Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina.
Speaker 1: I'm We're sorry about last night, the anti sluck shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I never stopped. Hey, everybody, Welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: Guys We Fuck. It's the anti slot shaming podcast. I'm Karen,
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Speaker 1: good thing I didn't say hi, because I would have
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Speaker 1: You get two months free. They have a lot of
Speaker 1: great stand up. That's a great show. Do you damn thing? Yes?
Speaker 1: All right? Uh, how how are you? I'm good? I did.
Speaker 1: I missed my birth control pill? How many times this
Speaker 1: week or this month? Like three times? So how do
Speaker 1: you have like eight alarms on your phone about it?
Speaker 1: How do you miss it? I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm busy, man. Stephen's mom was staying with us for
Speaker 1: six days straight, and then the next day my brother
Speaker 1: stayed with us for two days, and then the next
Speaker 1: day my dad and mom came and stayed with us
Speaker 1: for two days. And I was just like, this is
Speaker 1: a lot. And so you forgot your birth control. That's
Speaker 1: the one thing that I don't think I've ever forgotten.
Speaker 1: So I've taken it since I was eighteen, every single
Speaker 1: day of my life. What do you take it? Like?
Speaker 1: Do you take your morning ship? Like? What do you
Speaker 1: before I go to bed? Or I mean sometimes if
Speaker 1: I fall, see, but I just take it firstly on
Speaker 1: that morning. I mean, I mean it's like people are
Speaker 1: a little too crazy about the having to take it
Speaker 1: at the exact same moment. You should be taking it
Speaker 1: at radically different time. I should associate it with like
Speaker 1: an event like brushing my tea either either wake up
Speaker 1: or or go to sleep, like prep like, yeah, well
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm HORNI er was that weird without it?
Speaker 1: I mean no, but I mean you also be overthinking
Speaker 1: it and then just making making yourself think that that's true.
Speaker 1: It's also been really hot, which makes me horny. Oh
Speaker 1: maybe that makes me horny and I didn't even know it. Yea,
Speaker 1: Like when it's like really hot and you're just like
Speaker 1: sweating all the time, Like I get really horny. Something's
Speaker 1: happening in my brain. I watched porn the other night
Speaker 1: and I was staring at the guy the whole time.
Speaker 1: And the guys what got me off, not the girl.
Speaker 1: That has never happened in my life. Oh and also,
Speaker 1: you know what you're working out? Oh does that mean?
Speaker 1: Because you'll it'll make you in a better mood, and
Speaker 1: then that will probably make you hornier. Ship guys work out.
Speaker 1: I am so much hornier and I've never like after
Speaker 1: I came, I was like, oh my god, I just
Speaker 1: came to a man, all right, get some equality in there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's awesome. My brother was visiting me Saturday and Uh.
Speaker 1: It was two days the day before my mom and
Speaker 1: dad came and he goes Nina because that's what he
Speaker 1: calls me. Guess who knows what the podcast is called.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I feel like it's our mother
Speaker 1: and he said yep. And I was like, okay, well
Speaker 1: that band aid got ripped off. That's good after two years.
Speaker 1: And he was like, don't say anything about it to her.
Speaker 1: She's just trying to grasp it. I'm trying to tell
Speaker 1: her they're just great at marketing and it's just a
Speaker 1: branding thing and it's more meaning. And I was like,
Speaker 1: thank you, I appreciate it. Just be like, mom, do
Speaker 1: you want to retire happy? Or said in a nice
Speaker 1: house or that's what I was planning. Like when the
Speaker 1: day comes out, a name's on a billboard, I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: by the way, it's called guys, we fun but who cared?
Speaker 1: And here's a check. Your grandson's college is paid for?
Speaker 1: How um? But yeah. And then she came the next
Speaker 1: day too because my dad would get surgery, and it
Speaker 1: was fine. She he asked me not to talk about
Speaker 1: it with her because she didn't want to know that
Speaker 1: I knew. Oh you know, so I knew, but I
Speaker 1: didn't tell her. I knew and it was fine. Just
Speaker 1: so It's just like, how much of a pussy am
Speaker 1: I I talked about goddamn mother about the name. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Well, I unfortunately I'm back in New York.
Speaker 1: You know, there are some people and things. I'm happy
Speaker 1: to be here, but I gotta say I just really
Speaker 1: wanted to say, in Colorado it was the best place
Speaker 1: I've ever been in my whole entire life. Maybe tied
Speaker 1: with Romania. I will say that, maybe tied with Romania.
Speaker 1: Most beautiful place in America easily. Thank you Mania. Oh
Speaker 1: not no, no, no, Colorado the most people PU placed
Speaker 1: in it that I've ever been in America. I don't
Speaker 1: so don't so don't email me from Hawaii. What about Tennessee? Guy? Um?
Speaker 1: So thank you that everyone who came out to Denver
Speaker 1: and Boulder. That was wonderful. Yeah, it was great. So
Speaker 1: Tommy and I we spent um the whole week eating
Speaker 1: so much. I gained like, honestly ten pounds, like easily,
Speaker 1: Like I weighed myself when I came back, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't really ten pounds of happy this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never felt better um, and I went to fun
Speaker 1: City and I jumped on a trampoline and I did
Speaker 1: go carts for the first time and bumper boats a
Speaker 1: huge slide that only costs a dollar to go down
Speaker 1: on a potato sack. And then yeah, we were in
Speaker 1: the mountains. We stayed at the Stanley Hotel and did
Speaker 1: you try did you like recreate the scene? We didn't
Speaker 1: recreate the scene well because it was Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: just the hotel that inspired Stephen King to write The
Speaker 1: Shining because it's so haunted. Apparently, did you you didn't
Speaker 1: see any ghosts? The only thing we saw is our
Speaker 1: tour guide. So there's a lot of child ghosts there apparently.
Speaker 1: And so they give you a dumb, dumb lollipop that
Speaker 1: you have to balance in your hand upside down, which
Speaker 1: is very difficult to do, and like hold it through
Speaker 1: the whole tour, which is ninety minutes. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that is asking a lot. These child ghosts are really
Speaker 1: fucking picking. Yeah, and they like play this game where
Speaker 1: like the ghosts try to knock it down. And I
Speaker 1: will say, my lollipop was not knocked down. But first
Speaker 1: the tour guy, which I normally wouldn't believe it if
Speaker 1: the tour guides was knocked down, because like, you know,
Speaker 1: what is there a magnet in your hand? Hello, I'm
Speaker 1: friends with a magician we know, and I know a
Speaker 1: magicians you know. Excuse me, I know a magician. So
Speaker 1: he's told me all his tricks. He's very good. He
Speaker 1: goes to magic camp every year. Um. But I was
Speaker 1: watching her hand like almost the entire time, and there
Speaker 1: was one point when no sleight of hand, no magnet,
Speaker 1: no rope attached to her, which wouldn't even be possible
Speaker 1: because we were walking all around a building could have
Speaker 1: made the lollipop come out of her hand at the
Speaker 1: angle and the force that it came out of her
Speaker 1: hand fly across. Oh my god. And not like she like,
Speaker 1: not like Susanne not levitating. That was actually Emily. Um, Emily.
Speaker 1: Of course the child goes names Emily, definitely Emily, and
Speaker 1: she's about five years old, and she wears a bone
Speaker 1: a bonnet and she likes the blue dum dums. Oh
Speaker 1: that's a great siege. Emily is fucking crushing gender norms
Speaker 1: because she likes blue. And then also they were another
Speaker 1: woman on the tour who like definitely wasn't like a
Speaker 1: hired act. She was an old woman and we were
Speaker 1: in another room, Lucy's room. She's like a teenager and
Speaker 1: she died during sixties or seventies. Um, but she yeah,
Speaker 1: she the dumb dumb fell in her hand and she
Speaker 1: was like visibly startled. Question why did so many kids
Speaker 1: die there? Um, I mean I think it's just kids,
Speaker 1: uh haunted? I mean they didn't necessarily everyone who was
Speaker 1: there didn't necessarily die there. There's this whole like there's
Speaker 1: this like rock that the foundation of the Stanley is
Speaker 1: like built on, which also has to do with why
Speaker 1: it might be more haunted that they explained to us
Speaker 1: like scientifically. But it's like a free it's not, it's not.
Speaker 1: The foundation of the Stanley is not like a normal foundation.
Speaker 1: There's like these huge rocks. We went actually in the
Speaker 1: tunnels in the basement. Yeah, it was pretty interesting, so cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to see a ghost. And then we went yeah,
Speaker 1: and then in Estes Park we did this outdoor adventure
Speaker 1: trail where I like cooked myself onto a wire and
Speaker 1: like didn't yeah, and like walked on chairs like really
Speaker 1: high in the air and ropes and balanced and I'm
Speaker 1: very store right now. But it was fun, I mean real, yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean also we like well when we stayed at
Speaker 1: a Lama ranch and we there was a hot tub
Speaker 1: in an old woman's garage and tub, yeah, and we
Speaker 1: went in it just like it wasn't her hot tub,
Speaker 1: it was for the ranch. Well, no, she it's like
Speaker 1: her property. And then she decides to rent out rooms
Speaker 1: at her Lama ranch. And then her and her old
Speaker 1: husband who looked like they're very cute, but they also
Speaker 1: look like they are characters in any horror movie I've
Speaker 1: ever seen. They live in they live in an RV.
Speaker 1: Oh what that's a murder way. And to have a
Speaker 1: shout out to Keino's Lama ranch. There was also Yeah,
Speaker 1: we went in the hot top and we had edible
Speaker 1: lolly like lollipops. Did they work for? You know? I
Speaker 1: smoked so much pot eight what right? But here I
Speaker 1: got I got an answer to my problem. So I
Speaker 1: went to a lot of this medical or want of places,
Speaker 1: and I tried and explained my situation and the people
Speaker 1: that are very knowledgeable about weed, which I appreciated. And
Speaker 1: so the one guy said, he said, one inten people
Speaker 1: has a block to th HC. That can never be passed.
Speaker 1: He's like, you could just be one of those people.
Speaker 1: And I go tell me. I was like, did you
Speaker 1: ever meet anyone who couldn't get high? He's like he's
Speaker 1: like no, And I was like, yeah, me neither. I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe I'm just that person because we didn't
Speaker 1: we did everything. No, I mean it's fine. I mean
Speaker 1: there's just and I be could I explained to him.
Speaker 1: I was like, I've you know, done other stuff that's
Speaker 1: like more intense. Um. Yeah, So yeah, I tried everything
Speaker 1: because I was like, if I can't get high in Colorado,
Speaker 1: I just don't think it's possible. True. I used a
Speaker 1: vape pen, I used a joint, I used a pipe,
Speaker 1: I did a lollipop. UM eight piece you got no
Speaker 1: th HC. Yeah, I mean I tried everything. I tried everything.
Speaker 1: I mean there was a point where I was like
Speaker 1: maybe the lollipop was working a little bit, like I
Speaker 1: just and then I was like, no, I think it's
Speaker 1: just that it's hot in this hot tub and it's
Speaker 1: making my heart race. Did she have like a shelf
Speaker 1: of like car oil in the garage, Like was it
Speaker 1: an actual like suburban garage? It was, but she made
Speaker 1: it into a place where there would be a hot tub.
Speaker 1: There was like a stack of towels and like a
Speaker 1: little basket and then she put some Native American art
Speaker 1: on the walls. No ghosts in that, No, I was no.
Speaker 1: We we had the m F reader with us, but
Speaker 1: I did not see any Oh e m F. It's
Speaker 1: it reads like the frequencies, but I mean also got
Speaker 1: to get one of those. It can like set it off,
Speaker 1: like if you're like by our refrigerator or something, you
Speaker 1: have to be careful. It's like it's just like waves
Speaker 1: that are not normal to be in. But yeah, it
Speaker 1: was great and I definitely am planning on getting a
Speaker 1: second home in Colorado if I ever have am fortunate
Speaker 1: enough to be wealthy enough to have a second home. Girl,
Speaker 1: I think it's gonna happen for you. And then I
Speaker 1: came home, will open my door and I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: my room smells like old lunch meats. And then I
Speaker 1: saw two dead mice carcasses on the glue trap that
Speaker 1: I had left being eaten by about fifty flies. Yum.
Speaker 1: You can go see that on Instagram. I am starving,
Speaker 1: aren't you. Yeah? I was like, wow, good to be home.
Speaker 1: Everybody good to be bad. That's such a kick in
Speaker 1: the dick, and my favorite city on the planet. He
Speaker 1: got mouse ghosts running around. Your new animals turned into ghosts. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh there's a cat ghost at the Stanley Hotel as well.
Speaker 1: Because I asked the same question, I was hoping it
Speaker 1: was a dog ghost because then I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm definitely love you. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna speak to
Speaker 1: this dog ghosts. But there's only cat goes. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: well that's good to know. Yeah, it was just phenomenal.
Speaker 1: Going to go on a vacation with your best friend.
Speaker 1: I feel like when we get old, we only go
Speaker 1: on vacations with like boyfriend's girlfriend's, husband's wives. I think
Speaker 1: it's very important. Yeah, go with a friend. Yeah you
Speaker 1: have to. And then I want to do like a
Speaker 1: weekend with just me. Yeah you know, yeah go oh
Speaker 1: that's fun too. I spent like, yeah, I'll spent a
Speaker 1: couple of days by myself because Tommy was at his conference.
Speaker 1: I want to do just me somewhere. I think you
Speaker 1: want to go on to cruise. Oh that would be
Speaker 1: fine myself. That would be so fun because then like
Speaker 1: no one's gonna be like who's that loser, and like,
Speaker 1: fuck you, We're on a cruise. Okay, my mom just
Speaker 1: went on a huge vacation by herself. She went all
Speaker 1: down to Kentucky and West Virginia. Itinerary show. Yeah, come
Speaker 1: see us live, you guys. Um Atlantic City, New Jersey,
Speaker 1: Saturday August eight pm, Glamor Pus is going to be happening,
Speaker 1: co hosted by Wendy Starling and myself the Atlantic City
Speaker 1: Comedy Club that's on the boardwalk right outside of Caesar's Casino.
Speaker 1: Tickets are fifteen bucks. Link for that show is in
Speaker 1: the description of this podcast. Then on Wednesday, August at
Speaker 1: nine pm at the Standing Room in Long Island City,
Speaker 1: come see Katie Hannigan and myself co hosts The Comedian
Speaker 1: Project No Jokes about Sex, dating or Relationships. Tickets are
Speaker 1: only five dollars when you use the code sex. Then
Speaker 1: on Friday August six at eleven pm at New York
Speaker 1: Comedy Club, comes see Blair Saki and I co host
Speaker 1: Nacho Bitches, which is always a ship show. Tickets for
Speaker 1: that are ten dollars with code Nacho. And then the
Speaker 1: next day, Saturday, August is Glamour Pulus in our New
Speaker 1: York City home, which is Zinc Bar in the West
Speaker 1: Village seven thirty pm. Wendy Starling and I will be there.
Speaker 1: There will be wigs, there will be whiskey, and Justin
Speaker 1: Perez's girlfriend is playing some music on it. And also
Speaker 1: if you live in surrounds So Canada, we are coming
Speaker 1: at you Thursday, September twenty two at nine pm we're
Speaker 1: doing a live recording of Guys We Fucked, and the
Speaker 1: next day, Friday, September, also at nine pm, we're doing
Speaker 1: the Guys We Fucked Tour show. Individual tickets are still
Speaker 1: not available yet, but we just asked our agents to
Speaker 1: please give us a link a p so we will
Speaker 1: tweet it out and shipped and say it on here
Speaker 1: as soon as we get it, because there will be
Speaker 1: individual tickets available soon. Speaking of getting information right when
Speaker 1: it comes out, a lot of you guys like to
Speaker 1: tweet us back or comment on our instagrams about things
Speaker 1: that related to those things, So if you want information
Speaker 1: from us as soon as we have it, we now
Speaker 1: have an email list that set up on our official website,
Speaker 1: which is Sorry about Last Night Comedy dot com, so
Speaker 1: you're know go to that website. Click on follow us,
Speaker 1: and on the lower left hand side there's a little
Speaker 1: box you just type your email in that press submit
Speaker 1: and then you'll know stuff as soon as we know stuff.
Speaker 1: And also we're gonna do some fun things as bigger
Speaker 1: news comes out, where we're on some contests, get some prizes,
Speaker 1: some special opportunities, so you're gonna want to be on
Speaker 1: that list. We're gonna do like ship that people do,
Speaker 1: and you know they do ship, you know, uh, speaking
Speaker 1: of ships. Um, this is not a good transition. Thanks
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Speaker 1: the ship out of our products literally but literally the
Speaker 1: ship at our guest. So this is our second live
Speaker 1: from Montreal podcast recording. So this was recorded also at
Speaker 1: the Just for Laughs comedy festival in Montreal and it
Speaker 1: was special. You're gonna hear some fuckers um on this episode. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we bring some people up, they tell us the problems
Speaker 1: and then we pulled something out of our hat and
Speaker 1: deliver it via verbal um. And we've been wanting to
Speaker 1: have this guest on the podcast for for a while.
Speaker 1: He's an amazing stand up comedian. He has a one
Speaker 1: hour special on Comedy Central Live from Grammercy Theater, Nope,
Speaker 1: live at Webster Hall. I know it. That's why I
Speaker 1: had a question. I was like, Grammarcy Theater is Kurt Mesker.
Speaker 1: That's why precious which I was thereful, very good, but
Speaker 1: I saw this person's Comedy Central hour. He is one
Speaker 1: of those people that makes me he could make me
Speaker 1: laugh anywhere about anything whatever, he says. Yeah, and he's
Speaker 1: also a huge Marilyn Manson fans, so we bond over
Speaker 1: that and he knows some people in the band. Makes
Speaker 1: me excited. Yeah, maybe he can get you to bang
Speaker 1: because you can't bang up because you have a Yeah
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. Maybe you could just like graze by
Speaker 1: your joint. Oh maybe, Oh should we should enjoy? Okay, um,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, please get up for the very funny
Speaker 1: big Jay Oggerson are ARSLNG You are Lars are Hi? Guys? Yeah,
Speaker 1: how are we doing? Sadly? And get y'all drinks? Where'd
Speaker 1: you get the drinks? I was like, yeah, no one
Speaker 1: was drinking yesterday and that's why everyone was in a
Speaker 1: better mood already. Yeah, I guess alcohol. And yeah, thank
Speaker 1: you guys so much for coming out guys who has
Speaker 1: been like the top selling podcast show of this festival
Speaker 1: and we it's thanks to you guys. Thanks all to
Speaker 1: you guys. We really appreciate it. Yeah, who needs comedy
Speaker 1: fans when you have a bunch of twenty two year
Speaker 1: old white girls. I don't need comedy fans. It's just
Speaker 1: my passionate life. Yeah, comedy pocket. Um. I had a
Speaker 1: I ate breakfast to day and then I ate a
Speaker 1: Dairy Queen Chocolate Oreo blizzard. Then I had sex, and
Speaker 1: then I ate the rest of the blizzard and then
Speaker 1: I fell asleep. You ate dairy before you had set.
Speaker 1: I know that is something I would never I would
Speaker 1: rather be fisted, honestly, absolutely never been fisted. No, but
Speaker 1: I would. I would if someone said, do you want
Speaker 1: to eat a blizzard and fuck your boyfriend? Or do
Speaker 1: you want your boyfriend to fist? You would be like, fist?
Speaker 1: What if it was fist your butt hole? Still fist
Speaker 1: because I would feel confident that my butt hole was
Speaker 1: fine to do anything as long as I hadn't eaten
Speaker 1: a Dairy Queen blizzards right right right right right? Well,
Speaker 1: that nap, that nap reset me. I mean it would
Speaker 1: just be like it would just be coming out of
Speaker 1: my mouth. But maybe my vagina. I think there's another
Speaker 1: hole down there. Yeah, I don't know. We I mean,
Speaker 1: we know we know nothing about our bodies, so that
Speaker 1: people ask us things, it's hilarious to me. I know
Speaker 1: how many holes do I have? For whatever? The nostrils count? Sure,
Speaker 1: billy button. Is that a whole? No, I mean I
Speaker 1: would think a whole listening you could actually if you
Speaker 1: were to shoot a liquid inside, it would go someplace else,
Speaker 1: So I would count it as not a hole. It's
Speaker 1: more of a crevice or a nook. It's your definition
Speaker 1: of a hole. But that makes a lot of sense. Thanks.
Speaker 1: Have you guys been fisted by? Raise your hand if
Speaker 1: you've ever been fisted, or raise your head, raise your
Speaker 1: fist if you've used it to fist another. Oh that girl.
Speaker 1: Has anyone seriously been fisted at? Because I'm confused about fisting.
Speaker 1: We have so many questions because we went to the
Speaker 1: pleasure chest and we just started looking at things and
Speaker 1: we're like, this can't go. There was one toy that
Speaker 1: was a giant hand like this like a Miss America wave,
Speaker 1: you know. It was like but and I asked the lady.
Speaker 1: I was like, where's this go? And she's like, up
Speaker 1: your badge And I was like, really, yeah, there's so
Speaker 1: a matter of fact that sex stories. I'm like, you
Speaker 1: were shocked to the first time. And there was there
Speaker 1: was another toy. It was a sizeier beer glass, probably thicker,
Speaker 1: and that was for your butt. That's crazy, you guys.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and like it's like how do you how
Speaker 1: do you even get there? Like what's the progression that
Speaker 1: it takes that you like, how small do you start
Speaker 1: to get that big deep breath see breath? Yeah and
Speaker 1: whiskey yeah pop? Don't poppers make yours? That? We asked? Still,
Speaker 1: I've done poppers because I really dedicated this podcast, and
Speaker 1: I still have no idea what they do other than
Speaker 1: make my head feel like a balloon. And I thought
Speaker 1: I was gonna die. It sounds hard. I was like,
Speaker 1: my head's gonna pop. I know, I'd rather be fisted
Speaker 1: the poppers for sure. Yeah, I mean I don't know.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I do Chucks and I'm just like, mmmm, there
Speaker 1: has to be something really wrong with you to enjoy
Speaker 1: this not a fan? Does anybody in here have a
Speaker 1: question or need advice of? Oh wow, you are in
Speaker 1: need because I didn't even have to finish my sentence.
Speaker 1: Get up were her thought highs and she was like,
Speaker 1: I'm ready. What's your name? Amanda? Hi, Amanda, Amanda to
Speaker 1: the show. Thank you just so close? Like you guys,
Speaker 1: do have likes something intimate and put her over here
Speaker 1: she might hit somebody so what's going on? Um? So
Speaker 1: I'm here's my friend Lauren. We own a theater company together.
Speaker 1: Hey Lauren, um, and we just we were just in
Speaker 1: Orlando performing to play and when we were promoting promoting
Speaker 1: the show, so many people asked us. I think just
Speaker 1: because you're like two females promoting a show if it
Speaker 1: was sexual, they just like had no problem being like, oh,
Speaker 1: like is this a sexual show because of the two
Speaker 1: of you. So we're kind of like stuck in this
Speaker 1: weird gray area, like I wanna be upset about this,
Speaker 1: but I still want you to come to my show
Speaker 1: Florida for you. Yeah, have you ever been in Florida before? Yeah?
Speaker 1: When I was like a great something. I mean, we
Speaker 1: get asked all the time if we have had sex
Speaker 1: with each other? Yeah, or if we can and talk
Speaker 1: about it? We like, no, absolutely not. We w what
Speaker 1: if we credit had sex with each other? I don't
Speaker 1: even know, Like we would just like and then also
Speaker 1: it would be ready that episode. We wouldn't have a
Speaker 1: guest because I just have to interview you and then
Speaker 1: and then you have to interview me, and everybody like,
Speaker 1: where's the guest? This episode sucks? So everyone kept asking
Speaker 1: you if it was going to be sexual where they
Speaker 1: dudes or women are both. It was like a little
Speaker 1: bit of mixed both, Like it was mostly older men,
Speaker 1: but like I'll go yeah exactly, like, oh, like, what
Speaker 1: are you gonna do to like make us come to
Speaker 1: this show? Your ticket sale? I don't want that. You
Speaker 1: don't know that ticket sale? Yeah. I mean there's two
Speaker 1: there's school two schools of thought. Either you're you have
Speaker 1: an empty audience and you take a stand and you
Speaker 1: feel good about yourself when you go to bed at night,
Speaker 1: or you sell out and you disappoint a lot of
Speaker 1: people who think that they're going to come in their
Speaker 1: pants during your show. But maybe some of them liked it.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people tune into guys we
Speaker 1: fun because and they tell us this, they're like, oh
Speaker 1: we I thought was just gonna like put this on
Speaker 1: and master bab. But then I learned something and that
Speaker 1: was okay too. I would what's your play called? It's
Speaker 1: called chocolate Cake? Oh come on, I mean, why did
Speaker 1: you take in my mouth? I would rename your play
Speaker 1: two girls fucking each other on the page and then
Speaker 1: just don't explain it and then have everyone come and
Speaker 1: then it's not two girls sucking each other and then
Speaker 1: at the end, just at the very end, just be like,
Speaker 1: got you a bitch and then leave? What So, can
Speaker 1: you give me a snopsis of what the play Chocolate Cake?
Speaker 1: What the is that is? I mean, because it sounds
Speaker 1: like two white girls are about to go down on
Speaker 1: a black band for the first time. To be honest,
Speaker 1: that's what I would Yeah or something right, like is
Speaker 1: it a black box theater or yeah, it was just
Speaker 1: it's it was a fringe, like fringe festival. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I've done fringe, I know. So it's just like at
Speaker 1: ever stage they'll give you sometimes it's just like a corner.
Speaker 1: They're fine. We were in like just like a room
Speaker 1: with like a set up stage and it's alright, thanks,
Speaker 1: it's about what it's about two sisters who have a
Speaker 1: like a weird psycho obsession with Martha Stewart. Where is
Speaker 1: the chocolate cake come in? Well, we make a chocolate
Speaker 1: cake on stage throughout the show, throughout the show, so
Speaker 1: like the goal is you're eventually making this chocolate cake.
Speaker 1: Just rub it all over your nipples at the end
Speaker 1: of what they want perfect m I mean, it was
Speaker 1: that think like where there was there a list of
Speaker 1: other alternate titles. I would ask the person asking you
Speaker 1: if it's going to be sexual, because obviously they're like
Speaker 1: if someone was like, what are you gonna do to
Speaker 1: give me to come to the show, I'd just be like,
Speaker 1: I'd make them like just whip out their dick and yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, or just be funny about it and like
Speaker 1: nip that problem in the but before it happens, and
Speaker 1: you could it could be chocolate cake in frunt that
Speaker 1: he sees underneath uh, not about us going down on
Speaker 1: a black eye for the first time to clarify, and
Speaker 1: I feel like it's fun, it'll stand out. Maybe you'll
Speaker 1: get some good press like chocolate cake. That could go
Speaker 1: either way. But if you, like you're like, this is
Speaker 1: definitely not a show about us going down on a
Speaker 1: black eye, maybe people will be more interested because like, well,
Speaker 1: then what is it about? I know what I call that?
Speaker 1: Why else would you call it cholcolate cake. Also, I
Speaker 1: feel like you have to give out chocolate cake at
Speaker 1: the end of it, Okay, thank god, because I was like,
Speaker 1: otherwise there's two major problems with you. So yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it's I think it's just it's just
Speaker 1: if what if it bothers you morally, Like I probably
Speaker 1: just wouldn't care. And like, if you have confidence that
Speaker 1: the play is really good, which you should anyway, just
Speaker 1: have these fucking pervsey it and then maybe like they'll
Speaker 1: realize that they do like masturbating, that they also like art. Yeah,
Speaker 1: trick them into liking art. It's fine, you can like both.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, thank you. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is I don't know. Thanks to nice meeting you
Speaker 1: don chocolate like ky chocolate cake coming to a theater
Speaker 1: near you. I'm just imagining two young girls. I know,
Speaker 1: I kind of want to see that chocolate. Yeahs really
Speaker 1: fun too, to be honest. Yeah, go here and rework.
Speaker 1: Does anyone have a problem other girl rais story? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Come on up, come on all damn all rights? Have
Speaker 1: you had this question saved up for months? At least
Speaker 1: to months? Wow, come to Canada. So you didn't tell
Speaker 1: your therapist so you could tell us about you. My
Speaker 1: boyfriend he's over there. Hi, boyfriend, boyfriend. Do you know
Speaker 1: what she's gonna ask? Yeah, he don't see. She's excited,
Speaker 1: very happy. Oh. I was like, I hope it's not like,
Speaker 1: but what to do with the baby in your stom
Speaker 1: because I'm you probably should hey, okay, go on, Yeah, okay, So,
Speaker 1: like my boyfriend really wants to have a threesome, is
Speaker 1: it with the girl he's sitting next to? No, that's
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe we would be open. Maybe that's Charlotte. Hey,
Speaker 1: but but why weren't you sitting next to your boyfriends?
Speaker 1: I really wanted that seat so I could see better
Speaker 1: with me. Okay, you're good friends and good friend, she's
Speaker 1: a good friend. Um okay, So, like, and I love
Speaker 1: talking about it, like it's super hot talking about it,
Speaker 1: but I'm scared that like the moment we get into it,
Speaker 1: a switch is gonna like flip in my head and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go psycho and I'm gonna become like a
Speaker 1: crazy person who like hates your boyfriend. We have to
Speaker 1: break up because I'm just nuts. Okay, So you're already
Speaker 1: assuming it's gonna go bad. No, I'm not saying it's
Speaker 1: gonna go Like, I think it's gonna be great, Like
Speaker 1: I love talking about and we talked about during sacks
Speaker 1: and like it's hot and it's great, but I'm scared
Speaker 1: the moment I see him with another girl, I'm like,
Speaker 1: fuck her. Fuck you, Like I'm gone, yeah yeah really
Speaker 1: he is so like and I know you kind of
Speaker 1: maybe went through similar things because I've been listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast backwards. Yeah, so that happened first of all.
Speaker 1: So I'm just getting sadder. I'm just like, oh, there's
Speaker 1: the Panera bread story, which I was now I got.
Speaker 1: I freaked out a little bit the first three way
Speaker 1: we had because but I have a cuckolding fetish, so
Speaker 1: I like seeing my boyfriend with another woman. It turns
Speaker 1: me on, so that helps. But uh, this girl, the
Speaker 1: first goal we had a three way with like gave
Speaker 1: him this fucking ninja hand job and I was just
Speaker 1: sitting there going, what is that? What do you How
Speaker 1: do you move your hands like that? And my boyfriend
Speaker 1: just like, oh, like you like that? Yeah, it's cool. Fine, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's cool, it's fine. Uh. And I freaked out a
Speaker 1: little bit, but then I got over it. But what
Speaker 1: got me out of that was like I thought it
Speaker 1: was hot that he liked it so much, But then
Speaker 1: right after she left, I was like, does she better
Speaker 1: than me? It's good? Do you think you would actually
Speaker 1: flip out? On the girl, because I think that's gonna
Speaker 1: be a huge problem the girl. It would be like
Speaker 1: afterwards to be like, Scott, what the fox your problem? Like?
Speaker 1: Why do you like her better than me? Right? Any
Speaker 1: good girlfriend or boyfriend in public, no matter what your
Speaker 1: significant other dies, it's like, oh, that was great that
Speaker 1: you did that. And then as soon as the door closes,
Speaker 1: are you fucking kidding right now? Happily that you're a
Speaker 1: god damn idiot And I can't believe that I let
Speaker 1: you come inside me. Sometimes my buddle against Scott never
Speaker 1: is privileged, or that's what I hear. The thing with
Speaker 1: that is, it's not you know, if you do freak
Speaker 1: out afterwards, that that's just something that got set off
Speaker 1: because we're so conditioned to think that our partners and
Speaker 1: us should only have each other for the rest of
Speaker 1: our lives, wherever long the duration of the relationship, and
Speaker 1: that's just simply not true, because you can be sexually
Speaker 1: attracted to somebody but not like them better. You know,
Speaker 1: you're attracted to other guys, right, all right, Sky, you're
Speaker 1: not helping yourself here. Looks like someone's gonna be at
Speaker 1: JFL Industry in the room, right you've been attracted. How
Speaker 1: long have you guys been together? Like a year and
Speaker 1: a half. Okay, so that's that's a good amount of time. Um, so,
Speaker 1: so you've been attract to other people, but he's still
Speaker 1: your dude, right, totally. It's exactly the same scenario. Would
Speaker 1: you guys ever have a three way with another guy?
Speaker 1: He said yes, Sorry you run? I like you better
Speaker 1: say yes because otherwise his outfit said yes for him,
Speaker 1: baby blue shorts. Man, it's like a nursery ceiling. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just know that it's okay. That's That's the one
Speaker 1: thing I can can't stress enough is if you get jealous,
Speaker 1: it's okay to get jealous, but just realize that that's
Speaker 1: kind of silly because you guys walked into this situation
Speaker 1: with everyone's consent, and it might happen, but it's not
Speaker 1: going to ruin the relationship. Just don't let it because
Speaker 1: sometimes girls and I know this because I can be
Speaker 1: this way, go fucking crazy over the ship. So that
Speaker 1: might happen, but it's okay if it happens to just
Speaker 1: like maybe make a code word beforehand so that Scott
Speaker 1: can be like, you're come on, you're being a little
Speaker 1: you're being a litt nutso and then he can tell
Speaker 1: you the cod word it's a good code, make it funny,
Speaker 1: make it like ball hair or something. But also know
Speaker 1: yourself well enough to know that if it's something that's
Speaker 1: going to truly like linger in your mind, that it's
Speaker 1: like just because you can talk about having a threesome,
Speaker 1: like during sex with your partner and I say a
Speaker 1: lot of ship that I'm like, yeah, we're definitely gonna
Speaker 1: do this, I'm like, we're never gonna do that, but
Speaker 1: it's hot to talk about, so just yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: Like I think we talk about a lot of cool things,
Speaker 1: but everything is not for everyone. Like I'm very open
Speaker 1: to trying stuff, but like right now where I am
Speaker 1: in my relationship, like I absolutely would not want to
Speaker 1: have a threesome. Would I eventually have a threesome, Sure,
Speaker 1: But I think there's you just like, don't feel like
Speaker 1: just because someone else did something and it worked for them,
Speaker 1: that you have to do it or it means you're
Speaker 1: like you're vanilla or boring if you don't actually think
Speaker 1: you can handle a threesome. It's a big stuff and
Speaker 1: it's cool and it's worked out really great for Christina
Speaker 1: and Stephen. I'm sorry it's so weird because you're here,
Speaker 1: you guys gonna chase them away. But yeah, but you know,
Speaker 1: so I think also to keep that in mind because
Speaker 1: I think people here talk about all this crazy stuff
Speaker 1: and like sticking things up or but I don't know,
Speaker 1: but like earlier at the hotel room, I was just like,
Speaker 1: put a condom on and fuck me really good before
Speaker 1: you go to see Dan Harmon and missionary. Let's just
Speaker 1: do this like it wasn't we don't have like acrobatic sex,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So so yeah, so talking
Speaker 1: about three ways is so hot because we do that
Speaker 1: all the time and it's amazing. But take it slow
Speaker 1: and and try something like yeah, and just it's all
Speaker 1: about trust. If you have enough trust with your partner,
Speaker 1: like you can really do anything, I mean except for
Speaker 1: eat each other's poop because that's unsafe. That's like the
Speaker 1: only thing that I'm going to say across the board,
Speaker 1: never going to advise anyone to do that. Do you
Speaker 1: guys have things that you wouldn't want to do, Like,
Speaker 1: do you have anything you wouldn't want him to do
Speaker 1: with the other girl, Like penetration or is there feel
Speaker 1: like you could like I feel like preferably for me,
Speaker 1: we take like baby steps into like the first one
Speaker 1: maybe no penetration, and then you work your way into it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's cool and like maybe it's just like
Speaker 1: you all like have a couple of drinks and like
Speaker 1: touch each other's vaginas and penis and make out a
Speaker 1: little bit, and like maybe that's cool and maybe that's
Speaker 1: gonna work for several months. So keep you guys aroused.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, try, just try and you can yeah,
Speaker 1: you can tell, like, don't just jump right into it
Speaker 1: and take it slow. It's fine. Is a cuddle fest
Speaker 1: and then you slowly work towards taking the clothes off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your own base. Yeah, thanks guys, you feel better, so good.
Speaker 1: You know what happens, right, Thanks, Thank you? Give it up, yank.
Speaker 1: Nice meeting you three time from checking the time, checking
Speaker 1: the time? Any one more quick? One? Does anyone have
Speaker 1: a quick one? Red hair? Your red hairy right hair?
Speaker 1: Hey red hair? Hey stung glasses, Hey, white la shirt?
Speaker 1: How are you doing? Good to see you? Take a seat.
Speaker 1: What's your name? I'm Ali, Hi Ali Alie great eye
Speaker 1: shadow thank you. How long to take? Holy sh it,
Speaker 1: you need a teacher, okay, but also wonderful personality. I
Speaker 1: thank you colors. Oh wow? Yeah. Um So I also
Speaker 1: have a threesome question actually, which might might actually help
Speaker 1: out with yours situation a little bit. So No, I
Speaker 1: had a threesomekrend. I found a couple. We had a date,
Speaker 1: which was really cool. We went to go see the
Speaker 1: tattoo exhibit at the Wrong which is super fun. That's
Speaker 1: a cool threesome date. And I just like went to
Speaker 1: a bar ship okay, and then they were really cool.
Speaker 1: So we went back to their place and we started
Speaker 1: playing Sellers of Catan. All right, I gotta ask what
Speaker 1: that is because it's a really nerdy board game. Board
Speaker 1: games Trouble is my favorite. And then we started watching
Speaker 1: Broad City, so like solid, like you know, transition. Was
Speaker 1: there a boy in this three? There was also a boy.
Speaker 1: It was like all three of us just just hanging out. Okay,
Speaker 1: board games in broad City. That's great. It was a
Speaker 1: solid day. And so then like we kind of just
Speaker 1: like started getting into it and whatever, and we just
Speaker 1: kind of like never like defined what was happening. Like
Speaker 1: they were a couple. I was like the you know,
Speaker 1: so I just like I felt uncomfortable, Like I was
Speaker 1: totally fine with doing whatever, but I felt uncomfortable not
Speaker 1: knowing like where they were at. They never really like
Speaker 1: defined what they were okay with doing or whatever, So
Speaker 1: like where would have been like an appropriate time for
Speaker 1: me to be like, so, what are your rules? Before
Speaker 1: the clothes were off? Probably because let's clothes are off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's hard to have a discussion and still
Speaker 1: have That was my I didn't know when to be like, um,
Speaker 1: like I would have said after the board game and
Speaker 1: before broad City, you know, because times so when it
Speaker 1: settled for exactly because if it didn't go well, it
Speaker 1: was a little awkward. You got broad City to help
Speaker 1: like smooth it over, that's really nice, and then you
Speaker 1: get naked. What did anything happen that went wrong? No? No,
Speaker 1: they weren't wrong. Do you guys all bang? Yeah? Did
Speaker 1: he bang it? Like he did? Okay? And everyone was good. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like to the woman in the relationship, look
Speaker 1: upset at any point during this know, like she asked
Speaker 1: if that was okay, which was fine, But I just
Speaker 1: melt like during the whole thing, like I didn't feel
Speaker 1: comfortable like starting anything, or like being any kind of
Speaker 1: dominant or like anything, because I didn't know if I
Speaker 1: did something that would make them uncomfortable. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: traditionally in the threesome, the woman in the relationship is
Speaker 1: the leader anyway, so you shouldn't really have needed to
Speaker 1: initiate anything. That's just like the role. I mean, unless
Speaker 1: you have set it up differently. That's just standard three. Yeah,
Speaker 1: every time every I want to with the guy and
Speaker 1: a girl, and uh, I was always that's okay with me,
Speaker 1: But yeah, that was you shouldn't have been taking control
Speaker 1: of anything. Like I didn't necessarily take control. I just
Speaker 1: kind of like I awkwardly like stood there at certain
Speaker 1: points because I was just like asking always was there.
Speaker 1: Do you guys also have that thing where someone just
Speaker 1: sitting in the corner looking at the watch like alright, cool? Yeah,
Speaker 1: pretty much. I was like, all alright, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna stand over here and like you guys
Speaker 1: do your thing. That it happened how long? It wasn't
Speaker 1: like super long, but it was long enough that it
Speaker 1: was real awkward. Right, Yeah, I wait a phone call
Speaker 1: because like I guess I'll leave you to add it
Speaker 1: because well because they probably feel comfortable with each other,
Speaker 1: so they're like, Okay, well this is something the comfortable
Speaker 1: place that we're gonna start here, uh and then move
Speaker 1: out word. But I mean, I always imagine the role
Speaker 1: of the unicorn. It's kind of like Jesus Christ on
Speaker 1: the Cross and then he's wait for things to go
Speaker 1: in you yeah, you getting nailed. It's kind of fun.
Speaker 1: Like that seems like the most interesting role for me
Speaker 1: because it's like if you don't really want to do anything,
Speaker 1: but you just want to feel good, which I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm always on board for that. Congratulations on making a
Speaker 1: successful connection between Jesus on the Cross, like three ways.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that. Up, it's pretty good. You know,
Speaker 1: he's one of my people, so he's on my team.
Speaker 1: That was like it does because I wanted to have
Speaker 1: another one, but I just kind of like before during
Speaker 1: the tattoo exhibit part is when I probably asked, that's
Speaker 1: why we go to a bar because we're like, what
Speaker 1: do you want to do? Is there anything you don't
Speaker 1: want to do? And then we get that out of
Speaker 1: the way. But that's a fun conversation to have. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't like, you know, Karen doesn't like talking
Speaker 1: as much. Like my ideal threesome is my boyfriend I
Speaker 1: go to a bar and we get drunk and we
Speaker 1: pick up a girl and we go home, we have sex,
Speaker 1: and then we kick her out in ter seamless like
Speaker 1: that's get fair and because like I was like, oh
Speaker 1: I can't, I can't do that much talking. But I
Speaker 1: mean that's like not, that's not the way like a
Speaker 1: three indoor threesome works at all, Like that's not the
Speaker 1: point of it. Yeah, but you know, I don't even
Speaker 1: lin tender, so I just don't I mean, anything where
Speaker 1: there's like we're encouraging human interaction not your thing. I
Speaker 1: don't like it. Okay, Well next time, now I know, Okay,
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes. Well. Damn speaking of threesomes,
Speaker 1: our guests. Our guests happens to be perfect for this.
Speaker 1: All these recent conversations need the gentlemen, We are so
Speaker 1: excited to have this guy on our podcast episode today.
Speaker 1: Please give it up for the very funny Mr b
Speaker 1: j Olkerson. Oh oh, I'm gonna get up. You dressed
Speaker 1: up for us, thank you? Why not? Let me start
Speaker 1: by saying shame on you two sluts the prime of
Speaker 1: being fun. Buckle up, that's up late. He thank you
Speaker 1: for having me on. Absolutely, So he just told me
Speaker 1: he has. We didn't tell our listeners what podcast wars
Speaker 1: was because we didn't want to give you guys any
Speaker 1: more attention. But do you guys know without it? Okay?
Speaker 1: So podcast wars is between his podcast on our podcast,
Speaker 1: but it was like a one way war because we
Speaker 1: had backed out a little bit. It was pretty hilarious
Speaker 1: video they made. Well, I mean it hard time be
Speaker 1: more when we're not participating and still winning by a landslide,
Speaker 1: but you still to on it. He has a podcast
Speaker 1: More's logo tech No. I know. He showed me it
Speaker 1: earlier today and I was like, oh god, I this
Speaker 1: is gonna be a long hour. And it's a skull
Speaker 1: of the sad face with a helmet on and a
Speaker 1: machine gun and a shotgun. Are we the machine gun
Speaker 1: to the shotgun? Neither. It's really just a logo for
Speaker 1: any kind of podcast pickering going on at all. So
Speaker 1: you have wars with other podcasts, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: kind of let Lewis and Dave deal with all that.
Speaker 1: I know, I know I was like, that's what you're
Speaker 1: fun because like you're doing well. You don't really need
Speaker 1: to be involved in it. No, as as possible. But
Speaker 1: those guys are great. I know you mean not sup
Speaker 1: for a discussion. But so you've had some threesomes? I thought, yeah,
Speaker 1: how many threesomes? Have you had? Too many? Account? I
Speaker 1: don't know, yeah, probably too many of the account And
Speaker 1: you've been with your current girlfriend for how long? About
Speaker 1: four years? Just five years? Okay? When different? Four years
Speaker 1: and two days? Perfect, that's more like it. When did
Speaker 1: you guys start having three ways? And how the fund
Speaker 1: did you initiate it? M? I think, you know what,
Speaker 1: that's my girlfriend over there by the way, so make
Speaker 1: her uncomfortable, and I just slipped back down the wall. Um.
Speaker 1: She told me she was in the girls before we
Speaker 1: were together, but she never really acted on it since
Speaker 1: she was like once when she was like a teenager.
Speaker 1: So I was like, hey, i'd help people. You explore
Speaker 1: that side of your man. You're so sweet. Why would
Speaker 1: I deny her the simple pleasures of what she wants
Speaker 1: just for my own true feminist? Yeah? You are a feminist, JA,
Speaker 1: So how do you guys go about it? Well, that's
Speaker 1: why I thought was interesting hearing some of those other stories,
Speaker 1: like that whole uh nonsense about going to a thing
Speaker 1: and then somewhere else and then a board game at all.
Speaker 1: When Karin you gave your exact perfect situation, Christine was
Speaker 1: like she was listening to political speech she was. I
Speaker 1: looked at and she was like, she was like, that's
Speaker 1: kind of right. It's kind of like, let's find it,
Speaker 1: let's make it happen, let's get him out, let's order
Speaker 1: some food and watch TV. So it's just it's just
Speaker 1: different for everybody. That's just what I That's just what
Speaker 1: I like. I don't don't like talk if we dig
Speaker 1: the person, like if we dig like the girl at all,
Speaker 1: like we have no problem, like we've ordered food with
Speaker 1: them afterwards or hung out in bullshit afterwards. But I
Speaker 1: mean sometimes he can get like weird. We had a
Speaker 1: girl not too long ago, like she's like could I
Speaker 1: stay and were sure? Are you family? No one's gonna say,
Speaker 1: sort of sort of it was she We woke up
Speaker 1: in the morning and we fucked again, which was cool,
Speaker 1: but then she was like and then we were like
Speaker 1: that'll be the kind of like all right, there you go.
Speaker 1: I'm so tired. Can you guys go back to sleep
Speaker 1: for a little bit? And then she stayed in our
Speaker 1: bed sleeping while we were like doing other ships, like
Speaker 1: in the house. It was like is this chicken a split?
Speaker 1: It was very, veryable weird. Now do you did you
Speaker 1: meet her? You meet these people at bars? Were out
Speaker 1: and about um. Steven and I have tried to go
Speaker 1: to bord, like, let's do this without an app. Okay,
Speaker 1: because we're we can do it. Nope, the apps isn't
Speaker 1: FDPs have never worked for you. Oh yeah, she signs
Speaker 1: up for him. I let her be the aggressor and
Speaker 1: all of it, because I think it's weird to walk
Speaker 1: somebody over and like, hey, this is so and so
Speaker 1: and she wants to suck me. She said, she's cool
Speaker 1: with you being there. But do you think people are
Speaker 1: recognizing you on thrinder and that's why they're not doing it?
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. I don't know because I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's no pictures or anything. I don't think she
Speaker 1: puts up Oh really, well, that's why they're not agreeing
Speaker 1: to it, because a picture, they're like, they must be heinous.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you gotta think anybody without a picture of
Speaker 1: I don't know how it works out, but if you
Speaker 1: can gage age in the situation at all, like you
Speaker 1: can send pictures back and forth, right, or if you
Speaker 1: answer as I don't know how it works, but we
Speaker 1: we've actually pulled recently the only person who wasn't like
Speaker 1: somebody we already knew or somebody after like a stand
Speaker 1: up show is usually how it works. But um, recently
Speaker 1: just pulled someone from a girl from a bar and
Speaker 1: it was twenty four year old, right, she was twenty four,
Speaker 1: but she like when she left, she's very hot, beautiful girl,
Speaker 1: a great body, beautiful face. But when it was over,
Speaker 1: we were both like, she was a twenty four year
Speaker 1: old with a beautiful body and beautiful face, who knew
Speaker 1: all of that? And so she was kind of like
Speaker 1: a shitty She was cocky about it. Yeah, we've had
Speaker 1: like chubby chicks and like odd looking women who we've
Speaker 1: had great times with. Yeah, like an arm growing out
Speaker 1: of their forehead, Like what kind of no note deformities
Speaker 1: of any sort? Are you open to that? A deformity?
Speaker 1: I mean, if it makes for a good story, an
Speaker 1: arm growing out of the forehead, Yes, yeah, I got
Speaker 1: to do that would absolutely because she was hot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I mean, look, who knows exactly why I could
Speaker 1: just because you know, I've argued this with the guys
Speaker 1: on Legion of Skanks before, where they're like, no, these
Speaker 1: young girls now with porn and everything, they know what
Speaker 1: they're doing. They get into it, but there's still a
Speaker 1: level of experience that you need what you do during
Speaker 1: the three way, like just lay there sort of. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But also, some of the most beautiful people I know
Speaker 1: are the least self confident people I know, because like
Speaker 1: that that's kind of like they're all they have is
Speaker 1: their looks. So like my hottest friends are my most
Speaker 1: insecure friends. She didn't strike me as insecure. She peeled
Speaker 1: down right away quick. Yeah, but a lot Yeah, but
Speaker 1: a lot of that is like a faux security. You know,
Speaker 1: there's a difference between a true self confidence that comes
Speaker 1: from within and like I'm hot, let's fun, Like that's
Speaker 1: not self confidence that's on airs. And it was also
Speaker 1: very like when I say we picked up from a bar,
Speaker 1: it was like she walked up to me, Christine walked
Speaker 1: over like also and this girl I was just saying,
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, there's your girlfriend. She's beautiful. I'm like,
Speaker 1: if he keeps you know, I said, always be trying
Speaker 1: to be funny. It's always the best getting a joke.
Speaker 1: If you mask getting a joke though, if you'd always
Speaker 1: it's an easy get out of a rejection. So I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, you keep saying that she's gonna to
Speaker 1: beat in your pussy later, so my dad and she's like, well,
Speaker 1: i'd be into that, and I'm that's joker is in
Speaker 1: experiencing that knowing that a threesome is about to happen.
Speaker 1: But good. It's great about Christina too. She has a
Speaker 1: much better right because I am super insecure, like looks
Speaker 1: wise and everything that that that any of these girls
Speaker 1: want to suck me. So she's much better recognizing. She'll
Speaker 1: come over plenty times and be like that girl I'm
Speaker 1: talking to like definitely wants to fuck you. This is
Speaker 1: gonna happen, and I'm like, no, it's not, and then
Speaker 1: more times than not, like she makes it happen. Guys
Speaker 1: can be so oblivious when a girl wants to Guys
Speaker 1: never they always think everyone wants to suck that, like
Speaker 1: it's weird. It's this weird thing where you're not like
Speaker 1: she doesn't really want to suck me. She said that
Speaker 1: five times this festival. She goes that girl will fuck you,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, she's kissing everyone on the mouth.
Speaker 1: I'm coomfortable. She would definitely fuck you, especially at a
Speaker 1: comedy event. I'm sure a lot of people want to
Speaker 1: fuck you at comedy event. And that's why we that's
Speaker 1: our best pull suation after they see you do stand
Speaker 1: up comedy. And also because because like my radio show
Speaker 1: and everything, like we're so public about it with the stories.
Speaker 1: Is that what you do Matt saying on the bonfire
Speaker 1: of the radio show Comedy Central and stuff, like we'll
Speaker 1: get all the plugs at the It's fine, it's six
Speaker 1: six pm, a pm. We know. But Christine's on the
Speaker 1: show too, she's also on that show. We like you,
Speaker 1: But like, is that part of it? Like it's funny,
Speaker 1: but also you're talking about it because you just want
Speaker 1: to have more three stuff. No, no, no, we talked
Speaker 1: about because the funny situations to come up from it.
Speaker 1: We don't we don't really tell. We don't really tell,
Speaker 1: like the we don't only brag out stories at all ever,
Speaker 1: Like you know, the stories we've told publicly have been
Speaker 1: probably five or less because it was like a crazy situation.
Speaker 1: I gotta say, there are a lot of stories around
Speaker 1: the comedy community about you guys having three Really, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you guys are very sexual. I don't mind it not.
Speaker 1: We've we've sucked very few comics, Okay, very true, trying
Speaker 1: to keep it in the open mic community. Yeah, that's better.
Speaker 1: That's better. Get them to want to move up and
Speaker 1: they'll suck your dick better. I think we've had one
Speaker 1: or two where it's like the next day I'm like,
Speaker 1: you do comedy? Yeah, that actually is like the I've
Speaker 1: had that one. I found out I was open mic
Speaker 1: comic because a girl like you know, tipsy, before anything
Speaker 1: even happened, she was like, before I do, I just
Speaker 1: want you to really take me seriously use a comic.
Speaker 1: Oh god, please don't say that. I like not to
Speaker 1: say to before you fuck him. Also just because like
Speaker 1: I'm like, this has nothing to do with that, and
Speaker 1: I do. I do think there's like a section compartmentalization
Speaker 1: of where it's like I even like a girl comic
Speaker 1: that we have, I don't have anything to do with
Speaker 1: her comedy at all. If she's funny, she's not it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. I don't really honestly like such a leaving
Speaker 1: an opening for you guys to spike this down to
Speaker 1: be mean. I don't necessarily even pick friends like of
Speaker 1: comedian friends by like this guy is the funniest comedian
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, it's like who makes that? It
Speaker 1: makes me like, uh, it's whoever makes me laughing as
Speaker 1: a person, you know, I mean who I get along
Speaker 1: with a person. So same thing with picking a sexual partner.
Speaker 1: I'm not who gives a ship If I like their comedy,
Speaker 1: well I think it's interesting. I think a lot more
Speaker 1: like female comics get turned off by guys that aren't funny,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, I have trouble like sucking guys
Speaker 1: that aren't funny. But I think male comedians will just
Speaker 1: fun who happen here turned off if they're not fun
Speaker 1: and then they bomb And I'm like, like, if you're
Speaker 1: bad at your dream, yeah, I mean somebody can also.
Speaker 1: But there's plenty of people who were really funny people,
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. There's like people who I could
Speaker 1: watch it on stage and like they're not very good
Speaker 1: at comedy yet, right, yeah, but like they're a hilarious.
Speaker 1: There's something in there. Yeah, there's a hilarious person. What's
Speaker 1: the gnarliest three way you guys have ever had? M
Speaker 1: like the worst disaster one? The worst disaster was a
Speaker 1: week ago. Do you tell if you wonder why Christine
Speaker 1: hasn't been drunk once this entire trip. It stopped drinking
Speaker 1: for a little bit because but it didn't even end
Speaker 1: up happening. But it was gonna be great. Well we uh,
Speaker 1: it was gonna be so great. There was a girl,
Speaker 1: beautiful Indian English girl who we knew for a little bit,
Speaker 1: who was coming back I did Ari Shaffir storytelling show
Speaker 1: in New York. And then there was another girl there
Speaker 1: who was beautiful. Those two other girls started getting along
Speaker 1: really well, and the Indian girl was like, you should
Speaker 1: come back with all. We're all going back to Jay's house.
Speaker 1: And that girl was like, I'm totally in Christine's tossing
Speaker 1: him back. But before that even came up, so she
Speaker 1: was just like kind of but she was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's do it. Sign one. We should have probably walked
Speaker 1: on this. The cat back to the house. The girl goes,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Christine snoring back here. That just means
Speaker 1: she's excited. It's fine. So she fell asleep before you
Speaker 1: get Yeah, we get on the car and I'm like, hey, see,
Speaker 1: here's this is the problem. I think you can occurred
Speaker 1: with these situations. Christine still, I'm not doesn't fully understand,
Speaker 1: especially if she's drinking that like, it's not about I'm
Speaker 1: not just trying to get pussy and she's letting me
Speaker 1: get pussy. We've had a lot of arguments with that.
Speaker 1: When we've had like on air arguments on the radio
Speaker 1: show where people come up and they go, hey, you
Speaker 1: should really like why don't you cut her some slacks.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you gotta deal with some ship. I mean, this
Speaker 1: girl gives you threesomes, and it's like, I don't think
Speaker 1: it's she she enjoys it as well. It's not just
Speaker 1: yeah exactly. I had an X who we did a
Speaker 1: couple of things before, and she was even though I said,
Speaker 1: don't do this for me, do it if you're into it,
Speaker 1: like a sexual act. Yeah, when she just other people,
Speaker 1: you know, like threesome type ship. When she didn't like
Speaker 1: when I was very clear she was doing it for me,
Speaker 1: I just pulled the plug on it. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: let's you're not into this you're doing if you think
Speaker 1: it's going to keep me around, Right, there's nothing worse
Speaker 1: than watching someone do something sexually and they're obviously not
Speaker 1: into it, Like it's it almost compulses me. But yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's yeah, you know, like you like, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like not rape, but it's similar, like it's rape B,
Speaker 1: it's rape B. Yeah, let's just call it rape. Let's
Speaker 1: just blanket it. Well, I'm not sorry that there's different
Speaker 1: levels for it. Yeah, I feel it feels rapey. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it feels definitely like someone's like, let's just get through this,
Speaker 1: and it's like you shouldn't. Yeah, she's the thing as
Speaker 1: much as you can like emotionally remove yourself from it
Speaker 1: just to enjoy the physical act. If you're not enjoying
Speaker 1: the physical act, now, it's like emotionally it's kind of
Speaker 1: a shitty thing to be a part of. So um Christine,
Speaker 1: I think especially that's what she was drunk, and I
Speaker 1: think she was like, I don't want she didn't want
Speaker 1: to ruin my time. But I'm like, but if you're
Speaker 1: gonna be out of it, yeah gives, let's not do it.
Speaker 1: But she's trying to hang out she's like, no, I'm
Speaker 1: totally good. I'm good, I'm good. No. Ship. We get
Speaker 1: in the house, me and the two girls going to bed,
Speaker 1: and Christine's like, I'm gonna go pee and you just
Speaker 1: here like everyone the girl, the girls hear it, like
Speaker 1: the the English girl came over and she came back
Speaker 1: and she goes. I think Christine's crying, and I'm like
Speaker 1: and then Christine came back in the room for a
Speaker 1: couple of seconds. She was like, you're in the bathroom again,
Speaker 1: and then she's gone. These girls are still both fully
Speaker 1: dressed in your room or in their living room bedroom.
Speaker 1: Oh god, they're both fully dressed to girls, but they're
Speaker 1: they're kind of like, you know, they're like, are we
Speaker 1: doing this like standing around? Yes. It's also the thing
Speaker 1: is it's going either way. One time Christine went to
Speaker 1: the bathroom with another girl. When she came back, I
Speaker 1: was making out with the girl on Christine like it
Speaker 1: just gave her a little tinge. She's wait for me
Speaker 1: to get back in the room and I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I mean that wash, I don't have a
Speaker 1: problem with that. I'm like sure, o um. But so
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like standing there going like the girls
Speaker 1: like what's she I'm like, just give it a minute,
Speaker 1: you know, Like Christine has been in a bathroom again,
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go get Christine. But I'm more going
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, should we send these girls home? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like this is seems like it's not gonna go good.
Speaker 1: She's not in the bathroom, she's like where on the
Speaker 1: roof the rain So I'm like, I don't where the
Speaker 1: So now I'm like, hey, girls, I'll be back in
Speaker 1: one second. And I go. I go out front of
Speaker 1: our apartment building. She's not there. I go out back
Speaker 1: to the apartment building, which is like a little like
Speaker 1: rat infested alley. Basically she's not there. Um, I go
Speaker 1: back out in front. I kind of look up and
Speaker 1: down the block while these two girls are still sitting
Speaker 1: in the room, and then I go then I just
Speaker 1: let me check out back one more time. This is
Speaker 1: a great example of like drunk too. She's where she comes.
Speaker 1: She's coming up the steps from now the back rat
Speaker 1: infested alley. She was back there around the corm uh
Speaker 1: hand puke on her hand, puke, wearing my hoodie brawn
Speaker 1: panties like they were always brown or they had turned brown,
Speaker 1: no bro bron bran panties. I was like, why why
Speaker 1: the detailing leaves? If she should her passed? Trust me, Um,
Speaker 1: she's coming up and this is such a great again.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I happened to be a good drunk. It's
Speaker 1: it's either I'm fine having fun or it's like, I
Speaker 1: don't feel good, let's hit the sack. I don't get
Speaker 1: to that like kind of like you guys want to fight,
Speaker 1: she does. It affects her different way. So the most
Speaker 1: frustrating conversations in the world trying to get rats fighting
Speaker 1: in the alley or something like that. Yeah, swaving money,
Speaker 1: giving him a tiny switch gras, Yeah, I got a
Speaker 1: hundred dollars done this, Jericho. So she she comes up
Speaker 1: the stairs and I go, what the fund are you doing?
Speaker 1: You're outside, like your what's wrong with you? And she goes,
Speaker 1: what I'm wannaut side? What I was like, I know
Speaker 1: you're you're out back in the alley in your underwears?
Speaker 1: Was that what I say? The New York backyard? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, get those fucking chicks out of here,
Speaker 1: going there and get him. I'm gonna just say I
Speaker 1: left I'm gonna go out back on the rat festivalities
Speaker 1: smoke cigarettes while you get them to leave this laughing
Speaker 1: people just like opening windows and doors. What. No one
Speaker 1: knows what we're talking about. What we do? Hey dad?
Speaker 1: So she goes. She's like when I'm pissing and I
Speaker 1: don't ad. She goes inside. I guess you said the
Speaker 1: girls weren't even in there anymore. Girls are like, I
Speaker 1: think it's something weird going on. The girls like we're
Speaker 1: gonna go a drink or something. You want to come
Speaker 1: like hang out, but like I think we're I think
Speaker 1: we're gonna split, and uh, I go back inside. Kind
Speaker 1: of what I'm waiting for is Christina come back out
Speaker 1: and be like, all right, they're gone. But she just
Speaker 1: hit the sack. So she goes in her drunk stage.
Speaker 1: She goes, He goes, you know, just go funk those girls.
Speaker 1: I don't want to ruin. You're not go funk those girls.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, yeah, totally, I'm gonna go funk those girls.
Speaker 1: And I just go outside. The girls are gone. I
Speaker 1: go outside, night's walk around the box, just like smoking
Speaker 1: a cigarette. She wakes up. I got a phone call
Speaker 1: and I'm not on our block. I'm just like around
Speaker 1: the corner from our block and she's like, where are you?
Speaker 1: Like fifty minutes later, I'm like, I want to go
Speaker 1: those coach want to go fun those girls. She's like,
Speaker 1: you want no come back, goes I go, but you
Speaker 1: told me too. She's like where are you? And then
Speaker 1: while I'm doing is I'm like, I'm just walking back.
Speaker 1: It's the front of our apartment, and I sit on
Speaker 1: the steps of our apartment. I'm just smoking a cigarette. Goes,
Speaker 1: where are you? This is ridiculous. For a half hour,
Speaker 1: she just keeps sitting on the phone going where are you.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm out, what's the big deal? I mean,
Speaker 1: she's wearing her I feel she's wandering around. At one
Speaker 1: point she was, where are I go, idiot, I'm in
Speaker 1: front of the house. She was, I'm in a cab
Speaker 1: on fifty Street and turn Avenue. She's like a ten
Speaker 1: minute cab right away. I'm like, Jay, I was a
Speaker 1: gentleman the whole time. It was a lot like they're
Speaker 1: a little bit, but also like, but where were you caving? You? Girl?
Speaker 1: The girls have okay, but they went to the bar.
Speaker 1: Were you still in the brawn panties and a hoodie,
Speaker 1: like damn it because a cab driver would have picked
Speaker 1: you up like that, and like that's fine. So that's
Speaker 1: why I fall apart. So she's like, so that sounds fine.
Speaker 1: It was. It was a great story. It's a fantastic story.
Speaker 1: And she came home and she was like, I think
Speaker 1: I stopped tricking. Doesn't hit me right? Well, I think
Speaker 1: that speaks a lot about your relationship, Like if you
Speaker 1: could have that happen and then laugh about it now,
Speaker 1: like things are going great, absolutely, And I said, I
Speaker 1: never wanted like I said before, And those girls both,
Speaker 1: like I said, like as insecure as I am, those
Speaker 1: girls were both beautiful, like individually all my own as
Speaker 1: a single guy, I would have been that have been
Speaker 1: like a real like wow, I can't believe that girl
Speaker 1: wanted to suck me. But uh, it's just like the
Speaker 1: I learned, especially with my last relationships, is in for
Speaker 1: a long time that like all that behind the back
Speaker 1: she are doing, you know what I mean? Like and
Speaker 1: even though it's behind her back, she said, do it's
Speaker 1: one of those things Whe're like, it's more trouble, but
Speaker 1: it's all over. Still the prettiest girl and but we've
Speaker 1: had a couple of connections with girls where we're like,
Speaker 1: we've hung out with him beyond just like sucking them
Speaker 1: and uh, but even that, like there's still a time
Speaker 1: of the day where you're kind of like, okay, that
Speaker 1: was that, you know what I mean, Like you could
Speaker 1: walk away from it. Yeah, you would never really add
Speaker 1: a third person to the relationship. No, But what's very
Speaker 1: interesting in having a girlfriend who isn't two girls though
Speaker 1: in these situations is to watch her go through like
Speaker 1: because the unicorn they say it becomes definitely becomes like
Speaker 1: the girl of the situation, and you and the couples,
Speaker 1: the couple's kind of communally the guy. So it's funny
Speaker 1: to watch her like wondering where she's like that that
Speaker 1: girl said she was gonna be here at this time,
Speaker 1: are getting still okay, we're getting stop to see her
Speaker 1: process like dude rejection, I totally guess. So funny and
Speaker 1: she has no idea. She's like, I'm a girl. I
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to call this girl two times they asked
Speaker 1: where she's at, and I'm like, well, sometimes she got it. Dude,
Speaker 1: Steven and I would have hit on a girl together
Speaker 1: I'd be like, beautiful today, Like I feel like I've
Speaker 1: had to be a guy to hit on her, which
Speaker 1: it made me. It was so weird and I was
Speaker 1: so bad at it. Yeah, you do feel like a guy.
Speaker 1: And then when they like she she this one girl
Speaker 1: would text us like that we really liked and we
Speaker 1: kind of like would hang out with again she texts us,
Speaker 1: and then I'd like, well, she texted Steven, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: know I saw that. What we're gonna say, What we're
Speaker 1: gonna say, like we like duel flirt, like we have
Speaker 1: to like team up and to side what we're gonna say.
Speaker 1: It's so weird. It's yeah, we've had two we're getting
Speaker 1: the textas to go back forth. We're sitting like like
Speaker 1: in chairs next few times. What'd you write? What'd you write? Um,
Speaker 1: you've joked before, you said on stage about it, you
Speaker 1: have a small penis? Is that true? It's it's it's
Speaker 1: like textbook average, literally, what's textbook average? Six inches? That's
Speaker 1: that's like, that's like, that's not small. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to know if you were or not. No, I'm a
Speaker 1: big dude, first of all, which makes it feel smaller.
Speaker 1: Second of all, Um, it's like I just wish it
Speaker 1: was you know what I mean, like you just like
Speaker 1: I guess you know, everyone wished it was bigger also,
Speaker 1: But I'm the quintessential grower, not a shower. That's so
Speaker 1: it's being a big guy. It's not that it's tiny.
Speaker 1: It's just I wish you just fell down instead of
Speaker 1: pulled back. Yes, some guys when they're flaccid, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: all right, yeah, and then but the grower, not a
Speaker 1: shower thing, is a real thing, like I've seen. I've
Speaker 1: seen the tiniest go like Pinocchio, just like fun. And
Speaker 1: you're like what I call your dick was lying the
Speaker 1: flash that I call it my dangle, and like sometimes
Speaker 1: it's to be so inside to Christine's I come, I go,
Speaker 1: look at my dangle. It's warm in here, Look at
Speaker 1: my it's dangling down a well. I think we as women,
Speaker 1: we always assume that just like, no matter what a
Speaker 1: dude looks like, you're always like a hundred percent confident
Speaker 1: with your body because you're a fucking dude and you
Speaker 1: could do whatever. But I mean, do you, like a
Speaker 1: bigger guy, do you ever feel like weird about your
Speaker 1: body or oh, jeez. Yeah, I fucking a tank top
Speaker 1: almost exclusively. You don't take your shirt off during sex,
Speaker 1: she begs me too, and I will, well it's just
Speaker 1: me and her. But I don't actually had like one
Speaker 1: or two girls have been like, take your shirt off,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, please, really why, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just I mean, sure sort of. I'm not calling they're
Speaker 1: muscle off here, but I'm a big guy. I don't know.
Speaker 1: If I was in shape, I would like when you
Speaker 1: go swimming in a T shirt, like we can still
Speaker 1: see it and you're making it weird. It's the only
Speaker 1: reason I've never swimming a T shirt. It draws more
Speaker 1: attention that goes into every fold and you're like, well,
Speaker 1: that's not that's opposite what I wanted. Yeah, it's heavy.
Speaker 1: When I was a little when I was a young
Speaker 1: fat kid too, Like the reason I didn't wear a
Speaker 1: T shirt because already when I get out of I
Speaker 1: was always envious to the pool and people to get
Speaker 1: out of the deep end of the pool by pushing
Speaker 1: up and then putting their foot up on the thing,
Speaker 1: and I had to roll out like a like a manatee,
Speaker 1: just like thing with a big pool of water. Like
Speaker 1: coming after me tools out, Dude, I'd be so pissy
Speaker 1: if you try to leave your shirt on during sex
Speaker 1: and what the fun? Yeah? Pretty pretty form fitting. That
Speaker 1: does what a person wanting to wear a shirt swimming does. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I look, it's it's something I have to get over myself,
Speaker 1: absolutely for sure, I know that, But it really is
Speaker 1: like in my mind, I try. You try to at
Speaker 1: your best, You try to think of yourself look different.
Speaker 1: You look. What I'm trying to learn to realize, and
Speaker 1: I've thought about this a lot, is that if a
Speaker 1: girl is already a position, we're gonna fuck. Like. She's
Speaker 1: seen me all night, she's seen every bad angle I've
Speaker 1: sat in. And I said on stage, I know that's
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. She's not surprised, but she's
Speaker 1: just not surprised by anything. So she's in the fucking me.
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, I take a show. You know she'd
Speaker 1: want that, I guess, But in my mind, I'm just like,
Speaker 1: you catch a glimpse in that mirror, you're like, at
Speaker 1: least from a tactup. I'm like, you feel confident, and
Speaker 1: that's important, but girls are troopers. I mean I think
Speaker 1: like even when I've been the most shocked. I'm just like, gulp,
Speaker 1: and let's do it. Like I'm like, I'll take a
Speaker 1: second and then I'll over it. Yeah. Nothing, I've never
Speaker 1: gotten naked with a person and be like, nope, I can't.
Speaker 1: I gotta go one. The only time was his dick
Speaker 1: was too big and it just wouldn't fit. So I
Speaker 1: was like, well, this isn't gonna work. I gotta go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: poor guy, Well he probably couldn't have sex with a
Speaker 1: lot of people, because I'm sure a lot of girls
Speaker 1: said because when I did that, he goes, oh man,
Speaker 1: not again, like it happened to him a lot. He
Speaker 1: starts sucking his own dick and have fun with himself.
Speaker 1: But like, you know, that's have you ever gone to
Speaker 1: fuck somebody in your in your lifetime and then they're
Speaker 1: like milk in the situation? Something about them yeah made
Speaker 1: you um yeah, but more like and I'm like, there's
Speaker 1: been times in my life where I was going to do,
Speaker 1: like fuck someone that I shouldn't have fucked, not because
Speaker 1: it was like someone's girl, but like I should have
Speaker 1: been sucking somebody else, like behind someone's back. Yet it
Speaker 1: was a long way to get I love your road.
Speaker 1: We're talking more like aesthetically though, Like have you ever
Speaker 1: been presented with a female like that? You're like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. No, Yeah, I hate a girl.
Speaker 1: One time when I was on on tour with these
Speaker 1: bands who I hooked up with her and she was
Speaker 1: like again, it's funny like i'd swing like for women
Speaker 1: that I wasn't super even attracted to be cause I'm like,
Speaker 1: well they'll do itse No, but I was saying because
Speaker 1: that they're not, like because I can't get First of all,
Speaker 1: I'm a tour with like pretty popular bands at least,
Speaker 1: so it's you know what I mean, Like, so you're
Speaker 1: getting im on the totem pole of possibility. Yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: take it. So yeah, when when when I got the
Speaker 1: first girl come and be like hey, let's go into
Speaker 1: your tour bus like sure, And one girl took off
Speaker 1: her pants and she had like like burned scars like
Speaker 1: on her leg and I was still like, well, it's
Speaker 1: so shitty to send her away, and so you're just like,
Speaker 1: here we go. Did you ask her what? Probably not,
Speaker 1: it's probably care what happened? What happened? Garbage fire, Lon
Speaker 1: Lun Lun lun lum. Yeah, that would have killed them
Speaker 1: a real bad Do you masturbate a lot? I imagine
Speaker 1: you're jerking off all the time. I don't know why
Speaker 1: all the time. I can for sure how many times
Speaker 1: in one day? How it was like the longest you most? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure I've jerked off five times in a day
Speaker 1: in my life. Five loads? Yeah, I mean by the
Speaker 1: last one is just like mummy dust just coughing, like
Speaker 1: you opened up an old book of spells. Where's the
Speaker 1: weirdest place you've ever jerked off? Um? Wow? We talked
Speaker 1: about this recently. Not too many crazy places have I
Speaker 1: jerked off? I've never joked off at an airplane, which
Speaker 1: I feel like I should have on like a long flight.
Speaker 1: That'd be great. I mean in the bathroom, not in
Speaker 1: my seat. Yeah, I mean, is there room for you
Speaker 1: to jerk off in a bathroom? Like I barely fit
Speaker 1: in an airplane? Bathrood got a piece, Yeah, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of space. Yeah, you can. I wouldn't. I would
Speaker 1: sit down on that one. You can do not jerk
Speaker 1: off standing up? I know, I don't. I've had this
Speaker 1: discussion a lot recently, too Oddly enough, we get it
Speaker 1: you're doing other things. No, but just like my friend
Speaker 1: day Soda, like exclusively jerk's off standing up. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: I don't I both. I could do both. Sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 1: let's switch it up. Yeah. Girls, Yeah, if you're in
Speaker 1: the shower, stand up. But when you come, don't you
Speaker 1: get all like weak kneed? And like I do, I do.
Speaker 1: I can remain standing. I'm not saying I'm not say
Speaker 1: almost like just a laws atracted to myself, but like
Speaker 1: I can keep it under control. I think I am
Speaker 1: so hot that I was just like you're screaming. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, for like it's a slippery surface and
Speaker 1: like you know, you do lose a little bit of control. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I put I put my butt against the
Speaker 1: tiles of the wall, and then what do you like
Speaker 1: during sex? I just imagine you just like like just
Speaker 1: with your tank top on, like on your knees. You
Speaker 1: usually get on top. I feel like girls would probably
Speaker 1: get on top of you know, I'm I'm pretty active.
Speaker 1: I thought you lost the one. Christina, her favorite position
Speaker 1: to come is her on top, so that's how it
Speaker 1: wraps up for her generally. But I say beyond that,
Speaker 1: like no, I'm pretty pretty active. I like a lot
Speaker 1: of different uh me on top positions like leg My
Speaker 1: favorite is uh girl sort of on her side and
Speaker 1: back bottom leg between my legs, hold the other leg up, guys, love,
Speaker 1: how why are you making me a puppet? Like? Yeah,
Speaker 1: this angle her and we're like cursition. I just my
Speaker 1: vagina is very picky. She's a big Christine side laying
Speaker 1: on her side in general. No, I don't mean like
Speaker 1: to watch a movie about her sexually, I got it.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like, that's uh so, yeah, that's but
Speaker 1: I have to be very act in that position. That
Speaker 1: is an active position? Is that like, do you guys
Speaker 1: fucking weird places or just the bed because when you
Speaker 1: get but you get to a certain agent. We lived
Speaker 1: together now, Yeah, we live together now, so you know
Speaker 1: when we're in hotels together a lot. But no, In fact,
Speaker 1: early in our relationship, though I did try to try
Speaker 1: to funk on a roof, she shot it down. Finger
Speaker 1: blasted in a car pretty early, all the all the
Speaker 1: class finger blast. Yeah, well I don't don't finger blasting
Speaker 1: in a car well, I think it just maybe your
Speaker 1: use of finger blasting instead of fingering Christine's got a
Speaker 1: tough push. She likes to get blasted. She's not a
Speaker 1: fragile girl. It's a sturdy bitch. Back there. Girl needs
Speaker 1: a blast. You can't give her a diddle just blowing it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want to take it back for
Speaker 1: a second, Like I want to know what little Jayokerson
Speaker 1: was like, how like where did you grow up? How
Speaker 1: did you learn about sex? What was your home life like?
Speaker 1: How did you how did you get here? Dad split
Speaker 1: when I was three? Uh, mom got remarried when I
Speaker 1: was eleven. I was very into porn young. I think
Speaker 1: I jerked off pretty early, definitely before anything was coming out,
Speaker 1: Like you didn't have an orgasm, No, you did, but
Speaker 1: when they came out, just nothing came out then was hilarious.
Speaker 1: My stepmother still hates me today for god knows how
Speaker 1: many reasons, but she just never liked My dad got
Speaker 1: remarried when I was ten, also ten or eleven, and
Speaker 1: I remember calling there for the summer and founding my dad.
Speaker 1: My dad had porn magazines that were not like you know,
Speaker 1: like the thin paper like porn magazines of America. These
Speaker 1: were like once you get like a three pack and
Speaker 1: an actual porn store. It's like thick gloss paper. They
Speaker 1: showed penetration to those showed penetration that I'm thirty eight,
Speaker 1: so when I was younger, even like the smut magazines
Speaker 1: of like the time didn't have penetration at all. Kind
Speaker 1: of evolved in my lifetime, but these foreign ones would
Speaker 1: have like penetry and I would jerk off to those all.
Speaker 1: My dad had shitty furniture, just these really junk couches
Speaker 1: with the four cushions on them, and I would go
Speaker 1: on up because I thought someone was supposed to come
Speaker 1: out from the pictures. So I would have that orgasm
Speaker 1: feeling and that would just be a little and it
Speaker 1: would get all over the cushions and then I would
Speaker 1: just flip the cushion start over. The next day, I'd
Speaker 1: go to the next cushion, and I just worked this way,
Speaker 1: like building a wall. So eventually his couches smelled like piss.
Speaker 1: Does he have a cat you can ploin hm it on?
Speaker 1: Or no? No animals? No animals? Ship did you have
Speaker 1: to find out that you were pissing on the couch
Speaker 1: after you jerked off? Well he subscribes your podcast, Um no,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I've told it like before.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I've told him that, but I've
Speaker 1: definitely publicly told that story before. But it's like, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: My stepmother definitely was like it smells like piss in
Speaker 1: this house and I don't know why. I'm like, who,
Speaker 1: who knows? Maybe it's you piss lady. What was your
Speaker 1: first sexual experience with another person? Um, like losing my
Speaker 1: virginity or any kind of anything. I guess it was
Speaker 1: all the same thing. Really. Um. I was seventeen and
Speaker 1: the girl was twenty two years old. She was a
Speaker 1: neighbor girl. She was living with her uncle we later
Speaker 1: found out was doing some weird ship to her also,
Speaker 1: which explains why she's seventeen year old, I guess, and
Speaker 1: that big of an age difference. Two year old girl
Speaker 1: is a lot different guy. Oh my god. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: she she approached it very like. She was like, I'm
Speaker 1: like teaching you, you know what I mean. And I
Speaker 1: was like, that's cool. So it's almost like probably leading
Speaker 1: what had been done to her very possible. She was great,
Speaker 1: I mean, she was really like pretty. But I said that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've had like you. I have a joke
Speaker 1: on an album about it. That's just really telling the story,
Speaker 1: but it's true. Like we went to a hotel that
Speaker 1: I had to get my mom's credit card that used
Speaker 1: to pay for and uh, we went this room she
Speaker 1: was playing she had a boombox with the remember Enigma. Yes,
Speaker 1: when she brought a boombox to the hotel, that's what
Speaker 1: I'm interested in, cassette tape and uh and yeah, she
Speaker 1: was playing that Enigma City and just like everything, which
Speaker 1: is like, you know sometimes girls like it when you
Speaker 1: open up their lips and licked the middle part there
Speaker 1: and I'm like, it was that the first time you
Speaker 1: went down on a girl? Yeah? Everything, And then what
Speaker 1: did you think of it? Um? I was in. I
Speaker 1: was into the whole thing. I wanted to do it
Speaker 1: for sure. Like I was very uh like overtly sexual
Speaker 1: as a kid, like very much. I wanted to like
Speaker 1: see things. When we were like really little kids, we
Speaker 1: used to go. I talked about this with somebody else
Speaker 1: at this festival. We used to go to the Jewish
Speaker 1: Community Center. The sauna steam room was between the men's
Speaker 1: and women's locker rooms, and we used to go. I
Speaker 1: think it's why I'm still such a fan of like
Speaker 1: pussy hair on chicks because a kid, we used to
Speaker 1: like peek into the girl's locker room and you just
Speaker 1: see all these like big old Jewish titties, and and
Speaker 1: then if anyone came out and they'd be like you
Speaker 1: can I help you boys, you'd be like, oh my
Speaker 1: mom with their name is Terry, And just like, do
Speaker 1: Jewish titties look different than non Jewish titties. Jewish girls
Speaker 1: got big old titties, I guess, and go either way,
Speaker 1: but but those titties were big. Those ties were big.
Speaker 1: We're not even talking about like again, I don't remember
Speaker 1: any of it, but I mean I don't recall being
Speaker 1: there and being like, wow, these amazing bodies. I mean
Speaker 1: it was like a Jewish community center, so it was like,
Speaker 1: you know, old ladies from the treadmill and all that
Speaker 1: kind of ship. But I was still just like, you're like, whoa. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was the kid who put like on goggles in
Speaker 1: the pools even go under water and see the pubs
Speaker 1: coming out of the side of the really new kids. Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: That's why I ever did I go into public pool
Speaker 1: and like some fucking dudes trying to look at I've
Speaker 1: always and then I would say that and someone like
Speaker 1: Christina shut the funk up. Always not No, they are
Speaker 1: the arians shot, the aerial shot of what they must
Speaker 1: look like, just like a bunch of women in a
Speaker 1: pool and a bunch of sake, and I swimming with
Speaker 1: these little boys trying to get closer to the vaginas.
Speaker 1: But it's just curiosity. I mean, I like when I'm
Speaker 1: at the beach, I'm not like being I'm just looking
Speaker 1: at other people. It's interesting. Bodies were interesting. I'd like
Speaker 1: to look at them. When you were a kid, did
Speaker 1: you ever have like a friend, Like I had a
Speaker 1: friend that we would we don't know how. We were
Speaker 1: maybe eight, and we're like, let's just like touch each
Speaker 1: other's butts and we just like touch each other's butts
Speaker 1: for an hour, and his mom would come in and
Speaker 1: be like, what are you doing? Like nothing, and then
Speaker 1: we would just do weird and I got so I
Speaker 1: got caught with stuff, like I got caught by a
Speaker 1: girl's brother and we were like, but yeah, it's going
Speaker 1: be like eight years old and yeah, really remember like
Speaker 1: I remember touching her her vagina beach. I'm saying vagina
Speaker 1: because we were eight, uh, and being like what's this?
Speaker 1: What am I doing? And she's like, oh, her seven
Speaker 1: year old brother opening the door, and be like just
Speaker 1: with my hand on her puzzy, like with her hand
Speaker 1: on her bare pussy. Yeah really yeah, but it was touching.
Speaker 1: It was just like kind of like because you know,
Speaker 1: and then it just feels good and then you're like
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't be doing that, but oh I feel
Speaker 1: so good, like keep doing it. Yeah, a lot. But
Speaker 1: then I was like, then I had a lull from
Speaker 1: like eight to seventeen. Nothing, nothing happened. No Jewish titties. No,
Speaker 1: you know, it's funny. I shouldn't say that. Yeah, there
Speaker 1: was some more Jewish titties. I a girl came over
Speaker 1: my house after her high school one time. She went
Speaker 1: to a different high school, but I was friends with
Speaker 1: her from the blocking the same block in Philly, and
Speaker 1: she came over and I was like putting out a
Speaker 1: confident vibe. I'm like, hey, we should like look up
Speaker 1: or do whatever, and she probably just broke down and
Speaker 1: she was like okay, She's like, yeah, let's go. We
Speaker 1: were the same age. And she took off her shirt
Speaker 1: and her broad and she had huge titties outside, you know,
Speaker 1: in my in my grandmother's house where we were no
Speaker 1: was home, no one was home. I remember she's like,
Speaker 1: what do we do now? I like, well, let's lay down,
Speaker 1: and like I laid down, was on the floor. I
Speaker 1: remember she laid on top of me and she had
Speaker 1: huge titties. So when she's laying on top of me,
Speaker 1: like sweet, you know, and she was sitting there and
Speaker 1: she's like, what do we do now? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I think you gotta call my grandmother's coming home soon.
Speaker 1: I just like just chickened out and like sent her away.
Speaker 1: Did jerk off after that, Probably that was past my
Speaker 1: pea times. I didn't know when it ended. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. So you have you've had a you
Speaker 1: have a child. Yeah, I almost forgot about trying to
Speaker 1: keep her away from all the things. I say, yeah,
Speaker 1: well I'm saying, how old is she now? Thirteen? So
Speaker 1: and she's from the relationship you had right before your
Speaker 1: current one or yeah, and so that was you were
Speaker 1: in that relationship for a long time, right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: really long time. I was twenty three when we got together,
Speaker 1: twenty just turned twenty four when she had when I
Speaker 1: turned twenty four, shortly after she had as a belly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you and were you ever married or yeah, we
Speaker 1: got married Jakerson's wedding like fun. Man, it was such
Speaker 1: a party. It was everywhere. No, no, pretty traditional in
Speaker 1: that sense. This was a really cool party though. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was fun. Like I said, I've been doing comedy
Speaker 1: for a long time at that point. So just like
Speaker 1: the friends you accumulated over the years and stuff came
Speaker 1: out because New York had to become my home from there,
Speaker 1: you know, none of us are so like you know,
Speaker 1: it was cool to have that made people like three
Speaker 1: people person wedding, catering hall, the whole thing. It was nice.
Speaker 1: My daughter was the flower girl. That's how white trash
Speaker 1: it is. So do you have you had a talk
Speaker 1: with her because she's start I mean she try Is
Speaker 1: she dating? No, she's not dating. And I said, for
Speaker 1: I'm not naive about it. You know, I don't want
Speaker 1: to be naive about it. But from what I can
Speaker 1: tell and being pretty open and honest and frank with her,
Speaker 1: that she's pretty not naive. But like she's still got
Speaker 1: a lot of kids and it's tough. She's thirteen, she's
Speaker 1: getting little boobs, she's five eleven, and it's amazing. She's
Speaker 1: very pretty, you know. So it's like and she's uh,
Speaker 1: and I see her developing her personality and everything, and
Speaker 1: she's funny kid and she's pretty outgoing and everything, and
Speaker 1: she's you know, we've caught a few things here and
Speaker 1: there that are like a little like kind of nervous,
Speaker 1: like things to get worried about, but I don't trying
Speaker 1: to make too big of a deal about it. She
Speaker 1: when she first got a cell phone, she was going
Speaker 1: on these apps we can like talk to people and
Speaker 1: it's funny and almost getting the bad news. It was
Speaker 1: also at the same time finding out that she's like
Speaker 1: a little over her head and then I could uh,
Speaker 1: and it kind of scared her away from it, I
Speaker 1: think to some degree. But she was talking to some
Speaker 1: seventeen year old boy and she was twelve at the time.
Speaker 1: Seventeen year old boy and uh, Texas or something. But
Speaker 1: he was something he wrote something at something I don't know,
Speaker 1: but it was something where it's like after we saw this,
Speaker 1: we saw the screenshots on the computer eventually or on
Speaker 1: the phone, and he's some point she was like, uh,
Speaker 1: She's like, do you want me to like play a
Speaker 1: song for you because he's like I'm depressed, I'm feeling
Speaker 1: bummed out or something. She's like, she's like, you want
Speaker 1: to play a song for you? And he was like
Speaker 1: you wanna fuck? And then she's like she was like, um,
Speaker 1: she was, I got this great song something like I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm not doing it, but he definitely wrote one
Speaker 1: to fuck and like uh. And then and then we
Speaker 1: saw things of her texting her friend after that, and
Speaker 1: it was like and she was like can you believe this?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like I was almost saying
Speaker 1: like like how crazy this so and that way? But
Speaker 1: I did sit down and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's all my first words were that conversation. She was like.
Speaker 1: I was like, is it about like I want to fuck?
Speaker 1: Really like want to fuck? And she was, you know,
Speaker 1: and her mom was like Jay, you know I was.
Speaker 1: I was like no, but this is like you can't
Speaker 1: pull back now. This is the world she's in now.
Speaker 1: So at least got to let her understand what it's like.
Speaker 1: Do you understand that even means She's like, yes, what
Speaker 1: does that mean? She was like sex, But I'm a
Speaker 1: think Christine, you know, she stays with us at a
Speaker 1: decent amount and stuff, and you could like she's a
Speaker 1: kid for sure, and like, but I don't like, you know,
Speaker 1: she's watched my comedy a number of times at this point,
Speaker 1: and like she watches me try to pull back, but
Speaker 1: I don't, and then I end up saying like I'm like,
Speaker 1: my daughter's here something. I'm sucking this up. But she's
Speaker 1: always been around, like me and her mom both have
Speaker 1: foul mouths, and like, you know, if it makes I
Speaker 1: feel like she's not afraid to kind of talk to us,
Speaker 1: because especially maybe even me more than her, I don't
Speaker 1: know her mom my wig out even less. But I
Speaker 1: think she feels like she kind of knows the world
Speaker 1: I'm in, like she likes it. I think you've even
Speaker 1: met her before when she came your daughter. I've always
Speaker 1: had brought when she stays me on a weekend. Sometimes
Speaker 1: if I'm at the comedy celler at one o'clock in
Speaker 1: the morning, I'll always like, if you want to go
Speaker 1: hold back to the house with Christine, She'll take you
Speaker 1: back to She's like, I'm a night out. She wasn't,
Speaker 1: so she likes just being in the vibe of that mixing,
Speaker 1: like there's things that I don't like. She saw like
Speaker 1: a fight happen outside the comedy cell or like you
Speaker 1: can see her looking like she wanted to see. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, that gives a ship, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Because the more I think again with all that, if
Speaker 1: I try to like really keep her away from it
Speaker 1: and like keep her away from you, from my comedy
Speaker 1: or any of that stuff, like it is going to
Speaker 1: draw her more to it. So I'd rather be there
Speaker 1: and look it up on the internet. Anyway. I think
Speaker 1: because of that, she doesn't mind like I took her
Speaker 1: to see, like we took a Panorama festival in New
Speaker 1: York last weekend. I think I don't think she finds
Speaker 1: it like like like Lane to be like she she
Speaker 1: says she does and she has to put on that
Speaker 1: act like my dumb dad, But like she thinks it's
Speaker 1: cool hanging out with me. For sure. I got her
Speaker 1: the tickets, We got her backstage and stuff, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So I think she likes that, and
Speaker 1: that's a good thing. I said, that's a great thing
Speaker 1: because I'm always terrified that because me and my dad
Speaker 1: have like a I don't even know my dad that well,
Speaker 1: you know, I never talked to him after what do
Speaker 1: I do? I mean, I said, but it's just kind
Speaker 1: of casting me off, and like he's like now he
Speaker 1: wants to be my us buddy. But I mean like
Speaker 1: at the time, he was just like I'd see him
Speaker 1: like once a year, you know, I mean, like that
Speaker 1: kind of ship. Yeah, and he didn't like call on birthday.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like that he didn't give a So
Speaker 1: I'm so worried about her feeling that way about me
Speaker 1: that I've not smothered her. But it's almost like I've said,
Speaker 1: it's where it's I feel like if I have to
Speaker 1: go away now for like a month or something, you know,
Speaker 1: where I'm not gonna see her for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: I have such like Isabella, Daddy loves You're gonna be gone,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna call you every day. And I just said,
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry, but as soon as we get back,
Speaker 1: I'll make sure we hang out. You stay at my house.
Speaker 1: And she's always like okay, She's like but she doesn't
Speaker 1: feel the same sense of like she's like, all right,
Speaker 1: are you like are you are you abandoned me? Building
Speaker 1: me up for this something? Oh, I'm sorry. You know,
Speaker 1: I didn't see you last week and now I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna see this week, and I'm worried you're gonna be
Speaker 1: like freaked out. I think she does hopefully, And I said,
Speaker 1: you know, I know him like God knows how many
Speaker 1: years away from like having to wrap my brain around
Speaker 1: like her with dudes or anything like that. I am
Speaker 1: you gonna be cool. I guess there's the thing that Yeah,
Speaker 1: I said, there's no preparation for it, because I don't know.
Speaker 1: At some point it's just going to happen and you're
Speaker 1: gonna be like, well, that's the world, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I think with everything you feel like as
Speaker 1: a parent too, I think you're feeling like that's going
Speaker 1: to change the human being completely. And then when you
Speaker 1: see it, doesn't you know what I mean, like when
Speaker 1: you see it to change her? Yes, I'm just saying
Speaker 1: as the person you know, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I think when they have six, you're almost like as
Speaker 1: a father, I think you were like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's just it now, she just sucks everybody and this
Speaker 1: is my daughter's like some whore. And but then you're
Speaker 1: like an extreme right. I don't think as a father.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a father. That's a thing where
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm saying, like, you don't know the first
Speaker 1: time it happens, it's always gonna probably feel too young,
Speaker 1: unless they wait till they're in their mid twenties, which
Speaker 1: is not gonna be realistic, you know. So I'm saying
Speaker 1: you're concerned, is like, oh my god, this is it,
Speaker 1: Like my daughter focks now, this is her and it
Speaker 1: freaks to freak you out because because it doesn't, it
Speaker 1: makes no sense to waste time worrying about it. Right now,
Speaker 1: then just keep an eye for the things that you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't want it to be to be
Speaker 1: lied to about everything like that. But it's also part
Speaker 1: of growing up and become like a happy, healthy human being.
Speaker 1: So there's there's girls I know who started sucking like
Speaker 1: thirteen fourteen who, like you know, families now and they're fine,
Speaker 1: functioning members didn't functioning members of the They're alive, they're okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they have a job. Pointing that's that's pretty young the start. No,
Speaker 1: I agree, I look back when I was fifty. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I had sex when I was fifteen. Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1: And then I meet a fifteen year old, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, if I had a kid, i'd probably
Speaker 1: be nuts perspective of that, Like the things I was
Speaker 1: thinking and wanting to do it fourteen years old, like
Speaker 1: Isabelle is gonna be fourteen and a couple of like
Speaker 1: in October a few months. Well, I mean we could
Speaker 1: email sometimes from people and they're just like, I'm fourteen.
Speaker 1: I just feel like my sex life is going nowhere,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, keep it that way, keep it that way.
Speaker 1: I like, I don't like you guys are giving get gauzy.
Speaker 1: I'm hard to chack. Are you talking black guys? Latin? No, guys,
Speaker 1: have you fucked every race of women? Um m hmm
Speaker 1: maybe Pacific Islander. That's always one. That's always the one
Speaker 1: that's left, the Pacific Islander, Jake, come on, it's very
Speaker 1: possible I have not the Pacific Islands. How many do
Speaker 1: you have a ballpark number of how many people you've
Speaker 1: had sex with? Uh? No, just over a hundred, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think so probably at this point. Yeah, i'd say
Speaker 1: over a hundred by yourself, by myself, Yeah, probably. I
Speaker 1: think I remember being like younger in my twenties having
Speaker 1: friends were like, I probably like two chicks. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's fucking insane. It's a lot of chicks that time.
Speaker 1: I feel I was worried. I think sometimes like, uh
Speaker 1: like women like overestimate that sometimes I think they say, oh,
Speaker 1: it's got to be well over a hundred. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm talking a girl like in their twenties or something.
Speaker 1: You're just kind of like, that's a lot of are
Speaker 1: you was saying, like, for the judgment of the sex,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying for management, that's an actual lot of people.
Speaker 1: It's impressive. But if you like sex, you get out
Speaker 1: there and you're single for a long chunk of time.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm so glad I had a boyfriend before
Speaker 1: I started comedy because I sucked every I feel like
Speaker 1: I would have sucked all the comics, right, sure, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: fall into that. I just I get it because I
Speaker 1: can see and had a comic with these people all
Speaker 1: the time, and girls like, we'll let things like physical
Speaker 1: physicality and stuff doesn't so much matter to us as
Speaker 1: much as I think it matters to guys. Like if
Speaker 1: you're funny, we'll be like, okay, yeah, I'll fuck you.
Speaker 1: Like that's that's that every girl comic he has not me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're not every girl com but suck a lot of
Speaker 1: girl comics. Yeah, we talked to Yeah, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know Joe's I'm not saying look, but I mean like
Speaker 1: he's not like he's not like the ideal like in shape,
Speaker 1: great looking, you know what I mean. There's comic who
Speaker 1: are you know, it's like if you're like Gary Goldman
Speaker 1: something like like, well, you know he's great looking to
Speaker 1: do yeahs and funny. Yeah, if you slay puss a
Speaker 1: lot like you Because wasn't there a time when you
Speaker 1: were single and then like chicks would just want to
Speaker 1: suck you after every show and then you would be
Speaker 1: fucking pretty consistently? Was that? Did that? Ever? Was? Unfortunately
Speaker 1: relatively consistently, But I was never single. That was the Yeah,
Speaker 1: like horribly, Yeah, I feel it's It's why I ultimately
Speaker 1: had to like end it with my ex. She wanted
Speaker 1: to have like another kid, and I was we were
Speaker 1: just we we didn't stay together for my daughter, but
Speaker 1: we definitely that That was sort of my motivation in
Speaker 1: many ways, like I just wanted to get be present
Speaker 1: for her, and I really still to this day get
Speaker 1: along with my ex very very well. She's a great girl,
Speaker 1: you know, but like I just got to a point
Speaker 1: where I was like, I'm being like rotten to her.
Speaker 1: Did you start you open with like that you were cheat?
Speaker 1: Did you admit like or confessed when you got caught
Speaker 1: before the challenge? You can count I tried to do
Speaker 1: red handed. No not no, not like a phone call.
Speaker 1: I intercepted phone call. It was she called the girl
Speaker 1: you were called you and then your wife. She answered,
Speaker 1: I was asleep bad and she couldn't do a simple
Speaker 1: acting exercise like oh, I was just calling because he
Speaker 1: hasn't a point about the day spot like that was
Speaker 1: a that was a lesson. I actually learned that day
Speaker 1: two was like, you can't lie to both people. Had
Speaker 1: a girlfriend, got to know one's got to know for sure. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: how was that getting woken up to that? How I wish?
Speaker 1: I wish it was a finger poke? It was a
Speaker 1: she was in law school. Was a law school book
Speaker 1: to the first It was bad, but I deserved every
Speaker 1: bit of it. I said, I have no uh, I
Speaker 1: don't even make any excuse. I shouldn't. Don't make any
Speaker 1: excuse I have for it was I didn't get attention
Speaker 1: from like women younger at all, or at least I
Speaker 1: wasn't seeing it or I was bringing secure. I was
Speaker 1: significantly heavier than I am now even and like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, very lack of confidence. And then when I
Speaker 1: met her, I was always doing comedy for maybe like
Speaker 1: two or three years and starting to catch up rhythm
Speaker 1: at least of like not that I was a good comic.
Speaker 1: I just knew how to do well, you know, I
Speaker 1: knew how to do well at a show, and just
Speaker 1: from that being funny, developing personality like that, you started
Speaker 1: coming my way a little more and I had already
Speaker 1: I was. I was with her and you know we
Speaker 1: have a kid now, you know, so young, and I
Speaker 1: was just like and when I got caught even she
Speaker 1: would ask me, she go, how can you do this?
Speaker 1: Like how what are you thinking about me and Isabella
Speaker 1: when you're doing these things? And I'm like not at all,
Speaker 1: Like it's really as I said, And I mean that
Speaker 1: not even like a like a fuck you, I don't
Speaker 1: care I'm doing it anyway. I mean like I'm just
Speaker 1: going like this is crazy, Like I'm here in this
Speaker 1: bumped up town and there's a girl who wants to
Speaker 1: come back to my room like that's not and then
Speaker 1: like as soon as it's over, you're just kind of like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this girl's get out of here. I
Speaker 1: have to call home and like checking everything's okay at home.
Speaker 1: And it's just like a simple pleasure. It's just like
Speaker 1: there was like a brownie in the plate and you
Speaker 1: ate it and it was and I can I can
Speaker 1: never get away. And I lived with my you know,
Speaker 1: my shoulders were my ears at all times, worried about
Speaker 1: getting caught with stuff. And I I tried, you know,
Speaker 1: thirty eight now, I've tried to like at least, like
Speaker 1: I said before, the beauty of me and Christine's relationships
Speaker 1: it is pretty open and like she's she we could
Speaker 1: have a conversation about anything I said. You mean, you
Speaker 1: were talking outside earlier. If she was like, hey, I
Speaker 1: want to like fu dudes now or something, I'd be
Speaker 1: like we could talk about that, you know. I mean
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it would be cool with like totally open. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what's funny. I I don't know how cool
Speaker 1: would be with like totally open, Like while I'm away,
Speaker 1: I'll fuck and you funk whoever you want. To funk.
Speaker 1: I mean we could, I would discuss that for sure,
Speaker 1: but I don't know if I guess. I think it
Speaker 1: comes to those moments too. If I'm sitting in a
Speaker 1: hotel room, I just know myself and know, like just
Speaker 1: sitting there playing a video game, and I know she's like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be off the radar for two hours cause
Speaker 1: I'm getting some heavy dick and this is you know,
Speaker 1: I'll be like that might bother me. But like in
Speaker 1: a situation yeah, hey, yeah, I guess pay play said hey, sorry,
Speaker 1: I can't talk right now by these two black dudes. Um,
Speaker 1: I I think it's just like wear you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm like, but if I was uh able to be
Speaker 1: in you know, if it's all happening there, like I
Speaker 1: said before, like I don't fu chicks behind her back
Speaker 1: at all, you know what I mean, but like the
Speaker 1: fact that it's open to that if she was like, hey,
Speaker 1: like again, I again when we were saying, I'm not
Speaker 1: uh bisexual at all, I have no attraction. I'm far
Speaker 1: from homophobic, and I'll do some pretty gay stuff for
Speaker 1: a laugh, but case thank you done for a laugh.
Speaker 1: I mean a guy, no, never fucked the guy. I've
Speaker 1: definitely grabbed several dicks in my life. Me and Louis J.
Speaker 1: Gome Is made out of made out on camera. We
Speaker 1: go for it. They're not going to bone at all.
Speaker 1: We were both Actually the video you can see us
Speaker 1: like both like just trying to get through some so
Speaker 1: we can wig out Dave, who was really I'll show
Speaker 1: you a pictory after. It's great of Dave. Someone got
Speaker 1: a good video of as Mean and Lucia kissing Dave's
Speaker 1: and friends like running to like away from it from
Speaker 1: the situation. He's so appalled by what's happening. But um,
Speaker 1: but I'm not in the guys, but I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I I definitely see the first thing I ever did
Speaker 1: with like any kind of like a couple of swapper
Speaker 1: involving other people things with my ex ex girlfriend from
Speaker 1: years ago when I was like eighteen or nineteen, and uh,
Speaker 1: we made a couple and it was a couple of
Speaker 1: The girl was my girlfriend's age, but the guy was
Speaker 1: older than all of us, had a van like one
Speaker 1: of those two. We went to some weird motel where
Speaker 1: he was like living with her, and it was we
Speaker 1: did a couple swap thing there and you know, didn't
Speaker 1: really go good that night. Like I was pretty upset
Speaker 1: after it was over. What were you upset? My girlfriend
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily wasn't like super into it, but then she
Speaker 1: was like she's like, all right, let's give it a shot,
Speaker 1: and then ended up really digging it too much. I
Speaker 1: feel like his girlfriend wasn't that into me, and all
Speaker 1: I remember was being this hot hotel room, being on
Speaker 1: top of this girl who had it just wasn't I
Speaker 1: was on top of I remember being sweaty and just
Speaker 1: being like having to keep apologizing and like, so I
Speaker 1: didn't want to sweat on it. Yeah, I'm sorry, I wasn't,
Speaker 1: but I was trying desperately. I was just so a
Speaker 1: preoccupied and it just seemed like I came into this
Speaker 1: like probably very self serving, being like I want to
Speaker 1: suck this chick, not even overthinking like this guy's gonna
Speaker 1: be your girlfriend's time. I mean, she is crawling on
Speaker 1: the walls and this girl is playing, and this girl's
Speaker 1: kind of looking over my shoulder at them like I
Speaker 1: hated it, almost looking like I hate that he does this,
Speaker 1: like with the guy she likes, her boyfriend doing that.
Speaker 1: It was so just my kind of Haywire and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to remember the point. Oh, but he gave some
Speaker 1: of the speeches he gave before it all happened. Sech Alright, guys,
Speaker 1: listen up. He was you know, it was it was
Speaker 1: all like it was it we were we were all
Speaker 1: young except for him, and he was giving us a
Speaker 1: lot of like how much older was he? Not much
Speaker 1: if we were like if we were like I was
Speaker 1: like nineteen, my uh my girlfriend was like seventeen or eighteen,
Speaker 1: and I think like the guy was like twenty two
Speaker 1: or something. It wasn't it wasn't crazy, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: but he was just doing like a lot you could
Speaker 1: tell someone told him. He was just giving the whole
Speaker 1: speech of like basically saying like compartmentalizing sex and being
Speaker 1: like this is just a fun act. You know. It's
Speaker 1: like we're the jealousy. It doesn't matter a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1: This was his van retreat. Yeah, yeah, he was saying
Speaker 1: as he was showing me his tube television he has
Speaker 1: in his van um. But some of the theory behind
Speaker 1: what he was saying, like I didn't fully disagree with
Speaker 1: where it's like it is, you know, I mean, I
Speaker 1: can I can separate that. So I don't want to
Speaker 1: like do anything sexual with a guy, but I can
Speaker 1: appreciate he was saying. What he appreciated was like he
Speaker 1: likes Why he wasn't jealous of his girl fucking a
Speaker 1: guy is he likes watching, Like the only angle he
Speaker 1: gets on sex when he's sucking her and seeing her
Speaker 1: fuck is his you know. The first person he said
Speaker 1: it is he finds it hot to see her fucking.
Speaker 1: If that's his girl and he's attracted to her, that's like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like your personal porn star. I understand
Speaker 1: that completely. So I'm saying, so if she was like,
Speaker 1: I want to fund other guys while you watch, I
Speaker 1: could be like, I did listen to that your personal
Speaker 1: porn star? I like that? Oh yeah, why not? That's
Speaker 1: that's a good phrase. Um, So we do need to
Speaker 1: wrap up my cople mints, but I just want to close.
Speaker 1: We we mentioned your lovely podcast co host Lewis and
Speaker 1: Dave and you do have a podcast called Legion of
Speaker 1: Skags that we've been on several times, but the first
Speaker 1: time we went so great. I don't know about that
Speaker 1: the first time. Afterwards, and Lewis random told you guys.
Speaker 1: Lewis complicit out you guys the hottest girls in all
Speaker 1: of the time. Oh, I forgot you weren't even I
Speaker 1: mean Lewis does say, yes, he says every girl is
Speaker 1: the hottest girl. I'm like, it does lose it does
Speaker 1: lose some power when he says to every girl. No,
Speaker 1: I don't want to rehash that. I'm just curious because
Speaker 1: after having this conversation with you, it's obviously you're like
Speaker 1: a nice person. You're a good person, you care, you
Speaker 1: give a ship. So it's just like, what's is that
Speaker 1: a character of you? Is it like wrestling when you
Speaker 1: do because you say, you say you guys say a
Speaker 1: lot of heinous stuff about women, not leg I said,
Speaker 1: I don't. I definitely don't do any character at all
Speaker 1: on anything. Like I'm curious because I mean sometimes people
Speaker 1: explain it as like, oh, it's more like more like
Speaker 1: wrestling characters. And it's fine if it's like a Andrew
Speaker 1: Dice Clay. I don't want to speak for Lewis or
Speaker 1: David like that, but I speak very on every like
Speaker 1: form that I do. I try to be as like
Speaker 1: honest as possible. Now, also we're funny, but we're trying
Speaker 1: to make we're trying to make laugh, so I say
Speaker 1: saying I say very ridiculous things like for the sake
Speaker 1: of humor, you know what I mean. So I've said
Speaker 1: the problem I had. I made a point with We're
Speaker 1: on the Anthony Komy Network for a while for a year.
Speaker 1: We did a stint there, and my gripe almost or
Speaker 1: something like that when we left the network was Anthony
Speaker 1: has been publicly in trouble a few times, and I
Speaker 1: have no personal issue with him at all. I don't
Speaker 1: want to make anything like that, but you know, he
Speaker 1: had like a domestic abuse charge come up against him,
Speaker 1: and my great with that. When I said what I
Speaker 1: wanted to get off the network, one of the reasons was,
Speaker 1: I'm like, if I don't do that, I don't hit women.
Speaker 1: I would never hit one, you know, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: not my thing. So so yeah, no, my point being, though,
Speaker 1: I would say if it was the funniest thing in
Speaker 1: the moment, if a guy was like, my girlfriend's not
Speaker 1: doing blah blah blah, and I go, well, have you
Speaker 1: tried punching her? And then I go, that's funny. That's
Speaker 1: a joke. In the in the moment and then I
Speaker 1: hate that now people go to a real nice thing
Speaker 1: to say someone's like, oh, come, I'm not a I
Speaker 1: don't do that, but this is what I'm saying. But
Speaker 1: I don't think. But I think any anything you would
Speaker 1: find an example of me would be in the vein
Speaker 1: of that. It's like saying, like a joke, whether it's
Speaker 1: funny or not, Alora, he hits his one thing or not.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, no, I said, I was. I was
Speaker 1: raised by my mom and my grandma for many many
Speaker 1: years before my step pup came around, So I'm definitely like,
Speaker 1: uh minto But I mean I have like misogynistic material
Speaker 1: in my comedy sets and everything for the sake of
Speaker 1: you know, for the mo No. I know, and I
Speaker 1: and I think we certainly say outrageous stuff all the time,
Speaker 1: and you know, we're like, please take everything with a
Speaker 1: Graham salt. But I know, I mean, I think I
Speaker 1: remember having a conversation when we this podcast first came out,
Speaker 1: and you were like one convinced that Christine and I
Speaker 1: must have daddy issues to be doing a podcast like this,
Speaker 1: And that's something that comes up a lot, and I
Speaker 1: mean it got some point where it's just like it's
Speaker 1: just irritating. We both have really good relationships with our
Speaker 1: dad's and we're not. I mean, I'm sure a lot
Speaker 1: of people do come up and say I have a
Speaker 1: bad relationship with my dad, but like just because you
Speaker 1: liked to think that, I mean your dad, Like, I
Speaker 1: don't think the funk out of daddy. I think what
Speaker 1: specifically again, like if my point was taken out of
Speaker 1: context there in that argument we were having at the
Speaker 1: creek in the cave that night, the daddy is interesting
Speaker 1: with you, I don't remember saying it about you guys,
Speaker 1: particularly as much that we were talking about. Now, I
Speaker 1: interview a lot of porn stars on a different show
Speaker 1: that I do, and it's a like a lot of
Speaker 1: them do now. I don't think one is always leads
Speaker 1: to the other in that situation. But the argument we
Speaker 1: were having was, I was like argument the word anti
Speaker 1: slut shaming. My concern with that is like, especially having
Speaker 1: a daughter two, I'm all for not slut shaming. I
Speaker 1: worry about anti slut shaming. It should not be synonymous
Speaker 1: with like sleut promotion. Does that make sense versus So
Speaker 1: it's like funk whoever you want to do whatever you
Speaker 1: want to do, versus being like girls get out there
Speaker 1: and suck all the dicks like that's like a little
Speaker 1: It's just like, it's just like women should be able
Speaker 1: to do whatever they want with their bodies and not
Speaker 1: feel I think there's just so much don't tell I
Speaker 1: associated with absolutely and that's the problem. So it's just
Speaker 1: you know, you know when sometimes when something has been
Speaker 1: going in one direction so far that you have to
Speaker 1: go a little over the top to get it to
Speaker 1: head in the other direction. I think that's what more
Speaker 1: what it's about. So are you a feminist? I even
Speaker 1: want to ask that all hour Uh yeah, and I'll
Speaker 1: say who I am is because I want everyone to
Speaker 1: be on equal footing so no one comes at me
Speaker 1: for the horrible things I say about everyone. Perfect. It's perfect.
Speaker 1: And on that note, where can we find you online?
Speaker 1: Where can we find you? Big jokers? On Twitter, Instagram,
Speaker 1: all that stuff? Bonfire call me. Central Radio releasing a
Speaker 1: Skank Scans Digital Network str show. I'm very available, guys.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming out to guys back
Speaker 1: the anti slush Amy podcast. We'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 1: Already stop it down, shoot you up. Show character I
Speaker 1: got a friend. I got a friend. Thank you, thanks
Speaker 1: so much for listening to that episode, and thanks again
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