PodCastle

* Authors : Jane Brown, Chuck Rothman and Joshua Jones Lofflin
* Narrators : Tina Connolly, Eric Valdes and Rick Vicens
* Host : Matt Dovey
* Audio Producer : Eric Valdes
*
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PodCastle 820: Flash Fiction Extravaganza! – Comedy is a PodCastle original.


Rated PG-13
“Holy Banana Peel!” was previously published by AntipodeanSF
“Pot” was previously published by Daily Science Fiction
“Ferryman” is a PodCastle Original!
Holy Banana Peel!
by Jane Brown
“Would you like underpants on the outside?” Celeste asked as she flicked her blonde curls out of her eyes and adjusted the tape measure.
The man’s body tensed. His green eyes darted around her shop, digesting the array of superhero outfits.
Celeste placed a hand on his shoulder. “Jim — was it? — I know it’s overwhelming. But you need to trust me. I’ll make you the perfect suit. I’m exceptionally good at my job.” She winked.
He looked into her eyes and laughed. “All right. I trust you. But no outside underpants, please.”
Celeste smiled. “It’s a bit old fashioned but you’d be surprised how many still request it.” She wrote down his arm measurements and began the inner leg. Underneath his baggy jeans and t-shirt his body was in good shape. Really good shape. Lean and muscular. With his thick black hair and light stubble, he was undeniably attractive and for a second her mind wandered before she shook herself back to reality.
“So . . . Jim, have you had your powers long?”
“A few months.”
“Radioactive spider bite? Magical ring? Experiment gone wrong?”
“I have no idea how it happened. I saw a lady getting mugged in an alleyway and before I knew it, her attackers were on the ground and I’d rescued her.”
“Ahh, genetic mutation. Born with powers but needed a traumatic experience to release them. Same as my dad. He could freeze objects. That’s how he met my mom, actually. Saved her from a falling piano. After they married, she started making superhero costumes. Said it was more fun than sewing wedding dresses. I inherited the shop from her.”
“You’ve obviously inherited your mom’s talent too! These suits are amazing. You’re very gifted.”
Celeste blushed. She wasn’t used to compliments. Most superheroes were so narcissistic she wondered if they performed good deeds purely for the adoration. Jim seemed different. He hadn’t even mentioned his superpower yet — usually the first thing her clients bragged about.
“Jim, I tailor make every outfit to suit the owner’s superpowers. What are yours? Super speed? Strength? Elasticity?”
He gazed at the floor. “I generate and shoot weapons from my wrists. Kinda like Spiderman with his webs.”
“Ooh, how cool! What kind of weapons?”
He hesitated, then mumbled something.
Celeste looked up. “Sorry?”
“Banana peels. I shoot banana peels.”
Celeste giggled but immediately stopped when she saw the hurt in his eyes.
“Wow. How . . . unique! I think you’re the first superhero I know to have a food-related power.”
“It’s a rubbish superpower. If I’d had super strength instead maybe I could have stopped the truck that ploughed down my parents.”
“I’m so sorry, Jim.