Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everyone, welcome back to a
Speaker 1: new week on the podcast. It's so great to have
Speaker 1: you here. Thanks for tuning in, Thanks for listening to
Speaker 1: this latest episode. Today we are talking about a really
Speaker 1: really interesting topic, one that was actually suggested to me
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I put out a little pole the other
Speaker 1: day asking people, you know, kind of what they wanted
Speaker 1: to hear this week, and this response really jumped out
Speaker 1: at me because I think it is a topic that
Speaker 1: isn't really spoken about in psychology that much. It's a
Speaker 1: really spiritual topic, I find, but it has a lot
Speaker 1: of connections to ideas that we often talk about when
Speaker 1: we talk about social psychology and biological psychology, in particular
Speaker 1: ideas of love and attraction and partnership and connection. So
Speaker 1: I thought it would be a really interesting deep dive,
Speaker 1: and I was right. The research and all the things
Speaker 1: I found out about this topic was just really magnificent
Speaker 1: and really interesting to look into. So today we are
Speaker 1: talking about the idea of a twin flame, or the
Speaker 1: idea of a soulmate really truly interesting. And regardless of
Speaker 1: whether you think that soulmates are really out there, whether
Speaker 1: you have one, whether they exist, I think some of
Speaker 1: the implications that a belief in soulmates has for our
Speaker 1: psychology and the well being about romantic and non romantic
Speaker 1: relationships is something that everyone should kind of know about
Speaker 1: and a really interesting thing to think about when you
Speaker 1: approach perhaps your quest for love, or how you connect
Speaker 1: with people and how you meet people. So, as we
Speaker 1: always do, let's have a little intro. Let's talk a
Speaker 1: little bit about some of the background information to do
Speaker 1: with this topic. So psychology can make a lot of
Speaker 1: sense of soulmates and the term soulmates, it kind of
Speaker 1: implies this deep connection, a special affinity, or an understanding,
Speaker 1: this really intense, powerful bond that exists between yourself and
Speaker 1: another person. Historically, there have been a lot of deep
Speaker 1: beliefs and ideas, very esoteric ideas about what soulmates are,
Speaker 1: and ancient esoteric philosophy often calls soulmates our twin flames,
Speaker 1: also called our twin souls, and they believe that they
Speaker 1: are literally the other half of our soul, your soulmate,
Speaker 1: and you were once one entity, one being, one soul,
Speaker 1: and we have been separated from each other, and they've
Speaker 1: been split into and we've gone our separate ways, and
Speaker 1: we are being incarnated and brought back to life over
Speaker 1: and over again to gather human experiences before coming back together.
Speaker 1: And in some of those ancient kind of philosophical and
Speaker 1: spiritual ideas, there was this idea that you know, we
Speaker 1: have multiple lives, we live multiple lives, we are reincarnated,
Speaker 1: and that person, that soulmate shows up in each one
Speaker 1: of them, and in that way we're tied together. And
Speaker 1: in many ways, some connections do really feel destined to be.
Speaker 1: It's almost like meeting this person was written in the
Speaker 1: stars and kind of heavens a line to make it happen.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you've felt that way. I
Speaker 1: don't even know if I've felt that way. When I
Speaker 1: was researching this, I was like, dang, like this sounds brilliant.
Speaker 1: I want this. But these powerful unions in this life
Speaker 1: are kind of what we imagine to be soulmates. And
Speaker 1: a soulmate is someone that we that if we feel
Speaker 1: that they get us, like we're cut from the same
Speaker 1: energetic cloth almost. And although I think the traditional notion
Speaker 1: of a soulmate, or maybe your conception of a soulmate
Speaker 1: is that of a romantic partnership, as we'll talk about,
Speaker 1: they can appear in many forms, and they kind of
Speaker 1: rest upon a deep, special, spiritual relationship with another person
Speaker 1: that doesn't have to be an intimate relationship. And a
Speaker 1: lot of people believe that our soulmate relationships are here
Speaker 1: to teach us something important. They hold up a mirror
Speaker 1: for us to go deeper within ourselves and to expand
Speaker 1: and evolve, and to achieve that that purpose. You don't
Speaker 1: necessarily have to be romantically involved with that person. It
Speaker 1: could be a friend, it could be a teacher. We
Speaker 1: will talk all about those different theories later on. But
Speaker 1: is the idea of a soulmate or a twin flame
Speaker 1: something that can be backed up by science? I think
Speaker 1: you know the answer. It's most likely a know. But
Speaker 1: there is this wealth of kind background information and background
Speaker 1: research that explains why we might have that feeling that
Speaker 1: someone in our lives was someone we were meant to meet.
Speaker 1: It might come from biology, it might come from attraction
Speaker 1: and from compatibility, but there are certain reactions that come
Speaker 1: from our interactions with others that make us more in
Speaker 1: tune with someone else. And that's something I really want
Speaker 1: to discuss. And there are also some dark to some
Speaker 1: darker sides to believing that we have one person out
Speaker 1: there for us. So a lot of really interesting things
Speaker 1: we're talking about today. Let's dive right in. Okay, So
Speaker 1: perhaps the first thing we should talk about is how
Speaker 1: do we know if we've maybe met a soulmate. Maybe
Speaker 1: you have someone in your life right now who you
Speaker 1: think is your twin flame, you think they are your
Speaker 1: other half, your better half, and how are we able
Speaker 1: to discern that that person is really kind of divinely
Speaker 1: meant to be with us, or whether we just have
Speaker 1: a strong alignment with them. How do we know that,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe if someone we've met might be one
Speaker 1: of our soulmates, might be one of those deep, meaningful
Speaker 1: connections we hold with us for our entire life. Well,
Speaker 1: here are some of those indicators or characteristics of a
Speaker 1: relationship that might indicate that the person they're connecting to
Speaker 1: might be someone who you could connect to deeper or
Speaker 1: who is potentially a soulmate, so you might feel a
Speaker 1: connection with them almost instantly and on an intuitive level.
Speaker 1: Intuition is not just kind of a mystical spiritual idea.
Speaker 1: It's a legitimate scientific concept that has a lot of
Speaker 1: evidence supporting its legitimacy and its existence. In psychology, the
Speaker 1: idea of intuition, it's defined as kind of the productive
Speaker 1: influence of unconscious emotional information. So intuition is kind of
Speaker 1: like a brain process that gives us the ability to
Speaker 1: make decisions without the use of analytical reasoning. Almost it's
Speaker 1: almost the activity of the old brain, of this unconscious
Speaker 1: thought process that is constantly going on in our minds
Speaker 1: that allows us to make decisions without needing to think
Speaker 1: about them every single second. And it applies when we
Speaker 1: meet someone and we are unconsciously able to recognize something
Speaker 1: unique about that person that somehow aligns with us, even
Speaker 1: if that thought is not happening on a conscious, higher
Speaker 1: up level. We're going to talk about personality compatibility later
Speaker 1: on in this episode, but intuition and recognizing something similar
Speaker 1: in someone else almost instantly is a core part of
Speaker 1: why you might feel a deep connection with someone. But
Speaker 1: there are some other indicators as well that you may
Speaker 1: have met a soulmate or someone you are destined to meet.
Speaker 1: You might feel a really strong chemistry upon meeting them,
Speaker 1: an intense energy and intense connection. You feel understood because
Speaker 1: of this strength of the bond that you have between
Speaker 1: that person and yourself. And isn't that just an amazing feeling,
Speaker 1: Feeling understood, feeling seen. Critically, You accept them at their
Speaker 1: best and their worst, and they do the same for you.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about that a little bit later on.
Speaker 1: I think I have the saying that love is forgiveness,
Speaker 1: and I think that idea of accepting people for their
Speaker 1: flaws is really indicative that you've met someone you have
Speaker 1: a really deep connection with you might recognize them. So
Speaker 1: this sounds really wishy washy, maybe a little bit bizarre,
Speaker 1: but I'm trying to put everything on the table. When
Speaker 1: I say recognize them, I mean like you might physically
Speaker 1: be like that person seems familiar. And some people might
Speaker 1: say that you knew them in a past life and
Speaker 1: therefore recognize them, and that there is some form of
Speaker 1: bond that traverses space and time. In terms of scientific
Speaker 1: evidence for this, there isn't much, but I do think
Speaker 1: we've perhaps all maybe felt that way about someone else,
Speaker 1: So even anecdotally. We may read something into the fact
Speaker 1: that we can sometimes recognize people that we see as
Speaker 1: soulmates and they feel familiar to us, like we've known
Speaker 1: them before. You also have deep empathy towards one another.
Speaker 1: Empathy is a crucial factor in most really close relationship,
Speaker 1: so it makes sense that it turns up when we're
Speaker 1: discussing twin flames. This was a really interesting one. I
Speaker 1: saw this on a website and I really related to this.
Speaker 1: You don't always need to speak to be able to connect.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've had that experience where you're
Speaker 1: sitting in silence with someone and it feels comfortable, even enjoyable,
Speaker 1: and you don't feel the need to feel that silence constantly.
Speaker 1: You can still connect and communicate without talking or communicating verbally,
Speaker 1: But when you do choose to communicate, it's honest, it's vulnerable,
Speaker 1: and your values align Underneath that deep twin flame passionate
Speaker 1: connection are deeper values that connect you to someone. I
Speaker 1: think this makes a lot of sense. It's really difficult
Speaker 1: to have a really deep relationship with someone who fundamentally
Speaker 1: you don't agree on the same things. Fundamentally you have
Speaker 1: different values and attitudes, towards respect for others, towards what
Speaker 1: a good life means, about what you want out of life,
Speaker 1: what's important. Another indicator you may have met your twin
Speaker 1: flame or your soulmate is that you can let your
Speaker 1: guard down and things feel easy. It's not strained, or
Speaker 1: it's not difficult. My friend Kate always says this love
Speaker 1: should be easy, and you can be vulnerable with that
Speaker 1: person without fear, without feeling like there's judgment, that you're
Speaker 1: saying the wrong things, that you're not able to speak
Speaker 1: your truth, and this person supports your growth. Soulmates don't
Speaker 1: enter our lives just to bring excitement and fun and
Speaker 1: love and good times. This kind of soul contract is
Speaker 1: some people call it is ultimately about deeper things. That
Speaker 1: means your soulmate, in whatever form they arrive, will actively
Speaker 1: support your growth and development as a person. They will
Speaker 1: encourage you, they lift you up, They offer you practical
Speaker 1: help so you can reach your goals. But sometimes this
Speaker 1: can include hard truths. Like we've previously mentioned twin flames
Speaker 1: or soulmates, they might just be there to really hold
Speaker 1: up a mirror so you can observe yourself and in
Speaker 1: that reflection you might not only see good things. You
Speaker 1: might see some of those elements of yourself that you
Speaker 1: want to work towards and improve. And I think that
Speaker 1: is part of this greater idea of soulmates. It doesn't
Speaker 1: need to be unconditional. But this love that you might
Speaker 1: have for this other person and them for you is
Speaker 1: about growing, and it's about learning lessons and building a
Speaker 1: deeper understanding of yourself and your values. We're going to
Speaker 1: talk about different types of soulmates now, as I'm sure
Speaker 1: you've kind of gathered. I don't think that they're purely romantic.
Speaker 1: And I do believe in the eye idea of soulmates
Speaker 1: or twin flames, and I'm really stressing that plural form there.
Speaker 1: I don't see our soulmate as being one person like
Speaker 1: that traditional religious version of the idea is you know
Speaker 1: that you were once one entity and now now you're two,
Speaker 1: very Adam and Eve kind of mythology there. My belief
Speaker 1: is that there are many people that we are meant
Speaker 1: to meet and that we are meant to connect to,
Speaker 1: and they don't always have to be in our life forever,
Speaker 1: and they don't always have to be romantic. I have
Speaker 1: friends who are soulmates to me? Who are people that,
Speaker 1: like I said, would you kind of tick those boxes
Speaker 1: across all of those indicators of supporting my growth, of
Speaker 1: holding me accountable, being able to sit in silence. And
Speaker 1: sometimes they're not even people that you know for longer
Speaker 1: than a moment. But the idea of a soulmate is
Speaker 1: someone that you feel divinely connected to, who comes into
Speaker 1: your life and teaches you something and who feels familiar.
Speaker 1: So romantic soulmates obviously what we think of when we
Speaker 1: hear the term twin flame. Often you might hear people
Speaker 1: call their partner their soulmate. There's someone who brings them passionate, intellectual, emotional,
Speaker 1: and spiritual physical experiences and that sounds amazing, right, that
Speaker 1: sounds fantastic. And if you've met someone you connect with
Speaker 1: like that, the magic of these sensations can make us
Speaker 1: feel like the love we share with that person was
Speaker 1: meant to be, that it has divine purpose, divine timing.
Speaker 1: And interestingly, this idea of a soulmate, it does appear
Speaker 1: in a lot of cultures. So the Yiddish word for
Speaker 1: soulmate is bash red, and it's the belief that before birth,
Speaker 1: God decided your spouse and they are a matchmate in heaven.
Speaker 1: Then the eye to the idea is that even before
Speaker 1: you were born, God kind of decided who would be
Speaker 1: your partner, and they're the person that you ultimately in
Speaker 1: your life. I don't know how much I believe that,
Speaker 1: but it's interesting that it's shown up throughout history, and
Speaker 1: it's also perhaps kind of found in other parts of
Speaker 1: the world and in other time frames, although it might
Speaker 1: have some different names. So this is a theory, well
Speaker 1: not really a theory but almost folklore, and it comes
Speaker 1: out of East Asia and I was obsessed with this
Speaker 1: when I was younger. I believed in this wholeheartedly. And
Speaker 1: it's called the red Thread of fate and originally originated
Speaker 1: from Chinese mythology, but it's also found throughout, like I said,
Speaker 1: a lot of East Asian cultures, such as Japanese culture.
Speaker 1: And the kind of myth or the legend is that
Speaker 1: it's kind of thought as that there is an invisible
Speaker 1: red chord around the finger of those who are destined
Speaker 1: to meet another in any in their lifetime. And it's
Speaker 1: the idea of true love that this red string, this
Speaker 1: red thread connects you and according to Chinese ledge, and
Speaker 1: the deity in charge of the red thread is believed
Speaker 1: to be this person called U Law and they are
Speaker 1: the old lunar matchmaker God who was in charge of marriages.
Speaker 1: So these two people connected by this red thread are
Speaker 1: destined lovers, regardless of place, time, circumstances, this magical chord,
Speaker 1: the idea goes, It might stretch, it might tangle, but
Speaker 1: it never breaks. And this myth is a very similar
Speaker 1: to this Western concept of a soulmate or a destined partner.
Speaker 1: And these kind of notions or folk stories and ideas
Speaker 1: of a soulmate are beautiful and maybe you have imagined
Speaker 1: what it would be like to love and connect with
Speaker 1: someone that deeply. But when we analyze the idea of
Speaker 1: a soulmate in the romantic sense from a psychological rather
Speaker 1: than a spiritual perspective, it can become complicated and it
Speaker 1: has a lot less to do with this mystical, worldly,
Speaker 1: divine intervention. So research has highlighted a potentially darker side
Speaker 1: to believing in soulmates when we aren't able to learn
Speaker 1: or manage our expectations. So even a matchmate in heaven
Speaker 1: will always experience conflict. And according to this really interesting
Speaker 1: study done by this author called League Believing that a
Speaker 1: soulmate relationship is somehow a finished product, something that you
Speaker 1: find and that requires no work, is really detrimental. This
Speaker 1: author did a bit of further research on this. He
Speaker 1: says that there are two perspectives we can take when
Speaker 1: it comes to romantic relationships and the idea that out
Speaker 1: there exists our twin flame. Researchers into this belief and
Speaker 1: to this kind of divine love identify two types of
Speaker 1: thinkers when it comes to soulmates. We can call them
Speaker 1: nonbelievers and believers, but they call them destiny believers and
Speaker 1: growth believers. So a destiny believer they have these passionate, intense, fiery,
Speaker 1: short term relationships, and they often think of love as
Speaker 1: something that comes to you and something that is meant
Speaker 1: to be, something that is effortless and easy and beautiful
Speaker 1: and fully constructed upon arrival. Whereas growth believers they might
Speaker 1: take a little bit longer to commit. They kind of
Speaker 1: believe that love is something that requires work an effort,
Speaker 1: that there might not be one perfect person out there
Speaker 1: for you, but many people who you could find yourself
Speaker 1: being really happy with. Growth believers within a relationship often
Speaker 1: lead to more successful long term partnerships compared to so
Speaker 1: called destiny believers, because they believe that issues and problems
Speaker 1: and incompatibilities which will always emerge can be fixed and
Speaker 1: work through. So essentially this research are found that those
Speaker 1: people who believe in soulmates really deeply more likely to
Speaker 1: break up, give up, or have difficult relationships if their
Speaker 1: beliefs create a fixed attitude within that partnership. So an
Speaker 1: unhealthy idea that soulmate union should be perfect perfect may
Speaker 1: lead us to have, like I said, these passionate and
Speaker 1: intense short term relationships, disillusionment and frustration over challenges. You
Speaker 1: might impose deal breakers or unfair demands on your partner
Speaker 1: because you have this specific idea of who your soulmate is.
Speaker 1: You might also believe that love should be instant, that
Speaker 1: all love is founded on instantaneous attraction and energy, when
Speaker 1: in reality it might actually take time to build, and
Speaker 1: like I said before, it might result in you moving
Speaker 1: on rather than trying to fix your relationship problems if
Speaker 1: you're of the belief that there is one person, one
Speaker 1: perfect person, who is out there for you. On the
Speaker 1: other hand, people who have a growth attitude towards relationships,
Speaker 1: tend to take longer to commit, they stay longer, and
Speaker 1: they look to find solutions and compromises in their relationship,
Speaker 1: and believe that relationships take effort, and you grow to
Speaker 1: fit each other, you grow to fit together, and they
Speaker 1: believe that love is built. So regardless of whether there
Speaker 1: is actually a perfect person out there for us, and
Speaker 1: obviously that's up for debate, it is the very belief
Speaker 1: in the idea of a soulmate that actually might be
Speaker 1: most influential on whether we find love and the types
Speaker 1: of connections we build with some people, and whether that
Speaker 1: initial energy and chemistry we reveal with someone can be
Speaker 1: built into something that is trusting and stable and long term.
Speaker 1: Those are some of those some of the ideas around
Speaker 1: romantic soulmates how we traditionally think of our twin flame.
Speaker 1: But like I mentioned, I don't think that they always
Speaker 1: have to do with intimacy, that these people we are
Speaker 1: meant to meet are always going to be lovers or
Speaker 1: people we connect with on a physical level. Friendship soulmates
Speaker 1: are just as valid. Friends are an essential part of
Speaker 1: our journey, and these types of soulmates are those that
Speaker 1: help us laugh when we're in pain, they nurture us.
Speaker 1: They flow with us when we're writing high. They challenge
Speaker 1: us to be real and to be vulnerable and to
Speaker 1: speak our truth. And they love us to spy our
Speaker 1: problems and our flaws, and we love them for that
Speaker 1: as well. These people are not those that were necessarily
Speaker 1: attracted to or have a sexual relationship with, but they
Speaker 1: are so critical for our well being and our sense
Speaker 1: of belonging and love. And I think with traditional notions
Speaker 1: of partnership, when you have your partner, when you've met
Speaker 1: your match, if you're a monogamous person, you really only
Speaker 1: have room for one. But the idea of friendship soulmates
Speaker 1: means that you have opportunities to have multiple of these people.
Speaker 1: And I feel very blessed to have been able to
Speaker 1: meet some of the people like this in my life,
Speaker 1: and they continue to be in my life. I specifically
Speaker 1: remember meeting my best friend Zoe, and when I think
Speaker 1: about those characteristics or indicators when you've met a soulmate,
Speaker 1: they all seem to apply. It was our first day
Speaker 1: of high school and I saw this girl sitting out
Speaker 1: the front of our school and she was crying her hope.
Speaker 1: She doesn't mind me saying this, but she was really
Speaker 1: upset and I saw her and I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know what it was, but I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be friends with that person. I recognize her.
Speaker 1: There's something about her that instant chemistry, and I went
Speaker 1: up to her and I started talking to her, and
Speaker 1: ever since then we have been so close, thick as thieves.
Speaker 1: It's like she knows me better than I know myself,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't necessarily mean that her love is unconditional.
Speaker 1: I think the reason why I see her as a
Speaker 1: soulmate and why we are so close, and I've said
Speaker 1: this to her so many times, is that she also
Speaker 1: sees and knows my bad qualities. She knows the worst
Speaker 1: things about me and still loves me and can look
Speaker 1: past them, and has this idea of me that is
Speaker 1: not delusional and is forgiving and acknowledges me for who
Speaker 1: I truly am on a deep level. And I hope
Speaker 1: that I do the same for her. So I hope
Speaker 1: that emphasizes the importance of friendships as soulmates and friends
Speaker 1: as twin flames, because sometimes that's who they are. There
Speaker 1: are a couple other ideas. I think, maybe The traditional
Speaker 1: way to go about this would be to talk about
Speaker 1: friends and to talk about romance. But I found this
Speaker 1: concept that I thought was really interesting. Two concepts actually. Firstly,
Speaker 1: it's the idea that we have teacher soulmates in life,
Speaker 1: not just romantic and friends, and not just romantic soulmates
Speaker 1: and friendship soulmates, but teacher soulmates. And to a certain extent,
Speaker 1: we learn from all people in one way or another,
Speaker 1: but especially with our teacher twin flames. They might be
Speaker 1: a valued mentor or healer in your life who you
Speaker 1: meet with divine timing. They could be an inspirational professor
Speaker 1: from school who encourages you to pursue something new, thinking
Speaker 1: about the dead poet society, I don't know why, and
Speaker 1: you know. They could even be a total stranger who
Speaker 1: has really wise words for you. They could be a grandparent,
Speaker 1: someone who whose role in your life is to teach
Speaker 1: you and change the course of your life forever. And
Speaker 1: there's the idea of lifelong soulmates. These people might not
Speaker 1: necessarily be your partner, You might not necessarily be friends,
Speaker 1: but they're people that you know your entire life, who
Speaker 1: support you like no other. Lifelong Soulmates are those strong
Speaker 1: partnerships that stay with us throughout our lives. They might
Speaker 1: include business partners or family members, sisters, siblings, brothers. Some
Speaker 1: people are just meant to be there and meant to
Speaker 1: be by your side, but some people aren't. I don't
Speaker 1: think that we should be confusing soulmates with this notion
Speaker 1: of forever, although that might be what traditional ideas tell us.
Speaker 1: There's a saying maybe you know it, I do really
Speaker 1: love it, and the saying is a reason a season
Speaker 1: or a lifetime. People aren't meant to be in your
Speaker 1: life forever. Just because you form a strong bond with
Speaker 1: someone doesn't mean you need to hang onto them for
Speaker 1: your whole life. Different types of soulmate relationships may last
Speaker 1: for different amounts of times, maybe days, some years, and
Speaker 1: some a lifetime. But people sometimes are just passing through
Speaker 1: and you're in each other's lives to teat each other
Speaker 1: something an important lesson. And I think the word soulmate
Speaker 1: does signifies does signify kind of a deep and intense bond,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean it means to be forever or
Speaker 1: it needs to be perfect. And just because it doesn't
Speaker 1: last for your lifetime doesn't mean it hasn't been valuable
Speaker 1: or it's not a true soulmate connection. Okay, so there
Speaker 1: is a lot to make of this and this notion
Speaker 1: of destiny and soulmates. Many of the explanations we've kind
Speaker 1: of slightly touched on so far have all rested on
Speaker 1: ideas of a higher power or a deep spiritual path,
Speaker 1: some form of deity that leads us to our person
Speaker 1: And although I love this idea and it might feel true,
Speaker 1: there are some other explanations for why we may have
Speaker 1: that immediate connection with some people but not others, and
Speaker 1: why this might lead us to confuse someone we've met
Speaker 1: as being a soulmate, either romantically or otherwise. This is
Speaker 1: a psychology podcast, so let's talk about some ideas of
Speaker 1: biology and personality and compatibility that might provide a better
Speaker 1: explanation for the idea and existence of soulmates rather than
Speaker 1: a spiritual perspective. So, there have been a lot of
Speaker 1: theories that certain personality types are more compatible for decades.
Speaker 1: Decades and decades, experts have kind of tried to classify
Speaker 1: the possible different types of personalities in kind of an
Speaker 1: attempt to understand why everyone is different yet similar and
Speaker 1: why some people get along better than others. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you might have a coworker or a friend who, for
Speaker 1: some reason, they just grind your gears. There's something about them.
Speaker 1: You can't put your finger on it, but you just
Speaker 1: don't get along, Whereas there are other people who it's
Speaker 1: like they could do no harm. They nothing they do
Speaker 1: pisses you off. They are like perfectly suited to you.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if you've heard about this, but
Speaker 1: this is called the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, and it's
Speaker 1: one of those tools we were just talking about that's
Speaker 1: been developed to identify personality types and to identify compatibility.
Speaker 1: I'm going to put this out here. I know a
Speaker 1: lot of people do their MBTI or their personality type,
Speaker 1: but it's not particularly evidence based, and its validity is
Speaker 1: often kind of question. But it's a really really interesting
Speaker 1: kind of experiment to really think about the traits that
Speaker 1: define you. And if you have heard of Myers Briggs,
Speaker 1: it's essentially kind of gives you an idea of where
Speaker 1: you stand on a spectrum of traits. So there's four
Speaker 1: main kind of letters or comparisons within this personality type.
Speaker 1: So are you extroverted or are you introverted? Do you
Speaker 1: sense or do you intuit? Are you thinking or are
Speaker 1: you a feeling person? And do you judge or do
Speaker 1: you simply perceive? And if you want to do it,
Speaker 1: it's free, it's online. It's very interesting, and it's based
Speaker 1: on these personality theories of Carl Jung, and he kind
Speaker 1: of proposed this system of personality types based on your
Speaker 1: attitudes around these four kind of equations and how you
Speaker 1: feel in these situations, whether whether you are in a
Speaker 1: situation and you judge what people are doing or you
Speaker 1: simply perceive it, whether you react with your heart or
Speaker 1: your brain. These kind of attitudes and these reactions, they
Speaker 1: are the basis of your personality, which is a distinctive
Speaker 1: kind of combination of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that make
Speaker 1: you who you are. It's unique and complex. It does
Speaker 1: change and adapt to circumstances. But there are some people
Speaker 1: who possess a similar personality or compatible traits, and it
Speaker 1: means that you're better able to connect and share beliefs
Speaker 1: and attitudes with them and you see the world the
Speaker 1: same way. Compatibility of obviously falls across a spectrum, and
Speaker 1: it may be that those we share a lot in
Speaker 1: common with on a personality and trait level. Are people
Speaker 1: we come to see as soulmates, not because of some
Speaker 1: divine connection, but because of something a lot simpler, which
Speaker 1: is that we are similar. We are similar, our personalities
Speaker 1: gel really well. They might also be feeling. They might
Speaker 1: also be very intuitive, they might also be extroverted. And
Speaker 1: because you see the world similarly, you're able to connect
Speaker 1: and you're able to discuss and be vulnerable with each other,
Speaker 1: particularly romantic compatibility. It depends on a lot of factors
Speaker 1: and circumstances, and this is just one of many ways
Speaker 1: to look at it. But I also think that compatible
Speaker 1: ability doesn't just hinge on this inventory of personality traits.
Speaker 1: It's not something that you just have. You can also
Speaker 1: work to be more compatible. It's a process. And obviously
Speaker 1: our personality changes over the course of our lifetime, as
Speaker 1: things happen, as events happen to us, as we grow,
Speaker 1: as we mature. So I think that compatibility it's a disposition,
Speaker 1: and it's an attitude, and it can be worked on,
Speaker 1: and you can come to see things the way others
Speaker 1: see it, and you can come to share a similar outlook. Okay,
Speaker 1: we've talked about personality and compatibility as an explanation for
Speaker 1: White for this idea of soulmates. But what about physical reactions.
Speaker 1: I think biology, as simple as it sounds, can really
Speaker 1: explain this deep sensation of having met your twin flame.
Speaker 1: So another explanation for that unconscious pull and energy we
Speaker 1: might feel towards someone who we might perceive as a soulmate.
Speaker 1: It comes from activity in our nervous system and within
Speaker 1: our hormones and within our brain. Sometimes it's difficult to
Speaker 1: distinguish what is lost and what is love, particularly when
Speaker 1: we're talking about someone who we feel a soul connection to.
Speaker 1: There are just some people we find really attractive and
Speaker 1: more alluring and the resulting reactions in our body. They
Speaker 1: are often controlled by instinctual patterns such as our libido.
Speaker 1: That explains why we feel deep chemistry with someone. It
Speaker 1: might just come from attraction. So a likely cause behind
Speaker 1: this kind of intense soulmate reaction or this infatuation the
Speaker 1: chemical reactions that take place in your brain when you're
Speaker 1: aroused and when you see something that you like. So
Speaker 1: when you see someone you're attracted to, there are a
Speaker 1: couple of things that happen in your brain So firstly,
Speaker 1: this is a hormone. It's called pea or phenolatin. It's
Speaker 1: a natural hormone that's emitted by your body and it
Speaker 1: speeds up the communication between your nerve cells and triggers
Speaker 1: the release of dopamine, our favorite happy hormone. Dopamine is
Speaker 1: the hormone and the neurotransmitter behind feelings of bliss and
Speaker 1: joy and ecstasy. At the same time, when we are
Speaker 1: attracted to someone, our body releases nor openehrin, which is
Speaker 1: an arousal or stress hormone that consequently stimulates the production
Speaker 1: of adrenaline. So combined these three chemicals, they act almost
Speaker 1: as an amphetamine, and they elevate our energy levels and
Speaker 1: our mood and the effects of these chemicals usually it
Speaker 1: can last up to six months to three years if
Speaker 1: we're continuing to stay on that high, and of course
Speaker 1: if you're not around them all the time, those hormones
Speaker 1: are released every time you see them, so you kind
Speaker 1: of are chasing this high. And it might be that
Speaker 1: the people we consider our soulmates, especially on a romantic level,
Speaker 1: are really in our life because of the physical and
Speaker 1: biological reactions that their physical appearance or their way of
Speaker 1: making us feel creates in our bodies. There are some
Speaker 1: other theories. I want to talk to one that's really popular,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure we see a lot in the media.
Speaker 1: If you're on TikTok, you might see this a lot.
Speaker 1: It's become a bit of psycho bubble. It's called love bombing.
Speaker 1: Love Bombing is a pretty known, almost narcissistic, controlling action
Speaker 1: that partners often use to cause us to fall deeply
Speaker 1: in love with them or to be deeply attracted and
Speaker 1: infatuated with them. Love Bombing involves the repeated and consistent
Speaker 1: giving of gifts, giving of attention, giving of love and
Speaker 1: of services for a brief period of time until we're
Speaker 1: hooked on another person and then reality kind of hits.
Speaker 1: It could be that if you feel you've met your soulmate,
Speaker 1: maybe sit back and think about whether you're being love
Speaker 1: bombed and the reactions that's creating that excitement and that
Speaker 1: attention is really why you feel a deep connection and
Speaker 1: why you feel deep passion and deep energy. There's also
Speaker 1: models of addiction that explain ideas of twin flames and soulmates.
Speaker 1: Like I said, when we are attracted to someone the
Speaker 1: way that that feeling kind of reacts and is created
Speaker 1: in our body is through the release of dopamine. Dopamine
Speaker 1: is also associated with a lot of addictive practices like
Speaker 1: gambling and drug addiction and alcohol addiction. It could be
Speaker 1: that the release and the varied release of dopamine by
Speaker 1: this person is causing you to become addicted to them
Speaker 1: because they are a source of real joy and pleasure
Speaker 1: and bliss. I think also it's worth considering alternative models.
Speaker 1: Not everyone believes in soulmates, and that's completely valid. It
Speaker 1: does have a lot of spiritual connos connotations, you know,
Speaker 1: the idea of a soul and of a twin flame
Speaker 1: of someone that you're divinely and you're meant to meet
Speaker 1: them and they're meant to be in your life. But
Speaker 1: there are some other perspectives. I have friends who I
Speaker 1: really admire and I really agree with them when they
Speaker 1: tell me that relationships aren't meant to be divine spiritual things.
Speaker 1: They aren't meant to be easy. They might not meant
Speaker 1: to be instant, but they take effort and they require work.
Speaker 1: And the person who you love the most might not
Speaker 1: necessarily be the best partner for you. The person who
Speaker 1: you believe is your twin flame, and who you connect
Speaker 1: with on that really deep level maybe isn't who you
Speaker 1: should end up with. It's the person who matches you
Speaker 1: the best, who suits your personality the best, who wants
Speaker 1: to shares the similar values as you do, who would
Speaker 1: be a good partner because you know that you're going
Speaker 1: to work well together even after that initial spark may
Speaker 1: have faded. Well, everyone, I hope you enjoyed this brief
Speaker 1: synthesis around some of the psychology behind twin flames and
Speaker 1: the idea that we might have a soulmate. I think
Speaker 1: regardless of what you believe, it does feel amazing when
Speaker 1: you connect with someone really deeply, whether they are someone
Speaker 1: you're romantically interested in, or a friend, or you know,
Speaker 1: even a sibling or a parent, someone who you feel
Speaker 1: this deep, intuitive relationship with. So if that's what you're after,
Speaker 1: go for it. I think some of the other theories
Speaker 1: that we discussed are really interesting about where that could
Speaker 1: lead us. If we believe that there is one love
Speaker 1: that is destined to be ours, it might result in
Speaker 1: you're giving up on something that could be really great
Speaker 1: before you've really tried it out because you have these
Speaker 1: deal breakers because you have this notion and belief in love.
Speaker 1: I'm not telling you to settle, but it is I
Speaker 1: think some research to kind of take in and to
Speaker 1: apply to your own perspective and attitude towards love. It's
Speaker 1: also worth considering some of those other theories, those biological theories,
Speaker 1: love bombing, addiction, the right time, putting work into relationships.
Speaker 1: All in all of an incredibly interesting topic and one
Speaker 1: that I had a lot of fun researching. Like I
Speaker 1: always say when I end these episodes, if this resonated
Speaker 1: with you, if you enjoy this content, and if you
Speaker 1: feel cooled to do so, please feel free to leave
Speaker 1: a five star review on Apple or Spotify. It really
Speaker 1: helps the podcast grow and we have so many new
Speaker 1: listeners at the moment. Hello to you all, and to
Speaker 1: all of you who've reached out to me. It is
Speaker 1: just insane to me. I really, I just can't fathom
Speaker 1: how many people want to listen to my voice. I
Speaker 1: don't even know it's yeah, I'm kind of stumbling over
Speaker 1: my words a little bit, but I feel really, really grateful,
Speaker 1: so thank you for all of your support. It really
Speaker 1: is just insane. It blows my mind and I really
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Follow us on Instagram. It's where I get
Speaker 1: a lot of my topic ideas from. So if you
Speaker 1: have something that we haven't talked about before that you
Speaker 1: think would be a really good match with some of
Speaker 1: these psychological explanations, shoot it. Shoot it to me, send
Speaker 1: it to me. I will read it, and I will
Speaker 1: let you know what I think, and hopefully we'll be
Speaker 1: able to integrate it into a future episode. But thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. Enjoy your lovely, beautiful weeks,
Speaker 1: your weekends wherever you are in the world, and I
Speaker 1: will see you next week for another episode.