Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello, welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1: New listeners, old listeners. It's so wonderful to have you here.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for tuning in for a really
Speaker 1: exciting episode. So fun career anxiety we absolutely stoked. Note
Speaker 1: in all seriousness, it is actually one of my favorites.
Speaker 1: I know I say that every time, but every time
Speaker 1: I get the opportunity to really dive into a topic
Speaker 1: like this, especially one that is relevant to my life,
Speaker 1: which is what I always try and do is find
Speaker 1: something that I can personally relate to, it is just
Speaker 1: such a valuable experience. So that was the case with
Speaker 1: this episode. And before we get into the content, I
Speaker 1: just want to thank everyone who has subscribed recently. I've
Speaker 1: gotten a lot of new paid subscribers as well. For
Speaker 1: those of you who don't know about this option, I
Speaker 1: publish one exclusive episode every month. It's normally about an
Speaker 1: hour long and it's more of a chartty episode. Maybe
Speaker 1: you really like when you hear people talking to their
Speaker 1: friends about what's going on in their life, or getting
Speaker 1: a special guest on, or answering your questions. That's kind
Speaker 1: of the content that I like to put out there.
Speaker 1: So if you haven't already, it would be amazing if
Speaker 1: you checked it out, No pressure, just if you really
Speaker 1: love the show. It's a really easy way to support
Speaker 1: me and let me continue doing what I love. I've
Speaker 1: also recorded this intro about seven times today because I'm
Speaker 1: all over the place. I'm all over the place, so
Speaker 1: please excuse me if I mumble and jumble my words.
Speaker 1: I hope you can forgive me this one time because
Speaker 1: it's been a long day. But we're here to talk
Speaker 1: about work. We're here to talk about what it feels
Speaker 1: like when we're not, you know, succeeding, what it feels
Speaker 1: like when we feel like we're behind. I think we've
Speaker 1: all experienced this sense of anxiety to do with our
Speaker 1: work and to do with our careers and how we
Speaker 1: make money. It is a terrible feeling, that sense of anxiety,
Speaker 1: So definitely something I think is incredibly valuable to discuss
Speaker 1: on a podcast that is focused in our twenties, and
Speaker 1: during this decade so many of us are starting our
Speaker 1: first jobs, or entering into our careers. So this feeling
Speaker 1: of unease is definitely one that I would expect many
Speaker 1: of us to have perhaps already experienced, or to experience
Speaker 1: one day. And I also just think since most of
Speaker 1: our you know, I think most of us spend a
Speaker 1: great deal of our lives working or at work, it's
Speaker 1: really inevitable that it will play a pretty key role
Speaker 1: in shape shaping our levels of happiness and our overall
Speaker 1: psychology and sense of well being. And maybe you're listening
Speaker 1: to this today and you feel like you're not at
Speaker 1: the point you should be. You should be more ahead
Speaker 1: or have some idea of what you want to do.
Speaker 1: Maybe your career isn't fulfilling. You could be doing more
Speaker 1: or something you love more, something that lights your fire.
Speaker 1: Perhaps you're stuck in a bit of a rut, your
Speaker 1: productivity levels are an all time low, or you've reached
Speaker 1: a dead end, and you're feeling really stuck or like
Speaker 1: a bit of a failure at what you're doing, whether
Speaker 1: you're currently working or studying towards a dream career or job,
Speaker 1: and you're just not sure if it's what really motivates you.
Speaker 1: This is what that episode is really trying to nail down.
Speaker 1: I think there are so many ways we can feel
Speaker 1: like the career and professional aspects of our lives and
Speaker 1: our aspirations and not what they should be, and are
Speaker 1: causing us unease or anxiety, fear, unnecessary worry. Especially in
Speaker 1: this day and age, the opportunities for our professional and
Speaker 1: working lives a seemingly endless. So how do we know
Speaker 1: that we're pursuing the right part and doing what we
Speaker 1: actually love to do. There are so many points of
Speaker 1: comparison today for what we should be doing, what others
Speaker 1: are doing, and how we might be falling behind, perceiving
Speaker 1: ourselves as failures, or feeling super lost. So if this
Speaker 1: is you, hopefully we can dispel some of that anxiety
Speaker 1: today and remind ourselves collectively, all of you listening right now,
Speaker 1: that life is long, life is more than work, and
Speaker 1: there are opportunities in your future that I think none
Speaker 1: of us could ever fathom and it will surprise you
Speaker 1: and allow you to live your dream life, maybe even
Speaker 1: better than your dream life. And above all, we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about the psychology behind feeling anxious when it
Speaker 1: comes to what are we actually doing? What does our
Speaker 1: job mean for us. What is it about work and
Speaker 1: our careers that can be such a sensitive and difficult,
Speaker 1: difficult topic, And why is it that our twenties. I
Speaker 1: really do believe our twenties are so important for dispelling
Speaker 1: career anxiety and creating a really healthy foundation for a
Speaker 1: balanced work life. So very excited to jump into it,
Speaker 1: and thank you again for tuning in so personally and
Speaker 1: from personal experience. I think it is really easy for
Speaker 1: us to get caught up in social comparison when it
Speaker 1: comes to our careers and when it comes to our
Speaker 1: working lives. It's I think comparison in general is a
Speaker 1: huge killer of joy, and especially when it's linked to
Speaker 1: things like our professional capacity and our dreams and our
Speaker 1: career and working motivations, it can really make us feel
Speaker 1: quite awful and quite unsettled. There is a really amazing
Speaker 1: theory to explain this, to explain why perhaps you today
Speaker 1: are looking around looking at people you graduated with, looking
Speaker 1: at people in your cohort, looking at people you work with,
Speaker 1: at your friends, and feeling like everyone else seems to
Speaker 1: be really happy with where they are and I'm not.
Speaker 1: And this theory that explains is so perfectly is social
Speaker 1: comparison theory, and it suggests that people value their own
Speaker 1: personal and social and professional worth by assessing how they
Speaker 1: compare to others by having a look around and almost
Speaker 1: doing a quick equation or some quick math about am
Speaker 1: I head here? Am I winning? Am I losing? What
Speaker 1: are other people doing that I'm not? And, like I said,
Speaker 1: that's such a killer of joy, especially in our working lives,
Speaker 1: because there is this sense of competition, there is this
Speaker 1: sense of acceleration and a hierarchy. And I think that
Speaker 1: that social comparison is only being elevated and only becoming
Speaker 1: more severe by the creation of social media for our
Speaker 1: professional lives. I know LinkedIn. LinkedIn is a I think
Speaker 1: a huge culprit in this more frequent and more prevalent
Speaker 1: sense of unease when it comes to our working capacity.
Speaker 1: You know, now people have the opportunity to not just
Speaker 1: show the highlight reel of their social lives and the
Speaker 1: highlight reel of their day to day lives, but also
Speaker 1: all the things that they're achieving, all the things that
Speaker 1: they're doing, and curate that on like a public resume.
Speaker 1: And I think if you have LinkedIn, maybe you have
Speaker 1: this experience of checking up on people that you may
Speaker 1: have gone to high school with, or people you met
Speaker 1: at UNI, or people who are in a similar career
Speaker 1: path to you, and having that feeling of like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I am nowhere near where they are. I
Speaker 1: have no idea what I'm doing. How did they land
Speaker 1: such a fabulous job. They seem so happy, they seem
Speaker 1: to have so much success. And that is social comparison
Speaker 1: to a t We don't look at ourselves as singular beings,
Speaker 1: and we don't appreciate our own accomplishments. We have to
Speaker 1: kind of assess them in regards to others. And I
Speaker 1: really think that there is this kind of sense of
Speaker 1: expectation that we have to have it all together, especially
Speaker 1: when we're young. And I remember I went into my
Speaker 1: final year of UNI with no internships. I wasn't obviously
Speaker 1: working a job that I loved, and I had this
Speaker 1: feeling like the career I'd always wanted, you know, working
Speaker 1: in politics or as a journalist, it wasn't really feeding
Speaker 1: my ambition. And everyone around me seemed to have these
Speaker 1: massive goals and these incredible opportunities, and I couldn't grasp
Speaker 1: on to anything that felt permanent or meaningful in my life,
Speaker 1: especially in my career or in the professional sense of
Speaker 1: the world, and it was an awful feeling. I think
Speaker 1: it can be especially hard for those of us who
Speaker 1: have always been high achievers, always gotten really great grades,
Speaker 1: been slightly ahead of the curve, and that social comparison
Speaker 1: where we're looking around and seeing people doing amazing things
Speaker 1: can be quite deadly and really undercut that sense of
Speaker 1: personal accomplishment. But there were some really important lessons I
Speaker 1: learned during that time. Firstly, absolutely everyone is faking it.
Speaker 1: I'm promising you, no one really knows what they're doing
Speaker 1: with their career or where their aspirations are going to
Speaker 1: take them, especially in our twenties. Our twenties are about
Speaker 1: learning and making mistakes. It's the Golden decade, the Forgotten decade,
Speaker 1: the wayward decade, where you're actually allowed to quit, you're
Speaker 1: allowed to fail, you're allowed to try new things. Anyone
Speaker 1: who's not doing that is faking it. Honestly, I really
Speaker 1: do believe that. And Secondly, so many of the decisions
Speaker 1: we make concerning our careers and our jobs and our
Speaker 1: professional lives, I don't actually think because we actually want
Speaker 1: to do them, or we feel like they'll make us happy,
Speaker 1: you know, taking internships, applying for jobs that are going
Speaker 1: to pay us little and require more hours than we
Speaker 1: want to give. You know, of course, there are some
Speaker 1: opportunities that are just incredible and we should definitely leap at.
Speaker 1: But a lot of the time, the path that we
Speaker 1: are on has in some way been selected for us
Speaker 1: by those around us and by society, and it feels
Speaker 1: really natural to go along with the status quo and
Speaker 1: what everyone else is doing, even when that might actually
Speaker 1: make us unhappy. And third, in this amazing, huge world,
Speaker 1: there is always going to be someone who is doing
Speaker 1: more than you, making more money than you, that is,
Speaker 1: you know, better at their job than you, smarter than you,
Speaker 1: or at least it seems that way from their facade
Speaker 1: and from their LinkedIn. But all of that really doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: It really doesn't matter if you're feeling behind right now,
Speaker 1: feeling a bit lost, feeling a bit stuck at a crossroads,
Speaker 1: or maybe you're just simply unhappy with what you're doing.
Speaker 1: I just want to remind you, and I will remind
Speaker 1: you again. Society has repeatedly told us a narrative since childhood,
Speaker 1: and especially in Western cultures, that work is way mortant
Speaker 1: than it ever should be that status and appearing successful
Speaker 1: are going to make us happier. But time and time again,
Speaker 1: across an ever increasing body of research, we can see
Speaker 1: that work and employment are really not the only drivers
Speaker 1: of our happiness, but they can still cause us really
Speaker 1: significant anxiety. And it's a really strange paradox. The thing
Speaker 1: that doesn't actually tend to bring us the greatest happiness
Speaker 1: can also bring us some of the greatest struggle and
Speaker 1: the greatest stress. Based on this survey from Anxiety Disorders
Speaker 1: Association of America, whilst only about nine percent of individuals
Speaker 1: are living with a diagnosed anxiety disorder something like general
Speaker 1: anxiety disorder or a phobia, forty percent of people will
Speaker 1: experience ongoing stress or anxiety in their daily life that
Speaker 1: is associated purely with their work or their careers. During
Speaker 1: this episode, if my preamble hasn't given it away, we
Speaker 1: are going to talk about more than just work anxiety
Speaker 1: or career anxiety, which is anxiety that's specifically associated with
Speaker 1: the jobs we're doing now. But I thought that this
Speaker 1: type of concern and some of the experiences that come
Speaker 1: along with it, might be a really good place to start,
Speaker 1: because they really do have applicability across a spectrum of
Speaker 1: worries that we're going to be discussing. And if you're
Speaker 1: someone who is experiencing anxiety and even maybe a level
Speaker 1: of distress that's specifically associated with performing your task at
Speaker 1: your job, attending your job, or going into work, you
Speaker 1: might feel symptoms that are very similar to an anxiety disorder,
Speaker 1: and symptoms that might be interrupting your life and making
Speaker 1: you feel quite awful. Taking an unusual amount of time
Speaker 1: off that is such a huge indicator that you might
Speaker 1: be dissatisfied with your work, focusing too much on the
Speaker 1: negative aspects of your job, struggling to complete tasks, or
Speaker 1: over reacting worrying too much. You might also feel a
Speaker 1: lot of anticipatory anxiety before you go to work, and
Speaker 1: just a general sense of fatigue like something isn't right, Insomnia,
Speaker 1: an exaggerated startle reaction, not being able to catch a breath.
Speaker 1: I think if you have ever worked a job you've
Speaker 1: hated or been in a work environment that was hostile, unpleasant,
Speaker 1: you know, had really high stakes these experiences, these symptoms
Speaker 1: might be very common to you, might be something that
Speaker 1: you know a lot about. For example, I used to
Speaker 1: work at this steak restaurant when I was at Uni.
Speaker 1: Yes I'm a woman of many hats, and it became
Speaker 1: such an unpleasant environment and was so awful and just
Speaker 1: like exhausting and draining that the few weeks before I quit,
Speaker 1: I think I must called in sick at least three
Speaker 1: to four times. And it's a really natural way of
Speaker 1: coping with anxiety. It's a really normal coping mechanism. When
Speaker 1: something is unpleasant, it's avoidance. We're avoiding the thing, in
Speaker 1: this case of work that makes us feel uncomfortable, and
Speaker 1: that's supernatural to do. And when you're avoiding work, I
Speaker 1: think that's a really clear sign that you're probably not
Speaker 1: very happy. You're probably not fulfilled or respected, and it's
Speaker 1: time for a change. There's something in you that's really saying, hey, like,
Speaker 1: this isn't for us. I know this is what's expected
Speaker 1: of us. I know I have these conflicting feelings about
Speaker 1: why I'm here, But maybe this environment isn't for me
Speaker 1: and maybe I would be better able to learn somewhere else.
Speaker 1: When we talk about anxiety that is associated with work
Speaker 1: and our careers, are these two other types of anxiety
Speaker 1: that I think are really important to talk about and
Speaker 1: which don't really seem to get much attention or the
Speaker 1: tension that I think they deserve. And these two types
Speaker 1: of anxiety that may occur in relation to our careers
Speaker 1: and our professional lives, learning anxiety and survival anxiety, and
Speaker 1: these types of anxiety they act in tandem to either
Speaker 1: motivate us to stay or to leave a job or
Speaker 1: a career path. They're kind of these this inbuilt reactions
Speaker 1: that's really directed towards the environments that we're most often in,
Speaker 1: and especially our work environments. So I'm going to explain
Speaker 1: them a little bit now, and while I do, I
Speaker 1: want you to think about the situation you might be
Speaker 1: struggling with and how this might apply. So firstly, we
Speaker 1: have learning anxiety, and this comes from being afraid to
Speaker 1: try something new out of fear that it's going to
Speaker 1: be too difficult, that we're going to look stupid, that
Speaker 1: will have to part from old habits, that it's going
Speaker 1: to be uncomfortable. And learning anxiety is what might stop
Speaker 1: you when you think about starting a new role, when
Speaker 1: you think about leaving a toxic work environment, you know
Speaker 1: you're going to have to learn something new You're going
Speaker 1: to have to meet new people, you might not be
Speaker 1: great at it, you might not have those solid relationships
Speaker 1: to begin with. It's the fear that arises when you
Speaker 1: realize you're you know, you might have to take a
Speaker 1: risk to change your path and to achieve the goals
Speaker 1: that are related to your career and your professional life,
Speaker 1: and it might not go perfectly. But on the flip side,
Speaker 1: we have survival anxiety, and that is this horrible, sometimes
Speaker 1: not always, but no normally unpleasant realization that if you
Speaker 1: want to make it maybe not that that's not the
Speaker 1: right phrase, but if you really want to do something
Speaker 1: that you love, if you really want to be in
Speaker 1: control of your career and your professional life, you're probably
Speaker 1: going to have to make a change. And this anxiety
Speaker 1: is what propels you to maybe look for a new
Speaker 1: job in the first place. It's that feeling of I
Speaker 1: actually really need to get out of here, because if
Speaker 1: I don't do it now, maybe I'll never leave. I'm
Speaker 1: just going to fade away. I'm going to be, you know,
Speaker 1: another fly on the wall at this workplace. And it's
Speaker 1: the feeling, the anxious feeling that tells you it's really
Speaker 1: time to move on to something else, you know. I
Speaker 1: think another word for it is restless, feat like it's survival.
Speaker 1: It's like we've you know, we've exhausted this resource. It's
Speaker 1: time to move on. So when your survival anxiety becomes
Speaker 1: a stronger force than you're learning anxiety, when your desire
Speaker 1: to kind of move on and move upward is stronger
Speaker 1: than that fear of failing and that fear of trying
Speaker 1: something new and maybe not getting it right. I think
Speaker 1: that's when you're in the right place where you are
Speaker 1: probably ready to move on. It's time to look for
Speaker 1: a new job or consider a career shift. And this
Speaker 1: example of that feeling of the push and pull of
Speaker 1: staying or leaving an an unhappy workplace or an unsatisfy,
Speaker 1: dying job is such an important cross words. I think
Speaker 1: we all experience at some point. I'm sure most of you.
Speaker 1: You know foremost of you, it is an experience you
Speaker 1: probably may have had. I don't think I can think
Speaker 1: of anyone who has stayed in their job, you know,
Speaker 1: their first job, for their entire life, unless you're like
Speaker 1: a nun or something, and even if you're technically performing
Speaker 1: the same role like you're a barista or a doctor.
Speaker 1: We all need a change in environment. You know, humans
Speaker 1: get bored really easily, and our motivations and our desires
Speaker 1: change just as frequently. So if an environment, or if
Speaker 1: a job or a career path even isn't suiting you
Speaker 1: right now, what's stopping you from changing? You know, there
Speaker 1: are always going to be financial pressures and other things
Speaker 1: that we need to consider, but there is also agency.
Speaker 1: You really are in control, and you get to decide
Speaker 1: what environments feed your soul, what skills you get to learn,
Speaker 1: what opportunities you get to have. So I imagine for
Speaker 1: some of you listening, you are at this very crossroads
Speaker 1: right now. Maybe you've been at UNI for a couple
Speaker 1: of years and you're like, fuck, I actually really don't
Speaker 1: like this course. I don't like this you know what
Speaker 1: I'm learning. I don't actually think it's for me. That
Speaker 1: can be really scary. But once that learning anxiety overcome,
Speaker 1: you know, once the survival anxiety, sorry overcomes your learning anxiety,
Speaker 1: you're really able to ask yourself, you know, what is
Speaker 1: the worst case scenario here? You know, do the benefits
Speaker 1: outweigh the costs? Why am I fearful of this? Change?
Speaker 1: Is it because it would disappoint others. Is it because
Speaker 1: I'm worried about not being comfortable? Because if your answer
Speaker 1: is yes to those last few questions, I think you
Speaker 1: know the reason why you're staying is perhaps not the
Speaker 1: right one. So I'm going to take a little break
Speaker 1: here because i want to talk about our Next Partner
Speaker 1: the show. Our Next Partner has a product that I've
Speaker 1: been using quite literally every day for the past few months.
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Speaker 1: and I had been getting recommendations for this constantly and
Speaker 1: I really wanted to see what the hype was about.
Speaker 1: I've also been trying to eat better for my body
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Speaker 1: a nutritional insurance, So you take one little scoop. I
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Speaker 1: nervous system, it's great for your immune system, your energy levels,
Speaker 1: your focus, all things I think we kind of want
Speaker 1: in our twenties and when we're young, and we want
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Speaker 1: like many of the topics we discuss on the show,
Speaker 1: the complexities are vast and it's very hard to touch
Speaker 1: on everything we might want to discuss. But for the
Speaker 1: second half of the episode, I really want to talk
Speaker 1: about that feeling of you know, not being where you
Speaker 1: think you should be in your career, imposter syndrome, and
Speaker 1: some of the existential dread that can accompany that that
Speaker 1: experience where your work doesn't really align with what you
Speaker 1: perceive as your high mission or your purpose. Not all
Speaker 1: of us, I think, have the luxury of being able
Speaker 1: to do what we truly love our passion for our careers.
Speaker 1: So how can we still have jobs or work that
Speaker 1: is fulfilling and maintain strong interests, And how can we
Speaker 1: make sure that the things that are happening in our
Speaker 1: professional lives and the anxieties that we might be feeling
Speaker 1: there are things that we can manage and reinforce that
Speaker 1: idea that we repeat time and time again throughout this episode,
Speaker 1: that work is not your life. I think that that
Speaker 1: final point of imposter syndrome and of the idea of
Speaker 1: comparing success is one that I'm really excited to discuss.
Speaker 1: For those of you who know this podcast is not
Speaker 1: my job, at least it's not my full time job.
Speaker 1: I actually work full time as a health consultant. So
Speaker 1: that kind of balancing act between feeding myself and feeling
Speaker 1: confident at work and still feeling feeding my soul is
Speaker 1: one that I think I've gotten much better out over
Speaker 1: the years, and then I'm really excited to talk about.
Speaker 1: I think so often in our twenties, we are young,
Speaker 1: we're still learning and we're so worried that we're not
Speaker 1: achieving enough or doing enough, or that we're not on
Speaker 1: the right path. So how do we overcome that feeling.
Speaker 1: It's such a messy feeling, it's an uncomfortable feeling, and
Speaker 1: it really is based in social comparison. I think the
Speaker 1: main thing I like to remind myself is its success
Speaker 1: is really relative. It's subjective. You know, it is in
Speaker 1: our human nature to define ourselves in terms of others.
Speaker 1: We know who we are by comparing ourselves to what
Speaker 1: others are doing and seeing the differences, both negative and
Speaker 1: positive especi role models or people that we see as
Speaker 1: kind of post to children or post to people of success.
Speaker 1: And though the negative comparisons are definitely a lot easier
Speaker 1: to remember, I think it's also important to understand that
Speaker 1: a lot of us have achieved more than you know,
Speaker 1: we ever could have fathomed or we're ever capable of
Speaker 1: giving ourselves credit for. And the truth is that comparing
Speaker 1: ourselves to others ensures that we never feel successful. We
Speaker 1: have to instead measure our goals and our progress to
Speaker 1: the past instead of someone else's present. We aren't actually
Speaker 1: in the same race. No two people are ever going
Speaker 1: to be the same. And instead of looking around and
Speaker 1: being like, Okay, they're further ahead then me, they're further
Speaker 1: ahead of me. You know, they're doing that, they've got
Speaker 1: that internship. Am I doing the thing that I love?
Speaker 1: Why does everyone else seem happier than me? Take a
Speaker 1: step back, Just sit for a second and realize how
Speaker 1: far you've come. You know. I always like to picture
Speaker 1: myself when I was five, Like my five year old
Speaker 1: self would never imagine that I was doing this, or
Speaker 1: that I was working at my other job and having
Speaker 1: a great time and producing things for the community and
Speaker 1: for society. So I think that's a much better motivator.
Speaker 1: Think about where you've come from, not where other people
Speaker 1: are going. I think another way to kind of overcome
Speaker 1: that sense that our successes, you know, are never going
Speaker 1: to be big enough, that our career isn't taking off,
Speaker 1: that we're not doing the right thing is to celebrate
Speaker 1: our small winds. I think if we stop celebrating the
Speaker 1: small things, eventually all we see is failure. It's really
Speaker 1: not that often that big amazing victories kind of come around.
Speaker 1: And if we wait for those big, amazing, amazing, celebratory moments,
Speaker 1: it might be a while, it might be a while
Speaker 1: between those, So it's really important to celebrate the small
Speaker 1: winds and every step closer you get to whatever dream
Speaker 1: you have. Every time you do something a little bit better,
Speaker 1: you have a realizing about what you really want. You
Speaker 1: you go back to study, you do really well on
Speaker 1: an essay. And I would really kind of recommend, I
Speaker 1: think I say this on most of my episodes, like
Speaker 1: the absolute power of journaling and keeping track of where
Speaker 1: you were in the past and where you are now
Speaker 1: and kind of seeing how far that we have come.
Speaker 1: And it's a really great way to no longer make
Speaker 1: those comparisons between ourselves and other people when it comes
Speaker 1: to our work lives and our professional lives. And I
Speaker 1: think let's link I think really very much linked to
Speaker 1: this is forgetting to look back and forgetting to understand
Speaker 1: how our dreams change over time. Yes, obviously we can
Speaker 1: look back at our younger selves and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: look how far we've come. But I also want you
Speaker 1: to think about what did you want to do when
Speaker 1: you were twelve, or when you were fifteen or sixteen,
Speaker 1: or seventeen or twenty two, or if you're you know,
Speaker 1: a bit later in your twenties, about twenty five. Things change,
Speaker 1: our desires change, and it's totally okay for you to
Speaker 1: switch around and to try new things. Something a friend
Speaker 1: said to me once which really stuck with me, is
Speaker 1: this idea of the paradox of comparison. For someone else,
Speaker 1: you're actually living their dream life right now. What you
Speaker 1: have achieved is their idea of success. And whilst you're
Speaker 1: busy comparing yourself to others, there's someone else who's looking
Speaker 1: at you thinking you're absolutely amazing. And we've mentioned this
Speaker 1: with the social comparison theory at the beginning, but we
Speaker 1: really are hardwired to compare our professional actions and our
Speaker 1: professional and career accomplishments and successes to others, and that
Speaker 1: makes sense. It really does make sense. It allows us
Speaker 1: to understand our place in society. And sometimes we can
Speaker 1: be very competitive and are only able to appreciate where
Speaker 1: we are by looking at others. But it actually sometimes
Speaker 1: helps to understand that there are people who would look
Speaker 1: up to you just as much as you look up
Speaker 1: to others. This perspective is actually called downward social comparison,
Speaker 1: whereby okay, this is a scientific definition, so take it
Speaker 1: with a grain of salt, but downward. Social comparison occurs
Speaker 1: when we compare ourselves to others who we perceive as
Speaker 1: being worse off than us. I don't like that term
Speaker 1: worse off because I don't think anyone is ever worse off.
Speaker 1: You know, we're alive, we're breathing, we are loved. How
Speaker 1: can that be bad? But people who maybe a few
Speaker 1: steps behind where we are, who want to be where
Speaker 1: we are. And obviously we want to dispel the idea
Speaker 1: of social comparison altogether, but sometimes that can be a
Speaker 1: companying thought. To imagine yourself as someone else's hero, as
Speaker 1: someone else's inspiration. I also want to talk about imposter syndrome. Okay,
Speaker 1: so some fun psychology of your twenties trivia for you.
Speaker 1: The psychology of imposter Syndrome was actually the first episode
Speaker 1: I ever put out on this show, which seemed really
Speaker 1: fitting at the time. So if this topic is really
Speaker 1: interesting to you, please feel free to go and listen
Speaker 1: to that. And you know, also here exact how far
Speaker 1: this show has come, particularly in audio quality, I will say,
Speaker 1: but aside from that, imposter syndrome can really go hand
Speaker 1: in hand with career anxiety in so many ways. The
Speaker 1: phrase imposter syndrome. It refers to a feeling very similar
Speaker 1: to social comparison, but I think a lot more severe.
Speaker 1: It involves feelings of self doubt and incompetence, that we're
Speaker 1: bad at our jobs, that we don't know what we're doing,
Speaker 1: that we're failing, that we should have it more together,
Speaker 1: and this feeling persists despite all the available evidence pointing
Speaker 1: to the fact that you are indeed very accomplished and
Speaker 1: very incredible and highly skilled, and the fact that you've
Speaker 1: made so much progress in the past. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't know how long, but since you were a child,
Speaker 1: or since you graduated high school, like, the things that
Speaker 1: you've done must have been amazing to get you to
Speaker 1: where you are. Imposter syndrome is such a common experience
Speaker 1: amongst people I've spoken to, especially as we're starting out
Speaker 1: in our chosen field and we're trying to get our
Speaker 1: footing perhaps listening to this and you're in your first
Speaker 1: full time job or your first internship or your first placement,
Speaker 1: and it can be a huge source of career anxiety
Speaker 1: to not really know what you're doing, to not know
Speaker 1: if this is what you want, and it prompts some
Speaker 1: of those very extrastential questions of do I belong here?
Speaker 1: Is this the right choice for me? Do I actually
Speaker 1: care about this? Can I do this? And the chances
Speaker 1: are the answer to all of those questions is yes.
Speaker 1: But our minds have this tricky way of priming us
Speaker 1: to expect the worst and to tear ourselves down, and
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, especially in our professional working lives, has been
Speaker 1: described as the silent career killer. I'm just gonna say
Speaker 1: that again. I love this phrase, the silent career killer.
Speaker 1: Those experiencing imposter syndrome have such an intense sense of inadequacy,
Speaker 1: even when told otherwise that sometimes we can self sabotage
Speaker 1: and we can give up on things before we've even
Speaker 1: given it a go because of that self doubt, because
Speaker 1: we feel like a fraud, because we feel like, you know,
Speaker 1: we're not where we should be, that we don't belong here.
Speaker 1: All of these mental phenomenon we have spoken about when
Speaker 1: we were talking about career anxiety are such a complicated
Speaker 1: cocktail of experiences, and it's so hard to break them
Speaker 1: down because I think whilst all of us might feel
Speaker 1: a little bit of apprehension about where we are in
Speaker 1: our professional lives. It can manifest in such a different
Speaker 1: way for everyone, but all of them can really leave
Speaker 1: us feeling uneasy, like we're heading down the wrong path.
Speaker 1: So once again, I want to remind you of that
Speaker 1: one crucial lesson that I want all of you to
Speaker 1: take away from this episode. Your job, your career, and
Speaker 1: what you do for work is not the most important
Speaker 1: thing about you. Indeed, it's probably not even the top three.
Speaker 1: Think about all the other things that make you who
Speaker 1: you are and contribute to a happy, brilliant life. The
Speaker 1: relationships and love you curate, how you treat others, your family,
Speaker 1: your health, your hobbies and passions, your mission, your memories,
Speaker 1: moments of profound happiness. All those things sound a lot
Speaker 1: more important to me than whether you're ahead of you
Speaker 1: know Nancy on LinkedIn, or you know whether this job
Speaker 1: is really what you want. So if you are experiencing
Speaker 1: career anxiety at the moment and wondering if you are
Speaker 1: where you should be, take a breath and remind yourself
Speaker 1: that this is not the end of your story. You
Speaker 1: can change paths at any point, and the most amazing
Speaker 1: opportunities they really do show up when we least expect them,
Speaker 1: and I promise you you're not failing. I promise you that.
Speaker 1: In fact, I'm sure no one else thinks that either.
Speaker 1: And if you're having a hard time adapting, maybe this
Speaker 1: is a learning experience that you will grow from and
Speaker 1: adapt to until it's time for the next challenge. Society,
Speaker 1: especially in this day and age, has become so focused
Speaker 1: on work and our careers and our success over life.
Speaker 1: But work is not the content of a happy life.
Speaker 1: It's just an element, and sometimes it can be really
Speaker 1: useful to take a step back. Like I said, compare
Speaker 1: where you are now to where you were in the past,
Speaker 1: Recognize those small successes, think deeply about what your dreams
Speaker 1: actually are, and put your thoughts down, maybe even a
Speaker 1: little plan onto the page. Our brains are a lot
Speaker 1: better at organizing smaller, bite sized thoughts and steps rather
Speaker 1: than massive complicated problems we feel we're never going to
Speaker 1: be able to digest. And sometimes career anxiety is exactly that,
Speaker 1: a massive complicated anxiety that's eating away at us, fed
Speaker 1: by social comparison and work and anxiety and imposter syndrome.
Speaker 1: And until we're able to break it down and identify
Speaker 1: what it is. We're worried about why we don't feel
Speaker 1: like we belong, why we feel like we're behind, why
Speaker 1: we feel like we're doing it wrong. We're never really
Speaker 1: going to be able to overcome that. Promise you it
Speaker 1: is going to be all right. You're definitely where you
Speaker 1: need to be. And thank you for listening to this episode.
Speaker 1: It was such an interesting one to do. Some of
Speaker 1: that science is so fascinating and definitely something that was
Speaker 1: worthwhile for me. I also want to again thank our sponsor,
Speaker 1: Athletic Greens for being able to let me do what
Speaker 1: I love, which is such a great feeling. And to
Speaker 1: all of you for listening. You literally make my week
Speaker 1: every single week. It's just insane how many people want
Speaker 1: to listen to this and I think, yeah, it really
Speaker 1: does blow my mind. So I'm so grateful and thank
Speaker 1: you as always. I'd also invite you to follow the
Speaker 1: Psychology of your Twenties on Instagram. That is where I
Speaker 1: decide what episodes to put out at the end of
Speaker 1: every week. So this one was actually chosen by listeners,
Speaker 1: and there will be another poll next week, so vote
Speaker 1: away and I will produce the content and it will
Speaker 1: be in your feed. And thank you again for listening.
Speaker 1: I hope you have a lovely, lovely day.