Speaker 1: You were now checked in to Stand Up New York Labs.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys We Guys book.
Speaker 1: I'm Christina, I'm karn. We're sorry about last night. Coming
Speaker 1: to you from Stand Up New York Labs Guys Anti
Speaker 1: slutt Shaming Podcast. I never stopped. Hey, everybody, welcome to
Speaker 1: another episode of Guys We Fucked the Anti slut Shaming Podcast.
Speaker 1: We're in New York City. Maybe you are too, that's cool.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. I'm Karine, I'm Christina, and we're sorry
Speaker 1: about last night. Um for once, I'm actually not. I
Speaker 1: got a lot done yesterday. Did you really you sent
Speaker 1: me long paragraphs of the because I was up all
Speaker 1: night working. It was like, you're like a little secretary.
Speaker 1: That's what I did last yesterday. I actually got some
Speaker 1: stuff done. But I don't get stuff done like normal
Speaker 1: people like. I went home and I took a not
Speaker 1: from about seven pm to eleven PM, and then I
Speaker 1: woke up and did work until four in the morning.
Speaker 1: But that's what I do, that's how I roll. That's
Speaker 1: a good way to use your time. I don't. I
Speaker 1: can't do work when other people are doing things around me. Um,
Speaker 1: I like to do wait until just quiet play, when
Speaker 1: it's just me and the mouse. I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: literally the moment, my name, it's just one now, it's
Speaker 1: one one alone mouse, it's one rogue mouse. He was
Speaker 1: straight up chilling next to this fifty dollar fresh cab stuff.
Speaker 1: I got the stuff. I told you that smells like
Speaker 1: Christmas trees. He was the one the thing that's supposed
Speaker 1: to kill him. Yeah, he was just hanging out like
Speaker 1: that smells good. He was like Christmas. I got a
Speaker 1: little trapped with cheese and I'm hilarious. He was really cute.
Speaker 1: It's the diver of mice. Um, that's fine, though. How's
Speaker 1: your sex? My? How's my sex? How's y'all sex? I mean,
Speaker 1: when I have it, it's good. But it's like i've
Speaker 1: been I haven't had sex. I mean well, I mean
Speaker 1: like I'm saying, like six and forever, okay, it's been
Speaker 1: like a week, um, a week, a week and have
Speaker 1: something like that. I mean, the last person I had
Speaker 1: sex with was Craig Mahone. I think I think I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure, pretty sure it happened. I mean I don't
Speaker 1: even know if Yeah, that's it, and that's so unclear
Speaker 1: in and of itself. You know, life has so many
Speaker 1: mysteries or not. Maybe you'll live to see the day
Speaker 1: that you solve that problem. He has been texting me nonstuff,
Speaker 1: like he pretends he doesn't like it, but he doesn't
Speaker 1: text me about sexual stuff. He just texted me like
Speaker 1: things and I'm like, I'm sorry, Like that sign is green,
Speaker 1: just so you know. Yeah, I was like, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Did I want to hear about your life? No, that's
Speaker 1: why we just had sex. Like like when people tell
Speaker 1: you guys are like Lucy and DESI when people tell stories,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm sorry, I didn't. I don't remember nighting
Speaker 1: you my boyfriend at the yapper. What are you doing?
Speaker 1: He gave him permission to talk. Keep talking talk talk
Speaker 1: talks gracious. I mean, he's great. Guess he was very
Speaker 1: excited because you got some followers on Twitter. Um, a
Speaker 1: lot of girls think. I mean, there was one and
Speaker 1: I saw he is a hottie. Ladies. Yeah, he's a hottie.
Speaker 1: If you like long stories, don't I do. I'm not
Speaker 1: a long long story. Told me every detail was everything,
Speaker 1: like I once thought John Steinbeck was my favorite author.
Speaker 1: And then I realized most of his books are much
Speaker 1: longer than the Pearl, and I was so upset. That's
Speaker 1: your criteria. Yeah, well, I mean just get to the point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it, I get it. That's what I'm even
Speaker 1: Charles Dickens. I mean, he's a he's a top notch writer.
Speaker 1: What happened this weekend? Did I did I hang out
Speaker 1: with you? I don't remember. I'm trying to recap my week.
Speaker 1: I don't think anything. I don't think we went to
Speaker 1: Hump Oh yeah, Sunday we went to the Hump Tour
Speaker 1: so much festival. Guys, if you don't know what that is, well,
Speaker 1: Number one, thanks for not listening to last week's episode
Speaker 1: Tay to reveal yourself to us. Number anyway, number two,
Speaker 1: it was great, although I will say not the best
Speaker 1: thing to do on a Sunday afternoon when you haven't
Speaker 1: had sex in a week and half. I was like,
Speaker 1: really horny. I was so horny. And then and then
Speaker 1: I just pete and I was like, oh, I think
Speaker 1: that was actually just it. I had to do a
Speaker 1: to fit show for children. After that. Oh that's right.
Speaker 1: It did not go well. I'm sorry, but they don't
Speaker 1: think I was. They didn't think I was funny at all,
Speaker 1: And then I did another show after that and everyone
Speaker 1: thought it was really funny. So I was I should
Speaker 1: kill myself. No. Never, my life's great, wasn't it. Like
Speaker 1: Harrison was on that show Harrison killed. He said he
Speaker 1: didn't do that well tough. Yeah, it was tough. It
Speaker 1: was tough, but he's always great. Um, it was for
Speaker 1: fashion high school scholarship. But I had like rape jokes
Speaker 1: about how you know college is raping me in the
Speaker 1: ass with the money, and it's just like all the
Speaker 1: jokes I had, like you know, black people selling candy
Speaker 1: for drug drug money on the subway, like it was
Speaker 1: all black people. I'm like, I was gonna say, it's
Speaker 1: it's fashion in high school. But as a comedian, you
Speaker 1: got to not give a shit. You can't care who's
Speaker 1: in the audience because they probably will think you're funny
Speaker 1: whatever you say, as long as you own it. And
Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I was. I was scarred
Speaker 1: from that long, long time ago where I just did awful,
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, but the second CHARD redeed myself. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also Gotham's like a way we wouldn't perform on
Speaker 1: a stage regularly. It's a little tough to like. It's
Speaker 1: you know, you you have that home court advantage when
Speaker 1: you're in places that you play in Oh my god,
Speaker 1: absolutely grizzly parents like, oh come on, that was amazing. Um. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna save most of my really personal stuff to
Speaker 1: talk about with our guests as I need some advice. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: we have the perfect guest on today. I can't I'm
Speaker 1: so excited. Well, the thing is is a dream. This
Speaker 1: is the thing. Christina has been talking about this week's
Speaker 1: guest for like since we started a podcast, since before.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to be straight up because it's about honestly,
Speaker 1: I don't know who he was, but I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be honest with you right now. Literally everyone I know,
Speaker 1: my mother, Like when I told my mom and like
Speaker 1: when Zi File reacts strongly to something like I know
Speaker 1: it's quality because she doesn't she's not you know, she
Speaker 1: doesn't get real because she's like me. She doesn't get
Speaker 1: excited about things that do not you know, here's a
Speaker 1: million dollars. Yeah, she's so. She was like, he is
Speaker 1: a legend, he is like hero. Yeah, my roommate, I
Speaker 1: felt my might cry when I told her, I, I
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna have to get something signed. I don't
Speaker 1: know what. I'm gonna have to find a thing. You
Speaker 1: know why I can't give you. There's so little that
Speaker 1: I need to keep it for myself, you know, shaver off,
Speaker 1: I gotta but a fun thing. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: know what this has to do with anything, but I
Speaker 1: will say yesterday I was thinking maybe I could have sex.
Speaker 1: I didn't, but I did take a shower, and then, um,
Speaker 1: I have you know, I have a vanity now that
Speaker 1: in my new apartment, I have a vanity, which has
Speaker 1: been a lifelong dream because I just want a table
Speaker 1: with a mirror on it. No, well, because it's exactly
Speaker 1: bed level. So now I can get like a full
Speaker 1: body look at myself like all the time, and I
Speaker 1: love that. And I turned around and I was like, uh, damn, girl,
Speaker 1: you're looking pretty good. I've been working out a lot,
Speaker 1: but um, like, you know, I can tell how I
Speaker 1: look from like the back, like if if it's like
Speaker 1: fat coming out over my ass or if it's like
Speaker 1: an actual like shape. And I was like, um, you
Speaker 1: look fantastic. And then I fell asleep. Um, and then
Speaker 1: just clean up some mouse poops, so that was kind
Speaker 1: of wasted good day. I actually don't. I broke my
Speaker 1: mirror in my room a while ago. I don't have
Speaker 1: a mirror in my house except for my bathroom, and
Speaker 1: I thought, I thought that that would be weird because
Speaker 1: I have to look at what I look like like
Speaker 1: outfit wise to make sure I don't look like shit.
Speaker 1: I need to make sure the shoes go with the pan.
Speaker 1: My life has gotten a little better now all I
Speaker 1: look at is my face to like paint on it. Well,
Speaker 1: the face is the most important. Don't you feel like
Speaker 1: I don't need a full body anymore because I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, you know, I don't judge myself harshly in
Speaker 1: mirrors anywore like I don't give a ship. But it's
Speaker 1: clife is a little better without a full body mirror,
Speaker 1: I guess. Yeah. But what if things just getting like
Speaker 1: only out of control ignorance is bliss? Baby? Oh god
Speaker 1: see I don't. I mean it is, But then I
Speaker 1: I'm too of much of a control freak to do that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I have a bathroom mirror. I could see,
Speaker 1: I could I could jump up and see my standing
Speaker 1: on the sink. Though, if that's the thing, Oh so
Speaker 1: many times I've stood on this thing. Sometimes. I was
Speaker 1: always standing on things just to get a whole, full,
Speaker 1: full view of it. That's why you said that, though,
Speaker 1: Because there was the other day when I was at
Speaker 1: the gym and I this older woman and we stood
Speaker 1: next to each each other and we did make up
Speaker 1: together in the miror silently for like fifteen minutes. We
Speaker 1: didn't say a word to each other. And in my
Speaker 1: head the whole time, I'm singing, this is fucking pathetic.
Speaker 1: This is fucking so sad. You know, I kind of
Speaker 1: have it when you always girls do the makeup on
Speaker 1: the subway. Yeah, but like it's not I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's weird. Like I'm like, why are
Speaker 1: you doing your makeup? I am that girl so right,
Speaker 1: But I don't know why I think it's weird. I
Speaker 1: just I can't do my makeup in public because I
Speaker 1: don't want people seeing me paint all my beauty. I
Speaker 1: don't care. See, I don't care. There's there's only specific
Speaker 1: I'll walk around looking like hot mess, like all the time.
Speaker 1: There's like specific people that I care about. What, Like,
Speaker 1: I think you can only see the good right because
Speaker 1: they otherwise It's like, like my co workers just get yeah,
Speaker 1: they get they get leukemia care and all that. For you,
Speaker 1: that's probably not I don't I don't really care. I
Speaker 1: care if you have leukemia, but that's gonna be offensive.
Speaker 1: We'll get some emails about that. Um, so let's let's
Speaker 1: read a couple of the comments, because I know I
Speaker 1: don't neglect the listeners. You guys are mostly have been awesome. Um.
Speaker 1: We got a really interesting one called whore to Prude Help. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It says I was in a previous relationship where we
Speaker 1: had sex everywhere and did everything, but we weren't compatible
Speaker 1: as a couple. Now I'm in my almost two year
Speaker 1: relationship that started rocky, but now we are great except
Speaker 1: I've turned into this prude and that's totally not me.
Speaker 1: And he's a complete horror. Um. I think you mean
Speaker 1: suchually explorative, which I think is just super. Anyway, we've
Speaker 1: had great sex before, but now he's trying to introduce
Speaker 1: squirting and but play and gagging and rim jobs and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want you, but I'm feeling like I've
Speaker 1: got writer's block. But for fucking help, any advice by
Speaker 1: the way, I found your show by accident and love
Speaker 1: love love love it. You two are the greatest. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: by the way, I'm thirty two and he's twenty four.
Speaker 1: Interesting side note, he's great, responsible and carrying, though he
Speaker 1: can be super emotional. Sounds Emo Um signed your token
Speaker 1: black female listener, poor its City Girl, Thanks girl, Thanks Um.
Speaker 1: Sorry that you're uh feeling a little writer's block in
Speaker 1: the plus. Yeah, that that makes sense, That allogy makes sense.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think either it's one of two things.
Speaker 1: Like one thing that could slow down my sex drive
Speaker 1: is birth control. Sometimes when I'm on birth control, it's
Speaker 1: just I just don't have it. It just gums and ways,
Speaker 1: and it has been when I've been on it for
Speaker 1: three months. Actually, someone wrote in asking what birth control
Speaker 1: I'm on. I'm on low low est and it's the
Speaker 1: only birth control that doesn't make me a raging bitch,
Speaker 1: which is wonderful. But the sex drive has gone down
Speaker 1: a little, not that much, so maybe that or you're
Speaker 1: not tracked to see. I have been on birth control
Speaker 1: since I was eighteen, so I don't even you don't
Speaker 1: even know for me, I'm you're pretty horny gal. I'm
Speaker 1: always prunny. The thing that makes me not horny is
Speaker 1: being tired or being distracted by being comedy. No hungry, Oh,
Speaker 1: when I'm hungry on the horny ist because for me,
Speaker 1: I always am like, if you want to fund me,
Speaker 1: don't feed me, Like for real, let's because it's for me,
Speaker 1: it's the same. It's so one or the other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's one or the other. Really, after sex, let's go eat.
Speaker 1: But if we have sex not are you do you
Speaker 1: like not eat as much? No? I just eate more
Speaker 1: and then fall asleep and then we don't have sex,
Speaker 1: and that the relationship falls apart. Yeah, that's like when
Speaker 1: Steve and I were like, do you want to order
Speaker 1: Chinese food or do we want to have sex later?
Speaker 1: You got to make that compromise. Yeah, I mean for me,
Speaker 1: it's usually I mean like, I don't know, it's been
Speaker 1: so long since I have been in a relationship, and
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe if the boyfriend is asking you
Speaker 1: to do introduce squirting, I don't know how you introduce
Speaker 1: squirting although you're either a squirt or or not. Although
Speaker 1: everyone can Actually no, I take that back. Actually Stephen
Speaker 1: technically introduced that to me. Remember, so maybe you can,
Speaker 1: but the guy really has to know what they're doing.
Speaker 1: Not everyone is like if everyone's different, it's not a
Speaker 1: thing that everyone can do. It's not a button, not
Speaker 1: a huntet you press and it's like saying and in
Speaker 1: the ring, you know, um oh this commentary I keep Okay, well,
Speaker 1: are we supposed to give advice this? I'm just not
Speaker 1: sure what to say. Oh I don't know. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: why we're not going to give advice. I mean we're
Speaker 1: not We're not communicate, like what do you want? Are you?
Speaker 1: Is your sex dri've lost completely? If so, why, like
Speaker 1: she just got It's all about getting to the root
Speaker 1: of why. Maybe it's because he wants her to do
Speaker 1: things that she's like, dude, now, yeah, it's too much.
Speaker 1: I mean I think I think our guests. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, try anything once and so try it. I mean,
Speaker 1: unless it's like something that you like lanless, He's like,
Speaker 1: I want to cut you. I mean I would let
Speaker 1: someone cut me, but lightly cut you with a knife.
Speaker 1: So you like the porn? Okay, alright, like like Rougher, Yeah,
Speaker 1: in fact, got an actual knife, you know, actual knife
Speaker 1: to kill you in your bed with a knife. No,
Speaker 1: not not like I'm not going to like let someone
Speaker 1: slit my throat, but like if they wanted to cut
Speaker 1: like a little bit, like a little blood came out,
Speaker 1: that wouldn't bother me. Interesting. I guess it's on my
Speaker 1: arm out on my face, but that's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I don't know. I think blood
Speaker 1: of sexy. I also have the dream of dating a vampire.
Speaker 1: Are yeah, a little gothic. I don't know. What would
Speaker 1: you say to this girl, h We'll just try, I
Speaker 1: would say, try. None of those communicatings sound too crazy
Speaker 1: to me, honestly, but and you might and you might
Speaker 1: discover something that you like that you didn't know you liked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just do it, just try it. He's maybe have
Speaker 1: like a safe word. I don't know, have like a
Speaker 1: notion or like either the a word maybe that you
Speaker 1: say that it's like too much, don't stop like whatever
Speaker 1: the word is, like al gore or you know whatever,
Speaker 1: or just say hey, stop, I feel uncomfortable. Well yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's like stop, no, don't stop, right, you know
Speaker 1: one of those things, right, I don't know. Um. The
Speaker 1: only thing I can say is that some people have
Speaker 1: a problem with gagging because if they've been in previously,
Speaker 1: like a an abusive relationship, so I can see that,
Speaker 1: like I know a girl like that. Other than that,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think it's totally fine. Um, all right,
Speaker 1: shall we bring up our guests. Our guest has just arrived,
Speaker 1: so we are going to bring him on and we'll
Speaker 1: see in a set guys, Bye, bye, Worthy Worthy. Okay,
Speaker 1: we are here with our very special guest, Mr Dan Savage. Hello,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming, my pleasure, Savage love cast.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. If we were talking about humps and
Speaker 1: how much we loved it. Oh, I'm so glad you
Speaker 1: got to come. Amazing. Yeah, it was so good. Are
Speaker 1: port so worn? Afterwards? Was great? So we were just
Speaker 1: talking about I was just like, oh my god, the
Speaker 1: worst thing to do on a Sunday afternoon, you know,
Speaker 1: the worst and the best thing. I guess. So we
Speaker 1: have a thousand trillion questions for you, um, but I
Speaker 1: would like to start with a very random question that
Speaker 1: has nothing new with you personally, but more of like advice,
Speaker 1: prostate milking, good opener. Have you done it? You need
Speaker 1: an opening to get to the prostates? How can you
Speaker 1: do it? Yeah. My transitions are like, let's talk about dicks,
Speaker 1: Like what do you know about prostate mal king that
Speaker 1: you could share? And how do you do it? And
Speaker 1: is it fun? Um, I've never done it, and I've
Speaker 1: never seen it done to anyone. I've seen videos. Who
Speaker 1: hasn't seen videos, And I'm sure your audience is googling prostate.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen a video yet. It's a kind of
Speaker 1: like usually you hear about it in the context of
Speaker 1: b d s M humiliation play with somebody who's keeping
Speaker 1: a guy in chastity, maybe wearing a CB six thousand
Speaker 1: cock cage, a male chastity device, where the guy will
Speaker 1: claim or perhaps it's a biological reality for some guys
Speaker 1: that you know, if he hasn't come in a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks, his prostate will start to ache because there's
Speaker 1: all this spunk sort of building up in there, parked
Speaker 1: in there. And theoretically, and I guess in practice because
Speaker 1: I've seen the videos, you can massage someone's prostate and
Speaker 1: if you do it enough, I don't know how many
Speaker 1: times you have to rub that lamp before the genie
Speaker 1: comes out, but if you do it enough, Um, the
Speaker 1: semen that's built up in there, the seminal fluid will
Speaker 1: leak out of this dick. So it's a way of
Speaker 1: like really being a guy of his sort of blue
Speaker 1: balls swollen prostate without giving him the pleasure of an
Speaker 1: orgasm through his ass through his anus. Yes, wow, that's
Speaker 1: very interesting. If I wanted to learn how to do it, right,
Speaker 1: I guess I could just watch an instructural video. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you could google it. There's there's plenty of google prostate milking,
Speaker 1: chastity and I don't know, slave and tons of stuff
Speaker 1: will pop up, and that's something that you're looking into doing.
Speaker 1: When I when Christina like curious, she sends me emails
Speaker 1: with topics we send each other emails, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what then do you need to know that for? I mean,
Speaker 1: I like, but but it's very specific niche interest. It's
Speaker 1: for somebody who wants to, you know, ejaculate basically without
Speaker 1: having the pleasures of coming or climaxing. So it's usually
Speaker 1: performed in the context of some sort of dom sub
Speaker 1: relationship where one person is like taking all their sexual
Speaker 1: pleasure and sort of lording it over this other person
Speaker 1: that they can come whenever they want to. Mail or
Speaker 1: female and you don't get to come at all. And
Speaker 1: in fact, at the times when I let you see
Speaker 1: your pathetic semen, it was on for me without you
Speaker 1: driving any pleasure at all. Okay, that's that's that sounds
Speaker 1: better still, and when you explained it, that's still interested that.
Speaker 1: I'm more into it now. Okay, well did you hear
Speaker 1: that Men of New York flying outside the building? But yeah,
Speaker 1: oh brother, you don't even know. Um. So we usually
Speaker 1: start out with like talking about our own personal lives.
Speaker 1: But we saved it because I was like, we have
Speaker 1: the guru of advice and I personally need some advice.
Speaker 1: You need advice, Christina, I cover it, well, do I do?
Speaker 1: I do want to talk about the porn star stuff
Speaker 1: where you want to know where you can get a
Speaker 1: prostate land of your own. Yeah, that kind of sounds fun.
Speaker 1: So um now, it's the opposite of fun. It's it's
Speaker 1: designed to not be fun. That's the whole point for
Speaker 1: the milker. Yeah, that's true, you would have to be
Speaker 1: we're milking is so not sexy like a milkmaid. Maybe
Speaker 1: that was just sexy. I don't know. That was from
Speaker 1: like an old made deck of cards I had when
Speaker 1: I was like, four, wow, bringing it back. Thank you. Um,
Speaker 1: so we we we we you developed this concept. I
Speaker 1: think last week you developed the concept. It's called the
Speaker 1: tear of sluttiness. Um. I mean we don't use that
Speaker 1: word on this podcast, but this particular week we did.
Speaker 1: Because I'm seeing someone who's like fifteen years older than me,
Speaker 1: and it's definitely like an it's a monogamoush relationship, um,
Speaker 1: which almost all relationships are. It's just most people don't
Speaker 1: know it. Yeah, because I know because I was listening.
Speaker 1: Most people act on it or in their mind it's monogamous,
Speaker 1: like meeting. They can go off in their mind when
Speaker 1: you look on the stats on infidelity, right, and some
Speaker 1: people have such a broad and all encompassing and frankly
Speaker 1: castrating notion of what monogamy means, and they'll define monogamy
Speaker 1: as you don't look at porn, you don't masturbate thinking
Speaker 1: about anybody else. I was little, when I was a little.
Speaker 1: When I sixteen, I yelled at my boyfriend for looking
Speaker 1: at porn and I was like, we had an episode calls.
Speaker 1: I was like, why can't you just jerk off to me?
Speaker 1: And now I like love looking at porn with my
Speaker 1: boyfriends one of my favorite things in the world. So
Speaker 1: it's interesting how that evolved. I feel like, if you
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend who does jerk off to you, you've
Speaker 1: hit the jackpot because like even I like when guys
Speaker 1: are turned on by someone else who was at me. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying all the time, because then there's something wrong.
Speaker 1: It's like, why with me like jerk off to me? Um,
Speaker 1: you know, he's about fifteen years older, and he yeah,
Speaker 1: he's he's I usually am like the more sexually explorative
Speaker 1: one in the relationship, but he is definitely the more.
Speaker 1: He's just been around longer. He introduced this thing where
Speaker 1: we'll be having sex and he'll tell me about the
Speaker 1: other stuff that he's done with other people in the time. Yes,
Speaker 1: And I didn't. I never would have thought that until
Speaker 1: he introduced it, and I was like, I really like this.
Speaker 1: But then recently he told me something, uh in bed
Speaker 1: that was cool, And then later on I got more
Speaker 1: details about it because we were like going to a
Speaker 1: place that she worked at, like a place that he frequents,
Speaker 1: and I didn't know this, like this is the place
Speaker 1: he goes every day, like a coffee shop, and uh,
Speaker 1: so he was like, well, do you want to come in?
Speaker 1: And he was like and I was like, why wouldn't I?
Speaker 1: And he was like, well, that girl might be here,
Speaker 1: and I was like, does she work there? And then
Speaker 1: he was like yeah, because he had told me she
Speaker 1: he met her are there. And I was like, no, No,
Speaker 1: this is something you're gonna see like every day, possibly
Speaker 1: two times a day. What's the problem, Well, are you serious?
Speaker 1: Is he fucking r now? I don't know, but it's
Speaker 1: like it makes me weirded out? And then he and
Speaker 1: he kind of explained the whole situation and there was
Speaker 1: a lot of like romantic quality. It's a straight problem.
Speaker 1: It's a total bullshit straight person. Because you guys have
Speaker 1: the luxury, because there's so many fucking straight people in
Speaker 1: ninety plus percent of everybody, you have the luxury of
Speaker 1: saying you're not allowed to ever see this person again.
Speaker 1: It's like, jay Land is so small that we don't
Speaker 1: have the luxury of like exiling people because your boy
Speaker 1: your current boyfriend, fuck that person. Right? The world is
Speaker 1: so smaller, is it because you guys are just more
Speaker 1: relaxed about that ship, like just more like accepting. I
Speaker 1: was gonna say young gay people tend to not be
Speaker 1: relaxed about it. The longer you're the longer your outdoor
Speaker 1: relationships that you have. Eventually it dawns on you that
Speaker 1: you can't play these kind of insecure, bullshit straight people
Speaker 1: games because there's not enough of us. My exploit friend
Speaker 1: cuts my sons and my husband's hair, and we hang
Speaker 1: out and when I'm in Chicago, I have dinner always
Speaker 1: with my other ex boyfriend, and it's just it's not
Speaker 1: an issue. It can't. It's not an issue for us,
Speaker 1: not because we're like better and smarter and braver and
Speaker 1: we are. It's not an issue for us because it
Speaker 1: can't be an issue for us. It's not. It was
Speaker 1: never even an issue for you know, when I was
Speaker 1: young and insecure. It was at one point, but you
Speaker 1: grow out of it because you can't exile people the
Speaker 1: way straight people insist on their current partner's exit. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I wish I could change my mind about that whole notion.
Speaker 1: It's more the romantic thing that like the romantic qualities
Speaker 1: of the of the the beginning that of the encounter
Speaker 1: than the counter encounter. Yeah, like romantic kissing and stuff.
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm like, you can go get a
Speaker 1: blowdown from anyone. I really don't care about that stuff.
Speaker 1: In fact, better someone else than me. But that's a
Speaker 1: hurdle for a lot of people, even in open or
Speaker 1: monogamous relationships, is seeing their partner have feelings for someone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I prefer her to see my partner if well, Terry
Speaker 1: doesn't like me to talk about him. But you know,
Speaker 1: I think in general, people should err on the side
Speaker 1: of sucking around with people they like as opposed to
Speaker 1: treating people like objects. Yeah, like the flesh lights or
Speaker 1: boxes of Kleenex. I don't you know. I would rather
Speaker 1: people that you know friends with benefits. Starts with the
Speaker 1: word friends, and you should be friendly. And a lot
Speaker 1: of people go out of the way to be shitty
Speaker 1: to people that they have n s a sex with.
Speaker 1: And a lot of people will be shitty to someone
Speaker 1: that you know they're in a non monogamous relationship, dumb
Speaker 1: and they're doing it wrong. I'm just gonna say you're
Speaker 1: doing it wrong, and to demonstrate to their primary partners
Speaker 1: their commitment, they will be shitty to the people that
Speaker 1: they see on the side of the people have had
Speaker 1: one offs with and I just think that's it doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense. Yeah, you don't. That's not necessary. It's not
Speaker 1: necessary part of the equations. Oh yeah, No, I hate
Speaker 1: when people are to other people for no reason. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: It's not for no reason. People think they have to
Speaker 1: communicate to their current partner that she's not a threat
Speaker 1: to see her badly. I treat her not a threat,
Speaker 1: like the world needs less of that. And so if
Speaker 1: you're in an open relationship, you have to be down
Speaker 1: with seeing your partner be nice to somebody they had
Speaker 1: sex with me, be into them. You know, we can
Speaker 1: have real provized you anybody want, as long as you
Speaker 1: don't like them, doesn't make it. How could you not
Speaker 1: want friends with a girl? He had sex with it,
Speaker 1: and like she she's really cool, And that's not and
Speaker 1: that's not a problem for me. Yeah, I guess it
Speaker 1: was just like the And it's also like because it's
Speaker 1: in a different state, it's like, I mean, like a
Speaker 1: close state. But all right, I just can't I can't
Speaker 1: get too detail. Can we? Can we ask you more
Speaker 1: about your relationship and the term monogamish? I think as
Speaker 1: you're the first, I mean, you're the you coined that term,
Speaker 1: and it was the first time I have ever heard
Speaker 1: of that idea of could you define it for us
Speaker 1: the way you define it? Well, I, you know, I
Speaker 1: backed into it um or I pulled it out of
Speaker 1: my ass one day because Terry and I are together
Speaker 1: twenty years, we have a teenage son that we adopted
Speaker 1: at birth, and we're a gay mail couple. When you're
Speaker 1: a game mail couple and you say you are not monogamous,
Speaker 1: people assume a level of outside sexual contact, promiscuity, recklessness.
Speaker 1: Frankly that it just wasn't true of our lives. Even
Speaker 1: other gay people will assume a degree of sort of
Speaker 1: sexual adventuring that wasn't true of us. We were much
Speaker 1: more monogamous than not. We're mostly monogamous. We were a
Speaker 1: monogammish is kind of how I came up with it,
Speaker 1: because you know, to say we're not monogamous makes the
Speaker 1: time we hardly ever have sex together, right when we
Speaker 1: almost always only have sex together, right right, only wants
Speaker 1: in a while. So that's what it means. But you know,
Speaker 1: it can mean anything, because monogamous means one thing. It's
Speaker 1: always the same here too. People who only fuck each other,
Speaker 1: not monogamous or monogamish. Everybody has different rules setups. What's permissible,
Speaker 1: impermissible affection? Polly three ways, don't ask, don't tell agreements
Speaker 1: like monogamous is always different in uned the stipulations of
Speaker 1: the rules and the limitations are always secred for every couple.
Speaker 1: So I came up with the word because saying not
Speaker 1: we were not monogamous terry and I felt like it
Speaker 1: was inaccurate. It was leading people to make the wrong
Speaker 1: assumptions about us. But for the first few years of
Speaker 1: your relationship, you were monogamy. The word anymore, doesn't it exist? How?
Speaker 1: How is that transition? And the reason I ask you
Speaker 1: that is because my boyfriend and I, uh one of
Speaker 1: the I've never met someone who just speaks about sex
Speaker 1: so intelligently and casually. He's actually want to turned me
Speaker 1: onto your podcast, and ever since then, I was hooked
Speaker 1: and he talks about sex the way you do. He
Speaker 1: used to data porn star, but right before he did
Speaker 1: a main he's in the room. I know, Hi, Stephen, Okay,
Speaker 1: I just didn't the audience. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: want to confuse him. Our whole fingers. We're like, we're
Speaker 1: going to pretend they're not here anyway. But the idea
Speaker 1: of we both kind of agreed when we started dating
Speaker 1: that the idea of monogamy and the fact of your
Speaker 1: fucking one person for the rest of your life doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense, doesn't feel natural, just doesn't right. And so
Speaker 1: the fact that we both agree on that makes me
Speaker 1: like weight lifted off of my shoulders because the idea
Speaker 1: of spending forever with him just seems that more exciting
Speaker 1: because it's it's it doesn't opposet limit patitions on you exactly.
Speaker 1: You know, there's there're upsides to monogamy, and I'm always
Speaker 1: in a rush to acknowledge them so that people don't
Speaker 1: think I'm just taking a ship on monogamy. Every day
Speaker 1: around paternity, that kid is yours around you know, protection
Speaker 1: from disease. You know, when you're not monogamous, you are
Speaker 1: signing up for greater risk of sexually transmitted infections. And
Speaker 1: if you can't deal with that and you can't be
Speaker 1: an adult, if or when that happens to you, then
Speaker 1: not monogamy is not for you. Um and emotional security
Speaker 1: for a lot of people. There are downsides though, around boredom, resentment,
Speaker 1: being taken for granted, the death of sexual adventure. You know,
Speaker 1: there's this interview that um, what's her name, Brad, Mrs
Speaker 1: brad Pitt. She gave this interview where she said, you know,
Speaker 1: when I was younger and I was wild, and I
Speaker 1: had lesbian I was lesbian seccident by and I did
Speaker 1: S and M. But now I'm with Brad and all
Speaker 1: that's in the past. And I just thought, how sad
Speaker 1: for Brad that marriage means the end of adventure, possibility, kink, playfulness.
Speaker 1: If we define commitment to mean that sextor I of yours,
Speaker 1: which if you're male or female or a sentient, is
Speaker 1: crazy and takes you crazy places, and you have these
Speaker 1: weird fun desires in this desire for new experiences and variety,
Speaker 1: all of that is snuffed out. All that ends at
Speaker 1: the altar. And I wonder people got to keep the adventures. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: se that's is that a straight thing? I feel like
Speaker 1: straight couples one they don't communicate with each other as much.
Speaker 1: Why I don't understand that. And I because of that,
Speaker 1: because you didn't have to look your mom in the
Speaker 1: eye when you're a fifteen and said, I put dicks
Speaker 1: in my mouth. If you tell your parents, you know,
Speaker 1: you go, I'm yeah, I went to and say my
Speaker 1: I sucked dicks, and that's you know. I said I'm gay,
Speaker 1: and what she saw, we're like dicks flying into my mouth.
Speaker 1: Right Once you say that to your mom, saying anything
Speaker 1: else to your boyfriend is not as scary. I should
Speaker 1: talk to my mom. Well, and that right there, I
Speaker 1: mean that I don't talk. I don't talk to my mom.
Speaker 1: We don't even talk about it. It's not to say
Speaker 1: you put dicks in your mouth, because she expects you
Speaker 1: to put she's aware of that, but there are There
Speaker 1: was the amount of communication when I was younger when
Speaker 1: I first told her I had sex, and she asked
Speaker 1: me I had a boyfriend at the time. We were
Speaker 1: safe about it. She asked me, I didn't lie. She
Speaker 1: walked out of the restaurant we were and didn't talk
Speaker 1: to me for a few weeks. Yeah, so that's the relationship.
Speaker 1: So it's like, how old are you? I was fifteen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been mating my boyfriend three months. The day I
Speaker 1: got my braces off, got it in, got those teeth anyway. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I wonder if that has anything to do you
Speaker 1: know you're set to a certain degree of sexual Honestly,
Speaker 1: the closeted gay people aren't set to sexual honesty. And
Speaker 1: god no, I lived with one openly gate really I
Speaker 1: hope not. Anyway, I hate him. He's a horrible The
Speaker 1: one who wore the cape in Williamsburg. That guy was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: one person wore cape and Williams though one many many
Speaker 1: people in the Williams around the game and are flowing around.
Speaker 1: But that explains why I spend so much time with
Speaker 1: gay men, because I explained it to you, like to
Speaker 1: Christina to a gig home, and she was like, why
Speaker 1: don't I hang out here all the time. I was like,
Speaker 1: I think, I only hang out here because it's the
Speaker 1: one place where I feel free not judge. I hate
Speaker 1: feeling judged. Not that anyone loves it, but I like,
Speaker 1: really really hate it. Um women, this idea that gay
Speaker 1: bars or this judgment free zone for only women. I know,
Speaker 1: if you're a gay guy, you're screwed. That's the irony.
Speaker 1: I go to straight bars to feel, not jug to
Speaker 1: feel not the most judgmental place for game, And I mean,
Speaker 1: please don't even walk in there. And let's have a
Speaker 1: six there's all kind of fights going on that we
Speaker 1: have no idea about. But I say this to my like,
Speaker 1: I mean, like, O, gay men are also nice. Why
Speaker 1: can't know they're nice because they don't want to put
Speaker 1: their dick in you? Yeah, they would not be nice
Speaker 1: to you know, it's super hostile. So nice when the
Speaker 1: guy doesn't want to put put his dick in you,
Speaker 1: it really is well, I mean, unless you want his
Speaker 1: dick in you right then it's like that's a different story.
Speaker 1: But like to walk into to walk into a bar
Speaker 1: filled with men with the music that I want to hear,
Speaker 1: and everyone's dancing, having a good time, and no one's
Speaker 1: trying to suck me. If you wanted to get funk
Speaker 1: that night and you're trapped in the something No, I've
Speaker 1: taken him to. We went to the gay bar in
Speaker 1: New Year's Eve. We did after he toasted the town.
Speaker 1: He was actually talking about how he wishes that straight
Speaker 1: women would be his upfront about how they feel. The
Speaker 1: straightman always say that until a woman is that upfront
Speaker 1: and then they run scream. I think we all know
Speaker 1: that doesn't work for me. I mean, like, I'm very upfront,
Speaker 1: and it's horrible and that's why up front and polite
Speaker 1: about it and like smooth could be. But I'm straight.
Speaker 1: Women don't usually tell men like how they if they're
Speaker 1: attracted to them. It's usually it's always the guy hitting
Speaker 1: on them. Yeah, women could hit women, women should hit
Speaker 1: on Well, we proved the point lot when I fucked
Speaker 1: Craig Mahoney. Yeah, yeah you did so as far as
Speaker 1: that's your this is sorry, this is for the listen.
Speaker 1: We had a guest on Our Lives podcast two weeks
Speaker 1: ago and we're just talking about like how hot it is.
Speaker 1: She did because I just wanted to way hit on him.
Speaker 1: And then I was like OK, and then I invited
Speaker 1: him out and I was and he didn't know this,
Speaker 1: but I was like, I'm not going home until we
Speaker 1: have sex tonight, and then we did. He did. He
Speaker 1: sign some sort of release form that allowed you to
Speaker 1: talk about this he was on the podcast. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he didn't mind. Yeah, he loves it. He got more
Speaker 1: Twitter followers. He's ecstatic. When you said he got more too,
Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say much more after that.
Speaker 1: They actually probably did Twitter twat the best. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think he did. He's some fans between him, but do
Speaker 1: you think for as far as like the tear of sluttiness,
Speaker 1: how important do you think that someone is on the
Speaker 1: same level sexually as you like? For do you think
Speaker 1: it can someone can be like a lot more prudition
Speaker 1: and it's still worked out, or how important is this
Speaker 1: seems sexual? I know for a fact that someone can
Speaker 1: be a lot more prudition could work out. My husband
Speaker 1: was a lot more prudition go together and you kind
Speaker 1: of you kind of held his hand and were you
Speaker 1: ever prude? You mean, well, why you know? I was
Speaker 1: a Catholic boy. Of course I was a prude. That's
Speaker 1: and and that tension is fun. You know sometimes the
Speaker 1: first time, you know, as young and just becoming sexually active,
Speaker 1: the first time a guy like lifted up my arm
Speaker 1: and bad and started looking my rompt, I thought he
Speaker 1: was the most disgusting human being on earth. I couldn't
Speaker 1: believe that someone would do something so vile. And uh,
Speaker 1: you know, now that's good morning, honey. That's the first
Speaker 1: time someone ever lick my ass. I was like, why
Speaker 1: would you ever know? I'm like, please, So it's like,
Speaker 1: aren't pit really changed? Why don't you milk my pretend
Speaker 1: and prostate with your actual tongue. So interesting. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: so you know, people grow and change, and some people
Speaker 1: who are less experienced. You know. The trick with someone
Speaker 1: who's less experienced is you know, sometimes they resent or
Speaker 1: they fear the more experienced partner, and sometimes they're like,
Speaker 1: teach me, teach me, teach me. And that's what you want.
Speaker 1: You want someone to teach me, teaching teach me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so if they're on different levels of I feel, because
Speaker 1: I feel a mix of that. I feel a little
Speaker 1: when you're dating someone, you know, you ever dat someone
Speaker 1: who's just like that Don Juan type, Like it's just
Speaker 1: a person who who Danny's drops when you want Boxer's job,
Speaker 1: when you walk from the room, you know, dirty thrift
Speaker 1: store underwear drops when you watch. And I'm pretty self confident,
Speaker 1: but I mean there, I mean, there's only so much
Speaker 1: a human being can handle. You know, I'm still human.
Speaker 1: So it's just very hard when literally, so your boyfriend
Speaker 1: watching the room, everyone wants to fuck them. That's tough.
Speaker 1: I have have you seen my husband? I see you though.
Speaker 1: You guys were super hot, kind of nuts, insanely hot,
Speaker 1: and you know, we walk, you know, if we're out
Speaker 1: of town, we go to a gay bar, like he
Speaker 1: has that effect on people. Underwear drops all around us.
Speaker 1: Does it make you proud? Like make you kind of
Speaker 1: like yeah, I know, it turns me on, like here's
Speaker 1: my hot car, right, that's on object. It could be
Speaker 1: annoying for him sometimes though, because sometimes he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to have that effect on people, right, and it's out
Speaker 1: of his control. Sometimes he gets hit on. You know,
Speaker 1: it would be wonderful if everywhere you went everyone wanted
Speaker 1: to fuck you, if everywhere you went you wanted to
Speaker 1: fund everyone, right, if it was on your terms, right,
Speaker 1: But he goes. You know, sometimes people who are that
Speaker 1: who have that effect on people, are surrounded by people
Speaker 1: that they wish would pull their underwear back up, right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. A lot of women, I know. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: walk in, you're like, oh please not today. Yeah. All
Speaker 1: those poor hot baristas who deal with it all daylight. Yeah,
Speaker 1: who are in this position of having to be like
Speaker 1: sort of smiling nice, which is misinterpreted as flirting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeahs through that. That's why I'm just not nice to people.
Speaker 1: But like I wanted to ask you though, with the monogamy,
Speaker 1: so you weren't you were monogamous in the beginning of relationship.
Speaker 1: Then it was introduced. Yeah, so I was saying, the
Speaker 1: idea of of not fucking one person for the rest
Speaker 1: of my life is really cool and it's nice to
Speaker 1: have be on the same page totally. When I was sixteen,
Speaker 1: never I was one of those like I'll caught you
Speaker 1: with the knight of you like the well you know
Speaker 1: that's and that's how Terry was at the beginning of Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's why I want to ask you, like, how
Speaker 1: do you I don't have any interest in sleeping with
Speaker 1: anybody else right now. I'm still like wonderful song, madly
Speaker 1: madly in love and I don't want you know, like
Speaker 1: we'll go to strip clubs and it'll be like that's
Speaker 1: adventurous for us, and it's not that adventurous, but that's
Speaker 1: just enough. Like you know, he'll get a lap dance.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, let's go. And so that's fun. But
Speaker 1: how do you I guess when it gets introduced, it's natural.
Speaker 1: It comes at the time where you want it to happen,
Speaker 1: right my personal experience and anecdotal evidence from the successful,
Speaker 1: long term, mostly gay monogamous relationships that I've observed is
Speaker 1: that there's a period at the start of effortless monogamy
Speaker 1: where there's this desire to not sleep with anybody else
Speaker 1: or you know, this even this awareness that you could,
Speaker 1: but no desire to, and then it transitions into a
Speaker 1: kind of openness that's not about, oh, we're not into
Speaker 1: each other anymore, we're not attracting each other anymore. So
Speaker 1: now we're gonna suck other people and stay together because
Speaker 1: we're good partners or pair or I like you, or
Speaker 1: we live together and we have a mortgage. What seems
Speaker 1: to happen is this transition to we've we've poured this
Speaker 1: cement foundation that is so strong, and we're still both
Speaker 1: so into each other, but we've been sucking for four
Speaker 1: or five years, and here's a way to like throw
Speaker 1: a log on the fire. Might be someone else's log,
Speaker 1: We're gonna throw a log on the fire. And it's
Speaker 1: that this sense in the successful I think monogamous couples
Speaker 1: that I've you know, known and been part of, this
Speaker 1: sense of bringing in sort of like going to that
Speaker 1: strip club. You are on a sexual adventure together. It's
Speaker 1: rotically charged and then reignites your passion for each other.
Speaker 1: And there have been times you know where something's going
Speaker 1: on and you look at each other thing, I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that I'm with you right now. This wouldn't be
Speaker 1: happening if we weren't together. And that's those are wonderful
Speaker 1: folds naturally, And like the limits of that sexually charged.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's a strip club, then five years later it's
Speaker 1: a swinger's party. Maybe the level it evolves, just like
Speaker 1: when the moment and when yeah, they don't watch porn,
Speaker 1: thing is crazy. When the moment happens, you'll know it
Speaker 1: the And this is anecdotle. Someone needs to actually study
Speaker 1: this and spend the money, but no one ever will
Speaker 1: because you know, there isn't money in this kind of
Speaker 1: sex research. But anecdotally, the people I know who had
Speaker 1: open relationships where they were both fucking other people right
Speaker 1: at the start, like we're together, but those don't right,
Speaker 1: And I don't know why that is. And I don't
Speaker 1: think lasting is the gold standard, Like I think short
Speaker 1: term relationships can be successful relationships. Something from every relationship.
Speaker 1: And you know, two people come together there together for
Speaker 1: however longer together, and then they move on and they
Speaker 1: both outlived the relationship. And if they're they liked each other,
Speaker 1: they learned, they grew, they're still friends or friendly. How
Speaker 1: is that not a success? Does it always have to
Speaker 1: end in a funeral home for a relationship to be
Speaker 1: a success. Somebody died for you since a relationship? Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So I know people who like are together, you know,
Speaker 1: come together, and I don't want to judge them because
Speaker 1: what didn't like becoming a forever relationship? But most people
Speaker 1: are looking for a forever relationship and the ones where
Speaker 1: people are not monogamous out of the gate don't seem
Speaker 1: to be forever. But maybe those people don't want forever,
Speaker 1: and so it's an unfair standard relationship, right right? Right?
Speaker 1: Is that what you because you that was what I
Speaker 1: was personal? Actually, yes, Art wouldn't be monogamous at all,
Speaker 1: like you would be monogamish going into it, right because
Speaker 1: you even I mean, I've been in I've been in
Speaker 1: a five year relationship. I've been into your relationship where
Speaker 1: I didn't I had no interest in having sex with
Speaker 1: anyone else, like my last break up which ruined my life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: why this podcast started here today? My boyfriend's day A
Speaker 1: board star I couldn't handle like a really jealous. I
Speaker 1: was like, let's do this podcast, and I got dumped up.
Speaker 1: I loved my life in a Panera bread so that
Speaker 1: was fun. Ruining a chain of restaurants where you go?
Speaker 1: I not, you know, I was. I really like the
Speaker 1: cream of chicken and wild rice soup. It took me
Speaker 1: a year to eat it again, but I know, and
Speaker 1: I just a couple of weeks ago, I ran into
Speaker 1: this person a year after we hadn't seen. He's has
Speaker 1: a new girlfriend, lives with this girlfriend. Like he's definitely
Speaker 1: gonna marry this girl. Like I know, I know it. Uh,
Speaker 1: and I had a mental break. You can't marry her
Speaker 1: if you haven't killed. I don't encourage her because she
Speaker 1: will do things. No, I would never do that. I
Speaker 1: would never do that could have been worse. He could
Speaker 1: have broken up you doing a Starbucks, which there are
Speaker 1: many more of her. Don't ruin Starbucks, yellow cabin. We're
Speaker 1: in the subway. I know. I feel like would be
Speaker 1: a very New Yorky place to get dumped. So many
Speaker 1: fights happening cabs, you know, Sarajessica Parker, we get totally yeah, um,
Speaker 1: but I don't know. It's It's fine. I get I'll
Speaker 1: get past everyone's tired of hearing me bitch literally everything.
Speaker 1: I've never I've never seen someone go through such a
Speaker 1: horrible breakup before. Have you? Have you had those breakups
Speaker 1: where you just devastated and want to die? Yeah? And
Speaker 1: what is your advice? We have a lot of young
Speaker 1: listeners who may have not even gone through that first
Speaker 1: terrible breakup. What the hell I mean? I what do
Speaker 1: you all know? Time? What? Well? You wallow, you eat
Speaker 1: ice cream, you go to the gym. It's it's amazing,
Speaker 1: how like healing. It isn't like exercise. And I don't
Speaker 1: want to be like a body fascist faggot about it.
Speaker 1: Go to the goddamn jim and you know, be annoying
Speaker 1: to your friends for a while. But after like a month,
Speaker 1: suck at the funk up a month really a month
Speaker 1: or two every year, a month of every month. Agree,
Speaker 1: But then at a certain point you have to like
Speaker 1: fake it, fake that you're fine, and then go through
Speaker 1: the motions and then that you know, the more you
Speaker 1: go through the motions that you find, the finer you feel.
Speaker 1: And it's just important remember if you're listening and you're young,
Speaker 1: as I like to say in my podcast. Every relationship
Speaker 1: you are ever going to be is going to fail
Speaker 1: until one doesn't, and you don't know which one that
Speaker 1: is until you're dead or that person is dead. Then
Speaker 1: you're like, well, successive relationship, and it's good to have
Speaker 1: some failed relationships under your belt in your twenties, you
Speaker 1: actually want to have that. Yeah. I always think it's
Speaker 1: weird when you just kind of go with that first
Speaker 1: person and I'm like, maybe you'll go back to that person,
Speaker 1: but just like someone you like, that's weird. I think
Speaker 1: that's weird. Yeah. I had to really ugly break up
Speaker 1: right before I met Terry m where I I did
Speaker 1: the dumping, but I was devastated and my ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: ran out and sucked a million dicks. We all grieve
Speaker 1: in our own way. Yeah, we were still living together
Speaker 1: and that made it cut awkward. Um, and I didn't
Speaker 1: go out for three months. I wouldn't. I was just
Speaker 1: really bummed because I had just turned thirty and I
Speaker 1: was in this relationship for a year, and I was like,
Speaker 1: my mom always going to be single, why can't I
Speaker 1: do this? And the very first night I went out
Speaker 1: after my period of wallowing and self pity and eating
Speaker 1: ice cream, you're into the gym. Um, I met Terry
Speaker 1: on the dance floor, so you just never I think
Speaker 1: that's very like, that's very much like you. You gave
Speaker 1: yourself exactly an amount of time and when you were
Speaker 1: already kind of like you just feel like this on
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, oh the sun is shining again. Give
Speaker 1: myself three months, three times more time than I give
Speaker 1: other people. And I took three months off. The fun
Speaker 1: with me was I was having sex with my ex
Speaker 1: for like once a month for like six months after
Speaker 1: the break up. Yeah. It was completely destructive. I know this,
Speaker 1: but I was like, I am I'm not. I'm very sexual,
Speaker 1: but there's a few times when I'm like so sexually
Speaker 1: attracted I cannot even I've had even now right now,
Speaker 1: Like I know, I shouldn't be going over his house
Speaker 1: at three in the morning because it's degrading to me
Speaker 1: as a person. But I'm not going to not do it.
Speaker 1: But it's going to happen. Yeah, And the sex was
Speaker 1: the break after. I guess it's just so good. Sex
Speaker 1: is so good. Putting candles on, put on nine inch nails, right,
Speaker 1: that's my thing. I really like that. Somebody asked me
Speaker 1: to college lecture appearance. On one of the questions was
Speaker 1: our facials hot or are they degrading? And I said, yes,
Speaker 1: you're feeling degraded by going over it still kind of
Speaker 1: to be on the hook like that for someone to
Speaker 1: feel that alive, to feel that even sexually controlled in
Speaker 1: a controlled way, like you were doing anything reckless. I
Speaker 1: chose to go there and hopefully were being exploited or
Speaker 1: abused in this context, But you knew that it was
Speaker 1: a bad idea. You knew that you would never get
Speaker 1: from him what you were wanted from him entirely, but
Speaker 1: you were willing to sort of humiliate yourself and settle
Speaker 1: for the deck. Like that's in a way that's kind
Speaker 1: of does that stem or is it a dumb question
Speaker 1: that I asked, like, is that stem from something desire?
Speaker 1: Or what about like what about those uh, Like there's
Speaker 1: porn out there that are that's just the woman just
Speaker 1: getting hit in the face or getting like the clothes
Speaker 1: pins or the cry. But the cry this is I've
Speaker 1: never watched as an impom until recently. The crying afterwards
Speaker 1: but enjoying it is very confusing to watch because I'm like,
Speaker 1: how if it's not your thing. It's going to be
Speaker 1: very but it's enjoyable to that person, right, pain, And
Speaker 1: there are people who enjoy that kind of an emotional pain.
Speaker 1: It looked yeah, because I think that I think that's
Speaker 1: kind that hot. I think I was more on board
Speaker 1: with that because earlier before I was like, I would
Speaker 1: like someone to cut me just a little bit. Christina
Speaker 1: was like what, And I was like, just a little bit.
Speaker 1: I don't want to die, like just a little. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's it's that that's kind of like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know the pain danger not danger, or there's
Speaker 1: like a little like how much can you take kind
Speaker 1: of a thing. Yeah, I see it together with someone
Speaker 1: you trust, somebody trusting that all bodies sort of endorphin
Speaker 1: release that those endorphins of people who run marathons talked about.
Speaker 1: It's twenty six mile, they've shot themselves, they're in terrible pain,
Speaker 1: they crossed the finish line, they collapse, they cry, and
Speaker 1: they're really like what they endured, what they put themselves,
Speaker 1: and they're kind of proud of it, and nobody says
Speaker 1: to them, you're a fucking sicko, look what you just did.
Speaker 1: Because it's not sex when it's tied to sex. That
Speaker 1: kind of like pushing your physical and its endurance pain, sobbing,
Speaker 1: shipping yourself add sex and suddenly it's not okay, Suddenly
Speaker 1: it's it's pathological. Take the sex out and it's the
Speaker 1: Boston Marathon and it's just sex negative standards. Yeah, how
Speaker 1: do you keep your cool so well when they like
Speaker 1: you talk about these things? I get so fucking angry
Speaker 1: At the beginning of your podcasts, you talk about all
Speaker 1: of these religious rights activists and all of these people
Speaker 1: like protesting a gay soldier funeral I sometimes protesting me, Yeah,
Speaker 1: protesting you. People in the news talking about you all
Speaker 1: the time. I when people like with our podcast, like
Speaker 1: we get people like yeah whatever, Like I don't give
Speaker 1: that's actually hilarious. I like I enjoy reading those Any
Speaker 1: press is good press. Yeah. When people take the time
Speaker 1: to send me an email to call me a fact,
Speaker 1: thank you, Thank you so much for taking that out
Speaker 1: of your day. But those things like protesting a few
Speaker 1: like people protesting your talks at college. How it's never
Speaker 1: religious rites who protest my toxic cologes. It's left wing,
Speaker 1: radical queer LGBT students who protest because I'm biphobic and
Speaker 1: transphobic and a rape apologist, which I am sucking not
Speaker 1: in any of those cases now, any one of those
Speaker 1: three things. And they scream and yell, so they take
Speaker 1: your words out of context. Absolutely. You know, you've giving
Speaker 1: advice for twenty five years and in a column that's
Speaker 1: essentially pretty much a jokey and where I allow people
Speaker 1: use the language that they would use to talk about it.
Speaker 1: And also, like you sometimes get into positions where you
Speaker 1: have to take a side and take a position, and
Speaker 1: then some people don't like it and or they ripped
Speaker 1: something from context. One of the things that floats around
Speaker 1: out there is I told someone who had PTSD that
Speaker 1: I called her a ship bag. Uh. This is a
Speaker 1: person who created a sign off every sign off, and
Speaker 1: savage becomes an acronym in the response. Her sign off
Speaker 1: became PTSD. She didn't have a diagnosed case of post
Speaker 1: traumatic stress disorder. And it's just bullshit swops around out there.
Speaker 1: But you keep your cool about it, and you handle
Speaker 1: it with grace and humor and wits. And I wonder
Speaker 1: have you always been like that? Have you always taken
Speaker 1: that like the world's hatred and just shittiness and our
Speaker 1: guests just being Catholic kind of sets you up for it.
Speaker 1: It didn't. You know, sometimes it gets to me it's
Speaker 1: bybically when I feel like it's unfair and it's relentless. Um,
Speaker 1: there's things that have been completely removed from context where
Speaker 1: they get slapped up on a poster in a college
Speaker 1: where before I speak there and then I literally stand
Speaker 1: up there and I read the entire column out, so
Speaker 1: you can have this in context and it's clearly not
Speaker 1: saying what people are claiming that I said. They'll take
Speaker 1: what they want to take, and they make a story
Speaker 1: about it, and it gets annoying and tiresome. But does
Speaker 1: it like keep me up at night ruin my sleep? Right?
Speaker 1: Does it give me a rectile dysfunction? Does it make
Speaker 1: my husband ugly? No? It doesn't do any of those things. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm doing just fine. Yeah, that's at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. Well, I was listening to the Ayesha Tyler podcast.
Speaker 1: You did the Girl on Guy podcast. I'm a big
Speaker 1: fan of her podcast, and um, you guys were talking
Speaker 1: about something she mentioned kind of how like you're provocative
Speaker 1: and like you're pushing pushing the envelope to make a point.
Speaker 1: And that's what I think our main goal with this.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that everyone should do a podcast where
Speaker 1: they interview guys they had sex with, not saying that
Speaker 1: at all. It has really affected our lives in a
Speaker 1: real way. Just for clarification, I haven't had sex with
Speaker 1: sex with either. He hates he doesn't want to eat pussy.
Speaker 1: I heard you're listening. I heard the whole thing. No
Speaker 1: pussy eating for you. Um. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: you're missing out or not. I'm not sure. I'll let
Speaker 1: you know one day, but uh. And so I thought
Speaker 1: that was a very interesting concept because I believe like
Speaker 1: you have to just push the envelope to make a point,
Speaker 1: to meet the people, jump up and down away in
Speaker 1: your hands in the air a little bit to get noticed. Right.
Speaker 1: And So do you feel that was that was a
Speaker 1: like a positive thing that you did, like you think
Speaker 1: it really Obviously it made a difference, like are you
Speaker 1: a fan of this or pushing the envelope? Well, I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm pushing the envelope. It's not like I
Speaker 1: sit around going what can I say? Or writer? I
Speaker 1: just say what I think. Partically years and when I
Speaker 1: started twenty three years and I started writing Savage Love,
Speaker 1: nobody wrote about sex in the newspaper using the language
Speaker 1: people actually use when they talked about sex with their friends.
Speaker 1: That you, when you wrote about sex the newspaper, there
Speaker 1: was sort of this sanscrit You had to use this
Speaker 1: other language that was very formal and medical, and you
Speaker 1: weren't allowed to say things like three ways are fun.
Speaker 1: You weren't allowed to say things like, sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: having sex with somebody on impulse that you don't know
Speaker 1: their name can lead to a loving and lasting and
Speaker 1: fun and brutally honest. And I just and thinking things through,
Speaker 1: like there are times I have saidthing the wrong thing
Speaker 1: or left to the wrong conclusion or um, you know.
Speaker 1: A sexuality was something I was like, what the funk
Speaker 1: is this when it first became it first broke as
Speaker 1: an idea, and I was skeptical and thinking through it
Speaker 1: out loud in my column on my podcast, and now
Speaker 1: I'm sort of down with it. And it wasn't like
Speaker 1: I was intentionally trying to provoke the a sexual community,
Speaker 1: which I wasn't even aware of its existence prior to
Speaker 1: the founding of a v UH. The a Sexual Visibility
Speaker 1: and Education Network just like the same one I thought,
Speaker 1: which was what no, no, way, no after all. And
Speaker 1: then the more I learned about it and and more people
Speaker 1: you got in my face about it's like, all right,
Speaker 1: some of you are a sexual and really mad. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I hear you, damn it, I'm a sexual. Just talking
Speaker 1: about sex so much takeaway actually having sex for you
Speaker 1: know that, it doesn't take away the pleasure of because
Speaker 1: I found what once we started the podcast and we
Speaker 1: just all we did was talking about sex and the
Speaker 1: podcast we got like a lot of fans and they
Speaker 1: just want to talk about sex with us, which is cool,
Speaker 1: and that's what I want to talk about. But then
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, that's specialness. The sex seems like homework
Speaker 1: kind of not not really, but it lost a little
Speaker 1: bit of lust in the beginning when we were just
Speaker 1: talking about all. I think it's also because part of
Speaker 1: getting on a podcast is having sex with us. So
Speaker 1: then we were just inundated with emails like how do
Speaker 1: I get on this podcast? Yes? If I if I
Speaker 1: hear a joke about that again, like it's I think
Speaker 1: it's just exhausting. It's it's more because how many times
Speaker 1: have you gotten email? Is that something that happens a lot.
Speaker 1: You get a lot of emails like, Hey, you want
Speaker 1: to fuck? Like? Is that a thing? Um? I have
Speaker 1: a sort of different relationship with my listeners, particularly now.
Speaker 1: You know I wasn't podcasting twenty three years agoause they
Speaker 1: weren't podcast twenty three years right, So when I was
Speaker 1: sort of younger and more embedded in the demographic of
Speaker 1: savage love, like my readers tend to be high school,
Speaker 1: college age and twenties and early thirties listeners. Um, So
Speaker 1: now I'm sort of this almost parental figure you are.
Speaker 1: You're very intimidating, I will say, as opposed to maybe
Speaker 1: I could suck this guy Dan. I mean he get
Speaker 1: hit on a little bit, um, but not nearly as
Speaker 1: much as I would like. I'm gonna say, do you
Speaker 1: want to get it on more? But but I would
Speaker 1: think you get hit all the time, honestly, because it's
Speaker 1: so it's it's a turn. Like my boyfriend and I
Speaker 1: when we first first ever met, we he talked about
Speaker 1: sex very similar to the way you talked about sex.
Speaker 1: It was such a new idea that totally turned me on.
Speaker 1: I was like, this guy, I get hit on some
Speaker 1: I think I had to do with the intimidation factor
Speaker 1: because it's like you are are this you know now
Speaker 1: notorious sex pert. So that's a lot, that's a lot,
Speaker 1: that's scary. Dr Ruth. I've also been partnered for twenty years,
Speaker 1: so you know, when that three year window when I
Speaker 1: was writing Savage Love and Dating and you know, I
Speaker 1: had a one year relationship, I would sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: some guy would ask me out and then he would
Speaker 1: be really sexually aggressive and awful and weird ways because
Speaker 1: he would figure that he figured that's what I wanted
Speaker 1: because I wrote that crazy column. And so of course
Speaker 1: I've done everything and I haven't don't have any interest
Speaker 1: in doing everything. And I write about kas for christake
Speaker 1: and and that was awkward. But you know, I'm perceived
Speaker 1: as married parent, uh was elder in some ways, which
Speaker 1: is none of those are sort of particularly sexy roles.
Speaker 1: And I'm fine with it. And I don't write, you know,
Speaker 1: we're talking about today, but I don't usually write or
Speaker 1: talk about my own sex life. Per Terry's uh get that.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's my Maybe where that maybe a
Speaker 1: little bit of staleness came in was because we're talking
Speaker 1: about our personal sex lives. Be aware of that. People
Speaker 1: ask me, how come you know my sex column still
Speaker 1: exists and anchor Rincor Rinkovich is from Details in the
Speaker 1: nineties is gone, and Sex in the City has gone.
Speaker 1: Like there was this explosion of sex columns in the nineties,
Speaker 1: most written by women. And the reason they all sort
Speaker 1: of fell away and some people were just done writing
Speaker 1: their sex colum. It wasn't like people got fired from
Speaker 1: jobs they wanted um you know, uh sex and the
Speaker 1: city writer lady moved on. But a lot of them,
Speaker 1: you know, died early deaths because the writer wrote about
Speaker 1: their sex life. And so eventually you break faith with
Speaker 1: the reader because the reader's senses you're not legitimately having
Speaker 1: these experiences or relationships. You're just out there in New
Speaker 1: York City fucking for material. Right, It's right, it's fake.
Speaker 1: The reader would pick up on the sort of get
Speaker 1: a sense of a dishonesty. They're being gamed. And because
Speaker 1: my column, thanks to Terry, I stopped writing about my
Speaker 1: own sex life. That's had this longevity because it's not
Speaker 1: about me where my dick. It's about you guys and
Speaker 1: your clips and dicks, Right, that's those good questions for days. Man,
Speaker 1: So is it? What else do I I had a
Speaker 1: question on the tip of my time. Well, so, speaking
Speaker 1: of people writing in and all that kind of stuff
Speaker 1: along that line, we we have. We get a lot
Speaker 1: of emails that are very part the comments on the SoundCloud.
Speaker 1: Those are like whatever you know, things that everyone can read.
Speaker 1: And then a couple of times a week will get
Speaker 1: a very long, very personal email. We've made it very
Speaker 1: clear we are not expert, we are not doctors, and
Speaker 1: we're just two gals talking about sex in New York.
Speaker 1: Uh So, from time to time we get something that's disturbing.
Speaker 1: We don't know how to handle suicidal type emails. How,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you have gotten the same. How how do
Speaker 1: you handle that? It's well, first of all, you know
Speaker 1: the only you look up advice in the dictionary and
Speaker 1: it says opinion about what cutter should be done. The
Speaker 1: only qualification you need to give advice to somebody asked,
Speaker 1: So don't be hesitant to share your perspective or your wisdom.
Speaker 1: And it's not binding arbitration. So if your head is
Speaker 1: in your ask, I don't have to do what you said. Um,
Speaker 1: you get sometimes disturbing emails. I try to write people back.
Speaker 1: I get five thousand emails a week. It's more email
Speaker 1: than I can sometimes keep up within read. UM. I
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I will look for an email in
Speaker 1: my stack and I'll find one from six months ago
Speaker 1: from someone who's like standing on the ledge, someone who
Speaker 1: needs a priest in, a fireman and a cop and
Speaker 1: not me, And I think, I hope it looked up
Speaker 1: for you, because I didn't see this when it came in. UM.
Speaker 1: And you just have to trust that people who send
Speaker 1: you those emails sometimes it helps them to lay that
Speaker 1: all out and think it through in the in the
Speaker 1: composition of the email, which often I hear, like I'll
Speaker 1: hear from people a couple years later. I wrote you.
Speaker 1: You didn't write back. It didn't use my question, but
Speaker 1: writing the question really helped me. And here's where I
Speaker 1: am now. Just thought you'd like to know, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go find the original email and read them both together. UM.
Speaker 1: You can't let it terrorize you, and you can't let
Speaker 1: it you can't have your heartbroken by it, or you
Speaker 1: can't do it. M Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote, Miss Lonely Hearts,
Speaker 1: it might be a good thing for you guys to read. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll do it. May have my head of my own.
Speaker 1: Miss Lonely Hearts is the book I think, so okay,
Speaker 1: I should google it. It's about a guy who writes
Speaker 1: an agony at column and eventually gets to sort of
Speaker 1: emotionally invested and wrapped up and in his reader's problems
Speaker 1: that he's kind of paralyzed. Yeah, it's like I'm saying,
Speaker 1: we're staying up nights about it. I don't think. I
Speaker 1: just I don't want to affect him in at this
Speaker 1: person in a negative way. And yeah, and I and
Speaker 1: I genuinely like I don't really know how to handle
Speaker 1: I mean, I can definitely give my opinion, like you said,
Speaker 1: that's not a problem. Have some suicide hotline numbers handy
Speaker 1: and say this is like above my pay grade, and
Speaker 1: I ache for you. Please call people who know what
Speaker 1: they're doing when it comes to this exactly. Okay, Now
Speaker 1: I know you you talked, did you mind? I know
Speaker 1: you mentioned that you were never really suicidal, but like
Speaker 1: for like a like a little little bit, a tiny bit,
Speaker 1: can can you elaborate on that a little bit? Why
Speaker 1: was the good boy and you know, Catholic family, and
Speaker 1: I was the youngest son of there are four of us.
Speaker 1: I had a younger sister, but I was the youngest boy.
Speaker 1: And it was a long time ago. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: almost fifty years old, so this is the late seventies,
Speaker 1: early eighties, and I just knew that if I told
Speaker 1: my parents that I was gay, it would kill them.
Speaker 1: So I thought the good boy thing to do would
Speaker 1: be killed myself. It had been communicated to me in
Speaker 1: a you know, many small ways that my parents might
Speaker 1: prefer to have a dead kid than a gay kid.
Speaker 1: Really well, that's a lot. And so I thought, you know,
Speaker 1: there was a there's a brief time where I thought,
Speaker 1: I can never tell them and something have to kill
Speaker 1: myself because I can't have sex with girls all my
Speaker 1: life and I can't I can't bring myself to lie
Speaker 1: to some poor woman Mrs Haggard all her life. And
Speaker 1: I'm not really going to be a priest now because
Speaker 1: I don't believe in any of this bullshit anymore. And then, uh,
Speaker 1: and then you know that passed, and I didn't leap
Speaker 1: off of anything. So that's all I just and you
Speaker 1: never attempted or like a little thought in your mind
Speaker 1: suicidal ideation. They call it right, Definitely you had suicidal ideation,
Speaker 1: but I never acted on because I feel like the
Speaker 1: thing is like for me, I never wanted to commit suicide.
Speaker 1: I mean, there have been moments when I'm about it.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that would be nice if I
Speaker 1: wasn't here, But I think, I like, I've heard so
Speaker 1: bad I want to die, but I've never been like
Speaker 1: I am going to You know. You know what I
Speaker 1: think about now is I am the only gay guy
Speaker 1: in America who is not allowed to commit suicide. Imagine
Speaker 1: it gets better. Project kills himself, what a domino EF.
Speaker 1: I will never kill my I'm like a lazy depressive,
Speaker 1: like I want a bus to serve and hit me.
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to jump from the book. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. That feels good, you know. I
Speaker 1: mean I want to suffocate to death in a rimming accident.
Speaker 1: That's how I want to go. What's the Can I
Speaker 1: ask you about your sex life? Sure? And I'll decide
Speaker 1: if I can talk about it. Absolutely, we can always
Speaker 1: know if there's nothing you want. If you don't talk
Speaker 1: about we just we could like I could talk about it,
Speaker 1: and then there could just be the skip that with
Speaker 1: the listeners don't get to hear what I told you
Speaker 1: and just edit it out and they can yea, And
Speaker 1: then people can come up to you and trust you
Speaker 1: in bars what I said that would be fun? Uh?
Speaker 1: Is your sex life kinky vanilla a mixture of both?
Speaker 1: What do you got we got going on? Um? It is?
Speaker 1: It is a it's both, Like it's a mix, like
Speaker 1: we both have ours. All men have kinks, you know,
Speaker 1: and we both have our fairy share and we're both
Speaker 1: gi you know. G g G isn't something that I invented.
Speaker 1: Um My, you know my advice for people should be
Speaker 1: good giving and game good and bad giving of pleasure
Speaker 1: and game for anything dot dot within reason. Um. That
Speaker 1: is certainly something that Terry and I had put in
Speaker 1: practice in our own lives before I start reached my
Speaker 1: readers to do. So. If like you're if Terry wants
Speaker 1: to do something and you're like maybe and you kind
Speaker 1: of neutral about it, you would suggest, like along the
Speaker 1: terms of GIG, just do it, Like, just try an
Speaker 1: experiment and do Yeah. I mean the problem that a
Speaker 1: lot of people, particularly young people, when it comes to
Speaker 1: you know, out there unexpected sexual request. Is the sex
Speaker 1: negativity so deeply ingrained in us, causes us to go
Speaker 1: yuck no instead of oh, really, tell me more, and
Speaker 1: you would be surprised later in life when you look back,
Speaker 1: like that sixteen year old who that I was, who
Speaker 1: freaked out when a guy licked my armpits and I
Speaker 1: thought he was a disgusting perfect The things I enjoy
Speaker 1: now that if you had suggested to me then I
Speaker 1: would have been appalled. So you know, you you acclimate,
Speaker 1: you get used to things, You become more sexually adventurous,
Speaker 1: you get more comfortable in your own skin. You stop,
Speaker 1: you stop policing your desires and fantasies in this self
Speaker 1: cont rolling, negative, awful way, and you kind of grow
Speaker 1: sexually over your life. And that's one of the compensations
Speaker 1: for aging, Like you're not as hot, but you're having
Speaker 1: hotter and better and crazier sex usually, and the sex
Speaker 1: gets better and better and better with age, right, yea,
Speaker 1: if you prioritize it. I certainly think the sex that
Speaker 1: I have now is better than the sex I was
Speaker 1: having at nine. But I'm having sex with Terry, who
Speaker 1: is who I'm crazy in love with, and we're very
Speaker 1: sexually compatible and on the same page on so so
Speaker 1: much that you know, we looked out. We both I
Speaker 1: feel like I won the sex lottery with Terry, Like
Speaker 1: Terry walking into my life and it's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I have been masturbating about you since I was thirteen
Speaker 1: and you just appeared before. My theory is that the person,
Speaker 1: if you're a man, the person you really desire most
Speaker 1: in the world, will materialize in front of you at
Speaker 1: that moment that you've ejaculated their weight in semen. You
Speaker 1: just have to keep jacking off about that one sort
Speaker 1: of mental image of that person. I just jacked off
Speaker 1: of Steven just perfectly with the glasses. That's so exciting.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of jackon offs to do because
Speaker 1: my guys, but are we kinky? Are we vanilla? Yes?
Speaker 1: We're both yeah, and you know we're pretty sexually adventurous,
Speaker 1: and we've prioritized pleasure and compassion and meeting each other's
Speaker 1: needs and recognizing needs that can't be met by either
Speaker 1: of us in a tiny bit about sourcing out And then,
Speaker 1: was there ever a lack of communication in your sex
Speaker 1: life with like in the beginning of your relationship, because
Speaker 1: I feel like I want to help people who don't communicate,
Speaker 1: mostly straight people. It seems Stephen is the first person
Speaker 1: I met that I could really openly communicate what I
Speaker 1: wanted in bed with. And I know that sounds crazy,
Speaker 1: but usually the hesitation, the hesitation usually is I fear rejection. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: being judged, and you should you should rush towards rejection.
Speaker 1: You don't want to betray bad judgment, you know, blurting
Speaker 1: out I'm you know, into bondage or I wanted to
Speaker 1: pee in my mouth on the first date. Even if
Speaker 1: that person's into bondage and likes to pe people's mouths,
Speaker 1: that person will be like, you have no common sense
Speaker 1: that you would say that, even though I would love
Speaker 1: to do that to you, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: do that to you now because you're an idiot. Because
Speaker 1: people want to be with partners who have some common sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and also a little bit cool. You have some game.
Speaker 1: But that said, you know, you reach a certain point
Speaker 1: where you're in for a penny, in for a pound,
Speaker 1: this person maybe someone you'll be with it for a
Speaker 1: long time. If they can't meet your needs, you should
Speaker 1: be anxious to be rid of them. So that you
Speaker 1: can move on and find the person who can and
Speaker 1: so to say, like, these are the things that turned
Speaker 1: me on at a certain point, you know, have vanilla sex?
Speaker 1: Do whatever? Prove that you're like saying, in fun and
Speaker 1: good at regular sex, which is gonna be most of
Speaker 1: the sex that you have, even if you have a
Speaker 1: dungeon in your house, most of the sex you have
Speaker 1: is going to be vanilla sex, just because of logistics
Speaker 1: and time constraints. But at certain point, lay it out
Speaker 1: and if they're like, I'm not nor by so communicated,
Speaker 1: first like, try and talk to the other person. And
Speaker 1: this is something that I feel like I would be,
Speaker 1: you know, ease it in. I think people too often
Speaker 1: if it's not rusoup side the sexual compatibility, I'm like,
Speaker 1: so important, Why would you possibly like we like the
Speaker 1: same movies and we like to go to the same concerts.
Speaker 1: What then are you talking? If possible to have a
Speaker 1: loving relationship without any sexual compatibility romantic relationship? Oh, there
Speaker 1: are people who are in long term committed romantic intimate
Speaker 1: relationships where there's very little or no sex at all,
Speaker 1: and I don't think and they're both satisfied and neither
Speaker 1: is unhappy and so those of us who are in
Speaker 1: relationships with sex with prioritized we shouldn't tell those people
Speaker 1: that there's something wrong with them or wrong with their relationships,
Speaker 1: and we do. The culture does says if you're not
Speaker 1: fucking like crazy at twenty five or thirty years that
Speaker 1: your your marriage is a lie and a sham and
Speaker 1: it's dead and it's just not true. Like it depends
Speaker 1: on what makes you happy at whatever stage of life
Speaker 1: you're at. And there are people that sex is very
Speaker 1: important too. I think all around this table and there
Speaker 1: are people that sex is not important to at all,
Speaker 1: and that's okay. Some people are just less pressure. Everyone
Speaker 1: has so much put so much pressure on themselves, especially
Speaker 1: with sex. I feel like so many people written to
Speaker 1: us like I'm scared to tell him what I want.
Speaker 1: He's going to think I'm a horror. If I tell
Speaker 1: him I wanted to do this, I'm like, oh, and
Speaker 1: if someone thinks you're a horror, but by you know
Speaker 1: what breaks my heart. The flip side of that with
Speaker 1: a dude, where the girlfriend begged and pressured and wheedled
Speaker 1: and cajoled him into telling her his deepest, dark secret
Speaker 1: fantasies and what she wanted to hear, was I want
Speaker 1: to light a thousand little tea candles in our apartment
Speaker 1: and throw rose petals in the tub, just like Rosted
Speaker 1: for Rachel on that episode you saw when you and
Speaker 1: she he'll he'll finally tell her I want you to
Speaker 1: pee on me, and she'll freak the funk up. Ladies.
Speaker 1: Guys are like testosterone soaked dick monsters, and a lot
Speaker 1: of male fantasies are really kind of like Darkenster being weird.
Speaker 1: Same with female fantasies. Fifty shades of fucking great. The
Speaker 1: trick the difference between young straight people. Guys know what
Speaker 1: their kinks are at fifteen and they've been jacking off
Speaker 1: about them for three or four years already. Women seem
Speaker 1: to come into their kings later in life. Why do
Speaker 1: guys know them? I think it's about sexual peak And
Speaker 1: this is just me yanking a theory out of my
Speaker 1: ask guy sit through sexual peak at as teenage boys
Speaker 1: and the box, the box that's got the normal label
Speaker 1: on it can't contain all of desire, passion, weirdnesses, and
Speaker 1: it springs these really interesting links. And women hit their
Speaker 1: sexual peaks in their late twenties early thirties and suddenly
Speaker 1: there's this ferocity to female desire. Then interesting that there
Speaker 1: isn't and such a huge that's a huge. It's another
Speaker 1: sign that men and women are fundamentally sexually incompatible, and
Speaker 1: it is gay or where women should marry fifteen year
Speaker 1: old boys. Well, yeah, maybe be come half or tried.
Speaker 1: I kind of do. I was thinking that the other day, like,
Speaker 1: are men and women incompatible sexually? I kind of think
Speaker 1: everyone is like it's there's always gonna be there. No
Speaker 1: one's ever going to be on the exact Well, that's
Speaker 1: true in the same sex relationship too. It's just the
Speaker 1: advantage of being in same sex relationship. Again, if you've
Speaker 1: told your mother the truth about being a cocksucker, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna like funk around with lying to your boyfriend
Speaker 1: or put up with me lied to by your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And there's a lot of like game playing in straight land,
Speaker 1: there is oh there's all I gotta be cool, I
Speaker 1: gotta be there's game playing a gayland too, But it's
Speaker 1: it's I've noticed it too. I kind of noticed it too.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're your your friends. Your gay friends are
Speaker 1: so honest with what they want, they get what they want,
Speaker 1: and I just believe there's a lot, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of turmoil, and in my gay friends land, it could
Speaker 1: be a double edged sword. Like some gay people can
Speaker 1: be too glib, it can come too easy to them.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm old enough to remember the eighties when
Speaker 1: everyone fucked each other to death literally. Um, So that
Speaker 1: ease with which gay men can get dick, it's hard
Speaker 1: for strick guys to get pussy. And you know, stricks
Speaker 1: right to me. And they, you know, they wail and
Speaker 1: mown about this fact. And why are women less sort
Speaker 1: of sexually adventurous, more reserved. Well, rape, pregnancy, sexually transmitted
Speaker 1: infections go easier for male to female and female to
Speaker 1: all the negative insequences, and there's so many guys trying
Speaker 1: to fund them all the time. Well, there's a scarcity problem.
Speaker 1: That's why there are so many more. That's why there's
Speaker 1: a you know, sex workers are almost always women meeting
Speaker 1: the needs of men. There's this supply and demand problem.
Speaker 1: There's number supply of decking and undersupply of pussy. And
Speaker 1: that's the culture that that that hammers it into women
Speaker 1: that they're the keepers of the monogamous flame. And it
Speaker 1: shuts down female sexuality in this way. That's very damaging.
Speaker 1: I think two opposite sex relationships, and it is a
Speaker 1: lot of pressure. Get the club's free and men gotta pay.
Speaker 1: That's the whole thing. Well, we talked about communication and relationships.
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of like not you don't got
Speaker 1: to know everything about me. And I know you have
Speaker 1: said that a relationship is not a deposition, and I
Speaker 1: was like, thank god, because I'm not. I don't lie
Speaker 1: to people, but I mean there's just something your own
Speaker 1: secret you don't need to. I feel like we have
Speaker 1: this thing where we'll tell someone everything, but it's more
Speaker 1: relieving your own guilt nine times out of ten when
Speaker 1: you're just going to end up hurting that person by
Speaker 1: telling them everything right, or it's sadism masquerating his honesty,
Speaker 1: just honest, say it isn't masquerading, you know, emotional sadism,
Speaker 1: not fun consensual saitism, masquerading as as you know, a
Speaker 1: quality of fine characteristic. I'm just being honest, just being
Speaker 1: honest as I tell you these things that are destroying you,
Speaker 1: I'm just being honest. Yeah, So do you have like
Speaker 1: kind of like a test in your head, like that
Speaker 1: you say, like, is this something I need to share?
Speaker 1: Is this something not? How do you differentiate between those things,
Speaker 1: especially if it's something that could hurt another person the
Speaker 1: case by case basis, you know, if you have HIV,
Speaker 1: there's gonna be a moment you have to disclose, and
Speaker 1: you should disclose prior to becoming intimate. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: if you've there's a lot to say about that. But
Speaker 1: and there are other things like I did sex work
Speaker 1: for a couple of years in college. Do your friends now?
Speaker 1: Do you have ex boyfriends who know who are furious
Speaker 1: about you for dumping them. Is there someone who'll see
Speaker 1: a wedding announcement in the paper and send, you know,
Speaker 1: cashed Google pages of your old ads to your current fiance. Well,
Speaker 1: then you might need to disclose that. But if you
Speaker 1: did it and nobody on earth knows, and you can
Speaker 1: tell anybody, that may be a secret that you can
Speaker 1: take to the grave. It's okay to let somebody love
Speaker 1: a sort of slightly fictionalized version of you. He's in
Speaker 1: love with somebody who would never do sex work. I
Speaker 1: know sec work. He'll never know that, and he doesn't
Speaker 1: need to know that, and you can let him love
Speaker 1: the like slightly idealized version of you because you're loving
Speaker 1: a slightly idealized version of him. When two people meet,
Speaker 1: they lie to each other. Everyone puts on their best face,
Speaker 1: their best look, they got their best game, and then
Speaker 1: you get to know the person behind that facade, and
Speaker 1: you treat that in a loving, working relationship. You treat
Speaker 1: that person as if they're the lie they try it
Speaker 1: out that night you met, and then they have to
Speaker 1: live up to that lie a little bit. So even
Speaker 1: though you can see the cracks, even though you know
Speaker 1: they're not all everything they've presented themselves to be, you
Speaker 1: invest in that fiction, and it's kind of a courtesy
Speaker 1: that you do each other. It makes you better people
Speaker 1: over the long term, as you're pulled hopefully closer toward
Speaker 1: your best ish self and you know that they're not
Speaker 1: who you think they are or who you are going
Speaker 1: to suspend your disbelief and pretend they are, and you
Speaker 1: know that they're doing the same thing for you, and
Speaker 1: it's kind of beautiful. It is, and it's I think
Speaker 1: it's important to keep to keep working towards that or
Speaker 1: working at that a little as your relationship goes goes
Speaker 1: on like you can't just get lazy all of a
Speaker 1: sudden and just be sloppy and on care and just
Speaker 1: you know, everywhere each other for yeah, exactly like I
Speaker 1: I sometimes I feel myself getting a little sloppy, like
Speaker 1: just I don't care, I don't you know. But then
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, it's my man, I want to
Speaker 1: look hot, Like, let's go out to dinner, let's get
Speaker 1: rid of the cuma. It's like, shave my vagina and
Speaker 1: my leg. Yeah, the leg shaving thing like kind of
Speaker 1: goes out the window a little bit. And see, that's
Speaker 1: the one thing I never let go. I'm always the
Speaker 1: legs are always shaved because it bothers me. Sometimes you're
Speaker 1: comfortable to sleep. Sometimes I don't care. I'm like, well
Speaker 1: he doesn't really care. But then it's like, you know what, No,
Speaker 1: I want to be smooth. And also I just never
Speaker 1: want to hear anyone take a ship ever. You know,
Speaker 1: that's unavoidable. You can't avoid that. Very hotels in Europe
Speaker 1: you can never stay because the toilet is basically in
Speaker 1: the room. I've said, I've did a pretty good job
Speaker 1: in long term relationships of just avoiding. I'm like, I'll
Speaker 1: go down the ship happens down the hall, want to
Speaker 1: take and throw it out the window? Got guys, matches,
Speaker 1: they really do work? Yeah, yeah, matches her beautiful? What
Speaker 1: a long time of my life just using lisol? No matches.
Speaker 1: I'm with you. You don't do far in front of boyfriends.
Speaker 1: So the second Steven's ever had a girlfriend far in
Speaker 1: front of him, and the second that I did because
Speaker 1: I just all fart in front of a guy. I
Speaker 1: don't care. But after a certain period of time he
Speaker 1: was so, some guys will pay you to fart. Yeah
Speaker 1: should I should? You can monetize those farts. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a good idea. Da I think I'm gonna do that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So when I did, though, it's like, yeah, you're normal,
Speaker 1: you're not pretending to be perfect all the time, and
Speaker 1: that's awesome. I think I was with Terry for fifteen
Speaker 1: years before I could fart in front of whereas he
Speaker 1: was farting in front of me like thirty seconds after
Speaker 1: we met and then just turn it's charming. Maybe I
Speaker 1: don't think it's charming. I don't know. Well, my family
Speaker 1: like bill burp in front of each other at like
Speaker 1: you know, Christmas, and I'm like, no, why are we
Speaker 1: doing that? Like, you know, the danger, the danger farting
Speaker 1: in front of each other is that you get so
Speaker 1: comfortable farting in front of each other, and then you'll
Speaker 1: be with him and you'll fart because you're together, and
Speaker 1: then you really, oh, I'm at a dinner party, Like
Speaker 1: you have to always remember like this association with all
Speaker 1: I can fart in front of you, and then you
Speaker 1: forget that there's like other people in the room. I've
Speaker 1: totally done that before. Oh my god, I've totally done
Speaker 1: that because then you're like, oh, now I'm used to
Speaker 1: comfortable comfortably farting in front of a person. You made
Speaker 1: this Pavian association. Yes, when you're waiting at your birth
Speaker 1: control online, that's rude. Birth control you won't need. Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely not. Yes, Yeah, I gotta stop fart in public.
Speaker 1: All right? I think we are rabbing up right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Is there anything? Yeah? Is there anything that you love
Speaker 1: some conscious of time? Like we wanted to sit downe
Speaker 1: for like three hours. I love being in New York
Speaker 1: because everybody's so hot, right. New York is just such
Speaker 1: a great place to you're hot, You're no, I'm like
Speaker 1: the first I am old enough. I was ejaculating before
Speaker 1: either of you were born. Perfect, thank you, let's go,
Speaker 1: let's do it. Uh yeah, beau beings rounded by beautiful
Speaker 1: people in New York actually makes me feel more beautiful.
Speaker 1: Like I love what's around to step your game up? Yeah,
Speaker 1: just like keep it, keep it together, and that's nice.
Speaker 1: I like be on your town to by motivated people
Speaker 1: who give a ship like I don't love how good fact, Yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly in the air in Cleveland, it's not even you know,
Speaker 1: it's not even in the air in l A. I
Speaker 1: I like lost weight the first time I went to
Speaker 1: al I lost weight. I got my nails done, and
Speaker 1: I was like a people in New York like a
Speaker 1: thousand times better. Everyone was walking around with a juicy
Speaker 1: could tour on their butt people in l A. In
Speaker 1: New York, everywhere you go, you're on the street, You're like,
Speaker 1: you're out in public and in a car. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: you're always on the splay can't go. Like when I
Speaker 1: go to the Delhi in my pj's, I feel like
Speaker 1: an asshole, Like I'm like, oh, who's going to see me?
Speaker 1: I don't know. The Empire's stapos right there at my
Speaker 1: game say they don't serve asshole the Delhi I go to,
Speaker 1: I go to tell you my pies. I feel like
Speaker 1: an assholes on the board. Well, you know sometimes you
Speaker 1: feel like an um. Do you have any closing statements,
Speaker 1: anythings that you like to say? This is like a
Speaker 1: motto I live by. This is how a fuck? This
Speaker 1: is something I've never told anyone else exclusive I don't know,
Speaker 1: and running my mouth in public that time. What is
Speaker 1: to be said that has not been said? I got nothing.
Speaker 1: One of the questions I was like, oh, Stephen, do
Speaker 1: you have maybe you know, I'm putting together questions for
Speaker 1: Danny because yeah, I wonder if he thinks what you're
Speaker 1: doing is healthy. Look happing this like interviewing every guy.
Speaker 1: That's an interesting closing statement. Actually, yeah, do you think
Speaker 1: you think it's healthy? Isn't where I think it's it's
Speaker 1: ballsy over easy. I wouldn't do it. Yes, we're doing
Speaker 1: something avage. I don't think the guy us I should
Speaker 1: ever speak in public about it. Um, particularly once I
Speaker 1: fund when I wasn't very good at it. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's fun to learn to recall those times like I'm better,
Speaker 1: I'm better, I swear you wouldn't do it. Huh No,
Speaker 1: But you know, I want to tell you what, when
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend here's this podcast, I'll let him know
Speaker 1: that if he wants to come on the show and
Speaker 1: be interviewed about having fucked me, he's more than welcome to.
Speaker 1: Maybe Terry Terry is let me talk about our sex
Speaker 1: life in public. But maybe he would do this is
Speaker 1: his opportunity, Terry, what up? You don't have to the
Speaker 1: idea of Terry in front of a live microphone just
Speaker 1: gives me pa He's never never just never done that.
Speaker 1: I had something, He's never done it. It It said he
Speaker 1: never should Oh why because he talks because he has
Speaker 1: no filter. That's Wonderfu's love. That's our favorite kind of
Speaker 1: He's a welcomed guest. Yes, anytime. Then you can come
Speaker 1: and be outside her house and disperse the picket line
Speaker 1: after Terry is on your show, Will will fly, We
Speaker 1: do have a place to say yet, actually, oh we do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: remember Will Clark? Oh the guy who emailed us. So
Speaker 1: what emailed us was that if you ever want to
Speaker 1: come to hump in Seattle, you could say it's a
Speaker 1: former gamail porn star. Yeah. I was like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: so nice. I love him. He's great. Yeah, come to
Speaker 1: help in Seattle. Hump Seattle dot com. People should submit
Speaker 1: to HUMP. How long is it going on? Oh? The
Speaker 1: cool thing about Hump that I really love that I
Speaker 1: didn't wasn't aware of that. I kind of want to
Speaker 1: do it now. No one those porn videos aren't online
Speaker 1: that no one can see them. You really are you
Speaker 1: make sure no one in your porn star, no one
Speaker 1: can take out their phone during even to text or
Speaker 1: even to look at their phone. I think that you
Speaker 1: create such a safe environment for the people submitting videos.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's what has always sort of driven HUMP
Speaker 1: in Seattle, in Parliament. So this amateur porn festival, all
Speaker 1: the films are five minutes your last. It's amazing what
Speaker 1: someone can do with five minutes. People create really sexy, interesting,
Speaker 1: funny films. Humor was that The idea is we wanted to,
Speaker 1: you know, to encourage people to take in it who
Speaker 1: didn't want to, you know, who otherwise might not do
Speaker 1: porn because they don't want their great grandchildren to see
Speaker 1: their tits online someday, their colleagues or co workers or
Speaker 1: siblings or parents right now. So we police the theaters.
Speaker 1: Everyone has to put their phones away. We take people's phones.
Speaker 1: You know, we have bouncers who will grab your phone
Speaker 1: faces and we have fake audience members who are looking sideways.
Speaker 1: And we haven't had a leak in all these nine years. Uh.
Speaker 1: And people literally you know, I know people who are
Speaker 1: lawyers and teachers, and you know, people in positions where
Speaker 1: they could really get in trouble if they had porn
Speaker 1: online who have participated in HUMP and loved it because
Speaker 1: they have this exhibitionist sort of thing in their soul
Speaker 1: and they have nowhere to express it right And they'll
Speaker 1: sit in the theater with five people and watched themselves
Speaker 1: in this poorn mill and just have such a blast.
Speaker 1: Wow that sounds so yeah, you're giving that such a
Speaker 1: unique opportunity and to watch. I was so impressed. These
Speaker 1: people were great in the movies. I know, because I
Speaker 1: was like, I was like, is this one of those
Speaker 1: things where I'm gonna be like, oh, we should really
Speaker 1: leave it to the professionals. And I didn't feel. I felt.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is better than a lot of
Speaker 1: the port is romantic and the thing that I love
Speaker 1: about HUMP every year is that it doesn't mean that.
Speaker 1: And I have friends who are mainstream porn stars. Trenton Ducatti, Hello, Trenton, Um,
Speaker 1: I have friends who are porn stars. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of great commercial porn out there. But the line that
Speaker 1: Humped filmmakers seemed to be able to walk and it's
Speaker 1: everything from like actual filmmakers. Lynn Shelton, the indie filmmaker,
Speaker 1: made a Hump submission one year to like people making
Speaker 1: films on their phones with a couple of friends that
Speaker 1: have won awards. But people seem to be able to
Speaker 1: make the films funny and hot at the same time.
Speaker 1: But there's this humanity in the merging of humor and
Speaker 1: sexiness that is usually how we experienced sex in our
Speaker 1: own lives. Like you could be having sex and it's
Speaker 1: hot for like ten minutes in a row and kind
Speaker 1: of intense, and then something happens, you both have a
Speaker 1: laugh and you dive right back in, and that's what
Speaker 1: so many of the Hump films are, Like, Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was amazing. I was so impressed. Guys. Hump tour dot
Speaker 1: com is it's still going on right, Yeah, it's we're
Speaker 1: still adding more cities all around the country, and uh,
Speaker 1: If you go to hump tour dot com and click
Speaker 1: on submit, you can find out how to submit. Unlike
Speaker 1: a lot of short indie film festivals, there's no charge
Speaker 1: to enter. I'm always amazed at people who make you
Speaker 1: pay to enter a film and the film festival. I'm
Speaker 1: guessing right, Uh yeah, I think it's twenty one, might
Speaker 1: be eight, um, and there are ten thousand dollars with
Speaker 1: the prizes. Usually about twenty four films make it into
Speaker 1: Hump and there's a five thousand dollar Best in Show prize,
Speaker 1: a thousand dollar Best Kink, thousand dollar Best Humor, thousand
Speaker 1: dollar Best Sex because not all of films have sex
Speaker 1: in them, some of the maurotica or animation, uh, and
Speaker 1: a thousand dollar jury award. So there's ten thousand dollars
Speaker 1: and prizes at home and so. And if you make
Speaker 1: it in, if your film makes it in, you basically
Speaker 1: have like a one in four shot of walking away
Speaker 1: with some money and having an audience see you fuck
Speaker 1: on camera. And then it really is and with with
Speaker 1: the knowledge it's a unique thing, with the knowledge of
Speaker 1: it's not going to get leaked on the internet, no
Speaker 1: one else is going to see it. That's the problem.
Speaker 1: We say we'll do our best because we we police
Speaker 1: the ad to take it really seriously, but we can't
Speaker 1: guarantee that some asshole won't attempt to take a photo
Speaker 1: or something. But it's never happened, right because because you're intimidating.
Speaker 1: That's why I did not want to funk with. You
Speaker 1: were standing right next to me, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I had to put my phone away because I was
Speaker 1: still holding it. I didn't know there was going to
Speaker 1: be this this thing, and I was like, if he
Speaker 1: sees me, I'm going to get her. I'm so scared.
Speaker 1: I'm so scared right now. We grabbed a phone from
Speaker 1: someone at the New York screening and she came out
Speaker 1: into I'll be I was just snapchatting a picture. What
Speaker 1: are you talking about? My friend? Oh my gosh, Like,
Speaker 1: no phones, no pictures, no video rule applies also to
Speaker 1: snap chatting, you fucking mow. Hopefully she's a listener, you
Speaker 1: fucking more. And also, why are you snapchatting? It's all
Speaker 1: about Instagram? Yeah, come on, at no, I don't like snapchat. Well,
Speaker 1: she thought it would be okay to maybe syreptitiously take
Speaker 1: a picture of the porn if she snapchat at it,
Speaker 1: because then there were permanent photo But of course somebody
Speaker 1: can do a screen phone. Come on, it's technology, how people?
Speaker 1: All right? Anyway, to check out hump Tour online. Also,
Speaker 1: you can follow Dan on Twitter at a feak Dan Savage. Correct,
Speaker 1: I'm good, right, and follow us. I'm sorry about last night.
Speaker 1: It's s r y about last and y T. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: me and get you. We were so excited your dream guest. Thanks.
Speaker 1: You're one of the reasons why I was so excited
Speaker 1: to do embark on this podcast. And I was like, ship,
Speaker 1: do I want to do this? And then I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, Yeah, I do. Positive. We're so glad
Speaker 1: we did. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening. Guys,
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you next week. Bye.