Speaker 1: It's broken Jeffrey in the morning. And sometimes we know
Speaker 1: a thing exists, but it takes science a little while
Speaker 1: to finally catch up. Okay, Like, for example, there's a
Speaker 1: new study that just came out and it's the first
Speaker 1: one to ever prove that being hangry is really a thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like a different person. No, I'm married to hangry. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I actually carry I'm not lying like I packed snacks
Speaker 1: wherever we go because I know my husband will turn
Speaker 1: into okay, no, yeah, that's not you refusing to feed
Speaker 1: him stuff that's using to eat, right, I mean it's
Speaker 1: thin things that I can slip under the door for him.
Speaker 1: But now science has come through here because for three weeks,
Speaker 1: over sixty people used an app to track their emotions
Speaker 1: and how hungry they felt at the time, and it
Speaker 1: showed not eating really does make us irrationally mad. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so people's phones were like just smashed, But when people
Speaker 1: were craving food, they were thirty four percent more angry
Speaker 1: and thirty seven percent more irritable. And apparently those are
Speaker 1: different things. Yeah, and you're in irritable for sure. But
Speaker 1: you're coming at me strong today. Are you sure you
Speaker 1: don't need like the protein bars, a whopping forty percent
Speaker 1: took less pleasure in whatever they happened to be doing
Speaker 1: at the time, and the team behind the study says
Speaker 1: it's important to avoid these situations because your hanger doesn't
Speaker 1: necessarily go away once you eat something. Feeling angry for
Speaker 1: even a day can leave you in a slight rut
Speaker 1: for days or even weeks after you experience it. We
Speaker 1: can't recover from it at home, No, it's long term.
Speaker 1: I feel bad because I can get angry and I'll
Speaker 1: just trigger depression, yeah, terminally, and you're eating and you're like,
Speaker 1: why isn't this making me happen everywhere? Now? I am
Speaker 1: not angry, but I do feel like I've been in
Speaker 1: a slight rut for the last two and a half
Speaker 1: years or so. Maybe it's when this whole deal started.
Speaker 1: But let's see if I can get zapped out of
Speaker 1: it with your shock collar question of the day. That's
Speaker 1: because we normally have a bucket full of names in studio,
Speaker 1: but I'm looking around and I see no bucket. That
Speaker 1: makes me very, very hungry. So I'm gonna send it
Speaker 1: just over to Digital Jake, so we can tell us
Speaker 1: what to do Jake, what are we doing today? Oh, Jake,
Speaker 1: We're sorry. I'm gonna be umps. If I had a guess,
Speaker 1: I would say, none of you on this show. At
Speaker 1: first glance look like you're good kissers. Wow, I'm offended.
Speaker 1: I about a second glance, Jeff, Let's be honest. Your
Speaker 1: beard looks scratchy for I can say that. I mean
Speaker 1: the top hair on your lip does hang down quite
Speaker 1: a bit. Little roughness though, doesn't hurt anybody. Danger kid, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say for you. I've read YO pur views
Speaker 1: of you crying during makeout sessions. That's why that's the
Speaker 1: best part. Yeah. Ohto extra tongue brook. I imagine death.
Speaker 1: Perception is a big issue for I don't know when
Speaker 1: to start sometimes, Honey, that's the lamp. The lamp is
Speaker 1: so cute sounds, and anyone who kisses Alexis is risking
Speaker 1: an infection from her off brand Chinese island whatever worth it?
Speaker 1: Safe to say, you guys are probably experts on all
Speaker 1: the bad parts about smooching. But you're in luck because
Speaker 1: a new survey found the top five things that can
Speaker 1: make you a bad kisser, and the number one above
Speaker 1: all else was bad breathe it's true. Yeah, you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to fill out the rest of the top five
Speaker 1: in a lip locking, spit swapping, make out with your
Speaker 1: jake out the room, shot caller question of the day.
Speaker 1: We'll go around the room. In the last there's the
Speaker 1: name of quality that makes you a bad kiss or
Speaker 1: in the top five will get shocked. We're starting with Alexis. Okay, um, like,
Speaker 1: sometimes they can be too sloppy, you know, like someone
Speaker 1: does like too much tongue or like, yeah, like tongue, Like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, is just too sloppy, too, Brojet, can you
Speaker 1: just see specific? Okay, you can say too much saliva,
Speaker 1: too much. Yeah, I'll go with too much tongue. Too
Speaker 1: much tongue is number two on. I mean, I hate
Speaker 1: really a lot of aggression in a kiss, Like people
Speaker 1: come in real hard sometimes. Is this like a family reunion?
Speaker 1: I was thinking teeth, Actually not teeth, it feels so bad.
Speaker 1: But what about like a gentle bite that's kind But
Speaker 1: that's different than Yeah. I also think saliva. I'm back
Speaker 1: to that you know that we brought up with when
Speaker 1: we were talking with Alexis. I'm gonna go with I'll
Speaker 1: go with too much saliva. Too much saliva is not sorry. Okay.
Speaker 1: So there's two things. One is biting the same little
Speaker 1: nible's good. I literally had women draw blood from my lips.
Speaker 1: Yeah she was crazy, okay. And another thing is is
Speaker 1: like almost the opposite of what we were saying. It's
Speaker 1: when they don't open their mouth. You're to kiss someone
Speaker 1: who's just like or they don't move their mouth like
Speaker 1: they're a vault like they're just they got it locked
Speaker 1: up to a constant pecking. I mean back in third
Speaker 1: grade that used to be kind of nice. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: I can't decide which one, but I'm gonna go with biting.
Speaker 1: Biting is not on my top left. You all are
Speaker 1: focused on the mouth. I'm focused on other parts of
Speaker 1: the body. Oh jeffy, you know, like, oh no, it's
Speaker 1: going a little bit north of the nose. The eyes.
Speaker 1: Not enough eye contact. I want to lock in with
Speaker 1: you and make sure we're on the same page. You know,
Speaker 1: you look like cross eye your eyes close to someone.
Speaker 1: It's hot. Let's go with not enough eye contact, not enough,
Speaker 1: not enough eye contact. Everyone kiss. Okay, Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go with Since I did slive the last time, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go with teeth, knocking teeth on accident, allowing teeth
Speaker 1: to be involved is correct. Jose Okay, Oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go with the opposite of what Jeff said, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say they actually open their eyes. If you make
Speaker 1: eye contact during a kiss, it's it kind of ruins them.
Speaker 1: Too much eye contact. Yeah, so too much eye contact.
Speaker 1: Kissing with your eyes open is number five. Sorry, you
Speaker 1: did not get an answer, so you will be getting
Speaker 1: shot like you've actually locked in. Yeah, was number four
Speaker 1: in the list. Was not enough tongue, That's what I
Speaker 1: was saying about the packing. I'm like, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: you gotta ry dry comes in. I have the perfect
Speaker 1: well the kissing expert on the show is somehow going
Speaker 1: to be getting shot today, and I'm getting shot while
Speaker 1: singing Kiss from a Rose by Seal Solid Baby. I
Speaker 1: compare you too. We kids from the Rose on the
Speaker 1: Gray O, The Mode, the Stranger. It feels yeah, she'd
Speaker 1: had a bye contact for it. Shot all the question
Speaker 1: of the day broke and Jeffrey in the Morning. It's
Speaker 1: broken Jeffrey in the Morning and Top Gun. Maverick has
Speaker 1: been out for what think about a month now, so
Speaker 1: it's been a massive success, getting a ninety six percent
Speaker 1: rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It's like insane. It's broken box
Speaker 1: office records all over the world. It's so popular. Brooke
Speaker 1: was even considering taking her kids to go see it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I five and eight. I need to know,
Speaker 1: like Texas seven eight five nine two. Is that a
Speaker 1: bad parent? I heard your five year old son already
Speaker 1: vetoed it's saying it's not violent and sad. I think
Speaker 1: he does love The Titanic, not the movie because that has,
Speaker 1: you know, questionable content, but like the real story. Maybe
Speaker 1: remake The Hinden Bird a film he'll go see. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But the interesting part of Top Gun though, right now,
Speaker 1: is actually Tom Cruise's salary Okay, because he was gonna
Speaker 1: make twelve point five million dollars base salary from the
Speaker 1: movie is bass salary. That's not what he's going to
Speaker 1: be taking home though. Oh because thanks to the way
Speaker 1: his contract was set up. In addition to the bass pay,
Speaker 1: he also gets ten percent of Paramount's box office total.
Speaker 1: Shod to that, and right now, the movies earned one
Speaker 1: point one billion dolls of a billion dollars million dollars.
Speaker 1: If it reaches one point three billion. Tom's cut of
Speaker 1: that would be around fifty five mill o god, plus
Speaker 1: he gets a cut from DVD and streaming sales, And
Speaker 1: with all that put together, experts say at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, Tom's estimated to be looking at around
Speaker 1: ninety million dollars for one movie. Oh day, I've heard
Speaker 1: he really needs it too. Yeah, and immediately I know
Speaker 1: what Alexis is thinking. Wait, a hot, single, older man
Speaker 1: who just made ninety million. He's really short. She's thinking,
Speaker 1: I don't need that. I make my own money. Honey,
Speaker 1: that's right, that's right. He's way too young for you.
Speaker 1: Alexis your own I'm really interested in. Well, if you
Speaker 1: haven't seen Top Gun Maverick, you should go check it out. Okay,
Speaker 1: I bet there's lasers in that movie, totally sponsored by
Speaker 1: Laser Stories, which is coming up next. Ye. It is
Speaker 1: the radio segment that was just featured on TMZ for
Speaker 1: gas lighting himself. Oh whoa, that's a talent. Oh no, wait,
Speaker 1: sorry I read that wrong. He was trying to light
Speaker 1: his own gas Oh. I shouldn't have read that one.
Speaker 1: Never mind. It is Laser Stories, though, the segment where
Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe just like
Speaker 1: everyone else, except we have a laser and those other
Speaker 1: toot sniffers just don't. This first laser stories out of
Speaker 1: Long Island, New York. I guess I should say Long Island.
Speaker 1: Summer on the island means there's going to be a
Speaker 1: lot of swimmers out there, so that means more lifeguards
Speaker 1: need to be trained. I've a fallen and I can't
Speaker 1: get up, and that's why ten year old Vet Jason
Speaker 1: Moore set up a pretend rescue situation for all the
Speaker 1: newer lifeguards to see. Oh good, okay, we traded people.
Speaker 1: Get ar old like a ten year old kid. No,
Speaker 1: he was. He was a ten year veteran and veterans
Speaker 1: in water wings today. He gathered up all the trainees
Speaker 1: at the end of the beach and then he swam
Speaker 1: out about twenty five yards and pretended to reach up
Speaker 1: and call out for help. Okay, he was doing a simulation.
Speaker 1: My mom was an EMT and we used to get
Speaker 1: to go lay out in a field and pretend like
Speaker 1: we were really injured because they would do mass casualty practice.
Speaker 1: That was just because she was sick of hanging out
Speaker 1: with the kids. Just go out in the field, kids,
Speaker 1: pretend you're in trouble. They always picked somebody in town
Speaker 1: that was a hoarder that had a lot of cars.
Speaker 1: Could Yes, As Jason was waving his hands and calling out,
Speaker 1: the unthinkable, happened. What a real life shark came up
Speaker 1: and attacked him? Oh my gosh, and everyone's looking like
Speaker 1: that is a realistic kids, such a good actor. How
Speaker 1: did he get the blood disquirt out? Okay? Suffolk County
Speaker 1: authorities said the shark estimated to be four to five
Speaker 1: feet long and bit Jason in the chest and on
Speaker 1: the hand. The species was not immediately known, but good
Speaker 1: newsday is Jason the lifeguard is expected to make a
Speaker 1: full recovery. Did any one from the trainees save him? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or did they all just stare all fail? Officials say
Speaker 1: he's in very good spirits and they also said, quote,
Speaker 1: if you're going to have an encounter with a shark,
Speaker 1: this is probably the best case scenario you could have. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: if you're a lifeguard, you know what to do. Sure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this next story is out of Australia. Don't tell me
Speaker 1: it's another shark. What's the best thing a boss has
Speaker 1: ever done for you? Like let you leave early on
Speaker 1: a Friday, hiring me. I really like the coffee cups
Speaker 1: that they gave us with our names, but persized him,
Speaker 1: I liked the cupons for holiday hand that they gave
Speaker 1: us as a Christmas bonus. That's a real story. They
Speaker 1: actually did that. He fired. It wasn't for the full
Speaker 1: free hamm either. Well. All the employees at an Australian
Speaker 1: marketing agency were shocked when they found out what management
Speaker 1: had set up for them. In a company meeting, they
Speaker 1: revealed the entire staff will have a two week, all
Speaker 1: expense paid working holiday to Bali. What stories posted on
Speaker 1: the company's instagram showed team members working while in the
Speaker 1: pool and taking team meetings in beautiful location. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: wait are they listening. Even though they had to get
Speaker 1: some hours in on their laptops, they had plenty of
Speaker 1: time for activities including morning hikes, quad biking, yoga, and
Speaker 1: of course eating and drinking. If my husband worked for
Speaker 1: a company and he's like, honey, I gotta go for
Speaker 1: two weeks to Bali to work, and I would be angry.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, no, you're leaving me with the kids.
Speaker 1: Or two weeks? How do I come the managing directors
Speaker 1: said it was all in by the pandemic. She said
Speaker 1: it made the company realize there's new ways of working
Speaker 1: and people can work from basically anywhere now, so why
Speaker 1: not move the entire office somewhere exotic for a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks. Yeah, that's awesome company. They'd be like, We're
Speaker 1: flying you to Bali to more for a day. Yea.
Speaker 1: Not only does it have every person on the internet jealous,
Speaker 1: the marketing company says they've received a record number of
Speaker 1: applicants for one single opening for it. I'm ready to
Speaker 1: work there. I don't know anything about marketing. This next
Speaker 1: laser story is out of Switzerland. I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: you guys heard, but recently a Swiss study concluded aging
Speaker 1: cheese to hip hop music could enhance its taste and smell.
Speaker 1: Yeah baby, okay. One company heard about that had a
Speaker 1: lightbulb moment. That company was none other than cheese It.
Speaker 1: When I think of aged cheese, though I don't think
Speaker 1: of cheese its like a wheel. Because of that study,
Speaker 1: cheese It wanted to put it to the test, and
Speaker 1: the result was cheese It X, the first ever sonically
Speaker 1: aged snacked baked to iconic hip hop hits using a
Speaker 1: mixtape curated by Pandora, So this one tastes a little
Speaker 1: like Tupac. The public also had their interest peaked as
Speaker 1: the snacks sold out quickly, with resale values on eBay
Speaker 1: going as high as one hundred and fifty bucks for
Speaker 1: a single box. That is a lot of cheddar. But
Speaker 1: if you're not about resale prices, there's a chance to
Speaker 1: score one of the final boxes of cheese it X.
Speaker 1: Simply enter for a chance to win and you can
Speaker 1: find the link right now at Brooke and Jeffrey's insta story.
Speaker 1: I like that follow us Afro and Jeffrey. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: got all them today. This next laser story is out
Speaker 1: of babies Be Crazy dot com. They do be crazy.
Speaker 1: The latest data for the top baby names of last
Speaker 1: year was recently released. Not surprising for the girls, Olivia, Emma,
Speaker 1: and Charlotte top the list. Okay, so all of my
Speaker 1: daughter's second grade class, Liam, Noah, and Oliver were the
Speaker 1: top three boys names. Oh I love. But last year
Speaker 1: also gave us some of the most unusual baby names
Speaker 1: to date. And here's the most unique ones kids were
Speaker 1: given last year for girls infant. How did they just
Speaker 1: forget to fill in the blank on the name. It
Speaker 1: just said infant. Maybe it changes as it goes through
Speaker 1: its life, like then it becomes kid then team adults
Speaker 1: likes for There's also Mama hyatt Ibisa. Yeah, someone forgot
Speaker 1: to take their birth control Intobisa and comfort in with
Speaker 1: two ends. Oh god, it's a fancy one for boys.
Speaker 1: There's Fenway, Oh God knows, the evil character from Marvel.
Speaker 1: Some sun will destroy these words. Sometimes you just know
Speaker 1: it's a bad egg as soon as it comes out. Wealth, Rambo, Clever, Morpheus,
Speaker 1: and so this one you're laughing already. Dippity dud Dunk
Speaker 1: a room that's a real almost I don't know. I
Speaker 1: kind of hang out with Dippity Doome. A name that
Speaker 1: should be moving up the ranks but isn't getting much traction.
Speaker 1: Is actually inspired by our show mascot Humper girl or
Speaker 1: Boy's name text into seven eight, five nine to girl
Speaker 1: or boy for Humper. One brave parent out there will
Speaker 1: do it some day. That sound means Laser Stories has
Speaker 1: come to an end. We'll do it against time on Wednesday,
Speaker 1: Broke and Jeffrey in the morning. We don't want to
Speaker 1: admit it, but we've all done it a courtesy laugh.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, actually that's me courtesy laughing at my own
Speaker 1: bad courtesy yourself that no one else is going to
Speaker 1: do it. Someone's got to step in. I'm not alone
Speaker 1: that okay. You probably heard it happen business meetings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: on dates when a guy's trying too hard. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: think that breadsticks big? You should see the other thing
Speaker 1: that fell under the table? Could dunk, could laugh? You're
Speaker 1: actually laughing? Now? Why are you actually laughing yourself? So
Speaker 1: bad deserved? Come on, do you even need to date
Speaker 1: anyone else? I think you just had a conversation with yourself.
Speaker 1: Yours fall off. Ny. The only other place that I
Speaker 1: can think of where you don't hear courtesy laughs is
Speaker 1: when we play real life voicemails from people who called
Speaker 1: the loser line. Oh yeah, and we've got a brand
Speaker 1: new batch coming up. That's courtesy laugh. Oh god, is
Speaker 1: this the right number? It's the loser line. Just called
Speaker 1: me back. If you haven't heard the loser line before,
Speaker 1: it works like this. Let's say a guy approaches you
Speaker 1: while you go out at the club and uses this
Speaker 1: charming pickup line on you. Excuse me, but I was
Speaker 1: just learning about important dates in history, and I thought
Speaker 1: maybe you'd like to be one of them, celebrating with
Speaker 1: with some butt play. Okay, and then you are after
Speaker 1: he says that whatever you do, well, don't drop an
Speaker 1: encyclopedia on this foot. Instead given the digits to the
Speaker 1: loser line. So hopefully he calls it and leaves an
Speaker 1: awkward voicemail that we can play on the air. Voicemails
Speaker 1: like this one method a Julia, Remember we bet at
Speaker 1: the bowling galley. I beg you didn't know him? A
Speaker 1: bad boy and this bad boys going back to the
Speaker 1: sheet and crab tomorrow, I'm gonna see something a bowling ball.
Speaker 1: So if you're not doing any shing, sure should use
Speaker 1: your bonny to my Clyde partnershoul crime. Oh yeah, you
Speaker 1: know what, you could put that bowling ball under your shirt.
Speaker 1: You could just pretend that nachap next meeno. This is
Speaker 1: not creative. I thought I was using volleyball like air
Speaker 1: quote like, and I'm like, this is your doing it.
Speaker 1: I guess I started drinking early at the senior home.
Speaker 1: Hitch out. This is I like wanted to call you
Speaker 1: and like thank you for taking me out last night
Speaker 1: like that was the most amazing, literally the most amazing day,
Speaker 1: like I've happened so long. I really love like the
Speaker 1: way that you were there when I came in, Like
Speaker 1: literally you just waited for me to get in there,
Speaker 1: and then literally I was like floating up my feet,
Speaker 1: like you really swept me literally off my feet. I
Speaker 1: was literally floating because like literally a guy has never
Speaker 1: been like that super nice to me, and like I
Speaker 1: literally was like so literally amazed, so like literally this
Speaker 1: wasn't an amazing night, and I just wanted to call
Speaker 1: to like you now, so thank you literally so much,
Speaker 1: like that was amazing. I hope to see you soon.
Speaker 1: You like translate what she liked because she was like
Speaker 1: literally annoying. I literally can't hate because I like literally
Speaker 1: doing a lot of time. I do not wonder why
Speaker 1: guys ever swept her off her feet. Dude, it was
Speaker 1: like the best day of her life. And that's so
Speaker 1: literally so sad that the good use of that word.
Speaker 1: I was literally never calling you that, Hey, Sally, just
Speaker 1: wanted to call tell you I had a great time
Speaker 1: the other night. I don't normally thing that high a
Speaker 1: karaoke I haven't heard from you, and a few days.
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that's not because it's my singing right now.
Speaker 1: It can be kind of time of not great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know, I if that was the problem, I
Speaker 1: really don't think it was me. Their their catalog is
Speaker 1: like something out of the Fisher catalog. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: a little little bake of a little plastic one. You know.
Speaker 1: I also couldn't read the words from the stream. Oh
Speaker 1: and I fight the chicken wings before that, So it
Speaker 1: was it was just like a litanium problems. So you know,
Speaker 1: if you wanted to get together next Wednesday, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do want to be about the twin World because
Speaker 1: baby Spike is my and my I mean, like she's
Speaker 1: really good, not that I took because of the spicy wing.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm still talking about that. I
Speaker 1: feel like we get one of these every single week
Speaker 1: where the guy doesn't know when to stop talking. Like
Speaker 1: a good rule, ask yourself, am I describing my own
Speaker 1: bodily functions in detail over the phone? Yes to someone
Speaker 1: who isn't your doctor or your best friend. You know,
Speaker 1: though at the beginning, I was like, what woman has
Speaker 1: never called a guy back because of bad singing? And
Speaker 1: then I looked over at Jeff and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I bet he has Like you get one bad note,
Speaker 1: the second one you're done. Next message, Hey, um, he's
Speaker 1: act this is I just remember when we were at
Speaker 1: the bar, I saw this really large mole kind of
Speaker 1: on the back of your arm, and I didn't want
Speaker 1: to say it in front of your friends, but you
Speaker 1: really need to go get it checked out. It looks bad.
Speaker 1: And I've been a nurse for a really long time
Speaker 1: and I specifically specialized in dermatology, and sometimes life happens
Speaker 1: that way. You give them on your phone, umber and
Speaker 1: a nurse stage your life. Next message, if you got
Speaker 1: a mole to on the back of your arm, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got a hole, but it's not on my arm.
Speaker 1: When you guys look out, you might stop stop on zipping.
Speaker 1: Next message, it's Kurts. We met at the at the
Speaker 1: charity galla Um after be honest, I, after you gave
Speaker 1: me your number, I was just enamored with you. Uh,
Speaker 1: You're all I could think about, you know. In fact,
Speaker 1: I afterwards I mentally etched a picture of you in
Speaker 1: my mind and I went home that night and I
Speaker 1: might have pretended you were my pillow we had a
Speaker 1: good night, a really good night. You were soft and
Speaker 1: fluffy in all the right places. Whoever it was at
Speaker 1: that charity Galla and listen to their gut on giving
Speaker 1: that guy the loser line. Yeah, how likely is it
Speaker 1: that heat has a mole on the back of his arm?
Speaker 1: It's more loser line calls. Check out our Spotify at
Speaker 1: Brooke and Jeffrey, got your phone tap coming up next
Speaker 1: and Jeffrey in the morning. If you visit a doctor
Speaker 1: for something going on with your body, first of all,
Speaker 1: you but okay, fine, and let's say that doctor comes
Speaker 1: back with a diagnosis, you tend to believe him. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you need to have trust in your medical professionals. Sure,
Speaker 1: but every once in a while skeptics might go for
Speaker 1: a second opinion. But for the most part, you trust
Speaker 1: a doctor's word. That's why today it's perfect for Brooke
Speaker 1: to pose as a medical expert who's involved in a
Speaker 1: sleep study and she calls a guy to tell him
Speaker 1: the shocking results of his recent clinic visit. And it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what he says, because this is science and
Speaker 1: her diagnosis is always right on. You're gonna hear what
Speaker 1: she has to tell him. In your brand new phone.
Speaker 1: Tap right now. Hello, Hi Chris. Yeah, who's this? This
Speaker 1: is doctor Beth Winkett from the sleep Clinic. Oh hi,
Speaker 1: hi doctor, how are you doing. I'm good. You were
Speaker 1: recently in for a study. I believe. I'm just going
Speaker 1: over your results right now. Yeah. My wife had me going.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know I was snoring. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: see that here that you were having some issues. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she she told me it was pretty loud. Actually, so,
Speaker 1: I'm not even really sure what I can do to
Speaker 1: fix it. Okay, Well, according to everything we've found, the
Speaker 1: results are showing that you have a small piece. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry what Oh sorry, I misread that unusually small. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'm not following what's happening here. You're from the clinic,
Speaker 1: the sleep clinic that you were recently at. Yeah. I'm
Speaker 1: guessing someone didn't explain into the study we've been doing
Speaker 1: for years now. Yeah, I say, no, nobody told me
Speaker 1: about anything. Okay, Well, let me explain. We found a
Speaker 1: strong correlation between how loud a man snores and how
Speaker 1: small his situation is. Okay, so yours is on the
Speaker 1: lower end of the smallest end. I was there and
Speaker 1: they did some tests with my breathing, and nobody ever
Speaker 1: did any kind of No, I didn't show that to anybody. Oh,
Speaker 1: we didn't have to see it. We can just tell
Speaker 1: it's part of the comprehensive tests where we your rem cycles,
Speaker 1: your brain waves, oxygen levels in your blood, and you know,
Speaker 1: all of it turned out to be an exact match
Speaker 1: for other people we've had in the study who've been
Speaker 1: also extremely miniature. Maybe that's just a coincidence, but it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not a coincidence. Okay, well it must be because
Speaker 1: I don't have an unusually small paints like, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what the other subject said. Also until we had them
Speaker 1: come back in an attempt to prove it. Right, we
Speaker 1: hear that a lot. I don't need to prove it
Speaker 1: to you. I know you're right, we don't. We already
Speaker 1: did that. But that's not it's not true. You don't
Speaker 1: know anything about me or anything about my manhood or
Speaker 1: anything like that. I hear you're getting upset, and I
Speaker 1: understand you know that anger. It's your body lashing out
Speaker 1: against its own smallness. No, no, it's not my body
Speaker 1: being angry. It's like, this is science. So if we're
Speaker 1: finding that you and other subjects in your size category,
Speaker 1: they lash out in other ways while sleeping. I'm guessing
Speaker 1: you also experience a lot of rapid eye and leg movements.
Speaker 1: I mean we definitely no, No, but no I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't do any leg movements. Yeah, no leg movements.
Speaker 1: That's interesting. I'll make a note because you probably don't
Speaker 1: have any movement below the waist. It's just not circulating
Speaker 1: down there like it should. Are you just trying to
Speaker 1: be offensive? Now? No, you're trying to be offend. No,
Speaker 1: what is the point of this study? Because I thought
Speaker 1: it was to stop me from snoring? And now you're
Speaker 1: going to fix it? How giving me a bigger piece? No, No,
Speaker 1: you can't do that, unfortunately, But I would like to know.
Speaker 1: Do you have a ruler handy? No, we're not doing that.
Speaker 1: You're right. I wasn't gonna do it. I was going
Speaker 1: to have you do it in the privacy. He's doing that.
Speaker 1: Nobody's doing that. There's no need for that. Well, you're
Speaker 1: the one that signed up for the study, sir. So no,
Speaker 1: actually my wife did. And this must be a joke
Speaker 1: because this isn't science again what you're telling I'm a doctor,
Speaker 1: I'm a doctor and I yeah, you don't sound like
Speaker 1: a doctor. Am I'm doctor wink It, and I would
Speaker 1: appreciate you call me by my professional name. Right. It's
Speaker 1: just like you don't want to do the work, okay,
Speaker 1: take a cheap breath work. Even if it was true
Speaker 1: that I had a piece that was unusually small, like
Speaker 1: you said, what work can I do to stop snort? Picture?
Speaker 1: Let's get a picture and if you could just set
Speaker 1: something next to it for comparison, maybe like intors calling
Speaker 1: me asking me for a pick. You want me to
Speaker 1: send it to your personal number, Yeah, that would be
Speaker 1: helpful or my email, doctor Winkt at gmail dot doctor
Speaker 1: Winket right, yeah, doctor wink It. Okay, yeah, now you're
Speaker 1: laughing now, now this is a funny thing. See, you're
Speaker 1: very unprofessional if this really is a doctor and we're
Speaker 1: going to find out about this, people are going to
Speaker 1: find out about this because it's actually a phone tap.
Speaker 1: What do you I'm not, doctor Winkett. I know you
Speaker 1: wanted me to be and your wife wanted me to
Speaker 1: be because she's the one that set you up for
Speaker 1: a phone tap. This is Brooke from Brooke and Jeffrey
Speaker 1: in the morning. I got it. You made me very uncomfortable. Man,
Speaker 1: I'm sweaty. It was her idea, It was right idea.
Speaker 1: She just wanted to mess with you because you've been
Speaker 1: so anxious about your sleep study. Yeah. Well, now somebody's
Speaker 1: gonna call me and be like, oh, we have these
Speaker 1: really serious results for you, and I'm gonna like hang
Speaker 1: up on them. Well, you'll hang up because you already
Speaker 1: the root of the cause. I get it. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I forgot about my micro peek. It's very tiny. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, so small. Every morning was weekday Broke and
Speaker 1: Jeffrey in the morning. Typically on a first date, you're
Speaker 1: taking someone out to do a fun activity together or
Speaker 1: to a cool, dimly lit spot where you can get
Speaker 1: to know them a little more. Will you say it
Speaker 1: like that it's weird dimly lit? Okay, I'm just asking
Speaker 1: what if you took them to your actual job so
Speaker 1: that they could sit and watch you work. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: could you imagine that Jose brings in a bikini barista
Speaker 1: here just to watch him laugh? Did we get ye?
Speaker 1: She's just over in the corner like it's so funny.
Speaker 1: I'm so lucky love me, and I'd be like, let
Speaker 1: me do this impression. Listen to this. I was like, girl,
Speaker 1: you need a coke because it is cold in here. Well,
Speaker 1: one of our listeners did exactly that. He invited her.
Speaker 1: It's not that he invited her to come watch him
Speaker 1: work and now he's not getting a call back a
Speaker 1: tech bro. He's not that. I'll just give you a hint.
Speaker 1: He was performing on stage. Oh so good. Yes, we
Speaker 1: know he's good. You're gonna find out what happened in
Speaker 1: your second date update, next second date update. This happens
Speaker 1: every so often, but sometimes a listener will do a
Speaker 1: second date update with us that doesn't end with a yes.
Speaker 1: But the thing is they're so impressed by us, specifically
Speaker 1: me and my efforts to jump start their love lives,
Speaker 1: that they're willing to call back and give it another go.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to do mouth to mouth
Speaker 1: anymore with CPR, But I like, yeah, that's why Justin
Speaker 1: has reached out to us once again. He was on
Speaker 1: a few months back, and last time the lady he
Speaker 1: went out with was not impressed because she showed up
Speaker 1: an hour late to dinner, but said Justin wasn't mad
Speaker 1: enough to be mad about it and cancel what. Oh
Speaker 1: I think I remember that it was really weird and
Speaker 1: that call definitely crashed and burned. But we promised to
Speaker 1: try and do better for Justin this time, so justin
Speaker 1: welcome back. Hey, thank you guys for having me. Oh man,
Speaker 1: how long did you wait for your date to show
Speaker 1: up this time? Justin? No, she actually came right on
Speaker 1: time this time test, and you failed it. I supposed
Speaker 1: to get up and leave and make her way. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that show's improvement. And I heard that you've
Speaker 1: been actually doing a little bit of research since the
Speaker 1: last time you were on with us. Yeah. I feel
Speaker 1: like the learning process never really ends. I'm always trying
Speaker 1: to better myself. You know, I heard about this book
Speaker 1: called Attached. Have you guys, are you familiar with it? Attached? Yeah,
Speaker 1: reading is not on the top of the list of
Speaker 1: hobbies for this group, so let's tell us about it.
Speaker 1: What is attached about? So? This book basically talked about
Speaker 1: how most people come into three different psychological categories while dating. Okay,
Speaker 1: secure where you can communicate openly and like I could
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I know you're busy, but I just
Speaker 1: kind of get nervous when you don't text back. Could
Speaker 1: you text me, just let me know, even if it's
Speaker 1: just like a little thumbs up or something. Oh, it's
Speaker 1: like the type of communicator you are exactly in three groups,
Speaker 1: they're secure, Yeah. The other two categories are anxious and avoidant.
Speaker 1: Anxious people are like the super needy ones where it's
Speaker 1: just like, no, you gotta text me, and if you
Speaker 1: don't hear a text back, you're texting them like twenty times,
Speaker 1: like where are you? Where are you register for? You know,
Speaker 1: if I'm necessarily anxious in that sense, but in real
Speaker 1: life I'm anxious a lot. Yeah, and then what's the
Speaker 1: other one? Again? The last one is avoidant, where like
Speaker 1: if they start getting real, they'll push apart a little bit,
Speaker 1: like they want distance. They don't want to be smothered
Speaker 1: or anything. Okay, can you be more than one? Like
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm the first two combined. You have
Speaker 1: to read the book and find out. I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: wait for the movie to come out. That was really
Speaker 1: like a fun movie, Jeff, if they did make it
Speaker 1: really short because my attention span isn't great. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: which which one are you? Justin? So I'm secure with
Speaker 1: traits of anxious and so you can be more than one. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: so how did that change dating? I'm just really open
Speaker 1: and communicative about what I'm expecting how I feel. No
Speaker 1: more games of like like you know, with the girl
Speaker 1: who was late. I could just be like, hey you're late,
Speaker 1: that made me feel this way? What's going on? You know,
Speaker 1: just talk about it? So we did we go on
Speaker 1: a date or are we just hearing about how your
Speaker 1: love life has improved, which is for everybody in the room.
Speaker 1: Or Justin wrote this book and he's trying to sell
Speaker 1: exactly yea, So how does all this late to your
Speaker 1: new and improved dating life? So I put this on
Speaker 1: my dating profile where I said secure attachment styles only,
Speaker 1: and it didn't really get me any clicks. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: then I put that smiley emoji with like the sweat
Speaker 1: drop coming on the forehead, you know, and that got
Speaker 1: so who matched with your secure people only demand? With
Speaker 1: this wonderful woman named Callie. She's an interior designer, absolutely
Speaker 1: very very secure. Okay, I kind of wanted to have
Speaker 1: her see what I did. Um. I don't even know
Speaker 1: if he spoke about this last time. I'm a professional rapper,
Speaker 1: like at least part time Wow, not come up because,
Speaker 1: like you know, unless you're super duper famous, people just
Speaker 1: presume your craps. Oh, Jack harl you invited Callie to
Speaker 1: watch you wrap somewhere, Yeah, to a show that I
Speaker 1: was doing, and we hung out before we got to
Speaker 1: know each other, and then it was time for me
Speaker 1: to go on stage. And I had a couple of
Speaker 1: songs that night, so I did those. The crowd was
Speaker 1: really into it. Like I was a little nervous, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes the crowd might not be into it. But yeah,
Speaker 1: but when I got out States, she said it was awesome.
Speaker 1: People were coming up to me, just like taking photos
Speaker 1: and things that that start, which is always fun. But
Speaker 1: I kind of worried, like maybe my lyrics were a
Speaker 1: little bit too vulgar. But that's kind of also like
Speaker 1: the nature of the beast of being an artist. I mean,
Speaker 1: you're a rap artist, but unless you're Will Smith. Yea, yeah,
Speaker 1: she did say it was awesome. But I remember, like
Speaker 1: there's a point where I made I contact with her
Speaker 1: while I was rapping, and I noticed her eyes were
Speaker 1: kind of big where she was like I don't know
Speaker 1: if she thought this, but my read was like she's like,
Speaker 1: what the hell did he just say, can you give
Speaker 1: a subject material like anything? Some of it gets political,
Speaker 1: some of it is just, you know, like democrats in
Speaker 1: the building. All right, well, okay, set your openers for
Speaker 1: you the next year. Yeah, Like I wanted to stay
Speaker 1: a little longer and hang out more, but like while
Speaker 1: the people were taking photos, she was just like, I
Speaker 1: gotta go. It was so great. And then yeah, I
Speaker 1: had a tough time getting another date. And I really
Speaker 1: really did like her, you know, way more than the
Speaker 1: girl who made me wait an hour. Yeah, by this time,
Speaker 1: you kind of made her way. Yeah, same thing. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll see what Callie has to say, because we're gonna
Speaker 1: drop some beats right here just for you, and then
Speaker 1: we're gonna come back and get your second date update
Speaker 1: right after this. All right, sounds great, All right, hold
Speaker 1: on the second date. He's smart, he's sexy, and he's
Speaker 1: totally secure. I'm talking about our listener, Justin, who's back
Speaker 1: doing a second date update for the second time on
Speaker 1: our show because we failed him the first goal. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but this time Justin went out with a woman named Callie,
Speaker 1: who he described as also secure, and all right, that's
Speaker 1: that's our attachment or whatever it is, it's a good thing. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: and she got to see him in his elements, spitting
Speaker 1: mad bars at a rap show. Weird part was while
Speaker 1: he was taking photos with fans after his performance, Callie
Speaker 1: suddenly ducked out said she had to go. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: we don't know why. I'm sure Brooke has some theories
Speaker 1: for why. Well, I don't know. Maybe she just was
Speaker 1: sick of being there. I mean, it's a long time
Speaker 1: to go to a rap show and then to sit
Speaker 1: and fans coming out. Yeah, your date, like being on
Speaker 1: stage and not with you. You said you're by yourself,
Speaker 1: and then you're by yourself more compared literally like as
Speaker 1: a comedy show. Yeah, and greed and your data is
Speaker 1: just watching. Yeah, it's just boring. Like, yeah, I didn't
Speaker 1: get that at all. I mean, I didn't want to
Speaker 1: be route to the people who come up. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm not like a Kanye West or anything. They came
Speaker 1: to the show, I'm going to take a second to
Speaker 1: say hello back. No, we're not saying that that's bad.
Speaker 1: It's just that like on a first date, that may be.
Speaker 1: You know, it kind of just sucks from her perspectively,
Speaker 1: you know, but everyone else gets time with you with her.
Speaker 1: Real stars don't take photos with their fans because they're
Speaker 1: past that. Yeah, and maybe it came across as kind
Speaker 1: of needy that you seem cool. He said he was secure.
Speaker 1: But maybe this whole time you're reading your maybe, Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's the other one's anxious? I have tra anciousness. I
Speaker 1: said that. Maybe the anxiousness turned her off. But we're
Speaker 1: going to call her and find out. Let's dial Cally's
Speaker 1: number and see what she has to say. All right,
Speaker 1: here we go. Hello, Hey, is this callie? This is
Speaker 1: her secure account? No, excuse me. My name is Jeff.
Speaker 1: I heard that you were secure. Sorry, my name is
Speaker 1: Jeff from the radio show Broken Jeffrey in the Morning,
Speaker 1: which radio show. I don't even have a podcast too.
Speaker 1: Maybe you listen to that. I don't think i've heard
Speaker 1: of you guys. All right, so what's this about. Well,
Speaker 1: we do a segment on this show called Second Date Update,
Speaker 1: and we're trying to help one of our listeners get
Speaker 1: a hold of you because you went out with him
Speaker 1: the other night and now you're avoiding him. His name's Justin. Oh, well,
Speaker 1: you guys went to a rap show. Yeah, I remember him.
Speaker 1: How much do you guys know? Well, we know that
Speaker 1: he is an up and coming rap star, and he
Speaker 1: took you to his show. But he said you left
Speaker 1: while they were doing a meet and greet. Yeah I did,
Speaker 1: so I didn't really enjoy him very much. Oh, oh,
Speaker 1: like the show, you didn't enjoy her? No, the show
Speaker 1: is fine. He's actually a really talented rapper. Like I,
Speaker 1: I didn't mind the show at all. I thought it's
Speaker 1: pretty good. You liked him on stage, but you didn't
Speaker 1: like him on it's on stage persona. Yeah, yeah, he
Speaker 1: lost me. I mean before the rap like you were
Speaker 1: talking about before the show. Oh, he just kept going
Speaker 1: on about the book, the attachment theory book? Was it
Speaker 1: too much for you? He just wouldn't let it go.
Speaker 1: Like and on a first date, the first time I'm
Speaker 1: ever talking to him, he's like psychoanalyzing me, and like
Speaker 1: we're trying to figure him out. Personalities match, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I could find out if I click with you ther
Speaker 1: just having a conversation about what we like to do. Like,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's cool to click with someone in their values,
Speaker 1: but you don't normally figure that out on date one.
Speaker 1: And like, just based on this one theory, like it
Speaker 1: was boring to just talk about that and only that
Speaker 1: it's like people who won't date like other horoscope signs. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and you didn't feel like I mean, you were interested.
Speaker 1: You knew from the beginning that you weren't going to
Speaker 1: give him another shot. Well, I knew after about thirty
Speaker 1: minutes of him talking about this over and over that
Speaker 1: I was bored. He went on for thirty minutes of
Speaker 1: that attachment theory. We talked him for like five minutes
Speaker 1: about it, and it felt like a lot thirty minutes
Speaker 1: of that cover. I mean, at least he's passionate about it.
Speaker 1: Passion is a good quality to have about things. But
Speaker 1: he wouldn't let it go. And it was like a
Speaker 1: tedious breakdown in the book, like all the categories who
Speaker 1: they match with, and you know, deciding that Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: secure and he's secure. I was like, okay, but only
Speaker 1: one of us is boring. Yeah, that really hurts. Gott
Speaker 1: a hurt to hear. Or I don't know, maybe Justin's
Speaker 1: secure enough to take it and stride because cal I
Speaker 1: needed to tell you he's on the other line listening
Speaker 1: right now and wants to talk to you. You had
Speaker 1: him on the whole time. Yeah, he did, justin Hey, Kelly,
Speaker 1: you're a secure he sounds you could. I didn't. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to be mean to you. I just you
Speaker 1: need to know that this strategy doesn't work, Like women
Speaker 1: aren't into that. It's not a strategy. I just really
Speaker 1: liked the book I read, and I thought you were
Speaker 1: enjoying the conversation, like the vibe that I was getting.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm sorry I misread the situation. I didn't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was because I was pre show jitters or
Speaker 1: something and I missed the signs. But I don't think
Speaker 1: you were reading that situation right at all. And it's
Speaker 1: just not a good strategy, Like it's date one. We're
Speaker 1: supposed to just talk about, you know, the trivial things
Speaker 1: likes and dislikes, with pizza toppings you eat when Netflix
Speaker 1: shows you're currently binge watching, Like, well, he's talking about
Speaker 1: his favorite book. You know, it's not Fifty Shades of Gray,
Speaker 1: but at least it's like adjacent. I'm sorry, I'm not basic.
Speaker 1: I don't want to go and talk about like pizza toppings,
Speaker 1: Like do you know how many girls I go out
Speaker 1: with like I'm trying to find somebody who's special. Hey,
Speaker 1: some people can talk about pizza toppings for three minutes
Speaker 1: very much, Josh, that just came off a little hot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a little came off confidence. The first nates get so repetitive.
Speaker 1: I thought we connected on something deeper, you know, But
Speaker 1: it sounds like you weren't listening to her. It sounds
Speaker 1: like you were just like monologuing about a book that
Speaker 1: you read. You know. I thought she was into it,
Speaker 1: And I apologize. I didn't mean to be boring. Okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta be work for you, and it's not boring. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm a dope rapper. I'm one of the best to
Speaker 1: ever do it. Okay, Okay, I remember you're taking pictures
Speaker 1: of fans, and that's Jeffrey proved. Yeah, you don't think
Speaker 1: Kanye taking pictures anybody. Kelly, let's just pretend that you
Speaker 1: didn't hear him call you the other B word. Wow.
Speaker 1: Can you see how it was maybe a little bit
Speaker 1: your fault because you were in He said that she
Speaker 1: seemed interested. Yeah, that can definitely not be blamed on me,
Speaker 1: just because I didn't step in and say, hey, stop
Speaker 1: talking about this. Now you're boring me like that would
Speaker 1: have been helpful clue to him that he needs to
Speaker 1: change the subject. And he was really secure, you would
Speaker 1: have been fine with it. I just think he's not
Speaker 1: the best at reading people, because it was very clear
Speaker 1: that I was bored, And you know when you say
Speaker 1: to somebody like, oh cool, like four times in a row, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not really there. Luckily, I'm very good at reading
Speaker 1: people and reading situations, and I'm sensing a vibe right here.
Speaker 1: I am. I'm feeling the love connection happening, and that's
Speaker 1: why I'd like to offer to send Callie out on
Speaker 1: another date with Justin. We'll pay for it. I'm going
Speaker 1: to stop you right there. I thought this girl was secure.
Speaker 1: I'm getting so much avoidant and anxious vibes from her.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm ready for a second to you know,
Speaker 1: I'm still sensing some vibes going on. I don't want
Speaker 1: to not believe there's something we agree on. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I not only misread that conversation, I misread her entire
Speaker 1: profile and who she was as a human being. So yeah,
Speaker 1: hard path. So I'm getting a sense this is more
Speaker 1: of just a hook up one night thing. There's no night.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, she's not going to stay the night. She's
Speaker 1: just going to be in and out before the sun
Speaker 1: even comes up. That hard Path wasn't the name of
Speaker 1: his album. That's a good album name single, hard Pack.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying really hard because I don't want to
Speaker 1: go oh for two with Justin. He Listen, listen, you guys.
Speaker 1: This is not your fault. I mean, I love you guys.
Speaker 1: I love the show. I love that you like are
Speaker 1: taking the time to help me. You're oh for one,
Speaker 1: betting five hundred. It's pretty good. Hey, I'm calling it.
Speaker 1: We are definitely never gotten on basic. It's in victory
Speaker 1: in my book. Congratulations Justin. I just got hit by
Speaker 1: a pitch shiffrey in the morning. I know people say
Speaker 1: that dating right now is hard, but you know, at
Speaker 1: least it's way easier than it was back in the day. Okay,
Speaker 1: what day we're talking about? Thinking about Back when a
Speaker 1: certain member of our morning show used to be single
Speaker 1: during her college years in the Paleolithic Age about things
Speaker 1: were much much harder for her. She couldn't just send
Speaker 1: flirty text emojis out to her crush. She had to
Speaker 1: carve the suggestive hieroglyphics into cave walls by hand. And
Speaker 1: even then she was behind on the times and didn't
Speaker 1: understand the secret meaning of an ancient kumquat symbol. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I was a late bloomer, So you know, I think
Speaker 1: we should all be extra thankful that nowadays there's a
Speaker 1: much easier, quicker way for people to find love, and
Speaker 1: that's online on the pages of craigslist dot org. There
Speaker 1: is definitely some cumquats on that together. There is, and
Speaker 1: we've got a brand new modern edition of Misconnections coming
Speaker 1: up at eight ten Misconnections that there's only two places
Speaker 1: where you can find true love in this world. One
Speaker 1: is inside the Butterfly Sanctuary on Show Me Your Flaps Night,
Speaker 1: But the other he's on the pages of craigslist dot org.
Speaker 1: A little bit too much. You and I will go together.
Speaker 1: But we scour that website every week like hungry little
Speaker 1: butterflies hunting for nectar to find the best misconnections they
Speaker 1: have to offer, like this one titled is that your
Speaker 1: membership card? Or are you just excited to see me?
Speaker 1: Man for woman thirty four costco Oh okay, he says,
Speaker 1: we locked eyes near the rotisserie chicken area. I know
Speaker 1: exactly what I mean, but seriously, those five dollars rotisseries,
Speaker 1: I know already they are so good. This may have
Speaker 1: been for you, Brooke, he says, I realized I wasn't
Speaker 1: just getting hot standing near fifty sweltering dead birds. It
Speaker 1: was because of your look. You the overly tanned blonde
Speaker 1: and green gym clothes, like a squid game participant, but
Speaker 1: without an accent, just a bigger rack. Oh kidding. I
Speaker 1: watched you yell at two employees because the sixty four
Speaker 1: case of bottled Fiji water was sold out. Of course
Speaker 1: they'd be buying bottled water. God, woman, you were not
Speaker 1: only unreasonable, but you were also my type of take
Speaker 1: charge female. Some dudes like that take charge of Fiji.
Speaker 1: I attempted to bond with you by getting close in
Speaker 1: line than telling you, quote, what's wrong with all these idiots?
Speaker 1: You reacted immediately by saying calling them idiots as a compliment,
Speaker 1: don't ever do that again, industry. Ever. You then demanded
Speaker 1: that I watch your card because you forgot to get
Speaker 1: a dozen bags of skinny pop and it has no flavor.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I hate that stuff. If you're when you
Speaker 1: came back five minutes later, you had a lifetime supply
Speaker 1: of vitamin B. Oh that happens at Costco. I get
Speaker 1: her for that one for one thing. You come back
Speaker 1: with a standard I don't know. I think it's almost free. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have to buy. I wanted to ask why, but
Speaker 1: the chemical storm in your cart could have turned you
Speaker 1: into a radioactive she hul so I held off after checkout.
Speaker 1: You left in a rush, and I ran out to
Speaker 1: the parking lot, hoping to get one last glimpse, and
Speaker 1: you almost clip me with your Audi quatro. Ohh okay.
Speaker 1: If she got money, that's why she's buying that Fiji way.
Speaker 1: I need more of you in my life. Tell me
Speaker 1: how that signed alan is what vitamin B does for you? Yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 1: This next misconnection is titled I'm Sorry to my Mystery
Speaker 1: Man woman for Man twenty four apartment complex. She says,
Speaker 1: I was stumbling home from the bars last night at
Speaker 1: midnight when I reached the steps of my walk up,
Speaker 1: and that's when I saw you, a gorgeous, scraggly, dark
Speaker 1: haired mess holding a plastic bag that was dripping liquid underneath. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's let's not trust our drunk selves on how attractive
Speaker 1: someone is. You were about one hundred feet away when
Speaker 1: I tried to be playful and yelled, what's in the bag?
Speaker 1: A human head? Oh? Oh, playful? It's You yelled something back,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't get out. It sounded like you yelled
Speaker 1: something about a sad baby. Oh did you have an accent?
Speaker 1: Or was I really just that drunk? I do remember
Speaker 1: yelling back at you, saying, huh, what did you say?
Speaker 1: He called me baby? You just stood there with a
Speaker 1: strange look on your face, watching me fume. Surprisingly, you
Speaker 1: did walk over to me holding your drippy liquid bag
Speaker 1: with a strange look on your face. It didn't hit
Speaker 1: me until later, but you were probably the uber eats
Speaker 1: guy with my euro Yeah that's so good right now? Suddenly,
Speaker 1: drippy bag is all I'm all about it, dude, I'm
Speaker 1: in it and you probably just couldn't find my apartment number.
Speaker 1: It's not your fault. I ripped it off my door
Speaker 1: after too many tequila shots. Will you forgive me? I
Speaker 1: hate the number eight. You're gonna find me now. That's
Speaker 1: from tor next misconnection is titled maybe Just Maybe Man
Speaker 1: for Woman thirty three Florist. Oh, he says. Maybe I
Speaker 1: noticed your gorgeousness when you walked into a flower shop.
Speaker 1: Maybe I approached you from behind the lilacs. Maybe I
Speaker 1: told you you have the curves of a young Paula Abduel.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go with maybe you're old. If that's maybe
Speaker 1: you smiled uncomfortably at the compliment. Maybe it's because I'm handsome, furry,
Speaker 1: and cunning like a cheetah. Was second one. Maybe I
Speaker 1: upped the annie by hitting on you with a seductive
Speaker 1: political joke. Don't joke about the seductive never goes into
Speaker 1: that sentence. And maybe you didn't get the joke because
Speaker 1: you didn't laugh. Okay, Okay, Maybe I tried another and
Speaker 1: you became even quieter. It wasn't funny where you're dying
Speaker 1: on stage right now. Maybe in desperation, I offered you
Speaker 1: the employee discounts even though I didn't work there. Okay,
Speaker 1: Maybe you thought that meant something else. Maybe you slapped
Speaker 1: me and walked away. What happened? Maybe I misjudge the situation.
Speaker 1: I don't know that we're into any maybes at this point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe you should respond to this so I can really
Speaker 1: give you a true employee discount where I work, along
Speaker 1: with customer protection. Maybe when I just said customer protection,
Speaker 1: I meant prophylactics. Maybe just maybe that signed Seymour. Maybe
Speaker 1: you're a Creek. Yeah, maybe that's why you're in Craigslist.
Speaker 1: Those are your Craigslist misconnections. Phone taps coming up next