TonioTimeDaily

"Ask any sex worker how they maintain their boundaries, and you're in for a long conversation. Some people develop a working identity that they keep entirely separate from their real-life persona, and others conflate the two. Many sex workers desperately want to be out but don't want to endure the invasive questions, or fear that their housing stability or the custody of their children would be compromised. Some of us just don't feel that connected to the character we've created for work, so it seems unimportant to talk about. And while some strippers love putting platforms on and grinding into their partners' crotches as foreplay, just as many would slap their boyfriend silly if he asked.

The hardest boundary I've had to confront in my romantic relationships is the line between authentic desire in my work, and the "it's just work" defence. Sex workers in committed partnerships often spend a great deal of time reassuring their partners that what they do at work is fake. "It's not real intimacy," we insist after coming home from a porn shoot, "I'm on set. I'm cold. People are staring at me. The last thing I'm feeling is aroused." Then we highlight everything that makes our partners special to us to ease their jealousy.

I'm not saying that sex workers who reassure their partners like this are being dishonest. Not exactly. But the world isn't black-and-white, and while the vast majority of us are not regularly turned on by our work, real connections can happen with scene partners and genuine fun can be had with clients. So where's the line?"

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