Speaker 1: Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys We Guys Book. I'm Christina.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about last night anti slut shaming podcast. I
Speaker 1: never stopped. What up fucker's Welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked. It is the anti slut shaming podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Corinne, I'm Christina. It's with one R and two ends.
Speaker 1: I just have to let everyone know. Man, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start saying I'm gonna start bitching people out for spelling
Speaker 1: one more email with C O R R I any
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lose it, and you guys know I'm very
Speaker 1: close to the edge already. Um Anyways, speaking of that,
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Speaker 1: on the street and yell, take my wife and just
Speaker 1: see how people were at and that's how you know
Speaker 1: you're your true friend. That also helps come see us live,
Speaker 1: you guys, if you are in Atlantic City or near
Speaker 1: Atlantic City, get off that slot sheen and come to
Speaker 1: the Atlantic City Comedy Club. We are going to be
Speaker 1: there tomorrow, right, that's technically tomorrow August. Saturday, August at
Speaker 1: eight pm, Wendy Starling and I are bringing Glamour Plus
Speaker 1: to the Atlantic City Comedy Club. Tickets are in the
Speaker 1: description of this podcast the link their fifteen bucks. Come
Speaker 1: on down. It's gonna be fun. And then on Wednesday
Speaker 1: August in New York City at nine pm at the
Speaker 1: Standing Room, which is Long Island City, Katie Hannigan and
Speaker 1: I co host The Comedian Project. It's sets without talking
Speaker 1: about relationships, sex or dating. Use code sex four or
Speaker 1: five dollar tickets to that. Then a couple of days later,
Speaker 1: on Friday August at eleven pm, Blair Saki and I
Speaker 1: are back at New York Comedy Club four Nacho Bitches.
Speaker 1: Tickets are just ten dollars when you use the code Nacho,
Speaker 1: and it's sixteen and up if you have an adult
Speaker 1: with you, Oh don't. The next day, Saturday, August at
Speaker 1: seven thirty pm, Wendy Starling and I are hosting our
Speaker 1: monthly show Glama Plus at our usual stomping ground, Zinc
Speaker 1: Bar in the West Village. It's twenty one and up come,
Speaker 1: we have stand up. There is a variety act who
Speaker 1: is actually a musician who has been featured on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Um her songs. Oh and speaking of if you have
Speaker 1: any music you know, anybody does you want to feature
Speaker 1: on the show. GWF Podcast Music at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: And then Toronto, Canada, We're gonna be at Just for Lofts,
Speaker 1: Toronto on Thursday, September twenty two at nine pm. That
Speaker 1: show is going to be a live recording of Guys
Speaker 1: We Fucked. And then on Friday September, also at nine pm,
Speaker 1: we're doing Guys We Fund the Experience, which is our
Speaker 1: touring show where we bring the podcast to life in
Speaker 1: a magical way. And individual tickets are now available for
Speaker 1: both these shows. You've been waiting for this, Now it's happening.
Speaker 1: Get you thinking visit. Sorry, we have a website you guys.
Speaker 1: It's sorry about Last Night Comedy dot com. And if
Speaker 1: you type that in and go slash contact sign up
Speaker 1: on the bottom left young corner and your email address.
Speaker 1: We're putting together a mailing list. We ain't going to
Speaker 1: like email you all the time because that's really fucking annoying,
Speaker 1: you know. But we have some really exciting announcements that
Speaker 1: we want to let you know about and we want
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Speaker 1: uh and brighten your life. Speaking of Brandy brightening your life,
Speaker 1: My mom, just my mom, just text me, Christine has
Speaker 1: my Blue Apron coming today? Um, guys, this episode of
Speaker 1: Guys We Fucked is brought to you by Blue Apron.
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Speaker 1: WF and get cooking motherfucker's um. Also, there was one
Speaker 1: day where my parents thought the Blue Apron was coming
Speaker 1: later or earlier, and it didn't. So my dad texted
Speaker 1: me his picture because they always text me pictures of
Speaker 1: their meals because they couldn't believe that they made that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it really you get. You're proud of yourself. It's impressive.
Speaker 1: It looks like a restaurant. You impress yourself. And so
Speaker 1: my dad goes, the blue Apron hasn't come yet, so
Speaker 1: this is straight from red apron it and it was
Speaker 1: just a lettuce leave with tuna fish on it. I
Speaker 1: was like daddy, you're so funny. Oh my gosh. And
Speaker 1: then we have one more ad from one more amazing sponsor.
Speaker 1: I know you're like, oh my god, so many sponsors.
Speaker 1: But then when we go on tour because we don't
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Speaker 1: a beautiful gold watch from Movement Watches, and I look,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm very smart when I wear a watch,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I hate, I kind of like hate
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Speaker 1: don't make nose rings, so get on it. I hate
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Speaker 1: Birthday to James's birthday is tomorrow, go happy. Just kidding,
Speaker 1: you're asshole, I'm kidding. Happy Birthday, James. You should get
Speaker 1: em a movement watch. Oh that well, he used to
Speaker 1: be a jeweler. So I don't. I don't. That's not
Speaker 1: my line of expertise. I have got Stephen one and
Speaker 1: I was like, that looks fucking sexy. Um. The subject
Speaker 1: line of this email, and if you would like to
Speaker 1: email us our email address is sorry about last night
Speaker 1: show at gmail dot com. She does an email, This
Speaker 1: subject line is how do you eat a man's ass?
Speaker 1: I think this was Christina who said she has eaten
Speaker 1: her boyfriend's ass. Please explain this? How do you approach this?
Speaker 1: Does he keep himself shaven and clean? Is he on
Speaker 1: his back? My boyfriend has enjoyed a little ass play
Speaker 1: if I'm giving him a b jail sometimes flip a
Speaker 1: finger him, and I kind of want to take it
Speaker 1: to the next level, but I think he might be
Speaker 1: a little embarrassed about it, just because we've never talked
Speaker 1: about it. I just do it every now and then. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a great question, Christina. How do you eat
Speaker 1: a man's as well? Let me tell you how to
Speaker 1: eat a man's ass um, you know what it was
Speaker 1: in my head. He First of all, it doesn't. I
Speaker 1: mean he's clean. Obviously, I'm not gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 1: you just got back from yoga. Let me yes, no, um.
Speaker 1: But whenever I do it, it's usually after he's shower
Speaker 1: because that's the preferable time for me on him. It's
Speaker 1: a safe time. Yeah, he doesn't shave, but he doesn't
Speaker 1: have a hairy asshole. Do you guys have hairy assholes?
Speaker 1: Women have very hairy assholes. My asshole like my ass
Speaker 1: like the whole it's not hairy, but the part that
Speaker 1: women bleach. But white women anyway, or like lighter skinned
Speaker 1: like because I didn't realize it was darker around the
Speaker 1: butt hole like it is. So I guess like I
Speaker 1: don't get asshole bleaching, but that area that like a
Speaker 1: little circumference area that's darker doesn't know here on it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but sometimes my I definitely I because normally so far
Speaker 1: I'm working at a spa. When you do a Brazilian wax,
Speaker 1: a true Brazilian wax also involves waxing as the whole
Speaker 1: ass crack, well the ask crack, yeah, the actual hole,
Speaker 1: like I mean, in that darker area growing out of
Speaker 1: the hole. But I certainly will have like a little
Speaker 1: bit like because basically it's just like the continuation of
Speaker 1: like vagina hair going back around. So I mean, I
Speaker 1: just shave it myself because I squat in the shower
Speaker 1: and just it's gonna ben. But I mean some people,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, I would say I'm like a
Speaker 1: medium level of hairy. You seem like you're like and
Speaker 1: also your hair is lighter, so the light hair is
Speaker 1: always like thinner and less noticeable. But I have very
Speaker 1: light skin and very dark hair, so it's more noticeable. Well,
Speaker 1: so he doesn't shave, but he's clean. And the first
Speaker 1: time I did it, I just I don't I was
Speaker 1: just like, just this is a pussy and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be I acted like I was eating a pussy, even
Speaker 1: though I don't. I only really when I kind of
Speaker 1: did it twice. But I did do it twice, and
Speaker 1: I didn't really enjoy it, but I enjoyed pretending that
Speaker 1: it was with him. Does that make any sense, We'll see.
Speaker 1: I would think about it like just giving a room job,
Speaker 1: like were you actually were you're actually sticking your tongue
Speaker 1: in the an sometimes the first time I did not,
Speaker 1: that's like that's I was pressing my cave. I don't
Speaker 1: want to enter, and I understand, but I've entered it
Speaker 1: with my job's I'm comfortable with. I've entered and asked.
Speaker 1: I've entered the asshole with my tongue and I didn't
Speaker 1: regret it. Um. It's like I would imagine, like when
Speaker 1: you put your tongue inside of as far. You can't
Speaker 1: really stick your tongue that far up a woman's vagina,
Speaker 1: but like the whole you're talking the whole part. So
Speaker 1: but the first time I did it, I I just
Speaker 1: like licked around and then I made my tongue wider
Speaker 1: and I just kind of pressed it up against his
Speaker 1: asshole and I just licked okay, and I thought of
Speaker 1: the owl and it's it's your commercial while I was
Speaker 1: doing it, and then stopped, but because it made me laugh,
Speaker 1: and when I laugh, I don't I'm not turned like
Speaker 1: my vagina dries up. So yeah, I just I just
Speaker 1: licked around it, and I pressed my tongue against it,
Speaker 1: and then as I got more into it and did
Speaker 1: it more, I did put my tongue in his butt.
Speaker 1: And then just for like I don't know, like a second.
Speaker 1: This is fascinating to me that you would do this.
Speaker 1: But then then you said you wouldn't put balls in
Speaker 1: your mouth. That's so amazing. Look in my mouth all day,
Speaker 1: falls in the mouth all day. I always putting balls
Speaker 1: an the Jewel song, but it's sticking the mouth all day. Um,
Speaker 1: So the times that I have it's not because it's gross.
Speaker 1: It's because I can't get him to all fit in
Speaker 1: my mouth. I like stuff them. Oh yeah, no, no,
Speaker 1: I mean I'm licking them, looking them, just you know,
Speaker 1: keeping them apart, just keep them, just letting them know
Speaker 1: what I care about. Hey, I want you to know.
Speaker 1: I just want that cat of things. That's nice of
Speaker 1: you know. So that's that's what I do. I just
Speaker 1: I lick around it. I put pressure on the actual
Speaker 1: asshole with my tongue, and then every once in a
Speaker 1: while I lick up and down and then when I
Speaker 1: get to the hole, I put my tongue in a
Speaker 1: little bit and then I keep going. So it's like
Speaker 1: you a variety, like in like giving a blowjob, where
Speaker 1: you keep it, keep it moving, keep it keep it moving,
Speaker 1: keep a grooving. You know what I'm saying. I should
Speaker 1: be You should hire me as your ass eating coach,
Speaker 1: and I'll just be like keeping keep moving, keeping grouping. U. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I hope that helps. Uh, you just go, you know,
Speaker 1: go with the flow. Yeah, no, absolutely, I think that's
Speaker 1: with one. Also, talk to your boyfriend about it, because
Speaker 1: then you won't be embarrassed about it. Well, I mean,
Speaker 1: or you can just like you just keep it like
Speaker 1: you know, both take a shower, just be don't knock
Speaker 1: him down to spread hissh cheeks and put your mouth
Speaker 1: in that unless he's just like to be a sub
Speaker 1: other than that, I don't know if he would like,
Speaker 1: you know, And I didn't talk to Stephen about licking
Speaker 1: his ass. Actually I just did it. I don't know. Well,
Speaker 1: I feel like it depends, like I mean, because if
Speaker 1: he's not listening to the Guys We podcast, he's probably
Speaker 1: not like I'll open and into conversation, and then it
Speaker 1: might make him feel weird about saying that he wants
Speaker 1: something that he will enjoy. Sometimes as a part you're
Speaker 1: as a partner. You need to know. You need to
Speaker 1: know what your partner is going to like before they
Speaker 1: now or what Yeah, what you sense you're holding back.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying like do things without consent, but as consent,
Speaker 1: it's very important. We're gonna get to that right now.
Speaker 1: All right. So this moves us to our second email,
Speaker 1: which is uh subjects line upsetting experience in Airbnb and
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. Hi ladies, I love
Speaker 1: your show and your device. Keep up the good energy
Speaker 1: into the world. I mean we're putting out. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm doing that, but you know,
Speaker 1: thanks angels everywhere. I have been traveling for the last
Speaker 1: two and a half weeks and have had experiences within
Speaker 1: aaron BnB host that was traumatic and I'm not sure
Speaker 1: what to do about it. Readers digest on me. I
Speaker 1: am a twenty two year old American girl, but did
Speaker 1: my entire undergrad abroad in the UK, and during my
Speaker 1: final semester in university, I've been traveling quite a bit,
Speaker 1: and often alone. There's a large gap of time between
Speaker 1: one exams finish I mean my university and when graduation
Speaker 1: is in about a month, so usually people do lots
Speaker 1: of traveling around Europe during that time. I'm also a
Speaker 1: very sex positive person and enjoy sex, and I'm very friendly.
Speaker 1: Sometimes me being a decent and friendly person is mistaken
Speaker 1: for interest, which I've tried to work on. Oh goodness,
Speaker 1: and if men, if you're listening and wondering why girls
Speaker 1: are bitches, this is why. But it still happens that
Speaker 1: guys assume that me not being a total bitch to
Speaker 1: them means I want to fuck them. It's fucking frustrating
Speaker 1: because it's like, why is this on me? Why do
Speaker 1: I have to completely alter my friendly and talkative personality
Speaker 1: to make sure I'm not sending out some magic message
Speaker 1: that I want your dick in one of my ori orifice?
Speaker 1: Is well said? Okay, continuing with the story, I've stayed
Speaker 1: in seven airbnb is now, usually with a friend, but
Speaker 1: have been in a few by myself. The first time
Speaker 1: I used Airbnb, I was in London and hadn't used
Speaker 1: the service before, so I rented a private room and
Speaker 1: didn't realized I would wouldn't have the whole flat to myself.
Speaker 1: After paying close to two hundred pounds for a three
Speaker 1: ninths day, I found myself having to contend with my
Speaker 1: clinging mail host. He was fairly harmless, but did hit
Speaker 1: on me an attempt to make a move the last
Speaker 1: night I was there, but I told him no and
Speaker 1: went to my room. He seemed to respect my note
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel like he would hurt me. However,
Speaker 1: I was jarred by the experience and frustrated that I
Speaker 1: had spent a good deal of money only to have
Speaker 1: to fend off the unwanted attention of some dude when
Speaker 1: I literally just wanted a space to stay in. On that,
Speaker 1: I say, yes, it's totally annoying getting hit on when
Speaker 1: you're just trying to hang out. But like such as life,
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know, uh next part. I am
Speaker 1: careful when I travel solo. I watched my belongings, my drink,
Speaker 1: I tell my friends and family where I'm going. I
Speaker 1: stay away from certain parts of town. At night and
Speaker 1: do research on a city so I don't attract extra
Speaker 1: attention by looking like a lost tourist. I'd been to
Speaker 1: London by myself ice, along with Copenhagen and Palma Day Majorca,
Speaker 1: all with absolutely no problems, but almost no Airbnb stays. So,
Speaker 1: wanting to do more traveling before I leave Europe and
Speaker 1: my visa expires, I booked a trip to Prague and
Speaker 1: Palma again. I had been wanting to go to Prague
Speaker 1: for two years and was very much looking forward to
Speaker 1: the trip. As I was going alone, I planned to
Speaker 1: make it a sight seeing only trip and not drink
Speaker 1: or go out because I felt that I wouldn't be safe.
Speaker 1: Super smart, I booked an inexpensive Airbnb and was happy
Speaker 1: to have found an affordable deal for accommodation. I'm a
Speaker 1: student and I'm trying to do everything as cheap as
Speaker 1: i can. So here's where my problem begins, and so
Speaker 1: often it does with money. I booked with a male
Speaker 1: host in Prague who had pretty good reviews on the site,
Speaker 1: and he accepted my offer quickly. It was eighty one
Speaker 1: pounds for a three night's day that I booked a
Speaker 1: week in advance, so I was happy for a cheap
Speaker 1: and relatively central location. The host seemed friendly, but I
Speaker 1: was a little turned off by the fact that he
Speaker 1: sent a winky face in a message to me. Hi.
Speaker 1: I won't say her name. I'm looking forward to hosting you.
Speaker 1: Keep in touch on WhatsApp. Smiley winky face. Not a
Speaker 1: huge deal, but something in my gut made me feel
Speaker 1: a little weird. I should have listened. I cannot tell
Speaker 1: you what a huge red flag a winky face is
Speaker 1: in a text or online correspondence with someone that you
Speaker 1: have never fucking met. Huge red flag. Everyone, This is
Speaker 1: a ps winky face. Do not use it every time.
Speaker 1: I got a winky face before I met the person
Speaker 1: from a guy. It's the only guys. Girls don't do
Speaker 1: that the girls. It ended up being a situation, and
Speaker 1: I'm not exaggerated. I have never gotten a winky face
Speaker 1: from a stranger and then been like, man, this person
Speaker 1: is great and has no olterior remote. I wonder what
Speaker 1: they're doing, and I'm gonna hang out with them. Oh,
Speaker 1: a winky face should just be a dick creeping towards
Speaker 1: your pussy. Yeah, that's what. It should just be a
Speaker 1: picture of a of you with an exit where your
Speaker 1: pussy and then a T and just so you guys
Speaker 1: know men, That's what I think of it. That's why
Speaker 1: I see anyway you send a winky face in any
Speaker 1: professional fucking back and forth, all right, and go back
Speaker 1: to the story. So it gets a prog pretty late
Speaker 1: in the evening and gets settled in. My host was
Speaker 1: very communicative and accommodating, but left me this note in
Speaker 1: my room that opened with quotes high likable girl. Ah,
Speaker 1: I will Okay, there's a language barrier here, though, so
Speaker 1: sometimes people in other languages say things in English. That's
Speaker 1: that seems weird. It seems weird. And not defend. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying that you're right. You're absolutely right. You know that,
Speaker 1: and that's what's weird about language. You know, different cultures too,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I get it. And also different cultures have
Speaker 1: different standards for treating men and like men and women interactions.
Speaker 1: So that's super confusing. Um, he gave me info about
Speaker 1: the flat and had not violated me, maybe that would
Speaker 1: have been less of a big deal, but looking back,
Speaker 1: I feel gross by it. Okay, well, we're skipping ahead
Speaker 1: in this emale. I assume he accepted my request on
Speaker 1: the soul by that he was attracted to me. Yeah, maybe,
Speaker 1: like take an on flattering picture. I don't know how
Speaker 1: how can we stay safe? Anyway? Back to the sequence
Speaker 1: of events. So next day I'm chatting with him in
Speaker 1: the morning and he helps me to get to town
Speaker 1: and shows me some of the sites. I don't speak
Speaker 1: any check, so it was helpful and I appreciated it.
Speaker 1: He also showed me his other Airbnb property that he
Speaker 1: was running in the heart of Prague, where I met
Speaker 1: an English couple he was hosting. After that, he went
Speaker 1: off to work and I did my thing. I walked
Speaker 1: all over the city and by the end of the
Speaker 1: day I was exhausted and my phone was nearly dead.
Speaker 1: When I was about to head home, I got a
Speaker 1: text from my host saying he'd left his keys to
Speaker 1: the house and the other flat and asked if he
Speaker 1: could use mine to get into his flat that I
Speaker 1: was staying in. I said, of course, and was kind
Speaker 1: of glad that I could get some help going back
Speaker 1: because my phone was dying and I was a bit
Speaker 1: confused on how to get back to the Airbnb flat
Speaker 1: I was staying in with the host. We head back
Speaker 1: and are chatting, and then I decide I'm going to
Speaker 1: rest for a while, which turns into me deciding to
Speaker 1: call it. At night, he had to go out to
Speaker 1: run some errands and take care of stuff at his
Speaker 1: other flats, so I was hanging out my room a
Speaker 1: k a. The private room that I had paid for.
Speaker 1: The host finally gets back and we're still chatting, and
Speaker 1: then he comes into my room and sits on an
Speaker 1: L shaped sofa that's in there. I'm at a dusk
Speaker 1: chair and we were talking about a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1: Relationship comes up another road flog, but I'm trying to
Speaker 1: make it clear that I'm not down for something to
Speaker 1: happen with him. Eventually, I say to him that I'm
Speaker 1: very tired and going to shower and get ready for bed,
Speaker 1: thinking that's enough of a queue for him to retire
Speaker 1: to his room, as well as it should be for
Speaker 1: anyone who knows any kind of social etiquette. I go
Speaker 1: off and shower and come back to find him in
Speaker 1: his pajamas, still in my room on the couch. I'm
Speaker 1: kind of puttering around in my room at this point,
Speaker 1: tidying things up and getting my outfit ready for the
Speaker 1: next day, and not really talking to me. All clear
Speaker 1: signs he needed to leave me alone in the space
Speaker 1: that I am paying for. Absolutely, girl, but no. He
Speaker 1: then invites me to a friend's wedding he's going to
Speaker 1: the next day, and I politely decline, which leads him
Speaker 1: into trying to convince me to go. So clearly no
Speaker 1: is not a word in his vocabulary. Okay, absolutely, I
Speaker 1: still decline, and he sort of drops it, but not really.
Speaker 1: Then I unlock my phone and check something and leave
Speaker 1: it on the table where I go to brush my
Speaker 1: teeth because I'd forgotten to. I come back to find
Speaker 1: him sucking around on my Tinder and messaging guys to
Speaker 1: bring over food to the house because he thinks that's funny.
Speaker 1: I was like, what the funk are you doing. That's
Speaker 1: a major privacy violation and I don't like that you
Speaker 1: did that, And now I have some message these guys
Speaker 1: not to come over. Okay, now it's getting real weird.
Speaker 1: The host just laughs, and now I'm pissed. Okay, so
Speaker 1: not respecting your feelings noted. I'm sitting at the other
Speaker 1: end of the couch and the host is on the
Speaker 1: long part of the l shape. He suggests we watch something,
Speaker 1: and I'm kind of thinking, like I was going to
Speaker 1: watch TV anyway, maybe if we watch something and then
Speaker 1: briskly shut the laptop off, that will be a bigger
Speaker 1: signal for him to leave. Since I feel weird saying
Speaker 1: get the funk out of my room. That's in your house,
Speaker 1: but it's what I'm paying for. I already said I'm tired,
Speaker 1: I'm ready for bed, good night, stop touching my phone, etcetera, etcetera. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I turn on a TV show and sit literally as
Speaker 1: far away as humanly possible. He keeps inching closer, and
Speaker 1: I'm like off the couch to avoid touching him. He
Speaker 1: doesn't try to pull an obvious move, but it's like, dude,
Speaker 1: not interested. So the show ends and I closed my
Speaker 1: computer and tell him goodnight. I'm going to bed, see
Speaker 1: you in the morning. The host is still in my
Speaker 1: room and is now going to sleep on the couch there.
Speaker 1: At this point, I'm like Jesus, Okay, well, at least
Speaker 1: I can sleep, still freaked out about him being in there, though.
Speaker 1: Then he gets up to quote close the window and
Speaker 1: it is sort of lingering by my bed and eventually
Speaker 1: asks can I get in? And after much hesitation. I
Speaker 1: sighed and said, sure, thinking I guess if I thinking,
Speaker 1: I guess if I make out with him, he'll leave
Speaker 1: me alone. Of course, it immediately goes to sex without
Speaker 1: without a condom. Although I protested it several times, Slash
Speaker 1: said no, but he ignored me and just penetrated me
Speaker 1: while I was on my stomach. It was creepy and
Speaker 1: awful and violating. To be honest, I felt really trapped.
Speaker 1: I was in a city where I didn't know anyone,
Speaker 1: in a house that didn't belong to me, alone, with
Speaker 1: no one else there but the host, who is six
Speaker 1: ft four and triple my size. I kind of felt like,
Speaker 1: this is bad, but I had to take the loss
Speaker 1: because I knew that if I really put up a
Speaker 1: violent fight, it could have ended badly, with me being injured,
Speaker 1: brutally raped, or killed. I had no idea if he
Speaker 1: had a weapon in the house or something. We were
Speaker 1: on a quiet, isolated street. It was in an apartment building,
Speaker 1: so maybe neighbors would have heard screaming, but I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: So I let him fuck me and it felt so gross.
Speaker 1: But he didn't seem to notice that, or he didn't
Speaker 1: didn't care. Uh, the next day. I kind of tried
Speaker 1: to rap rationalize it in my head that it was
Speaker 1: some crazy travel hook up which I have had and
Speaker 1: they were fun because they were consensual. The host was
Speaker 1: texting me all the next day and was chatty via
Speaker 1: WhatsApp and I was nice back. But the more I
Speaker 1: thought about it, the more sick and dirty I felt.
Speaker 1: I kept thinking of everything I could have done to
Speaker 1: stop it. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse,
Speaker 1: was molested by an uncle ages four to six. Was
Speaker 1: the first victim to tell about it, and that revealed
Speaker 1: that said uncle was a serial rapists. Lots of guilt
Speaker 1: and shame around Why me, Why didn't I tell the
Speaker 1: first time happened, etcetera, etcetera. So the Prague air and
Speaker 1: B Airbnb host made me feel disgusting and then brought
Speaker 1: back a lot of PTSD flashbacks for me, because it's like,
Speaker 1: why didn't I stop this? Why did I let him
Speaker 1: fuck me? I said yes to him getting in my bed.
Speaker 1: I left him a nice review because I was like
Speaker 1: in a blur after this happened. I feel like if
Speaker 1: I reported to Airbnb, I'll be penalized because I consent
Speaker 1: to to him getting into the bed. I've been through
Speaker 1: the hell of taking legal action against a sexual predator,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I would not do it again. I hate
Speaker 1: to say that, but it's it's traumatic, if not more
Speaker 1: so than the assault itself, because you don't stop reliving it.
Speaker 1: And our trial was particularly long and ugly, ten years
Speaker 1: to get a serial child rapist into jail, with so
Speaker 1: many horrible, horrible moves by the offense attorney and my
Speaker 1: dad's family basically attacking my mother as in, when my
Speaker 1: mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, the pedophiles mother heard
Speaker 1: it through the grapevine and was funding the pedophiles legal action,
Speaker 1: so also helped fund the d A, sending my mother
Speaker 1: flowers with a note saying, oh you deserve to get cancer, bitch.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, thanks justice system. So I guess I
Speaker 1: want some advice on what to do going forward. Do
Speaker 1: I report this host? Do I never use Airbnb again?
Speaker 1: Share my story publicly so people know that hosts are
Speaker 1: using Airbnb for predatory behavior. If I'm paying to stay
Speaker 1: in someone's goddamn house, I shouldn't have to worry about
Speaker 1: being sexually assaulted. It's insulting and violating and traumatic. On
Speaker 1: so many levels. Help. Thanks for reading. I would really
Speaker 1: appreciate your insight. Girl. Oh every time I read that email.
Speaker 1: When I read it, I think I was driving back
Speaker 1: with Stephen and I was like yelling, he goes, what nothing,
Speaker 1: shut up, I'm reading this. And then when you're reading
Speaker 1: it just now, I oh my god. Yeah, So I
Speaker 1: mean there, there's there's We wanted to read this email
Speaker 1: for a lot of reasons. Um, I think it's a
Speaker 1: great we need. We would need to have a very
Speaker 1: active conversation about consent. Number one, I think you know,
Speaker 1: it's summertime, a lot of you probably traveling, and I
Speaker 1: certainly would not. It pains me that young woman women
Speaker 1: wouldn't be traveling by themselves because they have to be scared.
Speaker 1: Traveling is one of the most amazing things you can do.
Speaker 1: It helps you learn about yourself, it helps you learn
Speaker 1: about other people. If you have the money and the
Speaker 1: means to do it, it is one of the best
Speaker 1: parts of life in my opinion. Um, with that being said,
Speaker 1: this is a fucking horrific story. And you meant she
Speaker 1: mentions a lot of times like that you were paying
Speaker 1: for it. Fuck funk that you were paying for it.
Speaker 1: You're a fucking human being and this is not the
Speaker 1: way to treat another human space was being violated. That
Speaker 1: was your room, and we cridinite a conversation about like
Speaker 1: you know, this email really it perfectly highlights like all
Speaker 1: of these instances where I feel like I know you.
Speaker 1: She had said no to certain things, but she was
Speaker 1: being a little well and I, oh, I have done
Speaker 1: that with guys before, and I wind up and I
Speaker 1: and I and I end up after the sex going
Speaker 1: what the fuck? So these experiences are so valuable because
Speaker 1: you go back and you tally up what what can
Speaker 1: I learn from this? And this is not Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is not I know. And a lot of times people
Speaker 1: like to be like your victim blame. No, no, we
Speaker 1: don't want to victim blame. We want to arm you,
Speaker 1: guys with tools that make you fucking unbreakable, unbeatable. This
Speaker 1: is a self fucking defense class. We say it all
Speaker 1: the time. It would be great if we lived in
Speaker 1: a world where we didn't have to worry about being raped.
Speaker 1: But guess what, you do have to worry about being raped.
Speaker 1: But I don't want you to not I don't want
Speaker 1: you to to say in your house, locked up because you're
Speaker 1: afraid of being ripe. That's insane, and that's letting, that's
Speaker 1: letting the page we argue win, you know. And also
Speaker 1: this ship, it happens dudes too. I mean we we
Speaker 1: exchanged plenty, plenty of weird stories. But you know, there
Speaker 1: is with the woman man thing. There is that physicality.
Speaker 1: That's something that just traditionally men are bigger and stronger
Speaker 1: than women, and that's a huge problem. One thing that
Speaker 1: I have learned that I have picked up after experiences
Speaker 1: where I have kind of be like, I guess and
Speaker 1: then when you got to the part like where she
Speaker 1: was like and then I let him fuck me even
Speaker 1: though I said use a condom and he did. You.
Speaker 1: I get so angry with myself for being for doing
Speaker 1: just that, and I got so angry hearing it. But
Speaker 1: now what I've done in the past, um, you know,
Speaker 1: fast five years have been relationship, but then being single
Speaker 1: or even being approached at a bar if a guy
Speaker 1: is annoying me and I go into a space because
Speaker 1: I'm meeting my friend for her birthday and some guy goes,
Speaker 1: what's your name, I'm like, buddy, no, I don't, I
Speaker 1: don't want to talk to you. And even even a
Speaker 1: lot of times they'll be like, okay, cool, I'm very direct.
Speaker 1: You don't have to I think she said in her email.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be like, get the funk out
Speaker 1: of my room. I paid. You don't have to say
Speaker 1: get the funk out of my room. You could say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm tired and I want you to leave my room please.
Speaker 1: That's it' That's all I gotta say. You don't have
Speaker 1: to be It's like there's either it's either one extreme
Speaker 1: of the other. You'd be so coy that he doesn't
Speaker 1: get the message or you think, okay. The other option
Speaker 1: is to be an asshole. No, you can be middle
Speaker 1: ground and just stay. This is what I want. Can
Speaker 1: you please leave? Yeah? Because there and there is. I
Speaker 1: I don't think Airbnb host and I'm sure there's a
Speaker 1: policy written somewhere on the fucking website. I don't think
Speaker 1: they should be trying to hit on or have sex
Speaker 1: with people who are staying in their home at all.
Speaker 1: But humans will be humans, and just the same way
Speaker 1: as you're not supposed to assistant, Yeah, you're not supposed
Speaker 1: to suck your co workers. People end up married to
Speaker 1: their coworkers all the time, and you know, it just happens,
Speaker 1: and so you can't fault someone for trying. But this guy,
Speaker 1: certainly to me, does seem like someone who is a
Speaker 1: predator in that he's luring in young, attractive girls. I
Speaker 1: think there's you know, there certainly is that kind of
Speaker 1: stereotype about American women being loser. You're an American woman.
Speaker 1: A lot of guys for other countries have told me that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh shit, really, yeah, absolutely, because we have
Speaker 1: a sex positivity that you know, that's flourishing right now
Speaker 1: in the country that's just not happening in other cultures.
Speaker 1: Or we're just or you know, there's cultures like Italy
Speaker 1: where we're so fucking far behind, you know. So there's
Speaker 1: just there's different things going on here. Um. And the
Speaker 1: first time I was reading this, I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: this wasn't reading again. Once you're once someone's having sex
Speaker 1: with you and you've said no, you've protested, then it
Speaker 1: turns into rain. Well it's so funny because you and
Speaker 1: I were talking about that. I don't know, was it right?
Speaker 1: And then when he read it, yeah, now he penetrated
Speaker 1: you and you said put on a condom. He penetrated
Speaker 1: you with his bear penis. That now that now it's rape.
Speaker 1: So it's it's and I think, uh, there's a misconception
Speaker 1: that rape is a guy jumping out of the bushes
Speaker 1: and taking you and fucking sticking his penis in you.
Speaker 1: But oftentimes rape is when something starts in a sexual
Speaker 1: way and then goes further than one of the parties
Speaker 1: wanted and the other person doesn't respect their wishes. That
Speaker 1: is often what rape ists. So this is you. You
Speaker 1: said no, and there's just the whole story is filled
Speaker 1: with instances of him not respecting you, your properties, or
Speaker 1: your feelings. And I had, uh, something had happened in
Speaker 1: the community community, and then rape was a subject that
Speaker 1: we were all talking about all weekends aipe Fest. So
Speaker 1: my best friend had started texting me and we were
Speaker 1: talking about it, and I said, you know this, this
Speaker 1: one past relationship years and years and years ago, a
Speaker 1: boyfriend of mine. Um, it's so weird. He I remember
Speaker 1: one night we had been dating for a couple of
Speaker 1: like a year or two years whatever, nicest. Oh God,
Speaker 1: I love him, I still I love him. But there
Speaker 1: was one instance where he was we were both drinking.
Speaker 1: Remember he was drunker I have I told on the
Speaker 1: podcast before. Yeah, but ship sorry guys. Uh where he
Speaker 1: was on top of me. I was laying on my
Speaker 1: stomach and he stuck his penis in my ass and
Speaker 1: I said no, and I actually pushed him off, and
Speaker 1: he's kept he kept going, he kept sticking his dick
Speaker 1: in my asp and I was like, are you And
Speaker 1: I tried. I tried to physically use all the strength
Speaker 1: I could to get him off, and then after a
Speaker 1: like minutes of pushing, he got it. And then the
Speaker 1: next morning I talked to him about I was like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck, dude, and he was crying. He felt awful.
Speaker 1: He didn't know why. But like, it's weird because, like
Speaker 1: you said, rape is not just a guy in the
Speaker 1: bushes sneaking out. They're also varying levels. There's so much
Speaker 1: and there's gray areas, and no one wants to talk
Speaker 1: about that or say that there's gray areas, but there are,
Speaker 1: because people are like it's either rape or it's not.
Speaker 1: And then and then me and James were talking, I'm like,
Speaker 1: have we I think we've both raped each other multiple
Speaker 1: times by some of these standards, Like I don't even
Speaker 1: know what the fund to say, I know, that's why
Speaker 1: the gray area stuff gets so weird, and like, in
Speaker 1: that instance, I'm I wasn't going to go to the
Speaker 1: like I wanted. That was a very specific instance of
Speaker 1: me and him talking about it and him realizing and Paula,
Speaker 1: he never did anything any more before in your relationship.
Speaker 1: And it's so hard in relationship because because if you
Speaker 1: think we can get raped in a relationship, absolutely, If
Speaker 1: you think rape can't happen in a relationship, you're incorrect. However,
Speaker 1: I think there are also time you can't. You know,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna go running around yelling rape to your
Speaker 1: boyfriend or your girlfriend. So I think, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: something like that is like that's a conversation where you
Speaker 1: go when I say no, I really meant no, and
Speaker 1: we weren't playing and I know we were drunk and
Speaker 1: that made me feel awful and that can never happen again. This,
Speaker 1: you know, is obviously there's no relationship here. This guy
Speaker 1: is predatory, this man creditor, he's you know, I'm sure
Speaker 1: he's probably also probably using you know, the language and
Speaker 1: cultural barrier to his advantage. Uh. And it's hard because
Speaker 1: I think in this story you're like, you're like thinking
Speaker 1: of all these bad things that could happen while you're
Speaker 1: letting a bad thing happen. I know I've done that
Speaker 1: so many I totally yeah, and I've done that and
Speaker 1: not and you know, no, no one's saying that you
Speaker 1: can fight a six ft four man. Absolutely. I mean
Speaker 1: I think the first thing is we, especially as women,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times we don't follow our
Speaker 1: guts because we're like, oh, I'm just worrying or I'm
Speaker 1: just no, I always doubt myself. Very smart, you know
Speaker 1: yourself and you know when something feels bad, it's probably
Speaker 1: gonna be bad. So I think that's the first thing.
Speaker 1: And the second thing is I think you're really smart
Speaker 1: with you're traveling, you know, researching and not drinking. You
Speaker 1: did you did so many things so fucking right and
Speaker 1: it was great. Uh. But you know, when you're you know,
Speaker 1: make sure that you always have a phone that's working,
Speaker 1: because phone and finances and things like that, Like anytime
Speaker 1: you become someone who needs help and fortun finitely, people
Speaker 1: fucking take advantage of that. Yeah, And so I think
Speaker 1: in a situation that, yeah, just like Christina said, you
Speaker 1: have to say say what you mean. And then if
Speaker 1: you know, if something if it elevates from the escalates
Speaker 1: from there, I think you know you can. You can
Speaker 1: follow your instinct. It's just so hard. I mean, everywhere
Speaker 1: you're traveling, you definitely like know how to contact the police.
Speaker 1: And maybe in a place like this where you're dealing
Speaker 1: with a host maybe it's better to just stay in
Speaker 1: like you know, a cheap motel or a hostel where
Speaker 1: you're with other young people and there's someone at the
Speaker 1: front desk who you can run to. Something like that.
Speaker 1: I have a couple more boys about this one. I
Speaker 1: if you could delete that review that positive review left
Speaker 1: him and write an actual if I if I'm a
Speaker 1: traveling young girl to do a bitch of favor and
Speaker 1: tell me that he's creepy, I would put that review
Speaker 1: on and and and The other thing is it's interesting
Speaker 1: because I wonder if he walks away from this because
Speaker 1: she didn't physically push him off, or she didn't freak
Speaker 1: out enough for him to notice, if he I can
Speaker 1: see how these situations happen where the guys like Won.
Speaker 1: Sometimes the guy is a fucking liars and narcissist, or
Speaker 1: he's in denial that because he knows it's not the case.
Speaker 1: But in this, in this particular case, that guy is
Speaker 1: probably gonna see that review and go huh wait what
Speaker 1: and be confused. And it's like when you feel that
Speaker 1: the second maybe it's because of my I'm getting older,
Speaker 1: or because I have been in this girl's shoes in
Speaker 1: similar situations, and I look back and I get so angry,
Speaker 1: and it's like, how the fund can I not let
Speaker 1: this ever fucking happen again. The second I feel uncomfortable
Speaker 1: with a man, I get myself out of this situation
Speaker 1: very calmly, and I just say, hey, you need to go.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go home, okay, don't do anything to escalate
Speaker 1: or just just neutrallly get out of the situation. The
Speaker 1: second you feel uncomfortable is just such an important gut
Speaker 1: instinct to develop say something weird, Like you say something
Speaker 1: weird like I need to go get tampons and like
Speaker 1: take your fucking purse. And I think, if this is
Speaker 1: why it's important I think to have something like like
Speaker 1: like always have a credit card or whatever, and what
Speaker 1: check yourself into a fucking motel. It's yeah, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a couple. It's gonna put you over budget, Hunter,
Speaker 1: But that's why you have a credit car. You have
Speaker 1: a credit card. A credit card is when you don't
Speaker 1: have money, is for emergencies, and something like this is
Speaker 1: an emergency. And I promise you so often I see
Speaker 1: young people like fucking worrying about money. You will. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying go out and buy a million dollar home.
Speaker 1: You can be responsible. But as far as your safety,
Speaker 1: if you need a fucking cab, don't nickel and dine
Speaker 1: your safety. Someone a friend will fucking venmo you. Your
Speaker 1: parents will take pity on you. If it's like fifty bucks,
Speaker 1: two hundred bucks, you can get that. Fucking email me,
Speaker 1: I'll venmo you the goddamn money. Like I really really
Speaker 1: mean that. Everyone don't have at once. But you know,
Speaker 1: like we're yeah, it's your safety is not worth two
Speaker 1: hundred dollars. You will never think about that two hundred
Speaker 1: dollars ever again. You will think about something like this
Speaker 1: a lot. And even when we've been broke and stuff,
Speaker 1: I've thought like two dollars is the biggest amount of
Speaker 1: money and I couldn't even imagine having that in my
Speaker 1: bank account. But but to if you know somebody who
Speaker 1: has the means a family member, a friend, whatever, it's
Speaker 1: not much to them. You'll you'll fucking you, you will
Speaker 1: figure I promise you will figure the money thing out. Um.
Speaker 1: And then and then secondly, you absolutely need to write Airbnb.
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that someone who works for Airbnb is actually
Speaker 1: listening right now. If you are not, you absolutely email them.
Speaker 1: This is a huge this is was not terrible that
Speaker 1: it happened to you. We cannot have this happen to
Speaker 1: anybody else. This man should not be allowed to be
Speaker 1: renting out space to anyone. He has two different flats.
Speaker 1: You said that he's running out to people. Not acceptable. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is you. I think that this podcast is just
Speaker 1: like just this is just terrible things happening to people,
Speaker 1: and like us trying to use those terrible experiences for good.
Speaker 1: That's what the whole thing is. So wasn't starting out
Speaker 1: is that? But now no, I mean it was, I
Speaker 1: mean not as terrible at this, but but you know,
Speaker 1: just try That's what That's what you can do. This
Speaker 1: is that's a way I feel that I always try
Speaker 1: to salvage something bad that's happened to me is to
Speaker 1: be like, well, at least let's not have this happen
Speaker 1: to anybody else. Let's sucking talk about it. Airbnb fun.
Speaker 1: If they say anything, let's sucking tell us. I'll go
Speaker 1: down down to the office myself. I'm verified on Instagram. Motherfucker,
Speaker 1: What the hell are you talking about? Love? But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and we have a great experience with them, and I
Speaker 1: just yeah, I just I hate. I just hated this.
Speaker 1: It's gonna don't let this room traveling for you and
Speaker 1: fucking just sucking stay with women, women own houses, you know,
Speaker 1: I see lots of we still we stayed with a
Speaker 1: lovely woman in Los Angeles. We loved her. She left
Speaker 1: us fresh fruit. It was great, it was wonderful. Yeah. No, absolutely.
Speaker 1: And also if you're still if you're experiencing PTSD, definitely,
Speaker 1: I think you should try to sit down with a counselor.
Speaker 1: I'm sure your university has someone at least, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're short on cash, that you can talk to
Speaker 1: you about this, because this shouldn't be bringing up old
Speaker 1: things and fucking ruining traveling for you. Funk that guy
Speaker 1: our guest speaking of great people. Yeah, she's wonderful. I
Speaker 1: think this is yet he's an intelligent woman. She she's
Speaker 1: in the process of understanding herself as we all are.
Speaker 1: She's a wonderful comedian and a writer. Ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: please welcome Janelle James Controlling Mind. You decide a my addiction,
Speaker 1: my opin I decided why decide to spring? We are
Speaker 1: here with Janelle James. I didn't know it was oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and we don't we will do the intro separately. We
Speaker 1: just we just like to get our guests in and out,
Speaker 1: not waste your time, just jump right into your life.
Speaker 1: So you were telling us before I pressed record about stalkers,
Speaker 1: and you've you've only had one stalker that made you scared. Yes,
Speaker 1: tell us about it. So when I first started comedy,
Speaker 1: I think I was about three years in and they
Speaker 1: had a guy he wrote me. At that time, I
Speaker 1: didn't have a website because I guess it's different than
Speaker 1: now when everybody just has immediately has a website, right,
Speaker 1: So he wrote me and he was just like, where's
Speaker 1: your website? You don't you know, people should know about you,
Speaker 1: and you know when you start your like fans, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know. So I was going back and forth talking
Speaker 1: to him, you know, like oh, thanks, you know, and uh.
Speaker 1: So he would write me periodically and then he mentioned
Speaker 1: that his daughter worked for air Wolf. I don't know
Speaker 1: if that's still like dast network. Uh so, yeah, his
Speaker 1: daughter works worked for air Wolf. So I remembered that
Speaker 1: and he was like, you know, I could introduce you
Speaker 1: to my daughter. You could probably do. And I was
Speaker 1: just like, oh no, that's okay, you know, and uh
Speaker 1: it just like escalated from there, and he's like, I
Speaker 1: noticed you didn't have a website. So I purchased all
Speaker 1: these names like yeah, I'm gonna marry Janelle James alright.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh no, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: really accept gifts from strangers, and you know, it's fine.
Speaker 1: And I think I went and hadn't got a website
Speaker 1: just to get him like off that tangent. And so
Speaker 1: I kind of like stopped responding to him. So he
Speaker 1: started writing me like a weekly letter, like a whole
Speaker 1: like five or six paragraph email every week, like on
Speaker 1: the dot like he had a certain day, yeah, just
Speaker 1: updated me on his life, like went to the store
Speaker 1: and so, and so I wouldn't read all of them
Speaker 1: because I was like, all right, this dude, this nuts
Speaker 1: and uh he used I blocked him on Facebook and
Speaker 1: his Facebook page. But really made me afraid was he's like, uh,
Speaker 1: mid fifties white guy with the side part. He looks
Speaker 1: like like a short sleeve, button down type of dude,
Speaker 1: you know. And I was like, those dudes are usually
Speaker 1: I mean I usually, but for him to be fixated
Speaker 1: on me that type of person, I was like, he's nuts.
Speaker 1: That can't be good. I blocked him on there and
Speaker 1: he wrote me like why did you block me? Like
Speaker 1: just like yeah, And so I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: you're making me uncomfortable, and so I'm not gonna like,
Speaker 1: uh converse with you anymore. I know you're not crazy,
Speaker 1: but you're making me uncomfortable. And I know you wouldn't
Speaker 1: want to make me uncomfortable, so let's just and he
Speaker 1: just kept right and kept writing. So um. I think
Speaker 1: that went off for like six months. He would write
Speaker 1: me every week and so every once in a while
Speaker 1: I would read like just a bunch of them in
Speaker 1: in in uh at once, and he was like devolving.
Speaker 1: He was like, you know, like my life's falling apart,
Speaker 1: my wife is whatever. He started talking about his wife
Speaker 1: and then one day he wrote me his wife left
Speaker 1: him and that left but that's okay because it leaves
Speaker 1: a hole in his heart big enough for me or
Speaker 1: something like that, because she found all the god like
Speaker 1: my Facebook picture trying in his bathroom or whatever the funk.
Speaker 1: So that's what I was picturing. So I was like
Speaker 1: freaking out, like holy shit. And so at that time, Uh,
Speaker 1: he lived in in Dallas. He has seen me in
Speaker 1: Dallas opening. You were just traveling in Dallas. I was
Speaker 1: opening for Rob Delaney I had. I wasn't even the
Speaker 1: headline and like I was a feature. I only did
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes, and he just got got so fixated on me,
Speaker 1: and so I was kind of like, okay, whatever, he
Speaker 1: lives in Dallas, it's whatever. So after he the wife
Speaker 1: left him and he wrote me again he lost his job,
Speaker 1: and then I was like okay, I didn't respond. And
Speaker 1: then he says he's moving to Maryland. Isn't that close
Speaker 1: to New York where you are in that like can
Speaker 1: a map do? Yeah. Yeah, he's a dumbass for many reasons,
Speaker 1: one being where he's playing them exactly. He was just trying,
Speaker 1: I guess, trying to play this like I'm so sad
Speaker 1: and you're the only thing that you know and I
Speaker 1: haven't spoken, I haven't responded him in monthships exactly. You know,
Speaker 1: he's listening to this episode right now, years ago. You
Speaker 1: need to calm down, and you need to stop what
Speaker 1: you're doing. What I've heard is they don't ever stop this.
Speaker 1: If he was actually like this type of person um,
Speaker 1: they don't ever stop. They just become fixated on something else.
Speaker 1: So I always think about that too, like I hope
Speaker 1: he's not bothering and said, but what I ended up
Speaker 1: doing when he did that? When he said that, I
Speaker 1: remembered he was like his daughter worked at Airwolf, and
Speaker 1: so I looked his name up and I found her
Speaker 1: and I called her in California and I said, I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on with your dad, but he's
Speaker 1: upsetting me and he's scaring me. And these are the
Speaker 1: ships he's writing me. And she's like, I never heard
Speaker 1: from either one of them. Again, I'm sure she addressed,
Speaker 1: because that's like I would be if someone if a
Speaker 1: woman emailed me your dad. I didn't talking me basically
Speaker 1: said it like I think your dad is in trouble,
Speaker 1: you know, like not like that is psycho must be
Speaker 1: Uh the daughter must have some clue and have no
Speaker 1: relationship that he's a little yeah. Yeah. So she was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, thank you so much for telling me.
Speaker 1: And then I saw I never heard from him since that,
Speaker 1: So that was that guy. I wish I was there
Speaker 1: for the conversation. Dad stopped talking. But also as far
Speaker 1: as like, yeah, being someone in comedy, like she's working
Speaker 1: in the industry, like that could seriously yeah, career and
Speaker 1: not that I. I mean, I wasn't nobody at that time.
Speaker 1: I still lived in the middle of nowhere and uh
Speaker 1: no I had just moved to New York by the
Speaker 1: time they all uh culminated. But yeah, I was nobody,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, I don't want to give anybody, like
Speaker 1: anybody now I don't know, yah, not to give anybody
Speaker 1: any bad ideas, but like it's I do often think
Speaker 1: like we list our shows and the addresses and right now,
Speaker 1: like my website. It's a little scary. It's a jo
Speaker 1: I always go like, listen, if anyone wants to attack me,
Speaker 1: I'm super you can accessible exactly. I remember one night
Speaker 1: I was I was trying to make a joke of it,
Speaker 1: and I had printed out that last email, like oh
Speaker 1: don't you live in New York and I was reading
Speaker 1: it at on stage at the Creek and my hand
Speaker 1: was fucking shaking. And that's what made me call her
Speaker 1: because I was like, oh, Shot, I'm scared, Like this
Speaker 1: is a funny you know, so you wanted to read it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: this guy, I guess I'm famous now, you know. That's
Speaker 1: so Yeah, So that was the only one that got
Speaker 1: to Yeah. The guys now, I mean it's mostly online ship.
Speaker 1: They never have they haven't made any moves to like
Speaker 1: be in person and hopefully, thank god, don't do that.
Speaker 1: People who are listening what kind of things they say.
Speaker 1: You could just tell people are weird. Like some guy
Speaker 1: wrote me the other day like I like wigs. Do
Speaker 1: you like wigs? And so what I just like that's
Speaker 1: your opener and wig. I'm like, yeah, so that's what
Speaker 1: I'm thinking. But how I handle it now? I just say,
Speaker 1: like how I was trying to do with that dude, Like, dude,
Speaker 1: I know you're not nuts and calling you nuts? Good move?
Speaker 1: Do I need to block you? Because what happens is
Speaker 1: if you block them from one thing, they follow you.
Speaker 1: To Twitters, they follow you, and I'm like, I will
Speaker 1: let you stay right here. Just never speak to me again.
Speaker 1: And usually they're like, okay, so they're still in my
Speaker 1: friends list or whatever, and I'm like, dude, just off,
Speaker 1: well that's good. Yeah. You know, sometimes you got to
Speaker 1: be direct and they really don't know what they're doing.
Speaker 1: But I think women are sometimes like hi, you know
Speaker 1: right feel right away, like dude, you're creeping me out.
Speaker 1: Don't ever speak to me. Yeah, and if you do,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a problem. You have to be direct
Speaker 1: like that because a lot of times they're not going
Speaker 1: to get it. They're not going to come to that
Speaker 1: conclusion on the room certainly. Yeah. So yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know a lot of people would like mental issues
Speaker 1: out here, so hey, yeah, me too. We're all, what
Speaker 1: are your mental issues? You know, I'm not diagnosed, but uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm all the comedian cliches depression, fucking h
Speaker 1: I've had um lots of what's the word um ship
Speaker 1: that's just like buried, yeah, sweep under the rug forever
Speaker 1: and then one day it explodes and you who knows.
Speaker 1: But every time I like, I don't cry like that. Never.
Speaker 1: The last time you've cried, I thought you were going
Speaker 1: to go. I don't talk probably, Oh when my dad died, Like,
Speaker 1: uh so that's like five years ago. Now, okay, well
Speaker 1: that's not good that he but that's good that you cried,
Speaker 1: because sometimes even that took me a while. I was
Speaker 1: at the funeral, like I didn't you know that's anything.
Speaker 1: Then I have there's eight of us that we have.
Speaker 1: I have eight siblings and like none of us, like
Speaker 1: we all like silently cried behind our sunglasses about how
Speaker 1: you were raised at me, Oh yeah, definitely, were you
Speaker 1: not allowed or well, you know, my dad was abusive
Speaker 1: and stuff, and so I remember, damn, I'm getting real deep,
Speaker 1: real early here. Uh yeah, let's do it. I don't mind,
Speaker 1: Like this is like, um, I knew that I can
Speaker 1: even talk about that ship, so I guess you know,
Speaker 1: once you can, You're like, I'm telling everybody, this is
Speaker 1: why I'm sucked up. My dad was super abusive. So
Speaker 1: I remember at one point being like I'm just not
Speaker 1: gonna cry anymore, you know what I mean, Like he
Speaker 1: hit you and you like like I'm not even gonna
Speaker 1: give you that, you know what I mean. That was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give you this satisfaction of knowing
Speaker 1: that you're hurting and so so that was part of it.
Speaker 1: And he was also like a super macho kind of
Speaker 1: don't cry dude, Like he don't cry, and like we
Speaker 1: were yeah, like our whole family as far as my
Speaker 1: siblings and my and my dad because he raised us,
Speaker 1: um the kids that we were all really like stoic,
Speaker 1: like work, like we had a family business. We would
Speaker 1: work and sleep and get up and you know, it's
Speaker 1: no room for crying, you know what I mean, or
Speaker 1: or like a boot camp almost. Yeah, he was physically abusive,
Speaker 1: was he mentally? Yeah? Everything? I mean I think, um,
Speaker 1: what did I read? Uh? I figured what it's called.
Speaker 1: But they say like the worst form of child abuses
Speaker 1: where you're like physically and emotionally abusive and then the
Speaker 1: next day you're like I love you. That type of ship,
Speaker 1: So that that type of ships, I think my dad
Speaker 1: was bi polar. What it was. He would have like
Speaker 1: really like manic moments where he was just horrible and
Speaker 1: then and then also one of those people where you know,
Speaker 1: like abusers where everyone is like he's great, Like everyone
Speaker 1: loved my dad, So that made you feel uncomfortable. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: my mom was bipolar and she would scream at me
Speaker 1: for something I didn't even do when I was three,
Speaker 1: and then she would like hug me and braid my hair,
Speaker 1: and I was like wait, yeah, And so they say
Speaker 1: that sucks you up even more than if you would
Speaker 1: just continuously abusive because you don't know what to expect.
Speaker 1: So that, I mean, that gives like I haven't had
Speaker 1: a family member like that, but even I had teachers
Speaker 1: certainly like that, and even that like a little bit
Speaker 1: of anxiety that's horrifying. Yeah, or even like you, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're like I don't even know what never knows to expect,
Speaker 1: like at least if you have like a mean person
Speaker 1: in your life, for like, well this person is over, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's an ass That's so interesting because you you turned
Speaker 1: it into I don't I don't want to give you
Speaker 1: the power of knowing you're upsetting me. And I turned
Speaker 1: it into like I will please anybody around me ever
Speaker 1: all like I turned into a people please you choose. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's both sucked up, you know, so um, But the
Speaker 1: flip side of that, what I've been realizing, Um, it
Speaker 1: almost gives you powers too, because I feel like I
Speaker 1: can spot assholes and like mentally ill people, like immediately
Speaker 1: I can spot like fake. You know that the people
Speaker 1: who are like everybody loves them. I can see that
Speaker 1: fucking asshole, like right away. I just like I can
Speaker 1: smell that ship, you know. So I don't know if
Speaker 1: that was like, oh I had to go through that
Speaker 1: in order to have this power, that perspective. And then
Speaker 1: you don't go down the road with somebody and then
Speaker 1: you find out, yeah, like what the fun this whole
Speaker 1: time and I didn't see it? Yeah? And then how
Speaker 1: long have you been a comedian? Uh? This is eight years? Yeah,
Speaker 1: going into my and before you were account it seems
Speaker 1: like forever you were a dominatrix. So okay, I've been
Speaker 1: a lot of things. Uh, but that is uh what
Speaker 1: everyone is always interested. So that's fine. I worked in
Speaker 1: fashion design for six years. I was a pattern maker
Speaker 1: and I did UM. I worked in fashion pr um
Speaker 1: you love the hardest businesses? Yeah, with the hardest with
Speaker 1: the with the most horrible people. I'm gonna pr And
Speaker 1: then the fashion fashion years, I was like, fashion people sucks.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a comedian. Where in the order of
Speaker 1: jobs was the dominatrix first? So this is my second
Speaker 1: time doing New York. UM. I moved here. That's you know.
Speaker 1: I moved right. I moved here. And when I was
Speaker 1: nineteen and I was going to f I T. I
Speaker 1: told my mom I was going to f I T.
Speaker 1: But I hadn't got in. But I just told you, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I told Did you get denied? I got denied. It
Speaker 1: was supposed to be me and my friend. She convinced.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know what I wanted to do in
Speaker 1: my life. But she was like, we like clothes, and
Speaker 1: so I was like okay, and year old, I was
Speaker 1: very in a fashion, I like sold and all you
Speaker 1: know and all that ship, and so I was like okay.
Speaker 1: So we both applied and she got in and I
Speaker 1: didn't get in, and so she was She was like,
Speaker 1: I'm moving and I was like, well, fun, you ain't
Speaker 1: gonna leave me here. So I told my mom I
Speaker 1: was I got in. I told my boyfriend at the
Speaker 1: time that I got in. And where were you coming from? Maryland? Maryland? Okay, soccer?
Speaker 1: Did you know? Did you tell your friend? Look? I
Speaker 1: know I didn't get in, but I told everybody. I
Speaker 1: not only told her that I left before her I
Speaker 1: came up here, because she then this is still a
Speaker 1: thing with me. I mean, we're not close friends anymore.
Speaker 1: But she started like, oh no, I have to like
Speaker 1: um start a semester late because I still have stuff
Speaker 1: to like handle down here, like I gotta sell my car.
Speaker 1: And I was and I was like, well, I'm going
Speaker 1: and so I'll find an apartment and because once I
Speaker 1: get some ship in my head and I'm like, let's go.
Speaker 1: So I came up here, I found an apartment and
Speaker 1: then started being like, you know, can you send me
Speaker 1: your pay stops. We gotta do like deposit that I
Speaker 1: paid it, but keep paying me back. Long story short,
Speaker 1: she never came. She met a dude had three kids
Speaker 1: that you never even went I got it. I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, I just know what happened. Was I got it?
Speaker 1: Like the following year, I just reapplied. But yeah, she
Speaker 1: never And so now when I talked to her like
Speaker 1: on through Facebook and stuff, she's like remember when I'm like, Ben,
Speaker 1: you lost you lost your chance, Like you know, it's
Speaker 1: just that's a different life now, like is she doing good?
Speaker 1: Like classed like some boy again Christian bullshit? Now? So
Speaker 1: you yeah, like she had a rough time with that dude,
Speaker 1: like he was a sucking idiot and then she had
Speaker 1: them kids. Once you got the kids, it's like it's done,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, so where and then where was it
Speaker 1: when she didn't pay you back? That you were like shit,
Speaker 1: I gotta so uh oh god, I was so broken
Speaker 1: up the first, you know, as as many of us
Speaker 1: are when you come to me, I was so broke.
Speaker 1: I panhandled, but I was very well dressed. Are you panhandled? Ce?
Speaker 1: I almost debated like I'm like, what happens if I
Speaker 1: just have a sign and I just here's what I
Speaker 1: tell you. The better you look, the more money people
Speaker 1: will give you. Really, and it's really that was really
Speaker 1: umu was the word enlightening? I guess uh because I
Speaker 1: had I mean, like I said, I was always in
Speaker 1: a fashion, so I had I remember this like duster
Speaker 1: leather coat, like matrix type, like buttery ass. You know,
Speaker 1: you know when you were high school, you had your
Speaker 1: high school job, all your money went to close type.
Speaker 1: So I was like the best dress panhandler. And I
Speaker 1: would just like ask guys and suits like hey, I
Speaker 1: lost my wallet, and they would just give me like fifty.
Speaker 1: You were you were making you have like a story,
Speaker 1: and I didn't look like a yeah, like I need
Speaker 1: to get somewhere, but that I had an inkling it
Speaker 1: would work. But that was very I mean, I'm super prideful.
Speaker 1: That was like I have nothing. That's when I would
Speaker 1: do that. But I would sleep on the train. You know.
Speaker 1: I had met some guys. I don't know. You guys
Speaker 1: are young, but I don't know if you remember I
Speaker 1: want to Be a VJ. Yeah, I had Yeah on
Speaker 1: MTV they used to have audition videos. But you said, well,
Speaker 1: what they used to do is have like a cattle
Speaker 1: call when you come up to stand outside. So before
Speaker 1: I moved here, I had stood outside in that line
Speaker 1: and I met like all these people. While we were
Speaker 1: in line for like eleven hours. I would bounce around
Speaker 1: to all those people. Remember me we met on Want
Speaker 1: to Be I was like, stayed with dudes. I didn't know.
Speaker 1: It's Italian guy named Mike y'all. Never forget him. He
Speaker 1: like let me crash on his couch. His girlfriend was
Speaker 1: so mad. He's like, no, she's cool, and did you
Speaker 1: meet him in line? For That's a fun thing about
Speaker 1: New York though. I feel like if you have that
Speaker 1: like work ethic, that it works out, you can figure
Speaker 1: it out. I was like I'm not going home as
Speaker 1: a fail, you know what I mean, Like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going back to Maryland and you know, so yeah, I
Speaker 1: worked it out and then I got a job at
Speaker 1: hair salon and the fashion district Mark Jacobs, I think
Speaker 1: it's still there. It was so crazy, but all the
Speaker 1: girls hair salon, that's that's just what it was called.
Speaker 1: It's not that, dude. It was like m A r
Speaker 1: K No, no, No, I may be saying it wrong Mark,
Speaker 1: And I was like, he don't. It's two guys. No,
Speaker 1: it was two guys something something like that. It's like
Speaker 1: West forty is right in the fashion district. It has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with Mark. So sorry. But it was
Speaker 1: just like a dena of drama. And you know, like
Speaker 1: all the women who worked at Vogue and UHL and Style,
Speaker 1: it was like all the man curious were Russian. They
Speaker 1: would always be fighting and their boyfriends would show up.
Speaker 1: And the wax er lady was sleeping with one of
Speaker 1: the owners, but his wife was the receptionist. It was
Speaker 1: like all types of ship. But there also was a
Speaker 1: girl who I befriended. I was a receptionist and she
Speaker 1: was a dumb and she was like you would be great.
Speaker 1: You know that, we like would talk and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's super interesting. And I had a friend that who
Speaker 1: was also a hairdresser. She got this, this makes me
Speaker 1: seem so old, but she would do phone sex. So
Speaker 1: people still do that. I don't think so numbers. I
Speaker 1: mean I feel like they do because so there are
Speaker 1: still people who like, you know, an old school I've
Speaker 1: seen and when I go home to my parents in
Speaker 1: Pennsylvania and I'm watching TV late, there's always you want
Speaker 1: to call me? And I thought that went away. But
Speaker 1: there's a movie like Girl Number nine or whatever it is,
Speaker 1: like I love that. Yeah, six number, six years whatever
Speaker 1: it is. That was like six, it's a number and
Speaker 1: I love it. Um. So I would crash with her
Speaker 1: sometimes and so she would be doing the phone sex
Speaker 1: and we would do it together sometimes like oh there's
Speaker 1: girls here and all that stuff. So I was like
Speaker 1: into the whole. I'm one of those people. I want
Speaker 1: to do everything. Like I'm just like, what's that about?
Speaker 1: Let me see that up. So this girl was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a donater. I was like, what's that about. She's
Speaker 1: like come down and um and meet the people who
Speaker 1: run in. They have like almost like an apprentice. It's
Speaker 1: not an apprenticeship, but you get training, you know, but
Speaker 1: you do you So here's what people don't realize. You
Speaker 1: have to then buy all your things, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like so people think you have it's a
Speaker 1: lot of money invested in and you pay for your training,
Speaker 1: you pay for your outfits, you know, and um, one
Speaker 1: of the benefits of working in the dungeon is they
Speaker 1: have the equipment and stuff. But if you want to
Speaker 1: then move and do your own thing, you have to
Speaker 1: buy all of those things, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So it's super hard and a lot of work. Is
Speaker 1: what I really want to get out of every time
Speaker 1: I talk about this, because there's a lot of girls,
Speaker 1: women who think that this is something that you want
Speaker 1: to do, and it's not as it's not for a
Speaker 1: quick as an easy, and it's not as sexy as
Speaker 1: people might think it is too, you know, how is it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm curious that's how it's not as sexy because I
Speaker 1: look at it. I mean, I'm not the one getting off,
Speaker 1: So how is that sexy for you? Did you ever
Speaker 1: enjoy it? Did you ever know it? I mean I've
Speaker 1: always so why a girl said I was God, I've
Speaker 1: always had like a dominant personality. I'll have male energy.
Speaker 1: People that told me, I don't know what that means,
Speaker 1: but it makes sense because I mean I was thinking
Speaker 1: when you were kind of raised not to be allowed
Speaker 1: to have emotions very similar. Yeah, I mean I do
Speaker 1: act pretty. I guess math what the definition of it's ways? Uh?
Speaker 1: And uh I have a deep ast voice, so maybe
Speaker 1: that's it. Uh. So was what was the question? So well?
Speaker 1: I was curious as how it's not sexy it turned on? Um?
Speaker 1: Did I get turned on? No? I can't think of
Speaker 1: one time it was pleasurable in Uh psychologically, did you
Speaker 1: enjoy Boston men or around? Because part of me I
Speaker 1: feel like I would enjoy that. No, not in a
Speaker 1: sexual way. It's like acting. It's a lot of acting,
Speaker 1: and I mean like I like power more than anything.
Speaker 1: So that's so that's pleasurable, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: So like whatever, But that wasn't only in domb. Whatever
Speaker 1: I do, I'm like, how could I get to the
Speaker 1: top of that? That's just my personality and those are
Speaker 1: the type of personalities that do well in this and
Speaker 1: this People think like, oh, I'm sexy and I'm a
Speaker 1: pretty girl. It's a certain type of mentality that you
Speaker 1: have or you have to be a really good actress,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so I did the training,
Speaker 1: so you have the training for like and then that's
Speaker 1: when you decide what you're willing to do because it
Speaker 1: can go really yeah yeah, I mean from light bondage
Speaker 1: banking too. I'm gonna ship and this dude is gonna
Speaker 1: eat it. You know. I did not get into any
Speaker 1: would play. I did. I did do animals. I did
Speaker 1: do animals. The guys they don't touch So one of
Speaker 1: the things that interested me in that it's like sex
Speaker 1: work without sex. For for for the women, we don't
Speaker 1: they don't get to touch us. We don't penetrate it.
Speaker 1: They are you know what I mean, So we don't
Speaker 1: get addressed. They're not allowed to touch us. Could they
Speaker 1: touch themselves because they jerk themselves off, they cut For
Speaker 1: most people, I would say, of the dudes, do not
Speaker 1: uh ejaculate or or simulate their generals And it's like, uh,
Speaker 1: different ways to come, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 1: if you're doing um like pain um sado masochism, where
Speaker 1: you're doing clamps like nipple clamps or Um that that
Speaker 1: pain is their orgasm, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 1: they're not looking for it just to come out. You did,
Speaker 1: you could do that with whatever. They're looking for a
Speaker 1: specific type of feeling and that's their leisure. So that's
Speaker 1: what I mean when I say it's not as sexy
Speaker 1: as people people are. They're like, oh yeah, that's I'm
Speaker 1: like jerking a guy off. And that's what prostitutes or
Speaker 1: call girls or your girlfriend or whatever or them themselves.
Speaker 1: Like doms are a specific type of thing that maybe
Speaker 1: if you went to your wife she would be like,
Speaker 1: get the funk out of here. You know, So what
Speaker 1: was the first time doing it? Where you nervous or yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know you hide that ship and but um
Speaker 1: to go. I mean I did enjoy the I did
Speaker 1: enjoy the powerful feeling. And so what I ended up
Speaker 1: um like specializing in like foot play, uh worship where
Speaker 1: they just worship you like I like that ship and
Speaker 1: me psychological psychological like basically like berating man, Well, isn't
Speaker 1: there also too, I would think, because that is a
Speaker 1: it's a kink of theirs, right, So the power not
Speaker 1: only feels good, but because at first I'm like, who
Speaker 1: wouldn't have feel good tell some asshole dude like, but
Speaker 1: now that you're talking about, I'm like, it would feel
Speaker 1: good to give a man like a man enjoys pleasure
Speaker 1: out of my power, and that's the thing that I
Speaker 1: would be happy to give to him. So so here's
Speaker 1: the other thing. So a lot of women think about
Speaker 1: it like, oh, I'm in charge of what I've always known.
Speaker 1: And what I'm glad somebody told me right right away
Speaker 1: is you're not really in charge. These guys are paying
Speaker 1: you for a service, you know what I mean. You're
Speaker 1: not making them do anything. You're still doing what they
Speaker 1: asked you to do, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 1: you're not really in charge. And it's still a man.
Speaker 1: It's still danger if he wanted to come out of
Speaker 1: his submissive you know, poke it up and you know
Speaker 1: that never happened. I mean not to me, but it
Speaker 1: has happened to to other people that I know. Say,
Speaker 1: there's no one like you don't like any kind of
Speaker 1: like security guards in a dungeon. You do. But obviously
Speaker 1: danger was there was there like a button you could press,
Speaker 1: like the cameras down there was cameras, and there was
Speaker 1: someone who would watch the camera. Oh wow, so you
Speaker 1: have surveillance on you in the moment. Worked in two
Speaker 1: different one of them the one that I the last
Speaker 1: one I did had that. The one before did not.
Speaker 1: But I mean that's very rare. But that's just a
Speaker 1: thought that's always in your head. It's just it's this
Speaker 1: man is still paying you to do this, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? So you know everybody's pretending. What are
Speaker 1: some of the more interesting things that you've been asked
Speaker 1: to do? I mean I had a lot of like
Speaker 1: infant infantilism. Yeah, a lot of people have like repressed
Speaker 1: ship that happened to them and they're just trying to
Speaker 1: relive it. And is here, what's the conversation like for
Speaker 1: the safe for the guy who wanted to be in
Speaker 1: a diaper, wanted to be treated like an infant? Does
Speaker 1: he just fill out a form or check a box
Speaker 1: on the website when they say they talk, they asked
Speaker 1: for it, and then they can ask for a specific
Speaker 1: type of girl. That was also interesting to to find out.
Speaker 1: I mean doing that that. So I did that for
Speaker 1: like a year and a half, almost two years. Just
Speaker 1: doing that like really change the way I think about
Speaker 1: myself as a woman and just how so for instance,
Speaker 1: when dudes we're calling, what kind of woman do you want?
Speaker 1: You would think I would have thought tall, pretty, skinny?
Speaker 1: Did the range of ship the man used to ask?
Speaker 1: Or just really shows you like there's no perfection for
Speaker 1: a woman that we're all telling that, we're all like
Speaker 1: aspiring to you know what I mean, Like everyone is
Speaker 1: somebody's thing, you know, so they would call and say
Speaker 1: what they want and also what type of woman and
Speaker 1: then hopefully one of us like did that, um and
Speaker 1: was comfortable with doing that, and then you get you
Speaker 1: get your regulars. Do anybody like fall in love with
Speaker 1: you or like, well, you know, so with the worship stuff,
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess they think they're in love with you.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm an adult now and I know what
Speaker 1: love is, so I know that's not what does the
Speaker 1: guys to worship you? I don't, you don't they don't
Speaker 1: your money? Are you? Are you worshiping? He's worshiping you?
Speaker 1: In what ways? Does he worship? Okay? So like so
Speaker 1: with foot with footship, they just worship your feet, They
Speaker 1: rub your feet. They don't say anything. I'm thinking of
Speaker 1: worshiping you look so pretty today I don't know, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's just they worship you by just doing what you
Speaker 1: tell them to do, Neil crawl. They just want to
Speaker 1: kind of want to just be ordered around, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Or if some people have like slaves,
Speaker 1: you know, so that's worshiped too, like I'll do whatever
Speaker 1: you say, you know, I'm just here for you and um,
Speaker 1: and then different doms have different things they're comfortable with
Speaker 1: their slaves doing. Right, I'm sure it's chick's getting eating
Speaker 1: out if they wanted to, well all that stuff, but
Speaker 1: I don't want people. I didn't want anyone touching me.
Speaker 1: So and that's part of it. Like, um, so if
Speaker 1: they're into worship and pain, you tell them to touch you,
Speaker 1: but they know they can't and they so they get
Speaker 1: pleasure from that, you know what I mean? Do you
Speaker 1: like hit him if they dry? That's fun? Yeah, like
Speaker 1: touch me like so that confusion like turns them on.
Speaker 1: Like but you said what then did I say? You
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And then they touch you and
Speaker 1: then you hit them. It's just yeah, you know, it's
Speaker 1: I feel like there's so many intricacies to sexuality women
Speaker 1: to women too, but definitely women too, but I don't
Speaker 1: know women. Oh really, I was gonna say, do women
Speaker 1: pay for this? Because there's no service. There's rare. There
Speaker 1: are a few services out there or put out there
Speaker 1: for women's for us to call and be like I
Speaker 1: want a guy to do this, this and this very
Speaker 1: specific thing. I feel like the more money you make,
Speaker 1: you find out that those things exist. You know, women
Speaker 1: in power want to be submissive. Yeah. I think it's
Speaker 1: just like the average woman who does not making a
Speaker 1: lot of money probably doesn't want to be hit by
Speaker 1: a dude, right Starbucks, And I don't want this giant
Speaker 1: man to hit me. I feel like anything you want
Speaker 1: exists to be purchased, but it may not. It's just
Speaker 1: not as prevalent as a man because we haven't been
Speaker 1: in power for as they have form and um and
Speaker 1: also I don't want Uh. It wasn't all dudes with
Speaker 1: with That's another misconception. It wasn't all like powerful dudes
Speaker 1: with money. Some people would come look like they just
Speaker 1: saved up, you know for you know what I mean? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like young kids, kids, Jesus, I'm gonna give myself jump,
Speaker 1: you know, but young guys twenty one and like this
Speaker 1: is my first, I just want to try it. A
Speaker 1: lot of hethnic Jews, yeah, Jewish guy did. Was there
Speaker 1: a string, like a theme to what they wanted? Or
Speaker 1: was everyone everything? I mean they were like the most Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say they were. Yeah. Repression. That would make
Speaker 1: me so happy, Like, yes, come in here and just
Speaker 1: be whatever you want within these rules. But also just
Speaker 1: like the freedom to really explore that man had for
Speaker 1: the first time, rarely in his life, freedom to explore
Speaker 1: a sexuality was someone who was totally open to it
Speaker 1: as well. And then so times, you know, people would
Speaker 1: come and they still wouldn't. They would come in and
Speaker 1: they would it would take time, It would take more
Speaker 1: and more sessions because even though they're there, they weren't
Speaker 1: comfortable saying it, or they didn't know how to express
Speaker 1: whatever it is, whatever this fantasy was that they wanted.
Speaker 1: Some people would come. They had I had this guy.
Speaker 1: He wouldn't take his sunglasses off because he thought he
Speaker 1: didn't want to be recognized. I'm like, I don't know
Speaker 1: who you are, but I don't care. So if you
Speaker 1: can't even take your sunglasses off, you're not gonna be
Speaker 1: able to let go in order to do this thing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean I don't regret doing it. It
Speaker 1: really like made me mad, chill about whatever anybody want
Speaker 1: to do, like you you're not hurting anybody, like who
Speaker 1: cares um? And it's yeah. I have a friend who
Speaker 1: does stuff like dom's like on the side, and she
Speaker 1: would tell me some stories. I'm like, that's so great
Speaker 1: that because that's why, like the sex industry, I think
Speaker 1: it's so stupid that so many like it's illegal. Is
Speaker 1: it illegal to do that or no, it's maybe the
Speaker 1: New York Uh, it's I remember they used to get
Speaker 1: raided or whatever because so sex is illegal and doms
Speaker 1: aren't supposed to be having sex with their clients, but
Speaker 1: obviously some dungeons that would be going on. So I
Speaker 1: guess once people they I don't know how they do it,
Speaker 1: send in another undercover or whatever and they find out
Speaker 1: that this is happening in this dungeon and all of
Speaker 1: them would get raided, like stuff like that would happen.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's happening now. I don't know. Dungeon
Speaker 1: still exists, but I think less because more girls are
Speaker 1: doing like cam work and at home stuff, which I
Speaker 1: am like, yeah, I don't that doesn't that doesn't sound
Speaker 1: appealing and it sounds dangerous to me, or just even
Speaker 1: having people in your house or going to people's houses,
Speaker 1: like I don't I'd rather be in a place and that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I wouldn't do now anyway, but that's when
Speaker 1: I was, you know, twenty one, and like, you know,
Speaker 1: that would open my eyes up and and really, I
Speaker 1: feel like it would make me appreciate a male sexuality
Speaker 1: and understand the spectrum of sexuality general, just because like
Speaker 1: when I was young, I was too afraid to ask
Speaker 1: for certain things where I had kings that I didn't
Speaker 1: want to tell any money because I felt embarrassed by them,
Speaker 1: or like you're weird and it's nice to hear about
Speaker 1: if they I don't know, if they're open. They're still
Speaker 1: hiding it, that's true, but maybe they want to keep
Speaker 1: it there. I don't know. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: feel sorry like they brought it on themselves a lot
Speaker 1: a lot of repressed male sexuality, or them policing each
Speaker 1: other like we don't care, I don't do anything weird.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like do you feel like your race
Speaker 1: played a role in any of you yell at me,
Speaker 1: you know, and yeah, We've gotten some interesting emails about
Speaker 1: race play, and I'm like, I whenever if you both
Speaker 1: people like it. Yeah, I mean about myself. So the
Speaker 1: person that's up to you as an individual and the
Speaker 1: part of your, part of me, all that ship is
Speaker 1: is um the un the taboo is sexy. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So you know I've been with
Speaker 1: white guys and that does cross your mind, like this
Speaker 1: is like holy shit. I mean, of course anybody calling
Speaker 1: me no, I was going to say, did that right? No?
Speaker 1: But it is so you know how people say, like
Speaker 1: black women really hate that white guys. I mean that
Speaker 1: black guys date white women. And it wasn't until I
Speaker 1: dated a white guy that I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: get this, the taboo, the mix of skin colors, like
Speaker 1: it's the thing, you know what I mean. And um,
Speaker 1: I don't know where I'm going with this. Why why
Speaker 1: what is the reasoning behind black do you not like
Speaker 1: when a black I did a white woman? I don't care?
Speaker 1: Why why would that feeling exist? I mean I have
Speaker 1: an idea, okay that exists, and I don't know. Black
Speaker 1: man will say that that that this isn't true, but
Speaker 1: usually black men justify dating white women because of black
Speaker 1: women's behavior that type of you hear you hear all
Speaker 1: black women are to mean aggressive. So I'm going to
Speaker 1: go so that's what we care, Like, yeah, believe me
Speaker 1: out of it, you know what I mean. So that's
Speaker 1: that's usually what I would um only have a problem with.
Speaker 1: I don't care anyone because nobody's gonna tell me who
Speaker 1: did they? You know, you should have to justify who
Speaker 1: you wanted anything you want to date the person because
Speaker 1: you don't want to date them, and that's the end
Speaker 1: of the story. But that's usually what what women have
Speaker 1: a problem with it. I didn't realize that. I was
Speaker 1: like the reason, but well, you know, men are men
Speaker 1: across all color, you know, so if they keep us
Speaker 1: fighting amongst each other, then they're better off and they
Speaker 1: become a rare commodity like we all want them, you know,
Speaker 1: type of ship. But you get older, you don't fall
Speaker 1: for that ship anymore recognized signs like get older. I'm like,
Speaker 1: god damnit. Yeah, it was so naive. So you you
Speaker 1: said you were raised your dad. Was there a mom
Speaker 1: in the picture? My mom? So my dad um because
Speaker 1: he was not my dad. UM. Basically, so they my
Speaker 1: mom and him had joint custody, and he just wouldn't
Speaker 1: honor that your parents were so yeah, and she my
Speaker 1: mom would come in and she had weekends and my
Speaker 1: dad had like week days after school, and she would
Speaker 1: come on the weekends and he would be like, they
Speaker 1: don't want to come. They don't want to go with
Speaker 1: you because he's a he's an asshole. And also he
Speaker 1: wanted to we again. He had a restaurant and like
Speaker 1: my dad, I'm from the Islands. My dad had like
Speaker 1: the first food truck in the Virgin Island. Then we
Speaker 1: had multiple food trucks. Then he had a restaurant, and
Speaker 1: I really feel like he had multiple kids so we
Speaker 1: could all work for him. Basically, Like part of part
Speaker 1: of us not going with my mother was we had
Speaker 1: to work, you know what I mean. So so all
Speaker 1: of that was happening, and so how I ended up
Speaker 1: in Maryland was my mom isn't gonna listen to this,
Speaker 1: but what I was just like this is so long ago,
Speaker 1: but my mom stole us basically, and I I we
Speaker 1: like left in the Debt of Dawn, got on a
Speaker 1: plane and moved and moved to Maryland because like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take you I didn't know. She didn't know. So
Speaker 1: my mom is like a fucking my mom is the
Speaker 1: ship because at that time and still am. I used
Speaker 1: to talk a lot and and just I was just
Speaker 1: always in like grown people's business, and I would like
Speaker 1: here one thing and then run to another adult like
Speaker 1: this is what I heard. You know. So my mom
Speaker 1: was dating a guy. Um had dated a guy that
Speaker 1: was from Florida that my father was even though they
Speaker 1: hadn't been together and forever that he was very against
Speaker 1: and he was like talking about he like fistfaulted. It
Speaker 1: was like a whole thing. And my mom started and
Speaker 1: this guy lived in Florida, which is close to the
Speaker 1: same time. It's just like an hour playing, right. My
Speaker 1: mom started telling me like, we're gonna go to Florida, like,
Speaker 1: don't say anything, knowing that I would, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Yeah, yeah, So I was telling my brother like,
Speaker 1: we're going to Florida. That's where Disneyland, and my dad
Speaker 1: heard us talking. He's like, what are you saying. I'm like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: we might be going to this man, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, but I don't know when he was
Speaker 1: like what and uh So then when my mom when
Speaker 1: that happened like a month later when she took us,
Speaker 1: my father spent years looking for us in Florida. Good mom,
Speaker 1: Yeah we were that's so smart. Yeah, but my mom
Speaker 1: left her whole life, her house, her job, everything to
Speaker 1: get us out of there because he was just a nut.
Speaker 1: And I didn't see him for like six years. So
Speaker 1: I guess that was I didn't see him for like
Speaker 1: six years. And then my great grandmother died and we
Speaker 1: had to go back for a funeral, and that's that's
Speaker 1: when I said. But by this time, I'm like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I mean he's still a but less scary, you
Speaker 1: know what I yourn, grown woman. Yeah what did he
Speaker 1: say to you? Oh he denied all of that till
Speaker 1: till he died, like your mom braidwashed you. You know,
Speaker 1: I didn't do those things like she, you know, stole you,
Speaker 1: like she had her like a villain and everything. And
Speaker 1: I mean that's what abusers do. They make you think
Speaker 1: like you're crazy. I'm like, wait, did he never hit me?
Speaker 1: I don't remember, you know what I mean, like maybe
Speaker 1: I imagined that, you know, so yeah, untill and he
Speaker 1: was just he was just not a good person, but
Speaker 1: had like some of his bad ship I'm grateful for,
Speaker 1: Like I'm not afraid of work again with the instant
Speaker 1: bullshit spotting, Uh I can. I can also bullshit bullshit
Speaker 1: people very well. Pull out the tool and your tool belt.
Speaker 1: So then if you not, if you never had a
Speaker 1: relationship like all of your relationship, I imagine it is
Speaker 1: with pretty healthy. So I've done both, like I remember,
Speaker 1: I mean, and I still am attracted to people like
Speaker 1: my dad. I am, I know, but I recognize it
Speaker 1: and I run. So my early relationships I remember like
Speaker 1: I was super into like what I guess what will
Speaker 1: be called like alpha male type of and I realized that,
Speaker 1: but you're young, and you don't I don't know how
Speaker 1: to get out. Yeah, no, I knew, you knew. I'm
Speaker 1: like a you remind me of my father, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? And but like maybe like my dad,
Speaker 1: but you'll love me the right way, that type of ship.
Speaker 1: So I've never been like an abusive romantic relationship or something,
Speaker 1: but I definitely like trended towards that. But then my
Speaker 1: serious relationships that I've been in have been the opposite.
Speaker 1: I've looked for the opposite. Yeah, yeah, like you're nothing
Speaker 1: like my dad, let's good or you only have the
Speaker 1: good qualities because he did have. I mean, it just
Speaker 1: seems to me like dudes don't know how to work nowadays.
Speaker 1: But but if like I look for that, like a
Speaker 1: hard worker, people who say they're gonna do what they do,
Speaker 1: what they're saying they're gonna do, ship like that. Those
Speaker 1: are things that my father had that and he was
Speaker 1: regardless of how he treated us, he was very like
Speaker 1: family oriented. And so yeah, that I got a hard
Speaker 1: working guy is so attractive, Like somebody takes care of
Speaker 1: themselves and it's independent with for me, not even for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah that is so sexy, Like you don't need me
Speaker 1: to help you. You're just you're doing. Then you're a
Speaker 1: whole person and yeah cool because that's who you are too,
Speaker 1: Like you don't want anybody to you don't rely on
Speaker 1: anybody and I don't and I don't wanna um have
Speaker 1: to shape anybody like I just just just not even
Speaker 1: like you have dreams or anything, just like you get
Speaker 1: up and you do things and you're productive. Yeah that's
Speaker 1: what I am. And if you get with a person
Speaker 1: that's not like that, they resent you. Yeah, they're like
Speaker 1: who you think because they're mad at themselves because they
Speaker 1: don't work as hard. Correct ship I got. I also reasoned,
Speaker 1: people who are lazy, you though, like that's me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like if any time, even if I'm living with someone
Speaker 1: who's lazy, like I just like amind me upset the
Speaker 1: gross quality. I like see them on the couch and
Speaker 1: I feel like I wanted to Is that I feel
Speaker 1: the same. My dad was haunted because he would never sleep.
Speaker 1: He would just be up, like just going stuff like
Speaker 1: sawing wood, Like what are you doing? Like yeah, we
Speaker 1: would be like he's haunted. Like he would he was
Speaker 1: like a man's like he would build stuff. He would
Speaker 1: just be building, like the restaurant my dad eventually had.
Speaker 1: We built like the ground up, the ground build built it.
Speaker 1: I paint the first food truck he had. I painted
Speaker 1: by hand. Yeah, like a paint brush. It was a band.
Speaker 1: We painted and we ripped out the into I mean,
Speaker 1: I was basically a boy like I was. I'm the oldest,
Speaker 1: but he treated me like a boy. We ripped out
Speaker 1: the answer some of the leadership quality from that. But
Speaker 1: that's so, I mean, those are great qualities that you
Speaker 1: have that like yeah, Bill cabinets and such a good
Speaker 1: I wish I could do. My dad used to teach
Speaker 1: me how to change the breaks in his core and
Speaker 1: now he's really old and I helped him change the
Speaker 1: breaks on his minivans to put him on backwards, and like,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy I have that skill. I just want
Speaker 1: to have skill. I want to walk around life with
Speaker 1: a skill set. And so I also required dudes that
Speaker 1: I went to half those things. That's just just me.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying if you don't ye whatever, don't write me.
Speaker 1: You're on this obstacle course and it's been around five times,
Speaker 1: and then change the parst like if you can't change
Speaker 1: the flat, like, come on, get out of here. Have
Speaker 1: ever been have you ever been in a situation where
Speaker 1: guys have been intimidated by you? Um? Yeah, well people
Speaker 1: are by me now. I mean a lot of that.
Speaker 1: I was just talking to somebody the other day, like
Speaker 1: a lot of dudes, I'm scared of you. And I'm
Speaker 1: always like, why that's that's so weird to me. I
Speaker 1: mean it's not weird. A lot of it is racism, um,
Speaker 1: but they don't know that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And I use that to my advantage. I mean obviously
Speaker 1: I'm a woman. I'm not going to fight you. You
Speaker 1: are afraid of you, know what I mean? Like a
Speaker 1: lot of a lot of dudes, a lot of white
Speaker 1: dudes in the comedies, they'll say that, like I'm so
Speaker 1: scared of you. I'm like, why, why don't you think
Speaker 1: about why that is? Have I ever been anything but
Speaker 1: nice to you? Yeah? So, but I'm like, if that
Speaker 1: makes you treat me with respect, then yeah, that be fright.
Speaker 1: Then in some ways they should be too, but just
Speaker 1: not physically as how they not. They shouldn't be physically
Speaker 1: afraid of me, how they act, but I mean, I'll
Speaker 1: suck you up in other ways. But right, you're smart,
Speaker 1: you know you've been. But just how they act like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna swing on them or something. It's so weird.
Speaker 1: And we've talked before on the podcast about white feminism, right,
Speaker 1: and I have an idea of what it is. I've
Speaker 1: I've seen Facebook post by by community Phoebe Robinson and
Speaker 1: should talk about it about white women are very fragile
Speaker 1: and they get their feelings hurt a lot. And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree, I think that's bullshit. What are your feelings
Speaker 1: on that? I mean, I think that's true. I always
Speaker 1: feel sad because I feel like I could totally get
Speaker 1: on the feminism train if I didn't have to worry
Speaker 1: so much about racism, you know what I mean? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: didn't you say on Facebook the other day You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's time for me to start preparing for the Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because yeah, it's just I can't. And then some of
Speaker 1: the things that uh, you know, so because of that,
Speaker 1: because you have to worry about racism, some of the
Speaker 1: things that white like white women who call themself feminists,
Speaker 1: uh focus on seemed like so trivial to us because
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, ship, we're dying like white people talking
Speaker 1: about man spreading, which is ridiculous, and we make fun
Speaker 1: of that ship all the time. That's ridiculous. But I'm
Speaker 1: also not like, don't do what you're gonna do. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying understand where I'm coming from that I can't
Speaker 1: join your train right now because I have this big
Speaker 1: ship over. Yeah, I'm not one of those people like
Speaker 1: white girls, but I think that's sucked up. Like we
Speaker 1: all have our specific things, but that type of feminism
Speaker 1: is not for us at this time. Yeah, the trivial yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, maybe it's not trivial to them and
Speaker 1: they're in at that time because again they don't have
Speaker 1: to worry about our ship. But what we usually want
Speaker 1: is for y'all to dope want ours our black female feminism. Uh,
Speaker 1: just platform better? Yeahs, bring us into your things so
Speaker 1: then we have time to think about man man spread
Speaker 1: and it ship like that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Because I find it upsetting a lot of times when
Speaker 1: people like because I mean, for me, feminism obviously it's
Speaker 1: all women, and I hate that even, like, because I
Speaker 1: think the reason that feminism is so far behind is
Speaker 1: because women are always fighting with each other, are usually
Speaker 1: over men. But then to even bring race into it,
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm like, no, because it's all very complicated.
Speaker 1: But I don't know, I really I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: a pessimist in this way because everything seems not great,
Speaker 1: you know, everything is right, and I don't see the
Speaker 1: end of it because we're all so divided in all
Speaker 1: types of ways, and and then we get together and
Speaker 1: then within our own groups where I am, and then
Speaker 1: black women are like even I might not agree with
Speaker 1: another black woman, how you know, And it's just I
Speaker 1: really don't. I feel like humans are just like a
Speaker 1: flawed tested will will be gone in a while and
Speaker 1: and hopefully what comes next will be better. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: feel like humans are just We're just not. I feel
Speaker 1: like social contributes to that bullshit so much in terms
Speaker 1: of me going, oh god, this is never going to
Speaker 1: get better because people just say the dumbest sh Here's
Speaker 1: the thing. I always think social media didn't invent those thoughts.
Speaker 1: It's just that you get to see him now. Yeah
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, people didn't know all
Speaker 1: of something like oh I can type, so now I'm
Speaker 1: thinking these new things. These are things they've always thought
Speaker 1: when you just know they exist, and it's good and
Speaker 1: bad because it's given a voice to people you wouldn't
Speaker 1: have heard before too. So you know, whatever you want
Speaker 1: to focus on is is how you view social media.
Speaker 1: I view it where I'm like, oh, now I'm hearing
Speaker 1: from women who have been sexual let's altered that I
Speaker 1: may not have ever even heard about it. And or
Speaker 1: I'm hearing about certain angles of racism that would not
Speaker 1: have been said before and or gave people or whatever.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm focusing on, rather than the things that
Speaker 1: annoy me. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's not pessimist at all.
Speaker 1: That Yeah, I know, right. I love reading. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: do love that part about it where I can hear
Speaker 1: other people's stories or other people putting putting things in
Speaker 1: a way that I'm like, yes, that's right in between
Speaker 1: all of the bullshit. I mean, I feel I do
Speaker 1: feel like we are largely stupid and the all thing intellectually,
Speaker 1: but there's good there's good things in between, and those
Speaker 1: things need to be sad, and hopefully there'll be the
Speaker 1: thing with social media too. I'm always wondering if those
Speaker 1: things are being read by the people who needs to
Speaker 1: need to see it, or even and if it's being
Speaker 1: ready to being understood and taken in in the way
Speaker 1: that you want. I try to post very I get
Speaker 1: like ship for this because I'm very like, well, what's
Speaker 1: the other side. I'm one of those people, well let's
Speaker 1: look at it is this way, and I'm never like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like this is the side, and I'm always like, well
Speaker 1: they do. And I'm always trying to speak to people
Speaker 1: who I don't who I'm feel may not agree with
Speaker 1: me right away, because that's how you get a productive conversation.
Speaker 1: I always try to you can't first of all, or yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not getting anyone's now, even if you're right exactly,
Speaker 1: you're pissing me off already. I don't even want to
Speaker 1: listen to you. But that's an angle that gain you
Speaker 1: your fan base, and as you know, in our business,
Speaker 1: your comedian. Yeah, yeah, so I don't put I try
Speaker 1: not to do it. I don't see it, and I
Speaker 1: know what it's about. I know what they're doing it.
Speaker 1: You're you're you're cultivating your own fan base. But if
Speaker 1: you're really trying, because then you'll see people like Facebook
Speaker 1: doesn't change minds, That's that's false. I've had people write
Speaker 1: me all the time like I never thought about it
Speaker 1: that way. I now talked to my family that like
Speaker 1: it does. You know. That's what really introduced me to
Speaker 1: the whole idea of white feminism, because when I heard
Speaker 1: a lot of black female comedians describing like, oh, you
Speaker 1: are absolutely right. How would you have known that without
Speaker 1: people exactly so, you know, I knew that so and
Speaker 1: so complaining about like Tyler like man spreading on the subway.
Speaker 1: That's stupid to me, But I didn't really understand like
Speaker 1: the notion of that term and what it means, and
Speaker 1: I totally get it, and I want to stop people
Speaker 1: saying social media is stupid is just another way of
Speaker 1: silencing people basically, So uh you you we all search
Speaker 1: out what what our agenda is. But I do feel
Speaker 1: like there's a way to engage with people that if
Speaker 1: I see, first of all, iry that ship or or
Speaker 1: all caps or whatever or just like wine e condescending,
Speaker 1: like petulant ship from like adults, I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear that either, you know what I mean. So it's
Speaker 1: it's whatever. We're all very immature. But I am a
Speaker 1: person who I want to be educated and I want
Speaker 1: other people to educate me on things because I don't
Speaker 1: know everything. And there's like more of you and us
Speaker 1: than the other. But who knows, you know what, I
Speaker 1: really don't know. I want to hope that there's more
Speaker 1: people like that. I think there are, and I think
Speaker 1: those are the people that rarely comment on them because
Speaker 1: they have jobs and ship. They're busy doing stuff, that's
Speaker 1: the hope. That's what we're all. Well, they're busy. They're
Speaker 1: not only busy doing stuff like I write, you know,
Speaker 1: my jokes and whatever, and I have like some like
Speaker 1: controversial jokes, and like the other day I wrote about
Speaker 1: I said, this is a joke and it's true, but
Speaker 1: I said, I'm up for a part as a butch lesbian,
Speaker 1: which is funny because when I try that in real life,
Speaker 1: I gagged and so you know that. And it was
Speaker 1: a joke, but it's true. But people will write me
Speaker 1: and say I liked what you said, but I work
Speaker 1: and I can't like it because then it comes up
Speaker 1: on my So don't think they're not looking or reading.
Speaker 1: They just can't engage with you because people have real jobs,
Speaker 1: not this comedy bullshit they were doing. Sometimes I forget that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well we had it. We had an instance on last
Speaker 1: week's episode where Yeah, we interviewed someone and we had
Speaker 1: to cut out her name because she asked came on
Speaker 1: air at the live episode and asked us this really
Speaker 1: like crazy question about sex. And then she said, oh,
Speaker 1: I forgot that I work at this place and everyone
Speaker 1: works at this place, and I gotta take my name out.
Speaker 1: But we're a very we're in a rare of profession
Speaker 1: where we can basically and even we haven't even we
Speaker 1: censor ourselves sometimes I try not to, but even once
Speaker 1: we get into a writer's room, or we're working for corporation.
Speaker 1: You have to show you're on a network or something.
Speaker 1: You don't say anything about the product, you know, so
Speaker 1: we forget that and then yeah, but those people are
Speaker 1: taking that ship in and they they're engaging in their
Speaker 1: own ways. So everybody keep posting I'm reading everything I
Speaker 1: agree with. It's just like, who are you talking to?
Speaker 1: You said you you that lesbian joke was based off
Speaker 1: of a real thing, So have you. Yeah? I tried,
Speaker 1: you know, when you do the thing where your man
Speaker 1: is like, let me get a three. So I tried
Speaker 1: that and I was like okay, because I'll try anything once.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, I get to pick the
Speaker 1: girl and you know, and so we went out like
Speaker 1: on a hunt for the check and this girl I
Speaker 1: saw her. I was like her and uh, she was
Speaker 1: like so gorgeous and and I went up to her
Speaker 1: and I was like, you're so pretty. She's like you're
Speaker 1: so pretty, and I was like this is easy, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. But when it turned out was
Speaker 1: she was way more into me. Yeah. Nice, I would
Speaker 1: be like score, and so I was like okay. But
Speaker 1: then when it came down to the actual act. I
Speaker 1: was like like, oh, I don't like women vagina once
Speaker 1: and I was like yeah, because you know how women are, like,
Speaker 1: I was always like, I like breast. Who doesn't like breast?
Speaker 1: I was saying, spoops. I always touched boobs and she's
Speaker 1: pretty pretty, I'm like, but I was like, don't kiss me.
Speaker 1: You know. They're like what the fuck? You know? So
Speaker 1: I've never had a woman that's close to my face,
Speaker 1: you know, that type of ship. And I didn't even
Speaker 1: get to the pussy eating part, just like the touching him.
Speaker 1: I was just like, Jesus, this doesn't I feel like
Speaker 1: what I like? You never know? Yeah, I wouldn't never
Speaker 1: know until I had a pussy in my face. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it was just not great for any of us
Speaker 1: because he ain't get attention. I didn't want nothing like, uh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna rise, I don't even care. Just don't make
Speaker 1: me touch they again, you know. So she was like no,
Speaker 1: was she bummed that you didn't want to touch her pussy? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm She like pursued me for a while after that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, I wish no one likes to get rejected,
Speaker 1: and like I always wish I was in a check
Speaker 1: because I feel like I would clean up like me too.
Speaker 1: Always it on me way more than men and really
Speaker 1: really good looking women too. I'm like, damn, I would
Speaker 1: be a pimp. But I'm just not into it. It's
Speaker 1: just not Yeah, I often think that same thing. I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: if I was a lesbian, i'd be horrible. Well, I tried.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have, We've done a couple of
Speaker 1: three ways, and we go to we'll hit on the
Speaker 1: woman together, and I automatically put myself in the role
Speaker 1: of the dude and be like, you look very pretty,
Speaker 1: which I think you kind of have to do to
Speaker 1: make them feel comfortable. I kind of liked that though.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I am the aggressive. You get that
Speaker 1: a lot from comedy, from after shows. I get at
Speaker 1: after shows like my boyfriend wants to know me and
Speaker 1: my boyfriend went to sleep. Yeah the wait, couples want
Speaker 1: to bang you after they see it before. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: at I've seen very good. It's not very sexual, but yeah,
Speaker 1: they're like they could tell them. They'll come up and
Speaker 1: they'll be like, my boyfriend loves you. Yeah, I'm going
Speaker 1: through your act right now, Like what joke on people
Speaker 1: and you're very relaxed on stage, and you kind of
Speaker 1: it's it's it is sexy. There's a sex sceness to
Speaker 1: you have a swagger. I think maybe is what it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, so that's that's always been funny. How do
Speaker 1: you respond to that request? Like I always say, damn,
Speaker 1: I wish I was in the checks man. It's hot though,
Speaker 1: but you know, sorry, Yeah, I'm flattered my mailing list
Speaker 1: by my shirt. I don't know what else to do,
Speaker 1: you know, and you know, amount of drinks gonna make
Speaker 1: me change my mind. So yeah, I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times female comics were like, you know, male comics
Speaker 1: get hit on by whoever after shows, and like I mean,
Speaker 1: as a female community, I feel like we we rarely.
Speaker 1: I don't get hit on by dudes, bottoms. I get
Speaker 1: it's after they'll write you like I saw you earlier,
Speaker 1: I want to follow you and like all your Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I don't know if I was in the third
Speaker 1: row with no, I didn't know. I didn't know I
Speaker 1: had a blue shirt. I guess they're afraid of the
Speaker 1: immediate rejection show they write you later. Yeah, it's less
Speaker 1: scary to get rejected online, yes, than in person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but dudes never really unless they're like just blotto and
Speaker 1: just sucking being an asshole. You like black girls, I
Speaker 1: feel like scared white guys. Hey, I'm Bill. Uh No, No,
Speaker 1: white dudes are they used to especially dude's name Bill.
Speaker 1: They come right up to you. Hi, I'm Bill. You're
Speaker 1: you're super hot, you know, like those a Bill kind
Speaker 1: of dude, They right up in your face. My Bill,
Speaker 1: in my eyes, is like the scrawny meek. Oh no,
Speaker 1: you're a Trevor see Trevor. To me, it's like what's
Speaker 1: up like a rock, like a like a Daria dude.
Speaker 1: Okay in it. But you know, like the Bill guy
Speaker 1: who works in accounting with like the red face type
Speaker 1: of dudes. They're all they love me, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: you are not the type of white dude that I'm into,
Speaker 1: and so I'm so sorry, Like I like, you're just
Speaker 1: so uh uh. Maybe I don't know anyway. I like
Speaker 1: a strapping Midwestern like corn fed, fucking Maybe his parents
Speaker 1: are racist, but he was in the military and you
Speaker 1: love my boyfriends. Wow, he's voting for Trump and everything. No,
Speaker 1: he's here himself, is not He has a kid. His
Speaker 1: eyes have been open because he left his town to
Speaker 1: do whatever, but his mom it would be horrified to
Speaker 1: meet me type of ship and uh you know yeah
Speaker 1: like that type of dude. I like that kind of dude.
Speaker 1: I like brods, which is really like white dudes, but
Speaker 1: not so I like. So here's how I dis thing.
Speaker 1: I distinguished it. I like dudes, not uh men, like
Speaker 1: white dude, white men like what about Robert, like look
Speaker 1: like somebody's dad or well. I always love when because
Speaker 1: I have a couple of friends that are like bros,
Speaker 1: but they're really sweet, right, and they're usually so dumb.
Speaker 1: It's just like daring. Yeah, it isn't daring because they're kind. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I haven't met a dude. I haven't and that's
Speaker 1: probably because they don't approached me. Like those will be
Speaker 1: the people, the dudes who are like I don't like
Speaker 1: black girls or whatever, only blondes or whatever. So, but
Speaker 1: the bros that approached me are always man cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And whenever I meet a bro, I I stereotype them
Speaker 1: as like oh god, and then I get to know them,
Speaker 1: I'm like, shit, you're really cool. Yeah, I'm like, you
Speaker 1: ain't like anything um that I would have, you know,
Speaker 1: thought so yeah, that's the kind of white dude. So
Speaker 1: do you black up? That's shot? Of course, that's default
Speaker 1: is black eyes. Um um. But for whatever reason, it's
Speaker 1: only the majority of guys that hit on me a
Speaker 1: white for for for like the last six seven years. Really,
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I don't think about myself, but
Speaker 1: I don't know. So I do a lot of Midwestern towards,
Speaker 1: you know, like I go through the Midwest a lot.
Speaker 1: I started in the Midwest. Um, I don't think I
Speaker 1: do like quote unquote white comedy. I don't know what
Speaker 1: they're into about it, but that's who. But even in
Speaker 1: New York, white dudes come up to me way more
Speaker 1: and the black guys or anything. Yeah, you know, anybody
Speaker 1: can hit on you here, but out of everything, white
Speaker 1: dudes hit on me more. I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: awesome or not, but yeah, that's what it is. Just facts.
Speaker 1: Don't start feeling yourselves. I never slept the black which
Speaker 1: oh no, I am. I am more attracted like to me,
Speaker 1: like black men are just I don't know. I just
Speaker 1: feel like they're just more masculine to me than I mean,
Speaker 1: you're doing a fetishized thing, yeah, exactly. What's not Every
Speaker 1: black man is type of person like man Dingo Nicks Layer.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so that's what you have and the same
Speaker 1: thing like the first white guy I dated. After a minute,
Speaker 1: I was like, holy shit, I'm fetishizing you like more
Speaker 1: than he was bad though. I don't know, but I
Speaker 1: wasn't thinking, um no. I mean I was like, I
Speaker 1: want to go to a fucking cow tipping bullshit and
Speaker 1: he's like, I don't even do that. I'm like, but
Speaker 1: you know, white you know what. I did it At
Speaker 1: the minute guy, I was like, take me dancing a queens.
Speaker 1: But then he did, and I was like, this is
Speaker 1: the best. I like getting getting to know other people's
Speaker 1: cultures too, because so I think that's really it is. Um,
Speaker 1: it's for me. It's not which is the fetishize, And
Speaker 1: it wasn't about them, it was about experiencing through them.
Speaker 1: We also like them as a person, so it's like
Speaker 1: a cheery, cheery on top to the great personnel. I'm
Speaker 1: a narcissist. I like me me most. That's good though.
Speaker 1: I think that's a narcissist. I think you're oh yeah,
Speaker 1: what what other qualities would you define yourself as a
Speaker 1: narcissist other than you put yourself first, because I feel
Speaker 1: like most people should and a lot of times most don't. Relationships.
Speaker 1: I'm just very self involved. You know you're not, do you?
Speaker 1: Are you carrying as a girlfriend? Yeah, but I mean
Speaker 1: I am, But it's always to make myself. I feel good.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. You know what's what's I'm trying.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be a realist about myself lately and
Speaker 1: just in general. Am I doing it for that person?
Speaker 1: Or am I doing it to seem like a good girlfriend?
Speaker 1: You know what's underneath? You know what I mean? And
Speaker 1: so that's what I think the narcissism comes. Of course,
Speaker 1: every comedian has to be a narsis occupations. We chose
Speaker 1: to talk into a microphone where people be quiet and
Speaker 1: pay and listen to it. I have ten minutes of something.
Speaker 1: You need to sit, shut the funk up and listen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's crazy. That's what I love about comedy because you
Speaker 1: control the whole thing and it's yeah, I just uh
Speaker 1: comedy for me, like um my favorite comedians which are
Speaker 1: prior and he does a lot of stuff with silence
Speaker 1: and just like mood. So he would do a very
Speaker 1: serious joke and it would be so quiet, and then
Speaker 1: he would do like a big joke and everybody last
Speaker 1: I just thought that was so It's almost like doing
Speaker 1: a magic trick. It's like I'm going to tell you
Speaker 1: how to feel for an hour, you know what, gonna
Speaker 1: be all laughing, you know, and you're gonna hate me sometimes.
Speaker 1: Then I'm gonna make you love me, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. That's what made a lot of his bits
Speaker 1: too really powerful, because he was so comfortable in the silence,
Speaker 1: and he forces you to be comfortable with it. Everybody's
Speaker 1: leaning in, ship. I am hanging on the end of
Speaker 1: my seat. You're leaning in and he's like, dick a ball.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, but I'm definitely a narcissist and I'm trying
Speaker 1: to work on it and not being a bad one.
Speaker 1: I guess, what's the worst qualities of your narcissism that
Speaker 1: you're trying to change? Fuck? Um, y'all didn't tell me this,
Speaker 1: what is it? Yeah? I mean, yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: do feel like I'm very self I like I like
Speaker 1: like being alone, but I want people to love me
Speaker 1: at the same time, like love me now, get out
Speaker 1: of the only how I want you to love me
Speaker 1: and when you know what I mean, had fights about
Speaker 1: that with past relationships, no, not fights, but and also
Speaker 1: and this is all wrapped up in the narcissism. I'm
Speaker 1: very like, um, always thinking about that, whereas the person
Speaker 1: that I'm with might not even pick that up. And
Speaker 1: I'm just like, dude, why don't you sense that I'm
Speaker 1: doing this? You know what I mean? So that's all
Speaker 1: like wrapped up in that, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like being so not navel gay zy, but um, what
Speaker 1: would it just like internal well you see what's going
Speaker 1: on from the Yeah, that type of expecting them to
Speaker 1: make a move because you think they should, and and
Speaker 1: and then then all it's all kind of two wrapped
Speaker 1: up in like growing up in an abusive household, Like
Speaker 1: I don't think I deserve, you know, to be treated
Speaker 1: well like underneath, like even though that's what I want
Speaker 1: parts of me, doesn't I think that you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Or I don't trust it all yourself abuse
Speaker 1: that I've talked about with my dad, Like I'm like,
Speaker 1: when is the shoe gonna drow? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I feel like that never leaves you, even though
Speaker 1: you know that's what you're doing and that's what's going on,
Speaker 1: you know, right, it's a lot of ship. I should
Speaker 1: probably be in therapy again and ship, so I mean
Speaker 1: a better hold of yourself a moment. It's just self
Speaker 1: awareness is so important because I feel like then that's
Speaker 1: when you can start to work on yourself and like, well,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm trying to get. I'm like too self
Speaker 1: aware but not doing anything about knowing is the first
Speaker 1: time knowing? Yeah, well, um, I think that's about it
Speaker 1: for us. Where can we find you? You can find
Speaker 1: me on Facebook all the time talking shit. Um uh.
Speaker 1: Janelle James is my name, and then I have a
Speaker 1: website Janelle James Comedy dot com. I tweet sometimes if
Speaker 1: people behave themselves at Janelle j Comic And yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: all around New York doing shows, too many shows, like
Speaker 1: an obsessive Verston. Yeah go check out you know in
Speaker 1: New York or wherever in the Midwest. Maybe. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. This has been guys. We fussed the Anti
Speaker 1: Slot Chimny podcast. We'll talk to you next Friday. So
Speaker 1: color like something You're cool says please sudden Feelings flings
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