Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that was cleaning up at the
Speaker 1: end of last year with his idea of toddler nightclubs.
Speaker 1: It's huge, but when they went over capacity with two
Speaker 1: year olds getting crunk on milk teenies, the fire department
Speaker 1: shut it down. I mean it wasn't it was a
Speaker 1: kid in a toy firecar. But still after that could
Speaker 1: never recover authority. Man. It's Laser Stories, the segment where
Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe. Just like
Speaker 1: everyone else does, accept we have a laser and those
Speaker 1: other burb slippers just don't. This first Laser Stories out
Speaker 1: of Rochester, New York. Oh cool man named Brian Wallace
Speaker 1: got home the other night to find a strange thing
Speaker 1: happening in his own apartment. His upstairs and neighbor had
Speaker 1: gotten inside, was wearing Brian's clothes and eating all of
Speaker 1: his food. Get out of here. That's not the worst part.
Speaker 1: In the neighbor in the living room, there was a
Speaker 1: fire raging in the background. It's like that mean everything
Speaker 1: is fine? Yeah, literally that in real life. Turns out
Speaker 1: the neighbor got inside by kicking his door down and
Speaker 1: made himself right at home. And as for the giant blaze.
Speaker 1: According to authorities, it looked like he was attempting to
Speaker 1: set up a bonfire to make s'mores. I think these
Speaker 1: were the moments that you want drugs to be involved,
Speaker 1: because what else could be the reason. Yes, luckily the
Speaker 1: whole building didn't go up, but the flames did burn
Speaker 1: a hole through the ceiling before firefighters showed up and
Speaker 1: put it out. Now they have access between each other's places.
Speaker 1: Brian and another person had to hold the neighbor down
Speaker 1: until first responders got there. So he's facing charges for arson, burglary,
Speaker 1: and criminal mischief and in a not so shocking twist,
Speaker 1: authorities believed drugs may have been involved. This next laser
Speaker 1: story is out of India. Se being a teenage boy
Speaker 1: it's not easy, especially when it comes to playing it
Speaker 1: cool around the opposite sex, and for one boy in India,
Speaker 1: it was just too much. Fourteen year olds Moni Shankar
Speaker 1: walked into a classroom to take his National student exams
Speaker 1: and as he sat down, he looked around and realized
Speaker 1: he was the only boy in a classroom full of
Speaker 1: fifty girls. Oh God, true for most people, but that
Speaker 1: idea for him made him promptly pass out. According to
Speaker 1: his aunt, who is actually talking to international news organizations
Speaker 1: about the mortifying situation. Many thin out of sheer nervousness,
Speaker 1: So that's on the news. Oh god, it gets worse
Speaker 1: for this even have to talk to them. I know quiet,
Speaker 1: that's true. She said. He went to the examination center
Speaker 1: and saw that the room was full of girls. He
Speaker 1: became very nervous and developed a fever and fainted. He
Speaker 1: was taken to the hospital and has already fully recovered.
Speaker 1: He's not recovered. He wakes up with a female doctor.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh yeah, he is never gonna mentally recover
Speaker 1: from the sheer embarrassment of his family talking about it
Speaker 1: on the international news. Guys, there's got to be some
Speaker 1: sort of unwritten code about that. You know this next
Speaker 1: laser stories out of Big Game headquarters? What's more important
Speaker 1: to you on Super Bowl Sunday? The football or the food? Snacks?
Speaker 1: Give me and was my favorite teams playing well? A
Speaker 1: new Pole found half of us would rather see our
Speaker 1: team lose this weekend than run out of snacks mid game.
Speaker 1: No way. I would rather have my favorite team win
Speaker 1: than eat anything filled the Super Bowl. I'm a good
Speaker 1: fanenter with you, Jose, they'd rather be snackless and watch
Speaker 1: their team wins the Seahawks than Yeah, absolutely any other team.
Speaker 1: I don't care if it's your team, not just the
Speaker 1: team you happen to be rooting for, Ken, because you
Speaker 1: still have to pick one even if it's not your
Speaker 1: team that goes. Absolutely. Here's a few more quick stats.
Speaker 1: When's a better time to run to the kitchen for
Speaker 1: more snacks during the commercials or during the game itself. No,
Speaker 1: you go on like a first or second down. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, you'd like you have to go,
Speaker 1: then you can't miss the commercials. That's the most part
Speaker 1: the public disagrees. Sixty two percent say during the commercials
Speaker 1: commercial alexis you actually want to watch the game? Oh? No, No,
Speaker 1: I understand the commercials. More game. Yeah. Around one and
Speaker 1: four people think Super Bowl parties should start early, around lunchtime. Yeah, Thanksgiving,
Speaker 1: so several hours before the game ever starts several hours before, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean like maybe an hour before. Finally, if you
Speaker 1: don't want to talk football, talk snacks instead. Yea X
Speaker 1: would say, just don't get too heated that your snack
Speaker 1: is better than everybody else's snack. Oh you can say that.
Speaker 1: You can't say that. You have to act like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's not that great. Apparently. Yeah, thirty percent of us
Speaker 1: have gotten into a legitimate snack related argument, and six
Speaker 1: percent of those have resulted in mild violence. One time
Speaker 1: I made bacon jam for a super Bowl party. Nobody
Speaker 1: ate it. You're at a super Bowl party. You're at
Speaker 1: a super Bowl party, not a chacoutery board. I go
Speaker 1: to the fancy super Bowl parties, PenTile sweet, Oh, would
Speaker 1: you like some blue cheese stuff? Dates as well? Amazing
Speaker 1: super Bowl caveat. Okay, hello, Okay, you all are uninvited.
Speaker 1: Now let's go to your next laser story out of
Speaker 1: If you can't convince them, confuse them Central. There's a
Speaker 1: forum online about things some people might think are a
Speaker 1: sign of intelligence, but they're actually not. Okay, here's the
Speaker 1: top ones. Number six being a contrary. Oh, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'll be honest. That can be me a lot distrary
Speaker 1: to popularly believe. It's disagreeing with everything just because like
Speaker 1: you want to disagree with it. Oh man, yeah, those
Speaker 1: people are the worst. Disagreeing with everything is just as
Speaker 1: lazy as believing everything is what they say. I don't
Speaker 1: agree with that. Yeah. Interesting. Number five, just having a
Speaker 1: good memory or knowing a lot of trivia doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you're actually smart. One thing, I can hang my hat
Speaker 1: on you, guys, don't take it in front of Number four.
Speaker 1: Also another sign that you may not be as smart
Speaker 1: as you think you are. Fast talkers, Oh, oh, if
Speaker 1: you could say a lot real quickly. Yeah, as long
Speaker 1: as it makes sense. We're all trying very hard to
Speaker 1: talk slow in this moment. I'm not Number three having
Speaker 1: a YouTube channel. Oh man, Just because you talk about
Speaker 1: the benefits of Himalayan c salt on your toilet paper
Speaker 1: on your stream doesn't actually make you an authority on
Speaker 1: the subject or any subject. I have always felt like
Speaker 1: there has to be some regulation over what we're allowed
Speaker 1: to call a documentary. Yeah, don't think like a certain
Speaker 1: amout of actual research. Number two your education. Oh, anybody
Speaker 1: can go to school if you have enough money, It's true. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And finally, the number one sign people may be faked
Speaker 1: into thinking your brainy is being over forty and wearing glasses.
Speaker 1: How you doing? Trust me, gentlemen, She's not as bright
Speaker 1: as you think she is. But I'm wise, very wise. No,
Speaker 1: that's like street smarts. Yeah, yeah, sure you are, yeah,
Speaker 1: hardened by life. It's it's true. Experts say that just
Speaker 1: because you're ancient compared to your coworkers and you can't
Speaker 1: see I fink a couple of years older than you, fool,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you're smarter than anybody else. This
Speaker 1: guy can't see well either. He's really but he doesn't
Speaker 1: claim to be smart, just passionate as and that sound
Speaker 1: means to lads of stories. It's come to an end
Speaker 1: for the day. We'll do it again the same time
Speaker 1: on Wednesday, Broken Jeffrey in the morning,