Speaker 1: Oh here lafting the rain, heart break on playing the
Speaker 1: rain God still cold though, Listen, I know we need
Speaker 1: that rain in La and I appreciate that we got
Speaker 1: two days of it, but fuck that rain. You got
Speaker 1: a sweater on too, everybody's cold, freezing dude. And I
Speaker 1: walked into a room that didn't have the heat on.
Speaker 1: So heats the heats coming in, but this room did
Speaker 1: not have heat on, and I'm I got like two
Speaker 1: layers on. So I'm going to a sports match on Sunday.
Speaker 1: I invited Donald. He said no, but I've been invited
Speaker 1: to be in the Casa Amigo's box at the RAMS game.
Speaker 1: Oh forgetting not get hammered at the Casa Amigo's box
Speaker 1: at the RAMS game. I'm I'm worried already. You don't drink,
Speaker 1: that's how you do it. I'm not gonna not drink
Speaker 1: in the Causa Migos box at the RAMS game. If
Speaker 1: we could rede rewind this too, we need to fast
Speaker 1: forward to after I've gone a year ago, maybe less
Speaker 1: than that, and somebody said, Zach, we're gonna take you
Speaker 1: to the Casa and me goes box. You'd be like, nah,
Speaker 1: I ain't fucking with the casa and me goes box. No,
Speaker 1: I'm first of all, I'm not gonna I don't obviously,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna get hammered. I'm just saying, I'm obviously
Speaker 1: gonna have some tequila. Tequila, tequila to kill you. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have some to kill you. Donald. Remember this, I
Speaker 1: invited you to go, and you said you couldn't. But
Speaker 1: you're telling me if you were there, you wouldn't have
Speaker 1: a separate to kill you. I might have to Look,
Speaker 1: let me just say this right now. I remember back
Speaker 1: in the day when we would go to the club, right,
Speaker 1: we would get to the club less you know what
Speaker 1: was the one off of YUCKA Joseph's Joelina Joseph's, and
Speaker 1: we would get into Joseph's and we would walk right
Speaker 1: to the box. Would be like, right after work, I
Speaker 1: don't think I drank tequila, though we'd shot. We would
Speaker 1: do the shot and then go, who gotta be at
Speaker 1: work tomorrow, dude. They were like when we'd be like, Hi,
Speaker 1: look if we're home by one o'clock, we would calculated
Speaker 1: if we're home by one and our cold time seven,
Speaker 1: that's a solid five and a half hours sleep. I
Speaker 1: remember him days. I think I want to do you
Speaker 1: think I want to live the rest of my life
Speaker 1: on Yuckaye? That what he says. Yes, Vince Vaughn. Um. Byway,
Speaker 1: I spoke to Vince Vaughn randomly when we were shooting
Speaker 1: the Team Mobile spots. Did I tell you that our
Speaker 1: Team mobile producer and entrepreneur is like best friends with
Speaker 1: Vince because he made wedding crashers and stuff. And while
Speaker 1: we're sitting there talking, he put Vince called him and
Speaker 1: he goes here, You say hi, and I you know,
Speaker 1: I just worked with Vince and and hung out with
Speaker 1: him in Miami, So I was like, hang man, Zach.
Speaker 1: It was funny. We had like a quick chat just
Speaker 1: chatting with Vince Vaughn, my new BF. You guys are
Speaker 1: best friends? Huh hey um. I did invite Donald and
Speaker 1: his beautiful wife to a gala on Saturday. We were
Speaker 1: going to a black tie gala for an amazing charity,
Speaker 1: Old Baby to Baby, Because they're an amazing charity. They
Speaker 1: provide children living in poverty with diapers, clothing, at all
Speaker 1: the basic necessities that every child deserves. And they do
Speaker 1: a giant diaper bank and their nonprofit and it's just
Speaker 1: for taking care of children who are in home of
Speaker 1: shelters and domestic violence programs and foster care. You can
Speaker 1: go to baby two baby and the two is the
Speaker 1: number two dot org if you want to learn more.
Speaker 1: But Donald and I are going, and I'm sure we're
Speaker 1: gonna donate lots of money while we're there. They're gonna
Speaker 1: get us, They're gonna get me putting my paddle up
Speaker 1: to vote to bid on something or something. But we
Speaker 1: are going to have a blast raising money for this charity,
Speaker 1: and most importantly, we get to be in tuxedos together.
Speaker 1: I'm really excited for it. I think it might really
Speaker 1: just be you and I that night because Casey's sick.
Speaker 1: She got the flu, bad dude, like the real flu,
Speaker 1: Like all right, so look she can't get better by Saturday.
Speaker 1: I don't know. She got tama flu inside of her
Speaker 1: own time. I think we'll see she get a dressed today.
Speaker 1: She's got a dress as well, okay, because she told
Speaker 1: me she was dressed about the dress. She got a dress.
Speaker 1: I got a tux. I'm trying to look fly and
Speaker 1: dippity dip. I'm looking my hair cut, although I got
Speaker 1: an end grown that's causing me to have a boil
Speaker 1: on my cheek. Right now, I'm just gonna put that
Speaker 1: out there. I need to go to the DeMott and
Speaker 1: the base still like weird man. It's like because I've
Speaker 1: been fucking with it and and and sticking needles in it.
Speaker 1: Every time you post. Don't do that. Every time you
Speaker 1: post these thirsty pictures of your face. Um, I roll
Speaker 1: my eyes and laugh. But then I go, damn, look
Speaker 1: at his skin. Not right now, I got something going on.
Speaker 1: I'm so imsecure about it. I'm talking about it on
Speaker 1: the podcast. Listen, I have an audition today. You guys
Speaker 1: who I don't know audition that much. I know you audience.
Speaker 1: You're shocked because you're like Zach, you're more famous than
Speaker 1: Leo and Brad put together. But I when I want something,
Speaker 1: I whiteboard it and I fucking go after it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I really want this part. It's not not Star Wars,
Speaker 1: but it's a really good part and I and it
Speaker 1: has The audition has a one and a half page
Speaker 1: monologue that I've been memorizing my butt off, because listen,
Speaker 1: you actors, from a guy who's more often a director
Speaker 1: these days. If you're trying to audition and you don't
Speaker 1: have that stuff memorized, and you're looking down at your page.
Speaker 1: You don't have a shot in hell. You got to
Speaker 1: know that shit and be present. So I'm telling myself
Speaker 1: that I've been memorizing age. Let me ask you a question,
Speaker 1: just to somebody who's doing who who's now practicing what
Speaker 1: they preach? Yes, what happens if you save a stumble
Speaker 1: in that monologue? Does that mean the audition is over? Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, it used to be back in the
Speaker 1: day that we would go in right, so holding onto
Speaker 1: the sides that what we call the size is lingo
Speaker 1: for the senior holding. Um, it was kind of like
Speaker 1: a crutch, like worst case scenario, want to embarrass myself
Speaker 1: and I can look down, but it's like a crutch.
Speaker 1: But nowadays it's all self tapes, meaning you're you're taping
Speaker 1: yourself at home like ninety nine percent of the time.
Speaker 1: So just get off book and if you fuck up
Speaker 1: to the tape again, um, you know, don't don't. And
Speaker 1: actually I just keep Florence a shout out for this
Speaker 1: because she's a better actress than I am. But she
Speaker 1: would always say like I'm never not offully, fully off book.
Speaker 1: She goes, I just can't be present. I can't if
Speaker 1: there's a part of me that knows I have the
Speaker 1: crutch there and I can look down. I'm not present
Speaker 1: in the scene enough to perform. And and I Ward
Speaker 1: nominated actors, Yeah, there's your there's your acting either. If
Speaker 1: you need to listen actors out there. If you don't
Speaker 1: want to take my advice, to take it from an
Speaker 1: Academy Award nominee. But I but it's true because when
Speaker 1: I'm a director, I look at it and I see
Speaker 1: these people come in who are holding their sides and
Speaker 1: looking down, and they can't. They cannot compete with the
Speaker 1: person who's fully memorized and present and just with you.
Speaker 1: And there they just there's no competition. There you go.
Speaker 1: I find I find that my my best audition. Speaking
Speaker 1: of auditions, I find that my best audition to the
Speaker 1: one where I'm not desperate. And it's hard to be
Speaker 1: not desperate as an actor because we're holding on to,
Speaker 1: you know, getting the jog. If I before you even
Speaker 1: auditioned for the job, you've already spent the money in
Speaker 1: your head, you know what I mean. But you have
Speaker 1: no control. I can tell you as a director the actor,
Speaker 1: you could literally walk in and be the best actor
Speaker 1: for the part, but you look too much like somebody else,
Speaker 1: or you're too old, or you're too young, or or
Speaker 1: we just cast the father and you look nothing like him.
Speaker 1: There's so many fucking variables. So all you can do
Speaker 1: is go in there and crush and do your best
Speaker 1: and not be desperate, and not be desperate, and be
Speaker 1: prepared because the guy before you, and the guy and
Speaker 1: the guy or gal after you, guess what, they fucking
Speaker 1: memorize that shit and worked on it for a week
Speaker 1: with all their friends, and you're in there half asking it,
Speaker 1: holding it down. Parties they had parties. Yo, dude, I
Speaker 1: got this big audition on Thursday. You guys want to
Speaker 1: come over and run lines with me drinking wine, smoking
Speaker 1: and I even got my I even got When you
Speaker 1: say this line, I think you need to really think
Speaker 1: about what you're saying, because you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: They by the way, I'm literally doing that because a
Speaker 1: pet peeve of mine and the last thing for for
Speaker 1: the acting crowd. I know you can't always get a
Speaker 1: good reader, because sometimes that's the person who reads with
Speaker 1: you off camera. I understand that, and I respect that,
Speaker 1: but just let me tell you. If the person is
Speaker 1: distractingly bad, it's it's distracting to watch. So you got
Speaker 1: to get your actor friend to be off camera. Not
Speaker 1: your grandma, not your not your wife, not sure no
Speaker 1: case he can act, not you, not your you know, plumber.
Speaker 1: It's got to be someone who can at least deliver
Speaker 1: a line decently, otherwise it pulls you out. So I
Speaker 1: have an actor friend coming who's going to read with me.
Speaker 1: So there's your actor friend. He's actually the guy one
Speaker 1: of the directors who directed me and Vanessa and a
Speaker 1: French girl. He's not only an actor, but a director,
Speaker 1: and he's he's awesome and you're gonna love him because
Speaker 1: he's gonna be one of my new friends. Okay, I
Speaker 1: love that love. Let's count into the show donald phase.
Speaker 1: But he's not gonna be like your best friend. I'm
Speaker 1: all your best friend. I'm not gonna make a podcast
Speaker 1: seven eight stories about show we made about a bunch
Speaker 1: of doctor nurses stories. Yeado around here? Are yeado around here?
Speaker 1: Are they're running our t mobile ads? Like crazy dude?
Speaker 1: All three of them. Yeah, I've not seen I haven't
Speaker 1: seen the third one? Have you seen it out? I've
Speaker 1: only heard about the two Christmas ones. I've seen the
Speaker 1: two Christmas ones, and I have not seen the third one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know the third one. You've seen the third
Speaker 1: one where Donald gets hit with the with the workout straps.
Speaker 1: Did you laugh? Yeah? Of course I laughed. It's so funny.
Speaker 1: The whole family's texting me, like your guys all over
Speaker 1: our TV. I'm like, I know, I see that Donald
Speaker 1: had injuries, injuries from those from well drops I took
Speaker 1: well you t mobile? Yeah, oh my goodness. Well because
Speaker 1: there was really no way to do the joke without
Speaker 1: him actually getting hit in the chest with those things,
Speaker 1: so take after take he had to get hit with
Speaker 1: freed When Michael B. Jordan took that punch and got
Speaker 1: knocked out, I took one just like that too. Why
Speaker 1: did he really get knocked out? That's true? Yeah, he
Speaker 1: got knocked out. Apparently he got knocked the fuck out.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. Um. I love behind the scenes
Speaker 1: anecdotes like that. Donald. I mean, I'm just saying, do
Speaker 1: you remember you know my favorite Rocky even though it's
Speaker 1: some bullshit R Rocky three? Oh yeah, I like Rocky
Speaker 1: three with Dolf. No, no, no, oh, that's four. Sorry,
Speaker 1: mister mister T. Yeah, you ain't so bad, You ain't
Speaker 1: so bad. Mister T didn't le didn't get enough acting opportunities.
Speaker 1: He got a team, and then he got a taxi
Speaker 1: taxi cab right, DC cab DC cab A team. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then and then just Rocky three and Rocky and
Speaker 1: then he has Cereal for a while, mister mister T Cereal,
Speaker 1: the Mister T cartoon, mister T d D. I mean,
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong. What's a higher honor than having
Speaker 1: your own cereal? Having your own cartoon? I know, but
Speaker 1: mister T head is own Cereal. I wish we could
Speaker 1: have a donald fake doctor's real friends here. Hey, Juell,
Speaker 1: can you look into that. I know they're always asking
Speaker 1: for new merch. Is it possible that we could have
Speaker 1: a fake doctor's real friends Cereal? I love this. I
Speaker 1: call General Mills immediately. No, but call that merch lady.
Speaker 1: There's that merch lady who seems to be able to
Speaker 1: figure out anything. I want a fake doctor's real friends Cereal,
Speaker 1: and they better be marshmallows in that ship too. No,
Speaker 1: it should be some marshmallows. It should be simple. Jobelle's
Speaker 1: writing it down. It should be something simple. Oh man,
Speaker 1: it should be something simple like cocoke, crispies and and
Speaker 1: and and and that's it, Like something delicious that everybody's well,
Speaker 1: we're got obviously not they're not going to manufacture from scratch.
Speaker 1: What we're gonna do is take some off brand and
Speaker 1: then put our bases on it. But I just want
Speaker 1: I just want marshmallows. And there's all I'm saying. But
Speaker 1: the marshmallows turn into like dry chalk. What about our faces?
Speaker 1: How great would that be if it was our faces? Well,
Speaker 1: then erklo Erco had erkulos. Yeah, that's these are these
Speaker 1: are these are monuments in someone's career. I don't know
Speaker 1: that I'm ever going to achieve my own cereal. That'd
Speaker 1: be amazing. It would be amazing to have f DF.
Speaker 1: I mean, by the way, just take alphabets, here's Joel,
Speaker 1: just get just get off branded alphabets and have some
Speaker 1: intern at iHeart pull out every letter that's not faked.
Speaker 1: Are that's fucking hilarious and fake doctor's real friends. That's
Speaker 1: pretty much, Joel. I just solid it for you. We
Speaker 1: need off brand alphabets in an intern a come back.
Speaker 1: If you come back with a cereal company that's willing
Speaker 1: to do this, I am impressed. And hey, if you're
Speaker 1: a listener who has an off brand cereal company, please
Speaker 1: reach out to especially if it's an off brand alphabets
Speaker 1: and you're willing to add marshvillows um donald on my
Speaker 1: Identity Crisis. I thought this was a great episode. I
Speaker 1: laughed a lot. I'm very funny stuff. Your baby is
Speaker 1: the cutest baby ever. It's twins. Oh those twins Winds.
Speaker 1: That baby gets a lot of screen time and uh
Speaker 1: he is he or she is? She's so beautiful and
Speaker 1: the twins she's in real life too. She's so pretty,
Speaker 1: this child, this little baby. So the show starts off
Speaker 1: with Turk and Carla making out in the bed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then this they take it to the next level.
Speaker 1: Carla wants to take it to the next level. Turk decides, Okay,
Speaker 1: I know how to get you there and ties her up,
Speaker 1: and she's excited about that, yep. But then j D
Speaker 1: enters y and j D is like, hey, hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: and she's like, what's what's JD doing here? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: and then Turk's like, he's here to kill you. And
Speaker 1: then Carla is like, Elliott won't allow it. But Elliott
Speaker 1: will allow it because Turk and her have come to
Speaker 1: an agreement that once Carla is out of the picture,
Speaker 1: she can raise Izzy. Yeah, while j D and Turk
Speaker 1: go on an amusement water park tour. Yes, that, and
Speaker 1: we realize it's a it's all a nightmare she's having,
Speaker 1: and she wakes up and she's most concerned of all
Speaker 1: those wacky things, not being tied up, not her friends
Speaker 1: trying to kill her, but that she's dreaming in English,
Speaker 1: and that she's losing her identity and she's not passing
Speaker 1: her Latina heritage down to her child. Don't don't dun
Speaker 1: now listen. I gotta tell you something. I don't like
Speaker 1: water parks as an adult. I find them disgusting. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I did have an experience, and this is a
Speaker 1: little gross. Did actually, if you got kids in the car,
Speaker 1: skip the next ten seconds. No. It was a generic
Speaker 1: water park. And I came down, I landed in the
Speaker 1: pool and I was like, whoo yay. And I looked
Speaker 1: over and a woman had was having her menzies into
Speaker 1: the pool. I'm due, and I really thought, you know what,
Speaker 1: I think. I'm good with water parks. I I they're
Speaker 1: great when you're a kid, when you when you don't
Speaker 1: know what you don't know, But that many people sharing
Speaker 1: that limit an amount of water, I just don't think
Speaker 1: it's a good idea. I don't ever I don't ever
Speaker 1: want to go to a water park ever again. Have
Speaker 1: you been with your children? We have, and we got
Speaker 1: on everything and it was so much fun, and now
Speaker 1: it will never happen again. Well, I'm sure there's so
Speaker 1: much chlorine that everyone's fine, But I just know. I'm
Speaker 1: sure what I read Thanks to uber facts, man, uber
Speaker 1: facts be putting stuff out there that really fucks up
Speaker 1: your day. When you drink tap water, yeah, you're drinking
Speaker 1: water that has been through the system of over seven
Speaker 1: seven people have drank that water. It says up to
Speaker 1: seven people have drank the water that you just drink. Oh,
Speaker 1: I know there's any depressants in the water, because everyone's
Speaker 1: pissing out there. Any depressants, I think that's a thing
Speaker 1: down Google it there, you're not I don't even need
Speaker 1: to google it. You're absolutely right. People are detecting more
Speaker 1: and more antidepressants in the water in the ASUER system.
Speaker 1: This is also they check for COVID and they were like,
Speaker 1: you know, we found like a three hundred times more antidepressants.
Speaker 1: There you go, hashtag two thousand twenty two. I think
Speaker 1: it's more just that more people are medicated, but like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a lot. I wonder why people more people in
Speaker 1: medicaid because there's a lot, right, I remember right now,
Speaker 1: that's right, I remember. There's a lot going on in
Speaker 1: the world. Bro, world, I remember now. Um, the world
Speaker 1: is a mampire. Um all right, I didn't start the fire.
Speaker 1: Oh god, I don't know if you were always burning
Speaker 1: since the world's been turning. Okay, all right, so turn
Speaker 1: means more now than it's ever meant ever. All right,
Speaker 1: listen turk you um then, so this is the world
Speaker 1: we live and are until Collins, right, Superman, where are
Speaker 1: you now? Remember that video? I think it was all pets, Daniel,
Speaker 1: You remember that the video for that song with puppets. No,
Speaker 1: I don't look it up. These guys are way too young, dude.
Speaker 1: These guys are too young for Phil Collins. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what MTV is. They don't know when MTV
Speaker 1: they don't even know what you know, all those memes
Speaker 1: about how Phil Collins didn't have to go that hard
Speaker 1: on the Tarzan soundtrack. Have you seen that meme where
Speaker 1: it's like where it's like the pianos on fire and
Speaker 1: it's like and like and it's like and it's like
Speaker 1: executive all right, Phil, we just need a couple of
Speaker 1: songs about Tarzan and the girls they went in on
Speaker 1: that soundtrack. I still never seen the movie. Such a
Speaker 1: good movie. You sick the movie even in just lien
Speaker 1: to the soundtrack. I used to play the video game.
Speaker 1: I used to tell you right now, it's very emotional.
Speaker 1: But anyway, um there's a crazy my stop stop stop listening.
Speaker 1: No matter what they say, listen, Daniel, I need you
Speaker 1: to honor men and watch the Phil Collins. What's the
Speaker 1: name of that song with the puppets, Donald, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know the name of Phil Collins puppets. This
Speaker 1: is the world. We Land of confusion when we when
Speaker 1: we were kids and people watch music videos. That was
Speaker 1: a big hit because he made it all with puppets.
Speaker 1: I mean, not Phil his music video director. I don't
Speaker 1: think philm made the puppets. Filmade puppets. That'd be so cool.
Speaker 1: All right, listen, um, Turk, what's this thing? Where Turk
Speaker 1: was headed towards you were headed towards me at forty
Speaker 1: miles per hour and with your penis, and it felt
Speaker 1: like I got pistol whipped. That's us at a water park. Well, oh,
Speaker 1: that's right. I was j D at the water park
Speaker 1: when they realize j D the Lightheart didn't space us
Speaker 1: out evenly on the ride and j D this is
Speaker 1: when we learned that j D doesn't even like water parks.
Speaker 1: Why would Carla say, that's what you're gonna write. But
Speaker 1: the reason JD doesn't like them is not because of
Speaker 1: my Mensi's reason. It's because you came down too quickly
Speaker 1: down the shoet, because Turt came down the shoot too. Yes,
Speaker 1: Turk came down down the shoe Now now, now was
Speaker 1: Turk rock hard on the slide? Is that? I think
Speaker 1: the implication is that your eel, your eel is so
Speaker 1: magnificent and gir girthsome that it still felt like I
Speaker 1: was being pissed whipped in the face. Word okay, is
Speaker 1: girth some a word? I don't know but it's a word.
Speaker 1: All right. I don't think so, but I like it.
Speaker 1: We can make it one okay, thank you. How would
Speaker 1: you use it in a sentence? Zach, Donald's shaft is
Speaker 1: so girthsome that if it hits you in the head,
Speaker 1: you feel like you're being pissed to whips. Dictionary and
Speaker 1: Urban Dictionary have girth. So all right, Oh wow, it
Speaker 1: is a word. Um hey, yeah, I can't do with
Speaker 1: all that. You know that picture I posted to the
Speaker 1: storyboard from the Team Mobile commercial where where I'm listing
Speaker 1: the pole. No, but it's so funny. Some guy wrote, um,
Speaker 1: long die dot dot and I was like, what's the joke.
Speaker 1: I don't get it. And then I looked at the
Speaker 1: picture again, and I guess it could be interpreted that
Speaker 1: it's your car that you're looking on. Something very growthsome.
Speaker 1: If you're if you're listening, go to my Instagram and
Speaker 1: look for the storyboard frame I pictured and see if
Speaker 1: you think it looks like, um, I'm licking Donald's girth
Speaker 1: some pole. All right? All right? Janner made his own
Speaker 1: toys out of toilet paper as a child. Yes. Um.
Speaker 1: He then digs into JD because JD thinks he's a
Speaker 1: man of the people. And meanwhile, the janner says, you
Speaker 1: don't know anyone at at this hospital's name. You just
Speaker 1: know everyone's you have nicknames for it, but you don't
Speaker 1: know anyone's name, right, And I think the stems from
Speaker 1: somebody once giving a challenge to Bill. I'm just going
Speaker 1: to get to that. Yeah, yeah, I mean, well we're here,
Speaker 1: let's get into it, all right. So somebody said to Bill,
Speaker 1: because we had a giant crew, um, you don't know
Speaker 1: everyone on the crew's name. And this was after many years. Now,
Speaker 1: first of all, that's that's the big guys to know
Speaker 1: like two hundred people's names. If you're the show running.
Speaker 1: The showrunner is super busy. He's no not always on
Speaker 1: the set. Um, he's certainly not going to know every driver,
Speaker 1: every every construction person's name. But Bill said, yes I do.
Speaker 1: And the person said, I'll make you a giant bet.
Speaker 1: And Bill said, at the rap party, I will do
Speaker 1: a slide show and you will bring up every single
Speaker 1: crew member and I will name every single name. And Bill,
Speaker 1: because he's the most competitive mofo on earth, did the
Speaker 1: very technique that's in this show with flash cards and
Speaker 1: neumonic devices and learned every single persons. They did, they
Speaker 1: did them, they did the shot, did the slide show,
Speaker 1: and he fucking did it. He got everyone. But he
Speaker 1: did exactly what the janitor what JD does pneumonic devices
Speaker 1: in the episode with like, Okay, you know that person
Speaker 1: has curls and that because of that, that brings me
Speaker 1: to the JD does one with like I once saw
Speaker 1: Snoop dogs skinny legs and skinny legs are are like
Speaker 1: French fries and Ronald McDonald is French fries. Snoop Dogg's
Speaker 1: real name is Ronald. And that's that's how you can
Speaker 1: do it. And that's how Bill did it. And he
Speaker 1: fucking put a lot of time. And he remember he
Speaker 1: had flash cards, remember Donald, Yeah, I remember he was
Speaker 1: walking around the hospital getting tested daily. Yeah, and not
Speaker 1: only blood tests, right, he was. They've had polaroids and
Speaker 1: a board. Because Bill will not lose a bet. Bill
Speaker 1: is all you gotta do is your Bill is so competitive,
Speaker 1: Like there's not a world where he was going to
Speaker 1: lose that bet. No, I don't even know what the
Speaker 1: bet was for, how much money it was, for what
Speaker 1: it was for. No, it was just I don't I'm sure.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there was something on the line. He would
Speaker 1: have had to donate money to somebody or some cause.
Speaker 1: But but there was money on the line. I mean,
Speaker 1: we did have scrubs factor where we did really nasty
Speaker 1: things like eat hot sauce off of another person's foot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and maybe they tried to get him that way. I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't remember. And then Scott are A
Speaker 1: d eight pigs feet, but he didn't have any problem
Speaker 1: with it because he loves pigs feet. Yeah. You know,
Speaker 1: if you grow up in the African American community, there's
Speaker 1: one thing that is in or just actually in the hood.
Speaker 1: There's one thing that's in every bodega or corner store,
Speaker 1: and that's the jar of pickles and the jar of
Speaker 1: pickled pigs feet. And well, listen to someone who didn't
Speaker 1: have that life experience. Watching a man eat pigs feet
Speaker 1: was pretty gross. But he was saber. He was licking
Speaker 1: so fast, and everybody was like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: can't believe it. And he looked at me and gave
Speaker 1: me a little wink like oh. All the white people
Speaker 1: were like, oh my god. And you guys looked at
Speaker 1: each other and were like white people don't know nothing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, that's how it goes, all right, So back
Speaker 1: to the show. So the janitor says to Ted, sorry,
Speaker 1: this is Ted, and then Ted says, putting my smile
Speaker 1: away and on with the day. And then so the
Speaker 1: janitor says to JD. Look, if you can figure out
Speaker 1: everybody's name by the I you said, I guess. J
Speaker 1: D said he could figure out the name by the
Speaker 1: end of a week. He said, if you could, or
Speaker 1: by the end of the day. There must have been
Speaker 1: a few days. A few days. I think it was
Speaker 1: by the end of the day, but you could be right.
Speaker 1: So if you could figure out everybody's name, I'll do
Speaker 1: my job. And if you can figure out and if
Speaker 1: you can't do it, you have to do my job.
Speaker 1: And he's like and JD's like, well, how is that
Speaker 1: a win? He goes, I just didn't you hear what
Speaker 1: I said? I'll do my job. And I'm like, oh oh.
Speaker 1: And JD's like, how long has it been He's with
Speaker 1: years and he's like, I like, do you still do
Speaker 1: you still remember? He's like, it doesn't need to mind
Speaker 1: say something like that. He's like, yeah, I can figure
Speaker 1: it out. Yeah, very funny, we do watch the show people. Um,
Speaker 1: Johnny c mcginley's story is that Jordan is going away
Speaker 1: for a week and they're both trying to act like
Speaker 1: they don't care, and he's like trying to act like
Speaker 1: he doesn't need her, he's not going to miss her,
Speaker 1: and he's so excited, and everyone, including especially Elliott, is
Speaker 1: trying to prove that that's bullshit. He's gonna miss his wife.
Speaker 1: He's obsessed and in love with his wife, and and
Speaker 1: and it's okay to admit that. And he spends the
Speaker 1: whole week that she's away. I think it's a week.
Speaker 1: Um uh, well I was supposed to be overnight. Then
Speaker 1: it turns into okay, well, how remember much time it
Speaker 1: was learning, you know, really realizing that he's he's he
Speaker 1: is lonesome, he is needy. He actually is so needy
Speaker 1: that he ends up helping JD sitting with j That's
Speaker 1: just how lonesome and needy he is. I think every
Speaker 1: person can relate, especially when your spouse or your loved
Speaker 1: one or your person leaves you alone. You put up
Speaker 1: a front at first, but then when you're saying by
Speaker 1: at the airport, you're crying like a little baby. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you that right now, And that's the real deal.
Speaker 1: Holy feel like every time I go away for a
Speaker 1: long period of time for jobs, Like I went away
Speaker 1: for a year once right before COVID happened, and I
Speaker 1: remember being like, this is gonna be the worst thing ever.
Speaker 1: But going up to it, I'm thinking, Oh, this is
Speaker 1: gonna be great. I could play video games all day,
Speaker 1: I go to bed when I want. This is gonna
Speaker 1: be the best time in my life. I could drink,
Speaker 1: I can freak and smoke weed, I can eat whatever
Speaker 1: the fuck I want. I can just dude, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And the day it was time to go,
Speaker 1: I couldn't stop crying, just looking at my kids and
Speaker 1: looking at my wife and everything like that. And then
Speaker 1: while I was gone, I must mean FaceTime has a bill.
Speaker 1: My FaceTime bill was through the roof, because I know
Speaker 1: I FaceTime my wife like just for anything. FaceTime, Hey,
Speaker 1: what you're doing? Are you at the grocery store? What
Speaker 1: you're getting? Just so I can see you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like that, it just shows how how happily
Speaker 1: and perfectly matched you are with your with your person. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, that's and that's what I think that's what
Speaker 1: Jordan's trying to tell Cox. It's like, look, we're for
Speaker 1: each other. They really are. Even though they have this bizarre,
Speaker 1: contentious relationship, they're so perfectly matched for each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's and I mean, it's a beautiful thing when you
Speaker 1: find that. Some of y'all don't got that out there.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just say, y'all know, some of y'all need
Speaker 1: to hear this. If it ain't like that, then what
Speaker 1: are you doing? Zach? I love you? Yeah, I agree,
Speaker 1: I agree. Don't settle people. Donald's messages, don't settle Wait,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a break. And then we came back grounds.
Speaker 1: I'm gonnavern again. All right, we'll be right back, and
Speaker 1: we're bad. We are back. So the hospital does the wave. Yes,
Speaker 1: that was very clever. They did a wave through the
Speaker 1: entire hospital. U and JD, who's probably never seen a wave, says, look,
Speaker 1: i gotta tell you, if this is what they do
Speaker 1: at sporting events, I'm gonna start going well. Because he
Speaker 1: was in the middle of the wave and then realize though,
Speaker 1: this is so much fun. So he ran all the
Speaker 1: way downstairs to the end of the wave so he
Speaker 1: could do it one last time. Yes, but we skipped
Speaker 1: something skipped the Todds saying, yeah, but you know what
Speaker 1: going to that? Speaking of healthy bones, I've got one
Speaker 1: in my pants. Well, Jordan interrupts him and he goes, oh,
Speaker 1: excuse me for a second, I've got one in my pants.
Speaker 1: You may carry off. Yeah. By the way, Rob has
Speaker 1: another very funny moment that's coming up where we do
Speaker 1: a risky business fantasy, which is right after that. Yes, yea,
Speaker 1: so alone, this is a great meme. I posted it
Speaker 1: a couple of times. Yeah, it's so fun alone for
Speaker 1: the weekend. I wonder what he'll do. Dan Dan Dan
Speaker 1: Dan Dan Dan. That was so fun to shoot. We
Speaker 1: laughed so many times. We did it so many times.
Speaker 1: There were so many different versions of it. I did
Speaker 1: not invite the todd d D big underwear. Are you
Speaker 1: guys wearing some big underwear? By the way, I realized
Speaker 1: for the first time that he's wearing camouflage of camouflage
Speaker 1: banana hamm God. When he lands too it always you
Speaker 1: can't say it's stuffed because it bounces. If it was stuffed,
Speaker 1: it would just be solid. Gets it gets it, gets
Speaker 1: its own wave going. Yeah, it gets a little. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it jiggles, it jiggles. It's definitely jiggle. Listen, good for Rob,
Speaker 1: for you Rob, that was that's very funny. Oh so
Speaker 1: Carla Turkey, No but no. But then there's there's one
Speaker 1: more joke in it where where Jady goes, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes you just gotta say what the fudge? Yeah, and
Speaker 1: Elliot goes, that's not how it that's not how it goes.
Speaker 1: And he's like, I saw it on a plane. Oh
Speaker 1: that maybe. Laugh. For those of you that don't know,
Speaker 1: a classic quote from the movie Risky Business starring over
Speaker 1: young Tom Cruise is sometimes you just gotta and brought pincho. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the guy who played I wonder if that movie
Speaker 1: holds up? Yeah, that movie. Come on, man, Tom Cruise
Speaker 1: don't make movies that don't hold up. Man, Yeah he does.
Speaker 1: Cocktail cocktail holds up. You watch it like that shit?
Speaker 1: Right now? You still like that shit. You're saying, there's
Speaker 1: no Tom Cruise movie that doesn't hold up. Commander Tom
Speaker 1: Cruise makes hit movies that a lot of hit. Listen, man,
Speaker 1: well shit holds up? Come on, that shit holds up.
Speaker 1: Coming now you're getting into my boy. Cameron Crowe you
Speaker 1: can't dis I'm telling you right now. Tom Cruise doesn't
Speaker 1: make movies that don't hold even the controversial ones, they
Speaker 1: all hold up. You can't sit here and say they
Speaker 1: don't think about it. Except for Top Gun. All right, well,
Speaker 1: I don't have the I am to be in front
Speaker 1: of me. I'm sure I can. Except for Top Gun.
Speaker 1: Top Guns one of those movies that you gotta be
Speaker 1: into that type of shit. Top Gun two, however, is
Speaker 1: gonna go on forever and ever and ever. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: I got a formula. Hold up, I got a formula
Speaker 1: for everybody, and it works every time. The Death Star
Speaker 1: trench run. Just do that for every movie. I guarantee you.
Speaker 1: I'm the one that told you the Top Gun. I
Speaker 1: knew that ship before you. I said that shit. When
Speaker 1: I saw the fucking trailer, I said, oh it's fucking
Speaker 1: Star Wars. Are we spoken about this too well on
Speaker 1: the podcast we did? Yeah? All right, sorry, audience, but
Speaker 1: if you didn't have him to hear that episode, the
Speaker 1: plot of Top Gun Maverick is the exact plot of
Speaker 1: Star Wars. We gotta do this trench on and blow
Speaker 1: up a little small target four six. I thought that's
Speaker 1: just it's not just Star Wars or they all do that.
Speaker 1: They do it in episode six they blow up the
Speaker 1: Star but this time they got to go inside the motherfucker. No,
Speaker 1: I mean the toun and the clock gun is we
Speaker 1: have to train. We've got the plans. We have to
Speaker 1: train to do something impossible. That is, dive into a
Speaker 1: tiny trench, hit a tiny target, and then escape without
Speaker 1: being shot down. That's the entire plot of the movie.
Speaker 1: It's the exact plot of Star Wars. Well it's the
Speaker 1: last it's the last thirty minutes of Okay, but you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm sure we're not the first people. We've
Speaker 1: got Well all your message boards have people discussed this.
Speaker 1: We're not the first people to point this out right. Okay, Okay, good.
Speaker 1: So what you're saying is, um, take it very very well.
Speaker 1: We were advising you young screenwriters, is take a very
Speaker 1: very famous movie and then just changed like ten elements.
Speaker 1: So you gotta do it'll make billions every time suppets
Speaker 1: and it takes place on a planet, and there's sweet
Speaker 1: do you want to hear that one? I could do
Speaker 1: that one. There's this movie with Kevin Costner where he
Speaker 1: goes and hangs out with Native Americans and they call
Speaker 1: him Dances with Wolves. Yeah. Then they made this new
Speaker 1: movie where Sigourney Weaver and a bunch of other kids
Speaker 1: go and travel to this planet called Pandora with this
Speaker 1: young man hangs out with the natives of that planet.
Speaker 1: They call that movie Avatar. Yeah. I'm just saying, both
Speaker 1: movies huge hits. Both movies. Yeah, the bigger did did?
Speaker 1: Has Has Cameron changed the font of Avatar or he
Speaker 1: got a lot of shit for using um, what's it
Speaker 1: called Papyrus? Has there been any change? Has he updated
Speaker 1: off of Papyrus? Are you sure? Are you looking as
Speaker 1: he's sticking with the virus. I'm ninety ten percent sure,
Speaker 1: but I'll double check if Avatar Way of Water isn't
Speaker 1: any different. But I don't think it is. I'm really impressed.
Speaker 1: But he's holding on the papyrus. Yeah, what do you know?
Speaker 1: I have a feeling that there's gonna be something expensive
Speaker 1: or popular with the water. Oh. I think he'll make
Speaker 1: it a zillion dollars. Yeah, because there's gonna be something
Speaker 1: in the water. He doesn't have bombs that all these
Speaker 1: motherfuckers is gonna come and one to get has Jamie
Speaker 1: Cameron had a bomb. No, he doesn't know how to fail.
Speaker 1: That guy. He makes hit movies, Dude, he makes fucking
Speaker 1: hit movie. He makes he turns, he turns, he turns.
Speaker 1: He turns mediocre movies into hitting movie Like Alien. Alien
Speaker 1: was a good movie. That shit was scary as fun
Speaker 1: to say? What do I say about Alien? Hold on?
Speaker 1: Alien was a dope movie? But what is better Alien
Speaker 1: or Aliens? Alien? You think the first movie is better
Speaker 1: than the second movie? Can one of you google if
Speaker 1: I'm right that James Cameron was a truck driver, Like,
Speaker 1: if you want the ultimate so boring, the ultimate inspirational art,
Speaker 1: stop for a second. I'm trying to make a point.
Speaker 1: If you want an inspirational tail, this gentleman started as
Speaker 1: a truck driver, correct, and now he is a zillionaire,
Speaker 1: a successful filmmaker who cannot fucking make a movie that
Speaker 1: doesn't print money. So there's your there's your there's your
Speaker 1: white board success story of the day. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: I think Aliens is better than Alien. All of y'all
Speaker 1: who agree with Joel, you're on crack two and so
Speaker 1: I think it's safe to say that people can alien
Speaker 1: feelings about movies. Knight Donald. That's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: All right, Let's get back to the show Scrubs, the
Speaker 1: TV show that was filmed in the aughts. That's what
Speaker 1: you call it, right, the Aughts? Did you know it's
Speaker 1: called the Aughts style. I just call it the thousands
Speaker 1: the two. I think he need to switch. I think
Speaker 1: he need to call it the Aughts. I think that
Speaker 1: sounds a little bougie. I don't think saying Aughts is bougie. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: let's get into Shirley. Guys, we told you know the story. Well,
Speaker 1: we've spoken about it. For Bill, Lawrence felt bad that
Speaker 1: he killed off Laverne, and uh, and he has he
Speaker 1: had so much empathy because she was making a nice
Speaker 1: living and rolled up in an escalade and he was like,
Speaker 1: oh no, she rolled up an escalade the week that
Speaker 1: he decided to kill Yeah. And I remember seeing her before,
Speaker 1: and I knew before anybody knew, because he told me.
Speaker 1: And I saw Alma pull up, like meet me in
Speaker 1: a new escalade, and I was like, oh no, she
Speaker 1: doesn't know. LaVerne's about to meet her fate. And then uh.
Speaker 1: And then I think Bill felt bad because he has
Speaker 1: a big heart and he was like, if we come back,
Speaker 1: I don't think we're coming back, but if we come back,
Speaker 1: I'll just I'll just revive or make her twin sister, surely,
Speaker 1: And that's what he did. And and she's got a
Speaker 1: nice little haircut. She has a different hair chreage. I
Speaker 1: remember she tried to audition a Southern accident and Bill
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, don't do that, just just be the
Speaker 1: same first Hi, everybody, No, she did. She came in
Speaker 1: you know, you know that almost the whole weekend, like
Speaker 1: figuring out a whole new character, like hey, y'all. And
Speaker 1: Bill was like, yeah, don't do that. But JD's trying
Speaker 1: out a new nickname called Laverne again, and she hates it.
Speaker 1: She's definitely not in it. I like how you say
Speaker 1: deep dish pizza, deep dish pizza with onions and SASA.
Speaker 1: Why did you say it like that? I was trying
Speaker 1: to make it funny. I guess, well, it was funny,
Speaker 1: but that's where it comes from, trying to make it funny.
Speaker 1: So JD is not up yes, singing the who who
Speaker 1: are you? Who are you who? I couldn't have been cheap.
Speaker 1: I'm glad Bill paid the money for us to have
Speaker 1: the honor of hearing Ted's bands singing the who who
Speaker 1: Are You? When it becomes a theme as we learn
Speaker 1: come because it circles back at the end of the episode.
Speaker 1: Because the episode is an identity crisis. Who are you?
Speaker 1: You know, everyone's battling their own um change of identity.
Speaker 1: Carla in particular is just worried about her identity and
Speaker 1: that her identity is as Latina woman is getting lost
Speaker 1: um in her relationship when in her relationship? But how
Speaker 1: sweet is it at the end I'm sorry to jump,
Speaker 1: but how sweet is it when they reveal the Turk's
Speaker 1: learning Spanish at night? That is just yeah, that made
Speaker 1: me clutch my pearls. Yeah, I love I love that
Speaker 1: about Turk and I was gonna I wrote this down.
Speaker 1: Our all always love Turk and Carler. I think their
Speaker 1: relationship is like, it's top notch man. That shit is like,
Speaker 1: if you want to talk about the perfect relationship, I
Speaker 1: feel like that's it because it doesn't take itself too
Speaker 1: serious and that's a great thing. You guys are a
Speaker 1: couple of goals. Okay, So JD is not invited to
Speaker 1: help the couple's fight. What's that? Okay? So Turk and
Speaker 1: Carler are having an argument and not having the argument.
Speaker 1: They're having a conversation about something and an argument about something,
Speaker 1: and JD wants in, but they don't go to him
Speaker 1: for it, and he clears his throat and Carla is like, JD,
Speaker 1: get some water. Yeah, they're fighting over the fact that
Speaker 1: Turk doesn't know anything about his history, right, right, his
Speaker 1: history right, that's what it is, which is which I
Speaker 1: find very odd. Most black people know something, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, that's that's real deal, holy Field man.
Speaker 1: Like you know, like I know mine ancestors came from Nigeria.
Speaker 1: I know that ship. You know how I know that shit.
Speaker 1: My mom did the freaking work and went to the
Speaker 1: I used to have to go with my mom to
Speaker 1: the freaking libraries all the time, and she would get
Speaker 1: on those little uh the wheels and the micro fief
Speaker 1: looked through old newspaper articles and everything to find our
Speaker 1: history and everything like that. So I knew a lot
Speaker 1: about that stuff. So it was odd that Turk didn't
Speaker 1: to me because I felt like giving an example of
Speaker 1: a mom who put a lot of work into it,
Speaker 1: there must be a lot of it. I feel like
Speaker 1: that was a lot of young African American moms in
Speaker 1: the eighties and in the in the seventies and then
Speaker 1: and in the eighties. I feel like that was a
Speaker 1: lot of them, so and I feel like Turkey is
Speaker 1: a product of that. Anyway, my point is, I know
Speaker 1: I come from I know my answers to come from
Speaker 1: West Africa. And then they settled in North Carolina because
Speaker 1: that's where a phase On, North Carolina is, and I
Speaker 1: got white relatives and black relatives in phase On. That's
Speaker 1: where the freaking freaking plantation was. That's where a plantation
Speaker 1: was fase On North Carolina. Um, I didn't know that.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that it was phaise On, North Carolina,
Speaker 1: all right, So I don't know. Um, I can't guess
Speaker 1: beard uh face, I guess beard mouth. And then everyone
Speaker 1: turns around and together says it's beard fusse damn it. Um. So.
Speaker 1: A very funny thing is that Elliott and Jordan, we
Speaker 1: learn are both nervous pooers. Okay, and Elliot says that
Speaker 1: she could turn her onto her soundproofer, which means she
Speaker 1: has a professional soundproofer that's so good that even if
Speaker 1: someone has their ear to the door, you can't hear.
Speaker 1: They can't hear it. When you fuffy. Just saying fuffy
Speaker 1: makes it sound even more fuffy. Fuffy, that makes it
Speaker 1: sound more gross. I gotta go fuffy. But wait, fiffy
Speaker 1: is fart? I think not poop. Hey, hold one second, guys,
Speaker 1: come say hi, play the song. Play the song, danel Casey,
Speaker 1: come down here. Don't tell me what to do. And
Speaker 1: that's what. Oh? Oh you don't look that sick. You
Speaker 1: still look beauty. I just threw up. Did y'all hear?
Speaker 1: Oh that was your pugin? Oh yeah, we heard. So sorry.
Speaker 1: I'd like give you to have out here. I've had
Speaker 1: to lay in bed and listen to this fucking podcast
Speaker 1: for the past hour, but I can only hear Donald's side. Zach,
Speaker 1: I love you. Tell her to want listen. You gotta
Speaker 1: get you gotta get better in time for the gallow.
Speaker 1: I know I gotta look good. Yeah, you got a
Speaker 1: couple of days till the gallo. I haven't eaten since Monday. Well,
Speaker 1: you'll look great in that dress. I know. Are my
Speaker 1: arms are gonna look rich? I'm so sorry. Donald. Donald's
Speaker 1: gonna get you some chicken matster ball soup. But he
Speaker 1: needs to go. Okay, I love you, Zacha, love you, Zacha,
Speaker 1: love you. Oh I like that the dog. It's just
Speaker 1: with her. I thought she was coughing. He's got his
Speaker 1: Donal Donald's got his hoodie over his nose. So how
Speaker 1: you how do you think that's gonna help you from
Speaker 1: not catching if you're sleeping in the same bed with her.
Speaker 1: I don't sleep in the same bed with Are you crazy? Okay? Good,
Speaker 1: We ain't slept in the same best since we had kids.
Speaker 1: Don't you like to get your cuddle on. No, my
Speaker 1: wife don't like to cut him. Oh I like to
Speaker 1: cut Let don't get a twisted I like. That's why
Speaker 1: I get kicked out of the bed because I'm consistently
Speaker 1: trying to cuddle with her. I get the fuck out,
Speaker 1: get out, get out, get out, and get out, get out,
Speaker 1: get out. No, no, that's funny. If I touch her,
Speaker 1: if my if my freaking if if the tip of
Speaker 1: my toe touches her, no, no, get get off me.
Speaker 1: No no, bro. What you need to tell her is
Speaker 1: everybody likes a little ass flighty. Don't even act like
Speaker 1: you don't. Yeah, it's true. I uber facts said it.
Speaker 1: If you take a bigger enough dump. It's the feeling
Speaker 1: of an orgasm, and that's why sometimes I've never had
Speaker 1: an orgasm. Poops sometimes feel good. Joel's covering her face
Speaker 1: audience with a time, whether it'd be taking a poop,
Speaker 1: whether it be a finger, whether it be a tongue,
Speaker 1: whether you know everybody likes low ass plight. All right,
Speaker 1: it's true. Back to the show. Okay, Ted carries around
Speaker 1: blank folders. We learned this because Cox hits them down
Speaker 1: and they all over the place, and he says that
Speaker 1: he does it to just be left alone. He carries
Speaker 1: around a stack of blank folders, so he looks like
Speaker 1: he's working. Yes, And I say to the general, hello,
Speaker 1: dark and whatever, and he says handsome and I go no.
Speaker 1: Um okay, So the JD is learning the names of everybody,
Speaker 1: and um Cox, because he's so bored with not being around,
Speaker 1: his wife decides to help. J D gives him the method.
Speaker 1: Uh it does it come from the neumonic device? Thing
Speaker 1: come from Cox? Or does j D come up with that?
Speaker 1: Do you remembers the one that's Cox is the one
Speaker 1: that explains how he remembers you're right, you're right, you're right,
Speaker 1: And he does it with Ted Mum and so okay,
Speaker 1: that's how JD learns. So he so Cox is so
Speaker 1: fucking lonesome and board he's willing to help and j D,
Speaker 1: and j D tries that arm yawn talking technique where
Speaker 1: he puts his arm around him. Yeah, well he's he's
Speaker 1: he's in a moment because Cox is trying to deny
Speaker 1: to Elliott that he misses his wife and uh, and
Speaker 1: so in doing so, he's saying, I'm just helping out
Speaker 1: my buddy here, and and in doing so, he's now
Speaker 1: said something that JD's always wanted to hear, helping out
Speaker 1: a friend and a colleague, and now Jad's going to
Speaker 1: take advantage of it and start doing things he's always
Speaker 1: drimmed up like most people would do winn in situation
Speaker 1: where Yeah, by the way, the hardest I laughed of
Speaker 1: the whole episode is I go, I'm sorry. I go,
Speaker 1: I go, you have close friends to help you through this,
Speaker 1: and Elliot goes, j D stop it, and I go, no,
Speaker 1: you stop it. And then I turned to Peri and
Speaker 1: I go, I'm sorry you had to see me like that.
Speaker 1: It's very funny. I did laugh at that too. Um.
Speaker 1: And then we get another, so Jad does it. He
Speaker 1: learns everybody's name except for one person, the jan e tour.
Speaker 1: But we learned that Ronald this snoop Dog's name, which
Speaker 1: we learned that, and we learned that m Coleman Slowski
Speaker 1: is doctor doctor's name, and uh. And then we also
Speaker 1: see that JD has lost the bet and he has
Speaker 1: to act like the janitor or work as a janitor,
Speaker 1: and he's in very long pants because those are the
Speaker 1: only size the janitor has, and he's like, this ammonium
Speaker 1: makes me just so mad and hate everyone. And someone
Speaker 1: walks by. He's like, get out of here, and he's
Speaker 1: like in the janitors like there you go. Good. It
Speaker 1: felt good? Yeah, And I'm like that felt good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the ammonia we learned. Basically, we learned that the
Speaker 1: ammonia is the source of the janitor's spite for everybody. Yes,
Speaker 1: he hates, he hates. And then it very cleverly ends
Speaker 1: with Carla having the exact same dream in Spanish. Um,
Speaker 1: by the way, my Spanish was just it was pretty good.
Speaker 1: You guys rambled through it really fast, but I'm sure
Speaker 1: I practiced a lot. Sounded authentic almost. I did that
Speaker 1: way because I speak French a bit in in in
Speaker 1: this last movie, and I did that. You know, you
Speaker 1: just just go over and over and over and over
Speaker 1: and over, and then all of a sudden you kind
Speaker 1: of have it believable, believable sounding. The one thing I
Speaker 1: can remember is chief Faccio, Chief Faccio. I think that's
Speaker 1: Italian quest. One of mine was passimi FLUI will play.
Speaker 1: That's uh, please pass me the califast the ball, ball,
Speaker 1: please pass the ball, please please. That's what you said, right.
Speaker 1: If you'll listen, I'll tell you say again, shoe floor
Speaker 1: is a cauliflower. Let's say what you just said, play
Speaker 1: past play right, That's what it said said, right you guys.
Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna go to a break. Joel, do
Speaker 1: you have two new audio clips for us this week?
Speaker 1: Oh Daniel, you're gonna love our new segment. I know
Speaker 1: you heard it when you edited the episode. It was great. Um.
Speaker 1: So we will be right back everybody, and um and
Speaker 1: you're gonna hear two new uh sound clips from our fans.
Speaker 1: Fuck your sound effects machine and we're back. All right,
Speaker 1: go ahead, Joel. So the first one audience, if you remember,
Speaker 1: is going to be a pitch for what we do,
Speaker 1: uh when we run out of episodes, because we are
Speaker 1: on seven oh three and we are running out fast,
Speaker 1: and audience members and you're welcome to participate, are suggesting
Speaker 1: ideas for what the show should be. Hey, y'all so
Speaker 1: happy the show's back. My name is Peter. I'm a fan.
Speaker 1: I know I probably missed the deadline for this episode,
Speaker 1: but I have an idea for what you should do
Speaker 1: for the podcast. I think you should ping pong back
Speaker 1: and forth between each of your filmography and do rewatch
Speaker 1: episodes of your own films and TV shows, whether you
Speaker 1: directed it or acted in it. After all, it is
Speaker 1: a rewatch podcast, and it'd be really cool if you
Speaker 1: did like can't Hardly Wait and maybe had breckin on
Speaker 1: that episode, or Zach. You could do wish I was
Speaker 1: here and have like, oh my god, justin Vernon or
Speaker 1: something would be crazy, but just different people from the production.
Speaker 1: And I know that sometimes that means like a two
Speaker 1: and a half hour movie, which is a lot for
Speaker 1: you guys to rewatch in a week, but whatever, take
Speaker 1: three weeks to do to do a movie like that,
Speaker 1: and try to have multiple guests. A good idea that's
Speaker 1: my submission. We could get dense of y'all. Hi, Joel
Speaker 1: hidj Daniel, Well, what a nice sounding man. What's his name?
Speaker 1: That's Peter Shrup Peter, Thank you, great idea. The whole time,
Speaker 1: all I can think of was Donald getting Denzel to
Speaker 1: come on the podcast. That's all I could focus on. Donald,
Speaker 1: You obviously have been in way more movies than I.
Speaker 1: But uh, but between the ones I've directed and those
Speaker 1: I've acted in, I think we could at least come
Speaker 1: up with some good ones. What do you think about that, Donald, Well,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. Everybody's gonna want to hear about Garden State.
Speaker 1: That's the problem. So it'll be like, look, I think
Speaker 1: they've they've already done like every movie that I've been
Speaker 1: in in the past. It's been a while. Actually, they've
Speaker 1: already done the reunion shit, right, everybody's gonna want the
Speaker 1: every movie you've done. I mean, you could do like
Speaker 1: I mean, I like his idea about getting one person. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I mean, I know Denzel's a long shot, but you
Speaker 1: could get someone that you're still close with in the
Speaker 1: movie and and and obviously I could do that for
Speaker 1: my stuff. That'd be a lot of fun. Actual I
Speaker 1: think it would be fun. I think it's a very
Speaker 1: good idea. I mean, and it would be probably be
Speaker 1: you'd probably be like a longer episode. Be hard to
Speaker 1: do it in an hour. It might be like an
Speaker 1: hour and a half episode, right, But and we'd go
Speaker 1: for more than I think it would be better if
Speaker 1: we went for more than just one person. Like it'd
Speaker 1: be really cool to have Natalie and Peter sarsguard. I
Speaker 1: think it could be great. I mean, imagine the clueless one.
Speaker 1: I know you've done them before in other places, but
Speaker 1: not with our audience. I mean, I just think it
Speaker 1: could be. It could be fun. It would be really
Speaker 1: interesting to have Alicia on here and have a Yeah,
Speaker 1: we gotta get Elicia on here, please, that'd be really cool.
Speaker 1: I promise I won't solely ask her about all the
Speaker 1: Aerosmith videos. I've already done that in person. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: a great idea. Thank you so much, and put it
Speaker 1: on the whiteboard, Joel as an option. Cry when I
Speaker 1: met you, Oh my goodness, those are those videos. Those
Speaker 1: videos videos got me at the right time in my
Speaker 1: evolution as a young man. She came along at the
Speaker 1: right time, and no but her and liv Tyler in
Speaker 1: those videos, it was like whatever stage of puberty I
Speaker 1: was in, um or or do you remember maybe I
Speaker 1: don't know what how old that was, but whatever stayed
Speaker 1: as a young man I was in, those were those
Speaker 1: were hitting me at the right spot. Indeed said they
Speaker 1: are there. Um, this is a television pitch from one
Speaker 1: Jesse Herman. All right, Jesse, let's hear it. Hey, this
Speaker 1: is Jesse and Philadelphia hanging out with my cat aria. UM.
Speaker 1: And I was thinking about how there's going to be
Speaker 1: so many good ideas that come in that would be
Speaker 1: great to come up with an idea where you can
Speaker 1: incorporate as many of the ones you love as possible.
Speaker 1: So I'm seeing, um a mini series potentially, or or
Speaker 1: a film where you, Zack and Donald are playing yourselves
Speaker 1: trying to cast and direct the scrubs come back. UM.
Speaker 1: So that a lot of the ideas that you're getting
Speaker 1: through voice memos, we can be on set seeing you
Speaker 1: watch other actors act these out. But then it also
Speaker 1: follows the two of you almost like a curb your
Speaker 1: Enthusiasm style offset falling around your lives. That's fun, kind
Speaker 1: of like bring back that scrubs flavor get a little
Speaker 1: metal with it, and I'm hoping also get a little
Speaker 1: weird with it. That's very clever. That's very clever. What
Speaker 1: do you mean by get a little weird with it
Speaker 1: at the end the finale, dude, that's totally what I heard.
Speaker 1: All I heard in the end it gets weird in
Speaker 1: you guys part. I think that's a great pair the
Speaker 1: grand finale. Listen, you gotta get ratings. It all builds
Speaker 1: up to a finale where we fart so by the way,
Speaker 1: by the way, yeah softcore, just carressing, just caressing. It's
Speaker 1: all no, it's not like it looks like when doing it,
Speaker 1: but you just can't see it. Yeah, gay skin a
Speaker 1: Max Yeah all right, listen. Um in all seriousness, when
Speaker 1: he was thank you for the idea that that's that's funny.
Speaker 1: What I was thinking, what off of your idea to
Speaker 1: pitch alongside you is that you could do like a
Speaker 1: Black Mirror or anthology kind of series where it's like
Speaker 1: it's you and me in every episode, but they're all different.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's a unifying theme. Um. Um, Like Black Mirror's
Speaker 1: theme was you know, sort of trippy futuristic twilight Zone. Um.
Speaker 1: But our our anthology series could have a theme. It's
Speaker 1: an anthology, so it's always you and me on some adventure,
Speaker 1: but it could be totally different each episode. That's fine,
Speaker 1: that would be amazing. That's my that's the tagging bank
Speaker 1: idea I was having where they're Star Wars, right, But
Speaker 1: I'm saying, like, like, all right, one in one episode.
Speaker 1: If you think at Black Mirror just an example, it's like,
Speaker 1: all right, one episode, it's it's they're in they're in
Speaker 1: a spaceship in the in, you know, and and they
Speaker 1: don't realize they're It's all there Isn't Black Mirror all
Speaker 1: different realities or is it? Yeah, it's all. The thing
Speaker 1: they have in common is they're all set in the
Speaker 1: near future, and they all um are our Twilight Zony
Speaker 1: and that they have something really trippy happening, and there's
Speaker 1: often a big reveal of some kind. Um. That's right,
Speaker 1: Am I explaining that? Right? Guys? Ye? Yeah, So I'm
Speaker 1: saying we could have a theme that's overarching, but but
Speaker 1: with no rules. I mean it's like it's like like
Speaker 1: like and then and then the Twilight Zone is a
Speaker 1: better example. They were all over the places, but they
Speaker 1: but they hadn't. But they had in common was that
Speaker 1: they were like trippy and they had a twist. But
Speaker 1: but we could we could have our our our rules
Speaker 1: for the anthology could be anything, but the only rule
Speaker 1: is that you and me are in everyone. That that's
Speaker 1: kind of I like that. I like that too. I
Speaker 1: love that you guys have a lot of competition where
Speaker 1: you guys are like either parents or sort of like
Speaker 1: the when we got last week where you're teachers, but
Speaker 1: you're competitive with one another. There's like nine pitches where
Speaker 1: you guys are adversaries. You know, I really, I really
Speaker 1: think that that that is a good way to go
Speaker 1: where I mean, because everybody's seen us as friends, what
Speaker 1: is it like? What is our what is our timing like?
Speaker 1: When we're apart though, but in the same you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, it still has our same tone and
Speaker 1: it still has our same jokes, but we're not bouncing
Speaker 1: off of each other anymore. Does that make it less
Speaker 1: or does that make it more? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like it does? And then does when the scene come
Speaker 1: that we're now finally together face to face, does that
Speaker 1: enhance it more? You know what I mean? What I'm want,
Speaker 1: what I like about the anthology idea is like it
Speaker 1: could be a totally different reality each episode. Like one episode,
Speaker 1: you know, we're where we're captains of rival spacecraft in
Speaker 1: in some starfleet and we're and we're competing and we
Speaker 1: hate each other. I know, that's why I said that
Speaker 1: for you. The next episode where like you know, Dad's
Speaker 1: uh co soccer coaches of a kid's team. You know,
Speaker 1: like every it could be anything. It's just the only
Speaker 1: thing that's in common is there is some overarching tone
Speaker 1: and and you and me are in it. I mean
Speaker 1: that's kind of clever. Right, It's like a sketch show,
Speaker 1: but but not in that each episode is its own
Speaker 1: independent thing. That's kind of cool. Joel. Right, yeah, I
Speaker 1: like it. I like that a lot too. Put an
Speaker 1: asterisk next to that on the whiteboard, Joel. Well, all right, guys,
Speaker 1: we love you. This is so fun. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: audition for a party. Really want I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have the I have the check on the box on
Speaker 1: the whiteboard is open waiting to be checked. Go get it. Um.
Speaker 1: I love you, guys. Donald, I'll see you when it tucks.
Speaker 1: Please please nurse your wife back to health. So that
Speaker 1: we can have her at the gallaph for baby the baby.
Speaker 1: I'm stopping the weed today so that I look fresh
Speaker 1: faced and ready to go for you on Saturday, baby,
Speaker 1: And go get that good for you, baby, Go get
Speaker 1: that perfect wife of yours some soup. She is going
Speaker 1: to be their regard, even if I have to carry
Speaker 1: her like ck. And you know what you should try
Speaker 1: to do. What's that movie? What's that movie? What's that
Speaker 1: movie where they carry? No, that's funnier. He means, he means,
Speaker 1: he means carry you got a weekend to Bernie's casey,
Speaker 1: even if she's puking, it'd be amazing. Um, by the way,
Speaker 1: you know, you should get her and um they have
Speaker 1: here in LA and they have in other cities as well.
Speaker 1: But they have a nurse that will come over and
Speaker 1: give you an ivy of fluids. She got the fluid
Speaker 1: that I ain't gonna really do much for her. They'll
Speaker 1: give it. It'll give her no, but they'll blast her
Speaker 1: with vitamins. I've done that before. It's amazing. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: a great you You just call and schedule appointment. They
Speaker 1: come over with an ivy bag and and and blast
Speaker 1: you with vitamins and fluids. Blast you blast yeah, um,
Speaker 1: all right, we love you guys, and um that's it.
Speaker 1: Five Six of nurses stories about show we made about
Speaker 1: a bunch of doctor nurses and Canada. I said, he's
Speaker 1: the stories natural should know. So Geado around here? Are
Speaker 1: Gado around you here? I respect? Mm hmmm