Speaker 1: Two hopeless daters on the question is whose love life
Speaker 1: is more tragic. It's Battle Tinder Dates. It's the dating
Speaker 1: game show that's credited in Urban Dictionary for coining the
Speaker 1: term butterface. Oh no, wait no, that's sorry, that was
Speaker 1: someone else. They're credited with a similar term, butter bangs.
Speaker 1: Everything's cute, butter bangs doesn't have the same zing banks
Speaker 1: are always cute. It's Battle of the Days, where two
Speaker 1: of our listeners go head to head to figure out
Speaker 1: whose dating life is the most tragic. We'll explain the
Speaker 1: rules in just a second, but first let's meet today's contestants.
Speaker 1: In this corner, her secret to perfectly smooth skin is
Speaker 1: a daily egg based smoothie minus the yolks and the whites.
Speaker 1: That's why at eyehop they call her eggshell Raquel, just
Speaker 1: so crunchy Raquel, Hey, hey, okay, clearing her teeth. And
Speaker 1: in the other corner, she has a weakness for men
Speaker 1: with thin, whispy hair and in flames swollen eyes. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's why she's known as booshemy Emmy. That makes sense.
Speaker 1: I first thought that they were crying, but now I
Speaker 1: understand why their eyes. Here's how the game works, ladies.
Speaker 1: One contestant will start by telling one of their worst
Speaker 1: dating stories, then the other would try and counter with
Speaker 1: a nightmare story of their own. We're going back and
Speaker 1: forth for three rounds here, and then afterwards we will
Speaker 1: declare a winner. So, Eggshell, Raquel, you're gonna start us off.
Speaker 1: So what on a date with this guy? And we
Speaker 1: were walking in apart romantic all of it, okay, but
Speaker 1: then it started raining. That could be royantic? Still, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know they always yeah, exactly, they always show it
Speaker 1: kissing in the rain, but it's not fun. It definitely
Speaker 1: could have been. But my date freaked out. As we're
Speaker 1: going back, I saw like marker thing running down his face. Marker,
Speaker 1: you said, maker, Like yeah, like magic marker. Okay, what's
Speaker 1: going on? Yeah, so he apparently colored in his hairline.
Speaker 1: Oh blood, did you use a sharpie for that? I
Speaker 1: can't believe you didn't notice until it started running down
Speaker 1: his face like props the hair. Good job, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's got a good job. But I felt so fad
Speaker 1: for him because he started crying. Emmy, can you counter?
Speaker 1: My gig picks me up? And you know that's like
Speaker 1: if you get in the car and like it keeps deeping.
Speaker 1: You keep carrying that beeping sound, and you're like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's an engine or something. And I realized that it's
Speaker 1: a featfelt thing. He's not wearing it, and it's like
Speaker 1: going on like five minutes, and I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you forgot your seat belt and I was like, you
Speaker 1: should put your seatbot on. He goes, no, thanks, feat
Speaker 1: belts are a conspiracy. Ah okay, yeah, oh I guess worse,
Speaker 1: he says, once science proved that he'd be happy to
Speaker 1: wear one. Oh, I think he brings up a good point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So obviously I asked him to drop me off, and
Speaker 1: then I'm like, I'm not going to date a crazy person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And as I get out of the car, he calls
Speaker 1: me a sheep and then tells me any to wake up.
Speaker 1: Sounds like you're still asleep. Yeah, let's go to the
Speaker 1: second round. That means we're back to you, Raquel. So
Speaker 1: I'm dating this surgeon and I'm thinking, oh right, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean there's money in that, but they tend to
Speaker 1: be kind of strange. How could they go wrong? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't know. So he pulls up my ig okay
Speaker 1: and starts going through all of my pictures and telling
Speaker 1: me what work I should get done. First of all,
Speaker 1: I'm good, okay, basically gave you a consultation without you asking.
Speaker 1: I'd be so pissed a free consultation, dude. She's like, anyway, yeah,
Speaker 1: what did you do? Well? It turns out he's not
Speaker 1: just any old type of surgeon. He's actually a plastic surgeon. Yeah,
Speaker 1: an out of work clientsic surgeon. He needed to rebuild
Speaker 1: his client tellerating do you have his number? Because I
Speaker 1: could use something. Okay, let's kick it back to Emma.
Speaker 1: This was a little bit further into dating. I was
Speaker 1: at his house and uh, we were in bed, but
Speaker 1: we were watching a horror movie, you know, trying to
Speaker 1: you know, Netflix and chill that's funds because you know,
Speaker 1: you're gone exactly. And he just kind of pauses the
Speaker 1: movie after a certain point and he's like, you should leave,
Speaker 1: And I was like, I thought we were about to,
Speaker 1: like very much start cuddling, and I'm like, it's okay.
Speaker 1: You get scared, Like I'm scared too, Like let's be
Speaker 1: scared together, and he just looks me dead hand. He goes,
Speaker 1: I peeted the bed. Oh my God, poor buddy. I
Speaker 1: actually feel that we're going to the third and final
Speaker 1: round here. This needs to be your best story, so
Speaker 1: let's hear it, Eggshell Raquel. All Right, this dude tells
Speaker 1: me he's going to take me to an arcade bar. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's fine, nice, and I'm like, okay, cool, But then
Speaker 1: that's what this bar was actually not a business. It's
Speaker 1: at his parents' house in the basement. Oh, parents basement.
Speaker 1: I mean you don't have to tip the wait staff
Speaker 1: when you're there. Yeah, actually I did. What what do
Speaker 1: you mean wait staff? Well, he paid his mom to
Speaker 1: be the freaking waitress. All right, Emmy, this is it
Speaker 1: final chance best story. Alrighty oh, I went want to
Speaker 1: date to a real establishment, a diner, And you know,
Speaker 1: we're sitting in one of those boots like kind of faces,
Speaker 1: like the parking lot kind of area. Yeah, and we're
Speaker 1: like talking and have a good time. But it keeps
Speaker 1: like looking outside, and I like he seems concentrated. After
Speaker 1: a little bit, his phone alarm goes off. He doesn't
Speaker 1: say anything to me. He gets up and he goes
Speaker 1: outside and this man drops parking tickets on a bunch
Speaker 1: of cars. No, he's no. He comes back in. He goes, hey, sorry,
Speaker 1: they were just a few minutes over. I needed to
Speaker 1: get that out of the way real quick. Where world.
Speaker 1: The best part about that is when we were leaving,
Speaker 1: he walks me to my car and gives me a
Speaker 1: ticket and a minute over guy. So he kissed him. Right,
Speaker 1: all right, there's the final bell that means the matches
Speaker 1: over judges. Let's score it, Alexis, Who are you giving
Speaker 1: it to Raquel for the plastic surgeon guy? Raquel brook, Well,
Speaker 1: but I gotta go Emmy because of the guy peeing
Speaker 1: in bed. We're split right now, Jose The decision comes
Speaker 1: down to you because of the parents serving you in
Speaker 1: the basement. I'm going with Raquel. All right. Congratulations Eggshell Raquel,
Speaker 1: you are today's Diane Keaton of dating disasters. Battle of
Speaker 1: the Tinder Gates Phone Tap is coming up next