Jem Girls Podcast

The truth is out there and…

It turns out feminism is a lie. C’mon ladies, Do you actually believe you have any inherent value as a human being? Pshhht…don’t delude yourselves, hennies.

This episode of Charmed has really driven home the fact that the only true purpose any woman can serve is to give birth to important men. And when she’s not spewing out men from her pussy hole, the only other thing she should be doing is serving people sandwiches. From a wagon.

As Lizzo once famously said (sorry I know she’s cancelled): “turns out I’m 100% that bitch [who serves sandwiches out of a wagon].”

So, ladies, instead of gaslighting ourselves into believing we have to work hard and actually achieve things ourselves, we ought to realize that true female empowerment means getting knocked up with a male embryo (embry-bro if you’re nasty) and serving people a conveniently packaged meal that can be enjoyed on the go (i.e., a sandwich).

For on that fated day when the Earl of Sandwich placed meat betwixt two pieces of bread, he not only paved the way for Meat Moguls such as Oscar Meyer; he also sealed the destiny for women across time and space, forever and always.

And the men, you ask? The living room couch their throne and the world their domain, they’ve impatiently waited for their women to serve them a sandwich, because it is what they are owed. And when their women insolently forget their duty to provide sandwiches unprompted, the men yell out in rage: “GOD DAMMIT WOMAN! WHERE THE HELL’S MY SANDWICH?!”

And so it is written…