Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. There. Now, let's
Speaker 1: meet everybody, shall we first up games? What's your favorite cartoon?
Speaker 1: I like The Brack Show. I like a lot of
Speaker 1: adult swim cartoons. It's the first one that came to mind,
Speaker 1: and I love it. It's The Brack Show. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's my favorite though. I also
Speaker 1: like Sea lab One or you know a lot of cartoons. Nice.
Speaker 1: The d C Universe just came out with The Long Halloween,
Speaker 1: so everyone can enjoy Calendar Man and uh like, you
Speaker 1: can watch the cartoon version of The Long Halloween. And finally, no,
Speaker 1: that's my favorite cartoons. The longest running controversy in Alchemy
Speaker 1: this this calendar band existence. Hey, it's Jackie Gonzalez t
Speaker 1: Ruthie Jackie. Is there a place you wanted to go
Speaker 1: when you were little and then you got there later
Speaker 1: in life? In it wasn't all that great? No, No,
Speaker 1: I enjoyed visiting other places. Um No, I've I really
Speaker 1: enjoyed all of my travel and um different place experiences.
Speaker 1: There's no place you ever went and you're like, this
Speaker 1: place kind of blows even if you didn't romanticize it
Speaker 1: as a kid. Maybe like a restaurant I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of. Maybe, Yeah, I feel like I'll go I'll
Speaker 1: go local. I feel like sometimes restaurants are really hyped
Speaker 1: up and you're like like this is gonna be and
Speaker 1: I'm going to fall out and we're gonna go to
Speaker 1: this awesome as restaurant and then um it's like oh okay,
Speaker 1: Like that was like okay, like that, you know what
Speaker 1: is perfect? I'm gonna throw one under the bus. Should
Speaker 1: I do it? Do? It's a I'm gonna do it
Speaker 1: because I used to live in those feels. So everyone
Speaker 1: would be like, oh my god, do you live at
Speaker 1: the Alcove? I'm like, fuck no, because their food is trash.
Speaker 1: They have a patio, and for whatever reason, that means
Speaker 1: like in l A, if you have outdoor seating, that
Speaker 1: equates to people. I was like, this is a good restaurant.
Speaker 1: This is a good restaurant, and the food is good.
Speaker 1: But it's like, no, I think that they have a
Speaker 1: lovely patio and you've been blinded by that into thinking
Speaker 1: that the food is delicious. And I'm so sorry. Now
Speaker 1: I feel bad about calling out the Alcohove, but right
Speaker 1: it's actually my favorite place, but right across the streets
Speaker 1: Delicious Anniversary every year across the street is Must has
Speaker 1: delicious sandwiches and does not get any praise because it
Speaker 1: doesn't have the same from the alcohol. But I like
Speaker 1: a cold brew from the Alcove. I'm not talking out
Speaker 1: their co about their bakery, but you know, if people
Speaker 1: are like, nut's good, I'm like, oh, you don't like food,
Speaker 1: I might, I might not like food. Oh if you
Speaker 1: don't like food, yeah, I mean you just eat pies.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if you're like I was thinking
Speaker 1: the other day, I was like, if there was enough
Speaker 1: nutrients in like a bowl of rice, I could get
Speaker 1: away with just doing that. Just eat rice every day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love rice. The way you feel about the Alcove
Speaker 1: is kind of how I feel about almost every single
Speaker 1: brunch place where people are like waiting outside for like
Speaker 1: forty five minutes to an hour again, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's just eggs and my most like, what is wrong
Speaker 1: with you? You can get that anywhere. I just had
Speaker 1: the best breakfast sandwich of my life. Okay, so as
Speaker 1: I teared one, as I tore one down, I'm going
Speaker 1: to lift a couple more. But at lemon poppy seed. Um,
Speaker 1: good god. It was a fresh made biscuit, apple butter,
Speaker 1: cheddar cheese, a turkey sausage, patti and a fried egg
Speaker 1: and holy fuck it was perfect. Wow. That was all
Speaker 1: on top of the biscuit like in the biscuit the
Speaker 1: biscuit was So it's a sandwich. Yeah, best breakfast sandwich.
Speaker 1: Because I mean, I don't want to mean to challenge,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like all the ingredients are stacked on
Speaker 1: top of the biscuit. I understand stack inside. So for
Speaker 1: all of our Finnish and German listeners, next time you're
Speaker 1: in l a limon puppy seed or how to see
Speaker 1: the alcoves? All right? Next up it's Chris Alvarado. This
Speaker 1: is kind of funny. Say Chris, you're liking an Applebee's
Speaker 1: or t GF Fridays and for free they dropped some
Speaker 1: appataze at your table. What would you want it to be? Hmm.
Speaker 1: First of all, I'm happy that I met one of
Speaker 1: those places. I haven't been one of those in a
Speaker 1: long time, and there's a sort of a comfort to that.
Speaker 1: So I'm already in a good mood. I like the atmosphere.
Speaker 1: I'm wanting it to be something I could do hip,
Speaker 1: maybe something in like immediate mozzarella sticks, potato wedges, all
Speaker 1: things I haven't had in years, but sounds fucking great.
Speaker 1: Either of those would do. Yeah, that's not good right
Speaker 1: about now. I had a cold mozarella stick recently. Fine,
Speaker 1: ye still holds up, becomes a stick either way, you're fine.
Speaker 1: Next up is Craig Kowski. Craig, if you could own
Speaker 1: one historic movie prop, what would you want? Oh, oh,
Speaker 1: historic movie Jesus Christ, you can lose? Yeah, oh my god,
Speaker 1: something clips. There's nipple clamps. If the Sharper Image didn't
Speaker 1: already sell it, I guess i'd say Hans the locked
Speaker 1: in carbonite. But that's that's a bab The real set
Speaker 1: used one. I mean the real I want the real one.
Speaker 1: I want to Harrison Ford carbonite. Harrison Ford, the a
Speaker 1: G is now carbonite and the grumpiest piece of art
Speaker 1: that they're happy. Uh. Last, but not least, it's Joey, Joey.
Speaker 1: I hear you just bought a souped up vehicle. Tell
Speaker 1: us about it. Oh my god, yes I did. I
Speaker 1: got a nine two Bronco and I have a clear
Speaker 1: plexiglass frame. For it everything, and I got Minnestroni soup
Speaker 1: right inside it. So the entire car is suped up.
Speaker 1: Every single piece has soup just running through it. It's amazing.
Speaker 1: It's such a work of art. Bad news is because
Speaker 1: it's clear plexic glass and it is soup that the
Speaker 1: I can't park it outside. I had it on the
Speaker 1: street it started boiling and exploding, so like the door
Speaker 1: just like shot off and like some of the fender.
Speaker 1: But we're working on that. So maybe we're gonna use
Speaker 1: like a like a Olive green kind of tinted glass
Speaker 1: or something for the future. But still the technology is
Speaker 1: they're the future is now. You can have a soupcard set.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've got one that runs on breadsticks. If
Speaker 1: you want to race, i'd fucking smoke your us. Are
Speaker 1: you shooting all right? Let's do a damn show, Shelly.
Speaker 1: All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
Speaker 1: or from our Patreon v I p s. To become
Speaker 1: a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
Speaker 1: and other perks, just head on over to patreon dot
Speaker 1: com slash alchemy this if you'd like to submit a
Speaker 1: scene suggestion via email. Please write to the podcast that
Speaker 1: are email address. It's not new anymore, Alchemy. This email
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. That's email. Dog On is from
Speaker 1: Alchemy v I P. Thomas Lawson, who wrote, Hey, Alchemy Gang.
Speaker 1: After months of dragging my feet, I finally subscribed to
Speaker 1: the pattern. You guys are too hysterical to resist my suggestion.
Speaker 1: Skin pockets. M M, skin pockets? Right? Are you doing so?
Speaker 1: Are you're looking for a suit? Yeah? I'm looking for
Speaker 1: something that looks fancy but feels comfortable, and I don't
Speaker 1: want to look bulk keef. I've got a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff to carry with me at the wedding. Okay, uh,
Speaker 1: it's are you so you're working a wedding? Is that correct? No,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to a wedding. But I want to
Speaker 1: be able to have my camera with me. I want
Speaker 1: to be able to have my wallet, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to have all my pockets full. And I don't
Speaker 1: want to like a Fannie pack or cargo pants, but
Speaker 1: something that looks fancy. You know what, maybe I'm just
Speaker 1: at the wrong place. No, no, no, no no, shut the
Speaker 1: funk up. Come here, Okay you're okay, Wow, that's that's aggressive. Sales.
Speaker 1: I like God. Now, normally, when you buy a fancy outfit,
Speaker 1: it should feel just is good. But let me say
Speaker 1: you this, How often I have been wearing pants or
Speaker 1: shirt jacket and it just wasn't enough. Even if it
Speaker 1: was deep, it still felt like it was constricted to
Speaker 1: your chest or even bulk, you know, your hips. It
Speaker 1: just didn't feel natural. Right. What if I was to
Speaker 1: tell you that I could actually hold on one second,
Speaker 1: let me just answer my phone. Oh my god, Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Yeah, I'll take the call later. I noticed
Speaker 1: your naked. No one ever does, because I'm wearing a
Speaker 1: skin suit, my own skin. Ah, I don't know. He
Speaker 1: didn't answer the phone. I couldn't tell him, Oh well,
Speaker 1: you know what this should. He wanted to be surprised anyways,
Speaker 1: So let's just not even worry about his preferences and
Speaker 1: let's shop. Let's shop for a dress. Okay. I just
Speaker 1: feel like he's gonna love you in anything that you
Speaker 1: but he's in he's like in fashion, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And I thought his input would be helpful.
Speaker 1: I think that he's he'll love a surprise. And you know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to be in fashion to be fashionable
Speaker 1: believe in yourself. Again, you don't have to be in
Speaker 1: fashion to be fashionable, Candice, And here's your two champagne's.
Speaker 1: The ladies, have you had an opportunity to kind of
Speaker 1: look at the dress to get an idea of what
Speaker 1: you want to be trying today? Like I think, I
Speaker 1: think I have a mermaid silhouette, so maybe some kind
Speaker 1: of mermaid mermaid I'm sorry, yes, don't Yes? Of course
Speaker 1: we have that, yes, did you? Yeah? She wants to
Speaker 1: try on the mermaid cut. Anything that you have mermaid cut,
Speaker 1: that's what she wants to fucking try on. Okay, of
Speaker 1: course there might not be that many of us selection
Speaker 1: because I was a couple of years ago of the
Speaker 1: fashion transform mermaids. But that let me see what we
Speaker 1: still have. Thank you. Okay, I feel anxious now, I
Speaker 1: feel like and just don't worry. This is your I
Speaker 1: don't want you to feel anything but awesome. So let
Speaker 1: me take care of her. Yeah, I'm the groomsmith at
Speaker 1: the wedding, so I want to make sure that I
Speaker 1: have everything needed for the groom Do you know what
Speaker 1: do you know the responsibilities of being in a wedding?
Speaker 1: Uh huh maybe And of course I fucking do all right?
Speaker 1: My cell suits. I love your confidence skin pockets. Oh skin, Taylor,
Speaker 1: this is here? You go. Oh he's touching me. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: he's just getting a feel for what he's working with
Speaker 1: a lot of material to work. So what do I put,
Speaker 1: like over my skin? I put something else to Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: like Hugo's Okay, I gotta adswer this call. Where are
Speaker 1: you going? Hey? What's up about work? I know, I know.
Speaker 1: I I just wanted to tell you I love you.
Speaker 1: You love me? Right? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, no matter what,
Speaker 1: no matter what. Hello, I don't know. He hung up,
Speaker 1: He hung up. But I feel like you're here. You're here.
Speaker 1: I feel good. We're gonna have a great time. You're
Speaker 1: the bride. This is like the only time in your
Speaker 1: life hopefully that this is going to happen for you,
Speaker 1: you know, brighter groom side. Oh I love your suit.
Speaker 1: Who are you wearing? Uh? Well, it turns out that
Speaker 1: it's my own skin? Are your own? Huh? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: haven't tried that. I've tried all the skins. I wish
Speaker 1: I would have. I wish I would have. It wasn't
Speaker 1: an option given to me. And I'm still actually kind
Speaker 1: of healing up. So I just think I'm gonna stand
Speaker 1: where where is the skin you least use? Well? I
Speaker 1: use all for most people. It's the butt, but I
Speaker 1: can take from anywhere you go. I guess, I guess
Speaker 1: it is the but it's the one I used to most.
Speaker 1: But what I was imagining is this, Maybe i'd get
Speaker 1: somebody else's skin. Hugo. We're gonna need to rush on that. Okay,
Speaker 1: I got another job over here for you. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: rush you. I am, I am Hugo. Boss. Wow, let's
Speaker 1: I have the boss of the fighting. I've heard of you,
Speaker 1: and I don't know a lot about like the wow factor?
Speaker 1: Right I should I shouldn't know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll know.
Speaker 1: We'll try on a different one. Can we get another one? Yes?
Speaker 1: Is the centaur dress not doing good? You want something else?
Speaker 1: If we wanted murder made? But if you don't have that,
Speaker 1: let me see. Can you just give us it's a
Speaker 1: couple of decades ago for the mermaid? But yeah, let
Speaker 1: me check. Where do you get your confidence? Honestly? I
Speaker 1: need to know, honestly. Okay, do you ever watch Channel
Speaker 1: four at around three am? No? Okay, Well, there's this
Speaker 1: woman who talks about confidence, and then she takes this
Speaker 1: pill and then there's a phone number and then if
Speaker 1: you call it, you get the pills and you can
Speaker 1: buy twenty bottles for the price of ten. And yes
Speaker 1: it's still seven dollars, but that's better than fourteen, you know.
Speaker 1: So I did. I ended up calling, and I have
Speaker 1: to say, like, I don't really pee anymore, and I
Speaker 1: have a lot of pain under my ribs. But other
Speaker 1: than that, I like, I could fucking where do you
Speaker 1: be anything? Could I try one of those? Honestly? All
Speaker 1: confidence is everything. I mean, doesn't know us right now
Speaker 1: and I don't give a ship, okay, so just call
Speaker 1: this number down there and it's ladies, it's all about confidence, okay,
Speaker 1: and we we take everything, uh check, but okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna answer the phone. All right, Hello, I'm struggling with confidence,
Speaker 1: aren't we all? Sing? The Wow? Okay, listen, what you're
Speaker 1: doing worked for my friend, and I want to give
Speaker 1: it a shot. Uh huh. This thing taped for an infomercial,
Speaker 1: by the way, and we just I'm we just this
Speaker 1: is going out. It's going out as it is because
Speaker 1: I am okay, um, I would like to get what's
Speaker 1: your name? Han? Do I have to say that? Okay,
Speaker 1: look at my daughter. You look so radiant today. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to give you away. I feel so good. Also, Dad,
Speaker 1: you're not giving me away, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm giving. I'm taking. I'm taking him in. That's Donna
Speaker 1: has Donna is nodding her head. Rights. I love that.
Speaker 1: I love this newfound confidence. It's and you look radiant
Speaker 1: and the gorgon cut dress. I think you're gonna look
Speaker 1: amazing down the runaway there. I can't wait to walk
Speaker 1: you down. He's gonna be so lucky to have you, know,
Speaker 1: he's I'm lucky. Yeah, he's lucky to have me, right,
Speaker 1: huh oh yeah, absolutely. I'm just gonna there's just a
Speaker 1: little bit of blood coming out of one of your nipples.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna, Sam, where the hell's a ring? It's
Speaker 1: in one of my pockets. The problem misses it. It's
Speaker 1: he'll shut what he'll shut, and it hurts to try
Speaker 1: to open it up. We need the rings. I'm just
Speaker 1: I'm having a hard time. It's just that I have
Speaker 1: heated leave your seats and this I guess it's sealed.
Speaker 1: It shut. It hurts I'm here here. I heard there
Speaker 1: was is on site. This is Hugo, Boss. Don't you
Speaker 1: recognize him? I am Hugo that I was dead. You
Speaker 1: need me to open your up, but I'm a little tender,
Speaker 1: A little tender. You're going to do this? Oh? Was it?
Speaker 1: It'll here the one with the giant lump with the
Speaker 1: box shape lump. Oh yes, um what the uh Hugo?
Speaker 1: That's amazing work me, Ralph Lauren. Uh really it looks
Speaker 1: so good. He looks for amazing. What's your secret? Here
Speaker 1: you go your confidence and that's our first see. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Two is from our sponsors. Kid Buckets is
Speaker 1: from listener, who wrote, this is a pretty simple idea,
Speaker 1: so maybe it's been done before. Two sports commentators witnessed
Speaker 1: an attempted robbery and murder unfolded right in front of them,
Speaker 1: and you know what to do. Thank you and all
Speaker 1: and love you the most. Done this one so many times,
Speaker 1: but I guess I'll give it a shot. Look, give
Speaker 1: me your fucking wallet and the jewelry around your neck. Um,
Speaker 1: excuse me, I'm about to go live, so give me
Speaker 1: one fucking moment. Okay, is that a camera? Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a camera. And three two. I'm here in Madison Square
Speaker 1: Garden where things are about to really heat up. If
Speaker 1: the Miami Heat are lucky, they're here are road Warriors.
Speaker 1: This is their fourteen road game in a row, which
Speaker 1: has been a really rough ride. I'm sorry. I thought
Speaker 1: you were gonna let me rob you live on TV,
Speaker 1: but you seem to just be ignoring me. Give me
Speaker 1: your fucking wallet and give me your jewelry. Keep going,
Speaker 1: keep going. You're telling the robber that or who you
Speaker 1: talking to are this is a gun? Give me your
Speaker 1: wallet and your jewelry. Listen, this is just the pre game. Okay,
Speaker 1: not a lot of people are watching this. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna do this, come at me during halftime. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm trying to help you out. You
Speaker 1: come back empty again, no money? Why did you go
Speaker 1: to Miami? Go to the Knicks. It'll be a lot easier.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what the hell is doing. I I
Speaker 1: had a loaded weapon. Well actually it wasn't loaded, but
Speaker 1: I didn't want her to call coming. Well you've oh.
Speaker 1: I was on national television, but they didn't give me anything,
Speaker 1: so I didn't do anything. We're all we gotta get something.
Speaker 1: I right, we're running low on fun. Well, I mean
Speaker 1: we could try to rob the cops. That's so dumb,
Speaker 1: that's brilliant. Yeah, holy ship, all right, I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: your license registration place. Okay, I just know that I, um,
Speaker 1: I look older than I am. You look older than
Speaker 1: you are, So you're younger than you appear. No, you're
Speaker 1: a little older than I am. I just didn't want
Speaker 1: you to be confused. And he looked at my license
Speaker 1: and saw my real age. I'm actually much younger than
Speaker 1: I look. You welcome back up? Things sucking me up here?
Speaker 1: Now the car? No, I did the license registration right?
Speaker 1: Is this her writer? Yeah? This is what got drugs. No,
Speaker 1: she says she's older than she looks, or she's younger
Speaker 1: than she appears. She's kind of mine fucking me. Hey, Hey,
Speaker 1: that's Jeanette Durango, the sports reporter that four that she's
Speaker 1: that fourteen year old hold on, hold on, come here,
Speaker 1: what do you say? What do you Hey, that's Jeunette Durrango,
Speaker 1: the fourteen year old sports reporter. She covers, my old man,
Speaker 1: can you sit by the vehicle place? I mean I can,
Speaker 1: but can we make it a little fast. I do
Speaker 1: have a game to get your fourteen years old driving
Speaker 1: a vehicle. But she's got that aging hold on, what
Speaker 1: was that her? She's got that aging disease. You seriously,
Speaker 1: you have a disease that makes you look four team
Speaker 1: but you're actually older. Yeah, so you're your your age
Speaker 1: younger than you look. I'm aged younger than I look.
Speaker 1: He's got my wickied page up, he's got my wicked
Speaker 1: mr Ango. I'm not quite sure how to explain your
Speaker 1: disease to you. Um, it's very complicated. So you look
Speaker 1: older but younger than you are I think, but I'm
Speaker 1: still my accurate age. That's what we're not sure of.
Speaker 1: The science hasn't caught up to it yet. Um. So
Speaker 1: obviously your age and your appearance do not match. But
Speaker 1: we're not sure exactly what the ratio is of actual
Speaker 1: age to look age. We're not sure if you're Benjamin
Speaker 1: buttoning it, if you're jacking it. We're not sure which
Speaker 1: kind of disease you have currently we're trying to put
Speaker 1: a handle on. It's gonna be hard to explain it
Speaker 1: for you as well. But I can still have a career. Yes,
Speaker 1: it will not affect anything um, thanks for coming into
Speaker 1: my office. We're gonna try to do what we call
Speaker 1: a timeline of your life to see how old we
Speaker 1: really think you are. Okay, so where did you go
Speaker 1: to college? I'm I'm fourteen. Okay, so you didn't go
Speaker 1: to college. That's great news. We've narrowed it down to
Speaker 1: you not being more than eighteen years alive on the planet.
Speaker 1: Hold on a second, let me just say you don't
Speaker 1: need to be eighteen just to go to college. You
Speaker 1: can go to college at any time. You would say
Speaker 1: this for a while. It's a strange way to start
Speaker 1: the timeline. Well, so just just agree with me on this.
Speaker 1: If she says she went to Notre Dame, we could
Speaker 1: say that, well, if she did that, then she must
Speaker 1: have at least spent a solid ten years in regular
Speaker 1: school before. No, no, no, there's any Howser disease. Right,
Speaker 1: it can be very smart at a young age. I mean,
Speaker 1: you can go to college. Almost I didn't. I mean, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: it's just an arborage. Very well, then, I guess I
Speaker 1: don't know how to run a timeline of a person. Okay,
Speaker 1: then we're just gonna have to guess how old she is. Well,
Speaker 1: what was she bored? Does she know that? Do you
Speaker 1: remember when you were bored? And when there's a record
Speaker 1: of it? Sean, listen, do you got to get to work? No?
Speaker 1: No, no no, no, no no, we've were almost miss Do you
Speaker 1: have a record of your birth? And three? Two? Hey,
Speaker 1: now I'm so sorry. Can we start that again? Sure?
Speaker 1: But I gotta say I love that like starting with like, hey, now,
Speaker 1: it's kind of like you've been through a lot. Well,
Speaker 1: you're you're old for your age, you know, and that's
Speaker 1: gonna put some weird you know. I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't know what I know anymore. Well, here's what I know.
Speaker 1: You're a damn good broadcaster. I think people love watching you.
Speaker 1: Let's go in three Okay, you're doing it up with
Speaker 1: Durango and it's as today night. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: watch the basketball go in the hoop, flush goes the
Speaker 1: poopy as they go into the net and cut, You're back,
Speaker 1: You're back. It just took that pep talk. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: can you be my producer? I know that you're just
Speaker 1: you're kind of local here, but can you just come
Speaker 1: on the road with me. I'm a road warrior myself
Speaker 1: and I only did. I can't I can't leave. By
Speaker 1: the way, there's a guy with a mask looking at
Speaker 1: you over there, like a full thing like ski mask.
Speaker 1: I think she's being I think I'm being pointed out
Speaker 1: right now. Uh, they're pointing at me. Relax, just relax,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Ay, that's that's the guy I try
Speaker 1: to rob your net Durango again. That's the guy who
Speaker 1: tried to rap a Durango last week while on air
Speaker 1: a flush. Okay, I think I'm gonna have to abandon
Speaker 1: mission to rob her. Okay, I think I'm being livestream.
Speaker 1: I got him that mustache ship that the ski mask
Speaker 1: doesn't cover my mustache. Oh my god, oh my fuck,
Speaker 1: oh my fuck. Yeah. But you're not just a road warrior.
Speaker 1: You're like a You're like a You're like a road warrior. Deal. Look,
Speaker 1: she's she's stepped over the county line. Your local. You
Speaker 1: can't go past it, all right, she's gotta go. No,
Speaker 1: for sure, you're gonna have to get off the bus,
Speaker 1: all right. For sure you're local. You can't leave you interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, say you're good bucks, goodbye, three two, I'm
Speaker 1: in here. Wow, listen, I know that you value my
Speaker 1: work as a sideline reporter, and I value the job,
Speaker 1: and I love to travel and all of that. But
Speaker 1: I really want to take it to the next and
Speaker 1: to the next level, and I want to I want
Speaker 1: to be just a full time whole game commentator, full
Speaker 1: time whole gang. Geez a, geez. Do you have any
Speaker 1: other phrases? Because I can't imagine flesh goes the poopy
Speaker 1: for ninety minutes. So I was wondering if that was
Speaker 1: the problem, and if it is, I can work on it.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm only fourteen, so I only have so
Speaker 1: much in my vocabulary, but I can I can read
Speaker 1: up and build a lexicon of better terms. Well, I
Speaker 1: want you to buy nine AM tomorrow. I want you
Speaker 1: to put that on my desk, A bunch of different
Speaker 1: alternatives to flesh goes to poopy. It's fine for three pointers,
Speaker 1: but we gotta work on block shots. We gotta work
Speaker 1: on dunks assists. The meat up is pretty good. I'm
Speaker 1: kilan how it's worked. You know. I was thinking that
Speaker 1: in general, what we could do is we're going to
Speaker 1: add to the porch. But saying I want to add
Speaker 1: to the porch, we could just go underneath the porch
Speaker 1: and have a little extra basement down there. Gonna need
Speaker 1: the porch. This meet loop, it's very good. How about Dylan?
Speaker 1: How it was working? So anyway the outside of the
Speaker 1: entire district that I'm working at, because you're replanning it.
Speaker 1: You know, we're doing dealt. We're gonna add parking spots.
Speaker 1: I thought, well, I have even just like a little
Speaker 1: parking mirrors when we could have just people out there
Speaker 1: holding coins. Isn't it just the same thing. It's just effective,
Speaker 1: just meet up. It's good, Dylan, how was working? I
Speaker 1: wanted to divorce. This isn't working Grandpapa, Grandpa Mom died
Speaker 1: the years ago. Sweetheart done? How's working? I had a
Speaker 1: strange connection this afternoon at work. Wait a minute, well,
Speaker 1: it's not straight strange in the sense that humans can connect.
Speaker 1: It's just strange that she happens to be Oh my gosh, fourteen,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Kids shows? Now? That's that's that's no. Maybe,
Speaker 1: but I want to be more than local. Do you
Speaker 1: ever consider that? Oh? We love being local. It's me.
Speaker 1: It's good. I tried to rob her a second time.
Speaker 1: Somebody started live streaming me pointed out my mustache, which
Speaker 1: we need better masks. If we're going to do this professionally, well,
Speaker 1: you gotta hurry up and do it. She's about to
Speaker 1: be promoted the full game. I mean better masks. We
Speaker 1: don't have the funds. Yes, no, moss Ski masks, skin masks.
Speaker 1: Christ this guy freakybody else out Yeah, but I think
Speaker 1: he's got something. Go skin mask, skin mask um on
Speaker 1: my face? Man? Oh lord, threes for listener. Alex Gordon Eurote, Hello, alchemists.
Speaker 1: I love the show and I've listen to every episode
Speaker 1: multiple times. I have a scene suggestion, barbecue smoking competition.
Speaker 1: I would love to hear Joey play his redneck character.
Speaker 1: Can't wait to listen. Thank you, Alex. All Right, each
Speaker 1: of you have been giving the ingredients. Uh and what
Speaker 1: were you gonna say? I was talking to my daughter, Well,
Speaker 1: don't interrupt. So everyone here has been given their ingredients
Speaker 1: and we're just gonna be using pork butts right now
Speaker 1: as uh as our protein and court spice it? Do
Speaker 1: you want to spice it? Smoke all you want to smoke?
Speaker 1: And uh in about sixteen hours we'll be back, all right,
Speaker 1: so enjoy. I have a great time, sweetheart. Oh I
Speaker 1: wasn't done. Don't interrupt, all right, Okay, So I have
Speaker 1: a great time. Enjoy yourself, really live it up, baby.
Speaker 1: I think that you want to be here. You find
Speaker 1: this fun. So just like go nuts, like, don't follow
Speaker 1: the rules, you know, explore go experiment. Thanks. Okay, all right?
Speaker 1: If I asked you what ingredients you were given? Because
Speaker 1: I was given the pork, but which is the protein
Speaker 1: that we're all using? But my other ingredient they just
Speaker 1: gave me triscuits and capers. Oh they gave me anchovies
Speaker 1: and watermelon. Okay, alright, so they're they're going weird with
Speaker 1: with everyone. Yeah, a little bit weird. Al Right, Well,
Speaker 1: this is this is a challenge because I'm pretty good
Speaker 1: at smoking meat and serving it up some with some
Speaker 1: sides and some you know some it's so tender it
Speaker 1: usually doesn't need sauce. But I can do sauce as well.
Speaker 1: But I don't know triscuits and capers or this is
Speaker 1: gonna be a challenge. Have you ever tried to smoke
Speaker 1: a meat like um inhale it? Uh? Oh? I see what? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like smoke it? Like like smoking it, because one time
Speaker 1: I did. I did to find them some I got
Speaker 1: just some computer paper and I um cut it up
Speaker 1: into small almost like rolling papers, and then I just
Speaker 1: put in some dealt like loose Deli meat in there,
Speaker 1: and then um, you know, I wroted it as if
Speaker 1: it was a joint. And then I how old are you, darling?
Speaker 1: I'm fourteen. Oh wow, you look much younger. I look
Speaker 1: really really young. Um, but I'm actually fourteen. The doctors
Speaker 1: say that there is something wrong, but they're not sure.
Speaker 1: It might be the confidence pills that I've been taking
Speaker 1: on my life. Just wandering one ingredients you guys, because mine,
Speaker 1: oh really strange. What what what do you got? Ted? Oh?
Speaker 1: I got hearts of palm and twigs, twigs candy man.
Speaker 1: That twix is gonna melt right away. You will be
Speaker 1: left with the wafer. The wafer is good, not bad,
Speaker 1: but you're not careful. That caramel in it is gonna
Speaker 1: is gonna burn that that that burns quite quickly. So
Speaker 1: you just got a lawn chair here watching them smoke. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's my daughter. Yeah, my daughter too. Yeah. Do you smoke? No?
Speaker 1: Not for years? You might if I light up? No,
Speaker 1: please please? All right. It's pig feet. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 1: beautiful day. It's a beautiful day for a competition, you know,
Speaker 1: nice and Chris. But the sun's out. Oh yeah, gona
Speaker 1: be here for a while. We're gonna cook ourselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that sun screening out. So who do you know? Who
Speaker 1: do you know that in the competition? I don't know anybody.
Speaker 1: I just come out here to look. You know, that's
Speaker 1: nice man security. Uh. I was told by somebody that
Speaker 1: somewhere in this someone in this area is smoking. Oh
Speaker 1: it's him. Oh you, I'm sorry, sir. You should have
Speaker 1: been told when he walked in there's no smoking at
Speaker 1: this compet should just probably signed the meats. Perhaps, No,
Speaker 1: he's smoking. That saw him doing he can you take
Speaker 1: this hip from me? Please? How would you do this
Speaker 1: to me? Please take this hip from me. Yeah he
Speaker 1: was doing it. He was okay, that could happen, Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: yeah it was me. I was all right. Well then
Speaker 1: put your hands behind your back? Wait? What what do
Speaker 1: you mean what this is a smoking competition and you
Speaker 1: are now? Look Okay, I don't know what they told you. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I got a lot of my plate, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do the best. I can't from your case, but
Speaker 1: I can't guarantee anything. Okay, I just want to say
Speaker 1: that up front. I'm a very honest person, alright, I'm
Speaker 1: just I just gonna be honest with you. Give a
Speaker 1: lot a lot of ship went down. First of all,
Speaker 1: he was a security guard. I don't think he has
Speaker 1: actual authority to arrest me. Second of what am my
Speaker 1: gamest forwards? Lighting up a pig's foot like that doesn't
Speaker 1: make any sense. Third of all, my daughter, you light
Speaker 1: have a pig foot? Are you smoking? It was handed
Speaker 1: to me lit? Oh my god, yes, ship, that's us. M.
Speaker 1: Julia Epstein presiding. Thank you. Everybody can sit down, please
Speaker 1: be you did? Everybody can rise once again? Rise all right,
Speaker 1: we can now take our seat. Please be seated, your honor.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh god? Oh sorry, your um you're
Speaker 1: my client. Uh it's a trunk addict. Okay, he loves smoky,
Speaker 1: big sweet okay, kick getting enough all right, he's looked
Speaker 1: on it, all right, he's looked on it, So maybe
Speaker 1: some leniency. Well we'll do, we'll please, we'll please out
Speaker 1: we can Well, hey, you look down, a little miss.
Speaker 1: Where's your papa? I don't know. I've been looking for
Speaker 1: him for days. It feels like and my needs not
Speaker 1: going well. The watermelon and the anchovies have created less
Speaker 1: of a uh marinate and more of a paste. Did
Speaker 1: you if if I taste what what you get going there?
Speaker 1: You could taste it? Um. It's not fully cooked though,
Speaker 1: so it might get you a little bit sick. This
Speaker 1: is fantastic. Then they have a little peck Okay, but again,
Speaker 1: I mean that's that's what these ant because this is
Speaker 1: this is out of this world. You got talent? Can
Speaker 1: I try yours too? I want to kind of get
Speaker 1: an idea, and you guys can try mine as well. Well.
Speaker 1: I just want I want to wait till everything is
Speaker 1: fully cooked before I delve in. I've had some stomach
Speaker 1: issues in the past. Hot damn man, Look you're looking
Speaker 1: at and I don't think I can see you for
Speaker 1: a while. Man, what what did you get logged up for? For?
Speaker 1: You fucking asshole? What? And furthermore, I joined a gang
Speaker 1: since I've been in here. We're gonna break out tomorrow night.
Speaker 1: This is the world. I've joined the Lost Pineapples. Oh man,
Speaker 1: I don't tell you. I mean I'm ship man, I'm
Speaker 1: a I'm a narc man. What tell the guard man,
Speaker 1: these pineapples to get out of this person so I
Speaker 1: can get to my daughter who's in this Because my
Speaker 1: buzzer went off. You said you needed a guard, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: my alright, air is gonna escape. That's not true. Really,
Speaker 1: is that a tattoo of a pineapple on your back? Yeah?
Speaker 1: A pineapple? Boys, aren't you a security guard? Oh? Yes
Speaker 1: i am, Thanks for noticing. I'm a security guard. Cop detective. Huh,
Speaker 1: I wear a lot of hats around here. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: need you to put your hands through these bars. What
Speaker 1: do you mean this is all your fault. By the way,
Speaker 1: you're going back to Judge Epstein. Wait what we're doing
Speaker 1: the double truck? Right, Honorable Julia Epstein presigning. Thank you,
Speaker 1: we got this. Don't worry. All right, we got this.
Speaker 1: My last guy was a fucking nut. If you could
Speaker 1: just help me. There's been some misunderstandings here. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: we can take our seat. Please be seated. You know what,
Speaker 1: Let's get up again, all right, one ft, everybody on
Speaker 1: the right foot, right foot, We lift the right foot
Speaker 1: or we just we're gonna be on our balancing in
Speaker 1: our right foot. Chack it all about m don't lose balanced.
Speaker 1: Now all right, looks good. Let's sit down. Okay, go
Speaker 1: for it, your honor. My client is here on terrorism charges.
Speaker 1: No I'm not no, I'm not well, judge. I guess
Speaker 1: all I did was put the pork on the trisket
Speaker 1: and sprinkled some of the capers on top. So all right,
Speaker 1: so let me take a bite. Here are those Thompson's
Speaker 1: capers or a great Muppet just whatever? Whatever? They whatever
Speaker 1: they gave me I think they are. I think they
Speaker 1: are great Muppet capers. Yeah, okay, well it's not bad.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a winning ingredient, but we'll
Speaker 1: just see how the others stack up. You are, you,
Speaker 1: young lady. Let me have a taste. Okay, yeah, here
Speaker 1: you um here you are, and your surprise ingredients were
Speaker 1: watermelon and anchovies. Difficult combination. Uh, let me take a
Speaker 1: little bite. I don't think this is gonna have gone well.
Speaker 1: But oh my god, this is just the subtle notes
Speaker 1: of the ant chovies with the refreshing springtime summertime watermelon.
Speaker 1: It's just a it's a taste sensation I've never had before. Right,
Speaker 1: I don't even need to taste the third guys, thing,
Speaker 1: because this clearly it's the winner. I hope you have
Speaker 1: someone here to celebrate with, because this is a big
Speaker 1: time win for you little spineapple boys. All right, I
Speaker 1: didn't I killed him? How come can you get me
Speaker 1: out of this prison or not? Sorry, you just passed
Speaker 1: the first test. Oh shoot, I know you? Are you
Speaker 1: a pineapple boss? Ye? Oh man, I'm hit Pineapple? What's up?
Speaker 1: Why don't you me? I just killed this man because
Speaker 1: I was told if I killed this maniple gives you
Speaker 1: can break me out, not you. But oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I'm running. I'm the shot color here. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean ship. Where did I make you before? And I
Speaker 1: just kind of place that for the reason why I'm
Speaker 1: in here. I met you at the park. I don't
Speaker 1: know how long ago. I don't know what time is anymore.
Speaker 1: I was there to watch my daughter. She's fourteen, she
Speaker 1: looks older, she actual, but she's my angel, and she's
Speaker 1: there to cook me and smoked me in a competition.
Speaker 1: And then the security archument doesn't say you can't smoke here,
Speaker 1: and then you handed me that smoked pigs me and
Speaker 1: the thing, and then I like, I'm here, I mean
Speaker 1: here and six that was sixteen hours ago, fucking tired,
Speaker 1: and I killed them and I missed my daughter. I
Speaker 1: just want to get out of here, or we'll see
Speaker 1: what we can do. I got you all right, okay, ah,
Speaker 1: young lady. I so terrible news your father. I was
Speaker 1: trying to get back to you, but someone smuggled a
Speaker 1: knife inside in their skin pockets and inside where what
Speaker 1: are you talking about? Inside? To sell your father was
Speaker 1: I was killed? What? Wait? What? I'm so sorry? Wait
Speaker 1: wait wait wait wait does that mean? Does that mean
Speaker 1: the second place gets the title? Or how does that works?
Speaker 1: Let's see what everybody's up to. Chris Alvarado, oh man,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me, Um. I love playing with you.
Speaker 1: Cole left playing with everybody. I have another podcast called
Speaker 1: Comedy Face, where we explore you know things about comedy.
Speaker 1: But I didn't want to mention on the Reddit, there's
Speaker 1: a question there for James. Has just been sitting there.
Speaker 1: Poor James hasn't hasn't answered it. It's from user bister
Speaker 1: zero one. The title is game question for James, and
Speaker 1: the question is, James, do you play any of the
Speaker 1: super Cell games? I've never even been No, I don't
Speaker 1: know what super cellists. I'll have to search it. Wow. Wow,
Speaker 1: have you guys heard of super So? We're not gamers,
Speaker 1: you are you? I've never heard of it. It was
Speaker 1: a splinter cell. I'm gonna go to Reddit and I'll
Speaker 1: do my own sleuthing and find out what super so.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you, Jackie Gonzalez Dorothy. Yes, I just
Speaker 1: looked up super Cell and it's the makers of Heyday. Hi, Chris.
Speaker 1: Clash of Plans boom Beach. Does that help you, James? Oh?
Speaker 1: It does, and I definitely. I don't play that game.
Speaker 1: I've never heard of it until now. But I've never
Speaker 1: played Clash of Titan. Those are like um mobile games games.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with mobile
Speaker 1: bo you played them on your phone? Uh, and I
Speaker 1: look disgusting. No, did I bring names. I bring my
Speaker 1: PlayStation anywhere I go. I might a doctor's office. I
Speaker 1: have a have like a sixty and l E D
Speaker 1: eight K TV with my PS four ready to go.
Speaker 1: I mean I only know those like Clash of Clans
Speaker 1: and things is because like they pop up as ads
Speaker 1: UM the mobile games I do play, like June's Journey
Speaker 1: shout out things like that. So I have never played
Speaker 1: this either, but shout out towards his friends. Um, I
Speaker 1: used to play that game. That's my favorite one. I
Speaker 1: am an addict. I only play solo stuff as Um.
Speaker 1: Some people are starting to try to use it as
Speaker 1: a dating site. Um it is not true. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: like have a chat part now, and so people will
Speaker 1: be like, hey, how are you like? You look great
Speaker 1: and it's like whoa, Um, I just want to I
Speaker 1: just want to get motherfucker's Well, that's the thing. It's
Speaker 1: connected to Facebook. My photo is quite far away. It's
Speaker 1: not like my face. Um. But I don't like only
Speaker 1: play solo stuff there. I rock on my solo stuff.
Speaker 1: I don't need to be waiting on somebody else to
Speaker 1: get it on the board. And I don't need to
Speaker 1: be waiting to listen to the most wonderful pot of
Speaker 1: the year because it's happening. I don't need to wait
Speaker 1: for that. It's happening. Talking about Christmas movies isn't that fun?
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me this is This has been
Speaker 1: a real blast. Of course, Craig Kikowski as the resident
Speaker 1: spelling and grammar snob, I haven't had occasion to rail
Speaker 1: against anything lately, but I recently read in a current
Speaker 1: best selling novel which I won't throw under the bus
Speaker 1: like Jackie feel Um. The they used the phrase put
Speaker 1: through the ringer spelled without the W. So you know
Speaker 1: you're talking about ringing like like an old fashioned clothes
Speaker 1: ringer with a W that would you ring your your
Speaker 1: wet clothes dry. That's what put through the ringer is.
Speaker 1: Don't spell it with an R without the W. I
Speaker 1: don't think I let to know that. I thought it
Speaker 1: was when you put somebody up in a bell and
Speaker 1: that hammer that nails the bell instead of hitting the metal,
Speaker 1: it's just hammering the person you put in the ringer. No,
Speaker 1: and then a dead ring and a dead ringer would
Speaker 1: be spelled without the W. And what does that mean? Uh?
Speaker 1: Something that hit that note like maybe it's I don't
Speaker 1: know exactly where the phrase comes from, but maybe dead
Speaker 1: ringer Like it's like it's spot on, like like you
Speaker 1: hit the note, you wrung the note correctly on the bell.
Speaker 1: I don't know ringer James Daney. Uh, you know, just
Speaker 1: go over to game front on YouTube and there's a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of stuff older you can check up. You know,
Speaker 1: I really want to take this opportunity to promote something
Speaker 1: that's really near and dear to my heart, and um,
Speaker 1: I forgot what it was. I just forgot what it was,
Speaker 1: but just just know that it is very close to
Speaker 1: me and very personal. Was it the alcove? I don't remember.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this opportunity since the Ringer thing reminded
Speaker 1: me to throw Ernest client under the bus because in
Speaker 1: uh ready player too, uh, there's a thing where he
Speaker 1: references Magnum p I and his Detroit Lions cap, which,
Speaker 1: if you know anything about Magnum he wears a tiger's hat.
Speaker 1: Actel fully wears a lions jacket in Beverly Hills cop series,
Speaker 1: but not it's a tiger's hat. It's very iconic. So
Speaker 1: it's just like, do you do reference everything in the world,
Speaker 1: and you, nor your editors, nor anybody pick that up.
Speaker 1: Kind of kissed me off. But other than the book
Speaker 1: not being good, but there you go. The first one
Speaker 1: it was great, the second one was bad. It's not
Speaker 1: it's not great. I mean I like the first one
Speaker 1: a lot, but then again, like you know me, I'm
Speaker 1: a pop culture reference nerds, so um, yeah, that's just
Speaker 1: felt like I guess where you have a reason to
Speaker 1: do a book. So yeah, not great. Sadly you can
Speaker 1: follow me at cold Stranton rat Stratton Cole on the
Speaker 1: Socials Sketches dot com line about November nineteen, very possibly
Speaker 1: will be including I don't know this podcast you're listening to,
Speaker 1: so check that out. Let's thank our amazing engineering producer
Speaker 1: Doug Bain and the fine folks at I Heart Media
Speaker 1: dot com. Do please write to us at Alchemy this
Speaker 1: email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy this email. Until
Speaker 1: next time,