Speaker 1: Text Jubu Healing textual. You know, most people have ten fingers,
Speaker 1: but if there's an emergency and you need an eleventh
Speaker 1: to get the job done texting, of course, then you've
Speaker 1: come to the right place. With textual Healing, we're the
Speaker 1: eleventh finger. We are if you haven't heard it before.
Speaker 1: It's basically our way to help out our listeners who
Speaker 1: need a little bit of advice on what to say
Speaker 1: in a text conversation. And So, who's today's honored guest
Speaker 1: that needs our magical eleventh finger? But her name is Valerie. Valerie,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show. Hi's freaked out by it. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter whatever finger you need, So Valerie, tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit about situation that you're dealing with and
Speaker 1: how we can help heal you textually of course. Oh
Speaker 1: well I'm going to need the healing. Um. So, I
Speaker 1: met this guy Tom at a happy hour. He's my
Speaker 1: friend's co worker, and you know, he was a nice
Speaker 1: guy and everything. I mean, I wasn't necessarily attracted to him,
Speaker 1: but I guess my friend thought it was a good
Speaker 1: idea to give him my number when he asked for it.
Speaker 1: So that's what happened. Oh, gave him your number, yes,
Speaker 1: without asking my permission, and then I got a random
Speaker 1: text Okay, oh what did he say? So he asked
Speaker 1: me out? I was like my initial thought was like,
Speaker 1: that was really nice, but yeah, I know this sounds
Speaker 1: kind of shallow, but I'm really cute, Like I'm hot.
Speaker 1: I get a lot of guys after me, so I'm
Speaker 1: I'm used to it, and he's not really my type.
Speaker 1: So I kind of wanted to blow him off. And
Speaker 1: the nicest way possible you could have just led with
Speaker 1: he's not my type. I do, and I like that,
Speaker 1: but we probably don't need to tell him that, like
Speaker 1: I'm hotter than you. Yeah, so is that what you
Speaker 1: need our help with to let him down? Well, I
Speaker 1: guess a little deeper. So um, I decided to just
Speaker 1: lie to him. I don't want to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: you're a few years older than me, I'm not really
Speaker 1: into you have a receiving hairline. No, I wouldn't say
Speaker 1: it to him. Yeah, No, I just went the route
Speaker 1: of like, oh, I'm really sick, maybe some other time.
Speaker 1: And then a week later, like clockwork, he messaged me
Speaker 1: again and asked me for drinks for this upcoming weekend.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think you're getting confused with like calling
Speaker 1: sick for work, and well I took whatever excuse I
Speaker 1: could think of, because you know, I thought that was
Speaker 1: the easier way out. And now I'm just in a
Speaker 1: little deep because I um, I told him that a
Speaker 1: family member passed away and I'd be out of town
Speaker 1: for the funeral. What. Oh my god, So first you
Speaker 1: were sick and now somebody's dead. It happens, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: next week you're in jail. Hurricane's happening. I can't so
Speaker 1: we're doing damage control. Then well it gets more complicated, guys,
Speaker 1: Oh no, what happened? Oh well, So I kept in
Speaker 1: my friend and I was like, here's what's going on.
Speaker 1: I like this guy, Like he's a nice guy, but
Speaker 1: he's not really my type. And she's like, well he's
Speaker 1: really really rich. Oh, like just a heads up. And
Speaker 1: then I did what every girl would do. I just
Speaker 1: googled his name and I found out that he's the
Speaker 1: heir to a huge fortune. Like the company his grandfather
Speaker 1: started has been around like I don't know, a hundred
Speaker 1: years or something like that. Oh oh my god, who
Speaker 1: leading hairline just got hot? Yeah, so it's actually a
Speaker 1: company that like anybody that went into a Verse three store,
Speaker 1: Like you guys have seen this company a million times.
Speaker 1: I almost fell off my chair when I read this,
Speaker 1: so of course I was like, oh my god, what
Speaker 1: did I do? So after you found out that now
Speaker 1: he's super rich, now you're interested, So now I'm totally interested. Okay, wait,
Speaker 1: so like now you can be attracted to him? Yeah
Speaker 1: it works like that, brooke, I do sound so it
Speaker 1: doesn't work like that in my head. Okay, So we're
Speaker 1: moving forward to money is an attractive thing. Yeah, apparently power,
Speaker 1: Well you still have to have sex with it. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, close your eyes. It just it doesn't
Speaker 1: work for me, but it works for you. I just
Speaker 1: want to say something. He's not the worst guy I've
Speaker 1: ever seen, Like, he's not that bad, but the money
Speaker 1: took him to another level. You girls want to talk
Speaker 1: about anyway I got, so I made it even worse
Speaker 1: and I texted him again and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, you won't believe it. My aunt woke up
Speaker 1: in the coffin and I'll speak out what wow, Oh
Speaker 1: so now you're free. She's fine? Yeah, but you honestly
Speaker 1: told him My aunt woke up in the coffin. I
Speaker 1: U the emoji cofin my family is burying their aunt alive.
Speaker 1: That's what I want to know. How does he respond
Speaker 1: to that text? He actually hasn't responded yet. Yeah. It
Speaker 1: feel really dumb, and I really want to go on
Speaker 1: a date, and now I got myself in trouble. I
Speaker 1: have no idea what to say. Hence why you guys
Speaker 1: hopefully will be my saviors. Oh wow, well you have
Speaker 1: dug us a giant hole to crawl out of. But
Speaker 1: we're doing a follow up text and my aunt woke
Speaker 1: up in a coffin. Yeah. Well, I mean I think
Speaker 1: you just need to get a sympathy back now and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, actually she died again, so funerals back on. God. No, honestly,
Speaker 1: I think you probably at this point just need to
Speaker 1: own up to what you've done and just say that
Speaker 1: like it was a joke. That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1: I was thinking, a joke. Sorry, just say sorry, I
Speaker 1: have a dark sense of humor or something. Sorry, bad joke,
Speaker 1: you know, like a joke. It does, yeah, like you
Speaker 1: can get away it really happen. Yeah, I mean, actually
Speaker 1: that's that's what I'm thinking of texting. But I needed
Speaker 1: your confirmation to know it was okay to say that, yeah,
Speaker 1: just what, sorry, bad joke and like maybe like a
Speaker 1: like a sideways sideways face okay, okay, hold on, and
Speaker 1: you could even add that was a lot funnier in
Speaker 1: my head. Do you know what I mean? Because I
Speaker 1: think everyone can understand when you send a joke via
Speaker 1: text that you think is going to be really funny,
Speaker 1: and even when you reread it, you're like, oh god, yeah,
Speaker 1: well and somebody knew, like if it was like one
Speaker 1: of your besteas totally, they know your sense hum totally.
Speaker 1: Val are you sending that? Oh? I send it? I
Speaker 1: send it already scan Okay, So now we wait, all right,
Speaker 1: well that's good. Now this is at least he can,
Speaker 1: you know, just say well, okay, where he'll say, ha
Speaker 1: ha ha weird weird read on your humor right now.
Speaker 1: But that's okay. I'm sorry interrupt you guys that wait,
Speaker 1: there's dust. Oh already, okay, he's texting back. Oh he
Speaker 1: didn't respay to the first Yeah, no, I'm sorry, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, he said, Wait, were you're joking that your
Speaker 1: aunt woke up in the coffin or that she died?
Speaker 1: Just say, just say all of it, all of that,
Speaker 1: do you think, Yeah, I'm a huge liar. You can't
Speaker 1: trust anything else. You want to say she was in
Speaker 1: the hospital, but she's one hundred percent better now. You
Speaker 1: never just say I'm joking about her waking up? Yeah,
Speaker 1: the dead aunt, Like if they still free? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah you can. You can at least get a date.
Speaker 1: Belief you still have a dead aunt. You can't get
Speaker 1: a date if you're like, oh, I joke about the
Speaker 1: whole thing. You know, do you on a date if
Speaker 1: you haven't done ant? So what what if you just
Speaker 1: don't go into specifics about what you were joking about,
Speaker 1: Just say no, the aunt waking up, but I am
Speaker 1: free this weekend. The next part of the conversation, trying
Speaker 1: not to stick too long. I think that, Valerie, What
Speaker 1: do you think? No, I think that sounds good because like,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do well if he keeps trying to
Speaker 1: get details. Yeah, what brand of coffin did she wake
Speaker 1: up in? I just bought the company? Okay, so I wrote,
Speaker 1: I was joking about the waking up part. Anyway, turns
Speaker 1: out I'm free this weekend. Okay, with a smiley face,
Speaker 1: maybe yeah, sent sent it all right, so that sent out.
Speaker 1: We need to go to break real quick. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna play a song. We'll come back and see how
Speaker 1: millionaire billionaire Tom responds when we do more textual healing. Next,
Speaker 1: we're in the middle of textual healing with one of
Speaker 1: our listeners named Valerie, and she's trying to get a
Speaker 1: date with a guy that she's kind of blown off
Speaker 1: twice already, but then she found out that he's loaded
Speaker 1: and the air to a mega fortune. Apparently that's her
Speaker 1: number one love language. So right now, she's trying to
Speaker 1: back out of the second excuse that she used, which
Speaker 1: was her aunt passed away tragically. Yeah, so we're in
Speaker 1: the middle of backing out of that. The last text
Speaker 1: that she sent, she said she was joking about her
Speaker 1: family member waking up in a coffin. Oh yeah, but said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm still down to clown this weekend. Yeah. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's really the best way to handle this,
Speaker 1: but you know what, Let's see if the guy responded Valerie.
Speaker 1: Has he sent anything back? He did? Oh Oh my god, Okay,
Speaker 1: we ended on a real big positive that you were free. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well he's very curious because he's like, okay, question mark,
Speaker 1: question mark, question mark. So what happened to the funeral? Oh?
Speaker 1: Why would he ask? Guy? Why did Why did you
Speaker 1: have to tell your hand tied? Why couldn't you have
Speaker 1: just said you're busy, like every other human on the
Speaker 1: planet would have said, you want to get a time
Speaker 1: machine and reverse and go back and read the Look.
Speaker 1: I think we're dealing with the air to a megafortune here.
Speaker 1: So during the break I actually looked up how to
Speaker 1: attract a rich guy, and lots of dating experts waited in.
Speaker 1: But I liked one comment from plug Butt sixty two,
Speaker 1: who said get a boob job. But they always told
Speaker 1: me that, I'm like, do have to seriously? One of
Speaker 1: the experts really said, rich men like sensible women who
Speaker 1: have other things going on in their lives besides just dating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like funerals with funerals, taken a class, you know, being
Speaker 1: social with their other friends, et cetera. So, Valerie, do
Speaker 1: you have any hobbies or sensibilities you could like weave
Speaker 1: into this conversation? Is this and prejudice? Yeah, we're dealing
Speaker 1: with rich elite men. Okay, what's a rich man? I've
Speaker 1: never had Valerie. I mean I do like rock climbing,
Speaker 1: and I mean I could actually say, hey, that's how
Speaker 1: my aunt died. Oh no, I think we need to
Speaker 1: be past and you just kidding. You just have to
Speaker 1: say the food, Valor said, she was joking. Yeah, why off,
Speaker 1: She's got a very dry, very raw sense of Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's good. Well, you have to address the funeral first,
Speaker 1: right in the sex. You have to say the funeral
Speaker 1: got moved, Just leave up general. I was actually thinking
Speaker 1: maybe I can tell them the funerals at noon and
Speaker 1: I'm free, like later in the day or at night.
Speaker 1: Like most people wouldn't want to take you out on
Speaker 1: a date after you've been crying. Funny people would like
Speaker 1: to go out on a date after a funeral. You
Speaker 1: wear a little black dress to both Oh yes, sexy time. Yeah, like,
Speaker 1: oh the funerals earlier than I thought. I can still
Speaker 1: make it, okay, Yeah, yeah, I like that. When you lie,
Speaker 1: you don't want to give specifics because then you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to remember specifics and that's bad. Okay, Well this
Speaker 1: is why I'm coming to you, guys. Okay, clearly I'm
Speaker 1: not good at this, So I could just say to
Speaker 1: the funerals earlier in the day. I'm actually free at night.
Speaker 1: Just say earlier than I thought. I'm still free to
Speaker 1: go out Saturday night. Yeah, okay, the funerals earlier than
Speaker 1: I thought. I'm actually free at night. And kissing emoji No, no, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: drink drink emoji, Martini glass emoji. I don't think any emojis. Okay,
Speaker 1: did you get that one would be double smiling? True?
Speaker 1: Did you put an emoji on that, Valerie? I did it.
Speaker 1: I feel like iMOS for like everything, dancing girl over
Speaker 1: the top of the clothes on the floor emoji everything. Okay,
Speaker 1: We're gonna wait to see if he responds, but I'm
Speaker 1: in the meantime. Jose, what's your strategy? How do you
Speaker 1: get a rich girl? Rich girl? I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I get younger girls that are broke and dad have
Speaker 1: no self esteem. Okay, oh, I couldn't even try if
Speaker 1: I wanted. If you block yourself from their phone, I'm
Speaker 1: a comedian and they're like, oh gross. Yeah. I asked
Speaker 1: her out, the artist Lizzo, and she was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're a comedian. Y'all talk about your girlfriends on stage,
Speaker 1: which is true. Yeah, are you trying to talk to us. Sorry, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: What did he write back? Yeah, so he goes, I'm
Speaker 1: actually jetting out Saturday afternoon. I'll be gone for a month.
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't mind going with you to the funeral
Speaker 1: to offer some support. This guy will not get off
Speaker 1: of the funeral to get on that jet. No, okay,
Speaker 1: hetf and the funeral then no, No, your family's really private.
Speaker 1: Your family's very private. They are part of me weird
Speaker 1: weird religious sect that doesn't allow people into the inner circle.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna know details. I mean, he can't come
Speaker 1: your your aunt would disappear wedding or funerals everyone's allowed
Speaker 1: to or anything. No, you don't take a date to
Speaker 1: a funeral. Tell him that's tacky. I really feel like
Speaker 1: I need to connect with him though, before he leaves,
Speaker 1: or like that'll be it. Yeah, So, okay, what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do? Kill your aunt so that there's a
Speaker 1: funeral this weekend? That's not a terrible idea, Like, not
Speaker 1: the killing my aunt part, But what did if I
Speaker 1: just take him to like a funeral, Like I'll find
Speaker 1: some old lady you passed away. I'll go there for
Speaker 1: five minutes, like I'll start crying. I'll dress all the
Speaker 1: black all that, and then we leave and then they'll
Speaker 1: just like make out because he's going to console me
Speaker 1: and testing I've engaged to a billionaire. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: for this. Yeah, and then you don't you have to
Speaker 1: go and talk to anybody and or give a speech
Speaker 1: at the funeral. You just have to pop in real quick,
Speaker 1: be like I can't. I can't. I loved her too much.
Speaker 1: I have to leave. Make sure you're not ugly crier.
Speaker 1: So we makeup that day. I wear sunglasses. I can
Speaker 1: wear like really big sunglasses that like stay in the
Speaker 1: back and be like, oh, I can't talk to anybody
Speaker 1: in my family? Is too hard? Are you sure you
Speaker 1: don't want to just kill your rand? It might be easy.
Speaker 1: You're gonna funeral crash. I mean at one point, you
Speaker 1: know a lot of people may be offended by that.
Speaker 1: But if it was at my funeral, I'd be cool
Speaker 1: with it. Yeah, you know what I mean. If I
Speaker 1: was the dead one, I think it'd be cool. Especially
Speaker 1: if a billionaire shows up to your funeral. That makes
Speaker 1: me look extra important because it just adds a little
Speaker 1: mystery to the person's life who just died. I'm not
Speaker 1: the only one getting stiffed out here. I mean, I
Speaker 1: hate to say this, I'm kind of coming around on
Speaker 1: this idea that you just go to a random funeral.
Speaker 1: I think this is just the easiest thing. Guys, Like
Speaker 1: I've I've done myself in this whole end, no pun intended,
Speaker 1: And I really don't want to risk losing him, Like
Speaker 1: before he goes away, I need to see him and
Speaker 1: like stay in his mind, because he can go off
Speaker 1: and just meet someone else and forget about me. Yeah.
Speaker 1: If I don't want that, Okay, when you're looking at
Speaker 1: the obituaries, just find someone who like seems fun loving
Speaker 1: at least. Okay, Um, I mean, what do you guys think, Like,
Speaker 1: if I just say I think I fight like that.
Speaker 1: Is this a moral thing that we shouldn't cross into bad?
Speaker 1: There's nothing bad about attending somebody's funeral. Yes, more than
Speaker 1: talk to anybody. I agree if she can like not finesse, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got to find someone that's well loved though. So
Speaker 1: there's lots of people there because you don't want to
Speaker 1: show up at a lonely person. People all right, So
Speaker 1: I mean I think you have our support, Valerie, to
Speaker 1: go out. Just find a funeral, I attend it for
Speaker 1: a couple of minutes, and then and then just go
Speaker 1: on your date with mister billionaire. Only if you give
Speaker 1: us an update. Yes, I like that National news and
Speaker 1: we'll get an update. Yes, we come back and tell
Speaker 1: us what happened. I promise I will let you know
Speaker 1: what happens. I will keep you updating because this is big. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: right now, just text him, Okay, I'll send you the
Speaker 1: info later. Plan on it Saturday morning. Huh okay, thank
Speaker 1: you guys, Oh, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.