Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Jack
Speaker 1: and O'Brien Needs a Trend courtesy of my dumb brain.
Speaker 1: What that means, it's that Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend
Speaker 1: is the other podcast that first rate podcast. I thought
Speaker 1: it was like, whatever, so and so need wedding dates.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I just completely took it there,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I've got more need wedding dates than needs
Speaker 1: to needs a friend. Vibes um just I'm Jack, you're
Speaker 1: your Miles. I am Today. Once again, we have completely
Speaker 1: wasted a fascinating conversation before we hit record. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just trace it for people, I guess real quick.
Speaker 1: Just leave it, leave it out of and well that
Speaker 1: will be the last thing we can talk about. Okay,
Speaker 1: it took so long to start recording because of one
Speaker 1: thing I heard. Yeah, yeah, alright. Let's start off with Rixantorum,
Speaker 1: Republican politician whose last name is synonym Us with the
Speaker 1: foam that forms uh during anal sex um, which was
Speaker 1: a game attribute from the gay community to his rampant homophobia. Anyways,
Speaker 1: he's saying America invented its culture completely out of whole cloth,
Speaker 1: and that native Americans didn't have much to do with it,
Speaker 1: and just real take come on now, how oh god,
Speaker 1: what would that do to you if you had to
Speaker 1: admit that that wasn't true. That's also the weird things
Speaker 1: like why are you digging your heels and I don't
Speaker 1: look racists have too much time they um, yeah, it's sense,
Speaker 1: it's uh, it's truly like the one of the great
Speaker 1: untold stories of American history, mostly untold, is just how
Speaker 1: much white settlers just stole from Native cultures and just
Speaker 1: basically waited until like there they had no way of
Speaker 1: settling in America until ninety percent of Native Americans were
Speaker 1: wiped out by a plague, and then they just showed
Speaker 1: up and started moving into their houses literally dishes, you
Speaker 1: guys know how to grow food, I'm sorry, schools. They
Speaker 1: literally were like, it's amazing how this whole like they're
Speaker 1: these just natural gardens and like parks in Ohio, like
Speaker 1: you can just ride your ride your horse and carriage
Speaker 1: right through the forest. It's amazing how it grew like that.
Speaker 1: Turns out that's not how it grew. Man, Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: come on now, it leaves Santon. What did even why
Speaker 1: did you even say this like it's obviously he was
Speaker 1: responding to some other thing where people were like, we
Speaker 1: need to respect indigenous cultures. Probably he's like, what do
Speaker 1: you mean, I don't see any of that now here today.
Speaker 1: Also go bravos. Farmer John is trending. Famous hot dog
Speaker 1: maker no longer will make the Dodger dogs, which is
Speaker 1: I mean, they've always Farmer John makes the Dodger dog.
Speaker 1: Farmer John has been a mainstay. If you ever want
Speaker 1: to go to a promotional giveaway night at Dodger Stadium,
Speaker 1: chances are there's a fucking big gas Farmer John thing
Speaker 1: just blasted on the side of it to let you
Speaker 1: know you've got that ship for free. But they have
Speaker 1: now I guess apparently they have turned down an opportunity
Speaker 1: to extend their renew their contract with the Dodgers because
Speaker 1: now they are you know, I guess hooking up l
Speaker 1: A f C with their to meet needs. But like
Speaker 1: Dodger Twitter is very It's like any fandom, right, Like
Speaker 1: you take away a thing that they're used to, it's
Speaker 1: now a crisis. But I'm and I get Look, not
Speaker 1: all hot dogs, they're not all built the same way.
Speaker 1: But let's be real, there wasn't anything about a Dodger
Speaker 1: dog that tasted in different than any other hot dog
Speaker 1: aside from the you know, length, et cetera. And it is, yeah, great,
Speaker 1: be Frank, but I don't know, like, what do you
Speaker 1: who are these hot dogs summeliers that are so concerned
Speaker 1: like you're going to forget how these people are drunk
Speaker 1: as ship anyway eating them things. That's why they taste
Speaker 1: so good. Bring back Farmer John to life is what
Speaker 1: I say. Hashtag bran back Farmer John. I had totally
Speaker 1: missed that Tony Stark hashtag when it was trending last week,
Speaker 1: but Marvel fans, who are bad at writing, had the
Speaker 1: hashtag bring back Tony Stark to Life trending, And uh,
Speaker 1: that's funny to me, Like what's that gonna do for you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's that going to do for you? If they bring
Speaker 1: him back to life for you to back? Yes, bring
Speaker 1: him to life back. Supreme Court is trending because, uh,
Speaker 1: they we might we might all be packing packing here.
Speaker 1: I mean they are really, they're hearing us a Second
Speaker 1: Amendment case for I think it's been like ten years
Speaker 1: or something, eleven years since the Supreme Court has taken
Speaker 1: up a case like this, this, Um, this could essentially
Speaker 1: redefine like what it means to conceal carry and like
Speaker 1: who can and who can and if every ship fucking
Speaker 1: if everyone can, that's your fucking right to stay strapped
Speaker 1: in public. Um. I don't that's not good. But I
Speaker 1: will say this, I think that only intensifies like the looks,
Speaker 1: the nervous looks at the leadership in this country be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what is going on because y'all are still letting the
Speaker 1: filibuster rock to avoid actually, you know, creating any kind
Speaker 1: of change. And now you have a six three conservative
Speaker 1: majority on the Supreme Court. Who I don't do you
Speaker 1: think I don't know? When I look at a six
Speaker 1: three majority Second Amendment, I'm pretty sure I know what's
Speaker 1: going to happen. So are we going to expand the
Speaker 1: court now to what's going on? Because that's are are
Speaker 1: We're just meant to be like we're just going to
Speaker 1: fast forward to the mad Max part? Right? Yeah, it'll Uh.
Speaker 1: I can't think of a worse idea at this moment
Speaker 1: in time for America. Yeah, but uh, it seems like,
Speaker 1: I mean, there was the energy that Trump got from
Speaker 1: just his entire policy being owning the Libs, and it
Speaker 1: seems to be like that's still the conservative motive. But
Speaker 1: like that, it just seems like everything they're just now
Speaker 1: it just seems like they're habitually wrong about everything like that. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know Rick Santorn, by the way, his quote
Speaker 1: we birth the nation from nothing, I mean there was
Speaker 1: nothing here. I mean, yes, we have Native Americans, but
Speaker 1: candidly there isn't much Native American culture and American culture, um,
Speaker 1: the like, if you have no idea about colonial what
Speaker 1: you don't forget it? Yeah, say torment up, asshole. Yeah. Um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: Elizabeth City is trending. This is a city where a
Speaker 1: black man was shot while driving away from the police,
Speaker 1: um and shot and killed. And uh they have declared
Speaker 1: a state of emergency ahead of the release of the
Speaker 1: body camp footage from the police. So probably probably gonna
Speaker 1: be uh pretty bad for the police, would be my guess.
Speaker 1: I don't yeah, you don't what I again? You know
Speaker 1: this is we're gonna keep doing this and the police
Speaker 1: are going to keep showing themselves to be who they
Speaker 1: are until we're able to fucking move on from this.
Speaker 1: Think it's just fucking atrocity that is called American policing. Um.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I can only imagine what was actually said.
Speaker 1: I mean, it just breaks your heart when you're like, man,
Speaker 1: the evidence is gonna cause a fucking problem them essentially,
Speaker 1: and you don't want to hear that. Um. They said
Speaker 1: it was because they needed time to blur the faces out,
Speaker 1: but I haven't actually seen what the I know the
Speaker 1: family was going to view it and then say something,
Speaker 1: but I've yet to see like what's been happening in
Speaker 1: that uh, the specifics there, but it's just not Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's never a good thing to hear. Hey, when you
Speaker 1: see what happened, there's gonna be no excuse, Like is
Speaker 1: what the subtext of that? And it just breaks my heart.
Speaker 1: Netflix still has their windows boarded up, the Netflix building
Speaker 1: the weird on Sunset like fully boarded up, Jesus. And finally, yeah,
Speaker 1: so speaking of Netflix, Uh, the Oscars, which they don't
Speaker 1: seem very good at winning. Uh, the Oscars happened last night.
Speaker 1: It was very strange. We talked about it in a
Speaker 1: little more detail yesterday or on tomorrow's episode, but all right,
Speaker 1: let's get to uh what the conversation that happened? Before
Speaker 1: we started recording. So I do want to get on
Speaker 1: a Hosie. I want to get on a Hosnie's take
Speaker 1: on my octopus teacher, which was that you can't trust
Speaker 1: that octopus. Uh, he's probably trying to kill that dude,
Speaker 1: like octopuses are mad manipulative, And then she said he's
Speaker 1: probably at the bottom. The guy who won the award
Speaker 1: last night, who we saw on the Oscars win the award,
Speaker 1: she thinks he is probably at the bottom of the
Speaker 1: ocean being eaten by crabs, which would suggest that much
Speaker 1: like uh, finding Dory were, what we saw last night
Speaker 1: was an octopus based illusion being done by maybe an
Speaker 1: octopus with a with a coffee pot or something. Um
Speaker 1: and just amazing uh skills of manipulation and color changing. Uh.
Speaker 1: And anyways, that caused you to recount something you had
Speaker 1: recently heard. MO heard. I'm assuming this is some kind
Speaker 1: of colloquialism. But someone said and they felt really bad
Speaker 1: about themselves, and they said, you know, right now, I
Speaker 1: feel lower than a shark's dick. Yeah, And I said,
Speaker 1: I'm huh, which got me thinking, I'm like punching that
Speaker 1: up because I'm like, I don't know how low sharks
Speaker 1: go on the water. I feel like a crab is
Speaker 1: better their bottom feeders that could be lower if we're
Speaker 1: talking about depths, that you could feel lower than. And
Speaker 1: then and it was like, oh, have you seen sharks?
Speaker 1: They got two dicks? And then we started looking at
Speaker 1: sharks shark photos and sharks are and then it just
Speaker 1: turned into sharks are freaky, are freaking massive massive dicks
Speaker 1: they got too because they got two pelvic fins. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's why I thought it some some other ship two
Speaker 1: pelvic fins. And also like they theyre they like to
Speaker 1: bite and ship and hit it from the side. It's
Speaker 1: some pictures are really erratic. Yeah. Yeah, Like I feel
Speaker 1: like if that were if that ship went down at
Speaker 1: an aquarium, like they would have to blackout the aquarium
Speaker 1: just because of kids around there. Like I know you
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to connect the donsier, but like we
Speaker 1: can't have kids seen this hitting it from side, biting
Speaker 1: the dorsal but not not not um. And it's saying
Speaker 1: apparently they have to bite so they don't float away.
Speaker 1: Huh who All right? Okay, I mean the but like
Speaker 1: I've always I've always thought it would be funny to
Speaker 1: imagine like dinosaur dicks like at Jurassic Park, if like
Speaker 1: the t rex had had a big penis, but people
Speaker 1: like no, shark or dinosaurs probably don't have penises. But
Speaker 1: like this, this shark penis is exactly what I had imagined,
Speaker 1: uh as being the weirdest, the very weird possibility of
Speaker 1: like if the t rex was walking around and just said, uh,
Speaker 1: like three ft long penis just dangling down there. Um,
Speaker 1: we don't know, it's not true, right, Um, I don't know. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always said, you know, that's the hill that you
Speaker 1: always want to die on, and it is soho the
Speaker 1: t rex's penis cowers. Uh yeah, I can't get in
Speaker 1: any natural history museums. I. I this is really startling
Speaker 1: to me to see this because I grew up a
Speaker 1: huge shark shark fan, and to know that they were
Speaker 1: burying the lead so to speak. Uh, when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, not telling me that sharks had not one,
Speaker 1: but two massive dog ers. Um, it's pretty called claspers.
Speaker 1: Now that seems misguided or misleading to call them claspers. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think because I don't know, that's probably their way
Speaker 1: of being like, dude, don't don't start talking about the
Speaker 1: sharks dicks. Just let's let's calm something else, right, or
Speaker 1: they probably I didn't know what they were. They're like,
Speaker 1: oh look, they got a couple of claspers down there.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, sword, what is that? What is a class?
Speaker 1: Get the kids out of here, honey, get the kids
Speaker 1: out of here. It's not a clasp. It's not a clasp,
Speaker 1: it says uh, anatomical structure found in some groups animals
Speaker 1: used in mating. Carlos in his fish plus te reports
Speaker 1: of public served the channel. Man, I don't know whatever. Class,
Speaker 1: brother friendly goes, good to see you. Uh, all right,
Speaker 1: Well that is where we will end it for today. Class. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She she's already told me that dinosaurs most likely had cloakas.
Speaker 1: I think they're called. Um so, I get it. She's
Speaker 1: already piste on my dream. But you know, I still
Speaker 1: like to think about it sometimes. Every once in a while.
Speaker 1: It's funny to me. That is going to do it
Speaker 1: for this afternoon. We're back tomorrow with a whole last
Speaker 1: episode of the show. Until then, be kind to each other,
Speaker 1: be kind to yourselves, wear a mask, and don't do
Speaker 1: nothing about white supremacy. We'll talk to out tomorrow, bye
Speaker 1: bye m