Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina,
Speaker 1: I'm Karn. We're sorry about last night, the anti sluck
Speaker 1: shaming podcast. I never stopped yo fucker's Welcome to another
Speaker 1: episode of Guys We Fuck Yes. It's the anti sludge
Speaker 1: shaming podcast for all genders, races, sexual orientations and types
Speaker 1: of feminists. I'm Karin, I'm Christina him my voice is
Speaker 1: not working because Pautreal just for laughs was so fucking fun.
Speaker 1: There was a lot of talking, just a lot of
Speaker 1: it was just three days of me having to talk.
Speaker 1: You taught so much more than you normally talk. I
Speaker 1: was forced, you were forcing. You know, we needed a
Speaker 1: guest for the Yeah, we needed a guess and then
Speaker 1: also I guess, like you know, when people are standing
Speaker 1: in front of you, you do have to keep words
Speaker 1: coming out of your mouth, right and if they keep
Speaker 1: looking at you, keep talking. Dude. I got. I talked
Speaker 1: to Dan Harmon. It was the best fifteen minutes of
Speaker 1: my life. He's a smart If you guys don't listen
Speaker 1: to Harmontown, it's a really good podcast that I love.
Speaker 1: Stevens obsessed with it, and Steven was like it was
Speaker 1: so cute. It was like me meeting justin Timberlake, but
Speaker 1: like he's gonna kill me for saying that, but um
Speaker 1: I was so. It was so the people, the amount
Speaker 1: of amazing comedians. Brian Reagan was there. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: I've never seen him in person. He's the best stand
Speaker 1: up comedian guys. Everyone is like if you yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so stand up comedians are the most amazing people on
Speaker 1: the face and of the earth. I really think I'm
Speaker 1: not including us in that, like we're great, we're stand ups,
Speaker 1: but like people like Brian Reagan and Sarah Silverman, I
Speaker 1: always going to say, maybe I don't agree with that,
Speaker 1: but I thought you're like, well we are. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, not that. I was just like, okay, there.
Speaker 1: I think they're They're very interesting but also can be
Speaker 1: actually the worst people, totally totally, but they're so funny.
Speaker 1: Oh my're entertaining that for sure. I uh. We talked
Speaker 1: to Anthony jessel Nick and I stuffed my business card
Speaker 1: down his shirt because I felt so awkward and he
Speaker 1: didn't reach out when I gave it to him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I just put it out her shirt. He was like,
Speaker 1: are you serious? And like, I hate this as much
Speaker 1: as you, buddy. I like that he was exactly the
Speaker 1: way you would have expected. Yeah, he was so cool
Speaker 1: and so tall. And who else do we see? Tom Green?
Speaker 1: Tom Green? Oh man, that was so cool. I was
Speaker 1: just going away. Christina's review of Montreal so cool, so cool,
Speaker 1: kind of like a living Vanessa Bear Mileysa. I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, it was like so cool, and I felt
Speaker 1: like Tom Grady was like so cool. Yeah, yeah, it was,
Speaker 1: it was. It was great. Um, you saw some people
Speaker 1: and well my favorite part was was Andy Dick. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. And if you've never seen especially, I know
Speaker 1: he's in l A performing a lot. If you've never
Speaker 1: seen Andy Dick perform, do yourself a favor and go.
Speaker 1: He's a magical person. He has he has an aura
Speaker 1: around him that just makes he makes me happy. Yes,
Speaker 1: and he it's I know he does. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know if all the posters that I'm seeing on
Speaker 1: his Instagram or for his one man show, I think
Speaker 1: they're just you know what. You don't need to know
Speaker 1: what you're going to see. You just need to know
Speaker 1: what you're going to see Andy Dick, and it's going
Speaker 1: to be an experience one of the most brilliant talented
Speaker 1: artists alive, and that is not one of the most sober.
Speaker 1: Good for him, Buck, Yeah, Andy Dick would love you
Speaker 1: even I Paula liked it, and I was like, Paula,
Speaker 1: you know, doesn't like to be weird, weirded out that much.
Speaker 1: But she thoroughly enjoyed herself. Yeah she did. She was
Speaker 1: having fun, So it was all good. And I eight
Speaker 1: some beaver tails and that was great. You ate pussy
Speaker 1: no beaver. I was like, come on, we've reviewed this.
Speaker 1: Tails are Canadian delicacy. Just for all the listeners who
Speaker 1: are in their car or at their work does they
Speaker 1: looked really good. They just sound like, oh poutine. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't even knownd like pussy. I didn't even bother
Speaker 1: eating any but I've had it before, so it was fine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we love you Canada. Thank you to all the fuckers
Speaker 1: who came out. We sold out both recordings. We were
Speaker 1: the top selling podcast show of the entire festival and
Speaker 1: Just for Laughs is a very prestigious festival, so we
Speaker 1: really appreciate meeting. Yeah. Um, it was great. I had
Speaker 1: the time of my life. I couldn't I didn't sleep
Speaker 1: because I was just like, who's gonna come downstairs into
Speaker 1: the hotel bar next? I might miss it. I gotta
Speaker 1: be awake. See, that's the thing I don't have fomo.
Speaker 1: So at one point I was just like Paul, and
Speaker 1: you want to just go back to the hotel room,
Speaker 1: and she was like yes, and then we went to
Speaker 1: bed for I was like, I'm I'm I'm old. No,
Speaker 1: you're wise. That's good. Yeah. I just at a certain
Speaker 1: point like yeah, I just don't care anymore. Um, but guys, Okay,
Speaker 1: so last week's episode, uh, wow, we've never it's safe
Speaker 1: to say we've never got as men emails as we
Speaker 1: got about last week's episode. Oh my god, well we forgot.
Speaker 1: We were so busy in Montreal that we didn't post
Speaker 1: it to social media yet because we were like from
Speaker 1: the second we woke up to the second we fell asleep,
Speaker 1: which is very late. We were busy, so and we
Speaker 1: did not we had not the time. But boy, you
Speaker 1: told us how you felt, right, And it was one
Speaker 1: of those episodes where I was just like I was
Speaker 1: sometimes I do an episode and then I braced myself
Speaker 1: because I was like, it's just gonna be thousands of
Speaker 1: emails telling me why did you yell? Current? Why were
Speaker 1: you yelling? I grew up in ye my home is
Speaker 1: a safe space and I can't have yelling in it.
Speaker 1: But you, I was actually pleasantly surprised because I would
Speaker 1: say percent of the emails were tam guys, we fucked
Speaker 1: for once for once. You know an you guys are
Speaker 1: nothing but honest. So I know if I was acting
Speaker 1: like a coup, which I knew I wasn't, that you
Speaker 1: would have told us it was so funny, because of
Speaker 1: course it turned into a bunch of issues that it wasn't.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, like pople are asking for oh there,
Speaker 1: you know, because we talked about there being some backstory,
Speaker 1: and I guess maybe people think like me and j
Speaker 1: C slept together. We absolutely did a lot of people. No,
Speaker 1: we did not, Uh what happened. When I when I
Speaker 1: say backstory, I just mean that we the first time
Speaker 1: we met and had a conversation maybe like a year
Speaker 1: plus ago, it was very tumultuous, the same way that
Speaker 1: it was on the podcast, and we didn't really like
Speaker 1: each other. And then since then, I've done your show
Speaker 1: as heavy you Christina, and we've had several conversations. Um,
Speaker 1: just like in the car alone when we discussed some
Speaker 1: of the things that I wanted him to discussed on
Speaker 1: the podcast, and he was very vulnerable and open and real,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is great, and I think
Speaker 1: people could really, you know, learn from your story because
Speaker 1: so often people from religious backgrounds uh feel bad about
Speaker 1: their sexuality because of how they grew up. And I
Speaker 1: was like, this is a great story to share, kind
Speaker 1: of on par with the Alistair Williams episode that we had,
Speaker 1: but maybe like a different take on. I think it
Speaker 1: was different because when you had told me all of
Speaker 1: that information that j C opened up to you about,
Speaker 1: I was like, really, j C. I and I've known
Speaker 1: him for a year as well, but I've known him
Speaker 1: more of the defensive, uh, more aggressive, which I don't mind,
Speaker 1: I don't care. I just he's a person. He's a comedian.
Speaker 1: He's a stand up comedian that I'm on shows with
Speaker 1: or I do his shows, and they're great shows. So
Speaker 1: that's the only thing I knew of him, right, So
Speaker 1: I was shocked. The reason I got I got Piste
Speaker 1: like right off the bat was because as soon as
Speaker 1: you started talking, I could tell right away that whether
Speaker 1: this is the real him or not. I don't know
Speaker 1: him that well. I knew that it was not the
Speaker 1: j C I wanted to interview. It was the person
Speaker 1: who was going to be putting on a show, Like
Speaker 1: he's a fucking wrestling character and I don't need that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, well, it's so funny because when people fight,
Speaker 1: people fight, I like blackout, and like I don't I
Speaker 1: get like, not an anxiety. It's like an anxiety blackout
Speaker 1: because when my parents fought when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: I would just stand in my room with my fingers
Speaker 1: in my ears, stomping my foot, going I don't want
Speaker 1: to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I
Speaker 1: don't want to Wow. I know it affected me hard.
Speaker 1: So like when people when I see people arguing, like
Speaker 1: I can't chime in because I don't really know what's
Speaker 1: going on. So I just tried to mediate, but then listening,
Speaker 1: listening back to it for titles, I was like, Yo,
Speaker 1: this guy says some ignorant ship and I didn't even
Speaker 1: call him out. I tried to obviously the submission thing. Um,
Speaker 1: but it's so good to talk to people that you
Speaker 1: don't agree with. This is not like somebody commented and
Speaker 1: tweeted at us, this is not an echo chamber for
Speaker 1: people who just agree. And we're not gonna hold hands
Speaker 1: and sing kum by all goddamn day and be like
Speaker 1: we should be free and have all the rights. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, but how are we going to get there
Speaker 1: unless we talk to people. And as everyone knows, I
Speaker 1: am very comfortable with confrontation, very so we compliment each
Speaker 1: other super well, yes we do, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to hear it. Yeah, And I know, uh, And I
Speaker 1: know some people are like people to go back to, like, well,
Speaker 1: you threatened physical violence on him. I'm like, please, if
Speaker 1: you've never said that you're gonna slap someone in the
Speaker 1: heat of anger, you're full of fucking ships. I say
Speaker 1: it every day. Never, in thirty years of life, I've
Speaker 1: never ever actually physically assaulted someone. So it's just like,
Speaker 1: stop trying to make this something that it isn't. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I certainly if I was gonna hit someone, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't waste my first time on j C. Most of that,
Speaker 1: most of the people that email were like I wish
Speaker 1: you hit him? Yeah, Like well all right, and they're
Speaker 1: like and then then if people you know, who like
Speaker 1: to fight against the feminists, were like, can you imagine
Speaker 1: if someone threatened to hit this feminist? And I'm like, um, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like please people. I'm sure people want to hit
Speaker 1: me all the time, And if they threatened to hit
Speaker 1: me but didn't actually hit me, I'd be totally fine
Speaker 1: with it. I'm honestly surprised I haven't been hit yet.
Speaker 1: I'm always bracing myself. I'm ready. I got Obamacare. Let's go.
Speaker 1: I don't think violence is the way to solve problems.
Speaker 1: But if if you have wanted to hit me while
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast, I hear you, I get it.
Speaker 1: I got Obamacare. Your girl is good. Gun. I just
Speaker 1: it's just, oh my god, just everything. Well here's the
Speaker 1: other thing too, we got I I really you're absolutely
Speaker 1: right when when you say we have never gotten this
Speaker 1: much feedback on a guest, which is great. And j
Speaker 1: C loves that ship. I know he does. He's sitting
Speaker 1: in his fucking throne a k S bed and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but he got podcasts requests this as he should. You
Speaker 1: know what? Fucking great? Um guess what though, all these
Speaker 1: all of the feedback that we've gotten worthy of every variety.
Speaker 1: I'm not even kidding you. Hundreds of people emailed us saying,
Speaker 1: Karn stuck it too. I couldn't believe that. How dare
Speaker 1: you have somebody like that in your podcast? That was crazy.
Speaker 1: I had to stop listening. I hate him. Hundreds of
Speaker 1: emails that were like, dude, j C, I totally agree
Speaker 1: with some of the things he was saying, and like, Karn,
Speaker 1: why did you get so mad? Hundreds of emails saying
Speaker 1: like this was the most entertaining podcast episode I've ever
Speaker 1: listened to, and hundreds of emails saying I will never
Speaker 1: look like. I had to shut it off. I couldn't listen.
Speaker 1: This was horrible. Why would you ever even entertain this guest?
Speaker 1: And guess what, You're all right and you're all wrong.
Speaker 1: So there we go. That's crazy. Um yeah, so let's
Speaker 1: just talk about other stuff. How's your week? Ben? So good?
Speaker 1: I'm getting my voice back slowly but surely perfect. And
Speaker 1: I went to the gym today and I trained. Shout
Speaker 1: out to Talia a crunch. I just feel really strong,
Speaker 1: like being able to pick up a barbell with weights
Speaker 1: on either side, like like a dude. Does I get
Speaker 1: the confidence to be a better version of myself. Kettlebells
Speaker 1: are fun. Man there, So how are you? I'm good?
Speaker 1: It was it was going to Montreal was the first
Speaker 1: time I had been away from James for a week.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mess M ever a debt. Um. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: you know what, it's just like it's just a cry
Speaker 1: for him and you're slay. No, It's just so different
Speaker 1: because I don't know, I'm just like better at being independent.
Speaker 1: I've always been super independent, but like normally when I'm
Speaker 1: in a relationship, I would like not that I didn't
Speaker 1: miss him, but I was just like, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is cool because I know I'm going to have
Speaker 1: this career where I'm going to be a whale at
Speaker 1: me and we'll knock on wood. Uh so I hope
Speaker 1: so if things go as blind. Um, So it was
Speaker 1: nice to be to be like to miss him and
Speaker 1: be so excited to see him again, but then to
Speaker 1: not have it like disrupt my work. Like when I
Speaker 1: was out in Montreal doing work, I was like, this
Speaker 1: is the time that I'm doing work now, and then
Speaker 1: when I get back to the hotel, I can like
Speaker 1: do whatever. But then so I we got back, Um,
Speaker 1: I got back like Sunday night with you, and then
Speaker 1: immediately went to his apartment and so he just did
Speaker 1: you run into his arms? I didn't run. I had
Speaker 1: to put a full face of makeup on just so
Speaker 1: you know. He of course I care. Yeah, And then
Speaker 1: he had never seen me with my hair cut, so
Speaker 1: I cut all my hair off. That's right, your hair
Speaker 1: looks so good. I mean, not all that and shave
Speaker 1: it off. But one day, uh, and we were just
Speaker 1: like talking about uh, like fantasy's because sometimes we just
Speaker 1: like to have a little chat, especially because we've been
Speaker 1: having purposely like a very vanilla start to our sexual career,
Speaker 1: just because we're like, we're going to start slow, like yeah,
Speaker 1: we're old. On the podcast before, Um, I think I
Speaker 1: mentioned it one time. Okay, you talked about it in
Speaker 1: an interviewer what. I don't know what we did yesterday,
Speaker 1: but I was talking about it yesterday and I was like,
Speaker 1: that's such a great idea to start the NELL starts
Speaker 1: slow and simple. Well it was like just a three
Speaker 1: six again because we've kind of done everything like separately
Speaker 1: and then we're starting again together so then we don't
Speaker 1: run out of things. Yeah, that's great because what you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like. It's just like, if you're having regular
Speaker 1: sex and it's good and you like it, don't make
Speaker 1: it crazy before you need to. You pull that ship
Speaker 1: out of your hat when you need to, um and
Speaker 1: at your pussy. And then so we were talking. We
Speaker 1: had been talking about like role playing, I think you
Speaker 1: and I for some some other thing. And so I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, I have a lot of costumes,
Speaker 1: which I did, and then he was like what kind
Speaker 1: of costumes that. I was like, well, I have like
Speaker 1: a wonder Woman costume. And then he was like, well,
Speaker 1: what would happen when you put on the Wonder Woman costume?
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, me, the Wonder Woman gets
Speaker 1: raped by another superhero. And then he was just like
Speaker 1: that would never happen. He's like, your story is flawed.
Speaker 1: And I was like what why? And he was like
Speaker 1: a Pharis dream I know, and he was like, Karin,
Speaker 1: everybody knows that Wonder Woman has superhuman strength, so she
Speaker 1: couldn't get raped. And then I was like, but what
Speaker 1: if she was being raped by a superhero that's even
Speaker 1: stronger than her. I was like, Wonder Woman isn't invincible.
Speaker 1: Everyone has something. And then it just took me out
Speaker 1: a moment I thought I was gonna say, well, I
Speaker 1: have a Donald Trump costume, Like no, no, no, no
Speaker 1: no no no no no no no no no. I
Speaker 1: was like, god damn it, well you should rape him
Speaker 1: as a sexual fantasy wise, as I don't know what
Speaker 1: could he be Like Rocco's modern line. I was like,
Speaker 1: don't remind me that you're a nerd. I was because
Speaker 1: he's like, he's seemingly cool, and I was so excited
Speaker 1: that I had a cool boyfriend. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to know that you know all this
Speaker 1: about comics. I know you can't get at the technicalities
Speaker 1: are right, which just pretends I was like, kidding me
Speaker 1: right now. That reminds me Stephen's mom is sleeping in
Speaker 1: our beds tonight and I have to have handcuffs on either.
Speaker 1: I have like cuffs with ropes on every corner of
Speaker 1: my bed that I don't really use that often. They're
Speaker 1: just she's sleeping in your bed, yeah, because we've had
Speaker 1: her on the couch, but then she goes to bed
Speaker 1: early because she has to get up early. She's great,
Speaker 1: but I need mu space, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna put it in our bed, and you
Speaker 1: just reminded me that I have to get the sex
Speaker 1: cuffs on the couch both of you. It's a king
Speaker 1: size pullout. I kind of pulls out. I was like,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, how you both can fit on a couch.
Speaker 1: She can pull on out come see us live? Oh yes,
Speaker 1: oh god, I should have been ready. I was just
Speaker 1: so uh upset about James bringing in the technicalities. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then all I mean then I also he was
Speaker 1: eating my pussy last night and he and then it
Speaker 1: was it was great. I was really enjoying it, taking
Speaker 1: my time. And then you just like, is this ever
Speaker 1: gonna happen? And I was like I am going. I
Speaker 1: was like, what's gonna happen to me? Kicking you in
Speaker 1: the face? Is this ever gonna happen? Well, because he
Speaker 1: goes and I go and I reacted similarly similarly. I
Speaker 1: was like, what did you say to me? And then
Speaker 1: he was like, well, you know because sometimes and I
Speaker 1: was just like I am I was like, you spoiled brat.
Speaker 1: I am the easiest com in the Tri State area.
Speaker 1: How dare you? How long as we had he been
Speaker 1: down there, how dare you? I don't know, like ten minutes.
Speaker 1: I'm not a long time. I was like like a
Speaker 1: fucking lockjaw from you. Okay anyway, um yes, come see
Speaker 1: us live. It's not a sex show. It's just a
Speaker 1: comedy show. Um So, surprise, Colorado. I'm coming in you
Speaker 1: right now. I'm here. She's here. I mean, hopefull, where
Speaker 1: are you? You're not even here? You're there? Um So
Speaker 1: tonight it's Friday August five, at seven pm. I'm going
Speaker 1: to be at El Cerrito in Denver for the Pussy Bros. Show,
Speaker 1: which is a free show. And then on Sunday, August seven,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be in Boulder, Colorado for two installments
Speaker 1: of the Boulder Comedy Show. Go to one, go to
Speaker 1: both whatever. Ones at seven pm, ones at nine pm.
Speaker 1: That's at the Bohemian Beer Garden and it's five dollars
Speaker 1: and you can also meet my best friend Tommy very M.
Speaker 1: Atlantic City, New Jersey, a Saturday, August twenty, Wendy Starling
Speaker 1: and I are bringing Glamour Pus to the Atlantic City
Speaker 1: Comedy Club Saturday, August twenty. Ticket link is in the
Speaker 1: description of this podcast. The Atlantic City Comedy Club is
Speaker 1: located right by on the boardwalk next to Caesar's Casino.
Speaker 1: Tickets to fifteen bucks come hang. And then on Wednesday
Speaker 1: August at nine pm former Guys We Fun, Guess, Katie
Speaker 1: Hannighan and I are doing the Comedian Project at the
Speaker 1: Standing Room No Jokes about Sex stating a relationships. Tickets
Speaker 1: are five dollars with code sex. And then a couple
Speaker 1: of days later, on Friday August eleven pm at New
Speaker 1: York Comedy Club, it's the monthly installment of Nacho Bitches
Speaker 1: with Blair Saki. Tickets to that or ten dollars with
Speaker 1: code Nacho. The next day, Saturday August at seven thirty pm,
Speaker 1: Wendy Starling and I are doing our regular monthly installment
Speaker 1: of Glamor Pus at Zinc Bar in the West Village
Speaker 1: and Toronto, Canada. We will be Inside of You at
Speaker 1: just for last festival. Thursday September two, we're doing the
Speaker 1: live recording of Guys We've Fucked. And Friday, September both
Speaker 1: at nine pm we are doing Guys We've Sucked the
Speaker 1: tour show, which is my favorite thing in the whole
Speaker 1: fucking world. You can buy only passes right now to
Speaker 1: the festival. They will be releasing individual tickets and we
Speaker 1: don't know when that happens, but when it does, we
Speaker 1: will let you know. Now just hold the dates. Uh um.
Speaker 1: And we have a new sponsor today. We're really excited
Speaker 1: for this sponsor because we've been wearing their product. Uh
Speaker 1: give a shout out to Movement Watches and it's spelled
Speaker 1: m vy empty in case you're trying to Facebook it
Speaker 1: or Google it or something. I had actually been wanting
Speaker 1: a watch when we were approached by the sponsor convenient yeah,
Speaker 1: because I just like, I don't know, I wanted to
Speaker 1: look like a smart adult. So I had this vision
Speaker 1: of just me walking around town with a gold watch.
Speaker 1: But then my boyfriend's like, really, he used to be
Speaker 1: a jeweler and he's really into watches. So he's took
Speaker 1: me into this watch store and like, watches are like
Speaker 1: fifty k. That's a lot. Ship and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't need to watch that, bed um. But I
Speaker 1: love Movement watches because they look really expensive, their stylish.
Speaker 1: They're only like a little bit over a hundred dollars
Speaker 1: and no one's gonna know. They have tons of interchangeable
Speaker 1: color schemes to match your outfit or your mood or
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing or your pussy with a genuine leather band,
Speaker 1: three hand quartz movement and stainless steel. It looked like
Speaker 1: a five dollar watch, but they started at only a
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Speaker 1: and they'll give you fifteen percent off your entire purchase,
Speaker 1: which is a super great deal. And so it's m
Speaker 1: vy mt watches dot com slash g w and Steven
Speaker 1: got a movement watch and it looks so fucking hot
Speaker 1: on him. Honestly, I love when girls wear nice watches.
Speaker 1: I also love when guys were nice watches. I think
Speaker 1: it's so fucking hot. But like you were saying, like
Speaker 1: they're so expensive. So it's like, Steven, look at all
Speaker 1: these watches and he got one. Every fucking time I'm
Speaker 1: with him and he has that watch on, which is
Speaker 1: a lot, he gets complimented on it, and it makes
Speaker 1: it just makes him look hodder. I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I know that's weird, but it does. And I also
Speaker 1: relearned how to tell time. Yeah, and you don't have
Speaker 1: to go on your phone. I do that all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to check the time, and I
Speaker 1: go on my phone and then I'm up on fucking
Speaker 1: Facebook for an hour. I'm like, why was I been?
Speaker 1: Oh the time? You will do this. You are thirty
Speaker 1: years old. You need to learn how to read a
Speaker 1: condamn watch. Okay, the subject of this email is doggie
Speaker 1: style queef prevention. Oh girl, Holy Jesus, please help me.
Speaker 1: I started listening to guys who talked about a year
Speaker 1: ago after breaking up with my boyfriend of seven years.
Speaker 1: Way to waste your twenties, right, This isn't relevant to
Speaker 1: my question. I just wanted to let you guys know
Speaker 1: that you help me get through some serious shit in
Speaker 1: my life. So thank you. Yeah, welcome. Anyway, back to
Speaker 1: the quiet stuff. I was having sex with this guy
Speaker 1: that I've been seeing for a while in my most
Speaker 1: favorite position, doggie style, and it felt great and everything
Speaker 1: was amazing until we were done and he pulled out
Speaker 1: with absolutely no warning. I heard the soul crushing sounds
Speaker 1: of air coming out of my pussy like a fucking fart.
Speaker 1: I am not the type to be easily embarrassed, especially
Speaker 1: by normal body stuff. I've burpen public too often, but
Speaker 1: I was so caught off guard and mortified that I
Speaker 1: didn't even say anything about it. It's like when you
Speaker 1: trip real bad in public and no one sees you,
Speaker 1: and somehow it's way more embarrassing because you can't even
Speaker 1: really laugh at yourself. Ah. I do understand what a
Speaker 1: quief is, and I know that it probably happened because
Speaker 1: of the air. The air got pushed into me while
Speaker 1: we were doing it, But it is Is there any
Speaker 1: way to prevent this ship? It hasn't happened before, so
Speaker 1: I'm not really sure what I did wrong or differently.
Speaker 1: But if either of you ladies have any advice on
Speaker 1: what to do to make sure this never happens again,
Speaker 1: I'd be eternally grateful. This ship is keeping me up
Speaker 1: at night. I thought about including a picture here since
Speaker 1: you guys like getting them, but then if I ever
Speaker 1: meet you in person, you'd be like, Hey, that's a
Speaker 1: quiet girl. Fuck my life. Please don't use my name,
Speaker 1: as this is clearly the most embarrassing email that I've
Speaker 1: ever been written. Sincerely exhausted and ashamed. Oh girl, if
Speaker 1: that's the biggest problem a great life? Okay, Well, first
Speaker 1: of all, I I quef with some guys, and I
Speaker 1: don't with others. With Steven five and a half years.
Speaker 1: One time with this guy that I was saying, the
Speaker 1: fucking famous guy, Oh my god, that I just need
Speaker 1: to look perfect and be perfect in front of all
Speaker 1: the time, which will impossible. I queefd so much in
Speaker 1: front of him. It was I'm like, is this a
Speaker 1: fucking joke? God? It was so annoying. But one of
Speaker 1: the only ways that you can prevent it is do
Speaker 1: not do certain positions where you're bent over. So if
Speaker 1: the girls on top, that's quiet, free position, right, joggy style,
Speaker 1: great position, odds of you quefin are high and first
Speaker 1: of all, and also like guy etiquette, follow the girl's leave.
Speaker 1: If she laughs that you laugh at it, but she
Speaker 1: don't laugh it. You don't laugh. It's so embarrassing because
Speaker 1: it does sound like a fucking fart. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: wasna I was. It's not actually a far kind of
Speaker 1: like IM laugh at it. I mean, I don't quet
Speaker 1: terribly often, but when I do, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: it just doesn't bother me or really threw off the mood,
Speaker 1: Like it throws me off so bad. We shouldn't get it.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Steeven about He's like, you should
Speaker 1: just call it a perr instead of a queef because
Speaker 1: I was like, I hate the name queef. And also
Speaker 1: it also has to do right, mean, as you get
Speaker 1: older and dryer, it'll stop happening because a lot of
Speaker 1: it is because of the liquid. The liquid and like
Speaker 1: the put in, the pushing in the bubbles in the air.
Speaker 1: But when you're in the middle of sex and you
Speaker 1: just hear it's not that it's so loud what your
Speaker 1: queves sucked then, so it's so loud. I don't even
Speaker 1: think I've farted that loud. What girls, let it go sane? No,
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, I mean these are the kinds of
Speaker 1: things that number one, I think you're just characters, Like
Speaker 1: they're just more embarrassing to women, like guys don't really
Speaker 1: care about because guys, it's just a sound, I know,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like a fart. Man, it does sound
Speaker 1: like a fart. But how old are you? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean like I would just I would just make a
Speaker 1: quick little and just have a prepared quip about it,
Speaker 1: make it and then you move off. It should not
Speaker 1: be throwing off your entire sex because then I feel
Speaker 1: like you're not in the moment enough, but that can
Speaker 1: take you out. Man, I get it, but that but
Speaker 1: nineteen year old me gets it when I was banging
Speaker 1: that dude and it just just the loudest elephant yet
Speaker 1: has to do with insecurity. But I mean, like, if
Speaker 1: you're this person has experienced a quief before, if they're
Speaker 1: a man who's had sex with that, guys don't care.
Speaker 1: No one cares. They're just so happy that they have
Speaker 1: their dicking a pussy. They don't care if you're pussy
Speaker 1: roars or tweets or yet trumps, they don't care. I
Speaker 1: promise you. Well that's yeah, Like if your pussy started crying,
Speaker 1: maybe then that would be worse. Yeah, see, it'd be
Speaker 1: more embarrassing if your vagini started crying, yeah and whining,
Speaker 1: so quife nothing, say, don't you feel better already? Yeah? Cef.
Speaker 1: Guys don't have to do anything if you queief, so
Speaker 1: that they're just happy that they don't have to do anything.
Speaker 1: Oh good, balls in your cord now, Oh okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: get over it and don't do obviously if you're that afraid,
Speaker 1: but it's gonna be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Is it normal
Speaker 1: for your husband to be mildly verbally abusive is the
Speaker 1: next letter. Hi, ladies, I've been wrestling with this issue
Speaker 1: for a few years, and I don't know what to
Speaker 1: think about it, so looking for some advice. I've been
Speaker 1: abused by men close to me almost my whole life.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight years old and successful, so I'm not
Speaker 1: in a situation where I'm dependent on my spouse and
Speaker 1: stuck in a bad relationship. Before we were married, my
Speaker 1: husband treated me better than he does now. I loved
Speaker 1: him so fully. I was physically abused by my stepfather
Speaker 1: until my mom finally left him when I was seventeen.
Speaker 1: I was verbally and emotionally abused by my biological fire
Speaker 1: father until the day he died when I was twenty six,
Speaker 1: and now my husband verbally abuses me. I've been in
Speaker 1: therapy off and on pretty much since i was five.
Speaker 1: My husband has even come to therapy with me for
Speaker 1: a short time to address his anger and his foul
Speaker 1: behavior towards me. He recognizes that he should not speak
Speaker 1: to me the way he does, especially since my therapist
Speaker 1: has told him that when he verbally abuses me, it
Speaker 1: triggers trauma and is damaging. Although he has this information,
Speaker 1: he chooses to continue to use foul language towards me.
Speaker 1: I know he has control to use the language he does,
Speaker 1: and he outright chooses to call me names like worthless, cunt,
Speaker 1: and fucking psycho, to name a few. I say he
Speaker 1: is mildly verbally abusive because the things he says to
Speaker 1: me don't come close in severity to the things my
Speaker 1: father used to say to me. Not to discount my
Speaker 1: husband's poor behavior, because as I mentioned, it continues to
Speaker 1: further my trauma experiences. I don't know if his name
Speaker 1: calling is normal for men, because I obviously don't have
Speaker 1: a good history with men. I have had boyfriends in
Speaker 1: the past who never used this language towards me, But
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's a rare case of quote
Speaker 1: nice guy or if most men are sweet like that.
Speaker 1: Like I mentioned before, too, he didn't used to call
Speaker 1: me names or frequently curse at me. Uh like he
Speaker 1: he was once a nice guy to me. When my
Speaker 1: husband calls me names, he does not apologize unless I
Speaker 1: ask him to, and even then sometimes he refuses to.
Speaker 1: They're after I usually enter a comatose state for a
Speaker 1: few hours and get sucked into a trauma response I
Speaker 1: can't get myself out of easily. When he sees that
Speaker 1: I turned into a zombie and don't look or speak
Speaker 1: to him, he becomes defensive and continues to call me
Speaker 1: names and tries to turn things around on me to
Speaker 1: say that it's my fault that we were that we
Speaker 1: are having a bad day or night. He often does
Speaker 1: this to me at events that we go to with friends,
Speaker 1: like dinners or concerts, and ruins opportunities for us to
Speaker 1: have fun together. I can't keep myself from thinking that
Speaker 1: maybe a lot of men talk to their spouses or
Speaker 1: girlfriends like this, but that it just affects me to
Speaker 1: the severity that it does because of my trauma history.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, he knows why I respond
Speaker 1: the way I do because my therapist explained this to him,
Speaker 1: Yet he continues to treat me the way he does.
Speaker 1: Please share with me your thoughts. I want to get
Speaker 1: help uh that I need, but I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do about my husband. Please don't use my name.
Speaker 1: Of course we won't, oh man, I mean obviously just
Speaker 1: from the title we can of the email, we can
Speaker 1: say no, um, obviously, Yeah, you have a crappy history.
Speaker 1: With men, and that sucks because there are certainly wonderful
Speaker 1: men around. But you need to get it into your
Speaker 1: brain that, uh, a nice guy is in a treat
Speaker 1: for a rainy day or something that you should only
Speaker 1: get if you're on your best behavior. A nice guy
Speaker 1: should be your partner. It's what you deserve. You should
Speaker 1: never settle for anything less than that. Also, not calling
Speaker 1: you a cunt does not mean being nice. Absolutely, that
Speaker 1: means being a human and having some fucking decency and respect.
Speaker 1: Nice is way beyond not calling you a cunt. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's more about the things that are person does do,
Speaker 1: not the things that they don't do. It's being being
Speaker 1: a good partner is a very active position. Uh and
Speaker 1: so And also I mean yeah, um. But also with
Speaker 1: these words, I mean, yeah, you can you get in
Speaker 1: a fight at one time, call each other a content asshole? Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a reason to break up with somebody,
Speaker 1: it happens, But think words like worthless. To me, that
Speaker 1: worthless is so much stronger than than kunt. I think
Speaker 1: it's it's truly saying I see no value in you.
Speaker 1: It's so clear to me from this email that you
Speaker 1: are with someone who a doesn't like himself and b
Speaker 1: has is very, very insecure. So he's basically negging you
Speaker 1: and making you feel bad about yourself so that you
Speaker 1: will never leave him. He's making you feel like nothing,
Speaker 1: so that you think you are nothing and can't get
Speaker 1: any better than him. But I'm telling you you can
Speaker 1: get someone better. And if you should get someone better,
Speaker 1: and you deserve someone better. And the fact that you're
Speaker 1: fucking therapist hasn't told you to run for the fucking
Speaker 1: hills as fast as your feet can carry you, get
Speaker 1: a new therapy. I'm sorry, but this coddling bullshit that
Speaker 1: is going on, I get wanting to understand why it's
Speaker 1: a pattern. And it makes sense based on your history
Speaker 1: of the men in your life that were your father
Speaker 1: and your step like, Yeah, of course it makes sense
Speaker 1: that Oh, this is what's normal, this is what I deserve,
Speaker 1: this is how it goes. No, it is not normal
Speaker 1: to call your wife a cunt and worthless and that's
Speaker 1: horrible and I've never been called those names ever by someone,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And also it's scary because it was
Speaker 1: very jackal and hide in that he was nice to
Speaker 1: you before you got married. Then you got married kind
Speaker 1: of turns on you fucking divorce the goddamn shit out
Speaker 1: of that guy. Yeah, I mean that's easier said than done,
Speaker 1: of course. Well, I mean I already this was one
Speaker 1: of the emails where I like got off the treadmill
Speaker 1: and immediately replied, there's some that I'm just like, this
Speaker 1: needs a reply right now. So I've already replied to
Speaker 1: this person privately, but I wanted to read it on
Speaker 1: air because I think this is something that is not
Speaker 1: talked about enough. I mean, we talk a lot about
Speaker 1: physical abuse, but emotional verbal abuse. I think it's definitely
Speaker 1: more proud because it's easier. There's no there's no scars
Speaker 1: or marks or bruises you can show to other people,
Speaker 1: So how do they really going on? And sometimes that
Speaker 1: can be way worse. Uh So, and it's just it's
Speaker 1: just a shame, Like you're you say you're a successful woman,
Speaker 1: you're doing well, you don't need this bullshit. You don't
Speaker 1: need this, and you decide your worth and your value
Speaker 1: you don't and no one else does. So obviously him
Speaker 1: calling you a cunt and worthless and all the ruining
Speaker 1: fun times for you, ruining a sense that's not life.
Speaker 1: That is not living, That is not being human, That
Speaker 1: is not living your best life and having a beautiful
Speaker 1: relationship with somebody that guy glee. No, And also I
Speaker 1: mean no, even if you're not access successful, you also
Speaker 1: don't deserve this, yeah saying, I mean it seems like
Speaker 1: you have the means to kind of immediately get out
Speaker 1: of this situation. I know sometimes we become financially dependent
Speaker 1: on bouse, but I mean that's also just for anyone
Speaker 1: out there getting into a relationship, getting married. Like, I
Speaker 1: think it's so important to always have your own money
Speaker 1: and to so you have the freedom, not that you're
Speaker 1: you're not committed to someone, but you should always have
Speaker 1: the freedom to be able to leave if you want to,
Speaker 1: have the means, have the money, have the knowledge, get
Speaker 1: the college degree. Don't feel like, oh, while I'm marrying
Speaker 1: this person and they're going to be my security, absolutely
Speaker 1: not your your security. Yeah, that's it's it's so dangerous.
Speaker 1: I know so many people in my life you kind
Speaker 1: of stop their education or settle for a job or
Speaker 1: less money, or even stopped working because they rested all
Speaker 1: their laurels in love. And I don't want to tell
Speaker 1: you not to believe in love and that it can
Speaker 1: last forever. But you just be an independent person. Even
Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship, you can still be an
Speaker 1: independent human being. Oh yeah, and it'll make your life.
Speaker 1: I think it'll make your love even stronger if you're
Speaker 1: both independent people who love each other to death and
Speaker 1: respect each other. And then the way up in the morning.
Speaker 1: The only reason that you're together is because you love
Speaker 1: each other. It's not because you need to pay your
Speaker 1: your bill or you need someplace to live like. It's
Speaker 1: just because you enjoy spending time around each other. That's key,
Speaker 1: so key. Um. So, I hope that you've since reached
Speaker 1: out for some help and obviously safely are getting out
Speaker 1: of this situation because I know sometimes people make threats. Um,
Speaker 1: but there are absolutely places you can call, people who
Speaker 1: will help you, couches you can sleep on, and please
Speaker 1: if you need any more information regarding that, all right,
Speaker 1: you are worth more than you know. Seriously, guys know
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you. Larry Jessica, David Michelle Obama. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, can you image if she was listening? My god,
Speaker 1: I'm she's so cool, um. Our guests, Oh man, yeah, man,
Speaker 1: this was one of the most entertaining interviews that I've
Speaker 1: ever been a part of. Yeah, our guests, Uh, this
Speaker 1: is you are going to hear this interview live for
Speaker 1: just for laughs in Montreal. Uh. This woman is a
Speaker 1: stand up comedian. She has had a fucking life before
Speaker 1: that though. That is incredible, and and she lays a
Speaker 1: lot of knowledge on us. Oh my god, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: She should have a Magnet series, she suld. Sure. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome
Speaker 1: to Ms pas Lo. We we are my love past
Speaker 1: gone away? Ah to Taycy on a moth INSI you
Speaker 1: say you chase the down like come all and h
Speaker 1: you'll find enther girl to love you gadther than Ah
Speaker 1: we we huh, my love has gone away? Ah we
Speaker 1: we huh. We'll just get out one day. I feel
Speaker 1: like a fun learning how to walk in these shoes?
Speaker 1: How you doing? Hello, Canada? What's up? I know you
Speaker 1: guys are all like super well behaved. You're like giving
Speaker 1: us high noon tea collapse and I'm just like, Oh,
Speaker 1: in America, someone who took their shirt off already, even
Speaker 1: their laughter. It's polite. Everyone's nice here. That's not a lie,
Speaker 1: is everyone here from Canada? Where you guys from Ottawa, Toronto, Alberta.
Speaker 1: That's like all the way over California, Canada. Where's the hex? No?
Speaker 1: I was like, I like that. We asked them to
Speaker 1: shout out places in Canada, like we were gonna have
Speaker 1: any clue apart from Toronto or where we are. Now.
Speaker 1: You know, we've had fun so far here. Uh, customs
Speaker 1: is fun. Everyone speaks French here. Didn't know that loops,
Speaker 1: I really but well, yeah, rush up on my French?
Speaker 1: Um did you know? Did you have a beginner's knowledge
Speaker 1: of front? Yeah? Right, that wasn't bad. I took French
Speaker 1: for several years and I all I know still is
Speaker 1: just to be la june v, which I learned. That's
Speaker 1: not French they're speaking and yes, yeah, so that's that.
Speaker 1: No one understood that because I'm older than everyone. Of
Speaker 1: the options, they're like, Muzzy, what's that? Is that? An
Speaker 1: indie pop band? No? Yes, um, I see see far
Speaker 1: away from me. I'm sorry, I know what Stephen? Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: Stephen coined. Uh. We're trying to figure out like what
Speaker 1: to call it when a guy at accidentally puts it
Speaker 1: in your butt, you know, what I'm saying, you know,
Speaker 1: besides a lie or yeah, yeah, I guess when he
Speaker 1: came up with this goddamn genius. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: even want to try to guess, because if I guess that,
Speaker 1: then it's going to really ruin this bit. Yes. Uh,
Speaker 1: he called it the accidental Tourist. It's pretty funny. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's an accident. Yeah, I had that happened where a
Speaker 1: guy just like, oh, I didn't know. I mean, I
Speaker 1: kind of like Pete when you're we're trying, when you're
Speaker 1: trying to feel around for the whole doing a doggie style.
Speaker 1: I have had it like tap tap the tap the anus. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well no, because you know, when we'll know who who
Speaker 1: feels the hole with their hands, I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: that's what that's exactly. I'm like, are you having six
Speaker 1: with the blindbird? No? No, And then i feel I
Speaker 1: feel the dick tapped the anus, and I'm like, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: not about that. Our guests is also getting for our
Speaker 1: first preview of us right now, and I just I'm
Speaker 1: waiting to see her walk out like this is crazy. No.
Speaker 1: And there's my impression of a girl when after her
Speaker 1: boyfriend accidentally puts it in her butt, right, that's pretty good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you never had that, so no one's ever done that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but if you can you imagine someone trying to accidentally
Speaker 1: do something to me. I fucking yeah no, that was like, like,
Speaker 1: accidents don't happen with me because I prevent them. Like
Speaker 1: there's so accidents. If I hit you, that was on purpose.
Speaker 1: If I bat you away, yeah no, no, no, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: my butt sacred territory. I mean, like penises have been
Speaker 1: in my butt, but it's been planned and I've had
Speaker 1: a glass of mall Beck before it happened. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a good idea. It stings. I can't. I don't anyone
Speaker 1: who's just like I. Also, you glove anals that, No,
Speaker 1: you don't unless you're doing and then maybe you actually do.
Speaker 1: Is anybody any girls in here like love anal? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Hand in this brightly lit room. I'm not a little
Speaker 1: Mary on Saturday. What's in the Friday? It's anonymous. We're
Speaker 1: gonna make it feel like it's midnight, y'all. It's anonymous. No,
Speaker 1: it's not. No. I know that was being I was
Speaker 1: being sarcastic, but you know, the French don't understand my humor.
Speaker 1: There's a fucking strip club right around here that I
Speaker 1: want to go to. Has anybody been to it? Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, she's and the y'all previews her. Also, you
Speaker 1: guys have one dollar and two dollar coins not bills.
Speaker 1: People don't throw coins at strippers, right, that's rude. Or
Speaker 1: do they have like a mini like satchel that's around
Speaker 1: just like like the little like put it in you
Speaker 1: wanna put it in my little basket? Put it in
Speaker 1: my basket? Like they're working like the Renaissance Fair been
Speaker 1: the book. I love the Renaissance Fair. This is not related,
Speaker 1: but I will say those actors are super committed because
Speaker 1: one time my dad was trying to be sassy so
Speaker 1: instead of giving them money like they're you know, because
Speaker 1: they're always begging for money for the Renaissance Fair, like
Speaker 1: it's a fucking cancer charity. Um some my my dad
Speaker 1: was like, I don't have money, but I do have
Speaker 1: this half eaten a hot dog and the actor ate it.
Speaker 1: What that is commitment? And then I was like, Dad,
Speaker 1: you've got to give her money. And then he gave
Speaker 1: her tony bucks. I was like, what I mean? She
Speaker 1: earned that? She didn't know what that hota has been. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, I know my dad's clean, but like you
Speaker 1: do necessarily know not looking at him, you know, Yeah
Speaker 1: that's true. Six foot six, and he looks like the
Speaker 1: guy from Freaks and Geeks Guidance Counsel, the guidance counselor Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's exactly what my dad looks like. I was supposed
Speaker 1: to have sex last night, and then I didn't. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna fun tonight and then I'm
Speaker 1: gonna like tell a story about it. And then I
Speaker 1: Stephen went to betterally and then I got up there
Speaker 1: and I was like, but how interesting did you expect
Speaker 1: it to be at like four in the morning, that
Speaker 1: it was going to be podcast worthy? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know. Let's do something weird,
Speaker 1: put your fingers somewhere. I don't know. And then no, no,
Speaker 1: I fell asleep, just trying for a horrible turkey rap
Speaker 1: in the bathroom because I wanted to be quiet, and
Speaker 1: then uh, I fell rightlessly. Yeah, well I thought about
Speaker 1: master baiteny and then I didn't. You didn't mastered me
Speaker 1: in the room to yourself. No, I don't. I haven't.
Speaker 1: James has been away all week and I didn't masturb
Speaker 1: it at all. I don't know. It was like masturbate
Speaker 1: or watch the Tony Robbin's documentary, and I was like,
Speaker 1: definitely the Tony Robin's documentary Getting Old Man, Getting Old. No,
Speaker 1: that's what I would always have chosen as masturbating. No,
Speaker 1: it was life changing. It was always spiritual masturbation. Oh
Speaker 1: I could do some of that. I can I can't, like,
Speaker 1: if I'm stressed, I can't have sex. I can't master you.
Speaker 1: I can't do any of that if I'm stressed, because
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be thinking about the other thing. It
Speaker 1: relieves stressed though. There's actually I watched something on some
Speaker 1: channel for men, like Spike or something, and it was
Speaker 1: like it was like, if you actually let a guy
Speaker 1: come in with you without a condom, it's scientifically proven
Speaker 1: that it reduces stress levels. But then they were like,
Speaker 1: is that something a guy made up? Yeah? I know.
Speaker 1: I was like, of course Spike TV is saying this,
Speaker 1: seevens only five colors a protein lease and it's a
Speaker 1: really good facial moisture resurant. I don't know that's science.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it was raised like if you turned on
Speaker 1: the Lifetime channel and it was like, if you give
Speaker 1: a girl an expensive necklace, she'll love you forever, and like,
Speaker 1: that's fake, that's not how jewelry works. Not real. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but maybe it is. Everyone was like, no, that's absolutely real.
Speaker 1: That is. Anybody in the audience want to come up
Speaker 1: on stage and talk to us about a problem that
Speaker 1: they're having in front of everybody, we'll try to work
Speaker 1: it out. Yeah, And it's not an I mean, you
Speaker 1: couldn't use an anonymous name. Yeah for the recording your face.
Speaker 1: We don't have any ice of style bags. You're thinking
Speaker 1: about it. You're debating. Are you debating coming out? No?
Speaker 1: Are you vest vestie? You go no, come on, you're lying.
Speaker 1: You're all lying. There's gotta be they live in there.
Speaker 1: Get up here, sir, you burly man. Hi sit in
Speaker 1: the middle. Yeah you are, of course you're in the middle.
Speaker 1: I mean you're acting like if you sit in this
Speaker 1: chair less people are gonna see you. That's fine. There,
Speaker 1: I'm like complimenting you guys, You're you're always complimenting us.
Speaker 1: What did you want to compliment especially that little pony Sam?
Speaker 1: What's your name? You could give us a fake name.
Speaker 1: If you're just like a like a twenty tear, I'll do.
Speaker 1: But like, I'm twenty three, so I'm from Toronto, but
Speaker 1: I like went to school for we all, so I
Speaker 1: feel like I have you know, do next into the city?
Speaker 1: Is as hypothetical or is this real real? Because you
Speaker 1: keep saying like like it was like similar to an
Speaker 1: experience going no, I'm just making I'm glad Canadians say,
Speaker 1: like just as much as Americans, I'm a bad representation.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you guys. Okay, so I
Speaker 1: have a friend. I was like you and tell us
Speaker 1: she's really pretty. She just starts saying like not as
Speaker 1: pretty as you. Um, stop And she just started seeing
Speaker 1: this guy and he is self claimed bisexual, so like
Speaker 1: you know, okay, um, and so they sex. It was great,
Speaker 1: it was really it was super fun. Um and but
Speaker 1: like the pillow talk afterwards, she was saying, like he's
Speaker 1: like telling me about how he goes to like that
Speaker 1: like sex parties, and he's like if or but he's
Speaker 1: like he's like yeah, like I have like guys come
Speaker 1: buck me and like be like fucking me in the
Speaker 1: ass and she comes every Wait, that's the pillow talk, right,
Speaker 1: And then afterwards she comes up to me and says, like,
Speaker 1: I really like this, but I can't blow him because
Speaker 1: I know she won't blow a dick that's been in
Speaker 1: a butt. And the question is, would you blow a
Speaker 1: penis of a man who like enjoys the vagina but
Speaker 1: also like has told you, like time and time again
Speaker 1: that it has been Yeah, because I'm assuming that he
Speaker 1: showered in between. Yeah, I mean, and yeah, you guys,
Speaker 1: you know, a guy who's never put his dick in
Speaker 1: a butt has probably gotten some poop on it. Oh
Speaker 1: wait what wait? How it turned this on me? Like
Speaker 1: you've never gotten poop like near your vaginal area? Oh no,
Speaker 1: I have. Yeah, it goes sometimes ago and sometimes it
Speaker 1: goes broke. Sometimes you get it from the toilet and
Speaker 1: you're like, wow, I don't even know how it ends
Speaker 1: it up there. I mean, I've had a penis in
Speaker 1: my mouth that has certainly been up a woman's. But
Speaker 1: what's really the difference? I mean a lot of well,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I can't understand maybe not
Speaker 1: wanting to like hear that as like pillow talk afterwards,
Speaker 1: but you can you can have a conversation where you
Speaker 1: can cater the pillow talk to your partner. I mean
Speaker 1: you have to trial an error. You have to try
Speaker 1: some things and then when people like roll their eyes
Speaker 1: or make a gagging sound, you're like, never get didn't work? Yeah,
Speaker 1: talk about but also you told me that story and
Speaker 1: like such vivid detail that I felt like, wasn't your friend,
Speaker 1: it was my friend? It was. It's a very reset
Speaker 1: it's a fresh story, very fresh, maybe about half a
Speaker 1: week old. Your friend isn't right, Okay, tellar he said, Hey,
Speaker 1: like maybe she is, but but she might not be.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go right eye contact with you. No, I'm
Speaker 1: here alone. I'm here alone. Okay, Yeah, so yes you are, Okay,
Speaker 1: you should be um, okay, let my seat. Yeah. If
Speaker 1: you don't like the pillow talk, that's pretty intense pillow talk.
Speaker 1: But you know some people like that intense pillow talk.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean just be like, hey, tone it down,
Speaker 1: or you can or if you don't actually want to
Speaker 1: directly say to tone it down. I think it's always
Speaker 1: easier to kind of um if everyone who eats talking
Speaker 1: just steer, steer that car down a different road. So
Speaker 1: where do you go from there? Well, you just start
Speaker 1: talking about stuff that you had a party feeling well,
Speaker 1: I mean maybe not that, yeah, just so that you
Speaker 1: find s actually appealing. Like if you want to talk
Speaker 1: about like cuck holding or something I don't know, or
Speaker 1: coo cleaning or whatever, then we're talking calling it now.
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous. Okay, I don't like make some notes afterwards.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna link something to my to my friend who
Speaker 1: is definitely not here with me right now. She needs
Speaker 1: to know this, like valuable information. She loves you guys
Speaker 1: so much, not obviously not if she's not, she's she's
Speaker 1: she's here. I call you in that Are you the guy?
Speaker 1: So I know, I'm like, lean towards due mean, it
Speaker 1: seems like you're falling towards. It seems like you're running
Speaker 1: and sprinting. I'm like that. But I was like, whatever
Speaker 1: you're leaning on gave out a long time. They were
Speaker 1: like bullshit, Thank you so much, Connor. That's all looking
Speaker 1: for so we can see where his friend is. So
Speaker 1: there she is. Hey, I'm used to be thinking about
Speaker 1: the whole toe. I mean, I'm guessing you're sitting next
Speaker 1: to her. We have a kind of friendship where we
Speaker 1: trust you how to the sit at the opposite side
Speaker 1: of the room and we still know we love each
Speaker 1: other that oh yeah, yeah yeah. I was like, I
Speaker 1: thought me you were talking about me and you and
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I mean this is like a
Speaker 1: professional environment. I would just trust what you did on
Speaker 1: stage regard um. Okay, does anyone have to think that
Speaker 1: they have a more serious problem than Connor just told us, Hey, girl,
Speaker 1: get up here with the with the banks and the
Speaker 1: cuteness girl with the banks and yeah, hi, how are you?
Speaker 1: Here's a mine? Hi just made you. What's your name?
Speaker 1: My name is Lilian Hi Hi No. I was born
Speaker 1: in England. Oh wow, I cannot tell accents. Oh Jesus,
Speaker 1: sorry sorry, Lilian's right. You came up and I'm like,
Speaker 1: hello mans, Lilian. I'm like, oh, that's what we were expecting.
Speaker 1: We were expecting when we just everyone to talk like
Speaker 1: peppi lap. I think it's in the car coming up here,
Speaker 1: Someone's like, how do you say Thursday in French? I'm like,
Speaker 1: they'll stay here. I mean I think it hit pretty
Speaker 1: well in the car. Yeah, Like it was even was like,
Speaker 1: don't do that in real life, don't do that outside
Speaker 1: the sessions, like try me, motherfucker, what's going on? Lilian?
Speaker 1: So it's not a serious, serious problem. But I also
Speaker 1: don't really go out much, don't have that much experience
Speaker 1: with stuff, so I do need two ladies opinions stuff
Speaker 1: like sex or like bank transactions. Let's be real both Okay. Um,
Speaker 1: So there's this guy that I met recently and he
Speaker 1: um we started seeing. He took me out on a
Speaker 1: date once the day that we met, and then after
Speaker 1: that canceled twice for other things that we had set up.
Speaker 1: And we've seen each other since. Because he works across
Speaker 1: the street from me, it's convenient for sex, which is
Speaker 1: pretty good. Do you go to his work and bone
Speaker 1: or yeah? In his office? Oh that's hot? Like actually
Speaker 1: you said that, You're like, yeah, obviously, Wait what does
Speaker 1: he what does he do? He's in real estate? Oh
Speaker 1: wear a suit? No, but he was like a m
Speaker 1: a button up but he kind of has a first cup.
Speaker 1: Oh he does the first couple of buttons unbuttoned. Freeview, ladies,
Speaker 1: Is their hair now a little bit? Okay? Yeah, because
Speaker 1: sometimes when people do it with no hair, and I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: or if it looks like just like burnt pubes or something,
Speaker 1: I mean button up, Okay, So I am just thinking
Speaker 1: that we're in this full sex. He keeps introducing me
Speaker 1: to his friends and he calls me. He's called me
Speaker 1: his girlfriend four times to the friends. But he also
Speaker 1: doesn't want to commit and actually meet up outside of work,
Speaker 1: which doesn't really bother me. But it's just bizarre. Is
Speaker 1: that bizarre because he's trying to look good in front
Speaker 1: of his friends or something like he's trying to be
Speaker 1: like the group room. Maybe wait, do you live here?
Speaker 1: You live here though, because I commute every morning from England.
Speaker 1: No ship, you're an angel, your magic. I like people
Speaker 1: are in town for just for last guys from New York. No,
Speaker 1: I'm asking because just for socially, like in America, no
Speaker 1: guy would like you would use would use words to
Speaker 1: try to make you really Yeah, that's what I was
Speaker 1: getting at. Your fucking smart ass um. God, have you
Speaker 1: talked to him about this and be like, bro, I've
Speaker 1: wanted to so, But in the moment, it's always in
Speaker 1: the moment when he's actually in front of other people,
Speaker 1: and I can't be like, what the funk are you
Speaker 1: talking about? Although I always like what and like he
Speaker 1: can see on my face that I'm like, what the hell?
Speaker 1: All four times you were like, can't, I can't. It
Speaker 1: doesn't I don't have a poker face. Oh that's good.
Speaker 1: He shouldn't. Poker face are lame except for poker. Um,
Speaker 1: So you haven't discussed this with him, and how long
Speaker 1: have you guys been Well, how long has it been
Speaker 1: since the first time you guys been banging? Um? Maybe
Speaker 1: two months? Oh that's a long time. So you don't
Speaker 1: want to be a boyfriend girlfriend? Well no, because he
Speaker 1: doesn't know how to commit communicated. Yeah, I mean the
Speaker 1: resolution to this is the same resolution to almost every
Speaker 1: problem we've ever encountered. And that's just you have to
Speaker 1: have the conversation with him, because I mean, that's it's
Speaker 1: like almost like unfair of him to be able to
Speaker 1: use the word girlfriend when he feels appropriate without doing
Speaker 1: the things that you would expect of someone calling you
Speaker 1: their girlfriend. Yeah, for sure, it is an earned title.
Speaker 1: And I don't And I'm the same way, like, I
Speaker 1: don't mind if if a relationship is just going to
Speaker 1: be fucking but you're sure it's hell not going to
Speaker 1: introduce me as your girlfriend and then not do any
Speaker 1: of that extra girlfriend work. Yeah, but if if it's
Speaker 1: just in his mind and I don't actually have to
Speaker 1: friends know, I'm just curious, like, is this is this
Speaker 1: the thing that happens. I I've never had that happen.
Speaker 1: If anything, it's the opposite. I'm call me your girlfriend, please,
Speaker 1: and they're like no, yeah. Usually it's like you're spending
Speaker 1: every single night together and then you get to like
Speaker 1: David Busters wherever you hang out, and this is getting
Speaker 1: really personal, and then he introduces you to his friends
Speaker 1: like this is my friend, Karan. I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: told him to call me his friend and he said girlfriend. Right,
Speaker 1: He's a bad listener. Yeah, yeah, I mean that would
Speaker 1: that would just annoy me just because like, dude, I've
Speaker 1: told you several times. Can you not like corrected? Do
Speaker 1: you see my face when you said that in front
Speaker 1: of your friends? Like we're not boyfriend and girlfriend. You'd
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I'm cool with being your girlfriend, but
Speaker 1: I just find it weird that we are giving each
Speaker 1: other this intimate title but not seeing each other, you know,
Speaker 1: outside of walking across the street to your office and
Speaker 1: fucking you know, between real estate closings. It's odd. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would yeah, get yeah, I mean it's like he's
Speaker 1: tink and he's calling several girls who walk across the
Speaker 1: street his girlfriend. You know, I just don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't trust people in real estates to begin with. So
Speaker 1: that was a star and I was like, well, I
Speaker 1: know you have experienced stay, so I'm sure you've seen
Speaker 1: some shady should go down. Yeah, but not with romance. Well, no,
Speaker 1: that's all I have. No, that is a lie. I
Speaker 1: can't Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's weird. I don't like, that's
Speaker 1: like douche to me. Yeah, I I asked. I have
Speaker 1: a guy friend that I asked, and he said that
Speaker 1: it might be that the guy wants to commit but
Speaker 1: isn't able to because he's busy as hell, am steel busy.
Speaker 1: I don't hate that that, I figured, Yeah I don't,
Speaker 1: because like people make you make time, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like you always make time no matter what's happening.
Speaker 1: Really like, if you want to make time, you will
Speaker 1: make time. And because he has and I understand, real
Speaker 1: estate is a really busy, demanding career, but so is
Speaker 1: fucking comedy. Like you know what I mean, Like you
Speaker 1: make time when you want to. So yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: are you doing anything else besides bony, Like, are you
Speaker 1: going out to dinner or like doing anything like a museum.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm trying to pretend like I'm a
Speaker 1: human and it's just not working. I'm like, what do
Speaker 1: humans watch paintings? We've gone off for supper to his
Speaker 1: friend's restaurant, which is how he has sometimes introduced me
Speaker 1: as his girlfriend to his friend. Um. And also he
Speaker 1: keeps asking me to go to his meetings with clients, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what now, it sounds like arm candy
Speaker 1: to me. Yeah, it's kind of what I have. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that sounds like arm candy. That's a red footsta. Like
Speaker 1: you're just a beautiful girl, like you know, in business
Speaker 1: a lot of times, like people will bring a beautiful
Speaker 1: girl because men respect other men who are with beautiful
Speaker 1: women because we around the world. Um no, no, seriously,
Speaker 1: that does sound exactly what's happening. He just wants you
Speaker 1: there to be like a beautiful woman to be standing
Speaker 1: beside him, to make a look and girlfriend just makes
Speaker 1: it sound shady. Yeah. That see, this is why we
Speaker 1: have to keep talking. Yeah, because now at the bottom
Speaker 1: of that, that's very peculiar. Yeah, he's a psychopad and
Speaker 1: I was just kidding. Yeah, no, I mean so, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think you have to have a conversation just because
Speaker 1: like just for your own state of mind, like you
Speaker 1: need to know what this is, especially if you're someone
Speaker 1: who wants to ultimately get into a serious relationship. It
Speaker 1: seems like you don't really care that much. If you
Speaker 1: don't care, I mean, just keep sucking him and like
Speaker 1: don't kept burden or anything. But yeah, sorry, one more thing.
Speaker 1: Your choice, your body, your choice, whatever you want. Um.
Speaker 1: So he he told me that he bought a house
Speaker 1: about a year ago and he completely gutted it because
Speaker 1: he also flips homes, completed gutted it and then recently
Speaker 1: renovated it. And then he showed me the pictures. He's like,
Speaker 1: what do you think? And I was like, yeah, sor right,
Speaker 1: but like would you live then? And I said yeah sure,
Speaker 1: and well as in so right, it's a place that functions,
Speaker 1: doesn't it as plumbing and stuff. So and then he asked, um,
Speaker 1: you're so laid back. There's a toilet, I guess is
Speaker 1: there running wall to You're the best? And he so
Speaker 1: he also if I would live there? I said, you
Speaker 1: all right? And he said, would you live there with me?
Speaker 1: And I was like, and then he also said, would
Speaker 1: you live there with me? And a kid? All right?
Speaker 1: I hate him and right away this guy sucks. He's
Speaker 1: got I would it is very bizarre. I would talk
Speaker 1: to him just out of curiosity. What's going on in
Speaker 1: that little manioneers to make you asked me to move
Speaker 1: in with you and a child? I'm assuming it's his child,
Speaker 1: as is somebody just took off the street. Um, well,
Speaker 1: that's the thing I asked him with this kid would
Speaker 1: be coming from because it wouldn't be coming from me.
Speaker 1: And then I asked him if he had any like
Speaker 1: if you have any like kids hiding onto a belt
Speaker 1: and he just locked all right, he might murder you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is very American psycho. Yeah. He also asked you
Speaker 1: to wash your pussy in a bathtub before you had sex,
Speaker 1: Like why the fuck? Dear? Yeah, it's like it's really weird.
Speaker 1: Before I come over, he lays out plastic over everything
Speaker 1: and he's like, roll over on. I'm like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: this guy's weird. He threw a chainsaw down the staircase
Speaker 1: at me as I was running, but he was frustrated.
Speaker 1: I was just trying to remember scenes for American Psycho. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: this guy's weird. Okay, things we learned. This guy's weird.
Speaker 1: At fuck you need to talk to him. Yes, you
Speaker 1: can keep sucking, but please be safe. And I would say, like,
Speaker 1: maybe keep sucking him in his office because you might
Speaker 1: need to be out for help. Yeah. Yeah, and off
Speaker 1: during office hours. Yeah, from night to five, just so
Speaker 1: there's someone you're by if you needed it. Yeah. Might.
Speaker 1: I don't think. I mean, he's the only one in
Speaker 1: the office. Wah my god, it keeps getting worse. He
Speaker 1: has an office with just him. He isn't an assistant.
Speaker 1: Uh no, oh man, wait wait wait who has an
Speaker 1: office called him? Is this like is this like a
Speaker 1: wee work? I don't know if you guys have that here,
Speaker 1: but like, what is is it just like a shared
Speaker 1: like a cubicle? He just bolt part of the building
Speaker 1: and then he you hear your hear yourself talk? Do
Speaker 1: you hear it? He just bought part of a building
Speaker 1: and he goes there. He's he's I don't think he's
Speaker 1: a red Asian man. I think we've cracked his case.
Speaker 1: I'm like, homeboy, fucking this is a maniacopot a button
Speaker 1: up and he's like, what's something I can say I do,
Speaker 1: but I don't need to ever have any proof of it.
Speaker 1: I'm in real estate, key, I got okay, poor here,
Speaker 1: I signed this thing. It's real estate stuff. So you know,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he is a realistic agent because his
Speaker 1: name is on the side of the building. Alright, just
Speaker 1: could be painted it there. I think it's a bit
Speaker 1: of both. Yeah, he painted it there and lambs. But like, wait, Christina,
Speaker 1: what's like like what's like own something only someone in
Speaker 1: real estate would know? Like a trick question that she
Speaker 1: could ask with your oy okay, um uh? Commercial brokera
Speaker 1: what's the what's the standard percentage for for residential brokerage?
Speaker 1: Like what's the standard split? Already? Sound this the matter
Speaker 1: life or Deafinitely? I'm nervous. You're a classe motherfucker. I
Speaker 1: love you. Um yeah, ask him, like, what percentage you
Speaker 1: usually get when you sell a house when there's a
Speaker 1: when the other when the other customers a broker? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's it. Do that, let us know and then just
Speaker 1: please be safe. Yeah, that's it. It's six percent total,
Speaker 1: and then you split it to what's three and three
Speaker 1: is this average? So he says anything more than that,
Speaker 1: he's he's just starts, Dick is talking. Yeah, I just
Speaker 1: start walking backwards slowly. Yeah. And then when he goes,
Speaker 1: what do you just be like because he's weird, so
Speaker 1: he'll like go, we'll probably wait to see what happens,
Speaker 1: and you just leave. Yeah. Yeah, so the plan is
Speaker 1: to moon woke out the DOL when I asked him
Speaker 1: about exactly. Yeah, you're very funny, but I feel like
Speaker 1: you should be way more concerned about your life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: very chill, very children. I appreciate it. I'm just concerned. Thanks,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Appreciate it. Thank you. Give it up, Lennonnutes.
Speaker 1: I am yes, you should bring on our guest. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you guys, I'm so excited for our guest.
Speaker 1: She I don't please, just I am so fucking excited
Speaker 1: for this interview, ladies and gentlemen. She's a stand up comedian,
Speaker 1: very funny, lady. Please give it up for minutes. Hey,
Speaker 1: I like, I don't want to waste time talking. I
Speaker 1: just want her to come up. Hello. Oh you go ahead,
Speaker 1: now you're welcome. Thanks, Hi, this pat Hi. He brought
Speaker 1: her white trash whiskey bar. Yeah, that is that whiskey.
Speaker 1: And so she was drinking out of a bottle like
Speaker 1: white trash. I was like, you ain't wrong, you ain't wrong.
Speaker 1: How you doing? I'm doing fine? This is I never
Speaker 1: you pitches are crazy. Yeah, and I'm looking at your audience.
Speaker 1: It's so crazy because the old women are here to
Speaker 1: learn how to suck dick like the young women so
Speaker 1: they don't lose their husband's that's about taking it in
Speaker 1: ask ma'am. You from the sevenies, we don't take it
Speaker 1: in the ass, right, So you here trying to keep
Speaker 1: him from sucking one of these young girls. If you
Speaker 1: take it in the ass, bitch, I'm gonna take it
Speaker 1: in the ass, save my marriage. I learned so much
Speaker 1: from your nasty cheeks. So one thing you said wrong.
Speaker 1: You said if a dick got shipped on it, maybe
Speaker 1: he made a mistake. That's not true because black men's
Speaker 1: have big dick. So sometimes they deck fall on a
Speaker 1: turd in the toilet. What it grazes the toilets. If
Speaker 1: it's big enough, girl, that's a big Yeah. You never
Speaker 1: had a big dig I guess you need to. I
Speaker 1: thought I did, miss Pat. But if your man stick,
Speaker 1: don't smell like ship. It's a little small miss Pat.
Speaker 1: They're gonna be forever looking for shitty decks. Now my
Speaker 1: eyes like, no, don't smell like wow, okay, do you
Speaker 1: take it up? But oh what the fuck? I don't
Speaker 1: like it? Her like an hour I is sucking me
Speaker 1: in my ass. I just got healthcare, so no, but
Speaker 1: if it feels wrong, you can go. No. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm member fourties. What do I look like going to
Speaker 1: the hospital saying he split my asshole? You know? What
Speaker 1: do you think? My kids? That's for you all. You know.
Speaker 1: I'm born in the seventy We did ship, like fucking
Speaker 1: the car in the graveyard and stuff like, you know,
Speaker 1: graved it's free. Everybody looking, nobody talking seventies bill, but
Speaker 1: graveyard fucking. And then we went to Studio fifty four.
Speaker 1: We fucking graveyards. My first kid father he was married,
Speaker 1: so and I was, okay, let's go back and get
Speaker 1: back to that. My first kid's father. Uh, he was
Speaker 1: married and I didn't know it at the time, and
Speaker 1: I was swelling. He was twenty two twelve. Don't judge me.
Speaker 1: Some of the best dick I ever had, I must say, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you were twelve. It was hold early on. When
Speaker 1: I was twelve, I was like Barbie and you know,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm waiting on my boyfriend to come
Speaker 1: to the playground and pick me up. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry when I met him and um, he was
Speaker 1: a boyfriend and and the first time we had six
Speaker 1: and was in the graveyard because he didn't have any
Speaker 1: money and he was on his wife. But there's other
Speaker 1: places to go for free, right, yeah the park, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's where Cole. You probably get caught there. It's cool.
Speaker 1: You could be visiting a loved one. Yeah. Even know
Speaker 1: it's funny because I would never ever let him lay
Speaker 1: me down on a baby grave. I made sure it
Speaker 1: was like what a lady were fun up? I like
Speaker 1: how she said on a baby grave other graves fine,
Speaker 1: wow whatever, And I thought I was gonfe So okay,
Speaker 1: So you you were twelve and having sex on grades
Speaker 1: but never a baby's grave, because you're that was wrong?
Speaker 1: How did you? How did you meet someone when you're twelve?
Speaker 1: How do you meet someone when you're twelve? Romantic place?
Speaker 1: It's never romantically you know, presidents, never moving like all this.
Speaker 1: She is hilarious Okay, you don't know my pussy. But
Speaker 1: I met him, and um, he looked younger and he
Speaker 1: was a nice guy. I thought, I just actually I
Speaker 1: went out to a party for the first time, a
Speaker 1: team party, and his old last was there with the teenagers.
Speaker 1: But he didn't look old, okay, And so I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm from the inner city and I think I was
Speaker 1: looking for a little love in the wrong place. And
Speaker 1: he you know, I guess what's presenting your ear and
Speaker 1: clammed through your wound and tell you the ship you
Speaker 1: wanted to hear. And so I was a virgin. I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I think he'll be here forever, right,
Speaker 1: And so I ended up having my first kid at fourteen. Okay,
Speaker 1: was that the first time you had sex you got
Speaker 1: pregnant or a couple of times in them? Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was really good. The sex is really good. And I
Speaker 1: still say the sex is really good. It is something
Speaker 1: about a black man with no back teeth that can
Speaker 1: fuck no, no, no back you gotta groan me and
Speaker 1: they just like taking it in the ass. Really are Now, wait,
Speaker 1: what do you know? This is what? He didn't have
Speaker 1: back teeth. No, he don't have bad He didn't have
Speaker 1: bad teeth, But that makes him fun better. I think so,
Speaker 1: because he's light weight. Don't want a guy, a black
Speaker 1: guy with all his teeth and then it's gonna be mediocre.
Speaker 1: Is it like the dental equivalent equivalent of like a
Speaker 1: Napoleon complex or something? Is that what it is? Like?
Speaker 1: It's like I'm a fun harder because I know I
Speaker 1: need to make up for these molar Yeah yeah, devoid
Speaker 1: of molars. Yeah, I'm telling you my husband got back
Speaker 1: teeth and it's a totally different It's totally dear. How
Speaker 1: batter is teeth? They yellow? No, it's just you know
Speaker 1: how you lose your wisdom to ethan You don't have
Speaker 1: health care, so you just leave the hole there. So
Speaker 1: I know that you have to sew it up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I have a just like like just a whole.
Speaker 1: I mean I went not to hold just a bad
Speaker 1: teeth and you don't ever replace it. Yeah, So there's
Speaker 1: just like a space in the back of my mouth.
Speaker 1: Now wow, Okay, I'm gonna try out this role. Maybe
Speaker 1: even do you have all your teeth? I don't know
Speaker 1: if he does. I don't know if he has a
Speaker 1: bad teeth. Um, so what was it like having a
Speaker 1: baby at fourteen? How was that experience? Um, it wasn't bad.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't condone teenage pregnancy or some ship
Speaker 1: that happened to me. But when you that young, you
Speaker 1: have a JOHNA isn't nothing but a muscle. Young ladies,
Speaker 1: you know that because you play in your pussies all
Speaker 1: the time. That's why we're here to learn out what
Speaker 1: you do. It just popped out, and the next day
Speaker 1: I was ride my bike. I love making white women uncomfortably.
Speaker 1: That's impressed. That is so imp Oh my god. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you're vagina just went right back to normal after
Speaker 1: giving birth. That's what it does. It's amazing you never
Speaker 1: gave birth now and that baby was nine pounds. She's
Speaker 1: still laughing. That's really funny. As she was nine pens
Speaker 1: You just popped right back. The pussy is a muscle
Speaker 1: as long as you you know, gold and calms, and
Speaker 1: eventually it'll end up in your panties when you get old.
Speaker 1: But was that was that meant? Vagina? That's why they
Speaker 1: have vaginal rejuvenation. That's why not me. I just put
Speaker 1: on a panty line to make minds sit up. The
Speaker 1: lips just drooped like balls. I mean the old time
Speaker 1: I knew boobs drooped. I didn't know everything drops yet.
Speaker 1: Why do you think she's laughing so hard. You're a
Speaker 1: lady around my age. These they stared at me like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what the funk I'm talking about. Okay,
Speaker 1: So when you when you when you found out you
Speaker 1: got pregnant, what was that conversation like with your parents? Like,
Speaker 1: were you in the two parent households? She was taking
Speaker 1: care of that. I didn't want to make any judge.
Speaker 1: It's fine, okay, I was just my mom was there.
Speaker 1: I mean, my sister was already pregnant and fit. Nobody
Speaker 1: gave a funk. That's what happened in the inner city.
Speaker 1: So giving birth okay, and she's fine. It's so crazy
Speaker 1: because when y'all was talking about as eating this stuff,
Speaker 1: my daughter is gay, and I'm quite sure she'd do
Speaker 1: all of these freaky ships y'all talking about. I was like,
Speaker 1: you should listen to these girl podcasts. They'll tell you
Speaker 1: what to do with your deal. Though, next time she
Speaker 1: might be more more of an expert of the vagina
Speaker 1: of the night. Oh she loves pussy like mcdonnald fries.
Speaker 1: Yes she does, and she the type of gay that
Speaker 1: want to recruit you. Come let me eat you. Is
Speaker 1: your daughter? She's thirty. I was like, hope older. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's thirty. She loves a seat. She gets more pussy
Speaker 1: than my brother Doe. Wow, that's impressive. I'm not lying, sir.
Speaker 1: I see your face. I see your face. You've been
Speaker 1: really Republican and don't want to laugh. But this is
Speaker 1: some real ship. Okay, But I mean, I don't knock
Speaker 1: her from eating pussy. I just tell him, don't eat
Speaker 1: medicaid pussy because it will make your teeth fall out.
Speaker 1: What's medicated pussy? The unassured pussy in the States. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: you can get stuff you go Obamacare and Blue Cross Blue.
Speaker 1: You don't want to eat Obamacare pussy care pussy, stay away,
Speaker 1: somebody don't. Okay. I'm sorry you didn't tell me it
Speaker 1: was Obamacare pussy. I want to say that I thought
Speaker 1: you would have sensed it from the fact that we
Speaker 1: were drinking whiskey out of this old water bottle. I've
Speaker 1: kind of figured we were googling you. And there was
Speaker 1: a headline that Courant had sent me a screenshot of
Speaker 1: and it just said miss pat shot twice, hit by
Speaker 1: a dump truck and funny as hell? What comments? What
Speaker 1: did that mean? Well? I didn't read it. I wanted.
Speaker 1: I used to sell crack back in the days that thought,
Speaker 1: gave birth to my second child, so I became a
Speaker 1: Craig dealer. How old were you at that time? So
Speaker 1: this guy and we got into it and he shot
Speaker 1: me in my right titty and fuck my nuperariola up.
Speaker 1: But relaxing on white girls. You don't need two nipples.
Speaker 1: This ship is overrated, miss Patten. Do you have one nipple? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you should make a song about having one nipple like
Speaker 1: Tom Green did for his balls. Yeah, what is my
Speaker 1: husband like it? Because he can sunk one and lick
Speaker 1: the other one like an ice cream comb. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you I see how these white kids like. What the fuck?
Speaker 1: So he shot you in the boob? Did he shoot
Speaker 1: you like your arm? And when we called no on
Speaker 1: one and I didn't know he had sucked my nipplep
Speaker 1: I thought I snacked it on the doorway from running.
Speaker 1: What happened? Is that another thing to be afraid of?
Speaker 1: I got a really big nilples so well, I had
Speaker 1: a really big nipples and so arrest in peace nipple.
Speaker 1: So when I got to the hospital and he took
Speaker 1: my TV at the bra and unfolded because I got
Speaker 1: really big titties, and he was like, he blew your
Speaker 1: nipple off, and I'm like what and he was like,
Speaker 1: like a bull's I was a clean lick, just went
Speaker 1: through and it was gone. My part is that the
Speaker 1: doctor how to tell you your nipple was blowing off.
Speaker 1: I feel right, alright, I feel myself. I knew I
Speaker 1: felt a little lighter cheese. So they just had to
Speaker 1: do surgery and just no, they don't do no. When
Speaker 1: a bullet here the muscle, it just got a hell.
Speaker 1: So literally they put this clear patch over it and
Speaker 1: I had to clean it like three times a day,
Speaker 1: and it just healed. Oh my god. So the bullet
Speaker 1: came through the nil pleas. Dad's a little raggedy, but
Speaker 1: look like an uncircumcised dick. They don't know what the
Speaker 1: uncircumcised dick looks like. That's so funny. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I can't that's amazing. That's like that. Okay, So did
Speaker 1: you keep dealing after that? Did you get any other
Speaker 1: shot again? Yeah? My kids father shot me Oh, you're
Speaker 1: gonna laugh at this ship if you feel it. It's
Speaker 1: like such not even enough at you. I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: you should eat Like, yeah, how did that? Um? We
Speaker 1: was fighting and he said he wasn't trying to shoot me,
Speaker 1: but he hit me and the gun went off and
Speaker 1: he was upside the head so it was in the
Speaker 1: back of the head and it just cracked my skull. Holy,
Speaker 1: but I tell a really funny joke about it. I said,
Speaker 1: it was not his fault, it was my fault. A
Speaker 1: duck slow. I talked about my life. I mean, you
Speaker 1: people are young, learn how to laugh at the bullshit
Speaker 1: in your life. When you can learn how to laugh
Speaker 1: at the bullshit in your life, then that mean you
Speaker 1: got control of the bullshit in your life. So don't laugh.
Speaker 1: This ship is fucking funny. It is fucking funny. You
Speaker 1: goddamn right. How did I? How did it end between
Speaker 1: you guys? Like after you got shot? Where you like,
Speaker 1: I gotta break up with you? I did? I called
Speaker 1: because I shot him back? Yeah you did? And that's
Speaker 1: did you take the gun from him? Or No? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't shoot him that day, but I had to
Speaker 1: go get my ship fixed up. Person, you just got
Speaker 1: gonna shoot my back while your sheet is raggedy. Wait,
Speaker 1: how long after he shot you did you shoot him out?
Speaker 1: A year? Oh? Him? Wait, that's so good. That's so good.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, he doesn't even see this coming with him.
Speaker 1: We got back together and we was kind of standing
Speaker 1: together at the time. He was just popping my babies everywhere.
Speaker 1: So he didn't come home one night. So I seen
Speaker 1: him on the highway and I busted you, and I
Speaker 1: followed that fun up to the time shop and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm sick of you, bitch, and I had
Speaker 1: a twenty two and I just started shooting, and all
Speaker 1: I see these old black men is running the fucking laughing,
Speaker 1: and so he was like, get the funk on. He
Speaker 1: threw his leg up in the air and the twenty
Speaker 1: two hit his ankle and broke his whole fucking leg
Speaker 1: because he traveled up his leg. So I I went
Speaker 1: to the hospital. I said, I shot you so I
Speaker 1: can take care of you. But he but he was
Speaker 1: so mad he wouldn't go home with me. So he
Speaker 1: called his other baby mama, and so I got mad
Speaker 1: and I jumped in my car and I chased that
Speaker 1: funker with a cast on his late and I hit
Speaker 1: the cast and it broke and they had to take
Speaker 1: him back in the hospital. You're my favorite person I
Speaker 1: know whose story, Mama, your story. I did not shoot
Speaker 1: you for the other bitch. I shot you from me,
Speaker 1: that's right? No, that yeah, And we're all sitting here like, yes,
Speaker 1: good move. But anyways, a story about a man shooting
Speaker 1: your woman be like, what do we call? Wow? And
Speaker 1: then after you funked up his cast, he had to
Speaker 1: go back? Is that when you broke up for good? Now?
Speaker 1: I was with him, mom for about ten years? Was he, uh,
Speaker 1: physically abusive other than the shoot? Yes? Yes, yeah, Well
Speaker 1: you know you young and you you're dealing with an
Speaker 1: older man who's more experienced than you. Didn't they know
Speaker 1: how to cond troll you, fucking kid? I was twelve
Speaker 1: years old, so I think now I realized now all
Speaker 1: I was looking for was a father figure, something I
Speaker 1: never had. But one thing I would tell you, young girls,
Speaker 1: you grew away faster than any motherfucking me and you
Speaker 1: start to realize, hey, I don't have to book put
Speaker 1: up with this ship. I said, I can beat the
Speaker 1: nigger that don't hit me in the e every Friday. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I always remember that. Yeah, I don't. Obviously you
Speaker 1: can't use the anywork because you're mostly white. Um, but
Speaker 1: a couple of people kind in the room. It's interesting
Speaker 1: because we do get a lot. We've received a lot
Speaker 1: of emails. This is one thing that I just don't
Speaker 1: know how to answer, is like, my partner is abusive,
Speaker 1: but I can't get out. I tell people with me,
Speaker 1: I learned to love myself. And a lot of times
Speaker 1: when you let people walk over you is because you
Speaker 1: care more about that person than yourself. When I learned
Speaker 1: to love me because I had to stay alive because
Speaker 1: I had two fucking kids. And I started to think, hey,
Speaker 1: do I want my kids to be drugs and drop out?
Speaker 1: Do I want my kids to be teenage mom? And
Speaker 1: I was like this, dude, ain't not for me. Ship
Speaker 1: were both uneducated. He can't get no job. I can't
Speaker 1: get no job. He convict the fell. I'm gonna convict
Speaker 1: the fell. I was like, fuck this. So I would
Speaker 1: to put an ad in the paper near having baby daddy.
Speaker 1: So I met my husband. You put an ad for
Speaker 1: a baby daddy? No, I was about to, but I
Speaker 1: met a great guy. He don't know, he answered the
Speaker 1: ad before I put it in the bad that's romantic.
Speaker 1: How sertintifidous? How did you? How did you meet him? If?
Speaker 1: I went to a comedy show and I had a
Speaker 1: friend who was a friend of his brother, and my
Speaker 1: husband just got out of the military and he was
Speaker 1: a little chunky on the chunky side. And my kids
Speaker 1: father like really skinny, and I like, really skinny guy
Speaker 1: because I'm sat So you want somebody who just get
Speaker 1: up in there. He so I have never fu the
Speaker 1: fat bar before. Guy. Uh, it's really it's no different.
Speaker 1: It's just somebody on top of you with Titi's in
Speaker 1: the and the But you know, I met a great
Speaker 1: guy and I've been married now for over twenty five years.
Speaker 1: He raised my first two kid set of kids, have
Speaker 1: another set of kids, a boy him. So you know,
Speaker 1: I just turned my life around. And it's okay you
Speaker 1: funk when you're young, because you can always put it
Speaker 1: back together. And I tell people all the time, and
Speaker 1: it's not how you start, it's how you finish. Because
Speaker 1: my kids could have became like I was mostly worried
Speaker 1: about my black sons. I was like, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: become a society say black men's are pale, fucking no,
Speaker 1: And that was my main concern. You know, I wasn't
Speaker 1: really trying to stop my daughter from meaning pussy, but
Speaker 1: I was trying to stop my sons from going to jail.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, that's incredible. Yeah, for sure that I know
Speaker 1: I should be. I should be a white counselor white
Speaker 1: kid counselor you're absolutely you should. I mean, what was
Speaker 1: the experience when your daughter told you she was a lesbian.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonna be honest with you. When you're
Speaker 1: a parent, you know your fucking kids. You can denied
Speaker 1: all you want to and try to look the other way,
Speaker 1: but you know your kids. You know when your kids
Speaker 1: are smoking weed. You know when your kids are sucking
Speaker 1: deep when you're not home. You know it. So I mean,
Speaker 1: I I'm right, ma'am. Y'all got kids, you know you
Speaker 1: know when your white daughters fucking giving up the pussy
Speaker 1: when you're on vacation. Let's keep it real. You're my
Speaker 1: white girlfriends, and I wish your name Lisa. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to give you a black chicken. Now, let's keep it real.
Speaker 1: Mean with your parents and we have something there on
Speaker 1: us to know when he's are in danger, when our
Speaker 1: kids are involved in ship. We just feel it as
Speaker 1: a mom right a wrong. So I knew. I knew
Speaker 1: a long time ago when my daughter was gay, but
Speaker 1: you know, I was like, I've been to prison, so
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't really want to fucking gay daughter.
Speaker 1: So I was kind of in I just like gay
Speaker 1: women at the time. Nobody's mean to me. No, they
Speaker 1: just ain't a lot of pussy. And I wasn't used
Speaker 1: to women eating pussy. And they do it anyway when
Speaker 1: you're in jail. I mean it's like a buffet. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: your pussy eating by it. No, I'm not. I don't
Speaker 1: do that. I know. Nobody eat my pussy. We don't
Speaker 1: want to eat my pussy. Just take over. Okay, does
Speaker 1: your husband eat your pussy? Uh, we're all forties. Nobody
Speaker 1: eat pussy anymore. So do you eat pussy? Nobody have
Speaker 1: time for that, right, you gotta pay the bill? Does
Speaker 1: it end? Ms? Lisa, y'all don't eat pussy? Right? He does?
Speaker 1: He does? He does. Well. White men created eating pussy.
Speaker 1: They feel so bad. Now I gotta ask my husband.
Speaker 1: While you don't eat my pussy. I think it's I
Speaker 1: got that stomach that said on my pussy. So it's
Speaker 1: always like a little heater down there, that cozy. Not
Speaker 1: in the summer, you can the winter, No, I mean we.
Speaker 1: I mean I've been married up with twenty five years,
Speaker 1: so sexy, Come on, unstick my ball in good night?
Speaker 1: Ah you, I try to spice it up one time.
Speaker 1: I tried to spice it up. So I want to
Speaker 1: host this Tory party. And oh my god, you've been
Speaker 1: to the Tory party. That ship will freak you out.
Speaker 1: What young girls do? Do you know? They would sell
Speaker 1: you a dick that you can stick to the refrigerator
Speaker 1: to fuck you in the morning while you're drinking your
Speaker 1: orange juice. They got stick up dicks, and they used
Speaker 1: to be just black and white dicks. You can get
Speaker 1: Asian dicks and green yellow orange. It is. It blew
Speaker 1: my fucking mind. But what really blew my mind. They
Speaker 1: gave me a gift bag of ball does does no? No?
Speaker 1: You got well? She told me. She told me that
Speaker 1: it was a feather and she said you take it home,
Speaker 1: put it on your husband balls, and you lick it off.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what the fuck? Does its tastes
Speaker 1: really good. I don't know what it tastes like, wit balls,
Speaker 1: but it's good without right, I feel like the balls
Speaker 1: would ruin it. That's how a guy can get a
Speaker 1: girl to like his balls, because I wouldn't do it otherwise.
Speaker 1: Are you seriously? It's somewhere because you like assholes, which
Speaker 1: I won't do on a straight do. But I like
Speaker 1: balls all the time. So if I had some ball dust,
Speaker 1: I mean, you never heard of it, and it comes
Speaker 1: in chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla, I wouldberry. I would love
Speaker 1: the strawberry too. Yeah, girl, you got and it put
Speaker 1: like okay, it's like pop rocks, the old canny, so
Speaker 1: your mouth gets your mouth, get the tingling, and then
Speaker 1: you're supposed to put that tingles on the net, I guess.
Speaker 1: But when I brought the ball dust home, my husband
Speaker 1: didn't want to participate, so I ate it by myself.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I was wearing that feather out eating that ship. Shi.
Speaker 1: This is good, this sounds great. The first thing I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do after this. Um. So back to your daughter
Speaker 1: coming out to you, how old was she when she? Well,
Speaker 1: my daughter went off to college and I knew she
Speaker 1: was gay. She's just put in my mind. I was
Speaker 1: in Denia, so when she left from college and she
Speaker 1: ended up going to Virginia and I didn't speak to
Speaker 1: And when I finally found her, I was like, what
Speaker 1: the fund is wrong with you? Why won't you come home?
Speaker 1: And then I kind of knew she was gay, So
Speaker 1: I said are you gay? And she said yes. I said, okay, bitch,
Speaker 1: come home. I've been gay. But like, she just told
Speaker 1: me she was gonna have a baby. But my daughter
Speaker 1: is a self absorbed bitch and she's really pretty and
Speaker 1: she so she wants her stud girlfriend to carry the baby.
Speaker 1: So I was like, how the fund you're gonna let
Speaker 1: little Wayne carry my grand baby? She wants the stud
Speaker 1: chicken look like a fucking rapper to carry the baby.
Speaker 1: Well is that what they both want? Yeah? And she
Speaker 1: was like yeah, I carried it back. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: you would not, bitch. I'm not coming to hold your
Speaker 1: hand while you got on work boots delivering my grand baby.
Speaker 1: Now did you express that sentiment to your daughter? What
Speaker 1: did she say? She was like, fuck you, I'm not
Speaker 1: messing up my body for no baby. So it's not
Speaker 1: that bad. But well she's not when you're my daughter,
Speaker 1: don't need a baby. She's so self and she would
Speaker 1: walk out and leave the baby in the house to
Speaker 1: go get her hair fixed. Yeah, maybe that's way with children,
Speaker 1: I think. So I like her girlfriend like this. She
Speaker 1: had a few, but this is the only the second one.
Speaker 1: Her first girlfriend look just like Justin Beaver and y'all
Speaker 1: got that. And so she had this cute little white
Speaker 1: girl that I really liked it. And she was like, oh, Mama,
Speaker 1: pussy is whack. So she wouldn't Gotttle Wine. H Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like lite Wayne pussy would be well less whacks.
Speaker 1: So she's been with little Wine for about three years now. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's so excited. So are they? Is one of them
Speaker 1: pregnant yet? Ist Waite pregnant? No no, no, no, don't
Speaker 1: put that on me. I'm not ready for that ship. No,
Speaker 1: not right now. And they pisces me out because they
Speaker 1: don't want to get it the right way. And I
Speaker 1: keep trying to tell my daughter how delicious dick he is.
Speaker 1: So why do you why do you keep telling her that?
Speaker 1: Hopefully she's straightened up? But I was like, you shouldn't
Speaker 1: she love pussy? She liked pussy like I like cheesecakes,
Speaker 1: and it's just a natural. That's true. She does, and
Speaker 1: that's just like a natural, that's part of her. That's fine.
Speaker 1: I don't care. I mean, long as you're happy. I
Speaker 1: don't give a funk what you do, how you vote,
Speaker 1: what you eat, who you fun. Just as long as
Speaker 1: you're a nice person. As long as you find somebody
Speaker 1: to love you for who you are, that's all that
Speaker 1: matter with me. If little Wayne make you happy, didn't
Speaker 1: eat little wine, eat eat little White's puss. When when
Speaker 1: you said you were in jail, was it for shooting? No,
Speaker 1: it's selling, correct, So you never went to jail for shooting.
Speaker 1: It's the guy. No, we I shot him and he
Speaker 1: got his cash fixed, and I picked him up and
Speaker 1: we fucked but didn't wait. So even with his cast.
Speaker 1: But even if you don't push churches, if you're going
Speaker 1: to the hospital with a gun wound, what kind of
Speaker 1: questions are asked? He doesn't the this question I've ever asked. Well, now,
Speaker 1: they forced you to press charge. But this is in
Speaker 1: the nineties, so late forced you. If you if anybody
Speaker 1: dropped the charges to govern, I mean, they don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck. Now you can't go and just drop charges.
Speaker 1: Here's like, no, we're gonna prosecute this motherfucker. But back
Speaker 1: in those days, nobody gave a fuck, you know, and
Speaker 1: so we just press charges because he's like, well I
Speaker 1: shot you. Well, I was in love with him, so
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't want to pray. I just like
Speaker 1: I would do dumb sheet like I would ride by
Speaker 1: and shoot his call because he didn't come by. He's
Speaker 1: one of his baby mama talking to me. I remember
Speaker 1: one time, like I let him go out in my
Speaker 1: car and he didn't come out, so I'll report my
Speaker 1: car stolen so he could get locked up and I
Speaker 1: could go get him out of jail for like a
Speaker 1: worst carry underwood. This is great. I was so bad
Speaker 1: this car. Do you still have a gun? Uh? No,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna no, I don't have a gun. I don't
Speaker 1: want anybody to shoot anymore. Do you miss that? I
Speaker 1: was kind of well, I was just curiously. I mean,
Speaker 1: on your you know, stands on gun What do you
Speaker 1: feel about gun control? This? Sometimes you know, you do
Speaker 1: things and you're like, I know I shouldn't be doing this,
Speaker 1: and this isn't good, but it's so much fun. I
Speaker 1: was younger then no, I don't. I don't like guns either,
Speaker 1: but and he's the only person I have a shot,
Speaker 1: thank god. But he shot me, so I had to
Speaker 1: get him back right But here later, I kind of
Speaker 1: like that you waited. Yeah, I had to wait to
Speaker 1: somebody see me a gun, and I had to wait
Speaker 1: to do something. He was like, how did you even
Speaker 1: get the gun in the first place? My brother used
Speaker 1: to sail guns? Not legally, No, I mean that's because
Speaker 1: I just bought a two for twenty dollars and dollars
Speaker 1: for a gun. Bullets caused four but and I only
Speaker 1: use like three bullets on him, so that's nice. And wow,
Speaker 1: have you do you guys? Keep in touch. I'll still
Speaker 1: talk to him what you like, look at like talking
Speaker 1: about Facebook somethill. You know, he works at Jiffy loub
Speaker 1: so I try to go there and get a free
Speaker 1: or change. He won't funk with me, I know. But
Speaker 1: you know the reason why he won't give me a
Speaker 1: free or changes because he um, I see, he still
Speaker 1: paid child supporting. My kids are twenty nine thirty, so
Speaker 1: he's back paying and so he's piste off because I
Speaker 1: won't cut it off. But I'm honestly it's only four
Speaker 1: dollars and ten cents and he gets so fucking mad.
Speaker 1: How do you support? What's why I don't fucking support nobody.
Speaker 1: Don't fold on because he got like twenty some kids,
Speaker 1: so it goes lower if for the amount that you have, well,
Speaker 1: he don't make shi that jiffy loube and he's still okay.
Speaker 1: So I take the four dollars and two cents and
Speaker 1: buy cheek filate Oh and love chick fil A with
Speaker 1: a pickle. You can't put lunch money, I mean for sure,
Speaker 1: ye wait two months, I can get a combo. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I treat myself in my way and then I get
Speaker 1: a reward for it, and I always text him to
Speaker 1: receive thank you. Bit selfie on you bitch, What's like
Speaker 1: the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I just
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, Like it wasn't the two gunshots if
Speaker 1: I had been that. You were so laid back about
Speaker 1: I love him laid back about life because I'm happy. Now.
Speaker 1: What is the worst thing? Oh yeah, the dump truck
Speaker 1: is a story about him hitting me with a truck.
Speaker 1: And you know I'm a comedian, so you kind of
Speaker 1: bring it up a little bit. So he I called
Speaker 1: him cheating and m I grabbed onto the car and
Speaker 1: this mother said he didn't know I was holding on
Speaker 1: and so he hit me. And I was like, he
Speaker 1: saw me, so he fucking hit me. But wait, just
Speaker 1: had a dump truck. Did you have a job that
Speaker 1: it was a pickup truck? Part of it, dum truck.
Speaker 1: It was a pickup truck. But hit you with the
Speaker 1: pickup truck. Yeah, he didn't give a fuck. Wow, he
Speaker 1: did not give a fun. He came back that night,
Speaker 1: you know and say he was sorry. Sorry. It was
Speaker 1: always I love you, I'm sorry. But and the sex
Speaker 1: was really good with the guy with my husband, do
Speaker 1: not listen to this podcast. It was the best sex
Speaker 1: I've had. He could fun because he couldn't read, but
Speaker 1: he could fund. I'm never going to tell my husband's
Speaker 1: on this podcast. Now I hold my daughter. Don't find
Speaker 1: this ship. I'm curious. Now my husband, like, he got
Speaker 1: a job. He does a good job, but you want
Speaker 1: but it could be better. It's good. I mean, you
Speaker 1: gotta think of it like this. My my kids father
Speaker 1: fucked like Bobby Brown. You could you know why Whitney
Speaker 1: was so hooked because it's something about a ghetto dick
Speaker 1: that will run you crazy. I'm just telling you something.
Speaker 1: Y'all looking at me like you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: I see a few black girls. You're back there with
Speaker 1: the glasses. If you don't fuck white guys, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. I'm not saying, y'all, dick ain't good.
Speaker 1: I just never had it. But you're never like they
Speaker 1: give him. The black guys they never I don't I'm
Speaker 1: not racist or anything, but none of them ever come
Speaker 1: on to me. And I'm in my forties. If you
Speaker 1: if you did come on to me, I was like,
Speaker 1: what the fund is wrong with you? Do? I want
Speaker 1: to see a white guy try and hit on your
Speaker 1: I mean, and then I'm so they think I'm intimidating.
Speaker 1: Now I speak my fucking mind and most something, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're so mean. So nobody wants to fucking
Speaker 1: fuck me or rape me. Damn it right. I sometimes like, hey,
Speaker 1: ain't nothing wrong with to get raping every No, I
Speaker 1: feel like something only women like over thirty five. I
Speaker 1: had a had a girlfriend, truth stories, she got RPE
Speaker 1: one time, and I don't like rapeist horrible for some people,
Speaker 1: but I guess she find it funny in it, And
Speaker 1: I'm being honest with you. She's told me. She said
Speaker 1: he sucked her so good she went back looking for
Speaker 1: him because she had had no dick in on a
Speaker 1: long time. She she won nobody fuck hers. So this
Speaker 1: guy grabbed her one night and she said she started
Speaker 1: the stream, but when he put it in it was
Speaker 1: a nice side and she just laid there. Whoa, I
Speaker 1: got to get a deal. You can get dick. WHOA?
Speaker 1: We wait, we were ned. We need some more details.
Speaker 1: Where were there? Where was the She just just said,
Speaker 1: I got raped last night and the dick was so good.
Speaker 1: She's going back looking for him and she found her. No,
Speaker 1: she did not because he was running away. Because I
Speaker 1: was looking for him with her as a supportive friend
Speaker 1: to get her the d See what the big deal was?
Speaker 1: Just like a nightclub? Are like in a bush yard?
Speaker 1: You know? No, no graveyard? No it was I think
Speaker 1: it wasn't like a neighbors She was walking home. Wow, wow,
Speaker 1: and she wow that makes me feel that. I know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but also I mean we do we do talk time
Speaker 1: and time you deal with your rape? How you wanted
Speaker 1: to deal with your rape? Oh yeah, I mean you yeah, whatever,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be evictive, and you liked it.
Speaker 1: I guess. I mean, I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to say. Yeah, I don't know what you have
Speaker 1: to deal with ship the way you deal with ship.
Speaker 1: I laugh at everything, and I hope you guys left
Speaker 1: left everything too. That's how I look at like you
Speaker 1: can find a little funny in everything. Oh absolutely, I'm
Speaker 1: probably gonna get some tweets. How dare you? And I
Speaker 1: was likely say go fuck yourself? That is how your
Speaker 1: friend reacted. And then yeah, that's what I didn't say.
Speaker 1: You take your rape like that. I don't know you bitch,
Speaker 1: but you know, but in general, you know, don't do it.
Speaker 1: Just happened that this one works out unless it's because
Speaker 1: I had a great way. Wait, unless it's your partner. Yes,
Speaker 1: because I have a girl. Are you voting for Trump? No?
Speaker 1: He raped, so I don't did. Yeah, I know that's
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. And they like playing like characters. So he
Speaker 1: would dress up and like he'll be the rapist she'd be,
Speaker 1: But this bitch would take it too far and call
Speaker 1: the real police. Fantasy, that's real. She got him locked up.
Speaker 1: And I'm not lying y'all, he's, uh, what is it
Speaker 1: called when you rape somebody? Going in this? Oh? The
Speaker 1: sex offender? Yeah, he's a sex offender. But he got
Speaker 1: two kids by her. But it was but it was
Speaker 1: a rape fan they know. This bitch called me one
Speaker 1: night and said, no, mean no, I'm like you motherfucker's
Speaker 1: always played cops and robber and yeah, he wouldn't stop
Speaker 1: eating me. So I called the police. I was like,
Speaker 1: and he lings the two months unique rape yeah right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he's a what is it called sex? He's a
Speaker 1: sex offender? Because she called a police on him because
Speaker 1: he was eating her out. Yeah, and she was like, well,
Speaker 1: I said, what the fun you called the police for?
Speaker 1: That's your baby that She's like, well, I got tired
Speaker 1: him eating me? Is dick one. I mean she really
Speaker 1: sent a message I guess is he is? He had
Speaker 1: him prison yet he didn't, he just had There was
Speaker 1: a couple, so he just got on the list and
Speaker 1: they broke up my family. It's my brother in law.
Speaker 1: You just keep dropping bombs with pat. I can't make
Speaker 1: this ship up here, you really can't. And I was like,
Speaker 1: how dare you call a police on your fucking boyfriend?
Speaker 1: And say he won't stop eating you. God, I'm not
Speaker 1: scaring am I? Well, a lot of us we actually
Speaker 1: we've said before, like because we get a lot of
Speaker 1: emails from from girls and and some guys who have
Speaker 1: been raped and they're like, I've never told anybody in
Speaker 1: my life, but I'm telling you guys, and they'll just
Speaker 1: go in detail about it. We're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: Like it happens way more than I think it happens.
Speaker 1: And then it happens mostly when you the person of
Speaker 1: the rapist usually knows not that this guy was eating
Speaker 1: out his girlfriend doesn't seem like he seems like he
Speaker 1: was part of a fantasy that she was like never
Speaker 1: mind police, which is different. But yeah, we uh, we
Speaker 1: we got it. We were like, there has to be
Speaker 1: someone listening to this podcast statistically who has raped somebody.
Speaker 1: There has to be And then we got you want
Speaker 1: me to get called me, want me get him to
Speaker 1: call into you know, the guy who got arrested for
Speaker 1: eating his girlfriend out that I mean, I feel, yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like that's not really if they were, if
Speaker 1: she was setting him up, it was like, this is
Speaker 1: the fantasy. And then the police come. She's like fantasies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my ship is quick three minutes. Do you your sex
Speaker 1: last three minutes? I don't know what's the most innovative
Speaker 1: like sex that you've ever had, The weirdest thing you've done,
Speaker 1: or uh, I don't the weirdest thing it would Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like do you get freaky or no? I mean I
Speaker 1: know those we don't like freaky. I try, but he's like,
Speaker 1: in the whole course of twenty five years, you've never
Speaker 1: done anything freaky. Not with him, really someone on top.
Speaker 1: He got cover on his age, So then what keeps
Speaker 1: you guys? Thegether healthcare? No? I mean you know, I'm married,
Speaker 1: so I have a busy life and I'm a comedian,
Speaker 1: so I travel a lot, and my kids is in
Speaker 1: the base man. My husband's so concerned they're gonna hear us.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck your daughter, she's eighteen. She should be
Speaker 1: fucking too, So let's do it. How did you did
Speaker 1: you have a bird's in the beast talk with your
Speaker 1: with any of your kids. No, I've been telling my
Speaker 1: daughters that Dick is delicious since they were little kids.
Speaker 1: And I mean, you gotta think about this. Two parents
Speaker 1: in there. You try to tell your kids what not
Speaker 1: to do. Let's keep it real. This is a totally
Speaker 1: different generation than we will. They have more exx to anything,
Speaker 1: So why to me. I don't tell my kids what
Speaker 1: not to do. I try to tell them, Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna tell you to get not to get no dick,
Speaker 1: dick is delicious. I'm gonna ask you not to get
Speaker 1: pregnant and ruin your fucking life. That's all I ask you.
Speaker 1: Get you some deep because it's good, or eat you
Speaker 1: some pussy because it's good. But you don't have to
Speaker 1: bring in a baby in your twenties and be a
Speaker 1: fucking parent and miss your childhood. Enjoy your fucking life.
Speaker 1: That's what I tell my kids. Make your own damn decision.
Speaker 1: I'm not living through you. But don't become a teenage parent.
Speaker 1: That's all I said. Don't get aged and don't get
Speaker 1: gunna real because it burned like fuck. Do you know
Speaker 1: from experience? Fu? Yeah? I know last as as long
Speaker 1: as you let it last. Isn't that the one that
Speaker 1: if you let it go like you, Oh, ship, you
Speaker 1: gotta get a shot. I'm feeling shot, yo shot Tennislla
Speaker 1: am allergic to penisilla. What if? Damn Yeah, that's all
Speaker 1: I asked. I mean, be smart with sex. That's you know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to become no teenage mom and ruin
Speaker 1: your life. And you know sex is fun, especially when
Speaker 1: two people can come together and enjoy each other. And
Speaker 1: I mean, I've never had that talk where hey, wait
Speaker 1: till you get married? What do you save me your
Speaker 1: pussy for? Jesus don't want your pussy? Right? I know
Speaker 1: I'm working with you, miss Lisa, but honestly, do you
Speaker 1: really want your daughter to marry somebody who she's never fucked?
Speaker 1: And she get there and dick is this big and
Speaker 1: you don't pay fifty dollars for that wedding and she
Speaker 1: won't out because she can't feel no meat. Miss Lisa.
Speaker 1: I mean, you would not buy a fucking car without
Speaker 1: test driving it. So I tell the kids not the fuck.
Speaker 1: I have never understood to get this. Dick is delicious.
Speaker 1: So I did any of your kids become teen parents? Fuck? No?
Speaker 1: So I guess that's what we talk. It was concise
Speaker 1: and informative and fun. I'm a grandmother. I have one
Speaker 1: granddaughter and she's three, and I told my kids since
Speaker 1: we're so close, because I'm for fourteen and fifteen years
Speaker 1: older than my kids. And I said, all I asked
Speaker 1: you guys to do, do not fucking make me a
Speaker 1: ghetto grandmother. And so they want, you want my daughter.
Speaker 1: He pusses, she ain't producing anything. She eats babies, But
Speaker 1: my son, I mean, if she's busting nuts and somebody
Speaker 1: busting nuts in the mouth, ain't she eating babies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, he's coming from the wrong end. I understand
Speaker 1: what you're saying. But she you know, she didn't get pregnant.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I watched my kids really close when
Speaker 1: they were coming up. And I also told my son,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be a parent. They cost a
Speaker 1: lot of fucking money. And I have one grand baby now,
Speaker 1: and my son realized, but you know, it's easy for
Speaker 1: him because my first grand baby. So I go, I'm
Speaker 1: going crazy about every fucking thing. So I really don't
Speaker 1: want them to buy ship because they can't afford the
Speaker 1: ship that I can afford. So the baby is this,
Speaker 1: And that's what I told him. And he learned because
Speaker 1: he had a baby and he loved Xbox and the
Speaker 1: baby won't shut the funk up, and she'd be like
Speaker 1: Xbox Live he'd be like, NA, shut the funk out.
Speaker 1: So the baby's interfering with his xbox now, so he
Speaker 1: don't want anymore. Enjoy your life. Life is real. Enjoy
Speaker 1: your fucking life. Don't sit here and start no family,
Speaker 1: move in or do whatever. But don't have no baby, right,
Speaker 1: miss Lisa? Do you have any grandkids? No kids? You
Speaker 1: don't have no you have kids? No grandkids? Oh? Any
Speaker 1: kids at home? Oh? So y'all sucking in the living
Speaker 1: room on the counter. I always wanted to fucking the kitchen,
Speaker 1: but I'm fat. My husband never wanted to pick me
Speaker 1: up there high to put me on account at my table.
Speaker 1: I don't want to funk up my table and we
Speaker 1: get on there and they fall. I've had text on
Speaker 1: the table. What's fine? But yeah, it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be sturdy. Have you read? That's so dumb and it's fat.
Speaker 1: So we can't do ship. Yeah we could just get
Speaker 1: stuck to the wall. But that's the type of sex.
Speaker 1: I would love like somebody to pick me up. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm fat, so you gonna have to have a really
Speaker 1: big dig like a ladder and pick you up by
Speaker 1: his dick. No. No, I was like, wow, what kind
Speaker 1: of dick, you know, just kick me up and suck
Speaker 1: me around the house, you know, right, yeah, I would
Speaker 1: like that kind of six any volunteers. Looking at all
Speaker 1: the white boys, I'm not picking yours up. Has your
Speaker 1: marriage always just been Have you ever opened up your
Speaker 1: marriage or experimented with anyone outside of your marriage? Would
Speaker 1: would like three sums or anything like that? Or being girl? What?
Speaker 1: What the you shot somebody's slag? What? Now? Christians don't
Speaker 1: share they Dick confuses question of me to ask, no, No,
Speaker 1: I've never done a threesome. That's nasty. What two dicksra No?
Speaker 1: I mean I don't want no two dicks. I'm in
Speaker 1: six to sixth grade. I'm over, Dick. I mean, like
Speaker 1: with sharing it in this show. I mean, I've never
Speaker 1: shared that I'm from I was born in the seventies.
Speaker 1: We didn't do that. We don't do the ship that
Speaker 1: y'all used to do. And I don't have a ship
Speaker 1: to compete with. You know, most women want to compete
Speaker 1: with the young girls. I'm like, boo, if you want
Speaker 1: to suck my husband, dick, thank God for you. I'm
Speaker 1: going to Chick fil A when I get back. Just
Speaker 1: clean up behind your sounds. I saved up for a time.
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to group on, get dick sucking chicks
Speaker 1: to come by. Just suck your husband dick and go
Speaker 1: like I don't disagree with that, right, you want a
Speaker 1: younger girl to suck your husbands dick, You don't have to.
Speaker 1: Yeah the sucking dick ever, like, oh you dick sucked?
Speaker 1: What I do it? But you know you'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta sucking pot he's clothes up, I gotta get
Speaker 1: some chicken flag. All the women suck dick with ship
Speaker 1: on their mind, y'all so did to make the guy calm,
Speaker 1: were like, you put this ship in my mouth on
Speaker 1: fucking kill you? So I mean, and I'm black. We
Speaker 1: never stay down no longer. I stuck dick like a
Speaker 1: pop sucker. You know it's gone. A plus, I got
Speaker 1: vertigo and diabetes, so I really can't stay down there
Speaker 1: that long. It's hard to suck a dick when you
Speaker 1: dizzy and sugar load too. Baby, it adds like it
Speaker 1: makes it a little fun, like you're like using it
Speaker 1: to balance and like I'm blind. So what I mean
Speaker 1: is it kind of just like you're you don't really
Speaker 1: foresee anything like crazy happening in your sexual future at
Speaker 1: this point. Now it's just I'm not sharing. I mean,
Speaker 1: all of these diseases out here, like y'all was talking
Speaker 1: about earlier, people go both ways. God was up here
Speaker 1: talking about his girl, the girl with the shitty dick
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. I mean, if I catch a
Speaker 1: STD now, it will probably kill me. You know, back
Speaker 1: in those days when I called crabs, you could pick
Speaker 1: them off. These crabs want to hang on to you. Now,
Speaker 1: can you gotten crabsy picked them off years ago? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: look like little crabs. They crap and they got to
Speaker 1: tell you they would crawl. They fuck you up when
Speaker 1: they moved, so you put baby Potter down at to
Speaker 1: smother them so they won't move when you out in public.
Speaker 1: But they entered, they hurt. Oh they don't hurt. They
Speaker 1: just it. Oh my god, if your hair got really
Speaker 1: dirty and you know it's like that, But is it
Speaker 1: like bed bucks? Can they travel to other parts of here?
Speaker 1: They you getting your eyebrows, your mustache? Crabs your eyebrows? No, uh,
Speaker 1: I got a stomach, so for a crab to make
Speaker 1: it to my eyebrow, and mother gotta go over mountain.
Speaker 1: That craw has earned his crap if he's gonna come
Speaker 1: over my stomach and not fall into my belly. But
Speaker 1: that's a strong gas crap. That's a pet crap. But
Speaker 1: even beyond, even beyond the other partners, just like doing
Speaker 1: anything any like fantasy that you want fulfilled or you
Speaker 1: just don't even carry you. You know, I haven't had
Speaker 1: that many sex partners in my life. Only six in
Speaker 1: your whole life, you know, three O three three, So no,
Speaker 1: I mean I'm cool with the dick. Yeah. Do you
Speaker 1: watch porn? You know, I cannot get into saying somebody
Speaker 1: else get funk. But when I met my husband, he
Speaker 1: liked poin you know, he was in the military and
Speaker 1: ship and I was like, what I would get really jealous.
Speaker 1: I was like, how are you gonna go out and
Speaker 1: watch poorn? It's not a fat bitch point? At least
Speaker 1: if you watch porn and your wife is fat, watch
Speaker 1: your fat bitch gets funny. You know, don't go watching
Speaker 1: nobody looks like the little girl in the stripe dress.
Speaker 1: I mean, come on, and then you want me to
Speaker 1: do it she just did in that movie. Fuck you,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I can't suck dick in a
Speaker 1: full split. You can't, can't if you hear a split.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, no, you gotta do. You gotta get
Speaker 1: porn with fat chicks. And then I don't mind you
Speaker 1: watching porn. And what did he say to that? I'm
Speaker 1: not watching fat points? So I was like, no more
Speaker 1: pot for you, motherfucker. Watch in his car. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to see a bitch with a navel that looked
Speaker 1: like a dick. That's what I want to see. But
Speaker 1: you don't. You've attempted to watch porn. They're like, nope,
Speaker 1: it's just it never turned me on. It just never.
Speaker 1: You know, some people get into it and they really
Speaker 1: like it. That ship never. I like, I don't want
Speaker 1: you to be in the room when I'm fucking you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So I don't. I never got
Speaker 1: into it. That's not my fault, that's not my cup
Speaker 1: of tea. Do you toys ever? Did you ever use
Speaker 1: sex toys? I never use sex toys. You have the
Speaker 1: most pure sex. I mean because I think if you again,
Speaker 1: I'm a grown as well. If you got to bring
Speaker 1: a toy into your relationship, you need to get rid
Speaker 1: of that. Motherfucker. Fucking you all together forever. It's fine.
Speaker 1: I have so many like a drawer dedicated, but it's
Speaker 1: just sex. What do you what do your boyfriend do?
Speaker 1: He sucked the digs to know he doesn't. I almost
Speaker 1: wish he was by so we can have three ways
Speaker 1: and all. You know, what do he do when you're
Speaker 1: sitting over there? He's having sex with me and I'll
Speaker 1: use like a vibrator. What do you do with the vibrator?
Speaker 1: Put it on the clip on the click, yeah, click,
Speaker 1: click on the click. So what do they do? It
Speaker 1: makes me have an orgasm? My husband, fingers can make
Speaker 1: me have an orgasm. Yeah, I don't. I don't come
Speaker 1: and get that work hard pussy. Yeah. Wait, you can't
Speaker 1: come at all from finger the clip on the clip. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But if he's having if he's penises in me and
Speaker 1: then I have a vibe. It's like it's a nice
Speaker 1: little treat. It's every once in a while. How big
Speaker 1: is a vibrator? All kinds of size? Like, No, it's
Speaker 1: just like it looks like a back massage. It's supposed
Speaker 1: to be for your back. Yeah, and it's very powerful.
Speaker 1: It's like like you know how I guess some people
Speaker 1: like sitting on washing machines. It's kind of like I
Speaker 1: would imagine, it's kind of like that, just a little vibration,
Speaker 1: a lot of vibration, vibration across my leg and raw.
Speaker 1: Have you ever used a vibrator? Oh well, a vibrator
Speaker 1: to me is crossing my leg and raw. It's you're
Speaker 1: really good. Vibrators are even that times like a thousand.
Speaker 1: It's not. It's not for every I don't like. I
Speaker 1: hate vibrators, but no, I don't like any. I don't
Speaker 1: like extra stuff in the area use dial does and
Speaker 1: I've tried them. I tried. I just don't like them.
Speaker 1: You know why I don't do that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: y'all because, um they say, when you die, God is
Speaker 1: gonna flash everything back in your face. And that's why
Speaker 1: you're fucking scared of flashing back. I don't want God
Speaker 1: to say, what are you doing with this deal doing
Speaker 1: your pussy? That's a question. I don't want to you're
Speaker 1: shooting someone's carrying that one. But it's gonna be better
Speaker 1: than me with my hand my leg in the air
Speaker 1: and get this pussy with a vibrator. I don't want
Speaker 1: to see that. All I'm saying is don't knock into
Speaker 1: your rocket. You should try it. Yeah, okay, next to one.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be telling me to put my pussy in
Speaker 1: the in the microway if it was physically possible and
Speaker 1: felt great. Yeah, right, but I believe you would do it.
Speaker 1: You look like you do all kinds of ship. I
Speaker 1: don't know you just say I'm showing you. I bet
Speaker 1: you ride your boyfriend with with deal dos in your mouth.
Speaker 1: The one thing I don't do. I dialed on my mouth.
Speaker 1: Let's pointed at let's had that ball powder on it.
Speaker 1: That sounds pretty good. But ball's ball does Oh it's
Speaker 1: like a sorry. Yes, it's like magical. It's like a very.
Speaker 1: You can dip it in peanut butter and I'd just
Speaker 1: stick in my mouth, but like only to get the
Speaker 1: peanut butter. That's I wouldn't put it. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's really thick. Then you got the deal dough hung
Speaker 1: in your mouth from the peanut butter. Right, I gotta
Speaker 1: fucking throat do you have? Do you know how hard
Speaker 1: it is to swallow peanut bottom? I'm just saying if
Speaker 1: I want to ask you this because I want to
Speaker 1: notice and I text, I'll tell you a story. So
Speaker 1: my girlfriends, some of my freaky girlfriends, He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you gotta suck a man dick until he come. What's
Speaker 1: time is it? It's five o'clock. Okay, he said, what's time?
Speaker 1: We can we can end on that. One time, my
Speaker 1: friend said, my freaky girlfriends like, you gotta suck dick
Speaker 1: until he calm. So I've never done that, so she
Speaker 1: was like, I said, well, how do I do it?
Speaker 1: And then she was like, girl, go on YouTube. They
Speaker 1: teach you how dick so honestly, how no, because I
Speaker 1: mean just sucond to make it calm. So I said, okay,
Speaker 1: I go on YouTube and I google suck dick to calm,
Speaker 1: and I didn't. I'm old, So I forgot to close
Speaker 1: it and my son would to use my phone. He
Speaker 1: was like, oh, who looking that sucking dick? I said,
Speaker 1: your sister did that ship? Now did you employ what
Speaker 1: the YouTube video taught you? But I still can't get
Speaker 1: it to go. I can't. It's just too much work,
Speaker 1: A lot of work. Yeah, I got just the balls.
Speaker 1: You gotta beat it, you gotta split it. I don't
Speaker 1: have time for that ship. You gotta spit on it.
Speaker 1: I mean, we lobs lube. I'm not putting that ship
Speaker 1: in my mouth. If it doesn't have you can have
Speaker 1: like taste like it doesn't taste like anything. Then my
Speaker 1: mouth is really slippery, and then I'm gonna go all
Speaker 1: the way down. Then I'm in it with dick and
Speaker 1: nuts in my mouth. No dick and nuts, that's lot. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So no, but I tried. I mean I try it
Speaker 1: because my girlfriend does it for her husband all the time.
Speaker 1: And I was like, girl, that's too much work. That's
Speaker 1: too much bad work. My head started hurting, and see,
Speaker 1: I started thinking about other ships that I gotta do.
Speaker 1: Did I take the trash, did I pay the bills?
Speaker 1: You know? Did my jaws get really sore? Yeah? Like
Speaker 1: that's right. Yeah, I'm like I don't have back teeth,
Speaker 1: so my ship go in real well, okay, So I'm like, nah,
Speaker 1: that's not for me. I leave it to y'all. I
Speaker 1: wait to They put Dick Sucker's visitors on group on.
Speaker 1: That should be a new business. Yeah, this is your
Speaker 1: business plan. Everyone's happy. I'm hiring yea? All right? What
Speaker 1: was suppa scout in the in the lobby afterwards? Where
Speaker 1: can we find you on the internet that you get
Speaker 1: more of these delightful chaps. My comedian c O. M E.
Speaker 1: D I E n any Miss Pat M S p
Speaker 1: A T website, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, a little snap check
Speaker 1: all this ship you young people do I try to
Speaker 1: be there and be cool. You're way cooler than I
Speaker 1: will ever be. Path Thank you, thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, Thank you so much. Say guys, uh, this
Speaker 1: is this is exceeded my expectations so hard. You taught
Speaker 1: us a lot. It's been guys. We fun the anti
Speaker 1: slutshi your podcast. Thank you so much for coming out.
Speaker 1: We'll be in the lobby if you want to say hi,
Speaker 1: take a photo learning about following us or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming Have a good night.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys. You you look like a man one.
Speaker 1: Why you acting yet? You acting like good boy? Acting
Speaker 1: like holl said that you Yes, but the truth is
Speaker 1: things to see so blacky, it's opening to see he's
Speaker 1: gidding me, giving me the who aren't that nothing? You
Speaker 1: actually thin't gone the differently? And they ain't that something bad?
Speaker 1: Why you never? Yaw? Wasn't that interview crazy? Okay? So
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