Wonderful!

Yes, we're doing another episode of Rose Buddies ONE CALENDAR DAY after the last one. We just have to talk about the events that transpired during the Season Premiere of Bachelor in Paradise! Which is to say: The whole thing was kind of a trainwreck!

The finale for JoJo's season of The Bachelorette has come and gone, leaving one suitor the victor, and the other a jilted Heart Virgin. Join us for a straight-up exhausted unpacking of last night's episode, and BRACE YOURSELF because HOLY SHIT, Bachelor in Paradise starts TONIGHT.

Haha, we're having a super great time watching and talking about the Bachelorette this week. What a wild post-season, full of twists and turns that definitely DON'T defy human reasoning and logic! And man, what a lighthearted, well-intentioned Men Tell All, where absolutely no dickheads were given 75 minutes to barf their garbage on camera without reservation. A SUPER GREAT TIME.

Hey, remember when we promised that a bad episode was working its way down the ol' Bachelorette pipeline? We found it! It was this one, the Hometowns episode, which was so full of manufactured trash that it literally made our brains bloat up with disgust.

Sorry that we suggested this episode was going to be anything less than it was: A BARNSTORMER full of SHOCKING TWISTS and TURNS and CHILLS and THRILLS. So many REVELATIONS up in this episode of the Bachelorette. Let's break them down.

There wasn't a new episode of The Bachelorette last night, which is REAL COOL, ABC. COOL STUFF. Not like our whole enterprise depends on you creating and publishing new content, or anything. Anyways, we're talking about the next best thing on today's episode: The television show UnReal, one of our favorite franchises on the Lifetime network.

We down in SLUMPTOWN now, y'all. It's only natural; there's a few too many cooks in the kitchen at the moment, and most of those cooks are essentially the exact same person. Fortunately, the producers of The Bachelorette have left us a few wonderful gifts in this episode -- gifts made of human tears and masterful film editing.

Let us sing the final stanza of the song of Chad, and be done with it. Who will fill the power vacuum left by Chad's bulky, protein-infused frame? The answer is, of course: All of them, in their own way. All the boys are Chad, now.

Breathe in deep the fresh Pennsylvania air, and bellow out the first stanza of the Song of Chad. We're covering a very special two-episode chunk of The Bachelorette; a chunk that promised us lots and lots of man-on-man punching. How much man-on-man punching? We don't want to spoil it for you, but literally none.

WELCOME TO THE CHAD ZONE. This is now Chad's game to lose, and boy, is he going to lose it. We're on episode 2 of JoJo's season of the Bachelorette, and already things are getting both wet AND wild. Come hear us talk about pre-love, Chad's meat addiction, and an exploration of some of James Taylor's best sex songs.