Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls podcasts, a
Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the
Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible
Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Hard and Bradford,
Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information,
Speaker 1: visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com.
Speaker 1: And while I hope you love listening to and learning
Speaker 1: from the podcast, it is not meant to be a
Speaker 1: substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: thanks so much for joining me for session of the
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Today we'll be chatting about
Speaker 1: maintaining your mental health in less than favorable work conditions.
Speaker 1: Today I'm joined by father Arris Farah is a licensed
Speaker 1: clinical professional counselor in Philosophore, Illinois. She received her Bachelor
Speaker 1: of Arts degree in Economics pre law from the University
Speaker 1: of Illinois Champagne Urbana, a Bachelor of Arts and Marketing
Speaker 1: and Management from Illinois Institute of Art, and a Master
Speaker 1: of Arts in Mental Health Counseling from Trinity International University.
Speaker 1: Farah believes that mental health includes everything that makes up
Speaker 1: your well being, your psychological, mental, spiritual, and social well being.
Speaker 1: She specializes in connecting you to your story, helping you
Speaker 1: to own your voice, better management of your emotions, and
Speaker 1: forming healthier boundaries. It is in this way that you
Speaker 1: will become a well being. Fara and I chatted about
Speaker 1: dealing with microaggressions in the workplace, how improving your emotional
Speaker 1: intelligence and setting boundaries can help you to you with
Speaker 1: work stress, how employers can provide perks that actually help
Speaker 1: their employees, and her thoughts on the myth of work
Speaker 1: life balance. If you hear something great while you're listening,
Speaker 1: please be sure to share it on social media using
Speaker 1: the hashtag tb G in session. Here's our conversation. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today, Fara, It's
Speaker 1: so wonderful to be here, very excited to talk with you.
Speaker 1: So you do a lot um about working will um
Speaker 1: and learning how to kind of manage your emotions and
Speaker 1: how we can be really smart in the workplace. And
Speaker 1: so I know that this is a hot topic. UM.
Speaker 1: There have been lots of conversations, and we're always having conversations,
Speaker 1: it seems like in the Thrive tribe about like microaggressions
Speaker 1: in the workplace. So do you have any tips on
Speaker 1: dealing with microaggressions in the workplace. Well, it's not just
Speaker 1: microaggressions in the workplace. It's seems to be everywhere, clearly clearly. Um,
Speaker 1: but I'm I'm always challenging not just my clients, I'm
Speaker 1: like in private practice, but anywhere is call it out
Speaker 1: if it really affects you. I mean, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't believe in like feeding into ignorance, especially if it's
Speaker 1: like a one uh off the cuff type of thing. However,
Speaker 1: it's important to establish clear boundaries on what's acceptable and
Speaker 1: what's not. So if you are uncomfortable with it, you know,
Speaker 1: I think the best thing to do is check that person,
Speaker 1: because people are trifling and if you don't say anything,
Speaker 1: people will think that it's okay and they'll be comfortable
Speaker 1: continuing to say things or do things that make you uncomfortable. Um.
Speaker 1: But if you're not okay with even addressing that person
Speaker 1: at work, whether it's a colleague or you know, a manager, UM,
Speaker 1: that's when you know you should try to find someone
Speaker 1: to mediate I e. Safe space is um ideally your
Speaker 1: HR representative, got it? Yeah? And I think, you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of the concern has come when people have
Speaker 1: tried to go to HR and still feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: their concerns are not addressed appropriately or or they're not
Speaker 1: addressed at all, you know. Sometimes Yeah, and it's it
Speaker 1: could be really frustrating, which you know leads me to
Speaker 1: always wonder like what is the culture within that work environment?
Speaker 1: So oftentimes, you know, especially if you're a person of color,
Speaker 1: UM or you know, a different culture, you're not sure
Speaker 1: what your voices in that space. UM. So when I'm
Speaker 1: doing one on ones with clients, I'm you know, really
Speaker 1: trying to help them create a safe space within themselves
Speaker 1: so you know, what is okay with you, what is
Speaker 1: not okay with you? Can you voice this? And you know,
Speaker 1: having them to have agency over themselves selves and for
Speaker 1: them to be their own self advocate. Now he creates
Speaker 1: contention or conflict. Ideally, ideally we would want HR to
Speaker 1: come in. UM. Beyond that, that's when it gets a
Speaker 1: little bit sketchy. So it's like, how do we implement
Speaker 1: some you know, emotional intelligence and how we respond to
Speaker 1: UM these microaggressions if they're continuing. So what do you
Speaker 1: mean by that about Uh, like this implementing emotional intelligence. Yes,
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence my favorite. Um, so pretty much you know,
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence or we can call it like your emotional
Speaker 1: quotient your EQ, like an i Q is just being
Speaker 1: able to understand. Um. It starts with self awareness, so
Speaker 1: understanding your emotions and how you deal with them, but
Speaker 1: being being able to recognize emotions and others. So it's
Speaker 1: it's kind of like being street smart, you know, being
Speaker 1: able to look at somebody and recognize like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: their body language, their tone of voice, and helps you
Speaker 1: to be able to assess yourself on how you're going
Speaker 1: to respond. Okay, So can you give an example of
Speaker 1: like how you might be able to use that in
Speaker 1: the workplace? So yes, I mean I usually give an
Speaker 1: example because of a toddler needing a nap, but uh,
Speaker 1: you know, in a workplace environment it is so bill
Speaker 1: Um you know says a microL you know, does something
Speaker 1: that relates to a microaggression, and you have to kind
Speaker 1: of practice the pause when I say, there's like the
Speaker 1: three a's. So you become aware of your emotion. You're irritated,
Speaker 1: you're anxious, you're angry, you know, you identify the emotion,
Speaker 1: and so once you identify it, you know, so you're
Speaker 1: aware of it, then the next step is to assess it, Well,
Speaker 1: where did it come from? You know, because it is
Speaker 1: Bill's statement. Truly a microaggression. Is Bill's statement, Um, something
Speaker 1: that reminds you of another time where maybe when you
Speaker 1: were in high school somebody said something similar to that,
Speaker 1: like trying to get to what the root is of
Speaker 1: the trigger, and then you are then you know how
Speaker 1: to address it. So how do I respond without letting
Speaker 1: my emotional brain hijack the conversation? Um, ben being able
Speaker 1: to respond in a more um rational way, And that's
Speaker 1: kind of having high e ques, like not letting you know,
Speaker 1: not that the emotion you should be emotional less, but
Speaker 1: that you have more control over how you respond with
Speaker 1: your emotions. Okay, So I'm wondering, you know, because I
Speaker 1: think a lot of the conversation has just been more
Speaker 1: about like the cumulative impact of like continuing to go
Speaker 1: to a job every day where people are saying, you know,
Speaker 1: random things about your hair or um talking about election
Speaker 1: news or whatever is going on in the news, right,
Speaker 1: and so I think the culative impact on that is
Speaker 1: really what is wearing a lot of people down. Yeah
Speaker 1: it is. And so you know, I hear you saying like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how can you practice some of this emotional intelligence? But
Speaker 1: I think it also does relate to like how are
Speaker 1: you managing the stress? Because I think if you are
Speaker 1: at such a high level of stress, your ability to
Speaker 1: respond in a way that has I e q. Is diminished? Right, yes,
Speaker 1: Because usually you know, um, that's your your emotional brain
Speaker 1: or your survival brain kind of kicks in which your
Speaker 1: rational brain i e. Your prefrontal cortex, the boss of
Speaker 1: your brain, to kind of come in and help you
Speaker 1: to be rational, illogical, come up with common sense uh solutions,
Speaker 1: And so it is kind of like a chicken in
Speaker 1: the egg. But I say, you know, you don't have
Speaker 1: control over other people, but you do have control over yourself. So, um,
Speaker 1: if it's a cumulative situation, sometimes it brings up and
Speaker 1: highlights something that you may not have even been aware
Speaker 1: of yourself. So obviously we're in a very tense climate
Speaker 1: with the election and and this current administration and what
Speaker 1: we're hearing in current events. Um, and it may highlight
Speaker 1: how much you have probably been passive at work. Um.
Speaker 1: And you know, and I'm not saying this as like
Speaker 1: a dish to so want to go like, you know,
Speaker 1: you haven't been speaking up, But it's it's that moment
Speaker 1: of self awareness is like, how have I been using
Speaker 1: my voice in this space? And if I've not been
Speaker 1: using it, how do I again have agency advocacy for
Speaker 1: myself to be able to say, hey, you know I
Speaker 1: noticed that for a while. Now you comment on you know,
Speaker 1: my different hairstyles. You know, can you tell me what
Speaker 1: that's about? You know? And because sometimes people need to
Speaker 1: be checked because they're not self aware, because they may
Speaker 1: have low eq UM of what they're doing to other people.
Speaker 1: So that's why I think it's really important when it
Speaker 1: comes to creating culture within the workplace that it starts
Speaker 1: from the top down. So as an employee, you only
Speaker 1: have so much control um over your environment, but you
Speaker 1: can choose to figure out a way to respond in
Speaker 1: a healthy manner as long as possible, because sometimes you
Speaker 1: it may not be the environment for you to stay
Speaker 1: in um while you know, management HR kind of gets
Speaker 1: their stuff together. Yeah, And I do think that that's
Speaker 1: an important point, right, like that as an employee at
Speaker 1: a at a business, you know, like there is only
Speaker 1: so much that you can do, and you may not
Speaker 1: be the person in charge or in power to be
Speaker 1: able to make some decisions that really would impact the
Speaker 1: culture of the of the employment space. Mm hmmm, because
Speaker 1: sometimes I think we don't even realize the power we have.
Speaker 1: I do believe in a ripple effect, and I think
Speaker 1: that when we you know, my tagline is creating a
Speaker 1: healthier world by creating a healthier you. Like, the more
Speaker 1: you're able to understand who you are, why you do
Speaker 1: the things you do, why you respond the way that
Speaker 1: you respond, The more comfortable you are with being authentically yourself,
Speaker 1: then that creates a ripple effect of having other people
Speaker 1: feel like they can be comfortable, you know, they could
Speaker 1: be transparent and authentically themselves as well. You know. And
Speaker 1: I think we perceive, Uh it's is this perception that, um,
Speaker 1: we can't like, we can't true especially you know, to
Speaker 1: be a black woman or a black man, we can't
Speaker 1: truly be who we are, uh, in corporate spaces. And
Speaker 1: I challenge that, uh with all of my you know,
Speaker 1: not all my clients are corporate, but many of them are,
Speaker 1: you know, your attorneys or their bankers or accountants or whatever.
Speaker 1: And I always challenge. I was like, how are you
Speaker 1: how are you being comfortable using your voice at work? Now,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying go straight country back home with their family,
Speaker 1: Like there's there's a way that we may communicate with
Speaker 1: our family that we don't necessarily communicate with other people.
Speaker 1: But I do think that we have this perceived notion that, um,
Speaker 1: we cannot use our voice, and that makes me like,
Speaker 1: that makes me sad, honestly. Yeah, So what what are
Speaker 1: some of those small ruples that you think that we
Speaker 1: can make to kind of maybe be able to impact
Speaker 1: the culture of a workplace. What are some of the
Speaker 1: small things you can do to maybe, um, make sure
Speaker 1: that people are able to kind of be authentically themselves
Speaker 1: in the workplace. Yeah, I mean that's a good question.
Speaker 1: I think. You know. One is is there somebody else
Speaker 1: there that is that you recognize is safe that you
Speaker 1: can be honest with, that you can talk to, not
Speaker 1: to gossip, because again that's like low eq you know,
Speaker 1: gossip being we're talking about somebody and being passive or
Speaker 1: passive aggressive. But finding someone where um you can kind
Speaker 1: of bring up some things ideally would be great. You know,
Speaker 1: if this is um not just her colleague but you
Speaker 1: know a manager where you can go, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm seeing this, I'm seeing that, and then kind of
Speaker 1: share your voice a little bit and being able to
Speaker 1: kind of test the waters. Vulnerability is hard, um, but
Speaker 1: it's freeing. But I would never encourage someone to just
Speaker 1: like jump off the deep end without being able to
Speaker 1: know that there is a safety net. So to be
Speaker 1: able to ideally find a safe person that UM you
Speaker 1: can communicate with, so that you know, going to work
Speaker 1: is not as stressful and you don't feel that you
Speaker 1: can truly show up because everyone quote unquote UM is
Speaker 1: viewed as as the enemy. M h. I think this
Speaker 1: also comes up sometimes around UM and I have you know,
Speaker 1: read a lot about like the different cultures of organizations
Speaker 1: in terms of the expectations to do things like pot
Speaker 1: lux and happy hours and you know, all of that
Speaker 1: kind of thing that sometimes feels a little foreign, I think, right.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people view work as this
Speaker 1: is where I go to do my job and then
Speaker 1: at five o'clock this my time. Right, But for a
Speaker 1: lot of organizations, the expectation is that you will spend
Speaker 1: some time doing these like extracurricular kinds of things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but what's the point of those extracurricular types of things.
Speaker 1: So I mean, is this to create cohesion? Is this
Speaker 1: to create a more friendly work atmosphere? You know, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm always you know asking organizations like what is the
Speaker 1: purpose of what? You know, what's the intention behind the
Speaker 1: stuff that you do? So you know, in terms of like, um,
Speaker 1: wellness perks, you know, adding a gym or a juice bar,
Speaker 1: you know, or like you're saying happy hour, like they're thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, um, this will help with minimizing stress. This
Speaker 1: will help, you know, get people to get together. But
Speaker 1: it really doesn't address the individual It doesn't really address
Speaker 1: the humanistic side of things where you know, I joke,
Speaker 1: like a new mom or a new dad care less
Speaker 1: that there's a gym. They want to know that their
Speaker 1: boss will understand that they're sweep deprived and may need
Speaker 1: some flex you know, some flex time and work from home.
Speaker 1: So you know, organizations really need to figure out, like
Speaker 1: what is the culture that they really want to how
Speaker 1: so that they can know that in their diverse group
Speaker 1: of people, um, that they're meeting the bulk of the need,
Speaker 1: you know, because you're not going to be able to
Speaker 1: get like everybody to be happy, but there should be
Speaker 1: some empathy, some active listening, some understanding, some um real
Speaker 1: hard val saluation of why things are the way they are.
Speaker 1: You know. So I remember talking to one organization and
Speaker 1: I'm like, what what kind of assessments do you do
Speaker 1: to determine, you know, what the need is in you know,
Speaker 1: getting a speaker or to you know, pay for vendor resources.
Speaker 1: And you know, there survey, I'll say it in quotes,
Speaker 1: was lacking because you know, it just showed like the
Speaker 1: majority thought everything was okay, but it wasn't broken down
Speaker 1: by gender, race, or sexual orientation. So it's like if
Speaker 1: the majority are white males and everything is copasetic with them,
Speaker 1: then HR thinks we don't have to do anything. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, well, you know maybe John was able
Speaker 1: to um be promoted within two years, but Germaine it
Speaker 1: took him five years. But when you look at their
Speaker 1: performance reviews, they're the same. What's up with that? You know?
Speaker 1: So really being able to like go deep into the
Speaker 1: trenches of those cultures, UH to go, how do we
Speaker 1: truly have a working well uh culture within this work
Speaker 1: space that addresses you know, these needs of all of
Speaker 1: the people that we claim quote unquote to be our employees,
Speaker 1: good employees that we want to keep. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: think it it kind of goes beyond the survey, right
Speaker 1: because if if it's a survey that's going to be
Speaker 1: able to identify who I am, and I'm like the
Speaker 1: only black women and the woman in the organization, I
Speaker 1: may not feel comfortable sharing, um, what you know, my
Speaker 1: true thoughts on a survey, but I do think that
Speaker 1: that speaks to the greater organizational culture, like what is
Speaker 1: the tone that's been said that I don't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: sharing my opinion? Right, So I think it has to
Speaker 1: start before the survey, yes, and who you know? And
Speaker 1: then also to be clear year two those who are
Speaker 1: working the intention, Because if you're saying my intention is this,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like it's for the wellness of everyone,
Speaker 1: then that kind of softens the blow a little bit,
Speaker 1: like Oh, and then making sure that whoever you're coming
Speaker 1: in or bringing in to do these assessments, you know,
Speaker 1: say you're going to do an outside person versus you know,
Speaker 1: internal HR, then that may also create some safety there.
Speaker 1: And then if you're having a diverse group of people,
Speaker 1: because I always thought it was interesting to have like
Speaker 1: diversity and inclusion being led by a white male or
Speaker 1: a white female and it's like, okay, and I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that they can't, you know, but it's like, if
Speaker 1: I am the black woman in the group, or if
Speaker 1: I am the Asian male in the group, do I
Speaker 1: feel safe actually talking about the microaggressions that I experienced
Speaker 1: every day from Chad in this diversity inclusion workshop, you know?
Speaker 1: And so what making sure again from the top down
Speaker 1: to be really smart and strategic and intentional, um, from
Speaker 1: the front end to the back end on trying to
Speaker 1: create that place of wellness and addressing you know, specifically
Speaker 1: we're talking about micro aggressions, you know, So the diversity factor.
Speaker 1: M h. So you mentioned this a little earlier there,
Speaker 1: that fina um the whole idea of high emotional intelligence
Speaker 1: and that things like gossiping are not signs of high
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence. What kind of things would you be encouraging, Like,
Speaker 1: what are some other signs of high emotional intelligence versus
Speaker 1: low emotional intelligence? Yeah, great questions. So high emotional intelligence
Speaker 1: again brings up a lot of uh self awareness. So
Speaker 1: you know, if you're self aware, then you kind of
Speaker 1: know more of who you are and why you do
Speaker 1: what you do. Um, and then you have control over it.
Speaker 1: So you know, we talked about you know a little
Speaker 1: bit of neuroscience, neuroscience about the brain. You know, so
Speaker 1: we got our emotional part of the brain olympic system,
Speaker 1: and then we have like our rational side part of
Speaker 1: the brand, which is in the front um. And so
Speaker 1: when you have high e Q, you're more assertive, uh,
Speaker 1: you're more empathic or empathetic, and then you know, you're
Speaker 1: more compassionate. And so it's it's one of those things where, um,
Speaker 1: you create a space where people actually feel comfortable talking
Speaker 1: to you because you're straightforward. UM. But you know, obviously
Speaker 1: with some tact and you know you're you know, you're ambitious,
Speaker 1: you're decisive, UM, your have you have a charming personality,
Speaker 1: you're consistent. Uh and I think I didn't mention earlier.
Speaker 1: Being you know, active listening or being a good listener
Speaker 1: is another great skill. And so it's great when leaders
Speaker 1: and managers can have high EQ because there's kind of
Speaker 1: again that ripple effective. You can be a person who
Speaker 1: can be straightforward, be the side, be empathetic, um, being patient,
Speaker 1: you know, good listener, Your your people who want to
Speaker 1: work with you and work for you have no problem
Speaker 1: having dialogue with you because they think they feel heard,
Speaker 1: they feel seen, um. And then hopefully you in turn
Speaker 1: can train them to have that same kind of high EQ.
Speaker 1: Because when you have a low EQUE, that's where we
Speaker 1: get the aggressive boss um, the poor listener, the person
Speaker 1: who's passive aggressive um you know, uh, very impulsive, easily distracted, demanding,
Speaker 1: professionistic uh. And you know, no one really wants to
Speaker 1: be around someone who kind of carries these traits. I'm
Speaker 1: glad you mentioned that because as you were talking, I
Speaker 1: was thinking, like, oh, it sounds like it really is
Speaker 1: most important for the people in leadership to have high EQ,
Speaker 1: right like, and then of course there is a trickle down,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like it does start at the top
Speaker 1: that if you know, managers are able to kind of
Speaker 1: exhibit this high emotional intelligence, then other people can kind
Speaker 1: of go behind their lead because when you you know,
Speaker 1: if you work in an environment and um that's toxic,
Speaker 1: you know you look around and go, you know, why
Speaker 1: is it that you know, Janet is always gossiping and
Speaker 1: you know we can't get work done? Or why is
Speaker 1: it that you know, my coworker UM is just so
Speaker 1: passive aggressive. And then you look at management and you
Speaker 1: recognize that management kind of tries to turn a blind eye,
Speaker 1: you know, to this behavior that's not being addressed. And
Speaker 1: so usually what's happening at the bottom is just a
Speaker 1: sign of what's going on in the man managerial part
Speaker 1: of the organization. So how do you teach this well, UM,
Speaker 1: so you know, seminars are coming in you know, uh
Speaker 1: by connecting with each are either the diversity and Inclusion
Speaker 1: department of an organization or through h R. And you
Speaker 1: know a lot of companies have these quote unquote you
Speaker 1: know lunch and learns or um you know box lunches
Speaker 1: or you know, an after work event where you may
Speaker 1: be be able to get some continuing education credits. And
Speaker 1: so I will do sessions on what emotional challenges, is
Speaker 1: effective communication, boundary development, and then depending on the organizational needs,
Speaker 1: then you know we can go deeper because I, like
Speaker 1: I said, I love talking about EQ and you know
Speaker 1: I can give a basic one oh one which gives
Speaker 1: people the time to kind of pause and reflect because again,
Speaker 1: though we are at work the bulk of the week,
Speaker 1: the bulk of our day and the bulk of our lives.
Speaker 1: We don't live lives outside. So I really want to
Speaker 1: be able to give people this knowledge. And it's a
Speaker 1: skill set that we all can have. So we may
Speaker 1: not be able to raise our i Q, but we
Speaker 1: can all always raise our EQ. And what I would
Speaker 1: want people to be able to have is this how
Speaker 1: moment after you know presentation or you know a workshop
Speaker 1: and go, oh wait, I can use this with my spouse.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much I can use this with
Speaker 1: my with my kids or with my friend because I
Speaker 1: really want to touch Again, I'm a therapist, so really
Speaker 1: I want to touch the whole person and be able
Speaker 1: to help them be better in managing their emotions everywhere
Speaker 1: again creating that place of safety within yourself and go like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm going to be consistent, you know. So I know,
Speaker 1: like I did a talk two weeks ago on emotional intelligence,
Speaker 1: and I think the first person that came to me
Speaker 1: was like, can I talk to you about my ten
Speaker 1: year old son? Okay, um, you guys are a construction organization,
Speaker 1: but we'll talk about your son. Like, so, you know,
Speaker 1: I really wanted, you know, I kind of do a
Speaker 1: little backdoor approach like, yes, we're gonna talk about work,
Speaker 1: but really we're going to talk about you. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to talk about like how did you learn about emotions?
Speaker 1: You know, where did that come from? You know, did
Speaker 1: your family talk about emotions? Did they hide from emotions
Speaker 1: that they overly express them? Because that's probably what you're
Speaker 1: bringing to to your workplace, right, Like what's the old saying,
Speaker 1: wherever you go there you are much You're always bringing
Speaker 1: yourself exactly. So something else that has come up in conversation,
Speaker 1: UM is this move that lots of organizations are going
Speaker 1: toward with this whole like open floor playing right where
Speaker 1: people don't even have high cubicles anymore. It's just like
Speaker 1: everybody's sitting at these long tables and that kind of thing. Um.
Speaker 1: And it does like you're taking down the walls, right,
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of um, you know, what's
Speaker 1: involved with EQ and just kind of managing your emotions
Speaker 1: in general is like being able to collect yourselves sometimes
Speaker 1: or having a space to go to kind of with
Speaker 1: draw and take a moment and recoup. And now we
Speaker 1: don't even have any of that anymore in a lot
Speaker 1: of work spaces. So what are your suggestions for them,
Speaker 1: like people who are working in these you know, open
Speaker 1: floor playing offices that don't even have personal space anymore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I I get the I get the again,
Speaker 1: the attention. Uh you know, what's the saying? You know,
Speaker 1: the road to Hell was Letten. Yeah, it makes sense.
Speaker 1: But however, I don't think that they've truly And this
Speaker 1: is why I really like bringing a humanistic point of
Speaker 1: view when I talked to corporations, because again, it's always
Speaker 1: about bottom line, which is great, the numbers, but again
Speaker 1: you're still your numbers don't get met met unless you
Speaker 1: have people do it. So it's like, let's deal with
Speaker 1: the people. So for extroverts, initially it's like the best
Speaker 1: thing ever. You know, xtrots love being around people, to
Speaker 1: get energized by being around people, So having an opportunity
Speaker 1: to look at you across the table um like feeds
Speaker 1: into them. However, it becomes a distraction. So then when
Speaker 1: you got the introverts, it's not the introverts areth um
Speaker 1: anti social. It's more so that they need that quiet
Speaker 1: time to regroup. They like more one on ones because
Speaker 1: they don't like superficial conversation. So to have the open space.
Speaker 1: That actually probably creates more anxiety for a person who's
Speaker 1: introverted because they're always thinking like, my space is being invaded,
Speaker 1: so if you cannot avoid um, you know, the new
Speaker 1: construction of your work convincement for introverts, I really encourage
Speaker 1: them to have headphones because one, it does help to
Speaker 1: quiet the noise to it's like a physical boundary, uh,
Speaker 1: you know. And again hopefully you have other coworkers who
Speaker 1: have some decent EQ and can recognize that if you
Speaker 1: have headphones on, probably shouldn't try to talk to you um.
Speaker 1: And then you know, maybe still even with management, trying
Speaker 1: to create a quiet space like a room um or
Speaker 1: a library where you know, people can be able to
Speaker 1: focus or talk about sensitive information because you know, not
Speaker 1: everybody wants to talk about negotiating their salary right there
Speaker 1: in the open. So still being able to create some
Speaker 1: you know, quiet spaces and private spaces while managing you know,
Speaker 1: the more open floor plan, which again makes sense because
Speaker 1: the pubicles do cause people to be more passive, so
Speaker 1: they'll send an email when you literally like right around
Speaker 1: the corner like hey, this really causes you to have
Speaker 1: more face to face dialogue, which is good, but being
Speaker 1: able to again, um, create that culture of like, how
Speaker 1: do we still respect each other's space and each other's time.
Speaker 1: So for the introverts, I'm like, just throw on some
Speaker 1: headphones even if there's nothing playing, you know, gives that
Speaker 1: illusion that, oh, you know, fire is working and she's
Speaker 1: focused and I can't talk to her right now. But
Speaker 1: I mean again, it's everything has they the good and
Speaker 1: the bad. You know, the cubicles aren't always so great
Speaker 1: and open spaces aren't so great. But if maybe we
Speaker 1: can create a balance of the two where you know,
Speaker 1: there's at least a couple of spaces that people know
Speaker 1: they can go to for quiet personal conversation, a place
Speaker 1: to regroup, um, would be helpful. So that does kind
Speaker 1: of leave me to my next question in terms of like,
Speaker 1: and you mentioned this earlier, when workplaces, we'll try to
Speaker 1: do these wellness perks like a juice bar or Grandola
Speaker 1: barish everybody, or you know, let's all go to David
Speaker 1: Busters or whatever kinds of things. Right, well, what kinds
Speaker 1: of things should corporations and organizations really be looking at
Speaker 1: in terms of creating healthy workspaces? Flexibility is huge, um,
Speaker 1: you know, and there's more and more research. I think
Speaker 1: there was an article that I saw maybe a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago about people over their age of forty
Speaker 1: should only really be working like three or four days
Speaker 1: or week, and I was like, yes, completely perfect, um,
Speaker 1: you know, but having that flexibility without penalty, because I
Speaker 1: think we're trying to catch up with with with the times,
Speaker 1: you know, so we you know, my parents were baby
Speaker 1: boomers on gen X, and so there was that whole
Speaker 1: belief that you know, you work a full nine hour day,
Speaker 1: you know, you get your lunch, you stay with the
Speaker 1: company forever, you hopefully get a pension, and then you
Speaker 1: retire and you die. That's the model. But that's not
Speaker 1: what people are looking for. That's not what a lot
Speaker 1: of millennials are looking for. And you know, so having
Speaker 1: that value add of like, okay, do you do you
Speaker 1: trust me enough to get the work done that I
Speaker 1: can do some work from home? Do you trust me
Speaker 1: that I don't have to be here from seven thirty
Speaker 1: to five thirty every day because I show up with results? Um?
Speaker 1: Being able To be clear, I think one of the
Speaker 1: biggest things that I get from client who are frustrated
Speaker 1: UM is that there's not a clear career path. So
Speaker 1: being able to have clear expectations on what you're expecting
Speaker 1: from the employees, but then knowing that you're investing in
Speaker 1: their future. Also, you know, brings this sense of wellness
Speaker 1: because they know what they're looking for. Another part of
Speaker 1: having you know, good eques being self motivated. UM. So
Speaker 1: it's like, oh wow, I know I can do this
Speaker 1: because this is being offered and also my boss is
Speaker 1: valuing uh and investing in my future. So being able
Speaker 1: to do that because management really sets the tone, you know,
Speaker 1: and being able to give constructive feedback like don't wait
Speaker 1: till you know your best person is getting ready to
Speaker 1: leave to tell them how much you know they're meant.
Speaker 1: You know they're they're meant to the group or to
Speaker 1: the team. You know, give constructive feedback continuously. Uh. That
Speaker 1: helps the client the employee UM feel seen and feels
Speaker 1: heard and understood, and like again, it feels valued within
Speaker 1: the workplace. Right, so you can keep the juice bar,
Speaker 1: but give me a schedule because right because you want
Speaker 1: them to be able to know like, well, you know
Speaker 1: they take care of the external because that's a lot
Speaker 1: of external stuff, you know, So I want the juice bar,
Speaker 1: I want the free gym pass, you know, I want UM.
Speaker 1: I have a friend of mine they really really amped
Speaker 1: up their wellness program at her company and she's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just finished doing UM. I don't know if she
Speaker 1: was making a viz it was she was. I was like,
Speaker 1: what are they doing. She's like, yeah, we're doing knitting
Speaker 1: and like all these really cool things. But I said,
Speaker 1: how important is that to you versus the fact that
Speaker 1: you've come back from maternity leave and you've talked to
Speaker 1: your manager who's like, I see leadership skills in you.
Speaker 1: I want to send you to Arizona for some leadership
Speaker 1: training and let me know when you need to take
Speaker 1: time off to like pick up the kids. And so
Speaker 1: that balance is what makes or want to push harder
Speaker 1: as an employee because it's like, Okay, within the workspace,
Speaker 1: you've given me, you know, nice self care things that
Speaker 1: I can do, But if I leave the workspace, I
Speaker 1: still know that you are like investing in me, you know,
Speaker 1: whether you'll do the flex time or UM job growth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So what are some of your favorite resources for people
Speaker 1: who want to learn more about like emotional intelligence or UM,
Speaker 1: you know, like how they can create healthier workspaces. So
Speaker 1: I I was thinking about this because there are two
Speaker 1: resources that I usually give UM my clients, whether they're
Speaker 1: you know, in corporate spaces or not. And it I'm
Speaker 1: always saying like, let's start with the self awareness UM,
Speaker 1: but then also let's take care of the goals. And
Speaker 1: so work life balance is myth. It's more work life alignment,
Speaker 1: you know, so how are we creating a life that
Speaker 1: we want on? UM. So a great book that I
Speaker 1: think everyone should have, you know, in their library is
Speaker 1: The Twelve Week Year by Brian p I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: his last name is Moran UM and Michael Lennington UM
Speaker 1: because they do a lot of mindset work and you know,
Speaker 1: having you really stop and to evaluate, you know, what
Speaker 1: it is that you're trying to do and what you're
Speaker 1: trying to accomplish without uh freaking out and you know,
Speaker 1: distant yourself because you didn't get something done. It makes
Speaker 1: you It's one of those like active smart goals that's
Speaker 1: very practical. Uh. And another resource that I think everyone
Speaker 1: should have too is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Speaker 1: I would say it's like Boundaries one oh one because
Speaker 1: they do have a series, but this book begins to
Speaker 1: highlight that self awareness because sometimes we're thinking we have
Speaker 1: healthy boundaries, but a reality are our boundaries may be
Speaker 1: too flexible or too loose or too rigid and um,
Speaker 1: but it also lights boundary violators. So again talking about
Speaker 1: the top of our conversation about microaggressions, those are boundaries
Speaker 1: being crossed, you know, certially when someone touches our hairs
Speaker 1: like you're you know, you're crossing a physical boundary. So
Speaker 1: being able to recognize them within yourself and recognize them
Speaker 1: and others. And there's practical examples of whether it's a
Speaker 1: boundary at home, boundaries with your spouse. UM, I think
Speaker 1: it's like boundaries with family, boundaries at work. They kind
Speaker 1: of have the different chapters, and like I said, it's
Speaker 1: a series, so if you want specifically boundaries at work,
Speaker 1: there's a you know, they also author that book, but
Speaker 1: a great starting point is just the book title Boundaries
Speaker 1: by Cloud in Townsend that give you the like first
Speaker 1: open door into understanding boundaries and self awareness. And then
Speaker 1: I think everyone should have a self care journal or
Speaker 1: a planner. Um, you can pick up one anywhere. However,
Speaker 1: I would say that I've created a twenty one day
Speaker 1: self care planner that's available, um, you know on my
Speaker 1: you know, different social media handles, and it's there to
Speaker 1: create again that work life alignment. So it does address
Speaker 1: self care at work and then self care outside of work.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm sorry. And then which is free app?
Speaker 1: Calm c A L yeah, c A l M And
Speaker 1: it's free. Um. But a lot of my clients who
Speaker 1: are in corporate spaces who struggle with anxiety love that
Speaker 1: app and choose to actually pay for the full subscription.
Speaker 1: But I always say, start with the free and see
Speaker 1: where you want to go with it. Right. So I
Speaker 1: do want to talk a little bit more about the
Speaker 1: whole work life alignment because I do think for years
Speaker 1: we have been fed this lie about work life balance
Speaker 1: when clearly there is no balance, right, there's always something
Speaker 1: competing for our attention. Um. So so talk more about
Speaker 1: what you consider work life alignment and how people can
Speaker 1: kind of do better with that. I think again, yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with you to the lie that we've been
Speaker 1: taught um. And I think for women it's even been
Speaker 1: harder because working women in particular who feel that they
Speaker 1: have to be everything and do everything, uh, and then
Speaker 1: they end up being burnt out and frustrated and unhappy.
Speaker 1: So then you become an unhappy wife and unhappy mother
Speaker 1: if you have kids, and um, you know may be
Speaker 1: satisfied at work, but not content in how work plays
Speaker 1: into your life. So when I talk about work life alignment,
Speaker 1: it is how do you uh create that value of
Speaker 1: work to the life that you want to live. So
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I could use myself as an example. So
Speaker 1: I'm a mom entrepreneur, so I have kids and I'm
Speaker 1: a a wife, and um, I need to know, well,
Speaker 1: how many days of work am I comfortable doing so
Speaker 1: that I could be home with my kids? How much
Speaker 1: money do I need to make to you know, feel comfortable? Um,
Speaker 1: because I can't sit there because I have worked in
Speaker 1: corporate environments before I became a therapist. Is that I
Speaker 1: can't say I want to have a thriving marriage or
Speaker 1: be able to be at all my kids events. But
Speaker 1: I'm working, you know, eighty hour week just asn't line up,
Speaker 1: you know, So it is a a give and take.
Speaker 1: It is being able to say, how do my values
Speaker 1: create my my boundaries? So going back to boundaries, so
Speaker 1: if I know that my values are uh stable, family, household, healthy,
Speaker 1: thriving marriage. Um, you know children who are content and
Speaker 1: I'm present, then I need to figure out how everything
Speaker 1: else plays into that value. So how does work my
Speaker 1: time at work the tot type of work I do?
Speaker 1: You know it is worked just here to be um
Speaker 1: a a investor in What I want to do is
Speaker 1: work here to be able to just pay the bills
Speaker 1: and you know, I'll find uh something else uh that
Speaker 1: will be able to feed my passion of you know, art,
Speaker 1: I don't know. But taking that time to go how
Speaker 1: do I want my life to look? Because you're going
Speaker 1: to recognize where your boundaries are being crossed in those
Speaker 1: areas where you're irritable because you're tired and you're stressed.
Speaker 1: Um and usually that's a sign that a boundary has
Speaker 1: been crossed. M hmm. Okay, okay. And does your the
Speaker 1: journal that you've developed, does it help you to kind
Speaker 1: of get clear about that? It does in a sense
Speaker 1: that I mean it's again twenty one day, so there
Speaker 1: will be more to come. Um. But like this is
Speaker 1: kind of a commencement into I say that soft care
Speaker 1: is not this investment of going to the spa or
Speaker 1: getting a many petty or going on vacation. It's an
Speaker 1: investment into yourself intentionally every single day, and it's so
Speaker 1: that you're going to be able to create a life
Speaker 1: you don't want to run away from because I hear
Speaker 1: a lot of people talk about, oh man, fire, I'm
Speaker 1: just tired. I just need a vocation, I just need
Speaker 1: to get away, And it's like, okay, well now you
Speaker 1: got to you got to the point where you're stressed
Speaker 1: and you burnt out. So what have you not been
Speaker 1: doing every single day to make you okay? Are you
Speaker 1: not sleeping enough hours? Are you adding too much to
Speaker 1: your plate? Are you over committing? Are you not delegating enough?
Speaker 1: Like it's so the every day kind of challenges you
Speaker 1: to do one simple thing two um I would say,
Speaker 1: elevate your wellness. So it starts off on creating a
Speaker 1: nighttime routine and then the next day is a morning
Speaker 1: routine because people don't really take the time to be
Speaker 1: intentional with that and how much it's important to your
Speaker 1: brain health, health and your physical health to have proper rest.
Speaker 1: And then it goes into like the you know, the
Speaker 1: deeper stuff of you know, are you comparing yourself to
Speaker 1: people at work or anyone in your life and what
Speaker 1: is that about? You know, are you shooting yourself? You know?
Speaker 1: And I think the expectations which justice the cousin of
Speaker 1: dissatisfaction and disappointment. So you know, so it has those
Speaker 1: like self reflective questions, um on certain days and other
Speaker 1: days have like some actional you know, action steps on
Speaker 1: you know, making sure you're maximizing your commute and just
Speaker 1: being intentional. I really want people to be more intentional
Speaker 1: with their lives instead of kind of letting their lives
Speaker 1: just run them. Yeah. I've checked out the journal, all right,
Speaker 1: and I think it's a great introduction, like you said,
Speaker 1: into like, okay, these are the ways that I could
Speaker 1: be making some small changes, not even like life you know,
Speaker 1: life changing, but very small decisions. Right. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be like this big, grand scale kind of thing
Speaker 1: if you're trying to create a life by design and
Speaker 1: it's not going to happen overnight, but like these little
Speaker 1: implemental and and the thing that I like about the
Speaker 1: journal is that you literally could just print it off again,
Speaker 1: right and do it for another one days, right and
Speaker 1: um and ideally I would love it to grow to
Speaker 1: be you no working well daily, you know, for new
Speaker 1: moms or whatever. So it's specific to where you are
Speaker 1: in life. But right now, it's just this general look
Speaker 1: at how am I actually making time for myself? Like
Speaker 1: how am I caring for myself? Because we do really
Speaker 1: try to run away from our lives instead of actually
Speaker 1: going Wait, I'm the narrator. I can edit, I can copy,
Speaker 1: I can paste, I can do whatever I need to
Speaker 1: do to create a life that I don't want to
Speaker 1: run away from. So where can we find you online?
Speaker 1: What is your website as well as any social media
Speaker 1: handles you'd like to share? Sure? Um, well, my website
Speaker 1: is Fara Harris LCPC dot com and Fara is f
Speaker 1: A R A H Harris h A R R I
Speaker 1: S and then LCPC dot com and then and all
Speaker 1: my social media handles on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook is at
Speaker 1: Fara Harris l C PC and then I'm also the
Speaker 1: own creator of the group working well. Uh and it's
Speaker 1: a Facebook group. It's closed, so you know, you just
Speaker 1: asked to be you know, invited in. But that's where
Speaker 1: you know you'll get additional tips. That's where people are
Speaker 1: open to asking questions about what's going on at their work,
Speaker 1: you know, if they're planning on transitioning from one career
Speaker 1: to another. It's really a safe place for UH people
Speaker 1: who are looking to understand work life alignment and get
Speaker 1: support from other professionals, other mothers of their dads, um
Speaker 1: and and and feel not judged, you know, if they're
Speaker 1: having an issue at work and they want to you know,
Speaker 1: kind of get some feedback on how to to to
Speaker 1: manage it. So I usually try not to answer any
Speaker 1: questions that people post because I kind of like to
Speaker 1: let the village chime in and then I'll bring my
Speaker 1: you know, therapeutic UM expertise a little bit later. And
Speaker 1: so it's been exciting um having this group grow. It's
Speaker 1: it's been since I think January is when you know,
Speaker 1: I started the group. So if you're interested in working well,
Speaker 1: there's a Facebook group grading for you to to come
Speaker 1: join us perfect and all of that information will be
Speaker 1: included in the show builds for anybody who can't write
Speaker 1: it down right now, so don't worry about missing any
Speaker 1: of the information. Well, thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us today. I loved it. I love your program, I
Speaker 1: love what you're doing, and I think you're just such
Speaker 1: a wealth of um resources that especially black women need
Speaker 1: right now. Thank you, thank you. I'm so grateful that
Speaker 1: far I was able to share her expertise with the
Speaker 1: US today. Be sure to check out the show notes
Speaker 1: to get more information about her practice and her self
Speaker 1: care planner. You can find them at Therapy for Black
Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash session. If you're looking for a
Speaker 1: therapist in your area, be sure to visit the directory
Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And
Speaker 1: if you want to continue this conversation and join a
Speaker 1: community of other sisters who listen to the podcast, come
Speaker 1: on over and join us in the Thrive Tribe at
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe. Be sure
Speaker 1: to answer the three questions that are asked to gain entry.
Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for joining me again this week,
Speaker 1: and I look forward to continuing this conversation with you
Speaker 1: all real soon. Take care. I doctor Boctor, I doctor doctor,
Speaker 1: I doctor