TonioTimeDaily

“1. Don’t tell me my child will grow out of it It’s not that I don’t want to agree with you—or even that I don’t think there are elements which he will grow out of—but as an autism mom, I spend so much of my life setting him up for success. We do therapies, food restrictions, sensory diets, chiropractic care, ABA therapy, and when you pass it off like it’s a silly phase, that just makes me feel like you think I’m overreacting. That makes me want to avoid talking about my son’s progress and struggles with you, because you so clearly do not understand the nature of his diagnosis. 2. Just let me have a bad day You don’t always have to tell me that “even typically developing children do that.” Yes, I’m aware. As a parent of typically and atypically developing children, I am fully aware that ALL children have bad days. I am also aware that mothers get to vent to their friends about it without being corrected that the frustrating behavior is “typical.” Guess what, I’m a mom, and sometimes my struggle is not related to my son’s diagnosis. Sometimes, we’re just having a bad day, and I would like to be able to share that with a friend without being corrected and informed that said behavior is well within the “normal” range. “Normal” kids are hard sometimes, and I have my limitations. Please allow me to have a bad day. 3. Please don’t give me advice on discipline You know how you have that one friend who has no children and always tells you, “When I have kids, I will never give them candy, and they will go to bed when they’re told, and they will pick up all of their autism toys and never talk back” and you think…”OMG, you are so clueless. I can’t believe I used to be that clueless.” That’s how I feel when you try to give me disciplinary tips for my son. Trust me…it’s not that simple. It’s just not. 4. Forgive me for talking about it so much As much as I wish we had gotten the diagnosis, signed up for “treatment,” and then everything was business as usual, that’s not how it works. At first I cringed at how people used a title like “Autism Mom” or seemed to talk so insistently about their child’s diagnosis. In an effort to never become one of “those moms,” I was avoiding a lot of conversations and topics. But when you have a child with autism, it becomes an inseparable part of your world. Imagine if you tried to avoid implying your child’s gender in any conversation. Give it a try—you may find that it just seems to come up more than you expect. Sometimes, I may feel I need to give you a little insight into the diagnosis to help you see how big a milestone is, or how discouraging a setback may be. Sometimes I’m just telling you about my day. I know my son is more than autism. Please don’t think that I feel it defines him or that he is limited to it. It is simply a part of him and a huge part of my family, but I see him for all of his individuality and abilities. I know that he is bigger than autism and that it cannot hold him back. 5. Ask me questions I want you to ask questions, because I know that if you better understand why my son does or doesn’t do things, you will have a greater love for him. You will have a deeper compassion, and you will better see how amazing he is. My son is so incredible. You may simply see a child who easily tantrums and doesn’t talk much, but if you asked me questions, I could explain to you why we think he isn’t speaking, and how we tried to use Picture Exchange Communication System(PECS) cards for communication, but he wasn’t interested because he developed his own communication system. I could tell you how brilliantly he communicates without saying a word. I could tell you how his stimming behavior is actually an attempt to self-regulate and how people stim all of the time: chewing fingernails, twirling hair, tapping fingers, etc.” -Autism Parenting Magazine (Janaiah von Hassel.) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/antonio-myers4/support