Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everyone, welcome back to a
Speaker 1: new episode of the show. Thank you for tuning in,
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today as we talk about another
Speaker 1: interesting topic. Like I say every week, every topic I
Speaker 1: kind of like to cover is one that I personally
Speaker 1: feel a lot of feelings, I feel a lot of
Speaker 1: truth to, or is something that as a person in
Speaker 1: their twenties I have been through. I've been experiencing or
Speaker 1: discussing with friends, with family, with people around me. This
Speaker 1: is obviously no different, and it's also a really big
Speaker 1: and rucial one and one that has a lot of
Speaker 1: ties to our mental health, not just our overall psychological
Speaker 1: perspectives and well being. I think a lot of the
Speaker 1: times when people hear like psychology, they often think mental illness.
Speaker 1: I try and stay away from that because I really
Speaker 1: want to be able to expand people's knowledge of this
Speaker 1: topic and this discipline and understand that it covers a
Speaker 1: lot more than just some kind of illness that's going
Speaker 1: on on, some kind of mental unwellness. But this week
Speaker 1: I really wanted to talk about something that might be
Speaker 1: related to some kind of mental distress or discomfort that
Speaker 1: you're feeling, especially in our twenties. So this week we're
Speaker 1: talking about identity crises. An identity crisis that might come
Speaker 1: along in our twenties later on or earlier. It might
Speaker 1: be something that you're going through, and I want to
Speaker 1: really approach it from a growth mindset, from a growing perspective,
Speaker 1: rather than one that is negative. There are a lot
Speaker 1: of studies that I did, a lot of studies that
Speaker 1: I looked at when I was researching this, all of
Speaker 1: them saying the same thing. This kind of event is
Speaker 1: kind of impossible to avoid and something that all of
Speaker 1: us have to go through in our early adulthood, which
Speaker 1: is probably for most of you right now. Maybe you're
Speaker 1: finding yourself experiencing an identity crisis where you really are
Speaker 1: looking deeply at yourself, or you know, kind of assessing
Speaker 1: your life and your surroundings and not really knowing who
Speaker 1: you are. It's not so much about not knowing where
Speaker 1: you're going or not knowing what the future holds. I
Speaker 1: do have some episodes on that, but more really not
Speaker 1: knowing who you are at your core and how that
Speaker 1: kind of bleeds into the rest of our life. So
Speaker 1: I'm really really keen for today's episode. Like I said,
Speaker 1: a lot of these a lot of this content is
Speaker 1: things that I personally am finding interesting at the moment.
Speaker 1: This is no different and when I was looking into it,
Speaker 1: I found so many interesting things. I was saying to
Speaker 1: my housemate. He was asking me, oh, you know, like,
Speaker 1: what episode are you doing this week? And I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do an episode on an identity crisis.
Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, do you think that's what
Speaker 1: you're going through right now? And I was like no.
Speaker 1: And the reason why I don't think that is because
Speaker 1: I did all this research and it's made me better
Speaker 1: able to identify, you know, what I'm feeling. But if
Speaker 1: you are going through some kind of massive or major
Speaker 1: change or shift in your life and you don't really
Speaker 1: know where you stand, you don't really have a clear
Speaker 1: sense of identity, then this episode is for you. First,
Speaker 1: I just want to kind of define what we're talking
Speaker 1: about today. So an identity crisis, it's a developmental event
Speaker 1: and it involves a person, maybe yourself, questioning their sense
Speaker 1: of self and their place in the world and the
Speaker 1: concept it originates in the work of this developmental psychologist.
Speaker 1: If you are a psychology student, I hope you recognize
Speaker 1: the name. It's his name is Eric Ericson, an acute name,
Speaker 1: Eric Ericsson. He was a psychoanalyst in the nineteen hundreds
Speaker 1: and he believed that the formation of identity was one
Speaker 1: of the most important conflicts that people face. It's a challenge,
Speaker 1: it's a developmental event that we have to overcome in
Speaker 1: order to kind of recognize our true self. And according
Speaker 1: to Ericson, an identity crisis is a time of really
Speaker 1: intensive analysis and self discovery and exploration of different ways
Speaker 1: of perceiving and looking at ourselves. And he noted that
Speaker 1: developing a sense of identity is really important during our
Speaker 1: early adulthood, beginning obviously in our teenage years, but also
Speaker 1: our early in late twenties, and our identity it's not
Speaker 1: a stagnant thing that we create over a day and
Speaker 1: we're loyal to for the rest of our lives. Who
Speaker 1: we were five years ago is not who we are now.
Speaker 1: I would hope so. And it's highly likely that your
Speaker 1: identity and your sense of self concept is going to
Speaker 1: be hugely different in a lot of major ways five
Speaker 1: years from now, let alone ten or twenty, and that
Speaker 1: is such an incredible thing. It's an incredible blessing that
Speaker 1: we can develop and be different people across our lives,
Speaker 1: and that our brains and our minds and our overall
Speaker 1: self concept allows us to do this and allows up
Speaker 1: allows us to develop based on what's going on in
Speaker 1: our lives. So today we're going to break down this
Speaker 1: discussion of identity crisis into four sections. So we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about identity first. That seems like a pretty
Speaker 1: good building block. What is identity we all seem to have,
Speaker 1: but what are its contents? What is it specifically? You know,
Speaker 1: I don't think we can necessarily point to a collection
Speaker 1: of items, or our jobs, or our friends and families
Speaker 1: and say, well, this is me summed up, this is
Speaker 1: who I am. It's something a lot deeper and nuanced
Speaker 1: and quite frankly, sometimes intangible. Then we're going to discuss
Speaker 1: why does a crisis of identity occur and what does
Speaker 1: it symbolize internally for our psychology and what does it
Speaker 1: feel like mentally, socially, emotionally, and importantly For the last
Speaker 1: kind of section of the podcast. We're going to talk
Speaker 1: about what comes after. How do we push through this
Speaker 1: hard and sometimes very dark period where we're questioning ourselves
Speaker 1: and our identity and emerge at the other end, hopefully
Speaker 1: better and brighter and representing our true selves. Okay, so
Speaker 1: let's jump straight in. We're going to talk about identity.
Speaker 1: What is identity? A huge massive question I know to
Speaker 1: kind of pose to us, but the idea and conception
Speaker 1: of identity is such an incredibly complex topic. Identity is
Speaker 1: really concerned with this question of who am I and
Speaker 1: what does it mean to be me? And that might
Speaker 1: seem like a pretty easy answer for some, but for
Speaker 1: others it can be a lot more difficult. And how
Speaker 1: we view ourselves as a huge combination of so many factors,
Speaker 1: and because our identity is constantly shifting, particularly in young adulthood,
Speaker 1: one element of our identity is likely to be more
Speaker 1: prominent at any given time. And where we kind of
Speaker 1: see ourselves in relation to others and how we view
Speaker 1: ourselves is likely to be undergoing a lot of major
Speaker 1: changes during this decade. So let's start by breaking this
Speaker 1: down into some kind of sizable categories, and as we
Speaker 1: go through these I really want you to take some
Speaker 1: time to contemplate exactly what these categories mean for you,
Speaker 1: especially if you're listening to this episode today, because you
Speaker 1: might be experiencing an identity crisis. So identity it includes
Speaker 1: quite a few elements. Firstly, our personal qualities that we
Speaker 1: have little to no control over us, so our family,
Speaker 1: our cultural background, skin color, sexuality, where we were born.
Speaker 1: You know, if someone is particularly nationalistic and that's important
Speaker 1: for their identity, they may place a really great emphasis
Speaker 1: on their identity as a member of a certain country.
Speaker 1: For example, you know their Australian. They're like a barbecue,
Speaker 1: They're like the beach, and kind of the assumptions that
Speaker 1: comes along with that. Identity also relates to our basic values,
Speaker 1: and these dictate the choices that we make in our relationship, ships,
Speaker 1: in our career, in our daily lives, towards really important
Speaker 1: things like our health, like where we live, and all
Speaker 1: of these choices they reflect who we are and what
Speaker 1: we value and our values. They might include things like
Speaker 1: honesty or authenticity, dependability, gratitude, trustworthiness. The list goes on
Speaker 1: and on, and I think a really great exercise to
Speaker 1: do when you're feeling somewhat unstable in your self perception
Speaker 1: and what you stand for is to take a few
Speaker 1: minutes pause this podcast. I'm not going anywhere, but take
Speaker 1: a few minutes and think about your five most important values,
Speaker 1: whatever they may be. What are the five values that
Speaker 1: truly represent who you are? And be honest with yourself
Speaker 1: about how you might embody these values and what you
Speaker 1: can do to reinforce this value system within yourself. If
Speaker 1: you're someone who doesn't see I don't know trustworthiness as
Speaker 1: particularly important, maybe that's a bad example, maybe like a
Speaker 1: value for you as freedom. But if you're someone who's
Speaker 1: happy to kind of live within constraints and it's happy
Speaker 1: to be kind of a follower rather than a leader,
Speaker 1: be really honest with yourself about whether that's a value.
Speaker 1: I want you to take time to identify five five
Speaker 1: of the most important and these values they inform our
Speaker 1: moral character as well, which guide us through this world
Speaker 1: and any kind of cross words we may come across.
Speaker 1: And they also, as is stated in this episode, really
Speaker 1: important for our identity. They are those deep fundamental building
Speaker 1: blocks on which we build a lot of our self concept,
Speaker 1: our identity. It also relates to our social roles, which
Speaker 1: we hold or we might inhabit. For example, when I
Speaker 1: might look at myself or someone might ask me who
Speaker 1: are you, I might say, you know, I'm a podcast host,
Speaker 1: I'm an employee, I'm a friend, I'm a sister, I'm
Speaker 1: a daughter, I'm a woman. And in each of these
Speaker 1: roles I might act differently or make different decisions based
Speaker 1: on the context, but together they really help discern who
Speaker 1: I am and what I represent and the choices I
Speaker 1: inevitably make. Sometimes, these unique identities which are associated with
Speaker 1: our social roles can come into conflict. For example, you
Speaker 1: might see yourself as a student, but also as a
Speaker 1: traveler or an adventurer, as a daughter, a son at
Speaker 1: symboling a family member, and maybe your time commitments with
Speaker 1: school interrupt your ability to fully commit to those other
Speaker 1: social roles and identities that you find important, in which
Speaker 1: case some dissonance and potentially an identity crisis may arise
Speaker 1: when two of our social roles come into conflict with
Speaker 1: each other. And very similar but slightly different to this
Speaker 1: idea of social role is our identity within a social group,
Speaker 1: So for example, your religious identity, or if you're part
Speaker 1: of a sports team or a large community base which
Speaker 1: shares a common interest in similar patterns of behaviors or
Speaker 1: even appearances. This is a really weird example, but I
Speaker 1: often like to think of like furies as an example
Speaker 1: of this. Like that is a community, and that is
Speaker 1: a big part of someone's social identity. You know, they
Speaker 1: have similar hobbies and similar interests. Or if you're part
Speaker 1: of like a big fan base for something, that might
Speaker 1: be really really important for your identity because you have
Speaker 1: this shared sense of purpose and a shared sense of
Speaker 1: doing and of being. This links with our next kind
Speaker 1: of element or facet of identity, And this is the
Speaker 1: one that I think is probably the most important, maybe
Speaker 1: just as important as our value system. Our identity is
Speaker 1: formed by our passions, by our mission and our hobbies.
Speaker 1: What do we really care about? What is our purpose life?
Speaker 1: And if you're going through an identity crisis, that question
Speaker 1: is going to be hard to answer. It's hard to
Speaker 1: answer at any time. Like that is a huge existential question,
Speaker 1: like what is our purpose in life? But maybe it's
Speaker 1: better to scale that back to what do I love doing?
Speaker 1: What is my mission? For example, you know, you might
Speaker 1: believe that your mission on this earth is to protect nature,
Speaker 1: is to protect the earth. Maybe it's to help others
Speaker 1: make beautiful things, create nurture, or make money and build
Speaker 1: a fortune. This kind of assumption about what we're here
Speaker 1: for forms a really cool part of your identity, and
Speaker 1: it's totally okay if you don't know what that is
Speaker 1: right now. I was talking to my friend Gia the
Speaker 1: other day and she was like, I just know that
Speaker 1: one day I'm going to come across something and realize
Speaker 1: this is for me, and I really do believe that's
Speaker 1: going to happen for her. There's so many opportunities and
Speaker 1: changes in our lives where we really get to kind
Speaker 1: of get to the core of what we believe in,
Speaker 1: but also what we think our mission here is. And
Speaker 1: it's also made up of smaller things, specifically what we love,
Speaker 1: what kind of stokes the fire in your belly. You know,
Speaker 1: when you're meeting someone new, you might define yourself first
Speaker 1: by your hobbies. You know that you play football, or
Speaker 1: you crochet, or you run marathons, or you meditate or
Speaker 1: you paint, I don't know, whatever you're into. Those elements
Speaker 1: of what you love doing and what you fill your
Speaker 1: free time with are just as crucial as some of
Speaker 1: those bigger picture, things like your values, and these elements
Speaker 1: are just as crucial. Although they may not immediately come
Speaker 1: to mind, all of these small things build up to
Speaker 1: create us. They create our identity because it is a
Speaker 1: multilayered construct. It's not just one thing. And although the
Speaker 1: big things might come first, there not the most important.
Speaker 1: And as we dive deeper, we are able to see
Speaker 1: what is truly at the core of ourselves, not just
Speaker 1: our social role, not just the family or the life
Speaker 1: that we were born into. And I think something that
Speaker 1: I've noticed, and something that psychology really backs up, is
Speaker 1: you can tell a lot about someone by their response
Speaker 1: to a question like who are you? If I were
Speaker 1: to ask you this question right now, what would you say?
Speaker 1: Would you define yourself by your ethnicity or your nationality,
Speaker 1: maybe by your values and your beliefs, your social roles,
Speaker 1: maybe by your mission, your hobbies, what you love or
Speaker 1: who you love. And often when our identity is defined
Speaker 1: by external factors rather than those deep core beliefs, but
Speaker 1: things like our achievements, our political identity, our social roles,
Speaker 1: our performative behaviors or duty, that's when we can find
Speaker 1: ourselves quite detached from our true selves. And who we
Speaker 1: are at our core, our belief systems, our passion, and
Speaker 1: our mission. And this brings me it possibly my favorite
Speaker 1: element of identity, which is the existence of our true selves.
Speaker 1: When we look at some of those factors that create
Speaker 1: our identity, like I kind of mentioned before, some of
Speaker 1: them seem a lot more peripheral and less important than others.
Speaker 1: And this is where the distinction between our true self
Speaker 1: and our false or peripheral self kind of comes into
Speaker 1: this equation of identity. So our true self this refers
Speaker 1: to a sense of self based on authentic experience and
Speaker 1: the feeling of being truly present and alive and honest
Speaker 1: about who you are. So elements that make up our
Speaker 1: true selves include our deep inner values, our mission, our purpose,
Speaker 1: the connections we have with those that we love, maybe
Speaker 1: our religious belief, our goals, and our self concept, how
Speaker 1: we feel about ourselves, whether we feel good about ourselves,
Speaker 1: whether we see ourselves in a positive life, and our
Speaker 1: full self. It's kind of a defensive facade, and behind
Speaker 1: this facade you can feel really empty. It's based on
Speaker 1: behaviors and an identity that's learned and controlled rather than
Speaker 1: spontaneous and authentic and genuine, and it's made up of
Speaker 1: elements and factors of identity that I would say are
Speaker 1: pretty superficial and inconsistent or unstable, like how we wish
Speaker 1: others to receive us, maybe beauty and appearance and status.
Speaker 1: When we're able to identify our true self and exhibit
Speaker 1: it throughout what we do in every moment and embody
Speaker 1: our kind of pure intentions and our desires and our missions,
Speaker 1: we're likely to be a lot happier and fulfilled because
Speaker 1: we're in pursuit of becoming our best selves and making
Speaker 1: decisions with our core our ues at hand. We know
Speaker 1: what's important to us, but more importantly, who we are
Speaker 1: when all the facades and trinkets and material things are
Speaker 1: stripped away becomes more apparent and becomes more crucial to
Speaker 1: how we live our daily lives. But let's get to
Speaker 1: this next topic. What happens when that type of self,
Speaker 1: our true self, is confusing and unstable and really difficult
Speaker 1: to identify in the moment. That brings us to kind
Speaker 1: of the center of our discussion today, which is the
Speaker 1: experience of having an identity crisis. So an identity crisis,
Speaker 1: it's defined as a period of uncertainty and confusion in
Speaker 1: which a person, maybe yourself at the moment, your sense
Speaker 1: of identity becomes insecure, typically due to some kind of
Speaker 1: unexpected change in your role in society and your aims
Speaker 1: and your lifestyle, and a huge transitions in our twenties
Speaker 1: put our identity into question in a way that we
Speaker 1: often don't have to question in other periods of our life.
Speaker 1: If we think about our twenties, it's defined by massive change.
Speaker 1: It's defined by growing up, and we have to try
Speaker 1: and navigate that weird space between who we used to be,
Speaker 1: who we are now, and who we ultimately want to
Speaker 1: be in the future. And so many things can trigger
Speaker 1: or catalyze this type of rapid and really is a
Speaker 1: rapid transition and shift in our self identity. Let's think
Speaker 1: about a few like leaving school, graduating, that's something that
Speaker 1: is a really huge experience for people in their early twenties,
Speaker 1: moving countries, moving states, a loss of a parent, of
Speaker 1: a friend, of a family member, or a tragedy, a breakup.
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about that a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Illness and injury. You know, things come up as we age,
Speaker 1: as we enter into twenties. We're not young anymore. You know,
Speaker 1: you might be developing chronic illnesses, you might find yourself
Speaker 1: being injured, you might find yourself being unwell. And that's
Speaker 1: a real kind of catalyst for that kind of self
Speaker 1: discovery and the identity crisis that might come with it.
Speaker 1: And there are other just more subtle things that can
Speaker 1: be a significant trauma and a significant shift in our lives,
Speaker 1: like losing friends, getting fired, moving out of home. Basically
Speaker 1: the biggest trigger for this experience is change, in which
Speaker 1: we're forced to make decisions from a place of uncertainty
Speaker 1: and kind of an uncomfortable terrain where we might find
Speaker 1: it harder to remember our values and our mission and
Speaker 1: the things we love what makes us really us. Let's
Speaker 1: use that breakup example for this, because I think it
Speaker 1: might resonate with a lot of those a lot of
Speaker 1: us who have been in love at some point and
Speaker 1: now find ourselves well not in love, or at least
Speaker 1: not in love with the same person. Like I mentioned before,
Speaker 1: our identities they become very tied up in our social roles,
Speaker 1: in our relationships to others, and our values, our beliefs,
Speaker 1: and our goals might become a line to this other
Speaker 1: person as well, and whilst in a relationship. I'm sure
Speaker 1: many of us have had this experience, Like a relationship
Speaker 1: is a really vulnerable and intimate union of people. You know,
Speaker 1: you've chosen someone and you've chosen to spend a lot
Speaker 1: of time with them and get to know them, and
Speaker 1: we might begin to see ourselves not just as an individual,
Speaker 1: but as a partner, as a caregiver, as our lover,
Speaker 1: and our hobbies become molded by them, what we do together,
Speaker 1: how we spend our time, and with that we might
Speaker 1: also see a change in our values and beliefs. But
Speaker 1: when it's over, we have to recover all these old
Speaker 1: parts of our identity that we neglected, or we need
Speaker 1: to form new ones, and that leads to a sense
Speaker 1: of crisis and an inability to sometimes recognize ourselves. And
Speaker 1: the same can be said when we when we graduate
Speaker 1: from UNI or from a trade. We used to see
Speaker 1: ourselves as a student and defined ourselves by what activities
Speaker 1: and duties come along with that, you know, studying, performing
Speaker 1: well on exams, and our belief system At times, you know,
Speaker 1: I am studious, I believe in hard work. But when
Speaker 1: that identity is no longer available to us, we enter
Speaker 1: and can into into a really confusing period of our lives.
Speaker 1: Maybe a lot of you are experiencing at the moment,
Speaker 1: at the moment whereby we're really unsure of where we
Speaker 1: exist in the world, what's our place, what do people
Speaker 1: expect of us? And how do we define our worth?
Speaker 1: So what kind of comes next? Well, we may experience
Speaker 1: an identity crisis. Like I said, a lot of the
Speaker 1: original work done into this experience and this event was
Speaker 1: done by Eric Ericsson, this psychoanalyst, and he did a
Speaker 1: lot of groundwork on ideas of identity and self concept.
Speaker 1: So the identity crisis, it was coined by Ericsson, and
Speaker 1: he drew on his experiences from his own life in
Speaker 1: formulating this theory. Let's not get into the scientific legitimacy
Speaker 1: or reliability of this theory then, I think we all
Speaker 1: know that when something is anecdotal, it's a little bit
Speaker 1: less sound. But he laid out these eight phases of
Speaker 1: psychosocial development of individual personality and identity. An identity crisis
Speaker 1: is a phase in this development spectrum, and it usually occurs,
Speaker 1: according to him, when we enter early adulthood. In his opinion,
Speaker 1: it's a normal part of transitions it's a normal part
Speaker 1: of life, and it occurs because in early adulthood, this
Speaker 1: is where we begin to seek individuality and we deeply
Speaker 1: consider who we are beyond our social roles in our
Speaker 1: relationships to others, mainly our family, and individuality comprises a
Speaker 1: sense of uniqueness and developing a image according to your
Speaker 1: own inclinations and sires and mission. Every experience in this
Speaker 1: stage impacts our development of self identity. And what I
Speaker 1: mean by this stage is this stage where we're becoming
Speaker 1: an adult, and in this period we really begin to
Speaker 1: question the meaning of life, where we function in society,
Speaker 1: our role, our purpose, and so on. And often this
Speaker 1: grand kind of shift in how we see ourselves and
Speaker 1: our individuality is triggered by some big external change which
Speaker 1: forces us to really rethink who we are. Like we
Speaker 1: explained before, So when we reach the stage, psychology kind
Speaker 1: of concludes, and a lot of studies have found that
Speaker 1: we will inevitably experience some of the same things, things
Speaker 1: like low self esteem and questioning your value or your worth,
Speaker 1: not seeing your yourself as a good person, feeling really
Speaker 1: lost or aimless, like you don't really have a direction
Speaker 1: or a compass to point you in the right direction.
Speaker 1: Think about that in kind of the experience of graduating.
Speaker 1: You know, you used to have this really clear goal,
Speaker 1: like I'm working towards graduating, I'm working towards getting good grades,
Speaker 1: and then suddenly you're not a student anymore. So where
Speaker 1: do you kind of sit it. Also, an identity crisis
Speaker 1: might make you feel really emotionally scattered and you're finding
Speaker 1: it really difficult to regulate your emotions. You'll feel maybe
Speaker 1: an increased sense of insecurity, like the world is changing
Speaker 1: around you because you don't really know where you stand.
Speaker 1: And you might begin to question things like your values
Speaker 1: and your beliefs to your career path and you're searching
Speaker 1: for more meaning, for more reason or passion in your life.
Speaker 1: I guess that comes along with that development of individuality.
Speaker 1: You know, you get to finally make decisions for yourself
Speaker 1: and off when big life stresses and big life events
Speaker 1: come around, it puts a lot of things into perspective,
Speaker 1: and an identity crisis it can often be really difficult.
Speaker 1: You might feel really anxious or really depressed because your
Speaker 1: sense of self concept is no longer there now. Our
Speaker 1: friend Eric Ericson he believes this is a really normal
Speaker 1: and natural part of life. And I really agree with this.
Speaker 1: I think it is we all have to come to
Speaker 1: this stage at some point where we have to review
Speaker 1: our old inherited belief systems, our old identity, and decide
Speaker 1: for ourselves who we want to be. And like I said,
Speaker 1: this might come in the wake of some major life stresses.
Speaker 1: But there's also an alternative kind of proposal by another
Speaker 1: clinical psychologist. His name was His name was James Mussia.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he's still alive, but James Mussia
Speaker 1: was is still his name, and he had this different
Speaker 1: perspective than Ericson did, and he kind of furthered the
Speaker 1: theory of identity formation by suggesting that we all have
Speaker 1: to go through these four stages of finally coming to
Speaker 1: our identity. These stages are foreclosure, diffusion, moratorium, and achievement.
Speaker 1: So identity foreclosure, the first stage, refers to a commitment
Speaker 1: to an identity without exploration. We are just who we
Speaker 1: are because and we haven't really thought about it. You know,
Speaker 1: this is how our family raised us, This is our
Speaker 1: environment has kind of shaped us. You know, if you
Speaker 1: were someone who grew up in a really conservative household,
Speaker 1: you might merely inherent an identity that's been opposed on
Speaker 1: you by others around you, you know, by your family.
Speaker 1: And although you have an identity, it doesn't really contain
Speaker 1: elements of yourself. It's not really unique, it's not individual,
Speaker 1: and you haven't really thought about it, you know. If
Speaker 1: we're using the university or the graduation example, if you've
Speaker 1: been studying your whole life from when you were like
Speaker 1: three years old to twenty one or whenever we might
Speaker 1: graduate UNI, we have this identity of ourselves as a
Speaker 1: student that's never really been tested. It's inherited and it
Speaker 1: feels normal. But an identity crisis might occur for individuals
Speaker 1: when we begin to grow disorientated with this established way
Speaker 1: of life due to some reason or some large shift,
Speaker 1: like you graduate, you're finished with this path, and this
Speaker 1: pushes us into the next stage of an identity crisis
Speaker 1: and ultimately the formation of a new identity, so identity diffusion.
Speaker 1: This is a next stage, and this occurs when an
Speaker 1: individual we neither kind of explore or commit to what identity.
Speaker 1: It's kind of this weird transitory phase according to James,
Speaker 1: as individuals will at some point have to face their
Speaker 1: uncertain uncertainty and you kind of just stuck. You're kind
Speaker 1: of a bit paralyzed. Before all you're able to move
Speaker 1: on to that moratorium status where you investigate your beliefs.
Speaker 1: And this psychologist, he kind of has this theory that
Speaker 1: at this point in your life, where you're moving into
Speaker 1: exploring a new identity, you have two choices. Either you
Speaker 1: can actively look inwards, you can actively kind of feed
Speaker 1: your passions and think deeply about who you are, or
Speaker 1: you can kind of slip into a state of real
Speaker 1: stagnation and depression and sometimes even an existential crisis, which
Speaker 1: is an entirely different episode in itself, but a sense
Speaker 1: of just like stuck and you don't really know who
Speaker 1: you are. But if we do reach the moratorium phase,
Speaker 1: this is where you can undergo a crisis, an identity crisis,
Speaker 1: and you actively have to explore possibilities for your identity,
Speaker 1: and you might be feeling really overwhelmed with that opportunity,
Speaker 1: but upon succes as fully kind of overcoming this crisis,
Speaker 1: you really are able to achieve a strong sense of
Speaker 1: self identity. And Marcia he believed that these identity states
Speaker 1: were really cyclical in nature, so an individual might experience
Speaker 1: repeated deconstruction and creation of new identities throughout their lives
Speaker 1: associated with major life events. Whilst Ericson kind of talks
Speaker 1: about early adulthood, is this really formative period, Marcia kind
Speaker 1: of completes his theory by stating that an identity crisis
Speaker 1: is likely to reoccur in adulthood, and that's what we
Speaker 1: call a midlife crisis. And it also implies that identity
Speaker 1: is not really concrete, and we might have to revise
Speaker 1: our identity a few times, not to kind of emerge
Speaker 1: as our true self, but to really create a sense
Speaker 1: of stability and happiness with where we are at the moment. Okay,
Speaker 1: if you're in this right now, this might seem really
Speaker 1: really fucking stressful and confronting, but I really want to
Speaker 1: approach this topic from a growth perspective and a growth mindset,
Speaker 1: you know, Whilst we're still going to acknowledge some of
Speaker 1: those stresses that may accompany an identity crisis, I ultimately
Speaker 1: think it's a really good thing. You know. Questioning your
Speaker 1: sense of self might be stressful, but it's important in
Speaker 1: the long term knowing who you are and adapting to
Speaker 1: changes and major life shifts and coming out as a
Speaker 1: stronger version of yourself, maybe even as your true self,
Speaker 1: is going to allow you to grow as a person.
Speaker 1: So where to next? You know you've undergone this incredible
Speaker 1: shift in identity. You're probably feeling really lost and detached
Speaker 1: from yourself. So what do you do? How can you
Speaker 1: get to a place of obtaining and recognizing your true
Speaker 1: self and having a concrete sense of identity? Okay, I
Speaker 1: asked you a few questions earlier on about what are
Speaker 1: your values? And we're going to return to this, and
Speaker 1: we're going to return to why this question is important.
Speaker 1: When our lives have been shaken up, it's really really
Speaker 1: crucial to at least for some time, detach from external
Speaker 1: validation and look inward. I know this sounds really wishy
Speaker 1: washy and post enlightenment, but let me explain by what
Speaker 1: I mean by this. So, like Ericsson kind of explained,
Speaker 1: at some stage of our lives, we're going to face
Speaker 1: a crisis of identity and we can either move through it, or,
Speaker 1: as James Marcia said, we can remain distracted and lost
Speaker 1: and enter into a period of stagnation and existential crisis.
Speaker 1: And the best way to move through this is to
Speaker 1: seriously take some time out and look within yourself and
Speaker 1: ask yourself some of those questions we asked ourselves before
Speaker 1: about who you are. Ask yourself these questions and answer
Speaker 1: them over time to kind of figure out where you're at,
Speaker 1: figure out what you really represent. And some of those
Speaker 1: questions might be what are the qualities and characteristics that
Speaker 1: really define you right now? Is it you know, those
Speaker 1: external things like your appearance, or is it something deeper
Speaker 1: like I'm a nice person, I'm a generous person, I'm
Speaker 1: an honest person. If you're experiencing a major life change,
Speaker 1: sit with that feeling of instability and think about how
Speaker 1: is this changing me right now? How am I different
Speaker 1: from before this happened? And how can we kind of
Speaker 1: cope with these new things that are occurring? And then
Speaker 1: your values? You know, what are your values? I ask you?
Speaker 1: Do I think about five of them, but maybe think
Speaker 1: even deeper and think about it deep, like really think
Speaker 1: about it, like seriously, think about what are the values
Speaker 1: that make up who I am? Write them down, put
Speaker 1: them up in your room, put them up somewhere. That's important.
Speaker 1: So when you're going about your life and you're feeling
Speaker 1: like this crisis of like I don't know who I am,
Speaker 1: I don't know what I stand for. You can be like,
Speaker 1: you know I've done this work. I actually do know
Speaker 1: who I am. I do know what my beliefs are,
Speaker 1: and they are x y Z. It's also important to
Speaker 1: really sink deeply into your interests and your passions and
Speaker 1: your hobbies. Are you doing what you like to do,
Speaker 1: You're actually enjoying your life? Like that's a really big question.
Speaker 1: Are you actually enjoying your life? And if not, why
Speaker 1: aren't you doing it? What are the factors that are
Speaker 1: preventing you from doing it? Maybe it's because you have
Speaker 1: this conflicting social role. Maybe your job is taking away
Speaker 1: from the thing that you really want to do, and
Speaker 1: that is part of that crisis. Like I said, when
Speaker 1: your social roles begin to conflict, it's also important to
Speaker 1: really ground yourself in what helps me in these moments?
Speaker 1: What is going to help me through? What are the relationships,
Speaker 1: what are the things? What are the activities that are
Speaker 1: going to make me feel like me and going to
Speaker 1: make me feel like my true self? All of these
Speaker 1: questions are really really fundamental to ask yourself at some
Speaker 1: point in your life. And I think it's a pretty
Speaker 1: empty life you'll lead if you don't, or, like both
Speaker 1: of these psychologists we've talked about today have explained, you're
Speaker 1: probably going to end up in a state of pretty
Speaker 1: serious existential dread if you don't push through and do
Speaker 1: that hard work to identify what really makes you you.
Speaker 1: I think in times like this we really can't understate
Speaker 1: the importance of friends and family. You know, these people,
Speaker 1: they might see the external version of you, but they
Speaker 1: do really tend to see you as you are. And
Speaker 1: if you ask them to be honest with you, and
Speaker 1: if you say, like who who am I to you?
Speaker 1: What are my best qualities? Why do you like me?
Speaker 1: Why do you spend time with me? Why do you
Speaker 1: love me? I'm sure they'll have some pretty amazing answers.
Speaker 1: And it's a good way, and it's a good start
Speaker 1: to kind of overcome this sense of crisis with who
Speaker 1: am I and asking yourself those questions. I think something
Speaker 1: else that I've done, which at times of crisis have
Speaker 1: really helped me, Especially in my first years of UNI,
Speaker 1: where I was kind of undergoing this transition to adulthood
Speaker 1: and didn't really know who I was, was spending time
Speaker 1: alone and in nature, There are so many points in
Speaker 1: the day where I will be like having a thought
Speaker 1: and I'll pick up my phone and that thought is gone,
Speaker 1: and I realized that I actually have an opportunity there
Speaker 1: to spend time with myself and to really sit back
Speaker 1: and think about, you know what am I experiencing? Am
Speaker 1: I behaving in a way that's true to myself? Do
Speaker 1: I feel like myself at the moment? And I don't.
Speaker 1: But being able to spend time in solitude and spend
Speaker 1: time in nature and without distractions can be really healing,
Speaker 1: and it can be like a really amazing antidote and
Speaker 1: kind of tonic for the soul. And if you're really struggling,
Speaker 1: if this is a really hard period for you, where
Speaker 1: this lack of identity, this lack of sense of self
Speaker 1: is really starting to wear on you mentally, you can
Speaker 1: always seek professional help. I think that is such an
Speaker 1: important resource. Sometimes having an external opinion and an objective
Speaker 1: external opinion, not your friends and your family, can be
Speaker 1: one of the best kind of shepherds in a time
Speaker 1: like this where you're really seeking clarity about who you
Speaker 1: are and what you stand for. I hope that you
Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode. We're kind of going to wrap up here.
Speaker 1: I talked about what I wanted to talk about, and
Speaker 1: I hope that you've gained something from this. It was
Speaker 1: such an interesting episode to think about, and I really
Speaker 1: had to listen to my own advice and think about
Speaker 1: my values and think about what I love doing, and
Speaker 1: what my interests and my hobbies and my passions are
Speaker 1: and why I might not be doing them, whether I
Speaker 1: really enjoy my life. Like some pretty big existential questions
Speaker 1: associated with this topic, but like I said, important nonetheless.
Speaker 1: So I hope that if you're listening to this and
Speaker 1: you're undergoing and I don only crisis, you take away
Speaker 1: two important things. Firstly, this is so normal. This is
Speaker 1: so natural as you grow up and you went to
Speaker 1: adulthood and you have to figure out who you are
Speaker 1: and explore your individuality, it's makes sense that this is
Speaker 1: something you're going to have to overcome. And secondly, like
Speaker 1: there is a way through this. You're going to emerge
Speaker 1: as a better, brighter, true version of yourself if you
Speaker 1: do that work and you sit with your feelings, and
Speaker 1: you sit with your thoughts, and you sit with your
Speaker 1: identity and examine all kind of elements and facets of
Speaker 1: it and ask yourself, like, am I really embodying who
Speaker 1: I truly believe I am? So thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening. I hope you learned something, and as always,
Speaker 1: if you feel called to do so, please feel free
Speaker 1: to leave a five star review on Spotify or Apple
Speaker 1: Podcasts or wherever you're listening right now. Also a little plug,
Speaker 1: we now have paid subscriptions. You may have seen there
Speaker 1: are some episodes that have a little lock on them
Speaker 1: that you can't access. This is because they are for
Speaker 1: my amazing paid subscribers, and if you would like to
Speaker 1: be one, it's super easy. There's a link in the
Speaker 1: description of this podcast. It really helps this podcast grow.
Speaker 1: It allows me to kind of spend more time making
Speaker 1: episodes and be more serious about this little hobby that
Speaker 1: I have and this mission that I have to kind
Speaker 1: of share more with people about the way that psychology
Speaker 1: really impacts our lives, not just in a clinical mental
Speaker 1: illness kind of setting, but in every facet. And thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening and supporting the podcast. I
Speaker 1: will see you next week. We're going to be discussing
Speaker 1: codependency