Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls podcasts, a
Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the
Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible
Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford,
Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information,
Speaker 1: visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com.
Speaker 1: And while I hope you love listening to and learning
Speaker 1: from the podcast, it is not meant to be a
Speaker 1: substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: thanks so much for joining me for session seventy two
Speaker 1: of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today we're focusing
Speaker 1: on many of the complexities related to being a caregiver,
Speaker 1: and for this conversation I was joined by Renette Or,
Speaker 1: who is a licensed clinical social worker in Atlanta. Renette
Speaker 1: has over thirteen years of clinical consulting and program evaluation
Speaker 1: experience nationally and internationally. A graduate from Georgia State University
Speaker 1: with the VS in Psychology and a minor in sociology,
Speaker 1: Renette continued her education pursuing a Master of Social Work
Speaker 1: at the University of Georgia with a concentration in clinical practice. Currently,
Speaker 1: Renette is licensed in the state of Georgia and Florida
Speaker 1: as a clinical social worker and holds a national certification
Speaker 1: as a Master Addiction Counselor. Renette is the founder and
Speaker 1: CEO of The Empowerment Agency, a behavioral health consulting firm
Speaker 1: headquartered in Atlanta, Georgia. Renette's passion to serve the aging
Speaker 1: and those who care for adults stems from her personal
Speaker 1: life of being the baby child born to a sixty
Speaker 1: year old father in forty one year old mother. During
Speaker 1: high school, she began to observe the complex needs related
Speaker 1: to the aging population due to her mother and father's experiences.
Speaker 1: During her senior year high school, her now deceased father
Speaker 1: was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, resulting in her mother stepping into
Speaker 1: the role of caregiver and head of household. Currently, she
Speaker 1: provides respites to her sister and brother in law, who
Speaker 1: provide caregiver support to her aging mother. Understanding the laughs, tears,
Speaker 1: and precious moments related to caring for adults, Renette added
Speaker 1: this service component to her work at the Empowerment Agency.
Speaker 1: Renette and I discussed some of the common challenges that
Speaker 1: come up her caregivers, managing your emotions as a caregiver,
Speaker 1: how to engage your support system, why self care is
Speaker 1: so important as a caregiver, and how to engage in
Speaker 1: clear and effective communication with Emily and friends. If you
Speaker 1: hear something you think others should also here, please shared
Speaker 1: with us on social media using the hashtag tb g
Speaker 1: in session. Here's our conversation. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: joining us today, Rennette. Thank you for having me. I'm
Speaker 1: very happy we're finally able to align our schedule so
Speaker 1: that you could come on and talk about this topic.
Speaker 1: It's been a heavily requested topic, and so once I
Speaker 1: found out that you had this expertise, I knew you
Speaker 1: were the one I wanted to come on and chat
Speaker 1: about it. So I'm happy you were able to join
Speaker 1: us today. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. This
Speaker 1: is a topic that is very near and dear to
Speaker 1: my heart personally and professionally. Yeah. So, can you just
Speaker 1: start by telling us a little bit about some of
Speaker 1: the common challenges that come up for people once they
Speaker 1: become caregivers for their parents or other loved ones. Yeah. Absolutely, So.
Speaker 1: One of the main challenges that individual's experience is how
Speaker 1: do I maintain balance of being myself as well as
Speaker 1: stepping into this caregiver role. Oftentimes these are our loved ones,
Speaker 1: our parents, possibly a sibling who we want to provide
Speaker 1: the most loving care and support for, and so we
Speaker 1: end up diving in head first without thinking about what
Speaker 1: is my own self care. How do I balance my relationships,
Speaker 1: whether it's with a significant other, work employees, or other
Speaker 1: interpersonal relationship, and then how do I maintain my work?
Speaker 1: So those are the full spectrum of challenges that they
Speaker 1: experience around finding balance. I would also say there's often
Speaker 1: a lot of shame and stigma many times individuals when
Speaker 1: their loved ones are experiencing these challenges, it's hard to
Speaker 1: see them in those positions, in those places. And so
Speaker 1: how do I go out into the community every day
Speaker 1: and when someone asks about my loved one share that
Speaker 1: this is what it's going on, especially if I don't
Speaker 1: have a full understanding of it or I don't know
Speaker 1: how to relate or how the other person may respond
Speaker 1: to what's going on. Okay, so you brought up a
Speaker 1: lot of good points, and I want to make sure
Speaker 1: that we kind of give attention to all of those things.
Speaker 1: Like the spectrum of issues that you mentioned. But I'm
Speaker 1: also aware that a lot of times this happens really swiftly, right, Like,
Speaker 1: sometimes you can plan for like a parent getting older,
Speaker 1: and like, Okay, this is how we're going to transition
Speaker 1: and do these things. But sometimes, you know, there's a
Speaker 1: health challenge that causes you to become a caregiver without
Speaker 1: any planning. So I'm curious about, you know, especially like
Speaker 1: the financial piece of that, like how you manage when
Speaker 1: you might not be stable yourself right and then to
Speaker 1: have to take on maybe you know, significant other cause
Speaker 1: related to caregiving for a loved one. Absolutely great questions.
Speaker 1: So one of the things that we've noticed is that,
Speaker 1: particularly let's say the individual has a sudden illness such
Speaker 1: as a stroke, that leaves them to where they have
Speaker 1: to have caregivers to provide that support, we would want
Speaker 1: to sit down to do a financial assessment immediately, not
Speaker 1: something to judge or for you to feel ashamed or
Speaker 1: to you know, remind you that, hey, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: having difficulty taking care of myself and I'm stepping into
Speaker 1: this role. You want to look at your finances to
Speaker 1: figure out strategically, what do I have coming in, what's
Speaker 1: going out, and what can I do moving forward? Because
Speaker 1: one of the main challenges goes back to if I'm
Speaker 1: providing caregiver support, what does that do to my employment?
Speaker 1: Oftentimes individuals miss days of work due to caring for
Speaker 1: their loved one or taking them to their appointments or
Speaker 1: being at home when someone is coming in to provide
Speaker 1: that in home support. Okay, So a financial plan would
Speaker 1: be where you would start your saying what other things
Speaker 1: would you want to be looking at, especially if this
Speaker 1: was something that happened suddenly. So there are also case
Speaker 1: managers in the community. One of the things that I've
Speaker 1: brought on in my organization is an insurance specialist UM.
Speaker 1: This lady is certified in Belief forty eight to the
Speaker 1: fifty states, where she can identify what insurance Paul sees
Speaker 1: may the individual be eligible for, but also what other
Speaker 1: mainstream benefits are available in the community, so that we
Speaker 1: can help lift some of that financial burden, but also
Speaker 1: identify what other resources are available for you or the
Speaker 1: individual you're caring for may now be eligible for. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure that would be a really important resource to
Speaker 1: look at, right because that could help to relieve some
Speaker 1: of the financial burden that you may be expecting. Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1: And the other thing is if you have a family.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we work with large sized families who some of
Speaker 1: the children or m relatives may have additional funds and
Speaker 1: are able to provide support. We may get into this
Speaker 1: a little bit later, but not everyone as a caregiver.
Speaker 1: So if we look at what tools and resources and
Speaker 1: skill sets are available in your support system, someone may
Speaker 1: be able to assist and provide financial assistance for certain
Speaker 1: things that the loved one may need. So you also
Speaker 1: mentioned in that the whole idea of like how do
Speaker 1: you talk to maybe like a partner about these things,
Speaker 1: and like how does the partnership kind of manage this?
Speaker 1: How do you manage this at work? Like what are
Speaker 1: your tips for that? So I would say the first
Speaker 1: thing to do is just be open and honest in
Speaker 1: terms of what's going on. Sometimes we try to dive
Speaker 1: into this caregiver role being a superhero. I'm gonna swoop
Speaker 1: in and I'm gonna do everything that i need to
Speaker 1: do to help provide support for my loved one. And
Speaker 1: although I know in our heart and in our mind
Speaker 1: that's exactly what we want to do, at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, we're human and we need support. We
Speaker 1: need assistance now. One of the first things I would do,
Speaker 1: I would sit down with my family unit or with
Speaker 1: my partner and talk about this is the incident, this
Speaker 1: is what's going on right now with our loved one,
Speaker 1: and this is the overall goal. This is what we're
Speaker 1: trying to do. But then I would think about, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's reasonable. What can we do right now that's reasonable
Speaker 1: for myself and for you, And so if you get
Speaker 1: that input in advance and provide that support to say
Speaker 1: this is what I can do, and are you able
Speaker 1: or capable of helping me with anything. There may be
Speaker 1: instances where your loved one or support system is able
Speaker 1: to provide more support, especially in families where individuals live
Speaker 1: nearby or if they live out of state. We've seen
Speaker 1: situations where families have created plans where the loved one
Speaker 1: maybe with one child of the time and the other
Speaker 1: child the next fifty percent of the time. In relation
Speaker 1: to work, again, I would have this conversation with my supervisors. Again,
Speaker 1: I always preface think about the culture of your organization
Speaker 1: in terms of how much information you share. But I
Speaker 1: do think it's worth having a conversation to say, this
Speaker 1: is what's going on. Oftentimes people go into workplaces thinking
Speaker 1: that they're able to mask this new caregiver role, and
Speaker 1: it tends to bleed through into our work, into our
Speaker 1: interactions and our companies are jobs, our clients don't know
Speaker 1: what's going on, but we're still being impacted by this
Speaker 1: new role. So having that conversation, possibly sitting down with HR,
Speaker 1: having that conversation to see what are your options, thinking
Speaker 1: about the trajectory of this new role, what could it
Speaker 1: looked like long term? What are my options? What's available
Speaker 1: to me? And then tapping into your E A P
Speaker 1: or therapists UM. I believe in therapy as preventative UM support,
Speaker 1: so that you can help talk through some of the
Speaker 1: complications that you are experiencing, whether it's complications in terms
Speaker 1: of your role, but also you're wrapping your mind frame
Speaker 1: around how do I now adjust to this new role
Speaker 1: everything that I'm seeing and experiencing. Yeah, and I definitely
Speaker 1: want to talk more about that because I think this
Speaker 1: is like so multilayered, because one like now you're you
Speaker 1: maybe thrust into this new role that you and not
Speaker 1: maybe necessarily planning to have right now. But I also
Speaker 1: think that there are some real, like just emotional kinds
Speaker 1: of responses. You know, like there may be some grief
Speaker 1: related to losing independence and you didn't think that would
Speaker 1: happen so soon, or you know, just like like you mentioned,
Speaker 1: like the difficulty balancing this new role with kind of
Speaker 1: who you thought you were. Yeah, I will definitely say
Speaker 1: the caregiver role, and again I always speak to it
Speaker 1: from both a personal and professional relationship. It's probably one
Speaker 1: of the most emotionally taxing roles that you will ever experience,
Speaker 1: so much that oftentimes individuals feel isolated as if no
Speaker 1: one understands. Going into the caregiver role and watching your
Speaker 1: love one or your parents basically not be able to
Speaker 1: do the things that they were able to do or
Speaker 1: your expectations of what they can do, can be very
Speaker 1: emotionally draining to you, so much that some individuals have
Speaker 1: identified it as being traumatic to them. So it's you
Speaker 1: dealing with those emotions. One of the things that our
Speaker 1: agency that we do, we have real conversations. We've had
Speaker 1: some people come in and say, you know what, this
Speaker 1: is very emotionally draining on me. How do I cope
Speaker 1: with this? How do I write my mind around or
Speaker 1: go through these stages of grief, because now that's what
Speaker 1: I'm doing. I'm grieving my idea of what I thought
Speaker 1: my parents would be able to do or what my
Speaker 1: love on would be able to do, and we process
Speaker 1: that out. Now. The times where we really get to
Speaker 1: i'll say, the nitty gritty of things and have real
Speaker 1: conversations is where we have individuals who come in and
Speaker 1: they may say, you know, I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm frustrated,
Speaker 1: or you know, I don't want to do this and
Speaker 1: I was forced into this role, and we create a
Speaker 1: safe space to say, you know what, that's okay, It's
Speaker 1: okay to feel exactly how you are feeling. Now let's
Speaker 1: process it out so that we can allow you to,
Speaker 1: you know, be truthful and honest with yourself, but also
Speaker 1: um still be productive, still provide the level of support
Speaker 1: and figure out what is it that you need us
Speaker 1: the caregiver, and what is it that the individual needs.
Speaker 1: And I think that's a really good or important point
Speaker 1: to highlight, Renette, because I think particularly culturally, right like,
Speaker 1: we are kind of race to kind of have this
Speaker 1: level of reverence for our parents and So talking about
Speaker 1: the fact that you're angry about having to do this,
Speaker 1: you know, and just frustrated with the process, I think
Speaker 1: can be very taboo, especially in the black community. So
Speaker 1: being able to kind of create a space for saying
Speaker 1: like this doesn't feel good to me. You know, this
Speaker 1: is tough. I'm going to do it, but I don't
Speaker 1: feel good about it. I think being able to give
Speaker 1: people that space to say that it's really important. It is.
Speaker 1: And I cannot tell you how many times individuals have
Speaker 1: in their close intimate support systems. Let's say it's a daughter,
Speaker 1: adult daughter who's taking care of her mother or father,
Speaker 1: and she may have a husband or one sibling. Well,
Speaker 1: if they have made in a re meant to say
Speaker 1: this is our plan, this is what we are going
Speaker 1: to do, especially in cases where the individual has now
Speaker 1: went beyond that point where you can provide that in
Speaker 1: home care. It's just becoming too much, as I describe it,
Speaker 1: and that too much is based on each individual. What
Speaker 1: may be too much for me may be different from
Speaker 1: someone else. But if we've come to an agreement that
Speaker 1: this is too much, when you then start to go
Speaker 1: out into those outside or extended family members or into
Speaker 1: the community and share, well, we have reached a point
Speaker 1: where you know, we're just gonna have to place Mom
Speaker 1: into a nursing home. That caregiver is faced then with
Speaker 1: the reaction from the community, which may not be as supportive.
Speaker 1: Often it isn't, so then you have to again deal
Speaker 1: with processing and challenging and standing up for yourself to
Speaker 1: say I have did everything that I can do up
Speaker 1: until this point, and we have made a decision to
Speaker 1: say this is the next placement or the care for
Speaker 1: my loved one. Yeah, and I would imagine that those
Speaker 1: are tough conversations to have again because of you know,
Speaker 1: what we are taught to believe about what should happen
Speaker 1: with our parents. Absolutely, but I always say I try
Speaker 1: to remind people resources, support and facilities are in place
Speaker 1: for a reason. There are ways for us to manage
Speaker 1: it and get the support that we need so that
Speaker 1: we can again have that balance for ourselves. Um. I
Speaker 1: definitely believe and if that is the next transition, there
Speaker 1: are steps that you can take so that you can
Speaker 1: get the most out of that experience, you know, making
Speaker 1: sure that you visit facilities, making sure that you have
Speaker 1: consistent contact with those facilities, so that they know that
Speaker 1: you are involved and that you are aware. Oftentimes when
Speaker 1: we see cases of loved ones being UM neglected or
Speaker 1: abused and facilities is when they don't have that outside
Speaker 1: support to check in with them and make sure that
Speaker 1: they're okay or let facilities know that, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: this isn't just a displaced loved one. They have family
Speaker 1: who are coming in and check one them as well. So, Ronette,
Speaker 1: you also mentioned that one of the responses that you
Speaker 1: might have to becoming a caregiver is frustration UM and
Speaker 1: one of the one of our listeners wrote in talking
Speaker 1: about UM frustration related to like your parents not doing
Speaker 1: what they need to do to kind of take care
Speaker 1: of their medical needs, right, you know, like sometimes not
Speaker 1: wanting to keep doctor's appointments are just you know, not
Speaker 1: doing what they need to do maybe to be in
Speaker 1: the best health. UM. So what are your strategies for
Speaker 1: kind of talking through some of that, like frustration with
Speaker 1: a parent who doesn't want to do what they need
Speaker 1: to do. So my client to experience that, I often
Speaker 1: first have a real conversation with them. I have that
Speaker 1: conversation to reiterate because often they know, but to reiterate
Speaker 1: the fact that your loved one is an adult. So
Speaker 1: they're still an adult. They're still making choices and decisions,
Speaker 1: and you cannot want it more than they do. Oftentimes,
Speaker 1: individuals who are experiencing that, you know, as they go
Speaker 1: through their life stages, this is a very difficult transition
Speaker 1: for them as well. So I try to remind them
Speaker 1: and get them to reflect back on who their parents
Speaker 1: was prior to this stage and how they operated and
Speaker 1: who they are now and understand that. You know, they
Speaker 1: may feel a sense of I don't want to be
Speaker 1: a burden, or they may feel a sense of hopelessness
Speaker 1: or hopelessness. They may feel a sense of I just
Speaker 1: want to give up. Now do we sit and I'll
Speaker 1: just allow them to give up. I don't recommend that,
Speaker 1: but we just have to come to that understanding that
Speaker 1: this may be where they are. So some of my
Speaker 1: strategies to help with that is to have a conversation
Speaker 1: with them. I believe in just having open, honest dialogue
Speaker 1: and going to them and saying and talking about and
Speaker 1: identifying what are you truly capable of and what do
Speaker 1: you want to do, and then reiterating that I want
Speaker 1: to support you to the best that I can or
Speaker 1: the best of my ability, but I cannot want it
Speaker 1: more than you on it. There have been other times
Speaker 1: where I've had individuals say these are the things that
Speaker 1: I have observed that you are able to do. Why
Speaker 1: aren't you doing those now, let's talk about that, or
Speaker 1: even connecting that loved one to therapy to say, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe you need to process some of this stuff because
Speaker 1: this is a difficult situation that you are experiencing of
Speaker 1: someone who has a loss of independence. Yeah, I'm glad
Speaker 1: you brought that up, because it definitely sounds like that
Speaker 1: would be a good thing, right, maybe for that person
Speaker 1: to have their own therapists, but it also seems like
Speaker 1: some family therapy could be helpful in some of these situations.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, absolutely absolutely, because it's it's a family dynamic.
Speaker 1: It's impacted whether you are the primary caregiver, secondary, whether
Speaker 1: your states away, etcetera. Everyone is impacted and everyone plays
Speaker 1: a role, and oftentimes the primary caregivers isolated because they
Speaker 1: don't know how to either reach out for support or
Speaker 1: they may be reaching out and not getting the support
Speaker 1: that they feel like they need. So I want to
Speaker 1: talk more about these family dynamics because I think when
Speaker 1: you often hear about like family drama, a lot of
Speaker 1: times like these kinds of situations tend to be with
Speaker 1: either spark all of these dynamics kind of coming out
Speaker 1: of the closet or they definitely heighten them, right, And
Speaker 1: so you know, sometimes you will see either like an
Speaker 1: only child who now has to kind of take this
Speaker 1: on and like how do they get support? But other times,
Speaker 1: you know, there may be like multiple siblings and then
Speaker 1: like all of the caregiving may fall on one of
Speaker 1: the siblings, and then what does that do to the
Speaker 1: entire sibling relationship? So can you talk more about some
Speaker 1: of those kind of um dynamics that you do see
Speaker 1: come out of these kinds of situations. Absolutely, that only
Speaker 1: child may walk into that caregiver role by choice or
Speaker 1: by force, depending on their perception of it and what
Speaker 1: their abilities are and related to caregiving. So this is
Speaker 1: where my belief and informal and formal support system really
Speaker 1: stands out. I believe that we have the ability to
Speaker 1: create our own support systems. So when you are only
Speaker 1: child and you have limited supports, you have to reach
Speaker 1: out to both and form more formal supports whoever that
Speaker 1: may be whether it may be a aunt or uncle,
Speaker 1: or a friend or a neighbor for example. And then
Speaker 1: also what agencies or community resources are available that I
Speaker 1: can tap into to help me provide or help provide
Speaker 1: support such as respite and whatnot. I'll use case and
Speaker 1: point and again personal and professional. My family for example,
Speaker 1: my mother right now has all timers and she resides
Speaker 1: in Florida with my sister. My sister is her primary caregiver.
Speaker 1: We do divvy up some time now. I'll also out
Speaker 1: and I'll be transparent. My sister has a level of
Speaker 1: care giver skills that Renett does not possess at all.
Speaker 1: Um my pay sance is a bit and especially when
Speaker 1: it comes to my mother, so I have to account
Speaker 1: for some of my own skills and attitudes and how
Speaker 1: I process dealing with this. So I provide support based
Speaker 1: on what we have agreed to and also what I
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with now. We also have an agreement that
Speaker 1: if in the event it ever becomes too much and
Speaker 1: my mother needs to come stay with me for rest
Speaker 1: it as in, she needs to come stay here for
Speaker 1: a period of time to get my sister bright. We
Speaker 1: do that. We have an open relationship at our open
Speaker 1: communication plan to where she can voice and say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm booking mama trip and she'll be there for thirty days.
Speaker 1: And I'm okay with that because we've set that up
Speaker 1: from the beginning. It's not something that I'm just she's
Speaker 1: just throwing on me to do last minute or in
Speaker 1: spite of so. Again, I think it's about laying and
Speaker 1: setting up the platform in advance to say this is
Speaker 1: how we're gonna approach this for right now, how do
Speaker 1: we how do we sound the alarm just in case
Speaker 1: something isn't going right or just in case I'm having
Speaker 1: a difficult time and I need support. Yeah, and I'm
Speaker 1: glad you said that, because I do think it's important
Speaker 1: to just have the conversations right like it. It feels
Speaker 1: like these taboo topics that we don't often want to
Speaker 1: talk about just because people are probably having their own
Speaker 1: reactions to whatever the situation is now, But there are
Speaker 1: some very real things that need to be put in place,
Speaker 1: and so it sounds like having these conversations being open
Speaker 1: to modifications, you know, just kind of like you said,
Speaker 1: continuing to have a space for a conversation is really important,
Speaker 1: especially with the sibling said absolutely having tough conversations. And
Speaker 1: I always say, if you don't have them now, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have it later. So I would rather jump start
Speaker 1: the conversation and have a tentative plan in place versus
Speaker 1: waiting until something occurs where we're in a moment of crisis.
Speaker 1: I'm emotionally charged and could be drained, and you are
Speaker 1: then frustrated because I'm calling on you at the last
Speaker 1: minute where we can talk about it in advance and
Speaker 1: try to figure out what can we do moving forward. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think the alternative is to not have the conversation,
Speaker 1: but then you are left with all these lingering feelings
Speaker 1: of resentment and maybe abandonment that your siblings didn't step
Speaker 1: in when they said they were going to or when
Speaker 1: you thought they needed to. Right, So it's either have
Speaker 1: the conversation or then maybe have some like lasting impacts
Speaker 1: to the relationship. Absolutely, and a lot of the times
Speaker 1: we end up facilitating that conversation and dialogue between family
Speaker 1: members because it can be very emotionally charged. And then
Speaker 1: thinking about family dynamics, there's a whole history that has
Speaker 1: occurred between these family members prior to this one incident
Speaker 1: or this crisis situation, So how do we help them
Speaker 1: navigate these relationships in order to create an effective plan
Speaker 1: that helps support this loved one. That's that's key, Rent,
Speaker 1: because you're right, I mean, how often are there things
Speaker 1: already going on with between family members that are not,
Speaker 1: like healed, are addressed, and then something like this laid
Speaker 1: on top of it then makes everything feel, you know,
Speaker 1: even more intense. So it sounds like there's like there's
Speaker 1: likely some work that needs to be done with the
Speaker 1: foundation of the relationship before you maybe even can get
Speaker 1: into Okay, how can we handle this current situation absolutely
Speaker 1: absolutely magnifies those situations that were already there and often
Speaker 1: Tom's never addressed. Right, So I want to go back
Speaker 1: a little bit too, um Like, if you're an only child,
Speaker 1: what are some resources or um like things that you've
Speaker 1: seen maybe be helpful for other only children to be
Speaker 1: able to get some support, because I do think that
Speaker 1: that is probably a very isolating and very heavy situation
Speaker 1: to manage when you don't at least have other siblings
Speaker 1: to help you out with it. As an only child,
Speaker 1: one of the first thing I would ask is are
Speaker 1: they currently engaged in any therapy services? Because that will
Speaker 1: help them process what they will experience moving forward. One
Speaker 1: of the biggest recommendations that I often make is making
Speaker 1: sure that they are connected to a support group. It
Speaker 1: could help connect them to someone who is like them,
Speaker 1: similar to them, also an only child or just a
Speaker 1: family of peers who they can communicate with, who they
Speaker 1: can check in with, and who can they can also
Speaker 1: process during those support groups the feelings that they are
Speaker 1: feeling so they're not isolated. Another thing that I would do,
Speaker 1: I recommend books that help them process and gather more
Speaker 1: information regarding what they will experience. Two of the books
Speaker 1: that I really focus on is the Caregiver Survival Book,
Speaker 1: and this is by Alexis Bramson. It's a L E
Speaker 1: X I S A B R A M S O N.
Speaker 1: And then The Thirty six Hour Day And so this
Speaker 1: the thirty six Hour Day is specifically for individuals who
Speaker 1: have Alzheimer's or dementia to help them identify what they
Speaker 1: can do to help their days more effective, take here themselves,
Speaker 1: and also deal with what they're going to experience with
Speaker 1: their loved one. So very insightful books. They help individuals
Speaker 1: just process out what they are going through and then
Speaker 1: for the conversations with siblings. Um, so you know, let's
Speaker 1: say that you did have a group of siblings that
Speaker 1: came to you and said, hey, you know, now we
Speaker 1: are charged with taking care of our parents. What kinds
Speaker 1: of things that we be considering? What kinds of things
Speaker 1: would you be addressing with them? So I would still
Speaker 1: recommend the same books for them, because I want them
Speaker 1: each to get an idea of what they will experience,
Speaker 1: even if they're not going to be the primary caregiver,
Speaker 1: So they will have an understanding of what the primary
Speaker 1: caregiver will experience because oftentimes they're gonna be a time
Speaker 1: where that person calls that sibling up or that love
Speaker 1: one up to vent so vents and say, you know,
Speaker 1: this is what's going on, and we want them to
Speaker 1: at least be a path they can have a general
Speaker 1: understanding of what they are experiencing. Again, create eating that
Speaker 1: opportunity to have open honest dialogue. I tell them up front,
Speaker 1: you all are going to need to build or create
Speaker 1: a level of communication that you may not have ever
Speaker 1: had before. And you have to allow each individual to
Speaker 1: be open, honest and transparent in order to continue that
Speaker 1: relationship and for it to be a positive relationship. Um.
Speaker 1: Some other things that I do is create a plan,
Speaker 1: so we'll put it in writing in terms of this
Speaker 1: is what each person will be responsible for. These are
Speaker 1: some of the expectations, and then this is a tentative
Speaker 1: plan that if a crisis situation occurs, this is what
Speaker 1: some of the next steps are, so that you have
Speaker 1: an added layer of support, and we put it in
Speaker 1: writing so that individuals can see these are the conversations
Speaker 1: that we had and this is my role in it,
Speaker 1: just as a reminder. So I do know, Ronette, and
Speaker 1: you've kind of alluded to this, but I do think
Speaker 1: it's important to kind of just be able to call
Speaker 1: this out directly that like burnout support caregivers is really
Speaker 1: really high, right because, like you said, you are now
Speaker 1: thrust into this additional role that carries a lot of responsibility,
Speaker 1: a lot of commitment and time um, on top of
Speaker 1: likely everything else you were doing. So you may already
Speaker 1: be a mom and a partner and you know, an
Speaker 1: employee and all of these things, and now you're also
Speaker 1: responsible for maybe some caregiving responsibilities. So what tips would
Speaker 1: you give for how to take care of yourself in
Speaker 1: the midst of everything else going on here. So my
Speaker 1: suggestion from the jump is to do a self care plan.
Speaker 1: There are tons of self care plans on the internet.
Speaker 1: If anyone contacts me, I will send them a template
Speaker 1: or worksheet with self care plans. But you're looking at
Speaker 1: different aspects of your life, your physical health, your emotional health,
Speaker 1: your financial health, your spiritual health, and you can add
Speaker 1: in sections and creating a plan of how do I
Speaker 1: maintain positive self care for myself. I often say if
Speaker 1: you wait until you get the notion that you need
Speaker 1: self care, you've waited too late. Not that you can't start,
Speaker 1: but you needed it way back. When create those self
Speaker 1: care plans. Begin to eat healthy, look at your diets,
Speaker 1: start to do the physical exercise, look at your finances.
Speaker 1: And I say that especially because you want to reduce
Speaker 1: the amount of stress that is occurring. I also look
Speaker 1: at what other self care activities that help promote mental wellness,
Speaker 1: things like yoga. I'm a huge proponent of meditation things
Speaker 1: like that, just so you can help ground yourself and
Speaker 1: breathe through some of the stuff that you are experiencing
Speaker 1: as a person. Also, journaling is very helpful if you
Speaker 1: feel like you're in a position where you may not
Speaker 1: be able to communicate what you are feeling. You can
Speaker 1: journal it out, journal it out to yourself, your private
Speaker 1: thoughts so that you can process that information out and
Speaker 1: have a safe space for it and then move on.
Speaker 1: That definitely sounds good, And I love that you said,
Speaker 1: you know, if you're already thinking about it, you're probably
Speaker 1: too late, right Like to in this I think could
Speaker 1: be helpful for anybody, right because most of us are
Speaker 1: managing multiple rules, right and so I think making sure
Speaker 1: that you have like a really good idea of a
Speaker 1: self care plan and to just get in the habit
Speaker 1: of doing some of these things can be helpful, whether
Speaker 1: you're a caregiver or not. Absolutely, and talk about that
Speaker 1: self care plan with those who are in especially close
Speaker 1: proximity with you. So if you have children or a
Speaker 1: significant other, a spouse who lives with you, talk about
Speaker 1: the importance of your self care plan and let them
Speaker 1: know these times where I have carved out time for
Speaker 1: self care or to go to the gym, or to
Speaker 1: go to yoga, or to have even if it's just
Speaker 1: thirty minutes of alone or quiet time, how important it
Speaker 1: is for you to honor at that time. Getting everybody
Speaker 1: on board is really helpful, and I think it's also
Speaker 1: good modeling right that you are saying I'm taking this
Speaker 1: time for myself and that it will also be okay
Speaker 1: for you to take time for yourself should you need it. Absolutely, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and then loved ones will pick up on it. We've
Speaker 1: hadations where individuals have said, I know when my caretaker
Speaker 1: goes into the room at four thirty pm that she's
Speaker 1: taken that thirty minutes to regroup before the children get
Speaker 1: home from sports and whatnot. So I try not to
Speaker 1: bother her for those thirty minutes. And then they will
Speaker 1: also institute a code word to say, but if I
Speaker 1: say this, that lets her know that I need her
Speaker 1: right here and right now. So it must be something
Speaker 1: urgent or imminent that I need in order to let
Speaker 1: her know that, hey, I need your help and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna interrupt your self care time. Yeah. That that's a
Speaker 1: really good strategy. I like that. So besides the two
Speaker 1: books that you shared, are there are other resources that
Speaker 1: you find yourself frequently suggesting to your clients. Absolutely. A
Speaker 1: r P has an amazing website of resources and tools
Speaker 1: for caregivers. D v A also has a resource data
Speaker 1: base for caregivers. So they have tons of informational pamphlets
Speaker 1: on caregiver duties, some things that you may experience, resources,
Speaker 1: but also questions to take into consideration as you go
Speaker 1: along in this journey. And because it is it's a
Speaker 1: journey for yourself as the caregiver as well as for
Speaker 1: the individual who is in need of caregiver support. Right, so,
Speaker 1: you mentioned that you have the templates available, but I'm
Speaker 1: also excited to hear anything else that you have available
Speaker 1: that may be helpful to the listeners that UM where
Speaker 1: they can find more resources from you. Absolutely, so we
Speaker 1: are actually in the process of revamping our side. We
Speaker 1: have received many requests for this caregiver um support and
Speaker 1: so we're creating a better resource section on our website
Speaker 1: at www dot empowered E M P O W E
Speaker 1: R E D DASH Consultants with an s dot com UM.
Speaker 1: So under our resource tab we will have a plethora
Speaker 1: of resources, handbooks, handouts, etcetera. That are four caregivers as
Speaker 1: well as we've added that insurance specialists to our staff
Speaker 1: and to our organization. The thing that we are so
Speaker 1: excited about this insurance specialist is not only is she
Speaker 1: licensed in states to provide insurance. She has an amazing
Speaker 1: skill set to walk through the different parts of Medicare
Speaker 1: and other insurance policies to talk about some of the
Speaker 1: benefits or why a plan may be better for this individual.
Speaker 1: We're not selling the insurance, but we are walking family
Speaker 1: members through. One of the greatest complications that we hear
Speaker 1: or challenges that families provide, is that they didn't know
Speaker 1: what insurance was the best fit for their loved one
Speaker 1: or which ones had the most financial benefits for their
Speaker 1: loved ones. So she's taking time to walk through these
Speaker 1: cases with either the individual if they're able to under
Speaker 1: standing comprehend, or the caregiver to explain what exactly matter
Speaker 1: here is providing offering and what's the best fit for them. Okay,
Speaker 1: So that sounds like a service somebody may be able
Speaker 1: to take part in, regardless of what state they're in, Right,
Speaker 1: and as long as she's licensed in one of those states.
Speaker 1: Absolutely got you, okay, and we've already got your website.
Speaker 1: Are there other places online? Any social media handles that
Speaker 1: you want to share? So yeah, I would definitely want
Speaker 1: to share my Instagram. It is empowerment Underscore agency. We'll
Speaker 1: be sharing a lot of information there as well. In
Speaker 1: terms of Facebook, we do have an amazing Facebook page
Speaker 1: www dot Facebook dot com. It's the Empowerment Agency, and
Speaker 1: we also have a Facebook group now because there's a
Speaker 1: broad spectrum of caregiver support. This Facebook group is called
Speaker 1: Replenish because we want to replenish our caregivers. We want
Speaker 1: them to be poured back into so they're not depleted,
Speaker 1: are walking around in need of something. So this Facebook
Speaker 1: group is called Replenished Support for Adults Caring for other adults.
Speaker 1: And all of that information will be included in the
Speaker 1: show notes so nobody has to try to remember that
Speaker 1: if they're driving or something. Awesome. Thank you, great well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for sharing all of this with
Speaker 1: us today, and Nette, I know that it will be
Speaker 1: super helpful for people who need it. Awesome. Thank you
Speaker 1: for having me. And again we're here as a resource
Speaker 1: and support. If we can answer any questions, please for
Speaker 1: free to reach out to us. Thank you and Nette,
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful Renette was able to share her expertise
Speaker 1: with us today. To check out the resources that she
Speaker 1: shared and to learn more about her practice, visit the
Speaker 1: show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash
Speaker 1: Session seventy two, and please make sure to share this
Speaker 1: episode with two people in your life or share your
Speaker 1: takeaways and your i G stories. Make sure to use
Speaker 1: the hashtag TPG in session so that we can share them.
Speaker 1: If you're looking for a therapist in your area, be
Speaker 1: sure to visit the therapist directory at Therapy for Black
Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to
Speaker 1: continue this conversation and join a community of other sisters
Speaker 1: who listen to the podcast, join us over in the
Speaker 1: Thrive tribe at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe.
Speaker 1: Make sure you answer the three questions that are asked
Speaker 1: to gain injury. Thank y'all so much for joining me
Speaker 1: again this week, and I look forward to continue in
Speaker 1: this conversation with you all. Real Son, take a career
Speaker 1: of ter