Speaker 1: Misconnections. That was me staring. There's only two places to
Speaker 1: find true love in this world. One is at the
Speaker 1: glass eye store in between the extra large and the
Speaker 1: jumbo size eyeballs. Here, big socket, big socket to turn
Speaker 1: on because they're all watching you. Yeah. The other is
Speaker 1: the pages of craigslist dot org. As we scour that
Speaker 1: website every week to find the best misconnections they have
Speaker 1: to offer, like this one titled Damsel in Distress Man
Speaker 1: for Woman, twenty five Electronics store. As you were the
Speaker 1: brunette with the long blue jeans skirt who was crying
Speaker 1: in the TV section, I could hear you sobbing from
Speaker 1: thirty feet away. Normally the sound of crying women annoys
Speaker 1: me but so rude, but you made it sound different,
Speaker 1: almost calming, like a baby whale searching for its mother. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm imagining it. When I asked what's the matter, you
Speaker 1: said you were sad because they were playing the Simpsons
Speaker 1: on the TV screens around the store, and Homer reminded
Speaker 1: you of the father who wants abandoned you. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: I just sounded like a baby whale. That's sad. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wanted to be a gentleman and offer a tissue
Speaker 1: for you to wipe your tears. Yeah, but I didn't
Speaker 1: have one on me, so instead I asked if you
Speaker 1: wanted to blow your nose into my jacket sleeve. Oh
Speaker 1: that you said no, thanks, But for the record, I
Speaker 1: would have totally been okay with it. Mucus and liquids
Speaker 1: from body orifices are actually easier to clean than what
Speaker 1: most people think. Okay, stop, I don't know, but I
Speaker 1: like that this woman's line who's crying over Homer Simpson
Speaker 1: is above his You that excused yourself and thanks me
Speaker 1: for being quote, one of the good guys out there,
Speaker 1: and you left. Okay, Wow, maybe they could have romance.
Speaker 1: After that interaction, all I could do was go home
Speaker 1: and binge the Simpsons. And you know what, that's going
Speaker 1: to make her sadder. If Homer were my father who
Speaker 1: left me, I would cry too, especially at the part
Speaker 1: where he gets his head stuck in the mailbox. Maybe
Speaker 1: we should sleep together, Denis. This next misconnection is titled
Speaker 1: you are the key Master. There is no other woman
Speaker 1: for Man twenty six apartment complex. Oh, she says. A
Speaker 1: few weeks ago, I accidentally locked myself out of my place,
Speaker 1: so I had to call a locksmith, and thirty minutes
Speaker 1: later you showed up the day dude, I always wondered
Speaker 1: about locksmiths. We've had to call him too. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you can open anything. I trust you, Like they're something
Speaker 1: creepy about your professional I mean, I'm thankful, but like
Speaker 1: they can get in your car. And she says, we
Speaker 1: talked for a second, and you told me you'd recently
Speaker 1: devoted your entire life to picking locks. Wow. Are we
Speaker 1: sure that he's from the locks? Yeah? I watched as
Speaker 1: you brought out a dozen tools from your bag, and
Speaker 1: after a minute or so of very awkward silence, I
Speaker 1: whispered in your ear good luck. Oh no, why he
Speaker 1: told you to stand that? Before I knew it, you
Speaker 1: twisted the knob, jimmied the handle, and my door swung
Speaker 1: wide open. Oh I feel like that's a euphemism. The
Speaker 1: moment was so euphoric that, if I'm being perfectly honest,
Speaker 1: I almost blew my lump. I don't know what it means.
Speaker 1: Checked out. Yeah, definitely. Would I have let you pick
Speaker 1: me up and carry me to the bedroom if you'd
Speaker 1: asked right then, of course I would have. Yeah. But
Speaker 1: instead real life took over and I handed you my
Speaker 1: credit card for services rendered at a one hundred and
Speaker 1: sixty three dollars. If you see this, just no, I
Speaker 1: still think about our moment. You'll always be my special psychopath.
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, that signed Delaney. You know it's bad when
Speaker 1: the psychos are like, no, she's crazy about her lump. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Let's go to your next misconnection. It's titled I would
Speaker 1: spoil you like milk. It says lap lap sound. This
Speaker 1: is why I want Jose You say that not enough
Speaker 1: men spoil their women. There you go, not like milk
Speaker 1: man for woman forty two good Will. I spied you
Speaker 1: digging through a box of old hair dryers and couldn't
Speaker 1: stop staring. Oh my gosh, I thought you were the
Speaker 1: most beautiful woman in the entire store. I mean, I
Speaker 1: feel like that's a pretty easy accomplishment. The three women
Speaker 1: in there, you looked like a younger, yet more supple
Speaker 1: Renee Zellwegger. Swing no one anymore. If you were wondering,
Speaker 1: I was the man in the classic ninja turtle sweater
Speaker 1: in sunglasses pretending to sort through the used cutlery. Why
Speaker 1: you buy the knifes MANYI I'm not a creep. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's always the first key. I just did that to
Speaker 1: be close to you. That's exactly what creeps. Yeah, if
Speaker 1: you don't mind me saying, while I stared, I did
Speaker 1: find a flaw with your body mostly let us actually
Speaker 1: more than Oh you may not know this, but your
Speaker 1: hair has some pretty bad split ends. Oh you're going
Speaker 1: to post them? I mean, if that's all, He's fine
Speaker 1: and I'm actually feeling pretty good. I agreed. If you
Speaker 1: were and I were an item, I would shampoo your
Speaker 1: hair every day. Oh, finest conditioners from tresome. Why does
Speaker 1: your voice sound commercial? And I comb your thick locks
Speaker 1: from behind while we drink chocolate wine, tell cathartic childhood
Speaker 1: stories of pain and loss. WHOA does that sound like
Speaker 1: fun to you? It sounds like you may be able
Speaker 1: to go viral on TikTok. It should sound fun because
Speaker 1: it is. Oh does I promise to be gentle? That's
Speaker 1: signed bump free hogart, I'm free. How do I get
Speaker 1: the feeling people aren't signing with their actual names sometimes? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a good feeling. He was so weird that literally
Speaker 1: might be his name. O. Your craiglous misconnections your phone
Speaker 1: taps coming up in just a few minutes,