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"The term “enabler” generally describes someone whose behavior allows a loved one to continue self-destructive patterns of behavior.

This term can be stigmatizing since there’s often negative judgment attached to it. However, many people who enable others don’t do so intentionally. They may not even realize what they’re doing.

Enabling usually refers to patterns that appear in the context of drug or alcohol misuse and addiction. But according to the American Psychological Association, it can refer to patterns within close relationships that support any harmful or problematic behavior and make it easier for that behavior to continue.

Enabling doesn’t mean you support your loved one’s addiction or other behavior. You might believe if you don’t help, the outcome for everyone involved will be far worse. Maybe you excuse troubling behavior, lend money, or assist in other ways.

But it’s important to realize enabling doesn’t really help. Over time it can have a damaging effect on your loved one and others around them. It’s difficult for someone to get help if they don’t fully see the consequences of their actions.

If you’re concerned you might be enabling someone’s behavior, read on to learn more about enabling, including signs, how to stop, and how to provide support to your loved one.

Enabling vs. empowerment

It’s not always easy to distinguish between empowering someone and enabling them. There may be little difference between the two.

Most people who enable loved ones don’t intend to cause harm. In fact, enabling generally begins with the desire to help. Enabling behaviors can often seem like helping behaviors. You may try to help with the best of intentions and enable someone without realizing it.

But empowering someone doesn’t mean solving or covering up problems. Rather, when you empower someone, you do one or more of the following to help them succeed or change on their own:

• give them tools
• help them access resources
• teach them skills

In other words, you give them the power to make their own choices and solve problems.

Enabling often describes situations involving addiction or substance misuse. But this isn’t always the case. Enabling can describe any situation where you “help” by attempting to hide problems or make them go away.

This help is ultimately not helpful, as it usually doesn’t make a problem entirely go away. It often makes it worse since an enabled person has less motivation to make changes if they keep getting help that reduces their need to make change."

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