Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's trying to launch a new
Speaker 1: fashion line of vegetable based meat dresses for toddlers. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I can't figure it out. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: called baby Gaga. Personally, I like the backlist pork chop
Speaker 1: party dress. Just make sure you're bringing your salt and pepper.
Speaker 1: For Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news
Speaker 1: stories around the globe, just like everyone else does, except
Speaker 1: we have a laser and those other doof nuggets just
Speaker 1: don't This first Laser story, Oh seats drop down. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, his chair just fell down. That was an
Speaker 1: instant karmouth, the doof nugget al right, this first Laser
Speaker 1: Stories out of Corbett Oregan. A middle school football coach
Speaker 1: named Randy Burback just wanted to thank the kids for
Speaker 1: all the hard work that they put in all seasons.
Speaker 1: Anyone else like, of course, his name is Randy. Middle
Speaker 1: school and so Dy organized a special banquet in which
Speaker 1: they all could celebrate as a team banquet. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: one problem. Randy didn't understand the issue with bringing the
Speaker 1: middle school boys to the local Hooters establishment. It's just,
Speaker 1: according to him, the restaurant notorious for boobs and tiny shorts,
Speaker 1: was honestly the best place that he could think of. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, Buffalo Wild Wings. I would say anything is
Speaker 1: right across the street house. Even when the school got
Speaker 1: wind of his plans, he got called into the principal's office. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's where they explained to Randy it wasn't an
Speaker 1: appropriate place to have a middle school boys event. Okay,
Speaker 1: he's like, what am I going to do? The strip
Speaker 1: clubs closing time? Exactly. The principle added that they loved
Speaker 1: that he was planning something for the team. And yes,
Speaker 1: they just asked him to change the venue. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: not a big ask. If you know Randy like I do,
Speaker 1: then you know he wouldn't budge. This is what he's
Speaker 1: going to stand on. He stood his ground and flat
Speaker 1: out refused to move the middle school banquet from Hooters. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Suddenly became the hero of every seventh grade boy. After that,
Speaker 1: the school was given no choice but to fire the coach. However,
Speaker 1: in a surprising move, Randy says he's still holding the events.
Speaker 1: Yeah sad. He shared his logic, saying, I do not
Speaker 1: feel what has been done is wrong, and I feel
Speaker 1: the restaurant, in my opinion, is an okay venue that
Speaker 1: Randy no word on how many of the team members
Speaker 1: will actually be in attendance. Yeah, I think he's just
Speaker 1: gonna be crying in a blue cheese dip by himself, exactly.
Speaker 1: The stories out of China, twenty seven year old woman
Speaker 1: named Dayu Wang was under some pressure in her household,
Speaker 1: so parents were worried that she was getting quite old,
Speaker 1: so they took it upon themselves to arrange ten blind
Speaker 1: dates for her. Yeah, it feels like insult to injury,
Speaker 1: doesn't it. Yeah, not just one like. She was sharing
Speaker 1: her experience on a Chinese social media vlog, saying her
Speaker 1: dates were actually turning out to be not so bad. Okay,
Speaker 1: that is until date number five. Stuffing's about to go
Speaker 1: down and Dave, you said, Date five wanted to show
Speaker 1: off his cooking skills, so they decided to do dinner
Speaker 1: at his place, which turned out okay. I always wanted
Speaker 1: to do that, but I'm so scared. And after the meal,
Speaker 1: she got up to leave, and the unthinkable happened. The
Speaker 1: residential compound that the man lived in went under a
Speaker 1: temporary COVID lockdown. She was prohibited from going anywhere. Maybe No.
Speaker 1: Since that happened, Dave's been stuck at that guy's house
Speaker 1: with no end in sight. Currently, she's been there for
Speaker 1: many days with no information on when the lockdown might
Speaker 1: finally be lifted. Does she really like on my whole Well,
Speaker 1: according to her vlog, it's been pretty bad. Oh no,
Speaker 1: right away, like the world's most awkward first date. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not arguing, it's according to her date five talks
Speaker 1: very little and rarely makes eye contact while just awkwardly
Speaker 1: slumping around the apartment. Even worse than that, he's been
Speaker 1: working every day on his laptop from his kitchen table,
Speaker 1: expecting her to cook and clean his entire place. That's
Speaker 1: your place, you cook your own food. He's like, well
Speaker 1: you're not working. Yeah. Her blog updates I'm gonna going
Speaker 1: viral in China with social media users reacting to the
Speaker 1: bizarre story of quote love made by God. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: don't know that she would call it. That'll let you
Speaker 1: know when she gets out, or if she ever does. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Her parents are like, look, honey, at work, it's next
Speaker 1: laser stories out of Contest headquarters. What do you get
Speaker 1: when you mix Charlie and the chocolate factory. With beer,
Speaker 1: you get the contest of a flip in lifetime. Okay,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I say that because we
Speaker 1: just got word Budweiser's hiding ten thousand golden cans of
Speaker 1: beer in specially marked packs throughout the country. Beer. That's
Speaker 1: a lot. Ten thousand. This sounds dumb, but like, I
Speaker 1: love it when companies do this. I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to find one. You're just like, oh, shiny, yeah.
Speaker 1: If you find one, you don't get a magical tour
Speaker 1: of the Anniersler Bush factory. There's ten thousand of them
Speaker 1: out there. That would be a lot of tours. Instead,
Speaker 1: you get a chance to win a million dollars another chance,
Speaker 1: though it's not even guaranteed one thousand. Actually no, oh,
Speaker 1: because you can also enter this by going to Budweiser's
Speaker 1: website punting a picture of a golden can. Then you
Speaker 1: wrap that around a normal can, take a photo of it,
Speaker 1: and then do the social media bar Are you joking?
Speaker 1: So you want me to go on social media admit
Speaker 1: that I drink bud Light and maybe maybe maybe I'll
Speaker 1: get somebody. Okay, well, I enjoy bud Light. If bud
Speaker 1: Light would ever like to sponsor me or do the show.
Speaker 1: I'm a Coors light girl. Oh like the mountain. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're about to throw down after this. Your next laser
Speaker 1: story is out of what were you thinking? Central? The
Speaker 1: TSA just released their annual list of the top ten
Speaker 1: catches from the last year, and while there's the usual
Speaker 1: assortment of guns and other weapons, one item really stands out.
Speaker 1: Oh I love these. Someone apparently tried to fly out
Speaker 1: of Hobby International Airport in Texas with a meth burrito,
Speaker 1: which dank chipole men. It's exactly what it sounds like,
Speaker 1: crystal meth inside of a breakfast burrito. Idea like the
Speaker 1: idea session they had to come up with that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think they'll never look. Some of the other strange
Speaker 1: things that the TSA found last year include bullets inside
Speaker 1: of deodorant, oh fresh smelling yea. They found a meat cleaver,
Speaker 1: a chainsaw, a firearm belt buckle, and a wineholder shaped
Speaker 1: like a gun. I'm sorry. Yeah. So, if you're keeping
Speaker 1: score at home, the TSA confiscated nearly fifty seven hundred
Speaker 1: firearms at checkpoints last year, which is the highest number
Speaker 1: ever recorded since the agency's inception back in two thousand
Speaker 1: and one, people are like, look, if I see any COVID,
Speaker 1: I'm shooting it up. Ye just goes to show you
Speaker 1: never know who's packing dangerous concealed weapons. Yeah. Oh well,
Speaker 1: but it's not really concealed anymore. But that sound means,
Speaker 1: oh fairness, I means the Laser Stories has coming to
Speaker 1: an end for the day. We'll do it again the
Speaker 1: same time on Monday.