I like it for a hook up because it's
Speaker 1: a nice breath of fresh air, like, oh, you're simple, simple,
Speaker 1: simple man. Yeah, after what I that's annoying? Alright, So
Speaker 1: so eleven year old crissy, then you progressive given blowjobs,
Speaker 1: then the next mean blow jobs and then um, but
Speaker 1: waited a very long time to have sex. I was
Speaker 1: almost nineteen. Wow, so you're just you spent five years,
Speaker 1: you're probably really gonna. I was also like I was
Speaker 1: such a tease. I remember like getting told time and
Speaker 1: time again like you're such a tease, You're such a tease.
Speaker 1: Because I just was like not gonna have sex with people.
Speaker 1: I was like, you're not ready. Yeah. I hate when
Speaker 1: guys say you're a tease because you won't suck them.
Speaker 1: You just didn't know. I even like I even had
Speaker 1: like a little touch of butt sex before real sex,
Speaker 1: because I was like, no, I went because I went.
Speaker 1: I think it's because I went to a Jesuit college
Speaker 1: and for some reason I had to save that whole.
Speaker 1: I'm not even Catholic, but it just cropped off on me.
Speaker 1: It's just like the community of the school. What's that?
Speaker 1: What is that? A touch of butt sex? I mean
Speaker 1: where it goes in. But you don't want to fully
Speaker 1: admit to having anal sex before regular sex, so you
Speaker 1: say it was a touch. Maybe it didn't happen so
Speaker 1: you can it's fully in your butt, not fully all
Speaker 1: the way in. I mean it's hard, Yeah, it's hard
Speaker 1: to do that. You never had as fully in your
Speaker 1: butt all the way into that this so that his
Speaker 1: his end is touching your butt whole. I mean you
Speaker 1: used to be going to the Olympics also. That also
Speaker 1: went made me go to the er. Yeah, I was
Speaker 1: like me, I mean I might have, but I was
Speaker 1: definitely intoxicated a little bit because I need the Some
Speaker 1: people need like lub, but I just needed like a
Speaker 1: glass of Have you ever been to the Pleasure Chess Christie.
Speaker 1: It's a sex store in the Upper east Side? Oh yeah, there.
Speaker 1: We did awkward sex in the city there, and so
Speaker 1: I was like perusing the aisles of sex toys. There
Speaker 1: is a fucking just giant black rubber thing that's like
Speaker 1: the size of a baby's head. And I'm not exactly
Speaker 1: like a fisting thing. It doesn't look like a fist.
Speaker 1: It just looks like a mount. It looks like an
Speaker 1: ant hill, it looks like an annual, but it's black
Speaker 1: and it's just smooth, right, there's no like sand running. Well.
Speaker 1: I was like, what the funk is that? And then
Speaker 1: this girl comes, this cute little girl comes up to
Speaker 1: me and she goes, do you near any help? And
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, yeah, get over here. Is that
Speaker 1: for a fucking ass or vagina? She goes, that's for
Speaker 1: an ass. I'm like, that's that's okay, that that goes
Speaker 1: in an asshole and she goes, yeah, it's so like
Speaker 1: I mean if that goes in your ass, that goes
Speaker 1: in your ass. I'm like, what the fuck? And you're
Speaker 1: sure it wasn't for aunt eaters? Due. I kept asking him, like,
Speaker 1: so this is for a butt hole? Yeah? So like
Speaker 1: it goes in your butt? Yeah, so like that's someone's happig.
Speaker 1: Was it? Was it like a baby's head? Yeah? Like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like the porn where the girl puts the pine
Speaker 1: glass in her butt hole. You're like, how how now
Speaker 1: you're just showing off, bitch? Yeah? Do you watch? You know?
Speaker 1: Not really? I did with an x Um quite a
Speaker 1: bit because he was into it, because that's one of
Speaker 1: the services I provide his girlfriend. I will be into
Speaker 1: whatever you're into, and I will pretend quite convincingly that
Speaker 1: I like it too. Why do you do that? Though?
Speaker 1: I don't know, you're going to set up a miserable
Speaker 1: life for yourself though that way? Do you? Because I
Speaker 1: adapt myself to other people's likes and just like unless
Speaker 1: I truly hate it, but it makes me happy to
Speaker 1: enjoy something that they're enjoying. So it actually I used
Speaker 1: to think it made me weak, but I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is actually what makes me happy, Like this is where
Speaker 1: I find my joy, you know, because you're a lot
Speaker 1: of sign to write pisces. Yeah, yeah, so I think
Speaker 1: it's like part empathy, so like, yeah, I guess part
Speaker 1: of me did enjoy the porn like it was. Obviously
Speaker 1: if I had more weed, I would enjoy it more.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, all right, I'm getting into my other brain,
Speaker 1: you know, your back brain, where you're like all right,
Speaker 1: just pretend you're a caveman and watching this, um man.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like a lot of porn I don't
Speaker 1: like because I don't find it believable because it's made
Speaker 1: for guys to a lot of it's catered to dudes.
Speaker 1: But I would I used to watch with an X
Speaker 1: quite a bit, but like on my own, no, I
Speaker 1: really it's like so similar to the joke that I do.
Speaker 1: Like I really just go into my head and I
Speaker 1: think I think about stuff, like I think about past
Speaker 1: times with people. I think about like the highlight reel
Speaker 1: or like with another guy, yeah, or people you know,
Speaker 1: like it had just hot times that have happened, or like, god,
Speaker 1: I mean like times a chrissy hid like sometimes I
Speaker 1: like just weirdly, I had a weird like sex dream
Speaker 1: about this married guy at my office. He was kids like,
Speaker 1: but he was there. I was like, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: get out of here. Yeah, that's that's okay, that's fun.
Speaker 1: It's innocent people creep in and out off your head.
Speaker 1: As long as it's not your parents or are your
Speaker 1: brother that's like, because that's then everything all bets are
Speaker 1: off and you're like, I need to stop this immediately.
Speaker 1: So you had anal but you told yourself you didn't,
Speaker 1: so you didn't. But there was a penis in your butt,
Speaker 1: there was. He was also he was a friend of
Speaker 1: a swimmer, was he but it was so was he hot?
Speaker 1: Friends of swimmers are also hot. He just gotta say
Speaker 1: people hanging out together. He was cocky. He was like
Speaker 1: a confident. He had like a little bit of like
Speaker 1: junior in college swagger. And I was like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: about that about that life right now. And when you
Speaker 1: had sex when you were nineteen, who's that with? Oh boy?
Speaker 1: Uh a a roadie from the band Rusted Root. This
Speaker 1: is amazing. His name is Steve Oh. This is real person.
Speaker 1: You know what. I actually remember you telling me this
Speaker 1: and this was amazing. At Arrested Root concert, they came
Speaker 1: to my school and I what I like to do
Speaker 1: is work the events staff because I was very much
Speaker 1: into free T shirts. I would do anything for a
Speaker 1: free to anything. But I would like stand around in
Speaker 1: grass or move things for a T shirt? Are you serious?
Speaker 1: What did that do? Keep all those T shirts? Well,
Speaker 1: one time it was the Dave Chappelle. He came to
Speaker 1: the school signed my shirt. One time it was matt Athanson,
Speaker 1: which was my favorite band of all time. I still
Speaker 1: there's a special place in my heart for him. Like
Speaker 1: but first musician I was obsessed with. And he came
Speaker 1: to Fairfield and I had him sign a shirt and
Speaker 1: I was like for shirt and then so this was
Speaker 1: Rested Root. I was like, free shirt, all right, They're okay.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, you know what, Dave Matthew's band
Speaker 1: is not coming to this school, so it's gonna be rested.
Speaker 1: I gotta settle for Rusted Root. It kind of was,
Speaker 1: and like I was in a bad place like I
Speaker 1: was kind of having a friend breakup, Like she was
Speaker 1: moving to the Quad, which was the cool area of campus,
Speaker 1: and I was stuck in Claver, which was a shitty
Speaker 1: dorm all the way on the other side. Like it
Speaker 1: wasn't fun. It wasn't like what you imagine doing it
Speaker 1: to spite. You know, she's just I don't know, she's
Speaker 1: just doing her thing, I think exactly. I was like,
Speaker 1: it's leaving me. I did feel abandoned. And then so
Speaker 1: how did I sucked a roody and rusted root. I
Speaker 1: sucked a roady on her phuton? Hell yeah, take that,
Speaker 1: like that bitch got fun in the quad and your
Speaker 1: cumfilled boots. I'm so sorry about that, Maureen, I really am.
Speaker 1: We're apologize to all that I mean, fucked on someone's
Speaker 1: ship that shouldn't have been picked. Like, apologize right now
Speaker 1: for that. Take a moment and I'll apologize. So, Maureen,
Speaker 1: we're Pierre from Guys we Fun. We're very sorry all
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's parents, cars and beds. Um. If I ever
Speaker 1: sucked in a stranger, I don't know I sucked. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like I sucked on some weird
Speaker 1: like some personal ship that I'm like, God, I should
Speaker 1: have done that. My Like, I feel like my I've
Speaker 1: been like I've fucked on somebody's couch like in but
Speaker 1: it was a couch at a house party and the
Speaker 1: parents the house the people were so rich that the
Speaker 1: parents bedroom had like a living room area and we
Speaker 1: sucked on the couch, but like my barrass was rubbing
Speaker 1: all over the couch, like that's not polite. I would
Speaker 1: like to formally apologize to anyone who's eating off the
Speaker 1: table in the School of Visual Arts, New Residents, Apartment
Speaker 1: seven Sea. And then secondly, I would like to apologize
Speaker 1: to my internship coordinator at Comedy Central his friend who
Speaker 1: has a two level house, well two level apartment, which
Speaker 1: I mean, how sorry can you be to someone with
Speaker 1: a two level apartment in like, I know you have
Speaker 1: two level, but this but this was like a hotel
Speaker 1: and uh, you had spare bed and I not only
Speaker 1: fucked in the bed, I got I had my pier
Speaker 1: and got period blood on the cover of your pillow.
Speaker 1: And then I didn't know what to do, so I
Speaker 1: stole it and I still have it to this day,
Speaker 1: and I'm really sorry for that. Have you guys ever
Speaker 1: masturbated in a weird area like I have. I don't
Speaker 1: even know one a minute, but yeah, oh now you
Speaker 1: got I've tried to. I've tried to masturbate on like
Speaker 1: several like greyhound buses, because I used to date a
Speaker 1: guy long distance in d C. Like we met in
Speaker 1: New York. He was going to Colombia and then he
Speaker 1: got a job working for d C for like some
Speaker 1: uh wind energy ship I don't know. I then continue
Speaker 1: to day him for a year and a half of
Speaker 1: via bus, which I think this is a testament to
Speaker 1: my like number two personality of just giving anyway, So
Speaker 1: I like this. I bought like this new cool vibrator
Speaker 1: and I was like, I think I could get off
Speaker 1: on this bus Everyone's sleeping challenge relatively, And then I
Speaker 1: turned it on. I was like buzz, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh boy, I think I woke. Did you get off? No? No,
Speaker 1: I got scared and turned it off, but I tried.
Speaker 1: Have you ever come in like a weird place. Have
Speaker 1: you ever had the desire like you're by yourself in
Speaker 1: either it's at a job or mainly a job, and
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm horny, I'm gonna masturbate really. I tried
Speaker 1: to masturbate in my work bathroom. Not done current job, um,
Speaker 1: but a couple of jobs ago. See this is so
Speaker 1: interesting because you guys, if you you watch the Show
Speaker 1: Girls and then Marty masturbated in the bathroom and I
Speaker 1: was like, that's crazy. But I can't ever imagine as
Speaker 1: a woman being so overcome that it's not because of
Speaker 1: a guy though, I'm just like, I'm really horny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it hasn't happened often, like maybe maybe five times in
Speaker 1: my whole life has that happened, Like I gotta go
Speaker 1: to the bathroom. It always happens to me. I get
Speaker 1: the more sex i'm having, the horny or I get
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, because and then when you stop it,
Speaker 1: then then you Whenever I'm alone, and I think it's
Speaker 1: just because I'm never a fucking alone ever and it's
Speaker 1: always been that way like in my life. But whenever
Speaker 1: I'm alone, I'm masturbate. I feel like it's like a
Speaker 1: pavalonian like almost here. Got a master it in college
Speaker 1: when my roommate would go away, that would mean masturbation weekend.
Speaker 1: Turn the heat up and get naked. Lock that fucking door.
Speaker 1: Put your big huge G four laptop screen out that
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be ending on films, but you're not
Speaker 1: doing that. Spread your like and go vanilla candle. Dude,
Speaker 1: what do you know you have a guarantee. When you
Speaker 1: know you have a guaranteed amount of free time, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I could take my time myself. I've been late to
Speaker 1: several comedy shows though, because I was masturbating, like I
Speaker 1: could do this real quick. It's ten minutes and it's
Speaker 1: forty minutes later. You're like, no, but wait, where was
Speaker 1: the part that you please set you masturbated? Uh? People
Speaker 1: listening to this podcast, and I know for a fact
Speaker 1: they listen. I'm scared now. Well, no, it's just it's
Speaker 1: a it was. It's a gig that I had. It's
Speaker 1: just a gig, a comedy gig. No, it's like a
Speaker 1: one off job, like a tenth job. Let's keep it
Speaker 1: bag one of storage room. I like it the Hilton. Alright,
Speaker 1: it's oh I remember that job. Wait, wasn't there cockroaches there? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That'sn't bad now I know, But I was just a lot. Again,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm alone. This isn't bad at all. That's bad.
Speaker 1: It's like she's going to masturbate furiously until someone like
Speaker 1: knocks on the door. That's awesome, wow, and you should
Speaker 1: you know it because like it's locking yourself in a
Speaker 1: room with a pizza. But then it's like if a dude,
Speaker 1: it's like most rebated my job. You're disgusting, don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: I I do unfortunately double double standards. But you know
Speaker 1: why because I think also, but I get it. Part
Speaker 1: of men women and people thinking it's discussing one of
Speaker 1: man masterpiece is because it's messier. Girls are very clean
Speaker 1: in the master me. It's not the guy can just
Speaker 1: go yeah, it's just I feel like it's just there's
Speaker 1: like an explosion, and the explosion is a little bit
Speaker 1: more internal with a woman because like that's for me
Speaker 1: very convenient. Yeah. And also just women, we think of
Speaker 1: women as clean, even though that's not even true. I
Speaker 1: mean I've had a ton of roommates were way disgusting
Speaker 1: who were women. It's not women are not clean, that's
Speaker 1: not They might speak grocer than do. Oh yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you know what it is because a guy, a guy
Speaker 1: coming is like running. It's like when you run into
Speaker 1: an ocean wave and it smacks up against you and
Speaker 1: it splashes up, like that's how they need to come,
Speaker 1: and a and a woman coming. It's like it's like
Speaker 1: you kind of lay yourself flat against the water and
Speaker 1: you push off and you glide in and you feel
Speaker 1: the waves go over there by. Like that's that's a
Speaker 1: good way to put it. And you know what else
Speaker 1: it is. I've always been so self aware of what
Speaker 1: I look and sound like when I come. When I'm
Speaker 1: with a guy that I'm like, oh, finally i could
Speaker 1: come like an animal that I am when I'm by myself,
Speaker 1: like I make probably remember looked at myself in a
Speaker 1: mirror as like organs. That'd be creepy, I thing, but
Speaker 1: I would I probably look like I'm having a seizure.
Speaker 1: Nothing sexy about the true O face is like that's vulnerability.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and not a lot of people have seen
Speaker 1: it for me? Do you so many people have seen
Speaker 1: my fake oh face? Like because like when Skype just
Speaker 1: came out, or like you know, with my first Mac computer,
Speaker 1: I would with this long term like distance boyfriend, we
Speaker 1: would like video chat each other. So I wasn't looking
Speaker 1: at him. I was looking I was making sure I
Speaker 1: look really good on camera. I knew how to arch
Speaker 1: and you had a thing and what sounds to make.
Speaker 1: I knew how to like you know, because the way
Speaker 1: you master me that looks hot to a guy is
Speaker 1: for me, never the way that I get over. I
Speaker 1: don't think that's I don't. I mean, what about you
Speaker 1: care and I don't know that's never. I'm the same
Speaker 1: way as you, crissy, I don't. I just come how
Speaker 1: I come, like. I don't really think about it too much.
Speaker 1: I just do what I do. I don't think it's
Speaker 1: grotesque though mine it's not. I know mine is. I
Speaker 1: can feel it. Really, you probably is not as grotesque
Speaker 1: as you think. You know how I make really like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, you do make weird faces that I
Speaker 1: feel my facial muscles doing something. And I don't know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean, I I just I don't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just don't honestly don't want to think about it
Speaker 1: because it's like how it's gonna come, how it's going
Speaker 1: to come. And I've never faced in organs. I'm like
Speaker 1: very like, I've just I've just been like, yeah, we're
Speaker 1: just I've called it. I've called it. Yeah, I've absolutely
Speaker 1: said that. I said, let this is not gonna my
Speaker 1: clip is burning right now. It's not a guy always
Speaker 1: like but no, I can do it. No, No, I
Speaker 1: think that I get disappointed when the guy. If the
Speaker 1: few times that a guy's like I just can't come,
Speaker 1: I like, yeah, that feel so bad. I take it
Speaker 1: so personally. I'm like, I get guys take it personally
Speaker 1: when we don't come. Oh, I just say, well, you
Speaker 1: have a finger, so let's use that. Is that also
Speaker 1: not working today? Yeah, it's always a fucking way get
Speaker 1: around that show, because the problem is it's like when
Speaker 1: you I hate getting blue balled. I hate no one
Speaker 1: likes getting blue balled. But I've really and I get
Speaker 1: the times that I have gotten blue balled. I have
Speaker 1: gotten so angry. I'm like, I kind of get white
Speaker 1: guys because guys are getting blue but a lot more
Speaker 1: than girls getting blue balls, right because you're so damn
Speaker 1: close and you know how good it's going to feel,
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh yeah, I'm sorry blue clided. There's
Speaker 1: no balls when I got balls. Being clitted always pinkish,
Speaker 1: I mean, well minus not everyone got blue clip. That
Speaker 1: sounds like a disease, got the blue clip. I got
Speaker 1: the blue clip. Oh yeah, that's kind of fun. I
Speaker 1: got that blue clist because blue, you think of it
Speaker 1: like cold cold, So that's that's good, and pink is
Speaker 1: more warm, like a steak. Also, my heart hurts when
Speaker 1: I get rejected for sex, like I feel like too,
Speaker 1: I feel anyone or just by people that you care about,
Speaker 1: people that I can anyone because it's with with a
Speaker 1: with a random hookup. It wouldn't happen that often because
Speaker 1: we wouldn't ever be in the vicinity of each other
Speaker 1: unless we were like, we're right. Yeah, it hurts, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not. To get turned down for sex to me
Speaker 1: is worse. I'd rather have someone not speak to me
Speaker 1: than to like turn me down for sex because, like
Speaker 1: I processed, the lack of touch way we're like, touch
Speaker 1: is a very physical touch to you, you were saying
Speaker 1: it is a very important part. There's this book called
Speaker 1: the Five Love Languages, and so people give and receive
Speaker 1: different levels of love languages, and I think that's it's
Speaker 1: it's important to know what years are. I suggest everybody
Speaker 1: go ahead and read this book called the Five Love Languages.
Speaker 1: It was record, it was recommended to me a while back.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I haven't read the whole thing,
Speaker 1: but I like I like the the table of contents
Speaker 1: is just scripping. Gip it. Get these in orders. These
Speaker 1: are these are the love languages. Here we go. Love
Speaker 1: language number one Words of affirmation. This is like, Christina,
Speaker 1: your beautiful, Karin, your pussy feels so good. Words of
Speaker 1: affirmation very appropriate. Her number two quality time, like if
Speaker 1: we were to go camping together, if we liked that
Speaker 1: or we like that, it's like, I'm about that life.
Speaker 1: If like Karen and I were going to go get
Speaker 1: choose together, make up here for each of us while
Speaker 1: you go through the language. Number three Receiving gifts. So
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh my god, Christina, here is um
Speaker 1: you know, here's an SNL T shirt from here you
Speaker 1: started intername very thought, Christie, this fake that's really nice.
Speaker 1: That would be the gift that I would get for you,
Speaker 1: so sweet and Karant I'd be like, here was a
Speaker 1: vibrator made the year you were born. It's a little crude,
Speaker 1: but here, thank you. Um. Love language number four, Acts
Speaker 1: of service. So if I was like Christina, you know
Speaker 1: I will drive you to plant parenthood. You know we
Speaker 1: did this together. I'm you know I'm gonna do this,
Speaker 1: and here's the seventy I don't even know what it
Speaker 1: is anymore, but here's a lot of money to pay it.
Speaker 1: Starting to make an assumption about the act of service,
Speaker 1: I could have been like, it's okay, and I've been
Speaker 1: to plant parano plant. I'd be like, karant, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm going to hang up your Nobel Peace Prize. I've
Speaker 1: framed it for you. That's not gonna happen. Did you
Speaker 1: take active service or like, yeah, it could be changing
Speaker 1: your oil, Like my dad was big on that, like
Speaker 1: he would he would change like rotate your tires, change
Speaker 1: your oil, drive me to dabbing practice, but like not
Speaker 1: so much on the talking. So it's like, so this
Speaker 1: is not only romantic love, but like love love, yes
Speaker 1: of it in its purest thorn. And I think like
Speaker 1: the sooner you figure out like which ones you need,
Speaker 1: I need all of them. Oh, that's very possible, because
Speaker 1: there's always like kind of an order, you know, because
Speaker 1: right who doesn't like to hear that they're like beautiful
Speaker 1: and like that they're loved. But you know, some people
Speaker 1: are not real big on getting gifts. You'd be like,
Speaker 1: this is a thing like this is just flutter. But
Speaker 1: some women, like I guess I don't really care about
Speaker 1: getting gifts, but I little things like n got me
Speaker 1: butt paste for my nephew. When he was more like
Speaker 1: that is so nice that like didn work? Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: h yeah, it's really good diaper rash. That's important. You
Speaker 1: don't want your butt. I like to take good care
Speaker 1: of my butts, so I wanted to pass that on
Speaker 1: to my nephew. Great butts everywhere. But I think acts
Speaker 1: of service because when you said that, I was just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's what I I think. Like to me, it's very meaningful,
Speaker 1: but totally you said you touch was for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm big on like he said before, like I'm super
Speaker 1: big on touch, like affection is. I'm so big on affection.
Speaker 1: Like I think I'm just like one of those cats,
Speaker 1: like if you start petting it, it's like it'll walk away,
Speaker 1: but it'll be back and it'll like love you forever,
Speaker 1: and it'll it'll just be like rubbing up against your
Speaker 1: legs like I'm allergic, but the cats, like I don't
Speaker 1: give a fuck. I don't know. Um, okay, I want
Speaker 1: to talk about you do you did this thing or
Speaker 1: you did this thing where you would hook up with couples.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. When we had a conversation about that, it
Speaker 1: was like last summer. I was like, when we were
Speaker 1: telling me you did that, I was like, tell me everything.
Speaker 1: When did that start happening? Because that sounds fun? It
Speaker 1: was fun. It started last summer. I had a breakup
Speaker 1: and the person I broke up and we experimented a
Speaker 1: little bit. We had had one threesome together, as you know,
Speaker 1: we were a couple of Ime was a girl that
Speaker 1: that he knew was that was positive experience for you,
Speaker 1: you know, was that your first one? It was my first?
Speaker 1: It was my first real one. Yeah, I yeah. I
Speaker 1: don't think the ones before that counted because it was
Speaker 1: like drunk college and I think more we had just
Speaker 1: falling asleep in a pile that's happened. Yeah. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: had our trust been stronger, I think it would have
Speaker 1: been better. But since like there were trust issues, it
Speaker 1: wasn't very good. Like it was hot, I mean, like
Speaker 1: so you were turned on. Yeah, it was in a
Speaker 1: hotel room and we planned it out. There was like
Speaker 1: a little bit of a drink like interview. I was
Speaker 1: so nervous, which is like I think really cute, you know, like,
Speaker 1: well that makes sex hotter for me. That's why like
Speaker 1: watching porn with guys, because it's not that risky, but
Speaker 1: it makes me feel like it's risky. So I get
Speaker 1: way wetter. And I wanted this girl to like me
Speaker 1: so much, but I got so nervous and ended up
Speaker 1: somehow talking about my brother, the least sexiest topic. I
Speaker 1: love him to death, but um, I was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's moving out and he used to live in Vegas
Speaker 1: and I was like uh, And then like my act
Speaker 1: at times, like no boyfriend at the time, was like laughing,
Speaker 1: and then we had to drink a bunch and smoke
Speaker 1: a bunch, but like it was really cool. He was like,
Speaker 1: you know, okay, like go He was sort of directing.
Speaker 1: He was like saying, like okay, and go go kiss her,
Speaker 1: and like so he was so that was the vibe
Speaker 1: of he was kind of saying what to do because
Speaker 1: the dominant one over kind of and I was just
Speaker 1: like I had no idea, and what was the selection
Speaker 1: processing choosing this girl? It was someone he knew that
Speaker 1: he knew, and I was just like sure, and it
Speaker 1: didn't make you paranuid like, oh, he probably wanted to
Speaker 1: funk this girl, and this is the way to do it.
Speaker 1: He had already I think, hooked up with her before
Speaker 1: you guys started dating. Yeah, like a way like way
Speaker 1: back when he showed me a picture and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not like you know, you know, I wasn't threatened
Speaker 1: because the one three way I was going to have
Speaker 1: like legitimate was with a girl that Stephen had hooked
Speaker 1: up with, yeah, but like not dated, but hooked up with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And like I remember, I learned a lot from that
Speaker 1: because I actually, you know, the more I had, the
Speaker 1: more I learned about how I should have had the
Speaker 1: first one differently, like I didn't realize like that you
Speaker 1: can really truly have boundaries. I brought condoms, like I
Speaker 1: didn't want him to have sex with her. I said it.
Speaker 1: I may have said it, but I also brought condoms
Speaker 1: because I was like, in case this happens, I wan't
Speaker 1: there to be condoms. But he took that as like,
Speaker 1: go for it. So so you did. But you didn't
Speaker 1: lay down the law of like okay, these are the rules.
Speaker 1: You will not put your penis in her vagina. There
Speaker 1: won't be that you didn't really lay down anything. I
Speaker 1: just was like, I want everyone to like me, and
Speaker 1: I want to get like an A plus at this
Speaker 1: I want to be so good. I mean I think
Speaker 1: you already get an A plus as a girlfriend for
Speaker 1: even being open to that. Very early in our relationship.
Speaker 1: It was only four months in that we had this
Speaker 1: has been something that you had been talking about previously?
Speaker 1: Did it come out? Did it come up kind of
Speaker 1: out of nowhere? This suggestion? You kind of brought it up,
Speaker 1: and I was like sure, Like I had always thought
Speaker 1: about it, but I was like, yeah, sure, why not?
Speaker 1: And then after but after that first one, so like
Speaker 1: the tear the tear um, after the breakup, So then
Speaker 1: I kind of realized like, hey, I'm kind of really
Speaker 1: curious about this stuff and I don't have anything or
Speaker 1: anybody holding me back, Like let me just sure, let
Speaker 1: me just like try try this. So like I got
Speaker 1: onto three Ways on your own turn. Yeah, I was
Speaker 1: let me see like what kind of situations I can
Speaker 1: get into. So I got onto Thrin, which is an
Speaker 1: app for three ways you can log on and make
Speaker 1: a profile of yourself as a single person or like
Speaker 1: if you're a couple, right and you can check out.
Speaker 1: You can swipe on people left and right, just like
Speaker 1: you would on Tinder. And I found like the couples
Speaker 1: I met off Tinder of Thrinder are like they're more evolved,
Speaker 1: they're more mature, they're more grown up, they're cooler, they're
Speaker 1: like better looking, they're like there are Yeah. I created
Speaker 1: a protofile just to see what it was like. And uh,
Speaker 1: I also met like some single guys off there too
Speaker 1: that like some of the most interesting sexual experiences have
Speaker 1: had to how did you How do you meet a
Speaker 1: single guy on thrinder? You know, because it's like you
Speaker 1: do it under the assumption of like, okay, we will
Speaker 1: team up first and then find a third You can
Speaker 1: look through three way enthusiasts. It's three ways, like oh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna be partners and we're gonna like we'll go
Speaker 1: we'll take this offline and maybe we'll go hang out
Speaker 1: and we'll like you know, hunt for a girl together.
Speaker 1: It's really bad, so much fun and it's funny. Like
Speaker 1: a couple of single guys I met up with like
Speaker 1: that never happened. Oh interesting, because I would feel like
Speaker 1: it would be so much easier to meet a guy
Speaker 1: that you would hook up with and you kind of
Speaker 1: like and you trust as much as you know him,
Speaker 1: and to find a girl that way, like there's not
Speaker 1: much emotional involvement there, yet I feel like that'd be
Speaker 1: so hot. With the one guy, we just never ended up.
Speaker 1: We just were so into each other and the sex
Speaker 1: was so good. Like he would we would go out
Speaker 1: to like it wasn't a story of park it was
Speaker 1: like these these benches down by the water. He would
Speaker 1: just eat me out forever, and I would be like,
Speaker 1: like just on a park bench. Well, I don't want
Speaker 1: to really advertise, not all the time, but like I do,
Speaker 1: it's okay, Yeah, if you're down there for like an hour,
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. He's put the time in. But like anyway,
Speaker 1: but that's like, so that was just so good, but
Speaker 1: like the connection and then he had to move away
Speaker 1: and so like. But he was like my sex and
Speaker 1: the city guy he really liked to go down whatever.
Speaker 1: And then I met up with this other guy with
Speaker 1: the intention like Okay, he has a girlfriend, we're gonna
Speaker 1: hang out first and then we're gonna meet this girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Ended up never meeting this girlfriend. This guy ended up
Speaker 1: being just like a serial cheater. They both were like, oh,
Speaker 1: they didn't have an open relationship. It was just a cheater.
Speaker 1: I think it was. It was super open, like he
Speaker 1: didn't care. He wasn't communicating like she was seeing other people.
Speaker 1: He was seeing other people, but he was sound like
Speaker 1: a relationship at all. He was kind of a mess.
Speaker 1: But this guy he had to because he's like, I
Speaker 1: can't even he used to be a cop but now
Speaker 1: he's a detective. But he still had like the body
Speaker 1: of a cop. And he was like really strong, really tall,
Speaker 1: and like really good looking and like could pick you
Speaker 1: up and throw you around like it was nothing. And
Speaker 1: I was like it was. That was really really fun.
Speaker 1: It was the hottest three way experience with a couple. Yes,
Speaker 1: well I had. I had a lot of couples lined up,
Speaker 1: but I only take a number. I only know a lot.
Speaker 1: But I don't want to sound cocky because I'm not.
Speaker 1: It's not cocky. It it was the terror um so
Speaker 1: the first one because I keep thinking, like your vaginas right, God,
Speaker 1: you make me think of my torn butthole. O. God,
Speaker 1: let's keep it a new name. Immediately, the funk fest
Speaker 1: of the Blackout. I don't know I'll name it later.
Speaker 1: So the first one, um, um were these two guys.
Speaker 1: They were very young, like young twenties. Um. They you know,
Speaker 1: it was the situation. I was supposed to meet up
Speaker 1: with one of the guys and he was He kind
Speaker 1: of tricked me because he brought his friend to the
Speaker 1: bar drink and I was like, oh, hey, your friends
Speaker 1: all right? You know, so this was a male where
Speaker 1: they but they were I met one guy at this
Speaker 1: bar right here. We were just gonna have a drink.
Speaker 1: And I remember this was last year after the Creek Awards,
Speaker 1: and uh so he's like, oh, it's a cool my
Speaker 1: other friend is here. I'm like sure, So just me
Speaker 1: having a drink with two straight dudes. I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: it's a guy and his friends or we had gone
Speaker 1: to the same college, but they were like several years younger.
Speaker 1: So we're talking and then so we're drinking drinking. Um,
Speaker 1: he's like, hey, you want to go back to my
Speaker 1: place and we'll just drink there. I'm like sure, And
Speaker 1: then um, and you felt safe doing this. Yeah. They
Speaker 1: were twinks. They were like like I could have straight twinks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they were like young twenties. Inexperience you know, and you
Speaker 1: got the vibe of like you I can sniff out danger. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and these guys were like just like, oh, it's a
Speaker 1: girl from the internet and I looked good that night,
Speaker 1: so I like that. I was like, I have to
Speaker 1: put this dress to use anyway. So we're at their
Speaker 1: place and then the guy number one is like, hey, uh,
Speaker 1: would you like mess around with me and my friend?
Speaker 1: And I was like sure, I like that. He asked
Speaker 1: that so sweet. It was really cute and you know
Speaker 1: what to be missed, But would you guys say, I
Speaker 1: just think of him like a pleated shirt. This one
Speaker 1: didn't go too well like it ended like. The hottest
Speaker 1: part of this was like being in the middle and
Speaker 1: having a guy on either side of me and just
Speaker 1: the feeling of a guy un zipping my dress and
Speaker 1: the other one is kissing my neck. That is like
Speaker 1: pers Bank bank, Yeah, same as that is, like I
Speaker 1: always go back to that because the feeling of like
Speaker 1: four hands on you, and even though these guys are
Speaker 1: not super attractive, it was just that that feeling of
Speaker 1: being so desired. Yeah, exactly, like two sets of man
Speaker 1: hands on your body. It ended up like you know,
Speaker 1: one they kind of got into a little bit of
Speaker 1: like an argument, and that split off and then I
Speaker 1: had to it's great argument about what one guy a
Speaker 1: little bit more like one guy a little bit more
Speaker 1: like alpha at the other one was like go bright outside,
Speaker 1: you know, and he was like I wanted to just
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh boy, all right, I guess
Speaker 1: I'll see you in five minutes, you know, like I
Speaker 1: just that didn't go over. And at the end, the
Speaker 1: worst part was the guy was like, would you hate
Speaker 1: me if I told you I had a girlfriend. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you're such a piece of ship.
Speaker 1: So I blocked him and not in an open relationship.
Speaker 1: Why didn't even bother telling you he hate him? And
Speaker 1: then I was like he's like telling out, let's be friends.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not. I don't be friends cheaters Like
Speaker 1: that was the worst one. And then I had two
Speaker 1: very good ones with two married couples. The first one
Speaker 1: was in Sunnyside, Queens, like really close to where I live,
Speaker 1: you know. Their profile was really cute. I liked that
Speaker 1: they were like they were just friendly. These people like
Speaker 1: if I showed them, if I showed you pictures them,
Speaker 1: you'd be like, oh, really, those those people are you
Speaker 1: just like I don't know. There was a niceness about them,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you kind of just trust a
Speaker 1: couple's energy, like when you're when you're checking out a couple,
Speaker 1: it's like it's what you're feeling coming. Yeah, it's a unit.
Speaker 1: You're like hooking up with a unit. It's not one person.
Speaker 1: Because if the better the trust is in the couple,
Speaker 1: the better the three ways going to be, because like,
Speaker 1: the better they'll treat you, they'll know their wants, they'll
Speaker 1: know they're dislikes, they'll know their boundaries really well, probably
Speaker 1: not going to get a fight in front of you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's like the boner killer. Yeah, and you that's
Speaker 1: such a boner killer. It's really bad. Cliptoral boner killer,
Speaker 1: clitoral killer. Um. So this this couple was great. We
Speaker 1: went out to like like a wine bar and then
Speaker 1: they were very cute and they were scared too because
Speaker 1: they had been married seven years. I was the first
Speaker 1: other woman this guy was going to be with in
Speaker 1: seven years. So I felt like this is this is
Speaker 1: like my little equation. When you're the unicorn, like the
Speaker 1: girl unicorn, your novelty value is super high, right, But
Speaker 1: you're and like, so the girl in a couple of
Speaker 1: her novelty value is low, but she also is way
Speaker 1: more high status than you because she can make She's
Speaker 1: like the girl and the couple's lynchpin of the threesome.
Speaker 1: If she's not happy, it's not gonna happen. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: like and your and your power and status is like
Speaker 1: the unicorn is pretty low. So it if you maintain
Speaker 1: that balance and everyone, it's like being good at improv.
Speaker 1: It's like being good at a three person scene, Like
Speaker 1: you really have to be in tune with what's going on.
Speaker 1: Did they go over like okay, this is what we're
Speaker 1: thinking and know whatever, because a lot of three ways
Speaker 1: they'll have like I don't want you, there's no penetration
Speaker 1: between you and the other girl. Whatever. Yeah there, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you should always have a boundary talk. Um. So we
Speaker 1: left this wine bar. We went back to their place.
Speaker 1: He was making a lot of these like arteas and
Speaker 1: all of course, right drinks and grown up getting pretty
Speaker 1: pretty drunk, and then we had this awkward moment of like, oh,
Speaker 1: so who's going to make the first move? Like we
Speaker 1: all were like fibing every story like that. There's an
Speaker 1: awkward moment, which is kind of nice. Yeah. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: then um, I think the girl started kissing me, which
Speaker 1: is like if somebody makes a first move on me,
Speaker 1: I'm like melted turning into yeah yeah, I'm like really
Speaker 1: me Wow wait wait, that's why I'm here. I was
Speaker 1: looking for this, And so then we kind of like
Speaker 1: woken up mess around. We kind of go to the
Speaker 1: bedroom and then really quick, um, I was just I said,
Speaker 1: I'm like, so, what's so, what's the what's the deal here?
Speaker 1: What do we not want? What we want? And then
Speaker 1: I didn't said it a little bit sexier than that,
Speaker 1: but we discussing boundaries though. I think if you do
Speaker 1: it and it's necessary, but it's also can be sexy
Speaker 1: because then it's like I can let go because I
Speaker 1: have an establishment of trust and I know that these
Speaker 1: things I don't want to happen won't happen, so I
Speaker 1: can just let myself go. Yeah, that's why it's sexy
Speaker 1: to talk about that, because they're you're not worrying. And
Speaker 1: that's why thrender is so great, because like, orchestrating a
Speaker 1: threesome is like one of the hardest things to do
Speaker 1: because like most women deal in subtlety, and nobody wants
Speaker 1: to be rejected, so it's like it's such a day,
Speaker 1: like everyone's backing away and it never happens. But with
Speaker 1: this app, you can just be like, yeah, we're on board,
Speaker 1: let's just let it happen. Um. So we were like,
Speaker 1: so she ended up. Um, I'll call her Alice. She
Speaker 1: was like, um, no, no boundaries, Like it's his birthday.
Speaker 1: It was his birthday, so I was like the role x.
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, yeah, a lot of pressure, not
Speaker 1: really special, but I also knew that I would nail it. Um,
Speaker 1: like I got. It was so fun. They had a
Speaker 1: great bed with like poles that you could hold on to,
Speaker 1: and I'm called not like an S and M thing,
Speaker 1: Um probably yeah people without the fabric. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: really fun and I liked her. She had like a
Speaker 1: really cute little body and um, did you eat her out?
Speaker 1: She yeah, all things. But you know when you're doing
Speaker 1: a threesome, it's like you're not going to just like
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm yeah, I'm bisexual. I would never like
Speaker 1: date a woman exclusively, so I'm not going to like
Speaker 1: just you know, a guy will just like all right,
Speaker 1: roll up his sleeve and go down on you when
Speaker 1: you're a girl going down another girl on a threesome.
Speaker 1: It's just kind of like an extended handshake. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like a long hug. It's like, of course I'm doing this.
Speaker 1: This is like this is like politeness here, Like I
Speaker 1: don't want you to think I'm not into it, but
Speaker 1: I'm also like not so into your snatch. It's not
Speaker 1: the only thing on the table, right I don't know.
Speaker 1: If I don't, I don't think I can eat a
Speaker 1: girl out. I don't know. Maybe it's like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not as I think. Then it's fine because then you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know how good this feels on me. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's that would probably make it hot for me, I
Speaker 1: would think, because it's like, oh, I know what you're feeling,
Speaker 1: and that makes me turned on. And I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know the territory or where you're working with, so
Speaker 1: you know where to go and we're not to go,
Speaker 1: you know, like a safe stone. I wouldn't get I
Speaker 1: wouldn't put my tongue fucking inside, but you can give
Speaker 1: a pretty pretty decent lady head without going inside. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: It's interesting how confident you are in the bedroom because
Speaker 1: you're you just you're like, oh, I think I know
Speaker 1: I'm going to nail this. So it's like we're where's so,
Speaker 1: why where? Where's that confidence outside the bedroom? Because most
Speaker 1: people are more nervous in the bedroom, So same, I
Speaker 1: think I'm flipped. That's so funny. Confident outside the bedroom.
Speaker 1: That's weird because I am. I spend a lot of
Speaker 1: time thinking about sex. I think it's interesting to me.
Speaker 1: To me, it's like how often do you think about it?
Speaker 1: All the time? Every time I'm talking to you? Talk
Speaker 1: to me about sex and which with me? But to me,
Speaker 1: it's like it's a language, Like it's so important. That's
Speaker 1: why it's like I've had sex with so many people
Speaker 1: on the first date because it's like this is how
Speaker 1: I speak to you. It's like we don't get each
Speaker 1: other here, then why am I going to talk to
Speaker 1: you about my favorite But I agree a sexual coctual
Speaker 1: compatibility man. And it's all in the kiss too, Like
Speaker 1: if you're not kissing on a first date, like you
Speaker 1: are stupid, Like you're wasting your time. Um, so what
Speaker 1: was so did he fuck you? The guy and the couple? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he's right about it, like he like you know
Speaker 1: what I learned. You learned so much about a couple
Speaker 1: by sucking them. It really is like I was like,
Speaker 1: these I would think, so are such reading card. These
Speaker 1: guys are so they were so sweet to each other,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you have a great relationship, Like
Speaker 1: I can just tell all from like it was really
Speaker 1: really cool. And what was she doing while he was
Speaker 1: sucking you? God, it's like you just like all the
Speaker 1: combinations I guess you can think of, So everyone was
Speaker 1: doing something at the whole time, because that's why worse
Speaker 1: about like someone's going to be like on the if
Speaker 1: you're doing it right. No one should ever be left
Speaker 1: out in a threesome. There's always a hand, there's always
Speaker 1: a math, there's always like or you could be doing
Speaker 1: like what I told background work, which is like maybe
Speaker 1: touching somebody's back, or like there's always something's joking, some
Speaker 1: kind of limb. You could be watching like I was.
Speaker 1: I would like to like watch them do stuff a
Speaker 1: lot because I'm like, oh, this is I'm less scared
Speaker 1: of marriage, Like watching you guys fuck like this is
Speaker 1: sweet cute. Yeah, they were really cute, and then uh,
Speaker 1: I think we had two rounds that night. And then
Speaker 1: I slept over. Did you sleep in their bed with it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: in the middle or like next to the girl or
Speaker 1: the guy. I was on the side because I had
Speaker 1: to get up to puke because I was so drunk.
Speaker 1: And then the guy I'm I was like, what's worse
Speaker 1: than puking at your three? Nothing? And then so I
Speaker 1: hear I like, so I ran too the bathroom, actually naked.
Speaker 1: It was so late I figured nobody else is up.
Speaker 1: None's going to hear this. You've already sucked the couple.
Speaker 1: It's fine. So it's that funny like you've been in
Speaker 1: my pussy. But I don't want you to hear me vomit.
Speaker 1: But vomiting that's intimate. You know that I reserved only
Speaker 1: for my boyfriend. Um, so, like I heard somebody behind me.
Speaker 1: It was the guy, right, he came in here, he
Speaker 1: heard me throwing up, He ran a bath for me.
Speaker 1: He put me in the bathtub, he got in with
Speaker 1: me and like washed me. And then now we've gone
Speaker 1: too intimate for me. We were, and then when we
Speaker 1: were no fucking, no kissing, no no no, I no
Speaker 1: no no, I'd rather interesting exploration of sexual well. And
Speaker 1: then when we were done and we got out and
Speaker 1: and Alice was like, your hair is wet, and uh,
Speaker 1: I'll call him quick. Then Doug he was like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: christ he was puking, so we just took a bath.
Speaker 1: She's like and I was like, she's going to be
Speaker 1: mad when I had a moment without her, and she
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, that's great. You're so sweet to take
Speaker 1: care of her. I was like, I was like, you
Speaker 1: guys with the best. Another day, I was like, this
Speaker 1: is a trusting ass relationship. And I had it all
Speaker 1: ready to be like, we didn't do anything, nothing had
Speaker 1: happened to me, touch me. I just was puking. Um.
Speaker 1: And then the next morning he was like, what do
Speaker 1: you guys want to eat? And I jokingly it was
Speaker 1: like tiny bagels and he leaves, he comes back with
Speaker 1: a bag bagels, small bagels, and I was like, fucking kidding,
Speaker 1: nicest I could tell you afterwards, did you really want
Speaker 1: tiny bagels? Were you wishing you a you had and said,
Speaker 1: like lobster, I really did want a tiny bag I
Speaker 1: just figured it was such a random thing thing to say,
Speaker 1: asking you should receive, like, IM want a bagel, but
Speaker 1: I don't want a whole bagel, like a tiny bagel.
Speaker 1: I still want to find me cute? Can you on
Speaker 1: a tiny bagel? Like scoop it out? Yeah? Oh my god.
Speaker 1: They were so sweet and they came to a comedy show,
Speaker 1: like they've come to comedy shows. They're really nice people.
Speaker 1: Second couple, God, I think it might have been the
Speaker 1: very next day I had myself booked. Pretty You're like,
Speaker 1: I want to role it was. I wish it hadn't been,
Speaker 1: but I think it might have. It was definitely the
Speaker 1: same week. Um. This was a couple that lived in
Speaker 1: the Jersey City, really really rich. The guy had a
Speaker 1: very nice job working for corporate sounds. The first one
Speaker 1: they were I think twenty nine and thirty or so.
Speaker 1: They were in a seven year relationship and it's still
Speaker 1: a man in their late twenties and yeah, and that's
Speaker 1: really interesting. Yeah. And the other couple, Uh, guy was
Speaker 1: twenty nine, just about a turn thirty. Girl was like, uh,
Speaker 1: thirty three, Okay, she's a little good age all in
Speaker 1: me and like this was interesting because the girl was
Speaker 1: very cute. She's an actress. She's blonde. Like, no, no,
Speaker 1: not at all. That's what I love about these. She
Speaker 1: was in a KFC commercial one is like, um, they're
Speaker 1: they're not related to the comedy world, which is like,
Speaker 1: I guess I did one thing. Well that's the thing
Speaker 1: that makes me the wettest and m and he is
Speaker 1: like just they must see he must make so much
Speaker 1: fucking money because he she didn't really work. She'd pick
Speaker 1: up acting roles here and there. They have this dope
Speaker 1: apartment in Jersey City. They have the most perfect dog.
Speaker 1: It's like well groomed, well groomed. It's like it had
Speaker 1: my hair, but for for like it was this perfect
Speaker 1: little ginger dog. It was like it's like you stopped
Speaker 1: its growth at the most perfect time. It was like
Speaker 1: a little bit small and it was sweet. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I was like, you have a perfect dog,
Speaker 1: the perfect Christmas tree. Like. So they were the saddest
Speaker 1: couple probably. They were set like and I learned a
Speaker 1: lot from them too because she so then we met
Speaker 1: them at a hotel bar that I picked because it
Speaker 1: was it was a hot hotel bar. There's like a
Speaker 1: lot of like French dudes and foreigners there are a lot,
Speaker 1: so it's a good place to pick up anyway. But
Speaker 1: it's very dark, so it's like this is a good
Speaker 1: um threesome interview spot. Um, so I met up with them.
Speaker 1: We'll call him Nathan and we'll call her, uh Brady, Brady.
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's a man out Nathan and into
Speaker 1: these paples. I don't want to like, you know, these
Speaker 1: are sexy names. No, I'm still turning on because if
Speaker 1: someone has a shitty name. Yeah. So we go there
Speaker 1: and and the Nathan's very tall. It is very tall,
Speaker 1: but a little bit of like a nerd. And I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this is cool, and then like that
Speaker 1: sounds hot, a very smile. But I wouldn't I wouldn't
Speaker 1: see this guy on the street and be like, got
Speaker 1: to have him, you know again, it was the same
Speaker 1: thing I liked to ye I had that day. I
Speaker 1: was like I liked that, actually liked her more than him.
Speaker 1: It was both sex situations. You were very drawn to
Speaker 1: the woman. I would I would almost have to be
Speaker 1: more drawn to the woman, yeah, because you have to
Speaker 1: be because if she doesn't like you, it's not happening.
Speaker 1: But also like, um, there's that, and there's also like
Speaker 1: it just feels safer safety, and also I feel like
Speaker 1: as a straight woman, like you really got to sell
Speaker 1: me on the gal because I'm not really into gal,
Speaker 1: So the gal's got to be out of this world.
Speaker 1: And the guy like, yeah, I losers before I can
Speaker 1: do it again, you know. Yeah, that's so funny. Um
Speaker 1: it's so true, Like, um, you would think, like, I'm
Speaker 1: really into dudes, which I am, so the girl would
Speaker 1: be like take it or leave it. But with these things,
Speaker 1: I had to really like the girl because that was
Speaker 1: kind of the anchor of yeah, I can totally see that. Um,
Speaker 1: but I guess I'm probably into girls more than you aren't. Whatever,
Speaker 1: if you're into the middle, then yes, I digress. I
Speaker 1: already forgot what I fake named Nathan and Bridget, don't worry.
Speaker 1: I was so Bridget really cute, blonde. She's wearing an
Speaker 1: open back shirt with no bra, and so there's something
Speaker 1: about somebody buying you an eighteen dollar cocktail. It just
Speaker 1: makes you kind of slid into things, you know. So
Speaker 1: I started like rubbing her back in a way that
Speaker 1: Nathan could see, Yeah, it's a lounge area. Now when
Speaker 1: your head really get ready for those guys. I was
Speaker 1: just like this is she was smart. She wore an
Speaker 1: interesting shirt, so I was like, okay, I have somewhere
Speaker 1: to start um and like rubbing her back. But also
Speaker 1: this is what gets me off is like all these
Speaker 1: like European dudes are seeing this too, Like I know,
Speaker 1: I love like being watched, but also not recognizing them
Speaker 1: being one, like you think you're being one. You can
Speaker 1: feel people watching. I end up just like kissing bridget
Speaker 1: Um a lot. So that was fun because then it's
Speaker 1: like on her mouth or on her back, on her mouth,
Speaker 1: like making out. It was Nathan doing like watching with
Speaker 1: his mouth agape um, probably just clapping a lot in
Speaker 1: his head. The Europeans also like just looking impressed and shocked,
Speaker 1: which is the best luck to see on anybody's face. Yeah, God,
Speaker 1: does this make me like a what's the word narcissists? No,
Speaker 1: but you know, we brought up an interesting point, like
Speaker 1: I I would make out, especially one for an actuals
Speaker 1: is super hot chick. We were just good friends. We
Speaker 1: were never like cooked up or anything, but I we
Speaker 1: would make out all the time because we knew like
Speaker 1: we were attractive and we're like, oh, yeah, you're a
Speaker 1: hot girl, like whatever, you're cute, and we knew that
Speaker 1: people would watch, like there's something about that that's really
Speaker 1: sexual and I know in some situation like they're just
Speaker 1: making yeah i am, and it makes my pussy wet,
Speaker 1: so fuck you. I want that attention and I'm welcoming
Speaker 1: it and I'm asking for There's a difference between getting yeah,
Speaker 1: getting wet in a way that's like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: the kissing isn't making me wet. The watching is as
Speaker 1: opposed to just doing something because you think guys are
Speaker 1: gonna like it and you are not turned on by it,
Speaker 1: which that stocks like the girls that kissed each other
Speaker 1: in high school. I'm gonna go ahead and bet that
Speaker 1: they were doing it for like male attention. Yeah, but anyway,
Speaker 1: so like, and I also did enjoy kissing her because
Speaker 1: it's like it's so different if you haven't kissed a
Speaker 1: girl in a while or ever. She was just so soft,
Speaker 1: and I realized I learned this about myself. Obviously with
Speaker 1: a guy, I'm very passive and very very feminine, like
Speaker 1: I want the guy to make all the moves and
Speaker 1: I want to be like taken all that ship, you know, seduced.
Speaker 1: But when I'm with another girl or in a three way,
Speaker 1: I take like a sort of more like I'm the
Speaker 1: more dominant female, um, which is fun. Seem like you
Speaker 1: really know your ship. Wow, that's amazing sexually, Like I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: and that's a term in your sexuality and like what
Speaker 1: you're doing, that's so weird. I always feel like because
Speaker 1: I'm always thinking about the next thing. But that's like
Speaker 1: the comic in you thinking about the next joke. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a comic things so funny. Yeah, a lot about yourself, Chris.
Speaker 1: It was so fun and and they were and I
Speaker 1: could tell I liked them a lot because they took
Speaker 1: their time in getting to know me. Because it's a
Speaker 1: really personal thing. Both these couples invited me into their
Speaker 1: home where their jewelry and valuables are and their perfect
Speaker 1: dog and their tiny bagels, you know, like all your
Speaker 1: ar teasonal drink wear, you know what I mean. Like
Speaker 1: you're this is like very personal. It's not like meeting
Speaker 1: at a bar or like like the first one I
Speaker 1: had at a hotel, and like this is like real ship.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel kind of like not honored,
Speaker 1: but like I think that's an okay work. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: was just like this is it's very flattering, as personal
Speaker 1: as you get with somebody. Sally yeah, you liked it,
Speaker 1: you really like I didn't feel like that. And then
Speaker 1: so she had bounds Bridget She was like, just don't
Speaker 1: fuck him, and I was like great that. I was
Speaker 1: like great, I'm more in to you anyway. And I
Speaker 1: was just like, I think because I had just had
Speaker 1: the other couple of the night before, I was like, great,
Speaker 1: not needing any new dick right now. This is I'm
Speaker 1: just here your apartment, beauty. Look at this. It's not
Speaker 1: a real painting. Um so. But they had a very
Speaker 1: cool I love their bed obviously, she like decorated it
Speaker 1: all and they had this big rose petals. No, it's
Speaker 1: just like she had great sheets and great comforts. She decorated.
Speaker 1: She decorated for imagine, did she have a ship's on
Speaker 1: the pillows? She did. They had this big beautiful mirror
Speaker 1: on like the other on one of the walls, so
Speaker 1: that I love mirrors, so like, um god, and like
Speaker 1: we did probably more porny kind of stuff, but there
Speaker 1: was I didn't have any penetration with the guy. So
Speaker 1: it's funny, it's like, what do you so, what do
Speaker 1: you mean my porny kind of stuff? I would be
Speaker 1: in the middle, he'd be sucking her, and I'd be
Speaker 1: in the middle of them, so I would be it
Speaker 1: would both be like against me and I could like
Speaker 1: feel his cock like going into her from behind us.
Speaker 1: He would be on top of me, like you have
Speaker 1: that full weight of a man being on you feeling,
Speaker 1: but you're on she's under me. So I'm like with
Speaker 1: her boobs and her face and making out, but he's
Speaker 1: on top of me and he's sucking her. It's crazy,
Speaker 1: It's cool. That's one that stands out for me. Um.
Speaker 1: She had all of the sex toys, she kind of
Speaker 1: just uh yeah. She had a lot of Lilo's, which
Speaker 1: is like a good standard Swedish brands, but I have
Speaker 1: like one or two at any given point. She had many,
Speaker 1: many men eight she had bought one especially for me,
Speaker 1: Like she bought a double end of dildo just for me.
Speaker 1: I was like, you sunk ninety dollars and do a
Speaker 1: sex toy for me. Yeah, that was the first time
Speaker 1: I ever did it. Oh, how is that? How do
Speaker 1: you do that? Well, it's tricky you. It took a
Speaker 1: few tries, like so Nathan. The most successful try was
Speaker 1: Nathan holding it in the middle because it's it needs
Speaker 1: to be stiff in the middle if they're going to
Speaker 1: make another version of solid um, because it'll bend out
Speaker 1: and it'll fall out of both of you. So it
Speaker 1: doesn't hurt. You just have to Like, it didn't really
Speaker 1: get me off because I didn't have like the cliptoral
Speaker 1: stimulation I need against the other person to get there,
Speaker 1: even though like did you go off? Like how is
Speaker 1: it like riding a tande bicycle? Like how do you
Speaker 1: you got to work together? I was on top, of course,
Speaker 1: I was on top. I was on top of her
Speaker 1: um like she put it in her first, then I
Speaker 1: and then she's kind of holding it, and then I
Speaker 1: get on top of her, and then so we kind
Speaker 1: of both was going to say, we didn't have to
Speaker 1: kind of like I would think that you'd both be
Speaker 1: like facing each other, like on your back, almost like
Speaker 1: a scissoring. That's what I also envisioned its inod tries.
Speaker 1: It's very hot in theory, but very not in practice.
Speaker 1: I think our most successful try was like us kind
Speaker 1: of looking at each other, like and then Nathan's holding
Speaker 1: it from the back. He's like, of course, he's enjoying it,
Speaker 1: like he's a kid on Christmas. He's watching like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he was involved. Yeah, when he wasn't directly involved, he
Speaker 1: was just like they had had a girl they had
Speaker 1: messed around with before me, um, but I guess she didn't.
Speaker 1: They wanted me to be like they're regular, like they
Speaker 1: wanted um. I hung out with them a couple of times,
Speaker 1: and again they also came to shows. These are great people.
Speaker 1: These are people I like, this is comics. If you're
Speaker 1: listening and if you need some more people at your show,
Speaker 1: just start fucking coping me. Maybe I'm not even maybe
Speaker 1: they were at these shows to kind of like get
Speaker 1: me drunk and like put me in a bag afterwards
Speaker 1: and like take me with them, but totally yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: So how do you feel about would you ever consider,
Speaker 1: if you weren't in a relationship that I know you are,
Speaker 1: would you be someone's regular, Because that seems like you're
Speaker 1: just entering into a polyamorous relationship. Then that is tricky
Speaker 1: just sexually, you could make those negotiations. It is tricky
Speaker 1: because like even after and I had had another meet
Speaker 1: up with tiny Bagel couple, I had actually taken them
Speaker 1: to a sex club because they had never been. I
Speaker 1: felt like I felt like they're cool and I feel
Speaker 1: like they're supervisor. I was like, come on, guys, I'll
Speaker 1: take you to That was cool because I did the
Speaker 1: whole like getting dressed up in like trashy lingerie and
Speaker 1: like and like so she was. It was cool to
Speaker 1: see them there for the first time. And I went
Speaker 1: and some some random other guys like my wife thinks
Speaker 1: you're sexy. Can she kiss you? Like cool? Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like a lemonade stand come right up, but not but
Speaker 1: not you in the corner. Um Man, you see all
Speaker 1: kinds of things that that a place like that. But
Speaker 1: I've also been there that. Yeah, you'll see like a
Speaker 1: three hundred pound woman getting like the ship back Toever. Really,
Speaker 1: I didn't stand you one who was I mean, not
Speaker 1: that there's anything wrong here, but you know, I didn't
Speaker 1: see anything that was not super plos. I had to
Speaker 1: look away. I was like, my vagina is drying up.
Speaker 1: Looking at you. It is coughing out of dust. Get
Speaker 1: what stuff dries up your vagina? You can't help it,
Speaker 1: that's true. Um what was the point of that. Oh,
Speaker 1: the point of that was, um for the illustrating my
Speaker 1: point of like the simpler things of the hottest because
Speaker 1: um he was leaning up against the wall. She was
Speaker 1: like straddling him and they were kissing, and I was
Speaker 1: just sort of like behind her, just like kissing her
Speaker 1: neck and her shoulder, but also like looking to see
Speaker 1: who's looking like the other people at the club, and
Speaker 1: like for me, that was the coolest part. It's just
Speaker 1: like it feels like it's power you're feeling, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that sounds rad. It was really cool and I barely
Speaker 1: did anything. It just was being there and being a
Speaker 1: monitoryin like having people look at you. That would be
Speaker 1: enough for me, Like I feel like my first experience,
Speaker 1: I would want it to be like that, Like I
Speaker 1: just want to walk around. Yeah, it's really really fun.
Speaker 1: Um Okay, so a second couple more boundaries. But we
Speaker 1: have a lot of positions, a lot of mixing around,
Speaker 1: like a lot of a lot of toys, which sometimes
Speaker 1: a toy can really break the rhythm of having sex.
Speaker 1: It's like no time to bust out. I know, there's
Speaker 1: always that pause production. I always like, if I want
Speaker 1: to use a toy during sex, I always put it
Speaker 1: out so that it's just right there, so that it's
Speaker 1: like a seamless flow. Because there's nothing worse than going
Speaker 1: somewhat the guy going or Steve like he would say,
Speaker 1: let's get your vibr and I'm like okay, And then
Speaker 1: like twenty minutes later, I'm like, ship, is it in
Speaker 1: my closet bathroom? He's like, I don't even care anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then there was this one. I think it was
Speaker 1: a double end of dildo. We had to actually think
Speaker 1: heat up. Maybe I heat it up the double end
Speaker 1: of dildo. I think it had to be heated up
Speaker 1: like microwaved. I don't know if it was microwaved like
Speaker 1: eight or oh that cleanliness. Yeah, I don't know how
Speaker 1: she did it. She's so I don't know. She's a
Speaker 1: good girl anyway. Um, that was fun. I went down
Speaker 1: on her. That was really fun. And I think got
Speaker 1: her off with my hands, which is huge feeling like
Speaker 1: ego and power and you're like, wow, I can get
Speaker 1: off a woman. I barely know what I'm doing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you just like you're just like committed to the
Speaker 1: hotness of it. And we actually had a moment where
Speaker 1: she thought that Nathan was like spending too much time
Speaker 1: on me. He wasn't, but she was in her place,
Speaker 1: which I've been in that place of like you're the
Speaker 1: girl in the bow, and you're like, if you're if
Speaker 1: you're looking for your guy to be two into the
Speaker 1: other girl, you'll find it. My god, you're all naked
Speaker 1: to looking at a cell phone. You're gonna find something
Speaker 1: you don't like if you have to. So anyway, and
Speaker 1: totally she had a moment of that and she's like, oh, sure, fine,
Speaker 1: and she got she shut down. She went to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: Oh she did one of those. And then like, actually,
Speaker 1: Nathan was very cool because she's in the bathroom. He
Speaker 1: could have liked made all the moves on me and
Speaker 1: but he didn't. Were just kind of waiting there and
Speaker 1: I was like, are you okay? And then she came
Speaker 1: back out and we were fine and kind of and
Speaker 1: I kind of like cooled that. I was like, all right, now,
Speaker 1: I know she's sensitive to this. I kind of cut
Speaker 1: away from him even more, which is fine. You know,
Speaker 1: just less eye contact is really all you need. And like, um,
Speaker 1: I like stopped touching his dick, which was fine. I
Speaker 1: was ready to do that. And this didn't ruin it
Speaker 1: for you at all, because this is this is a
Speaker 1: part where I'm be like, bye, guys, this was not
Speaker 1: really that fun and I'm leaving no, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: I like an I empathized for her. I know what
Speaker 1: that feels. I know I absolutely see where she's coming.
Speaker 1: One from me, it's like I don't want to deal
Speaker 1: with relationship issues when I'm not even a fun in
Speaker 1: a relationship. But to you, I'm similar, It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's see how we can make this better challenge. I've
Speaker 1: been there, and there is a part of me that
Speaker 1: was like, come on, it was nothing like he was
Speaker 1: not giving me any extras because you already said that
Speaker 1: you were more into her anyway. Yeah, but as I
Speaker 1: could definitely see both sides, and like me and Nathan
Speaker 1: are kind of looking each other like the anchor um.
Speaker 1: And then so she came back out and then we
Speaker 1: were both all about her for a good while and
Speaker 1: that kind of melted and then she was fine and
Speaker 1: then um, you know, I got to do all the
Speaker 1: things I wanted to do, and like I was just
Speaker 1: kind of happy to be there, like it was fun
Speaker 1: and I'd watched I'd watched them a lot, like I
Speaker 1: would like watch them fuck a bunch, and did you
Speaker 1: masturbate while you did that? Or He's like a yeah,
Speaker 1: I did. I think she like I had like one
Speaker 1: of her toys. I was like masturbating while they were
Speaker 1: sucking and like looking at like you know, it's cool.
Speaker 1: So like look into a guy's eyes and like masturbate
Speaker 1: while he's like his wife or girlfriend. That's so weird,
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? I've never done that, but that
Speaker 1: sounds wonderful. It's like nothing, but it's so hot. It's
Speaker 1: just you know what, three ways are good for making
Speaker 1: you so present, Like every little thing is like magnified
Speaker 1: because it's so it's a tricky, risky situation and at
Speaker 1: the same time, you have to be listening and you
Speaker 1: have to you don't want anyone to be thrown off
Speaker 1: or get upset. And at the same time, like you
Speaker 1: gotta like everyone's okay, we gotta get everybody off, Like
Speaker 1: we kind of have to have a sense of like
Speaker 1: all right, it's like a football team, like you have
Speaker 1: a goal. It really is. It's like like any team.
Speaker 1: That's awesome. Dude, Oh my gosh. All right, Well, there
Speaker 1: was a ton where we wanted to get you, but
Speaker 1: you're so freaking interesting that we've already way gone over.
Speaker 1: Did you want to leave on something on a specific
Speaker 1: note or a lesson learns or or what version of
Speaker 1: Christie are we on? Now? Yeah? What are we getting?
Speaker 1: I think the best version? You know? Um god, I
Speaker 1: don't know which number, probably like ten or eleven, I think,
Speaker 1: you know. But the hottest um sort of three way
Speaker 1: experience I had recently was like, actually, actually away, we're
Speaker 1: in three way Chrissy right now? Three way question not
Speaker 1: leaving in Utica again. It was like that, not very much,
Speaker 1: but like touching and very so you're currently in an
Speaker 1: eight month relationship. You went to a strip club in Utica. Yes,
Speaker 1: and the friendliest stripper of the mall is who we
Speaker 1: chose for you, love friend a strip from the land
Speaker 1: And I didn't want under it because it was a
Speaker 1: thing that I turned my boyfriend on, not because I
Speaker 1: thought any of the strippers would be touching it. But
Speaker 1: we go back for um a lap dance. The first
Speaker 1: thing she does is go down on me. Dude, that's crazy,
Speaker 1: And how she went over your teens right? She literally
Speaker 1: actually I can't believe it. In there for a while,
Speaker 1: I can't believe. I was like, you haven't seen that
Speaker 1: in a while, sold the hat of my chair, so
Speaker 1: mortified like, do you really need to return customers in Utica?
Speaker 1: It was crazy. It was look at my boyfriend was
Speaker 1: she eating about like please come back? She was eating
Speaker 1: me out Like I was like, oh, this chick is
Speaker 1: definitely bisexual. And then when she came up here, she's like,
Speaker 1: I really like that I'm bisexual. I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: you are. I noticed. It was really hot because then
Speaker 1: like my boyfriend was kind of like we were both
Speaker 1: kind of stucking at her tits and like touching her.
Speaker 1: She had amazing piercings in her back. I was like,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I was like turning into a mom. I
Speaker 1: was like, I hope they don't catch on anything. Like
Speaker 1: as I'm like rubbing her back, darling is everything. Okay.
Speaker 1: The best part of a stripper to touch are like
Speaker 1: their ankles and their wrists and like the parts of
Speaker 1: them that nobody touches because then they're sensitive soft. Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to go have sex now a mind of
Speaker 1: a stripper anyway, But that was actually and I had
Speaker 1: the best sex ever after that, and it was like,
Speaker 1: you know, again, you don't have to have a full
Speaker 1: all of the things. Three way to like have a
Speaker 1: dramatically change your sex life. Oh yeah. The one of
Speaker 1: the best sex I've ever had with Steven in a while,
Speaker 1: or one of the top ten is when we went
Speaker 1: to the strip calub and the stripper like danced on us.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh god, where his parents house was like?
Speaker 1: And when the strippers like you, like like you as
Speaker 1: a woman, Who're like, it's such account You're like, bago,
Speaker 1: Like that is true. It's a possiful feeling and that's
Speaker 1: part of the thing that turns me on about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where can we find you on social media? Gosh, um,
Speaker 1: I feel like I talked about myself too much. That's
Speaker 1: what you're supposed to get interviewing if you didn't be
Speaker 1: a suck ass episode. Oh my god, I'm like, what
Speaker 1: about you guys? What do you know? Everyone knows about it.
Speaker 1: I know it's more than enough about us. We don't
Speaker 1: need that. My website is um Christie mayor Comedy dot
Speaker 1: com and my twitter c H R I S S
Speaker 1: I E M A y R Comedy dot com and
Speaker 1: my twitter's at Christie Mayer. Cool. We're going to post
Speaker 1: that too in the link on the descript I totally
Speaker 1: about someone to try to have you three so much?
Speaker 1: What it's going to be the title of this. We'll see,
Speaker 1: we'll see. I got a couple of good ones. I'm
Speaker 1: not supposed that might be a double in adult. It's
Speaker 1: going to be what is going to be the title
Speaker 1: of this? That's going to be the title? We did it?
Speaker 1: Where can we find you? Guys? Here about last? And
Speaker 1: you also have a great monthly. Yes, it's called comedy,
Speaker 1: it's Stonewall, it's uh and it's now third year of running.
Speaker 1: We are usually the first Saturday of every month at
Speaker 1: the Stone Wall and on fifty three Goods for Street
Speaker 1: at eight o'clock usually, and the next one is going
Speaker 1: to be August first, it's going to be all lesbian.
Speaker 1: Someone called the Hot Lesbian. And for those of you
Speaker 1: listening who don't know, Stone Stonewall is a legendary establishment
Speaker 1: in the gay community. Yeah, it's just received a city
Speaker 1: landmark and it's also was it before that a national landmark?
Speaker 1: So I guess now they have extra protection and you
Speaker 1: can't be on it or something awesome, So go to
Speaker 1: Christie's comedy show. Don't be on it. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for sitting down with us and telling us so
Speaker 1: much money. Now, guy, I talked too much, don't Christie.
Speaker 1: You're great and more. Everyone loves you. What happened to?
Speaker 1: You were tut talking to Christmas trees and people were yes,
Speaker 1: talk like that. Just walk through life like you're always
Speaker 1: in a threesome and you'll stay with the rest of
Speaker 1: your week. Guys, I'm live. That's really funny, you know what,
Speaker 1: and it's true. Thank you so much. This has been
Speaker 1: an episode of Guys We Fun to the Anti Sluctchining podcast.
Speaker 1: Have a great week. I want to, I want to,
Speaker 1: I wanna, I wanna, I wanna want