Sacrilegious Discourse - Bible Study for Atheists

Proverbs 4: Got Wisdom? No? Me neither. Well, this chapter urges us to get some. It also encourages us to stay on the good path and avoid the way of the wicked. Otherwise you'll trip and fall into Sheol.

Proverbs 5: Avoid the seductress, my guy. Whoa, here she comes. Watch out, boys, she'll chew you up. Whoa, here she comes. She's a man-eater! Shit like this is why girls can't wear tank tops at school — mustn't distract the monkey-boys who have no control over their peens! And you married fellas: Be faithful to your wife's tiddies. The grass is only greener because they used honey.

Proverbs 6: Don't make dangerous promises. Don't make a borrower give you collateral for the loan. Don't be lazy. Work 80 hours a week with no days off. Don't lie. Don't murder. Don't steal. Don't cheat. Don't put the toilet paper on the roller backwards. Don't text and drive. Don't use plastic in the microwave. Don't talk with food in your mouth. Don't forget to double-tap when shooting zombies. Don't take the last Dr. Pepper.