Speaker 1: Confession I can't take better. Girl. Arms Speaker got a
Speaker 1: text into seven eighty five nine two that says, I'm
Speaker 1: a server and whenever customers ask for low fat ranch
Speaker 1: with their salad, I give them regular because if they
Speaker 1: were really trying to diet, they wouldn't order ranch at all.
Speaker 1: I mean five with the low fat stuff. That's like
Speaker 1: being like, oh, I'm diet coke. You have like five
Speaker 1: of them? Yeah, yourself. And look, if you have some
Speaker 1: secret ranch tucked away in the hidden valley of your life,
Speaker 1: then you can come on this show and squirt it
Speaker 1: out anonymously, judgment free. On the mass Speaker, one of
Speaker 1: our listeners is ready to come clean about something from
Speaker 1: his life, and he's chosen the fake name Greg. So Greg,
Speaker 1: Welcome to the show. Bro Hi Greg, Hello, Hello? Is
Speaker 1: my voice being mass It is? Yeah, good voice changes on.
Speaker 1: We're ready to hear your confession, mister mass speaker. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: I've got this really big secret that I've just been
Speaker 1: holding on too, and I just need to tell somebody, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, those things can honestly like eat at you
Speaker 1: for sure. It's not good for your mental health. So
Speaker 1: here we are free therapy. Well, I don't know how
Speaker 1: else to say this, but I've been in love with
Speaker 1: my coworker for the last three years and she just
Speaker 1: has no idea whoa Okay, like, you know her pretty well.
Speaker 1: It's not some stalker situation where you've been watching her
Speaker 1: from across. Yeah. Yeah, we're on the same creative team
Speaker 1: and that's cute. Why are you telling her? Well, you know,
Speaker 1: when we first met, she was in a relationship, so
Speaker 1: speed mom, No, not that kind of guy. You know,
Speaker 1: I respected that situation, but at the same time, I
Speaker 1: was just like, oh my god, she's so beautiful and
Speaker 1: she's so funny. We have like the same sense of humor.
Speaker 1: And we became like really close work friends. Oh my god, dude,
Speaker 1: I feel for you. That is just the worst. Yeah,
Speaker 1: still with the dude. Well, so that's the thing. Like
Speaker 1: she became single about a year ago, and when that happened,
Speaker 1: you know, I got excited, but I didn't want to
Speaker 1: ask her out right away because we're basically like work
Speaker 1: wife were husbands by this point. You know, we like
Speaker 1: know each other inside and now we've got all these
Speaker 1: inside jokes. We even like named each other staplers. I know,
Speaker 1: it's so insane. Maybe I was just kind of hoping
Speaker 1: things would naturally develop. But I didn't want to like say,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to be with you, because I
Speaker 1: didn't want to ruin you know, our perfect friendship. And
Speaker 1: so yeah, I just thought it would be too risky.
Speaker 1: What did you do then? Well? I thought maybe I
Speaker 1: would like kind of test the waters so I could
Speaker 1: get into work early, and I would leave little gifts
Speaker 1: at her desk and I would write note on them
Speaker 1: and say that they're from a secret admirer. Oh, so
Speaker 1: you could gage a reaction. Yeah, And you know, it's
Speaker 1: all kind of stuff that I knew she would like
Speaker 1: to like her favorite scented candle cookies from her favorite bakery,
Speaker 1: like personal things like that that I had the advantage
Speaker 1: of knowing, you know, because we're so close. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you'd think that she'd like clew in because who else
Speaker 1: would know that about her exactly. I would like to
Speaker 1: think that maybe she would kind of get the hint
Speaker 1: it with me, But I never really got that impression,
Speaker 1: Like she would come to work and she'd find the
Speaker 1: gift and then she'd be all excited and really flattered,
Speaker 1: and then I think, I don't know, maybe she's just
Speaker 1: like teasing me because she would always kind of be like,
Speaker 1: I wonder who it could be, and how do they
Speaker 1: know the name of our secret Stapler liked was your
Speaker 1: heart and stomach is doing like cart wheels that she
Speaker 1: was talking to you about it. Yeah, it was so
Speaker 1: awesome to see how happy the gifts would make her,
Speaker 1: and it would just kind of like eat me up
Speaker 1: a little bit. I just would like every single day,
Speaker 1: I'd want to be like, it's it's me surprised. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so how long do you wait until you actually come
Speaker 1: forward and tell her I'm actually the secret admirer. Well
Speaker 1: that's the problem. I think I waited too long because
Speaker 1: one day she came back from lunch and she rocks
Speaker 1: his bombshell on me. Is that her secret admirer asked
Speaker 1: her out and I was like, what what that need?
Speaker 1: I'm a secret admyer, but apparently one of my other coworkers.
Speaker 1: I won't say names on the radio to make him
Speaker 1: look like the a hole that he is, but he
Speaker 1: is because he totally like came in to work and
Speaker 1: said that it was him, totally hijacked my entire no,
Speaker 1: no bad, are you kidding me? He said he was
Speaker 1: a secret admirer. Yeah, and I was. You know, I
Speaker 1: wanted to go over and I wanted to like punch him,
Speaker 1: punch him right the work, But you know I can't
Speaker 1: do that obviously, And and plus if I did that,
Speaker 1: if I made a scene at work, then she would
Speaker 1: definitely know. Wait, you didn't call him out. You didn't
Speaker 1: at least tell her that he was lying, And that
Speaker 1: was you. What did you do? I thought, like, well, okay,
Speaker 1: you can't live this lie up forever, right, Like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I guess I don't know. They've been dating.
Speaker 1: They've been dating for a month now. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's been like eating me up inside, and like all
Speaker 1: I want to do is go over and just tell
Speaker 1: her everything, you know, But I still feel like I
Speaker 1: can't do that. You know, I want to take the
Speaker 1: high road here, you know, I want to do things right.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to mess up. No, you're
Speaker 1: done with any roads, man, You're taking the coward road
Speaker 1: right now. If you guys are such good friends and
Speaker 1: so close, she would probably understand if you came out
Speaker 1: to her and we're like, look like, I just want
Speaker 1: to tell you if you like the guy, you like him?
Speaker 1: But just so you know, those guests, we're not from him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been secretly obsessed with you for the last three
Speaker 1: years and not told you anything about it until now.
Speaker 1: But it also feels like it's been a month of
Speaker 1: them dating. It almost feels like weird and petty that
Speaker 1: he comes now and he's trying to be what are
Speaker 1: you gonna do? All like, I don't want to. I
Speaker 1: don't want to break them up. If she really is enjoying, Yes,
Speaker 1: you do, you want to be with her? I mean
Speaker 1: I do, but I don't you know. I mean to
Speaker 1: go give yourself a pep talk in the mirror, Greg,
Speaker 1: and then just march up to her and tell her
Speaker 1: what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The worst, I'll just
Speaker 1: quit my job and move away. If you want to,
Speaker 1: you can always do it on the show, maybe because
Speaker 1: we're always looking for new content. If you want to
Speaker 1: turn that into a call, that's something to consider. You
Speaker 1: can on Awkward Tuesday or something like just complain. You
Speaker 1: don't have to call her and say break up with him.
Speaker 1: You just told him the truth. Yeah, I sent you
Speaker 1: those gifts and see how she reacts, and then well
Speaker 1: you say break up with him? Yeah, for you. It's
Speaker 1: something to think about, Greg. But text into seven eighty
Speaker 1: five nine two if you have a confession that you've
Speaker 1: been holding onto, will hide your identity by masking your voice,
Speaker 1: and you can become the next mass speaker. Phone taps
Speaker 1: next