TonioTimeDaily

“Teaching Boys Ages 12 to 18 In addition to all that is outlined above (particularly regarding media and gaming), our boys need to be taught the following in their teen years: Teach Intimacy. Our sons should be learning about healthy relationships where people love one another and express that love in healthy, functional ways. They need to understand more than the mechanics of sex. They need to understand context and commitment. When there is no real commitment, guys think there are no feelings involved. When we separate physical and emotional intimacy from one another, we provide fertile soil for sexual miscommunication and sexual coercion. Teach Consent. Boys must know that they should not touch a woman without her explicit consent. They should not kiss her without her consent. They should absolutely not be intimate with her without her consent. Our sons must understand that no means no. We should talk to our boys about scenarios where they find themselves at a party with a girl who is drunk and all over them. Is she capable of providing consent? What are the risks involved? What if she’s only a little drunk, she gives consent, and then she changes her mind even though her pants are down and so are yours? Consent is a conversation that must be had—repeatedly. Last point on this: consent is a low bar to clear. I consent to my kids taking $50 from my wallet so they can go have fun with friends. But I don’t like it. I’d prefer it was $20. Nevertheless, I consent. Intimacy should be about more than just, “Ok, since you really want it, and I want to prove I love you.” It should be delightful, thrilling, and emotionally satisfying. We must teach our boys to be selfless and gentle, rather than selfish and entitled. Set Clear Boundaries Around Porn Let your sons know that porn is off limits. Teach them why. Currently, statistics suggest 99% of boys have viewed pornography by age 15. We must turn this around. Call Them on Sexism When I was younger, I regularly heard jokes about how “women should get back in the kitchen” and other derogatory remarks along similar lines. It was part of being male. Well, folks, masculinity has changed. And it needs to change more. When you catch your boys criticizing women because of their math or driving ability, or for any other gendered issue, call them on it. Let them know sexism is not cool and it is not funny. Ultimately, regardless of everything that we say, it is what we do that makes the biggest impact on our sons’ respectfulness. What the blokes in your children’s lives do will set the scene for ongoing behavior from your sons. Surround the boys you parent or the boys at work with good men. Be a great example. Teaching Boys Ages 5 and Under By Example. If we show respect, we will teach respect. This means we respect our children, we respect other adults, and we especially respect women. It means that we do not call girls or women names. We do not ever hit or threaten to hit girls or women. It means we listen to girls and women and respect their opinions. We don’t talk over them. We are respectful. Speak Kindly. This is pretty basic, but at this age, it’s all it takes to show respect. Say “please” and “thank you.” Never say things like “shut-up” or “get lost” (or anything worse), whether to a child or an adult, regardless of gender. Respectful speaking teaches respect. Be helpful. Teach boys (and all children) to recognize when someone needs help or feels lousy, and show them how to help.” -https://ifstudies.org/blog/teaching-boys-to-respect-women. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support