Through the Garage Door

Groucho: "If any of the parties participating in this contract are shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified. It's what they call a sanity clause." Chico: "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!" Give in to the madness with Alice Cooper, Queen, Ava Max, Counting Crows, Red Rider, Alan Parsons, Jefferson Airplane and Ozzy Osbourne!

Pull your head out of the sand and put it in the clouds where it belongs! Take a flight of fancy with Spock's Beard, Rush, ABBA, Peter Schilling, The Beatles, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Buffalo Springfield.

You've been away for years. Your nostalgia is way out of proportion with reality. Finally you make it down home. Where's the ticker tape parade? Thomas Wolfe was right, you can't go home again! But that doesn't stop us from trying with Tom Waits, Neil Young, Joe Walsh, Peter Gabriel, The Beach Boys, Madness, Jethro Tull and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Ahh, the allure of rubber slapping tarmac! Truck stop showers (wear slippers!), caffeinated sugar water, mile after mile of depressing gray sagebrush for scenery! I hope I can make it to that next Rest Area! Head out to the highway with Sheryl Crow, ZZ Top, Indigo Girls, Death Cab for Cutie, Diesel, Bryan Adams, Chicago and Van Morrison!

Well-known vocalist starts believing the adulation and becomes a hot house flower. Says "I can't work under these conditions! I'll be in my trailer!" Rest of band padlocks his trailer door because they still need to make their property tax payments, so they hire a ringer who may or may not be a dead ringer for the original singer, a "Ringer Singer" to keep making music. Deep Purple, Iron Maiden, Van Halen, Chicago, The Doobie Brothers, Genesis, Jethro Tull and The Doors.

I think that I shall never hear, a poem as lovely as Shakespeare! Not on Garage Door, anyway! Nope, you'll have to make do with the musical poesy of Tom Waits, Noe Venable, Fiona Apple, Bob Dylan and King Crimson.

The Turtles beat Eddie Rabbit! Some artists are a flash-in-the-pan right out of the gate, have their One Hit and vanish. Better to start slowly and build a lasting career. We hear from obscure early albums before they hit the big time: Genesis, Judas Priest, Def Leppard, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Don McLean, Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen and Elton John.

You'll need to lash yourself to the mast to survive the craggy shore when you hear these siren songs! Hear the allure of Agnes Obel, Regina Spektor, Ani DiFranco, Alabama Shakes, Buckingham Nicks, Paramore, Joni Mitchell and Janis Joplin.

You've written a song, but maybe it takes someone else to really make it sing. We dare to pull the covers off the originals to reveal the better interpretations by other artists such as Tori Amos, Rickie Lee Jones, Motorhead, Puddle of Mudd, Type O Negative, Jennifer Warnes and Manfred Mann's Earth Band.

Surrender your decision making to the groupthink hive of professional critics. You can't be trusted to decide what's worth listening to! The critics have spoken! They have chosen Jimi Hendrix, The Beach Boys, Michael Jackson and Bob Dylan.