Hello, I am a marital therapist, communications trainer and author. I have thirty-five years helping couples and individuals make better relationships. I have written twenty-plus self-help books which include the international best-sellers ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and ‘How can I ever trust you again?’ My books have been translated into twenty languages. I trained with RELATE the UK’s largest counselling charity. Perhaps it has been turning sixty but I have become interested in spiritual as well as psychological questions. Who am I? What are my values – as opposed to my parents, my teachers and the wider society? What makes my life meaningful? What do I believe about life, the universe and everything? Although my clients might come to me because of destructive arguments, falling out of love and infidelity, they are also interested in having more meaningful relationships and a more meaningful life. So what is the meaningful life? Why do we so easily lose our way and get lost in depression, anxiety, doubt, addictions and obsessions: the swamplands of the soul? One thing I know for sure is that there is not one answer...
https://andrewgmarshall.com/podcasts/
episode 139: Tonya Lester: How to Have Healthy Conflict
Psychotherapist Tonya Lester believes it’s OK to be difficult. This doesn’t mean being rigid, domineering or unkind. It means making sure that your partner has a sense of who you are and what you need. Of course, you won’t get there without learning how to disagree productively.
In this episode Andrew and Tonya discuss how to develop mutually supportive relationships, including 8 ingredients for healthy conflict.
They also discuss Tonya’s recent New York Times article, “Couples Therapist, Heal Thyself”, about what it’s like to go into marriage counselling as a therapist.
Tonya Lester is a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 16 years of experience counselling couples. In her upcoming book, Be Difficult: A Guide to Speaking Up, Facing Conflict, and Changing, Tonya writes about her experience with women who seem empowered in other areas of their lives but are overly deferential and accommodating in their relationships.
If You’re Looking for More….
You can subscribe to The Meaningful Life (via Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Podcasts) and hear a bonus mini-episode every week. Or you can join our Supporters Club on Patreon to also access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.
This week supporters will hear:
⭐️How to confess to infidelity.
⭐️Three things Tonya Lester knows to be true.
⭐️AND subscribers also access all of our previous bonus content - a rich trove of insight on love, life and meaning created by Andrew and his interviewees.
Follow Up
Read Andrew’s new Substack newsletter The Meaningful Life, and join the community there.
Visit Tonya Lester’s website.
Read Tonya Lester’s New York Times article “Couples Therapist, Heal Thyself”.
Follow Tonya Lester on Instagram @tonyalesterpsychotherapy
You might also enjoy these episodes: Olivier Clerc on Forgiveness, or Terry Real on The Five Traps that Undermine Your Love.
Read Andrew’s book The Happy Couple’s Handbook
Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall