Speaker 1: Session. I can't take back, girl, farm speaker. Someone texted
Speaker 1: into seven eighty five nine two, I won't say three legos,
Speaker 1: and only two came out where Now I'm not sure
Speaker 1: who texted that. But how old were you when this happened?
Speaker 1: Are we talking five or thirty five? I don't be judging. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's not what this space is for. You're right, no
Speaker 1: judgment here. But if you do have something lodged deep
Speaker 1: inside of you that needs to come out, you can
Speaker 1: exponge it right here on our show. And one of
Speaker 1: our listeners wants to release his inner lego. He's chosen
Speaker 1: the fake name William. So William, welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. Oh my god. Wow, your voice
Speaker 1: doesn't even need to be filter. Do you have a
Speaker 1: wonderful voice? Thank you? Okay, okay, but anyway, all right, William,
Speaker 1: we do we are turning the voice changer on for you.
Speaker 1: You are now the mass speaker. So let's hear your confession. Okay.
Speaker 1: So I take the train to work. You know, it's
Speaker 1: it's nice and convenient. I get my exercise, get my
Speaker 1: steps in walking to and from the station. It's it's
Speaker 1: pretty good. It always seems like such a like cool,
Speaker 1: like hipster thing to do. You know, it's like listening
Speaker 1: to a record player and taking the train to work. Yeah. Money,
Speaker 1: it saves me money on both the car and like
Speaker 1: I don't have to go to the gym. It's pretty great. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends to take the train
Speaker 1: and they love it. So it's nice just to sit
Speaker 1: kind of ease into your day. I've been on a
Speaker 1: train since I was a kid. Yeah, so for some reason,
Speaker 1: like there's been kind of like an up kick and
Speaker 1: like older people taking the train and that's that's great.
Speaker 1: But my only real grape about that is that they
Speaker 1: take up all the seats. Oh yeah, because you know
Speaker 1: the old person gets on the train, you're gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: get up and give them your seats. They end up
Speaker 1: standing the rest of the ride. And I mean that,
Speaker 1: but how did those old ladies carry around such big bags? Yeah,
Speaker 1: would be like their grocery shopping or stuff like that.
Speaker 1: A lot of them they have bags with them, so
Speaker 1: like you'd really like to sit down. Oh god, those
Speaker 1: old people are really taking that away from you. I know,
Speaker 1: they'd have to have everything right selfish, I mean, but
Speaker 1: what can you really do? You need to be courteous. Well,
Speaker 1: I found a workaround. And this is terrible, and I
Speaker 1: know you're gonna guys, but that's why I'm calling you guys.
Speaker 1: I started wearing a baby born on the train. No,
Speaker 1: I didn't understand, like a like a baby a front
Speaker 1: carrier for a baby. Yes, but the backpack you wear
Speaker 1: on your front to carry around the baby. Okay, sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't have kids, so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I
Speaker 1: went to the third store. I got like a life
Speaker 1: sized baby doll. No, wattled up. Oh my god, I've
Speaker 1: been doing it for about three bugs and it's been
Speaker 1: going pretty well. No, I I met you get all
Speaker 1: the attention. It's like when I would carry my babies around,
Speaker 1: no one would give me the time of day. It's
Speaker 1: just another mother with another cry. When my husband would
Speaker 1: carry those babies, it was like he was a golden
Speaker 1: angel walking for many. I mean, is it good attention
Speaker 1: or is it bad attention? Because I feel like if
Speaker 1: I was on the train, I'd be like, why is
Speaker 1: this dude taking his baby into work every day? Look,
Speaker 1: you don't know my daycare situation. Work. Some workplaces do
Speaker 1: offer daycare. Yeah, Jeff's the only person on the train
Speaker 1: judging and active participating father the same baby. I mean,
Speaker 1: what do you do when the old people obviously are
Speaker 1: fawning over you? Great question, And I've had people give
Speaker 1: me that look like show me your baby. And so
Speaker 1: what I do is I haven't swaddled, and I'll occasionally
Speaker 1: give it a little bounce, and if someone starts talking
Speaker 1: to me, I'll give them the baby sleeping. And they
Speaker 1: can't tell that it's a doll. Even if somebody caught me, right,
Speaker 1: they don't know that, like you know, we live in
Speaker 1: the age of like mental health awareness. They don't know
Speaker 1: this might be like a coping mechanism. Yeah, actually that's
Speaker 1: a good idea. Okay, Oh my god, I mean it's
Speaker 1: it's risky. Like you, you're telling me you've never been caught.
Speaker 1: No one's busted you for this. I almost got caught
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago. So basically what happened was this
Speaker 1: is that I was drinking some coffee. Oh no, and
Speaker 1: we hit like a bump and I spilled some coffee
Speaker 1: and it spilled on like the baby's head. Dude, you guys,
Speaker 1: I have actually gotten chastised by a total stranger for
Speaker 1: drinking coffee while having my baby on my chest. What
Speaker 1: what happened when you spilled on your fake baby? Didn't?
Speaker 1: Everyone kind of like looked at me all crazy, and
Speaker 1: fortunately we were coming up for a stop. So what
Speaker 1: I did was I just matched their panic and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh oh no oh, and I ran out
Speaker 1: of there as fast as I could. That's not crying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that brings me to stepping my game up because I
Speaker 1: have this suspicious lady. Now who's always there? Oh, there's
Speaker 1: a suspicious lady. There's just a lady that was on
Speaker 1: the train who watched this happen. Okay, So because of
Speaker 1: this happening, what I did was I got one of
Speaker 1: those like a little voice recorder kind of like like
Speaker 1: a tiny little one that I could keep hidden, and
Speaker 1: I keep it hidden in the baby Bjorn and it
Speaker 1: has just like an hour a periodic baby sun. Wow,
Speaker 1: this is elaborate. You don't sound like you're ashamed of
Speaker 1: this or embarrassed at all. I honestly think I'm an innovator. Yeah,
Speaker 1: sound he is one step away from using that baby
Speaker 1: to get on a plane early. Oh, don't give him
Speaker 1: the idea that I'm the Elon Musk of mass transit
Speaker 1: sponsored by cabin patch batching ops. Cost for god. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll text into seven eighty five nine two. If you
Speaker 1: have a confession you've been holding on too. We can
Speaker 1: hide your identity by masking your voice, and you can
Speaker 1: become the next mass speaker. Phone tap coming up.